Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 492: Whoretown with Kevin McDonald

Episode Date: August 7, 2017

Kevin McDonald from The Kids in the Hall joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jesse's son, Oscar's new character Robot Monkey, Kevin's run in with The Black Crows, the greatness of the Police Squad TV show, and Kevin's story about being in the Outkast music video for the song Roses.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I am glad that I escaped my house, Jordan. I'll tell you why. It's on fire. It's on fire. It's a horrible tragedy. Did you consider?

Yes. Did you just flee or did you think about maybe helping everyone else in the house or the dogs or did you just book it for the studio? No, it was like that old joke where the two guys are trying to outrun the bear. I don't think I've heard that joke. It's two guys and a bear is chasing after them. Is the bear a Jew? Because if it is, I don't approve of these kinds of jokes.

No, two guys and a bear is chasing after them and one of them a Jew? Because if it is, I don't approve of these kinds of jokes. No, two guys and a bear chasing after them and one of them stops and he takes off his dress shoes and he puts on his sneakers and the other guy stops and says, it doesn't matter what kind of shoes you're wearing, that's not going to help you outrun a bear. And the first guy says,

outrun a bear? No, I have to outrun you. Ah, sure. So it was that kind of situation only with my family, my children, my pets. Gotcha. And all my possessions. I figured as long as I get out of there, that's what's important. You're probably the fastest member of the family. Would you

say that? I think it depends on distance, Jordan. Oh, sure, sure. You're more of a sprint guy. Yeah, I mean, you use T-Mobile, but you're good at sprinting. I'm on boost.

Oh, boost mobile. Quick twitch. Quick twitch is what I have. No, house was not on fire. The house was not on fire. What was happening there that made it hard to leave? My son Oscar is three, and he has a toy drum, has a big drum mallet,

and he was going around the house hitting things hard with the mallet and screaming at the top of his lungs, I am a robot monkey. This is my banana. Wow. And so you just wanted to stay. It was hard to leave because you wanted to stay and see how that developed.

Where is that going? Yeah, boy. Nothing that good will happen on this podcast. Quacking shit. Yeah. Does a robot monkey commit acts of violence with its banana? With his banana? Sure.

I guess. I mean, I'm asking the wrong person. I shouldn't be asking you. I should be at home asking my three-year-old. The robot monkey. The robot monkey. He's got the insight. What is?

He's lived the part. Yeah. Sort of a method, three-year-old. Where do you think he learned about... Because he's riffing off something that he's seen. I don't think so. I think

my daughter is turning six this week, and she wants to build robots. All she wants to do, build robots, build robots, build robots, build robots. And inventions. The only phrase that has escaped her mouth in the past six or eight weeks is, and now the unveiling of my latest and greatest invention.

She says unveiling? She says that all the time. Good vocab. Get ready for my latest and greatest invention. When I was a kid, I was into potions. I wanted everyone to drink my potions. Yeah. She makes potions.

Does she say potions? She makes potions, and then she also makes jams and jellies. Okay. All of these are just some leaves and water mashed together. Yeah. I want to be clear. When I say potions, jams, jellies, robots, all of them- All of these are just water and leaves.

It's just a mayonnaise jug with water and leaves in it. They have active imaginary lives. So you think- Should we? Okay, hold on. Let's introduce our guest on the program because we have a special guest on the show. This needs to be unpacked. We have a truly magical guest on this week's program.

A living legend. A true Hall of Famer. Joe Montana. He is from the Kids in the Hall and the Kevin McDonald Podcast. Mr. Kevin McDonald. I know you didn't mean it, but it came off almost sarcastic when you were saying Living Legend. That's a problem I have hosting my

NPR program. And probably telling your wife that you love her. I love you. I love you so much. I love. When I was a kid I made all my friends make giant balloons, like balloon rides like Jules Verne. Oh yeah, sure. Around the world in 80 days.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it never worked. Did you heat the air in them? We had trouble with the box. Right. We never got to the balloon part. That would have been its own trouble, but we never made the box big enough for me and my chubby friend Larry to get in.

Well, I think that's Larry's fault. Lose a little chub, buddy. It's a little Larry's fault. Yeah. It's a little Larry's fault. If you want to take a balloon ride, do think that's Larry's fault. Lose a little chub, buddy. It's a little Larry's fault. If you want to take a balloon ride, do a couple of sit-ups. Your opening has made me think

of a lot of boring stories. And I promised before we went on the air that I wouldn't say anything I've said before, so all I have left is boring stuff. Yeah, good. I always leave the house, just by coincidence, when things are bad

and I wouldn't know how to deal with it. Like the other day, my wife had them tear up the garden in the front because she wants more lawn. And the workers who are good gardeners but they don't know what to do, they found three baby bunnies. And so people didn't know what to do with the bunnies. The mother ran away and then – Oh, bunnies. Well, go and write comedy.

And then I left and then – Oh, my god. And then I went for three days and they went away successful. The bunnies did. The bunnies did. It happened successfully. I came back to the end of it. So I got the joy.

You got to enjoy this too. I was actually there watering the lawn away from them when the mother came and took the three bunnies away. They had grown. I'm glad that they're with their mother now. I was there for the good part. That is genuinely terrifying. I found a bunny. Actually, our friend Jim Rayal, the master of Would You Rather and I, found a bunny when I lived in the beach flats in Santa Cruz, California, the area kind of below the old wooden roller coaster at the Santa Cruz Beach.

Found or trapped? Combination. Okay. Well, it was a serial situation. First found, then trapped. But it was clearly not a wild bunny. This was the city of Santa Cruz.

You could tell he was a tourist because he had a little map and a fanny pack. Like, oh, you're not from around here. He was eating some Dippin' Dots. And we kept him in a giant cardboard box in our house until a group of, I'm going to say two, three days, we kept the bunny in our house. He didn't die. He didn't die.

We were feeding him. Okay, good. This has a happy ending? Yes. A group of children ages 12 and under i didn't want spoilers i was this has become lord of the flies yeah they paraded his head around on a pike yeah they said kill the bunny slit her throat spill her blood which seems cruel in retrospect but i didn't say anything because i didn't have the conch. They would dip their two fingers in her open jugular and then smear a little bit of blood underneath their eyes.

A group of about no less than 10 children under the age of 12 and over the age of, I mean, under the height of four feet. The tiny, tiny children came to my door with one kid in the lead. And it was like, do you remember in high school I was obsessed with a commercial for Target where a kid that was sort of like Jonathan, like a low rent Jonathan Lipnicki would go. A Jonathan Lip fakey. Yeah, sure. You want to buy some bird seed? It's for the birds. And he would go door to door selling bird seed

to raise money for education. This kid was sort of like that kid. And he just went, hey, mister, I heard you have a bunny because my cousin lost his bunny. I heard you have a bunny because my cousin lost his bunny and it was

the most full my heart has ever felt until I have an enlarged heart now so it is actually a sad story it's harder to fill the other nine come with him in case you say no to beat you to death

they were holding tire irons. Yeah, they were. Guys, first we'll try the general way. I'll ask. Let's not go to violence yet. I guess you can get some to like sneak around and kind of climb through your like bathroom window and steal your TV. You're pretty clever. I look back.

And when you're dealing with that, they take the bunny. My car is jacked up and all the wheels are gone. We're just listing things from a movie about 1970s New York. Yeah. I don't know. Next before Giuliani ruined it. Attica. Attica.

I'm trapping bunnies over here. Favorite New York reference. Kevin, you mentioned, and before we started the podcast, and you alluded to it, that you have been doing interviews and people have been asking you the same question over and over and you didn't want to answer those questions. That's unfair to them. Sometimes I force the same answer to different questions. Oh, because you have good anecdotes. Yes. But I've said too much.

I'm sorry. Keep going. No, no, no. I wanted to ask. So far, everything's been new. Oh, cool. Okay. Nice.

Yeah. Buddy story, fresh. Very fresh. That's right. Buddies in the yard. Buddy story, fresh, very fresh. That's right. Buddies in the yard.

Hardwick did do a little chunk on Nerdist about robot monkeys. Okay, but that's parallel thinking, you know? So what do you get asked over and over again that we should avoid? Oh, the typical stuff. How did I meet Dave? What's Dave like? What's Dave like? What's Dave like? When's his birthday? What's his address?

Who's Dave married to? What clothes does he – but yeah, Dave, a lot of Dave questions. How did we meet? Just Dave questions. A lot of Dave questions. Not questions about Scott or Bruce. This almost led me to something I've said a hundred times and I'm not going to say it. Say it, but in pig Latin.

That's an amusing answer. I forgot how to do pig Latin. It's hard. Like, I'd have to write it down. As a 12-year-old, I did it naturally. My wife and her sister talk in a made-up language sometimes. Oh, I hate it. Yeah.

I hate being on the outside. It's about you. I hate being on the outside. It's about you and your crank. And you guys are too young, but when I think of Pig Latin, I think of the Flintstones. Oh, sure. Ixnay Barney. Oh, yeah, yeah.

