Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 506: The Sensitive Man in the Kitchen with Katherine Spiers

Episode Date: November 14, 2017

Jordan and Jesse take a break from their usual discussion of American handicrafts to have a fun chat with podcast host and food critic Katherine Spiers about Jordan's food adventures in Paris, Jesse's recent vasectomy operation, and Katherine's podcast about food history, Smart Mouth.  Plus, Jordan takes a brief detour into first wave viral videos.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Every week on Jordan Jesse Goh, we take a look at traditional handicrafts across the world. Hey Jesse? Yeah? Can I talk about our format?

Yeah. For a second? Sure. We've been doing this program about traditional handicrafts. A handcrafted program about traditional handicrafts. Of course. Yeah. I know our slogan.

I've seen our sweatshirts. Sure. I know that's our slogan. Right. I've been keeping something inside for lo these 11 years we've been doing this crafts show, which is what we've been doing. Handicrafts. Handicrafts. Sorry, I'm using short.

This is difficult for me, sochotchkes to whittling. You could whittle a figurine or a tchotchke, admittedly. Sure. I mean, just listen to episode 483. Right. We go very – we go really deep. Mark Maron's great on that episode. Right.

We go very – we go really deep. Mark Maron is great on that episode. Right. I – this podcast has been subtly wounding me for lo these 11 years because – Wow. And I've never said anything before. Let's get this out there. Speaking of Mark Maron, open your heart, buddy. At a very – thank you.

I'm about to get real raw and uncensored. Thank you. Because that's what people want out of a podcast. They want you to be real raw and uncensored. And um because that's what people want out of a podcast they want you to be real raw and uncensored and i feel like i haven't been right they expect a certain intimacy sure um and i'm about to give it to him because um when i was a child you know you've never met my dad basket weaving would be another good example of sure absolutely just episode 383 pete hol Holmes is great in that episode. It's weird how the subject of God kept coming up.

Yeah, well, I mean, what is God but the first basket weaver? Yeah, that's true. So you've never met my dad, right? No. And, you know, I think I've explained it away in the past by just saying that, you know, we don't have a great relationship. And, you know, he and my mom are divorced and, you know, don't speak anymore. But the real reason is that he was killed by a cinnamon broom. Oh, wow. Really? Yeah. And, you know, we've been doing this show about handicrafts.

Was it a person wielding a cinnamon broom or an animated cinnamon broom? We think it was Bewitched. But unclear. Right. It could have been a burglar that, you know, just used the first thing that was around. Could have been Bewitched. Could have been an I Dream of Genie. Sure.

It could have been a cruel genie. Yeah. You know, whatever the reason, you know, whatever was motivating the broom, unclear, but, you know, the broom, the cinnamon broom did him in. Right. He was dead, but boy, I mean, fresh breath to the end. Right. So I don't think I can continue with this format. Well, what about this?

Okay. Just as a pitch. Please. We have a fellow podcaster here. Okay. And I know that she was excited to talk about handicrafts, but she is the host of a podcast called Smart Mouth about the history of food. Yeah. Which isn't, strictly speaking, a handicraft.

So maybe this is a time for us to take a break. Do you hold on real quick? Do you think she misread the notice and thought she was coming on to talk about handy snacks? Cheese and cracker delivery service? That seems likely. Delivery method. Although I would enjoy a handy snacks delivery service. Sure, yeah.

Although I would enjoy a Handy Snacks delivery service. Sure, yeah. God. I think- They're tough to get. The biggest problem is it's hard to put the right amount of cheese onto the cracker. Yeah. You either run out of cheese or you run out of crackers. I accidentally eat the red stick a lot.

I know. That's a big problem for me. Which causes painful stools. me painful stools our guest on this week's jordan jesse go uh as i said the host of the smart mouth podcast uh katherine spires how are you good thank you for having me welcome to the show i'm sorry that we're not going to talk handicrafts but there's a lot of fun stuff to talk about nonetheless i'm feeling a little emotional jordan i never knew that yeah yeah i'm so sorry you know i play a lot of this stuff close to the vest but um you you know, something I've been talking about with my therapist has been opening up. Good.

It feels good. My weight's been lifted. Good. This is all great stuff. Yeah. But I'm just dreading the holiday season when everybody puts those cinnamon brooms out. Right. I'm just going to shriek and run out of Pier 1.

That's going to be really tough. It's really tough. I know it's hard for you to be in Pier 1 anyway because of how you feel about Papa-san chairs. Sure. Not to mention wickers. Yeah. A lot of bad memories. Can I ask you guys an entirely non-facetious question?

Yes, you can. Did either of you guys get- Is the bullshit over? Yeah. Okay. Bullshit over. Great. Done.

Did either of you guys get to have- I mean, this is still relatively – relative to like most public discourse, this rule remain bullshit. Right. But it will just be a slightly lower level of bullshit. We're gearing down. Yeah. We're going to do some engine braking on this hill. This ain't Face the Nation all of a sudden.

Yeah. That's why John Dickerson is waiting for me in the car. I'm John McLaughlin. Handy snacks. Your thoughts. Yeah. Sometimes I why John Dickerson's waiting for me in the car. I'm John McLaughlin. Handy snacks. Your thoughts. Yeah. Sometimes I eat the sticks. Cincinnati.

Did you get to have a handy snack? Do you know what handy snacks are, Catherine? Absolutely. Okay. Especially when you mentioned the red stick. I never eat them myself, but I got what you were talking about. It's a little plastic pouch with a pouch of spreading cheese and four or five little crackers that you get for a quarter at the checkout of the grocery store. Did you ever – were you guys ever allowed to have that? Not by my mom.

Sort of like if she wasn't around. Yeah, that's what's up. Yeah, she wasn't into processed food. Yeah, I feel like my dad also – my parents were divorced and my mom was much better at food than my dad was. Like my dad knew how to cook salad. That's healthy. Or do you mean Jell-O salad? No, it was a leafy salad. My dad – the thing about my dad is he loves – It wasn't cased in Jell-O. You had to dig through Jell-O salad? No, it was a leafy salad. The thing about my dad is he loves—

It wasn't cased in Jell-O. You had to dig through Jell-O to get to the iceberg, right? My dad loves all food. So, yeah, like a steak once a week we would have at my dad's house and salad and pasta. And that was pretty much the—that was the run of the house. But my dad, because he didn't even know how to make, my dad would make the most disgusting sandwiches for me with like grocery store wheat bread and bologna and just horrible, these horrible sandwiches that I would just throw away immediately upon getting to school for years. You don't know if the moth was in there on accident or because he put it there. Yeah. But like the two indulgences were once in a while,

somehow he would buy me one handy snacks. Just the one. And I'm talking about when I say once in a while, this probably happened 15 times in my childhood total. And the other was on my way to school, when we were waiting for the 14 mission bus to go to school, there was a Mexican convenience store there and I would be allowed to purchase a mango nectar,

which I did not even like. I want to be clear. I did not like mango nectars, but I was just excited to be allowed to have anything. Yeah. Is everything exciting to you now, now that the whole world has opened up beyond handy snacks and mango nectars?

Oh God, I had this cherimoya yesterday. I can't even begin to tell you. Oh, the custard apple. God bless it. We, growing up, we, I did not, did not eat very healthfully growing up. My mom is a kind of, my mom and sister are both kind of naturally kind of thin people. So I think me being kind of prone to chunking up was beyond them. And your mom is a master of comfort foods, right? Yes. Your mom's from Texas. She's Southern, so lots of gumbos, lots of jambalayas, lots of chicken fried what have

yous. Oh, man. Those are good things. Gravies. Yeah. Both cream and other. Yeah. Name a gravy.

Name a gravy, we'll soak something in it. You know, since I moved to Los Angeles, I only eat green gravies. Mm. Mm a gravy. Name a gravy. We'll soak something in it. You know, since I moved to Los Angeles, I only eat green gravies. I'll have a green gravy for breakfast. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Because a spirulina is good for you. It is so good.

I'm on a gravy cleanse right now. With reishi. Yeah. So handy snacks, Dunkaroos, Gushers, Shark Bites, you name it. You got all that stuff? In the lunch, yeah. Oh, my God. But the place my mom drew the line.

