Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 482: Commander Daddy with Jason and Randy Sklar

Episode Date: May 29, 2017

Jason and Randy Sklar join Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of a recent correction Jesse has to issue, the power a taekwondo sensei can has over your children, and Jesse's experience in vasectomy class.  Plus, everyone tries some Swedish candy and Jordan finally tells his cuck tale.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Forn, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Not a lot of range and I end here. Oh my gosh, you have a, sounds like you got a frog. A yel- yel- Toad or a-

Yeah. Something. I know- A salamander. I'll tell you, I'll tell you I know this, frog and toad or something. A salamander. I'll tell you I know this. Frog and toad are friends. Sure. So it's appropriate that you would bring the two of them up together.

Yeah. I was yelling my way through. I've got a pokey little puppy in my throat. I've got a goodnight, goodnight construction site. Is that anything? I don't think so. Goodnight moon? No, goodnight, goodnight construction site is something. Is that what they, do't think so. Goodnight Moon? No, Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site is something.

Is that what they... Do they say goodnight to a construction site in Goodnight Moon? I know there's a bowl of mush involved. No, look. This is... Jordan. I'm talking about Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site here. This is the iconic text of the contemporary...

You don't have a... You've got a niece or a nephew that's going to be yelling at you tomorrow. Oh, boy. I don't need that in my life. a niece or a nephew that's going to be yelling at you tomorrow. Oh, boy. I don't need that in my life. Good night. Good night. Good night construction site is right up there with dino train in the world of child pandering, four-year-old pandering, like cross-market segment. It's like the Transformers 6.

You know, like at some point they're like, oh, let's just add ludicrous. Oh, okay. Sure. you know like at some point they're like oh let's just add ludicrous oh okay sure it's like what if a dinosaur was a train or like we had a lullaby that involved construction equipment or it's like it's like if there was a children's book that said mom is now cool with you putting her keys in your mouth yeah like what does a kid want to hear yeah okay so this is just about the various things that are on a construction site, I gather. And they're all going to sleep. Gotcha.

Just like your children won't. Okay. No matter how hard you try. That sounds nice. It's called parenthood. Mm-hmm. Anyway, I think I got that pokey little puppy in my throat because I've been sleeping under a diseased patchwork blanket. Yeah, well, you know.

a diseased patchwork blanket. Yeah, well, you know. Yeah, same story here. I have a velveteen rabbit in my something. Sounds like you got the collar. We're going to have to burn you. Scarlet fever. We're going to have to burn you in the yard and then teach everybody a lesson

about how childhood is finite. What the fuck? And it ends. What the fuck, Velveteen Rabbit? What the fuck is your deal? It's an important lesson about the end of childhood. Jesus fucking Christ, that book is brutal. Yeah. Jesus.

You think there's going to be a little turn, you know? Like, well, in the end. An eagle scooped him out of the fire. Yeah, like something about him thinking that the Velveteen Rabbit is a real rabbit at the end. Does that happen? Like the fire transmogrified him into a real rabbit. That's still terrifying. That's like something that the Red Lady from Game of Thrones does.

Right. It's like, all right, little boy, your rabbit can be born again of fire, but that means you're a slave to the dark witch for the rest of your life. You're going to have scarlet fever. Should we introduce our guests on the program? I would love to. I am a little bit hoarse because I was yelling on their podcast, Sklarbro Country. There are good friends, haven't been on this show in years.

Years. In years. It's been too long. Too long. Jason and Randy Sklar. Together they're known as the Sklar Brothers. That's right. How are you guys?

I got scarlet fever. Wasn't that a Stevie Wonder song from the Spike Lee movie? I've got scarlet fever. I've got scarlet fever. She's got scarlet fever. We've got scarlet fever now. No, actually, I'm excited. One of my favorite children's books that I've read to my children was Good Night Tax-Free Roth IRA. Because that's, as far as my understanding.

Educational. It's just total tax deferment. Is that right? Straight tax deferment. Now, it's before tax income, right? Hold on, guys. No, it's after. Let me stop you here.

On Jordan, Jesse, go. We have a policy. All corrections on Jordan, Jesse, go are tweeted at. We've set up a special Twitter account at I am Papa John. So if you have any corrections or criticisms for Jordan Jesse, we ask that you send them. And in return for a correct correction, we will send you a giant pizza cookie. Well, he might. No promises

here. But we don't have that policy. If he doesn't, you can send a correction to him. But there is a book, there is a children's book that I've been reexamining from a different perspective, and that is a famous book that we've all known, The Giving Tree. And we all think of the tree as being this selfless giving. The book is titled The Giving Tree.

Right. It's about how giving this tree is. Right. But if you read it as if the tree were a Jewish mother. Uh-huh. Different book. I'll just be a stump. You sit on me.

You, Mr. Big Guy, take all my – why do I need branches? You're so skinny. Eat my apples. Eat my – what do I want to do with all these apples? Maybe a nice forced baby. How about I just sit here in the dark and wait for you to return whenever you want to? Sharpen one of my branches and circumcise yourself. Why don't you?

Please use it. Yeah. Go make a boat out of my whole body. What do I need it for? What I would love is for you to build a whole... So we don't know how sarcastic it'll be. And then the sequel is just the boy in therapy. Yeah. Working it all out.

She said take it, but I could tell that she didn't want me to take it. I have all the money I need, and yet I'm still sad. I guess we should explain the Roth IRA thing. Yeah. Let's be like a hacky like 90s movie that came out after Pulp Fiction

and go like, but how did we get here? Right. Rewind. So, the situation is we have a standard procedure for corrections

on Jordan Jesse. Got it. On Judge John Hodgman, the podcast I do with our friend John Hodgman, there is no such procedure. Exactly. Now, last week on Judge John Hodgman, on the – Judge John Hodgman released last week, I made, in passing, a joking reference to Roth IRAs.

Of course, which, by the way, the best joke to make in mixed company. Yes. Everyone can enjoy that. If it was just you and Hodgman, that makes company. That qualifies. I recommended Roth IRAs. On what basis, you ask? On the basis that they're tax deferred.

Sure. Now, as it turns out, tax and income professionals do listen to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. This is a good way to find out that fact. Who is our audience? And they may be an audience of persons who in some cases might take jokes literally. Okay. You don't want to tell them their business. So I just want to read a quick statement.

Read a quick – the only reason I brought that up is so that you would get into your Twitter about this. It turns out they are not tax deferred. No. That's why I've written this statement. Who doesn't know that? I posted this on Twitter on the Judge John Hodgman Facebook. Okay. But I just want've written this statement. Who doesn't know that? I posted this on Twitter on the Judge John Hodgman Facebook. Okay.

But I just want to share it here. Covering all bases. I want to take this opportunity to apologize on behalf of myself, Judge Hodgman, our producer, Jennifer Marmer, and the entire Max Fund family.

In a time when so many are relying on comedy podcasts for guidance in planning their uncertain financial futures, my extemporaneous joke was ill-advised at best and potentially disastrous at worst. Since the episode was released,

I've been unable to sleep, knowing how many young people I've sent to tax jail with my bad advice, not to mention how many tax professionals' ledgers I've unbalanced. My initial reaction to the devil's work. My initial reaction to the catastrophe was simple. I will retire forever from Judge John Hodgman and be replaced as bailiff with my tax accountant,

Zach Powell of Sandler, Powell, Jacobs, and Berlin CPAs in Tarzana, California. He's funny, by the way. He's very funny. Yeah, he's quick. Trenchant. Yeah. It's like a dry humor. They're kind of like on way. He's very funny. Yeah, he's quick. Trenchant. Yeah. It's like a dry humor. They're kind of like on-the-way homers. However, after further consideration,

I've decided to go one step further and kill myself. Wait a second. My life insurance settlement after taxes will be used to create a foundation dedicated to correcting tax errors and offhand humorous remarks in

all entertainment media. I cannot wait for people who sell life insurance to be like, that's not how it works. That's not. Come on. You can't do that. You can do it before taxes. Here is why not in three tweets. Get ready.

So I'm glad that's settled. You couldn't be more right. I, you know, easily from my favorite murder taught me how to open up a SEP account. I mean, it's like I go to these podcasts. Offhanded comment on the Monday Morning Quarterback got me into a couple of 529s for my kids. Thank you, Bill Burr. Thank you. This is how we find this information, and I'm glad you took your medicine.

I just wanted to take – ultimately, it's about taking responsibility. It is. And I wanted to take responsibility. I cannot begin to tell you how many sort of mid-cap mutual funds I've gotten into from listening just to like a couple of episodes of Guys We Fucked. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My dad wrote a porno.

It's a big source for me. a big source on bond yeah where do you guys get most of your um actually style corrections uh i imagine what do people actually yeah twitter twitter oh what do they oh there's a lot of sports stuff yeah sports fans are kind of like accountants in that they know the minutia of everything. So we've been switching the format of Scarborough Country a little bit into where we top of the show. We take a big subject and we try and talk about it. We recently talked about why ESPN is just sinking down to the lower middle. And part of the reason why, our big theory, and you have to posit a theory, you can't envelop every single theory.

Our theory was that they decided in the mid-90s that they weren't going to value talent. And so the second that scores and everything became, there became other delivery services for highlights and scores, the only thing you have left is talent.