But he doesn't say Barney Pig Latin. Ixnay Barney. Which was pretty funny as a kid. Yeah. All right. Here's another boring thing I've never said before. And this only amuses me and it's not funny at all. And I'm doing a hand thing that your listeners can't see.

Sort of a Bill Clinton, I did not. I did not. I inhaled an item of money. I have not told this story on a podcast. A lot of times, I inhaled this story. My Clinton is like a Kennedy. But you were talking about the house on fire, and I'm a sports fan, and I was watching basketball

as a TBS with Charles Barkley, and I forget his last name. Yeah, I think so. Kenny... Kenny... He's great. Kenny... I think so. Kenny. Kenny. He's great. Kenny. I just forget because I'm aging. But they were- Not Kenny Main.

That's from ESPN. That's right. It's not Kenny Main. It's not Kenny Albert. That's another. That's Marv Albert's son or something. Yeah. But he's an ex-baseball player.

Basketball players. You were inside the NBA. I was inside the NBA. And the first half, by the second quarter, some team was getting away from the other team because they'd found a way to attack their defense. And then Charles – I don't know why I'm saying this has no good punchline, but it just amuses me and I'm obsessed with it. Charles says, well, now they have a house on fire, the team that was losing. What do you do when you have a house on fire? And Kenny thought really seriously.

And after a three-second pause, he said, you get the kids out of the house. And Charles did that. What is the basketball analogy there? I don't know. Who are the kids on a basketball team? Maybe you put on the second team. The ball? The ball? You get the kids out of the house?

I don't know the analogy. Charles Barkley for president. Yeah, right? Charles Barkley. He'll make sure there's no more Godzilla attacks. That's the beautiful part of the story. He sort of fought Godzilla. The beautiful part of the story was he didn't care about the analogy. He was answering the question as is.

What do you do with the house at fire? You get the kids out. Yeah, he wanted to talk about fire safety. Yeah, fire safety. The time for basketball analysis is over. It's time house with fire? You get the kids out. Yeah, he wanted to talk about fire safety. Yeah, fire safety. The time for basketball analysis is over. It's time to do it. You get the kids out. You gotta check those smoke detector batteries. I'm glad that your perspective on Charles Barkley is

driven almost exclusively by 1990s Nike commercials. Yeah, and the time he hosted SNL. So he did that in a commercial. He did a Godzilla thing in a commercial? Yeah, he played basketball against Godzilla. I think they both had those sport goggles on. They have mocked his image for so long. Is it still funny? And he's a good sport about it,

but they have mocked- Charles Barkley? Like for 25 years now. Yeah, Charles Barkley's still funny. Yeah, absolutely. In those commercials now with- Charles Barkley says weird, miscellaneous shit. Oh, he's still funny on his own.

And he is amazing at it. But those commercials when he's with Spike Lee and stuff, they still mock his image. Is that still funny? Charles Barkley's still funny on his own? No, it was a tribute to him. It's a tribute to him. It was like a Godzilla, it was presented as a Godzilla movie.

It was a grand, the Nike commercial of 1994 was like a Jerry Bruckheimer. That was hilarious in 94. That was all the money in the world went into a TV commercial in 1994 for a Nike movie. Good reference. Does Jerry Bruckheimer still make movies?

I don't even know. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's not sweating it. What's the latest Bruckheimer? I don't know. I think Bruckheimer just produces Pirates of the Caribbean movies. That's what he does. I don't think he directs anymore.

I love that. As a result, I'm being boring, but I love the fact that I've never said anything of this before. I've never said this stuff. All fresh shit. Kevin, this is our second time seeing each other this week. Yes, it is. You're very nice. I helped you prepare for At Midnight.

Can I interject here for a moment before we get into this anecdote? Do you want to talk about how Charles Barkley, it's okay to razz him a little bit because when you're easily the best character in NBA Jam, nothing anyone says can get you down. Yes. That's exactly right. He's a good sport. I want to talk about his running mate, Larry Johnson, as grandmama. I want to say I was not able to be here on the show last week, Jordan, when I was away and our friends Daniel Radford and Linda Holmes were kind enough to fill in.

But I want to congratulate you on your great run on the wonderful television program. Thank you. Thank you, sir. You've always been a lovely advocate for the show. I love it. We appreciate it. I appreciate it. I hope you know that I'm sincere in how much I enjoyed the show. Yeah. I'm here live. He's sincere. I can tell. I can read it. We appreciate it. I love the show. I appreciate it. I love the show as well. I hope you know that I'm sincere in how much I enjoyed the show.

Yeah. I'm here live. He's sincere. I can tell. Yeah. I can read it. It's hard to tell sometimes. He was sarcastic when he introduced the show.

It's great. Yeah. No, thank you very much. I appreciate it. And I appreciate everybody who's been saying nice things about it online. It's definitely a bummer to lose a great job, like the niceness that the internet is being is tremendous. And it makes it – it's definitely a little balm for the wound. You were expecting more of a hashtag war.

Yeah, right. Exactly. But instead this is – yeah. The last episode is tonight. Are you going to watch it like at a party kind of thing? No. So the last episode is – the last episode airs tonight. That's what I meant.

That's what I meant. This show will air on Monday. I'm so sorry. Have I ruined the magic of – And I don't have plans – People believe that we are inside their iPods or smartphones. Live. Narrating the show live.

Live. And when their friend hears it the next week, we're in there again live. I'm sorry. Okay. Oh, no. But I mean I can say this because of the tape delay, but tonight I have plans to go to my friend Katie Mathewson's surprise birthday party. Happy birthday, Katie.

I don't think she listens. So that's what I have planned for tonight. We had this planned before the show got canceled. And you're going to put it on the surprise? That's true, yeah. She would be repelled by me when she sees me in public. You're going to put it on the surprise party? Put the TV on?

You're going to turn the TV on? We should hijack her birthday. She's the old writer's assistant for the show, so she would like it. Someone may suggest that then. It would be a lot of people from the show. Someone may say, hey, why don't we put it on? She's been surprised already? Yeah, let's...

My sincere congratulations. Onwards and upwards from here. Certainly so. However, I interrupted you mentioning that you wrote with Kevin for the show. So kind of how it works. I think I can be a little more candid about the process of the show at this point. So the contestant, the guest will come and sit in the dressing room and the writer that they have been paired up with will come into the room and you'll kind of work out all the material that they're going to do. And I came into the room and we had never met.

This was the first time of us meeting. Though it felt like we had. Yeah. And I'm not being sarcastic. No, we're two men with similar hair. Yes. And spirit. Yeah.

I think we have a similar vibe. Yes, yes. Spirit the stallion of the simelrion? Yes. I don't know what that is. This is a DreamWorks animated film that's been made into a Netflix show my children watch. The Simelrion? I thought it was the appendix to Lord of the Rings.

Simel. Carol, why aren't you looking this up? Don't just stare into the middle distance. Save me. Spirit, the Spirit, the Stallion of the me. Spirit. The spirit. I've seen that. I've seen it written. I haven't seen the episode.

So when I, it was our first time meeting and, you know, there's the, so the material one would say on at midnight is in a little card that is on their podium. And when I prep someone, I like to write all their cards for them just so they can worry about the material and not have to worry about order or anything. I can read my own writing. Thank you very much. But you said something interesting to me. You're like, can you write these cards for me?

And I need you to – it was something along the lines of, can you write these cards for me? I need you to do it not because I have bad eyesight. I need you to do it because I'm not just telling you what to do because I'm one of your heroes and you grew up worshiping me. what to do because i'm one of your heroes and you grew up worshiping me and i'm like you have clocked me so fucking perfectly you did i haven't i've said two words to you and you're like listen i know this guy is fucking ganked out of his mind to meet me which was absolutely true and i'm not taking advantage of that no no no that, no. That was my point. You don't want to exploit. I was going to ask, even if a cold-hearted writer came in, I was going to ask them because

I can't read my own writing. Yeah. So I definitely like, oh, I really appreciate the like, how well you know your audience. I think I can understand that entirely. I mean, I think I met Kevin once before years ago in Las Vegas when I interviewed him and a few of his kids in the hall, colleagues. That rings a bell. When they were at a comedy festival. Yes.

But I had met Dave Foley as a 23-year-old or 24-year-old when he was coming to perform at San Francisco Sketch Fest. And I was driving him around. I was the publicist slash miscellaneous job doer at Sketch Fest. So I got up early to drive him to radio stations and drove him around. And the amount of work that I had to do over the course of – and Dave Foley could not have been more of a prince, more genial, more glad to share news radio stories with me or whatever. But like the amount of work that I had to do to hold my shit together was – I am very lucky that I did not kill Dave Foley through negligent driving that day. not kill Dave Foley through negligent driving that day. But you're poker face.

If you had Jordan's job, if you came, I wouldn't naturally assume that. I wouldn't think the other, that you hate the kids in the hall or anything. I guess the word revolves around it. Well, we got to know how to fake it. You're more poker face. Yeah, yeah. And you were poker face, but it just- Yeah, it radiates off me. Sure.

