Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 472: Work the Anchor with Amber Nash and Sarah Morgan

Episode Date: March 20, 2017

Actress Amber Nash, Pam from Archer, joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of her experience working on a cruise ship and drinking at the crew bar below deck, Jesse's crush on Pam from Archer, and Jesse's daughter's book called Grace Knows Everything.  Plus, Sarah Morgan joins in for Momentous Occasions!   It's MaxFunDrive time!  Go to Maximumfun.Org/Donate to be a part of it all!       Check out all of the cool stuff you can get by becoming a donor!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. Welcome to Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Do you think this could be a new thing for us? I feel like what we were doing, and again, we didn't discuss this beforehand. I was just kind of following your lead. Yeah, and it was something that just came to me, I'm going to say from on high.

Yeah. And you know, in my philosophy on these things, I mean, I always go back to the big dogs shirts. You know, lead, follow, or get out the way. I choose follow. Yeah. Well, if you don't, you choose follow. Yeah. And it doesn't matter that I've got another dog's butt in my face. Yeah. I was going to say the view never changes. It's a nice dog butt. You know what I always go by. It's a Big Johnson t-shirt.

Oh, sure. If I could remember what it said on a Big Johnson t-shirt, this reference would be a lot more effective. So, Jesse, you're always, when you go to Big Johnson, remember one. Yeah. When you go to Big Johnson's casino, you're always getting the, hold on. Yeah, okay. You lick her in the front and poke her in the rear. There we go.

At Big Johnson's Casino. That's the kind of high quality wisdom that we look to. From the outrageous fat guy shirts of the 90s. I also look to those shirts with geckos on them. Yeah, sure. That had something to do with surfing. Probably. Anyway, so what I gathered from your tone was that this show will now be joined in media race.

So it kind of felt to me like you were doing a, oh, hi, I didn't see you standing there. We were just chatting, and now we're welcoming you, the listener, in. I think it's warmer because this is a conversational show. I don't know if you knew that, Jordan. This is a conversational program. It's as though the listener is visiting our home. Right. Does that make sense?

It's as though we're just sitting in front of a warm crackling fire. You've got a cat on your lap. I've got a dog on my lap. Brian has a third animal on his lap, probably a turtle. Sure, yeah. And we're all stroking the animals. Yeah, we're poking the animals with our erections.

We're calmly petting the animals, something that they would enjoy because we're not animal abusers. No, of course not. And we're just enjoying the fire and enjoying what I call fellowship. Mm-hmm. And the listener is then invited into the fellowship. And it's a sort of – each of us wears a ring. It's called a fellowship of the ring.

I'd watch out for one of those rings. Okay. Fair enough. I just think that the listener – the Jordan Jesse Goh listener – and every week on Jordan Jesse Goh we talk about some things. I think the Jordan Jesse Goh listener is looking for a certain collegial familiarity. Sure. That a gentle, warm laugh at the beginning of the show is going to introduce into the proceedings. Okay.

In a way that our awkward, stilted attempts at broadcasting almost certainly are not. And I just want to reassure the listener. Yeah. That not only will we welcome you into our home every week. Right. Roaring fire, hot beverage, all that. But we'll only poke you with our erections if we get consent first. Right.

Affirmative consent. Sure. That's our rule. Which to me is sexy. Yeah. I don't know about you. Some people... Thank you. No. I don't do it for the applause. A second person who's not me is applauding. Yeah, I just think

there's nothing hotter. Can I tell you one other thing? Some sweet, tight consent. Can I tell you one other thing, Jordan? Some tight, sloppy consent. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with this at this point. I was definitely comfortable with the beginning, but...

Sloppy? I'm sliding off board. Sure, yeah. Anyway, I just wanted to point out a lot of listeners don't know that we share a house. Yes, that's true. It's not when we were fighting, we drew a line down the middle. You had to stay on your side and I had to stay on my side.

But then we came back together when I had that baby in the elevator. Here's the thing, Jordan. My boss was coming over. All you had to do was make a goddamn casserole. Yeah. Okay. Let's introduce our guest. We blew a lot of plot lines on that one episode, by the way.

We sure did. It's weird that all those things happened in one episode. We sure did. I also had my period. So it was a big one. It was your first one, things happened in one episode. We sure did. I also had my period. So it was a big one. It was your first one, so we learned a little something at the end. It was a big one, Jordan. But you know what?

It's worth it. And when you're writing a pilot, you have to establish the world. Sure. You know what I mean? That's it for you. Establish the characters. You establish the world. You want a clear and exciting milieu.

And that's why, within the span of 20 minutes, you have to have a baby in an elevator. Right. Draw a line down the middle of the apartment. Two different pets. And two different pets. Two different erections. They're not as different as you might think. They're both white.

Yeah. It's true. And finally, boss comes over for dinner. Boom, you got a pilot. Yeah. We stole it from WKRP, which many people regard as the perfect pilot. That's true. Good work.

Thank you. Good work, Jordan. What a bad episode. What are you, a television writer? Okay. Okay. Should we introduce our guest on the program? I'd love to.

Because I am Jordan. Yeah. I'm over the moon about this situation. Me too. I'll see you up there over the moon because that's where I'm headed as well. Yeah. Who knows where we'll land? Yeah.

Hopefully among the stars. Yeah. Our guest on the program, one of the stars. In fact, I'm going to go out on a limb. Jordan to tell past guests, Aisha Tyler, Judy Greer, future guest, Chris Parnell, H. John Benjamin, that I'm about to say this. And in fact, don't say them that I did say it after I have said it. Okay. Can I tell that guy from Justified who's on it every now and then?

Yeah. And you can tell the Trailer park boys who guest starred one time. Sure. I have one favorite character on my favorite television program. That favorite character is Pam. Favorite television program is Archer on the FXX Network. Guess who's here? The actress who portrays her on the television program Archer, Amber Nash.

Hi, guys. Hi, guys. Hi, Amber. I'm so excited to be here. We're excited that you're here. Yeah, we're excited. Let's be honest. This is a bigger reach for us than it is for you. You know what, guys?

I just want to let you know that I have had a baby in an elevator and I've had my first period. Wow. So I already feel like I'm fitting right in. You are at minimum a B-plot. Yeah. You might even move up to A story. Sure. If we can get one more exciting thing to happen to you.

You could be recurring on this. Oh, fancy. And that's when the real money starts coming in. That's right. Once you start recurring. That is right. Do you think you could start an investigation as to who's eating your food out of the fridge? Absolutely.

There you go. That's it. She's up. She's boosted. Now, I just want to pitch you one more. Okay. What about you get strung out on pet pills a la Saved by the Bell? Why not?

Or I could get locked in a refrigerator in a junkyard. Right. I like that. Remember that deep cut? And that teaches a lesson, too. It certainly does. Stay away from junkyards. Yeah.

How is it? And I'm, we're look. What was that? Small Wonder? No, it was Punky Brewster. Punky Brewster. Yeah. Punky Brewster. We've had a fanciful discussion of an imagined television program on which we're all featured. And that's

wonderful. That's a kind of special bit or shtick that Jordan Jesse Go listeners love. But my question to you is a sincere one. Was getting locked in refrigerators a major problem in the mid to late 1980s? I think it actually was.

I think that those icebox style fridges, I think they lock from the inside or something. And that's why they all have that glow-in-the-dark tab now in case you get put in a refrigerator where you can release it and get out. Now that's in a trunk. I've seen that tab in a trunk.

I'm messing with you. Okay. Don't try and tell us a trunk is a fridge. I know a trunk's not a fridge! Amber Nash is here, what, three minutes? She's already pulling my leg. Hey, guess what, Jordan? I like her. Watch out, guys. This is fun. Okay? Amber Nash for her favorite Watch out, guys. This is fun. Okay? Amber Nash

for our favorite television show. Welcome. You are not... You do not live in LA. You live in Atlanta. True. You're visiting us. Welcome. Thank you. You're here doing press. Yeah. What sorts of exciting

press have you done, you know, leading up to this, the disappointing appearance on Jordan Jets to go? Guys, I got to say, this has been the most fun so far. Really? Okay. Yeah, I had a great, and I mean, we're early on. Even better than that Reuters phone? There's so much exciting stuff happening.

I'm doing other stuff out here, too. You know, just like general actor-y stuff. Okay. But I got to tell you, Los Angeles. Like Shakespeare in the Park? Yeah, of course. Of know, just like general actor-y stuff. Okay. But I got to tell you, Los Angeles. Like Shakespeare in the Park? Yeah, of course. Of course, yeah. And a little bit of dinner theater.

Oh, sure. Like some mystery stuff. Yep. Yep. Yep. I'm working on my tight five stand up. Oh, wow. You're really-

I'm really busy. I'm really busy. So I just got to tell you. Yeah? I don't know if I'm going to make it out to the dinner theater this year. It's okay. Don't worry, Jordan. You can catch her on the Ed Asner Theater Cruise.

Just want to know. I have performed on a cruise ship. Who done it? Who done it? It might have been an audience member. What? Crazy. Oh, man.

Can I have some more bread? I have worked at dinner theater as well. Okay, let's start with cruise ships. Yes. What kind of cruise ship were you on? I worked on the Norwegian cruise lines. I think that's a relatively classy cruise line, is it not? I think so.

It's the only one I've ever been on, actually. I've never actually been on a cruise as a passenger, only as a worker. Uh-huh. Yeah. No, you were down in steerage? You know, I was. With the other immigrants? And I'll tell you, the craziest thing is the crew bar is fucking crazy.

There's a bar just for the crew? Yes, and it's like walking into an alternate dimension. It's like the bar... Guys, I always am a little bit worried when I talk about this, but I'm not really a nerd. I'm not up on nerd culture, so I'm going to make a reference that I don't fully understand. I fucking hate geeks.

I'm so sick of those poindexters. Star Wars, Star Wars. I love to pound geeks. So what's the bar with the thing that's got three boobs and all the weirds? Total Recall? Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah. It's the bar in Total Recall.

I don't know what the bar in Total Recall is called. That's the crew bar on a cruise ship. And God, I want people on Twitter to tell me, oh, please, all of you, tell me what the bar in Total Recall was. Oh, I want to know. Haven't we got a new person we're directing tweets at now? We should have one. Okay.

I think we figured one out, but I've completely forgotten what it is. If you want to tell me what the bar in Total Recall is. Hit up at Chuck Woolery on Twitter. Let him know. Make sure you do it. Two and two. So, okay. Okay, yeah.

You felt like you were in some sort of futuristic bar where you could see three breasts on one woman. Yeah. Okay. Did you know there's no laws on cruise ships? You know, there's also morgues. Every cruise ship has to have a morgue because people die out at sea. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And there was this one man that would always be in the cruise bar. It's very dangerous to motorboat a three-boobed woman. You know, when you're in international waters, they've got to keep you somewhere. There are laws. So we had, for a couple of years, MaximumFun.org had a cruise. Okay. Boatparty.biz.

