Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 483: Tiny Diver with Danielle Radford

Episode Date: June 5, 2017

Comedian and podcaster Danielle Radford joins Jordan and Jesse and they finally give it a rest from talking about those clowns in Washington to make room for a discussion about everyone's favorite Reddit subculture, movies that are better to watch on VHS than Blu-ray and the mystery of those fried baby squid that come with calamari. 

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Every week on Jordan Jesse Goh, we take an hour to round up the world's top news and provide you with hot takes and insights on everything that matters, particularly in the area of foreign policy. Hey, Jesse.

Yeah. Just, I got a little, I got a little bug up my ass, but not a bad one. Yeah. A fun one. A fun bug? What if. Yeah. Just this week.

Right. We got a great guest here. Mm-hmm. What if just for this week? Just this week, because normally. Normally what we do. We'd be talking about the State Department. Sure.

We'd basically- I'm going to be honest, Jordan. I don't mean to lay bare our production process. We'd be reading The Economist and then sort of rewriting the articles. Iran contra, comma, repercussions of. Exactly. You can still feel it today anyway. That's an example of one of the index cards we would have accessed.

Yeah. What if just for this week. Just this week. We ditch the Brainiac stuff. See a Poindexter. Yeah, see a Poindexter. We'll see it later in the library. Right.

And we just fuck off. We gab. We chat. We laugh. Maybe we learn something. And if we don't, who the fuck cares? So you're saying we'll find out what happens when the Beltway Wonks loosen their bow ties. Sure.

Are we the Beltway Wonks? Yeah. Yeah. Muss up their side parts and get wild. Yeah. It'll be like when the Capitol Steps all had those pot brownies. Or when Ann Coulter and George F. Yeah. It'll be like when the Capitol steps all had those pot brownies. Yeah. Or when Ann Coulter and George F.

Will fucked. Sure. Hey, what if we fucked? That'd be kind of weird, right? Oh boy. I don't want to meet the person who jacks off to the thought of that. Someone does. George F. Will adjusting his little glasses.

I wear these when I fuck. Have you read my book about Oral Hershiser? Yeah, I think that's a great idea. Great. Let's go ahead and do that. I will push aside this mountain of research. Sure. And I will approach go ahead and do that. I will push aside this mountain of research. Sure. And I will approach this program tabula rasa.

I saw a funny label this week. Really? We can talk about that. I saw a type of electronics device. Oh, my gosh. So we each have brought one topic to the mix. Yeah, yeah. Plus, we've got a guest on the program, so we'll introduce her and we'll see where this wild ride ends. I love it.

Mr. Toad, step aside. A grizzly pileup. This is the original wild ride, even though yours came before this. I think that we would accept a Mr. Toad's wild ride level of popularity in the context of the world of podcasting. Oh, like if as many people listen to this podcast per week as go on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride per week? Or just if we were a 30th percentile podcast. Mm-hmm.

Like, I think probably more people want to go on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride than on, like, the Peter Pan ride. Yeah. Well, the Peter Pan ride. Just because it's got a little bit of a reputation. Well, I guess here's what you're going against. Okay. Peter Pan, you have the feeling of flight.

Right. And Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, you learn what it's like to go to hell. So it's just like, which do you prefer? Are you a flight guy or are you a hell guy? Okay. So 15th percentile. Yeah. So I think what I-

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride is probably the worst. Maybe the only worst ride at Disneyland is like storybook cruise through the whale's mouth. Right. Yeah. I think. So second worst. I would take second worst. I would love second worst.

I would love to stand on someone's shoulders. That would be amazing. Everybody loves onions. I don't know. Is that a podcast? I think so. Yeah. Fuck them.

I'm sure they're great. I think that's like the shitty Keith and the Girl. Okay. I think. I've never heard any of these shows. I'm sure they're great. I think that's like the shitty Keith and the Girl. Okay. I think. I've never heard any of these shows. I have to admit. Yeah, I would take that. Great.

Just if someone, just a few confused European tourists blundered into Jordan Jesse Go once in a while. Yeah. Found out what hell is and left. Or maybe just daddy needs to go somewhere because he's hot. Went to go get a dole whip. That's fine with me. Or maybe like teenagers who are shrooming need like some stimulus. Exactly.

That's when they either go on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride or put on this podcast. I think that's a good call. Hey, shrooming teens. You guys listening? Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Oh, you're running through a forest. You're running through a forest. Oh, smack, you hit a tree.

Our guest this week is one. Just kidding, guys. Here's some bananas. She's one of the co-hosts of MaximumFun.org's very own smash hit wrestling program, Tights and Fights. Her name is Danielle Radford. Oh, hello. Stand-up comic as well. Mm-hmm.

Beloved stand-up comic. Small screen personality. Yeah, on the Screen Junkies Network. Yes, you can find me on the YouTubes talking about nerd stuff, and then I'm also on the YouTubes talking about fat girl stuff. So that's dope. Dope. Two categories. That's a twofer. Yeah. I'm a about nerd stuff, and then I'm also on the YouTubes talking about fat girl stuff. So that's dope. Dope. Two categories.

That's a twofer. I'm a twofer. So I want to talk about Jessie's use of wrestling as opposed to wrestling. Yes. Do you prefer one to the other, or is there a time when you use each? I think it depends. I like wrestling because I feel like wrestling is very like

everyone knows what you're talking about. Because if you say wrestling, then people might be like collegiate and I'm like, I don't know what the fuck that word is

that you just said. Oh, sure, sure, sure. But if you say wrestling, I'm like, oh no, I get it. It's the thing that I like with the flips and the dudes

and it's perfect. When I was in college, it was the dawn, this is the early 2000s, it was the dawn of the is the early 2000s. It was the dawn of the. A great time for music. I think it was the dawn of what I call the smash mouth era. It was the dawn of the cultured sophisticates who also will tell you about why they like wrestling era.

And sophisticates who also will tell you about why they like wrestling era. And my roommate Eroticus was one such man. Eroticus. Eroticus. Not his real name. No. I need it to be. I'm basically trying to be our friend Mike Mitchell on the Doughboys and just make sure that I use the weirdest nickname of every person from my past.

My friend Mike Manuel, a.k.a. Eroticus, he would talk about the Mick Foley documentary or whatever. Right. And then he would say Rasslin a lot. Yeah, Rasslin's just like a very fun word. Now, I will admit when you said that it was a Smash Mouth era, I was definitely hoping we were just going to talk about Smash Mouth. I don't have a podcast about Smash Mouth, but I think I have a lot to learn. It's been a recent popular topic on this podcast. Has it been?

What is your take? You apparently think that there's enough opinions and information on the band to fill a podcast. I think that you could at least do 10, maybe 15 minutes on Smash Mouth. Okay. You know, I had a friend who dated their ex-something. Okay. Drummer or one of those things. Vice president?

Yes, it was the vice president of Smash Mouth. Their didgeridoo player. Yes, it was the vice president of Smash Mouth. Their didgeridoo player. Wait, can I just interject that I was at a thrift store in Bakersfield the other day, and I was looking at the VHS tapes as I do, because I was hoping to find a copy of Bill and Ted's Great Adventure. What's that movie called?

It was Excellent Adventure, and then they had A Bogus Journey. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, because I was thinking I'd like to watch that movie and see if I still like it. And I came across an ironic VHS tape. I've bought many VHS tapes from my cabin, which has a TV VCR. I've bought no ironic ones. That was like my rule. I was like, if I start buying every straight talk for teens videotape, I'll never have room. The cartoon superstars teach you to be off drugs.

Oh, my God. Oh, God. Yeah. If I could only get the cast of the All-Star Cafe. Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky, and Bo Jackson. One of my favorite is Teen Steam, but I realize now as two grown-ass men, it would be very weird for you to own a copy of Teen Steam. So Teen Steam is Alyssa Milano's workout video that is very thrust intensive. Yes.

