Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 467: Live at Very Very Fun Day with Dave Shumka and Tricia Bobeda

Episode Date: February 13, 2017

Dave Shumka from Stop Podcasting Yourself joins Jordan as co-host and Tricia Bobeda from the Nerdette podcast joins as our guest live on stage at Thalia Hall in Chicago as part of the first ever Very Very Fun Day.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. Hey Jordan, Jesse Go listeners, it's me, Jesse. Well, I've got some news for you. King Dad has struck again. My third child, Curtis Francis Thorne, was born as of this recording just a couple of days ago. And for that reason, I was unable to travel to Chicago for Very, Very Fun Day. But the good news is that my good friend Dave Shumka was kind enough to fill in for me, and

Jordan still made the trip. So, let's go to the stage of Very, Very Fun Day in Chicago and Jordan Jesse Go live. Hi, guys. How's it going? This is Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. For those listening at home, I did a fun bit where I came up from the audience

and jumped on the stage. It's a little bit too tall, I should have gone around. It's Jordan Morris' cardinal rule of podcasting, always start with visual humor. Always goes well. So yeah, Jesse Thorne sadly cannot be here today. I don't know, diarrhea or something. But I thought this was kind of a good chance to maybe debut a little piece of my one-man show I've been working on. It's a little bit different than the podcast. It's just about my family.

My great-grandfather was one of the Bayou's most famous Zydeco men. And this is just a little bit of his life, so I hope you guys enjoy. Oh, hello. I didn't see y'all standing there. I'm just fucking around. I'm not going to do that. Here to banter with me in Jesse Thorne's place

is one of my favorite podcast men, all the way from Canada and the great show Stop Podcasting Yourself, Dave Shumka, everybody, Dave Shumka. Hi. It's appropriate to stand when a lady enters. Hi, I'm Canada's radio streetcar, Dave Shumka. Yes, Canada's radio streetcar. Guys, I don't know what things are.

How about this venue, huh, Dave? Hey, man. So this is, I feel like a mid-tier indie rock band. Sure. Look at me, Mom. I'm the hold steady. I was just 16.

Never mind. That's what that guy sings like. Well, we don't have them. Yeah. Oh, just wait till you guys get the hold steady. Oh, boy. It's great. How are you finding Chicago, Dave?

Good. I just had a deep dish pizza. Mmm. I was expecting a round of applause for deep dish pizza, and they did not give one. Because in Canada, we don't have Atkins yet. Oh, okay. You guys are still doing paleo. These diet jokes are fun.

So I think I'd like to start out the show, not necessarily with comedy, but just with a little bit of information. I think if you've been to our live shows before, we like to have an informative bit. And this next bit is a list. And the topic of the list is as follows. If 2017

is half the trash ballet that 2016 was, I'm guessing some of you would like to start planning a long weekend where you can get fucked up in a field. If that's the case, why not plan a trip to one of this year's mega music festivals, which are starting to announce their lineups. The latest is Bonnaroo,

which will be headlined this year by U2 and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, making it the hottest concert of 1993. Festivals like this and the recently announced Coachella are the perfect place to party with friends, pay $12 for water, and watch your favorite band from two miles away

while a guy on Molly who smells like a campfire rubs his exposed nutsack on your thigh. If we have any festival noobs in the audience, here's some helpful hints. Dave, do you have any helpful hints for festival goers? Hey, fellas, those fun and flirty flower crowns, that's fun to say, those fun and flirty flower crowns aren't just for the ladies. If you're embarrassed to wear one on your head, why not put a tiny one on the tip of your penis? Fun tip. If you're attending any festival headlined by

Beyonce, here's the proper way to greet her when she takes the stage. Yas. Queen. Slay. Queen. Yas. Queen of everything. Slay. If you get this even a little bit wrong, you will be beheaded behind the funnel cake stand. Friday is ladies' night, so head over to the EDM tent to receive complimentary cunnilingus from Skrillex. Oh, this one I think applies. If you're at a podcasting festival, be warned.

