Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 519: Fancy Name with Helen Hong and Rachael Cantu

Episode Date: February 20, 2018

Comedian, actress, and host of MaximumFun.org's comedy quiz show Go Fact Yourself joins Jordan and Jesse as they take a break from their usual topic and have a nice chat about Helen's experience working with Sir Patrick Stewart, the creative peaks and valleys of Seth MacFarland's career, and Jordan's controversial opinion of a canonical sci-fi movie.  Plus, musician Rachael Cantu joins in for Momentous Occasions and plays a song from her new album.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. We're the show that covers roads. That's right, the asphalt industry's number one podcast. Where the rubber hits the this. You got it. Jordan, I got a proposal for you. Mm-hmm.

I don't. Two white guys talking blacktop. That's right, Jordan. Jesse Go. Where the rubber hits the this. I'm trying to think how to put this on the air. Hmm. This?

I'm trying to think how to put this on the air. I've received a very lucrative offer from the concrete people. Wow. And this is – I'm just going to write this number on a piece of paper. I feel like the Verizon guy. And hand it to you. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Now, right underneath there, imagine that underneath that number is written.

Look at all these zeros. Durability and reliability. Wow. Those are the things that concrete roadways bring relative to asphalt roadways, which are more affordable and easier to lay. Yeah. I also see high-class prostitutes. Man, this is quite an offer. So here's what I'm thinking, Jordan.

Did I mention the zeros? Va-va-voom. I haven't decided about this. This is something I have to talk to my wife and family about because I know how they feel about the blacktop. And, you know, I mean, my oldest child is the one who came up with when the rubber hits the this. Yeah, I know. Which is, you know, something that I'm very proud of. And I was hoping she would be able to put on her college applications.

Right. However. She'll just have to settle for speech and debate. Yeah. At this point, if we take that off, fingers crossed, it's even, I don't know, Hampshire. Yeah. Oh, boy. She'll don't know, Hampshire. Yeah. Oh, boy. She'll be creating her own major.

Okay. Here's my thinking. We just take this week away from it. Away from all the hustle and bustle of America's arteries. So maybe next week, you know, business as usual. Right. We're out there.

Well, we might- Kick an asphalt. We might flip it 180 degrees next week. Again, I have to talk to my family. Okay. It sounds like given the bills that you're paying to high-class prostitutes, Right.

you're a natural yes. Uh-huh. I mean, I saw literally when you looked at that number that I wrote on a piece of paper, I was worried because what used to be your irises turned into dollar signs. Yeah. Actually, that's a condition. Okay.

Well, there's another reason you need money. It's a form of treatment. It's a form of pink eye. Got it. It's a form of treatment. It's a form of pink eye. Got it. That I got from asking high class prostitutes to shit coins on me. Got it.

Got it. By the way, there's never been a better time to get in on shit coins. That's true. The market is through the roof. Yeah. Through the roof. If I had gotten into shit coins two years ago, I would be a rich man right now. It's true.

I wouldn't need the concrete industry's blood money. Yeah. Or small pebble in a binder or fixative. Okay. So we're – I mean, listen. We could go on and on like this. Yeah. But we're in a – it's safe to say we're in a liminal space.

Right. We're betwixt in between. Why don't we just take take today. Yeah. To just chat about some of our other interests. I don't know if you have them. I've never asked you. I don't. I'm not one of those people who asks other people about themselves. I don't have interest but I'm willing to fake it. Yeah. So should we introduce our guest? Yeah. I was on YouTube today looking at concrete videos. Right. Just to get my hate levels at the right – in the right zone. I watch concrete – I watch videos where concrete fucks men's wives while they watch. Sure. A concrete. Yeah.

A concrete video. men's wives while they watch. Sure. A Cuckrete. Yeah. Yeah. A Cuckrete video. Yeah.

So, but I mean, little did I know that I might be allied with them come next week. Right. So it's confusing. So you need some time to wrap your head around this. But what I'm saying is I also don't have a lot of interests. Right. But while I was looking at those Cuckrete videos, I did accidentally click on trending. Yeah. And I kind of perused that, so maybe I can kind of bring in some of that knowledge.

Perfect. Yeah. I've accidentally clicked on trending before, too. Tide Pods. Bebe's Kids is on BET right now. Yeah. Okay. Our guest on this week's program is a beloved stand-up comic.

Yeah. Okay. Our guest on this week's program is a beloved stand-up comic. She's also, more importantly for our purposes, the co-host of the smash hit podcast Go Fact Yourself from right here at MaximumFun.org. Helen Hong. Wow. I got to say I'm a little torn listening to you guys' conversation. If you move to concrete, can you still use the, where the rubber meets the this? Can you still use that?

You mispronounced it, but. I'm sorry. It's my first time actually saying it. There's an umlaut in there that you weren't saying. Oh, okay. Because I didn't see it spelled out. I don't mean to actually. Where the ruber meets the this?

The ruuber? I think that we retain the intellectual property. Worst case scenario, we give it a new name like Larry Bud Melman. Okay. Got it. Can we talk snafus real quick? Yeah, I would love to. Situation normal, all fouled up?

Yeah, that's, yeah. Fouled up? Oh. Look, I'm trying to keep Yeah, that's, yeah. Fouled up? Oh. Look, I'm trying to keep it clean. Wow, okay. Okay. Maybe somebody didn't tune into this show for, hey, dad, what's Ford stand for? Maybe somebody didn't tune into this show for profanity.

Yeah. Helen, maybe somebody just wanted to hear a good, clean podcast about concrete fucking their wife. All fouled up. Yeah. Helen. Yes. I listened to an episode of your podcast, Go Fact Yourself. Go Fact Yourself.

And? This week while I was driving. The smash hit comedy quiz show. I loved it. Thank you. I thought it was just terrific. It's a delight. I was smiling ear show. I loved it. Thank you. I thought it was just terrific. It's a delight. Jay Keith fan strapped past guest.

I was smiling ear to ear listening to this thing. It is fun. Like a Cheshire cat. It's a fun show. It is fun. And we get guests. It's a live podcast. Yeah. So there's an energy.

There's a sensual energy. And I'm shocked. Beth Littleford from Dog with a Blog. She was delightful. It is interesting to find out what. Dave Holmes from Holmes in a Dome. That one doesn't rhyme as well. It's more of a slant rhyme.

That guy was okay. Yeah. But. I know mostly about who the guests are a little bit ahead of time because I know – because Jay Keith will – the format of the program is a celebrity gets quizzed about the things they claim to be an expert in. Right. And Jay Keith will just email me on Thursday when the show is on Saturday, recording on Saturday. Like, who lives in Los Angeles and is an expert in the Chicago White Sox? I have to come up with something.

That is true. It's a quandary because, you know, you want to reach out to your social media friends. You don't want to blow it. But you don't want to blow it. Yeah. And so it's weird to be like, who knows stuff about the Golden Girls? Need an expert stat. So you got to call the matchmaker, baby.

Yeah. That's me. So, Jordan, sorry. So I was loving it, and I was so excited because we have not met the matchmaker, baby. Yeah. That's me. So Jordan, sorry. So I was loving it, and I was so excited because we have not met before. No, we haven't. And I was so excited to meet you because you're so great on the show, and I was so excited to tell you how much I liked listening to Go Fact Yourself. Yes.

Did I say the umlaut correctly there? No, but I'll let it slide. I will let it slide. It's go fact yourself. Go fact. It's a little bit more visceral. Go fact. Go fact yourself.

Go fact yourself. Go foul up yourself. Go fact your ass. And I saw you. I'm like, ah, it's so great to meet you. I really loved listening to Ask Me Another. Yeah. And then I, yeah, it was like a gut punch.

The other comedy quiz show. And if there's one thing, this is background, Helen, for you. You don't know this. If there's one thing that I hate, it's goddamn Jonathan Colton. Yeah. Yeah. And if there's two things that I hate, it's goddamn Jonathan Colton. Yeah. Yeah. And if there's two things that I hate, it's Jonathan Colton and his goddamn guitar.

And if there's a third, Ophira Eisenberg, because she's French-Canadian. I apologize. You know, you fouled that up. I sure did. But I'm a forgiving person. Thank you. And because we're sitting in a sound booth that's two feet by two square feet.

Yeah. It'd be a little bit weird to be addicted. Yeah. It'd be weird being trapped in a little cube with you to be like, this guy. I've become good Facebook. We've known Jay Keith for a long time on and off. I actually interviewed Jay Keith once. He doesn't remember this.

I've been with Jay Keith for a long time on and off. I actually interviewed Jay Keith once. He doesn't remember this, but I interviewed Jay Keith once when I was a fill-in host on XM Satellite Radio when I was an intern at XM Satellite Radio in like 2003. But Jay Keith and I have become good Facebook friends, both because he occasionally will send me a Facebook message desperate for an expert in some weird subject. A panicked message. And because he and I are both baseball nerds and we belong to the same baseball nerd Facebook group where I will try and slickly plug his podcast whenever possible. You know, I didn't know that about him until we did do an episode where someone's expertise was the L.A. Dodgers. Oh, yeah. And, wow, he nerded the F out. I was like, who are you? You just transformed into, like, he knows stats. Well, he's a sort of.