Shark Bites. Oh, God, you probably had so many Great Whites. Yeah. Once in a while you get a bag, all Great Whites. Oh, my God. And you could trade that on the playground for meth. Yeah. If you had an all Great White Shark Bite pouch.

I got the deed to someone's grandpa's house. Yeah. If you had an all great white shark bite pouch. I got the deed to someone's grandpa's house. Sure. They said it had treasure in it and it did. Wow. Yeah. Golly. The place my mom drew the line was sugar cereals. So no sugar cereals.

So we had grape nuts, sometimes frosted flakes. Which I know is a sugar cereal, but it's not a cookie crisp, you know? Right. Our rule was sugar couldn't be in the top three ingredients of the cereal. Oh, okay. So what were you? What was the cereal, yuge?

Special K when that came out. I think Honey Nut Cheerios might have passed. And that was your nickname in high school too, right? You know it. At the time you were an athletic older woman i was yeah i've always been my true form so yes yeah but your mom was kind of full of it no sugar cereal yeah it's such a weird arbitrary thing to do and and sometimes i will be in the grocery store and I will go buy the sugar cereals and I will have this – I'll have this notion. I'm like, hell yeah. I don't live with my mom anymore.

I'm 35. I could buy several of these sugar cereals and I could take them home and sometimes I do and then I fucking have a bowl and I'm like, this sucks. I'm not mad that I didn't get to have it as a kid. Corn like two bites of Lucky Charms is good. Beyond that is just it is just this gross death march of a meal. Anyway.

What about middle ground? Corn pops? Uh I mean three bites? Four bites? Wow I can house a box of corn pops. Go to town. Yeah. Okay. I can really get into it. You know what's terrible for you? Raisin bran.

Oh, yeah? Raisin bran, because it's all raisins. A raisin is a grape is a sugar bag. And then they're like, what if we got rid of the water to focus the sugar? But we also dunked them in sugar. We also gave them. Just in case. Yeah. You never know. Some of the sugar. But we also dunked them in sugar. We also gave them. Just in case. Yeah, you never know.

Some of the sugar may have escaped. I accidentally looked at like the nutritional value of Raisin Bran once. It's bonkers. Yeah. You might as well. It might as well be sun-kissed orange soda, the cereal. Yeah. Is there something growing up with a mom who was strict about food?

Is there something where you're like, now I can buy this? Oh, man. Ice cream. Okay. Your mom didn't let you have ice cream? You could have a Popsicle in the summer. Wow. Did you talk to child protection services?

The seasonal thing. Oh, yeah. It came up. That's worth a call to CPS. I think so. I think so. She always wanted to like bake pies. No, I want something store-bought with a lot of calories and like

I mean, I want pie too, though. Oh, I don't. I didn't. Okay. Don't appreciate pie. My mom shopped at the Rainbow Grocery Store, an old-timey, old-school natural food store with a lot of bulk bins. And it wasn't on principle particularly. It was just the one that was nearest to – we didn't have a car, so it was the one that was within walking distance of our house. And so when I would go with my mom to go grocery shopping, you know, sometimes a parent – my parents were divorced, so they needed me to come with them when they went to the grocery shopping, you know, sometimes a parent, you know, my parents were divorced, so they needed me to come with them when they went to the grocery store.

And so to sweeten the deal and say, oh, you can pick out a treat. The volume of carob foods that I ate. Sure. And that's another thing where I would eat it because I want a treat. Sure. You've been a good boy. But it's horrible. Yeah. Carob is gross. Yeah, carob sucks. It's You've been a good boy. But it's horrible. Yeah.

Carob is gross. Yeah, carob sucks. It's not just bad compared to chocolate. It's bad overall. Sure. I don't even want to eat some of it. As far as natural food store treats, just get a handful of seeds. Yeah.

Instead of carob. You can get loose seeds. I eat those fig bars. Those are okay. Yeah. Fruit leather. Yeah. My dad shopped at the hippie grocery store in Seattle, too, and he would only buy goat's

milk. Oh, wow. Why was that? Oh, I'm sure he had all kinds of reasons. Probably some of them he sourced from the Bible, even. Wow. It was a trip growing up with him. You've got to look at primary sources.

Oh, you do. You absolutely do. I only eat shellfish milk. Wow. Which is from the Bible, but I'm not a good reader. I only drink milk from heterosexual cows. Thank you. No

gay cow milk. Thank you. Sorry. It's just unnatural. And he wanted it only from glass jars, too. No cardboard containers. What does goat milk taste like? Hell. Yeah. It's like licking the floor of hell.

Yeah. It is not a good situation. I only wish that I could convey to you, the listener at home, the conviction that's flowing across Catherine's face right now is she decries goat milk. I mean, if you want to try it, try it. That was my personal opinion, and I don't want to disparage the goat goat milk. I mean, if you want to try it, try it. That was my personal opinion. And I don't want to disparage the goat milk industry. I will. Okay.

Goat milk fucking sucks. I've never even had it and I know it sucks. Can I tell a food story that involves Catherine that I've been like meaning to tell her that because I am a terrible person have been saying, can we save this for a podcast? Yes, of course. I am a terrible person have been saying, can we save this for a podcast? Yes, of course. So Catherine is one of my favorite food writing people.

Oh, thank you. And before we did the London Podcast Festival, I did a pre-London Podcast Festival jaunt to Paris and then took the chunnel. I chunned down to London. Yeah. You know I love to chun. Yeah. And I just did a general kind of ask on social media for like, yes. Is this anything?

Jesse. Everybody doored chun tonight? Let's see. Hold on. Let me take out my giant calculator here. I'm going to put on my green visor. Sleeve garters. Jordan's wearing sleeve garters.

Basically everything from the movie Brazil is happening right now. Okay, okay. It looks like, no, it is not. Okay, well, I'm glad I interrupted you then. And Catherine, who is a parasophile, Would you say you're a Parisophile? I realized that I didn't remember how many times I'd been there, which makes me an asshole. You know what makes me an asshole about Paris? What?

I thought their tap water was better. I was like, this tap water is so good. Very pretentious, yes. And you shot a lot of great restaurants my way. And I made a reservation for one of them you mentioned called Georgette. I'm getting off the plane. I'm putting down my stuff. I'm going to Georgette.

That was my plan. And it proceeded to be the most fucking French-ass thing in history. And it proceeded to be the most fucking French ass thing in history. First of all, on my walk there, I walked by a cafe and there was a woman drinking cappuccino and crying by herself. And I'm like, oh, look where I am. I'm in fucking France. Bienvenue a Paris. Yeah.

Look at me. I'm Amelie over here. And I went to Georgette and I and the waiter was this was this just kind of darling, soft voiced man who spoke pretty good English and, you know, just doted on me. I was there alone. So he just kind of doted and doted and talked, you know, and was like my buddy. That's so sweet. And he asked me, you know, kind of second course comes. He's asked me, how's the meal? And I said, oh, it's delicious. It's basically because it was. It was basically perfect. Like everything was just fucking delicious and perfect. And I'm like, it's perfect. It's a really wonderful meal.

And he says, I'll let the sensitive man in the kitchen know. I'll let the sensitive man in the kitchen know. I I'll let the sensitive man in the kitchen, no. I'm like, what is, where am I? I'm fucking. So many feelings everywhere. Little do you know, that's just what he calls his junk. Yeah, the sensitive man downstairs in the pants kitchen. And he asked me as, you know, as I'm kind of, you know, as the dessert's coming,

he's like, how did you come to find us? And I'm like, my friend is a food writer. And, you know, i'm kind of uh you know as the dessert's coming he's like how did you come to find us and i'm like my friend is a food writer and uh and you know she insisted i come here and so when the check's coming i i i i just freak out about tipping anytime i travel and i just had to ask him about i'm like hey like i don't see a thing on here for tipping is that okay he's like oh a tip's not necessary i just want you to know that your friend was right. I'm like, what? What? That's so amazing.

It was great. It was the best. He tipped you. Yeah. That's lovely. And the dessert was an accordion. It wasn't. No.

The only way it could have been more fresh. It was a concertina. Yeah. So you took some sort of cool food vacation recently, right? Did you go somewhere? Well, I guess every vacation I take ends up being a food vacation. Yeah. I have to take pictures to put them on my podcast Instagram and convince the people that I know what I'm talking about or whatever. I went to Paris and Berlin.