Someone is circulating some bad inhalers. If you feel like you may have used one of these toxic inhalers, report to the Chill Out Tent, where you can calm down with some classic episodes of This American Life. If you're attending Great Britain's Glastonbury Festival, don't you know it's a perfect opportunity to shag a bird in your motor car, don't you know? If you decide to attend

the gathering of the Juggalos, remember their favorite flavor of Faygo is grape, their preferred greeting is whoop whoop, and they are all of the opinion that Cormac McCarthy's best novel is Blood Meridian. If you want to see Detective McNulty's big boobs and bare arms,

check out Dominic West's chesty vest fest. Avoid the brown acid. Only take it if you like the feeling of being a living god who is made of orgasms. If you find that you're the only one at the Mighty Mighty Boss Tones-a-palooza, run. the only one at the Mighty Mighty Boss Tones a-palooza, run. It's a trap devised by the Mighty Mighty Boss Tones to steal your wallet and

phone. That's it for the list. We should have ended on the podcast one. Stronger. Stronger joke. So, Jordan. Yes, Dave. You ever had to knock on wood? I know someone who has

Who? My father before he died Oh boy sorry That's actually what that song's about My dead father My dad's alive and well I think So actually before

Before we do anything else I wanted to offer a little bit of a correction, a clarification on something that has kind of been circulating regarding our show. I don't know if we have any regular listeners. Yeah, two or three, and then some people who politely clapped when they realized that I was signaling for people to clap. realized that I was signaling for people to clap. So the latest controversy kind of surrounding our show came from me being in the kitchen at work trying to, I was trying to retrieve some recently washed Tupperware. And I said to my coworker, excuse me, I need to grab my tuppies. I think it's a great idea to call Tupperwares tuppies. My co-worker did not. The debate rages on.

And I was wondering why people were... This made some on the internet feel weird, and I think here's why. Here's the definition of tuppies according to the Urban Dictionary think here's why. Here's the definition of tuppies according to the Urban Dictionary. That's right. Tuppies is a Newfoundland slang for

vagina. So I apologize to any people from Newfoundland. Dave, where do you stand on the great tuppy debate? Is it okay? Oh, I'm pro-tuppies. Both definitions. Yeah. I just like to put some leftovers in one.

Yeah. And eat out the other one? Eat out of the other one? Yeah, sure. There's a cunnilingus joke to be made. No, of course, yeah. Put an old lasagna in one. Yeah.

And then... The other one. Bring the other one to work and put it in the fridge. There you go. I think that's what we were looking for. I'd like to tell a little story about something that happened to me recently.

I was going on one of these Tinder dates. Dave, have you heard of these Tinder dates? I've heard. I'm very curious. I know. I think you have it in Canada, but it's called Timber. Hold on. Sorry. That was supposed to have a fucking sound cue with it. Brian, fucking Sonny D, can we try that again?

Sorry, Dave. This is really embarrassing. Hey, Dave, I hear in Canada Tinder is called Timber. Fuck. Really? The first one was a joke, but it was supposed to actually happen that time.

Sorry, I just forget you heard that. Forget you heard that. I'm going to try it one more time. You know, we don't have Tinder in Canada. Really? What do you have? Is it replaced by You heard that. I'm going to try it one more time. You know, we don't have Tinder in Canada. Really? What do you have? Is it replaced by another word that is a joke about how many trees there are in Canada? What word would that be? Oh, I don't know.

Timber? Yeah. Thank you, Chicago! All right, you can cut it off. We... Because of the two false starts, I was like, oh, boy, is this going to be a tree-falling sound?

Yeah. Or maybe Start Me Up? Yeah. It turns out it's the opening strains of Start Me Up. And, Brian, if you feel like anybody just has a banger, feel free to just play Start Me Up, and then we can take a victory lap. We're basically just trying to kill time up here.

So I was going on one of these Tinders. We matched. You know, you match. You swipe right, you match. And we had planned to meet at a bar. It's a place where you get drinks. I'm right, you match. And we had planned to meet at this at a bar. It's a place where you get drinks. I'm explaining everything too much. And, you know, we were kind of doing some chatting beforehand.

It was going well. Some stuff in common. You know, easy rapport via text. And, you know, there's kind of a thing of like, oh, can we meet at this time? And she was like, yeah, you know, it's a little bit later than I usually like to stay at. I have an early meeting in the morning. But agreed anyways, and I was, you know, I was thankful that she was being accommodating.