And it was a joy. It was a chain of comedy thing. And music as well. Lots of great, our friend John Darnielle and Mountain Goats, lots of great people were there. It was a wonderful time

and people would say to me, oh, you're doing a cruise. Haven't you ever read that David Foster Wallace thing? I had read that David Foster Wallace thing. I was fine with it. David Foster Wallace

is a supposedly fun thing I'll never do again. He's wrong, by the way. Actually, cruises are pretty fun. But I had read that and, you know, David Foster Wallace was grumpy about various things, made up various quotes, had a lot of long sentences, and overall was pretty interesting. thing to read if you do not ever want to want to go on a cruise is uh uh our friend john ronson wrote a piece about cruises that's just about unexplained murders and disappearances yeah and how there's no law they're all like all cruise ships are are float under the flag of a weird countries that have no law enforcement and certainly no law enforcement that's free uh to get in a boat and go meet another boat and investigate a possible murder so it's like they're like bahamian or something like the bahamian police force is just

40 guys in the bahamas and they're pretty focused on the bahamas things happening there so like if you want to murder someone they're pretty focused on the Bahamas. Sure. Things happening there. So like if you want to murder someone. They're too busy with all those mamas. Just being. Bahama mamas. Yeah exactly. No drama those Bahama mamas. Thank God I fucking hate drama. I know. I hate drama.

I love hikes. I hate drama. I love hikes. There's one thing I... Sorry. You can basically push anyone off of a cruise ship to their death with no repercussions. You know what else you can do? Eat as much shrimp as you want?

Yeah, in a bathrobe. People go to the buffet in fucking bathrobes. I'm not joking. People are disgust... Wow. We all know that human beings are disgusting. And when you put a bunch of them together in one place out at sea, it's just like, you're right. Like, all bets are off.

Like, anything can happen. People run on the treadmill without shoes on. Like, what is going on here, people? Like, the chocolate fountain is just disgusting. They can only do it once a week because people fucking flip out because they have this giant, like, buffet of chocolate. And people lose their goddamn minds. Okay, Amber, so what was your job on the cruise? Was this like an improv comedy thing? I was actually with Second City. So I was performing reviews. How were those cruise audiences? They were great. I mean, they're excited. They probably would not go see a Second City show on their own or don't

live in a place where they can go see one. Right. So, yeah, they were always really great. And then once you did a show, though, you're stuck on a boat with these people for five more days. Right. And you're like a celebrity all of a sudden because you did one show that everybody on the boat saw. Sure. So then, you know, you're getting hounded by people. And I want to know more about this crew bar. Okay.

Like you describe it as some sort of sci-fi nightmare. Is it in an underground... What about it? There's no... Okay, there's no windows. Okay. Because it's in the, like... It's in the belly of the ship. There's like a secret... Yeah, there's like a secret levels of the ship that people who have paid to be there cannot go to, right? Yeah, and it's

like... You have to have renounced your passport to go down there. Right, and then the people, the crew that are down there aren't allowed to go to any other bar on the ship because they can't be up with the passengers. Oh, interesting. And so it's like this room in the belly of the ship and there's like plexiglass walls and you can smoke in there and everybody does. And there's hundreds of people, crowd and people on cruise shows. People are from all over the world. There's people from the Philippines.

There's people from Russia. There's people from the Philippines. There's people from Russia. There's people from everywhere. And so it's just this like packed, smoky, crazy place. There's this Russian man that was like the guy that would basically put the giant anchor down. That was like his job on the ship. Oh, on the ship, not in the bar. Not in the bar.

Like I thought it was like a regular. Everybody's like, Yevgeny! And he comes in and slams an anchor down and puts his hands up. And everybody lifts him up and gives him a free beer. I wish. But he would walk around on his hands all the time. That's just one of the things he did because he had incredible upper body strength. Well, yeah.

I mean, if you're going to work the anchor. Right. Work the anchor. Sure. You know what? You always got to work the anchor. And don't forget about the balls. Oh, I thought the anchor was the balls. But maybe the anchor. Sure. You know what? You always got to work the anchor and don't forget about the balls. Oh, I thought the anchor was the balls, but maybe the anchor's the taint?

Yeah, I couldn't tell you. Okay. It's a torture metaphor. Let's talk about ship as penis. Yeah. I guess maybe the mast is the shaft. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, so.

So in this bar, plexiglass walls, hundreds of people from all over the world, but all drifters. Yeah. I mean, because you have to be. Most of these people work on nine month contracts. Men and women without a country. Right. Because, you know, after you've been out at sea for nine months, you go home. It's like you don't still have your apartment. You've been Airbnb-ing in the Philippines. You know what I mean? Right. It's now a prison run by the secret police.

Right. And so you just sign on for another contract. So most of these people don't have homes. Yeah. And you go to the crew bar because it's cheap. Wait, they still charge you? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, that's the thing, too. We were allowed to be in the passenger area so we could drink at other bars, but it's too expensive. It's like $12 for a drink. And so the money you're making on the ship, you spend drinking. Dumping right into your face. Yeah. How much does a drink cost underground? Oh, like two bucks for a beer.

Whoa. Yeah. That's a good value. It's like a college bar. That's really, really nice. Do they pay the people that are under – these lesser people that live underneath the ground? Yeah, the underground people. These mole folks.

The chuds of the ship. Ship ch ground. Yeah, the underground people. These mole folks. The chuds of the ship. Ship chuds. Yeah, ship chuds. These ship chuds, these... Hold on, I think I found our metaphor. You got to work the chuds. Oh, yeah, that's great. The chuds are the balls of the ship.

These cabin-dwelling humanoid underground dwellers. Oh, nice. Do they get paid minimum wage, or do they just get paid – are they essentially indentured servants? You know, I don't know the answer to that. But I think it's somewhere in the middle. Like I don't think it's a great thing. But I think a lot of times it's like they're still making more money than they would in the countries they come from. And so they're sending – because they have no living expenses, barely.

So they're just sending all that money home. So I do think it's somewhere in the middle. When you do this, because we had a listener actually. Years ago when we did the cruise, there was a listener who was a cruise comic. Oh, yeah. And he was a fan of the show. And when he heard we were doing the cruise, he looked at his schedule and he was actually on one of our cruises. Awesome. Which was great.

He was a really lovely guy and he uh very kindly offered uh he very kindly offered to do a like a how to get the most out of your one day in the bahamas uh seminar for our people it was really great and that guy he basically does this six months at a time he just goes back and forth between miami and the bahamas or whatever it was, Bermuda maybe it was. Anyway, it goes back and forth on these five-day cruises or whatever they are indefinitely. When you were doing it, was it like I'm going for a week or was it I'm going for half a year? Like for myself? Yeah.

So I was on – most of the entertainers would do a four-month contract, which is quite a long time, especially if you have a regular life. Sure. And the passengers would be on for a week. So it was a week-long cruise, so every week you'd see the same stuff. But I was on only for a month because I was filling in for somebody. So it was almost the perfect amount of time. Like four months, you start to go crazy. One month, you're like, this is all still kind of cool.

I've only been to Anchorage three times. I still enjoy shrimp. Yeah, I do. I still do even to thisorage three times. I still enjoy shrimp. Yeah, I do. I still do. Even to this day. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. To this day, it's 2017 now.

I don't know what year it was when you were doing this. Do you still reflexively ask for an audience suggestion anytime you see an all-you-can-eat soft-serve ice cream machine? No, but I can imagine that's pretty scary if that had happened. Yeah. You also said you did a little dinner theater. I did. Tell us about that. So there's this place in Atlanta that actually for an Atlanta actor back in the day was like the best gig you could get. Like it was very lucrative. And it's a dinner theater where audience members come in and everybody in the audience. I've never been to another dinner theater, so I can't compare it to anything.

It's the only one I've ever been to. I've been to Medieval Times and the Pirate Medieval Times. There's a Pirate Medieval Times? It's called Pirates. One, two, three, jinx, you owe me a Coke. It's called Pirates, a Dinner Adventure. Where is it? I want to go there.

It is a block away from Medieval Times. Do they just give you weevil-infested heart attack? Yeah, yeah. You have to eat limes so you don't get scurvy. So you know like when you go to one of those things, you're like, you know who you can go with. Like you got some friends that are way too cool for that shit. But you got some friends that are like, man, if you're up for it, you can have a fucking blast. If you're willing to pay $15 for a beer and just have some fun, it can really be fun.

So that's how the theater was. Jordan and our friend Chris Fairbanks were kind enough to go with me to the arena football game once to see the LA KISS, the arena football team owned by the band KISS. And so Jordan is, needless to say, one of those guys. Who is, as we say,

DTC. DTC? Down to Cloud? Oh, Down to Cloud. Yeah, like you're up for it. As we say, DTC. DTC? Down to cloud? Oh, down to cloud. Okay. So yeah. I thought you meant down to cunnilingus. He's down to cunnilingus too if it comes to it. You know? You never know. Listen, let's just have fun.

Let's just hang out. Why do we have to? Let's see where this goes. I agree. I don't think we should put labels on this. God, I hate labels. If there's one thing I hate more than labels, it's drama. Oh, I hate drama! Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Too committed. Jesse actually knocked over his microphone and threw off his headphones. That's how much he hates drama. So. Yes. Okay. I would like to back up. I didn't have a drink to throw in my face.

I would like to back up a tad. You said it's one of the best gigs for an actor in Atlanta. What are the other gigs for an actor in Atlanta? Well, now it's a little bit different. You can play Wolf Blitzer on CNN. That's true. But actually, there's a huge, like, I mean, guys in Los Angeles, all the work that's leaving here is going to Atlanta. Yeah.

Like, there's so much happening in Georgia. Like, so many movies were shot there last year. Fast and Furious movies out there, right? They make just about everything out there as far as I can tell. And a lot of TV shows and not just The Walking Dead. Like there's so many things that are shooting there. It's crazy. You know, interesting.

You know, our friend Don Glover, he makes the show Atlanta. That show is actually shot in Edmonton. Sure. Yeah. Tax credit. Edmonton for Atlanta. Tax credit. My husband's actually from

edmonton oh yeah uh oh so i guess is i never hear anybody make a reference to edmonton that's why it's so interesting they have a mall there a giant mall yeah uh is a coveted first job for an atlantean actor zombie on walking dead now i want to be clear. They're from the last city of Atlantis. We're talking about an Atlantis actor. Yeah. I mean, if you're an Atlantean actor, Aquaman. Yeah, I mean, that's ideally. It pretty much begins and ends with Aquaman. Yeah.

Or that new live action Little Mermaid they're doing. Yeah. Maybe. Could be. I mean, there's also tons of theater in Atlanta, too. So there's, you know, it depends on what you're into. Yeah. Whether you're doing theater or comedy or you want to be in movies.

But lots of people's, like, moms will be extras on Walking Dead. Like, they need so many zombies. And the crazy thing is, this is so funny, is that now the show's been going on for a while. So the people have been zombies for a long time. So they need zombies to get thinner and thinner. long time so they need zombies to get thinner and thinner so they're looking for like really thin actors in atlanta which has some of the best southern food you can find yeah so it was actually pretty hard they had like this call out for like emaciated actors to play zombies hey uh maybe you should place a call to hello west los angeles on the line We're eating air sandwiches over here, okay?

Okay, Jordan? Yeah. So what was the topic of your dinner theater play? Oh, man, there's so many. It's always, I've done a few. So one of the, this is one of the great things about this place, is we did one that was like a Dancing with the Stars spoof. Okay.

And. That's funny that they were parodies. Oh, they all are. Yeah. And the title, get ready for this, guys. Can we guess? Please. Okay.

Funny take on the title, Dancing with the Stars. At a dinner theater. I am going to give you a second to think about this. And while you're thinking about it, I'm going to tell our audience, our at-home audience, who can only hear what's going on, that Amber Nash gave us such a, let's see what you will say, take, that it is truly mesmerizing.

