Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 527: Real Wemon Have Curves with Kimmy Gatewood

Episode Date: April 17, 2018

Director and actor Kimmy Gatewood joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of her wrestling injuries from her time on Netflix's G.L.O.W., Jordan's childhood friends who had a secret Sega Genesis they hid from their strict parents, and Jesse's complicated feelings about indie wrestling and minor league basketball.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan Jesse Goh, you're home for 80 minutes of bullshit. You know, but with a good attitude. 70 or 90 if you're lucky. We can't be bothered to keep track.

No. How are you doing, buddy? I'm doing good. I'm a little frazzled. I'm not going to lie to you. Yeah. I'm sitting there. You look like you did.

You look like you just did. If I could paint a picture for the audience. Yeah. You look like you just did a cartoon science experiment. Uh-huh. Because your hair has turned black and it's standing up yeah and also it's hair you did not have before right so it's new hair right it looks recently exploded right and i mean i couldn't see your eyes until you took your palms and wiped and just wiped right out So now I can see them. And now I look like I'm Ted Danson

at Whoopi Goldberg's birthday party. Oh, wow. That sure happened 40 years ago. When did that happen? I don't know, 1991. Sounds like some 1991 shit. No, so you're not doing a cartoon science experiment. I was literally sitting. You were lighting a cartoon science experiment. I was literally sitting.

You were lighting a circular black bomb. I was sitting on my sofa facing the classic question that faces all old millennial dads, which is, how far away is far away enough for my six-year-old to be from the television if I want to play Fallout 4? Mm-hmm. Which was definitely traumatic to a child. Sure. Just nothing but insane. I have not played Fallout 4, but I'm kind of imagining the kind of thing that goes on in Fallout 4. A lot of maybe like mutant dismemberment.

Yeah, there's a lot of something called meatball, which is just a ball of bag. No, meat bag. It hangs from like a light pole. You know what I'm talking about? No, I don't. A bag of meat that hangs from a light pole? You know, a light pole like a street light. Like a street light is the word I'm looking for.

I know what a street light is. Okay. That part I know. So hanging from a street light word I'm looking for. I know what a streetlight is. Okay. That part I know. So hanging from a streetlight is a – I'm with you. Do you remember on The Simpsons when – Probably. Go ahead.

When either Lenny or Carl, I can't remember which one, said, Honeydew, that's the money melon. Is it cantaloupe that's the money melon? Oh, yeah. Okay. Anyway, you know that bag that like – that bag of netting that the pirates used to trap all the Simpsons characters on the ship? Like a big, like a fishing net that was holding all the Simpsons characters in a big ball above the deck of the ship. Right.

Imagine that, but with like bloody red chunks of flesh. Okay. That's a meat bag from the game Fallout 4. How does this enter into the narrative of the game? Well, you got to watch out for rads. Okay. Well, this has become clearer. Thank you.

Thank you for clearing this up. I really, I was just. This really is a good example of how futile it is to explain a video game to someone who is not playing that video game. Like I like video games. Right. You're a video game enthusiast. Sure. But I still don't know what you're talking about.

And it sounds like dork nonsense and I want to bully you. Here's the thing. As long time Jordan Jesse Goh listeners know, I went through a period of about a year or a year and a half where all I did with my emotional energy was play the video game Skyrim which is like a fantasy Lord of the Rings epic adventure you know where you wander around and you kill mammoths and elves and stuff and I was way into it of too into it and so when by the time I got to the end of it I put it away forever I didn't get any expansion it, I put it away forever. I didn't get any expansion packs. I just put it away forever and I said, I can't do this. It's eating up too much of my life.

Then recently, I'd finally gotten to the point where my baby was about nine months old, which is like past the initial nightmare period. Should we introduce our guest and then we'll continue? She's really making her presence felt. We're grateful for it. We're grateful for it. She's having fun. That's why. I thought this thing was off.

You've been reading Marmaduke comics on your phone waiting to be introduced. She's the first guest on our program ever to be introduced while wearing corrective gear for a wrestling injury. She's one of the stars of the television program Glow that comes to you on the Internet on your Netflix. Kimmy Gatewood. Hi, guys. Thanks. Oh, Marmaduke, I'll see you later. Hope you get those sausages, buddy. Hope you get those sausages, buddy.

And also, while we're listing credits, also a director of comedy segments on the Joel McHale show also on Netflix. Oh, superb. Yes, got into the DGA last year, you guys. D-G-A. Yeah. Damn. Sounds like addition to your resume. DGA. Sounds like my character in Skyrim isn't the only guild member in this room.

Before we go from Skyrim to Fallout 4. I thought it was pronounced Skyrim. I'm just letting everyone know. You've only seen it written. You've never seen them. Yeah. I mean, I hung out with a lot of video game nerds. Sure.

I don't know. It's okay. Thank you. You are, so your wrist guards that you're wearing now, am I calling those the right thing? Yeah. They smell like feet a little because I have to wear them all the time

and this is just what happens. In the shower? No, no, I don't. Not in the shower, but good question. These are like a tendinitis or repetitive stress injury equipment but they're not from excessive mousing or typing. They're from the classic sources. They're from engaging in too much wrestling.

Yes. There were two moves that got me, guys. Okay. The first one – Which is that you – people know that GLOW is a wrestling show? Oh, yeah. It's a wrestling show. You're a gorgeous ladies of wrestling is what the letters stand for.

Based on the 80s show, Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. No, it's a narrative show. Also featuring past guest Marc Maron. As a surprisingly well-suited to the program actor. Yes. Good work, Marc Maron. Yeah. So the first move was called a sunset flip.

I jammed my thumb into our trainer. And then you say it's like, if Jesse was like bent over touching his knees, I would fly over you, which I am. It's not what you think audience. He's trying to suck his own dick. not would not do a sunset flip in this tiny little office um i would jump over you go through your legs and then pull you down and basically i jammed my finger and then injured my right wrist okay the left wrist was a thing called the pat o'connor so jordan imagine if yes you were not facing me and i shoved you into the ropes and then threw you over my shoulder and then we landed butt to butt. Yeah. I hurt my wrist doing that. Oh, my gosh. So these are two – you have – so you're not just wearing these for – these are two separate injuries that just happen to have the same remedy. I just assumed there was a wrestling move that involved a lot of typing.

So why is that move called the Pat O'Connor? I guess I can kind of imagine the sunset flip. What I'm wondering specifically, and thank you for asking this question, Jordan, because it's the exact one that was on my mind. Yeah. Is Pat O'Connor a person or a racist? Fake name. I guess xenophobic, more than racist, but yeah. It's named after a guy from what I remember. It happened in September when we were training.

Weirdly, it's named after Darby O'Gill from Darby O'Gill and the Little People. And Pat O'Connor was a man who would bump butts with people. Famous booty bumper. Thanks, Pat. It's funny because I focus so hard on the wrestling move itself that sometimes when they are explaining it i just completely zone out you're not getting the backstory behind each individual i am terrible to watch movies with because i just want to know what happens at the end sure and i'm like just spoil it for me so i can move on with my life oh why are all this

character development all these moments i don't have time uh so are you are you filming glows as we speak no we finished a month ago nice season two yes and uh did you have to learn any new moves for season two i mean you know the pat o' Pat O'Connor. The Pat O'Connor. That's a flip. Yeah. We do a lot more wrestling this season. Bigger moves, you know, because once you learn wrestling, you can never unlearn wrestling. So, yeah, it was more intense for sure.

It's like a bike that kicks someone's ass. Right? Yeah, that's the famous slogan of wrestling. It's like a bike that kicks someone's ass yeah ever since the wwf days right right right living in washington dc also yeah yeah we were i saw the wwf all the time because it was in washington dc and so oh the world wildlife federation no yes yes that's exactly right they probably have an office there's Washington, D.C. And so. Oh. The World Wildlife Federation? Yes. Yes.

That's exactly right. They probably have an office there. There's probably a lot of confusion. So you did see a lot of wrestling growing up? No.

I saw the World Wildlife Federation. Oh, okay. I had a lot of totes, you know. Yeah. Totes. Totes.

Totes. So I got too obsessed with Skyrim. Right. Had to put it away. And this is three years ago, four years ago? Three, four years ago. And I hadn't done very much heavy video game playing in that intervening time.

I'm too busy raising children and, you know, I guess watching Kimmy Schmidt. Sure. I don't know. You know, whatever I'm doing. But then I thought, like, I'm at a place in my life where I have a little room for video games. You know, basically it's specifically the room I have for video games is the time between when I finished cleaning the kitchen while my wife is trying to get the kids to go to sleep until the kids fall asleep, which is like a 30

or 40 minute window. That's a nice window. Yeah. Like it takes an hour to get the kids to fall asleep. You know, one of them always falls asleep later. It probably takes 20 minutes to clean the kitchen. So that 35 minutes afterwards is my video game time. And I had been playing a game called Starman Farm Game where you plant ancient ice fruits. Oh, my God. But that game had drilled itself into my mind to where it was compulsive, but it was compulsive in the way that video poker is.

Sure. I was not chewing on a finger that's been riddled with eczema. Exactly. I'm just drawing it. Coming up with an example from my own life. It was really rotting my brain. And I had always resisted playing. Whenever I said, well, what game is like Skyrim?

They would say two things. One is Witcher 3, which I've talked about on the show. I tried to play it and it was the single least coherent entertainment experience of my life. Even after like four hours, I had no fucking clue what was happening or why. So I gave up on it.

But everyone always said Fallout is basically the same as Skyrim, but it's in this. But I don't want, like to me. You want elves. I want elves. Like, I want elves. Or elves.

I just don't want to, like, constantly feel like I'm, like, in order to enjoy myself, I have to look at the insides of people. You know what I mean? You don't like the disembowelments. The meat. It's like, yeah, meat bags, meat sack, meat melons. The whole game is so meat centric. Right.

There's so many like gross zombies and mutants and so much squirting blood. Sure. Yeah. And so, but to be fair, the rest of it is the same as Skyrim. And I do really enjoy it. It's got a good grind. It's got a good grind to it. Do you guys play video games around the house?

And do you have to keep your child away from them? No. No. I don't play video games and my husband doesn't either. What do I try to keep her away? Well, I showed her Star Wars to kind of get a I don't know, see where she was

at with being scared with stuff. And I think we're upping the ante a little bit. Yeah. This is the first Star Wars. This is. Yeah. We showed her the first Star Wars, four. And then five. I thought she might be scared by five, but wasn't.

Oh, that's good. Hasn't seen six though, but saw one and two or whatever the new ones were. My daughter was very scared by Moana. Stop it. Star Wars is down the line somewhere. Somewhere along the road we'll get to Star Wars. Like the crab? Forgive me.

I know way too much about Moana. No, she's a big Jemaine Clement fan. And she really loves a completely miscellaneous Bowie pastiche. It's a Moana humor here, Jordan. Sure. Just in the middle of it for no reason, there's a pretty entertaining Bowie parody portrayed by Jemaine Clements. It's fantastic. And I watched Little Mermaid recently, and it's pretty much the same premise except without the prince.

You can't leave the sea, you know? And then this one is, you can't go into the sea. We have opinions about the sea. We are the parents in Disney movies. We have feelings about the sea. It's Walt Disney's legendary five old men and the sea. I don't remember how many old men there were in the Disney Old Men, but I just went with five. That's pretty good.

Is that like 12 Angry Men? Yeah. 12 Angry Men and the Sea. What came first? What movies were you guys scared of as a kid? Mine was, I was Roger Rabbit. Roger Rabbit really freaked me out when Judge Doom's eyes came out. That is pretty creepy.

And then I definitely like, I don't know if I got it from Roger Rabbit or it predated that. But now, you know, I like a slasher flick. I like a gory video game. I'd shoot these meat bags you were talking about, Jesse. Right. But that having been said, put a barrel full of acid in front of you and you'll turn tail and run. Yeah, I know, right? Yes, if it looks like a cute shoe would die in it.

No, I can't handle. Do you guys remember that? He killed that cute shoe. Yes, that's right. And the dip. The dip. Eyeball stuff really gets me. I get so skeeved out if an eyeball is popped or an eyeball is removed.

Same thing happened to me. Second grade, I went to an eyeball is removed. Same thing happened to me second grade. I went to an overnight birthday party and I don't know why the parents did this, but they showed Ancien Andalou, the Andalusian dog, the legendary. No, that's not real. There's just an eyeball

part in that. A visual match with the moon. A crazy eyeball part. I was afraid of two things that I remember very vividly. Yeah, crazy eyeball part. I was afraid of two things that I remember very vividly. Well, for one thing, I never went to anything scary. I just never – I still don't care for a scary thing. I'm okay with a suspenseful thing, but not a scary thing. But I would say the things that I saw accidentally – and I saw plenty of adult – movies made for adults.

I did not see plenty of adult films. I saw almost certainly – He had a knife for a dick. Too many like the Milagro-Beanfield Wars or whatever as a seven-year-old just because there was only one movie theater by my house and it was like a rep rep art house and my mom would just take me because she wanted to go to the movies i think yes um but uh anyway the things that i saw that freaked me out were large marge from peewee's big adventure yeah speaking of eyes there's that those are a set of peepers and And also, I will also say I was freaked out by, and Pee Wee's Big Adventure was my favorite movie. But I was also freaked out by the part where he is in the wilderness in the dark until he puts on his headlight glasses.

And then he sees all the animals around him. I think because the animals just had a weird uncanny quality. Sure. Because they were a weird Paul Rubens, Tim Burton thing. And he had those animated eyes, yeah? Oh, yeah. I always felt like the animated eyes felt like a big relief to me. It was when it's dark and then when the lights flash on

and you see all the animals and they all look like a weird natural history museum display. And the clown that's messing with the bike, like doing surgery on the bike. That's pretty freaky. So that. But the thing that really, really got me was Return to Oz. Sure. Which I sincerely, I don't remember anything about Return to Oz except that I had nightmares about it until I was a teenager.

The heads, man. That must have been it. I mean, it's so bad you even turned down that date with Feruza Balk, right? I know. Is that who's in that? Yeah. Okay. Feruza Balk.

Good. Wow, buddy. Good for me. I was afraid of Nightmare on Elm Street. Oh, sure. Very young. That was the famous horror movie. Yes.

I know it's a shocker. My wife, Teresa Thorne, the host of the Smash Hit podcast, One Bad Mother, she went to – she had a very sheltered childhood, culturally speaking her parents were very very careful about what she saw for like developmental moral reasons not like for religious reasons but her mom's a marriage and family therapist who like really believed strongly in like appropriate media for kids and also just conservative and worried so she had never seen anything scary and then i think believe it was third grade, she went to an actual overnight birthday party where the parents showed the kids, I shit you not, The Shining. Whoa, yeah. And it like fucked her up for the rest of her life. There are like, yeah, there are like 10 scary movies you should see leading up to The Shining.

Like getting okay with the idea of scary shit to the world's most bothersome thing. To dog blowjob. I had a cool English teacher, Mr. Crawford. Shout out to Mr. Crawford. And he was into the idea of alternative

texts. So, you know, he would recommend that we check out Love and Rockets or whatever. Sure, sure. Took me a minute, guys. Was thinking about cell phones. Anyway, you know, he would recommend that we check out Love and Rockets or whatever. Sure, sure. Took me a minute, guys. Was thinking about cell phones. Anyway, peace out. I'll go back to my newspaper. Look, we're all millennials here. Sure. We're digital natives. What can I say? He was into alternative texts and he, in English class, we saw both The Shining and Carrie. Carrie is not necessarily so much scary as it is intense. Yeah. But I would say that if you are a scaredy pants and you are looking for a context in which to watch The Shining, 11 a.m. at a high school in a fully lit room.

With overhead lights, harsh overhead lights. Yeah, that's probably your best environment. What was the car movie? Christine? Christine, yeah. Christine, I watched that one too. We watched a lot of scary movies when I was young. Yeah, I mean, I think so.

And Cujo, we watched that one. Oh, so all Stephen King adaptations. Are these things that you watched with your family? No, that was my family with my friends, you know? Oh. Yeah, I don't know., with my friends, you know. Yeah. I don't know. I had some friends growing up, the Gasbars, and they were, you know, the Gasbars. And they were-

Always eating musical fruits. Oh, cheese. There you go. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. And they were like a tick more religious than most to the point where, and I think I was mainly hanging out at the gas bars when the- They should open a bar. I don't know.

Yeah. They've waited so long. Where I was going over to their house when the ABC show Dinosaurs was at its height. Oh, yeah. Not the mama and whatnot. Yeah. And so, you know, I always wanted to watch dinosaurs. And I, you know, in general was a dinosaur enthusiast.

Yeah. And so I was, like, taken aside by the dad and told that the earth was only 2,000 years old and that dinosaurs didn't exist. And that they were – the bones were put there by the museum industry uh-huh the museum you know museum and then he let you watch dinosaurs no we just did not watch that was the reason why we could not watch dinosaurs oh okay was i was one i was impressed that this dad uh on the one hand he wanted to drop his uh dog on you. On the other hand, he was like, but if the kid wants to watch dinosaurs, not the mama. You know, I love that baby's rap. Not the mama.

Back when characters rapped, I always had a rap video. So yeah, and the Gaspar kids, the Gaspar boys were famous for having a secret genesis. Oh. Stop it. So, you know, Natch.

Where do you hide a Hyundai? Right. So Natch, they, you know, video games were also too sinful to be in the house. So they maybe like pooled the, you know, hundred bucks or whatever from Christmas money, bought a Genesis and like stashed it. I think they were mainly RBI baseball enthusiasts. They were getting that Genesis for RBI baseball. And then if the parents were gone, then we could get the Genesis out of the closet. But it had to be packaged perfectly and put back in place with a shoebox in front of it.

So this is what growing up in this house was like. How old were you? I was eight or nine. Was there like an older brother? There was an older brother. So they had like a kid my age and then there was maybe a kid who was 13 or 14. So he could like watch us. And he got –

And he knew about the secret genesis. Was it his genesis? I think it was both of their genesis. Did they like secretly go to the Target? Yeah. I don't know how you get a secret Genesis. Maybe just on the street. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I think we had a place. You could probably walk down to a, you know, strip mall with a toy store or something and get yourself a secret Genesis. As long as you had $200. Yeah, sure. something and get us get yourself a secret genesis as long as you had 200 yeah sure um so anyway so this is what this is what that family was like they were you know genesis hiding dinosaur denying right so you must have to keep that room spectacularly clean to have your mother not search through your closet yeah yeah i mean what's, you're plugging in those RCA cables.

Yeah. You're unraveling the cord from around the controllers. Mm-hmm. You got to plug that. I mean, that is a whole set of stuff. Yeah. I mean, and you're using the good stash. So where are you putting the Playboys?

Where are you going to put those Playboys? Miss March. Va-va-voom. Anyway. As 13-year-olds so often say. Yes. Va-va-voom. Miss March.

A-ooga. My peepers are on fire. My peepers. That's why you have all that eye stuff. Right. Oh, yeah. Because at a young age, I saw someone's eyes bug out from looking at a foxy centerfold. I'm sorry. When you say eyes, do you mean peepers?

Sorry. Peepers. I guess I just know them as peepers. Yeah, sure. As an older millennial. Yes, jeepers creepers. Yeah. As an older millennial.

Jeepers creepers. But the one thing that the gas bars were okay with was cocaine. Yeah, we just did lines of blow. And we read the Bible front to back. Genesis to Revelation. Because we have lots of energy. Praise him. Praise him.

And then we would punch each other in the face. Oh, you got my peeper. Right in the peeper. Right in my peeper. So, but the one thing they were just okay with was Freddy movies. They would just rent them. They would just rent them from the drugstore. We would just sit and watch Freddy movies for some weird reason.

Rent them from the drugstore? The drugstore sit and watch Freddy movies for some weird reason. Wait, rent them from the drugstore? The drugstore would have a little movie counter. They would? That's mainly where we did our movie renting. That explains a lot of why they would be able to get a Secret Genesis as well. Oh, yeah. You could rent a movie at a drugstore? I never did that. Kimmy, you're about our age. You don't

remember the moment when actual video stores arrived? I was like 10. It was like when a Blockbuster opened near my About our age, you don't remember the moment when actual video stores arrived? No, no. I was like 10. And it was like when a Blockbuster opened near my house. It was like the most amazing miracle in the history of the world. There's a RoboCop 2? No, but like a separate store, yes.

But like a kiosk in a drugstore is... I can rent a video where various sports all-stars tell me not to do drugs for free? Sure. And Slimer is there? Oh my God. So you rented everything in the drugstore. So this is where I saw my first

Freddy's was over at the gas bars. A house where nothing else was allowed except for murdering, swearing, tit-seeing. Don't they have boobs and stuff? Yes! They have sex! There's lots of sex! Yeah, Freddy kills people mid-fucking.

There's all sorts of 80s boobs. Oh, boy. Anyway, yeah, those are like, I mean, they get, you know, those Freddy movies get pretty jokey by the end, but the first couple are legitimately terrifying. Those Freddy movies get pretty jokey by the end, but the first couple are legitimately terrifying. Like, Wes Craven was like a, you know, crazy grindhouse guy who just got some money. So those first couple are really hardcore. Anyway, very weird.

To this day, I would love to sit down the dad, Rod, you know, Rod. Rod Gaspar. Yeah. And ask him what was going through your head to where we couldn't watch dinosaurs, but Friday the 13th was okay. Anyway. Oh, sorry. Nightmare on Elm Street. Our colleague, April Wolf, who is a film critic for The Village Voice and is one of the – she's the host of Switchblade Sisters and one of the hosts of Who Shot Ya? My friend, Ricky Carmona.

And she is a real horror movie enthusiast. I was like, where did your passion for this come from? Were you just always into brutal stuff? And she said she grew up with her grandparents who owned a bar and they would just they would all watch them together since she was a little kid yeah it was like that is insane to me just imagining mima and pop pop you know putting in the reanimator or whatever yeah yeah i mean i think there is i think there just are some people who think that you know unless something unless something is, you know, a British drawing room movie,

then it is for kids. Right. That like any genre thing is for kids. Right. Chucky is about a doll. Sure. Yeah. This isn't for adults.

It's one of the best doll movies. Absolutely. Sure. There's a couple good American Girl movies. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Addie.

Yeah. I do like Addie. Yeah. She's got a kind of, right. Yeah. Addie. Yeah, I do like Addie. Yeah. She's got a kind of a zip. Sure. You know, a certain je ne sais quoi. And, you know,

I think she, you know, she taught us that even though times have changed, girls haven't. Yeah, that's a really good point. By the way, I went to the Museum of Failure

downtown, and it was pretty interesting. It was just like things in... i've maybe heard of this but i don't quite know what it is can you explain yes so it's you know in in the vein of the museum of ice cream and random museums that are like pop culture museums these days a museum that exists to be instagram yes exactly but this one is about failure like product failures So there's some cars that fail. There's like Pepsi Clear. Oh, okay. Crystal Pepsi.

Don't add us. My bad, guys. I'll show myself out. We're just trying to make Twitter tomorrow for you easier. Thank you. There was a doll who she was like a like an orphan, like a homeless orphan doll who had her hand extended so that you could give her money or she's reaching out for your help. Right. She was just like this sad, like strange doll covered in dirt and like had a sack on. And next to it was Colgate frozen dinners.

Wow. You can really taste the toothpaste. Yes. Salisbury steak is really freshening my breath. It was a lot more enjoyable than I thought it was going to be. Their slogan is a gentle abrasive. Speaking of this thing where a company tries to put their logo on shit, I was in my grocer's meat aisle and I saw like pre-marinated meat that you could buy and it has the Kingsford charcoal logo on it. Yeah.

You don't charcoal marinate? No, I guess I don't. Charcoal marinade? No, I guess I don't. It seems to me like this will just, no matter what this tastes like, maybe it's delicious. If I bite into it, I'm just going to have that Kingsford charcoal thing. It's going to feel like biting the coal. Well, I think it is a child of the phenomenon where you literally are no longer legally allowed to sell, for example, barbecue sauce without having a tie-in to a major national hard liquor brand?

Sure, yeah. I don't know when that became the essential quality of all barbecue sauces. Sounds like somebody hasn't tried smearing off ketchup. Somebody at TGI Fridays one day just said, let's run an A-B test whether or not we put in the name of a liquor into non-liquor-related foods. This is some rummy relish. This is the rummiest relish. Yeah, because it's like, okay, well, barbecue sauce is delicious, but it also reminds me of a time when I was fucked up. Yeah.

I won't even eat Captain Crunch unless it's associated with Diddy's Vodka. Sure. Diddy's Vodka. Oh, Ciroc, yeah. Oh, man. I've had Diddy's Vodka. Diddy's Vodka's all right. Yeah.

Oh, man. I've had Diddy's vodka. Diddy's vodka's all right. Probably the main things we talk about on this show are how much I once fell in love with Skyrim and that Jordan actually kind of likes Diddy's vodka. And Crystal Head vodka. And George Clooney's tequila now. Yeah. Anyway, I have a problem.

Oh, wait. I have a drinking problem. I just realized it now. Yeah. Anyway, I have a problem. Oh, wait. I have a drinking problem. I just realized it now. I love Crystal Skull Vodka. It's so easy to tape underneath the top of your toilet tank so your wife can't find it. Uh-oh.

It's circular, so it fits right in my bowling bag. Wait a minute. So I say, honey, I'm going to go bowling, and then I just drink out of a skull in the garage. Oh, my God. You know why I love the signature margarita mix from the Cabo Wabo Cantina? Because my wife says that she's going to leave me because I got fired for public drunkenness. Oh, my God.

Baby, I'm an alcoholic. Yeahunkenness. Oh my God, baby, I'm an alcoholic. Yeah. Yeah. Oh no. Gibby, I think the last time you were on the show. Yes. Correct me if I'm wrong. Yeah.

Did you just bought your first minivan? Yes. Let's get an update. With my trunk tray. A year later or whatever. Yeah. A lot's happened in your life. You went ahead and got the trunk tray? No, I got

it for free, if you recall. Yeah. Because they didn't have the color that I wanted and they said, we're gonna go get it. And they're like, lucky. They called us up and they're like, guess what? You're getting a trunk tray. You're getting the trunk tray. I didn't know what it was for. Now I know what it is for.

Because it would just be like carpet on the yeah i got i got a trunk tray baby oh it's something else i got a trunk tray and like a and like a thing up where thing where the floor of the back of it folds up and then underneath there there's this elastic band that's designed to hold your grocery bag so they don't tilt over. Oh, dang. Yeah. The state of the art in basically what we'll call mom-related automotive engineering is extraordinary these days. Truly extraordinary. If you think that it's just four-door pickup trucks that are getting weird interior fittings, no. Yeah. No.

Yeah. Yeah, these parent mobiles are really, yeah. Are you still loving it? How's the minivan lifestyle? Still loving that minivan lifestyle. I regret not getting the rails on the top. Sure. I just should have done it right away.

What would you put on the rails? I don't know yet. Okay, you just want them. Just for credit. You know, lumber. Sure. Nope. I found a weird feature

that if you hold down the unlock button for a few seconds, all four of your windows will go down to halfway. That's nice no fart that's my assumption thank you for clearing that up fart emergency yeah you've been eating you're going on a road trip with the gas bars if you know what i mean

but one day we woke up and all four windows were down the exact same like yeah and and i was like what the fuck is wrong with who is fucking with us because somebody i either myself or some my husband left the door open and somebody got into our minivan like freshly into a minivan oh man i hope they. I hope they didn't steal your CD booklet. No. Your case logic. Yeah. It's a DVD booklet.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Cars and Little Mermaid. Got it. But, yeah, they didn't take anything because we keep nothing in there, but I felt so violated afterwards. That happened to me. That's how I lost my Zune. Oh, man.

I'm sorry, buddy. Oh, man. I'm sorry, buddy. Oh, God. I think maybe I've got some extra Zunes if you need one. Thank you. Yeah. I think I'm okay. Okay. I got rear-ended not too long ago on the road.

That's a booty bump that you don't want. Sure. Call Pat O'Brien because I just got. Pat O'Brien did the – he started rear ends. Oh, okay. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. And just to – traffic on sunset, right? We all know. Hashtag, hashtag. Yeah, sure. You have a grove.

Sure. You're by the grove, bumper to bumper. So this dude just kind of gives me a 10 mile per hour booty bump. Oh, bummer. He checks in. Yeah. And so, okay, I'm not hurt. Everything's all right. I drop it off at the auto body shop. And this is basically just bumper damage.

Right. And this is basically just bumper damage. So, I mean, I think the bump happened on February 21st, and then I called the auto body shop the next day. I'm like, hey, I just wanted to check on the car. I dropped it off yesterday. Do you have an estimate? They're like, oh, yeah. So it won't be ready until March 19th. Whoa. So if you're a body shop in L.A., in West Hollywood, should you not just have Prius bumpers?

Should you not just have them there to snap on at a moment's notice? This should have been a two-hour thing. Why is it taking this long to get a Prius bumper? You know how sometimes when you go to the gas station, while you're at the pump, you can buy a $5 car wash and then roll through that automated car wash. They should have that for Prius bumpers.

Yeah. Like you just go to the gas station and on the little screen says, would you like a car wash? And you say, no. It says, would you like a Prius bumper?

You say, yes. You just roll through an automated thing. You got to put it in neutral and keep the wheel straight. Yeah. It should just be if you need a fresh bumper. Yeah.

Anyway. I got two scratches on my new car, though, and they were both my fault. No. Parking. What? Yeah. I hear you. Getting out.

The valet gave me my keys, and he's like, can you get out? I was like, sure. And then he's like, come back, come back. And I was like, ah. That was my first. I know. know scratch is the worst guy i bought i bought my wife uh car five years ago and it was the first new car we either of us had ever had in our life it was very exciting beautiful beautiful station wagon and i'm gonna say two days later. And I had also never been at fault in my driving career. I had gotten rear-ended once, but I had never messed up my car accidentally at all. I'm going to say three or four days into owning this car,

I had borrowed it to go get something at the grocery store or something, didn't see a pole that was on the sidewalk and scraped, like, I'm going to say three feet along the back quarter of the car. Yeah, just... Oh, God. It was like a weird fence that was there that was, like, in my blind spot.

I couldn't see it. Those mystery fences. Like a weird edge of the sidewalk metal fence. Mm-hmm. What the... Oh, it Mm-hmm. What the? Oh, it was so terrible. It was the worst. And then we got, she got rear-ended.

Her car got rear-ended one day. And I was like, great. They have to replace the rear end now. That's where I destroyed it. No. They somehow managed to fix around the thing. And I was like, come on, just bill the insurance company to spray the car. Sure.

Like, that's why you have insurance. So they'll pay for you to spray the car when someone else rear ends you. It's a very minor fraud. Jesse, do you think you're close to the end of Fallout? No, not even a little bit. I've got a long way to go. I mean, I just figured out how to craft armor, Jordan. Plus, I'm trying to figure out when should I and should I not be wearing my power suit?

All the time. Why would you not wear the power suit? What if you run into a super mutant and you're not wearing your power suit? So always wear it. What are we arguing about? What if there's a mirror lurk? Yeah. So why would you take it off?

Because you're going to run out of power cores. Oh, okay. So there's a finite resource attached to it. Exactly. Do they come with super shoes as well? Those power suits? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, good.

Super shoes and mega caps. Ooh. Yeah, they're nice. No, yes. And there's ear flaps. That's what, for warmth in the winter, like Charlie Brown. Ear flaps. I will occasionally, a friend who doesn't ask video games, who doesn't play video games,

will just be chit-chatting with me, and they know I like video games, so they'll ask me. You know, it's like, oh, we've seen any good movies lately. What are you reading? Have you been, blah, blah, blah. And you know, like, oh, so you're playing video games? And I just don't want to explain it to them because I'll feel like a dorkus. I'm like, yeah, it's called near automata. You're a robot and you have a chip system to your upgrades and you're wearing a little dress.

And you can buy extra weapons and they float out in front of you and you have a robot friend. And anyway, I've learned some new combos. Yeah. Pretty combo heavy game. And anyway, what am I doing? I have a drinking problem. My main problem with playing one of these video games like Fallout, like a big complicated video game, which is like the way many to most video games are now.

It's like there's ones that you can buy to download. But if you have to buy it on a DVD or whatever video games come on, a Blu-ray, I don't know. If you have to buy it on a disc, it's definitely like absurdly expansive. Like I didn't even realize there was a targeting system in fallout until i had been playing it i'm gonna say a month like this is like the the number of things you can do in games there's two there's so many buttons on there now sure i don't know what what half the buttons do half of the buttons i don, I couldn't tell you. I'm not even,

I've had an Xbox for, counting the Xbox 360 that I had preceding my Xbox number one, I think I've had an Xbox for 10 years. I still definitely can't, when they show you on the screen what button to press, I still definitely have to look down

at my controller and see which one that is. Next, you're going to need your glasses. For your peepers. I wear my readers. There's no doubt about that. You have a little chain around your neck. I got some pretty slick, I don't mean to brag, Dr. Dean Adele's.

Very nice. Put your bun up with a pencil. I did play a one video game today. I was just hanging out with a pencil. I did play a one video game today. I was just hanging out with a friend and he got a hold of a controller and wanted to play. And I was like, oh, let me try this. And it was an independent game. It downloaded it from the internet. I didn't even know these existed.

I've been so out of the game. There's artsy games now. Yeah. Yeah. It was like designed to be 8-bit. But what I liked about it the most is you could die as much as you wanted and you just came right back. That's nice. That's nice.

Short levels, you can die a lot. Was it an exploration of depression at all? I feel like usually these games are explorations of depression. Come to think of it, yeah. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, there you go. The good girl just, they're like, oh, you're a lone wolf, huh? There's a lot of talking about her being a lone wolf, but then she had like some kind of super zoom power where she just like zap.

I don't know, guys. It sounds like a lot of fun. Yeah. A lone wolf just zapping around. There's a stigma associated with mental illness. But if you ask me, mentally ill people are strong. For example, they have a super zoom power, which a lot of people don't know. And some have ultra shoes.

Sure. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Love the fans and love all the dankity memes coming our way during the Max Fun Drive. As dankity dank as it gets. Is dankity going to be your new thing? I think so. Do you remember Manny the Hippie from Letterman? Oh, yeah. He ranked things from diggity dank to swag.

Swiggity swag. Yeah. And then later he went to jail. Oh, that's good. Yeah. And then later he went to jail. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah, so thank you so much. We actually not only did we pass our goal of 25,000 donors, we also passed our goal of 28,000 new and upgrading members, which was a stretch goal that, again, I did not expect us to make. So we got something special coming down the pipe for the stretch goal.

What is it? We are going to have a MaxFun show, travel to a MaxFun fan's hometown, take them out to a spa for a mani-pedi and a massage, then give them flowers and chocolate, take them home to their own house, cook dinner for them right there and then, and then perform a show for them and all of their friends. Cool. And actually, if we do that, I don't know if we've decided who the show is.

Right. If it's us, I got to leave a little bit early. I got an early morning. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. It's been great.

It's been really fun. Jordan, I mean, this is kind of what you signed up for. Yeah, but it's just, you know, it's so early. I'm just so busy. Well, Jordan, fine. Yeah. If we're doing it and you have to leave early because you have a busy morning, I got to stay home. I got to shampoo my hair.

Oh, okay. Actually, it'll probably just be can I pet your dog though, right? Yeah. Why are we even coming up with excuses? And for good reason. Why are we even coming up with excuses? So in all sincerity, thank you so much to every single MaxFun supporter, continuing supporters, folks who upgraded, new supporters.

Every single one of you is our hero, and it's so great to get to work for you. Yeah, start nomming on that bonus content, too. Nom, nom, nom. You earned it. Shooting the breeze with Jordan Morris. That's by far the best received bonus content, by the way, Jordan. I should hope so. We also have a couple of non-listener supporters

on this week's program, like our friends at HelloFresh. You know what's great about HelloFresh, Jordan? Well, I mean, it's a meal kit delivery service that delivers your favorite recipes, ingredients, so you can just cook, eat, and enjoy. I was going to say it was perfect for a romantic dinner at home. Oh, you know what? Yeah, I agree. I like to cook with HelloFresh, and I think it's great for that.

Yeah, you're very romantic. Sure, you know that about me. You've been called a new romantic. Right. I mean, it doesn't come across on this show. No, but it's obvious if you see a picture of you when you were playing rhythm guitar for Sheila E. Right. Oh, those were good times. Why did I quit to do this?

Anyway, HelloFresh offers three plans, classic, veggie, and family. Each box is made up of fresh, responsibly obtained ingredients. None of them are stolen. None, yes. No stolen food. No, yes. No one sidled up to a fruit cart and pretended to engage the fruit man while palming an apple in their other hand. They just grab an apple and go, hello, fresh, and run.

Enjoy not having to plan dinner. Spend money on takeout for an easy night or worrying about gathering ingredients. They take around 30 minutes. Subscribe to get delicious filling meals delivered every week for less than $10 per serving. For $30 off your first week of HelloFresh, visit HelloFresh.com and you enter the promo code JJGO30. That's HelloFresh.com and the code is JJGO30 for $30 off your first week

of HelloFresh. Hello, is it fresh you're looking for? I don't know. Is that you as Lionel Richie? It is, yeah. That's their slogan that they didn't ask us to write. Are they endorsed by Lionel Richie at all? Yeah. I mean, you're going to want to eat this food all night long.

Lionel Richie. Were you saying Lionel Richie founded HelloFresh? Well, I mean, listen, I did a little work with Lionel after I quit Sheila E's band. And yeah, I mean, we talked about meal boxes. So yeah, I think he's on board. What about his daughter, Nicole Richie? I mean, well, I think she'd probably enjoy the food, but I have not received – we haven't spoken. Okay, well, when you – There's some bad blood between us. Oh, really? Yeah.

So you were on Paris' side in their big split up? You know, I'm sorry. I'm a Paris man. But she's surprisingly good on good news. That's true. Is that what that show's called? Great News. Great News.

Great News. Anyway News. Great News. Anyway. Funny show. Yeah. Okay. We are also brought to you this week by our friends at Stitch Fix. Stitch Fix is a clothing service where all you have to do is you go to what's called a website. And you type in a little bit of information about yourself.

I mean, I'm talking about what's your size? What are some of your favorite styles? What's your budget? And a personal stylist who works there at Stitch Fix. Yeah. This isn't just someone who just wandered in off the street. This is one of their employees will pick out five brand new clothing items just for you. And they use your preferences to pick your clothes. If you don't like something, if you need another size, just send the items back because shipping is free both ways and you only pay for what you keep. You can sign up for repeat deliveries or you can order them when you want. You got something in the mail from Stitch Fix, right?

Oh, yeah. I'm a Stitch Fix fan, which is a little tough to say. I'm a Stitch Fix fan and, yeah, I always get great stuff. I have a favorite pair of jeans from them. I've got some great shirts that you can dress up and dress down. Oh, well, there are two ways you want to dress. Exactly. Up and down.

I've had too many down the middle shirts. When a problem comes along, you must stitch it. And Mark Mothersbaugh does endorse Stitch Fix. Oh, thank goodness. Goodness. HurryToStitchFix.com slash JJ. Go to get started now. Keep all five items you receive and you'll get 25% off your entire purchase.

Stitchfix.com slash JJ Go. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Checked in. Kimmy Gatewood putting the 10 in tendinitis. Hello. Look out. Jordan, can I ask you one last video game question? Please. You know at the beginning of one of these long, complicated video games where you get to stretch out your guy's face in different directions? Oh, that has like a character creator at the beginning? Yeah.

Yeah. For a long time. Highly customizable. For a long time, video games – I would say since about 2002, video games have had this mode where you can make your guy look like Mr. T. That's the main – Or Goku. Got it. I feel like as these things – these systems have been around for 15 years or whatever, maybe even a little more.

And I still feel like I have no control over the process. Like I am so confused while I'm trying to do it. I don't know. I just want it to – like basically I want two modes. If I press A, which isn't even an Xbox button I don't think. Xbox doesn't A. It doesn't? It's X, Y, A, B. button, I don't think. Xbox doesn't A. It doesn't? It's X, Y, A, B.

Oh, okay, great. And then the shoulder buttons. If I press select. I have a drinking problem. If I press A, I want it to make the guy look like Mr. T. If I press B, I want the guy to look like me. Sure. That's it.

That's all I'm shooting for. It's either Mr. T or me. There's no other types of thing. And I put so much – and it's very boring to stretch – to change the distance between your eyeballs. That is such a snooze. Change the color of your eyebrows. Yeah. Like really – I appreciate the customizability, but I really just want a Mr. T button and a look-like-me button.

Whenever I have the, also kind of a semi-recent development in the world of video games is you get to name stuff. Yeah. I just call everything my cat. I had to name a horse recently. I had to name a rideable chicken recently. Yeah. Just get the same name as the cat. A rideable chicken? Yeah. How big's get the same name as the cat. A rideable chicken?

How big was that chicken? Pretty big. Okay. Horse size. So it wasn't a tiny chicken. Is this like a Grimm's Fairy Tales game you were playing? This is one of the constants in the Final Fantasy series. Because you ride on a chicken? You ride a cho-cha-bo. A giant chicken.

Well, you should have just said cho-cha-bo. I should have said cho-cha-bo. I didn't know that you guys... cho-chabo. I should have said cho-chabo. We all know what a cho-chabo is. I didn't know that you guys... I don't know. I didn't want to assume. Right. I know it as a cho-chabo, not as a giant rideable chicken. Yeah.

I'm sure it came in the same thing. I know it as a churro. Oh, yeah. Delicious. Sure. Love getting a cho-cha-bo at Disneyland. Yeah. Get a nice-

Roll it in cinnamon and sugar. Cuckoo-ka-choo. Over at the Cuckaroo. Yeah. Yep. I am probably mispronouncing cho-cha-bo. So people should just go ahead and- At Gas Station TV.

Yeah, at Gas Station TV. If you've got any corrections for this week's program, on Twitter, at Gas Station TV. If you've got any corrections for this week's program on Twitter, at Gas Station TV, let them know. And also, can you get a show on that? Two questions. Correct my pronunciation of Cho-Chi-Bo, and also

demand a show. Yeah, we would like to have a show. We don't presently have a show. No. We're over here podcasting. What a fucking waste. People only're over here podcasting. Yeah. What a fucking waste. Yeah. People only listen to cereal, I think.

Mm-hmm. And business advice programs. Mm-hmm. Just re-listen to that. Gary Vaynerchuk. We're the Gary Vaynerchuk of aimlessness. Sure. Right? Yeah.

What do you say? Guys, do you think Gas Station TV is taking pictures right now? I think it is. I hope so. Oh, otherwise how would they make my avatar look so much like me? They're looking for something very bingeable in the prestige space. Oh, pitches. I thought you said pictures.

Oh, pictures. Yeah. Mine makes more sense if Gas Station TV is taking pictures of you while you're at the pump I think they're taking pitches Yeah I mean But only like Lena Dunham can go in there and pitch Something

No they want that pedigree They want that kind of Emmy winning Pedigree That guy who created Black-ish can go in there and pitch something It's really the creme de la creme So yeah you have to be kind of an established creator, and you also have to agree to, you know, whatever your show is, also include the characters

talking about how Slim Jims are inexpensive now. Yeah. You can go in and grab one of those. Gas-ish. Gas-ish. Sure. That was based on Jordan's childhood friends. It's about it.

And their passion for musicals. Okay, when something momentous happens to you, like, for example, you realize that if you hold down the unlock button, all of the windows on your minivan go to half-mast. Yes. So there's a national tragedy. Or you're too drunk to fuck. What? Oh, half-mast. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. We ask you to call us for our segment momentous occasions. Is this a Dead Kennedy joke I don't understand? Two zeroes. You know me, Jordan. Sure. Ask you to call us for our segment momentous occasions. Is he making a Dead Kennedys joke I don't understand? 2-0-7-1. You know me, Jordan. Sure. If it ain't a germs joke. Right.

The Dead Kennedys. All my flipper humor here. 206-984-4FUN is the number to call. 206-984-4FUN. Here's our first telephone call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and Goh. This is Nikki calling from Vermont, and I'm calling with a momentous occasion. I'm a single mom of four teenagers and a homeowner of a 200-year-old house where I keep having water issues. Finally got some plumbers here last week, and after two plumbers being here for two hours, they told me I needed a new well. I was not willing to accept that, so I did some digging of my own.

And just this morning, I discovered the problem. There's a broken water line in my crawlspace, and I found it, and they didn't, and now I'm going to take on the world. Feels pretty great. Thanks for a great show.

Love you guys. First of all, we love you too, very much. I was – listen. I'm sorry to our caller. When I heard I'm a single mom and two plumbers came out, I was like, oh, boy. Is this porn? Are you just describing porn to us? Yeah, I think that's what happened.

Well, the misconception that I had as I was listening to this was how the plumbers told her that she needed a new well. And then she said, so I went out and did some digging myself. And I just thought she was going to say, and voila, new well. Sure. I thought she was going to go digging on the internet. Yeah. Probably don't do that. Yeah.

Probably I would advise against it. Sounds like what she really needed was a leak detection specialist. You know when something that happens with calls a lot is that people will say, Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, guest. And then they'll try and guess who the guest is. Yeah.

No one's ever got that right, right? Like that's never happened. I think it might have happened once. Oh, okay. Really? Anyway, I was going to say we should think of a prize for when someone nails that. But if it's already happened, then let's- I don't know.

Wath Reaper, Hunter Ellen Boss, you know if it happened before. Yeah, let us know. Certainly, Rachel Rosen knows better than we do whether it's happened before. So just let us know. You can do it on Reddit or whatever. Anyway, we should think of a prize that's always kind of in play for that. We'll probably send a couple plumbers over to your house. Yeah, a couple plumbers to get in your crawl space.

Yeah. That was not allowed. Got to be careful. No, no, no. That's one of the situations where you got to be real careful about leak detection. Sure, you got to. Unless you want to become a single mother. And I do.

Yeah, well, you know. One of these days. Hands on your knees. One of these days. Hands on the knees. Is that correct? Sunset flip. That's correct.

Sunset flip. You got it. That's how you get four teenagers. One flip, 14 teenagers. Let's take another call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and let's go paul sheer um this is patrick from tucson with what i hope is a momentous occasion yesterday i received a text message from my friend in la and in the message was a picture of a thank you card i had sent him thanking him for the cute outfits and videos

that he sent me for my newborn son. I was living in the Bay Area at the time. And what's momentous about this is this thank you card arrived in the mail eight full years after I had mailed it to him. Way to go, USPS. Love the show. Have a great one. Thanks. That's fucking awesome. Yeah.

That's fucking great. Anybody who hears that story and thinks it's a story about the incompetence of the United States Postal Service and not the astonishing competence. That's incredible. Eight years later? That's like Homeward Bound, The Incredible Journey. Yeah. But it's cute outfits and videos for a baby? It's a thank you note.

A thank you note for the cute outfits and videos. Yeah, that made it eight years after it was mailed. Mm-hmm. God damn it. And I appreciate the guest guests. That fucking thank you note is such a fucking Michael J. Fox dog. It's a real, yeah, it's a real sassy. I mean, that poor little letter was stuck in the basement somewhere.

Yeah. You know, it's just like stuck maybe in between like a mail sorter and somebody. A couple of Santas. Yeah. A couple of Santa letters. Yeah, totally. And somebody peeled it out one day and said, what are you doing here, pal? Let's find you a home. It was incredible because the son had actually gone to live with the mom since then.

So it was a painful reminder of how he messed things up. Yeah, I feel like I'm a big, I like to send a postcard. That's one of my hobbies. So I always like, it's fun to have stamps in your wallet. Right. And I always like getting them. So like send. Don't put them on.

Don't put them on your deck when you're trying to have sex. Oh, you know what? That's happened before. And yeah, this explains a lot, actually. Let's just say you detected a leak right um let's just say they weren't forever stamps right i don't really know what i'm getting at there there were those bioluminescent animals right yeah that are out now and let's just say I paid a little more for them to donate

to breast cancer. Let's just say those flag stamps were at half-mast. Right, sure. Yeah, I like sending postcards, but I feel like one-eighth of them

just don't get there. They just don't. But maybe, I mean, I was cross about that. I that i think oh when we went to uh london to the london podcast festival i popped a postcard for a friend never got there uh and i guess that's probably on the british postal service as much as the american so we were we were only in london six months ago yeah so you got seven and a half years. I got seven and a half more years. So I'm not mad yet.

Not mad yet. There's a window for these things. Right. If you want priority, you got to mail it priority mail. No, you're right. Otherwise, get in line, buddy. This is Brexit's fault. Yeah, I blame Brexit.

I blame Brexit too. Yeah. That warm beer. I love sending mail so much. It's fun. There is nothing better than going to the post box and getting some fresh mail that's not a bill, that it's got your name handwritten. And I hate those. Return address.

I hate those junk mail that they hand write your name anyway. They break my heart every time. Fuck that. Yeah. I agree. I'll take anything. Fuck you, Red Cross. Yeah, take this,

disabled veterans of America. Oh, handwrite my name, tricking me into thinking it's from mommy. It's not. City of hope, city of shut the fuck up. Yeah. We socketed to those charities

on this episode. Thank goodness. Yeah. I still do my bills via mail. Oh, really? I still write a check, slip it in the envelope, put on a stamp. I do like walking to the mailbox. That is like a fun kind of meditative thing.

Filling out the bills has a kind of a relaxing quality to it. I have to say, if it were... I have... Kimmy, we've been friendly for a long time, but we're not close. You might not know this about me, but I have amazing credit. Oh. I'm sorry. I have so much respect for you now. Yeah.

But, I bet you regret not giving me that loan earlier. But – I bet you regret not giving me that loan earlier. However, if we did not live in the era of automated bill pay, I would be in a debtor's prison right now. Like the extent to which I am reliant on telling a computer, just take whatever you want from me. Sure. Like a rival computer, the cable company's computer, you know, the computer of the Condé Nast magazines. It's in charge of the New Yorker probably. Like any, like I, the amount, and I never check.