So I'm walking up to the bar, and there's a woman sitting on a little bench in front of the bar. And she sees me, big wave, runs up, gives me a hug. Oh, my God, I'm so glad we could finally do this. I said, because I'm a great guy, hey, thanks so much for coming out. I know you had an early meeting. And she's like, yeah, you know, my boss actually canceled, so the meeting didn't happen and everything worked out great. Serendipitous, right? Totally. This is going really well. The date's going well. The story's going amazing. But she says, hey, I was just in the bar,

it's a little bit crowded, can we go to a place down the street? I said, sure. Again, super accommodating. So my car's on the corner, we jump in my car, and just start chit-chatting about where we work, and I tell her the area that my job's in. And she's like, oh, yeah, boy, I don't love that area.

So many homeless people. And I'm like, but, you know, I'll let it slide. But then she said. Because she foined? Is that why you let it slide? Oh, Dave, she foined. F-O-I-N. So, she's,

but then she says, the last time we were down there, my boyfriend stepped in some dog shit. And I, so, I'm, I'm having many thoughts right now. So I'm like, I can let this slide, or I can ask for some clarification.

And I said, oh gosh, I'm sorry. You mentioned a boyfriend. I didn't know you had one. And she's like, oh yeah, I just use these things for networking. Oh. So I was like, okay. And you're trying to slide into them tuppies. Yeah.

Dave, I'm just a man. I'm just a man looking for a tuppy. I'm looking for a nice woman from Newfoundland. If anyone knows one. So I said, hey, you know, I'm totally sorry. I didn't, I guess you probably, you probably put it in the profile somewhere and I didn't see it. I'd love to, I'd love to, I'd love to have a drink and, you know, and chat a little bit. And leave. And then leave quickly. And also not pay for anything. I would like that to happen. So we're driving and she's like, what agency do you work with? And I said, oh, I don't work for an agency.

I write for a show. And then we looked at each other and realized we were not the people we were there to meet. She's an agent, and her agent set her up with another agent so they could have drinks and schmooze. And we just looked at each other. I did a Fast and Furious style U-turn back to the first bar

where our respective people were waiting for us. Long story short, we're engaged. Oh, boy. Yeah. So, is it like, is tuppies like multiple

vaginas, or? Yeah, it's like those sets you get where there's the little ones that are in the big one. I don't know why that's gross. It's real gross, though. But, okay. So, here's the thing. Like, everything we were talking about lined up.

Like, the meeting. Anyway. The dog shit. The dog shit. Why is that a bad neighborhood? Oh, there was dog shit there once. Right, sure. Anyway.

Guys, we've got a real treat for you I don't know what Jesse would be doing in this situation about that bingo bingo Carlton Fisk, boops bobs boops Mark Brace it's like he's here

we actually have a nice surprise for you guys hold on I have a nice surprise for you guys. Hold on, I have a paper I'm looking for. Dave, a vamp. Oh my God, I threw it out in the audience. Bobby Fig Pen. Jeez. It doesn't have to be Jesse-related vamping.

It can just be general vamping. Okay. I want to suck your blood. Yeah, there you go. I want to suck your blood. Yeah, there you go. We actually have a beloved Chicagoan here, a broadcaster.

You might know her from the Nerdette podcast from Chicago Public Radio. How about a round of applause for Trisha Bodeba. Trisha. Heyba. Trisha! Did I say your last name correctly? Bobita. Oh, what did I say? Close enough. Cool.

So Trisha, what's your relationship to this venue? Have you been here to see shows? Do you come here to see your Cloud Nothings and your Dinosaur Juniors? I'm not quite cool enough to be here on the regular, I don't think. No, I love this venue, though. Sometimes WBEZ does stuff here and in this neighborhood. So, yeah, I love this neighborhood. Excellent.

From what I understand, we were talking about your show that's coming up later in the day. You are interviewing someone who gives a walking tour about the sexual history of Chicago. Indeed. I mean, I know you have not interviewed him yet, but do you have any fun facts about the sexual history of Chicago? Well, it's a pretty salacious place, so Sin City is a name that you could use for Chicago, and I will just say as a plug that he has condoms to give out

that have sexual history of Chicago written on them, so that'll be fun. On the wrapper or on the condom? You know, I think hopefully for safety purposes on the wrapper. Sure, yeah. I just got, I went to the Sears Tower yesterday or whatever it's called now, and

I got my daughter... It's called the Nordstrom's Tower. Like a glow stick thing, and it's shaped like the tower. I'm hoping these condoms will be too. With the two big antennas on the tip. I'd like a Chicago condom that's shaped like that big-ass McDonald's. Chicago has this big-ass McDonald's.

