Jordan, Jesse, GO! - EP. 473: Don't Dunham Your Ephron with Guy Branum

Episode Date: March 27, 2017

Guy Branum joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Guy's new TruTV show Talk Show the Game Show, parenting while taking marijuana, and Jesse's trip to see a World Baseball Classic Championship game.  Plus, Guy explains the scandal at the gay softball world series.  It's MaxFunDrive!  Thank you to everyone who supports the show!  To get involved go to MaximumFun.Org/Donate! 

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Every week on Jordan, Jesse Goh, Jordan and I sit down with one of our favorite funny men or women and just shoot the breeze. Or people, Jesse. Some funny people don't think gender is a binary. That's true.

It's a spectrum, Jordan. And I personally, I don't appreciate you putting our favorite funny people into your boxes. Fair enough, Jordan. You cisgendered, privileged motherfucker. You know what, Jordan? I can't tell if this is satire or not. I sincerely agree with you. And I'm about 90% sure that you also sincerely mean what you're saying.

Yes, I do. Yes. Please don't interpret this as... Anyway. Yeah. How's it going, Jordan? I'm doing good, Jesse. How's your Max Fund Drive treating you? It's been a lot of fun. It's been great to hear from all the people who are out there supporting the show. And as you'll hear a little bit later in the program, I will soon be posting an embarrassing video that will desexualize me to everyone. That is exciting.

Oh, that telltale laugh. Yes. Normally we'd gab a little bit before we introduced our guest. But I think he just introduced himself. I'm sorry. He's not only the host of MaximumFun.org's Pop Rocket, he's also the host of the upcoming television program, Talk Show the Game Show, on TruTV. His name, Mr. Guy Branum. Good to be here.

I mean, but really, can't Jesse just have one Max Fun Drive once every couple of years where the video makes him sexier? Like one where it's just you, Debonair, getting in and out of Jaguars? We talked about that. We talked about that. But we think it's illegal to fuck a Jaguar. No matter how Deonair you are. Right.

Yeah, I mean, I would like that. I personally would like some sort of MaxFun thing that made me seem attractive or cool. But it seems like all of our related stunts are humiliating. Well, I think that we all, each, like a guy and i both made videos where we brought flowers to max fun donors which you can watch in the uh which you can watch in the max on facebook group or on reddit though various different that was the most fun thing to do it was the most fun thing to do the greatest it was the greatest and that made us seem cool it made us seem like classy and jordan you missed out you had to work late it wasn't your fault no you had to work late wasn't you

missed out on your one shot at dignity well also just like going into the home like random week night visit to the home of pop rocket listener was just like oh oh God, I know this girl. Like she was essentially me at 27 and it was really fun and- To get to the door, did she have to put down her knitting? It was awesome because she had an adorable little home and she had like a projector so she could show television or movies on her.

Like it was like small enough that it's like, this girl's getting by while she's figuring things out, but also had those little touches of like, I lead the best life I can that were just so much fun. I'm always jealous of people who have a movie projector. Yes. At least men who project on the wall of their home or, God forbid, on the side of their house from their backyard.

Yeah. It always, I'm like, fuck, man, this person has it together. Yeah. I guess I should'm like, fuck, man, this person has it together. Yeah. I guess I should say what this video is. I think we talk about it a little bit in the pledged break, which we recorded earlier. But for your benefit, Guy, what I will be doing, because people donated to Maximum Fun at MaximumFun.org slash donate, is I will be making a video um that is a that is a a a version of the viral video wherein someone puts a cat brush in their mouth that is shaped like a tongue like a giant human tongue it is

called a licky brush and i will be brushing my cat with a false tongue so there you go sickening uh that's amazing yeah i'm really excited about it yeah i think it'll be um you know fun for you guys to watch certainly um but yeah uh i'm not i'm not excited about it being out there personally but it will be because i'm a man of my word if we're remaking viral videos can we get margaret woppler a yellow sweater and Mia Walker and Karen Thompson a suit and have her talk about Korean politics for a while? And then Margaret struts in and then I come in behind and then Winter snatches us. Yeah. What is this viral video? You ever seen the thing where the little kids come in behind the guy talking on the BBC on Skype?

Oh, yes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. I mean, I like that pitch. I'm just going to throw out another one. Yes.

Damn, Brandon. Back at it again with the red sweater. He's wearing a great red sweater. Guy, how are you doing, buddy? I'm doing well. You're a television star now. It's very, well, it's true TV, so only marginally. It is only in a time of a thousand channels.

True TV. The Fairbanks Network. Yeah. The network that Fairbanks made is what they call it. I know. It's pretty exciting when you find out that somebody you know has had a TV show for three years. You were never really aware of it. This is the new media landscape.

Your friends could have secret TV shows. We should explain. But, Von Poplin, how do you know Kevin Pereira? We've had a TV show for several years. Sorry for interrupting. We should explain that Guy Branum has a new show coming out on TruTV, which is they're starting to produce little 30-minute content bites that go before and after episodes of Impractical Jokers. It was a radical structure for television, but they thought it was worth going ahead

with. This is like a Talking Dead thing. Are you talking jokers? Are you just going to dissect the episode of Impractical Jokers with your celebrity friends? I was disappointed with this episode. Frankly, the joke was quite practical. It was one of the most fun things we ever had to do when working on Billy on the Street was when he went to TruTV.

They were trying to figure out so hard how to do an Impractical Jokers Billy on the Street mashup. To create a unified true TV-iverse. Exactly. And it was so exciting. And all of the pitches just centered around Billy gets a venerated actress who was on Broadway at the time. And the Impractical Jokers guys get to be in her ear. And she's in a fast food place.

And she has to play pranks on people according to their will it was like dame judy dench was there doing the queen not the queen the crown the audience whatever it was yeah and there was kathy bates was mentioned and i was just like i i wanted that more than me having a tv show you wanted to make it so Kathy Bates had to go into a Wendy's and pretend to have diarrhea in one of the trash cans. Oh, God, yes.

Because the commitment. Sure, yes. It would have been beautiful. But my show, Talk Show the Game Show, coming out April 5th at 10 p.m. on TruTV, is a TV version of my live show, which I believe both of you gentlemen have done, right?

Yeah, and had a fucking blast. Yeah, I kicked the shit out of Thomas Middleditch. Suck it, Middleditch. Did you win? Have fun on HBO. I think I did not win, no. But you, like, Jesse, of course, has his, like, talk show host skills. I also did not win.

Jordan has a smoothness that is very well suited to talk show host skills. I also did not win. Jordan has a smoothness that is very well suited to talk show the game show. Nice of you to say thank you. I enjoyed my time on talk show the game show very much. Talk show the game show

is, by the way, what the name implies. It is a talk show hosted by a guy in which points are awarded during the course of the show for people effectively doing talk show things like sharing fun anecdotes and dropping names.

Yeah, it's goddamn hilarious. Yeah, it's one of the funniest things. Having another person explain my stupid party game is really amusing to me. Do you still have the – I don't know how much has changed from stage to screen. But do you still have the convention of having a hot heterosexual male comedian and objectifying him? Look, it is actually one of the few parts of the show that we had to take out for the sake of time. Forever, Whitmer Thomas. There's just not enough time for all the objectification.

Well, hey, the reason I always had a hot straight guy on the stage was there needed to be one thing there that frightened me. There needed to be a gun on stage that could be pointed at me at any time. And, you know, if that guy didn't laugh at my joke, I had to be destroyed inside while still

having to host a show. That makes a lot of sense. Guy, you're a grown adult. You need to start getting interested in hot gay guys. An important part of...

Far be it from me to tell you how to live your life, Guy. Okay. Two things, Jesse. Yeah. First one is, an important part of far be it for me to tell you how to live your life guy okay uh two things jesse yeah first one is an important part of gay culture is never growing up maybe at one point in time when we have all of these streets are into that too now yeah it's something we taught you guys like voguing or wearing v-necks thank you by the way another thing we appropriated yeah yeah um but also i mean the thing is is like if it's if it's a gay guy like when we did it at south by southwest we used joel kim booster who of course is the most beautiful and the gayest yeah um but that guy's so funny then it just becomes

sad and also then there are three gay guys on stage at which point in time equity rules say that one of us have to take our genitals up inside of ourselves and tape them down. Right. Or else you have to take a meal penalty. I know about it. I know about equity. So who is, okay. Now, I know this is not part of the show.

Can I ask you guys a quick question? Have you guys ever tucked your genitals just for the health insurance? Yeah. It's what we call golden time. I don't know that anyone will get these jokes. Yeah. Who? Okay.

Now, I know it's not part of the TV show. Yes. But if, you know, talk show, the game show becomes huge and you can reincorporate this. Do you have a dream straight guy to objectify? You know, if, you know, booking concerns are not an issue you get anybody you say jump they say how high who is it i mean the thing is los angeles comedian whitmer thomas is pretty much thrown down with everything i was looking for which is like a skateboardery like inability to pay attention to what's going on and not really understanding not really finding much of what we do funny um and i think if you were to look for like a celebrity version of that of like

straight guy with little or no patience for me sure i would go with a member of the walberg family really yeah a lesser walberg yeah okay i can see that i can see the sexual and romantic appeal of someone who is simply dismissive of you yes yeah i i understand exactly what you're talking about yeah yeah no i mean i yeah as someone as someone who uh who has a thing for like uh hard drinking heavily tattooed women I get it boy they sure don't give a fuck about my jokes but

but I digress so also their arms tell a story that's true that is true and you know what guy Jordan I don't want to get too deep on the show because this is kind of a you know this is a fun

kind of show yeah we gotta keep it light we gotta keep it light but you know we go there sometimes sometimes we go there can I drill down for a minute sure get real

do you mind if I drill down please uncensored at the end of the day drill down I think of what I do it's just another form of storytelling

really yeah whether I'm telling my story brand's story, an animal's story, the story, the epic of Gilgamesh.

Sure. It's a beautiful tale. As relevant today as it was then. Speaking of tales, the tale of Genji. At the end of the day, I'm just a storyteller. Mm-hmm.

The Pope Vo. The Mayan myth, the Pope Vo. Should we get together a Maximum Fun podcast where you just go through the epic of Gilgamesh like The Greatest Generation is doing with Star Trek The Next Generation? Sort of recap style? Recap style.

Just go through, take down a couple of hundred lines. Is the title of the show hashtag epic? That's better than anything I had. Also, on the subject of The Greatest Generation,. That's better than anything I had. Also, on the subject of Greatest Generation, I just have to tell you something. Thus far in my time in Los Angeles. This is our sister show, by the way, on the Max Fund Network, hosted by our friends Ben and Adam. It's a good show.

Where they talk about Star Trek The Next Generation. It just comes down to I have only seen tennessee williams plays in los angeles starring star trek universe actors and i just found out that linda park from um uh star trek enterprise is uh going to be in cat on a hot tin roof in glendale and i'm like i have to yeah have you seen jonathan freaks in anything what have you seen Frakes in? Nothing. Nothing. It's just Spiner and Tasha Yar. Yeah. Oh, boy. I honestly thought that Brent Spiner, Data from Star Trek, Star Trek The Next Generation,

is probably the best fiddler on the roof I've ever seen. Seriously? No. Oh. Not at all. I could see him doing it there's but the thing is is i feel like people around our age i'm a little bit older than you guys but there was always that thing of you know somebody from a sitcom and you're like oh they're a sitcom person she's that goofy actress who is on alice which is a sitcom which is too sad for me to like and then you find out venerated Broadway star nominated for a Tony for

company. And like, they were all that. And every time I find out that the, like somebody from like hokey show actually is a like well of talent. I'm never surprised. Yeah. I am.

I am not surprised by that either. My accountant also represented the late Ernest Borgnine. And Ernest Borgnine, who I really think of as a funny name to say. Right. Yeah, yeah. I think our generation knows it as something that Generation X liked to remember. Yeah. Ernest Borgnine, of course, a legendary actor.

Right. remember. Yeah. Ernest Burke, Borgnine, of course, a legendary actor who spent the last 20 years, because he just was only interested in doing theater. He died maybe two or three years ago. But before that, he spent 20 years just running a theater cruise, where he would do full productions of plays, like

his, and he died at like 94. So he retired to full time cruising on cruise ships of the boat variety. And his activity was starring in a play on the cruise ship. I mean, how amazing would that be? And it was like the Ernest Borgnine Theater Cruise. I think he is one of those guys that I knew at first because he was a guest voice on The Simpsons. That's how I discovered a lot of celebrities.

I worked backwards for, oh, they're on The Simpsons. Who is that? Yeah. I think many of us have discovered the world of Hollywood through miscellaneous bullshit that was rattling around in Dana Gould's brain in 1997. But that's so wonderful. The number of things that were just references and jokes that I, as a 12-year-old, was like, well, if you want to be a sophisticated person, you need to know what Moominschatz is. Sure. I know.

Yeah. I definitely feel like I... Moominschatz, by the way, is a German racist version of the Moomins, which is a charming Scandinavian cartoon show. I feel like the only reason I wanted to learn anything is so I could get more jokes on Mystery Science Theater. Like that was my, you know, that was what was coaxing me to learn. Can I tell you that? So I could laugh at more things the puppets were saying.

Kevin Murphy from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Riff Trax, who's been a guest on this show, tweeted at me how proud he was to be a donor to MaximumFun.org. Oh, wow. Get out of town. And I practically cried. I mean, that's as good as it gets. Yeah. At South by Southwest. Yes, please.

You're talking about South by? I'm talking about South by. Okay. I know it is South by. That's fair. That's fair. Now, is this film or is this digital? This was digital. You know it is. That's fair. That's fair. Now is this film or is this digital? This was digital.

You know what Jordan to a certain extent and hear me out if I drill down on this for a second. Please. Would you? Both are just storytelling.

Yeah. That's right. Where's the line? I mean it aren't it aren't it aren't app makers the new punk rockers. No.

Aren't guys making apps. Isn't that the spirit of punk? That's true. I read that panel pitch yeah i voted for it thank you but listen at south by southwest i got to like scott thompson got in his cups and was just having opinions about life and casey schreiner also from talk to the game show also a gay guy we just sat there like heads on hands like yes this is what we signed up for and it was

one of those lovely and magical moments where the people who like showed you the way in comedy are now treating you like a person i spent so much energy trying to convince scott thompson to do a podcast for maximum fun it was like all i wanted in the world. He came on maybe The Sound of Young America even years ago at my house, and I was like, oh, Jesus Christ. Scott Thompson is even better than you want him to be. It's not like he doesn't have opinions. Oh, he's so magical.

What a magical man. But I couldn't get him to do it. Couldn't get him to do it. Relationship advice. That's what it was going to be. Oh, boy. It was a great idea. Could it just be an hour of Buddy Cole monologues? Oh, I would love that.

That would be great. I just want to be friends with Scott Thompson. Remember the one where he meets the dinosaur at the gay bar? Scott Thompson is uncertain as to whether it would be a good idea to do a Buddy Cole show at Largo. It is? What?

Why? I'm sorry. Nothing has ever made more sense. Yes. So I would like to send this as an additional message to Scott Thompson that that needs to happen. Yeah. Speaking of work and comedy. Yeah.

You know I don't, you guys know I don't like to brag. I'm a humble guy. Yes. Absolutely. Mine is to a fault. Yeah. You know I don't – you guys know I don't like to brag. I'm a humble guy. Yes. Absolutely. Mine is to a fault. Yeah, sure. Absolutely. But I just – I got a nice vote of confidence put in me at work today and I just kind of wanted to share it with everybody.

Sometimes on At Midnight we'll do like a special episode that's a little more involved than the regular episodes that requires a little bit of you know and i don't want to say an auteur's touch but that right sure you did a trump versus bernie episode during the campaign yeah james adomian and uh you did a you did an episode where you had that guy who writes the uh uh high concept erotic fiction for Instant Amazon. Yeah. She was talking about Chuck Tingle. Yeah. So, yeah.

Sometimes there's something that needs a guiding hand. Right. Probably Neil deGrasse Tyson's been on at some point. He probably has. Not since I've been there. But there's no fucking way he wasn't on it at some point. but there's no fucking way he wasn't on it at some point. Guys, I have been awarded the honor of shepherding this year's 420 episode.

Oh. Which is, you know. Lays it up, Jordan. It's huge. I mean, you know, a Comedy Central show late night on 420, that's like the Tournament of Roses parade. What chunk of the budget is Doug Benson wrangling? I mean, what chunk of the budget is just snacks and attendance to keep him in the green room? Yeah, we're trying to capture him with a net.

You know, Benson's a hard booking on 420. He's in demand. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. So, you know, I mean, that's going to fall on my shoulders. I need to find some way to ensnare Doug Benson and drag him to the studio. But, yeah, I mean, I can't say exactly what's going on, but I'm, you know, all I can say to all the stony balonies out there.

Jordan and Jesse, what are your relationships to the marijuana cigarettes? I don't know that I know. Yes, I enjoy it. I have a card. And it was something that I did occasionally before it became medical. But once it became medical, I stopped feeling paranoid that it was going to get me into some sort of trouble. Now I enjoy it more, maybe like once a week. I enjoy a nice J, and especially now that there's a new season of Planet Earth on there.

Yeah. I have never in my entire life. You haven't even tried it for headaches. No, and I keep thinking I should. For headaches. No, and I keep thinking I should, but I think I'm in this weird place where I want, because it is an actual medical need, I want to ask my real doctor about it. Right, right. But I don't think that she would- Not Dr. Feelgood in the strip mall by the Wendy's. Yeah, but then I'm like, I could just go, but then I feel like you would only go to Dr. Feelgood to get a fake one.

I mean, like a real one, but in a fake way. I could just do that just as much as anyone more legitimately. Yeah. It ain't hard. But it's still, the cognitive dissonance is, has broken it for me. When I went for my first card, I also had a cough. And then the pot doctor started to give me actual medical advice. And I was a little bit like, whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy. That's not what we're here for.

All right. Back it up. I don't need your song and dance. That is a really tremendous honor for you, Jordan. It is. Oh, you know, I just want to tell a quick story about pot and parenting, Jesse. Maybe this will help you in your decision. Since you've started smoking pot, you've paid a lot more attention to your secret family

in Memphis. That's right. And I've been watching more Adventure Time, which the kids love. I ran into a buddy of mine, Courtney Davis, who's a very funny comedy writer. And she has a new kid. I mean, newish kid. The kid's maybe a year and a half. And she and her husband both are writers who have, like, sold something recently.

So they're, like, writing from home and spending a lot of time with the kid, which I think they really like. recently so they're like writing from home and spending a lot of time with the kid which i think they really like so she was telling me that uh she's like oh yeah we've you know we've kind of this lifestyle where we write and we like go to free kid shit we just like you know find the free kid thing going on and we go to it and she's like you know and it's it's it's fun you know it starts to drive you a little crazy you start to get a little crazy with that schedule and she's like but something that has really helped is i've cleared it with my husband to where every day around four i have a little bit of pot and then i'm like oh man let's just do a puzzle i thought that was the funniest like the funniest reaction to like smoking pot with a kid in the house is just wanting to sit down

and do a puzzle with him i had a conversation with another friend who's a parent, and she told me something very similar, and it's something that I can understand. Like, it made sense to me immediately. And I'm not advocating for parenting in an impaired state, or please don't sue me. for parenting in an impaired state or please don't sue me. But there is this thing

that I absolutely cannot do. Like, I'm a genuinely... I'm a pretty good parent overall, I think. But I'm genuinely terrible at the thing that my three-year-old wants me to do. Like, playing with my five-year-old at this point is fine

because she has all of her higher level reasoning skills. It makes sense what we're doing. Like it might make me tired, but it makes sense. With a three-year-old, they want you to be present for a never-ending, incoherent, non-linear game. Yeah. for a never-ending, incoherent, nonlinear game.

Yeah. That I absolutely cannot slow myself down enough to participate in for more than five minutes. And if I watch, like, we have a babysitter who comes a couple days a week. And she is, like, a very peaceful person and can just, I've seen her, like if I'm working from home and she's hanging out with one of the kids, I've seen her just sit there and play a game with my son Oscar who says FL for the beginning of almost all words. It's Floyd Story that he wants to play. He always wants, Dad, can we play Floyd Story?

It's Floyd Story that he wants to play. He always wants, Dad, can we play Floyd Story? She will play Floyd Story with him for an hour straight. No problem. Chill as fuck. And I feel like... Do you think she's on heroin? But I just feel like, and this is something that my buddy told me, she's like, yeah, if I'm a little bit high,

it makes it so much easier to play a weird, boring, never-ending, non-linear game with my child. That's hilarious. Guy Branum, you said you have a card. Yes. How often? Oh, some. Like not in any regular way. Frequently before going out.