I have never checked to see if they're charging me the right amount. My cell phone bill right now, I've had my plan long enough. They could be charging $750 a month. And I would have no idea. Because just the idea, just the possibility of thinking about it makes me so uncomfortable, nervous, and upset. That I just write it or just push it, just segregate it, just build a wall around it, fucking cask of Amontillado those feelings. Let the computers handle it.

It's a good way. Doing physical bills is a good way to feel a sense of accomplishment for a day without actually doing anything. I like that. I like the sense of accomplishment that comes with it. You're like, oh, I got to pay the bills. Take that Kohl's card. Right.

Dear Lane Bryant, I'm taking care of business. Thanks for the flirty shorts. You should do that next time. Write like a nice little note to whoever you paid the bills to. See what happens. Dear Spectrum, I love you. Like most people. Yeah.

I'm a big fan. Yeah. I've never had a problem with the service. Yeah. Anyway. Nice Spectrum. Very nice Spectrum. Hashtag Spectrum love.

Yeah. Hey, guys. You know who doesn't get thanked enough? Cable companies. They're out there doing the Lord's work. Periodically changing their brand's name so that it'll confuse people and make them forget how much they hate the predecessor. So yeah, let's get out there and tell the unsung heroes of utilities.

Is that a utility? Sure. We're talking about the electric company, the railroad. Right. Gas. Gas, sure! We've been talking a lot about gas. Water. Can't live without that.

So hey, get out there on the internet and thank your favorite utility. If you're talking gas, you want to go straight to the source and thank Musical.ly. Sure. If you're talking gas, you want to go straight to the source and think musical fruit. Sure. Is both an illustration of what we were talking about and my feelings about the joke that I just made. And the feelings about the whole segment up until this point.

Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Are you tired of trying to keep up with the news cycle? Is bad stuff happening too fast for you to process? Don't you wish there was an easy way to find out about only the most important info you need. Hi, we're Lisa. And Emily. Why don't you try our podcast, Baby Geniuses? On each episode of our podcast, we discuss a weird Wikipedia page such as... Flatulence humor. Clamato.

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I don't know. Just search wonderful. Google it. You'll probably get there. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Kimmy Gatewood, Pat O'Connor's ex-wife. Oh, okay.

This is all starting to make sense. Pat O'Connor done you wrong. What proportion, Kimmy, what proportion of your glow time are you spending making television shows? Yes. And what proportion are you spending in a wrestling gym practicing Pat O'Connor's? Well, before we even start shooting, we do four weeks of like three to four hours a day. Like a spring training situation.

Yes. Wow. Where you go down to Tucson, Cactus League. Indeed. Yeah, they throw us in all the, take us down to Tijuana. Wow, okay.

You do a lot of jogging in rubber suits to lose water weight. I thought that was what it was going to be, but it was just much more gentle than that. Thank God. Yeah. And then depending on how much wrestling is in the episode, you will, on your off days or while you're not shooting, you'll go and practice wrestling.

That's amazing. But we were all, not a lot of us were in one episode completely and so there was much more just like training and maintenance really because the finales tend to be pretty huge in terms of wrestling so i mean in the build-up to a big pay-per-view event as well and the cage match of course right there was a time when i was like i could do this maybe i could be a wrestler oh wow so you considered maybe saying fuck it to the show and going on the road where the real wrestling fans are and that and then i was like no but maybe at some point you would get to the big show, which by that I mean the gathering of the juggalos, which has a significant wrestling portion.

It does? Yes. Yeah. They love it. The big show in wrestling is the gathering of the juggalos where you would go to wrestle a wrestler at the big show. Sure. Yeah. And then they mean that in two ways.

Yeah. But yeah. So yeah. Like, let's say fuck it to the prestige TV part of this. Yeah. Pure wrestling from here on out. And do you do, now you're like between seasons. Yeah.

Will you do any casual just wrestling in your off time? Oh, God, no. Also, I'm in these braces for six months. I can't use my wrists at all, which you forget how vital wrists are. Yeah. Lifting a three-year-old and opening doors. Playing prestige indie video games as well. It kind of slows your reaction time.

Did you visit any – I'll tell you, lately my freshman year college roommate, Mike, he's taken up photography, which makes my Facebook feed a lot nicer because he's a gifted photographer. And he shoots a lot at these local wrestling events. Uh-huh. Yeah. Not like in the – he lives up in the Bay Area. I'm not talking about in the Oracle Arena or anything. It's not at the Oakland Coliseum or even the Cow Palace. We're talking about what looks like –

Community college gyms? Yeah, at best. I would say at best. I was going to say a rec center. Okay. No, they wrestle on the Mason Lodge up in the valley. Now we're talking. Indie wrestling thing.

Yeah. So have you gone to any of those events? No, I've tried, but they sell out very quickly. Oh. So I think I'd like- Sounds like somebody should be moving to the elk's lodge yeah but like uh open mike eagle is a big fan of of wrestling so i told him next time he goes he has to bring me along to one of these indie events because they seem

scrappier than like the bigger like WWE. Yeah. I don't think I have ever looked at documentation of something and had simultaneously the feeling of it seeming extraordinarily fun and extraordinarily sad. For sure. Like the idea that these people are doing this and in the end they're going to get $25 kind of bums me out. Although I know there are also very big independent wrestling things with people who make a good living doing it. Our past guest Colt Cabana. Oh, yeah, sure. That's his world is like the creme de la creme of independent wrestling like around the world.

And also the gathering of the Juggalos. That's true. He's been to several gathering of the Juggalos as a professional wrestler. It's got to be the equivalent of doing like a shitty 10-minute set stand-up-wise. Yeah. Like you leave with 10 bucks and you lose your dignity. Right. It's like if improv destroyed your spine.

spine but it is truly like the closest i've ever been to that was when i went to the a minor league basketball game and i was really excited about going to a minor league basketball game because i don't know if either of you guys have ever been to a basketball game where you have good seats. It is really cool. I enjoy basketball in general, but when you're right there and you're watching amazing basketball players play basketball, it's like, holy shit! You can hear them talking to each other, and it's cool. I thought, well, I'll like doing this. When I was a kid, I used to go to the pro-am league,

like a summer league where just guys who are and some local NBA players, but then also like guys who play professional basketball in Greece all play together in a weird rec center. that but I went to this minor league basketball game to see the minor league Golden State Warriors the Santa Cruz Warriors play the Los Angeles Lakers minor league team which are called like the Los Angeles mini Lakers or something the little Lakers the lady luckers it's sort of like mini kiss

they're sort of a tribute to the regular Lakers and it's a good hook for them and it was They're sort of a tribute to the regular Lakers. And it's a good hook for them. And it was at like a weird hockey practice facility that happened to have a gym. And it sucked. Like ice hockey? Yes.

It was so weird. You had to like walk through. If you imagine like a suburban ice skating center you know like a like a like a bowling center but with five ice rinks you had to walk through all that to get to this gym at the end where they were playing a minor league basketball game and it was a disaster it was so boring and lame and crappy uh you couldn't see what was happening it was was a real bummer. But I still have faith that, and part of what was going on was just a profound sadness, despite the extraordinary skill of the players.

But I... Like an indie video game. I feel like... For instance, yeah. That is what's happening in your local wrestling event. It was International Women's Day recently. Oh, great. Thank you.

Thank you. I just wanted to bring that up. You know what? One of my favorite days of the year. Real women have curves. Sure. And ICP tweeted on International Women's Day and St. Cloud Posse tweeted, Hey, no matter what we say in our raps, we love and respect Weemon.

They spelled it W-E-M-O-N. Weemon. No matter what. It was, I mean, that was the fucking best. I was just like, God, that is like, that was a perfect way to do that. Anyway, I just wanted to say I love and respect Weebon. Oh, my God. I like that you checked in with them on International Women's Day.

It was tweeted to me. Are you sure? Are you like 100% sure that it was the ICP who tweeted that and not Jamaican Bart Simpson? It might have been. It might have been. It might have been Jamaican Bart. Oh, you know, it was not him because he was too busy being trapped between a fat woman's butt cheeks. Oh, my God. Get out of there, Jamaican Bart.

Get out of there. I'm on like a text chain with some some all the old at midnight writers Nick Weiger texted that just because we did so many ICP jokes on that show and then he's like Blake Kovach texted us that's the plural of wee man Blake Kovach is a talented man

a lot of funny inside that little guy. Oh, my goodness gracious. Anyway, I love and respect Weemon. Real Weemon. Anyway, thank you, Kimmy. It's always just so nice to have a smart, funny Wee Man on the show. Wee Man, Jordan. Wee Man.

Treat your corrections to at gas station TV and at Jamaican. Gas station. uh kimmy gatewood you just finished filming this uh new uh season of the hit show glow yes uh when will that be hitting internet roughly um i'm guessing at some point keep an eye out yeah yeah i don't. I mean, it came out in June last year, so I'm assuming June this year. Have you had any occasion to go to the production offices of the whatever it's called, Jenji Kohan Company, that are across the street from our office? That's where I auditioned. Yeah. So this is a lucky street.

I mean, not for us. Can I give a shout out to Jordan Jesse Goh's top celebrity listener right now? Yeah. So this is a lucky street. I mean, not for us. This has been. Can I give a shout out to Jordan Jesse Goh's top celebrity listener right now? Jenji Kohan's husband, who I met one time. Sorry, Jenji Kohan's husband. You've replaced Steve Agee. Suck it, Agee. Happy birthday, Steve.

I had a great time at your party. Yeah. Happy birthday, Steve. I had a great time at your party. Yeah. I also have a new segment in the Joel McHale Show probably next Sunday. Oh. Yeah. Get a draft Joel McHale Show.

It's very funny and your segments on it are really great. Thank you. What's happening on that Joel McHale Show? Are we getting some of his trademark acerbic wit? Indeed. I like Joel McHale. I think Joel mckayle's a nice funny guy i somebody said to me they're like i was watching that show and i didn't realize how much i missed the soup until i saw that show and i was like yeah i think that's a great way of putting it except now it's international so occasionally there's an

international clip in there are you are you ever international clips i'm an international man are you ever worried when you're talking to joel male, as I was the one time I talked to Joel McHale on a balcony in West Hollywood, that he's mad at you the whole time and you keep having to remind yourself that's just how Joel McHale talks? Constantly. Okay. Thank God. I was like, does he hate me? Okay. Thank God. I was like, does he hate me?

He was so nice to me. But literally, I just had to reset every 15 to 20 seconds. That's just how he talks, Jesse. Jesse, that's just how he talks. He's got a thing. You've seen him on TV for two decades. Sure. A decade and a half, however long it's been. Yeah, just reset it.

It's how his natural speech pattern. He's a very nice man, Jesse. I know. Well, yeah, I thought he hated me the whole time. And then at the end he's like, thank you so much for doing this. Oh, right. This is just your bit. He gave you a fruit basket? Is this a sarcastic fruit basket?

Is this musical fruit? You're directing some kind of... Are you directing a non-soup style talk to clips? Yeah, they have like, I don't know, segments that they're doing now.

Oh, segments. Is that a term of art? Field pieces, I suppose. I know that, of course, in the context of tangerines. Right. No, you can apply that to television as well.

Got it. A nice and juicy segment. They're doing field pieces now outside of the show to kind of just make it maybe a little bit different than the soup. So I did the – he toured Netflix. I did the first one on the first show and then they brought me in for another one, which you'll see soon. No spoilers, I guess. That's very fun. Yeah.

It's awesome. Sounds like you're extending your tendrils across the show business landscape indeed you gotta if you want to make a difference you gotta go the other side of the camera guys how about this if you want to make entertainment at netflix you gotta go with kimmy gateway you're shy of tendrils pretty soon you're going to be creating canadian reality shows but hopefully gas it up. Yes, that's the dream. The big leagues. The big show.

I just want a meeting. Can I get over the threshold? I know I'm not what's the woman that created Scandal? Oh, Shonda Rhimes. I'm not Shonda Rhimes here.

I'm not what's the 90210 guy? I don't know. Aaron Spelling. Sorry I'm not Aaron Spelling. 90210 guy? I don't know. Aaron Spelling. David E. Kelly. Aaron Spelling. Sorry. Sorry I'm not Aaron Spelling. Can I just get some FaceTime with Mr. Gastation TV? Sure. Frank Gastation TV.

Just check. Just kidding. We love you, Frank. Frankie baby. We love you, baby. Call us, baby. Let's do lunch. Spago.

Cappuccino. Yes. Wolfgang. Will greet us. Any way you want it. That's do lunch. Spago. Cappuccino. Yes. Wolfgang. You want it. That's the way. And do you mind if I plug my short film control I did with Alison Becker? I did it. Can I?

I saw this thing at a film festival. This thing is great. It's a great. Becker's hilarious in it. It's darkly funny. Yes. But man, this is terrific. Is there a place people can watch this thing?

Yes. So it's going to be playing at the Bermuda, the Bermuda Film Festival, the Florida Film Festival, Phoenix Film Festival, Nashville, and Boynton Beach. Oh, hell yeah.

Hell yeah. You know I fucks with Boynton Beach. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. You know I fucks with Boynton Beach. Yeah. Oh, and New Filmmakers LA in Los Angeles. Wow. It's great. This is really terrific.

And it's already, this will be, it'll be officially 20 festivals, which is a lot of laurels. Wow. So very exciting. And all over the country, all the JJG. So now that you have all these laurels, what are you going to do, rest on them? It's the only thing you can do. Marmaduke? Yeah. You've been reading Marmaduke this whole time?

I couldn't tell. Honestly, I could not tell. You hide it well. I could tell, but I would have guessed family circus. Sure, yeah. Because you would cry occasionally, and that was one where the kid talks to his dead grandpa that haunts him. Do you think the grandpa is the one drawing that dotted line? Yes, yeah.

Oh, my God. That line is actually a nightmare that the kid has to live with. Just something that distresses everyone around him. Represents depression. He's got kicked out of several schools because he leaves that line behind him wherever he goes. I'm never going to show my daughter that. It's going to give her nightmares. Don't.

It's the one thing she'll be afraid of. But your short film is called Control. Control. You directed the short film? Yes. Oh, did you pen it? No, Alison wrote it and starred in it. And we made it in three and a half days for no money.

And then I edited it as well. Was the idea behind teaming with Alison Becker that you would be capturing the whole Jordan Jesse Go audience? Because you came very close, but you should have also cast Chris Fairbanks. I know. Next time. I saw this thing at a film festival. Yeah.

And it was not a competition as far as I know. This thing was so fucking good. It stomped the throats of all the other fucking movies in this thing i couldn't believe how much better there were some the other ones were no slouches there were some you know some well done products in there but this fucking this thing was so good it made the other movies bite the edge of the curb and then it stepped on their neck it was so good. It destroyed the other movies.

Jordan saw this at a film festival. I saw it at an amateur wrestling event. And it wrapped barbed wire around the neck of the other movies and then hit it with a folding chair. Then it did a classic Fosbury flop. This is me clapping guys that's right that's the name of the move

isn't it the Fosbury flop was it the Turkish delight was that what it was and the Pat O'Brien thank you very much Pat O'Connor excuse me am I racist

xenophobic I have a drinking problem I should explain access Hollywood or whatever that was. One of the wrestlers was sportscaster Pat O'Brien. He's fallen on hard times. Sportscaster. He was a sportscaster before he was, I believe, before and after.

At Guy Station TV. He'll be announcing the Olympics, right, of Pat O'Brien? Who knows? I think he's a guy that announces the Olympics. Might actually be dead, though. If so, our condolences to his beautiful family. God, gorgeous family. Such a beautiful family.

I've really been watching his family lately, and they are looking good. It's a tight family. Gorgeous. It's tight. What are they doing, Pilates? Are you talking about their abs? Yeah, I am. I am.

They're just overall sinuous. Yeah. Live. Swimmer's bodies. Oily. Just gorgeous sheen on these people. The O'Briens. The old O'Briens.

Gorgeous peepers. Kimmy Gatewood, it's been a joy. Thank you so much. Thanks, guys. Appreciate it. On the boards this week for Jordan, Jesse, go Daniel Baruela, our producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. You can find us on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris and at Jesse Thorne. You can hashtag your tweets JJ, so we can see them.

We're also on Facebook. You can like JordanJesseGo there and follow the MaxFun group where there's often a fun JordanJesseGo discussion. Somebody can post a dank meme. And, of course, we're on Reddit at MaximumFun.Reddit.com. Be careful not to go to LosAngeles.reddit.com. Be careful not to go to losangeles.reddit.com. That's a forum for saying how homeless people don't deserve to have money. Oh, boy. I accidentally signed up for that Reddit.

I got unsubscribed from that Reddit. It is a mean, dark Reddit. It's like those Yelp reviews that are about parking in Reddit. Just stay away from the rest of Reddit. Yeah, that's a really good point. That's a very fair point. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. Bye-bye.

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