Okay. Paris had a lot of classical French-style stuff. Berlin was interesting. I didn't know there could be that many vegan Vietnamese restaurants-style stuff. Berlin was interesting. I didn't know there could be that many vegan Vietnamese restaurants in one city. Wow. Yeah. Why is that?

Why do they have that? There's a lot of Vietnamese people there, so that part makes sense. Okay. The vegan part, the theory that I completely made up is that Germany has such a strong sausage-eating tradition that some people are like, enough. Sure. That's it. Enough cased meatsased meats yeah and they just go full vegan we only want tofu and lemongrass yeah okay i love that stuff not vietnamese vegan vietnamese food i'm sure i'd be fine with that uh it's probably pretty good as far as vegan food goes i bet they do lots of herbs sure yeah yeah That weird metallic herb. Get that in there. Sprouts. Yeah. I'll have a sprouty soup.

I ate a gorgeous German meal in Mexico once. And I was in, I want to say Puerto Vallarta, somewhere where we had been gifted a timeshare for our wedding. And we're like, we're going to go to Mexico. We're going to go to this timeshare and do dumb beach things. And we're going to go to have another additional few days in a different place of real trip. But we're in this timeshare and we're asking around what's the good restaurant in town. They're like, go to this German restaurant. And it's just this weird old German couple that own a restaurant in Puerto Vallarta

because they wanted to live in the beach or whatever. Why not? Home run, spectacular meal. I have been thinking about schnitzel and spetzel ever since and have been completely unable to satisfy. I would gladly eat schnitzel, spetzel, and sauerkraut indefinitely. Just those three things? I will eat all sausages, pounded meats, and pickled vegetables forever.

You really do love German food. Yeah. Because that's all it is. Yeah, well, I'm in. Great. I'll eat a currywurst. How do you feel as a non-drinker? Are you disappointed that you don't get to have something out of a stein?

Yeah. I think that is probably like I don't – you know, beer is one of those things where I think you have to convince yourself to like beer. And that's great. I don't want to suggest that I'm casting aspersions upon that. Like if you have convinced yourself, I absolutely believe that it is sincerely wonderful to you. And I say, go to town. A plus. Thumbs up.

Tell me about those notes. Okay. But, you know, like I'm not a drinker, but I've had alcoholic beverages. And I think, oh, wine. Oh, that tastes nice. Beer, I'm like, that's pretty gross. And so I don't – there's no part of me that wishes I could have that taste as I sometimes do with – like sometimes I think like, wow, like wine pairings sound great. You know, like but I'm not going to start drinking.

But you have your Sprite pairings. Exactly. You have to bring out various Sprites. Yes. Can I have a – do you have something in a code red? Can you give me that berry one that Kobe Bryant endorsed? Well, I think with code red, you're getting this from your du Mollier. It's a sommelier but for do.

Wow. I do think that the main thing you are missing is a Stein. Yeah. I don't like – I like a little bit of beer, especially like hot day, cold beer, fucking perfect. Like a cold Guinness is great. But I don't like a night where I drink tons and tons of beer. where I drink tons and tons of beer. So the Stein is so fucking fun that it counteracts my want to not drink a lot of beer.

Do you bring a Stein with you every time you go out to a bar just so you can drink it out of the Stein? Fuck, what a rad affectation. I should totally do that. I should be Stein guy. Yes. Stein guy. UC Irvine glass to me when I talked about how they have a – not UC Irvine, UC Davis. Sent me a UC Davis glass to me when I talked about how they have a cow with a hole in the side that you can reach into to check out what's inside its tummy. They sent me that and I'm very grateful.

But I will like just sit at my desk drinking tap water out of this giant crystal stuff. Like a Viking. Yeah. As a Viking would drink tap water, certainly. Sure. Why don't you fill it with a nice Martinelli's or something? I would.

To get the look of it. You know, Martinelli's is a nice drink. It is. Martinelli's is very good. I don't even like apple juice, really. Sure. I really like Martinelli's. Oh, it's good.

If I'm at Thanksgiving and there's Martinelli's on the table, I'll drink the shit out of that and I'll be glad to do it. Yeah. No, it's excellent. You guys had the after Martinelli's with a little splash of grape in there? Oh. It works. Wow.

Yeah. Sounds exciting. I had a cranberry one at some point, I think. Get the grape. Okay. I'll branch out this Thanksgiving I think. Get the grape. Okay. I'll branch out this Thanksgiving. Yeah. Get the grape.

That's my new catchphrase. Get the grape. Gotta get the grape. Catherine, I had a really good time on your podcast. Thank you. And I'm glad. That is, not out yet? Not out yet.

At some point. We'll come out. Yeah, it'll happen. So the premise of your show- It got killed. She's just the one to tell you. Sure. Her editor spiked it. To be fair, there were So the premise of your show. It got killed. Jesus doesn't want to tell you. Sure. Her editor spiked it.

To be fair, there were a lot of slurs. I don't know. I was in a mood. You really were. This is like that time I did a 75-minute interview with Planet Money, and it just never appeared. Oh. Yeah. I'm sorry.

Yeah. Probably all the slurs. Yeah. You guys. They wanted to talk about probably like, you know, self-run business and new media. Right. But, you know, you just couldn't stop railing about those Italians. Yeah, well, you know how I feel about those Italians.

You don't like how they talk with their hands. Yikes. And so the premise of your show is that you take your guests' favorite food and then you do the research as to the history of that food. And then you blow their mind with the history of it. We talked about apps on my episode. Platters. Platters. Yeah, poo-poo platters.

Which we did not laugh at, by the way. No, not once. It's a very mature show. Yes. Very serious. A poo-poo platter is like at a tiki restaurant or like an old-timey Chinese restaurant. Yeah, exactly. It's like one of those things where in the times when you would open a menu and be

like, what do you got that's American? Sure. Everything on it has to be either fried or sweet. Yeah. One of the two. And they all have cream cheese, right? So much cream cheese. Yeah. It's the wildest thing. I'm not against it. Sounds pretty good to me. Yeah. I mean the two. And they all have cream cheese, right? So much cream cheese. Yeah. It's the wildest thing. I'm not against it. It sounds pretty good to me. Yeah. I mean, it is good. In our app discussion, there was a culture that had a rat app, right?

Well, yeah. In ancient Rome. Right. You would kill some mice and stuff them with various goodies and then eat them. Oh, wow. That's delicious. That really gets the juices going, right? Yeah.

Now you're like, yeah, now I can go for something bigger now. Eat a whole being. Yeah. I have a rat app as well. I'm trying to disrupt the labor protest vertical. Sure. So if you need an inflatable rat for your protest, just download rat app. Yeah.

I have talked about upsetting things a lot. That's the thing about food is the more you know, the more you're like, oh, the whole industry is messed up. Yeah. And lots of times I end up yelling at my guest about Thomas Jefferson and about how everything we know about him is a lie. Okay. How has that come up multiple times? Listen, my podcast is a blast. It sounds like a hoot.

People are always like, oh, Thomas Jefferson was the first person to bring this to America. No, he wasn't. Everyone stopped doing that. What did they say he brought over that he did not? Ice cream, macaroni and cheese. Sexual assault of slaves. Exactly. Sure.

And they talk about how he was such a gourmet. No, his slaves were. And he sent them all to France and had them come back and keep working. And anything that was like invented by a White House chef, that was a slave. So it's lots of depressing stuff. I talked to Danny Trejo about food in prison. Oh, that's fun. Fascinating.

Has Danny Trejo been to prison? Oh, yeah. Oh, I didn't know that about Danny Trejo. No wonder he's such a folk hero. Yes. Yes, he is. His terrifying quality is genuine. Yes.

It's earned. Yeah. No, he is. He's so scary when he wants to be. But we actually did the interview in one of his restaurants in a Trejo's Tacos. That guy loves to work a room. Oh, yeah. He's like he is the definition of a glad hander.

So much fun. So kind, though. You know, he'll just stare at you while you're interviewing and really get engaged and into it. And he was talking about how if you don't have good food, you're you don't have good behavior. And that goes for adults in prison, too. And it was so rad to talk to him. And then he went and took pictures with all the little kids who were eating there. He's a delight of a human. You know, I think I think on on this show, we we sometimes have a like a shorthand for like annoying L.A. food trends.