He knows history. What's amazing about Jay Keith is he's like a baseball unicorn, which is to say he is a Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim fan, which literally I lived in Los Angeles for 10 years. My close friend Jordan here is from Orange County, not far from Anaheim, where the Angels play. My grandparents lived in Orange County for much of my childhood. Wow. Jay Keith is the second Angels fan I've met in my life. of my childhood. Wow.

Jay Keith is the second Angels fan I've met in my life. I don't even think Wally Joyner is an Angels fan. It's an Angels legend. Yeah. Jim Abbott likes him okay.

Yeah, Jim Abbott's cool. Jim Abbott likes him okay. But if he goes into the hall, he's going in as a Yankee. Yeah. That's the end of the day. Helen, what kind of experts

have you had to talk to on the show so far? I think the one I listened to, there was a cat expert. Yes. Which I enjoyed. Yes. Which I didn't because I'm allergic. You're allergic to experts.

Yeah. I was like sneezing immediately. We had someone who wrote the book on the Golden Girls, which was an episode. Cristela Alonso was a guest. Yeah, Cristela Alonso loves the Golden Girls. Yeah, I didn't know because I'm friends with her from doing stand-up. And I didn't know the level of her obsession where she was out-experting the guy who had literally written the book on the experts. Wow.

You know what? Cristela comes from very, very modest background. Yes. And I have a buddy who grew up, her family were refugees from, actually from South America. Okay. And she grew up in like hotel rooms in Oregon. Like, just like, I don't know.

Her life is, her childhood is like one of those like, wait, what did you just say? Not fancy hotel rooms. Not like Eloise. No, no, no, like motel rooms. Got it. Like those like, wait, what did you just say? Not fancy hotel rooms. Not like Eloise. No, no, no. Like motel rooms. Got it. Like vagrant.

Yes. Got it. Like Florida Project. Like a genuine refugee lifestyle and like all she cares about is Frasier and she can't go to sleep unless Frasier is playing. Because like Frasier was like it was the only thing she could count on basically. Well, I have a friend who just had a breakdown because he went to North Carolina where Dawson's Creek was filmed. Wow.

And he was like – and he went to all the filming locations and he was mourning that Dawson's Creek is – and this is an adult person. And I was like, well, what is it that you – and he said, I was such – I had such poor parents, like parents who just were poor at parenting. And there's psychology about what you latch on to when you're a kid, like imprinting. And I imprinted on TV because they would just put me in front of the TV since a young age and just turn it on. And I was basically raised by the television. And so Dawson's Creek was like apparent. And to realize that it's not real is really – he's grappling with it.

And I was like, whoa. So he felt like he maybe going on the tour was kind of piercing the veil in a way that he maybe should not have. Yeah. Going on the tour was kind of piercing the veil in a way that he maybe should not have. Yeah, because he went to the houses and he went to all the filming locations and he was like, this is it was all bullshit. Do you think he knew it was real going in? I mean, was not real. Wow. I guess I'm confused. Yeah, me too.

I mean. You know what? It's for me. It's not about. The emotions were real. Yeah. It's not. It's not about Dawson's Creek.

I can't relate to that, but I can relate to it in a more general sense because I feel the same way about that show where Dawson from Dawson's Creek plays Diplo on Viceland. It's a sitcom where he plays Diplo. That's cool. That guy has had a weird career, hasn't he? I mean, from Varsity Blues

to this? To this? Where the rubber meets the... What? Where the rubber meets the what? Where the rubber meets the James Van Der Beek's career? Helen, what is that of yours? What is your Dawson's Creek? What's the thing you would visit? My Dawson's Creek is Star Trek The Next Generation.

TNG. Oh, wow. TNG all day and all night. And I got to work with Patrick Stewart. You do know it's not real, right? I mean. Oh, wow. TNG all day and all night. And I got to work with Patrick Stewart. You do know it's not real, right? I mean. Oh, boy. Let's not talk about it.

Okay. But I got to work with. Guinan's real, though. Yeah. I mean, yeah, with the headpieces and the whole thing and the telepathy. You did on Blunt Talk, right? Yes. Love Blunt Talk.

And I got to meet him and work with him and I was freaking the F out to meet him because he's Captain Freaking Picard. Were you upfront about it or did you try and play it cool? Well, here's how cool I was going in. I was just like, oh, my God. You know, I had to spend a whole, we were shooting a scene that just took a really long time. So we had a lot of downtime in between shots. And so I'm hanging out with Sir Patrick Stewart and I'm so cool.

We're just chit-chatting like two normal humans. And I'm like, oh, I'm a standup comedian. He's like, oh really? And I tell him all about it and he's finding me delightful. I'm like, holy shit, this is really happening. And then when I lost it is when we started, for some reason, the topic of residuals came up. Residuals meaning the checks that one gets years after one shoots something.

And Patrick Stewart goes, residuals, the most beautiful word in the English language. Because you know he's making hell of money off of TNG still. Those checks. Syndicated TV money? Come on. He's just rolling in. He's like, you're not talking to Xena Warrior Princess here. I'm getting real money.

Listen, I still get four bucks a month for having five lines on Scandal once. So I imagine what Stuart's pulling down. Oh, gosh. So then he goes, I still get checks from this weird 1964 tv movie that i did and i blurred out i've seen it and he just his whole demeanor changed and he just started backing away slowly he was're like, ah, shit. He was like, oh, you're a freaking stalker, bitch. And I was like, but I love you.

Because you're so big. Say engage. Say engage. Just say engage. Oh, my God. The scene we did, he actually did have to say computa. And I almost lost my shit. I like fell into the floor in my body.

I was like, oh, my God. He literally just said computa. It is amazing how he has one word catchphrases. Yeah. to the floor in my body. I was like, oh my God, he literally just said, computer. Ah! Ah! It is amazing how he has one word catchphrases. Yeah. Yeah. Computer and engage

and make it so. I guess that's three words. Yeah. You know what my- It's a short one. My favorite thing about the Blunt Talk story is not the story in the thing,

but the story of the creation and recording and dissemination of this television program, Blunt and recording and dissemination of this television program, Blunt Talk. Nice dissemination use. Thank you. It's that the, what's his name? Seth MacFarlane.

Seth MacFarlane goes on a tour of cable operators and says, I'm friends with Patrick Stewart and want to make a comedy with him. Stars, right? Stars? Yes. Stars, right? Stars. Yes. Stars comes through. They're like, oh, you want to make a comedy with Patrick Stewart? Great.

Here's enough money to make two years of episodes of any show you want that's a comedy with Patrick Stewart. So it didn't happen naturally. It was kind of an artificial dissemination. Whoops, I farted. Then Seth MacFarlane somehow is like, you know who I'm going to meet with on this? Jonathan Ames, literary novelist and weird HBO show creator Jonathan Ames. And he's like, you're hired. And I'm sure Starz was like, wait, Jonathan Ames, you want to hire a bored to death guy?

Yes. The droll novelist? The guy who writes semi autobiographical novels about butlers? Yeah, I don't want to get into a slam fest over here. But I think it is very interesting how all over the place, quality-wise, the career of Seth MacFarlane is. It contains, it is, it's just a wild ping-ponging between good and bad and singing. So what would you say? So Top probably is the big band, right?

I mean, I'm just a fan of crooning. So that's how I knew him. I didn't know that he did. Is it crooning or croonering? I'm sorry, croonering. I think it's pronounced cruller. Crullering. Yeah, I'm just a fan of, you know,

big brass sections and standards. Frank Sinatra wannabe. So that's how I knew him. It's like how a lot of mandolin enthusiasts know Christopher Guest as the mandolin player. Number two, I would say probably Western comedy with Sarah Silverman. Yes, Western. Yes. Yeah.

Western parodies. But yeah, it's interesting how much good and bad one man can produce. And then to go all the way to Cosmos. Yeah. Right? Didn't he? Sure. Oh, yeah.

He did Cosmos with Neil deGrasse Tyson. I feel like I want to like Seth MacFarlane because I love that he has taken his show business success and transformed it into like just purely pursuing his weird nerd shit. Like he's like, great. I've made my first $200 million. I'm going to spend it all becoming friends with Patrick Stewart. Sure. That's exactly what I would do. And a movie where I'm a cowboy.

Yeah. And I think I also identify with him because I feel like if I hosted the Oscars, I would also come off like a pompous twat. Sure. You know what I mean? Like that's also my thing. While calling out sexual predators. Yeah. Yeah. What is it that he does?

I don't know. You know, yeah, multitudes. This is what I wanted to mention about J. Keith Van Straten. So our friend J. Keith Van Straten, the host of Go Fact Yourself, because I've become good Facebook friends with him and we'll exchange emails and we'll post in that effectively wild Facebook group. I see every time he does one of his non-comedy activities. And J.K.'s entire non-comedy life is dedicated only to his cat and traveling. Right. And he's a travel fiend. He really is.

Today I asked him, do you travel because you get hired as a travel writer or are you a travel writer because you travel? Yeah. And he said, ah. Anyway, let's do the show. It is so funny. It is like – because liking travel is just one of those things everyone says, like jazz or whatever. He really travels. And not only that, but he said until very recently, like not that long ago, he was petrified of traveling and he was a terrible traveler as an adult.