It is so many thrusts. And I was of an age where it was appropriate for me to watch Teen Steam. I was not a teen, but I was definitely like, I want to get steamed. Sure. And so, yeah, I still know the theme song. It's like the team steam gotta let it out gotta let it out because you have to let it out you gotta let it out no when you up with blood that makes it hard stick it in a hole or put it in a hand

let's grease up the home. Shove that meat in there. So were you doing the fitness routines or were you watching for steam reasons? Sexual reasons. Yeah, I was discovering who I was as a person. It was definitely like as a young, obviously very baby queer before. Because I was like, I like guys and I like girls. So I can't be anything, but girls are just pretty. And I noticed it.

It was like that, like teen steam, Linda Carter. Um, definitely as I got older, like Xena, like those were the ones where I was like, Oh,

okay. Yeah. I, I was uncomfortably and confusingly attracted to Linda Carter as Wonder Woman as a kid. It was like in syndication on channel 44 or whatever and i do have vivid memories of having a feeling when watching linda carter that confused me yeah very i was like yeah and it was the same because they would play it at the same time they would play like the 1960s batman um in one of the many dumb areas i grew up in burt ward gay had the same effect on you oh he, he sure did. Oh, he sure did.

I just realized Burt Ward and he was Batman's Ward. That's fun for me. Okay, so what I was going to say is. I have a Linda Carter addition. So I had a Lyft driver, a Lyft driver this weekend. As of this recording, the Wonder Woman movie has not come out. My Lyft driver just making chit chat like a good Lyft driver does. Sure.

I don't need it, but I appreciate that he's doing it. Yeah. He also had a little cup of Werther's Originals kind of like awkwardly duct taped to his center console. Probably isn't going to hold if he comes to a sudden stop. Was there a Lyft driver, Willard Scott? Yeah. God, I wish. So my Lyft driver was asking me...

Cocoon money's not coming in anymore. Just got to have a side hustle, you know? My Lyft driver was asking me what movies I was excited about, and he said he was excited for Wonder Woman, but really wanted to know if she would spin around to change. And I said, I didn't know if she would spin around to change. And I said, I didn't know if she would spin around to change. And then, like, later after we were silent, he's like, but do you think she's going to spin around to change?

You know when they had the glowing ball when she spun around to change? And I just had to, like, I didn't know how to get rid of this. But he just wanted – I think he thought that I knew. Oh, no. You seem like you'd know. Yeah, yeah. I get that. He should watch Screen Junkies. We've already cracked cracked we already know whether or not she spends around to change

that was we we check for the hard-hitting wonder woman spinning news he would already know it's like so so i get spoiler alert if you haven't seen it yet does she spin around to change uh nope she doesn't spin around to change okay i know but they said it was a good movie i know i'm sorry reviews have been positive well maybe they saw a certain version where it's like temp effect goes here she's spinning around to change yeah it's the spin cut as as it's known right yeah it's like blade runner how there's gonna be all these different cuts and you know you take out the voiceover you put the voiceover back in. I get it.

Anyway, the VHS that I found and didn't buy was Learn to Play a Didgeridoo in 30 Minutes. That is a good, ironic VHS. It was so hard. Besides the teen workout video that I didn't buy a couple months ago, it was like the only one where it was really hard to leave on the shelf. And it was also they were six for a dollar and it was half off day. So it would have cost me eight cents. Do you remember the man who was teaching you to play the didgeridoo?

Did you get a look at him on the front? No, it was like a didgeridoo silhouetted against a grand presumably Australian. Gotcha. Out back. So the do was the star. Yeah. Well, it was a premium do. Didgeridoo silhouetted against a grand, presumably Australian outback. So the dew was the star. Yeah. Oh, it was a premium dew. It sounds like a pretty sweet dew.

Man, when's that didger going to get there? Can he really get there? Get in there and didge, baby. It's all about the dew, baby. Come on, didge. It's the dew. What? Okay, wait. Wrestling.

Wrestling. No, Smash Mouth. What's your take on Smash Mouth? My take on Smash Mouth? Wrestling. Wrestling. No, Smash Mouth. What's your take on Smash Mouth?

My take on Smash Mouth? I am happy that they, I'm happy that anyone's able to make money in this world. Right? In this economy? Yeah. With this clown in the White House? Jesus Christ. Not to mention the Spendocrats in common.

Thank you. Thank you. So just anyone able to eke out a living just writing that song. Sure. Just putting it in front of them cartoon bears or whatever. Bears or ogres things. Oh, Shreks and ogre. You're thinking of Shreks. Shreks and ogre.

That's just, you know. Can I say something real quick? Please. I wouldn't elect these goofballs dog catcher. Okay. Let's go ahead. Okay. Well, I thought we were going to have a non-poly.

It was my fault It was my fault for sticking it to that clown In the White House I just had to get that off my chest Daniel I always like talking to Adult wrestling fans about what is going on In wrestling now

Can you give Jesse and I A little encapsulation on wrestling's most exciting recent events? Is Brutus the barber beefcake involved? I wish. Maybe soon. He might be dead. They're all dead. They're all dead. He might be dead. The most exciting thing that's happening in wrestling right now is that there is a group called Breezango made of a man named Tyler Breeze, who is a very fancy man, who wears fancy clothes, and is very pretty, and I think asexual. Does he rip them off to wrestle, or does he wrestle in the fancy clothes?

Well, they are made for both wrestling and being fancy. Okay. Like special fur. For like wrestling balls? Yes, yes. Dress it up, dress it down. Like little furs and tassel-y things. Okay.

And then he hangs out with this dude named Fane Dango, who is a dancer. Okay. And he wears very fancy paisley pants. And right now, they have decided that they are fashion police, and so they solve fashion crimes on SmackDown. And so that is the most exciting thing and they do a law and order thing in the beginning where they're like you know blah blah blah these crimes yada yada yada except when it comes to the dun duns they do their own dun duns they say dun dun yeah they go is all of wrestling quick question is all of wrestling an raof-the-year comedy show.

Is it skits put together by RAs to teach condom rules to new students? Sometimes it's RAs. Sometimes it's like your favorite guidance counselor in the beginning of the year who just wants to do something to let you know that he's here for you. Good snap, by the way. Thank you. I just want people to know we did not add that in post yeah yeah that is a good live snaps i do my own snaps yeah okay that's diegetic um so what i yeah no they uh and the reason why they got to be this popular was because wwe did this thing that was essentially a four-part kentucky fried chicken commercial that was about, um,

an old school wrestling federation filled with jokes that you would not get if you didn't understand Southern wrestling in the late eighties. And so a lot of those guys improvised and did stuff and they were like, Oh, let's let them do more stuff. And it actually, um, is funnier and better than a lot of the things that are written because it turns out people are, are better at selling things that they like so okay yeah what are their signature signature

moves um yeah they do like uh uh well he was he's like a play kick he's like a little kicky thing um and then it's called the pillow kick no i think it's it's not does he do a pele kick you know like the soccer player where you go up and just like well i'm gonna kick you in a whatever face um so yeah just like pele used to do yeah just like when he would kick on the soccer pitch with the new york galaxy that's that's why pele was arrested and then um summarily executed rest in peace pele rest in peace you can't kick people in the face. No. Of course.

That's punishable by death. That's how soccer, you must be killed. Those are the rules of soccer. I don't write them. So I think we've all, listen, we've all fallen in love with Dwayne The Rock Johnson these past couple of years. Yeah.

It seems like- Talking about President Dwayne The Rock Johnson? Yeah. I mean, anything's better than this clown. Sorry. Sorry. Hey, I would rather elect a clown to be president. All right.

All right. That's similar to mine. You're not really adding anything new to my thing. I would like to elect a clown president of the United States. Okay. Leave this in the grease paint and all. So. Hey, Jordan.