Like, you know, the weird menu at Cafe Gratitude or there's all – you're shaking your head. Well, because you said Cafe Gratitude so I have to roll my eyes. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Just immediately. The category generally is things you have to wait in line for while you're hungry. Sure. Poke. Poke.

There's a lot of poke around now. But, I mean, I think a delightful L.A. food trend that we can use as shorthand that I actually am in support of is every restaurant is now owned by Danny Trejo. Yeah. And has a big cartoon Danny Trejo face on the side. I'm not on board for this. Yeah? I would like some restaurants to be owned by Forrest Whitaker.

Okay. He should. He should. Hey, Forrest Whitaker, get out. I don't know if you're a foodie. Forrest Whitaker's sleepy-eyed soups.

Forrest Whitaker's night-night chowder. If you want to have a weird voice in Star Wars, have some Night Night Chowder. Oh, man. Remember when they put, man, why isn't he in every movie? Yeah. Probably should be. He should be in it.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm on board not only for him being in every movie, but him being in every movie as Ghost Dog from Ghost Dog Way of the Samurai. Sure. So that is a kind of a hub universe. Yeah. So Ghost Dog is a hub movie that all those movies spring from. That makes sense. And then that part where he's walking down the street and he nods to the RZA. Mm-hmm.

That's incorporated. That folds in the entire Wu-Tang universe. I was... God, this is so dumb. I was reminiscing with a friend of mine. Jordan, can you just decide before you tell this story? Do you want to tell a dumb story on Jordan, Jesse, go? Because this is a very sophisticated program.

That's true. That's true. Maybe we could chop this out and just put it in like a bonus or it can be an Easter egg, something like that. Got it. Maybe it could be a little afterward, like when you stay after the credits in a Marvel movie or something. I like the idea of making it an Easter egg. Like if you, you know, when you stay after the credits in a Marvel movie. I like the idea of making it an Easter egg.

Let's let's take Brian, if you're listening right now to this and I hope you are because you're the producer of this show. Cut this out and then have it play when you clear level 10 on Minesweeper. Sure. Yeah. So this is solely for dedicated listeners or my Minesweeper pros. Yeah. Or if you evade the Yeti on free ski. Oh, so last week on for dedicated listeners or Minesweeper pros. Yeah. Or if you evade the Yeti on free ski. Oh, so last week on the show, my buddy, Liz Scudlow was on, and we met each other because we were both in the same Writers Guild initiation meeting.

Oh. So we were like, you know. So you had the blood of the same goat on your hands. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we both jacked off on the same cracker. Got it. And fed it to George H.W. Bush's skull. Yeah, yeah. I think this is – yeah, I mean you get it.

So we were – you're in these kind of smaller groups when you get in, but you get this big inspirational speech in a bigger group and in our bigger group um you know it was all the kind of new writers people had recently joined the wga but in the back uh the rizza was there yeah and he uh you know and there's a little q a and the rizza stood up and asked a question about when you can expect residuals and i'm like do you remember when that happened when the rizza stood up and he asked that question? She's like, yeah. Hey, do you think the RZA stands for residuals? Pretty good. Brian, I take it back.

Let's build the whole show around that. Yeah. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective. We have a sponsor on this week's program. It's our friends at Bespoke Post.

It's a subscription club with unique monthly boxes centered around a theme. We actually got a couple of these boxes in the mail. They are really impressive. Hey, Jesse, you know what I'm doing next to Bespoke Post? What's that? I am barrel aging my own Irish whiskey. Really? Yes, because of a nice box I got from Bespoke Post.

They send you a nice glass jar and you pour in the spirit of your choice. For me, it was Irish whiskey. They give you an oak stick. You put that in the jar. You leave it in a cool, dark place. Ten days later, your ordinary spirit is a barrel-aged delight. I got a whole set of stuff to make pasta with. Beautiful stuff.

And I got a neat dop kit, very stylish dop kit, full of high-quality grooming products. No commitments. They tell you about your box on the first of each month, and you have five days to keep it, switch it, or skip it. Every box has about $70 worth of stuff, but it only costs $45. So it's a pretty good value. To receive 20% off your first subscription box, go to bespokepost.com and enter

the promo code JJGO at checkout. That's 20% off your first box at bespokepost.com promo code JJGO. Bespoke Post.com. Promo code JJGO. Bespoke post. Themed boxes for guys that give a damn.

For guys that give a damn. Jesse, can we do that again where you say darn? I don't like all the swearing. Okay, sure. Yeah. Bespoke post. Themed boxes for darns that give a damn. Thank you.

You're welcome. Something's up on the Jumbotron this week, too. Yeah. Retired NC police detective, I think that stands for North Carolina, Scott Lunsford, known for his work on some unusual investigations, is the author of Cop and Coin and Cop and

Call, historical-based paranormal murder mystery novels and several non-fiction works as well. He's the author of The Girls from GIFT, Girls Investigating Fantastic Things, a young adult book series in the genre of Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, and The Three Investigators.

All this stuff is available at Amazon.com and ScottLunsfordAuthor.com. That's ScottLunsfordAuthor.com. We're always grateful to share a message from you, the Jordan Jesse Go listener on the Jumbotron. You can go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron to share it there. It is affordable. You can wish somebody happy birthday or plug your thing. You can also advertise on Jordan Jesse Go the proper way by emailing Teresa at MaximumFun.org.

Jordan, a lot of people looking for holiday gifts this time of year. I happen to own a shop, the Put This On Shop. You can find it online at PutThisOnShop.com. As we record this, I got up at 5 o'clock in the morning this morning, went to the Rose Bowl Flea Market here in Los Angeles, in Pasadena specifically, just outside Los Angeles, and did some prospecting for beautiful gifts, brought home a lot of stuff. A lot of people really into pins these days, a lot of great vintage pins from as far back as the teens and 20s, a lot of vintage men's accessories and men's jewelry, all kinds of really cool stuff there in the Put This On shop.

If you're looking for a perfect gift for somebody and you want something that I literally personally selected personally and paid for with my own money, you can find it at putthisonshop.com. And if you use the code TUPPIES, you will get free shipping in the United States on almost everything in the entire store. So go to putthisonshop.com and use that code and help me out. Help me celebrate Christmas while you celebrate Christmas or your other preferred winter holiday, such as Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Sure. Put this on shop.com and use the code TUPPIES for free shipping. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Katherine Spires, the calico unicorn. Yeah, that's dope. That's good. Yeah. Oh, thank you.. Catherine Spires, the Calico Unicorn. Yeah, that's dope. That's good. Yeah. Oh, thank you. Congratulations. It's what everyone's always called me.

Yeah. Except for the brief Special K. Special K and then the Calico Unicorn. Yeah. Jordan, thank you for hosting the program in my absence. Yes. As always, you did a tremendous job. I was happy to.

One of the great pleasures of not hosting Jordan and Jessica, besides, of course, not having to drive here and look at Brian and all that stuff, is that I get to listen to it later. So that was very exciting for me. I was undergoing minor surgery on my testes. I'm now, well, here's the trick. I got a vasectomy. Okay. I have three children, Catherine. I feel bad.

I feel like whenever you're gone, even if you've told me why you're not going to be there that week, I'd never remember. Not even a vasectomy you don't remember. No, I don't think he told me a vasectomy, though. Really? Yeah. I think I would have remembered that because it involves the balls. And as you know, I never neglect the balls. Even retrospectively thinking about it terrifies me.

Yeah. I got this because the thing is, is that the hysterectomy, the female equivalent, is a much more invasive surgery. Sure is. And my wife and I didn't want to have any more children. But we wanted to continue to have a lively, romantic life. Sure. And so this seemed like the best plan. But – so here's the thing. And you're thinking about this. I want to encourage you to take your reproductive life into your own hands, to take responsibility for your own reproductive life, and especially for men who often are not asked to do so often that's imposed upon the woman in a relationship.

Sure is. And so I would encourage you to do that. However, it's awful. encourage you to do that. However, it's awful. Yeah. I, uh, I recently watched a video of some YouTube goofballs getting, uh, getting vasectomies. Oh, wow. For fun?