It's really mesmerizing. Genuinely, I'm talking about not just chin on closed hand, extended finger and thumb stroking thoughtfully with a laser-like focus on Mr. Morris. It was such an extreme take. It was like you are the fun adult in a Disney Channel show. Oh. Yeah. Nice.

It's called Commitment. Commitment. Make a choice. Now, remember, this is a dinner theater. It's a murder mystery dinner theater. Right. Right. Okay.

So, okay. So, is that what's a murder mystery dinner theater. Right. Right. Okay. So, okay. So is that what's a murder mystery and a parody of Dancing with the Stars? Yeah. Boy, I was gonna say what if Jerry Rice got murdered? I was gonna say Dancing with the Farts, but now I don't know what to think. I think it was called it was called

Dancing with the corpses oh pretty good stabbing with the stars oh that's better that's better what was it actually it was called dancing and dying with the stars that is less clever than our version

you get both that's right and let me tell you it's a title and a value proposition very much so That is less clever than our version. You get both. Yeah. That's right. And let me tell you. It's a title and a value proposition. Very much so. You know that one of the hosts of Dancing with the Stars is Tom Bergeron. So I'll let you guess this too. So imagine what Tom Bergeron's character might have been called in this show if not Tom Bergeron.

Tom Bludgeonon. Oh, these are still going to be better than what it actually was. I'm going to say Bomb Bergeron. Oh, still. These are still going to be better than what it actually was. I'm going to say bomb Bergeron. My vision of this is more of a war-torn tragedy situation. I like the idea of a mystery. It's set in Northern Ireland during the Troubles. Somebody's got to find out who was killed by this bomb. His name was Tom Burger and Fries. Oh, my god.

Oh my god, that sucks so bad. Oh, it was a slight rush. Tom Burger and Fries. That's what you get when you let a dog write jokes. So who did you play? Bill Nye the Science Guy? Well, it's only two actors that play all the characters. Really? So I played lots of

different characters, but honestly I don't remember. How many hats did you have? Lots of wigs. Okay. Yeah, lots of wigs. Cool. And ball gowns because, you know, you've got to have dancing outfits on. No, you have to.

So did you have to – how many different styles of dance did you have to do? None because the director was like, we know Amber can't dance and this will be a nightmare. There was another show I did there that I had to sing in and they were just like, you are terrible. I had to do like a, what's the shit? The Mayberry show. What's it called? Mayberry? Yeah.

You know. Oh, yeah. Andy Griffith. Andy Griffith show. What was this? What was the actor that played? Ron Howard? No.

Don Knotts. Don Knotts. Yeah. He had to do a Don Knotts impersonation at one point. You did. Yeah. What was the actor that played his... Ron Howard? No. Don Knotts. Don Knotts, yeah. He had to do a Don Knotts impersonation at one point. You did. Yeah, it was terrible. Ron Howard was on that, right?

Yeah, he was Opie. He was Opie Taylor. Went on to direct Frost Nixon. Oh. Fun fact. Really? Yeah.

Interesting. I did not know that. Thank you. I'm the king of movie trivia. Oh, you really are. Amber, when you came in here, did you think that you were sitting with the king of movie trivia?

I had no idea. It's true. I had no idea. Hey, Jordan. What? Let me ask you this. Okay. You know the famous movie monster E.T. from the movie E.T.?

Of course. I'm the king of movie trivia. Only the king of movie trivia would know this. E.T., and this is kind of a challenge to Jordan Amber. Okay. What does it stand for? Whoa. Who knows that?

What does it stand for? E.T. The monster from the movie E.T. Directed by Steven Spielberg. Well, again, I think that they do eventually reveal what E.T. stands for. But it's not something you can get on a current version of the film there's a laser disc out of et oh really put out in 1993 and it's just the it's the only version of the film to me to me to me to you to me it's the only version of the film

to you the king of movie trivia to me it's the only version of the film all right i mean i sorry i care about weird stuff like aspect ratio. Right. Sorry, that makes me a little bit of a geek. Yeah. I love aspect ratio. Sorry, Amber. I know that you're not a geek.

I know that you hate geeks, but I'm a big geek. And I'm kind of a butch jock. Sure. I like pounding geeks, so jocks love to call themselves butch. I'm a real butch. I'm a real bear. I'm a real bear of a jock Right now all I can think about is pounding geeks

Ooh four eyes I'm gonna get ya Steven Spielberg said in an interview that you can only see on the laser disc released in 1993 E.T. stands for even taller because of the scene where he stretches his neck up Got it Wow

He stretches his neck to eat those Sk. Even taller. Wow. I remember that. King of movie trivia. He stretches his neck to eat those Skittles he loves. That's the one. Wow. King of movie trivia. King of trivia. The K of T, my friend. The K of T.

Okay, look. Okay. It's Max Fun Drive time, so let's take a quick break. Yes. We'll be back in just a second with more Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Hey, Jordan, what time is it? It's the Max Fun Drive time. This is my favorite time. The time of the drive. This is what they call the most wonderful time of the year. Yeah. That is, yeah. When that song, the most wonderful time of the year. Some think it's about Christmas.

They're wrong. Those people are chumps. They're dead wrong. Those are chumps. They're probably Jewish or something. Don't even celebrate Christmas. Don't know what Christmas is. It's about the Max Fun Drive.

It's about the Max Fun Drive, where's about the Max Fun Drive where you can donate to support this show to all the other shows on MaximumFun.org and you can get a bunch of cool shit. Yeah. I think because

we don't really talk most of the year about the fact that this show and all the shows on MaximumFun.org are supported by voluntary donations.

But in fact, there are literally tens of thousands of people across this great nation who support MaximumFun.org voluntarily, given a few bucks a month, and that's what keeps the lights on here. Like literally 75%, 80% of the money that pays for this show and all of the shows in Maximum Fun

comes from folks like you who listen to the show and love it and donate to support it. It's really terrific, and there's a lot of great people who work for MaxFun. And, yeah, you donating makes sure they get paid. Yeah, this is literally the 12 days out of the year that we ask for your support, and it's really easy to support Maximum Fun. All you have to do is go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. That's MaximumFun.org slash donate. That's MaximumFund.org slash donate. We have donation levels ranging from $5 a month to $200 a month. And what is really important to me, and I think probably to you as well, is not so much the amount of money that you support us with, but that you support us. Yeah, for sure. I mean, even if you just give five bucks a month, it's really, really helping out.

You get a bunch of cool, cool bonus content that I think we'll talk about a little bit later. And yeah, it definitely helps make sure that these shows keep coming. It's awesome. It's less than your Netflix and your Hulu's and your Amazon's. And hopefully you get as much entertainment out of Maximum Fun as much entertainment out of Maximum

Fun as you do out of those things. It's less expensive, and it matters a lot, lot more. Yeah, I think we are unusual in that part of our business model is giving you everything for free first, then asking you for money afterwards in retrospect. Yeah. So definitely you can definitely keep listening without donating. But the reason that we do these shows is the people who donate. So, yeah, a big thank you if you've done it already.

And if you haven't done it already, consider it. Go over there to MaximumFun.org slash donate and learn about all the cool stuff you can get. Our goal for the MaxFunDrive this year, Jordan, 10,000 new and upgrading donors. It's ambitious. I think we can do it. Last year our goal was 5,000. We blew past it. Yeah.

We've added eight new shows in MaximumFun.org. I think this is the year that we make it to 10,000. I genuinely believe we can do this. And I say this as someone who in the past has had to swim in MacArthur Park Lake and buy a boat on Craigslist, then record an episode of this show on that boat. Then leave it out in the water and put up on Craigslist that there's a free boat and a weirdo comes and gets it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so hopefully we've got something cool like that in the hopper for this year, something that maybe we'll talk about a little bit later.

Yeah. But, yeah, MaximumFun.org slash donate. It definitely makes a huge, huge difference. And, yeah, just $5 a month keeps the lights on here. Yeah, our friend John Hodgman from the Judge John Hodgman podcast always says, don't, don't, don't, don't do it. Do, do, do it. And I think that's like, that's the take home message. Like we can only, we can only continue to do this if you actually take 30 seconds out of your day to go to MaximumFund.org slash donate and type in your credit card number.

And that is like what allows this to happen. It's not about a huge sacrifice out of your budget. It's, you know, you can find a level that you can afford comfortably. What it's really about is you saying like, hey, this stuff matters to me and I would like to see things that – I would like to see more of this in the world. Like I would like to see – this is the kind of thing that I want entertainment to be. Maybe you're not somebody who donates to NPR or PBS or whatever. Is that like you, you, you, if you if you think it's a reasonable thing to do to tip a bartender a dollar a drink or, you know, your barista on the way out of your coffee place. Why not throw a buck a show to your podcasters? It definitely helps us a lot.

And yeah, and I don't think it it'll take that much out of your bottom line. Yeah, a buck-ish a show. Let's say $1.25 a show. And, yeah, and we're paying for is this kind of giant administrative structure and or filling a money pit in my house with gold bullion. Right. And in fact, what happens is when you go to maximumfund.org slash donate and you choose the level at which you want to donate, there is a part of the page where you simply check off the boxes for the MaximumFund.org shows that you listen to. And a lot of Max Fund shows are produced independently. Actually, this show is produced independently of Maximum Fund. This show is a partnership between Jordan and I, and the two of us pay Brian to produce it. And essentially what happens is your $10 a month,

a percentage of it, about a quarter of it goes to keeping the lights on at the network and so on and so forth. The rest of it goes directly to the shows that you listen to. So you are really directly supporting My Brother, My Brother and Me. You really are directly supporting Minority Corner. You're really, really directly putting money in the pockets of all of these hosts of shows that you care about and producers of shows that you care about. I mean, like this year, I really want Beef and Dairy Network to get rich off of that fucking amazing show. Like that show is so wonderful and magical. And like I want him to get all the money in the world. And Maximum Fund's role in all of this is facilitating all these independent voices to be able to make this part of their lives.

Like for some people, it's a full-time part of their life. Travis McElroy is a full-time podcaster these days. For some people, it's a part-time part of their life. But it's a part-time part of their life that they've been able to carve out because they're earning money doing it. Yeah. I mean I think that definitely most of the people who do shows like this one, it's you know, it is not how they, you know, put put food on their table and rent over their head and food in their pet bowl. But it's like a part of it. And I think that because people go and donate, they can say to themselves, all right, this is still worth doing. This is time I should be spent podcasting and not time I should spend driving an Uber or riding a pilot or something, something else. So, yeah, I think when you donate, you're saying, hey, thanks for making time to make this show.

I appreciate it. Please keep doing it. By the way, the only two legal business activities in the city of Los Angeles are driving an Uber and riding a pilot. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, like for me personally, like coming in doing Jordan Jesse Go every week is my favorite time in the entire week. And apologies to my wife and children for saying that. But it's true. It's like the two hours of my life that I look forward to the most. And I know and I am so grateful to my friend Jordan, who has had such extraordinary

success in his chosen work as a comedy writer, that he takes time out of this really demanding job to make this show. And the reason that I know that the reason that Jordan's able to do that is because it is an actual professional pursuit. Through all these years, it has been a real life job for him. Yeah. And so, you know, that gives him what he needs to go to our friend Joe Randazzo, the head writer of At Midnight, and say, hey, I need to find two hours in my week that I can consistently show up for something. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I think if people didn't donate to stuff like this, that, you know, a podcast would be something that people treated like a kickball team or a bar trivia league, something they did when they had time. We would be drunk while we were doing it. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, I think because, you know, because people donate, the show can get made on a regular basis and people can make it a priority in their lives. Yeah, and that's true for my NPR show Bullseye as well. You won't hear me pitching on the air on Bullseye this year because my NPR contract prohibits it. But the money that lets us make Bullseye comes from MaximumFund.org donors.