Yes, Jesse. I'm sending a package to the White House. Guess what's inside. Something clown related. Two. Big shoes. Too big of shoes. Yes.

Giant shoes. Oversized shoes. You won't believe what color they are. Probably red. As red as a bright red apple. So. Dwayne The Rock Johnson. We all love him. Probably red. As red as a bright red apple. So, Dwayne The Rock Johnson. We all love him. John Cena.

Poised to become the next wrestler turned guy. International charmer. Yes, guy who's affable and everybody says he's funny, but he's probably just having a good attitude. Yes. Who's next? Who is the wrestling superstar of today that is going to be the fast and furious addition in the 10th one?

If I had to choose, which one is kind of the next goofy, affable? Sure. It would be either. Fun muscle man. Well, this is a fun muscle lady. Okay. Her name is Baileyiley and she wears very bright colored clothes and she has a side ponytail that she adjusts every time she hits people in the

face it sounds pretty good that's fun pretty so she's pretty great now i will say this a less than fully compelling wrestling name bailey yeah we just do people's names now. You don't get to be The Rock or Triple Eights. It's just, here is a first name and then also a last name. Okay. So do the first. I've got my big match tonight and I'll tell you what. If one person's going to taste the

canvas this evening, it's going to be Gil. Yeah, man. That Bob Smith, he's really causing some problems in the cruiserweight division it's a real big asshole jennifer donaldson off the top ropes um okay so we'll all keep an eye out for bailey i think that would be and she's she's got some years but i think that she she could be a one that the people like oh another one who i think really legit is uh he is named the ms he i've heard about the ms yeah the ms used to be he was on um the real world but before he was a wrestler okay and he was like i want to be a wrestler and

everyone was like shut up ms and so now but now he is Now he's a wrestler and he's really good at the acting part of wrestling. And they've put him in a bunch of movies. Okay. So The Marine is a movie that John Cena did and then he pretended he was a Marine and saluted for a lot of years and no one knows why. And then. This is a reference to his hit movie, The Marine. It's a reference to his hit movie, The Marine. Gotcha.

And so after that, John Cena, I think only did one and then was like, I'm marined out. And so they brought in The Miz and now Miz has been The Marine. So The Marine is a franchise. Yes. That has been going. I think they're on number five. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

It's been so many direct-to-DVDs. I need to catch up. I haven't seen a single Marine. Yeah. You have to. How are you going to watch Marine 6 if you haven't seen 1 through 5? It's going to be nonsense. Well, I know what I'm doing this weekend.

Yeah, it's usually- I'm mainlining Marines. It's typically about someone who, weirdly enough, not still a Marine. That's where they mess with you because it's like- So they think they've gotten out of that bang, bang lifestyle. Now he's a lowly stable boy. Yeah. Yeah, now he's gotten out of the life, and he does have to protect, usually, a blonde woman.

So, yes. Those blondies are always getting into trouble. He's gotten out of the life and into the life, working the streets as a hustler. It's The Marine Five, a professional wrestling film. Do you guys want to hear about this funny label? Yeah, I do. Okay, I'm going to take out a picture of this funny label. You guys are, are you guys, now Jesse, you're not a drinker, but maybe you're familiar with Tito's Vodka?

Yeah, this is a vodka that is confusing to me. Yes. What its branding proposition is. Danielle, Tito's Vodka, ever had it? Yes, it is a to me. Yes. What its branding proposition is. Danielle, Tito's vodka, ever had it? Yes, it is a good vodka. Yes, I think so too. It's very good tasting. Not my usual drink of choice,

but Tito's goes down smooth. Well, we know that you like to drink Ciroc. That's true. Yeah, I know, yeah. No, that's true. Yeah, if they don't have Ciroc or if they're out of Ciroc or... How are you going to Ciroc the party

if you don't have Ciroc? Exactly. Thank you. Exactly. Is that their slogan? No, but I'm selling it now. That's really good. Sold in the room.

Let's make a feature. So I saw a bottle of Tito's. Yeah. And it's very good. It's a nice like – you're not breaking the bank but a definite step up from the well decision. Tito's Vodka. breaking the bank, but a definite step up from the well decision. Tito's Vodka. So here they have a little like paper ring around the bottle that has that has like good reviews of Tito's. Just letting you know that this is an acclaimed product. So I'm reading the label to you.

Exceptionally clean, smooth and and easy drinking. LA Times. Impeccable quality. Delicious. Spirit Journal. Smooth. And I mean really smooth. CNN. CNN. Wolf Blitzer!

Blitzer, right? Blitzer's pounding it on air and letting you know how it goes down. It's the Blitz Report. Yeah. Blitzed with Blitzer. pounding it on air and letting you know how it goes down. It's the Blitz report. Yeah. Blitzed with Blitzer. It's right there. Yeah.

Where are they drinking mid-range vodkas on CNN and telling you about it? Yeah. The Situation Room, apparently. I guess so. Right square in there at the vodka bar. I guess Anthony Bourdain is on CNN, right? Yeah. Okay.

Well, then that's a- So then you should say Anthony Bourdain is on CNN, right? Yeah. Okay. Well, then that's a... So then you should say Anthony Bourdain, right? Do you think Kamau just took a minute away from talking to white separatists or whatever and went ahead

and did a couple quick liquor reviews? Yeah. I'm sorry, Richard Spencer. Just hold on one second. Before we continue, I just want to say that Tito's vodka

is the vodka of choice um for people who speak with white supremacist and it's not it and just that that review it seems so off the cuff smooth and i mean really smooth yeah anyway it does seem like it was that was in the moment you know that wasn't an editorial someone had written. Yeah, that's passion. I mean, really smooth. Anyway. But yeah, it seems like if Bourdain said that, you put Bourdain, you know? Yeah.

But he probably didn't say that, right? No, he's too busy eating squids or whatever. Yeah, sure. He was probably like, it's vodka, I drank it. I would also put that on a vodka label, though. If Bourdain was like, it's vodka, I drank it, I'd be like, yeah, that'll sell. That's pretty good, honestly. That's a good... Are those little octopuses

that you get when you order squids? Are those squids? Are those baby squids or are they little octopuses? Jesse, I'm gonna tell you, I have no idea, and this has been sticking in my craw for a while. Really? I don't know what those are, either. I love eating them because it makes me feel powerful.

I just like how big it makes my hands look. Sure. Oh, yes. Where it's just like... That's how I feel. You could pretend it's... I ate your babies or whatever. Yeah, I ate a whole thing.

A whole being. But like... Yeah, I don't know what those are from. Okay, Daniel, look that up. Find out. I want to know. Because I want to know. It's just important.

Yeah. No, I get that. I want to know, goddammit. Fuck. I have my own fucking podcast. Shit. And I want to find out what that animal is. Yeah.

Why have a podcast? Can I tell you what I... The electronic item that I... Yes, please. Why have a podcast? Can I tell you what I – the electronic item that I – Yes, please. So I've been using Reddit on my phone to pass the time later because I found that reading the New York Times and the New Yorker, which is what I used to do, was upsetting me. And I'll look at the baseball news, but I run out of baseball news. They only play one game a day.

I'll look at the baseball news, but I run out of baseball news. They only play one game a day. So whenever you're doing your phone reading time, in my case, often it's when I'm sitting in my kid's room waiting for them to go to sleep. You run out of – I read the game story and then it's done. And then I read a rumor and then that's done and that's the end of that, right? So I've been looking for Reddits. I subscribe to the VHS tape Reddit. It's a very beautiful and strange world.

I bet. There's no agreed upon reason to collect VHS tapes. Yeah. I think our generation, I think we have a couple of things that we just like to see. Yeah. One of them, just like to see. Yeah. One of them, a mixtape. Right. If a movie or TV show fixtures a mixtape at all in any capacity, we love it.