And he said he went to Montreal to go to the JFL Festival and Montreal was too foreign for him. And that's actually what propelled him to be like, OK, if I can't handle Canada, I need to get out more. So the amazing thing about Jay Keith's travel posts on Facebook is there's two categories. One category is there's a $95 flight to Kuala Lumpur. Who wants to go? And if I did not have children. I've been tempted. I have been tempted.

It leaves at 4 a.m. and has an underwater layover? It is not convenient. It is not a convenient flight. Where the rubber meets the blurp. The other is, as you mentioned, he's a travel writer, but he's a particular type of travel writer, which is he writes for a website called The Points Guy. The points guy. And as far as I can tell, it's an entire media empire built upon people. How to get the most points.

Yeah, people who are into points. But what's great, I click through and read these articles every single time. So like most recently, he went on a trip on a bad, bad Botsmaru airplane that was going from like Japan to Malaysia or something Bad Bad Botsmaru Is that the literal name of the airline? Bad Bad Botsmaru It's Hello Kitty's friend

Bad Bad Botsmaru is Hello Kitty's friend It's a mean It's not just that every person in the San Rio universe has their own airline I prefer to fly Pingu. Yeah, sure. So he flew on this airplane. I only fly Office Panda.

That's the one I would choose. Yeah, gotta love it. I'm a big fan of Office Red Panda. The information in the article is so focused on this one type of nerd, which is a points nerd, right? So this article is like a 2,000-word list of point numbers and statistics. And the amount of granularity in what he can bring to a business class flight

on the Bad, Bad Bots Maru. It's like there's pictures of each food that's served. There's pictures of the slippers if they give you slippers or an eye mask. Yes. Ooh, I would fly just for the eye mask. You like an eye mask on the plane. Ooh, I love an eye mask. What amenities are you liking on the plane?

I want to feel like I'm in a space capsule in a flight. And so I have the earplugs and then I use not only an eye mask. I will use like a headband, like one of those like running band things that you use in the winter. Like a John McEnroe headband? That's thicker. Okay. Like a much thicker headband type cloth. Oh, I know.

Like it's like a – It's like two inches thick. Right. And it's like one of those – And it covers your whole head. It's like a newfangled earmuff but for athletics. Yes. And I will cover my eyes and my ears and then I will put noise-canceling headphones over that whole thing.

So if you even attempt to talk to me. We call it the full blackout. But I have been tempted, because I literally can't hear or see anything, to put a sign on my shoulder that says, hey, I do want the snacks, though. Yeah. Give me the snacks. Just rest the snacks on my shoulder, and I will turn my mouth. I will tip my shoulder up so the snacks fall into my mouth.

I don't need a beverage, so if you could double snack me. Yeah. Yeah. Just fill a cup with pretzels. I mean, Helen, you work on the Smash It public radio program, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from time to time. That is correct. I – It was just so funny that I could have made that mistake.

Yes, and been right accidentally. And been like, oh, hey, I love Way, Way, Way. Oh, thanks. Oh, yeah. Right. But I just said, I happened to say the one comedy quiz show you're not involved with. Exactly. Yeah.

Thanks for that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm going back to my failure. I actually, you weren't there. Where the rubber meets the. You weren't there when Helen arrived. I actually made that mistake.

It wasn't because I'd just been listening to Go Fact Yourself. It was because I mistook her for Roy Blunt Jr. Sure, yeah. So sorry about that. We're twinsies. Tom Bodette, would that have been better? Hard to say. I'll leave a line on for you. Hard to say what the best wait, wait, don't tell me poll is. So

it's like ASMR, reading ASMR to read someone else's nerd thing. Yeah. Like it's like this was the seat pitch. This was the leg room situation. And I read one where he was really mad. And the J. Keith is a real sweetheart.

Sure. Like he was very mad. What was he mad at? It was difficult to find the attendant call button. It's a poor interface. I put that problem. You had to go into a difficult to find the attendant call button. It's a poor interface. I've heard that problem. You had to go into a menu to find the attendant call button. Wow.

You need a UX designer reboot on that flight. User experience. If you ask J. Keith Van Straten of pointsguy.net, no doubt about it. Are you a frequent flyer? I am not. I actually don't travel as much as I used to when I was a road comic. Okay. Because I make more of my income, you know, hanging out with Sir Pat Stew.

Sure. Yeah. Petty Stew, baby. Making those stew bucks. Well, I was until he backed away from me slowly because he realized what a rabid fan I am. But. I imagine that it's just that when you're involved with Star Trek, you're always just kind of on the lookout for that. Oh.

When is. Because I imagine he gets accosted like he's probably been physically accosted by insane fans. Plus, you got to figure all those Royal Shakespeare Company heads. It's true. Yeah. All those RSC nuts. Uh-huh. Those Leary's.

Yeah. I'm still waiting to be accosted by a Blunt Talk fan. Right here! That just happened, Ellen! I fuck with Blunt Talk so hard. I watch every episode of Blunt Talk. I love that shit. I fucking

love Blunt Talk. Blunt Talk is brilliant. It's so funny. More TV shows should be weird, but actually weird. Like one weird guy thought of them. It's really weird. And then you got obsessed

with water conservation. Yeah. So the entire second season is about water conservation. Dude, I don't know if you know this, Helen Hong, about our man.

It's like if Scandal devoted an entire season to just whatever you're doing, Olivia. Save water. Retrofitting houses to be solar powered or something. I guess I don't know what you play on Blunt Talk. I have not watched the show. I played a – so Sir Pat Stu plays Walter Blunt and he is a respected newsman with a, like his personal life is just going to shit.

So he's like the first season, the very first episode he's caught by the cops in a car with a high class hooker. A questionably high class hooker. Anyway, so his life is falling apart. So he's like on his fourth wife and he's got a kid who's like five. So I play the kindergarten teacher to his youngest child. And I then go down the road of just degenerateness. And I end up shacking up with his next door neighbor, played by Brett Gelman. Oh, the great Brett Gelman.

Who's a porn producer. You'll be surprised to hear Gelman's playing a sleazeball. Sure, right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Going out of his usual range. Yeah. That's nice.

Nice that they let you stretch on that show. They also, I thought, was interesting. They had him be handsome for a guy who's that funny. Oh, right. But he's always in sort of

like a velour onesie. Yes. Yeah, do you think he just wears that to auditions? I think that's probably how Gelman works. Just Brett Gelman's outfits alone are worth watching both seasons of Blunt Talk.

Executive produced by Seth MacFarlane. It's a program with more specific and deeply informed weird sexual interests than even this show. Right. I'll be the first to admit, over the past few years,

this show has just been a list of weird types of sex that we've learned about. However, with Jonathan Ames, you know this is something he's very sincerely, deeply, and passionately on a kind of emotional – Searching for oneself. Searching for truth even way. He wants to know about all these weird – the thing on Blood Talk that I love the most is that Patrick Stewart's character is the boss of this big show. And in his office, he has an air mattress. So he and his producer who's like a

also like a 65 ish who's played by um academy award nominee jackie weaver who's so good so the two of them occasionally they're not romantically involved but he has the uh he has the air mattress in his office so that they can spoon when difficult times happen he requires spooning. Yeah. Just occasionally he needs to be spooned. It releases oxytocin. Yeah.

I've heard. Helen, were you a trivia person before you got involved in the world of trivia game shows? I was not. And half the times that the answers come up on Go Fact Yourself, I'm like, whoa, no way. You don't say. Rad. Yeah, I'm kind of like the idiot bro girl on the show that's like, wow. You're a real bro.

Yeah, I know. You're fucking broed out, Helen. Hey, dude, you want to go watch TNG? Yeah, I got to play a kindergarten teacher tomorrow whatever whatever oh sup um i know i am i think i i am always embarrassed that i don't do better at trivia when i'm in trivia situations i wish i was better and i think and you know and i i think i i think I clock as someone who would be good at trivia. Like that guy. I would clock you.

Yeah, I know. It's like I seem like a guy who maybe doesn't have a lot going on, which also might be true. But I have not devoted any of that spare time to trivia. Except I have done Simpsons trivia a handful of times. And I am a god. I was just literally about to bring that up because the only time I've ever seen you do trivia was at the Simpsons trivia at Max Funcon East this past year. And you slayed? And like this is in – this is Max Funcon.

This is a group of comedy nerds who have come together because they're comedy nerds for the most part. And Jordan just fucking laid waste. It was like fucking Gilgamesh astride the world. Yeah. I feel a lot of ways about the fact that that's me. But yeah. There's just dead bodies of trivia just everywhere. Yeah, yeah. I mean, trivia just everywhere. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I've done, and they do, they do a, I don't know if they still do it, but out here they did, they did a thing called Stonecutters, which is a delightful Simpsons reference that I'm sure many people get. It's, if I'm not mistaken, that was the center fielder on Mr. Burns' softball team, right? Right. Yes. Sorry. I'm thinking of Ken Griffith Jr.

You're thinking of Ken Griffith Jr. Sorry, sorry. Yeah, who got gigantism from drinking too much nerve tonic? He sure did. But yeah, and I feel like, I mean, that is even like a, you know, not just a general comedy nerd, but that is a Simpsons nerd who is in there. It's specific, and also it requires a lot,

considering how long, how many episodes you would have had to watch religiously. Well, I mean, here's the thing about your Simpsons trivia nights. Okay.

Is I think there is a, there is a, There's a golden age? Yes. There's a golden age. There's an unspoken kind of zone where the trivia takes place.