They decided not to invest in that talent. And as a result, they're left with a bunch of bland people that no one wants to watch ever. And so that's why people aren't watching ESPN. That's our fear. One of the worst things about ESPN, no Sklar brothers. Right? We were there in the mid-aughts. We were there in the mid-aughts.

But again, if you argue- I feel the same way about the Topps baseball card company. Hey, we were there in the mid-aughts. They just dropped it. But it is one of those things where, and people will be like, well, no, you know, here's why, and they gave eight other theories. And we're like, that's great.

That's your theory. That voice you use is sort of that, well, no, that is no matter. Hey, it's Frank Cohn from Long Island. I got a different take from you guys. Even if you don't sound like that, when you correct someone on Twitter, that is the voice you hear. That's the voice you hear. Even if your avatar is you and you're a 16-year-old Chinese girl.

Yes. You still sound... Pretty sure. Not sure if you guys understand. This is the thing this is the thing that when my wife says it to me it drives I get so mad I have to walk out of the room

if there is something that I'm supposed to do for my kids that or that they have in the afternoon and I forget about it she tweets it at you I think you know in the same way she asked me and just politely asked me if I received the emails. That's all she asked me.

Do you receive the emails? And I'm like, I got to get the fuck out of here right now because something's going to blow. Do I get the emails? Yeah, I get the emails. I get the emails. Sure. It's like, I got to get it. I have to leave.

At least I know when I have to leave. But your wife has that secret family, so that might go to the spam folder. Oh, yeah. That's true. That's true. She has a family with Louis Kahn. I'm married to the person who designed, did all the interiors. Saw kids today.

There aren't a lot of female traveling salesmen, as it turns out. There just aren't, but they would kill it. She spends a lot of time in Chattanooga. What's she doing? That's her territory. That's her territory. I was thinking about Lewis Kahn and the whole idea of having another family or just affairs of that nature that you keep secret. I was thinking about it as I was cleaning out the fish tank that my kids wanted beta fish.

And we put different water in, and it was too cold, and we killed one of the fish because it my kids wanted beta fish. And we put different water in and it was too cold and we killed one of the fish because it was too cold. We didn't know. We were trying and we just didn't realize it was too cold. And I was cleaning it out. I was thinking to myself, there is no way I would want another family. Yeah. Okay.

That's four fish. Yeah. I can't handle four fish. Too many fish. I guess you understand. Too many fish. Yeah. I guess I understand.

One fish, two fish. Sure. Four fish, not for you fish. You have to make two sets of green eggs and hang them. Right? No, and then you make the green eggs and hang them. I don't like it this way. And you're like, well, the other kids that I have like it that way.

Yeah, it's such a funny thing to like, you know, like obviously having an affair is wrong if you have a monogamous relationship with someone. But you can kind of understand that. Like, oh, I, you... A mistress, I get. A whole other family is just... Sure, but like, ooh, yeah, now that I fucked that other woman, let's start a family. Yeah. Let's get into politics and schedules. Ooh, I want to get into someone else's

iCal. I don't want to slip into DMs. I want to slip into an iCal. Ooh, I gotta work those pickups, baby. Yeah, I gotta go to Taekwondo, bitch. Pickups down at the TKD. Taekwondo. Hit the dojo. Uh-huh.

Meanwhile, Jay, do you feel like that you place far too much importance on what your Taekwondo, what do you call him, like a master? There's Master Kim. Uh-huh. There is Master Kim, and then there's Instructor Charles. No, it's probably not Sensei, because Taekwondo is free. No, it's Master Kim. Master Kim and Instructor Charles. No, it's probably not Sensei because Taekwondo is Korean. No, it's Master Kim. Master Kim and Sensei Charles. Right.

Yes. Instructor Charles. Instructor Charles. Yes, yes. So do you feel like as a parental unit who put your kids in there that you give them way too much power over your kids? I do, but I'm there, so I'm kind of hanging around the edges of the mat. And so if I feel like he's slipping in a thing or two like an anti-Hillary comment or something that I need to step in, he'll kick me and he'll take me down, but at least I can protest. It is weird that typically when you strike in Taekwondo, you go ha or kya. Kya.

It's kya. But it's weird that he's making them say Bernie would have won. Yeah. That was such an odd thing. And for a second, I was like, that's okay. You're like, you're really teaching them great hitting techniques, but you're being really divisive. Yeah. I'm like, what we need on our side right now is unity.

And I kya. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Surprisingly strong opinions about including pro-life Democrats. Yeah. He wants them to be a part of the. But yeah, it must be tough. It must be tough to like inspire like obedience in a kid when there's like another guy they see they have to call master.

Right. I thought about maybe adopting Lord. Yeah. Commander. Yes. Commander Daddy. Just Dad is not doing it. Yeah.

I think I need something high. Commander I like. Yeah. Supreme Leader is always good. That's fun. Oh, sure. Captain feels a little low. You're a Snoke-like character.

Like Captain feels a little low in the face of Master. Yeah, you got to at least be an admiral. I still don't know how big. You have that third or fourth star, right? I still don't know how big Snoke is. I'm assuming he's like the size of a finger. I bet you we're going to find out Snoke's little. We're going to find out he's just tiny.

Yeah. But he projects much bigger. I suggested Commander Daddy earlier, and I'm like, that is a gay subculture. Commander Daddy. I'm looking for a Commander Daddy. Discreet. A discreet Commander Daddy earlier, and I'm like, that is a gay subculture. Commander Daddy. I'm looking for a Commander Daddy. Discreet, a discreet Commander Daddy. Welcome to BDSM. For children.

Yes. Have sex with them and then make that bed. Make that bed. Tight corners. Tight. Get those corners tighter. I want to bounce a quarter off of that. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. We'll be back on Jordan and Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, or juggernaut? If my boyfriend won't watch Handmaid's Tale with me, should I break up with him?

Is this meme already dead? What exactly are furries? I need a new Four Quadrant song. Any suggestions? For answers to these questions and so much more, come on over to Pop Rocket, a pop culture roundtable show with me, Guy Branum, Winter Mitchell,

Margaret Wappler, and Karen Tongson. Catch us every Wednesday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you decide to get your podcasts. I'm not gonna judge. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, lovepants, socks, shirts, shorts, hoodies, undershirts. It's all of a very high quality, and I will say that I enjoy Mack Weldon's myself. I like the Mack Weldon's I'm wearing right now. Yeah, they're great. I got some of those Mack Weldon undershirts.

That's a nicely designed undershirt. Soft, long, stretchy. Hell, yeah. V-neck. Get a V-neck in there so you can show a little something. When you're getting ready in the morning, you're pawing through your drawer. You see the four-pack of underpants that you got at Target. Yeah.

And then off in the corner, you see those Mack Weldons gleaming in the corner. You're like, hey, today's going to be a pretty good day because my Mack Weldons are clean. Mack Weldons, cup them up. Yeah. Go to MackWeldon.com. 20% off by using promo code JJGO. Really nice socks. Really nice underwear.

Really nice clothes. We like them. Can I offer a recommendation as long as people are out there shopping? Please. I'm the proprietor of the Put This On Shop at PutThisOnShop.com. Yes. It's the season for dads and grads. So we have an extraordinary selection of items hand-selected to make your dad or grad feel like a very special man.

So just go to PutThisOnShop.com. There you can find all kinds of great stuff. Here's a code for you. How about Tuppies for free shipping on almost anything in the United States? Check it out. Almost anything with the code Tuppies. Now, do I have to remember to go type that into my computer? Yes, I do.

Because I just made that up just now on the spot. But I'm going to do it. Tuppies at PutThisOnShop.com for free shipping on everything. And Jordan, one more thing. Please. Let's say you're not a dad or a grad, but you want a special section. Ask yourself this. Are you a cad?

Because we have gifts for dads, grads, and cads. So everybody. Yeah. Everyone falls into one of those three categories. And you know what? I think a lot of ladies think they're not going to find something for themselves and put this on shop.com just because there's some pocket handkerchiefs there and whatnot. Oh, there's going to be something for the lady.

Good stuff. Oh, yeah. We mostly sell those orbs that you put in your junk. Oh, sure, yeah. You know, the goop orbs. Yeah, they're cheaper than goop. Yeah, well, we got them. They're scratch and dent orbs.

Okay. So they're a little damaged. Some customer returns. Yeah. But free shipping with the code TUPPIES. That's nice. So you need one of those Gooch orbs. Go ahead and hit up PutThisOnShop.com.

So that's the promise here. You get gifts for dads, gifts for grads, gifts for cats. Some cats and some lightly damaged vaginal orbs. Yeah. There may be possibly some slivering. I can't say they won't be slivering. Just keep an eye out. PutThisOnShop.com. We'll an eye out. Put this on shop.com.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. We are the Skly brothers. We are just here along for the ride.

Couple of dudes. Jordan. Yes. Speaking of at messages, two weeks ago on the program, we promised that you would tell a hot cocktail. Mm-hmm.

You ever seen that? By the way, one of my, I feel like most underrated Tom Cruise movies, Cocktail. Cocktail was a good one. Yeah.

He was just, yeah, he was like literally flipping people's political. While he watched another man have sex with Elizabeth Shue. Right. A week ago on the program, we failed to deliver. And it's when, I mean, of course, there was a classic Disney afternoon.