And you were poker face, but it just – Yeah, it radiates off me, sure. You're like, here, this is a guy who was probably a little too obsessed with comedy in the 90s. Yeah. Yeah, do you kind of know that? Do you see people kind of either like coming up or like kind of looking and you're like, oh, there are some kids in the hall fans? Yeah, no, for sure. And this is not what you're talking about. But also in airports i could

see the look uh and it and it's a it's a very this is the look of people who i can tell are comedians or love comedy because they see me this all happens very quickly they see me they know me they love me but they're cool and they can't let them they can't let me know that they love me they see me but it all happens in the eyes very quickly, and I get it. And eventually, if I'm in the plane's delayed, they finally say, well, this is God telling me I have to go talk to Kevin McDonald. And then they always say the same thing.

I'm a comedian. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I love your work in the Gin Blossoms. Yes. Oh, I talked about the Gin Blossoms a few interviews ago. Really? We can still talk about them, but I have to say different things.

I guess I don't know that. That's how I'm feeling. Hey, jealousy. I know what the Jim Blossoms are, but how are they related to you? We became friends because we're all 90s acts and we all toured together. We also became friends with the Black Crows, Strangely Enough. Oh, yes. There you go.

Yes. and we all toured together. We also became friends with the Black Crows, strangely enough. Oh, yes, there you go. Yes. Have I ever told on air the story where the first time we met the Black Crows and Bruce got arrested? No. Do it now.

Do it now, please. Go on. I don't know if I've ever said it on air. I've told people at parties. Does that count as me not telling the story? No one will hear this but us. Yeah. I mean, Kara's not listening.

Sure. She's on the board right now. And then my next question to myself is, will Bruce mind? It's been many, many years. I think Bruce is going to love it. What if we change the names? What if instead of saying Bruce,

you say Stephen? Stephen, yeah. Good old Stephen. Then little Stevie Van Zandt will be upset. Oh, boy. Well, the short kid in the hall, Stephen. If I tell the whole story, it's long, the short kid in the hall, Steven. If I tell the whole story, it's long, and that would ruin your show, I think.

But if I say part of it's not – No, don't make it better. I'll make it short. I'll aim for three and a half minutes. Do the medium version. You can go up to second. Yeah, I'm going to go to the medium version. Okay. Thank you very much.

Thanks for segment producing this, Jordan. No problem. Happy to help. So it was 94. We were just beginning to be a touring group. We were in Atlanta. Before that, we had – because we liked the replacements in the pick season, Camper Van Beethoven, who were becoming old at that point. And one by one, we found that our guilty pleasure was the Black Crows.

We were too ashamed. We hid our CDs. It was CDs back then. And then finally someone admitted it, and then we all broke down. I like them too. And so we went – because we weren't supposed to, but we liked them. Yeah. What was their image at that point?

Like the Rolling Stones. Their first album was – what does Keith Richards do? The open G-chording, the open D-chording, the open – it's very famous of your musician. Right. And I forget it because I'm not a musician. So they sound like the Rolling Stones. I can play a little bit of Take Me Out to the Ball Game on the keyboard if that helps. Try it in open G.

It'll sound like the Rolling Stones. Just the right hand. Just the right hand. But – Take me – I can imagine Chris Robinson saying – so there was that. Oh, there's a funny part, but I'm keeping it to less than six minutes. They were like too hard rock to be alt rock, right? Yes.

That was the credibility problem for them. Exactly, exactly. And they just took the open G chord. And as they found their own voice and sold less albums, they became really great. But they always wrote catchy songs and catchy hooks. They were like the Allman Brothers. Anyway, I'm making it longer.

So it was a guilty pleasure. We played Atlanta. And we have a Kits and Halls catch called The Door Scene, where did you do a secret smile because you really know? You remember it or you don't remember the door scene? I bet I could – I bet when you start, I could probably finish it halfway through. But I don't know it off the top of my head. I go to the record store because we rode in the mid-'80s when there were record stores before a TV show.

And I'm asking – Bruce plays a guy named Whitey. Sorry, Steven plays a guy named Whitey. And I say, I really want to get in the doors. I can't do the host. It's a funny sketch. I don't remember any of the funny parts, but it's funny. He says like, you got to steal a car. You mean use my car?

Steal a car and drive to something funny. Come back. Get out of the car and drive to something funny. Come back. Get out of the car. Walk 20 miles. And then you got to – and Waiting for the Sun is the third album, but it's really the first album. And there's like jokes like that, which are funny when Steven does it as Whitey. And then I always list a bunch of groups. Before I say I want to get in the door, I say Depeche Mode.

He goes, sucks. Whatever else, sucks. And then we thought what would happen and we did it live in Atlanta. We did it as an encore that we would say the Black Crowes who we really liked and he would say sucks and the audience would boo us and we would enjoy that. So we were doing the show. I say – my last – my big three. I say Black Black Crowes this sucks and the crowd stands up and cheers Wow because you're always hated in your hometown right when you first make it at 20 years later you're not but you're always hated in your hometown we had that a little bit of that in Toronto too so we feel bad and to make up to we're in the dressing room

afterwards and we play a Black Crowes CD we take out Camper Vampito and then Keyline Pie we take that out and we put it in Keyline Pie that is the name of their album and then we and then

this tall guy comes in who now we're really good friends with he's a really funny guy his name's Steve Gorman and he says my name's Steve Gorman I'm the drummer of the Black Crowes

we love you guys and when you said that the Black Crowes sucks I knew you were calling to me. So I came backstage. That part has nothing to do with the restaurant. So we went out to the bar, and because it was the Black Crows,

there were a few of them there. Johnny Colt, the bass player, we drank a lot. And we had to get up early the next morning and fly to New York to do our show there. This is what's known as the rock and roll lifestyle. The rock and roll lifestyle. We were young at that point.

Well, we were even young. I think at that point we were 31, 32 because it took a while to get a TV show. Anyway, I'll stop talking then. I want you guys to talk. No, no, no. Kevin, I think just assume that the way you kind of sized me up the first time you saw me, assume that that's who's listening. Just assume that you're enjoying it.

And behind your poker voice, I'll pretend behind your poker voice, poker face. So Bruce got very drunk and we said goodbye to the Black Crowes. They kept drinking and we went outside the bar. It was a loaded area full of people. Some famous area in Vancouver. Atlanta where I forget the name.

And in front of the security guard, Bruce Peed outside. On purpose. Steven Peed, yeah, on purpose. And then I guess a security guard had heard that we were a semi-famous comedy troupe, and he put him down. I remember him pretending to put pretend handcuffs on him because he didn't have any because he was a security guard. And he said, this here's Atlanta, Georgia. It's not whore town. What?

What? We live in Toronto, right? Otherwise known as whore town? I guess he thought Hollywood. Yeah. Sure. I mean, I think affectionately, because we know, because, you know, we're from here. We refer to Hollywood as whore town, but that's something we can do with each other. Whore town.

And then our producer who is getting drunk with us, our young producer. Whore town. Joe, he had a Texas accent. Yeah, whore town. Toronto whore town. He had a Texas accent and he was really drunk and he never helped us at all in trouble like this. And he said, why are you arresting him? Well, there's a rapist and murder.

And all of a sudden he was handcuffed by the real police. He couldn't finish the word murderers. Well, there's rapists and murder. And he was arrested, but they let him go because he was silly. So they brought Bruce to jail. And then all night at the bar, there was a college student who seemed a little nervous. He wanted us to, he wanted, he was a journalist for the college, some local college newspaper. And we said, oh, well, we're too busy now.

We're sorry. Usually we would say yes, but we're the black crows. And then he was hanging around, and Mark and I were the only kids in the hall left. So we had to go to the police station. So we asked this journalist kid to drive us to the police station so we asked this journalist uh kid to drive us to the police station he said if you let me tape an interview and we said all right and then he was taping the interview and the questions got weirder and weirder and then finally halfway to the police station he stopped and he had a nervous breakdown in front of us my mother says i have to be an

accountant but i don't want to be an accountant. I want to be a writer. I want to write. What? And then Mark calmed him down, put him in the back seat, and Mark drove his car to the police station. Wow. Yeah, that was me. That was you? I wasn't going to say anything, but it was me.

With your poker face. And that security guard was Richard Jewell, the man falsely accused of the Atlanta bombing. Long may he wave. I don't think I've said that on the air before, so I don't think I've broken my rule. No, that's – boy, yeah, that's really terrific. I wonder if – I wonder if like the Black Crows who were a punchline at one point but now are kind of a credible band. I wonder if like we went back to like the punchlines of our high school days. I wonder if we like listened to like the most recent Third Eye Blind album.

We're like, this is good. They got good. I don't know. Well, here's a good group. And I'm going to go the opposite. I'm a fan of this group because I like Power Pop. But I know everyone's supposed to now like Weezer's Pinkerton. But I go back and I still think it's their weakest album.

Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, definitely. And I'm not being cool. I'm not cool enough to be cool. That is a Weezer guy division. Well now people say, actually Pinkerton is their best album. Yeah, definitely

there's like Pinkerton sucks and then there's like everyone thought Pinkerton sucks but I liked it when it came out. Now that's a big thing. I think it has one of their best songs, Butterfly or something like that. Oh, sure, yeah.

I'll give them that. I'm comfortable enough to be boring in front of you guys. That's pretty cool. No, thank you. You know what our audience likes. Our audience wants old Kids in the Hall stories and Weezer opinions. And when I was a teenager,

Rumors was played every day in the radio, so I decided not to like Fleetwood Mac Rumors. But I like pop, the kind of pop they do. So I feel that if it wasn't ruined for me, I probably would like Rumors. Well, speaking as a recent acquirer of multiple Steely Dan albums that I've been listening to kind of a lot. Guilty pleasure. I can relate to that. I guess I like Steely Dan.

No, I did the exact same thing with Fleetwood Mac. I mean, I definitely, definitely you know the punchline of fleetwood mac is this like oh it's what you're like mom listens to and she's had a little too much is the band from the 1992 bill clinton presidential campaign right where you're like this is cool to you people you're saying he's cool because of this right it was i was an 11 year old it was the least cool thing i could imagine in the history of the world because you're young it's the uncool thing with me i never got that far it was that it was played right every few minutes like they had seven it was before michael jackson i think it was the first album where almost every song was a hit yeah yeah so that that's what killed me at first uh but i am like yeah i mean i guess i knew it as

the like as the like baby boomer lame-o punchline of like, this is music. You kids need to listen to Fleetwood Mac. But like in the past two years, I am so fucking into Fleetwood Mac now. I just listened to Tuscan. Lindsey Buckingham is a great songwriter. Yeah, totally. They all are, I guess. Yeah.

They all are. Anyway, but yeah, that is a weird thing. All songwriters. Yeah. Every songwriter is great. All of them. Every songwriter is great. Anyone who's ever written a song.

There's not a bad songwriter. And that includes you, Hootie. I did a cartoon with a woman whose dad wrote Build Me a Buttercup. Build me. Oh, yeah. Build me a buttercup, baby. Sure. Am I allowed to sing that on here?

Don't tell her. We do set aside several thousand dollars a week for royalties. So, yeah. You can sing a few bars of Hey Jude if you want. All right. That might be an expensive one. Yeah. We spent our whole budget just to run Hey Jude during the closing credits of one episode.

Yeah. And now we try and focus on Build Me Up Buttercup type songs. In the 70s when they played once a year, the Chum FM in Toronto, the big station, they had the top 100 songs. Number one was always Hey Jude. Number two was always Let It Be. No. Stairway to Heaven? Oh, I forgot the order now.

But the top three were Stairway to Heaven, Hey Jude, and Let It Be. Yeah. I believe that. Chum was the big station. Chum FM. Chum. Chum FM. Were they cool about it?

That it was called Chum? It was called. They were sort of cool. The thing that I liked about Chum FM was that they played three or four songs from each album and then have a commercial. So you knew whether you wanted to buy the album or not. That's nice of Chum. That was very nice of Chum.

This is the 70s. They should do something like something set up in a water parking lot. You know, we're Chum in the water, live. Here's four cuts of the water. Chum was a real pal. Yeah. There you go.

You younger... Here's an interesting thing about comedians. Yeah. There you go. Here's an interesting thing about comedians. Yes. You younger generation seem to like puns. In the 80s, we weren't allowed to like puns. Sure. We walked around saying things like lowest form of humor and things like that. Well, it is.

I think. True. But you seem to. I teach workshops with young people, and you young people seem. Every guy stands up and pretends that he's being embarrassed but he knows the audience is – the workshop is with him and he says, I know I shouldn't but I'm actually a fan of puns. So can I suggest this shit? I hear that every workshop. Yeah. That is the comedy equivalent of like, I know I'm weird but I hate the word moist.

It's like, OK. That's everybody. Stop. Don't. That is what everyone says. I think as I have gotten older, it has come to be that all I really want is to watch Police Squad. Sure. Oh, my God. This is the third day in a row where I've talked about Police Squad.

It's the third day in a row. I haven't done it yet. So I have to talk about it with you. I had never seen Police Squad. And then when it came out on DVD maybe five years ago and I bought the DVD and I was like oh, this is the greatest thing ever. It's the greatest thing ever.

This is wonderful. The first movie was good but Police Squad is like genius. Police Squad is the television show that inspired the Naked Gun movies for folks who don't know. A Zucker Brothers TV sitcom that lasted for six episodes. But basically six 25-minute Dragnet parodies in the Zucker Brothers style.

And I got it recently on VHS at the thrift store. It's the only episodic television I had at the cabin on my recent trip. And so when we were too wiped out to watch a movie, we'd watch that police squad. Wow. Oh, that holds up for me 100%. Did they only do 12 episodes or something? They only did six. Yeah. Each videocassette is three of the six episodes.

And they had gags like the tall cop, his head was always out of the frame. You never saw him. The one I love the most is after they show the tall cop whose head is always out of the frame, one of them leans down on the desk and the eyeline and the camera line makes it seem like he's pressing the intercom button to talk to his secretary. He'll say like, oh, do this, this, this, and this. And then they'll cut to the reverse shot and it's just a little person looking at a little cop looking up at him and saying, all right, boss. And then he leaves.

It's brilliant. The Zuckers are great with like forced perspective humor. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No one does forced perspective humor

better than them. I remember another tall guy gag where the little guy looked up and said to the tall guy, oh, you got something right here?

And then like a banana fell on him or something. That's a good gag. And then at the end they did the freeze frame. They always did a cop show in the 70s. Only they pretended to freeze and people were still pouring coffee. One person would be wandering through the frame looking confused. Realizing what was – yeah, and then freeze.

Yeah, they had a special guest star thing at the beginning where the guest star gets killed in the credits. Yes. It would be like William Shatner, but it's just him getting killed and then he doesn't appear in the rest of the thing. That's brilliant. Yeah. Okay, can I say one Zooker Zooker Abrams thing?

Yes, please. I've never seen this on the air before. You're way too young to know that. In fact, people my age don't know it. I'm the only person in the world who saw this. They did a pilot after The Naked Gun was a hit.

And are you guys too young to remember the TV show from the 70s or 80s, Real People? Yes. Yes. You're too young? Yes, I don't remember that. Real People was like – it was an hour show.

They had comic – Skip Stevenson and Byron Allen. Okay. Do you remember those guys? I know who Byron Allen is. Byron Allen because he's still around in LA, yeah. Show host of Comics Unleashed. Yes. And a woman whose name I forget.

And they did a tape in front of a live audience. But the thing of the show was they would go – they had film segments where they would go to a small town. Sometimes it was very touching stories. Sometimes it was about town eccentrics. Because their thing was that everybody had a story. Yeah, yeah. And so like weird things about a normal family. And they did a parody. They did a pilot that wasn't picked up by NBC but it was so good

they showed the pilot and I'm the only person in the world who saw it and they had three or four segments. I only remember one segment. May I say it? Yes. One woman claimed,

it's of course all actors because it's like a pilot by Zuckers or Graberms and they wrote the script but some woman claims that her dog talks. So the host of the show comes to the town,

comes to the house and the woman like offers tea and she's very polite and says, do you like the suburb? It's a nice place. And then she, well, I guess you wanted me to skip you the dog. That's what you're here for. And the dog comes and he talks. He says, hi, very pleased to meet you. Yes, it's a nice house. It's very close to the schoolyard. And then he talks and it's sort of funny. And then the woman says, well, you wanted more milk for your tea? I'll go get it.

Why don't you two talk? And as soon as she goes in the kitchen, Skippy the dog turns to the guy and says, she's crazy. She's crazy. Don't turn her back on her. Will you help me? I think she's going to kill me. She's crazy. And as soon as the woman walks back in, how do you describe this to your listeners?

He does the ixnay. Yeah, he does the ixnay. Don't say that. We haven't said, yeah, so we're next to the schoolyard. To me, that's one of the most brilliant comedy things I've ever seen before. Right, because there's

two things going on. Yeah. The talking dog. You're sort of interested and you can never guess in a million years what their comedy's going to be. That they will introduce

a second premise. Yeah, that second premise. And that's really why they wrote it, right? It was the second premise they thought of that made it worthwhile writing. That the woman is crazy and the dog's afraid of her. The joke that I love the most is there's like a stool pigeon type character, like an informant character who knows everything. He's like the shoeshine guy and he'll slide him 20 bucks and he'll be like, yeah, here's the story.

He's at war with so-and-so and he lives down on Barnum Street, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then Leslie Nielsen will get out and someone else will get in the chair and slip him 20 bucks. It was like the one I watched most recently was a priest, and he just slips him 20 bucks and says, all right, buddy, what do you know about life after death? Great guy. It was sort of like Get Smart, where you're too young to know, where they had the cone of silence. So every few episodes, they had to think of different cone of silence gags.

