Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 518: Duvet Snatcher with Nick Wiger

Episode Date: February 13, 2018

Nick Wiger, comedy writer and podcaster, joins Jordan and Jesse as they take a break from their usual topic for a discussion of the wedding Nick and Jordan attended at the Madonna Inn, Jesse's recent call to 9-1-1, and the perils of living in Santa Monica.  

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan Jesse Goh is the nation's top veg cast. Want to talk about vegetables, everything from broccoli to Brussels sprouts? Come right here to Jordan Jesse Goh. And hey, if you have a relative in a vegetative state, give us a call and we'll offer our

sympathies. Yeah. Although we will not offer them on this program. No. We'll do that over on the Shivecast. Right. Dedicated to Terry Shive. And also in writing.

Right. So either way. Yeah. By the way, I could get bad news. Oh, no. I got a letter from the American Vegetable Council. Now, normally, that's great news. Yeah, we love that.

We love hearing- Hey, great stationery over there, too. It is. I like it's a hint of green. Mm-hmm. They have asked- Here's the thing. They heard the Shivecast.

Right. Because we had been plugging the shive cast here on jordan jesse go yeah i mean the cross promotion about vegetables right and they asked us to stop talking about vegetables full stop do not pass go do not collect 200 well i mean obviously i respect them as an organization right um i admire them yeah i don't just respect them as an organization. Right. I admire them. Yeah, sure. I don't just respect them. I admire them. In fact, while I wouldn't say it's a romantic love, I think I love them. Yeah, sure.

I mean, I wouldn't go that far. It's a sensual love. But when I get a mass email from them, I crank it. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, I'm on their mailing list.

Right. They do updates, monthly updates. Do you crank it to mostly emails? Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, I'm on their mailing list. Right. They do updates, monthly updates. Do you crank it to mostly emails? Yeah. I mean, here's my top three mass emails to crank it to. What did we do before the internet, right? Yeah, I know. You had to find your dad's dirty letters underneath the good towels.

Right. So, yeah, here's my top three mass emails to crank it to. Yeah. Of course, the vegetable council. Right. Number, yeah, here's my top three mass emails to crank it to. Yeah. Of course, the vegetable council. Right. Number one. Sure. By a country mile.

AVC. Number two, the Eat24 weekly coupon. Right. Eat24. Yeah. But I can also get that to have vegetables delivered, so it's related. Right. And then Spotify weekly update. Really? Mm-hmm. related. Right. And then Spotify weekly update.

Really? Mm-hmm. Wow. Yeah. It's like here's some new tracks you might be into, live cuts. I crank it every time I get a discount email from J.Crew and my balls are so sore. Yeah. Just a little bit of talcum powder comes out now.

I had a similar thing. Talk about pre-internet. I used to do that every time I got the Bed Bath & Beyond 20% off coupon. Yeah, right. Yeah, and I... I used to do it every year when I got the Sears and Robux catalog. How old are you? I was born in 1874.

Wow. I grew up on the prairie. Huh, I didn't know that. In a dugout. Okay, so what are we going to do? We got this letter from the council. Obviously, I'm heartbroken that they don't like the show. Well, here's my idea.

Have Terry Schiavo's people weighed in? Can we keep doing our other podcast about vegetative states? Uncommunicative. I should not have been surprised by that, but I was. Who's she with? Is she with UTA? Hold on. Gersh. Oh, she's GTA? Hold on. Gersh.

Oh, she's Gersh. She's Gersh. She wanted to be a big fish in a small pond. Right. I understand the logic. She had a little more personal attention that way. Sure. So obviously the... Plus, Elian Gonzalez had already come up there. I hear Lorena

Bobbitt's a free agent. I had a friend who worked on something I hear Lorena Bobbitt's a free agent. I had a friend who worked on something involving Anthony Scaramucci. And apparently he has – it was like he was going to potentially be in a bit in something. It didn't end up panning out. But apparently the company that represents him is called 15 minutes like they're specifically like a boutique management company for people who have like these flashes of fame and just want to cash in as much as possible while that flame is burning bright so like if you're left shark yes yeah you're left

15 minutes will approach you and be like hey this is look you can make two hundred thousand dollars in the next three months if you play your cards right. That's actually what it pays to get interviewed on Morning Edition, which Left Shark was. Really? Yeah. Wow, okay. Yeah, very lucrative. Extremely lucrative.

It's okay. Guys, we're getting away from vegetables, which is, of course, the reason people tune in. We got this letter from them. Obviously, their word is not law. Right. We can do, you know, this is a fan cast. Sure.

But I respect them as an organization. Let's say before we need to sort this out, you and me after this, we road trip to Dubuque, Iowa, which is of course the home of the Vegetable Council. Right. We'll go right up there to the home office, kick down the door, demand some answers. Right. But before that, we need some content for this week. Okay.

So why don't we talk to this guy who's been chiming in? He seems to be pretty game. He has a nice speaking voice. Yeah. Let's say we chat with him, try and leave vegetables out of it, but if it comes up, we're not going to run away from it. Yeah. And then just next week, we'll just do this cauliflower chunk that we had planned.

Sounds great. Our guest this week on the program is a comedy writer, a beloved podcaster, the world around. Beloved the world around. Still doesn't work. Internationally beloved podcaster. Okay, sure. He's known from coast to coast and points abroad as the Burger Boy from the Doughboys podcast, Nick Weiger. Jordan, Jesse, a pleasure to be back. Good. Yes. It's always a joy to have you here. It's been too long. It's been too long. I only wish that we could have ruined our health by dining at a chain restaurant earlier.

You know, we actually – it was my niece's birthday, not today but very recently, recently enough where we were celebrating it today. Her observed birthday was today. Right. And she – we gave her choice of lunch and she picked KFC. Oh. So I had KFC. How old is the niece? She's – oh, boy, I hope I don't blow this. I believe she just turned eight.

Okay. So, you know, and, man, I had the Nashville hot from KFC today. Have you guys had that yet? I have had the Nashville hot. It's pretty good, right? It's pretty tasty. Pretty good and a little heat to it, which you usually don't get from these fast food chains. Okay, cool.

Yeah. But, yes, I wish that could have been a shared experience we could discuss. At this point, Nick has been producing two episodes a week for the last year or so. And at this point, he just enters a fugue state when the word restaurant is uttered and just starts discussing. Just all of a sudden, he just finds his mouth saying the word concept. I mean, I do the same thing every time Jerk It Off comes up. You know,

our podcast has a theme too. Sure. Nick, we've actually gotten to spend a lot of QT together. Quality time, of course. We were at the same wedding last weekend. A lot of fun. Our friend Jack Allison married his new wife Kate Congratulations to Jack and Kate

They're in Southeast Asia right now And Jack remains very active on Twitter On a sex tour Yeah, they're on a sex tour Hey, you know, it's what they're into They swing Sex and muay thai Yeah, of course

So, you know, you can have some group sex with some villagers. Right. And then a kickboxing that utilizes the knees and elbows, which is also very erotic. Yeah. Certainly so. Yeah. So this- As long as you put some lotion on there.

Yeah. So this was a unique wedding for a lot of reasons, but it was at the Madonna Inn. This is like a famous hotel motel in Southern California that is in kind of like a no man's land. Well, I mean, not to correct you, Jesse, but if the local news I turned on the TV was any indication, it was Central California. Oh, thank you. Yeah. So it's north of Los Angeles. It's far north enough that you wouldn't go there for a day trip.

Yeah. It's like it's like two hours and change. It's a little bit of it. It's longer than that. Actually, it's closer to three, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. And it's a bit of a drive.

And it's a legend. It's legendary for having. I've never been. But it's like every room is different. Right. It's legendary for having – I've never been, but it's like every room is different, right? Right. I think most people's reference for this actually might be there's a Simpsons episode where they go to a – they're trying to – Homer and Marge are trying to rekindle their marriage. So they go to like a tacky hotel that has like a bunch of different rooms, like a love hotel, and there's's like a there's a caveman room and there's

a medieval room and they end up staying in the janitor's closet like that's like the the joke that's the room they put them in but but like it is very much like it's every room has its own distinct theme and for our room the the one i mean my wife it has an overarching overarching general theme which is pink h Pink? Hans Christian Andersen? Right, right, right. I'm going to say it's kind of close to like Solvang. Sure. Which is the weird... It's like a faux Dutch town.

Yeah. So it's... A lot of tulips. There's a lot going on. It's a confusing place. Very gaudy. Very... The colors are very...

I mean, a lot of hot pink. There's just hot pink everywhere. Yeah. And, yeah. Listeners will probably know Solvang from the fact that my former handyman, Nick, moved there after his divorce. So he was hard to reach. He became hard to reach. That's a beloved part of our lore.

So, yeah. So it's this kind of crazy storybook facility. But then each room has an individual theme that is not that um so yeah so yes and i think i do have a literally have a caveman room and i think there is a egyptian room right there's like a waterfall room there's one that's called like the huntsman huntsman's lodge there's a harvard room which is just like i guess it's just like the offices of the Lampoon. And then there's a – the room we were staying in was called the Karen Room. But it was just like everything was pink.