Um, like not, not in any regular way, frequently before going out. And, uh, I like, look, the world was changed for me when it became a place where you could go into a boutique and you could ask for like a cute little name and you knew which ones were going to make you breezy and chatty and which ones were going to make you attached to a couch. Um, and I like the former and do not like the latter. Uh, and that was just a revelation for me. And it also liberated pot in many ways from the aesthetics of potheads which was very nice.

Which is offensive. However, I would like to go back to this family of respected writers living in East LA with, is it a daughter? Yes, yeah. Okay, are you guys familiar with the major motion picture of the boys from Brazil? Oh, this is about Nazis.

It's about Nazis. I have not seen it. And it's about where they try to find children with similar family structures and make a new hitler this is like a 70s horror movie and as you were describing that so deeply the first thing that came to my mind was if only they were alcoholics maybe we could get another nora afron out of this because like all you really need is two screenwriter parents, alcohol, and three or more daughters, and your likelihood of getting a Nora Ephron out of the deal, really, really high. So now I think I'm going to leave my career and just attempt a Boys from Brazil and a new Nora Ephron.

And you know what, guy? What's great about this is it used to be you had to grow a potential Ephron all the way from childhood to maturity. Right. These days, you can just do a potential effron all the way from childhood to maturity right these days you just do a cheek swab and the lab tells you whether you got an effron or not i thought you were just going to tell me to like to dunham her and just like start her at 23 just say hey honey go to oberlin oh no no they they take they take a look at it and it, and it's graded on a scale from zero to Rob Reiner to Nora Ephron. You're going to want to be careful you don't Dunham your Ephron. You don't want a Dunham and Ephron.

Are you a guy who can do it or any kind of altering thing? Can you do it before you go on stage? Okay, so there are people who smoke pot before like having writing jobs and i cannot imagine that me either the first time i went on stage stoned i got up i told a joke i closed my eyes seven months passed and then i opened my eyes and i told my next joke the thing is is that i have a comedy style which is essentially ill-suited. Like, I've done the pot shows where you have to go on super, super stoned. And the thing is, is it is a nightmare inside of my body.

But to everyone else, it's just me doing my same act as always. I'm not Kate Berlant. I'm not Rory Scovel, you know? It's me being, like, rigidly organized in my path through. What is it like for you? Yeah, I know. So I cannot smoke pot around anyone who I am not positive likes me. I need to be sure that this person likes me and that if I act like a boob around them,

it's not going to torpedo our relationship. So, yeah, it's one of those things where if I'm supremely comfortable around the people, I'm fine smoking pot around them, but if not, I want to be all alone. I did a pot show once where I wasn't on pot with our old sketch comedy group

Prank the Dean, but I don't think you were there, Jordan, at Cobbs in San Francisco that I think, I'm going to say Al Madrigal invited us to do. Oh. I was very grateful. It was a benefit for normal. And the main thing that happened, we did some sketches, me and our friend Jim and I think

our friend Lauren Pasternak. Lauren Pasternak, who I know very well. You do, who was in Prank the Dean with us. We did some sketches at this show. And it was fine. The audience was not nuts about the pot material we had written, but not intolerant. The worst part was backstage when comedian Rick Overton, who was very high, cornered us angry that we weren't high

and started lecturing us on marijuana legalization we're like yes we are playing this benefit for marijuana legalization we're on board yes i sorry we're not high enough for you rick over veteran comedian rick overton oh that's adorable yeah it was very it was one of the oddest. I'm like 22 years old. Rick Overton's like 55. It's just so many hand gestures I imagine. So hand gestury. But the thing about pot is that it makes you a less discerning consumer of comedy, which is why should any of us want to do that. But then I do also have such a place in my heart for like the day that I went

and ate a quarter of a brownie and then watched the house bunny. I mean, that's exactly what I want. Yeah, that is a really, that is actually one of the best uses of marijuana I've ever heard of because you get to enjoy all the great things about Anna Faris, of which there are many. Yes. Anna Faris is wonderful. She's a delight. You're not bothered by the fact that, overall, it doesn't hang together very well. It's not necessarily a good movie.

Yeah. Yeah, before I recommend a movie to someone, I have to think about if I was high or not, because I would hate to, like, emphatically recommend something like a house bunny to someone, and then to have someone watch it and go, what the fuck were you thinking? Do you think there's things in your life that you have really fond memories of, but it's because you were high at the time?

Oh boy. I mean, I was afraid that was the shit for MacGruber because the first time I saw MacGruber, I was, yeah, I was very high. And then I started recommending MacGruber to people and i'm like oh what are you doing what are you doing this might not be right this might not be right uh this was like in theater i even maybe think i saw an advanced mcgruber so it like maybe wasn't even out yet so i was doing those press junkets so uh yeah and thank god mcgruber is great yeah you recommended mcgruber to me and i went to see mc see MacGruber either in press screening or the week it opened.

Yeah, MacGruber's fucking great. I should see MacGruber? Oh, yeah. You should totally see MacGruber. Yeah, it's maybe one of the funniest movies in our lifetime. Yeah, I'll go ahead and say that. It is. I don't think that's too much.

It's really funny. I love a broad, mid-budget comedy oh we don't get enough of them anymore is it those is it ever those yeah yeah i'm not gonna look i'm not gonna talk about the programming at max fun con east okay especially because none of it is confirmed but i will say i have placed certain calls to certain film licensing organizations and uttered the words, what does it cost to show 250 people MacGruber? Guy, have you seen Popstar? I have not seen Popstar,

though everyone has told me that it is an amazing film. I think same director as MacGruber, same guys behind it. Oh, was it Jorma? Yeah, I think Jorma made both of them. These are both crazy funny movies. Yeah, super hilarious. So yeah, not high for that one.

I'm glad that How Funny MacGruber Is finally came up on Jordan and Jesse Go. I know, right? Should we quickly address that I love Babe, Pink, and the City? Yeah, maybe remember some Nintendo games we played as kids? Sure, yeah, I know. We need to hit all those buttons or people with certain disorders can't fall asleep. Yeah. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go.

Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris,, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, it's the MaxFunDrive time and things are going a-swimmingly. Well, not for me, Jesse. What? What? I mean, am I stoked that so many people have gotten off their duffs and donated to MaximumFun.org at MaximumFun.org donate.

Yeah, I'm excited about that. But I foolishly agreed to a stunt that will humiliate me. Wait, you agreed to a stunt that will humiliate you? Okay. A nice, the day before the fun drive started. Yeah. A nice man got at me on Twitter. Yeah, he hollered at you, sure.

He hollered at me. You are his boy. He slid into my ads. Not my DMs. I don't follow him. But he slid into my ads, and he slid into the ads, and he showed me a video, a viral vid, vid of a man brushing his cat using a brush that was shaped like a tongue that you put in your mouth. Right.

So when you brush your cat using this thing, it looks like you are brushing him using a giant tongue. Like you're a mommy kitty and it's a baby kitten. Exactly. Like you're a mommy kitty and it's a baby kitty. He asked me if I would make a video like this with my cat. Right. For sexual reasons.

Oh, I didn't even put two and two together. This guy's jerking it to this stuff. Of course he is. Crank City, USA. Population this guy. Well, Johnny Crank, I got good news for you. Since the MaxFun community came through with 10, Johnny Crank, I got good news for ya. Since the MaxFun community came through

with 10,000 new donors, I gotta make one of these fuckin' vids. I went on Amazon today and bought a Licky Brush. L-I-C-K-I Brush. It is coming to my house via the magic of Amazon Prime, the same service that delivers transparent

and other quality programming. Bosch. Bosch. Others. I almost said Borscht. You probably ordered Borscht on Amazon Prime. Hopefully there's an episode where Bosch goes to Russia and eats Borscht.

And he's like, tastes kind of like me. Anyway. God, I want to write for Bosch. I have so many good Bosch lines. So there's a licky tongue headed to my house. Right. When it comes, I'm going to put this fucking thing in my mouth. I'm going to wash it off first.

Well, I've got news for you, Jordan. Yeah. So as you mentioned, our goal in this MaxFunDrive, 10,000 new and upgrading donors. By the way, if you want to see this video, just you should like us on facebook i'll put it over there on the jordan jesse go facebook page you can uh see me at my humiliation and uh i guess masturbate yeah i hadn't even thought about that well happy happy spanking and flicking out there yeah Continue. We should have a line of greeting cards. Yeah.

That's just for any time. Yeah. So like Jordan Jesse Go on Facebook. You'll get that there. I'm sure someone will also link to it on the Reddit.

Sure. Now our original goal as you mentioned 10,000 donors. As of this recording we're already comfortably past that. We're on our way to our new goal, 20,000 donors.

So it will, okay. You got to give people some incentive, Jesse. Sure. I mean, everyone, all anyone could talk about is we got to hit 10,000 so we can see Jordan lick this cat. Right. But what do they get for 20,000? It's got to be better than that. I've got good news for you, buddy.

Oh, good. We're putting on, if we hit 20,000 donors, you can watch this. Jordan and I will be live in the MaxFun live show on Friday night at 7, 7 Pacific. 7 Pacific. If we hit 20,000 new and upgrading donors, MaximumFun.org will be presenting the greatest, the single greatest podcast spectacle in not just American history, but world history. Tell me about this spectacle. It's a podcast taping event called Yanni Live at the Acropolis 2 colon Live at the Grand Canyon open parentheses without Yanni close parentheses. Okay. Myself. Aaron Gibson from Throwing Shade.

Yes. Travis McElroy from My Brother, My Brother and Me, and Stuart Wellington from the Flophouse podcast. Four of the best there is. Three of the best there is and me have all committed to travel to nature's greatest wonder, the Grand Canyon in Arizona. Mm-hmm. Perform a live podcast on Burros.

And not only that. Now, this is good enough. Yeah. Just to get a recording. Sure, stop right there, Jesse. I don't need to hear anymore. I'm already going to MaximumFun.org slash donate. Five winners will be selected.

Wow. They will be whisked in air-conditioned buses. Wow. To the Grand Canyon or the general Grand Canyon region. Right. Wherever the Greyhound Station is. Sure. They'll be put up in two-star accommodations.