Don't be mistaken. And I couldn't be more grateful that I work for you and that I don't work for advertisers or sponsored content makers or the government or whoever else, that I don't live grant to grant. The fact that you guys go to MaximumFun.org slash donate and support us is absolutely magical to me. Well, I do have a feeling that NPR is only going to get richer in the coming years.

So... Yeah, well, there's the filthy lucre for public broadcasting bill that's currently racing through Congress. Yeah. Okay, let's get back to Amber Nash. Your job is to go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Amber Nash, good time gal. It's a fun nickname. Guys, great news. Oh, my gosh. I love great news.

Now, Jordan, I know that you know a lot. Mm-hmm. Amber, I know that you know tons. Oh, gosh. You wouldn't even, you don't know the half of it. It just so happens, my daughter, Grace, is five years old in kindergarten, knows everything. Okay. A lot of people would not expect that coming from a five-year-old, but she's learned a

lot. Do you say things to her like you're an old soul? Yeah, she is. I like it when adults do stuff like that to kids. She's always whittling, right? And staring off into the middle distance. Yeah. Is she?

She's really into birding. The movie Shaq is based on her. The Shaq is right. Have you guys seen that movie? I think Shaq is a on her. The Shack. Have you guys seen that movie? I think Shack is a basketball player. Are you thinking of the movie Inside the NBA on TNT? 30 for 30.

No. The Shack, from what I understand, is a movie where the human from Avatar dies and visits a magical shack where God, the three parts of God, the Trinity, are played by three different actors. All three Samuel L. Jackson.

All three Samuel L. Jackson in different fun wigs. And then it's one of these faith based movies. Yeah. Try and like rally churches to go like a Cameron produced thing. Yeah. I mean, I think it's a little slicker than that. And I think it has some actual good actors in it. Yeah.

But yeah, that's my understanding about the shack. Yeah. Anyway, that's all. Is that what that is? The reference I was made. If you could play God, the sun or or the Holy Spirit, which would you choose? It's got to be the Holy Ghost, baby. Yeah, I'm ghosting too.

Boo! Yeah, me too. I mean, he's a fun one, right? Yeah. Yeah, he's always getting up in people's business. Yeah, you never know what he's going to do. He's going to do those crazy dances. He's a real prankster.

Mm-hmm. He can chains rattle. My five-year-old Grace. Candles float. My five-year-old recently, okay five-year-old recently okay so she is uh she is really into books but not i don't like she sort of likes reading a book with me like reading a story like you know charlotte in the chocolate factory whatever but is she into chapter books yet like is she a big reader she doesn. Her own reading is only just beginning.

She's in kindergarten. And I don't understand children's ages or milestones. Right. So I think she is just learning through reading. Me either. My next question

was going to be, can she walk yet? Are they walking at five? She's just starting to learn to read. So she can read words and stuff. Right. But that's about as far as I can.

But she's not going to sit down by herself in a corner and read a book. No, no, no and stuff. But that's about as far as I can go. But she's not going to sit down by herself in a corner and read a book. No, no, no. Okay. But she's very interested in books because for some reason she figured out what money was and then she figured out she wanted- Because you always put her down in front of Jim Cramer, right? Right.

Yeah. Well, I need those pics. Yeah. She figured out what money was. Okay. And then she figured out that dad goes to the flea market to buy things to sell. Mm-hmm. Because I have a little antique shop online.

Oh. And so she figured that out. And so she decided to open a bookstore. Great. So far the customers are only myself and my wife. Okay. Her mother. But initially, she was recreating completely, and God forbid you interrupt her while she's doing this, recreating completely books that already existed.

Oh, so she's also making her own product. Yes. Okay. Fantastic. I had a little book-making phase as a kid, and they were all about dinosaurs. And what they would be on one page was I would draw the dinosaur, and then I would look up the dinosaur in an encyclopedia and just copy down as much as I could fit on the page. Yeah. I mean, that's about where Grace is at.

And those were eventually made into the hit film Jurassic Park. I still live off those residuals. Congratulations. Congratulations. And people do not create residuals. Congratulations. Congratulations. And people do not create climate change. Is that right, Michael Grayton? That's true. I'm both dead and a climate change denier.

I will say this. My wife, who hosts the podcast One Bad Mother on this very network, she and her co-host Biz Ellis wrote a book that we just got copies of that everyone should rush to Amazon and buy. Because it's just coming out now. We just got copies yesterday. And Grace, my daughter, asked my wife for a copy of the book, which was really sweet. Like it was sort of like what will she think about this? You know, what is this? But she asked her for a copy and my wife ins which was really sweet. It was sort of like, what will she think about this?

What is this? But she asked her for a copy, and my wife inscribed it to her and gave it to her. And then she opened a bookstore to sell it. That's clever. That's the cutest story. Yeah. But anyway, I brought a book that my daughter wrote this week. Oh, boy.

That was probably her most ambitious original work. How much dinosaur information are we getting out of this? Now, what's weird is she had previously billed herself as a paleontologist. Okay. She would introduce, hi, I'm Grace. I'm a paleontologist. Paleontologists are out. Batgirl is in.

Okay. So now she says, hi, bat girl okay okay uh she is obsessed with getting a bat motorcycle for her birthday and she needs to save the other reason she needs to sell books is to save to buy herself a bat motorcycle well that's good at least she knows that you know you don't just get things for free. Right. Exactly. So this book is called. Because she's the commissioner's daughter. And I want to emphasize, this is the name that she herself chose. It's called Grace Knows Everything by Grace.

The first page, the headline is rules. That's spelled R-O-L-L-S or roles. The first rule is. You're going to be reading this at her wedding. We all know that, right? Absolutely. Unless there's a better one coming. I've already had this book bronze. Okay, good. The first rule,

don't poop in the bath. Don't talk about Grace Club. The second rule, don't stay in the house. Wow. I guess that's about us trying to get her out the door, get her to do stuff. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah.

Or is it like when I was a kid, my mom would be like, get outside. Go play outside. Yes. Maybe it's one of those things. The second page, the headline is Women's March. My daughter went to the Women's March with my wife. And it says, at the Women's March, be kind. That's nice. That one's a heartwarming.

Yeah, it really is. And do not poop at the Women's March. It sort of implies. Are there pictures that are going along with these? This is text only. Text only, okay. Yeah. Next page. Pizza. Sort of encyclopedia style book. It's all alphabetical so far.

Pizza. Maybe it's not. Pizza is for eating. Not for, does she get in trouble for playing with her food? Not that I'm aware of. Okay. Next page is stapler. Be careful with them. Oh, boy.

Yeah. I've had a couple stapler accidents in my day. Yeah. Who hasn't? It can be tough. I poked myself in the finger in, I'm going to say freshman year of high school with a stapler that I was trying to fix or something to impress a girl. Oh, she had a clogged stapler.

It was Jennifer Tananga's stapler. Step aside, honey. Well, that's what you get for trying to mansplain staplers. I know. Do you think that maybe she stapled those pages together before she started writing the book, and that's where that one came from? Yeah, I think that's probably right. This next page is called How Money Came Here at First. People didn't want to use gold, so they used money.

That's exactly what happened. I mean, yeah, that's accurate. The next page is called Babies. Okay. It says, some babies don't only drink breast milk. They also drink formula. Oh, because some babies have allergies. That's scientific.

Seeds and plants is the next page. Wow. Seeds and plants. A seed turns into a plant with water. Wow. That's also very useful. All this is airtight. I mean, this is useful not just for me, but if there was a catastrophe on Earth, I didn't know how to turn a seed into a plant. Oh, yeah. I'd look back at this book. Yeah.

You'll probably find a society somewhere where people didn't know about agriculture and were still pooping in the house. Yeah. It's because this book was burned in the Great Calamity. In the Great Book Fire. Yeah. It's because this book was burned in the Great Calamity. In the Great Book Fire. Yeah. Next page is called ABC. And it's just the alphabet. Well, the lyrics of the alphabet song, at the bottom here, it says, now I know my ABC song.

Yeah. Just in case it was found by somebody that didn't understand the English alphabet. This could be the new Rosetta Stone. Have we thought about shooting this into space somehow? Yeah, I think we should put this on a gold record. Along with Johnny B. Good

on one side and this on the other side. Give it to old Voyager. Yeah. Sorry, Mozart. You got the boot. And finally, and I know that

you guys may think you know other things, but the truth is this is all knowledge. Yeah. Because Grace knows everything. Yeah. It's on the front, but the truth is this is all knowledge. Yeah. Because Grace knows everything. Yeah. It's on the front, so.

The final page is sharpening pencils. Mm-hmm. It says, and this is, and I don't know if you guys don't look like

you're taking notes, but you might think about it. I see Daniel is taking notes. Thank you, Daniel, on the board. I'm actually recording on my phone. I'm just taking

like a voice memo. I emailed this to myself later. Put the pencil in the sharpener and spin. Wow. Boy. Yeah. Wow.

Are you worried that Hodgman will sue her for stealing his thing? Yeah, she's working on a new book. It's called Vacationland. Okay. It's about her summer house in Maine. I mean, obviously, I think Grace improved upon it uh but i do think you might guys might have to work this out in court here's the here's the honest truth jordan yeah i think she's headed for stardom and you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs agreed yeah no i mean yeah i mean, I also like that she is learning that to succeed in, you know, entertainment publishing, you got to be a little ruthless.

If you got to stick one between Hodgman's shoulder blades, sometimes that's what you got to do, you know? I also think it's ballsy that she seemingly stapled all the pages together first before she started writing. So she decided how many pages it was going to be before she even put pencil to construction paper. She keeps it all up there in her head like a professional gambler. Like Rain Man from the movie Rain Man. He's got all kinds of knowledge in his head. Yeah. Like Matt Damon from that movie about math.

Oh, yeah. He's got all those numbers in his head. Sure. Which one was that? The Bourne Identity. The Bourne Identity. Starring Jason Bourne as Matt Damon. Look out, here comes Ben Affleck.

He's friends with you. And he's getting help for his drinking problem. Where'd the two of you meet? The Beautiful Men Friendship Area? It's Boston, Boston, Massachusetts. Otherwise known as the Beautiful Men Friendship Area. Do you think they're friends with Marky Mark? I mean, they've got, yeah.

They think they have little Boston parties. Do you think there's a part of Boston? I think there's like a, you know, how like bars will be the blank bar. Like, oh, this is the, this is the like Wisconsin sports bar. I bet there's a, there's a, you know, Boston bar in Hollywood. Right. And I bet they get, they head on down there and they meet Marky Mark. Yeah.

And the Mighty Mighty Bostons. And they all watch the socks they all watch the socks come on G to sucks and then they talk about

what it's like to be so beautiful every member of the Mighty Mighty Boss Stones is very handsome really didn't know that

they're gorgeous and the best part no drama wow no drama oh Gordon hates drama yeah you guys hate it Oh, they're gorgeous. They're gorgeous. And the best part? No drama. Wow, no drama. Oh, Gordon hates drama. Yeah, you guys hate it. Jordan hates drama. I also hate drama if I'm being frank. I believe you.