Yep. And yeah, I think VHS tapes go in that zone of like we just like to see them. Like a few of the people in there will post like a weird horror movie. And you're like, oh, sure. Yeah, because that's something that probably is not on DVD or is in some weird Dutch. And you're Stuart Wellington from the Flophouse and you love to know about a thing that, you know, like a weird. A hammer movie, a hammer horror like a weird. A hammer movie. A hammer horror movie. Exactly.

So some people are that. But usually it's like the post is just like, hey, check out my haul. And then they post it and they have like Die Hard 3, Beauty and the Beast. Sure. What is the theme? Does your collection have no theme? Yeah. Like is the, hey, everyone, post your face off.

Yeah. You've all got a face off, don't you? Yeah. I don't know what that is. But the one that I really do like is vintage audio. And it's because I'm not a stereo equipment guy in the sense that I get into specs or into having like clean power sources or whatever. But I do think that old stereos are pretty and neat. So it's basically just people posting pictures of their stereo systems.

That's fun. And it is fun. Oh, look what I got at a garage sale this morning. You're not going to believe it. And it's nice to know that .02% of the people on there are jacking off.

Just to those wooden knobs. I love those wooden knobs. I tend to get really obsessed with a subculture and then just kind of follow it. Yeah, that's fun. A subculture that I have been obsessed with on Reddit recently, there is an entire subculture of people who just complain about their mother-in-laws. So this is like r slash borscht belt. It's r slash just know, M-I-L, for mother-in-law. They have their own language and other forums and boards.

And it's just a bunch of people who are like, fucking hate my mother-in-law. Oh my God. Now, are they doing one-liners? Are they detailing the ways in which their mother-in-law makes them mad? They are detailing the ways in which their mother-in-law makes them mad? They are detailing the ways in which their mother-in-law makes them mad. They have character names for all of their various mothers-in-law. Each one gets a character name. And so people follow these sagas.

And some of them are like clearly writing exercises. But some of them are like just real. I'm like this is just enough where I believe it could be a real thing. The character names are like The Badger or something like that? Yeah. It's like things like that where like one of them, like the character name is like Stench because like she's like she's just been a bad smell in our relationship. OK. Wow.

It's like things like that. And then sometimes it will be one where I'll just be like Wendy or whatever. This is where we got the movie The Martian, right? Yes. Is that where this came from? Yeah. It came from the Just Know Mother-in-Law forums. Yeah, but it's – and I love – Is it men or women complaining about their mothers-in-law?

It is both. There is a majority of daughters-in-law. Oh, interesting. And a very common theme is the idea that their mother-in-law views them as competition for her son's affections. And so they have a whole thing where they're like, it's a Jocasta complex from that thing, from Oedipus. And they're like, you know, it's a Jocasta thing where it's like not necessarily saying that they want to bang their son, but just that they do not have appropriate boundaries. Sure. With their son.

And so it's a very live and bustling forum. Sure. That men hate their mother-in-laws. But I feel like the relationship that women have with their mother-in-laws is so intense. I didn't think it was until I was reading this and then I was like, wow, that's really – there's a lot of stuff about how like my mother-in-law wanted to be up in my vagina in like when i was giving birth and it's like well i could see how that would be uncomfortable and you should say who dude how the mother-in-laws want to be up in there when they're giving birth right how does of them that's that that yeah one of them i think was also named hell's bells like they have all and they'll post screenshots and they'll post them to like reddit's thing imgur and imgur now is like its own communities and people comment on them and people will just be like what the fuck is this like because they have no idea right that it go that it goes back to a post that has some context right

and so they're just like i don't why is this on what is this and why is it so popular and it's usually just like a mother-in-law being like, you know, it must be nice to have kids who would fly out to surprise you on Mother's Day. Must be nice. Like things like that. So I was on my favorite slash r slash vintage audio. And I will put this in context. And I will put this in context. I am a low to mid-level record collector, have been since I was in high school, have a significant but not huge record collection, hundreds of records, let's say. and mostly it's because a lot of the music I like isn't on CD

or wasn't at the time that people used CDs. It's not on MP3 now, and you know the other reasons. But I'm not like one of these people that says, oh, records are definitely better than other things or whatever. The cassette revival recently has had no appeal for me at all. I am too squarely in the cassette generation and understand the cassettes blue yeah i mean the like relief when you didn't have to use cassettes like when you got to have a cd player instead of a cassette player it's like oh fuck it's so

vivid to me right like that feeling when i was 12 or 13 and i got a cd, was like, oh, my God, this machine is amazing. I do partially understand the affinity for mixtapes because I had a couple of special mixtapes that friends made for me, and those were great. Yeah, I used to make mixtapes for my wife. I made probably 20 that I sent her when we were long distance. Yeah, I mean, all of that is very true. And I understand why indie music acts would like to sell cassettes at shows because they're easier to carry and everybody's buying it for the download code anyway and it's very expensive to get records pressed.

I understand all that. No appeal to cassettes until I went on slash R slash Vintage Audio, and I caught a view of the Panasonic. I had the model name here, but it is a cassette tape changer. Okay. Oh, wow. Yeah, this is handsome. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking 1991, audience, but we're talking 1976. We're talking the dawn of cassette tapes.

Oh, wow. There might even be an 8-track slot in that thing, huh? It looks like it's wood grain. It looks like a turntable, but where the platter of the turntable is, there's about a dozen cassette slots with cassettes in them vertically. So with the long edge going from the center to the outside of the circle. I do kind of, it is the kind of thing that like Don Draper would be like, you know, and then just as the music goes through your life, it goes through this circle. Oh my God.

Oh yeah, Draper could sell the shit out of one of these. I love this thing so much that I was like, I just want this in my fucking house. I want a cassette changer just to look at it and press the button. And so I went on eBay. I'm like, I don't care if this costs $200. I just want it to look at. I'll put it on a shelf and just click clank cassettes into and out of it. The last one on eBay sold for $800.

Oh, wow. Yeah. No, I bet the person who wants that is ready to pay for it. Yeah. Oh, I wanted it so bad. Where did that go? In a home? I think this is a home device.

I mean, it might have been, you know, it's possible that you use it for like the soundtrack of a business. You know, like in your boutique. Yeah, it only plays various versions of the girl from Ipanema. Yeah, well, you know, I mean, it switches between the Tijuana

Brass and Al Hirt. Yeah, so that's just something I just now all I want in the world is a cassette changer. A giant daisy wheel style. Then you would have to get a bunch of cassettes. I probably, you know, when I had the El Camino, my second El Camino, El Jefe 2, El Presidente, I only had a cassette player in there. And so sort of for the same reason that I now have a sizable VHS collection. Maybe I have 100 VHS tapes now or 150. I had probably 50 cassette tapes that I had bought for a quarter.

So you could fill up the spinner. So I think I could fill up the with Randy Newman albums, Run DMC albums, maybe a Tony, Tony, Tony Kiss single that I'd save from my childhood. Lay your head on my pillow. As far as the VHS people

go, I, not too long ago, bought, I saw a $5 Blu-ray of Edward Scissorhands. You know when you go into a store and they got that bin of Blu-rays? Sure. And I'm like, ah,

Edward Scissorhands. I will absolutely watch this once, maybe twice, in a couple of years. Yep. So I felt like that was a good Blu-ray purchase. Right.

And I was watching Edward Scissorhands, which I really like, and I'm like, this fucking looks wrong. The clearness of this looks wrong. I guess the first time I watched it, it was on a VHS, and I don't know. It seems like you should have a thing

where you can flick between... Good and shitty? Good and shitty. And I don't know. Take this down to shitty. Yeah. Can i get a weird static bar that sometimes comes up and rests in the middle and then goes down and then winona writer's skin is red yeah do you have this in like 80p can i get this and just yeah how many

p's are available to me what's the least p's i can have yeah i feel like i feel like the the movie guys would like that. I feel like that would be a good feature. You can watch Ultra HD or you can watch shitty combo TV VCR that you had in the basement. Yeah. I watched The Hunt for Red October on VHS. It was at home. Yeah.