At the Motel 6, Jordan. Wow. The Motel 6. They don't have shampoos in Motel 6s. We – So I just want to let people know if you win, bring your own shampoo. It's one of those things you just assume hotels have but Motel 6s don't have. You get a little bar soap, which is fine, but you're just going to want to bring your own shampoo. We'll be –

Also, I was in one in Austin and there was a lizard in my bed. We can't promise lizards in your bed. That would be a thrilling bonus. So bring your own shampoo and your own lizard. There might be one in there, but in both cases. Depends on how classic the Motel 6 is. We will even rent you a burro. Oh, my God. we will even rent you a burrow oh my god five lucky max fund donors and you're automatically

entered into the contest wow just by donating just by backing max fund you're automatically entered will be will be whisked by air-conditioned bus wow first class all the way okay all the way to their two-star accommodations. Vents to the bottom of the Grand Canyon via Burrow at our expense. They will enjoy some of the finest podcasting that the Grand Canyon has to offer. Now, I don't know if you've looked into this. Is this the first podcast to ever take place in the Grand Canyon? I think it is.

Sure. I say yes. Okay. It's the first time that anyone has ever dared to make a sequel to Yanni's legendary Live at the Acropolis special. Jesse. Yanni, Live at the Acropolis 2, Live at the Grand Canyon without Yanni. I'm warning you here. Don't ruin my childhood.

I can't. Don't ruin my childhood. I can't. Don't ruin my childhood. Because nothing was more important to me as a nerdy young kid who was constantly getting bullied by jocks. Yeah. I would run home. It had a Greek fetish. I would run home and take solace in Yanni's Live at the Acropolis.

Right. Airing every other hour on PBS. Right. And that was important to me. Right. That was my Bible. Right. So don't ruin my childhood with your cash-in sequel, reboot, whatever.

Look, I'm not here telling you that I'm going to create the next John Tesh live at Red Rocks. No, that would be foolish. That I'm going to create the next John Tesh live at Red Rocks. No, that would be foolish. What I'm offering you, Jordan, specifically is me, Aaron Gibson from Throwing Shade, Stuart Wellington from The Flophouse, and Travis McElroy from My Brother, My Brother and Me in the Adventure Zone and all other podcasts. In. Yanni, live at the Acropolis 2, live at the Grand Canyon without Yanni. Sounds like an amazing, amazing feat.

But, I mean, this isn't a guarantee that this is going to happen. No. We got to get to that 20,000 goal. Remind people what they got to do. Maximumfund.org slash donate. Support us at any of the monthly levels. Five bucks a month, you get a huge trove of bonus content. I was here and I was listening to this Dead Pilot Society the other day. Great podcast on maximum fun.

Wonderful podcast. They were saying there's 100 hours of bonus material up on this thing. Is that true? Can you confirm or deny? I confirm. 100 plus hours. James Comey confirms. Wow.

Straight from Comey's mouth. From Comey's mouth to your ears. Jeez. That is a shit ton of bonus stuff. And yeah, I'm remembering the cool bonus things we've done over the years. There's some good shit up there. I'm trying to get to 20,000 here. That's all I care about.

Okay. All I care about is putting on the greatest show in podcasting history. Live on Buros at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Make it happen. I don't know if we can get to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. I also want to be clear about that. Right. I don't know how the Grand Canyon works.

I don't know. I know. And I'm told that what we are renting are donkeys, not Burros, and that Burros and donkeys are different things. So I apologize for that as well. Wait a minute. Maybe what we're renting is asses. Oh, boy. Get yourself a little gas and grass while you're there.

I fear the ride's free if that happens. Anyway, the point is this. So when you make this recording, will this be airing every other hour on PBS? How could people listen to this? They'll be able to listen to it in their Max Fund donor feed. Oh, shit. Yeah, it's going to be extraordinary. Maximumfund.org slash donate. Yeah, and again,

this is not about at what level you support us. No. There's levels from $5 a month to $200 a month. Whatever your means are, you can do this. This second week of the Max Fund drive, this second five, this last five days of the Max Fund drive, you know what this is about? Closing the gap.

Close the gap. Close the gap. So you can go into the greatest gap, the Grand Canyon. Exactly. God's gap. God's gap. God's thigh gap. Yeah.

Go to MaximumFun.org slash donate and make it happen right now. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective. Guy Branum, earnest visitor. It's great to have Guy Branum here. As always.

Hey, can I just say something real quick? Please. USA number one? Yeah, go ahead. I agree with you. Congratulations. America first. That's always been my motto. Now and forever, my motto. America won the World Baseball Classic. Oh, that's exciting. Take that Cuba, Japan, and no one else. Well, here's the thing, Guy. So the semifinals and finals of the World Baseball Classic were here in Los Angeles at Dodger Stadium. And I thought, well, that would be fun to go.

I bet you can get tickets for nothing on StubHub. And I emailed my baseball friend, Dimitri, also a Max Fund supporter, by the way. And I said, hey, Dimitri, you want to go to the World Baseball Classic? And because it's like a bracketed championship, you didn't know who was going to play in what game. So I committed to a Monday game. It was my first time out without my children since the baby's been born. So that was very thrilling to me.

So because it's set up this way, could it be a thing where it's like the Falklands versus... Yes. You know, the Virgin Islands. So here's the thing about the World Baseball Classic is the world is not interested in baseball. Only like seven countries play baseball. You know, it's like the powerhouses of the World Baseball Classic are, as you said, Cuba no longer. Oh, really?

Well, because of the relative normalization of relations and the state of the normalization of relations, all of the great Cuban baseball players have defected but are not allowed to play for the Cuban baseball team. Oh. What about the Dominican Republic? Are they a power? Yes. The Dominican Republic are one of the best. Yeah. Puerto Rico went to the finals.

And then there's these other weird teams, like a team that did surprisingly well, the Israeli team. Because the rule is that you can play for the team if you qualify for citizenship in that country. So basically every baseball player with even one Jewish relative all went and played for the Israeli team. So it's American Jews who were like third string at Yale. So there was literally one Israeli person on the entire Israeli baseball team. And they were there like as a token. But the same thing with the Italian team. Like Italy has really lax citizenship requirements.

So the Italian team is like 47-year-old Mike Piazza and just a bunch of Italian dudes. You have to have an Italian-sounding name. Exactly. If you just say your name and then do this with your fingers, I'm doing the that's a good pizza pie gesture. There was guys with Sharpie markers. You know how you knew a friend in college who could change the date number on your ID so that you could get... There were guys doing that

and just adding an I or an A at the end of surnames to get onto the Italian team. So there's all these different weird teams, but the best teams are Japan and the United States, the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, teams like that. But there's really only a few of those, and sometimes something goes wrong with one of those teams. So in the semifinals, we ended up seeing Puerto Rico,

who had a sizable cheering audience, as you can imagine, and they were undefeated in the tournament when we saw them, play against the Dutch. The Dutch who made the final four countries of baseball. And it was fantastic. First of all, no Dutch people there. I would imagine a fair number of members of the Kingdom of the Netherlands from the Caribbean on the team, right?

Yes. Yes. So the manager of the Dutch baseball team is this guy. He's a colonialism great, by the way. I know. He's a hitting coach for the Giants, actually, San Francisco Giants. Hensley Bam Bam Mulins, as he was known in his playing days, now known as Sir Bam Bam because he is a knight of the kingdom of the Netherlands.

He, like many of the players, is from Curaçao. So apparently in Curaçao they play baseball. Bam Bam Mullins, by the way, speaks English, Japanese, Spanish, Dutch, and a language that sounds made up that I can't remember the name of. Papiamento. Papiamento. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you, Guy Branum. I went to Curacao a month ago. Oh, okay. Perfect. To hang out? Yeah. I was done with the job and I wanted to go be on an island.

The Caribbean is so pointless when you are from Los Angeles. It's like I'm paying money to go have all of the things that I already have in my life, except less waves. They have a grove over there right now. Yeah. Yes. A little train. Jesse, did you ever hear about the great scandal at the Gay Softball World Series? I'm sorry.

Excuse me? Look, there was Gay Softball World Series has like, there was a problem of maybe some people coming in and claiming to be bisexual who were in fact not. You were allowed to have two straight guys on any team. Just like in Japan, you didn't have two foreigners on your team. Yeah, you could have two straight guys, but there were some people claiming bisexual status that they were like, I don't know about this. And it became a real question of how much you were allowed to peer behind people's declared orientation. Wow, that is amazing. I'm picturing there was this guy who played for the Giants named Cory Snyder. And Corey Snyder was like a real hot prospect who managed to put together a long

career with real weird skills. He had a super strong throwing arm. And Corey Snyder retired in his mid-30s, I guess, and then went on to like a 15-year career as a professional fast-pitch softball player, which I did not even know was a thing that you can be. I mean, have you seen any newspaper notices for local ticketed fast pitch softball games? But like, I could never decide whether Corey Snyder was my hero for doing that, like love of the game or like, hey, buddy, you're a millionaire. You don't have to barnstorm at an underhand version of the game that you're played at.

Guy, how is the gay softball world series, how are the teams delineated? Is it by city? Yeah. I mean, like, I'm a cultural category. Like, I actually think it was mixed gender team. Or maybe this was only boys because I honestly don't know if lesbians would let us get involved in their softball leagues because that's the core of their culture. But it is just sort of like you have a local team in an area. Like, I mostly know about gay water polo.

And, like, my friend Colin is always just like, we're going to San Francisco to play their water polo team. We're like, San Diego is coming here. Well, even heterosexual water polo is already real dick grab intensive. Yes, it is. Grab intensive. Yes, it is. Look, all gay male sports activities are 45 minutes of an excuse to go just get drunk and, like, mess around with each other. And, you know, water polo also selects for some good bodies. Yeah.

Sure. I can only imagine. Speaking of good bodies. So the Dutch baseball team is composed of, I'll say, seven superstar Curaçaoans. So there's just a few guys who are from Curaçao who are superstars in baseball right now. They play for the Dutch baseball team. They're mostly middle infielders. Like these are live, fast guys.

Yeah. But with power. And those were the guys that got them to the quarterfinals. But there are very few Kurasawan pitchers. So there's a guy who plays... Mostly belly itchers. There's a guy called

Kenley Jansen who plays for the Dodgers. And he is Kurasawan. And he had kind of like laughed off playing for the Dutch team. Like, yeah, right. Why would I waste my time? The superstar closer of the Dodgers and he is Kourosan and he had kind of like laughed off playing for the Dutch team like yeah right why would I waste my time the superstar closer of the Dodgers like yeah if they make it to the semifinals I'll sign up and then they made it to the semifinals he was

like oh uh yeah I gotta go represent the kingdom of the Netherlands later guys but mostly the pitchers were Dutch guys sculpted out of butter. So you have this like weird thing where it's all these live Caribbean super athletes who are legitimately great at baseball. Like there was this guy with a beard who pitched like the fifth, sixth, and seventh innings or the sixth, seventh, and eighth innings who had not played organized baseball in seven years.