Got it. And you can maybe go a season back or a season forward, but there's a- None of the recent ones. There's a sweet spot. What are we talking about? There's a sweet spot. Two through 10?

Yeah, maybe two through 13. Right. That makes sense. Yeah, I think that's the generous span. That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, nobody is asking you stuff from last year. Sure.

Do you, have you ever- What was the episode when Lady Gaga was on? Oh, I do like, I think New Simpsons are really funny. Every time I catch one, I'm like, what a funny show.

But I was talking actually to someone recently about this, about how when The Simpsons came on originally, it was considered so edgy. And now we've just,

you know, now between Archer and South Park and- Yeah. Well, don't have a cow, man. Yeah. Whoa, Jesse. Cut Park. Yeah. Well, Jordan have a cow, man. Yeah. Whoa, Jesse. Cut the back talk.

Hey, Jordan. I remember that was a thing moms didn't like about Bart was that he did so much back talk. Yes, remember that? He back talked to his parents who you're supposed to respect. And now, like, watch South Park and it's like. Yeah, right, exactly. Your mom's a bitch. Sure, yeah.

Is that not? A character's a taint. Yeah. There's a taint. I assume. I don't watch. And it's A character's a taint. Yeah. I assume. I don't watch. And it's Ayn Rand's taint. Right. It's Ayn Rand's taint.

Here to teach everyone. Hey, buddy, I'm Ayn Rand's taint. And then it sings like a weirdly competent song. Where the rubber meets the taint. The government is holding you back from fulfilling your true potential, buddy. My shit coin. Also Scientology. potential, buddy. Buy shit coin. Also Scientology. Yeah.

Yeah. There you go. Helen, how do you, how do you, how, you ever go to a trivia night at a bar or that kind of thing? Yeah. And I am okay. I'm okay. I'm never the, the pinch hitter. But, but, you know, there are certain things that I am passionate about, TNG, obviously.

General sci-fi, sci-fi movies. Okay. Yeah. I feel like I, as a public radio host, am obliged to sometimes attend pub quizzes as the guest of someone who's friends of someone that I'm friends with or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. And look, I'm not going to sit here and tell you I don't know a lot of things. I think I've got a reputation as a kind of guy who would know a lot of things.

And I probably know a lot of things. I'm fucking horrible at it. Really? I could not be more bad at it. You're kidding. It's so brutal. It is like excruciating every time I do it because all it is is people like looking at my, you know, my corduroy trousers. Sport coat.

My corduroy sport coat and saying. Corduroy trousers and corduroy shirt. Matching corduroy everything. They're like, you, you, sir, appear to know the answer to trivia questions. It's the corduroy shoes. Yes. Like, please let us know. Wait, sir, in the corduroy stocking cap.

Yeah, and I'm like, is this about my favorite episode of Stella? Because I know that. Right. It's the one where he says he needs a jelly remover for photo albums. Right. But besides that. Well, I do feel like every time I listen to you on the radio I learn something but maybe it's not

I'm just asking questions that's the that's the interviewer's hustle the interviewer's hustle is you don't actually have to know the answer if you ask it I

speaking of classic sci-fi I had watched Logan's Run for the first time has anybody ever seen this? this is like a 1970s sci-fi remake of Smoke watched Logan's Run for the first time. Has anybody ever seen this? This is like a 1970s sci-fi remake of Smokey and the Bandit. Yes, yeah, exactly.

There's a lot of hovercrafts jumping and stopping in midair. And then banjo music plays. I think that's what happens in Smokey and the Bandit. Maybe it's not. I could be thinking of the Dukes of Hazzard. I don't care. At Gas Station TV. You're definitely describing the Dukes of Hazzard, but good enough.

Yeah. You know what? Fine. Fine. If that's not good enough for you. We're not good at trivia. If that's not good enough for you, you're not going to like this. What happens in this movie is a robot puts on a red, white, and blue Stars and Stripes

leather jumpsuit, gets on a motorcycle, and jumps the Snake River Gorge. There you go. There's somebody in a Daisy Duke. Yeah, there you go. Ideally. Yeah. Logan's Run is one of those- Are you talking about now?

It's one of those striking 70s movies. Okay. And it's pre-Star Wars, which is kind of impressive, is that it kind of builds this side- You kind of tend to think of sci-fi, worldy movies as all being Star Wars ripoffs. Yeah. This is pre-Star Wars. Yeah.

I basically think that the history of sci-fi movies went a trip to the moon. Right. Then 2001, then Star Wars, then all other sci-fi movies. Yeah. That's kind of like where I'm at. So maybe that's why I don't know Logan's run. And then once in a while you meet somebody who's just like a little bit too old,

like they were just a little bit too old to be into Star Wars as a kid, but they're a nerd and they're like, oh, Planet of the Apes! Yes, sure. Planet of the Apes? I mean, nope, I don't meet any I don't, but yeah, okay. You know, I definitely had a Planet of the Apes summer as a kid. You did? Oh yeah. Oh, I definitely had a Planet of the Apes summer as a kid.

You did? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I had a Planet of the Apes summer. Were you dressed up as an ape? Yes. Yeah. I just – I wandered around the house in an ape mask.

Made everyone call you professor. Yeah. I called my little sister Bright Eyes where I watched – I mean those movies get crazy. Like the second one has underground mole people who worship a bomb. I was about to say, isn't there one with mole people? Yeah. That's the second one. The second one.

They're like, shit, we can't do any more ape stuff. Better go to bomb worshiping. But Logan's Run is one of those like 70s movies that is really fun to look at, but just, like, fucking, it's so boring. It's just boring. Yeah, that's the thing is that they move so slowly. Yeah, there's kind of a crazy plastic surgery bubble that shoots lasers. That's cool. But then they go, spoilers for Logan's Run, they go out of their dome city into, like, the ruins of society.

And they pick up some Coors. Yeah. Get it to the East Coast. Uh-huh. And then they run away from Boss Hog. Yeah. And they're from a society where there's no old people. So they meet their first old person.

I feel like there's a recent Netflix movie or series that ripped off this concept. Oh, maybe. Where, uh... 13 Reasons Why? 17 Reasons Why? How many reasons why are there? How many? Hard to say.

Somebody ends up dead. Yeah. Um, it's about a suicide. Anyway, uh, yeah, I feel like I, I heard or was talking to someone about a Netflix project that's this exact concept

about no old people. There's just so much Netflix stuff. They're like, we need to make more stuff. Where do they get all the money? Because they're only getting $9.99 out of me a month. And there are nine people using my Netflix account. Netflix really,

really wants me to watch more Canadian reality TV. You watch one episode of their knockoff of Canadian American Pickers, and just the rest of forever. It's like if you have a babysitter that watches one anime on your Netflix, and then you're just fucked forever. My Netflix is fucked forever. Wow. It's Canadian Pickers in one piece. Yeah.

Wow. It's Canadian Pickers and One Piece. Yeah. But they go on to the Wreckage Society and they meet their first old person. And it's this crazy man who lives in like Congress. And he has like the ruins of Congress. Okay. Not the acts of Congress.

No. Yeah. He lives in a constant state of fucking. It's Sting. They meet Sting who's in the middle of a 30-year orgasm. It's all tantric all the time. And there's this old man who's crazy, and he's talking about...

He lives in Capitol Hill. And it's full of cats, and he's like, oh, all the cats have three names. They have their normal name, and then they have their fancy name. And then he says something, there's a third thing, and the piece like, oh, all the cats have three names. They have their normal name and then they have their fancy name. And then he says something. There's a third thing. I'm like, shit, that's the fucking best.

This is making me want to watch Logan's run. Yeah. Immediately. Somebody should have like sent you that clip as a college graduation gift. Yeah. Cats have a fancy name. And just as a kind of a general – It's the name we don't say in every date.

And, yeah, I mean I think that's just kind of a general life goal for me. I think maybe that's kind of where I'm headed. And then a name that – Oh, no, to live in wreckage and name cats, I think, is probably where I'm headed. That's amazing. Yeah. I don't think you could make a more carefully honed Jordan Morris pandering moment in a film. It's like if J. Keith Van Straten had a scene in a movie where Mike Trout was getting double points because he used the Chase Sapphire Reserve.

You know? Yeah. I watched The French Connection. Oh, yeah. French Connection's great. With Gene Hackman? Yeah. great. With Gene Hackman? Yeah. Okay.

Fucking Gene Hackman is so fucking good in that movie. Yeah. Nothing. The movie is great. It's my, I mean, I have talked many times about the only kind of movie that I really want to watch moving forward is movies like that George Clooney movie, The American, which is to say boring art house action movies that have a lot of European nudity.

And basically that's exactly what The French Connection is. It's the 70s version of that. It's the 70s version of that, which involves just a lot of shots of freeways in New York City. Like just a lot of driving down those freeways that are in New York City. And full bush? Oh, so much bush. I don't know if there was bush in the French Convention. I don't know.

George Bush was in it? I had to get up at five o'clock in the morning to drive to my cabin to meet the appliance delivery people because my washer and dryer died. So I'm like, I had to just, I just redlined it all the way to the Sierra Mountains. And I got there and got the appliance. And then my wife and kids weren't coming for another six hours. So I was like, yeah, it's VHS time, baby. Just popping them in, popping them in. Sure, be kind.