It's real weird. So, do you know... I mean, again, I know you're only about to interview the expert. Do you know if there's any salacious sexual history here at the theater? I don't believe there's any in this venue that he knows of, but it's got to have some, right? Is anyone getting a handjob right now? Oh, the Canadian. Oh, the Canadian. Okay, yeah.

You Canadians love your public HJs. Well, they're subsidized. Oh, okay. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Go listeners. This week's show is

brought to you in part by Jack Threads. When was the last time you ordered clothes online and got to try them on before you paid for them? Never, right? I mean, if it's not never, you probably have already used Jack Threads, in which case you don't really need this advertisement because you're already on board. So I apologize to you for wasting your time. But if you have always in the past had to give your credit card number so that they could charge you before that you buy something, well, I've got good news for you with regard to Jack Threads, our sponsor on this week's program.

With jackthreads.com, you can try anything on at home, absolutely free. You only pay for what you keep. Jack Threads literally sends you a return shipping label. You don't even have to pay for the shipping. You don't have to stand in line at that dumb post office. Go to jackthreads.com, enter the code JJGO when you submit your tryout for 20% off anything you keep. That's jackthreads.com, code JJGO to save 20% on anything you keep. Never buy before you try ever again. And hey, while I got you thinking about clothes, I've been thinking a lot about tuppies lately. It's the best word for Tupperware, and I like it so much, I'm thinking about unilaterally declaring it the thing that we call Jordan Jesse Go listeners, who, by the way, have never had a

name. I've always been kind of jealous of Stop Podcasting Yourself's bumpers. Anyway, we got a Tuppy T-shirt on the way. Oh, man, it is going to be great. A listener immediately upon hearing the show designed a Tuppy's tattoo. I thought it might be a lot to ask for people to pay us to get a tattoo of Tuppy's.

But we do have a T-shirt that has the gorgeous tattoo design on it. You'll be like the Ed Hardy of podcast nerds, I guess. It looks really cool. Hey, and if you get the tattoo, free T-shirt on me. Me personally. I will literally buy you that. Anyway, find it online. MaxFunStstore.com. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Worried about the upcoming inevitable nuclear war? Or maybe a rat is living in your house? There's a rat living in my house, how do you get rid of a rat from a house?

Why not immerse yourself in a completely fictional imagined podcast for the beef and dairy industries? It works for me The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the number one podcast for those involved Or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds Don't worry, it's funnier than it sounds Find us at beefanddairynetwork.com or maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts from oh god there's the rat oh god

so I thought what we would do since we have we have two people who are experts in very specific fields I thought we would have you guys pair up with audience members to take a quiz to win that audience member a prize. A prize that is on the ground. Dave Vamp.

Whoa. The prize to the winning audience contestant is this very, very fun day T-shirt. They are for sale in the lobby if you don't win. Are there two people who think they know a lot about nerd stuff and or Canadian music? Just dash toward the stage and punch people who are in your way. Hey, we got two people. Give them a hand. Give them a hand.

I got a sprinter. For the folks at home, the contestants basically had to parkour up on stage. What are your names? Let's start with you, Canadian. I'm Sophie. Sophie. Give Sophie a round of applause, everybody. And what's your name, potentially non-Canadian? I'm Lydia. Lydia, give her a round of applause.

non-Canadian. I'm Lydia. Lydia, give her a round of applause. So, Trisha, you're the host of the Nerdettes podcast, All Things Nerdy. Yes. So, your questions will be about Canadian music. Dave, you're a Canadian musician.

Your questions will be about nerd shit. Okay. They're multiple choice. Your questions will be about nerd shit. Okay. They're multiple choice. Two of the things are some shit I made up. One of the things is real. You will have to guess which is which. Someone else keep track of the points because I didn't bring a pen.

Let's say, hey, pink hair in the front row. You're the scorekeeper, so if I have a hard time, I'm just going to point at you and yell I like that you thought the lady was going to have a pen and then a dude had one right away are you suggesting that I'm sexist? no I'm just making an observation

I think that not only do women have pens but I think they're brave strong and I think that they should be able to choose what happens to their body. Brian, come on, hit me. I know that's not a joke, but it's fucking

epic, right? Hold on. Okay, we're just going to do it again. I think we need to get that cue right. Not only do I think that women have pens, but I think they're strong, they're brave, and I think they should be able to do whatever they want with their body. All right, cut it off. Canadian music and nerd shit. Trisha, since you have the home field advantage,

I'm going to start with the Canadians. I'm hoping for the Canadian music to last. Yeah, can we queue up some Sum 41 for when the Canadians get something right? Some nerd shit. Okay, nerd shit. Which of these is a real movie sequel to a beloved nerd property?