Yeah. Cocktails where Uncle Scrooge let other men dive into his money bin. And he watched and he jacked off. That was terrible. So, yeah. Okay. Oh, so I got asked by my co-worker, former Jordan Jesse Goh guest and basically best guy everybody knows, Blaine Kapach. Love him.

One of the funniest people. One of the funniest people. So he hosts a thing here. It's mainly in la but i think it travels to comedy festivals and stuff called lucha vavum have we've done it you guys have done it yeah uh can can you like describe it yes it is mexican luchador wrestling along with uh burlesque so we're less dancing between the matches between the matches. Between the matches. So women climbing up drapes and wearing nothing but the pasties, performing totally amazing and bawdy routines in front of an incredibly drunk, packed house crowd.

And there are wrestlers that are like Dirty Sanchez, a guy who reaches into his tights and pulls out chocolate pudding and throws it on. There's Dirty Sanchez. There's midget wrestling. There's women wrestling. To me, the most fun is to see the real Mexican luchador wrestling, to see it be done. Everyone's in masks. It's awesome.

Then up top, Blanca Patch and one or two comedians are commenting on the action as it goes, and you try and make jokes as it goes along. It's like a live cheap seats for us if the thing was luchador wrestling. And luckily there's enough stuff going on that you can make jokes on. And if you get a few good ones where you get an entire 2,000, if it's quiet in the moment that you throw it out there

and you get 2,000 people laughing at an observation, it is a great moment. Yeah, yeah. So I actually, I was, Chris Fairbanks and I were two of the sit-in comedians once

years and years ago and didn't do great. I think we lost the crowd at a certain point. So I feel bad about it. I consider it one of my comedy failures to this day. But it was years ago. Years ago. I remember you talking about it on Jordanian. No, that was like seven years ago.

Yeah, yeah. It's a hard gig. It is a hard gig for anybody. People are there for the pudding. Yeah, like Blaine. I mean, Blaine, who is the best of the best of the best at it. He does every one. He knows it.

There are moments where he's doing jokes and no one's laughing, and then all he says is Lucha, and everyone yells, Babu! Yeah. But he has to do that just to re-engage people, because I'm sitting next to him and I'm going, that was hilarious, that was hilarious, that was hilarious, and people just aren't. People are busy looking at some other thing like boob tassels. There's a lot

of stimulus. Sure. It's not about you. Yeah, you don't necessarily want to hear one of Blaine's BJ and the Bear jokes. Which, by the way, love it. They're great. They called him a bear, but he was a monkey. Strange. Terrible. So they do private ones of these sometimes, your event or organization.

Wait, just for one affluent deviant? Yeah, for one man to watch from a balcony. Got it. And just, yes. Arms crossed. Yeah. A real Gatsby type. Hood on his head.

Spin the tassels. Good. Yes, smear the fake poop. More real Gatsby type. Hood on his head. Spin the tassels. Good. Yes. Smear the fake poop. More, I said. Begin the thawing of Ted DBS. Kapach, bring me Jake the Snake Roberts. Kapach, I demand witticism.

He'll bring him. But no, this is not for one person. No, this is like for a group of veterinarians. A lion's club. Sure. A lion's club, if you will. So Blaine asked me. Siri Optimist.

Hey, we have to do a proper Lucha show in Riverside, but we also booked a private one. So we're sending like two teams. Would you be the announcer guy or one of the announcer guys at this private show? Of course. I said yes. Very flattered. Very excited.

The second guy was Randy Litke, who's also been on this show. Yeah. Hilarious. Hilarious. So yeah. So we, and they're like, it's in Santa Barbara, which a little bit of a drive, but I was happy to be asked. Not bad.

Happy to do it. Excited. Sounds like a fun opportunity. Sounds like a very fun opportunity. It's in Santa Barbara, which is a little bit of a drive, but I was happy to be asked, happy to do it, excited. Sounds like a fun opportunity. Sounds like a very fun opportunity. Plus, it's a chance for redemption. Yeah, exactly. I can – right, yeah. Yeah, it would be like getting to have sex with your high school girlfriend again.

But now. But now. Yeah. I know where everything is now. I cry less. Can I tell you that my – Still some. Some I will less. Can I tell you that my- Still some. Some, I will cry. Can I tell you my concern here?

Yeah. Last time, you're sitting there, you've got an arena with you and Chris Fairbanks, 2,000 guys in jean jackets with things safety clipped to the back with pictures of a skeleton skanking. Sure. Easy skanking. Easy skanking. Easy skanking. You know, ladies with dresses on with cherries on them. Sure, this is the crowd.

You've got that very particular. Now you're headed to Santa Barbara. You're entertaining animal surgeons. Wine and cheese. The creator of Beanie Babies. And Oprah, God will. And Oprah, yeah. May she rest in peace. May she rest in peace.

May she rest in peace. She's not dead. We just wanted to get a really good night's sleep. Yeah. So I agree to do this thing, and day of the show comes. I still don't know where this thing is. I haven't gotten – I know Santa Barbara, but I haven't gotten an address. Right.

And then I get a text from Randy. He's like, hey, do you want to drive up together? Great call. Great call. Always fun to have a friend. So he shows up at my house, and he's like, hey, do you want to drive up together? Great call. Great call. Always fun to have a friend. So he shows up at my house and he's like, they just texted me the address. It's not in Santa Barbara. It's in Solvang.

Oh, yeah, which is like Dutch where they make pretzels. Solvang's. It's on the way up to the Michael Jackson Ranch. Did you say hi to my handyman, Nick? Do you have a handyman from Solvang? I did. I made sure. He lives up there in Solvang.

He tries to build everything into a windmill. Yes. So many windmills in my house. He comes from the Dutch themed California town of Solvang. He puts everything in sideways. He's looking at a problem. He's like, what would Hans Christian Andersen do?

What would Paul Giamatti do? Paul Giamatti Dutch? No, but the whole movie sidewaysways took place in Solvay. All right, enough of me trying to shove this joke down everyone's throat. I liked it. Thanks. Can I say that he took down my fence and put up a dike? Yes, you can.

Don't say that. I said midget earlier. Water retention system. Your fingers fit in it. I should have said little person. I said midget. Little person. We've all made a lot of mistakes today.

We have. Today in our lives. But not about the Roth IRA. No. We said midget. Little person. We've all made a lot of mistakes today. We have. Today in our lives. But not about the Roth IRA. No. We know that those are completely after taxes. After taxes. So you are on your way to Santa Barbara and you have to turn towards solving. Yes.

Maybe 45 minutes away. Right. Oh, and then Randy mentions to me, he's like, oh, yeah, I was going to drive up with my girlfriend, but they said there's no women allowed at this. So first sign that something is weird. This will be weird. Always love in a crowd to hear the voices of women laughing. Yeah.

If it's just dudes, it's not fun because dudes don't want to laugh at another dude. Sure. It sounds sinister, too. There's a sinister. A bunch of dudes laughing is like the beginning of the Nazi movement. Right. It's like... Right.

Crystal knocked is like around the corner. I was going to say, we finally figured out how we're going to destroy the Batman. Well, yes. Precisely. Same thing. Although I guess you could have poison ivy in there or something. Or Jordan and Jesse go. Yeah.

Sure. Yeah. Just a bunch of men laughing. Yeah. A bunch of men remembering Star Wars and laughing. Wait until I tell you about this guy I saw buying a Sega Genesis. Yeah. How about you've been remembering Star Wars and laughing to yourself? Oh, wait until I tell you about this guy I saw buying a Sega Genesis. Oh!

Sorry. Okay. His shirt was tucked into a sweatpants. Oh, well, that makes sense. Yeah, dragging it down. Button-down shirt? No, it was like one of those, you know, like in the late 90s, early 2000s, you'd buy like a structure, like a cotton sweater with one horizontal narrow horizontal stripe across across the chest to let everyone know where the old A-frame is.

It was like, it was one of those situations. It was tucked into the sweatpants. When you say tucked into sweatpants, I always picture a t-shirt with a duck who's the boss. A duck who's telling you that he's the boss. Anyway, Jordan, I don't mean to. No, no, no. That's okay. So you're going to a men's.

A men's gathering. You're headed off to announce- Solvang. Solvang. A luchador battle with, what do they call that fancy nudity? Oh, burlesque. Burlesque. Burlesque.

At, in Solvang. There were strippers. Dutch-seemed California. You must be thinking to yourself, someone's going to get raped. Someone's jumping out of a cake. Someone's going to get raped and it's going to be me. Sure. So, I mean, well, so, okay.

So we're driving and Randy keeps getting texts from the organizers saying, we have a new address. We have a new address. This happens three times. We get three different addresses. Okay. So the final address leads us, like, we're just going by Google Maps at this point. So the final address leads us, like, off the highway and onto, like, a dirt road. And into a lake.

And at no point are you thinking they're fucking with us at Lucha Vivo. Yeah, maybe. Maybe this is a very, like, specific prank show that we're on. Got it. And you just, you make a right turn and there's just a big cardboard standee of BJ and the Bear. Yeah. Or maybe it's like how they had that season of Punk'd where they wanted to punk celebrities. Yeah.

They're like, we're having trouble getting people to sign up. Can we just punk guys with semi-successful podcasts? Yeah. Let's get Morris and Litke. Yeah. Not top tier podcasts. No. No, no, no. Mid-tier podcasts. Should be top tier podcasts. Should be top tier. Should be Yeah. Not top tier podcast. No, no, no.