If I'm being frank, which I am never less than, I don't care for drama. Don't need it. Don't want it. Agreed, guys. I'm on that beam. Don't bring that across my threshold, Amber Nash. No way. You see now, Amber.

Yes. You seem like a straight shooter. Yeah. I'm actually known for that at home. Yeah. I'm a straight shooter. You got a question you want to ask me that you want shot straight? You are a sniper too, right?

I am. I'm a trained sniper. Boom. Right in the brainstem. Pow, pow. I do wish that I had an ability like that. Like either that or to be able to sing really well. Yeah.

Like one of those two things. Either sniping or singing. Yeah. I feel like it's just like really powerful, both of those things. You're either going to like kill somebody with a bullet or with your talent. What if you could do both? Like American Sniper himself. Oh, that'd be amazing. That was a musical, wasn't, like American Sniper himself? Oh, that'd be amazing.

That was a musical, wasn't it? American Sniper? No, I think that was a movie starring Bradley Cooper. Bradley Cooper, the legendary sniper singer. But it is going to be, yeah, it is going to be on Broadway. Bradley Cooper is not a strong singer. I'm talking about the real life American Sniper. The man it was based on?

Yeah, the man who killed all the other people. He's a singer? He's also, he's a beautiful, beautiful singing voice. I did not know that. Beautiful singing voice. I did not know that. Beautiful high tenor. Huh.

Oh. Gorgeous. Wow. Gorgeous. Yeah. Famous. If you hear his voice, duck and cover, buddy. Sure. Who knows if he's singing or sniping?

You're about to get one right between the shoulder blades. Could be doing both, my friend. Wow. A little warning. Got to watch out for that American sniper. Yeah, I think that would be a good... I could see that as kind of a military thriller, the singing sniper. I don't know.

Maybe this is... A role that I was meant to play? Yeah. This could be like a cop rock thing. I mean, people want more female-led action movies. Yeah. So what if there's a sniper and you don't hear it coming until you hear it coming. You know what I'm saying?

Right. Maybe you got your bad guy. He's walking through an abandoned church somewhere scenic. Okay. Just off in the rafters he hears, You're humming Night Moves. Night Moves by Bob Seger. And then once you hear those opening strains of Night Moves. Night Moves by Bob Seger. And then once you hear those opening strains of Night Moves, bam, right between the shoulder blades.

Let me ask you. That's brilliant. Let me pitch something. Does that kill you, between the shoulder blades? Why would a sniper aim for between the shoulder blades? I think you're shooting to paralyze. Okay, got it. Take out that stem.

Okay. Okay. Here's my pitch for you. Okay, got it. Take out that stem. Okay. Okay. Here's my pitch for you. Okay. It's not just one American sniper. Jordan, I got a different pitch. I do love that it's Bob Seger. Jordan, you already did your pitch.

Okay. I'm trying to do my pitch. I'm just humming night moves over here. You already had your time to pitch, Amber. Okay. Okay. We're never going to see this woman again. Even if we do see her, she's going to not make eye contact.

That's for sure. This is our chance, okay, to pitch her a show business project. And I like that the part of Night Moves that you chose to hum is like completely unidentifiable as Night Moves. It's working on your Night Moves. Excuse me, our Night Moves. Here's my pitch to you. It's not just one American sniper. It's a platoon of American snipers.

Okay, so it's more of an ensemble piece. Exactly. Picture Jordan as a bad guy. Okay. He's probably of some kind of foreigner, like a Russian that stole a dirty bomb or something like that. Yeah, yeah. I'm not 100% sure what a dirty bomb is, but... Me neither.

I've just pictured a Russian stealing one, okay? Okay, okay. And not one of the good Russians, one of the bad ones. Okay, got it. Okay. Picture that. He's in an old industrial area. Yeah.

He's just doing his dirty Russian business. Working on some night moves. Okay, fine. He's out there working on night moves. I mean, the show's called Night Moves. It's called Night Moves, yeah. It's a group, though. Okay. The group,

you hear a pitch pipe. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Then, in rich, beautiful harmony, Ida Rose, I'm home again, Rose. The rich sounds of a barbershop quartet singing Ida Rose from the hit Broadway musical The Music Man come together like nougat, chocolate, caramel, and nuts in a delicious Snickers bar. Okay. Mixing together to form something even more rich and beautiful than the original.

Then from all sides, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, and just a bloody mess on the ground. Jordan has left a sickening bloody mess. There's limbs here. There's parts there. His head is rolling. Everything is a sort of- But the head's still humming night moves. Yeah, it's still humming.

Exactly. It sounds like a blockbuster. No. A barn burner. Yeah. Let's pitch this. All right. You and me, Amber.

I got a meeting tomorrow with Brian Grazer. Here we come, guys. Watch out. He played Opie, right? Yeah, that's Opie. That's right. That's Opie from Laverne and Shirley. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go.

It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Max Fun Drive break. Hey, I want to, can I mention something before we get into describing what you get if you go to MaximumFun.org slash donate? Hashtag JJGoBigHat, the Jordan Jesse Go scholarship for lifelong learning for the person who wears the biggest hat, continuing apace.

As you hear this, the deadline for entries will have passed. If you search on Twitter right now for hashtag JJGoBigHat, you will see some of the amazing entries. Next week on Jordan, Jesse, Go, I will be discussing some of the finalists. Brian will have selected and provided to us and the Blue Ribbon Commission the finalists for that contest. Then we will be announcing it on the live Jordan Jesse Go that is the grand finale of the Max Fund Drive on the evening of March 31st.

Exciting stuff. Big hats. And again, this is much bigger than us. This is about a commitment to lifelong learning. And again, this is much bigger than us. This is about a commitment to lifelong learning. This is about major celebrities such as our mothers, Gillian Jacobs from Television's Love, Cody, a hat maker I know, Willima Hats in Altadena, California, Boots Riley, the revolutionary socialist rapper from the Oakland hip hop group, The Coup. If you've never heard their music, I would recommend I would recommend me and Jesus the pimp song that I would say is maybe the only hip hop song that has ever made me cry. A really beautiful and powerful song that turns out is a metaphor for socialism.

So, MaximumFun.org slash donate. We got prizes. Five bucks a month. That's far less than you pay for your Netflix and your Hulus and your Amazon Primeses. Five bucks a month. You get awesome bonus content from all MaxFun shows, including a secret episode we recorded with fan favorite guest Robin Thede, where we opened up a random phone line and took whatever call came through.

Yeah, it was fun. It's a fucking blast. Robin, as you know, is the best. And yeah, this is a really cool episode that you can only listen to if you donate. Robin Thede, soon to be the host of all television programs. All television. Yes. Yeah.

Sliding in for Ryan Seacrest. Could you imagine if you were funny and good looking? No. God, that would be amazing. I would settle for funny or good looking. This is a very, very cool episode. And we have, God, how many years of bonus episodes up there? 75 years.

75 years. There are like 200 hours of bonus content now in the Max Fund donor feed. So we record a special Max Fund Drive bonus episode. And throughout the year, we're putting more bonus episodes into that feed. I don't think it's something we talk about enough on the show. episodes into that feed. I don't think it's something we talk about enough on the show, but if you are a donor, you're getting extra crazy, weird Jordan, Jesse, go shit that we're not putting in the regular feed. Periodically. Periodically. And if you- No promises. It'll get crammed in there at a certain point.

Yeah, we'll cram it in there. It's a surprise. It's a surprise cramming. So yeah, if you get over there to MaximumFun.org slash donate, you can get all of those bonus episodes. And every single MaxFun show has bonus episodes. Every monthly donor gets those. Yeah. Every single person. A $5 a month donor? Yeah.

You get all of that, plus the self-satisfaction. Yeah. Ooh, you love that, don't you? You smug motherfucker. Absolutely. So, yeah. And, hey, summertime's coming up. Yeah. Road trips. Yeah. smug motherfucker. Absolutely. So yeah. And hey, it's summertime's coming up. Yeah.

Road trips. Yeah. Plane trips. Yeah. Boring. Boat trips. Boat trips. Dirigible flights.

Sure. Skateboarding. You're going to need shit to listen to on those long trips. How about a butt ton of bonus content? Fun runs. Five bucks a month. Ten bucks a month. Ten bucks a month. Get all that shit.

Plus an exclusive enamel pin designed by Megan Lynn Cott. Now you can pick any show. Yes. Every show has an exclusive pin. Megan has designed these 22 pins or however many shows we have. I should know that. I own the company. However, it is clear to me

that the pin that you will choose is the one that Megan has designed. It features a puppy in a tuppy. It says, I'm a tuppy on a beautiful ribbon and it will look great on your clothes or backpack. You're going to shit yourself when you see this thing.

Handsome pins. Bonus content. This thing's gorge. Super gorge. Short for gorgeous. Any Max Fun Show you want, but you should pick ours. 20 bucks a month. Get that pin. You get that bonus content. Wait, hold on.

Okay. This is additive? Yeah. So if you donate, depending on what level you donate. If I give $20 a month, I only get the $20 a month thank you gift. No, you get the bonus content. You get the pin, the I'm a Tuppy pin or whichever one you choose. And then you get the Keep in Touch Kit.

Jesse, tell us about the Keep in Touch Kit, $20 a month. You get nine custom note cards plus envelopes in three encouraging designs designed by our own Sonny D., Brian Fernandez, the wonderful graphic designer. You get a four-color rocket-shaped pen. Yeah, that's right. Need to mark up a student's paper? Boom. Hit them with red. Need somebody to take you seriously?

Pa-pow. Hit them with black. Who knows where you're coming from? You want to keep them on their toes? Boom. Green. Hey, you want to smell something? Why don't you smell this rocket-shaped candle that smells

like a freshly sharpened pencil. And friendship and a little bit of wax. That's true, because it's a candle. This is all in the MaxFun Keep in Touch Kit. $20 a month. There's also a rocket stamp. And if you give $35 a month, you get all of those things that we just listed, plus a pair

of rocket-engraved beer mugs. Now, what can you put in these mugs, Jordan? Well. What about a Pilsner? You could put a Pilsner. IPA? IPA. What if it's hoppy?

Stouts. Sours. Mm-hmm. Pilsners. What about root beers? Root beers. Cream sodas. What about premium root beers?

Waters. Yep. All that. What about a sparkling water? You could put a sparkling water in there. This mug holds liquid. Alkaline water if you're dehydrated? Oh, sure.

Let's say you've got dysentery. Yeah, you've got to get electrolytes. Yep. Got to get them. Max Fun Beer Mugs. Very handsome. Rocket Ship logo. $35 a month.

You get those. You get the Keep in Touch kit. You get the pin. You get the bonus content. You hit it up to the century mark? I think that's – $100 a month? Isn't that – that's Jesse's golden eagles, right?

I think so. Yeah, I think that's right. You get the inner circle, which is – have you picked something out for the inner circle before? I've picked a couple things out for the inner circle. This is a very fun thing that MaxFun does where a MaxFun host picks one of their favorite things to mail you each month. where a MaxFun host picks one of their favorite things to mail you each month. So each month you get a book, you get a DVD, comics, something cool that a MaxFun host is into,

and something that I think you would be into too. And it's $200 a month. You get all of that stuff plus free registration for MaxFunCon 2018. It is a really remarkable array of stuff. However, I want to highlight one thing here, Jordan. Please do. That is this. Whether you're getting an enamel pin, whether you're getting bonus content, whether you're getting a keep in touch kit, whether you're getting mugs, whether you're getting stuff in the mail from John Hodgman, whatever it is. Okay.