A. Alien Dark Reckoning. B. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 The Secret of the Ooze. C. Transformers Oh Sweet That Truck Has a Dong. Alien Dark Reckoning.

It's gotta be Ooze, right? It must be Ooze. It is B. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2's got to be Ooze, right? It must be Ooze. Yeah. Yeah, it is B. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. The secret of the Ooze. The song that brought us Vanilla Ice's Ninja Rap. Right.

Go Ninja, go Ninja, go! You know that song's about my dead dad? Oh, no! Yeah! How's he doing? He's dead. Oh. Is he an ooze?

Yeah, I don't know if that warranted it, but fine. I appreciate your get up and go on the start me up. All right. One zero. Canadian music. Which of these is an actual title of a Rush song? Canadian math rock band Rush. Would you call them math rock?

I'm going to. Probably not true, right? What are they, prog rock? Prog rock. Which of these is the actual title of a Rush song? Baitor and the Snow Dog. B, Galactic Dragons. C,

Timmy Timbo and the Living Cyberman who came to life from lightning or some shit. I don't know, Galactic Dragons sounds pretty legit. That sounds pretty good. Can we go with B? Galactic Dragons. No, I'm sorry. It's Bytor and the Snow Dog. Dave, what do you

know about Bytor and the Snow Dog? It's great. It's great. We read it in church. We read it? We just read the text? Yeah, well, no. They go, yeah. There's like, we do, you know, Old Testament, New Testament, and then whatever. I'm trying to come up with a Rush album.

Yeah. Test for Echo. There you go. All right. One, zero, Canada. Guys, which of these is the real name of a video game in the Street Fighter series? Street Fighter, of course, famous for its long, obtuse

titles, denoting a slight change in the core game. Street Fighter Alpha 2 Gold. Street Fighter 3 Turbo Hyperfighting. Super Street Fighter Gaiden, a fighter begins ultra combo battle.

C is usually fake. What are you thinking? I have no idea. So is it A, Street Fighter Alpha 2 Gold, Street Fighter 3 Turbo Hyper Fighting, or Super Street Fighter Gaiden, a fighter begins ultra combo battle. We'll go with A because it got the smallest laugh. It is, yes. It's Street Fighter 2 Alpha 2 Gold. That is a version

of Street Fighter Alpha 2 released on the PS2, I believe. The big difference is that it involved Cammy, who is my backup in 4 and my main in 5. That's fun. Alright. Which of these, it's Canadian music,

which of these is an album from some 41? Does this look infected? Dude, where's my government? Hey man, wanna hit this dube? An actual album from... One of these is real? One of these is real. From Sum 41.

I like dude, where's my government? Alright. No, I'm sorry, it's Does This Look Infected? That might actually be an EP, but... I owned it in grade 7. Okay, any Sum 41 heads in the audience? Because this... Is it an EP or is it a full album?

It's a full album. Oh, I'm sorry. I like that you are trying to sabotage it in their favor. You're so nice. This is nerd adjacent. Which of these is a real line Vin Diesel says in a Fast and Furious movie?

I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Who needs money? Speed is all we need. Hey, The Rock, it's me, Vin Diesel. Let's touch the tips of our penises together. You guess this one. I haven't seen a single Fast and Furious movie. Hmm, well, flip a coin.

So it's not C. A? It is. I live my life a quarter mile at a time. We're getting destroyed. That's right before they sing Grease Lightning. Sorry about that. You guys, you're lucky.

This last one is worth three points. I have a fun tiebreaker I want to do. So fucking get this right so I can do my tiebreaker. Right or wrong, you get three points. Yeah, no matter what happens, you're getting three points.

It's the millennial quiz. Yeah, everybody gets a trophy. Welcome to your safe space, motherfuck quiz. Yeah, everybody gets a trophy. Welcome to your safe space, motherfuckers. Yeah, I said it. Which of these is the name of an actual Canadian metal band?

Three Inches of Blood, Rom the Vacuous Spider, Rick Moranis Overdrive. Well, you should pick this one because I've gotten the last two wrong. I'm going to go A? It is A, Three Inches of Blood.