Mid tier podcast. Should be top tier podcast. Should be top tier. Top tier quality. If there were any justice, yes. Top tier quality. Artisanal enthusiasts podcast. Yeah.

Top tier quality, beginner numbers. Thank you. Numbers be damned. So, yeah. So, we turn. So, we kind of turn. We're onto this dirt road and then we see a little area where men in cowboy hats are waving at the car. Not good.

Never a good scene. So they wave us in. They move a gate and we're just kind of driving into this – like onto this dirt road into like a farm area. And it is filled, filled with guys with – they're all wearing identical cream-colored cowboy hats. Wow. You're like, this is where the U.S. makes money. Yeah. Something's going to be revealed to you where, like, babies are being sacrificed or something.

Freemasons? Are they Freemasons? Is it possible this is like a leisure club like the Red Hat Society? Or the thing up in the woods in Northern California. So – oh, boy. You're close. Oh, yeah. Woods in Northern California. So, oh boy, you're close. Oh, yeah.

So we're driving to this thing, and it is like, you know, and there's so many of these guys all wearing this same hat. And they're all just kind of staring at the car as we drive further into this farm. And then also, they're kind of like, what are they looking at? What are they looking at? Why is this so weird? I'm like, oh, Prius. This is the first Prius these men have seen in a while. Sure. Sure.

And so we park and get out. We kind of walk through this farm where all these guys are milling about and drinking. Everybody's drinking. Oh, a lot. And so they, you know, so the organizer tells us to go over and get a bite to eat. So we go to this tent.

Some men give us delicious barbecue. Yeah. Which at any moment were you like, this could be, I could be eating a human? Yeah, it was a concern. I would have thought that. It was a concern. That would have been my first thought.

I'm like, I'm going to pick through this and look for a watch. Right? A filling. It's a little too gamey to be regular steak. But then if you find out- It's like baby. My sandwich has a wallet.

Yeah, that seems odd. I don't want to know that I like this. That's the thing. That's the worst part about eating human. I think it's the craving, sure, yeah. It's going to be like a once a year thing. Yeah. Someone's like, I'm a vegan.

I go to McDonald's once a year. Right? I do it. I get, you know- Arby's, we got the meats. Yeah, Arby's. We have the men. We have the men.

What if they didn't have the meats? So you get that BBQ. We get the men. We have the men. What if they didn't have the meats? So you get that. You get that BBQ. We get the BBQ. BBQ is delicious. Yeah. And then drunk olds come up to us.

So Randy and I are both in suits too, by the way. They told us to wear suits. That's the look at this. Sure. So here's what the drunk men told us we were at. They're like, this is a secret society. It is a conservative offshoot of the Bohemian Grove. Bohemian Grove is the one that's up top. Yeah.

So the Bohemian Grove is. It's literally. They said that this started when people went to the Bohemian Grove but didn't like the politics. So they started a conservative one. They're sick and tired of George H.W. Bush. Yeah. He's too liberal. Yeah, that pinko.

Oh, my. Here's what you never want to perform in a society formed off the phrase, we'll show them. Yeah. So these guys and their name is, I'm not going to try and pronounce it because I'll do a bad job, but their name is Spanish for the visiting ranchers. All whites. This is an exclusively white event. And, oh, a lot of them, too, are drinking red wine.

Los Hermanos Blancos. Yeah, right, exactly. So they're all drinking – a lot of them are drinking red wine. And I asked them, oh, it seems like a lot of people are drinking red wine. They're like, oh, yeah, a lot of these guys own vineyards. That was the oh it seems like a lot of people are drinking red wine they're like oh yeah a lot of these guys own vineyards that was the line so they told us there's no women allowed very proud about that

also very eager to say it was the secret society probably not that secret now that you're letting it out of the bag yeah and then no women allowed, secret society Ronald Reagan was a member. Oh.

Ten guys told me that. Ronald Reagan and Walt Disney, both members apparently. Oh, that's nice. So no Jews allowed is what you're trying to say. Wild guess. Uh-huh. Wild guess. Jesus.

So the – okay. So the wrestling starts and I think an important thing to remember is that the whole affair is very gay. Sure. The whole thing. It's high camp. There are drag performances during this. Yes. Even the burlesque stuff is very campy.

Yes. So I don't know that these guys knew what this was. They don't get it. So we set up for the thing, and the guys, even before we start, are booing. They're booing the empty ring. They're just so, and they are so drunk. That's what it is that they do. They got to boo something.

Yeah. You got to tear something down. We're white dudes in hats. Sure. We got to own it or destroy it. White dudes in cream hats. Yeah. We've never had it worse.

Right. Worth mentioning, key element of the Bohemian Grove, drag performances. But it's going to be like Howard Schultz or something. It's not going to be. Rudy Giuliani did an unbelievable job. John Sununu. Yeah, John Sununu. Got up and sang a Manilow song as Streisand.

Yeah. Can I ask you a quick question about song as Streisand. Yeah. Can I ask you a quick question about Lucha Vivoom? Yes. Has Ed Meese ever participated in it? This is never. Alexander Haig. Grover Norquist? Yeah, good word.

Club for growth. Am I playing this? Ollie North. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. When I watch a burlesque performance, I'm a one-man club for growth. You know what I'm talking about? Hello.

So this thing starts and people are booing. And these are the drunkest group of men I've ever seen. They are like swaying on their feet. Can I ask how much money you were getting paid to do this? I got $300 at the end of the night. You're joking. I'm not. That's not enough. For the $300, I just start with Randy. But this is his

chance for redemption. You're missing the emotional stakes of this situation. I'm not in it for the money. The second I look at the crowd and I'm like, wait, this is like a scene from the movie The Accused. I'm out. I will not be part of the party. $300 isn't what gets Jordan to Solvang. No.

This isn't about the $300. This is about a deep emotional connection with Blaine Kapach. Sure. And you want to earn from his office. I don't want to disappoint. Sure.

Okay. Yeah, he's my daddy commander. If it was $30,000. It's about meeting a burlesque dancer. Yeah, honestly, that was a big part of it. And guess who's not allowed? Guess what they can't about meeting a burlesque dancer. Yeah, honestly, that was a big part of it. And guess who's not allowed? Guess what they can't have is the burlesque part.

There were like female producers of this thing who couldn't show up because they are so hardline about no women coming. So it's just the wrestlers. It's just the wrestlers. So the wrestling starts and these guys fucking hated to meet them. Of course they did. They're just booing, booing. Of course. It's not for them.

Hurling things. And then like I would say two minutes into the first. And the wrestling is fucking amazing. It's not for them. Hurling things. And then, like, I would say two minutes into the first. And the wrestling is fucking amazing. It is unreal. These guys are tremendous athletes. And, again, I love the little people wrestling. I'm going to say it. It's awesome.

And everyone's a great athlete. The chickens. It's funny. There's a sense of humor to it. Yes. And these guys. And two minutes into the first wrestling, two guys, I would say, 10 feet away from the ring just start fist fighting. Just start punching each other in the face, and then people start watching that.

Instead of the fake wrestling. I can understand that. I mean, that's- That's real wrestling. No, that's- yeah, exactly. Not this fake shit. Wow. No concerns about kayfabe there.

So, and there's this kind of just this, like, let's get through it, you know? Yeah. Everyone involved with the wrestling, us- The wrestlers. The ring announcer, the wrestlers, we're all kind of making eye contact. Let's wrap this thing up and get to our tulip hotels. Right, exactly. Let's have some of those pancakes that have little holes in them.

You know those pancakes? I know them well. I'm sorry, are you talking about panacooking? Maybe I am. You got it, buddy. Panacooking. Do the Irish make pan panicooking? Maybe I am. You got it, buddy. Panacooking. Oh, do the Irish make panicooking? Oh, they make the panicooking.

Oh, a wee bit of panicooking. You take a wee bit of panicooking. So these guys are not listening. Randy Licky being very funny, he's like, just so people know, we actually lost and found there's a cream-colored cowboy hat. He's funny. And, you know, no one's reacting to it. Great joke. You know what these fellas loved? What, you know, that thing you said of like, oh, you know, it's this rowdy crowd, but when you say something that gets through to them, you know, it feels good.

Guess what these guys loved? What? Jokes about how while they were here, somebody else was fucking their wives. Oh. Oh, they loved it. That's great. Look at that. Such nasty cucks.

You know why? Because they said to themselves, at least I don't have to do it. Yeah. Oh, boy. Have you seen their wives? Hey, now. If the pool boy is going to. I barely talked to her.

I had to pay the pool boy just to do it. Is his character Reddit Carson? I literally paid the pool boy and said I'd rather drain the old drain. It's about ethics in video game journalism. That is wild. This is more like Woody Allen. So we're just doing this. No one is really reacting.

People are fist fighting. A guy, I just, a whole glass of tequila hits me in the face. No. Yeah. No. Just from the great void. El Himidor? No, I believe, yeah, I believe it was.

Because Lucha Vivo is sponsored by El Himidor. It was a Jose Cuervo, so I think that's probably why. Lucha Vivo is sponsored by El Himidor, and Dana Gold had the best joke ever at Lucha Vuvum. They said you have to do a sponsorship read. You have to do a sponsorship read of El Jimidor. And he's like, El Jimidor. It wasn't daddy that hit mommy last night. It was El Jimidor.