On VHS. As the filmmaker intended. Top secret. I don't think gains a lot from being able to appreciate the film stock. Okay, but how am I going to be able to like, well, is that someone with the popcorn, right? Was there popcorn in Top Secret? No, I was thinking of a different. You're thinking of the brand of popcorn?

Top Secret? No, there was. You're thinking of that Orville Redbacher porno. Yes, I am. It's called Top Secret. He and the son do it. And they're just having adventures and then sometimes they bang. Yeah.

That's how it is. It's actually just like the 1960s British Avengers Top Secret. Top Secret has a lot of funny stuff in it. It's like a combination spy movie and Elvis movie parody that the Zucker Brothers made. There's a lot of funny stuff in there, but literally like you, if you're at home, you haven't seen top secret,

you don't need to make a priority of seeing top secret, but there's an extended like a beach movie parody called skeet surfing, which is just like a beach boys song. That's about a skeet shooting on surfboards. That's like the funniest premise. just like a Beach Boys song that's about skeet shooting on surfboards. That's like the funniest premise. The most perfect premise in the history of the world. There's a lot of jokes about forced perspective

in Top Secret. If you like forced perspective jokes and musical numbers that don't quite have enough jokes. And parodies of movies that you would have seen if you were a baby boomer, but you're not. But then a lot of funny side gags. I feel like I laughed a lot when I rewatched. And parodies of movies that you would have seen if you were a baby boomer, but you're not. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Then that's a great-

But then a lot of funny side gags. I feel like I laughed a lot when I rewatched Top Secret. Yeah, no, it's fun. I don't not recommend it. Yeah, totally. That's a fun movie. But fucking skeet surfing was the funniest thing. I was like-

I had like- And the song goes on for the length of a whole song. Weirdly, the other songs in it, not parody songs. Yeah, right. Yeah. That's a weird thing about that movie. I think they were just so impressed by the magnetism of a young Val Kilmer. He is magnetic in it.

He's very magnetic. He's great. You see the star he will become. And they're like, let's just use this guy. You know, it's like how they'll just let Channing Tatum fucking dance in something, even though there's no dancing in the movie. Like, how can we get this piece of meat on his feet tapping around? God, let's get Val Kilmer to sing All Shook Up. Yeah, yeah.

Daniel, do you have a collection, either wrestling or otherwise? I used to collect buttons. That was a thing that I used to collect. And then I got rid of them. I think right now I just collect apps on my phone I'll never use. Oh, okay. I have a very steady collection of things I've downloaded once and for some reason can't bear to get rid of. I hoard apps just on my phone.

Why did I download Torpor? Well, I can't get rid of it. What if they get rid of Torpor from the app store and then I can never get it again? What's adult flappy bird? I did have the Miley bird on there for too long. It was like Miley flap or flappy Miley. Oh, is that like a Miley Cyrus?

Flappy bird, yes. And I couldn't bear to get rid of it for so long. I might still have Flappy Bird on. I mean, I'm going to say this to our more technically oriented listeners. The second there's an app in that app store that's a phone port of the classic shareware game Pong Combat, I'm in. Yeah. Get in there. combat. I'm in.

Yeah, get in there. There's that weird genre of app that is like unlicensed thing that was probably made in the Philippines or whatever that is soon to get taken down. I'm thinking of there's a game that's called

The Freezing Princess and it's clearly the frozen princess and then she's pregnant and you give her a cesarean? No, that's real. It's like there's Zenda, which is a Zelda clone, but there's only one screen, and you can't do anything. So you download it, and you're just in the one screen, and there's nothing for you to do, but now you have Zenda on your phone. Very complicated timeline in that game. That's how I feel when I hear about those clowns

over in Congress. Okay, Jesse. We said we were going to give it a rest for one episode. Up at the White House these clowns make me feel like I've downloaded a Zelda clone with only one room. There was a Drake paper doll app

that got taken down that I looked at pictures. I'm like, I wish I was the one guy who still had that Drake paper doll app. Oh, yeah. Because when you download them, they get taken down when the lawyers get a hold of it. But if you're the person who downloaded it in that window, I bet you'd be like, hot shit. Then you can see Drake's dick. Yes. Yes.

Full dick. Full dick. And you can, I mean, it's customizable. So there's a slider and you can change the size. Oh, really? Yeah. You See Drake's dick. Yes. Yes. Full dick. And you can, I mean, it's customizable, so there's a slider and you can change the size. Oh, really? Yeah. You can change that dick.

It's like, there's one now that's going around that's just like celebrity men beards where you, it shows you a bunch of celebrity men

and you can shave their beards. And some of them don't have beards. It's like Sheldon. So you just shave the skin off their face. Yes. It's like Sheldon. You just shave the skin off their face. Yes, it's like Sheldon from Big Bang will be on there

and it's like he doesn't have a beard. And they're recognizable, so it'll be like Justin Timberlake and all these dudes and you just like shave their beard off and then regrow their beard. That's, I mean, more than 0.02 percent of people are jacking off to that right that's gotta have i've crammed into that a few times yeah i assume there is i like i'm hairless sure i assume there's an app shaved and discreet right just feet like just like disney but spelled

with like a z feet it's just like oh sure it Oh, sure. That has to exist, right? Yeah. Maybe Google. That's actually, I don't know if you even heard this, but Quentin Tarantino recently opened a digital agency. I was going to say, is that just like a joke you can make about Quentin Tarantino is that he likes feet? Yeah, I think that's what you can say about Quentin Tarantino, right? Cool. He likes feet and saying the N-word. Those are two things. Those are his hobbies and interests.

The category hobbies and interests on his resume. Improvisioned in Excel. That's a skill though, I guess. Yeah, that's more of a skill. It's like I'm interested in it. I don't use it a lot. Yeah, but I can make a graph in it. Yeah, he can meld the cells.

Yeah. I know the fill down tool. So there you go. And there's also, who is, I can't think of his name right now, but who is that British gentleman who is mean a lot and who is a news person for a reason? Oh, sure. Pierce Morgan. Pierce, also a feet thing. Really?

Yeah. He posts a lot of like, if a woman is in the office, he'll be like, look at these shoes. Or like he has a series of posts with really famous model, very tall Cindy something. Cindy Crawford. Cindy Crawford, where he's like, yeah, no, like I would like she's like, oh, it's great taking off your heels. And he's like, I'll volunteer. So he's he's open about it. your heels and he's like i'll volunteer so he's he's open about it i don't know if he's ever been like yo i want to fuck them feet but he definitely talks about feet a lot on his yo i want to fuck

them feet them give me them nasty little tootsies this little piggy my dear yeah show me them hooves so i mean i feel i feel like you know like obviously like you know we we we we goof we goof on on the strange specific fetishes on this show but i think you know all of us are like hey you like what you like and that's great and if you can find some people who like your deal even better uh we'll goof on you a little bit but but all in all, be happy. God bless you. Do your best. Be you. But with him, because he is a noted scumbag, like, it's just like, oh, of course you fucking

scumbag. I don't know. Like there's a, you can, like if it was a nice, like if Channing Tatum. Yeah. Yeah. Which is like, I'm super in defeat. It's like, hey, Cindy, let me take off them high heels. She'd be like, oh, that's my boy.

Well, let's see a little of the old soft shoe. Speaking of. Yeah, speaking of feet, why don't you hoof it there, Tatum? See Tate them toots. That's what he needs. Got to Tate them toots. Got to Tate them toots. Tate toots.

Tate toots. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, They're audio programs that tell smart stories in innovative ways using editing techniques like this. Like this. Like this. But let's face it, all that smart stuff can be exhausting. That's where Stop Podcasting Yourself comes in. It's so stupid.