Rom the Vacuous Spider, of course, one of the great ones from Bloodborne. Anyways. So, we've got a tie. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. So, so we've got a tie oh my god so the winner is the person who raises their hand

and can sing the most of the bare naked ladies one week go I'm a man, I summon fish to the dish, although I like to chill, I switch, I like to do you, because it's all you love to find, man. Hot like wasabi when I bust, man, big like a man, man, cause I'm all about value. Bird cam, we got the match, we got the match, man, you're trying to hold me for the bus route. The Canadian twin, everybody! La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, entire globe and they're some of my favorite people in the world. I truly cannot believe the amount of wonderful and lasting friendships that have come out of this. If you feel like you might not fit in, as long as you're a good person, you'll fit in because everyone there is good and amazing and kind and wonderful and you should absolutely

go. It will be the best decision of your life. Make a ton of new friends like Parker and Patrick at MaxFunCon. Tickets for MaxFunCon and MaxFunCon East are on sale now at MaxFunCon.com So, to close out our little program today, we wanted to do something that we do every program,

our most beloved segment, Momentous Occasions. I wanted to have a prize for the best Momentous Occasion. I only got one T-shirt, so the winner of the best Momentous Occ. I only got one t-shirt, so the winner of the best momentous occasion will get something that's in my pocket. Could it be one dollar? You'll have to find out.

Roger, is Roger here? Who has a momentous occasion regarding a rideshare service. Roger, everybody! regarding a ride share service. Roger, everybody. Roger, how are you doing?

I'm doing fine, thanks. Cool. How would you compare your beard to the beards of the other men in the room? Subpar. Subpar? No, don't sell yourself short. It's a nice beard. Who wants to have a beard off with Roger?

Oh, 90% of people? So, Rog, you mind if I call you Rog? Yeah, it's okay. Cool. Tell us about your momentous occasion. Okay, so this is kind of similar to a story you had several weeks ago, you were telling. Is it just my story, but you've replaced Jordan with Roger?

No. You're like, so I was on an Uber date. She says I have a boyfriend. Sorry, Tinder date. Anyway, I fucking tipped your story. Oh boy, what a bad show. So, this is Chicago related. I was with my cousin Dan. We got some deep-dipped pizza.

We called an Uber. I was climbing into the Uber, and I had a complete blowout of my pants. I just... Wait, wait, wait. You need to clarify. A complete audible seam rip

from crotch to ankle. Crotch to ankle? Yes. So I had one foot all the way up in the back of the Uber. I contact with the driver. And he heard the loud rip

and he turned around and I was staring at him with my pants open. And I said, I can't get into this Uber right now. A couple of follow-up questions. Yeah. One, did you not get the memo to hashtag delete Uber?

Because I don't know if you knew, I don't know if you got the memo here in Chicago, but Brian, I'm ramping up to a point. But personally, I prefer to use a ride service that donates to the ACLU. I don't know. I don't fucking care. They're both probably evil.

Anyway. So, where were you off to? Someplace where you needed pants? I think we were going to the Cubby Bear to see a show. I don't know the name of the band. Do you remember? Is that a place for Here Suit Gay Men? It's super cool if it is.

I would like to go later. It's open for everybody, yeah. Okay. But that's not the primary clientele at the Cubby Bear. Yeah, it's right across the street from Wrigley. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Cool. So that's the name. Yeah, yeah. So you're going to see a band. And I imagine this is a no shirt, no pants, no service type of place. Yes. And what did you do? What was your strategy?

We had to walk back a couple blocks, and I ended up wearing some scrub pants that I had. Some scrub pants? Are you a medical professional? Yeah, I'm a speech-language pathologist. Oh, yeah, well, you're going to need scrubs. You can't wear regular pants for that? Yeah. Roger is signaling the crowd for a round of applause.

There you go Speech pathologist So wait, why do you have scrubs? Do you get bodily fluids on yourself when you do that? Yeah, there's a lot of daffy ducks I'm a bad guy. Yeah, I work in a hospital. So how were your scrub pants received?

Did people notice? Did people call you out? It's a dark club. People just probably thought they were jeans. They're seal blue in the color. Seal blue. That's a nice blue. That's nice.

What was the brand of pants that ripped? Like, from seam to shining seam. If you thought Brian laughing was annoying. So, quick question. When your pants ripped from seam to shining seam, did people see your Purple Mountain's Majesty? What? No! Thank you!

Purple Mountain's Majesty! I'm talking about the dude's dong! You motherfuckers. Thank you, Roger. Thank you, Roger. Thank you very much, Roger. Roger, everybody. Oh, boy.

This one is a little bit saucy. I hope you guys like sauce. Is Rachel here? This is about a saucy kind of performance. Oh, boy. Oh, Rachel is in the balcony. I'll just say a quick programming note. A little bit later, we have a...

There was a Jordan, Jesse Go Q&A scheduled. Jesse, of course, isn't here. Some sort of butt problem, from what I understand. And I will be doing that Q&A with Dan McCoy of The Flophouse and Carrie from Oh No Ross and Carrie. So that'll be a lot of fun.

Oh, Rachel, everybody. Hi. Now, Rachel, speaking of pants, you have some interesting pants on. How would you describe these? I call them mermaid pants. And that's because you make your... Because they're shiny and sparkly and have scales.

Well, that's really terrific. I'll see you at Coachella later. I would never go to Coachella. Rachel, you and your, it says here, boyfriend? Yes. Went to a saucy kind of performance. Tell us all about that. Okay, we were at a Star Trek-themed burlesque night at a local bar.

Hot. Wait, did somebody hiss that? Spoo, I only support Battlestar Galactica-themed burlesque shows. It was a benefit for the ACLU. Thank you. Which I think we should support with our rideshare services. So there was a Princess Le Princess Leia themed belly dance. Wait, hold on.

Now I hate it. Now I hate it. I liked it before. There was a song from the local Trek Theater Company's musical that they did this summer. Oh, boy. Yeah. You're from the Portland Trek Theater Company's musical that they did this summer. Oh boy. Yeah. You're from the Portland area, is that right? Close.

So one of the performers turned out to be this professional clown that I briefly dated about a year and a half ago. A pro-clown? I remember telling you guys about him when you were in Portland. Yes.

This saga is unfolding. I know. If you guys don't remember the clown I dated, so he was there performing at this show doing a Superman-themed strip tease. Okay. This Star Trek-themed burlesque seems all over the place.

Well, I mean, it was hosted by Trek Theater, the local Star Trek theater company that puts on performances of episodes of Star Trek The Next Generation. Fuck, man. Really? Why? Okay. So, yeah, so Star Trek, but also I mean, I know I'm doing a fucking podcast on stage

and I shouldn't look down it on anything. So general nerd themed but hosted by Star Trek. Now was there some sort of fictional reason that all of these properties could come together? Did someone open up a wormhole? Was there a rip in space time?

No. Well fuck, they didn't even write a... Okay. No, I don't... Sorry. No, sorry. I'm not mad at you. You didn't plan the fucking thing. So the Superman striptease, that's not canon. No. It took place on Earth 2. Okay, so

were things awkward? Did you make eye contact with the clown? I think that he spotted me and he maybe just pretended that he didn't because... Well, our brief period dating ended when he just kind of disappeared and ghosted me. It was sort of texting back and forth. Oh, this and that, chit chat. Hey, do you want to have dinner?

And then I never heard anything back from him. So I guess that's over. Fine. Sure. I would imagine that if you ghost somebody and then you spot them a year later with their boyfriend and you know that you're about to get up on stage and take your clothes off, you're not going to go say hi. So he didn't come say hi.

Sounds like this man of steel could use some manners. Of steel. Of steel. Steel you. There we go. Well, Rachel, thank you for your bravery, and thank you for taking the high road when you encountered that stripping clown.

By high road, you mean telling the story on a podcast? Yes, in public, yeah. So if anybody happens to see a stripping Superman clown, ridicule him for reasons other than being a stripping Superman clown. Rachel, everybody, give her a hand. Oh, wow. Okay, this looks like a doozy. This looks like life or death.

Meg? Is Meg here? Oh, boy. Jump, jump. No, don't jump. While Meg is coming down... Why don't we whip the microphone up? Yeah, why don't we hurl the microphone? Why don't you guys tell this audience where they can see your shows today? We are at 4.30 in the basement bar, the Punch House.

With a certain John Hodgman? Maybe stopping by, we may have lured him with a representative of the good people from Malort. Oh, yeah. Here's something I'm mad about. I've been in Chicago 12 hours and no one's given me any Malort. We will have Malort for tasting at 4.30. And condoms, guys. Come on.