We were actually – we were a little disappointed because we were promised on the website it looked like we were going to get a pink toilet. And then when we got in there, it was just a regular white porcelain toilet. Man, what a ripoff. I know. Yeah. Did you complain? We didn't complain. But, I mean but I mean, we could have complained. But everything else was nice enough where we were just sort of like, you know what?

This is fine. It probably functions better than the pink toilet they had back in the day. I probably would have painted it pink. Oh, that would have been fun. Yeah. I would have painted the inside brown. This guy likes to shit. Oh, yeah. You know it, baby. What it baby what room were you dropping a deuce

what kind of room hold on i'm not done with this poop stuff Just for the at-home listener, Jordan and Nick are currently doing that laugh where halfway through you turn evil. Because they know what they've subjected you and me to. Anyway, we'll join forces and take down the Batman. Right. Which is, I think, the ultimate goal of all this. Right. We must rid the streets of the Batman.

Yeah, so my room was Imperial. So it was the Imperial room, which obviously was a real thrill for me, an Elvis Costello fan, to stay in a literal imperial bedroom, which reminded me of that album of his I don't like. You know, the sad noodley one with a lot of harpsichord? I just assumed you were going to say

the one with the roots. Oh yeah, sure. It's a toss-up. No, a lot of people love imperial bedroom. When you said imperial bedroom, I was thinking of the chamber that Darth Vader sleeps in in Empire Strikes Back. Sure. It's like where he communicates with the emperor and he removes the mask in private. That's right.

Elvis Costello wrote the album. Oh, okay. Great acoustics in there. Oh, that's fun. Right. Yeah. And so, yeah. So I guess the theme was Napoleon.

There were Napoleon lamps. Or maybe a Louis Couture situation. Boy, hard to say. I think fancy shit was kind of what I saw. I think if I was like an antiques person, maybe I would see, you know, a theme or like, oh, the molding on this is – Like if you were one of the Kino brothers from Antiques Roadshow. Exactly. Yeah.

It is such a weird thing to stay in a themed room by yourself. Right. Because you're just walking around going, ah, look at this, like to nobody. Right. Because you're just walking around going, ah, look at this, like to nobody. Right. So I feel like they, you know, obviously it's a place for lovers. Yeah.

Ideally, you're going there with a lover. You're there to do the nasty. You're there to do the nasty. Right. And to ruin a toilet. I like to do two things in a hotel room. Both a little nasty. Both a little nasty. Both a little nasty.

Maybe watch some SportsCenter. I don't have cable at home. Yeah, so it's nice. I feel like they should anticipate there being singles who are there for weddings and stuff, so they should just have a Doubletree-themed room. You could just like, oh, and it's just a regular hotel room. Free breakfast. Free breakfast.

Yeah. Continental breakfast that only you get. Don't have to pay for the Wi-Fi. That's nice. Those double trees are nice. But yeah, it seems like they would be, you mentioned Star Wars, Nick. It seems like they would, I don't know how their business is going, but it seems like you'd take down some of these stuffy old themes, horse race. Sure.

You know, yachting. And you make a Star Wars room. Yeah, update them a little bit. You make a Yu-Gi-Oh! room. Who wouldn't want to fuck in a Yu-Gi-Oh! room? Yeah, I will say, I mean, like, I assume their business, because I knew it as this kind of like tacky landmark and I'd never actually been there. And you mentioned it being in the middle of nowhere. It's kind of – actually, it's like one freeway exit away from downtown San Luis Obispo, which is a college town.

And so it's not as isolated as I expected it to be. But it seemed like it would – there were a lot of people there. Like there was – in addition to this wedding that was going on, there were some bachelorette parties, it seemed like. There was a football team there for some reason. There was a yellow couple. The woman had extraordinarily tall hair. Right. What was it that the husband said?

Whoa? I think it was whoa. Snow? Yeah. He said snow every time he would hit his head. There was also, too the the mayor was there. I could tell by his mayoral sash. That episode, the mayor comes out.

He's like, oh, the toilet is overflowing in the cave. Yeah. Yeah. It seemed like a lot of people were there. But yeah, I think they could have some some some updated themes. Yeah. I don't know. I guess, though, that's part of the charm is that some of these things are like you can't even really place them.

Was it a kitschy wedding? I mean, there's nothing kitschy about true love. Sure. Our friends Jack and... Kate. Kate are certainly celebrating a love truer than any other on this planet, and God bless them for it. Congratulations to the two of them.

Yeah. I mean, they are a really lovely couple, and it is definitely like one of those things of like yeah do that get married you know okay but here's the question is was the wedding tasteful or distasteful so it was a it was uh pitch isn't the word i would use but it was unconventional here's here's how okay don't tell. Do not tell me they wrote their own vows because God already did that for you, you assholes. It's in the Bible and it's called Leviticus. Right. Speaking of, don't tell me they serve shellfish.

Right. They were wearing clothes of mixed fiber all over the place. And there were animals running around with cloven hooves. Oh, no. But that was just because of a petting zoo accident. Okay, here's, I think, the most telling detail about the wedding is that when the groom walked out, there was a singer, a lovely singer, I think friend of the couple, was singing a song, which I don't think most people could place.

It's a kind of a croony song that you might. Is the Transformers song that they sing in Boogie Nights? Oh, boy, get ready. It was. It was a croony song that I think is, you know, would just, people would, you know, it's like, oh, is this a Dean Martin song or something that I don't know?

It is the song that plays in Metal Gear Solid 3 when he is climbing a long ladder. Yeah. Snake Eater, of course. Snake Eater, the theme from Metal Gear Solid Yeah. Snake Eater. Snake Eater. Of course, Snake Eater, the theme from Metal Gear Solid 3, Snake Eater. It does. I mean, intentionally, it sounds a lot like a song from a James Bond movie

that was never released. Yes. It very much has that sort of... And it's like there are nerd weddings. Right. And then, you know, bride and groom come out to the Imperial March. Sure.

Or something. But this was such a deep, specific nerd cut, you know, to like even to alienate other nerds. Well, also just the opposite of romance. Sure. Like I wouldn't say if I was thinking about nerd things having to do with love and the eternal bonding of two people not going metal gear solid yeah well i mean i don't i mean i don't know how many of the games you've played jesse i don't know if you've played peace walker or the phantom pain um or you've maybe you've just played sons of liberty i don't know i don't know how many metal gear solid games you've played and

how many you've completed i played i'm I'm trying to remember, it was on the Genesis, Bulls vs. Blazers in the NBA. I don't think that's in the larger Metal Gear timeline. Mark Price? Sharpshooter Mark Price? We'll check with Hideo Kojima.

Listen, if you're out there, tweet at Hideo Kojima and ask him if Bulls vs. Blazers falls in the official Metal Gear timeline. You know, I'm looking it up, and apparently Mark Price, who I believe was the point guard for the Cleveland Cavaliers for a time, famed for his three-point shooting, actually ends up being the end. Oh, right. From that boss battle. So that's his true identity.

Sure, where you have to just lay still for a while right right famous uh famous sniper uh yeah i mean there's a lot of like there is a lot of romance in the metal gear solid games i mean i think even you could say in snake eater the um you know romance between uh snake and big boss is a kind of a romance isn't there a isn't that like a metal gear solid one isn't that like a Metal Gear Solid 1? Isn't that like a famous quote? I'm going to mangle it because I don't know verbatim, but it's like, can love bloom on a battlefield? And then, of course, in Metal Gear Solid 2, as Snake, you can duck into a locker that has a bikini, a poster of a woman in a bikini on the inside.

And then you can close the locker and Snake will jack off. Which is true. So yeah, which is a kind of self-love, which is a romance I think we should all have with ourselves. It's a little Easter egg.

It's a lot of fun. I had no idea that Big Boss found love in the Metal Gear Solid games. Yeah. I knew that he had found love at the end of Sex and the City with Carrie.

Right. But I didn't know when the game was. But again, that happens outside the main continuity. Got it. What a fun episode. What a good episode we've had so far. Did other things happen in this wedding?

Yeah. I mean, there was like, oh, you know, just something I noticed. Two different sides of this wedding. You got the bride side. You got the bride side. You got the groom side. Groom side, comedy doofuses, present company included. A lot of guys who look like me and Jordan. Yeah.

Those are basically the two types. Right. Yes. You're a Nick or you're a Jordan. But the bride side, a lot of hip art kids. Right, yeah. Some very cool looking people there. I noticed the hip art kids carrying around disposable cameras.

Okay. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. I didn't pick up on that. And they're probably dropping it off at the Costco to get it developed because it's so retro. Wow. Yeah. So, I mean, I think if you want to. That is the most extremely normcore wedding activity I can imagine.

Yes. Taking pictures on a disposable camera. With disposable film cameras. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And everyone was just wearing smocks. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I would say. So, yeah, there was a lot of like funny comedy touches in the wedding. But like the moments of sincerity were genuinely very beautiful and i think that they stood out because there was so much so much silliness from two very funny people so the like the the sincerity when it happened was striking many years ago i like officiated like a like a like a gut punch anyway yeah so as I think some weddings are just so full of sincerity and reverence for love or God or whatever. It's a white noise.

But in this case, the sincerity popped you like a missile. Anyway. I officiated a wedding some years ago for a couple where the husband or the fiance was a Jordan Jesse Goh listener. And he was also maybe even at the time a Sound of Young America listener or a Bullseye listener. And he worked at a major software company in the Pacific Northwest. And his wife was a normal person who was a doctor. So I was worried. I don't think this – I talked to the wife. I'm like, this woman does not want me to do a zany wedding. There's no zany.

They're like, I'll just do a straight. So I did a straight ahead, true love. I looked up on Ask Metafilter what's a nice thing to do if you're officiating a wedding. Because I hadn't even been at a wedding in quite a while at that time. So I was like, what are the parts of a wedding? in quite a while at that time. So I was like, what are the parts of a wedding? And, you know, just went ahead, straight ahead,

talked to them on the phone, told some nice anecdotes that each of them hadn't heard in a long time about how they fell in love. Everybody was, you know, crying because love is very beautiful. It's a very charged situation. It was really nice. And then at the end, a guy, the husband, was like, great.

Now, we're all going to take pictures with these Gears of War guns. Enormous, like yard-long laser cannons. They have the chainsaws at the end of them, I think. That's the Lancer you're talking about. The chainsaw gun. And God bless his wife. She said, okay, honey. Just a couple.

She took a couple of pictures with these giant Gears of War guns. And that was the end of that. Nick, you and your wife. Yes. You guys eloped, right? We eloped. We went to Vegas. We got married in a, oh boy, what the hell was it called?

I think it's Chapel of the West, which is a church that's on the Strip. And it's one that they've actually had to move – like they moved the whole building a number of times because a new casino – the property is so valuable and a new casino goes up. So they move it down a little bit further towards the Las Vegas sign. But, yeah, we just decided to do it kind of spur of the moment. I think the only people that knew were her brother and our and his and her brother's wife. And we just sort of went for it. And it was a lot of fun. It was fun just to do a thing for us and then just to let everyone know. And I think our families are casual enough where with with very few exceptions, everyone was just like, hey, that's great.

That's great that you did this. So it worked out well for us. Anytime I say that to people who are married, they're always like – or people – especially people who are in the midst of planning a wedding, they're like, you guys did it the right way. Like that's what you're supposed to do. But then no one like does that. And I think it's like – I think that's because it's the wrong thing to do. Right.

It is. I think people think that's what we want to hear. So they say that. But it's like it's fine for you to be like, hey, I want to have an actual wedding with some – I want to have my family and my friends there and observe it. You guys are weirdos. That's fine too. Like you could do your own thing. What were your immediate –

Thanks, Nick. What were your immediately – your like post-wedding, did you go to a buffet? Did you shoot some crap? We went straight to this restaurant we wanted to try, RM Seafood, which is the celebrity chef Rick Moonen, his flagship seafood restaurant in Vegas. And we went there and we had a lovely meal. Yeah. It was very casual. The whole weekend was very casual. I think we drove back that same day. flagship seafood restaurant in Vegas. And we went there and we had a lovely meal. Yeah. But it was, it was like very casual. The whole weekend was very casual. I think we drove back that same day.

So we just kind of, we, we went in the previous night, stayed one night and drove back. The most eventful thing that happened was that we checked out of our hotel room early. And then, uh, later on, I had a, like a $3,800 charge on my discover card. I was like, what the hell is going on here? And I called them back, or I called the hotel and was like, what is this charge? And they were like, oh, yeah, that's for the duvets you stole. And I was like, what? It was like, yeah, they were missing duvets from your room. Did they say stole? Well, they said that we're missing from your room.

It was heavily implied that they thought I stole them. But it ended up being this whole thing. They had to go back and forth with them with it for a number of calls until they ultimately covered it. I don't know what happened. Do you think there was like a door to door duvet snatcher? But my assumption was is that because we checked out early, someone who works at the hotel was like, oh, this is an opportunity to sort of get in there and we can steal something and then flip this, and then they'll just blame these people who left town. I mean, I don't know. That's the only explanation I can think of.

I don't know if you've ever worked as a fence, but I have. There's nothing easier to flip than a duvet, a used duvet. That's like, hey, you might as well have bearer bonds. Hey, Jesse, this reminds me. I know you had that hot date last night. So tell me, bro, you snatched that duvet? Okay, we'll be back.

You snatched that duvet, bro? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, fund.org slash donate and support us. We love you. We love you very much. We love you. We want to kiss you. Don't weave us. We'll hide in your bushes. Also sponsored this week by our friends at Squarespace. Hey, Jesse.

Hey, Jesse. Jordan, yes. Squarespace is a website that you go to when you want to make a website. That's right. You got a mobile device in front of you, right? Yeah, sure. I got a telephone here. It's a smart telephone. Open up that browser and why don't you go to jordanmorris.net.

Okay. I'm going to go to jordanmorris.net. Now, what I'm expecting here, if you used some kind of website to build this website, is it's not going to have responsive design. Hmm, hmm, interesting. Okay, we'll see. We'll see if that's the case. Let's take a look. It's loading pretty slowly, but that's just because the reception is poor.

It's the reception. It's a concrete building. It's a concrete building. Well, hey, let me tell you something, Jesse. Yeah. I decided I needed a web site. Who's this handsome son of a bitch? It's Jordan Morris from jordanmorris.net.

Oh, my God. A website. A comedy writer and podcast host. That I made with Squarespace. Dear goodness gracious. Here's what was going down in my life, Jesse. You were trying to decide whether to write this in the first person or the third person. Sure.

Yeah. I chose first person. Yeah. Here's what's happening. I'm a freelance writer. Yeah. I'm out there getting jobs. I'm hustling.

I'm trying to get jobs. I'm hustling. You got to get gigs, baby. And you email a prospective employer. You know what's a good place to get gigs? Hmm. The gig section of Craigslist. Oh, yeah.

I've gotten a few of those. You're a nude house cleaner. Yeah, sure. Okay. I'm very discreet. Got it. Here's the thing. You're writing these emails to people who are hiring writers.

Right. And you're like, here's a paragraph about myself but i'm gonna attach these scripts and these are big files but also here's a link and here's something on vimeo and something else on youtube so and you send in these emails and they're they're beasts yeah so here's what i wanted i wanted a place to showcase your work a place to showcase my work something that's simple and elegant and easy to use something that could have e-commerce functionality. It could. Mine does not.

I'm not selling anything. I'm just selling my own creativity. I went to squarespace.com, and when I checked out, I used offer code JJGO. This isn't an advertorial thing where they gave me a free one. No, you actually paid for it. I used my own offer code, Jesse. I'm a man of the people because I know it's a great deal. Go to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code JJGO to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

That's squarespace.com, and enter the code JJGO. Hey, Jordan. Yes. You got something up on the Jumbotron this week. A message. A message. A message for Matt. A massage.

A massage. A sensual massage for Matt Sleater from Rachel Sleater. Here's the message. Matt. Lots of A's, lots of T's. Happy fourth anniversary to us. The traditional gift is linen, but Jesse's voice is so silky smooth, it's basically like I got us some fancy sheets. Hey, baby.

Happy anniversary, baby. You make the boring things better. And moving couches up and down stairs over and over again like crazy people seem not that bad. Luna and I are so lucky to have you. I'm guessing that's a pet, but it could be the third member of their polyamorous thruple. Move my couch, Daddy. Move that couch, Daddy. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron,

it's MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron, whether you want to plug a little business thing or send a little message, like the one for Matt from Rachel on behalf of Luna. Yeah. What do you think Luna is? I'm thinking meal replacement bar. I think Victorian ghost.

Okay, cool. Well, we'll find out. The cat from Sailor Moon? We'll be back in just a second. Who is the cat from Sailor Moon? It's probably Luna. Probably is. Hey, Siri, who was the cat from Sailor Moon,

and why does Jordan think he knows what the cat from Sailor Moon was? I found something on the web about who is the cat from Sailor Moon, and why does Jordan think he knows what the cat from Sailor Moon was? Check it out. Sailor Business, a Sailor Moon anime podcast. Sorry, I'm hosting another podcast, Jesse. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Coe. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, me hey jesse yeah can i just i know we're we we got a lot of stuff to cover sure but while we're while we got a minute can i talk to our haters for a second can i talk to our haters hey haters

out there put down your haterade and plug in your earphones it's time for one of jordan's wait if they're straight talk if their earphones weren't in how were they listening up till now uh i mean their earphones weren't in but they were they listening up until now? I mean, their earphones weren't in, but they were like... Have you ever done that thing where you put your earphones... Oh, sure, yeah. You're wearing over earphones, and then you pull them down around your neck, and then you kind of got it turned up so you can talk to your friend on the bus? Right. You can kind of hear it, but you're not paying full attention.

Exactly. Yeah, Tim Coda. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Sure. I want to talk to the haters. Okay.

A lot of times, I think a lot of people online- A message for the haters. A lot of people online- From Jordan Morris. Give, you know, levy these charges at us. Sure. That we're fake geeks. Right.

Fake geeks and that we're just, you know, that we're not fanboys. Yeah, I've heard a lot of people say that we're too cute to be real nerds. Sure, yeah. I mean, I hear that too. That our buns are too tight. Yeah. That our cocks are too thick to be real nerds. Look at this.

Look at these thick dick studs, they say. No way these guys collect Yu-Gi-Oh. Yeah. Well, I'm here to tell you, if there's any doubt in the minds of the haters that we're real geeks. Are we about to talk about my Yu-Gi-Oh wedding? We can get to that. But I just wanted to let all the haters out there know, if you think we're not real geeks, not real fanboys, we're recording this podcast during the Super Bowl. We're missing America's favorite display of jingoism and barbarism.

The Stupor Bowl, I call it. Yeah. Sometimes I call it the Stupid Bowl. So, yeah, I just wanted to let everybody know that. Sometimes I call it the super toilet bowl. Okay, watch it. Just wanted people to know that we're in here podcasting like the geeks we are. Right.

While the rest of America is cheering for some muscle-bound lunkheads. Yeah. I tell you what, I don't even know who's playing in this game. I mean, I watched watched the super bowl but just for the christmas movies anyway i watch it just so i can roll my eyes and say aloud oh is a sports ball going on right now oh boy maybe i'll watch a documentary about it later on netflix but right yeah i'm not gonna watch it anyway sorry okay i'm done talking to the haters. You know what I did today? What?

I called 911. Whoa. Have you guys ever called 911 before in your entire lives? I have. Yeah, I did it once when I was working at a computer lab, and I was the guy locking up the computer lab. This was a lab that was open until, I mean, close to, it might have been open until midnight on campus at UCLA where we went to school. I would have assumed that you were like a baby. Your on-campus job was like personal trainer.

Right. Yeah. Gigolo. Thick dick gigolo. My work study is in. Thick dick gigolo. No, but out of character, yeah. I'm a cafeteria attendant.

No, but out of character, yeah. Oh, I'm a cafeteria attendant. I supervised this computer lab, and the alarm was tricky to set up. And so I'd set the alarm, but then I left something at my desk, which was on the other side of the room. So I was like, oh, I'll sneak over to get this thing that I left at the desk. And that motion, I guess, triggered the alarm. I didn't know that it happened. So I called 911 to tell them that I accidentally set off the alarm,

and they scolded me because it was not, like, an emergency. They were like, just call campus services. And so I had to do that, and that was a whole debacle. I have. I've called it twice. Once I was just driving on the freeway, the 134, I think. You guys like the 134, right? Yeah.

It's okay. Oh, okay. I'm a 110 man. All right. All right. Real highways have curves? Sure. I tell you, if you get that 110 south and there's no traffic, that's a real pleasant drive.

That is nice. Beautiful. Especially going all the way down to the South Bay. Oh, yeah. Yeah. A lot of fun. Hermosa. Yeah. Get yourself some crab cakes. Yeah. I still

get a little starstruck when I'm on the 105 because of its connection to the movie Speed. Oh, sure. It was under construction in Speed, and then you're like, and that's where they do the famous jump on the stretch of the 105 that was not yet connected. And I still get starstruck in the Pacific Ocean because of its connection to speed, too.

Cruise control. I get starstruck in space because of that space Sandra Bullock movie. Oh, sure. Right. Yeah. You're talking about gravity. Oh, yeah. I was trying to think of a funny name for a Sandra Bullock movie.

What was the one that you were in? All About Steve. Oh, so Nick, you get starstruck when you're on the freeway, but you don't get starstruck when you talk to me, your friend, who was in a movie with Sandra Bullock? Yeah. I mean, I guess I'm used to your company by now, where it kind of numbs me a little bit. It's a more regular occurrence than me driving the 105. You're right. I certainly don't want to.

He is one of your more thick-dicked friends. Well, to be fair, Nick and I have had a length contest. We have not had a width contest. Yeah, that's true, yeah. So that was our bad. We had a mat. We had the tape measure. We should have done it while we were there.

Measuring girth is a trickier thing. It is. Yeah. And then you have to divide by pi to get your hat size. Right. It's a tape measure. We should have done it while we were there. Measuring girth is a trickier thing. It is. Yeah. And then you have to divide by pi to get your hat size. Right. It's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. So, yeah, I was going on the 134 and just going the other way on the freeway, I saw a car crash into the median.

Oh, wow. Yeah, and I just pulled off and called 911 and told them that it happened. Uneventful. And then the second time was kind of recently. I think this is a, like, I mean, it involves 911, so it's a bad story. So I hope this doesn't bring things down. It worked out okay. Okay.

Yeah, I was just, I was walking around, and I saw, this was kind of at night in kind of the Hollywood area where, yeah, you might see some seediness going on. You're more likely to see Jack Nicholson from movies. Yeah, that's true. Oh, I'm sorry. I was courtside at the Lakers game. That's where I was. And, yeah, there was this kid who was on the ground with like a bloody face and like a lot of dumb buddies were just kind of looking down at him and he was just on the ground and he had on like Heelys or I don't know, like some sort of roller skate shoe.

And I... Do you think he'd been beaten up by a gang of roller bladers? Could be. I know that the roller skater roller blader conflict is real. Don't bring a Healy to a blade fight. Yeah, I've heard that. I see that spray painted on walls. And yeah, that spray painted on walls next to the Superman logo crossed out with the words false god.

Yeah. People are, I mean, people are, you know, they blame him for the destruction of Metropolis. I blame Zod, but, you know, that's just me yeah this from metal gear solid metal gear solid uh two sons of liberty got it um and uh so yeah so this kid he's got a bloody face i ask his just his dumb buddies like is he okay and they're like oh we don't know and then they just run off uh so i called 9-1-1 and then some like neighborhood people came in i just some a group of people of various ages and they're like hey we recognize him we'll take him home and they started to lift this kid up by his shoulders who is you know like in a weird semi-conscious state and bleeding from the face.

And I had to convince them to put him down because the ambulance was coming. It was very weird. I had to talk them into not dragging him somewhere. They looked human. They could have been chuds. They could have been chuds? I don't know. They could have dwelled above or under the ground.

Hard to say who was a chud and who was not these days. Were they vigorously licking their lips? Because that's a telltale sign. You know, that might. Yeah, they were. Okay. But they could have just tried some of that KFC Nashville hot chicken. It's also very dry in Los Angeles in the winter.

That's true. Those Santa Anas come in. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Those Santa Anas come in. Yeah. Yeah.

So I just, I, you know, I feel like I had to guard this kid because people wanted to drag him off. Right. And I kind of like just basketball guarded this kid until the ambulance came and then they took him off and I haven't heard anything. I assume he's fine and thriving. I think it had never even occurred to me that you could call 911. Sure. Sure. About maybe four weeks ago, my wife and my children and I were all in the car, and there was a guy who was driving crazy on the freeway. Like real crazy.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it was two Mercedeses, and they were definitely racing on a pretty busy day. Yeah. Yeah. Like, oh, it was two Mercedeses and they were definitely racing on a pretty busy day. Yeah. And so Teresa was like, should I call 911? And I was like, yes, I think. Yes. Yes.

And she called 911 and reported them. And she told me, and I was like, have you ever called 911 before? She was like, well, once before when I saw someone who looked like they weren't with it walking down the median of a highway. And I was like I definitely there were plenty of things to call 911 about in my young life but you had been

led to believe it was a joke exactly yeah my friends Chuck and Flay let me know but like I always those were not things you, like you wouldn't call 9-1-1, you'd just be scared. Yeah, right.

You know, like if there's like gunshots, you just are, you don't call 9-1-1, I just heard gunshots. Where? I don't know, probably from the projects a quarter block from my house. Sure. Like whatever, right? a quarter block from my house. Sure.

Like, whatever, right? And so I don't think I had ever actually done it or that it had occurred to me to do it. I have been, like, threatened with knives and, like, was there when someone got shot and, like, all this crazy shit. But, like, I would never... I have called in numerous noise complaints about the people who live on a block over from me who have full-on concerts at their house.

So wait. Who are you calling for that? You called the noise line. Oh, I didn't know there was a noise line. You call the noise line. You Google Los Angeles noise line. Like a 311 equivalent. Yeah.

I call in – although if you call 311, they're not helpful. But I've also called – Now what do you do if the noise complaint is about the band 311? What if they're playing too loud? Right. Anyway. Then you call – That's a gray area.

Oh, jeez. What was that band called? OAK? SRO? Oh, I don't know. What are you referencing? It's like a 311 type band. OAK –

Like a college rock – like a dopey college rock band from 1999. I didn't know there was another 311. 2002. That's what they're called? O-A-R. O-A-R. Okay. They play a reggae song in there.

There you go. Yeah. Okay. This is fun. Got a couple Bob Marley covers. Right. You know what I'm talking about. Past the dutchie.

But yeah, today I was at the park with my kids and like first some teens ran by on the sidewalk in front of the park. Then an old man ran after them and the teens looked tough. So I was concerned. The old man was not elderly. He was maybe 60-ish. Sure. Did he have an erection? No, but he had a black plastic bag.

Okay. And I'm like, what's going on here? That's not a thing one should be holding in public. What does this mean? And both he and the other guy are like rummaging while running. Wait, he's got a bag he's running through? He's like rubbing his hand through while he's in motion? Yes. And I am... Maybe it's CrossFit. he's in motion? Yes. And I am –

Maybe it's CrossFit. It's called runmaging where you run and rummage. Sure. Yeah. It's really about the sense of community. Sure. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, fuck.

Do they have guns? That was my first thought was like, do these guys have guns? And the guy – the old man pulled out and I was maybe 75 feet away. And the guy, the old man pulled out and I was maybe 75 feet away. So I couldn't exactly see exactly, but it looked like a slingshot. Like I'm not going to say 100% it was a slingshot. It definitely appeared to be a slingshot from the distance that I was at. I was looking through a chain link fence.

I mean, this first thing that comes to my mind, I mean, I think obviously we'll need to go back and find the publication date of the first comic do you think this was an old dennis the menace yeah an elderly yeah right it's the menace who's seen better days this sounds like mr wilson was dennis the menace latino hard to say yeah so uh so okay so he and he's pulling this out and the guys are across the street and it's Figueroa Boulevard, a huge street in Los Angeles. So it's six, you know, four lanes of traffic and two lanes of cars or maybe even six lanes of traffic and two lanes of parked cars. And then I think the guys who would run across the street running away from the old man realized that they were tough teens and he was an old man so they started running back across the street toward him and then started kicking the shit out of him so i called oh no christ wow that took a turn yeah and it was terrifying although i have to say i was thrilled when there were no guns.

Yeah. Right. That's always nice. Once there were no guns, I was like, oh, good. Well, they're not going to assault my children manually. Maybe. Do you think part of their calculation had to do with like this, oh, God, he's got something in a black plastic bag. Yeah, he's rummaging. He's like, yeah, this guy.

I wonder if they had the same thought process you did of, like, this guy's got a gun, and then when he took out the slingshot, he was like, fucking slingshot. Let's go, like, whoop this guy. And that, well, I mean, that's what Goliath thought and how did it work out for him. That's true. Not great. Not well. They were also yelling that he was. Seems like these teens need to take a little look at the Bible.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Stop reading those novelizations of Minecraft, which I think exist. Right. Pick up a Bible. Right. Put down the Harry Potter.

Put down the Maze Runner, Scorch Trials. Mm-hmm. Pick up the Bible. Yeah. The Scorch Trials. Yes. My favorite Bible. My favorite Bible.

These definitely sound like kids who are reading a lot of young adult literature. Yes, I know. They're spending most of their time. Yeah. Oh, there's that special section in the library for teens only. They like to keep up on YA. Yeah. You know, they call it YA.

Yeah. Anyway, long story short, I called 911. Uh-huh. And I'm like, every one of my, like, I have not lived in a tough neighborhood in 10 years probably. And I haven't been a vulnerable person in a tough neighborhood in 20 years. Sure. So I thought that – in fact, I was worried that all of my like emergency skills had atrophied. All of my distrust – my post-traumatic stress had softened

and like i immediately went into like this robot mode where i was like a fucking secret spy describing everything but also not letting anyone because they came straight through the park yeah uh and uh i was it was pretty intense but i felt good because i felt like I had done my – as an adult, you can't just be scared about something bad happening. Sure. You can also take action. You can make sure the police come 20 minutes later. Something that I thought was – I mean, obviously, it was a scary experience, and I'm glad it turned out okay. The guy walked away, the guy who was beat up.

Oh, that's good. He walked away. Okay. They also yelled he was a child molester. I don't know if that was a cover story. Oh, boy. Is that like the equivalent of like breaking out of prison and spreading pepper behind you so the dogs can't smell? Or what?

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, obviously, my situation with the kid in the skates was very scary. Right. with the kid in the skates was very scary. Right. But there's something I liked about telling the dispatcher how old I thought he was. Uh-huh.

It's like, I don't know, 15 or 16? Yeah. It felt like a pretty, I'm like, I'm pretty observant. Yeah. I felt very observant too. I was like, what color are the clothes? Oh, I'll tell you. Yeah.

Let me tell you about it. Sure. Felt good. Yeah. Let me tell you a little bit about his build. Sure. Felt good. Yeah. Let me tell you a little bit about his build. Sure. You notice builds. Yeah. You interested in a little bit of build information? Right. These guys, slight, stocky, muscular. Girthsome. Oh, girthsome. Okay. Any distinctive tattoos? They didn't have any distinctive tattoos,

but one of them had a distinctive hairstyle. So there you go not terrified for like an hour. Sure. Like the amount because I didn't my children didn't notice any of this happened. And that was like it's like all I can think is I just don't want my children to be traumatized by this or shot by a gun. Yeah. by this or shot by a gun. Yeah. So I was like playing it off the whole time that this was happening, including when these guys are just like walking right past us because I couldn't be the guy who's just like, come

on, kids. We're going to my white people's car. Take a look at these Bibles. Don't look at these. Bury your nose in this Bible. Who wants porridge? Yeah, if there's one thing to take the kids, if you want to like really get a kid's attention, offer them porridge. I'm friends with the chief of police.

So, yeah, it was kind of bonkers. And I didn't, the full weight of it did not hit me until an hour later. Right. I was like, wait a minute. A group of violent teens kick the shit out of an old man in front of me on the street on a major thoroughfare. Yeah. Then traipsed past me and my four- and six-year-old. It's like, oh, no.

They're headed for the rec center, is what I said. You said they're headed for the rec center? Well, they were. They were headed toward the rec center. Like a swim class, an intermediate swim class? Well, I think these guys are advanced, given their physique.

Given their builds. Very wide shoulder and a narrow waist. That's an advanced swimmer's build. Oh, so you said Gertzum. I was thinking these guys were tubby. I was talking about their crank when I said Gertzum. Okay. Sure.

You spot the outline. Right. It's about shadow. Yeah. It's about chiaroscuro. That 911 dispatcher is always asking you about the size of their hog. What kind of meat are these guys packing? Well, she didn't.

To be fair, she didn't ask me that. That would be gross. Right. This is a trained police officer. Sure. She said, did you notice anything about the chiaroscuro? The interplay between light and dark. Yeah, and you could hear the wink over the phone.

You're like, okay, I know what she wants to hear. Well, I mean, as a trained professional, she knows that width is very important when it comes to pleasure. A lot of people think it's just length, but width has something to do with it. Exactly. Okay, because I have also, in addition to calling in noise complaints, which

I've done probably, I'm going to say six times, I've also called in abandoned cars and at this point there are cars that I just don't like. How do you even recognize an abandoned car? It's a car that's been... Well, you don't live on a quiet

residential street, probably. It's not... Yeah, I mean, there's enough traffic where it's not... You wouldn't see a car parked in the same place for two weeks at a time. There are only three reasons that you would want to go to my street.

Number one, you live there. Okay. That's my reason. Number two, you live there in a van. That's the guy who lives in a van's reason. For about a week, I had an apocalyptic Winnebago on my street. I mean, listen, and I don't have a spot in my apartment. Yeah.

I got a pass from the city and I got street parking. Right. And, you know, it's not the most impacted area in town, but it can be a hassle. Right. Finding that street parking. Sure. So there's this fucking Winnebago in the middle of an area that could be three cars. Yeah.

Taking up this thing. And not only is it a big Winnebago, but it has apocalypse messages scrawled all over it. Oh, wow. Yeah, really intense ones, too. Are they just shooting a movie? Boy, I hope so. But no, it seemed to just be. And I actually thought about calling it in. Can I tell you the ideal situation there?

Yeah. It's Sly Stone. Oh, yeah. I think if you got a Winnebago with a bunch of stuff scrawled on it, parked on your street in Los Angeles, you're hoping that's Sly Stone from Sly and the Family. Sure. You see, it was not good with his money, right? Yeah, exactly. But, I mean, you know, I could just – maybe if it is Sly Stone, we could say, hey, I'm a fan.

Right. Can you just fucking pull up a couple of feet so another car could fit behind you? Sure. Don't take up two spots. Yeah. If you're going to park there, don't take up two spots. Yeah. The man who lives in the van, he's lived there longer than I have.

So I wish him all of the best. He waves hello. He yells at himself sometimes. He is girthsome. Okay. He's a guy who could take me. And that's not even counting potential crazy strength. So he's cool.

I'm cool with him. And then the third is teens who want to smoke drugs. That's the other reason to go. Is it like a cul-de-sac situation? Is it a dead-end street? It's not quite a dead-end street, but maybe 75 or 100 yards past my house, it turns into a dirt road that's somewhat badly rutted. Right. Okay.

That just was never like my street has been, you know, they have those stamps that say when the concrete was laid. Yeah. The concrete was laid in the 20s. And I don't think anyone from the city of Los Angeles has been back since. Wow. I think it's been 80 years or 90 years of 20s. 90 years of complete laissez-faire attitude from the city of Los Angeles. They're like, they'll figure it out. Approaching a century.