It's just two stupid dinguses being dumb idiot jerks for 90 minutes. Stop Podcasting Yourself. The stupid show that smart people love. Find it on iTunes. Or MaximumFun.org It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, they make mattresses baby oh yeah you gotta get on them oh sleep right there it's wait i is that a good slogan for casper casper sleep right there well can i just do an alt okay casper night night baby i love it i love it i love it Casper, they make a mattress. They ship it to you in a magical fucking box. Obsessively engineered, shockingly fair price.

I got a Casper mattress myself. You sleep on it? You know what I say when I get into my bedroom? You say night-night, baby. Night-night, baby. Yeah, risk-free trial and return policy. What you do, you should try sleeping on a Casper for 100 days, free delivery to the U.S. and Canada, and if you don't like it, you send it right on back. They are made in America, and you can get $50 toward any mattress purchased

by visiting casper.com slash jjgo and using promo code jjgo at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Casper. Night, night night baby. Also we want to thank our friends at VG Kids. They print our in-house t-shirts here at MaxFun.

Oh yeah and they do a great job. They are a full service screen printing company specializing in high quality silk screen rock posters, movie posters, and art prints. They make glow inin-the-dark stuff. Cool. They make blacklight stuff. Hell yeah.

They can print it on paper. They can make special clothing. They got eco-friendly options. They do a great job. I met these VG kids, the titular VG kids, one time when I was in, when we were up there in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Yeah, they do a nice job. They're sweet people.

And you can get 10% off by mentioning JordanJesseGo. Yeah, VGKids.com. There's some nice grown-up punk rockers. Oh, yeah. You know, responsible punk rockers. Nothing better than a responsible grown-up punk rocker. I mean, what's nicer than that? Yeah.

Sorry, I had one good slogan. That's basically all I got in me today. VG Kids, print it! That's good. How about this? VG Kids, night night, baby! No, you can't just use the same... Jordan, you can't just... Come on, cut me some slack here.

If you want to advertise on Jordan and Jesse Go, drop us a line to resetmaximumfun.org. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron and share your message with the world, whether it's a happy birthday, wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. Dearest madam. Go to maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron. Let's say you want to have one of the McElroys say your name, but they're booked for the rest of the year. Settle for us.

Settle for us. MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. We'll talk to you more in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Danny, our engineer this week, Danny, associate producer. Call him. Brian, you're fired. Close friend. Our producer, Danny, has done some research into what animals come in your calamari. When you order squids, are those baby octopuses or just small squids?

He says they are, in fact. Danny's right here. Danny, what's the answer to the question? So there's actually... No, there are squids, but there's also baby octopuses. The baby octopuses look like little octopuses, though. The ones that look like little octopuses, those are actual little octopuses.

Yeah, those are little octopuses. Then there's squids. They're not just a squid that had two tentacles removed and its head shaved down. No, those are actually baby octopuses. And then we just eat them whole. Yeah, because you're powerful. Okay.

Danny, I want you to find out where they get the little octopuses. Where do you get those? You take them from their octopus mommy. Well, then what do you do with the octopus mommy, though? You just, you know, you let her swim alone throughout the water. Solve complex problems. Yeah. Hold on.

Note to self, call Pixar about movie idea. She's got to make more baby octopuses for us to eat whole. Danny, look up where you get them. Look it up. Are you going to start preparing your own baby octopi? I'm just curious where you get them. Sure. Because they're so little.

And you're a curious guy. Squids are bigger and you chop them up. Yeah, yeah. I know that. So how do you catch those little octopuses? Do they just hang out with the squids because the squids are bigger and they think it'll make them look cool? Yeah. It probably is.

Yeah. It's probably a nerd jock situation. Squids, of course, the jocks of the sea. Yeah. Octopuses doing the homework. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Where's, of course, the jocks of the sea. Yeah. Octopus is doing the homework. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Where's my book report, octopus?

It'll be done by the time... I've only got eight arms. Period. Period is out. Oh, we have a lot of undersea fun. Okay, well, when something momentous happens to you...

Of course, everybody wants to fuck those muscles. Oh, yeah. Those hot, sexy muscles. God, nothing hotter than everybody wants to fuck those muscles. Oh, yeah. Those hot, sexy muscles. God, nothing hotter than a bivalve, baby. Oh, yeah. Ooh. Suck it in.

Take out the nutrients. Blow it out. Maybe just a cloaca. That's the only thing hotter. Oh, yeah. Just a good. Ooh, a nasty little cloaca. Yeah, just one hole.

Just one hole. I call that a power hole. Yeah. Cloaca. Yeah, get up in that power hole. You can put whatever in there. Mm-hmm. Or shoot whatever out of there.

Oh, yeah. Ooh. Multifunctional, baby. You ever been down to Tijuana and seen one of those cloaca shows? Oh, gosh. Yeah, during my bachelor party. It was wild.

It was wild. Oh, my God. It's outrageous. When something momentous happens to you, 206-984-4FUN is the number to call. Take out your phone. Put it in there. 206-984-4FUN.

It's our segment, Momentous Occasions. Here's our first call. Hey, guys. This is Will from Baltimore. I'm a photographer for a major research university on the East Coast. more. I'm a photographer for a major research university on the East Coast, and I was walking around campus taking

late spring, early summer photos around campus, and I saw a squirrel eating a nut, took photos of him, and then I realized it wasn't a nut at all. It was a tater tot. It was a squirrel eating a tater tot, and it was fantastic. That's dope. Anyhow. Thanks, guys. Bye. What are you doing?

Post it on fucking Reddit, asshole. Tater Tot Squirrel is the next Milkshake Squirrel, which was the next Pizza Rat. Yeah. You've got a fucking animal meme on your hands. That's me. I'm that. That's me. That's what everyone will say when they see Tot Squirrel.

I'm that. It me. That's me. I'm that. I'm all of this i that's me wait jordan who we be i it me tot squirrel that's me i'm that do you think dmx is mad that he invented who we be and not it me he's's like, I almost invented. Do you think he's in the studio right now working on a remix that goes, they don't know that it me.

That sleepy dog. I'm talking about sleepy dogs and kitties. Yeah. Man, I'm really good at song parodies. I'm the new Eliza Skinner. It's me on a Monday. I'm the new Eliza Skinner. It's me on a Monday. My improv musical skills are astonishing. Mwah.

Oh, just magical. Why are we... This should not be the first time I'm hearing about Tot Squirrel. Yeah, I agree. He's fucking irresponsible of this guy. Well, for one thing, this Jackoff's shooting stills. Yeah. It's 2017, baby.

360. Get some vids. Have you heard of moving pictures? Yeah. I want an immersive tot experience. I want to be able to put it in my Google Cardboard and on the front page of the New York Times, take a look around.

Ooh, look at that tot. Get one of those daguerreotypes and just make a squirrel. Go to town. You know what's dope about the immersive experience? You can play spot the tot. Yeah. So, like, you're looking around.

That's just the courtyard of a major eastern university. Oh, look over there. It's just some more courtyard. And, oh, there we go. There's that tot, baby. Man, you know, one of, I think, the times that I fucked up the worst in my life. Yeah, right. They've all been tot related.

Most of them have been – I mean, listen, I've made a lot of mistakes. There's that time you ate so many tater tots that you vomited and then that other time that you dropped your sister's baby. Yeah, those two. But the internet related one. Yeah. Because I was – you guys know that I work in show business. I work on what we call the lot. Right.

And the lot can get really busy. And we should explain. Productions, hustle, bustle. For people who aren't in show business like you are, the lot is kind of like where the magic happens. Yeah. It's the nerve center, the beating heart that feels show biz and therefore the imagination of America. Right. Yeah.