Rewind. VHS time. And pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow. Three days of the condor yeah loving it yeah it was great I've gotten to the age now

where I just want to watch the movies that I already like over and over and over again and they're always like post star yeah exactly I'm now nine first ten minutes of Toy Story and I just want to watch post Star Wars. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I'm now nine. It's the first ten minutes of Toy Story. Yeah. And I just want to watch post Star Wars.

I'll just watch Alien again and again and again and again. That's pretty dope. And then I'll intermittently then watch Aliens. Yeah. And then go back to watching Alien. Yeah. And then Alien Resurrection. You'll skip three.

And then the original Blade Runner. And then the original Blade Runner. And then the original Blade Runner. What's your preferred original Blade Runner? Do you have a preference? I like the director's cut, which is the cut with no narration. I have a... Because I think the narration is bullshit. Like, we get it.

We know what's happening. We're not five. So I had only seen Blade Runner once as a teenager when you watch Blade Runner or whenever. Yeah. In my case, my friend's dad took us to a screening of the director's cut because it was the most important movie of his life. And he explained to me that they lived on a boat. His son didn't have to brush his teeth as long as he used a toothpick. Continue.

What? Yeah. So I... Hello, gingivitis. And I remember my reaction at the time being like, oh, no, I'm bored by this classic movie everyone loves. Oh, no. Am I dumb?

Am I... What? Why didn't I like... I like this sort of thing, but I don't... You know, it was a panic. And I think it was, you know, at that time in high school, like, I think when I wanted to be a movie dude. That's how I felt when I watched Citizen Kane.

That's a funny one. I was like, what? Why are you? It's long and boring and black and white. Like, what is happening? I really like Blade Runner. It's definitely boring. I mean, like, it's a boring film, but it's the right kind of boring.

It's like the sci-fi equivalent of The American. It's just like things walking past that look beautiful and a lot of tense silences. And Sean Young in those shoulder pads. Acrobatic fighting. Sean Young in those shoulder pads. Acrobatic fighting. And then I was in kind of a group that was going to see the remake. Right.

The sequel, I guess, 2049 or whatever. And I'm like, okay, well, I haven't watched it. I want to go to this movie with friends. I don't remember liking Blade Runner. but maybe I was in high school. We change. We become more sophisticated. So you hadn't seen it in decades. Yeah.

So I noticed it was on TV, so I DVR'd it. So I started it up, and I'm like, the voiceover comes on. So I'm like, oh, this is that voiceover version everybody hates. Because I know a lot of people who feel ways about the Blade Runner voiceover. This is the life I lead. And I'm like, I know he's in show business. You mean how dumb and unnecessary it is? He was on Scandal.

Yeah. One episode. You're still getting residual checks. Four dollars. Residual is the most beautiful word in the English language. He brunches with Shonda. I wish I brunched with Shonda. I'd love to.

That's like the ideal. How could you possibly get a better brunch date than Shonda? Oprah. Oprah. If you brunch with Oprah. Wallace Shawn. RuPaul. Oh, Wallace Shawn.

That's a great brunch date. Mine is Wallace Shawn and RuPaul. Sure, yeah. Together? How glamorous. Yeah, I think so. I've met Wallace Shawn. How'd that go?

He's so rad. I met him at a Bernie Sanders progressive reading event. I'm just guessing by the dance you're doing in your seat right now. Lombada event. Yeah. And it was really, really cool. And he just looks like someone who just grants wishes. He's just tiny and white haired and just looks like he could grant wishes.

And you just want to be like, I want to be two inches taller. Like I just want to tell him my hopes and dreams and I want a unicorn. When I had him on Bullseye, I read two of his books and loved them. And he was a gifted filmmaker, playwright, I should say, gifted actor. He's just a delight. The thing I really wanted to tell him that I couldn't figure out how to tell him without sounding like a dope

was how much I admire the amount of pathos that he brings to his toy dinosaur character in the Toy Story movies. Because both of my older kids, my four-year-old and my six-year-old, have both gone through real heavy Toy Story periods. So I've seen them a shit ton of times. And first of all, it's great because you could hardly ask for better movies to see a shit ton of times.

But also, every time I think, like, he doesn't have to be this good in this he doesn't have to actually act he could just he could just be the guy with that crazy voice you know they didn't hire him because he's great at acting they hired he could just yeah exactly um so i so i dvr this blade runner i noticed that it was the voice everyone like well maybe i shouldn't even watch it because people hate this thing. Maybe I should just find a Blu-ray. Find the original, the best. Okay, and? But it was not

time. I think the movie was happening yesterday. I'm like, well, I'll just watch it. Your laser disc player was in the shop. Yeah, right. Exactly. Because I care about aspect ratio. Ratios. So I watched this voiceover version. and I'm like, huh, okay. Yeah, that moved a little better. It was easier to understand.

I loved it. I loved the voiceover. No. I think less of you. No, you should. You should. Many do. I can guarantee you everyone listening to the podcast also does.

Oh. And that's okay. I just have to accept that's who I am. I can guarantee you everyone listening to the podcast also does. And that's okay. I just have to accept that's who I am. I'm a guy who likes the happy ending Blade Runner. Can I give you some real talk? Yeah. I think I like the voiceover too. What?

I like it both ways. But I think I like the voiceover. No, I can't even watch the voiceover one. It makes you sick. It literally like, because I have like the DVD where I have both on either side. Oh, those, yeah, first generation DVDs. Yeah, where you could like,

you could flip it over. That's how old it is. And sometimes I'll put it in the wrong side and I'll start hearing Harrison Ford just talking for no reason. He is phoning it in too. I kind of like that about it. Bastards.

I have to stop it immediately and flip it over. Things are getting a little tense. Yeah, should we take a quick break? We'll take a little break. Calm our fury. We'll all bite down on our bite blocks. We'll be back on Jordan and Jesse Go in just a second. It's Jordan and Jesse Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Oh, boy, Jordan. Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah, here it comes. Here it comes. I'm vibrating, Jordan, and it's not just because I've been playing with my tuning fork collection. Is it because we've got a sponsor?

Yeah, we've got a sponsor on this week's program. It's our friends from Zip Recruiter. Jordan, I'm a small business owner. Yes, but wait, so you're a small business owner, but are you hiring? Yeah, I'm hiring all the time. I'm a fucking job creator, Jordan. Yeah. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. Every time

I'm hiring, I think, I should post an ad on job sites. Right. But here's my concern. Number one, there's too many job sites. I'm going to have to go here, there, and everywhere. Number two, I'm not going to get quality candidates. So I don't know what to do. I'm torn. I'm torn. Here's what you're going to have to go here, there, and everywhere. Number two, I'm not going to get quality candidates. I don't know what to do. I'm torn. Here's what you're going to want to do, Jesse.

I mean, small business owner. Yeah, sure. Small business owner to small business owner. Yeah, we're a couple of small business owners. Here's what I do. Here's what I do when I want to hire. I go to ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo.

It's revolutionized hiring. Their technology finds great candidates for you. It learns what you're looking for, identifies people with the right experience, and invites them to apply to your job. Wait a minute. That sounds almost too good to be true. That sounds like an easy way to hire. I mean, this website will post my job to tons of job sites around the country, and then it will actually use algorithms to get qualified candidates? Yeah.

This is disgusting. Hey, here's something better. This sickens me. It gets better. You can try it for free if you go to ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. Free. Try it for free. ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo.

ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. If you want to advertise on Jordan Jesse Go, drop us a line at TeresaAtMaximumFun.org. And if you want to get up on the Jumbotron and share your message if you're a Jordan Jesse Go listener and you just want to tell somebody you love them or in a disappointing way. Yes. You know, like in a way where— Yeah, real underwhelming. Really?

You dropped $100 on that, huh? Okay. Meanwhile, we're saying that's well below market value. Absolutely. I mean, our ads are worth at least $120. Yeah. Just make sure you don't need that money for medicine. Yeah.

Go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Let's get back to the show. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Helen Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Helen Hong, the Black Panther who's yellow. Yeah. Fucking righteous.

Yeah. I don't know if I would end it with a question mark next time you say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But pretty fucking righteous, Helen. I wasn't sure if I was feeling it, but then I was. Yeah, that's dope. Thank you. It sounded like you were feeling it at the beginning and you stopped feeling it at the end, to be fair. I think that will go over better than a couple months ago when I was Jordan Morris Male Wonder Woman.

That wasn't my most popular nickname. People had some concerns. It was weird. We got some thoughtful. You know, I'm just a fan of the DC Universe. We got some thoughtful letters. Yeah. Next time, go with Firestorm the Nuclear Jordan.

Yeah, sure. Adult Robin. Oh, I like Adult Robin. Adult Robin. Adult Robin kind of works. Robin in thicker tights. Jordan, we added a guest during the break there. Yeah.

Bonus guest. An old friend of this program. Yeah. If you've been listening to this show for a decade or more, you may remember her first appearance. Beloved singer-songwriter. She also has a brand new record coming out called Love Rush, Rachel Cantu.

Hi, Rachel. Hi, guys. Rachel Cantu. Yeah, the last time you were on the show, it was like a Jesse's Apartment show. Yeah. Yeah. You're full on studio now. Now it's a live-work loft. Yeah. From apartment to loft.