For fun. Yeah. And views, obviously. Yeah, of course. Yeah. I mean, I just like to give views to videos. I love clicking that little thumbs up. Yeah, yeah. Wait, whose fun was it?

Theirs or yours? I mean, everybody's. Got it. Yeah. Good time for all. Yeah. I was just watching for the Wix.com pre up. Yeah, yeah. Wait, whose fun was it? Theirs or yours? I mean, everybody's. Got it. Yeah. Good time for all. Yeah. I was just watching for the Wix.com pre-roll ad, honestly. I love that ad.

And I just thought I'd stay tuned for the video. But yeah, that was the first. I guess I, before watching that video, had realized I didn't even really know how it was done. Right. Yeah. And they cut open your balls. Okay. Yeah.

That's the main technique they use. There's a non-scalpel version that I think uses laser. Ooh. Both seem nerve-wracking. One seems like a better way to accidentally get a superpower. I had only had one surgery before. It was when I had my appendix out a few years ago. And I did not care for that at all.

Sure. Was not nuts about that. Right from the moment that they... Hey! Right from the moment that they told me they were going to give me some of the stuff that killed Michael Jackson. Oh.

Which I've since heard from multiple Jordan Jesse Go listeners that they've had pre-surgery pep talks that involved an anesthesiologist telling them, don't worry, you're going to get some of that Michael Jackson stuff. It's like Michael Jackson died of that, I think. Yeah. I think when you're – That's not helpful. Yeah.

I mean I think when you're an anesthesiologist. Sure. You've gone to school for Lord knows how long to do this. And you hold thousands of people's lives in your hand each day. Yeah. And, you know, I bet you, you know, you go, you know, you're at a cocktail party. What do you do? I'm an anesthesiologist. Oh, what is that? Oh, well, it's, you know. And, you know, you probably it's not the it's not the glamour profession that, you know, surgeon, pediatrician, you know, these kinds of things that people kind of like automatically can like lock into even if they aren't, you know, medical people.

Yeah. Basically, it's a type of doctor who accidentally kills people sometimes. It just has to deal with that. But if you are an anesthesiologist, you know, for one brief shining news cycle, your profession was all anyone was talking about. It's all over the news. That's true. Celebrity rags. So for good or for bad, you're going to cling to it. Yeah, exactly.

Hey, remember, you Hey, remember this. So they sent me, when I got that surgery, they sent me out of the hospital in full David After Dentist mode. Sure. Like just completely incoherent babbling. Did you get a viral vid out of it? I've never had a viral vid, Jordan. Yeah, that's why I'm such a show business failure. It's 2017.

Can I ask you guys how you feel about the genre of I'm filming my child or friend on a thing, on a doping drug? It seems like the first time it was organic and delightful. But then people start doing it. There's a cynical nature to it now. Yes, yes. And especially exploiting their children. I don't know about that. I mean, I think to be honest that I agree entirely that it is cynical and exploitative, particularly when children are involved.

David After Dentist specifically was worth it. That is one of the viral videos that so genuinely delivers magic that it's perfectly fine. If that kid died making that video, I'd be like, well, 250 million people got that joy. What's my legacy? What's my legacy? Exactly. I didn't do shit. What do I have?

Once in a while, I hung out with Chris Fairbanks on microphone. That's great, but. Yeah. So anyway, so this surgery. Can we talk just a brief detour into the world of viral vids? Yes. I've been thinking about that first wave of viral vids a lot, of which David, after the dentist, is one. Yeah.

What else is there? Woman who falls down in. Grapes. In grapes. I like turtles. Uh- is there? Woman who falls down in grapes. I like turtles. I've never seen I Like Turtles. Really? Does that not even ring a bell? No, it doesn't ring a bell.

Oh, guys. I'm just a huge fan of Charlie Bit Me. Charlie Bit Me's great. It's amazing. Charlie Bit Me fucking rules. Yes. Okay, so here's I Like Turtles. Local news report on a Halloween carnival. You have an earnest, excited local news lady, active older gal, a real special K-type.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get it. And she's at a Halloween carnival. And she's like, well, I'm here at the Halloween carnival. And everybody is looking great. And she's like, well, I'm here at the Halloween carnival and everybody is looking great. And the camera pans down to a kind of a slack-jawed five-year-old who's just deer in headlights staring. She's like, well, I'm here at the Halloween carnival with a zombie. And he has this kind of like black and white, like just shitty, you know, like the makeup someone does, like a volunteer does for you at like the block party at the neighborhood Halloween carnival.

A non-professional carnival makeup situation. Yeah, yeah. Someone who bought that cheap spirit makeup and then, you know, is doing the, you know, it looks bad. The kids don't know. It's like the kind that you get. I got some of this from like a 21-year-old woman who wasn't going to college and worked at the rec center. You know, and they can do cat whiskers okay. Yeah.

Anything else, big ask. Yeah. So this news lady is like, well, I'm here at the carnival, and I'm here with a zombie. How are you doing today, Mr. Zombie? And he just looks down the barrel and goes, I like turtles. Hard cut. It fucking rules. doing today mr zombie and he just looks down the barrel and goes i like turtles hard cut it fucking rules but i feel like a guy i feel like i am the you know punk rock died in 79 man guy with viral vids i don't want to see anything past you just go on youtube you'll watch anything

and you just you just write in the comments fake. Yes. It's true. You're sick and tired of phony. Yeah. This surgery is local anesthetic, which means you have to sit there and talk. Think globally, act locally. I just want a small batch local anesthetic. You have to talk to the man who is slicing open your junk. You can only barely not see it as it happens.

If you were a person. They put up like a scrim. No. No. They don't put up a scrim. Only the fact that like your knees are slightly above your hips. I was going to ask, are you laying down on your back or are you? You're laying on your back.

Okay. You're not squatting over the doctor. Well, that's how tap smears are done. A squatty potty. Oh, my. Yeah, yeah, sure. There's a lot more squatting in women's medicine, I guess. I came in.

The doctor said, okay, now sit on my face. Sure. And you did the classic, now sit on my face. Sure. And you did the classic Monty Python routine. Exactly. And so it was an older doctor who, as I understand, was close to retirement. Well, first of all, you shave your own junk. Okay. Because the woman in the training, you have to go to a training first.

And I think that's good. I think all this, they have a lot of like sterilization safeguards, which is good. Given the history of medicine and sterilization, I think it makes sense. You have to sign like 17 different things. Is there a junk shaving tutorial? There's not a junk shaving tutorial. They assume you know how to do that. I just had to go ahead and learn

that through trial and error. Sure. Yikes. I did great. I found actually that I thought I was making things easier by doing a lot of trimming first, but I did great with the razor and

nabbed myself a couple times with the scissor when I was trimming. Yeah. And just a little tiny bit. Did you have a special gentleman's razor? No, I used a standard razor. Ooh, that's brave. And a Barbasol.

Okay. Yeah. That's good cream. I have a list I like. People know that if you've been listening to this show, you know that a number of years ago I was gifted a free Gillette body razor. A gentleman's razor for his gentleman's body. And I still use the product to this day. I love it.

That's fantastic. We're not being paid to say that. Gives you a fresh feeling. Yes. So you think or I'm ready for my vasectomy. I kind of thought that what would happen would be this. Yes. I would shave my junk and I'd go to a table.

Yeah. I would lie down. I would watch 30 Rock on my phone. Okay. I would get one poke with like when the dentist pokes you in the teeth with the Novocaine. And that would stink. I was not looking forward to that. And then that would be the end of it. And at the end they would say, all right, sir, you're done.

And I'd be like, hold on. Liz Lemon has a few romantic issues to sort out. Sure. And then I would go, you know, just go home and put a bag of peas on my junk. The recovery was surprisingly fine. Okay. The pea thing, that's an unrelated sexual fetish you have right yes absolutely i should be clear a lot of people say when i say i put a

bag of frozen peas on my junk i actually cook them with butter and some pearl onions so they were nice technically they're not fresh peas good side good side thank you very seasonal too very seasonal dish sure i put a little carne asada seasoning on them oh that's nice fresh peas. Good side. Thank you. Very seasonal too. Very seasonal. I put a little carne asada seasoning on them. Oh, that's nice. Don't put that on any goddamn thing. There's Jesse's food tip. Put some fucking carne asada seasoning on it. It's got MSG

in there. Okay, so I thought that's what would happen, but immediately I lay down and the nurse, who is a very kind woman, starts – there's just – every part of it involves someone tugging on your balls. There's no tenderness. Like I don't want it to be – you don't want it to be sexual. Right.