Enjoy that El Jimidor tequila. Dana Gold. It's a good tequila. The best it is, Dana Gold. So the a good tequila. It is Danny Gold. So the last thing, so the burlesque can't happen. So the last thing is this man named Prince Poppycock. Oh, boy. So he is a man who performs at drag shows, dressed as a Victorian dandy.

Uh-huh. Prince Poppycock goes out there and sings a beautiful, fucking beautiful opera version of All My Exes Live in Texas. Stop. Oh, man. Did he bring the house down? He brought the area to silence. Okay. So the booing stopped and then there was just this kind of-

A lot of confusion over their own sexuality. Right. Questions. Generally a gape feeling. Yeah. Yeah. A sort of like, I don't know how I feel right now. Sure.

A confusion. 30% of them said, I may jerk off to this layer. And so the- Just imagine just all these middle-aged men in like geodesic domes or yurts or something. Yeah. Just cranking it and thinking, Oh my gosh. Single tear running down their face

thinking about the turns they could have taken in their youth. Yeah. That army buddy they had the connection with. Right. Never told him. That mountain done got us good. And then the organizer comes up to me and Randy and says, Hey, why don't you waltz behind him?

So we did. So we went up there and started waltzing. And I whispered to Randy, this is where we die. This is how it ends. This is where we die. On this hill. Let me reiterate. This hill is our last stand.

Had a small Snoke-like version of me been sitting on your shoulder. All I would have been saying into your ear the entire time is $300 is not enough. Not enough. If someone would have said to me, an organizer, Randy pops up on your right shoulder, Randy Sklar,

and he says $300 is not enough. I pop up on your other shoulder, I'm like, he's right. That's it. And then we disappear. I know we look big, but we're actually small. We're tiny.

Probably came out in episode nine that we're small. Yeah, that was it. And then we disappear. I know we look big, but we're actually small. Yeah, we're tiny. Probably came out in episode nine that we're small. Yeah, so that was it. I've been to a secret society. I lived. So did anybody say great job as you were leaving or no? Yeah, everybody came. All these, you know, like when a drunk comes up to you. Yeah.

Like you get a hard pat on the shoulder. That was really fun. I thought you were funny. Yes, I did. Hey, man, don't let the rest, the 95% of the people here tell you. I got it. I thought you, I got it. I'm the cool millionaire.

I'm kind of a big deal over here. I'm the guy that made sure farm workers don't get water breaks. Yeah, and two guys told me about their fucking dumb sons who do open mics. made sure farm workers don't get water breaks. Yeah. And two guys told me about their fucking dumb sons who do open mics. One guy picked you up and threw you down and broke your glasses. Oh no, sorry. That's a guy from Montana. Different situation.

That's it. Wow. Congratulations, Jordan. You survived is why I'm saying wow. And I am $300 richer except for the dry cleaning and the gas up there so I'm and all those tulips

all the tulips I bought $82 and those pancakes and a cup of coffee so yeah I guess I'm when you're in when you're in Solvang my friend

you gotta get a wee bit of panacocan you've gotta get some of those famous cakes you get a spot of panacocan get yourself a few of those famous cakes and a couple of whirly gigs

and a panacocan get yourself a few of those famous gigs. And a couple of whirly gigs. And a pan of cocaine. Get yourself a whirly gig that you might remember. The way that we gained power at the seaside. We have a potentially offensive name for our water retention system. Please don't make jokes about it. It's just a water retention system I love it Well that's a lot of fun Jordan

It was a lot of fun I went to a class this morning At I hate to brag on this show Kaiser Permanente Humble brag I have three children Which is enough children

Maybe that's what you can get your kid to call you, the Kaiser. Kaiser Permanente? Yeah. Kaiser Permanente. I would have him call me Kaiser Permanently. I'd hate to be a Kaiser Temperente. Yeah. Seems like a dark ending for the Kaiser Temperente.

I would want my kids to call me Kaiser Sose. Because I just want them to put everything together after the fact. And they think for their whole lives, they think you have a limp. But then at their high school graduation, you see Kevin Normal Gates. They look around and see everything in the gym. And they're like, wait a minute. Wait a second. Kevin Spacey's our dad?

Probably not. I have three children. I know both of you guys have children as well. Two each, right? I have three children. That is enough children. That's one too many guys have children as well. Two each, right? I have three children. That is enough children. That's one too many. For my family.

One of each. Well, you know, it depends on who you ask. On one shoulder, they said that's one too many. On the other shoulder, also said he's one too many. One shoulder says one too many. Another shoulder says three too many. Wouldn't it be weird if Snoke was bigger? Like if we actually see Snoke and he's bigger than that?

And the projection is smaller and there's just a guy going, I tried to make it bigger. I screwed up the aspect ratio on how big it was going to be. It's still bigger than Kylo Ren. Just stop. He's big. Yeah. So I have decided to have an elective surgery to have my penis removed, and it will render me sterile. Your wife did it 10 years ago.

Go. Hey. Hey. So you're just going to make it official. That's Reddit, Carson. Have you heard about how all the Pixar movies connect? That is wild. I did not know that.

About some vintage video games. That's weird. I had not know that. About some vintage video games. That's weird. I had to go to a... Here's some pornography featuring Sonic the Hedgehog. I had to go to a class to learn how to do it. Why? Because they're going to make you do it? You do it yourself?

Self? It's called managed care. Kaiser. Kaiser Permanente way? HMO. Scrub in. That's Kaiser Permanente's new slogan. Kaiser Permanente.

Scrub in. Join the party. Thanks, Allison Janney. I will. Scrub in. The voice of Kaiser Permanente for folks not in Kaiser Permanente's coverage area. Jesus Christ. Kaiser Permanente, thrive.

It's the same room where I took a birthing class. Ironically enough. Irony of all ironies. We can bring you into this world and we can take you out. Just a weird conference room. And there's just a woman who really looked like a woman from a television commercial wearing a white coat. from a television commercial wearing a white coat, like a beautiful middle-aged African-American woman with her arms crossed standing behind a podium

about to tell us what it is. And I've never felt so vividly enrobed in dadness as I felt in... It was like an AA meeting only for tired dads. You just made the mistake of having too many children. Yes. That's what every single person in this room is there because their children have broken their will. Right.

Every single person, if there was a thought bubble above their head was, I can't take it anymore. Exactly. Yeah. It was astonishing. And people of all colors, all walks of life. A variety of- Korean people feel this way too. Variety of ages.

Yeah. I mean, Hawk is 56 years old. Yeah. He had a situation with his wife who's 50 and they said, well, we better get the procedure. I heard it straight from Hawk's mouth. That is being too precautious. He ain't getting that one. Well, they had a scare last month.

They had a scare last month. They had a scare last month. Wow. It was a big surprise to Hawk and his wife. And so they're taking care of business. So this is a bunch of people who also are saying to the world, I don't know when to pull out. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.

And, yeah, there was just – there was two – so, almost everyone, they put up on the board like say – It is so funny that you have like – we've all had an ejaculation error. Sure, sure. Like did several people stay in the meeting 15 minutes after it ended? You're like, guys, you can leave. Guys, you can pull out of this meeting. You can get out. Obviously, that's why you're here.

We had on the board, you know, say your first name, say whether you're married or have children, how many children you have, and why you're thinking about having the surgery and how long you've been thinking about it. And where you were supposed to ejaculate. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And the mostly you're looking at, you know, 37 year old dads of two or three children, sometimes four children. They say, you know, their wife did the birth control pill disagrees with their wife. And so they've decided to go in and take care of it themselves. Right. And all of this is great. There was one guy who said he he said he was younger than 30, I think, maybe 30-ish.

And he said, you know, I'm glad to be here. I don't have any kids. He was the last guy to go to. He goes, I don't have any kids. Don't want any kids. Would have done this earlier. Insurance didn't cover it. Thrilled to have this happen.

Just got a puppy. I know I can't handle kids. I always love when people say, like, my dog is like, it's like a kid. My dog is like a baby. Nope. No, it is not like a kid. It's not. If you can tie it up while you're eating brunch, it's not a kid. If you can pay good money to watch it fight another one

to the death, it is not a kid. If it runs away and then two weeks later you're like, I'll just get another one. It's not a kid. It is not a kid. If it runs away and then two weeks later you're like, I'll just get another one. It's not a kid! It's not a kid. My Etsy shop is like your kid. Your Etsy shop is like your kid and I will give you that. I just wanted one guy to stand up

at your meeting and just one word, eugenics, and then just sit back down. Oh, I'm deciding how the race goes. Fantastic. One guy had like a low baseball cap and he's kind of leaning back. He's maybe 40-ish, 42. Jude Law? Yeah, it was Jude Law.

And he goes like, yeah, man, I got a two-year-old and a six-year-old and a 17-year-old, but different woman. She's off at college. I don't even care about that one. I'm like, whoa. Holy cow.