What's next? Small house? Condo? Only time will tell. Yeah, thank you for... Yeah, Rachel, in addition to being a beloved musician and music industry person, is someone I went to high school with. What? Really someone I went to high school with. What?

Really? We went to high school together. Because they're high school buddies? Yeah. Yeah, so definitely like it was one of those things where I'm like, oh, nobody from high school

lives in LA. Rachel Cantu does. Hey. I feel like your high school made good already with just the two of you. Who's the other than us? Oh, is this that?

I feel like we're going to get in trouble. Yeah. Listen, Capo Valley has a lot of prestigious graduates. Who are the people on the list? Who are the top people from your high school? Not from your

class. You don't have to tell me who did and didn't become sad. Oh, somebody was a Secret Service. Oh, yeah. And I think someone was on a lima date. Remember a lima date? Wow. That might top the list.

A lima date was like the low-rent version of Chris Hardwick's Shipmates, which in turn was the low-rent version of several other long chain of... What president were they a Secret Service person for? Oh, wow. Wow.

Cool. That's rad. Protecting Obama. Sure. But that's not a limba date. No, that's not. That's no limba date. I feel like if you're in the Secret Service, do you want that Obama assignment or are you afraid of it?

Because here's the thing. Nobody was out there trying to kill George H.W. Bush. You know what I mean? George Herbert Walker Bush was safe. He was walking around no sweat on his brow. Right. But you know there's like a billion people trying to kill Obama now. Like now there's probably a thousand people trying to kill Obama.

Even you just saying that like hurts my heart. It's terrifying. I people trying to kill Obama. Even you just saying that like hurts my heart. Terrifying. I'm not wearing those words. If you're the Secret Service agent, do you want the walk in the park or do you want the action? Are you Harrison Ford in one of those movies that he played? Wasn't he? No, he was the president. You're thinking of Air Force One. Maybe?

Who is the actor that keeps playing Secret Service agents in all the movies? Wallace Shawn. He's the most delightful of all the Secret Service agents. Clint Eastwood. Before we move on, we have calls. We're going to take calls. Rachel's going to play a song. It's going gonna be a great

back half of the show i just you want to check in you know you know me i'm always checking in absolutely always checking you're not checked out i'm not checked out you're checked i'm checked in uh got fucking dunstan over here yeah um even though you prefer the narrated version of Blade Runner that's what I was going to check in about Rachel for your benefit last segment ended on a pretty scorching me being very disappointed

that I found that I preferred the version of Blade Runner that has narration which is apparently an insult to everything Helen stands for. The bastardized version. The wrong one. Then I'm glad I missed it.

Yeah. But are you feeling like you can continue the show with me, someone who is? Okay. Okay, thank you. Because it's even now that it's two girls and two guys? No, I'm swallowing the bitter pill that is Jordan's Blade Runner taste. Oh, you really? Thank you.

Thank you for swallowing. Yeah. I can't wait to listen. Oh, things get real. Things get real. They get raw, uncensored. Anyway, I didn't give you an actual pill. What did you just swallow there?

The bitterness. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Oh, pure, swallow there? The bitterness. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Oh, pure, materialized in your mouth. Yep. Just constantly sitting in a little pocket. Yeah. Tastes metallic.

When something momentous happens to you, like you swallow a pill of pure bitterness, we ask you call us for our segment Momentous Occasions. Which segment we are currently in? The phone number 206-984-4FUN The phone number 206-984-4FUN. That's 206-984-4FUN. Here's our first telephone call. Hi, this is Luke in Seattle.

Pause it, Brian, pause it. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. This is Luke with a dedication. He sounded like a male version of The Coast. Hi. Hi. This is Luke with a dedication.

He sounded like a male version of, like, the Coast Love on the Coast. That's what, yeah. He was hosting a call-in request show. So I hope maybe he's going to play some love songs that I can listen to at the office. The question is about his radio show. Hi. Okay, press play. I have a quick question for you guys. Are there any lovers out there?

Is anyone sleepless in Seattle? Momentous occasion. We've got a request for The Rain by Orin Juice Jones. Momentous occasion. We've got Al B. Schur going out to Frank in Lompoc. Hi, this is Luke in Seattle, and I'm calling with a moment of shame. I actually worked on storyboards for a lottery commercial that played on one of those gas station TV screens you guys have been talking about. So not only do they program the screens, They actually have content made specifically

for those screens that is not screened anywhere else. And I helped contribute to that. I mean, I don't think... Okay, we love you too, buddy. We love you. It's not so much that there's content made for it. It's that that content has to be made by

professionals. Sure, with sensual voices. This is my question. Not that, I mean, you know. You think anybody ever told that guy he's got a real voice for storyboard? You have a real voice for gas pumps. Yeah, I mean, I guess that's kind of my thing is that, like, storyboard artist is, I mean, it's a real indoor kid job. It's solitary.

Yeah. But this guy has these honeyed tones. Yeah. And a career in outdoor media. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Yeah, I was feeling stirrings. Yeah.

Can he just do – maybe here's my advice to the caller. Luke, if you're out there, ditch gas station TV storyboarding. It's a dead industry. Get out there and join an R&B band, a 90s style R&B band, and just do the part where they stop singing and you talk to the ladies.

Hey, girl. Why can't that be the video at the gas station? Right? Just someone seducing you? Because those things scare the shit out of me. Yeah. Because I always get out of your car and nobody's around. It's like...

Yeah. People are coming at you with the entertainment news. Hey, girl. You want three Red Bulls for $5? You want a discount on fiddle faddle? You head into the gas. I'm just sweetly talking to you. Yeah.

I'm like, oh, maybe I do. I feel like Orin Juice Jones could have a hit song called Storyboard, in parentheses, of our love. Oh. Yeah. Like, I'm drawing it, baby. You know what I mean? I mean, I'm just waiting for the day that gas station TV needs, you know, original entertainment content. I mean, maybe that's where I make my name in entertainment.

Jordan, why do we not have a gas station TV show? We're talking about gas station TV every week. Yeah. We're buzz marketing. It's nothing but good stuff. What would be the limit? 30 seconds?

Like, is that like, right. I feel like that's too long. Yeah. I think that is too long. Think about it. Let's say it's 15 seconds.

Right. And then you also have to let people know how much beef jerky is. So it's maybe like – So it's seven seconds? Yeah, so seven seconds for story and then four seconds for beef jerky information. So if we just say – I'm going to say on the ideal one, you have 10 seconds of funny and five seconds of jerky content. That describes almost every episode of Jordan, Jesse, Go. That's true, yeah.

We are already there. Also, Kevin can wait. Yeah. Kevin can wait. Okay, let's take another call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, Chompy. This is Andrew. I'm from Vancouver, and I have a very, very big momentous occasion.

I saved someone's life. Wow. A friend of mine was ODing on prescription drugs, and I called the cops, and I went through everything with her, and she's not dead. So that's pretty cool. Thanks. Talk to you later. Nope, too dark.

Oh, wow. Yeah. And then he ends it with, and that was pretty cool. She's not dead. Yeah. That was pretty cool. Thumbs up. Yeah.

Thumbs up emoji. I feel like calling in from Vancouver, he was a little disappointed that she didn't say something crazy while she was ODing so he could call it in to overheard Sunstop Podcasting herself. Yeah, he's wondering which one to call. He's like, I'll just have to settle for Jordan Jesse Go. Yeah, his reaction to saving his friend's life was the same thing you would say after you were coming out of seeing Liam Neeson's The Commuter. Hey, that was pretty cool. Nice. Yeah, B+.

B+. Solid B. I'm not saying B+. I'm saying B. If I talked a friend out of ordering an undesirable menu item at one of my favorite restaurants that I'd taken them to, I would be more excited than that dude was about getting the paramedics. I feel like I would be more excited about saving 50 cents on beef jerky. Right. I've got good news for you, Ellen. Yeah, I guess that's why our friend, although he is, I mean, it sounds like he's a hero.

He's a great friend. Yeah. A brave guy. He's a low-key hero. But I'm sorry, he will never get a job announcing jerky specials on gas station TV. I'm sorry. That's just not how this business works. Is that the answer he wanted?

I think so. Yeah. He should take over the job of the guy, the storyboard guy. So he should be the storyboard guy. And then the storyboard guy should be like, hey, girl, that guy. Don't die, girl. Yeah. I got you.

Hey, girl, expose your breastplate so I can jam this hypodermic needle filled with adrenaline into it, girl. Hey, girl, the paramedics are on their way. Yeah. Hey, girl, I'm all about that harm reduction. I feel like gas station TV is a great career goal for both of us. Yeah, absolutely. Together or apart. I think that maybe one of the mistakes of the earlier part of my entertainment career,

and I don't mean to brag, but I had a lot of buzz. I hosted a show for over a month on television. Wow. I think that one of my mistakes was maybe... Was it Eliminate? Yeah. Two. Eliminate two.

Yeah. It was called Sinking Ship. Yeah. I feel like one of the big mistakes I made was telling other entertainment industry personages, such as powerful personages, that my career goal was to have a job

that it was unnoticed that I still had that job or show, like that I was still doing my show. And they're like, that show is still... What network is it on? You wanted to be on a Suits or something. No, no. Far beyond Suits. Su be on a Suits or something. I wanted to be on a... No, no.