Yeah. It is a joy, and it is the dumbest shit in the history. Smart dumb dumb though. Yeah, amount of dumb they're willing to go to. Some of it is smart dumb. Some of it is just straight up dumb. It's what the kids in the hall call aggressively stupid. Yeah, and no shamelessness in their dumbness.

And I am like, fine, yes, let's be as dumb as we can. I think in my lifetime of being super, super way too into comedy, you definitely kind of see like dumb comedy kind of come and go. You know, I think it'll come and then people will love it and then there'll be kind of a reaction. It's like, we got to take this seriously. Right, right. Like, you know. Nobody did it better than Steve Martin in the late 70s. Yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, and I think it's all – it's kind of in waves.

I think we are – And Steve Martin said, I got to take this seriously. Right, yeah. I'm going to write this Picasso play that will be droll. I don't hate him for that. I understand that's inevitable. Sure. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean you got to change. You can't just do what – you can't just – yeah, you can't just put the arrow through your head. You could have gone back to work at Disneyland. Sure, yeah, playing banjo at Knott's Berry Farm. There's two dumb comedy things that I've seen in a million 1930s movies. You see it over and over if you're older and got to see 1930s movies. And this is why the kids in the hall hate me because I always try to put them in our scripts. One is a guy at work, an employee is sitting behind his desk, and his boss comes in and chews him out and chews him out.

And then he says, another thing, McPherson, stand up. And then he says, I am standing. And he's a tiny guy. And the other thing is that this you've seen for sure where a guy storms out. You know what? I'm going to tell him that his is over. I'm going to fire him. That's it. I've had it with him. And then he storms out. You know what? I'm going to tell him that his is over. I'm going to fire him. That's it. I've had it with him. And then he storms

out a door. Then he comes back and goes, closet. Aren't those intrinsically funny? I feel like every episode of Police Squad has this joke where someone says to another person cigarette and the other person goes, yes, I know it

is. Yeah. It's great. Yeah. Love it every time. Yeah, you have to do that. Yeah, it does not bother me. They could do it a thousand times.

I would love it a thousand times. You can't be afraid of comedy. Sometimes, like, especially with the kids in hall, when we read our own press back in the 90s, and we're supposed to be cool and hip, so you can't do closet things. But my theory always was, and I lost a lot of arguments is you can't be afraid of comedies sometimes that's yeah I believe that

something I maybe told this story on the show before but I had this friend and she was reminiscing about a time when she's like when I was growing up my dad my dad would always do this funny thing where he'd take like a glass of water and he'd go to take a drink and he'd like dump it on his eye and go, oh, no, I have a drinking problem. And I'm like, oh, like an airplane.

And she's like, what? Her dad had spent her whole life passing that off as something he had thought of and me telling her that he had lifted it from something I've – yeah, she went – Now she hates him or thinks less of him. She went inward so quickly. Like I could tell she was thinking about – Like a fucking a fucking sea enemy When a morsel of food floats by I was thinking Her thought was what else has he lied about Yeah exactly

Has he slept around on my mother Is that my mother Did he have my nose That's funny her first thought was he didn't write that Yeah yeah So anyway. Comedy. Don't be afraid of it.

That's the point I'm trying to make. Anyway, now he is very big on Instagram. Big on – yeah, right. Exactly. Huge on Instagram. The water guy. Yeah, I think that we are – I think we're due for the dumb comedy wave to come back around. I think we're in a point right now where people are being a little serious about comedy.

Yeah, I think the Farrelly brothers is now long enough ago that dumb is back, right? But you got to do it in a way – because I guess we're all alternative comedians. But like I said, you can't be afraid of comedy. When I was a kid in the 70s, an amazing thing happened. Monty Python, Steve Martin, Albert Brooks happened where they did anti-comedy. But because they were great comedians that had great timing, they were doing it in a funny way. It was also comedy. You were supposed to make fun of the fact that he put an arrow on his head or that Albert Brooks was doing a ventriloquist thing.

But it was funny that he was doing that because it was supposed to be lame that he did it. But it was also – they had good jokes there and it was also just funny that they were doing it. And that's a really hard thing to do and that's sort of what I grew up loving. Yeah. I mean I watched Parenthood at the cabin. Sure. Speaking of serious Steve Martin. Speaking of serious Steve Martin movies.

I had not seen it since I was a kid and in general overall – It's not bad. Oh, it's bad? Okay. Sorry. Go ahead. I haven't seen it since it first came out. I don a kid. And in general, overall... It's not bad. Oh, it's bad? Okay, sorry, go on. I haven't seen it since it first came out. I don't really... Yes, I would say, given that you haven't seen it

since it first came out, that reaction is totally understandable. My memory was that it was pretty good. I would say it pretty sucked. I think I... The only thing I remember from... God, this might not even be from Parenthood. Is Keanu Reeves in it? Yeah, and he's great. The thing I remember from – God, this might not even be from Parenthood. Is Keanu Reeves in it?

Yeah, and he's great. The thing I remember – Oh, right. The only thing I remember from – I remember two things from Parenthood, two things. And I loved Steve Martin at this point. Like The Jerk was my favorite movie. Yes. So I was just in for anything that pointed a camera at Steve Martin.

I remember him dressing up as the cowboy and going to his kid's birthday party. That's what I remember, yes. And he's like, I saw Cowboy Dan and I blew a hole in him this big. And the kids go nuts. And I just remember thinking, God, I wish that was my birthday. Yeah. And then I also remember, I don't know how old I was at this point. This is in the theater.

So I don't know, like 90, 92? 80, 90, yeah, something like that. So yeah, maybe I was like 12 or something, 11. And I remember there's something Keanu Reeves is arguing with someone. And he's like, you need a license to own a gun, but anybody can have a kid. And I remember thinking like, God, that is so true. I am having a grown up thought. I am having, yeah, why don't they?

And then that's when I became a staunch supporter of registration. Yeah. And rounding people up. Yeah. I won't say it. When I say it sucks, I mean like it's really competent. It's just so Ron Howard-y. Oh, it's Ron Howard.

Ron Howard things that I really love. I was going to say, is it a Christmas Columbus? Splash is good. I bet I could watch Apollo 13 right now and really enjoy it. That's good. Frost Nixon. Yeah. I'll watch a Frost Nixon.

Splash is good. Put on a Frost Nixon. But never has a nail's head been hit so squarely as by one Ronald Howard. Because he was a parent and he wanted to make a point. You know, there are some good things. And actually, as I said, there are some great performances in it. The teenagers in it are great. But I think there is like one moment when the movie lights up and it's when Steve Martin is acting dumb.

Like the rest of the movie, you're like you're watching it and you're thinking, I guess the main thing Steve Martin does is just scold people like a condescending dick. Sure. You're like, what's good? Why did people like Steve Martin? You're like forgetting why people liked Steve Martin. And then for like five minutes in that birthday scene, he just acts goofy. And he does jokes for five-year-olds and is fucking great. It's hilarious.

Like that con man movie he did with Michael Caine when he plays the character of the dumb guy. Dirty Rotten Scoundrel. Dirty Rotten Scoundrel. Yeah. When he plays the dumb idiot. Yeah. That was sort of great.

So he's like, may I go to the bathroom? Yes. And then he's like, thank you. Because he was peeing at the time. Very few people could do that and make me laugh. And they put a cork on his fork because he would. Yes. I bet that's problematic now.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're probably right. And I'm older than you guys, so I forget things are problematic now because I was like in my mid-20s when that came out and there was no problem with that. Just type it into Twitter. Type it into Twitter. Hit send and see. See what comes back.

Yeah. The political correctness thing is weirder for me because it had started when the Kitson Hall show started and we had to deal with it a little tiny bit, not like nowadays. But I realize now in a way, we were sort of selfish. We sort of were smart enough to know that we shouldn't insult people that way. But we thought it was so funny. We didn't care. And because political correctness wasn't as strong as it is now, we could win.

So we did hurt people because we thought it was so funny. There's some things I could defend forever. We have a character in Brain Candy called Cancer Boy. And that I could totally defend because we're not making fun of children with cancer. This sounds phony because we came up with it. We wrote it down. But I could honestly say it's true. I never thought of it when we wrote it.

But we are making fun of the cult of celebrity, pushing a kid out. Right, sure. And I can't – but there's a lot of things I can't stand by. My brother's heart was born – my brother was born with a heart outside of his body. Every day is a gift. When he says every day is a gift, I still laugh. It's just hilarious.

Okay, okay, okay. It's getting too hot in here. We're going to take a quick break. It is hot. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. La, la, la a podcast called Still Buffering, where we answer questions like... Why should I not fall asleep first at a slumber party? How do I be fleek? Is it okay to break up with someone using emojis?

And sometimes we talk about bugs. No, we don't. Nope. Find out the answers to these important questions and many more on Still Buffering, a sister's guide to teens through the ages. I am a teenager. And I was too. Butts, butts, butts, butts, butts. No. Too many times. Over and over again. Over and over again.