Because what would happen? I don't know. What happens if you get a boner? I don't know. This probably happens. I don't want it to be, you don't want it to be sexual. Right. Because what would happen? I don't know. What happens if you get a boner? I don't know. This probably happens. I don't know. They spank you. But I don't want it to be, I don't want to be, this patient needs a spanking.

He's been a bad boy. He's been a very bad boy. Just a person just grabbing your stuff and tugging. It's unexpected, right? Hither and yon. And then, have you guys ever had local anesthetic for someone to give you stitches or something like that? Yeah. I can't remember, but I'm sure I have.

Am I mistaken in thinking, is this just my body? Or is it never enough local anesthetic? It doesn't work. Right. I have. Am I mistaken in thinking is this just my body or is it never enough local anesthetic? It doesn't work. Local doesn't work. What is it? Before it's so... He's getting worked up. Oh boy.

It was a really intense experience. Oh no, we're entering the rant zone. Oh no! Put on your helmets. The doctor was a, no. Put on your helmets. The doctor was a nice man, you know, so was the resident. He's showing the resident a few tips and tricks. That's never humiliating. Not in the slightest.

These two men joining and pointing at various parts of my mail. Some interns, I'd like to see your balls. Yeah, they're like, well, on a more remarkable man. Sure. He did say I have the perfect scrotum. Oh. Lovely. Very kind.

Wow. I don't know if he was just buttering me up or. Sure. He did say it as he was applying butter to my scrotum. Oh, okay. Some pearl onions, a little carne asada seasoning. So they tug and prod and pull, and that's unexpected. And then they poke with the anesthetic.

But the anesthetic is not sufficient. No. And so every time he did it, and none of it was horribly painful, but every time they did something, I'd be like, hey, that hurts. That hurts. That hurts. Excuse me. Guys, you got a knife on my junk here and I got a couple concerns I'd like addressed. Is there not a version of that where you just go out? There is.

But, you know, like the thing about I guess basically the thing about general anesthetic is you have a one in a thousand chance of dying or whatever. So they don't want to give you general anesthetic if they don't have to. But literally before they had put – the only time – the only – the point at which I had enough local anesthetic was when it was rolling down my taint. Like they were just squirting it at me with basically a super soaker. They like had me open and they were just filling me with local anesthetic. Just like... Like when you got your taint blasted at Burning Man. Yeah, yeah.

You got your taint blasted? I sure did. Did you ask to have your taint blasted? It was a complicated negotiation. I've heard the Burning Man is like that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. A man asked me if he could.

Yeah. And you actually asked. And I gave him permission. That's nice. And I consented, which is sexy. Yeah. Let me be clear. Nothing else about the situation was sexy.

Nothing else sexy happened. But the consent part, that was. It took far longer than i thought how many episodes of 30 rock did you mash out well the man is talking i'm like i'm sitting there thinking at what point you can watch that two-parter valentine's day one at what point do you tell a man who is operating on you, I would rather be watching Dr. Spaceman? That's what I want. And so I felt bad. But he's talking to me. You know, I think to keep my spirits up, I think basically –

He just kept repeating perfect scrotum, perfect scrotum, perfect scrotum. a urologist or whatever it is that operates on balls, I think a key skill that you learn is keeping people talking long enough that they don't realize they're cutting your balls. You're cutting their balls with a knife so they don't attack you. Like I unconsciously started to attack them a couple of times. Sure, yeah. And had to kind of like think like. It's a fight or flight. These men are trying to help me. These men are trying to help

me. These men are here to help me fuck, you know? Sure. And so, which is awesome, which is great. And it was all distinctly unpleasant, although like I said, I think if I had anticipated it more,

if I had thought about it more or if I knew what was coming better, despite the fact that I did have to take an hour and a half long class before I did it, I might have been fine. None of the pain was like horrifically bad. It was just that it kept happening. And I was like, can we fix this now? It's not supposed to hurt. But the one thing that they don't tell you about, they tell you about all kinds of stuff. Shave your balls. You have to go with a jockstrap.

You have to bring a jockstrap or else they're not going to do it. The jockstrap, by the way, miraculous. I may just wear a – I'm wearing a jockstrap right now. I may wear it forever. Nice. The comfort of movement that I have right now. I actually auditioned for the Alvin Ailey yesterday. Yeah.

And I think I'm going to get into their holiday production. You're suddenly lighter than air. Yeah. Well, I'm going to be the first European-American member of the Alvin Ailey dance troupe. So that's pretty impressive. Previously, I was not a dancer. Yeah. But I would say the most distressing thing is they put this thing on you and it's like a big pad and they stick it to your leg.

And the nurse said to me, she said to me, OK, this is for. How can I say this when there's electrocution and you don't want it to, when they use an electric tool. And I was like, are you grounding me? She's like, yes, exactly. I am grounding you. And I'm like, okay, I don't know what the, like, what are they using? A Dremel?

Like, what electric tool? A cattle prod? Like, what are they using on me? And then I smelled my own flesh cauterizing. Oh, God, was it distressing. So profoundly distressing. But the recovery has gone surprisingly well. Oh, nice.

Are you 100%? No, I'm not 100%. How many peas are in your pants at the moment? The other thing that they the other you know they have you moved on to a trader joe's frozen trio they tell you that you can't um they tell you that you can't have sex for a week which is fine i can i can live not having sex for a week um you know i granted i have sex all the time constantly i mean all right okay i'm single and i'm angry at you know right but i mean i can live for a week without sex but um i i realized that i had not asked about other forms of sensual expression ah sure uh and i don't think i had gone more than three days without sensual expression since adolescence.

And I'm like, what am I, Sonny Liston training for a prize fight here? Sure. Like, what? Am I trying to focus my chi on something? Like, it was so horrible. Pretty soon you'll be able to hurl a fireball from your outstretched palms. I got to the point where I was on the – you know how you like you Google medical things and it's never a good plan to Google medical things? I Googled these – I'm Googling, you know, post-operative vasectomy, masturbation, self-pleasure, onanism or whatever.

vasectomy, masturbation, self-pleasure, onanism or whatever. And I'm basically shopping for websites to find which one will give me the least number of days. I'm not even going to – because they didn't say anything specifically about it, but I was very disappointed to learn that it counts as you're not supposed to do it. So, yeah, I settled on five days. It seems like the worst that can happen is that it can be uncomfortable. It's not dangerous. Right. As long as you're not like, you know, traumatizing yourself. Because it's the grand finale. That's the problem, right? It's not yeah, intercourse. Well, it's too well, it's, it's interesting. Like, I think that it is

two things. One is that you could introduce – this is horrible. You could introduce a trauma to the site, right? You could whack something on something or whatever. And one is that when one achieves orgasm, one has – Jesse, I think Catherine put it best when she said the grand finale. When one kills oneself. It's like the Christmas parade when Santa comes out. The muscles all contract violently, which can also cause a problem.

Got it. So that was the biggest unexpected thing of the recovery besides how much I like wearing a jockstrap. How secure I feel. A a jockstrap, how secure I feel. A new jockstrap lifestyle. I haven't worn a jockstrap since I was 15 and playing on the baseball team. It's great. You know, women- I should start wearing a cup.

You should. It would be impressive, too. Oh, yeah. I was just going to say, women don't get some sort of instructional class before their first gynecologist appointment. Right. It just comes down. Yeah.

I mean, you guys are really catered to. They're just like, legs up. Let's do this. What are the surprises within the first gynecological exam? That you get finger banged. Oh, my. Yeah. That's a real weird headspace to be in.

Because first, they do that before they do the speculum. Oh, sure. Just to check things out in a preliminary fashion. You're like, well, this has never been a weird thing before sure i don't know what's happening yeah so that's very strange but no one warns you yeah good heavens it seems like there should be a pamphlet or something you would think at least with a little like an ikea person yeah that is having the things done to them yes you know i blame hmm I blame? Hmm. Obama. Oh. Always.