And that was my favorite thing in the history of the fucking world. That's wonderful. Until. Okay. So that guy pitched great, by the way. These guys that throw like 85 miles an hour, which is like not enough to be a professional pitcher, but like they just get by on I don't even know what, beard? But all I wanted the entire time that we were there, I just said to Dimitri,

I was like, can I please have, I don't care who wins. I don't care what happens in the game, really. All I want is for the Dutch team to bring in their seven foot guy. So for some reason, there is a seven foot one inch Dutch guy. He's been playing professional baseball for like 10 years, but he's never made it above double A. He's the tallest player in professional baseball history. And he's not good per se, but he is seven foot one inch tall. And like we, there's no names on the uniforms or we couldn't read the names. I can't remember. So whenever they would bring in a pitcher, it was never a famous person outside of Kenley Jansen did pitch one inning. It was never someone who plays in the major league, so we wouldn't know who it was.

So we'd just be looking at a 6'5 guy going, I don't think that's the 7'5 guy. You know, far enough away that it's a little. He's a tall, thin white guy, but I don't think that's a 7'1 guy. But the game went to extra innings. In extra innings, here comes that 7 foot one guy oh it was amazing he was way too big to play baseball so what he was a pitcher this guy was seven foot one 160 it was like that's wonderful it was like watching a praying mantis pitch yeah Yeah. It was spectacular. But what position was he? He was a pitcher. And what's crazy about it is, so like, you know, they have all these high-tech ways of measuring pitches now that they didn't have 10 years ago.

So it used to just be a radar gun. Yeah. But now they track the pitch the entire way in 3D and can like show you where it went and how it went. in 3D and can like show you where it went and how it went. And one of the things that they've realized is that if you're seven feet tall, your fastball appears to be like seven miles an hour faster just because you get so much closer to home plate by virtue of being way too tall. Like just like the extending your arm goes so much further. Yeah. That's hilarious. It was amazing. And he pitched well. He ended up taking the loss. Like, just, like, extending your arm goes so much further. Yeah.

That's hilarious. It was amazing. And he pitched well. He ended up taking the loss. Uh-huh. But I can now tell my children, and my children can then tell their children when they're trying to bore them to sleep. Their dad saw the tallest professional baseball pitcher of all time. What do you think he does when he's not pitching?

Gets his head on things? Yeah. Ow! Like that? Yeah. You know, like just walking through his basement? Gets things for people at Dutch Home Depot? Yeah. Could you grab that for me?

I'm sorry. If you're a seven foot one Dutch person, why are you playing baseball? Why are you not playing something where that height could really be put to use? Why are you not playing Korfball? The Dutch mixed gender answer to basketball. Oh, my gosh. That exists? Oh, wow.

Yes. I really shouldn't have brought that up. But yes. The Dutch have a good word. The Dutch have an amazing. Siri, what do Dutch people call baseball? I'm asking Siri real quick. That's cool.

The Dutch mascot is just a fart trapped in a sheet, right? Oh, it recorded I'm asking Siri real quick and got confused. Siri, not cricket got confused. No, not knock, knock, cricket got confused, not knock. Knock, knock, confused, knock, knock, knock. God damn it. Somehow, knock. Confused. Knock, knock, knock. God damn it. Somehow it got reviews in there. Siri, what do Dutch people call baseball?

Okay, here we go. Here it is. I'm going to find out from Siri. Why do the British call all Americans baseball in the Netherlands? That's what we want. The Wikipedia article, baseball in the Netherlands. We can find out the fucking answer.

Honkball. No. That's really good. Honkball. Oh, that's wonderful. Honkball is a much better name than baseball. Yeah. That's also what they call gate water polo, right? It should be called that. Yeah.

Guys, did you ever watch that baseball Ken Burns documentary? No. I just love Doris Kearns Goodwin in any situation. There's only one part that's really worth your time. There's this part where they're reading like a Walt Whitman essay. And he's wandering through the fields of Brooklyn because at the time Brooklyn was fields. And he says, I came upon some gentlemen playing at base a certain game of ball. Base a certain game of ball is the honk ball of the English language.

It's pretty good. Yes. It's pretty good. Okay, look, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. It's Jordan and Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Okay, this is it, Jordan. Okay. This is our last Max Fun Drive break in the history of Jordan Jesse Coe.

Oh, boy. This ends here. Okay. No, just for this Max Fun Drive. Yeah, the show will be going for another three months. We keep getting two-week contract extensions like early Conan. Yeah, right. I think this is the time, Jordan.

I think now is the time to step out onto those coals. I think now is the time to leap from that high dive. I think now is the time to get onto that burrow and head for the bottom of the Grand Canyon. And head right into God's thigh gap. Exactly. It's thigh gap. Exactly. It's Max Fund Drive time. There's no more time to do it. There's no more time to put it off.

You just got to go to MaximumFund.org slash donate now. I think there's two ways to appeal to people. Okay. R-E the Max Fund Drive. How about this? Okay. I yell at them. You say you're going to go get him a soda from the vending machine.

Yeah, the old good cop, bad cop. Yeah. So, you know, common decency. Right. You know, you tip your bartenders. You tip your baristas. Tip your podcasters. They're working hard for you.

It's just a buck. Just a buck. Buck an episode. Buck an episode. Five bucks a month. Make sure they keep showing up, doing the shows that you like. Common decency. We're pouring strong drinks.

Absolutely. We're not giving you a short pour. No, absolutely not. Right up the rim. Yeah. A little splash of soda on top. That's mostly booze in there. Yeah. Get you nice and fucked up.

Exactly. So, but hey, maybe you're not a decent person. Maybe you're a fucking scumbag who's just looking out for number one. And we're not against that. No. Some of my best friends are scumbags. Yeah, we've read Ayn Rand. Sure.

We know about looking out for number one. You've got to look out for number one. Who is John Galt? Yeah, exactly. It's the only Ayn Rand thing I know. John Wick 2. Sure. So if you're a John Wick or a John Galt.

Yeah. We got stuff. Right. There's just fucking stuff you can get if you're a John Wick or a John Galt Yeah We got stuff There's just fucking stuff you can get if you donate This stuff is so dope It's great stuff Stuff is so good So if you're wishy-washy on whether or not people should get paid to podcast Yeah You're like, I don't know, maybe they should, maybe they shouldn't

Hey, pony up some money. You get some fucking stuff. Yeah. Okay. Here's the stuff. Here's the stuff. $5 a month. $5 a month. Let's start at the bottom.

Okay. $5 a month. What do you get? You get over 100 hours of MaxFun bonus audio, all sorts of cool stuff, bonus JJ goes, bonus stuff from every single show on the MaxFun network. And this is great stuff that you cannot hear anywhere else. You have to be a donor to listen to this stuff. And, yeah, and I think for summer road trips, summer plane trips.

There's like 10 bonus Jordan Jesse Go's at this point. It's all awesome, and I think you're really going to love it. Live shows, special shows. This year we recorded a live call-in show and had a great – I really think that our live call-in Jordan Jesse, is one of the best episodes we've ever done. Totally. It's awesome. It's with special guest Robin Thede, fan favorite guest.

And, yeah, I've heard lots of nice stuff about it online. People have been telling me how much they love this bonus episode. Really fun. We just kind of randomly opened up the phone lines and took calls without screening them. Yeah, we do not have the facilities to screen the calls. No. So it's just us talking to whoever called at that moment. And yeah, it was a super fun episode,

and I think I would be excited if you would hear it by going to MaximumFun.org slash donate. Now, Jordan, I got a question. Maybe I am a person of means. Sure. Maybe I'm just a grown-up with a regular job. You got a little extra scratch. And maybe I love Maximum.

Maybe I'm a Greatest Generation listener, too. I want to make sure that I'm tipping all my pod regular job. You got a little extra scratch. Maybe I love MaxFun. Maybe I'm a greatest generation listener, too. I want to make sure that I'm tipping all my podcasters. Got to tip your podcast. If you listen to a shit ton of MaxFun podcasts and you got $10 a month, you get all that bonus stuff. Plus, you get a MaxFun pin designed by Megan Lynn Cott featuring a logo from your favorite show. These pins are so cool. People have been going, like, we got dozens of threatening emails demanding the ability to get more than one of these pins. Yeah, the Jordan Jesse Go one is a puppy in a tuppy

with a nice little ribbon that says, I'm a tuppy. And, yeah, it'll look handsome on a bag, on a coat. Lots of fun places to put this pin. Jordan, I also have some good news about these pins. It's here. So because so many people were so upset that they had to pick a pin, at the end of the pledge drive, if you've pledged $10 a month or more, you will have the opportunity to purchase more pins than one. That's amazing. So do not think that you can only do this. You have to decide one. You'll have the chance to pick more than one pin, and we're going to donate the revenue from however many other additional pins we sell to charity.

You're going to want to rip the pins off your – you're going to want to rip the Disney pins off your denim jacket. Yeah, grind them under your boot heel. And replace them with these handsome MaxFun pins. $10 a month. Pick your fave show. Get a pin and all that bonus content. Sorry, Olympics pins. Nobody likes you anymore. $10 a month. Pick your fave show. Get a pin. And all that bonus content. Sorry, Olympics pins.

Nobody likes you anymore. $20 a month. Not even Japanese schoolgirls. You get $20 a month. Yeah. If you listen to a metric shit ton of Maximum Fun shows. Yeah. Well, I mean, let's say you listen to three MaxFun shows.

Yeah. Hey, let's say you got yourself a nice job. Absolutely. $20 a month. Let's say you're a software engineer. Sure. Graphic designer. We know you're out there. Librarian. Let's say you live nice job. Absolutely. $20 a month. Let's say you're a software engineer. Sure. Graphic designer. We know you're out there.

Librarian. Let's say you live in Portland. Yeah. $20 a month. $20 a month, that's your artisanal coffee budget, right? You're just artisanal. These guys love artisanal everything. Oh, boy.

Okay? Yeah. These guys watch Artisanal History Channel, okay? $20 a month. You get the max fun. Artisanal Pawn $20 a month. You get the Max Fun. Artisanal Pawn Stars, all right? You get the Max Fun Keep In Touch Kit. Those are some handsome stamps, a candle that smells like friendship and wax, and a sharpened pencil shaped like a rocket.

You get a Max Fun stamp, cool cards to keep in touch with those important people in your life. Now, Jordan. You'd probably love to receive something in the mail. Jordan, I'm willing to give $20 a month, but I really want those pins. But I don't get the pins if I give $20 a month, right? Jesse, you are dead fucking wrong about that. Wait, what? When you pledge.

Wait, I'm sorry. What? Excuse me? When you pledge at a higher level, you get everything below that level. So $20 a month, you get the Keep in Touch kit. You get the pin. You get all the bonus content. Jordan.

Yes. Exqueeze me baking powder? Yeah, I know. $35 a month. As Winston Churchill once said? $35 a month, you're getting all that stuff. Yeah. Plus, MaxFun's throwing in two handsome rocket ship beer mugs.

Oh, these are steins, my friend. Oh, boy. You know what I like to do? Hoist them? Well. You like to hoist a Stein? You bet I love to hoist a Stein. I know you do.

I was going to say put them in the freezer and then fill them up with a nice can of A&W Root Beer. That sounds nice. I'm just saying you don't have to be some dissolute alcoholic who enjoys drinking beers. Yeah. You can drink a moral, upstanding A&W root beer. That won't lead to spousal abuse. Maybe it would if you get too jacked up on sugar, I guess. Sorry.

I'm a real Carrie Nation type guy. So $35 a month, you get those handsome engraved Max Fund beer mugs. $100 a month, you get into the Inner Circle, which is Max Fund's monthly culture club. Once a month, somebody from Max Fund sends you one of their favorite cultural things, like a book or a movie or an album. Yeah, lots of good stuff in this. I heard the guys from Dead Pilot Society saying that last year they sent out Tomlin and Ben Grant's screenwriting book, a book that I personally loved. So that's a cool thing. You'll get cool things like that.

And $200 a month, you get yourself a free ticket to MaxFunCon. Free ticket to MaxFunCon, $200 a month, and all that other shit. Yeah. All that other shit. This is all of the different stuff that you can get. But ultimately, Jordan, you know what you get when you support Maximum Fun? What? You get the knowledge.

Every time you listen to your favorite podcast, Jordan, Jesse, go. Which we know if we were your favorite podcast. Sure. We've seen the pin. Oh, we're top five. We've seen that pin. Top five. Yeah.

Especially now that we found out that that Richard Simmons thing is immoral from those think pieces. Yeah. We're not bugging any reclusive celebrities. Except for Guy Branum. That's true. Yes. Yeah.

We are forcing Guy Branum to appear with us on a podcast. But besides that. Yeah. Besides that, you get. We're leaving J.D. Salinger alone. You get the satisfaction. We're not showing up to Bill Watterson's house. Trying to learn more about Hobbes.

Why aren't we trying to learn about Calvin? I mean, I want to know about Hobbes. Is he real or is he in Calvin's imagination? I want to know about Spaceman Spiff. Listen, there's a lot of Calvin and Hobbes facts that we would want to know, but we're not barging down Bill Watterson's door. Because you know why? We're moral podcasters. Unlike that other guy. Plus, we spend every Thanksgiving with Gary Trudeau.

So we don't need to bother Watterson. Right. So yeah, MaximumFun.org slash donate. Seriously, it does mean a ton to podcasters that you donate. It's like the reason that we do this. And when you listen, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you are the reason this show exists because, frankly,

every single one of you who has donated and who supported us, many folks for years, you are the reason that we get to do this. Totally, yeah. Because of you guys, we have bosses and, you know, I think Jesse and I both, if we have, if it's tough to record we both

feel like shit because we know that there's awesome bosses out there like you who we would disappoint so so thanks for being such cool bosses and for for giving a little bit to support the show it means a ton yeah this is a you know Jordan Jesse go is a weird, dumb, listener alienating program. Sure. That is not for a lot of people. Should not exist. There's no reason for this show to exist. I'm the boss of a podcast network.

No way I would approve this show. Absolutely not. Yeah. Maybe in the early days when it was just us and Harry Potter fan fiction and Mac shortcuts. Yeah. Maybe this was an acceptable podcast. Yeah. Maybe. No longer. Mac shortcuts. Yeah. Maybe this was an acceptable podcast. Yeah. Maybe.

No longer. No longer. Yeah. There's no reason two whites should be remembering Nintendo together. Yeah. But we also know because of your support that this is something that really means something to people. Totally.

Yeah. We appreciate that even though this is not a show that blows up the charts, there's still people out there who really like it and care that it gets made every week. I was just talking to Lindsay, who runs the development department here at Maximum Fun. And she told me that relative to audience size, Jordan Jesse Goh has the highest number of supporters of any show in Maximum Fun.

Jordan Jesse Go listeners are more likely to support Jordan Jesse Go than any other show's listeners in the entire network. And I was genuinely very touched by that. really really cool thing to hear that like even though we don't have a you know mega audience that allows us to do you know big tours where we're selling out rock and roll theaters that we can still come in here and do this every week and there will still be people who care about it so that's an awesome feeling we're gonna do a tour where we sell out puppet theaters right yeah um we're gonna sell out daycares i you know i got i gotcares. I got a message from a listener today on Twitter. And one of the best things about the Max Fund Drive is we hear from people about what the show means to them because we're – when you open yourself up as we do when we ask for your help to support it, people take the opportunity to tell you why they do it and why it matters. And I got a message from a dude today who told me, literally told me, that he had spent a year going through an incredibly painful divorce. And that sometimes his week, the thing that he had to look forward to was listening to Jordan Jesse go. Yeah.

And it's a great feeling. I think, I think you and I both know what it's like to be going through a tough time and for the stuff you love to be, you know, a nice port in the storm and definitely like podcasts have absolutely been that for me in tough times. Like if there's been times when I didn't want to get up and go to work and was going through a tough personal time, but like seeing that

there was a new flop house or how did this get made on my phone made me excited for something. So it's a great feeling. I mean, I know like I'm, I had a really tough November and December.

Let's just say because the holidays are tough for everyone. Sure. Since I'm an NPR host. Right. I can't have political opinions. And you had those butt problems.

You know, let's just call them butt problems. Right. Yeah. And I know that for me, every week, I knew that I could look forward to my friends Dave and Graham on Stop Podcasting Yourself. Yeah. And that that would be a time that I would feel comfortable and peaceful and laugh and feel like the world was a good place. Yeah. It's definitely nice when, you know, if for some reason listening to or watching the news would stress one out.

I don't know why. Again, these are just all hypotheticals. Maybe you've got hemorrhoids. I don't know. Yeah, it is nice to just kind of have silly, funny, good-natured stuff to take a break with once in a while. And definitely, like, that's what a lot of MaxFun podcasts do. I know there's a lot of, like, MaxFun podcasts that are serious and talk about issues. But I think the kind of, you know, unifying aesthetic is that they are all good-natured and really silly and have moments of extreme stupidity.

Yeah, I don't know. And I think that is important and that's the kind of thing worth making. Yeah. And speaking of moments of extreme stupidity. Yes. If you think that sending me, Stuart, Aaron, and Travis to the Grand Canyon with five contest winners who've gotten free bus tickets. Yeah. And who are bringing their own shampoo.

Exactly. Is the kind of extreme stupidity that should exist in the world. All you have to do is support this podcast and your other favorite MaxFun podcast by going to MaximumFun.org slash donate. Because I think we're going to make it to 20,000. I think so too. I'm not sure, but I think it's going to happen. This is a cool, cool thing. Listen, you're already getting a video of me licking my cat with a tongue brush that's coming in the mail. This brush is so weird.

It's so weird. It's like a giant tongue. It disgusted me when I saw the video. And I agreed to do it because I honestly thought we wouldn't get $10,000. I honestly thought it would be one of those things I could lord over people in coming pledge drives. Like, well, if you don't donate, I'm not going to make a cat video. You know how a cartoon wolf, its tongue like flaps out of its mouth when it sees a hot hen or whatever. Yeah.

If this is that, but rubber and with a cat brush on it. So you bite onto it like a boxer's mouth guard. Yes. I am going to do something that will basically effectively desexualize me to any woman who is watching the video. I am. Listen, I am doing something that will make me repellent to people. Maybe even someone who is considering sleeping with me. Yeah.

And then they see that fucking video and like, oh, no, this guy's a gross weirdo who's licking his cat with something that came in the mail. Jordan, you're a single man now, right? Yes. And forever it shall be. Yeah. I have basically cemented myself into a life of fucking loneliness because you assholes went to MaximumFun.org slash donate and donated.

So, yeah, get out there. Push it to 20,000. Why fucking not, huh? It's all over anyway. Yeah. Okay. Thanks, everybody. Maximumfund.org slash donate.

The thing to do is do it now. Thanks. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jesse Goh. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the Honkball King. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. I'm Guy Branum, Max Fund Donor.

Do you guys know about the brutality of water polo? You have this gay water polo friend. Yes, I do. I have several gay water polo friends. Water polo is less a sport and more a gay fetish video. Have you guys seen Tickled? I have seen Tickled. Oh, boy.

I haven't seen Tickled. And the follow-up documentary, The Tickle King. Is there a follow-up documentary? wants to do a story about competitive endurance tickling, and it leads into a tangled web of blackmail. It's fascinating. It's really, really good. Yeah, I know it's frustrating because I'm not talking more about it, but you should watch it and watch it unfold. Yeah.

And you get a little 20-minute afterword called The Tickle King that is a better end to the movie i think and then the tickle master recently passed away he did yes yeah uh-huh the the subject of you know uh yeah definitely watch this thing it's great from twitter all i there's a lot of good tickling in it all i really know about it from twitter is that that man deserved to die that's though don't we all. Yeah, that's true. We all should get it.

Jesse, you think that water polo is just a similar scam? Well, yeah. Well, like my uncle was a competitive water polo player. I never talked to him about it. He died when I was young. But I talked to my father about it. And he said, you know, your uncle was a competitive water polo player. All they do is hurt

each other's dicks and balls like the main thing that happens is they like splash around on top of the water and try and kick or grab each other's scrotes under the water to hurt each other so that because you can't call fouls because it's underwater you can't see what's happening and so they just try to grab balls that's like a like the two things you have to have to be a professional water polo player or a competitive water polo player are incredible endurance physical endurance to be able to tread water for hours on end and, un-grabable balls Yeah, or steel balls One of the two, yeah

Or a natural protective shield of some kind That is fucking horrifying to me The idea that this sport involves ball brutality What if we get a new generation of trans men taking over men's water polo because they are essentially unstoppable down there?

Because they're ball-less. Yeah. They've got the testosterone for the physical strength. Have you seen that little boy in Texas? No. So, like, there's a trans boy in Texas who's on the wrestling team, and they were like, you can't wrestle boys. It's wrong. And, like, he's on testosterone, and they were like, you can't wrestle boys. It's wrong. And he's on testosterone.

And they were like, you can't wrestle boys. In Texas? They're usually super chill about it. In Texas? They made him go and wrestle girls, and so he is crushing left and right. And it's this really awkward situation that they've sort of like forced him into, which is terrible. But he's a great wrestler. Yeah, I feel like the most impressive, the single most impressive person at my high school.

There were a lot of like super talented people who went to Juilliard and stuff. That was pretty impressive. But the most impressive person was this girl named Catherine Tweedy. And Catherine Tweedy transferred from some really academically intensive, famous public high school in northern Virginia. And she was, her family had moved to San Francisco. They were disappointed with the academics at my high school, which were abysmal, admittedly, were laughable. And so she just needed somewhere to pour her type one intensity into. And there were no sports teams at my high school, but you could go to another high school and play on their sports team if you chose and that school allowed you to so she went to another high school and just played on the boys wrestling team oh awesome and just and i don't know was she good at it i don't know but the amount of human ferocity required to be a

16 year old girl who's like fuck it i'm I'm wrestling dudes. That is incredible to me. At my high school, a girl tried to wrestle and there was only a boys wrestling team and they just told her she couldn't because she had

different parts of her body that would get hurt, especially. And it was like, only years later that I discovered that Title IX existed. And there was

a magical journey of things that my small farm town in Northern California high school had just completely ignored federal law in dozens of magical ways. The main similar issue at my arts high school in the theater department was that the girls were annoyed that they had to put metal cups on their boobs in order to do fencing. The cups were cold and made their boobs cold. They warm up the cups by blowing or rubbing on them before they let them touch their boobs. I love the idea of having an amazing stage fighting program. Yeah, we did.

A lot of balestrapuntos were going on at School of the Arts in San Francisco. What is a balestrapunto? It's like a fencing move. It's like where you, you know, in fencing you have your one foot sort of perpendicular, your front foot perpendicular to your back foot. Uh-huh.

And regular fencing happens on a line, generally. Yeah. But then some kinds of regular foil fencing, like for the Olympics or whatever, happens on a line. So you can only go forward and backward, I think. Yeah. But for stage combat, that doesn't apply. So this move is like, it's basically you

jump sideways, and then you jump at a 45 degree angle, then you jump at a 45 degree angle back and stick the person. So you break the line by going out of the line and then over. Artsy 15-year-olds probably hate that. It is a joy. And it's a weird

balletic frog jump, as you can imagine, with a lunge at the end. So,. And it's a weird, like, balletic frog jump, as you can imagine, with, like, a lunge at the end. So, yeah, it's a real hoot. Wonderful. Yeah, it's a hoot. You know, how does it compare to Afro-Haitian dance? Maybe not as much of a hoot as Afro-Haitian dance. You're learning great songs. You have that shirtless drummer.

Have I ever talked about the shirtless drummers in my Afro-Haitian dance class? You have, yes. Your Afro-Haitian dance class in high school? You would have enjoyed these shirtless, as a man who loves mankind. Yes. You would have enjoyed these shirtless drummers, as I think my Afro-Haitian dance class did. And the art of dance. Like, sort of like a guy who plays hand drums is not a reliable type of guy.

And so it was just this continuing cycle of beautiful, completely cut, shirtless guys in those kind of white, balloony linen pants. Wonderful. Also known as like a capoeira pant. Broadly speaking, a capoeira pant. With, you know, with their dreadlocks tied back and their muscles pulsing as they played hand drums in our

Afro-Haitian dance class. That sounds like a good time. I'm going to say there was probably eight different ones in my four years of high school. Yeah. I went to a weird high school, in retrospect. If something momentous happens to you, like you get a new shirtless, muscled hand drummer in your Afro-Haitian dance class,

we ask you to call us for our segment, Momentous Occasions. Just as these people have, Daniel Baruela. Give us our first call. Hi, Jordan. our first call. who wanted me to ask you guys something, more like to tell you guys something, and it's definitely a momentous occasion. So I'm going to read this letter from him directly to you guys, and you can do with it what you'd like. If you want to put it on there, it's all up to you.

Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and Sunny D. I'm relaying my momentous occasion through our good friend Al. I can't even say my own name. I shouldn't call in myself because this is something that might be heavily frowned upon by my employer, but it's too good not to share. Pause the call for a second. I think Alan is Lothreeper. So I think Lothreeper is a famous Jordan Jesse Goh listener. Oh, okay.

He's legendary from coast to coast and all the ships at sea. Yeah. And I think what's happened here is that a whistleblower has contacted us through Lothreeper. So he's sort of the Woodward and Bernstein to this MLB Players Association's deep throat. At this point in time, our democracy hinges on the bravery of these whistleblowers. Exactly. And the bravery of Lothreeper.

Yeah. While sitting in my office, I heard an announcement that the one and only Oakland A's great Raleigh Fingers was at the ballpark. Jordan, if you don't know

who Raleigh Fingers is, he basically looks like a real-life Waluigi. I walked as quickly as I could over to where he was and asked if he'd sign a baseball for my friend Jesse, who's a diehard A's fan.

He said, sure, and I asked, do you think you could put a little something extra on there for me? Could you put, to Jesse, let's punch a blimp, Raleigh Fingers. He said, punch a what? A blimp? Punch a blimp? No, I don't do any of that weird stuff. How about best wishes? I told him that

would be great. He handed me the ball and said, I put go A's on there too. I said, thank you, Mr. Fingers, and got his handler to take a quick picture of us for posterity. So yeah, Hall of Famer Raleigh Fingers coming your way, Jesse. Let's punch a blimp. And that's from an anonymous employee of the Major League Baseball Association, and he asked me to read that to you. Love you guys. I hope you have a great day. Bye.

We love you too, very much. Get out! That is, that's really nice. And I think that is a really good description of Raleigh Fingers. He is certainly the Major League Baseball Hall of Famer most likely to be mistaken for Waluigi. And it's nice. And I think definitely let this be a lesson to everybody out there. Go out there and confuse the elderly with nonsense you heard on a podcast.

I would love it. Get out there and don't not just baseball great. Sure. I mean, sure. If you run into don't, not just baseball greats. Sure. I mean, sure. If you run into Carl Yastrzemski, holler at him. Tell him, hey, yes. What a wonderful lesson about hard and soft boundaries.

You would think that our elders would not understand it, but that was a person who said, hey, you've made a request of me. I'm not comfortable with it. I'm not going to do that. But here's what we can do. For any of our creative or improvisational play, be it on a stage or in a bedroom, let's learn from Mr. Fingers. He actually

got his name from his creative and inspirational play in a bedroom. Let's take one more call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Nathan in Louisville. Can you pause this call, Daniel? I just want to say Nathan in Louisville is my new favorite caller.

Sorry, Van from Colorado. Nathan, where was Van from? Van was from Alabama. Yeah, he was moving to Colorado, I think. He was moving to Colorado. Sorry, Van. You're out. Nathan's in.

This sounds like the kind of chill dude I could sit back, relax, and blaze a dupe with. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Nathan in Louisville. I just had a moment. I don't know if it was momentous or I need a garaba, but I was walking to the bodega, and a car was driving down the street

towards me, and it started swerving, and then a man dove out of the passenger's side while it was moving and did like a tuck and roll in the street. He got up, he dusted himself off, he lit a cigarette and then he ran away through two buildings and down an alley and then the car that he was in

came to a halt a woman jumped out and screamed and started chasing him and she was in her pajamas and as she was running her uh bosoms came out the sleeves of her shirt so that they were hanging out the armpit area. And then she disappeared after him. And then I stood in the park in stunned silence for a moment. And then an old man on a bench said, hey, you see that bitch's titties? Wow. All right. Punch a blimp. Okay.

I mean, I don't like this new Gritty Bitty Hill reboot. Holy shit. Yeah. That's a lot of shit to see in one site. Absolutely one thing. Too packed. I saw a dude, when we were up in San Francisco for Sketch Fest, I was in a car, and a car swerved past us and around us, hit the brakes, a door flew open and a dude fucking straight booked out of it down an alleyway.

And then sirens came behind me and I was like, oh shit, I just saw a criminal escape. It's so cool when you see a little corner of an action movie really happening. Because we've all got all these action movie tropes in our heads but you don't get to use them most of the time. But some people do use them and that's cool. Yeah, I'm going to throw you through a play glass window later. Wow. Yeah, sure.

It even had, that sure even had a capper. Yeah, right. Although, you know. A misogynistic one. Yeah, we could probably make that a little less problematic, but we'll do that in Punch-Up. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

We'll just have the guy say, it's a living or something. Yeah. We'll just have Dax Shepard come in and throw in a little gay panic. Why can't a woman say, hey, did you see that bitch's titties? Sure. There we go. Thank you. Thank you.

You know what? do you see that bitch's titties? Sure. Thank you. Thank you. You know what? How about what if a woman came in and said, hey, did you see that bitch?

She was really strong and brave. Thank you, Jordan. Thank you, Jordan. Jordan, you deserve a golden globe for courage. No, no, no, no. For courage. Hollywood should celebrate Hollywood. It doesn't matter what color you are. It doesn't matter what gender you are.

It doesn't matter what religion you are. We are all storytellers. Well, also, Jesse, you know what's really important is that white, male, heterosexual, cisgendered people represent the stories of different races. Let us, trust us with your story. Yeah. Trust us. If I don't do it, who will?

Okay. I've got the microphone and I'm not afraid to use it, guy. I'm standing up for people no matter what their race is. And let's be clear. I don't know what race they are. Jesse, I just want to say you have the tools at hand to do an unlicensed hidden figures radio play with the three of us. That is something that I think would be so powerful, so inspirational, such a great story to tell. MacGuffins, Save the Cat.

I mean, I think we will get to it, but we're going to do my Asian Iron Fist one first because that's a story that needs to be told. Yeah, like an example of that, Guy, it's a radio play. So like an example of that, Jordan, you play Iron Fist. I'll be like a shopkeeper. Sure. You come in. Hello, it's me, Iron Fist, a strong Asian man and a positive role model. Yeah, would you like

to buy something Asian? It's just an example of the kind of like, because it's important for young Asian audio drama listeners to recognize themselves in stories. That's why white men like us need to stand up, you know? I'm not afraid to cross racial boundaries, no matter how different or less than those races might be.

You know? I'm a little sleepy from being this brave,esse it's a long day of bravery i know we've had so much courage today so much inspiration so much storytelling you know it's been so great to have you here guy gathered around the fire with us just like a bunch of cavemen it's where it of cavemen. It's where it all started, Jesse. It's where it all started. Yeah. And I'm so proud of you for coming in here, sharing your story, not making anyone uncomfortable. Really affirming that we all believe in the same things roughly and vaguely.

Not making us give up anything that we already have. I never went too graphic with any of the references to my homosexuality. It was more like a fun game than a thing that involves dude putting things in other dudes. I really appreciate that. I love the idea of homosexuality. And I don't think that it is practiced and i can't prove that and i don't think it is and i really appreciate a true testimony towards that from you guy that's fair jesse guy you're the asexual homosexual that i've always wanted to incorporate into my storytelling.

It's weird how much everyone... We do internalize this sense that you have to keep it hidden behind the veil. By the way, Guy is wearing a literal veil. It looks beautiful on you. I've had a bit of an outbreak, and I just need a sense of mystery. I wear a veil whenever I watch the movie Outbreak. Scary.

I just love Outbreak, Contagion. I love any of the movies about a disease spreading. Sure. But my favorite of all of those movies, Jesse, would you like to hazard a guess at all? My favorite melodrama of those movies, Jesse, would you like to hazard a guess at all? My favorite melodrama of disease spreading. I'm going to say Philadelphia. And the band played on. It is the thing.

It's just as good as Outbreak, but it's also a horrible story of a real life thing. Is there like a, no, I haven't seen this movie. Is there like a senator or something who wants to like firebomb their apartments? Oh, it's so – it has the same kind of prologue as Contagion, I think, of like we're in the Ebola River Valley and we're seeing what this really happens in Africa. And then you're back in the United States and Lily Tomlin plays a no-nonsense public health worker. Cool. Lily Tomlin. Can I tell you a secret about Lily Tomlin? Yes. Extremely limber.

Lily Tomlin was in here. She was high-stepping all over everywhere. She folded herself right up into the rocket ship. I can barely fit in there. Amazing. The woman's like 75 years old. Did you get David O. Russell stories? No, I should have got David O. Russell stories.

I get them. Here's the thing about David O. Russell stories. We're almost done with this show, but I love the movie Three Kings so much that I feel bad hearing David O. Russell stories because it appears that he's a monster human. And I then feel bad for loving Three Kings so much when I was 17. I would have identified him as one of my favorite directors until I learned anything about him as a human being. Like Spanking the Monkey, so good. Three Kings, so good. Floating with Disaster.

Yeah. I mean, like, they're just such good movies, like, up to Iron Huckabees. And then you find out, like, oh, no, he is toxic masculinity in human form. Guys, I think the moral here, never learn anything about anyone. True. So certainly don't learn anything about us because it's Max Fun Drive time. Okay? Please do not look into it. All you're going to find is a video

of Jordan licking a cat. Yep. I wish I hadn't agreed to that. Anyway. Guy Branum, the host of Talk Show the Game Show, coming up in April on TruTV. I've seen it. It is so hilarious. I've seen the television show. So hilarious. Can't recommend

it enough. Also, the host of Pop Rocket right here on Maximum Pop Rocket Right here on Maximum Fun Right here on Maximum Fun What kind of thing Has been coming up on Pop Rocket? Toxic masculinity Actually last week We talked about

Lesbians in TV and movies This week We are looking back 20 years in music To this music That was coming out in 1997 By the way Christian Duenas

Was at the computer Christian Duenas Who I think is 16 Duenas was at the computer. Christian Duenas, who I think is 16, he was sitting at the computer listing songs that came out 20 years ago. And I've never had a vivid one of those I'm so old moments until I realized. The kids don't know who Chumbawamba is. Chumbawamba was the one. I was like fucking Chumbawamba. Then all that all that was like 14 no that really was 20 years ago buzzfeed did a video where they showed high school students today music of like 20 years ago and everything

they were like what is this i don't know i don't like this to like great pop songs the only song that they universally agreed was an amazing song tub thumping by chumbawambaA-Womp. They were all just like, that's a good song. Well, that's the thing. We're out there. I personally don't think teenagers should be having whiskey drinks or cider drinks. Barbie Girl was discussed. That came out 20 years ago, which is a brutally terrible song. I know it's squarely up your alley, Guy.

Swedish pop always works for me. But the song that came out 20 years ago that I unambiguously like I actually think had I not heard Tub Thumping by Chumbawamba 75 million times 20 years ago I would probably enjoy that song.

I think it's a good song. But the song that I even having heard it 75 million times 20 years ago that i will ride for until i die is mbop i think mbop is a fucking great song i have yeah i think even now like i put it on when i came up i listened to it and i was like yeah this is still fucking great like probably would be a little better if the drum track wasn't trying to be a shitty hip-hop song. But besides that, like, pretty much a perfect pop song.

Also, the thing of what we learned from the Jackson 5 is if you squeeze the childhood innocence out of them for just one pop song and then let them run off to the woods of Arkansas and become ministers, they get to be human beings. If you try to squeeze all of the youthful joy out of them that you turn them into monsters. Well, I mean, they made that Christmas album, Shut In with Hanson or whatever it was called. But, yeah, you know, I think they left enough humanity in them that they could retreat to Oklahoma, get married, and then start doing songwriting fantasy camps

with Weird Al and Andrew W.K. Oh, Hanson. Thumbs up for Hans Hanson that's what I say okay that's it that's the end of our last max fun drive show of 2017 thanks to everyone who has donated you are a wonderful human being we will see you on our live show Friday night just go to maximum fun org for information about that it is going to be

a blast it's not just us but stars from across the Max Fund firmament. You going to be there, Josh? I will be there. You going to be doing pop rocketing? I don't know what I'm going to be doing, but I will be there on time. I was very late today. I just heard Karen Kilgariff is going to be there. Ooh.

I know. I think she's going to be there with the Lady to Ladies, I think. It's going to be a lot of fun. Yeah, it sounds like a lot of fun to me. You can watch that live streaming on Friday night. Just go to MaximumFun.org for all the information. Put that in your calendar.

And one final appeal. If you want Guy Branum to have money to travel from water polo tournament to water polo tournament, if you want Jordan Jesse to go to continue,

this is your shot to do it. Go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. With your help, we can send me, Travis McElroy, Aaron Gibson, and Stuart Wellington to the Grand Canyon to record. Yanni live at the Acropolis 2, live at the Grand Canyon without Yanni. You haven't heard about this yet, Guy? No. You were in the car.

This is what we're doing if we get 20,000 donors. Oh, that's exciting. Yeah, we're recording a live show on burros at the Grand Canyon. That's amazing. And we'll be bringing five listeners via air-conditioned buses. We guarantee air conditioning. via air-conditioned buses. We guarantee air conditioning.

Putting them up at the finest two-star motel in all of the greater Grand Canyon area and inviting them to come join us for the show. I think it's going to be a real extravaganza. Hey, and Aaron Gibson and Travis McElroy right now television stars, if you count CISO as television. I know. That is absolutely true.

Guy, I do. Yeah. I mean, it's certainly television in the sense that I'm not on it. So go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. And if you're already a donor, thank you so much. And do spread the word. Shame your friends on social media. Use the hashtag MaxFunDrive.

We've been having so much fun. I want to mention one thing here, Jordan. Yes. Hashtag JJGoBigHat going on right now. We have selected

10 finalists. There are some truly spectacular finalists here, Jordan. First, we got at an urban neurotic

which is Miss Bowser. She has a lovely summer boy themed big hat. It's a kiddie pool. It's got a summer Elmo in it and it is big. Wow.

Heather has a truly spectacular actual hat. Of course there's the hat that looks like a piano. We already got that hat. We've got Jesus Christ. This looks like a giant. Is this guy vaping? Oh boy. Yeah.

This looks like he's vaping this guy vaping? Oh, boy. Yeah. This is number three. Yeah, this looks like he's vaping or hitting some sort of pipe. He's got a giant sheet tube on his head, and it looks in a very dank garage. Yeah. This is at N. Kaufman Big Hat. This guy has what appears to be a lighter than air hat. His name is Ben. Yes, he says it is filled with helium.

I mean, that is a sort of giant snake. Let's punch a blimp inspired hat. He put in a whole fucking application here. A woman named Wendy. What the fuck is this? She has branches attached to her head. Yeah. Is that her husband? It's hard branches attached to her head. Yeah. Is that her husband?

It's hard to see through the branches. Yeah. So he or she is in a kind of a bramble cage. This one's creepy. It's very foreboding. This one looks like something out of- It's origami birds, apparently. What's that movie called with the fawn?

Oh, sure. Pan's Labyrinth. Pan's Labyrinth. It's a real Pan's Labyrinth. Pan's Labyrinth. It's a real Pan's Labyrinth. It's like a real nightmare. Oh, well, I like number seven, which is Anthony Brilski. He looks like he's put his head into the butt of that snowman from Frozen. Yes, yeah.

It's a blue Olaf that is made entirely of blue balloons. Yeah, it's terrifying in its own way. I like that Kenan, who's number eight of our finalists, appears to simply have inflated a bunch of balloons and tied a bed sheet around it. Yeah, you know, it's not the most aesthetically pleasing hat, but it gets the job done. It is very big. These are all going to our Blue Ribbon Commission, by the way, featuring major celebrities, These are all going to our Blue Ribbon Commission, by the way, featuring major celebrities including Jordan's mom, my mom, Boots Riley from The Coup, Gillian Jacobs from Netflix's Love and Others.

Allie McNeil has another blimp hat. I like these blimp hats. Yeah, these are very nice. Very punchable. And the final is Steve McLaughlin. Congratulations, Steve. He's got a sort of giant Abraham Lincoln hat. All of that is in our finals. We will be announcing the winner on the JJ Go Live show on Friday night.

We're going to be referring this to the Blue Ribbon Commission. We're going to say, hey, Gillian Jacobs, hey, a real hat maker named Cody, which do you think is the best hat? That's how we'll find out. And a thousand dollar scholarship will go to that person. Guy Branum, always a joy. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for having me. Daniel Baruela is on the boards this week. Our producer, Brian

Sonny D. Fernandez. His paycheck depends on you going to MaximumFun.org slash donate. We will cut him loose. Okay? I'm not afraid to cut Brian loose. I won't feel that bad about it. No, I won't feel bad.

I've known the guy a long time. He's given me a lot. He's fine. He's a great friend. Had a nice time at his wedding. But I not only will cut him loose, I will cut him. Jesse, I have a question. Yeah.

If Brian no longer has an income, will he eat anything? I don't think so. No. He'll waste away. He will totally not eat anything. He won't even forage. We'll be back next week on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Go. MaximumFun.org

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