They're like warehouses that are hot. Yeah. So you'll see people coming and going in costume. You'll see people loading in a set. Look, we've all seen Pee Wee's Big Adventure. We know what the lot is like. So I saw people, you know, little corral extras working on something or another and sitting on like a folding chair with his head in his hands. Like, you know, a head in his hands like a what have I done kind of pose. A what am I?

What have I become? Was a guy dressed like Elvis. I mean, if I could have gotten a fucking quality shot of sad Elvis, I mean, that would blow fucking Totsquirrel out of the water. Can I suggest some text for that macro? Who we be. Yeah. It me.

I'm that. I think we're going to go with who we be. I like it for DMX and I like it for this. Oh, man. It's been a rough year, baby. Goddamn. Oh, boy. What about DMX Elvis? Goddamn.

Goddamn, my dog's just barking. I think it's getting too complicated. Goddamn. My friends are like dogs. It's a metaphor. Everything I do My friends are like dogs. It's a metaphor. Everything I do is a goddamn dog metaphor, Colonel. Colonel. Stuck into the kernel.

About time someone stuck it to the kernel. Yeah, thank you. Let's take another call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse Go. This is Nick from Worcester, Massachusetts. I just got some terrible news. I guess it's a moment of shame. I've been keeping a pretty watchful eye on Craigslist and other places to try to pick up my own skee-ball machine, like the classic arcade 14-foot-long monstrosity.

Pause the... Pause the... Is that the bad news? Is that he's spending his time on this? Now Jesse is a man who is lusting after a tape changer. You should have some sympathy for this guy. To be fair, tape changers aren't 14 feet long. That's true. There's a space issue, but maybe he lives in Montana. In one of those big lofts.

Oh, God. I watched the movie When Harry Met Sally the other day. Yeah. It's a good movie. I'd never seen it before, actually. It's a good movie. It's funny. Fuck.

When he got divorced and moved in or broke up with his girlfriend and moved into this giant loft, I was like, all I want in the world now is to live in a loft in New York from 1988. It's all I want in the world now is to live in a loft in New York from 1988. That's all I want in the world. And if you got that Billy Crystal shit, put a skee-ball in that motherfucker. Yeah, put a skee-ball in. Wear a corduroy jacket over a plaid shirt. Oh, you'll look great. You'll look fantastic while you're skee-balling. But what are you going to turn in those tickets for?

That's the real question. Just get your own little store of pencil toppers and tootsie rolls i i have been unfair to this guy who called in this caller because i've been to worcester massachusetts spent some time there on a college tour once some great universities there besides that you mostly got dunkin donuts that's your you basically got some some world-class university and you got some dunkin donuts and you can dunk it and besides that you got homeskate ball so i understand this guy's just trying to pass the time yeah okay exactly okay press play on this fucking thing danny car keyed 14 foot long monstrosity finally Finally found one for a very, very good price. Was about to buy it, and now my ride has fallen through.

So, that thing I found out, it's already gone. Sold to the next guy. Person, I don't know. Moment of shame, for sure. Go ahead, skee-ball my house. Thanks. Love the show. Bye. Oh, wow! This went from... Oh, wow! His ride fell through!

Oh, man. I thought I was going to get a skee-ball machine. Oh, baby. It's all I wanted. Sad Elvis. Wait, can I bring... Oh, I guess I'll have to get a Dunkachino. Can I give you a meme, Sad Elvis DMX? Oh, damn.

I don't know how computers work. I don't know. The lady from Hot 97 has to show me how to use a mouse. God damn. Oh, boy. I'm rumored to be addicted to crack cocaine. I'm rumored to. Okay.

I'm rumored to. Okay. This became maybe my favorite call in the history of the show. Yeah. Well, what is it? I like it, but I don't understand. Yeah, break that down. The magical ingredient of this is this man is on a quixotic quest to own his own skee-ball machine. is on a quixotic quest to own his own skee-ball machine,

which, while dorky and ill-advised, is nonetheless an admirable quest. There's a charm. There's a charm to it because he's saving his Craigslist searches, going through everything. He's got to get that skee-ball machine. Is this going towards he's prioritized a life where he gets a skee-ball machine but not a car? Yes. He doesn't even have a friend who shows up to help him get the skee-ball machine.

He has prioritized this even over having one friend with a car that he can rely on. Well, that's just time taken away from skee-balling. Sure. Yeah. From balling. That's what they call it.balling. Sure. Yeah. From balling. That's what they call it. They just call it balling, straight balling. Well, he doesn't have a skee-ball machine,

so he's phantom balling. Yeah. He's just working on his form. But if he makes it, so if he gets one, and he makes it so you don't have to put in a quarter, he's free-balling. That's what's so magical. It's the grandness of his vision vision the grand dorkiness of his vision

but like that's a really ambitious piece of equipment like that requires its own it's like a grand piano like it's not like he's even trying to get an arcade street fighter like it's a huge thing sure it requires a room in his home. It is all-encompassing. But he also doesn't have a friend to give him a ride. He's just playing skee-ball all alone.

Solo balling. Couldn't even rent a pickup from U-Haul. So you save enough to get the skee-ball machine, but $50 more for a U-Haul. That's my other... So you save enough to get the skee-ball machine, but $50 more for a U-Haul is too much. Right, exactly, yeah. Pick Enterprise.

They pick you up. They pick you up, buddy. And then maybe you can get the Enterprise guy to play with you since no one else will. Aw, that would be sweet if he struck up a friendship with the Enterprise guy.

It's a ski-ball machine. I haven't seen one of these in years. Well, I'm going to plug it in. Let's crack open some brewskis. You want to come over and give me a handjob? Pour some Fito's vodka. Jerk each other off. We call it ballin'. Yeah, we call it ballin'. Big ballin', baby.

206-984-4FUN is the telephone number to call. Danny, do we have an update on where they get those octopuses? Nothing specific. God damn it. Turn off your fucking microphone. Why do I pay? He gets paid to be here.

Well, I think it's a secret that the calamari industry guards pretty closely. Danielle's not getting paid. I'm not getting paid. She's here on her own recognizance. I don't know what own recognizance means. I think it means I just figured out where the studio was and showed up. Yeah. If you just wandered in,

you could be on the show. Hey, guys, I've recogged. When's the show starting? I think it means that you were arrested earlier, but they released you. Oh, no, she can go to the studio on her own recognizance.

Yeah, you made bail earlier. I think that's what that means. Anyway, yeah, 206-9844-FUN. Give us a call. Let us know when something momentous happens to you or where those little octopuses come from, how they get them. Do little divers go grab them? Oh, tiny divers. It's probably tiny divers.

That's my favorite Elton John song, by the way. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go hi everybody i'm justin mccarroy and i'm dr sydney mccarroy every week we release a medical history podcast called sawbones we go over the history of the dumbest grossest weirdest stuff humans have been doing to each other since the dawn of mankind but it's a funny show but it's also so disgusting and stomach turning you won't believe it but it's also like funny it's funny it is the wildest grossest nastiest stuff you can imagine it's a real hoot it's called sawbones and we release it every week on iTunes, wherever podcasts are sold, and right here on MaximumFun.org. It's Jordan, Jesse, Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Danielle Radford, wrestling aficionado. Yeah, that's why you're the co-host of the smash hit podcast, Tights and Fights, from MaximumFun.org. That is why I am the co-host of the smash hit podcast, Tights and Fights, from MaximumFun.org. Alongside our friends Open Mike Eagle and Hal Loveland. Lovely men. Lovely men. You know what what three of the best i'd say you know what oh you know what open mike eagle tweeted at me when i tweeted that picture the cassette changer oh shit yeah yeah

that feels yeah i'll tweet things at him and he'll be like i don't know how we're friends why are we friends yeah and i'll be like because wrestling and he'll be like, I don't know how we're friends. Why are we friends? Yeah, and I'll be like, because wrestling. And he'll be like, okay. Fair enough. Guys, I got an open Mike Eagle story too. And I don't know how this will shake out. Is it about how he looks good in jogger pants?