Far beyond Suits. Okay. Suits is a show watched by millions. Okay. I wanted the current equivalent of a late night show on the Pop Network. I just want someone to pay me to do that and no one notices and it's fine. I don't want steaks. I mean, I want steaks.

Yeah. We're talking crafty. We're talking crafty. We're talking about crafty. That whole T-bone steaks. I mean, I want steaks. Yeah. We're talking crafty. We want enough money to buy a steak. We're talking about crafty. That whole T-bone steak. I love a crafty. Oh, yeah. You have a little jar of red vines.

M&M's if you're lucky. Yeah, bowl M&M's. Like peanut M&M's if you're lucky. These days you maybe have a little fridge with some LaCroix's in it. Ooh. And then just a plate of T-bones. Fancy. You can grab one and go.

Sure. Take one bite and plate of T-bones. You can grab one and go. Sure. Take one bite and huck it behind you. Can I get a ribeye cap, please, and six red vines? Maybe a cherry clan? Maybe not. I mean, I know this has kind of been a tough podcast interpersonally with Helen and I's Blade Runner blow up. I don't think I can handle any more discord.

I'm a child of divorce. I know you did a great job hosting Elimidate 2. Elimidate? Did you feel slighted? I hosted my Elimidate, which was a website on Yahoo in the late 90s. Did you feel slighted when they chose me to host Eliminate 3 Tokyo Drift? Eliminated? I would have been disappointed.

I didn't even make the final round, and I was impressed that you beat out Bow Wow. Sure, yeah. That guy is charming. Honestly, they wanted him. It was a scheduling thing. They wanted him. It was a scheduling thing. Also, how did you make the date slide sideways like that?

It's incredible. I would love to just – you know Lil' Romeo? You know about Romeo Miller, right? Of course. A.K.A. Lil' Romeo? Yeah. If you go to New York City, I think the only thing keeping the subways rolling is advertising money from some for-profit college whose spokesman is a little romeo no seriously i would love to have that job just to convince people that their dreams are worthwhile

and in so doing ruin their lives i would do it in a minute in a minute i would do that if i just if it was just one day i went i had a professor at, I took one broadcasting class at San Francisco City College that I did not expect to be in Spanish. And our professor, Dr. Carlos of the Carlos y Marty show on KIQI La Grande Diez Diez. One day, one day I went into Walgreens. Thank you. Thank you. And and my professor was dressed, was in a full size, like life size standee dressed as a Walgreens pharmacist just because he was like handsome and Latino and like a silver fox guy. Like he was just exactly who you would want to be or sensual pharmacist. Wow. I just want a career where just one day somebody is just like you can be that pharmacist on that thing and you get residuals.

That's the key. It's the fucking residuals. Every time someone looks at it, you get 10 cents. You just have to say it out loud. Manifest it. Manifest it. Sorry. Rachel, you know about the, I mean, you're living off the ASCAP BMI money. Every time

they run one of your songs on the coast. Every time the coast runs out one of your songs. 4.00001. Every time somebody calls into Art LeBeau and says, hey, this is Frank from Folsom. I want to dedicate a Rachel Cantu song to my girl. She stayed with me while I've been locked up. Rachel, we're talking about successful Kappa Valley graduates. Something came to mind while we were talking.

I want to know if you remember this. There was like a guy who, God, who started a clothing line like in high school, started his own T-shirt company or whatever. And I'm like, I could see that still being around because the clothing line was called Balls Deep. No. Do you remember that? Yes. No.

Can you like go into a PacSun and buy Balls Deep t-shirts? Was it unironical? Did you own any? No, I did not. I wish I did. I mean, if I had like one of the original batches. Yeah. That's like getting like the original pressing of a record.

Please explain like one of the t-shirts. I just vaguely remember a guy in long shorts who drove a pickup truck. Rachel, I need you as a friend of Jordan's lo these past 20 years. Jordan's low these past 20 years. I need you to confirm my imaginary picture of Jordan's high school years, which just involved like 60% every American high school, 40% guys in long shorts driving lifted pickup trucks and ruining punk rock for everyone. I mean, yeah. Okay.

Sure. Sure. Wait, what? Where is this? I cannot remember the logo. I just remember yeah. Okay. Yeah, sure. Sure. Wait, what? Where is this tattoo? I cannot remember the logo. I just remember- Orange County. Orange County. I just remember that everyone was so impressed that this guy at 17 or whatever had started

a t-shirt company, and it was anyway. Ballsy. So hey, if you're out there and you have a- Send us a t-shirt. Send us a t-shirt. Send us a t-shirt. We're plugging it. We have a producer on the show, Brian. Don't Google.

No, don't Google Paul T. Don't Google it. No. No. Google Paul T. Rachel, when we come back, will you sing a song for us? I will. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Desi Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, We'll see you next time. wherever. I don't know. Just search Wonderful. Google it. You'll probably get there.

What's a great French film about lady cannibals? What's the song of the summer? How do you say cheese in Spanish? What should I binge watch next? Hey, how did Crash win Best Picture? I'm still mad about that. For answers to these questions and so much more, come on over to Pop Rocket,

a pop culture roundtable show with me, Guy Branum, Winter Mitchell, Margaret Wappler, and Karen Tongson. Catch us every Wednesday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you decide to get your podcasts. I'm not going to judge. Or wherever you decide to get your podcast.

I'm not going to judge. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Helen Hong, the Black Panther who's yellow. Rachel Cantu, white girl. Yeah, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Helen Hong, the Black Panther who's yellow. Rachel Cantu, white girl. Yeah, it's true. True all around.

Rachel Cantu, you've got a brand new record on the way. I do. It's nice of you to come by. It's been a great decade. We'll fill you in later. Pretty good decade. The last two years have been a little rough. What's the story with this new record?

What journeys have you gone on in the past decade? That's a good question. No, it isn't. I'm literally a professional interviewer, and I really should have come up with something more specific. Well, this new record is very pop. It came from this past year I've been writing top-line writing, which means writing for other artists, with other artists, for their records, or with producers to pitch to artists or to pitch to TV and film.

And so I've been writing a lot of pop songs, which has been really fun for me. I kind of fell in love with pop music because I play at the Children's Hospital, too. And we do a lot of modern day pop songs and, you know, across the board. But that kind of stuff, do you see the kids light up at like how excited they get at Katy Perry or something like that? So it kind of gave me a whole new appreciation for these pop songs that normally like as a musician, you, you,

you're taught to roll your eyes at, you know? Yeah. Yeah. But it was just like so sweet and it's fun to sing. And I've never, I'm mostly a singer songwriter, which I'll kind of do this here.

But the, um, the song that I'm going to do is fully produced, and it's very pop on the record, and it's not on guitar, so it's kind of fun to play it stripped down here. Yeah. I've heard the single you put out, and it's just terrific. Thank you. And yeah, really great.

Yeah. I think I can't speak for everyone, but I do feel like from my perspective, the pop music landscape has been calling out for a 30-something lesbian in a jean jacket to come and just blow the house down. Let's hope Quincy Jones thinks so. There we go. Now we're talking. He thinks a lot of things. I don't know if you've been following this. He doesn't like anything.

It may be among the things he thinks. How do you stand on kids these days? If you're against him, you might have an in. So what's the song that you're going to sing? It's called You're the Most. Oh. Rachel Cantu with You're the Most. Intriguing.

Intriguing. I'm intrigued. Like what? Yeah. Go on. We'll find out, I'm sure. Is Jordan going to do the rap verse? Yeah.

Okay. Hey, girl. Hey, girl, you want some cheap Red Bulls? Come on inside. Come on inside. Basically every time I look at you I wanna run away Everything inside me tells me not to hang on the words you say I told myself I wouldn't fall again, not this way

But basically every time I look at you, you see me perfectly Is it too soon? Is it too fast? How will we know If it will last? So come on over Come on over Hold me closer Hold me closer, hold me closer.

I'm a loner, that I'll own it. But you're the most I've ever wanted. Basically I'm looking for the words to say Know me tenderly And it scares me not to know If you will hold my hand endlessly And if I go away Will you take the time to remember me? I surprise myself with all the shit I seem to need

Is it too soon? I surprise myself with all the shit I seem to need. Is it too soon? Is it too fast? How will we know if it will last? Is it too soon? Is it too fast? How will we know If it will last? Come on over

Yeah, come on over And hold me closer Hold me closer I'm a loner That I'll own it you're the most i ever wanted you're the most i you're the most i ever wanted ever wanted you're the most i ever wanted you're the most i you're the most I ever wanted You're the most I, you're the most I ever wanted Ever wanted

You're the most I ever wanted So come on over Come on over Hold me closer hold me closer, hold me closer. I'm a loner, let all go near, you're the most I've ever wanted. You're the most I've ever wanted. You're the most I've ever wanted. You're the most I've ever wanted.

Ever wanted. Never wanted, never wanted Rachel Cantu, by the way, transcribed her song into guitar letters for you, ladies and gentlemen. That was an intimate, only on Jordan, Jesse Goh version. It's true. You're going for more of a wall of sound thing on the record, right? It's true. Forty pianos. There's a lot going on in the record. I loved it.