Just outright neglect. Nick, as a resident of Santa Monica. Yes. What are the perils of living in Santa Monica? I would say the main one is expense. It's gotten progressively more expensive to live over there. You're paying definitely a premium to being closer to the ocean um and also it's a uh yeah i mean it's just it's just like a very dense it's i think it's one of the more densely populated cities in california if not if not

the united the whole united states it's like it's you're kind of on top of each other except in the more tory neighborhoods uh that kind of bleed into the Pacific Palisades where they have – The Torier neighborhoods? The Tor – yeah. As opposed to the labor neighborhoods. Right, right, right. Yeah. Yeah.

The Blairites. When the wigs start moving in. Right, yeah. New labor. Yeah. labor yeah it's kind of a it's kind of a yeah i mean like for years they said the they said wilshire boulevard was kind of the dividing line between which is a street that goes all the way through los angeles but in santa monica specifically north of wilshire um there's all these fancy you know multi-million dollar single family homes and then south of it is a lot of apartment buildings

yeah um but it's uh but yeah i don't i mean like there there are to me, I don't want to say like it's it's it's a peril because this sounds like I'm making some sort of judgment. There is a large homeless population in Santa Monica, which is unfortunate. I think the city has a pretty hospitable policy as a city can have towards them. a city can have towards them. I mean, it's certainly not perfect, but it tries to make the city livable for those who are unfortunately without a place to stay. But it's a...

Harry Shearer famously called it the home of the homeless on every episode of... Famously, that's a stretch. On every episode of his radio show, Le Show, he would say, the home of the homeless. Right, yeah.

Santa Monica, California, the home of the homeless. If only, California, the home of the homeless. If only you had the resources to do something about that, Harry. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. It's overall a very rich city, so you wish they could maybe devote

some more resources towards addressing that problem. Speaking of Harry Shearer's Le Show, I will say that you got a dan rather i've got a i've got a 40 minute sketch about a former member of congress uh richard army known as dick yeah the uh that's the premise of the sketch yeah you can call him dick army that's the whole sketch. I do that same joke 80 times.

And then long stretches of Zydeco music. But I like to get off of local politics for a second. The show, Harry Shearer's show, is that still going on? I think it is. It's been dropped from its home station, KCRW. Okay. I know when he got dropped from WNYC in New York, which is a station that my show is on, a wonderful station, I heard that he then dedicated the entire next week's program to bad-mouthing WNYC in New York.

He's a very classy guy. Yeah. Bad-mouthing WNYC in New York. He's a very classy guy, Harry Shearer. So I, you know, a Simpsons fan as a kid and had like read in the local Long Beach paper, the Press-Telegram, that Harry Shearer had the voice of Mr. Burns had a radio program. You said hello. I'd love to hear what Mr. Burns has to say about the Chasers. I was literally in my head. I was like, this has got to be the funniest thing

that I could possibly listen to. And I remember just like age 12, turning on the radio in the living room like by myself on a Sunday morning and then just listening to these long, humorless bits. It was like one of the most boring experience. I was like, I was so let down. Dream had been to have the voice of Mr. Burns read out loud from the newspaper for.

Right. Yeah. Only that had been your dream. This guy who isn't a good program. I'm not I'm not saying that this is a good program. Oh, yeah. No, definitely. It was a bad.

No, I mean, I'm not you know, I'm not someone that this is a good program. Oh, yeah. No, definitely. I'm not saying that that was a bad program. No, I mean I'm not – I'm not someone with a stellar podcast. I'm not going to hold mine up as like this is the epitome of what a recorded program should be. It's a good solid Dan Rather impression. Right. Yeah. He's got Ted Koppel too if I remember correctly. But I just – I do think that it's a show that's not entertaining for anyone who is perhaps under 70. It's big with Bob Woodward.

Sure. That's probably the core audience for that program. Well, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, go. And we host a podcast called Trends Like These. We cover trending news stories. We debunk misleading clickbait headlines. And we always try to throw in a little bit of good news. In our quest for truth. So join us every week on MaximumFun.org or wherever podcasts are found. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la in San Francisco at a show, and I got a mixed reaction from the audience, but I said banana cream. But then some people were like, that's not a pie, which I think the cream pie is absolutely a pie.

That's actually a pizza. Right. Right, yeah. But I think the cream pies are pies as far as I'm concerned. Yeah, what's the argument for that not being a pie? I don't know. I mean, I guess they're saying it's more of like a cheesecake or it's like a different category. It like doesn't belong in there.

It doesn't belong going toe-to-toe with like a cherry or a Dutch apple. What about like a chocolate cream pie? Are other cream pies also not pies? I think they were basically saying cream pies are off the table for this discussion, that it's like a different category. I think you can have a discussion, what's your favorite fruit pie? Yes, I agree. I think that's the limitation to make if you want to have that discussion. I think restrict it.

I would also say, though, if you want to say a non-cream pie, I really like a pecan. A banana cream pie is really good. It's delicious. Totally good. Especially if done well. Why do I, as a grown-up, really like banana stuff? I like bananas and coconuts now. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. At what point will I start liking Werther's Originals? On your deathbed. That's the main audience for Werther's Originals. People who are yet to be in hospice. I think that's the only place they... But they ship them

literally by the carton load to hospices. And like disaster zones. Right. Conflict areas. They'll send the Werther's Originals because they'll give them to like the medics and chaplains. Right. To dispense upon the moment of death.

Exactly. Is there a, here's my. If you bite down on that Werther's, it'll release a chemical that'll speed the process if you're in pain. So if you want to like, you know, if you want it to come faster, you chomp on that Werther's. It'll release a chemical that'll speed the process if you're in pain. So if you want it to come faster, you chomp on that Werther's. Yeah, they get a little cyanide in there just in case. What's your top pie, Jordan? Well, I mean, Nick Weiger claims to be a pie guy. Well, if you're the pie guy, I'm the pie guy's friend who also likes pie.

Yeah. Because I love it. Touche. Yeah. I'm the rye guy. I like crusty bread. also likes pie. Yeah. Because I love it. Touche. Yeah. I'm the rye guy. I like crusty bread. Ooh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I can get on board with the rye. Sure. Nice bread. Yeah. Yeah, boy. I mean, I'll eat pretty much any pie you put in front of me. But yeah, I mean, I think, you know what? I love a peach pie.

Oh, peach pie is great. My mom from the south does a lot of southern cooking. And I think the main dessert when you're cooking a big southern meal is that peach pie or that peach cobbler. Boy, howdy. That is so good. Yeah, that's great. And I don't love – I mean, I like – I'll eat a peach, you know. I'll certainly eat that booty.

But I don't You know I'm not I'm not slicing up a peach every day Sure And you're not making booty into pie No Certainly not But I will

Yeah so I But yeah Love a peach pie Scoop of ice cream Come on Yeah Come on I think an ice cream really

Makes a pie transcendent Sure You put an ice cream on there Yeah That's really I like I like the combination of the filling And the crust ice cream really makes a pie transcendent. Sure. You put an ice cream on there. Yeah. That's really, I like the combination of the filling and the crust. That's something I'm a big fan of, but ultimately I want that cream on there. Yeah. I had a, like one of the best pie experience I ever had was at a high-end restaurant in

New York City, Union Square Cafe, which I think is still there, may have moved locations, kind of this classic New York City restaurant. This was years ago. That's the one by Union Square? Yeah which I think is still there. It may have moved locations. It's kind of this classic New York City restaurant. This was years ago. That's the one by Union Square? Yeah. I think it's called Union Square Cafe because it's right by Union Square. It's kind of like a cafe by the square. And so I think that's the etymology of the name.

It's in the Bronx, right? Yeah. It's in South Bronx. But it was like a blueberry pie. It was just like an amazingly made blueberry pie. But then it had a scoop of like a lemon ice cream on top of it. And so almost every time you have a la mode, it's vanilla, which is great. Simple, classic.

I mean, that's a great flavor. Classic ice cream. The classic ice cream. You're talking ice cream? Yeah. I'm willing to go out on a ledge here and say that's the classic ice cream. The classic ice cream. You're talking ice cream? Yeah. I'm willing to go out on a ledge here and say that's the classic ice cream. Wow. I'm out there with you.

And the best Christmas movie. Sure, yeah. Vanilla. Vanilla ice cream. But just like that little bit of citrus. Not just vanilla flavor. I'm not crazy. Right, right. No, vanilla ice cream. So the, but like just like that little bit of citrus. Not just vanilla flavor, I'm not crazy. Right, right. You're just taking slugs off

a bottle of vanilla extract. I got upset with our friend Nick Weiger because he was suggesting I was crazy. I'm sorry if that's what I implied. But yeah, just the interplay of like, because again, almost always vanilla having a little bit of that citrus flavor in there with those berries. It was just, like, perfectly tart.

It was delicious. It was an amazing pie experience. I would love some pie right now. Yeah, it'd be great. We can get some after this. We can go get some. God, I would love to be eating ass right now. Oh, God, I want to eat some ass.