Sure. This is all because of Obamacare, in my opinion. Yeah, that's true. I say we get rid of it. Yeah, get it out of there. No. No more.

Yeah. So anyway. Let's just learn about everything from Ikea pamphlets. The moral of this story, Jordan, is I'm grateful that you were kind enough to fill in on Jordan Jesse Go while I was out.

Happy to. Hooray. We'll be back in to fill in on Jordan Jesse Goh while I was out. Happy to. Hooray. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Oh, sorry about that. Just had to dispatch some goons real quick. Hi, I'm April Wolfe, lead film critic at LA Weekly. And when I'm not kicking butt, I'm hosting the new Maximum Fun podcast, Switchblade Sisters. Do you love genre films? Do you love female filmmakers? Do you love discussions on craft?

If your answer is yes, you'll love Switchblade Sisters. Every episode, I invite one female filmmaker on, and we talk in-depth about their fave genre film and how it influenced their own work. So we're talking horror, action, sci-fi, fantasy, bizarro, and exploitation cinema. Mothers, lock up your sons, because the Switchblade Sisters are coming for you.

Available at MaximumFun.org or wherever you find your podcasts. What's up? I'm James, the co-host of Minority Corner. And look at that! I'm Aneke, the other co-host of Minority Corner. Girl, guess what? What? We just hit our 100th episode! What? And what do you think is going to be in store for the next 100?

Probably some more feuds with Jennifer Hudson. And I'm telling you, I'm going to have sex. We'll probably do more investigative reporting, too, like we did with the Kodak and their racist film. Not to mention exposing the truth, like how we did with the ugly history of the Texas Rangers. But we always lighten the mood with a splash of pop culture. Olivia Pope's new wig. Have you seen that? It's popping. Just like your lip gloss.

And Janet Jackson. And you know we like to put our nerd glasses on and talk about things like Marvel. It's true. That's it. I don't speak about TC. But you just did. What? All from a perspective that's black, queer.

And ladylike. So come on over and learn, laugh, and play and join the corner. It's a lot of fun. I'm having fun right now. Minority Corner. Minority Corner. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, like you smell the cauterization of your own flesh, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN for our segment, Momentous Occasions. I've got great news for both of you.

Yeah? People have actually called that number, recorded messages for us, and we're going to share them with our radio friends. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, Go, Guest, and Brian. This is Lizzie from Chicago, and I'm calling within a momentous occasion. Me and my friend Natalie just completed our first wing-a-thon. We biked 20-plus miles in high 20 to low 30- weather uh to visit five different wings uh places in chicago and uh between the two of us we split 46 wings um and yeah i'm just feeling like on top of the world uh we really will be doing this every year and it was great and i yeah i feel like i really

punched a blimp today um all right tubbies forever love you guys bye we love you too first and foremost yeah that sounds fucking rad that exists is it can i ask you a question please and i don't i'm i'm really happy with this call overall. Sure. This is exactly the kind of thing we want to hear about from our listeners. She really gets it. She's in love with us. Sure.

All these things are great. Yeah. I support all of these things. I guess I just – when she said 46 wings and then I put it together that she had said that they had split 46 wings. Right. Just 23 wings each. I thought to myself, that doesn't seem like that many. That's like six wings at each stop.

Yeah. I have to say I felt the same way. You would be more impressed if it was more wings. I am so wildly impressed by the bike riding at all. Sure. Absolutely. I'm like, yes, completely bike riding at all. Sure. Absolutely. I'm like, yes, completely. Catherine, where do you stand on wings in general?

Oh, they're such a mess. Yeah. I mean, you can't eat them in public. Sure. It's humiliating. It is. You're right. You should get one of these goofy mustaches.

Oh, yeah. Try to eat some wings in public. Yeah. Then I'll know real humiliation. Yeah. Just do what I do. Drive to a nearby town and eat them in shame. Alone.

That's a good idea. Where you know no one's going to walk in on you. I like that. That's good. Wings are good because they're one of the lowest floor, highest floor foods. Yeah. The dynamic range in wings is very modest. Sure.

The world's foodiest wing that's been sous vide and foodied within an inch of its life is about as good as the frozen one you get at the World's Worst Sports Bar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I like that one at the sports bar. Absolutely. I give that an 8 out of 10. I think the biggest discrepancy is the blue cheese you're getting, does it have chunks or not?

Oh, yeah. I do like a chunk. I mean, that makes all the difference. Well, if it doesn't have a chunk, they're really just serving you ranch, right? Thank you. Thank you. Not chunkless blue cheese. Thank you. It's ranch.

I've been saying this for years and no one will listen. I always demand blue chunk. Sure. Got to have the chunk. Have you done the history of wings on the show I have and it keeps coming up but I'm kind of saving it

because I'm like okay everyone loves wings we'll get to it at some point for sweeps exactly for podcast sweeps you get it

I do get it yeah you're also going to have Tom Selleck on can't wait is there like a are you saving for a big get saving the wings for a big get

yeah I mean if I could talk to Padma Lakshmi about them that would be amazing I think. I mean, if I could talk to Padma Lakshmi about them, that would be amazing. I think that's what we all want to talk to Padma Lakshmi

about wings. Padma Lakshmi is great. I don't mean to brag. I've had her on my program. Well. National Public Radio,

Bullseye. But you only talked about mozzarella sticks. I would say if I was going to do a program about wings, which I'd be glad to do. If anybody needs someone to host a program about wings, I'm glad to do it.

I would want my dream guest would be E-40 because of the number of wing stops that he owns. Oh, sure. Well, that makes great sense. And just because I want to be friends with E-40. Yeah. A.K.A. 40 Fonzarelli. Wing stop is good. Wing friends with E40. Yeah. A.K.A. 40 funds a rally. Wingstop is good. Wingstop really delivers.

Anyway. Yeah. I've never had Wingstop. Is it good? It sure is. I should just get that. They're nightmares to be in. They're all too small.

And it's like one of those places that they don't seem to, I mean, no matter what wing stop you're in, you can be in a wing stop in a rough part of town or at the Beverly Hills wing stop. No one seems to want to clean the floor. It's always there's something was spilled. Anyway. It's all that blue cheese. How many is the most wings you've eaten, Jordan? In a sitting. You know, let's see.

I bet I could eat, I bet I could eat 12 wings. That's it? Yeah. I find that very weak. Wow. 12 wings? Yeah, you guys are looking at me like I have a pacifier in my fucking mouth. I've eaten 12. I'm not even into eating wings. Yeah. I've at least eaten 20 wings.

I think I, I mean, I guess I am I'm never just having you know, you have a couple of drinks. I like to have another side. So it's not, I'm not just sitting down in front of a thing of wings. I feel like I went and ate wings in New York once with my friends, the internet celebrities, Dallas and Rafi and their director Kaz. And it was some kind of fucking wing place that Dallas knows about. I'm not going to say anything about Dallas's physique, but he's a wing enthusiast.

And he knows about this shit. He knows. He's got a fucking wing rotation going. He knows where the wing specials are and the unlimited wings. Nickel. Sure. The premium wings. Nickel. Sure. And the premium wings. Wing Wednesdays.

And I'm there and I'm with these two guys who love wings and are bigger than me. And I think these guys are going to dominate me. My friend Adam. Friend Adam from middle school. He comes in here. He's like, oh, yeah. He went to bro college. He got a business degree at bro college. And he's like, oh, yeah. He went to bro college. He got a business degree at bro college.

And he's like, oh, yeah. Our softball team would go in the morning to the unlimited wings place, then come back and leave in shifts all day long to the table so that we could just continuously eat wings all day for like eight hours straight. And we would each eat like a hundred wings. Wow. But y'all, how many wings do you think you guys could eat in a sitting? I think I could eat 30. Okay. I think I could eat 40 plus. 40 plus.

I have eaten, I think if you said to me, how many have you eaten? I'd say 20. And I think I could probably eat 40. Would you have to go home right afterwards? Is this a restaurant you can sleep at? Can I just fall asleep at whatever this restaurant is? I wouldn't be like, like my stepmother grew up in Belfast, Northern Ireland. The youngest of eight, single mother. Wow.