Condoms and... Well, yeah, if you're going to drink the Malort, you're going to need a condom. Because that gross booze makes you want to fuck. Can I tell you my favorite Malort slogan? Please, yes. Tonight's the night you fight your dad. Whoa. That's like an official one.

Malort, for people who don't know, is a weird Chicago liqueur that is bad that Chicago has a lot of pride in for some reason. Is that accurate? Dave, where's your show today? It's here, I want to say 4.30-ish. That sounds kind of right. Yeah.

Meg, tell us about your momentous occasion. Hi. I was a few weeks ago coming back from the Women's March in D.C. Yes. And I was on a regional jet that was going to be March in D.C. Yes! And I was on a regional jet that was going to be stopping in Cincinnati on my way back home, and we had an engine failure in mid-flight

and had to make an emergency landing. And it cured me of my fear of flying. It didn't cause additional fear of flying? No, because I was always afraid that if I died in a plane crash, I would die in a panic, but I just went into a state of shock. Oh my gosh.

I learned that it's actually fine if you die in a plane crash. While this was happening, were you enjoying any in-flight entertainment? No. Were you watching Holly's story? I did enjoy the flight attendant freaking out. That kind of clued us in.

So how engine failure-y was it? Well, we were at our cruising altitude, and suddenly there was like a boom. And then there was this noise like... And then the plane just started going up and down. The people on the bus go up and down. Yeah. going up and down. The people on the bus go up and down. So,

all through the town? That's right. That song's about my dead dad. So all through the mountains over Pennsylvania. Wow. Okay, I will admit, this is an amazing tale. Even more amazing than the burlesque show with the poor theming. When I read the card, I thought you landed the plane and were a Sully.

No, sorry. Not on the Hudson. I'll admit, I'm a little disappointed you're not a Sully, but this is still quite an amazing tale. Did you bond with the other passengers? Did you guys all get out and fucking get a marg at Chili's too? I did. Actually, the woman sitting next to me asked me if she could hold my hand and we held each other's hands until we landed.

Where did you land? We went back to Baltimore. So we landed there. Okay, so Meg, I think you have won the momentous occasion contest based on the fact that you've defied death. Why don't we, okay, Meg, are you a drinker? Do you drink? Yes.

You're a sober person? Yes. Okay, yeah. You were not, and then you had a near-death experience, and now you're an alcoholic. Meg, get up on stage. We're going to do some Malort shots to close out the show.

I guess I should have... Will you be joining us, Trisha? I'm in. Hell yeah! Trisha, everybody! Come on, give her a round of applause. Chicago zone! So, how often in your life as a Chicagoan do you have Malort?

It's one of those things if somebody comes to visit from out of town, it's my version of deep dish pizza. It's like, you're here, we do this. Yeah, maybe you don't have it day to day, but when there's company. When there's company. Like we're going to gross you out and make sure you don't want to come back. Meg, here you go. Oh, everybody's

got theirs. Guys, thank you so much for coming to the first ever very, very fun day. Thank you for showing up at goddamn noon for a comedy show. You know, the comedy time. Please see all the awesome shows here today, including the ones starring

the people you see on stage. Brian, can we get our fucking music cue while we do these Malort shots? Thank you so much, everybody. Jordan Jesse Goh recorded live at Talia Hall in Chicago, Illinois, featuring the great Dave Shumka from Stop Podcasting Yourself as guest host. Hey, if you don't already listen to Stop Podcasting Yourself,

don't be a chump. It is my favorite show. It is literally my favorite show. I listen to Stop Podcasting Yourself every week. I'm the guy who writes their checks. I don't even resent the fact that I'm writing them a check

when I listen because I love their show that much. They're just the best. So go subscribe to Stop Podcasting Yourself if you haven't already. Unsubscribe from Jordan Jesse Go if you have to. It's probably the right move anyway. Okay. So shows will be a little weird the next couple of weeks. Probably we're going to be a mix of Jordan guest hosting and Jordan with a guest host and some shows that we have banked. But we'll get back to live shows in a few weeks. Once I have slept, as you can probably tell from this recording, I am incoherent. Our producer Brian Sonny D. Fernandez, hashtag it JJ Go on Twitter,

go to maximumfund.reddit.com or like us on Facebook and join that Maximum Fun group on Facebook so that we can all be friends. I am really tired. So I'm going to go go to sleep. Thank you. Good night. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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