That just got way realer than I expected. So why any of this? Why not? Why? Why do you have to get to know the other people? You have to sign a consent form. That's right. And you have to be informed before you can give your consent,

according to state law. Sure. So you have to go through this class. Because of eugenics, basically. I guess I understand getting a talk or watching a video. Why do you need to get to know the other people who are doing it? The idea is that everyone knows they're not the only person in this boat, and that we all have similar reasons, or at least there's someone else in the room who recently got a puppy and decided they can't handle a child so she gives a brief introduction she tells us a few things like that we need to buy a jock strap or two jock straps and they won't

the doctor will cancel the surgery if you don't have jock straps with you when you go into the surgery are you wearing a cup as it's happening? Yeah. The whole afterwards, I think you wear a cup just in case you take a line drive there. Yeah. For real? Especially when you're doing judo. We used to, when we played soccer and you had to wear the cups, and I can't believe

we did this to our parents. Our poor fucking mom who worked at a school. We used to take our cups out as we were like being driven around a carpool in the back and just leave them on the back

to go to the car. So she'd pull up to school and there'd just be two dudes cups just sitting on the back. Athletic supporters just shining in the sun. I don't think

you're required. You're not required. You just have to have the jockstrap. You don't have to have the cup. She should have gotten her. But they showed us an instructional film. And the woman, before she plays the instructional film, she says,

Gentlemen, I think you'll find that the information in this instructional film is completely up to date, but maybe some of the hairstyles aren't. Oh, comedy. Here we go. Yeah, full, full 1993. Like the 1993 that this movie was serving. White Guys with Cornrows? It was astonishing.

So tons of structure sweaters. Just pure structure sweaters. Yeah. But just a man narrating his decisions to be satiralized. And my tons of goatees. While he's just standing there. One of them was Ethan Hawke, right?

Ethan Hawke from Reality Bites. While he's just standing there on a slightly deck with one of those barrel pools and just some children and a hot 1993 wife. Yeah. Pants up to her pippock.

Yeah. And just a weird narrator telling you about it. Leah Thompson, right? Leah Thompson. Yeah. It's Leah Thompson. Hey, it's, hey, I'm, my name is, my name is Dick Jones. Yeah.

Or whatever. Yeah. Jeff Worthington. Dick Snipper. I love my wife and I love my family. No one's asked. No one's said that you don't. No one questioned that. No one questioned that.

When you offer that information and no one's asked you it, you definitely don't love your wife nor do you love your family. And he goes – it's a whole thing. He goes to the doctor and when he and his wife walk into the doctor everyone in this so far has looked like a commercial actor yeah sure but the doctor

looks like a smaller Albert Brooks like a small Shetland Shetland Brooks Shetland Brooks yeah

like he's got the he's got the cute little curls but he's probably five foot two okay two perm and five foot two

but the most magical moment of this bizarre experience was there's a part, you know, they want to emphasize in here that you will not have a reduced volume of semen. Right. Please. Thank you. By removing

the sperm. We know your wives love that sweet load. By removing the sperm from the seminal fluid. You don't reduce the total volume of fluid significantly. Right. They want to assure you of that, and they want to assure you it will not affect your sexual performance. So there's a scene where he's reading in bed, and she gets— It's a full penetrative sex scene, right?

Yes. Just to prove this guy— It's like a red asphalt thing. While she's wearing pants up to her yeah she doesn't take her scrunchie out but it is literally

the starkest like quietest it's some weird shit with koosh balls she's wearing like white workout Reebok high tops baby are you into

pog fucking so she climbs into bed and you know like a not revealing lingerie sure sure and you just realize you kind of you

can almost just barely hear in the distance of the soundtrack to kind of and you're like oh shit that's a waterbed oh nice oh boy okay that was like fuck yeah that line that fucking uh that fucking line producer who approved that budget. He's like, he's crossing shit out. He's crossing below ground pool out. It's like barrel pool instead. Barrel pool on top. He's crossing out every, he's crossing out handsome doctor and putting in tiny Albert Brooks.

Mini Albert Brooks. Albert Brooks, very handsome. Right. He's crossing out. We can't get the spin doctors. Yeah. We got this guy. But he's got circle.

Water bed. The director has circled in red Sharpie. We must keep the spin doctors. We got this guy. But he's got circle. Water bed. The director has circled in red Sharpie, we must keep the water bed. Deal breaker. I walk off this set if I don't have a water bed. It's a non-starter, as they say. Anyway, they do it under topical anesthesia. What? They have sex under topical anesthesia.

Oh, man, you blast so hard. Okay, okay, okay. Jason Squire, you've got to go take your top of the head. Oh, man, you blast so hard. Okay, okay, okay. Jason Squire, you've got to go take your kid to the movies. I'm doing my best. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, stickers, patches, tanks, and more are yours for the purchasing at maxfundstore.com. Hey, you already love the podcasts, so why not take this to the next level and outfit your home and bod with our merch? Maxfundstore.com. Because if you have to wear a shirt, it should be one of ours.

It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Randy Sklar, one half, the better half of the Sklar brothers. Yeah. Here along for the ride. Can I give a shout out to some people listening outside the studio right now? I love them so much I want to be them. Johan and Yarnica. Yarnica. Yornica. Jornica. Yeah. Johan and Jornica. They've come from a nation called Sweden. Yeah. Nordic people. Known for its blue sport coats. Dressed impeccably

there like a Jens Leckman song. Come to life. We're living a Jens Lekman song. Which we all should be in the first place. We're right up there in that Jens Lekman. We might as well be Todd Barry. And I can be your boyfriend. Touring Northern Europe. Is he touring Northern Europe? He's toured Northern Europe with Jens Lekman. Yeah, that's a good trip.

You guys should get that Jens Lekman gig. I would love to do it. I said I would love to just walk into these people's lives and be them, just to enjoy the health care. Just to consume them. Kind of do a talented Mr. Ripley. Oh, yeah. I'm not as talented as that.

So this is – You can kill them with an oar, though, right? You can kill somebody with an oar. I'm not talented enough to want to take my own life. Chris Cornell, may he rest in peace. They were kind enough to give us some gotten blended. I don't know if you guys want to try this gotten blended. Yeah, I want a gotten blended.

If you got it, I'll blend it. Appears to be a fruity candy. I'm going to have this red gotten blended. Okay. This original gotten blended for folks keeping score at home. Yeah, I'm going to take a black nipple. Here's what I can't handle. Oh, yuck.

I'm taking it out of my mouth. It's bad. Say that again. I'm going to take a black nipple. Don't have a black nipple. Just say I'm going to take a black nipple. You should eat it. You should eat the rest of it. No, wait. Jesse. Huh? that again. I'm going to take a black nipple. Don't have a black nipple. Just say I'm going to take a black nipple. You should eat it. You should eat the rest of it.

No, wait. Jesse. Huh? Jordan, say I'm going to take a black nipple. Mine is great. Jesse, say I'm going to take a black nipple. I'm going to take a black nipple. I mean, Jordan, say I'm going to take a black nipple.

I'm going to take a black nipple. Again? Yeah. Here we go. Give me a fruit one. I don't want this. What's wrong with the black one? It tastes, the flavor is shadow.

It tastes like eating a shadow. Do you know what a gotten bland it is? Give me the gotten bland it so I can taste the black shadow. Do you know what gotten bland it is? Give me the gotten bland it so I can taste the black one. Do you know what it is? What? Swedish fish. You got it. I think it is basically Swedish fish.

This red one is fine. Don't take too much, Randy, because we're on microphone, number one. And number two, you've got to try this lacquerol. Oh, shit, yeah. Salvi-flavored lacquerol. I've got to find one of these black ones so I can eat it. Guys, I just lacqueroled the rims on my tires. Oh, that's nice. They will not get dirty anymore. I got a to find one of these black ones so I can eat it. Guys, I just lacquered all the rims on my tires. That's nice.

They will not get dirty anymore. I've got a little black poodle dog here. Yeah, that's terrible. That's my favorite part of any crime drama story. You know, like a magazine crime drama story. Wow, it gets worse when you chew it more. It's awful. When they lacquer all the motel room

just to see where all the semen is. Was this a gift or a punishment? Okay. It is funny that that bag has delicious candies and then, yeah, and then small poisons. Like if you think a licorice jelly bean ruins the other jelly beans, imagine getting this, whatever this nightmare is. Yeah, this is a step up. I mean, I think, you know, like obviously it's a dumb thing that people say all the time about hating black jelly beans. But this is another level.

I ate the black one and I was like, man, they don't like anything black in Sweden. Look out. Racism. Watch out now. This other one is like that, but a little bit better. Lacquerol still has some of that Jägermeister quality to it. This is a lacquerol. What's the flavor called?

Cough syrup, I believe. The flavor, it has a flavor name. Salvi. It's salvi flavored. Made from stevia. Oh, that's nice. Salvi Singer. Low sugar.

It's Salvi Singer. Where? It's Salvi Singer right there. Where? Thank you, Randy. Hey, you guys know what the- Randy today playing the part of Jew. I'm taking it out of my mouth.

It got worse. Mm-hmm. It is weird. I think I'm going to go ahead and swallow it. But hey, you know what the lacquer all slogan is? What's that? Makes people talk. Let's give us something to talk about.

Have lacquer all. Let's get on with something. You know what? You're going to need a lacquer roll. I talked a couple weeks ago about how I have recently taken to listening to the entire Paul Simon album, Graceland. Not as good as Rhythm of the Saints. While doing, okay, well, we'll see. Debatable.