It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, McDonald from the kids in the hall does not get it. It's a little sarcastic again. We're here with the turtle live from Hortown. Can we do live from Hortown? Yeah, live from Hortown. Absolutely. I'd be so happy if that became your thing and you said that every episode. Live from Hortown. And people listen and go, oh, do they do it in Toronto?

Yeah, everyone knows. Because everyone knows. Yeah. You came to Canada and you didn't tell us? I see the Canadian fans of the program. Hey, sponsors on this week's program, Jordan. Well, first of all, the Max Fun Beer Blast sold out. Sold out. A live show in Los Angeles with Elliot Kalin and some of the folks from Tights and Fights,

Daniel Radford and Open Mike Eagle, and a friend, Riley Silverman, Bradford and Open Mike Eagle and a friend, Riley Silverman, and more that we're going to be doing here in Los Angeles at the brewery there in the Old Arts District. Angel City. Angel City. Sold out, buddies. Sold out. We might be able to get you in. If you come up and you've got cash in hand that night and you really want to be there, we'll try.

Yeah. But as now officially sold out. Hey, if you really want to see the show. Yeah. But as now officially sold out. Hey, if you really want to see the show, I don't know that we're going to kick people out, although the fire marshal might say otherwise. Yeah. Come cash in hand. Bring us a little of that dank. Yeah.

Bring us a little of that. A little dank of just a few nugs. A little of that good herb. A few sticky dank nugs. And I think we can probably find a chair for you. The sweet herb, as I call it. By the way, I am not worried about the fire marshal. I say we don't need no water. Sure.

Let the mother fucker burn. Let's all die in a podcast fire. Well, I've only got to beat you. Oh, sure, yeah. Because fire like a bear will stop once it has fed. In all sincerity, I mean, did you even hear which fire marshal they assigned to the show? It's probably the fire marshal Bill. Yeah, exactly.

And he wants to show you something. Yeah, he just wants to show you something. Okay. Blue Apron. Yes. One of our sponsors on this week's program, a gourmet meal service. They send you the ingredients pre-measured to cook your own delicious gourmet meal right there on your own range top. It's affordable.

For less than $10 per person per meal, Blue Apron delivers seasonal recipes along with pre-portioned ingredients to make delicious home-cooked meals. Now, Jordan, when they say seasonal, that just means pumpkin spice latte, right? Well, I mean, it's whatever's in season. Once pumpkin spice is in season, I would guess in the fall, then you're probably getting pumpkin spice turkey or whatever. Got it. But now you're getting sauteed shrimp, green beans, globe tomatoes, spinach, and orzo

pasta, whole grain pasta with summer veggies, heirloom tomatoes, and caprese salad. Excuse me, an heirloom tomato caprese salad. Yeah. And got heirloom tomato caprese salad. Yeah. And got a miso butter salmon, lo mein noodles, cucumber, and charmed tomatoes. Miso butter. The miso increases the umami.

Love that miso. You can get- Hey, it's a nice miso. Hey, it's a nice umami. Yeah. Gonna cut up some sushi. Yeah. If you want three free Blue Apron meals, here's what you do.

You want three free meals? Jesse, you want three free meals? Can I put it this way? Let me at them cakes. Let me at them cakes. Blueapron.com slash JJGO. Blueapron.com slash JJGO. Let me at them cakes.

Let me at them cakes. Also, our friends at ZipRecruiter. Yes. With ZipRecruiter, you can post your job to 100-plus job sites with just one click. Jordan, have you heard about the new improv recruiting site, ZipZapZopRecruiter? Oh, boy. Fuck me. That is for a very specific audience.

That is for a very specific audience. If you want to find out today why ZipRecruiter. It's not a broad tent like Jordan Jesse goes. No, no, that's just for the fans. If you want to find out why Zip Recruiter has been the most used by businesses of all size to find the most qualified job candidates, here's what you do.

You go to ziprecruiter.com slash jjgo and you can post jobs for free. For free? Free. Ziprecruiter.com slash JJGo, and you can post jobs for free. For free? Free. ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. Post that job for free. But if I post it on ZipRecruiter, it's just going to stay on ZipRecruiter. It's not going to go to other popular job sites.

No, it's going to blast it out to tons of job sites. Holy cow, like a fire hose? Yes, like a fire hose of productivity. A fire hose of employment opportunity. Just like- Spraying across this great nation. Just like Stephen McCullough's urine in Atlanta. Good callback.

Yeah. Thank you, thank you. And we got a Jumbotron message. ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. One more time, to try it for free, go to ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. And if you want to share your personal messages on the show, just like at the ballpark, we've got a Jumbotron. to share your personal messages on the show. Just like at the ballpark, we've got a jumbotron.

This one is for Marion Case from proud Golden Eagle Leo Case. Hey, Leo. We salute you, Golden Eagle. Leo, here's the message. It's been 20 years this summer since we met in Quebec, 17 years since we've been married, and 10 years since moving to Belgium from New England.

We'll hear this in the car while we're on a return vacation to Quebec without the kids. You're my best friend in the world. You're a selfless mother to three great kids and a beautiful person inside and out. I love you. I really like the spirit of that message.

It's a little... They should have warned us how tragic it is that the kids died. But I'm glad that they can still vacation after losing the children. And I'll say it was nice to tell another man's wife that I love her. It was a good feeling for me. A man without a wife to tell a wife that I love her. Did you feel a little more complete?

Yeah, I did. It's nice. It's nice. Okay, if you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. We know that you already tried to get on the Mabim Bam Jumbotron, but it's full. Try our Jumbotron. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, I like the purple panther because I like it so deadly. But cute. Sleek. Yeah, but also cute.

And groovy. Yeah. Groovy and dangerous. Sensual. The real dangerous people would be groovy. I'd love to fuck a panther. There you go. I like the turtle because it has a shell.

Well, I'd like to fuck a turtle as well. Seems like you're working some shit out. Yeah, well. Everybody has a zoo story where they've seen two turtles have sex. Yeah, they're a very horny creature. Yes, and it scars some people. Like the cracking of the shell. I thought it was weird that that was all that it said on the plaque for the turtles.

A very horny creature. Very horny creature. Nothing about their habitat or what they eat. They're more serious about the bears, but the turtles. And then a gift of Ryan and Stephanie Christian. Yeah, exactly. Two horny zoo fans. You know, the reason that Cara is on the boards this week and not Daniel, who's been on the boards the last few weeks, as our producer Brian is in London, England, writing for television,

is that Daniel is actually on a date with his girlfriend for his girlfriend's birthday. That's fun. Guess where they are? Hmm. The zoo? I'll give you a hint. It's very horny. Oh, boy.

Some sort of turtle enclosure? Yeah, they're right there at the zoo. Oh, nice. Los Angeles Zoo. That's a fun date. Checking out the serval. Yeah. You seen these servals? Yeah, they're right there at the zoo. Oh, nice. That's a fun date. Checking out the serval. Yeah. You seen these servals?

Oh, yeah. This is a long-legged jungle cat with extraordinary leaping ability. I never heard of it. Is it a new animal? It's recent. Yeah, yeah. A new animal? They've been around the block, but they're hot right now.

Got a lot of heat. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of heat. Just like third-eye blind. Just like third-eye. Just like third eye. Been a wine round for a while. I wish I was there on a date watching, what's it called? The Serval?

Serval. Serval. How do you spell it? Hmm. Yeah. S-E-R-V-A-L? It is a C. Yes. Yeah.

Now, I've seen it written. I've seen it written. I don't think I've ever even said it out loud before. Right. I've seen it written in books. I don't know if I've seen pictures, but I... Serve all. Serve all.

That's how you remember. Serve all because they're one of the most generous jungle cats. And they... Well, no. They follow Christ

to a point. It's because before they made it, they worked as a cater waiter. Oh, sure. Yeah. To a point. At first,

they're very generous. They offer things, then they tear you to pieces. Sure, right. Yes, yeah. Yeah. To a point. At first they're very generous. They offer things, then they tear you to pieces. Sure, right. Yes, yeah. They rip out your jugular. I want to segue into this thing that I am very excited about. We were trying to explain it to

Kevin over the break, but more and more today, lawyers are asking us to sign non-disclosure agreements. Kevin, I don't know about you, but I don't like some asshole four-eyes telling me what to do with my life. Let freedom ring. You're like Neil Young in 1986. You got it.

Neil Young in 1986. Exactly. Neil Young. In 1986. 1986. The Canadian plains. Yes. Marin County Marin County, doing it my way. Croaking out that song. Yes.

Yes. What's that song? The blues song. Yes. I'm sorry. Keep going. So because of my contempt for lawyers who, in my opinion, are a bunch of sharks. Wow.

Yes. Speaking of chum. It's pretty heavy. Hot take. Lawyers are just a bunch of sharks eating up our money. And dignity. And we're the chum. We're the chum.

Yeah, sure. That's a good point, Kevin. We're the chum. We're the chum. Why did you throw me in the water just so some shark lawyer can come along and eat me up? Okay, in the allegory, who's the person that threw us over the bone of the water? These clowns in Washington. All right.

I was going to say a pirate. That's real pirates. Are pirates. Real pirates. If you ask me, the clowns in Washington are the real pirates. There you go. Now we've hit it. It's getting harder and harder to tell a clown from a pirate these days.

Why are they driving around on these little boats? The clown in pirate's clothing. Got these big gold earrings in their ears. Yeah. And these flowers that squirt water right in your nose. Like you didn't go out and vote for them thinking they were there to help you. Stupid pirates. Fucking pirates. Fucking pirates. you didn't go out and vote for them thinking they were there to help you stupid pirates with their sabers yeah you know they're rattling their sabers they think they can distract us distract us from our entitlement programs cuts to our entitlement programs such as Social Security and Medicaid.

They're always fucking your wife, too. Oh, with those big, thick, fainty dicks. Yo-ho-ho is right. Oh, boy. Clown fetuses. We're just chum with good-looking wives to them. Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah.

Chum with good-looking wives. So the point is when others zig, we zag, Kevin. Got it. I knew that the second I walked in here. The second I walked in here. You're some zaggers. Some zaggers. I'm going to be talking to some zaggers. I knew that.

So we— If you want restaurant advice, go to Zaggets. If you want zaggers, come to Jordan and Jesse Goh. Jordan and Jesse Goh, the podcast. But I also have some restaurant recommendations if anybody's looking for shark. Seriously, yes. Oh, the podcast. But I also have some restaurant recommendations if anybody's looking for shark. Yeah, seriously.

Like a nice – not too pricey but like a white tablecloth date place. Yeah. It's not too loud so I can actually talk to my date. Yeah. So we've asked our listeners to call in and violate their non-disclosure agreements. I don't care big or small. We violate them all. Agreement. Non-disclosure. Sure I don't care, big or small, we violate them all. Agreement, non-disclosure.

Sure, yeah, that's not a... That's not an inappropriate... No. But non-disclosure agreements, we violate them. 206-9844-FUND is the number to call. Here's our first non-disclosure agreement violation. Hello, Jordan.

Hello, Jesse. Hello, I'm going to guess Aparna Nancharla. This is a listener from Minnesota. Can you pause this? I think that's a great guess. And certainly Aparna Nancharla is

in some ways the Kevin McDonald of the New York City stand-up comedy scene. Thank you very much. But I got to say, it's not a great Jordan Jessie Go-Guest guest because she lives in New York City. It's too far away. But Kevin- We're thrilled to have her anytime she's in town.

She's been on the program. Kevin lives in Canada and he made time. Oh, that's a good point. I live in all of Canada. The whole thing? I live in the whole thing. The whole country. It's just like Neil Young, huh?

It's just like Neil Young. Do you live in Marin as well? In a way. You just splay out over the whole continent. I splay. Yes, I splay. What are we looking at? Toronto?

I call it the T-dot. I live in a place called W-dot, Winnipeg. Oh, Winnipeg. Because of a woman. That's in Manitoba. Yes! That blew out my voice, but it was worth it. Yeah, Kevin McDonald just had an orgasm.

Go ahead and press play. Giving you a NDA violation. I was part of a focus group where we reviewed experimental whipped cream dispensers. I barely remember any of it, but I remember one of them kind of looked like a hair dryer and or like Han Solo's blaster from Star Wars, and nobody liked it. And we needed to sign an NDA about it. So I thought that was silly, so I'm violating it here and now.

Thanks so much. I fucking love whipped cream. Whipped cream's good. I used to think whipped cream wasn't anything, and I wasn't interested in it, unless it was actual homemade whipped cream, which my dad used to make once in a while. You know, you get a nice cold bowl,

and you really whip the shit out of that cream. You want to start with whipping cream. But my wife loves whipped cream and just would put it on anything. And now it's not a dessert unless it has whipped cream on it, as far as I'm concerned. I've completely turned around. I'm ambivalent. Ambivalent about whipped cream. Really?

Yes. Ambivalent. Really? Yes. Yes. Ambivalent. I think I know what that means. I'm sorry I can't hear you over the sound of your sabers rattling, you pirate asshole.

Oh, I become a pirate. Well, listen, and you're chum now. You're chum to me. No. You're chum. And you're his good-looking wife. Oh, boy. He's going to eat us and then fuck us.

That's the plan. Yeah. Ideally, if things go. Everything goes. I mean, it might flip it. I like a little bit of it. I like a little bit of whipped cream on a select dessert. Might mix it up a little bit. You're in the middle.

Yeah, I'm in the middle. I have a feeling you're in the middle of a lot of three-way conversations. Yeah, sure. I'm like that with the kids. I'm diplomatic. I'm like that. He's been in the middle of a few conversations about three-ways, too. Sure, yeah.

I help people organize three-ways. Steve McCullough used to say this to me a lot. How can you just stand there with a fence so far up your ass? Yes, sure. There you go. That's me on any dessert conversation or other conversations.

What's your top dessert, Jordan? Top dessert. I mean, you know, a fucking scoop of ice cream. Yeah. That's consistent. A fucking ice cream is so good. Lactose intolerant.

A scoop. Oh, no, Kevin. Does that make me a pirate? Do you like a sorbet? Yeah. No, everything. Even soy milk makes me go crazy. What about a sorbet, though?

Well, pronounced like that. If you're there serving and saying that, then yes, I would be fine. That's a little better. I was so grateful. I was listening to Stop Podcasting Yourself, our friends from the frozen north, as I call Canada, on the way in here. And sometimes I worry that Dave Shumka and I are the same man. And this is something that is often mentioned to me on Twitter. Dave Shumka and I will often express the same tastes or experiences in life on the same episode, the same week's episode of our respective programs.

We both ran into ant problems at exactly the same time. And early in the episode that I was listening to, which will now be last week's episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself, he was talking about his childhood crush on Lisa Loeb. And I said to myself, uh-oh, looks like me and Dave are the same guy again. But then, things took a hard turn left when he talked about how much he loves cotton candy, which I hate! There you go.

Two different guys. And I felt like finally I know I am my own man. So, the moral of this story is, go fuck yourself, Dave. I don't like my own cotton candy, but if you've got one, I'll have a bite of yours. Yeah, one bite of cotton candy is not bad. Once every two years. You're going to take a bunch of bites of cotton candy, like a whole thing, and you're like.

It's a once every two years thing. Yeah. Once every two years, but any more than that. Ice cream. That's me in three ways. Yeah. Once every two years? I just plan people's three ways for them.

Is that by choice? Yeah. You know. It has to do with the phases of the moon. Yeah. I just plan people's Is that by choice? Yeah. You know. It has to do with the phases of the moon. Yeah. I love a Harvest Moon

fuckfest. Sure. Neil Young. Neil Young again. That's true. Neil Young again. His classic album Harvest Moon

fuckfest. Some of his beautiful songs are in that one. Let's violate another non-disclosure agreement. Yay. Hey Jordan and Jesse. This is a person calling from a place to violate an NDA.

So when I was in high school, I was in a school bus accident for which I received a financial settlement relatively recently for an undisclosed amount. And as a result, I'm in NDA, stating that I could never ever state publicly that I was in a school bus accident and was permanently injured as a result. Cheers, guys. I'm now violated that NDA.

Have a great day. Okay. I think we can all agree that while we're grateful for this call and all of the calls we receive, it's bullshit that we didn't find out how much a school bus accident's worth. I would like to know. Yeah. Can you live comfortably on your school bus accident money, I wonder? I'll tell you this. My friend from college, Dan Grayson, he got E. coli and he got $30,000 from it because it was tough to pinpoint where he had gotten E. coli.

So he got it from a McDonald's, but you couldn't prove that it was from the McDonald's. It was only his word to go on that it was the only E. coli vector that he had been exposed to. And he got money without proof? Well, it was a settlement. They were worried that if it went to trial, he'd get a million dollars or something. He said the E. coli was definitely not worth the $30,000, but he did get himself an

$8,000 guitar. Silver lining. E. coli, but silver lining. Kevin, we were talking about desserts. We didn't ask you. What's your favorite dessert? Oh, I'm like I'm trying to be – When one is lactose intolerant, what does one have for a dessert?

I don't really have dessert anymore. Oh, boy. Sadly. Really? The woman in Winnipeg, Paula, that I moved for, she's very healthy. And there's raw food stuff. I have raw chocolate. Okay.

And I used to be a sweet tooth guy, but I don't have dessert anymore. Every Saturday when I was a kid, my mother brought us to Baskin Robbins. Is that a Canadian thing? Yeah. No, there's Baskin Robbins. Yeah, of course. And 31 flavors. Is this only 31?

We don't have bark flavor out here. Yeah. But that's good. It's a good flavor, actually. Yeah, yeah. But you mix it up with the butterscotch. Yeah, it's like fully dressed chips. All different versions of maple.

And every Saturday I got sick. I had diarrhea and I had an asthma attack. And no one ever figured out that it was the ice cream. Oh, boy. Until, flash forward 20 years later, fast forward 20 years later, and they had this term, lactose intolerant.

It's like concussions in sports. People had concussions in the 70s, but they weren't called that. And that's when I realized that I was lactose intolerant. Because when you can name it, you have power over it. You have power over it. Now we have power over the concussion.

Yeah. Though it's ruining sports. I've concussed a few motherfuckers myself. I can see that. I believe it. People are pounding. I'd love to give a pounding. Concussion sandwich.

During interviews. One of those sharks. Sure. During interviews. Square on the nose. Pow. Pow. I'm sorry that I hit you in Las Vegas that one time.

Yes. I sort of remember. Not the hitting. I only sort of remember too. So like I want to apologize in advance. Fellas. If I'm selling you a bill if i'm what happens in vegas come on okay we'll be back in just a second on jordan jessica sorry

should the rock run for president how about oprah why was pitch canceled does Does Ryan Murphy ever sleep? Settle a bet for me. Who's hotter, the thing or Squirrel Girl? How can I take part in the summer book club? For answers to these questions and so much more, come on over to Pop Rocket, a pop culture roundtable show with me, Guy Branum. Winter Mitchell. Margaret Wappler. And Karen Tongson.

Catch us every Wednesday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you decide to get your podcast. I'm not going to judge. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Kevin the Turtle McDonald. Kevin the Turtle McDonald, of course, hosts Kevin the Turtle McDonald's Kevin the Turtle McDonald podcast. There's a lot of words in that.

Which you can hear roughly monthly. It is a variety program. Yes, old school variety. Comedy sketches. Comedy sketches. Musical performances. Monologues. Interviews because that's what they do in podcasts.

Like Spalding Gray style monologues. Interviews, because that's what they do in podcasts. Like Spalding Gray style monologues, mostly? Yes. Serial comic. Or would you say more Eric Boghossian style? A little bit of both. Which one drowned himself in the river? That would be Spalding Gray. They're more like Spalding Gray.

There's a lot of river drowning. A lot of river drowning. Also Ophelia from Hamlet. Yeah. So a lot of river drowning. A lot of river drowning. Yeah, and the monologues are my favorite. Also Ophelia from Hamlet. Yeah. So a little of each of those things. Some of my favorite river drowners. Swimming in Cambodia.

His monologue about swimming in Cambodia, it's called Swimming in Cambodia, right? Yeah. That's a good one. Remember when Kevin MacDonald was in an OutKast video? Yes, I did. Oh, yeah. I never imagined that my two favorite things in the world would come together in such a wonderful way. It was a good album, too.

I would have said yes no matter what because it would have been fun. But I thought I liked the album. And I was telling people it's sort of like a good Prince album from the 80s. Yeah, totally. That's exactly what it was like. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was amazing. I don't think you could – look, it's one thing to see Bob Odenkirk in a Yola Tango video, okay?

Sure, of course. Well, that makes sense. Yeah, they're just hanging out. That makes sense. And somebody's like, hey, David Cross, will you be in my Yola Tango video? Yeah. That makes sense. If the Pixies ask Dave Foley to be in a Pixies or Bob Saget asks Dave Foley to be in a Bob Saget movie, that all makes sense.

These things make sense. The phrase Bob Saget movie makes sense. Yeah. Indie legends with indie legends, whether it's the Pixies, Yola Tango, Bob Saget, all of these things are going to naturally attract. But, you know, I'm – I don't know. How old were we? Were we in college when that record came out? Was that 2005?

I think so. So you were because you said 12 years ago. Yeah. If I'm right about the year. We're hanging out. I think it's before that. I'm going to say 2004. 2004?

Three? Yeah, three maybe. We're hanging out, you know, watching MTV. Sure. MTV 2. It's got that little logo with the two-headed dog. Oh, yeah. Those were the days.

Those were the days. Back when MTV 2 played music. Yes, when MTV 2 played music videos. Now, that's what I say all the days. Those were the days. Back when MTV2 played music. Yes, when MTV2 played music videos. That's what I say all the time. Guy Bengals. And so to see Kevin MacDonald show up in that was a transcendent moment in my life. Absolutely spectacular. A joy and a delight.

That's a bizarre moment in the world. I mean, not many people know me and OutKast. I don't know how many people know both me and OutKast. But it was a bizarre, wonderful moment in the world. What was that ask like? That ask like. I'll try to tell you because I've told this story before, but I'll try to. It was good. It was interesting. My manager at the time, he managed Eugene Levy from SCTV, one of my idols, of course, blah, blah, blah. And the director of the video, who was a big comedy fan, he asked for Eugene Levy. And Eugene Levy was in Toronto and not in Los Angeles. So my manager said, he's busy, but I have a kid in the hall.

And the director said, don't even tell me which one. Just send them. That's great. So he had no idea who was – he probably didn't know our names anyway. But he said he was a fan. And so they sent me to a high school in East L.A. That is fantastic. At midnight.

That was like the most absolutely most magical thing for me, except for that year when Norm MacDonald played shortstop for the Giants. Those two things. Yeah. That's a good one, too. But all gloves, no stick. The crowd wasn't applauding. But at home, we were like, oh, yeah, I get this. Yeah.

I get this baseball that he's doing. Exactly. Well, Kevin MacDonald, thank you so much for coming and doing this with us. What a joy it was to get to see you. I had a lot of fun and I'm not lying. Thanks for not lying to us.

Thank you. Kevin MacDonald, the Kevin MacDonald Kevin MacDonald Podcast is the actual name of the program. Cara Hart on the boards this week.

Cara's just about to be done with her fellowship here at Maximum Fun, so our big thanks to Cara for all of her contributions to Maximum Fun. And let's see. We're headed to London. So if you're in London, England, we'll be at the London Podcast Festival. I have received, and hopefully I will not be made a liar in the days between now and then. I have received word that the world's, perhaps history's, greatest namer,

one Nick Hornby, will be appearing on our London program to name things. What will we name? Only one way to find out. Yeah. Come to the show or listen to it later. Give us a call or send us an email at jjgoe at maximumfun.org with whatever you need named. Include a picture. I think a picture is a nice thing.

A picture would help. Yeah, sure. And a nice addition to that package. And just a quick description of what it is. And we'll have best-selling author and Oscar-winning screenwriter Nick Hornby go ahead. The screenwriter behind An Education.

Is that the one that he won the Oscar for? That's the one. Yeah. We'll have Nick Hornby help us name it. His names, however, are final. Yes.

So please understand that this is not a suggestion. Once Nick Hornby names something, you don't go around saying, I thought of a better idea. I'm sorry. Did you create Carey Mulligan? Are you the person who brought the delightful – I think she was an actress. But brought her to international acclaim.

He probably didn't cast it either. He probably didn't have a lot to say. But he gave her the word. In a small way. A great actor is only as great as a great writer's script. The credit for it. Kevin knows that. I do know that.

Yeah. Kevin is an actor. He's from the Roses video. Outcast. I have been created by Andre 3000. A high school principal. He does it all. Andre 3000 created me.

He created me. I wore his tie in the video. Oh, cool. There you go. Do you still have the tie? No. You had. He created me. He created me. I wore his tie in the video. Oh, cool. There you go. Do you still have the tie? No. You had to give it back. I had to give it back.

The London Podcast Festival at King's Place. So if you're in London, get your tickets now. When is it? To advertise it better. September 15th. September 15th. Yes. Good work, Jordan.

Yeah, thank you. Thank you. In the month of September. But buy your tickets now before it sells out. Yeah. Jordan. Yeah, thank you, thank you. In the month of September, but buy your tickets now before it sells out. Yeah. Because once we announce that

David and Victoria Beckham are on the program. Oh boy, posh spice and soccer spice themselves. Soccer spice is probably my favorite spice. What I call David Beckham. Pumpkin spice. Pumpkin spice. You go crazy for it. I love it. Only during its season. Only during its season. Right.

Yeah, if you get off-season pumpkin spice, it's mealy. Yeah. It's very mealy. It's mealy. It gets mealy and it's not as flavorful. You can get it up from Peru. Really? Yeah.

They grow it opposite seasons because opposite- Sure. Hemispheres. But it's not the tastiest? No. It's mealy. But you can get it. That's the thing.

You can get it. But the problem is texture. You don't want it to be mealy. Pumpkin spice is all about texture. Yes, it is. That sweet, velvety spice. We just got sexy again. I can feel it on my tongue right now.

Oh, boy. What is that? Whoa. Okay. That's a fun character. Brian. Brian Sonny D. Pumpkin spice pervert. Okay That's a fun character Brian Brian Brian

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room for daddy can I make that with Stevie a bit oh boy can you use agave syrup

206-9844-FUN is our telephone number, and you can always email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. If you want to chat about the show, there's always a lively discussion on our subreddit at maximumfun.reddit.com. And a lot of fun in the MaxFun Facebook group as well. I love you all very much. And I'm sorry that I won't be able to speak with you again for another week. I love all your wives. You guys are good at endings. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go.

Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.