Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 501: Tempest Flux with Tig Notaro

Episode Date: October 9, 2017

Tig Notaro joins Jordan and Jesse for a nice chat about the Tig's newfound affinity for casual chit chat on neighborhood walks, the nonsense terms that families use to describe farts, and Tig's search to find the woman who played her mother on her show One Mississippi. Plus, a momentous occasion call adds a pile of intrigue to the show.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jessigo, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan Jessigo, of course, the world's premier kaiju fan podcast. We're talking Mothra, we're talking Godzilla, And you know we're going to get into Gamera. He loves children. We're getting into Gamera this week.

But I had an idea, Jordan. I know that usually on our show. Oh, you want to talk about Mecha King Ghidorah. All right. I guess we could change. We could switch it up a little bit. I mean, I was going to suggest we talk about Pacific Rim. But. Sure, it's a more current kaiju feature. I have an alternative. I mean, I was going to suggest we talk about Pacific Rim. But.

Sure, it's a more current kaiju feature. I have an alternative. I don't like the new stuff. Really? Sorry, I'm a. You prefer the classics? Yeah. I just collect the trading cards.

Here's my idea. It's amazing that we're just getting into this now, considering how the premise of this is that we've been doing this podcast for a long time. Yeah, we've been doing this for 500 episodes. Yeah. Here's my idea, Jordan. Yeah. We have a stand-up comic here with us.

Oh. We found her down in the parking area of our building. Yeah. This is a great little mic down there, by the way. Great little open mic. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, that's nice.

Assuming maybe that's why she was hanging out. I've been looking for a chance to get some stage time in a parking garage. Assuming maybe that's why she was hanging out. I've been looking for a chance to get some stage time in a parking garage. I would like this week on Jordan, Jesse, go. Instead of doing the whole kaiju thing, getting into favorite characters, favorite victims, favorite powers, favorite figures, favorite trading cards, favorite countries. Sure. Japan is mine. Yeah.

Classic kaiju target. Sure. Japan is mine. Yeah. Classic kaiju target. Yeah. I think that instead of doing that, we should just have a comedian sit in with us and we'll just talk about whatever comes to mind. Hell yeah. You're on board with this? You know what?

I'm into it. I have no more opinions on Gamera, honestly. Okay. Well, this week's guest- Thank you. This is a load off my ass. This week's guest— Thank you. This is a load off my ass. This week's—God, I'd hate to have you have an overloaded ass. Yeah, boy.

It can cause tipping. Mm-hmm. That's unsafe. This week's guest on Jordan Jesse Go, beloved guest, beloved regular guest on Jordan Jesse Go, once every four years, she comes and visits us. guest on Jordan, Jesse Go. Once every four years, she comes and visits us. She's the star and creator of the smash hit Amazon television program, One Mississippi. She is a beloved stand-up comedian. She has on some Clarks brand boots. Her name, Tig Notaro. Hi, Tig. Hi.

Striped socks, too. You should actually. Oh, gee whiz. When you mentioned the boots, we got a peek at the socks, and I liked them. I normally wear Argyle socks every day of my life, and today is Casual Friday. You're going to eschew the formality of Argyle socks. Yeah. And, you know, I have two things to say right off the bat. Yes.

Sucks. Yeah. And, you know, I have two things to say right off the bat. Yes. My wife is filming Pacific Rim 2. Really? Right now. She's the director of photography or she's an actress?

She's an actress. Okay. And doesn't have like a leading role or anything. I don't know what that is. I don't know what Pacific Rim is. But I just know she's been shooting. Are you and your wife close? We're very close. I don't think she knows what Pacific Rim is. Sure.

She's pretty sure she's Charlie Day. Yeah. He was in the first one. He was one of the guys. I can't even believe I'm recognizing the reference. That's how much I'm not familiar. Was Idris Elba in it? Yes.

He was the general who gave the general speech. I liked it. Me too. I got a kick out of Pacific Rim. Yeah. I mean, this is great. I mean, you should watch the first one so that when you guys are at the red carpet premiere, you'll know what's going on. Listen, I'm on a press tour promoting the fact that my wife is filming Pacific Rim 2.

Sure. Forget One Mississippi. Thanks for making the time for us, Dick. We always appreciate that. Well, listen, this is only, I think, the second time I've made time to be on this show. And this is the other thing. This is like the fourth or fifth time you've made time to be on this show. No, I've been on Bullseye.

You've been on Jordan Jesse Go several times. You were on Jordan Jesse Go once on a legendary episode where we later learned that you were being disagreeable because you weren't sure what a podcast was and you were uncomfortable. Well, you know what? This, I guess, reminds me that I have a terrible memory because I didn't realize I had already confessed that because I was ready to confess it again. I think about it all the time about how confused I was when I was on that podcast. We just thought you were doing a bit. We were playing along with your bit. When you were like – this is probably – we were doing it in Jesse's house at this point probably.

When you were driving over, what did you think was going to happen? I think I was – I think I thought I was just going to be interviewed. Did we know each other at the time? I think maybe we had maybe met. Maybe not really. Yeah. So I think I just thought I was going to a typical interview that I would go and do. Sure.

And people are like, when did you know you were funny? And how do you deal with hecklers? Things like that. And so I was sitting there and my apologies, my apologies, my apologies for anyone that heard that episode, heard me come back on this show and mentioned that I didn't know what a podcast was the first time I was on. And then my third apology is that I'm back on telling the story again with another apology. But, yes.

I don't think you've ever told it on air. I think I just know that because it was relayed to me. Oh, okay. So, yeah. I was sitting there. In my house. In your house. In Mount Washington, I think, yeah.

Yeah. And y'all were talking about going camping or something. Yeah, and y'all were talking about going camping or something, and I was sitting there thinking, I felt like I had misunderstood something. Or I really didn't know what was happening, why I was at somebody's house and they were recording a story about going camping over the weekend. You're like, why? What is this? about going camping over the weekend. You're like, why? What is this? What am I doing here?

And I kept thinking we were going to get into something that had to do with stand-up. I didn't know. Or really, I mean, I think one of the big problems with Jordan, Jesse, Go! and this is a problem for listeners as well, is that often people are listening and they think, what is this about what am i doing with my time why am i supposed to care about this you know what i mean and and

ultimately that's why we went to the kaiju format sure right is because we think that's enough just so not to offer more confusion a bit we've been doing lately is saying at the top of the show something that the show is not about. And then after a little pitter patter, we say, you know what? Let's just chat. This is after a very sincere and wholehearted attempt to try and figure out something that we could say at the beginning of the show that would actually explain what was going to happen. Sure. Okay. could say at the beginning of the show that would actually explain what was going to happen.

Sure. Okay. And a sort of a general regret that 10 years ago when we started this program, we did not think ahead and think maybe people would like a show that was about something. Mm-hmm. You know? Listen, you're clearly on the right track. Yeah. Thanks, Tick.

We're going strong. And I know what a podcast is now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So, I mean, after that, you were in more situations where – People were talking about camping. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. And I realized, oh, you can just have a conversation and talk about things like that and people will listen. A small amount. Yes. A small amount. But still. Yeah. They're amount, but still. Yeah. They're there with their ears.

And, of course, you had that show on REI.com for a while where it was just – I ended up having a podcast. Yeah. Professor Blastoff. Yes. Which I am on a press tour to promote. So, guys, here's what to check out. Pacific Rim 2 coming to theaters 2019.

Professor Blastoff ended 2015. Yeah. So I had people that came on that show, and I think they were experiencing a similar thing that I experienced where they weren't quite sure what the show was. I mean, it was a show with a premise to its credit. I think you had to bring in homework to be on that show, right? There was a premise, but it didn't mean that we brought in people that we're used to

listening to or talking on a podcast. Right. And so there was some awkward moments. There were a lot of awkward moments. What about camping? Do you like camping? I do love camping, but I haven't gone camping in years. Really? Mm-hmm. What do you love about

it? Maybe I wouldn't love it anymore. I dated somebody years ago and we camped all the time. We would just drive up to Big Bear. Here's the thing for me about camping is I feel like it has these specific appeals. Right. One is it's essentially a drinking game or a drug using game, sort of like the same way that tailgating is at the like. Nobody wants to have a picnic in a parking lot. But the premise of it is let's all drink a lot of beer, right? It's just a social excuse to drink a lot of beer. I don't drink, so that's not useful to me. Then there's seeing nature.