No. You say not debatable. I know it's subjective, but I'm right. While doing dad activities, thus making me a powerful dad. However, I will say that I have leveled up. Speaking of leveling up, as with black licorice flavored jelly beans up to gotten blanded, I have leveled up. I had some reason to click on the music video for Bonnie Raitt's Let's Give Them Something to Talk About. Watch this start to finish.

Sure. Thought to myself, yeah, Bonnie Raitt's pretty good. That's power dad shit. That's the top level. Go back and listen to Angel from Montgomery and Streetlights. That album, that Bonnie Raitt album is phenomenal. Yeah, Bonnie Raitt's great. Where do you start with Raitt?

If I'm looking to get into Raitt, where do you start? Let's give them something it like a roll. I call her Bonnie Queen Rate. Don't hog all that God ate. We can't just eat gotten blanded all day. We got a podcast here. Okay, when something momentous happens to you, like you visit

your podcast heroes all the way in America from your frozen socialist homeland. Listen, if you don't eat all the way in America. Yeah. From your frozen socialist homeland. Listen, if you don't eat all the gotten bland in front of them, that is considered an insult in Sweden. That is. I don't know a lot about Swedish culture, but I do know that's true.

Wasn't this the girl on, was that, what was the girl with the dragon tattoo was filmed in Sweden? Is that Swedish? Yeah, that's Swedish. Very brutal. Now there's this chef from the filmed in Sweden. Is that Swedish? Yeah, that's Swedish. Very brutal. Now, there's this chef from The Muppets. Is that? I'm starting to suspect that he, what country is he from?

He's Norwegian. He's Norwegian. Oh, okay. Interesting. The Norse chef. When something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN. Here's our first call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, guests.

This is Cole calling. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, guests. This is Cole calling. So I'm coming to Western Mass for the weekend, or I'm already in Western Mass, rather. I go to the Brimfield Flea Market with my girlfriend, and we just had to take a cab. And if you don't know anything about Western Mass or this area, it's pretty rural, so the cab drivers are kind of wily people. But anyway, sitting in the car and kind of silent for a long period of time, and then the Red Hot Chili Peppers' Danny California comes on the radio, and the cab driver looks over at me and he goes, my dog's favorite band, you know. So I guess you'd think that was pretty funny. Wow.

Yeah, I like it. Me, I don't care for him. My dog loves him. Personally, I wish he would have been making that call while still in the cab. That's a different message that you're leaving with the guy right there. I'm imagining his dog's chain wallet right now. Yeah. By the way, I've been listening to a lot of Red Hot Chili Peppers on the Sirius XM channel, Lithium, which plays 90s grunge and whatnot. And I will say this.

And Dave Grohl said this about someone was like the Foo Fighters started going out on the road for the Red Hot Chili Peppers to open for them. One of their fans was like, dude, what are you doing opening for the Red Hot Chili Peppers? He's like, do you know how many hits these guys have? I am now understanding that. And actually, my kids love the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And my kids are like a dog. So there you go. I liked the Red Hot Chili Peppers and my kids are like a dog. Yeah.

So there you go. I like the Red Hot Chili Peppers when I was 11. Yeah. I think that there's probably like. I disagree. I'm listening to their music now and I'm saying this is, it's good stuff. It's good stuff. I can't, I can't, you know, look, it's no, let's give them.

Don't let her talk about. So I think, I guess I put them in a category with you two about maybe when they, oh boy. Okay. I'm going to keep going down this road, but I think it's dangerous. I mean, truthfully, I put on the Joshua Tree album, the album, the other day, and I'm like, Red Hill Mining Town, In God's Country, One Tree Hill, Trip Through Your Wires. I defy you to find four in a row like that on another album. That is insanely good.

Yeah. Well, it's okay. So let's say Joshua Tree is classic U2. And I don't know a lot about this. So let's say RHCP's Joshua Tree is, what's the one before Blood Sugar Sex Magic? I don't know. There was one. Blood Sugar Sex Magic is the only one of which I'm aware.

Really? Scar tissue is not something that you enjoy or think is good soul to squeeze? These are good songs. I guess maybe my, I'll finish the point and tell me why I'm wrong, is that they maybe started out as kind of a cool thing that you've never, that was not happening in music. Friends with George Clinton, I like that about them. And then became kind of parodies of themselves. And they became kind of ridiculous and are now kind of in this world of kind of, you know, just a song you hear at the gas station.

Can I interject? But maybe started out as influential. I don a song you hear at the gas station. But can I interject? I don't think they're as bad as that. I want to interject something real quick. And just for our listeners at home, when you're deciding whose argument to go with, Jordan is sitting here offering his coherent thoughts, cogent thoughts on the band, the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Randy just filled his hands with Gottenblanded Fished through it, pulled out three black ones and put them back in the bag Guys, this may just be

the Gottenblanded That's how you win an argument You trick your opponent into eating a black Gottenblanded and then while they're incapacitated This may be the Gottenblanded talking but I'm still not seeing your side of the argument. I'm a Chili Peppers fan. I'm sorry.

Okay. I think that's fair. And they do have a lot of hits. It's like, oh, they have so many songs. Blood Sugar Sex Magic. That's the anthem of seventh grade at the Nueva Learning Center. If you're wondering what was going on there, everybody was listening to Blood Sugar Sex Magic. But apparently, dogs love it.

What do you think of Sublime? Power of equality. They were pro-equality. Yeah, they like it. They were in support of equality. I really hate Sublime. I think they're maybe the thing that I cringe the most at when it comes on the radio. And it's probably because I grew up in Southern California around peak sublime.

He actually got beat up by a sublime album. Yeah. Not the band. That dog that was in all the videos mauled me. I was going to say a Dalmatian beat up. So I think they are my least favorite band. Let's take our next call. Hi, my name is Drew.

I live in a tiny rural town in western Massachusetts. And my momentous occasion is that I am just leaving from voting for my wife for possibly the lowest elected position in the country. She's running to be a voting member of our town meeting. So I am very proud of her. And get him, get him, get him. Western Mass representing this week. Nice of him to call us from that dryer. Inside.

Well, you know, we ask people to call right away after the momentous occasion happens. You walked out of that voting hall and into that industrial clothing dryer. Makes me wonder how many times this guy's voted. You vote and go right into a dryer. Go on heavy duty. I don't understand. Dry it out, buddy. This isn't a time dry either.

You dry until you're done. I want to hear from somebody who's running for dog catcher. That's what I want to hear. Somebody who's trying to get elected dog catcher in this town. I want to see someone run for dog catcher on a heavily anti-immigration platform. Fucking chihuahuas. Exactly. platform. Fucking Chihuahua. If we have a dog catcher on the show, does equal time require us to have his opponent

or her opponent or their opponent? Sure, why not? Yeah, we're Walter Cronkite or whatever. Yeah, let's, okay, so if you're ready for dog catcher. I would say we're the Walter Cronkite of podcasts featuring two guys talking about nothing in particular with no particular

qualifications that started 12 years ago. There's a big of podcasts featuring two guys talking about nothing in particular with no particular qualifications that started 12 years ago. There's a big clock on the wall that you're always checking. It's true. You got to check the clock. Keep an eye on that clock. I mean, that is, to me, the most significant moment. Yeah.

That's a momentous occasion. Every time I check that clock, and I know we're doing just fine. We're fine on time, folks. We got one more in the bank? Yeah, let's hear it. Drop it. I hope this is from Western Mass. Hi, Jordan and Jesse. I have a disease called MS, and I take this medicine, and my doctor told me I couldn't take any more because he thought I might have a disease called PML. And

all that you really need to know is that if I had that disease, I would be dead very soon. And so for the past 24 hours, I didn't know if I was going to die, but I'm not going to die. I get to live. So that was kind of a big deal. Show means a lot to me. Bye, guys. Hey, way to be alive.

Yeah. Live it up. That's what I say. Bye, guys. Hey, way to be alive. Yeah. Live it up. That's what I say. Good job living. Yeah. Oh, boy. If I had PML, I'd say FML, right? Yeah.

What is FML? Fuck my life. Fuck my life. Yeah. I have FOMO. Fear of missing out, but I don't want to miss out on that. I'm fine with missing out. I'm fine with missing out on that.

That disease. That's amazing. I have FUBU. Oh, good. Yeah. Which is the fear of- It's for us, by us. I have FUBU. Oh good, yeah. Which is the fear of It's for us, by us. I was going to say

the fear of oversized clothing. No, that is The fear of busy jeans. Hold on a second. The fear of embroidery on my back pockets. I think that's amazing that that dude is living

and that It's great. And that he I think the most amazing thing about that whole call and I think you's amazing that that dude is living. It's great. And that he, I think the most amazing thing about that whole call, and I think you will both agree, did not come from Western Massachusetts. I know. Secondly. Why does this person, has this person not heard about the Broomfield Antiques Fair? It's only once a year.

It's the biggest flea market in the world. So I think he, which should be the next, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah. But I think it's amazing But I think it's amazing. I think it's amazing that he holds this show. Maybe you guys were somewhat the inspiration. He's like, I got to hear the next episode of the show. I got to live.