And in genuine poverty. This was like the 70s and 80s, and they didn't have an indoor toilet. Wow. And so in her family, meat was the most important thing in the world. And so at my home with my father and stepmother, she would get so mad if there was meat on the bone. Yeah. Because to her, meat was a thing that they got one piece of bacon once a week. Mm-hmm.

And I would be leaving some meat on the bone. I would not be carefully eating 40 pieces. You're not sucking the marrow. You have to. You have to make it museum quality. Oh, okay. Yeah, you got to leave the bone museum quality. I like to, you know, I like to leave...

I've never heard that phrase about a bone museum quality. Is that from somewhere? Well, now you have. That's what my friends and I say. She's a bone collector. You guys have fun. Yeah, we do. Oh, God, we're wild.

Yeah. Absolutely. Have you seen the movie about her, The Bone Collector? No. That's about you? Mm-hmm. Wow. I was going to say.

I didn't know. We're here with a celebrity. I think, Jordan, I think you could eat 25 wings. I probably could eat 25 wings. You wouldn't even have to exercise. You'd have to pace yourself. I'm not saying I would eat all these all at once, one after another. I'm talking about over four hours of sitting in a place where there's wings.

Okay. Okay. So it's not like a marathon. Like while you're watching a game. There's a game on over the course of a game. If you put food that I want to eat in front of me, I will not stop eating it until it's gone. I feel genuinely challenged by this.

I shouldn't go out and try and eat more than 12 wings, but I feel like I want to. I shouldn't want to. Jordan, you're sort of a wing king. I mean, I look up to you in the wing department. I'll tell you that 100%. I entirely look up to you. Boy, Jesse, I think you've just been mishearing me.

I'm actually a ding king. Oh, no. Yeah, I fix dents in cars. I have one of those plungers. I'll come to your home or office. Or bother you in a parking lot. Or bother you in a parking lot, yeah, for your car. So I'm actually, I think you've been thinking this whole time that I'm a wing king, but I'm actually a ding king.

I'm a wing ding. It's a little picture instead of a letter from an old Mac. And you're like, what is this for? What is this for? What is this? I have an advantage because this is embarrassing, but I played kickball as an adult. Okay. And our league was sponsored by Big Wings.

Oh, sure. So everything you're assuming right now. Noted local wing mini chain. Yeah, called Big Wings because why not be classy? Yeah, go ahead. Call it Big Wings. Were the wings bigger than normal wings? Or are they standard wings?

You know, whenever someone has to brag, they're protesting too much. Got it. The wings weren't long. They were wide. Anyway, Jordan, I'm with this important too when it comes to. I want to be clear. Yeah. I'm not disappointed in you.

Yeah. I just know. You think I'm selling myself short. I believe in you. That's what this is about. To my mind, I think that you can be much more disgusting than you've been. Okay, okay. That's so nice.

It's so funny. This is coming in a weird time in my life because I am trying to have a I'm trying to have a healthier year than I have in the past. I don't know if I've talked about this on the show yet, but I joined a swim team recently. You mentioned the swim team. You know, and I'm kind of trying to fight kind of a bad year with clean living. Right. You know, less drinking, you know, healthier, better food, more exercise.

Focusing on your chi. Focusing on your chi. Focusing on my chi. Not masturbating. Yeah, not masturbating to the point where I could throw a fireball. You're going to fight Ali. Yeah, I'm going to fight Ali and then Blanca. Is that how it goes? Yeah, if you beat Ali, then you make your way to Blanca.

You beat Ali, then you make your way to Blanca. And so, you know, this thing that's happening now, this Jordan's some sort of wing coward, this should be out of sight, out of mind. This doesn't jive well with my new lifestyle, which I've been leading these past couple of months. I don't think you're a wing coward. I think you haven't embraced your full wing beauty. You haven't spread your wings. Yeah.

Boo. Can you get wings without any sort of sauce on them? You can get a dry rub, which Buffalo Wild Wings does very well. If you eat that lemon pepper dry rub, an unsung hero of the Buffalo Wild Wings menu. IMHO. Sorry. But even without the rub, because I guarantee you that has sugar in it. Yeah. So I'm saying that there is a world in which eating wings can be healthful.

Sure. If you're just getting the actual chicken. Maybe even carb friendly. Sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But at least no sugar. Sure. Okay. You can do it. Yeah. I like to often eat food, and my colleagues here in the office, from a local restaurant called Ho Ho Chicken. Oh, sure. Which is superb.

I mean, we've discussed it on the program. It's a superb vendor of chicken fried lumps. And you're close, too. I don't know if this is a thing you could take out. You are mere blocks away from OB Bear, perhaps the greatest Korean chicken wing spot in the history of Korean chicken wing spots. Anyway, you get a weird little coleslaw with them. A single size ho-ho chicken is a pound of chicken, which is an extraordinary volume, especially if you're purchasing boneless. Oh, yeah.

A pound of chicken is a lot. And they'll give you a little extra too, I think. Because they like you. I will eat that until it's gone and I am sick and sad. Because it's there and I like it. And I'll just keep eating it. And I mean, I'm a big man,

but I shouldn't just eat a pound and a half of meat for lunch. That's not good. Unless you're going to go climb a mountain or kick someone's ass. It's got that lemon pepper, though. I like that lemon pepper. I like curry flavor, too.

Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Street Art. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. And Katherine Spires, Calico Unicorn. What a joy it's been to have you on the program. Thank you so much. This was lovely to be here. If people want to hear more from you and hear more about your great adventures in food, how can they do that? in food, how can they do that?

They can subscribe to Smart Mouth, which is the podcast, and you can follow it on Instagram at Smart Mouth Podcast. And just to be clear, there's no episodes with Jordan, right? Not yet. Because we don't want to ruin things. Right. You've got a good thing going. I know. You don't want to derail a train that is bulleting to the coast full speed.

If everyone wants to skip that one, I understand. Should I get an appetizer preview? Like, what's a nugget that you two unearthed in your conversation about appetizers? I unearthed nothing. I mainly sat and listened. And wondered. And wondered and marveled.

Yes. Yeah, I mean, I think the stuffed rats was delightful. That really did a number on you, didn't it? That stuck with you. Yeah. Yeah. I've been trying to just catch rats on the street now and stuff some apricots up their butts.

Oh, no. Has not worked. Yeah. For a lot of reasons. Most of the episode was not that disgusting. No. Just for the record. It was interesting and relatively classy relative to this show anyway.

Did you learn anything about the roots of the mozzarella stick? No, I don't think so. I did learn that for a while there was a trend in America eating in the Russian style, which is a lot of small plates before the meal. Yeah, we had to talk a lot about table settings to get into the meat of it. Yeah, which surprised me. But you never know what's going to happen on Smart Mouth. You sure don't. You sure don't. You sure don't.

I genuinely had a great time on the show. And yeah, listen, do I guest on a lot of podcasts? Yeah, absolutely. People want their numbers to go up. They call me. Right. They want the bump. You know, I'll yak with...

What does Jordan Morris bring to a podcast? Pumps and a bump. Sure. Just like MC Hammer. Yeah. spring to a podcast. Pumps and a bump. Sure. Yeah. I'll yak with the movie dudes or the game fellas

or the pop culture maniacs. And I do all these and I'll be honest, I'm fucking phoning it in. Right. I'm somewhere else. Right. Mentally. Sure. I had such a fucking great time on Smart Mouth. It was so fun. It's a great show. Yeah, it's a blast. Thank you so much.

Put it in that podcast role. Listen to it at normal speed. Yes, please. I haven't been on the show, so I can't speak to it. We'll get you on. I understand they're working on a Wings episode. Sure. But they're saving it.

They're saving it for a high-profile guest. Might be a good opportunity. Daniel Baruela on the boards this week. Our producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. You can join us on the internet by hashtagging a tweet about the program, hashtag JJGo. You can review the show in Apple Podcasts. That goes a long way. You can also join us on Reddit, MaximumFun.reddit.com, and in the MaxFun Facebook group.

You can like Jordan Jesse Go on Facebook. All kinds of cool stuff going out on that Jordan Jesse Go Facebook group from me and Jordan. And you can follow us on Twitter at Jesse Thorne and at Jordan underscore Morris. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. Thank you.