That's all poppycock compared to the real thing that you're getting, which is the self-satisfaction, the warmth in your heart every time you listen to this show and every other Max Fund show. And you say to yourself, hey, I'm the reason that exists. Yeah. I'm not some deadbeat loafer. I'm a stand-up citizen. Right. I'm the kind of person who puts my money where my mouth is.

I've got a little cash and I can put it down for stuff I like. I'm a stand-up citizen. I'm the kind of person who puts my money where my mouth is. I've got a little cash and I can put it down for stuff I like. I'm not a freeloader. I'm the kind of person who's going to throw a dollar down on the bar after I get my whiskey sour. Of course. Because you're not a deadbeat and you know that that bartender worked hard on that

drink. Throw him a buck. And my whiskey sour is free too. Yeah. And the whiskey sour is entertainment. And information. information sure i think this is holding up yeah this is a perfect metaphor that i have not tortured beyond no sensicality uh yeah so so definitely like if you know if if you want to tip your podcasters a buck a show we would really really appreciate it uh and you know maybe think about doing a little extra because the world is full of I don't tip assholes, which I love to hear about during this time of year. Oh, I love it. Oh, thank you.

I love hearing from those folks all the time because what I love is I'll be thinking like, man, my adherence to the social conventions of society, My adherence to the social conventions of society, the fact that I allow others in part to determine my behavior so that together we could be a stronger and bigger thing than we would be alone, you know, so that we could group together to hunt or gather or create agriculture. It is so worthless in the face of their superior logic. The fact that they have developed a system that is logical. And you know what I do when somebody, if somebody says to me about why I'm wrong about following social convention and they're right because it's more logical. You know what I usually like to do? First of all, I thank them.

Second of all, I fillate them or give them a quick H-J. Sure. Third of all, I lift them up on give them a quick H-J. Sure. Third of all, I lift them up on my shoulders, for they are my rational kings. Yeah. So, hey, if you're, if you, if you got yourself a job,

definitely, definitely go over there to MaximumFun.org slash donate. A lot of good people here at MaxFun who rely on your donations to have a job and yeah definitely do it because the world is full of I don't tip assholes the world is just fucking full of them

I also want to mention Daniel Badawela running the boards on this week's program known as Dan sometimes Danny to friends will be fired if you don't go to MaximumFun.org he relies on you literally for his food every day. His poor girlfriend would die.

I mean, he would die first, and he'd encourage her to eat him after he had died in a kind of grotesque... Yeah, just to stay alive for a brief moment more. Plane crash scenario. Yeah, so Maxim crash scenario. Yeah. So MaximumFun.org slash donate. We don't want to resort to cannibalism.

That's the last thing we want. I don't need that. Okay. Let's get back to Jordan Jesse Goh and our pal Amber Nash. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Amber Nash, fun timeh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Amber Nash, fun time gal.

She sure is. You bet your buttons Amber Nash is a fun time gal. Also with us, joining us, a special surprise exclusive guest. Wait, hold on. Now listen. We've just met. Okay. It's perhaps too early in our relationship for me to make this sort of remark. Okay. It might even be too early to describe it as a relationship. Sure.

Your nickname sounds a little bit like it would be World War II slang for a prostitute. That's what I was going for. Oh, well, that mission accomplished. We also have a special guest here. Once in a while, we like to bring in a surprise special guest for the Momentous Occasions segment. And we've got a special guest visiting us from over 5,000 miles away. Roughly 6,000. A lot of miles.

It's a lot of miles. Her name, Sarah Morgan. Beloved guest on this program. Comedy writer, performer. A longtime head writer of International Waters on this very network. time head writer of International Waters on this very network and later this evening we'll

be holding her friend's baby while her friend does a Q&A at the premiere of her film yeah hello ahoy hoy yeah my friend Alice Lowe her film Prevenge go and see it America

yeah there you go good work you got your you got your plugs in you got your plugs in Sarah it's nice to see you thank you for joining us thank you for having me.

How are you finding America on this? Very exciting. Thank you for literally my friend Jordan Morris sending me an email going, you know, we've got Ammonash Pam from Archer on the show and I got on a plane. That's basically what happened. I am a harmless enthusiast. Yay. I will confess, and this is going to embarrass my friend Sarah Morgan. Oh, Christ. But the first time that I met

Put your flies down. The first time that I met my friend Sarah Morgan in real life. IRL. IRL. She was wearing a t-shirt of Pam from Archer. That is the best thing I've ever heard. And I will take

this opportunity to say I noticed it not only because it's my favorite character on my favorite show, but also because my wife has the same picture. Oh, okay.

Sorry. Rewind. So, a lot of fans in here. Couldn't let the opportunity pass. No. Thank you so much for having me. Oh my God.

So much fun. Amber, do you have Pam merch yourself? I do. And people are like, why don't you for having me. Oh my God, it's so much fun. Amber, do you have Pam merch yourself? I do. And people are like, why don't you wear it? And I'm like, because I'd be the biggest

douchebag in the world. So I was like, hey guys, check this out. This is what I do for a living. So I get really cool stuff and then I'm like,

I usually just give it away or like I'll do like a Twitter thing and give something away to people and, you know, and then I keep some for when I'm old and I don't have any jobs after this

one. And I'm like, remember when I used to do that? Remember when I was Pam? Yeah. All right, Grandma. What's your favorite thing about being Pam? Oh, my God. It's working.

I think it's my favorite. Oh, okay. Sure. Not doing dinner theater. Not doing dinner theater. But honestly, I think it's getting to play that character. Like, after, like, the second season, I was like, man, I got the best fucking character on the show. I'm really lucky.

And Adam, who writes all the episodes, who's the creator of the show, really has given me some gems over the years and really started to write the character in new and interesting ways. And it's just awesome. Do people – I think I know the answer to my own question, but when you are out and about and you meet an Archer fan, what do they want? Do they try and make you say stuff in the voice and what do they want you to say? I think I know what the answer is.

They usually just ask me to say something and I don't, and I have a go-to and it's holy shit snacks because that's her catchphrase. So that's usually what happens. This is a lot of fun learning about Pam. I'm so excited about it.

Me too. Me too. I'm so excited about it. Is it weird to have a crush on Pam? Not that I do. I get a lot of that online, man. People are like- Oh, I bet you get some art.

Oh, boy. There's like two seconds in the trailer for the next season where Pam is wearing a suit for like two seconds. And I was the most excited I've ever been. That's how big my Pam crush is. Wait, it's going to be such a fun season. It's such a fun season. We already recorded all the episodes and it's so crazy. But just today I was reading a tweet from a guy that was like, so who would you bone first, Amber Nash or Pam?

And I was just like, that's so gross. First of all, thank you for tagging me in that. Thank you for putting my handle in your weird sex tweet. Yeah, so people are weird. Yeah. But I don't think it's weird. I think what I love about Pam is she's such a body positive, sex positive. She doesn't give a shit about what anybody thinks.

Sure. And so she's just like, of course that's attractive. She's proud of her Yakuza tattoos. Yes. She's like so, all she is is confidence. It's awesome. I will say this. Again, I'm not saying that I have a crush on Pam, but I kind of do.

And I find it distressing. I'm like, that's a cartoon character that I kind of have a crush on. That doesn't seem appropriate to me. Sure. I guess I'm a crush on. That doesn't seem appropriate to me. Sure. I guess I'm a millennial. I should be more comfortable with having romantic feelings toward cartoon characters.

It's where we're all headed anyway. Body pillows and cartoons. Yeah, exactly. There's some sexy, sexy Pam cosplay out there too. I believe it. Yeah. I can see that.

Yeah, I always like it when you see a cosplay group that's like all the archers. Yeah. It's always like really cool. It's cosplay group that's like all the archers. Yeah. It's always like really cool. It's pretty fun. It's fine. Pretty fun.

Well, when something momentous happens to you, like you see all the archers, we ask you to give us a call at 206-984-4FUN for our segment Momentous Occasions. That number, once again, so you can put it in your telephone, 206-984-4FUN. Here's our first call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse. This is Wyatt going from New York, from Sunset Park. I just saw a dog flying a kite, which is pretty dope. I just wanted to let you know that this dog was pretty awesome. And I love the show.

Thank you guys very much. Thank you very much. I thought he told you. Like, how nice. He just wanted to let you know. Yeah. This dog was awesome. Oh, boy, thank you.

Because I was wondering, can a dog fly a kite? Yeah. Is that what it was? Fly a kite? Did it want to be flying a kite? Yeah. I mean, maybe it gets a treat at the end. I mean, it certainly doesn't naturally want to fly a kite.

Maybe it's been conditioned to enjoy it. Now, hold on. You're saying that it, I mean, it certainly doesn't naturally want to fly a kite. At the end. Maybe it's been conditioned. Now, hold on. You're saying that it – now, you don't have dogs. You've got a cat. That's true. I have two dogs. Oh, maybe I'm – Coco and Sissy would love to fly a kite.

Really? My dog would be like, why am I doing this? Please don't put me on Instagram. Your dog lacks a sense of nature's majesty. That is very true. Because one of the things about flying a kite is it really helps you appreciate, I guess, wind. And also I'd be a little afraid that the dog, because dogs are generally smaller than humans, so it could get picked up and swept away depending on how windy it is.

Oh, boy, yeah, that's a concern. If you've got a high-powered kite, a high-performance kite. My kid's got a whole book about this. It's a dog that has got a kite, flies into the air. All of a sudden, it's all over everywhere. This dog's going to Africa. This dog's going to the North Pole. He's talking to penguins.

This dog is going wild. Well, it worked out in that instance. Yeah. But, I mean, it seems like in general it would be kind of dangerous. Well, I'll tell you what. Jordan, it works out for that dog. Dog gets a great world tour. Ends up, coincidentally, back at his old abode, you know, the classic, his own home.

Mm-hmm. Kite falls on the ground. Guess who's checking it out at the end of the book? Yeah, that's right. Samuel L. Jackson. That's right. Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp F. Samuel L. Jackson. Whoa. Wow.

Yeah, it is amazing. It is truly amazing. And it just goes to show you, Samuel L. Jackson will do anything for a million dollars. He'll take any role. He's willing to take any role. What animal? I'm going to throw this out to the group McLaughlin group style.

I'd like to tie a kite to. A snake. What animal wild or domesticated and I'm excluding humans because if you ask me, humans are animals too. Right. I have this little fragment

of a children's song in my head that I don't know if it was like a Sesame Street thing or if it's just something my mom sang. But it's people are animals, animals too. Does that ring a bell to anybody? It's haunting. Is that the Sex Pistols? Oh, I think it is. Yeah. My mom played me a lot of classic punk vinyl.

Is that what your mom sang you to explain to you the concept of war? Right. I'm like, mommy, I'm confused by Operation Desert Shield. Why is Norman Schwarzkopf storming? Well, people are animals, animals too. And I'm like, oh, that's right. We all have a beast inside us. The question is, if you could pick one animal most likely to fly a kite.

Because Jordan says a dog wouldn't fly a kite. Amber says she doesn't think her dog would fly a kite. I say my dogs would love to fly a kite. Sarah hasn't weighed in. Let's talk about other animals. My cat would ruin a kite's life. My cat would have no truck with a kite. Sarah hasn't weighed in. Well, let's talk about other animals. My cat would ruin a kite's life. My cat would have no truck with a kite whatsoever. Hmm.

Jordan, I'm going to go to you first. Kitefish. A kitefish? He would sense the assonance in his name. Right. And that they have a certain kinship. Sure. Not just linguistic, but it's not called a kite fish for nothing.

I don't think there's such a thing as a kite fish. Is there not? Is there not? I don't know. Are you thinking of a skate? That was the joke I was making. The joke I was making is that it would be this fake fish that has kite in its name. I think I've probably been watching too much Octonauts lately and just assumed that anything anyone says is the name of a real fish.

Anyway, that was my joke is that there's a kite fish. It doesn't exist, but of course that would be the animal. My daughter gave a really- Jokes work best when you explain them. Intense. My daughter gave a really intense lecture to another elementary school parent on the subject of monarch butterflies while I was trying to get her to get in the car this morning. So-

Just get in the car. Yeah. Just get in the car. They go to Mexico to die? Oh. That's what she told this mom. The mom was like, oh, everything dies. Sure.

My daughter. Mom's first time confronting death. Okay, Sarah Morgan. Yes. Sarah Morgan, television writer. Film and television writer. Famous for thinking on our feet, television writers. Yeah.

What animal is most likely to fly a kite? Do you want to go out and have a cigarette? Think about this first. Give me five minutes. I'm sure someone can punch this up. Let's go. I'm going to go. Well, hang on.

If I can just make. What about a flying squirrel? Because then they could go behind it and they'd be kind of an aquaplaning kind of thing. They're very kite-like. Yeah. Yeah. I've got nothing. like yeah yeah i've got nothing that's a pretty solid piece of business wow i don't think there's a good answer to this other than that it's tying a kite to a thing and watching it float like an up which is delightful yeah amber you're a professional improviser you probably got a funny answer to this impossible question. Which pro quo, Jesse, what would you like to see?

Bear. Oh, yeah. I like to stand on their back feet. That's really good. Yeah. That is good. You know, I'm going opposite a little bit and thinking like, you know, something. Yours was a fish. What was yours again?

Sorry. A flying squirrel. A flying squirrel. So they're already in the air so these and a kite fish he can fly right so we're thinking about things that already can fly yeah so i'm thinking maybe somebody that really needs it like uh like a mole yeah there's maybe never seen the surface and when you say he really needs it you mean for like emotional reasons yeah he's like oh another day of being a mole with no break. His mole wife is busting his balls all the time. Sure, yeah.

Just digging with these giant claws. She's fucking that groundhog behind his back. Oh! He kind of knows. He suspects. That's classic mole drama. Yeah. You know what he needs?

No drama mama, baby. Drama mama. Yeah. Perhaps try the Bahamas. Yeah. We got another call. Let's hear it. So my name is Tom, and I was just driving on the freeway here in Michigan where I live,

and a white Camaro came flying up behind me. I was in the passing lane, and it stayed on my tail for a little while before whipping around to my right, passing me, and I look over and my eyes locked with the driver of the white Camaro and it was Kid Rock. No way. To flip me off before speeding off into the sunset. And the best part of the entire encounter was he had a tremendously white fuzzy steering wheel cover and was wearing some kind of fur as well. Enjoy that image.

All right. Love the show, guys. I'm changing my answer from bear to Kid Rock. Wow, that was a good call. Brilliant. And imagine, like, what a day maker. I know. And, you know, obviously it stirs up emotions when you get flipped off on the road.

But I think when it's Kid Rock, that's just him like waving to get over. Yeah. And it sounds like the way that he described the look of him, it's like he's in this white Camaro. He's got a white steering wheel. He's wearing a fur coat. It's like he came from heaven. He came from Camaro heaven. So brilliant.

I like how on brand that is for Kid Rock. I really like it too. He's sticking to it. And he's from Detroit, right? Is that right? Yes. This guy's in Michigan, so it makes perfect sense. Yeah.

I think it makes sense. Just tearing ass down the Detroit highway, flipping people off in his white Camaro. Wow. Highway to Heaven runs through Detroit, my friend. I've heard that. Wow. I've heard that. You know, in Camaro Heaven, they have unlimited pre-mixed cocktails and cans.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow. Get a nice cold G&T. Yeah. It sounded like one of those Bill Murray encounters. Yes. No one will believe you.

Everyone will believe you, Kid Rock. Yes, this is what we expected you to be doing. What else do you got to do? It's like, Bill Murray joined my dodgeball game? Okay, that's pretty crazy. Kid Rock flipped me off of this Camaro. Sure, I would have assumed. You know, a lot of people don't know this.

Kid Rock is an actor now. He's a bit of a method actor. And I think he was preparing to audition for a role as Kid Rock. Or the lead singer of Whitesnake. Yeah. He could also do that. I would watch that TV movie. Kid Rock plays the lead singer of White Snake. Yeah. You could also do that. I would watch that TV movie, Kid Rock plays the lead singer of White Snake. Yes.

I actually have a similar story to this. Please. Really? I was sitting in Atlanta traffic one time, but this person wasn't irate or didn't flip me off, but I was stuck behind this kind of a jalopy vehicle, and I needed to go around, and I went around this car. It was pretty stop-and-go traffic, and I looked at the person in I went around this car. It was pretty stop and go traffic. And I looked at the person in the driver's seat and it was Gary Coleman.

Wow. I was sure you were going to say Wolf Blitzer. A hundred percent. Who are the like Atlanta local celebs? Gosh, you know, people would think that it'd be like the Real Housewives, but I've never seen one of them ever because they live in like the rich part of town, which is like not where everybody else lives because it sucks. What are we talking about? A ludicrous?

You know, I've seen Usher several times. That's pretty good. Yeah. And he's awesome. He like when I saw him, I was at like a Moe's getting a burrito and I go out and he's in his like Escalade or whatever. And I got he stood in line with the rest of us waiting for his burrito. What is a Moe's? A Moe's is like a Willie's.

Do you have Willie's? No. It's a chain, like a Chipotle. We call it best food. Yeah. It's just like a fast food. Okay, like a make your own burrito place. Yeah, burrito place.

And the guy, a guy that was inside came out and like flagged him down and he like totally pulled over and like signed some autographs and gave them to the guy. And then the other time I saw him, he was dropping his mom off at the movie theater. He just seems like a cool dude. Yeah, that's cool. Sarah, who are your local celebrities? In London? Yeah.

Well, you know, there are many. The Queen. The Queen, yeah. That's a good one. The Queen's husband. Okay. Other people who know the Queen. Yeah. Oh, and I live in Tottenham, so Adele, obviously. Queen, yeah. That's a good one. The Queen's husband. Okay. Other people who know the Queen. Yeah.

Oh, and I live in Tottenham, so Adele, obviously. Oh, okay. Sure, sure. Yeah, local girl. But you don't have Ricky Gervais anymore. That's the top celebrity in all of England. Yeah, sure. Did you know this?

I'm going to give you guys a quick fact about Ricky Gervais. He's such a closed book. I'm just going to be thrilled to learn anything at all about the man. A lot of people think that Ricky Gervais is a pious man. But in fact. That's what I assumed. He doesn't believe in God. You wouldn't know this.

You wouldn't know this. Wow. You know, assuming that you had never seen him appear on a television talk program or seen his Twitter feed or any interview with him, you would not know that he does not believe in God. It turns out this guy is a straight up atheist. program or seen his Twitter feed or any interview with him, you would not know that he does not believe in God. It turns out this guy is a straight up atheist. He invented not believing in God. He did that film, The Invention of Not Believing in God. What the fuck?

This guy doesn't believe in God? A lot of people think that Ricky Gervais can't become president because he wasn't born in the United States. It's actually because we're never going to elect a dirty atheist like Ricky Gervais. Anyway. It's actually because we're never going to elect a dirty atheist like Ricky Gervais. Sure, yeah. Anyway. Fun facts about England's top celebrity, Ricky Gervais, from television's... Derek. Derek himself. Well, Sarah Morgan, thank you for joining us for Momentous Occasions.

I'm so glad I won this contest thank you yeah the next time you're thank you for sitting in all those cereal box tops I know the next time you're in America

and you and Jordan I guess I'm just asking the next time that you guys are the next time Yalvira is doing a show and you guys are in America you know I always come to America for Halloween

and then and then you guys are going I know I have a show and you guys are in America together. You know I always come to America for Halloween. And then you guys are going. I know I have a family and sometimes it's hard for me. You were in Hawaii the last time. I know that I'm not as cool as Jordan. And I know that you guys are both television writers. I'm just a dumb old public radio host. But I was wondering if next time I could go to Knott's Berry Farm. Knott's Berry Farm. Elvira doesn't could go to Knott's Berry Farm. Knott's Scary Farm.

Elvira doesn't show up at Knott's Berry Farm. Which is very close to Pirates, A Dinner Adventure. I got to go to both of those places while I'm here. Yeah, you got to. I'm sure I'll be back in November. We can go to Knott's Scary Farm. Thank you, Sarah Morgan. I'm going to Scary Farm Thank you Sarah Morgan I'm gonna go

We'll be back in just a second You too We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go I'm Jesse Thorne America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morse, boy detective. Now, we've appealed to your hearts.

Mm-hmm. We've appealed to your minds. We've appealed to your nether regions. Sure. Now it's time to appeal to something else. What's that, Jesse? I probably should have thought of that before I went into that risk. So, okay, we've been talking about MaximumFun.org stuff.

Here's, you know, kind of how MaxFun works. It works because people donate. Yeah. Things people can get when they donate. An embarrassment of riches. An awesome thing, by the way. An astonishing variety of things. So you get stuff.

You get to keep the lights on. You make sure this cool content keeps coming. So what else? Well, you get fellowship. Hey. You know, Maximum Fund owners aren't just a group of disconnected persons all around the globe.

They're pals in real life. Yeah, we're having Max Fund meetups all over, certainly America. I don't know. Can we say the world? Yeah, I think we've already got some international ones coming. That's awesome.

So yeah, if you want to hang out, meet some other MaxFun fans during the MaxFun drive, you can head over to MaximumFun.org and find a meetup in your area. Yeah, it's MaximumFun.org slash meetups2017. Everything is going down Tuesday, March 28th at 7 p.m. 7 p.m. wherever you are. Yeah. So I'm talking about Topeka. Sure. wherever you are. Yeah. So I'm talking about... So it's staggered.

Talking about Topeka. Sure. Talking about Brooklyn. Mm-hmm. Talking about... Billings, Montana. Medicine Hat. Yeah.

Talking about Shapoopy. All that stuff. The girl is hard to get. These are just songs from the Music Man. Yeah. At this point, I'm just naming songs from the Music Man. Talking about Marion the Librarian. If you live in an actual place... River City. It's not just a song from the Music Man. Talking about marrying the librarian. If you live in an actual place, it's not just a song from the Music Man.

Live in River City. Go on over to MaximumFun.org slash Meetups2017. Find a meetup in your area and come hang out on the 28th, March 28th, 7 o'clock. It'll be a shit ton of fun. And I want to thank also everyone who goes on Twitter, who goes on Facebook, who goes in real life, shames their friends. Yeah, do it. And brags about supporting the MaxFunDrive. You will notice during the MaxFunDrive, my Twitter feed is basically a river of folks who are bragging about supporting MaximumFun.org. And it's because when I see that, it is amazing to me.

Like, I've been doing – Jordan and I started doing The Sound of Young America in 2000. Yeah. The year 2000. That's 18 years ago. The country was far more innocent than it is now. Yeah, we had just elected our greatest president, George W. Bush. Who would go on to be our greatest painter. Exactly.

And our greatest fighter. Our greatest boxer. Sure. Well, no holds barred fighter as well. Right, sure. I mean, I think he does cage fighting. Bar room. Ball room.

Ball room blitzing. Yeah. Certainly. It's been known to blitz a ball room or two. And, you know, 18 years ago, I mean, can you imagine that 15,000, 20,000 people would support MaximumFun.org? Yeah, it would have been a crazy thought at the time. Granted, we had not yet registered MaximumFun.org. Yeah, it would have been a crazy thought at the time. Granted, we had not yet registered MaximumFun.org. That's true.

No, it was a gleam in your eye. Yeah, but it is amazing to me that we have had this career in media and we don't work for Slim Jim. Yeah. slim jim yeah you know we don't work we don't work for uh the latest movie studios the movies that are coming out and we got to tell you how much we loved them even if we didn't sure we're completely independent and we for real work for you yeah you are totally our bosses and if uh and definitely the thing that gets me to the studio you know on those weeks when i'm super fucking busy or you know the last thing in the world i want to do is drive across town at the end of a long day it's like oh i have these bosses

that'll be fucking pissed if we don't put out an episode but we'll also be and this is the thing that i love about max von drive time it's like i think the thing that we get more – you would think that when you say this, when you're asking for help and you're telling people, oh, please support us and whatever, you'd think that what would happen is people would see it as an opportunity to tell you what they don't like about you. Sure. Right? An opportunity to boss you around or whatever, right? An opportunity to say, yeah, fix this, fix that. I'm your boss. Nah, nah, nah.

Yeah, fix this, fix that. I'm your boss. Nah, nah, nah. What actually happens is these are the 12 days when I hear from the most people about what our work means to them. And it absolutely, you know, it jets to my core. You know, it burns me right through the veins to the center of my being. It's absolutely amazing. And yeah, I'm just so grateful for it. and saying to us, you know, your dumb fucking show got me through a tough time or a bad breakup or your show is what keeps me pumping iron at the gym

or, you know, your show is what gets me through my 12-hour days at the holidays when I'm delivering packages or, you know, your show is, you know, when I moved to Korea to teach English, I never made another friend. But you guys were my English-speaking friends until finally my indentured servitude was over. Like all these amazing things that people tell us about what our weird, dumb show means to them. It's my favorite time of the year for that reason. Totally, yeah.

Definitely everybody who does a show loves hearing from people who like that show because sometimes it feels like you're just talking into a void. And definitely when people say that they like the show and when they donate to support it, it's an awesome feeling because definitely this does sometimes feel like we're just chatting to ourselves and it goes out and nobody cares. And yeah, it's like always great to be reminded year after year that people are listening. They like it. And yeah, it's something that they think deserves money.

Yeah. So go to MaximumFund.org slash donate if you like the show. If you're new to the show, I want to give the standard proviso we give every year. If you're unemployed, you are not required to donate, and you should not feel bad about it. If you do not have a job, whether it's because you're too young to work. If you're too young to work, you're too young to listen to this program, let's be honest. Plus, I think kids should work. Yeah.

Kids have been too lazy. Getting a mine. What do you want, a participation award? Yeah, come on. Snapchat one to you. Jesus Christ. If you're not working, we won't guilt trip you. In fact, you are welcome to enjoy the show for free.

If you're new to this show, maybe you didn't even realize it was donor supported. But we are so grateful for everybody who stands up and steps up, and it's easy. Just go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. You can do it on your phone. You can do it on your computer when you get to work. It takes two minutes and then for the rest of your life you will know that you're one of the people

who makes it happen and not one of the people who saw the opportunity and shirked it. No shirkers. MaximumFun.org slash donate. Cool stuff. A butt ton of bonus content. Yeah. A butt ton.

And all kinds of cool stuff. Maximumfund.org slash donate. We appreciate it. Go take a look at those pins. There's a picture of that fucking pin. Yeah. Look at the pin. That Tuppy's pin is so good.

It's a nice, nice pin. Ooh, I got to get that Tuppy's pin. You got to. You got to. Put that on your Girl Scout sash. Sure. Go sell double the cookies. Yeah, increase your cookie sales.

Go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. It's Jordan and Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Amber Nash, a good time gal. Amber Nash, I can't even begin to dig deep enough into my heart to express to you my gratitude that you came and wasted such a significant portion of your life with us. It means so much.

And not only that, you brought a publicist who we forced to sit through this nightmare. She's just taken her headphones off because she had to go to the bathroom or something, but now they're back on. I'm so grateful that you wasted her time as well. You know, that's how I like to do it. I've done a lot of weird podcasts where I go to weird places and people are like, I make a podcast in this place. And I'm like, this seems suspect. Is a net going to come down on me? Exactly. Yeah.

You're just like, huh, what is this strange coliseum? And then someone hands you a net and a trident and pushes you onto some sand. That's right. So this was a refreshing new start for podcasting. It's fantastic. We're not all bad. No. Not all podcasters podcasting. It's fantastic. We're not all bad. No. Not all podcasters.

Yeah. It's like improvisers. You just got to find the good ones. Yeah. Most are bad. Most are very bad. Got to dig through and find the good ones. Sure.

Amber, what do you got on the horizon? We got big events coming up for the season whatever number we're on. Five? Eight? Yeah. Jeez Louise. Season eight. I was watching Always Sunny in Philadelphia the other day.

Somehow better than ever, by the way. Always Sunny in Philadelphia. And it was like season 74, and I realized that I'm going to die soon. Yeah. That was the lesson that I took from that. Season eight of Archer. That's right. The premiere is coming up in April, right?

April 5th. April number five. Yes. I'm not going to miss that, Jordan. You're going to miss that? No fucking way. Sweet. That's right. The premiere is coming up in April, right? April 5th. April number 5. Yes. I'm not going to miss that, Jordan. You're going to miss that? No fucking way! It really is. I want to say very sincerely, Jordan, as you go listeners, sincerely my favorite television program. That's awesome. It's the best. It's the funniest thing on TV. I really appreciate

that because I also feel like I'm lucky that I get to be on that show because if I wasn't on it, I'd watch it anyway. Yeah. You know? It's a good show. Yeah.

It's a fantastic show. And we're so grateful that you took the time to come and be here with us. I had a blast. You guys are big, dumb knuckleheads, and it's really fun. It's true. Oh. It's true. I love pounding those nerds.

Ooh. I get them by the collar and throw them up against the locker. I say, hey, Poindexter, how about a knuckle sandwich? I'm so tough, like a daddy. I'm just a real daddy. Oh, I'm a big leather daddy, and I'm going to pound you. That's how tough I am. Yeah.

I got a real mask musk situation going on. Yes. And yeah, and you know, Archer is, is you know sometimes you see a show yeah you're like this thing's got great writing or sometimes you watch a show and you have this thing has great performances archer is so fucking good because both of those things are so fucking good yeah it is you guys are the funniest cartoon voices in the biz saying the funniest jokes in the biz yeah it's the best show. Wow, thanks. Thank you so much.

I really appreciate that. That's a sincere truth. I'm a fucking professional culture critic. Yeah. It's my job to be straight with people. Cool.

If I tell people go see MacGruber, you better go see MacGruber. Fucking MacGruber's great. Sure. And Archer's my favorite shit. Sweet. Everybody knows.

Just like everybody knows my only career ambition is to play Professor Harold Hill in The Music Man. I'm willing to come to Atlanta. Make some calls on my behalf. I will. I can probably get this hooked up

before I leave here today. I'm on NPR in Atlanta now. You are? Yeah, they picked me up recently. So I'm a major celebrity. Well, then I will be hearing your voice because that's literally all I listen to when I'm in the car.

I'll call. I'll get Wolf Blitzer on the line. Okay. We'll go down there. We'll sing Ida Rose. Yeah. They'll be wowed. Yeah.

At that dancing with the murder and stars. Yeah. Was it dancing and killing with the stars? Dancing and dying with the stars. Got it. Hamburnash. Starring Jason Hamburger and Fries? No. Tom Hamburger and Fries. Tomurger and Fries? No.

Tom Hamburger and Fries. Tom Burger and Fries. Okay, yeah. It starts Berger on. Yeah. Tom Burger and Fries. It helps to say it fast. What's weird is they serve Chinese food at the dinner theater, so it didn't even really

should have been something about chow mein. I couldn't tell you. should have been something about Charlemagne. I couldn't tell you. And in conclusion, it's MaxFunDrive. MaximumFun.org slash donate. Everybody out there, we are so grateful to everybody

who supports us during the MaxFunDrive. It means so much to us. We're going to get to that 10,000 goal and maybe take a ride in a blimp. Maybe. That's an idea in a blimp. Maybe. That's an idea I came up with. Okay.

Should we talk? We'll talk about that next week. That'd be great. I was thinking maybe we'd do the show in a blimp. Okay. Because I heard a guy emailed me our slogan for the year. Yeah. We're wrapping up the show here, but our slogan for the year is let's punch a blimp.

Yeah. year is let's punch a blimp yeah it conveys the spirit of uh energetic defiance yeah and excitement with which we face down 2017 great and it's a it's also about community it's about coming together to punch the blimp yeah you know to put this on shop where my little antique store online a guy bought something from us and he put a note thank you so much I always appreciate everything you do here and I'm a big

Jordan Jesse Goh listener and I just want to let you know last week I punched the Goodyear blimp not bad that's the blimp that's the blimp

to punch that is the blimp I mean I don't know there's the MetLife blimp oh yeah it's also you know and again Snoopy can suck it

but what what blimp is your key blimp might be more of a regional thing. Could be. Could be the Goodyear blimp we're more familiar with out here, but maybe there in the South. What about that Fujifilm blimp? Good point. I've never seen this blimp.

I think there's a Fujifilm blimp. Yeah. That might not be true. Take a shot at that, asshole. Daniel. You're at it. Daniel. Daniel's behind your shoulder running the boards today.

Daniel's behind your shoulder running the boards today gave a look like I had just suggested that fucking that fucking Jughead from Archie and Veronica was the president of the United States when I said there was a Fujifilm blimp he gave a look like I had just

said that my favorite pet was Hungry Lions is there a blimp? that my favorite pet was hungry lions. Is there a blimp? There's a Fujifilm blimp. Thank you very much. And on that note, and by saying MaximumFun.org slash donate, our thank you, of course, to Daniel Baruela filling in this week

for Brian Sonny Deep Fernandez, our ordinary producer Brian's off making television programs. You can comment on the show at MaximumFun.reddit.com or by hashtagging it JJGo on Twitter. You can follow us on Twitter at Jesse Thorne at Jordan underscore Morris. What are you, Amber? I'm at Amber C. Nash. She doesn't need you. She's already got 75,000 followers.

She's not sweating it. But, you know, go over there. See what Amber has to say. It's probably something fun. Probably fun. Let's be honest. She what Amber has to say. It's probably something fun. Probably fun. Let's be honest. She's a good time gal. That's right.

And join us on Facebook as well. And thanks to everybody who's donated. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.