When something momentous happens to you, give us a call. 206-984-4FUN. That's 206-984-4FUN. Whether you have the perfect piece of pie or Jordan eats your ass. Let's take our first call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse. This is Aaron from Southwest Missouri. And I was recently listening to your podcast on vasectomies

and I am calling with a momentous occasion because 11 years after I had mine I had spontaneous recanalization of the vest deference and now I have a three-year-old along with an 18-year-old and a four-year-old so there's along with an 18-year-old and a four-year-old. So there's that. Wait. An 18-year-old and a four-year-old? He thought the first one was a fluke. Yeah.

Sounds like this dude loves to blast in his wife. Oh, boy. Man, you know how my handyman moved to Solvang? Right. Yes. We all know that. It's all we've been thinking about. Yes, yeah.

So we got this new handyman, and he's just spent – he's the loveliest guy and did such a great job, but spent probably 15 minutes talking to my wife about how he wishes his wife weren't pregnant. And he's got – it's because he has like grown kids he's got like teenage yeah like but then his wife is pregnant i think it wasn't their intention right and uh so he's and theresa is there like yes i'm a nice person but this is too much information right you know like so at point, Teresa says, when is your wife due? And he says, excuse me? And she says, when is your wife due? And he says, nothing.

And she says, what? I'm sorry. No, when is your wife due? Just like thinking, oh, this guy's first language is in English. Yeah. And he goes, nothing. She doesn't do nothing. Oh, boy.

It's like, wow. Yeah. At what point? You're getting a lot of background about this guy who's doing a task for you. He's being very nice. And like she has, I want to be clear, he was really lovely. Sure. He did a great job at a reasonable rate.

And then she just yelled third base. I had, years ago, I had a handyman come to do some repairs on our old apartment. And it was like – he was like – he was like, you'll be my first appointment of the day. So it was like pretty early. It was like 7 or 8 a.m. I think it was 8 a.m. he showed up. And first thing, like showed up and was like, hey, can I use your bathroom? I was like, sure, of course.

Goes in the bathroom, takes a huge shit, just a gigantic, sticky shit. And all I could, like, I was like, fine, but all I could think is I almost felt bad for looking at this. Yeah, I mean, I'd turn on my toilet cam, who wouldn't?

But I was just like, all I was thinking afterwards was like, just set the appointment for 8.30. Just come a little later. It's fine. Sure, yeah. And don't shit. Stop at the public library.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever you need to do. Let's take another call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Go. I mean, I managed to survive a year without my husband who passed away a year ago today. And I survived. I did it. made it I made it I made it a year and this is a big fucking deal because there were certainly times when I didn't think I would and I was the only person who took care of him when he was my soulmate and he's gone and I think in this time I've learned that

maybe there isn't just one soulmate for everyone but it's still it's such a crazy monumental moment, and it sucks so fucking much, and I don't want to do it. I don't want to have lived a year without him, but I have. So thanks. You guys helped. You guys really helped. Bye. Thank you for sharing that with us. Yeah, wow, that's totally amazing. Bye. Thank you for sharing that with us. Yeah. Wow.

That's totally amazing. Yeah. I mean, I think we've definitely mentioned on the show before when we get a call like this. I mean, usually momentous occasions are dumber. Right. I'm trying to think of one off the top of my head. You know. It's like a different place you cranked it.

Yeah, you cranked it in a weird place. You and your husband tried pegging. Right. Not that the male prostate is a dumb place to receive pleasure. No, it's great. Milk it, baby. You gotta. But yeah, it's always really nice that we kind of go in here and do this dumb show.

And it's nice to hear that it means something to somebody. So, yeah, thank you for sharing, and God, I can't even imagine what that's like. Yes, as a man who's basically had nothing bad happen to him ever, I am genuinely impressed when someone talks about going through something like this. Totally amazing. Yeah, we had a listener recently who lost a teenage child and it was the same thing. It was like to hear from somebody like that in a situation like that, especially when it's somebody that you, you know, a lot of our listeners we've known for a long time online and, you know, we've just had a bilateral connection to these people. I mean that when one of these things happens and then when they say,

but, you know, your dumb show was nice. Like, oh, yeah, our show is dumb. Sure, you're right. You know what I mean? I genuinely like feel – I feel honored when I get that email because everyone's life involves – even your life. Everyone's life involves the most brutal, dark parts, you know, death and illness and poverty. And there's no way to escape those things. They're, you know, they are the way that life unfolds.

And I'm glad that our show, you know, doesn't address those at all. Yes. Doesn't go anywhere near them. Really just stays over in our – no, but I'm glad that making a dumb thing makes a difference for people. I mean like – I mean you know too, Nick. I mean you're making a not insignificant amount of money from people voluntarily paying you to destroy – for you and Mitch to destroy your lives. Right. By eating at TGI Fridays. Yeah.

Constantly. I guess, yeah, I guess when you break it down, that's what, that's what's happening. Yeah. And,

uh, it's amazing. Like you're like, wow, how is this possible that this actually has meaning to people? Right. In a world that contains real things. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, but it's lovely. Yeah. I think that was, I mean, that was a really incredible to listen to. And I think that was very, I mean, just just obviously heroic to even survive that and also very, very brave to share so openly. So I was very affected by it. And I thought that was that was really great to hear. Yeah. So say congratulations to you for surviving. And congratulations to you, Nick, for getting through that entire thing without modulating your vocal tone at all oh i'll go monotone that's what i

bring to the table hey well yeah well yeah thank you genuinely thank you so much for for sharing that it's totally awesome and uh yeah definitely uh yeah it totally totally you know just reminds one that's when you are walking down the street and interacting with people, perhaps they've gone through some terrible shit. Yeah, probably they have. Yeah. And, yeah. The wheels of life keep turning. Congratulations on making it through a year.

You deserve to be proud of that. Yeah. And, hey, so why don't we take a break? Yeah. We'll count our blessings. Right. We'll come back. Ten more ass-eating jokes.

We're at the show up. We'll be back in just a. We'll come back. Ten more ass-eating jokes. We're at the show up. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, God. I'm Allegra Ringo. And I'm Renee Colbert. And we host a podcast called Can I Pet Your Dog? Renee, can I tell you about a dog I met this week? I wish that you would.

In turn, though, can I tell you about a dog hero? May I tell you about a dog breed in a segment I like to call Mutt Minute? I would love that. Could we maybe talk about some dog tech? Could we have some cool guests on, like Lin-Manuel Miranda, Nicole Byer, and Ann Wheaton? I mean, yeah, absolutely. I i'm in you're on board what do you say we uh we do all of this and put it into a podcast yeah okay you think all right uh should we call it like i don't know can i pet your dog sure all right uh what do you what do you say we put it on every tuesday on maximum fun or on itunes sounds good

to me. Meeting's over. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nick Weiger, third string QB. Really? Congratulations. Yeah, you know.

You made it off the practice squad. Right, right. Hoping to, you know, someday get into that full-time backup role. You look good holding that clipboard though, buddy. Yeah, I think I wear a headset well. I mean, that's why I'm so comfortable podcasting. Yeah. It's the same sort of, same muscle I'm working on. Same skill set. Is that why you're also so good with the Microsoft Surface?

Ooh, you should see this man with the Surface. Yeah. Swipe, swipe, swipe. It's like he's one with the Surface. You know how you'll see, you know, a jockey and you're like, oh, man and horse are one. Well, two if you count the included kickstand. Sure, yeah. But yeah, Nick Weiger is-

It's Weiger and the surface. Where does he end and where does the surface begin? What range of angles can the kickstand move to? It is always distracting when you watch TV and someone is using a surface. Yeah. I feel like they just mailed them to every TV production and said, like, when someone should be using an iPad, they can just use this. They apparently have. And, you know, we were talking about how we're true nerds here and not jocks.

So maybe I shouldn't know this information. Although they do follow. I'm a big NBA fan. As I know, Jesse also follows his beloved Golden State Warriors. And so I do pick up some NFL knowledge by osmosis just by following sports media. Apparently, NFL actually has a deal with Microsoft where they have – like the service is mandated on the sidelines. And it got to the point where announcers would just call it like, oh, that guy's using his tablet or that guy's using his iPad. And they had to like correct them like, hey, the deal actually means you have to specify he's using his Microsoft Surface.

So I think they've gradually policed the language. Wow. Yeah, it's crazy. And yeah, it's the same sort of thing. Like I felt like you were seeing – there was a time when you were just seeing Apple products in Sex and the City. Every show it felt like and every movie was seeing Apple products. And then the other companies sort of glommed on to that and saw that that was an opportunity. So I actually worked on the Fantastic Four video game, the first one for the first movie, not the most recent movie, but the movie back in the day with Ben Grimm was played by Michael Chiklis, the thing, Michael Chiklis era. The thing, Michael Chiklis era.