No, God, I know, right? He looks great in these joggers. What are you doing, Mike? How do you pull off jogger pants? And I hope this happens. It might not. The weekend before this airs, I am going to San Francisco to work at the Colossal Cluster Fest, which is a Comedy Central comedy festival. Doing some bits on it for a special that will air that Sunday.

If you missed it, I'm sorry. Maybe it's on demand or something. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. But, you know, so we're booking guests to come by and do bits for this thing. Right. Guess who's the first one to say yes?

Open Mike Eagle. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, yeah. So we're planning a segment, and again, I don't know if this will happen, called Comedians on Segways Eating Bread Bowls. It's a loving homage to comedians in cars getting coffee. Right. And an homage to the greatest features of the city by the bay.

Sure. Segways. And those famous bread bowls. Famous bread bowls that all San Franciscans love. Of course. You grab one before work. You grab one. You hop on the trolley.

You nom on that while you're hanging off. Sometimes they don't even put soup in it. You just need the bowl shape. Yeah. Is what makes the bread. San Franciscans are constantly talking about clams. Mm-hmm. And what kind of soups to put them in.

Yeah. So we don't specify what's in this bread bowl. It could be anything. Right. Open Mike Eagle says, I'm interested in doing this segment. Can the bread bowl be filled with tequila? could be anything. Right. Open Mike Eagle says, I'm interested in doing this segment. Uh-huh. Can the bread bowl be filled with tequila? And we said, fuck yeah.

Again, I hope it happens. I hope that's something you saw on the special. Yeah. Still a lot of ins and outs. But God bless him. God fucking bless him. Could be some legal issues that could lead to it just being a bisque. Sure.

Yeah, it could be a bisque or that doesn't get you fucked up. Yeah. Maybe he can ride tandem. Can you ride tandem on a Segway or is it really just like a Seg-1? Oh, I think they should have a little sidecar or maybe that's what a hoverboard is.

Maybe, yeah. I feel like if you have one person who's the designated Segway driver and then you have Mike either attached to the back or just kind of sitting or just standing with legs akimbo, I think that that could work. That's a good solution. You guys mentioned that I don't drink earlier, but is it okay if I still have a signature

drink order? And it's a Red Bull filled with tequila? I was just going to say maybe a vodka bisque. Oh, yeah. You got to use Tito's because it's smooth. I mean, real smooth. Wolf Blitz. Danielle, is there anything else other than tights and fights that we should look for from you?

Oh, so many because I don't have a real job. If you're into watching nerds play really fun nerd games, I do a thing on Hyper RPG every Wednesday at like 9.30 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. And people watch it. It's great. I don't think our audience will be interested in that, but go ahead. Called Vanquished. Okay. Where I role play.

And that's dope. And then. Our audience are a little squittier than that. A little more squitty. A little more squitzies. I, of course, am joking. That is the main thing our audience will be interested in. I'm sure they will love that particular program. They will almost certainly prefer it to this program.

Yeah. In fact, I feel weird about driving them to that because they will prefer it. because they will prefer it and then also so in July I will be in Portland for the Portland Queer Comedy Festival thing

it's a good name good name listeners in Portland I'm kidding we do we have a lot of them and they'll like that role playing show yeah so that's a thing if you're in Portland

and you would like to come watch a bunch of us be queer as fuck, that is happening in July from July 13th to other days. And also you can – I'll be at VidCon with my show Fat and Fly as Fuck, which is the show where I talk about how dope and chubby I am. And that is – when is that? It's probably VidCon weekend. It is VidCon weekend. It is that Thursday of VidCon weekend if you are in the Los Angeles area. Now, look for the person who isn't a pretty teenager falling over.

Yeah. Yep. Look at the one who wore sensible shoes. Just look down and be like, Pumas, that's Danielle. I'm sure. Yeah. That's a good call, that's a good call. That's a good call. Well, I'm looking forward to all of that different stuff, Danielle.

So many things. I don't have a brand. All over the place. Danielle, a lady you know. Sure. Well, that's a joy. I think we can announce this now. If we can't, Brian will cut it out of the show. Great.

We're coming to the London Podcast Festival, baby. Yeah, we are, baby. London, England, baby. Yeah. Knock, knock. Go to sleep. Knock, knock. Go to sleep.

Is that that slogan? I think it's night, night, baby. I think that should be our official Listen, for this Jaunt to London Jordan and Jesse go Knock knock, go to sleep Our show is a tribute To severe jet lag Knock

That's not until what, September? But get your asses ready Yeah, London Lube up your holes, here Yeah. But get your asses ready. Yeah, London. Lube up your holes. Here comes the meat. Yeah. Get your cloacas ready.

Yeah, clean out that cloaca because they coming. Oh, we're going to be all up in you. We're going to be doing funny stuff in front of those hat guys from the palace. We're going to be riding on cable cars. We're going to be going straight to the top of the Sears Tower. We're doing everything that one has to offer. Watch out, London. We're tearing down

that wall. They got a Six Flags there, right? Yeah, absolutely. Can't wait to go to Six Flags over London. I feel like I have not even been to London unless I've had one of Six Flags over London. I feel like I have not even been to London unless I've had one of Six Flags' famous bread bowl tequila drinks. Yum, yum.

That's how I drink it right there. It's Six Flags London, England. With President Theresa May of England. And Justin Trudeau. And everybody. Justin Trudeau, the handsome dancer of England. And Justin Trudeau. And everybody. Justin Trudeau, the handsome dancer of London. Yes.

London's handsomest dancer. Okay. It depends on what app you use, but you should be able to find a button that says something like unsubscribe so just go ahead and click that

check out Daniel's role playing show you'll like that a lot you'll prefer that Daniel Baruela on the boards this week our producer of course the charming and delightful Sonny D Brian Fernandez he's at work right now folks his real job

he's at work he's just doing. His real job. Mm-hmm. He's at work. He's just doing his work. He's out here doing his work. Yo, man got to work. Get that work. You know what I say to him? Work. Work, work.

Work, work, work. Yeah, you got it, baby. Mm-hmm. Work, work, baby. Go to sleep. Yes. Knock, knock. Go to sleep, Jesse.

Work, work, baby. Go to sleep. It's London time. Like they say in foggy London town. Oh, home of the famous jackets. Yeah, all those. Why don't they call London Burlington Coat Factory? I think they should.

It's a home of those famous jackets. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's a branding opportunity that they're missing out on. You know what? We've pitched a lot of great ideas for slogans for London. But I have one final selection. More than just great coats. That's good.

What about this? More than meets the eye. Okay. Fair enough. Trans London? Maximumfun.reddit.com. You can chat about this on Reddit. Hashtag it JJGo on Twitter.

At Jesse Thorne. At Jordan underscore Morris. At Danielle Radford, right? Yeah. A holler at all of us there. Tell us what you thought of the show. If you've got corrections, hit up at IamPapaJohn on Twitter. I ate some Papa John's pizza at a pool party this weekend.

Yeah, it's not great, huh? No, it is not. Yeah, it's pretty bad pizza. It's not a strong pizza. It's sitting a little bit on top of Domino's in the bad pizza category. Yeah, category is not good of pizza. And finally, I just want to dedicate this show to some folks who have really changed my life. I'm sorry to get serious.

Sure. No, no, no. Fine. Yeah. Some folks who really had an incredible effect on my life, changed my life, gave me in a lot of ways the career that I never would otherwise have imagined I even could have. That's those clowns in Washington. Okay. All right. I thought we were roping it in for this episode. Never would otherwise have imagined I even could have. That's those clowns in Washington. Okay.

All right. I thought we were roping it in for this episode. We'll be back in just a second. No. Next week. Talk to you next time. I'm Jordan Jesse Glow.