You're not a big majesty guy. No, no, not at all. You more like the achievements of man. Yeah. You like man taking dominion over the earth. Exactly. You like evidence that we're the superior species. Dominion is exactly the word that I would use.

That's great diction, Jordan. I feel like dominion is what I want from nature. I want to know in nature that I'm running the show, ultimately. Where can I plow through nature? Yeah, I mean, I'm willing to roll over nature, plow through nature, dig under nature. All these

things are fine with me. I just don't want to be in nature at the whim of nature. I don't want to be at nature's mercy. The one thing that I do like about camping is fucking. Like a

tent is a great place to have sex. Okay. You know what I mean? Especially if there's not other people too nearby. Sure, sure. You know what I mean? Like they can be a little bit nearby. Yeah, it depends if you are camping at like a KOA type place. Campgrounds of America.

Yeah. Then you've got to be worried about whether the family circus are going to be there. It's not a family appropriate activity if you don't want Jeffy running in when you're in an intimate situation. I also dated a camper for a while yeah and while i was doing it i think we had a fun time we had a fun time together camping and i'm like you know what because we didn't do it as kids like we we i did not i did not come from an outdoorsy family um but i'm like you know what maybe i'm a camping guy and then we broke up and i was like oh no i didn't like that i was trying to be like positive and like a joiner that gets into someone else's interest.

How many camping trips did you go on? We did – this was a four or five camp long relationship. Yeah. That's a good amount of camping. Yeah. What are we looking at? Like a once a month situation every six to eight weeks? No, I think once a month is probably once a month.

She was a once a month camper. How long has it been since you've camped, Tig? Probably once a month. She was a once-a-month camper. How long has it been since you've camped, Tig? I think since that girl and I broke up. What? Which was probably, I think we broke up in 2001.

Yeah. Were there any- Pacific Rim wasn't even out yet. No. That's how long ago it was. I mean, yeah. And I was like, you're not even in. You know, she wasn't even going to be. Wasn't even looking over sides for the audition.

I need to find a woman. It's going to be in Pacific Rim. Thank you. This is clearly not you. At best, she was looking to audition for that Godzilla movie where the Godzilla looked kind of like an iguana. Sure. The Matthew Broderick Godzilla. Exactly.

So what camping activities are you and are you not on board for? Well, I'm all about cooking on the fire. And I'm also all about making the fire. I am the person that can get a roaring flame going. What's the secret? Kindling. I mean, you really got to get some good kindling wood. The little, tiny, thin pieces. Get all that going under the bigger pieces. And also making kind of a teepee of, I think, this is how I do it.

That sounds right to me. And there might be fire makers that are listening saying this is all wrong. Yeah, there's some real flame heads out there going like, oh, boy. Check out Johnny Los Angeles over here. My wife and I. By the way, my show Johnny Los Angeles is a companion piece to One Mississippi. It's in the universe. It's in the larger universe.

to one Mississippi. It's in the universe. It's in the larger universe. We went to a cabin in upstate New York. Well, not a cabin, a farmhouse. Something that's not aloft in downtown Los Angeles.

Upstate New York. Something rustic. Yeah. We were in a rustic place with our babies and my mother-in-law. And I got to really show off in front of everyone. And I made the fire every night.

And it was when the babies couldn't even really roll over. And we propped them up at a safe distance. And they just were mesmerized. Babies love flames. Tig, this is a new development that you've been on last. Two new babies, twins. Yep, frater that you've been on last. Two new babies. Twins. Yep.

Fraternal twins. Oh, good. Well, when people find out that I have twins and they see them, it's truly insane what a lot of people do, which is immediately say, oh, my gosh, how do you tell them apart? And they look nothing like and i'm like i just i look at max and this is max and this is finn and there's no they look nothing alike you're not even sure that both babies were born of the same mother it could have been a hospital mix-up i have no idea what happened i just know i became a parent one day and i left with the we really thought it was like in movies when they give you your baby and your baby sits in the big room and you go and look through the glass and we were just – but we were handed babies and we just had to head home with them. Yeah.

And we were both – Yeah, because your free parking was about to run out. Yeah, we truly didn't know that that's what was going to happen. Yeah. You really, your familiarity with the world of babies came exclusively through the sitcoms of the 1960s and 70s. Absolutely. I mean, we did no research.

We didn't read anything. We didn't prepare. Just let nature take its course. We were just like, yeah, you know, we're not drug addicts. We're not, you know, we're pretty level-headed, responsible people. Yeah. And I bet we can handle this. And we walked away each holding a baby like, oh, my God.

Was that it? Is that it? We just head out? Do we have to sign something? I mean, I think we were there God. Is that it? Is that it? We just head out? Do we have to sign something? I mean, I think we were there overnight. To sign them out? Yeah. It is a very, very strange time, the time in between when the baby comes out,

when the baby emerges, and when you are allowed to go home with the baby. And when you are allowed to go home with the baby because you are put – well, you're in the baby delivery room for a while. At least this was what it was like when our kids were born. You're in the baby delivery room for a while. And whoever has delivered this child is, you know, fairly tired at this point. You know, having pushed a human being out of them. This stork has been flapping his ass off.

A lot of flippy flaps. And he's like, hey, give me some stork food, like some shrimp or something. I don't know what storks eat. Shrimp. Only. Well, the baleen storks eat krill. So there's Shrimp. Shrimp. Only. Yeah. Well, they're baleen storks. Eat krill. Oh, okay.

So that's like a period of a few hours. But they push you out of it and put you in this maternity room that's not the delivery room. But they don't let anyone there sleep or be happy at all. Like it's a constant stream of people coming in and out and telling you to rest. Well, that's like any hospital experience. It's so strange. They come in and wake you up, check your vitals every two hours, and it's – And they're like, be sure to get plenty of rest.

And you're like, yeah, that's right. You were borderline dead for two months at one point. Yeah, like I don't understand. how to solve the health care problem, Tig, just for your information, is to aim a seltzer bottle square at it, these clowns. But if I were in charge of this process, the first thing I would start with is, hey, how about let's let people take a fucking nap. For sure. More naps. Tig, how is the cat adjusting to the babies? The cat's been really good. We have a cat, Jesse. I mean, yeah, Jesse.

Yeah, I'm Jesse. I was trying to think. I was talking to the wrong person. But we have a cat, and we were warned that the cat might use the cribs as litter boxes. Sure. It's kind of an aggressive shitting. Yeah. Try to steal the baby's breath.

Or even the baby. But she's been really, really good. It's surprising. Shitting where she should be. Yeah, still using the toilet. That's nice. Still using our bed. Yeah.

Which is what you call your bed, the toilet. We call using the toilet that's nice still using our bed yeah um but which is what you call it which is you call your bed the toilet we call everything the toilet let's hop into the toilet the car is the toilet yeah it's it's like this it's like eskimos have 50 words right for snow you call everything the toilet you only have sitting on one word for for home goods. Yeah. Yeah. But it really goes in with your like nihilist worldview too. Like this is all just a toilet. Yeah. Right. God is dead.

Who cares about anything. Yeah. Right. But I think we're good parents even though we don't care about it. We've brought babies into living in a toilet. But the cat, our babies are very much walking and chasing the cat around. And she never swats at them or bites them or hisses. She just kind of tries to move to not get touched or stepped on.

And when they cry, she goes in and checks on them. Oh, get out of town. It's true. Get out of town. It's true. Our one son, Max, does not like having a bath. And he screams when you wash his hair. And she'll come in and stand on her hind feet with her paws up on the tub and look in.

You mean the toilet? The swimming toilet. Yeah, the toilet that we're cleaning the babies in. We don't have to keep that premise up. Be exhausting. I'm open. Yeah. Because it is actually our toilet. Sure.

That we're cleaning them in. Right. Because it is actually our toilet. Sure. Right. But yeah, it sounds maybe made up or exaggerated, but it is not. She checks on the babies when they cry. Have your feelings about the cat changed since you've had children?

I feel like that was the main thing people told me was, you know, you may like your dogs now, but once you have children, they're just going to become a hindrance to you. Oh, no, no. An inconvenience. No. And the cat is by far my wife's soulmate, and that bond has not stopped at all. Oh, that's nice. Did she have the cat before the two of you were together? No. No, we were going to get our wedding invites done, and I dropped her off at the place and was going to go find parking. And when I parked, I saw an animal adoption going on.

Like a fair, like a street fair situation with the wall of cages? It was a wall of cages and one Ferris wheel. Cotton candy machine. Cotton candy machine, which also had animals in it. And it was also a toilet. Yeah. But so I parked and then I saw this cat. And then when we were leaving, I said, by the way, I parked by what I think is our new cat.

And she went and looked at it and then we drove. But that's really sweet that it's also kind of tied to you guys getting married. Like it had something, it was, you know, a stop on the wedding planning. Yeah, it felt like a big, big deal. Yeah. That we were adopting an animal together. And it felt like, even though we already lived together, it felt like, okay. Yeah.

We are in this. Yeah, sure. And we hadn't even bought a house together yet. But just, we're living together and we have a cat and there's no turning back now. Sure. My wife and I had been together for 12 years, 10 or 12 years before we got a dog. Wow. You got to ease into the dog.

You got to ease into the dog. When we got a dog, it seemed like the biggest fucking deal in the world to me. I was like, there's no way I'm letting some fucking dog tie me down. No way. Daddy's got to fly. I'm a free spirit, baby. I got to go hither and yon. Yeah.

But yeah, then once we got a dog, I was like, oh, yes, I've always been a person who stays at home with his dog. What was I thinking that I wanted to be free? I don't want to be free. I don't want to be. I had never wanted to get married. I wanted kids, but I never wanted to be free. I don't want to be. I had never wanted to get married. I wanted kids, but I never wanted to be married. And then when I met Stephanie, I was like, oh, all I want is to be married to this person. And I really have settled into marriage and kids and neighborhood walks.

And Stephanie laughs at me left and right because I don't like talking to strangers typically oh try to stop me while we're on a stroll if somebody has a puppy or a baby I'll stop and I'll chit chat and Stephanie's just like who are you and I'm just like this funny enough is the real me. This is who you have always been, but there was a veneer you were putting up. Well, here's the thing. A lot of times talking to strangers, it's inauthentic interactions, and I'm not great at that. And so I'm very stiff, and I, if I'm.

As though you were on a podcast but you didn't know what a podcast was. Yeah, I can't play along if I am not feeling it or whatever. I'm feeling it one million percent when people have children or animals

and my heart opens up when I see them headed towards us. Yeah. And that's what we call the Grinch effect. Yeah. And it's very much an authentic interaction for me. And I am the most open, chatty. I've like said, hey, we should exchange numbers. Sure. And Stephanie. Let's do a project together. I really can't believe who you are. Have you ever produced a comedy album?

Who are some strangers that you've met now that you're just saying hello to strangers? Anybody interesting? Has there been anybody you've actually kept in touch with? Well, there's people. We walk the babies twice a day. You've got to tire them out so that you can dominate them. Yes, correct. Like nature.

Cesar Millan, yeah. But there are people on our walk that we see regularly. Yeah, other neighborhood walkers. Exactly. And there's this older woman, Rachel, that has coffee at the coffee shop right near our house. And she knows Max and Finn's names. And she's like, oh, his hair is a little more blonde than last week, I think. And, you know, that kind of interaction.

Whereas normally I'd be like, all right, lady, keep it moving. You know, and I'd buzz on by. But now I'm like, yeah, I think it is. It is kind of turning a little more blonde. And I can't believe I'm having this conversation. Let's go to the Grand Canyon. Yeah. I have the same instinct.

I also love a neighborhood walk. There's nothing I love more than a neighborhood walk. It is the greatest joy of my life. I think because I grew up going on neighborhood walks to escape my broken home. But, like, I love to go on a neighborhood walk. And for God's sake But like I love to go on a neighborhood walk and for God's sake do I love. I couldn't love talking to a child under seven or petting a dog. Sorry, eight-year-olds.

Yeah. More in. Get cuter, assholes. There's nothing. Sorry, I called you assholes. No greater pleasure in my life than doing those two things. No greater pleasure in my life than doing those two things. However, in the past few years, I have simultaneously grown a giant beard and become significantly bald.

Okay. And I was already six foot three inches tall and 210 pounds. You've just described my wife. And so I would say 50% of the time, if I smile at someone, compliment their pet, say hello to their child, they react as though I have said, would you like me to kidnap you? It is a major issue in my life. You have no plans to kidnap. You can be honest. I understand kidnapping. Safe space.

Yeah. I understand hoarding animals. I have not kidnapped. Okay. I wouldn't say that I haven't had kidnapping ideation, but I have not kidnapped. There's a dog in my neighborhood that I call Tall Coco because he looks like my dog Coco if my dog Coco were taller. My dog Coco is some kind of weird mix of dogs, and it's very rare to see a dog that looks like my dog. So it's thrilling to me to see this dog.

Absolutely thrilling. And this nice couple owns this dog about my age, have a beautiful child sometimes. Sometimes they're jogging. Sometimes they're walking the dog. Sometimes they're pushing the little baby in a pram, which is what I call it because I'm a British nanny. little baby in a pram, which is what I call it because I'm a British nanny. Sure. And I have probably three times tried to talk to them and each time have been firmly rebuffed. But I'm so drawn to this dog that I can't bring myself to let it pass without trying

to be their friend and like pet the dog. Like I'll be like, I got to show you a picture of my dog. Like, look, look, it looks like your dog. They're like, yes. But who? Yeah. Get away from me, creep man. Quit trying to kidnap us.

Yeah. Yes. It is a major problem in my life. Yeah. I'm truly the same person. Handing out my phone number. Even like our next door neighbors came by, brought us presents and gave us all their contact information. And I was like, oh, so nice to meet you.

You guys should come over for dinner. We should all hang out. And again, closed the door And Stephanie was like, wow. That was she. How is she a is she just surprised because this is such a switch in you or is she a person who is like, I don't like to engage with. No, it's because of the switch in me. Because I I've always through my whole life, my career, everything I've been trying to slowly move forward in having a family. I always thought I'd have a rotating partner. I never thought that I would find somebody I'd want to spend my life with. When you say a rotating partner, like a whirling dervish or?

Yeah. Lazy Susan of love. Got it. So, yeah. Just for a while, I was dating one of those water-powered mills. Sure. The water wheel out. I don't know.

She's great. She's great, but, you know, just wasn't meant to be. Right. I mean, not since the rural electrification project. Yeah, that was tough on her. That was tough on her. That was tough on her. Roosevelt's.

Yeah. Program to bring electrical wires to farms. But, you know, I think she's doing good. I mean, we're friends on Facebook. It seems like she's doing great. A lot of cool projects. Oh, good. I recognize Tig's look of confusion and wonder from the first time she was a guest on this show.

I was like, well, maybe I've never been on a podcast. Yeah. Sorry, you haven't. This is the first one, actually. The other times were just warm-ups. So you imagined for yourself that you would be some sort of serial monogamist, but you would obtain children through some— It was going to be my own thing. Yeah.

If they were scared of the life I was having with a child and comedy world, then that's fine. But if that interests them, let's be together. Right. And then the curveball happened where I met Stephanie and then wanted to get married. We had kids. How soon into it, this is a little bit personal, but how soon into it did that, oh, I'm a marriage person now feeling take hold?

Like, do you remember when it happened? I wanted to marry her before we were committed. I was just like, this person is for me. And we had gone out to eat. I think it was a month into dating. into dating, I thought about how I rarely allowed myself to be vulnerable with somebody the way people would be vulnerable with me. And sometimes I guess I didn't quite feel what they were feeling. And I just told myself, you should just tell her how you feel. And we were out to eat. And I said, this is going to sound completely insane.

But if I get fries, will you have some? I just want some. I don't want a whole thing of them. I just want an entree that doesn't come with fries. I told her that I wanted to marry her. And I was expecting a very understandable response of, you need to relax. Sure. You know, we're a month in.

But she just was like, yeah, that's how I feel. And I was like, what? That's how you feel? We were just, we've been on the same track since, you know since we committed to each other. So it's been nice. And I don't want to bore your listeners with my joy. People are listening. Hey, out there, do you have the perfect life that you've always dreamed of? No, huh?

Weird. I also know that my life, being married with kids and strolling in a neighborhood, maybe sounds like a living hell. So I understand that. Do you like a neighborhood stroll, Jordan? Oh, yeah. Really? I do. Oh, yeah, I do. I really do.

Take Bug out there on a leash. And, well, here's a cat-related thing about a neighborhood stroll that I really like. This happened to me last night. So this is fresh. Okay. And, I mean, I know you were a little bit self-conscious about coming off like, hey, you know, I'm so happy right now. I've got this thing. And I feel bad because I'm about to one-up you with a little slice from my perfect life.

All right. So, you know, if you're in the audience and you're turned off by joy. My life is not perfect, sir. Sure. I'm sorry. Okay. Well, let's just be clear. Well, you might, after this story, you might.

My life is great. Sure. It is not perfect. Eight out of ten? Nine out of ten. Hell yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah.

Go on. That's almost all. You have your own streaming show on Amazon Prime. That's correct. I do. A wife who's doing everything in her power to defend the world against the kaiju. I mean, that's correct. Those are the monsters in Pacific Rim.

It's like a monster. We don't know that that's what her part is. She might be on the kaiju's team. Well, I should. She might be cut out. Kaiju's team. Well, I should. She might be cut out.

She might ride. She might right now. She might be doing the mocap work necessary to ride a kaiju in the movie. One up me. So last night I'm taking a stroll around the hood. This is true. This is true. This is all true. This has actually happened last night.

This is not like, you know, it's not like you when you when, say like, on the way over here, I had an Uber driver. I do not do that. You shouldn't. Yeah. I do not do that. Good for you. You know what I do? I just say, I was in an Uber once.

I don't say, I took an Uber. On the way over here. I don't ever do that. No way. You know why I don't do that in my act? Because of the fucking PC police. Don't get me started. Oh, police. Don't get me started. Don't get me started.

Sorry, Jordan. One up me. Take a joke. Yeah, maybe. Come on, guys. So I'm an asshole. Last night, strolling around the neighborhood, and I got, not once, twice twice on the same stroll, an outdoor cat came up and said hi.

Oh, wow. Two! To the point of petting? Yes. Oh, wow. Vigorous petting. Oh. Yeah.

Heavy petting. Heavy petting. No, well, I reserve that for human women. Got it. Got it. That's camping trips only. Heavy petting. No, well, I reserve that for human women. Got it. Got it. That's camping trips only. Sure. Yeah.

I save that for the tent, baby. That is a nice moment. It is nice. Neighborhood cat. Comes up and- Kind of gets up from the lawn they're lounging in or runs down the sidewalk and you're like, me? Well, I guess I could pet you.

I'm very busy, but I can make time in my day. Yeah, so it was a fat gray one who was very nice and then a pretty orange one. And they each came up and I petted and then I walked a little bit and then it happened again. It was just great. Ran into traffic and that was the end of that. Yeah. Nine out of ten, baby. That's pretty good.

I'm living a nine out of ten. I haven't had any cats come up to me in the neighborhood. Yeah. A lot of dog walking. Sure. And the babies point at the dogs. Do you two pet strange dogs? Oh, yeah.

Like how strange? You gotta, sure. Well, I'm not talking about, I'm not asking like, for example, do you pet those Mexican hairless dogs, maybe? I've petted one of those Mexican hairless dogs. I kind of liked it. But I think you hit on something. It would be concerning if a dog had a top hat. That would be too strange, I think.

It'd be a 10 out of 10, though. That would be 10 out of 10. Is that the missing piece for you? Is that what you talk about with your therapist every week? Like, doc, I'm doing a lot better. In fact, I'm doing pretty damn good. But there's one thing I'm missing. One thing I'm missing.

A dog and a top hat. Yeah. To just run on down the road to me. And then I'm 10 out of 10. Oh, yeah. My wife has to remind me periodically that you have to check in with the person who's in charge of the dog. You can't just grab that dog. Before you start touching their dog.

Well, I do the thing where I put my hand. Well, you know, people will kind of stop with their dog. Sure. And then I'll put my hand out for them to sniff my hand. Yeah. Yeah. You just don't want to grab their little face. Yeah.

No, I'm not an infant. I don't just like yank a tail and grab a face. I've described this phenomenon before, but if I'm traveling, say we recently went to London, England to perform joke shows. With each passing day, I become more and more obsessed with other people's dogs and children walking down the street to the point where like after about a week or 10 days of being away from home, just like seeing a mother holding a child, I have to like hold back tears walking down the street because I'm like, oh, children. I love children. I know. And I don't even like children. Airports are brutal. Oh, yeah.

Just seeing little kids and people holding their babies. When I'm not with my children, I immediately want them in my arms. Yeah. Oh, and just any dog that walks by. I will get in it. Like, if I'm walking down the street in London, England 10 days ago, I am the ugly American. I am bothering people so – Grabbing dogs.

British people don't want to talk to me about their dog. They just want to go have their little sandwiches and everything. You know what I mean? Little British sandwiches. You know, little cucumbers and mayonnaise or whatever it is that's in there. Maybe- Pickles and cheese. Yeah, just a-

That one's pretty good. A classic, something with a gentleman's relish. I'm vegan. Oh, you can't have gentleman's relish that has anchovies in it. I can only have lesbian relish. Got it. What's in that? I don't know.

Romantic commitment. relish what's in that i don't know romantic commitment it just sounds like something that i could definitely you know yeah pull that jar off have on a bagel yeah okay we'll be back in just a second with an update on what exactly lesbian relish is on jordan jessico La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, at the Casper Mattress Corporation of America. Now, Caspers are mattresses. That's true. That come to your house. Point granted, Jordan. And they also come to the house through the mail, right? Yeah, absolutely.

In a special box, a magical process squishes an entire mattress into a delivery-sized box. Not a giant mattress-sized box, but a smaller box that fits right through your front door. And it apparently features supportive memory foam for a sleep surface that's got just the right sink and just the right balance. Bounce, baby. Oh, is that their new slogan that we wrote for them just now? Bounce, baby. Casper mattresses. Bounce, baby. Bounce, baby. Hey, if you want to try this mattress, there's a risk-free trial and return policy. You try sleeping on a Casper for 100 days. No more, no less.

With free delivery to the U.S. and Canada and painless returns. They're made in America. Less is acceptable. I want to be clear. Yeah. Doesn't have to be. Doesn't have to be exactly 100. And you can do more than 100 as long as you're keeping the mattress.

Sure, sure. Stuffing it back in the box. Dan, you're not on this episode. You're on next week's episode. You're on next week's episode. Oh, boy. Jordan, Jesse, go listeners can get $50 toward any mattress by visiting casper.com slash JJGO and use the promo code JJGO at checkout.

Terms and conditions apply. And, of course, we're sponsored this week by our friends at Zip Recruiter. Now, are you a small business owner, Jordan? Of course you are. You've got your own comedy writing consultancy firm. That's true. I do now. And now that I've got this business that I didn't have four seconds ago, I guess I'll

need some employees. Maybe we should use me as an example. I have 12 employees. Well, or we could assign me a fake business that I don't have for the purpose of promoting Zip Recruiter, a place where you can post your job to over 100 job boards with just one click. You're going to need a, what do they call that? A writer's assistant.

I probably, yeah, sure. You're going to pop some pain pills, lie down on your back in the conference room. Just dictate my stories. Dictate it to somebody while they project it on the wall, David Milch style. Yeah. Okay, so here's what you do. I'm going to need that writer's assistant to type my musings while I gonk out on pain pills. And you want to find a good one, so you're going to want to go to triple digits job sites.

You're going to want to put this thing everywhere. Just blast it out like a crazy out of control hose. Exactly. But instead of spraying your job all over the internet, why don't you just go to ziprecruiter.com slash JJGO and you can post it to over 100 boards. 80% of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site in just one day. That's less than 24 hours,

Jordan. Yeah. And right now our listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free. Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash what? JJGo. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Next week ZipRecruiter.com slash what? JJ Go. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. Next week's guest,

Dan Kennedy. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love, sure. Wait, are you opposed to lesbianism? Is that what you're suggesting? I just didn't want it to be an issue. Oh, okay. I just see all people as the same. Oh, I got it. I agree with you, Jordan, because at the end of the day, I'm all about unity. Yes.

Let's lock arms to prove that racism doesn't exist. I think is how it works. I haven't watched a lot of football, but that's my understanding. When something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN for our segment Momentous Occasions. We've got a couple of momentous occasions on the line here. Why don't we take a listen to one? Let's listen. Jordan, Jesse, you guessed.

This is Tim Busles from Pittsburgh with a momentous occasion of shame. Can you pause? Did he say his name was Timbus Fuzz? I heard Timbuk2. What did you hear? I wasn't listening. Okay, fair enough. Go back to the beginning of this call.

I feel like on the one hand some people you know you could be nervous calling in you might be worried that Jordan and Jesse your heroes are going to bust your chops certainly that's going to be a concern

chop chop busting but that's that's the last thing I want to do I just want to get to the bottom of what this character's name is Tempest Fugit maybe

Jordan and Jesse you guessed this is Tempest Fugit from Pittsburgh with a momentous occasion of shame Tempest Fugit? Jordan, Jesse, you guessed. This is Tempest Fugit from Pittsburgh with a momentous occasion. Tempest Sauce. Pause it here. What are you? Tempest Sauce. Tempest Sauce like the Shakespeare play?

Tempest Sauce. If you play it back, you'll hear it. It's Tempest Sauce. It's the sauce that occurs after a great storm. Let's hear it one more time. Jordan, Jesse, you guessed. This is Tempest Fudge from Pittsburgh with a momentous... Pause it there.

Slice. Tempest Slice. Tempest Fudge is what I heard. Tempest Fudge. This isn't my show, but I'm going to go ahead and say, could you play that again? Yeah, you have to listen to Tig. Now.

Do it. God damn it. Jordan? Yeah, you have to listen to Tig. Now. Do it. God damn it! Jordan, Jesse, Gus, this is Tempest Slice from Pittsburgh. Tempest Slice. Here's what I heard. I'll say, I just want to weigh in. I think it's Tempest Flux, which sounds like

the MacGuffin in a superhero movie. Yeah. Like we have to acquire the Tempest flux. Yeah. I liked Tempest sauce because it sounded like something you would buy from your favorite vendor, Zatarain's. However, I'm going to say Tempest flux is good. Yeah. Because at the bare minimum, he has psychic powers. Oh, yeah.

Like psychokinetic powers. Like he can shake things in. Sure. Right? He can't. Yeah. He'll be turned into a human battery at some point. Those are always fun.

Let's take a listen. So Friday was my boyfriend's birthday. We went to a nice steak place to celebrate. And after our meal, he went to the bathroom. And two to three to four minutes passed, and I said, hmm, I wonder if he's okay in there. So I get into the bathroom, and I notice there's someone in the stall and no one else is there. And I kind of, you know, get up close to it it and I'm like, are you okay in there, babe? And nothing happens.

I say, eh, whatever, he's an adult, he's fine. And I get up back and I go to my booth and who was waiting for me but my boyfriend. Oh no, I have just asked some stranger if he's okay in there, babe. I guess it could have gone worse. He could have been like, what the fuck you say? Or any number of weird sex things. him there, babe. I guess it could have gone worse. You could have been like, what the fuck you say? Or any number of weird sex things. I love the show, guys. Thanks.

Yeah, I mean, ideally, you would have had sex with him. Sure. And you would have to make arrangements for that. I mean, I don't know what your relationship is like, but with my wife, I described a lot of it. Yeah, she's pretty sincere. Were you not paying attention, Jesse? I'm happy. I'm out of ten. my wife, we have a- I described a lot of it. Yeah, she's pretty sincere.

Were you not paying attention, Jesse? My wife and I have- I'm happy. Ten out of ten. My wife and I have an understanding that if I go to a bathroom, knock on the stall and say, are you okay in there, babe? And then I end up having sex with that person, that's a-okay. Yeah.

That's what we call a stall pass. Of course, you know, there's the hall pass. Yeah. Famous. Yeah. Thing that happens for real. Yeah, that definitely is a real thing that definitely happened. I think he was saying them as separate thoughts, but I like how he's like, oh, or the guy could have gone, huh, huh, huh, or some other weird sex thing.

I like to this guy, someone going, huh, huh, huh, is erotic. I mean, it's not not erotic. It could be auto erotic. I mean, it's not not erotic. It could be auto erotic. Sure. You know? It's like, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, it's me. A sex guy. Can I tell you a non-sex bathroom story?

Yeah, of course. I insist. And this is Stephanie, my wife's story, but she went into a bathroom once. This is really so great. Bathroom, of course. Home of the toilet. Home of the toilet. There is a woman in the stall.

Stephanie's waiting outside. And then there's another woman in the bathroom waiting next to Stephanie. And the woman in the stall is clearly elderly and is like you know gertrude are you there and um and she's and the woman gertrude or whoever says yes i'm standing here with a strange woman now from her olden days, strange woman just means a stranger. But then Gertl left and Stephanie was standing there. And then woman in the stall was struggling with some business on the toilet. And then she called for Gertl.

And then Stephanie said, uh oh she left and then the woman in the stall did not respond to stephanie and stephanie said do you need help and the woman did not respond don't talk to strangers well i think she was on the was on the toilet trying to figure out, wait, did she mean like a strange woman standing here? Or is it a stranger? Right. Is this a normal person I don't know? A woman in a top hat? Like that dog we're all careful of.

Yeah. So Stephanie kept trying to help her or, you know, coax her into responding. And the woman would not respond. It's a very difficult context in which to establish normalcy. Yeah. Yes. There's not really like you can't just say, I'm not a weirdo. I'm just here to poo. To offer bathroom assistance.

Yeah. I'm just here to poo. To offer bathroom assistance. Yeah. I was in a stall once next to a woman who, oh, God. She had a small child, a son, that was not old enough. She gave birth to him in the stall? I don't know where this guy was born. Okay.

But at the time. Could have been a water birth. Sure. Yeah, yeah. time could have been a water birth yeah sure yeah yeah she was pooping in the stall next to me and that her son was clearly not old enough to be outside of the stall on his own right so she had him trapped in the stall with her while she was pooping and then he was saying oh mommy it stinks and she was like shh shh be quiet he was like no i want to get out and this poor woman was just trapped on the toilet with her like three-year-old it is there's no you'll learn this within a year tig you'll learn about this situation. There is no more vulnerable place

to be in the world than sitting on a toilet while a child is free in your toilet space, because that child is a full wild card. That child could do anything at any time. My children frequently think it would be great to throw wide the door, for example. That's like the top thing that happens. Or to say a weird and specific thing. It is terrifying. Because when your pants are down and you're sitting on the toilet, there's no response you can have. You can only do a kind of half rock forward. That's the furthest you can go to manage the situation.

Yeah. So if you're like in a gas station bathroom, like a single stall bathroom where the door is just too far away for you to manage it, you can only use your wits. You have no physical power over your child. You can only trick them into not opening the door and pointing at you. Oh, my gosh. It seems like maybe something that I could do for preparation for parenthood, just practice fast pooping. Yeah.

So you're just out of that situation quick. You should have been doing that your whole life. Yeah. I blew it. Yeah, you really did. No kids for me, I guess. I just wish that that woman had just said, yes, mommy's pooping. You have to wait.

Yeah. It would be- That's what poop smells like. Poop smells. Yeah. When you poop, it smells bad. Yeah. I've cleaned up.

I've smelled your poop. Yeah. I was driving my son, Oscar, to school the other day. My son, Oscar, is three and a half years old. And look, I think a lot of people might have inflated ideas about how I go. I'm just a regular guy. I put my pants on one leg at a time. I know that a lot of people out there look up to me or admire me, but I just want them to know I'm just a regular Joe just like them.

And I farted in the car. And it was a little bit of a smelly fart. Not an extraordinarily smelly fart, but a little bit of a smelly fart. And Oscar was in the back seat. And he smelt it, but he did not understand who had dealt it. He was unable to infer who had dealt it. He suspected it might have been him. Were there others in the car?

That's the thing. He doesn't yet understand that farts smell bad and that they always come out of someone's butt. So that's like two levels of sort of inference and deduction that he's incapable of. Do they cover that in Everyone Poops? Yeah. He says, oh, dad, I think somebody pooped in here. And I said, Oscar, I just tooted, which is what we call farts. I understand. I follow.

Yeah. I said, Oscar, sweetie. But sure, yeah. Oscar, sweetie, I tooted. I understand. I follow. Yeah. I said Oscar Sweeney. But sure, yeah. Oscar Sweeney. I tooted, you know. Everybody. You whated? Everybody toots.

You guys don't say fart? Is that considered a bad word? To explain to you, Tig, a toot is like a digital audio program that's distributed via RSS feed. So subscribers get it every week. So we could record it anywhere. You don't have to record it in a radio studio. So I said, Oscar, I tooted. I don't know what to tell you. Everybody toots sometimes. You toot sometimes too. And he said, no, it smells like poop. I think somebody pooped in here. He wasn't buying your story.

No, you should. Dad, you shit your pants. Don't try and play grown up with me. Oh, I think somebody pooped in here. Oscar's a great name. He was a great kid. He was a fun guy. Do you not do you guys not say fart?

Is that considered a bad word? Like if they went to school and said fart, would they get a... Jordan wants to get to the bottom of this. Yeah. All families... And I need the bottom. Thank you. All families have a word for farts.

You didn't know that? I got into... When I was doing the turnaround, I got into an extensive conversation with America's sweetheart, Katie Couric, about this subject. What does she call farts in her family? What did she call farts? Nick, you were the producer of this show. I think it was bunts. Bunts.

I believe it was bunts. That is correct. Good work, Nick. Well, that ruins a whole kind of cake for the family. Our neighborhood. But famously. When I was little, whole kind of cake for the family. Our neighborhood. But famously. When I was little, our neighbor's child called them helicopters. That's really good.

Well, our friend. Come out with your hands up. Our friend David Shumka. Dave Shumka of the podcast Stop Podcasting Yourself, one of my favorite podcasts. Shumko, the podcast Stop Podcasting Yourself, one of my favorite podcasts, he famously didn't have – he wasn't allowed to say the word fart in his house. In his house, they were called dirts. So if you wanted to say fart, you would say – he said like you wanted – like if somebody had said fart, you wanted to accuse them, you say,

oh, he said F word for dirts. I think we did pass gas, I think. Pass gas is grosser to me. Oh, sure. I think fart is the way to go. I think to me, don't say anything but fart. But what about toot? You don't like toot?

I don't like toot. Toot, toot. Yeah. I don't know. Like a tugboat. There's something sinister about it. Stephanie wants our kids to say floof. Floof. Yeah, she don't know. Like a tugboat. There's something sinister about it. Stephanie wants our kids to say floof. Floof.

Yeah, she's right. Go with that. You don't like it. I do like floof. You do? I think floof is great. You picked the right lady. Well, our cat's name is Fluff, and sometimes we've accidentally been calling her floof.

Yeah, that could cause some confusion later on. And she doesn't even smell. Yeah, I was going to say, how does your cat smell? Delightful. Yeah, well, we'll see. Let's take another call. Don't look a threat. Yeah.

Well, I'm going to fart on her cat. Hi, Jordan and Jesse. This is Nathan in Louisville with a momentous occasion. The upstairs neighbor in my duplex has been dating this guy who's a real turd. They fight all night, and then when she goes to work, he just stomps around up there singing Creed and Nickelback songs a cappella for six hours. And my hatred for this man burns with the fire of a thousand suns. And Friday, he got some mail delivered to my mailbox by accident, and out of curiosity, I googled his name and

found out that he is, in fact, a very bad dude on the run from the law. So, I snitched on him. And yesterday morning, a van pulled up and just snatched his ass up like something out of a Tom Clancy movie. And now my house is quiet

again. So, that's my momentous occasion. Get him, get him, get him. And addendum to this story, he apparently did not use his one phone call to let her know what happened to him, so now I have to keep this secret for the rest of my life. All right, that's it. Wow. Yeah, that's huge.

Do you think it was the lead singer of either Creed or Nickelback? Yeah. Are they not the same? Yeah. Yeah, there's just one guy who moves like this. Right, yeah, from 1994 to 1999, it was just one guy. He sang in all bands. Sometimes you would add a guy who rapped, but it was just that one guy and occasionally the other guy who rapped.

The guy's name was Eddie Vedder, too. Sort of the Gallagher, too, to Eddie Vedder's Eddie Vedder. Yeah, I mean, I feel like what I need to know is what kind of bad dude the dude was. Because if the dude was... And was he so bad, was he a bad enough dude to save the president? Right. From an old video game.

It's from a Nintendo game. I don't even ask or worry anymore. Don't sweat it. It was a game when you started. The general asked you, are you a bad enough dude to save the president? I think that it has to be a pretty significant amount of badness. For a van to pull up.

A van? It can't just be bad checks or something. You know what I mean? No. Because when I think of van, you know, I mean, you can send a cruiser for the guy. Right. But it's like this guy is so bad that we need the extra restraints that are probably in this van. Or they just let him, you know, bounce all around without a seatbelt because he's so bad.

Yeah. They just want to like hurt him. We're just going to go to a bunch of sudden stops. Yeah. My immediate. Speed bumps. Take some turns real fast. My immediate thought was what if he was a super villain

no sure not necessarily a super villain with powers so much as like a batman like super strong reg smart regular guy yeah super villain that's why he would need the special right he's just a van maybe yeah he's a yeah he's like. Yeah. He's like a cast off from a government super soldier program. Yes. That is exactly what I'm thinking. He ended up becoming a notorious bank robber. Yeah. Sure. Well, I mean, I guess his only hope now is to get recruited as some sort of suicide squad. Right. And then you can pay your debts to society that way.

But what are the chances of that? If they're making Pacific Rim, too, they might be starting a new suicide squad. They should use this guy from our caller's neighborhood. Yeah. Maybe it was Idris Elba. Could have been Idris Elba. Would you have called? He's good in everything.

If somebody was annoying you? Oh, boy. I don't know i i i would have been afraid to go through the mail this guy is way snoopier than i would have been you know but he didn't open the mail i wouldn't have even looked at the mail but you might have seen the name on the mail i wouldn't touch someone's mail i have respect for the mail the mail was misdelivered to him to the car closed my eyes and groped around for the other person's apartment so i don't violate federal law

yeah i mean i think i i'm not about to be thrown into some sort of suicide squad we admit that we would look at the name on the envelope a van pulls up and hauls us off me and jesse well you were gonna leave jordan alone because he respects the law. Publicly admitted. Yeah. I have a neighbor who once called and threatened me over the phone by saying that she was a lioness and that I shouldn't cross her. And. How did she get your number?

She was our neighbor. So we had we had exchanged numbers. Sure. Taking it to our house style. Your dog. Frankly. Yeah. Planning dinners.

She was upset about the location of the fence between our respective properties. All right. Classic neighbor argument. It was the most classic neighbor argument in existence. And she was brutally mean to me. Not a physical threat, a 65-year-old woman. But I don't know, pretty high-level Scientologist. She might have mind powers. So I think if I found out that she was on the run from the law, I would turn her in.