And in that one, the game had a deal with Samsung where the computer terminals that Reed Richards, the elastic genius, could hack, Mr. Fantastic, were Samsung computers. Which was weird when you thought about it. The idea that they were kind of just saying that – Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Yeah, exactly. But also like that you were saying like, oh, Samsungs are hackable. Like that was kind of like what you could infer from this. The only experience I've ever had with free technology – well, this isn't true because that guy whose wedding I officiated was kind enough to send me an Xbox One video game console. That's pretty sweet.

I love to use all the time. So thank you to him. console. That's pretty sweet. I love to use all the time, so thank you to him. But no, the experience that I had was I did an event at the Apple store, podcasting, obviously, wedded to the Apple

brand permanently. It's got pod in the name. I did an event with Stephen Colbert, and this was when he was still doing the Colbert Report, when his first book came out, and it was really amazing. I got to interview him. It was a great experience. But there's no backstage at the Apple Store.

So it was just the two of us sitting in the manager's office, which was smaller than this booth. I mean, I'm going to say it was, you know, eight feet by four feet or something like that. Just a little narrow thing with a desk at the end. And we're sitting in literal folding chairs facing each other. And this woman comes in who is in charge of making sure celebrities get electronics. And she comes and she says, hi, Steven. Nice to see you.

And he says, nice to see you too. He says, how's that iPad working out for you? He says, I love it. My kids love it. And it's a great product. And she says, is there anything you need? Like do you need a new Mac Pro or do you need a mouse or is there anything I can get you from – you need another iPod? Beats by Dre.

Yeah. And I should mention, by the way, that Stephen Colbert and I had been conversing and we were facing each other directly. Right. And she had walked in and stood between me and Stephen Colbert. So I was just looking at like her lower back. Yeah. Like directly at her lower back while she talked to Stephen Colbert. And he said, no, I've got everything I need. I'm so happy. Like, thank you for everything that you've given us.

We almost have too many computers and phones and uh ipods but thank you very much and then she said i'm so happy and then she looked down at me with a look the most withering look i've ever like you fucking garbage i can't believe you heard me you something. You are, who are you? You little piss ant. You little garbage tablet. So that's it. I feel like I almost got like a MacBook Pro. You were close.

Yeah, I thought this was going to go in the direction where he was going to be like, oh, yeah, I could use another MacBook Pro and then like wink at you and he was going to hook you up. I have a Microsoft service, but I bought it at retail. Okay. I enjoy it. Yeah? It's nice. You pull it out on the sidelines?

Yeah. Absolutely. Well, I got a lot of work to do on my routes. Right. I'm not trying to put myself down here. I know I have a lot of talent. God bless me with a lot of talent. But if I don't buckle down and work on my routes, I'm never going to get somewhere.

Listen, just a note to the rest of the team. If we win, watch out when you're dunking this guy with Gatorade. He's got a surface. You're going to ruin that surface. Probably water resistant. Yeah. But Gatorade is going to get in. Yeah, the electrolytes destroy the electronics.

Okay. Nick Weiger, as we said, one of the two hosts of the Doughboys podcast, Real Joy. Yeah. I said to my wife

at dinner tonight, I said, Teresa, guess who's going to be on Jordan and Jesse Go tonight? And she said, who's that? And I said, Nick Weiger.

And she said, oh, very exciting. Oh, okay. Yeah. Seems like you could invite Nick into your lovemaking. If you wanted. Yeah, I like that because usually I'm who's brought in to really, like, cool a room. Like, the energy's too hot in here.

William H. Macy in the movie The Cooler. Right, we need someone really milquetoast and boring to sort of bring the energy level down. Everyone's fucking too much. Yeah, I will, I mean, I think we have definitely said this on the show before, but I'll echo it. If anybody's out there and they're not also subscribed to the Doughboys, get on

it. It's basically the... God bless you. The most I have laughed listening to a podcast. That's right. There's a lot of funny shows out there. It's also very sad. Sure. It's a roller coaster. It's ultimately a tragic tale, I think.

Sure. What's serious? You know, it's a dark comedy like Candide. Like Voltaire's Candide. That was our chief inspiration. Yeah. We want to do the 21st century Candide. You know, it's funny.

Like, Mike pitched me 21st Century Candide. way i i could i would be so rich right now sure you are you are the guy so rich you are you know about how rich you are oh sure you're that executive who told the beatles groups with guitars are on the way out oh i'd be so rich oh the money uh yeah. That's my favorite character. Guy who wishes he was more rich. Yeah, Doughboys is fucking hilarious. Definitely download it. Yes, it's the most one will laugh listening to a podcast. Yeah, except for many Max Fun shows.

Of course, right. And I think Harry Shearer's Les Show is also a podcast. So, yeah, that's a real gut buster. So, yeah. Haven't heard any of Harry Shearer's show is also a podcast. So, yeah, that's a real gut buster. So, yeah. Haven't heard any of Harry Shearer's wife's jazz vocals? Ooh. I've got good news for you. Pop in a Werther's and enjoy that show.

Bill Cosby is going to be talking to Dan Rather this week. Oh, boy. I wonder what those two will have to say to each other. Our producer is Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. He's the laugh that pierces the veil of our soundproof booth. We apologize for that. And for him

overall. Maximumfun.reddit.com is where you can talk about the show on Reddit. You can also join us on Facebook by liking Jordan Jesse Goh where the memes have been so dank. A lot of dank memes. So dank.

Did you see the one when Bay prays about the tree bee? No. It was a picture of Sonic the Hedgehog praying. Yes. Yeah, definitely love the meme culture that sprung up around the show. It's really delightful. Always a treat to see. Arguably the first thing that's gone up around the show. It's really delightful. Always a treat to see. Arguably the first thing that's gone right for this show in 10 years.

Yeah, we finally hit our stride. Yeah, you know, I mean, nothing jumps to mind immediately that was dank about this episode. But if you heard something that you think is dank meme fodder, if you're a meme lord out there, meme that shit up. Oh, absolutely. We'll post it on the Facebook. And it doesn't have to be a picture of us. It could be a picture of the countess or whatever her name is. Or put an animated

gif of a person from Project Runway. Sure. That's fine. As long as you put Treebee on it. Yeah. Put Treebee on there. Ifrai from Futurama. Yeahurama handing you a lot of money. He's like, oh, when Bay makes an indecent proposal to Treebee. Sure.

I guess in that case, Bay is paying the Treebee to fuck her or to fuck you. It's hard to say. Would you say the Treebee is going to fuck you? Because that's how the indecent proposal works. I don't go in for adult entertainment. I'm sorry. I just don't. Fair point.

Yeah. You've got things to do, tools to trash. Sure. Shrek movies to watch. Got it. Hey, we haven't seen. That's something. I mean, apologies if I've missed it.

I think what people are doing out there is they're running through all the famous memes and adding, you know, Jordan, Jesse, go, tree bee quotes. Right. I haven't seen a single Shrek. Yeah. And if there's one thing I know about the meme-averse is that Shrek is a very important part of that. So if you're out there and you can work Shrek into our already beautiful quilt that we've made. Right. I think people would appreciate it.

Maybe from like an off-Broadway production of the Shrek the Musical, someone with some really bad Shrek makeup, maybe work that in there. Maybe, you know, like some crudely drawn fan art of Shrek pregnant with Shadow the Hedgehog. That could be a way to go. Wait, is Shrek going to give birth to Shadow the Hedgehog? Yeah. Or Shadow the Hedgehog impregnated Shrek? I think Shadow is bacon in his belly.

I think it's an impreg thing. Got it. Yeah. Thanks for that, Nick. Yeah. Well, look for that. Thanks for all your contributions. Nick is on Twitter, at Nick Weiger.

Nick is also a delightful follow on Twitter. Yeah, that's a great follow. There's going to be too many Lakers tweets, but besides that, besides that it's a real joy. I gotta stick to jokes. Usually that's a politics thing, like stick to jokes. I gotta stick to jokes from a basketball

standpoint. Yeah, because you're just like, I enjoyed going to the Lakers game. Right, yeah. Once in a while. Yeah. And I'm like, come on. Stick to jokes. Right, that was you while. Yeah. And I'm like, come on. Stick to Jones. Right. That was you who said that. By the way.

Stay in your lane. Stay in your lane. I tweeted a picture of my dog at the flea market. So that's where I'm coming from. Keep to the important shit. Yeah. Keep that dog away from the flea market. That could go badly.

Yeah. Source of that time you took him to the tick market. Jesse Thorne. This show is a lot of fun. At Jesse Thorne and at Jordan underscore Morris. Use the hashtag JJGo on Twitter and, yeah. Tell someone about the show? Sure. Do you think people have done that?

I don't think a single person's done it. If our numbers are any indication People are keeping this a secret But you know, why not? How about your brother-in-law? Yeah, he's a nice guy Your brother-in-law would like this show My brother-in-law listens to this show You got a cool niece?

Shout out to Baby D You got any cool nieces out there? Yeah, a hip niece would love this What's she into, YA? Yeah, this is a real scorch trial Yeah. A hip niece would love this. What's she into, YA? Yeah. This is a real scorch trial. There's any way I would describe this podcast. It's a real scorch trial.

Okay, we'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. Bye. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.