We were the inspiration. Oh, I thought you meant we were the inspiration for him to get multiple sclerosis in the first place. That is not a child. It's a choice. I don't think I can deal with this. If living in this world means listening to Jordan Jesse go, then I don't think I want to live in this world. Yeah, let's go out. I think that's a great way to—

Congratulations on living. Yes, alive guy. We are happy for you. We are pro-life. Wait, hold on. No, we're pro-your life. We're pro-your life. Your life is a choice to have.

You're pro-your life as a choice. Yeah, we're sorry. We've said a lot of wrong things. I know. But the thing that we definitely have not screwed up is that a Roth IRA comes after taxes. Yes, right. After taxes. After taxes.

After taxes. The Red Hot Chili Peppers had a lot of hits. Then you don't pay taxes on the earnings until they're withdrawn. Look, I'm not going to stand here and say the Red Hot Chili Peppers are the greatest band of all time. Okay? But I will say that I- The greatest band of all time, okay? But I will say that I... The greatest band of all time. Huey Lewis and the News. Sure.

That's right. I saw Huey Lewis and the News when I was in 6th grade. So the age of my daughter right now. I won raffle tickets at a walk with Israel. Stevie Ray Vaughan opened up for him. Someone who is not still alive. I just remember the entire time through Stevie Ray Vaughan, one of the greatest guitarists of all time,

let alone the generation that we came up in the entire time. I was just in my brain and I didn't even know if I said it out loud. I was just like, get off!

We want the news, not the weather! Go get in a helicopter! You know, I mean, it was the total, like like i wish i could go back and slap my 12 year old self i uh i had uh huey lewis on this program uh on the program bullseye i should say yeah how was that uh fucking wonderful yeah he strikes me lewis is the

lovely he smelled like weed yeah Yeah. Was so nice. He strikes me as the best dude. And a San Francisco guy, so I know you like that. A chill dude. Yeah. Told a story about when he stowed away on an airplane to Europe. What? I know.

Underneath? And told some fun stories about when he helped invent pub rock. Then told some stories about what it was like to be at Live Aid or whatever. No, we are the world. By the way, go back. There is online. I'm surprised you didn't do this before you had the interview again.

I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but you should do some research for you. No, but there is a clip, I want to say 10 minutes long, of Hugh Lewis in the News, Cindy Lauper, and I think it's Steve Perry. Okay? And they have to do their part. And Quincy Jones doing it over and over again.

You see all the takes before the one that actually became the one. This dude, Huey Lewis, without the news, he nailed. Sans news. Sans news. Like, so he is, there's not even a news crawl going underneath newsless he nails it

every single time and his voice is so powerful in a room where Michael Jackson is there Dylan is there he nails it

this is a room full of good singers and he's a fine singer right but he nails it you would have been so proud now that you know

Huey Lewis and you feel like you now that we're friends you're buddies we're best buddies go back and watch that and you feel like you- Now that we're friends. You're buddies. We're best buddies. Go back and watch that and you will be so happy. I'm headed to his ranch in Montana to do some fly fishing. I love it.

It'll be fun. I'm going to head to his ranch in Montana to body slam a reporter. Him and I believe it was Tom Brokaw like to go. Maybe it's Dan Rather. It's either Tom Brokaw or Dan Rather and Huey Lewis like to go fly fishing together. We go fly fishing together. Brokaw. Yeah. Fly fishing. Brokaw. Fly fishing together. We go fly fishing together. Brokaw. Yeah.

Fly fishing. Brokaw. That's me. Reddit. Ladies and gentlemen. Reddit Tom Brokaw. Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, what a see a dragon fucking car.

Randy Smart's not here anymore. Somehow Harry Shearer came in. Doing his impressions of the news anchors of the 1980s and 90s. Fly fishing with Jimmy Kluszewski. Fly fishing with Winnloschewski. Fly fishing with Gwen Eichel. 206-984-4FUN is our telephone number if something momentous happens to you. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. Jordan, Jesse Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Randy Sklar, and I'm just so happy to be here. What a joy to have you. Randy Sklar, of course, half of the Sklar brothers, they host Sklar Bro Country, and it's a fun sports podcast. So fun, and we've taken a new turn on it, which has taken us almost seven years to understand this, but... Comedy people don't like sports, but sports people are impressed by comedy. Here's the deal. Actually, I think that very few comedy people love sports, and the people who do really comedy. Here's the deal. Actually, I think that very few comedy people love sports

and the people who do really love it and love the way we present it. Yeah, it's funny as shit. But what I think we, but what we weren't doing was literally digging in to what was happening. And truthfully, it took a show like John Oliver's show, which I love very much,

which takes very serious subject matter and presents in a way that is funny, that showed us how we should probably be doing our show. Now, we don't have the writing staff of John. We don't have a 12 Josh Gondelman. You don't have Kevin Avery. We don't have Kevin Avery. We don't have Josh Gondelman up in this piece.

You don't have Jeff Haggerty. So all those guys. But we don't have that, but we have ourselves, and we felt like that's where we should be going. So we have takes on, like, why the World Baseball Classic is awesome and you're not watching it. Why not— Fucking World Baseball Classic was great. Unreal.

Oh, I went to that. It was so fun. People didn't know. I'm like, but we're going to tell you why and hopefully present it in a funny way. We presented this last week, a whole take on why—not only why college athletes should be paid, but how they should be paid. And it has to do with putting all their money into an escrow account that you only get when you graduate. If you leave early, you don't get that money. I mean, and let it work that way so it promotes graduations and sticking around. Even if you're on the fence about your draft stock, you're like, well, if I stick around, I'll still get this money.

So it is we're kind of attacking things the – and our takes on just the way it is. After this, you know, momentous NBA finals, which will include the three – the trilogy, if you will, this to us, when I was a kid in the 80s, it was the Lakers and the Celtics. They met three times in the NBA finals. And as a kid in St. Louis who didn't have a team, you know, we're picking different sides of the country that we're rooting for. This is the same thing. It's Cleveland, it's Golden State. They're at each other for the third time. If LeBron wins, you definitely have to have the conversation. Is he the greatest of all time? If he doesn't win, you have to have another discussion. Is he worse than Kobe? So whatever happens, we're going to now be able to dig in and have like a really good take. And so we're taking out a comedy. We're putting it in

the sports section of a podcast, which I think will be way better and i'm excited to give our take on that and i i feel like that's a good take the other thing is we have uh dumb people town which is on feral audio which we truly love doing which is this is you and dan van kirk another past jordan jesse go guest phenomenal dude i was listening to the dumb people town on the way over i was laughing like a fucking maniac in my car well people town is so funny you guys both participated in it in its earlier incarnation which was sclubbro county you guys both did that but we have sort of you know as you probably listened after participating in one we're sort of figuring out what is the

community what i love with this show that just happened is people called in there was a sense of like i can share stuff with you and so we're figuring out how to do community. What I love with this show that just happened is people called in. There was a sense of, like, I can share stuff with you. And so we're figuring out how to do that with this. And in, I don't know, 20 episodes, our listenership has grown immensely, and we are super excited about that prospect. Dumb People Town, really funny show where you guys and Dan Van Kirk, sometimes a guest, will look at real stories from the news of people behaving foolishly. And, you know, you'll offer some constructive criticism.

Constructive shit. We try to understand what were the 10 hours that led. You unpack it. What were the 10 hours that led up to getting naked, grabbing a machete, and taking a shit in someone else's pool? Lubing yourself up and climbing into the air conditioning vent. Who is the man who complains that he can't just bring his pet snakes into a public park and let them run free? Yeah. Is there such a thing as an amateur circumcisionist? made by someone that he was loosely connected with, offered to invite her son over to his house, not a Kaiser Permanente, not a medical place,

and offered to give what he called an unauthorized circumcision to her son. Yeah, so Sklar Brothers, Dumb People Town, and Sklar Bro Country, both hilarious shows, Sklar Bro Country, full of insights about sports. They have a great guest contributor I really like. Jesse Thorne with an E at the end, British Sports Reporter. Jesse Thorne, the British Sports Reporter, is one of my favorites because I don't know enough about it. I like the EPL, but that's where it stops for me. I need to know what's going on in the world of cricket.

I need terms that I don't understand. Jesse Thorne with an E, which is your British cousin. And you also are a resident fantasyologist talking about fantasy sports leagues. Right now we're sitting here with no fantasy football because the NFL is not in session. So you want to jump on other – you have that fantasy bug. Yeah, what else are you going to do with your office? Fantasy deities. Maybe you do fantasy deities.

Maybe you do fantasy farmer's markets. Fantasy rose varietals. There you go. Okay. Anyway, Daniel Butterwell on the boards this week. Thank you, Danny. We've got Sonny D. Brian Fernandez produces the program each and every week.

What a joy it's been to talk to you, Randy. Less so, Jason. Yeah, he's gone. Don't tell him. Look, he didn't get another bite of the old gotten bandit. Yeah, he missed gotten bandit completely. You took, at this point, that was one-sixth black pieces. Now it is two-thirds.

After the dipping that you've been doing into that, two-thirds at least. Three-quarters. I am all about, sometimes racial equality means balancing it in the other direction. Maybe we should just take what gotten bandit has left, give it to these Swedes, and have them take it back the other direction. Maybe we should just take what Gottenblended has left, give it to these Swedes, and have them take it back to their country. Yeah, where it came from. Well, there needs to be more black things in Sweden.

Okay, that's all for this week's program. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Thank you.