Okay. I mean, for one thing, you have a civic duty because this person has conducted a series of prominent bank thefts. I love my neighbors. I will not turn them in. Really? I think I've made that clear. You'll keep their secret to the grave. This is how we ended up with Whitey Bulger in Santa Monica.

Somebody was annoyed. Nice neighbors keeping things under wraps. He was walking around his house singing Dean Martin songs or whatever. I know people that have been threatened by Whitey. Really? Personally? Mm-hmm. In Santa Monica or?

No. That moved to the mountains in Colorado. To get away from Whitey Bulger in Boston? And now they're not scared or in hiding anymore. Sure. They don't even wear clothes anymore. Yeah. That's how free they are.

Right. Do they go see the movie about him? I don't know. I haven't followed up. Hmm. I think around the last time I talked to them was when- Them retreating to the mountains. No, when I was like, why do you

live out here? We're having some whitey bulger issues. I shouldn't have gotten mixed up in that stuff. I know I can't speak for you, Tig, but I know that Jordan and myself would never get mixed up in stuff like that. I don't even read anybody's mail. I wouldn't

touch another man's mail. Well, the guy I know living in the mountains, he witnessed something. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. That Whitey had done. Unwittingly. Yeah.

There's a lot of intrigue in this week's episode. Yeah, this is thrilling. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. This is a really deadly game of cat and mouse. Sure. That I was not expecting. Bring in Ashley Judd. Let's get that I was not expecting. Bring in Ashley

Judd. Let's get Ashley Judd in here. She's good in everything. She is. She's good in everything. Great and bold hairstyle. I met her in D.C. Really? It went fine. Yeah. Stephanie loves her. Were you both like visiting your congressperson?

I have a comedy festival out there oh of course yeah yeah and and ashley judd's been doing a lot of stand-up gosh that's not where i met her she didn't do my festival i'm so used to being in dc for the benson ball i was out there for the women's march and i was performing and she was speaking it's a good place to see Judd so we got a picture with her because Stephanie does really love her

so much what are the circumstances I mean again I have nothing but respect for Ashley Judd who's a fine actress, a beautiful woman comes from a great line. However, what are the circumstances in which somebody really comes to love Ashley Judd?

Well, I think it was the movie – I can't even remember the name of it. It's – Something with Morgan Freeman. Wedding movie of some sort. A wedding movie. It's a southern. My big fat Greek wedding. My big fat Greek wedding.

Judd's dread. Well, Stephanie wanted Ashley Judd to play my mother in flashbacks on One Mississippi. Ashley Judd to play my mother in flashbacks on One Mississippi. Oh. And she was basing this on a performance that Ashley Judd did in some movie. I like the actress who plays your mom in flashbacks. She's very good. Oh, you've seen?

I have. She's phenomenal. She's terrific. Yeah. She's no Judd. I think she's Judd and then some. I think she's Judd plus. She's so good. Yeah. She's no Ashley. She's no Wynonna. I love the guy who plays your brother. I think she's Judd plus. She's so good.

She's no Ashley. She's no Wynonna. I love the guy who plays your brother, too. He's terrific. Yeah. And no word of liking my stepfather. That's the immediate go-to. Oh, yeah? They're just obsessed with him.

I think he's also very good. But my two, and I don't recognize either of them, was your flashback mom and your brother. I thought they were, and you're great. You know who I think is great? Tig Notaro. I'm all right. Yeah. But I-

I said, get out of the way. Let's see what that brother's up to. I think he's phenomenal. Yeah, he's great. But part of what I wanted to do with the show was to not have recognizable, obviously recognizable people. I mean, Casey Wilson was on it. And of course, John Rothman, who plays my stepfather, is in a lot of Meryl Streep's films. And people have been around, but I didn't want to just litter it with just famous people.

I like that about it. I feel like those, yeah, there's like types of shows you feel like, you know, there's those people who are great who i who i have seen in 10 other things but uh yeah i like that a lot about the show yeah well thank you i would have loved to see like an eric estrada season three just get him in there just a little eric estrada that plays my mother there was a million um suggestions for her and and people wanting really famous people to play that part. Olympia Dukakis. No. But, yeah, it was just such a part that I couldn't just hire somebody just because they were famous.

Right. And nobody was right forever and ever and ever. And then I said, can I just go down to casting and look through all of the people that you didn't send to me? Right. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Right, because the casting people kind of narrow it down and they send you their faves. Well, and producers and network and studio were sending

famous people my way the one person i wanted that was famous was um um my brain is completely uh don johnson uh from give us a ball is there a ballpark genre that she's married this is fun uh she's nash bridges from nash bridges oh boy john travolta so many other movies i can't believe i'm blanking i love her so much anyway um so she was not available because she was doing Ashton Kutcher's new Netflix show. The Ranch. Yeah. Who's that?

I don't know. Sam Elliott. Debbie. Listen, I've picked a streaming service and I'm sticking with it. Deborah Winger. Deborah Winger. That's what I wanted for my mother. She was not available, but she wrote me a nice email and that was a highlight.

But I went down to casting and looked through all the videos. I didn't even have to press play. I just looked at the different videos paused where they start. And when I saw her, I was like, who is this? And pressed play. And I was like, that's my mother. That's exactly my mother. So it was pretty exciting to find her.

She's great. It's a, yeah, it's a really like particular part. It's not just like suburban mom. Like it's really specific and she does a great job with it. I, we didn't do flashbacks second season, but the one thing we didn't quite convey about my mother was how funny she was. But this actress does convey the power and strength of my mother, which was impressive. And I always felt like I was on set with my mother. It wasn't just like, oh, she's doing a great job playing my mother. That sounds more disconcerting than enjoyable. It was actually really enjoyable.

It was comforting because there were even moments, my mother had already died when i was when i had cancer and there's this moment um in the first season when my mother comes to my uh hospital bed and is caring for me ish it's kind of a weird scene but when we shot that scene i was overcome with emotion because i didn't have my mother my mother died just before i was diagnosed like genuinely overcome with emotion on the set as though you had met a neighborhood dog or baby exactly as though a neighborhood dog with a top hat had walked up to my hospital bed and said i I love you, and ran her hand through my hair. Ran her paw through my hair. If you happen to meet a dog with a top hat, give us a call, 206-984-4FUN.

Oh, the phones are ringing off the hook. They are. They are. I want to hear. We had two dudes this week. I want to hear some lady calls Sure Ladies, where are you?

206-9844-FUN Put it in your phone We want to hear your voices Yeah Your voices are welcome here Men presume their voices are welcome In American culture Yeah

We want to make it clear This is a space where your voices are welcome 206-9844-FUN My voice naturally makes that sound insincere. But it was sincere. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la I love it.

Good stuff. Oh, man, every time. Well, I hope that you're enjoying this podcast you're listening to as much as we are pretending to. But anyway, why not listen to another podcast, too? It's called The Flophouse. And on our podcast, we have recently watched a movie often a bad movie and we review it on our podcast but mainly talk about other stuff and i don't know hang out it's all about hanging out feeling like you're being with your best friends who are your best friends

us three dan mccoy emmy award-winning writer for the daily show stewart wellington owner of the best bar in brooklyn hinterlands and elliot kalin former emmy winning head writer for the daily show All right, that's enough. The Elliot's credits just go on and on. Yeah, but if you like the idea of listening to three funny guys talk about bad movies, then why not come over and listen to The Flophouse? It's available at MaximumFun.org or wherever fine podcasts are found. So get out of here! I'm Riley Smurl.

I'm Sydney McElroy. And I'm Taylor Smurl. And together Sydney McElroy. And I'm Taylor Smurl. And together, we host a podcast called Still Buffering, where we answer questions like... Why should I not fall asleep first at a slumber party? How do I be fleek? Is it okay to break up with someone using emojis? And sometimes we talk about bugs. No, we don't.

Nope. Find out the answers to these important questions and many more on Still Buffering, a sister's guide to teens through the ages. I am a teenager. And I was too. Butts, butts, butts, butts, butts. For too many times Over and over again Over and over again La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Tignotaro. Good pronunciation. Thank you. Good pronunciation. The tip of the tongue, the teeth and the lips,

red leather, yellow leather. Red leather. What to do to die today? Such good addiction. Such good addiction. Okay, this, I'm Tempest is a this is a little bit creepy in my ear. Tempest Flux. Yeah, Tempest Flux.

Tempest Flux. I'm looking forward to the Tempest Flux fan art, by the way. Sure. I feel like Adventure Zone gets all the fucking fan art. Where's our Tempest Flux fan art? I'll draw it. Draw the Flux. Thank you, Tig.

You're really busy. No, no, no. I appreciate you taking time. I have plenty of free time with twins and other things. Your own television program, your stand-up career, tending to your marriage. Sure. Family, of course, even like extended family and so on. Petting dogs and waving to neighbors.

Travel time. Podcast. Both locally and flights. Yeah, regionally. Sure. Locally, regionally, statewide, nationwide, sometimes internationally. Correct. Going back and forth to our nation's capital, of course. But still here to do fan art.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And shows that I appear on. The most important work, some call it. Yeah. Well, we're grateful to have you here sketching, bringing us your fond reminiscences from the set of your hit show, One Mississippi, on Amazon Prime. Yes. What do they call that?

Amazon Video? Amazon Prime Video? I think it's Amazon Prime. Yeah. Is it just Amazon Prime now? I think it's Amazon Prime. Yeah. Is it just Amazon Prime now? I think it's Amazon Video free for Prime subscribers. Amazon Video free for Prime subscribers? Which you paid for, which means it wasn't free.

Sure. Yeah. I pay for Prime. They don't give me. Really? Yeah. You're one of the stars of Prime. I am.

But you still fork over the $80 a year or whatever. I feel like a real turkey for missing that Whit Stillman show that they had on Prime for a minute and then they took it down from Prime. I missed it. I love Whit Stillman. Just yanking stuff off Prime, huh? They might yank mine right off Prime. I don't. That would be fools to yank it off the Prime.

Fools. They might. We don't know if there's a season three. You know what I watch, speaking of Prime? Of course, what Prime shows Fools. We don't know if there's a season three. You know what I watch, speaking of Prime? Of course, what Prime shows we love. Of course, we love One Mississippi. Sure. Starring and created by the great Tig Notaro.

Tig Notaro. Tig Notaro. Tig. But we have a Jordan Jesse Goh listener who created, works on, created, I think, the Amazon Prime children's show Danger and Eggs. Oh, yeah. Oh. And I was-

I think there are, I think the staff of that show has several Jordan Jesse Goh fans on it. There you go. And yeah, it's a great show. Listen, I don't have kids, but I like to check out the tunes every now and then. You have a cat. I have a cat. She needs entertainment, but I like to check out the tunes every now and then. You have a cat. I have a cat.

She needs entertainment, and I don't like her to see a lot of violence. Right. It's just all over the place these days, you know? Very irreverent. I enjoyed it very much. I watch it with my children. Absolutely, yeah. Great show.

If you've got some kids, throw that on. Huh? I do. You do. Did you let your kids watch TV young? At 14 months? Are they even capable of watching television at that age? Yeah.

No, they read. No, my boys are obsessed with books to the point where I'm truly trying to figure out ways to get them to stop reading. They're going to be poindexters. They're just constantly putting books in my lap. And it's like, we already went over this. This is a banana. It's a monkey. It's a squirrel.

Like a dog bringing you a tennis ball. Yes, exactly. With our first child, Grace, we made it all the way to two. to two. But with Oscar, who is two and a half years younger than Grace, you know, there's no way... Free for all. Yeah, there's no way to segregate them

such that one watches it and the other one doesn't. And there are some times when you need your four-year-old to watch television. You need to narcotize your child, essentially. And so, yeah, so I think we only made it to a year and a half or so with Oscar. And, you know, Oscar hates books and learning now, so there you go.

It definitely poisoned his mind. All he really cares about is, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah. It just poisoned his mind. All he really cares about is... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah. Just poisoned his little... Because we'll let our sons watch a little bit here and there. He's sweet as an oatmeal cookie. Don't get me wrong.

He's a sweet kid. I don't doubt that. Yeah, just his mind's been poisoned. No sense of inquisitiveness. We wish they enjoyed the TV more than they do. They will. Well, they mean it's the golden age of TV. There's so much on.

The books. The books. How do they, do they like prestige dramas? Mm-hmm. Pretty much just one Mississippi. Right. That's all they're watching. It's for kids.

That's sort of a comic drama. Oh, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of comedy in there. A lot of comedy, a lot of cartoons. Right. Yeah. Non-stop silliness. Sure. Well,, a lot of cartoons. Right. Yeah. Non-stop silliness. Sure, well you have stop-motion elements. I mean, I thought

the stop-motion was some of the most compelling stuff. It really feels handmade. Sure, yeah. You can see the artist's fingerprints on it. Yeah. And as some people say, your show's over art-directed. You know, the way you center everything in frame. That's all anyone says. The curtains always open at the beginning of each act and all that stuff.

But I find that stuff charming. I mean, call me crazy, but I've always found it charming. Thank you. Corduroy suits. Everyone's wearing a corduroy suit. Thank you. Matching luggage sets. All that stuff.

And I really get a kick out of it. And I'm looking forward to your new animated dog project. I can't wait. your new animated dog project. I can't wait. The animated top hat dog. Tig Notaro, thank you for joining us on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Thanks for having me. It's always nice to see you.

Tig Notaro, if you haven't watched One Mississippi yet, get on that Amazon Prime. You know you got it. You got it so you could get free shipping on your batteries. And if you're in D.C., go to the Benson Ball. Hey, yeah. Yeah, what do you got coming up at the Benson Ball? Oh, my gosh. Al Franken's going to be there.

Hey. Oh, wow. Cheryl Hines, How Did This Get Made will be there. Oh, HDTGM. Yeah. Yeah, that's a great show. A lot of... Would you say the highlight of the Benson Ball, all time, the many years that you've been doing it, was the time that I asked Ian McKay of Fugazi how he felt about Todd Berry's joke about Ian McKay of Fugazi while Todd Berry was in the room, but then it turned out that Todd Berry had left to go to the bathroom.

Is that true? Yeah. That is the highlight. It's all anybody talks about. You were there the first year. Yeah. Ian McKay knows about the joke and thinks it's hilarious. Ian McKay is a class act.

You should get him to try stand-up. He's maybe the most serious man in the history of the world. A lot of comedians are. That's a good point. Yeah. They're not all frivolous like you. Yeah, that's true. Not just a bunch of dogs and top hats.

Nick Liao on the boards for us this week. Our producer at home with his puppy. Brian sent us an email. Sorry, guys. I have to take care of my puppy. Fine. That's fine. It's an adorable excuse.

It's a really cute. It's an adorable excuse. It's a cute puppy. It's a cute cop out. It's a cute. I mean, it's bullshit. There's no doubt about that. You fucking get your act together, Brian.

We'll wait six months for you to come home from England. Oh, I got a new puppy. I got to take care of this puppy instead of paying attention to my real children, Jesse and Jordan of the hit podcast Jordan, Jesse, Go. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer on the program. Nick Lealdo on the boards this week. Don't remember the name of Brian's puppy right now, but it is a hell of a puppy. It's a real cute puppy. Our friend Renee Colvert's dog is named Tugboat.

Sure. Met that dog today. Check that dog out on Instagram. It's a good name. It's a really good name. It's a great home. This dog is a doozy. Yeah.

This dog is a wonder. What a joy, this dog. And I'm not putting down your cat, Tig. I feel like you were. I feel like it was a direct attack on my precious kitten. No, I mean, I'd love to see this dog attack your kitten, but I'm not, I would never do anything like that. This really took a turn. Personally.

Tig Notaro, thank you for joining us this week on Jordan, Jesse Go. Thanks for having me. We'll talk to you next time. I love you too. On Jordan, Jesse Go. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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