I loved everything about it. What I'm most impressed by, actually, is how small the font is on that paper, which is on the floor, and you can still read it. To be honest, I had a little bit of a panic attack being like, I hope I can read it. Oh, why did I do it in Wing Games? I'm like, I can't see a word. You read the whole thing. I think that helped. I practiced before. I was certain that you were about to say, I loved it. You read the whole thing. I think that helped. I practiced before. Epic.

I was certain that you were about to say, I loved it. I loved everything about it. Notes. Sure. Let's talk about the bridge. I have some thoughts. Was there a bridge? You know what I mean?

Yeah, right. Exactly. If I were to change five things, it would be the five. Sure. Yeah, right, exactly. If I were to change five things, it would be the five. Sure. Rachel, the only thing that I know about actual pop music songwriting is,

I'm sorry for being self-parodic, but a New Yorker article I read one time. You read that New Yorker article that I'm talking about? Wasn't that bananas? Super wild. Santa's? It's like a lady who has a dual gift for melody and coming up with phrases. And a producer will hire her for sessions or she'll collaborate with a producer for sessions. They'll go in. The producer's got a beat, like a hip-hop producer style producer. The producer's got a beat. She goes into the booth and she just goes like, woke fart.

And that's like the next shit that everyone wants to talk about. She just comes up with a perfect three words. I would be bad at this. Really? There's like a science to that? Yeah. That is so mind-blowing that I have now been convinced that that is a thing. You know, now being in the songwriting world, it's bizarre.

I can't remember. She had come up with the key catchphrases on four top ten hits. I think it's Bonnie McKee, and she did mostly all Katy Perry's, like, the big, first big hits, and she did some. Oh. Because, like, at the point that we're in, in 2018, there were certainly, there were artists who are writing songy songs and making them into hits. them into hits um but many hit songs are just kind of lists of parts of songs with and each one has its own set of cool words and a part where it goes and gets really big it's amazing i think that's the one the part that quincy jones hate yeah i feel like the swedes like at some point the swedes oh my god the swedes just the swedes, like at some point the Swedes. Oh my God, the Swedes. The Swedes had like.

They're running away with it. They've been making a living like thinking of. Inexpensive furniture. One great like phrase in slightly broken English, which works really well for this purpose. And then the rest of it was just verse and it was, you know, you don't have to worry about it. You already got the hook. Then they were like, well, what if we just glued seven hooks in a row to each other and each one of them – like that one Justin Timberlake song that's almost good but is actually terrible from the Trolls movie.

I know which one you mean. I sing it a lot at the hospital. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And you're like every part of it you think it's about to become a song but then it's actually just a another thing that happens after the first thing yeah yeah anyway i i wish that you would were doing that and not writing these uh thoughtful beautiful songs that's my point yeah i wish that you were coming in and saying like that's not my job hit yeah smash fucking hit i'll take that selfie i don't know yeah exactly we're here i can't do it

how about this rachel your shit's a little wordy maybe maybe you can hire jordan and me for punch up no man i got gas station shit to take care of you guys have a lot on your plate already. I got one pitch you can have for free. Teen fuck. It's like teens are fucking. They're like 19. They're like 19, but they're having a lot of fun. But you're going to have to make sure it's not a child molesting thing. To be honest, I've been in those sessions where they'll write songs like this,

and it's kind of like my nightmare sessions because sometimes you're in with other writers too. And they just are throwing out phrases? It's going to be super inappropriate and I'm just like sitting there and someone's smoking pot in the corner and I'm just like That's like 1% of the time. But that's happened to me before. I don't want to be associated with this.

I still get credit. You're like, look at my tortoiseshell frames. I am the responsible party here. Actually, I shouldn't even apologize right now, Rachel. I'm also the conch hole for this shit. Our producer Brian's blazing pretty hard out there. Sorry. Yeah, the conch cloud is actually enveloping the studio at this point.

Rachel Cantu, where and when can people find the record april 13th yeah got it all over the map yeah sweet i have a music video for this song coming out very soon nice two very adorable queer non-binary people as the stars adorbs and they're just the best and it's such a sweet video. And yeah, April 13th. Everywhere. Yeah. It's just not physically. All place, yeah. Not everywhere.

Yeah. Sorry, Amoeba. In the cloud, yeah, sorry. Do you perform any rock concerts on behalf of this record? Yes, I'm going to do April 28th, I do believe is the date, at the Hotel Cafe, the second stage. Nice. I think is what they call. The second stage. Nice. I think is what they call that.

Second stage. Nice. I have not been to the second stage. I haven't been to the second stage. It's just like the first stage. But a second one. But a second one. It's near the first one. In Hollywood.

In Hollywood. Hollywood. They say second stage sequentially. Yeah. Like historically second stage. It's just as good as the first stage. It's just that sequentially. Yeah. Like historically second stage. It's not a second. It's just as good as the first stage. It's just that it came later.

I'm not saying that I can't sell out the first stage. It's like. You just. Right. It was just a scheduling thing. It was a scheduling thing. It's like Stegosaurus and Diplodocus. Sure.

It's better. It's better. Yeah. Jordan, can you fact check that joke I just made? What'd you say? Stegosaurus and Diplodocus. What about them? Did they come in different periods

of dinosaurs? Yes, I think they did. Okay, thank God. Then it tracks. Thank goodness. Or Diplodocus was a Cretaceous dinosaur. Hey, listen. Here's what we're doing. I'm going to be at this thing

at the hotel cafe. Come up to me. Say you heard about it on Jordan, Jesse. Go. I'll buy you a drink. Well drink. Yeah. Well drink. You got one well drink.

Wow. Are they full bar? That's pretty generous. Well drink. On me. That's generous. Not the premium shit. Not just beer and wine.

Not just beer and wine. Not just like a PBR. Wow. Well drink. Here's my question. Not George Clooney's tequila. Then I'll buy you a drink. He's buying a beer. A beer. Not just beer and wine. Not just like a PBR. Wow. Well drink. Here's my question. Not George Clooney's tequila. He's buying a beer. A beer.

Low rent beer. Does George Clooney have a tequila? Oh yeah, it's great too. Are you kidding me? Yeah. Casamigos. Oh. That seems almost like braggy from George Clooney to have his own tequila.

That's obnoxious. Yeah. He doesn't need that. And like the ads are hitting. And the fact that it's good too. Yeah, I know. It's better than Turtle's tequila, I'll tell you that much. Fucking Turtle's tequila. Yeah. He doesn't need that. And like the ads are hit. And the fact that it's good, too. Yeah, I know. It's better than Turtles Tequila, I'll tell you that much. Fucking Turtles Tequila.

Yeah, Turtle. I just assumed it was a tequila made by a turtle. Or of squeezing a turtle. I had forgotten Turtle. Television's Turtle. Helen Hong, you can be found on Go Fact Yourself. If people live in Los Angeles, they could go see a Go Fact Yourself live show. That is correct.

Yes. At the Angel City Brewery in downtown Los Angeles. We don't tape every – we tape like every other – we have a weird schedule. But go to MaximumFun.org. We have a page, Go Fact Yourself. And you don't have to be in Los Angeles to subscribe to the Smash Hit Podcast, Go Fact Yourself. You're going to love these facts, folks. Can I say something, Jordan?

Yes. It doesn't matter which side of the issues you're on, okay? It doesn't matter if you're a Republican, a Democrat, voiceover, no voiceover. You can still enjoy Go Fact Yourself. It's a terrific show. I really enjoy it. You'll probably enjoy it more if you're a Democrat. Yeah.

That's just me being frank. Yeah, let's face it. I'm not saying for sure. I'm a terrific show. I really enjoy it. You'll probably enjoy it more if you're a Democrat. Yeah. That's just me being frank. Sure. I'm not saying for sure. I'm just saying probably. Libertarians? Toss up. I don't know. I don't know. Hard to say. Hard to say. No, that's true. They don't listen to a lot of podcasts. If you're Peace and Freedom, though, subscribe now.

Okay? Subscribe. This is the best thing that happened to you since rosanne ran for president in your party okay that's all i got on the peace and freedom party brian fernandez sunny d is our producer you can find us at maximumfund.org at maximumfund.reddit.com to chat about uh this program and on facebook just like j Jesse, Go, where the memes have been so dank. Very dank memes. So dank. Very dank memes.

So dank. You got it. I think we just wrote a song for you, Rachel. Where the rubber meets the dank. D-d-d-d-dank. I think Katy Perry could say that. Yeah, I think Katy Perry could sing that. We're on Twitter, at jessethorn, at jordan underscore morris, at Helen Hong is funny.

No, funny Helen Hong. Funny Helen Hong. Yeah, because some other biatch has my handles. That was not, you have to admit, that was not bad from memory, though, for me. No, you're right. I remember that funny was in it. Yeah. But you forgot about the biatch.

Rachel, where can people find out more about Rachel Cantu? Rachelcantu.net? At Rachel Cantu. R-A-C-H-A-E-L. C-A-N-T-U where I only retweet bad news. Got it. Sweet. Well, that's where Twitter is now.

Rachel, you're one of my favorite sources for bad news on Twitter. I really get a lot of good bad news from you. You know what? I want to amplify a voice. of good bad news from you. You know what? I want to amplify a voice. I want to amplify a voice. You know what I like? I like that I can turn on the news and find out that something bad happened.

Thank you. I just like to get a little bad news once in a while. You know what I mean? Yeah. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, Go. How about that? Maximumfun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported.