Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 529: Ace in Your Hole with Aparna Nancherla

Episode Date: May 1, 2018

Actress and comedian Aparna Nancherla joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jesse's big birthday lunch with potentially too much pie, Jordan's desire to live in another city for a short time for a showbiz job, and whether or not The Rock's ability to make a prestige film is hampered by the fact that he looks like a cartoon strong man.  

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. A beautiful day here in Los Angeles. We're back to Weather Reports, Jordan. My only concern with the weather today is that I may have eaten too much pie. Oh, okay. I mean, that's surprising because we're doing this around 2 p.m. How much pie can a man eat?

Now, Jordan, let's clarify something. Lunch pie? Did you have lunch pie? This is not a traditional synchronous broadcast. This isn't the type of program that people listen to as we're speaking. So I want to be clear that as we record this, it's my birthday. Of course I've had early pie. Okay.

So daddy wakes up, daddy gets some pie. Yeah. That's how daddy rolls on birthday, on daddy's birthday. So let's talk. Okay. Let's write. Daddy hasn't usually referred to oneself as daddy, but daddy is starting to like it. I mean, this sounds like a juicy topic.

Right. How about we intro the guest a little earlier than we usually do. We don't wait that standard 10 minutes while they sit there uncomfortable. Let's introduce this guest. Right. Let's get into this pie. Okay. She's a stand-up comic, a beloved stand-up comic.

Let's get into this pie. Okay. She's a stand-up comic, a beloved stand-up comic. She's one of the stars of the television program Corporate on television's Comedy Central Network. She's a favorite of ours. Aparna Nancharla, how are you? Hi. Thank you for introing me earlier than usual.

What a joy to have you here. We're thrilled that we were able to find some time in your busy schedule being a television celebrity. A busy bee. Now, we all want to hear about the pie, but I have a question for Aparna. You are doing something right now that I have always wanted to do, which is be on this show, first of all. I would love to be on this show. I would love to book this. You are living in a place that you don't normally live for a showbiz job. You are a New York person. Correct. A New Yorkie.

Yes. And you are living out here for- You're one of the Queens famous New Yorkies. Yeah, New Yorkie. You're living out here for a couple months while you make a new season of Corporate. Boy, that sounds cool. I've always wanted someone to put me up in a place I don't live. Oh, boy. Well, I'll take some of the mystery out of it and say that I'm not being put up.

I'm putting myself up. How does one arrange to live in a new city for a couple of months? What do you have to do? Well, I guess it depends. I have some friends who have kindly let me live in their guest room for extended periods. That's nice. But I might help them out and not just mooch off of them for the interminable future. So I might find one of those cottages or something, because I feel like there are enough people coming to L.A. for temporary work that there seem to be living situations. There's a cottage industry.

There's a cottage industry of cottages. Yes. For you, Jordan, is the prospect of being put up somewhere where you have no responsibility for your home, the most appealing part of this, or is the appealing part the adventure of a new city? Yeah, I think so. I mean, and I think that, you know, like, yeah, I've lived here for a while, and I don't want to leave.

I don't dislike it. Right. But, like, a couple months in Phoenix might be fun. I'm not going to suggest that someone, you know, that I'll get, you know, one of these fancy coastal jobs because let's just face it, I'm not there yet. You'll probably be what, like a strength and conditioning coach in spring training baseball. That would be great. Yeah. For, I don't know, the Marlins.

Right. Let's just say. Is that a coastal job? I don't know. I guess spring training happens in Arizona. Jordan, I'm not. know, the Marlins. Right. Let's just say. Is that a coastal job? I don't know. I guess spring training happens in Arizona. Jordan, I'm not. Oh, that's right. I'm not here to tell you what state the Florida Marlins train in.

Mm-hmm. Now, the Miami Marlins at Gas Station TV, if you'd like to issue a correction. But needless to say, it's not Arizona. I feel like this is, I mean, not a sports guy over here. That's fine. I felt like doesn't spring training happen in weird states? It happens half in Arizona and half in Florida. Of course, you've got the Cactus League and the Grapefruit League.

Oh, of course. So I wasn't totally wrong. That wasn't totally a fantasy. No. You're right on target. What is guest house living like? Well, I'm about to find out, but I think it's, you know, you're in a little, just a little, I don't know if gated community would be the right word, but it's just a little, you know, temporary like housing unit. So it's like a little kitchen and a living room and a bedroom.

That's nice. Yeah. That sounds good. That sounds good. Yeah. That sounds good. The part that I want of this, I mean, I like the idea of exploring a new city and all that stuff. But for me, it is the idea of just a place. I mean, maybe it's because I'm a father of three and a husband of many years.

I thought you were going to say a father of three and a husband of many. Yeah, I thought that too. The most exciting thing to me is the thought of having a place where I'm free from the burden of responsibility. And it's not that I want to escape my family. It's more just that I do – there is appeal to me in that hotel room feeling that you get. Yeah. It does feel a little bit like a vacation from your regular life because – but there are – you know, my apartment in New York, I'm not allowed to have subletters, so there is this veil of responsibility of just rent disappearing into the ether. It's a double rent situation.

Yeah. Could you Airbnb it, or is that also not allowed? Also, I guess no strangers shall occupy it. Sure. Your landlord is a goblin. Yes. And he wrote that over the door in runes. Yep.

Yeah. So no one can even cross the threshold. Unless they answer these riddles three. Yes. You thought about a rune breaker or a riddler. I'll still have to place an ad. Yeah. And with Backpages.com down, it's really hard to find a rune breaker.

I just learned what Backpages.com is. Yeah, I think for folks who don't know, as I understand it, Backpages.com was a parallel universe version of Craigslist that was primarily for sex slaves. Oh, dear. For horrible, yeah, for horrible and not horrible. I mean, and prostitution should be legal style sex interaction. Yes, empowered sex workers. Some kind. It's both things as I understand it.

But the major concern was with the slavery. Sure. Could I still use it to get a wobbly dresser though? I think that is what is so strange about it. Or tickets to see Billy Joel. Yeah. It's like Yahoo auctions Japan or Kijiji in Canada. It's like you realize there's this parallel infrastructure.

Sure. Yeah. The first couple times I Airbnbed, I really just treated that place like a hotel room and wiped my ass with their towels and hurled them across the room. Oh, no. So, yeah. I had to. My first Airbnb I ever got, I got such a bad review from the person, I had to delete the account and make an all new one. No.

Wow. Really? Because I now knew the rules of Airbnb, which wasn't be the horrible monster you are in hotel rooms. Oh, wow. Anyway. I think I was raised with such a high level of awareness of keeping up appearances that I feel like even when I'm in a hotel, I try to make it look like no one is staying there. You just lay on top of the comforter. It's very strange. I don't know what I'm worried about.

Bring your own ice in from the outside. Yeah. Pack in, pack out. Sure. No, yeah. I mean, I had a job for a while where I was – there's a lot of travel associated with it. So I like – I like was in a hotel a couple nights a month. And I really like – it stopped – it went from being this special thing that you did on vacations to just like a part of life. And then I think in that – it was in that little window that I had that job that I became a real hotel monster. You made what's called the heel turn.

Yes, exactly. Yeah. I was – before I was Hulk Hogan and now I'm Hollywood Hogan. Ooh. Just hurling towels. I like hotel monster. That sounds like a movie I would go see I think The Rock would want to be in that

yeah yeah there are movies The Rock doesn't want to be in no I mean I think as long as he gets to wear khaki shorts he's very I feel like he's very charismatic and he can make like he's someone who I imagine goes into the audition and they're just like he knew what to do with the lines.

Yeah. He knew that he should raise one eyebrow and be strong. I think we can all agree, and I don't want to speak for the two of you, but I think we can all agree in this room that The Rock is great and everyone likes The Rock, right? Yes. Has The Rock ever had a major role in a good movie? Oh. I'm trying to think. Yeah, what is the, like...

I mean, I liked Reno 911, the movie, and he had, like, a funny cameo in that. Oh, I didn't even see that. That's very funny. No, I mean, I think The Rock... I mean, The Rock has really zeroed in on kind of, like, forgettable but impressively made PG-13 movies. And I think that's all he wants to do. People thought that Jumanji the New Batch was pretty good, right? Sure, yeah.

Jack Black and the Rock. It's the emerging of the Jumanji and Gremlins universe. Yes. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I would wager a guess as to say that. And I'm not a go-to-see-a-rock movie because The Rock is in it. I would, you know, I'm a, listen, if it's a Fast and Furious, I'm there.

That's my franchise. Right. Sure. But as far as a Jumanji. I mean, you don't even need to do this show, financially speaking. You control that franchise. I do. I created the franchise.

Wait. Oh, yeah. I am making millions from that. See ya, suckers. I created the franchise. Wait. Oh, yeah. I am making millions from that.

See you, suckers. One day you were just really mad and had the accelerator depressed. I decided to live life a quarter mile at a time. My story is up on screen. Yeah. I guess I don't. There was a brief dip where you became too fast and too furious. That's true.

Oh, yeah. And then a little Tokyo Drifted. Yeah. So, yeah. So I a little Tokyo Drifted. Yeah. So, yeah. So I will not automatically go see a Jumanji or a Rampage, but I can kind of – I feel like I kind of know how these are. Right. But what I want – I don't think that I want The Rock to be in a good prestige movie. Sure. It's possible.

I wouldn't put it past him. Like the Phantom Thread 2? Yeah. Two Thread, two Furious. It's just him putting on beautiful velvet suits and then flexing his way out of them, just flexing so hard that they tear off his body. Right. And then someone has to repair them in the next scene.

Right. And it's a little erotic, too. Yes. I don't think that's what I want, but I could go for a diehard. I could go for a very high-quality genre movie. And while none of the rock movies that I've seen have been given his enormous charisma and presence have not been disasters and most of them have been enjoyable sure I'd say maybe like fast five is the closest to this uh ideal but I would love it if I if he was in like a Steven Soderbergh genre movie that

I actually really like rather than one that's okay. So I think here's what's standing in the way of that. Uh-huh. Like, I think someone who kind of travels between these two things pretty well is Statham. Right. You get the kind of dumb, face-kicking fare. Yeah. And also a fast movie, which he's very good in.

kicking fair. Yeah. And also a fast movie, which he's very good in. But then because he looks like that, he can put on the nice suit and do the top thriller with only a little bit of kicking. Right. Right. The Rock looks like a cartoon man. Right.

That's true. That's a good point. So if he just was in a thing where he was a block pick who was trying to get out of the life, you'd be like, yes, but why is he a triangle? Was he in that Michael Bay prestige movie about stealing steroids or whatever it was about? Was he one of the stars of that? Oh. Oh, right. Yes.

Yeah, he was. He was? Yeah. I think that must have been his attempt. I didn't see the film. Yeah, me neither. He was? Yeah. I think that must have been his attempt. I didn't see the film. Yeah, me neither. But Pain and Gain? Pain and Gain.

That must have been his, which, by the way, does not sound like the title of the film, but the title of a series of kind of low-rent comic detective novels that you buy at the airport, maybe. Yeah, yeah. Like they're a duo? Yeah. I'm John Payne. And I'm Gabe Johnson. Maybe a USA Network show at best.

Yeah, sure. Comes on after Rizzoli and Isles. But yeah, I feel like that was an attempt to make, I think from what I understand, that was a sincere attempt to make a good movie. Mm-hmm. And it was one that took advantage of – you have to bake it into the premise that there's a ridiculous cartoon man there. I think that's ultimately what you're driving at is there's only so many film setups that can comfortably include a ridiculous cartoon man for sure.

He's on that HBO show, right? Billions, which I haven't seen. Oh, Ballers. Ballers. Ballers. Billions is a different show? Yeah. What's the premise of that is he's an ex-football guy.

So it makes sense that he's strong. Yeah. Right. Anyway. And Rob Corddry's in that. Sure. So it makes sense that he would be friends with Rob Corddry because who wouldn't be? Right.

He's really fun. Yeah. You know, he's a really fun guy. He seems nice. Yeah. He's a good guy. What is your, Barna, what is your, when you switch out from guest house living to this other kind of bungalow living, do Sure. Do you have a dream setup in your mind?

I want this for the six weeks I'm in L.A., I want this. Oh, like how I want everything to look. Yeah. I mean, I feel like I'm pretty low maintenance in terms of, I think I've been trying to tend towards minimalism lately, but I think it's because my natural instinct is to hoard. What have you hoarded in your life? Well, I think I just accumulate clutter, which a lot of people do, but then I make no effort to get rid of it. Sure.

Yeah. You don't do a goodwill run every couple months. I mean, I've been rescheduling a Goodwill pickup for the last eight months. Yeah. Well, commitment's tough. I get it. I'm, you know. It's mainly that I have this, like, essentially like a chaise lounge or like a, it almost looks like a fainting couch that someone left in my apartment from when I moved in, and I still have not gotten rid of it.

I'm glad to know that it was when you moved in and not just when they were coming over for dinner or something. Do you mind? I just happen to be carrying this. Sure. I might get consumption while we're eating. Yeah. And I will need to swoon. My bodice is particularly tight today. Right, yeah.

Yeah. It was a different time. Sure it was. 2016, yeah. It was a different time. Sure it was. 2016, I remember it well. All our courses were too tight. We all had mercury poisoning from our hat pins. Yes. I forgot about hat pins. Yeah, it's a good way to get mercury poisoning.

Man. You need that fainting couch. Generation Y, man. Yeah, that's true. Always online. These are the iconic features of Generation Y. Oh, my gosh. Tight corsets and bodices, of course.

Fainting couches, hat pins. This is the shit that we're going to try and explain to our kids when they're teenagers. And they're going to be like, what are you talking about? You know, I would think that hats are no longer the thing they once were in terms of stature and importance. But then I was at the gym and on CNN it was saying how Melania Trump's hat stole the show. What show specifically? Reno 911.

sold the show. What show specifically? Reno 911. I guess when the French Emmanuel Macron recently visited, and it was just saying that her hat really grabbed everyone's attention, and I was like, why are we talking about her hat? I have not seen this hat. It's just a white hat.

There's nothing really about it that I was like. She's like, I'm a good guy. I have a white hat. Right, right, right. Yeah. I know we have a perception problem. So I'm going to put on this white hat to associate myself with good guys. Classic Western good guys. Yeah.

I just associate hats now with like the Kentucky Derby or like. Oh, sure. That is when you will see your meme hats. Or a coronation. Yeah. Or like the Queen of England. But not. But nothing beyond that.

I've been trying to bring back yellow hats for men. Mm-hmm. Ooh. It really helps. Like Curious George? Men with yellow hats. Anyway, he also had a jumpsuit on, right? Did he?

He had a one-piece. Oh, yeah. The man in the yellow hat? Yeah, I believe he did. He should be the man who casually wears a jumpsuit. That's weirder to me. I do have a jumpsuit, so I'm there on that one. A yellow jumpsuit?

No, it's a green jumpsuit. Matching hat? I bought overalls recently. Oh, boy. Yeah, I don't know. I just want that to be my life. You just want to play rock violin. That's a purely, yes, I want to be in Dexys Midnight Runner specifically.

Oh, yeah. I think I just like, I want that kind. You want coverage. Here's what happens. Total coverage. I want coverage. Yeah, I want that kind of baby-like or like toddler-like. Wait, so you're saying daddy wants to be a baby?

Yeah, pretty much. Okay. I mean, as you're saying daddy wants to be a baby? Yeah, pretty much. Okay. I mean, as I said, a toddler more than a baby. I corrected myself. But yeah, I mean, even toddlers want num-nums. Sure. I think we all want num-nums. Well, it's interesting.

Like, coveralls and overalls I feel like you see most in babies and then also in, like, blue-collar jobs. Right. see most in babies and then also in like blue collar jobs. And somehow they've now been firmly embraced by like the leisure class. Yeah. You're talking about LL. Cool, Jamie. Oh, sure. Oh, yeah.

I guess that too. Leisure. Leisure. Leisure, living, cool. James. Jay still stands for James. J still stands for James. I was at the flea market, and I saw three different guys, all of whom were large. In a different dimension, different relative dimensions. All of them were both big and tall, but some of them were only somewhat tall and very big.

And some of them were pretty tall and somewhat big. Okay. You know what I'm saying? And I myself am pretty tall and somewhat big. And all these big guys are wearing these overalls, and I'm looking at them thinking like, man, they just look like they're about their business. You know what I mean? Sure. look like they're about their business. You know what I mean? They are living within themselves, projecting warmth into the world. Do they have a hammer on themselves?

They probably have a hammer. They might. They might have a rule, for all I know. T-square? Could be. Who knows? Protractor? I don't know.

Maybe. You got to get in them overalls to find out. Melonballer? Ooh, melon baller. That would be fun. Yeah, that's actually with that pocket on the back. You know how there's those pockets on the back of the leg? Those are for melon ballers?

Yeah, that's for melon ballers. Well, how? Well, there's a melon baller pocket, and then there's one of those apple slicers that you sort of put on top of the apple. Oh, yeah. And you go down. A guillotine for apples. The two handles. Yeah.

And speaking of guillotines, there's actually that loop on the side of overalls. Down. Like guillotine for apples. The two handles. Yeah. And speaking of guillotines, there's actually, you know, that loop on the side of overalls. Yes. That's to hang a bagel slicer. What? Yeah, because the concern is sometimes it's harder to slice a bagel straight. You know, you want to slice it straight down the middle. But if you're using a bread knife, sometimes it can be. Oh, it's a mess.

Yeah, you've got to get a thinner slice and then a thicker slice. Exactly. They're both bad. So this is for people primarily in the brunch trade. Yeah. Right? Yeah, these are blue-collar brunchmen. Yeah, there's also, you know, on the bib in the front, there's that pocket there?

Yeah. That's for poached eggs. Oh, my God. Yeah. I've never poached an egg. It seems very challenging. Seems like an ordeal. I can't tell whether it's easy or incredibly

difficult. I've never done it and I've never eaten a poached egg, I don't think. Are poached eggs what's in Eggs Benedict? Yes. Then I've eaten a poached egg. But I've never eaten a poached egg where the poaching is the central. A part of how you make an egg, when you're making an egg at home. I fry it.

Okay. Real easy, splat. Yeah. Are you a flipper? Yeah, don't you have to flip it? I don't think so. Oh, I guess that's what Sonny said. Do you have to?

I thought you had to. I mean, I think that depends on how you want that yolk to come out. Yeah. Right. I personally would flip it. Yeah, me too. I don't think you have to. I like to flip it. Yeah, me too. I don't think you have to. I like to flip it myself.

Sure. Apparently you're supposed to take a spoon and be like putting the oil on top of it while it's sitting there. Oh, if you're not flipping? Yeah. I'm sure that's how an internet video where you can just see the hands would tell you to do it. You know where I learned that? An internet video where Martha Stewart was annoyed with David Letterman. Oh, that's fun.

Yeah. That's basically my... They had a real chemistry, didn't they? That's my favorite type of content, I would say, is Martha Stewart being annoyed with... In fact, that's also my sexual identity. Mine is David Letterman being mean to Richard Simmons. Got it.

Oof. Aparna, now, you're a David Letterman, but Jungle Jack Hanna just put a weird animal on his shoulder, right? Yes, that's more my speed. Yeah, we should each get our own version of Tinder. Right, just we're on. Aparna, what's on your socks, speaking of fashion? Oh, my gosh.

I think I'm noticing sock designs. These are very, my friend who I'm staying with, this is her dog that she made socks with his face on it. That's the dog? That is the actual dog. How did they do that? I don't know. I kind of didn't even want to. And why are you wearing socks?

I was gifted them. Oh, so you're staying at the house. Yeah. And they're like, welcome to our home. Oh, yeah. Here are socks with our dog on it? Yeah, it was a holiday gift that she had forgotten to mail. Ah, I see.

So they were a recent gift but overdue. But, yeah, I don't know how you get a photo onto a sock. That seems kind of presumptuous. Do you like – yeah, how do you feel about their dog? I like him. We have a very tacit agreement to tolerate each other. That's nice. Oh.

Yeah. So you would want a pair of socks with his face on them. I'm trying to get more goodwill going in the household. Yeah. And I'm sure enjoying the socks, they appreciate that. Right. Oh, it's always nice to see someone using your gift. And he certainly doesn't – can't complain.

Sure. There's no licensing issues here. No, that's good. For a while there were video games where you would play the Chicago Bulls and you'd have Scotty Pippen and Gil Hodges and B.J. Armstrong and so forth. But then you would have 23. Sure. Because they couldn't get the license to get Michael Jordan's name. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think it's a thing where you like your pet so much that you assume everyone else likes your pet the same amount. Jordan, I'm really freaking out about something. I think I said Gil Hodges. That's a near baseball Hall of Famer from the 1950s Brooklyn Dodgers. You did say Gil Hodges. I meant Craig Hodges. Oh.

Craig Hodges of the Chicago Bulls. I don't think either of us would have called you on that. That's why I had to interject there. Sure, because no one was here. You're doing our job for us. Yeah. The fact checking. Well, I'm just trying to head off at the pass, the people sending me tweets.

Sure. No, I get that. You don't want that. Yeah. All right. Well, let'm just trying to head off at the pass the people sending me tweets. Sure. Now I get that. You don't want that. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, let's talk about these. Okay.

So you've had A.M. Pie. Oh, right. A.M. Pie. Well, because here's the thing. My wife and I, my beautiful wife, Teresa, host of the Smash It podcast, One Bad Mother. My wife and I had what we will call a mental health engagement this morning.

It was not related to strife in our marriage. I want to be clear about that. But we had a joint mental health engagement. Okay. Sounds kind of hot. Yeah. Yeah. Did you light some candles?

So I strew some rose petals on the bed. Yeah. Yeah. Did you light some candles? Mm-hmm. So I strew some rose petals upon the bed. Or in this case, the chaise lounge or fainting couch. Yes, yes, of course. We have a Freudian mental health. Yeah. Because you might faint if you see that D. Exactly. So we had an

appointment in Pasadena, California. Mm-hmm. We go see a little old lady that once a week. Nobody's meaner. Nobody's meaner. And we happened to be, that appointment happened to be right near a restaurant called Pie and Burger, which has been mentioned

on this program in the past. And my wife was not only kind enough to invite me to go to lunch with her after that, but she also secretly invited our friend and past guest, Ben Harrison, and his beautiful wife, Rachel, to join us for an adult birthday lunch at Pie and Burger. All this sounds sexy, by the way. Yeah. So adult lunch.

Very sentimental. So I went ahead and I did not order myself a milkshake, but I drank some of my wife's cherry Coke. Yum. And I had myself a cheeseburger. Mm-hmm. And I had a half order of potato salad. Yep.

And then I said, you know what? It's my birthday. I'm going to go ahead and order a whole slice of banana meringue pie. What time is this? This is all between 12 and 12.45. I mean, the other issue is that it's time compressed because I had to get here to record this show. Oh, that's right. So I was just shoveling all these things.

You would still be eating pie if not for this. My ideal situation is the way that my friend Adam Katz from middle school spent his college years, which is he and his softball team would go to an all-you-can-eat wings bar. Yeah. When it opened, they would occupy a table, and then they would take shifts to keep their table running continuously through their softball game and into the night. Oh.

So they would each eat wings, you know, in shifts again. Like they'd take a few hours off, but they would be there as a group for 12 consecutive hours enjoying all you can eat wings. Oh, my gosh. Which is immoral. I'll grant you. Is it?

Yeah. I think it's an undue burden on the service staff. That's true. Aparnet, are you planning on visiting Pie and Burger while you're in L.A.? I did not know about this establishment. Is it famed? Jordan and I once had one of, I think, the most important conversation. You know, Jordan and I have known each other for almost 20 years now.

Yeah. And one of the most important conversations we ever had was where I was complaining that there was nowhere in Pasadena to go for dinner on a date with my wife. Oh, okay. Because, you know, when you have kids, the stakes get much higher. Sure. And you also can't – when you have a baby, you can't go that far away because if something happens with the baby, you have to be able to get back. Right.

And so we wanted like a nice restaurant. And we thought, well, Pasadena is right near where we live. It seems like a place that would have nice places to eat. But it had been hard for us to find a nice place to eat there. And I said to Jordan one day, I said, I complained about this situation. I was like, I wish I knew more nice restaurants in Pasadena that I could go to where I would feel like I was having a fancy dinner out that made it worth spending $125 to have a babysitter or whatever. Yeah. And he said, well, I feel like the food's pretty good in Pasadena.

And I said, I don't know. I mean, there's Pie and Burger. And Jordan was kind of quiet for a minute and said, yeah, I guess I'm just thinking of Pie and Burger. Yeah. Yeah, Pie and Burger is a world champion restaurant. Oh, wow. And you know what they serve there? I have two guests.

Oving Trout. Yeah. You know, I'll throw Himalayan Cafe in there. If have two guests. Oving trout. Yeah. You know, I'll throw Himalayan Cafe in there. If you're ever in Pasadena, hit up the Himalayan Cafe. Delicious. Do they have Momo? Is that right? Oh, I don't know.

I did not order Momo. What is Momo? I guess I don't know what Momo is. I think it's the dumpling. I think it's what they call in Himalayan cuisine dumplings. Oh, boy. I did have something like that. I don't know if it was called a Momo, but it's what they call in Himalayan cuisine dumplings. Oh, boy. I did have something like that. I don't know if it was called a momo, but it's very good.

Pie and burger, a classic California cheeseburger. Yeah. You know, with a nice soft sweet bun and a little bit of the old Thousand Island dressing or whatever it is. Yeah, that's a world championship restaurant. And so for that reason, I felt like in order to make that count that I was having, I should order. And I ate the whole slice of pie. And it was a sizable pie slice. Parda, I guess I'm not sure how old you are, but do you still do birthday shit when you have a birthday?

That's a good question. you still do birthday shit when you have a birthday? That's a good question. I think I – my boyfriend who I've been dating for almost two years now, he's a big like date celebrator, like birthdays, anniversaries. I think before that I wouldn't have. But now I feel like since I have someone who gets more excited about them than I do, now I feel like, oh, let's do a thing. Sure. Sure. Yeah. I think in my life I would gladly slide into inaction in all areas.

Me too. Like just into a nice, tepid, barely passable in every category. Yeah, that is an odd thing about singledom is like going like, well, I should create some fun. If I don't, I'll just play this new God of War, which is really good. But then I feel bad after a few hours. What's fun? Yeah, there is that kind of weird.

Yeah, I think. Sitting down at a drafting table. Anyway. Past few birthdays, I've tried to organize like small gatherings, like a dinner or like drinks. But I guess sometimes you're like, who is this for? Sure. Yes. Is everyone else enjoying this?

Right. Am I enjoying this? Am I just looking for somewhere to invite Ed Koch to since I got Ed Koch's phone number? Right. Ed Koch might be dead, right? Former New York mayor, Ed Koch? I don't understand any of this. Do mayor, Ed Koch? I don't understand any of this. Do you know

Ed Koch? I don't, but I think... No, Ed Koch was a famous, irascible mayor of New York. Yeah. If you had his number, you'd want to have a social event that you could invite him to. Right. Okay. It all makes perfect sense, Jordan. So that was just the most out-of-nowhere pull.

It was not related to something about a partner that I don't know. No, it was just an example of someone where if you got their number, you would have to invent a social context in which to interact with. Okay, yeah, I'm putting this together. You can't just invite Ed Koch over for a barbecue. I guess not. The guy's irascible for one thing. I guess I know that name because Letterman would make jokes about him. Oh, that's right.

That was a big thing for me at the height of my Letterman fandom was just like there are things I know about because Letterman makes jokes about them. Mary Jo Buttafuoco. Buttafuoco is such a...

It's a great name. Yeah. Buttafuoco is such a... It's a great name. Yeah. It's so... How tempting would it have been to do only Buttafuoco humor in the Buttafuoco era? Yeah. Just because you want to say it has butt in it? Sure. And fuck.

Sure. It's too much. And it's mellifluous. You think it's too much. It's an embarrassment of riches. Yeah, it really is. I think so, too. Are you originally from the New York area, Barna?

No, I'm from the, I don't know, D.C., which, is that the Mid-Atlantic? That is the Mid-Atlantic. Are you from Washington, D.C., proper? The suburbs. Which suburbs? Are we talking about Virginia or Maryland? Virginia. Oh.

Yeah, right outside. So, Nova, as I like to call it. Nova. People there call it that, too. Yeah, it's a weird name. It. Yeah. Right outside. So Nova, as I like to call it. Nova. People there call it that, too. Yeah, it's a weird name. It is weird. It's a little odd. But yeah, I lived right near, I lived in McLean, which is where I guess the CIA is.

Yeah. Yeah. I guess the same. Are we right, Jordan? I guess. Okay. You guys are right. Is that where your family still is? Yeah. Yeah. My parents live in Arlington. Okay. You guys are right. Is that where your family still is?

Yeah, my parents live in Arlington. Oh, that's fun. My own mother is from Arlington. What? Guys, this is great. I know. This is why you podcast for moments like this. Well, this and discussing restaurants in Los Angeles.

That's true. Of course. Or the restaurants in Los Angeles. That's true. Of course. Yeah. Of course. Or the suburbs around Los Angeles. I have a question. Would you have – for your birthday, are you 100 percent pie all the way? Or if cake had been presented, would you have been like, well, then cake, of course. No.

I am – here's the thing. Sure. Now we're – and thank you, Aparna, because now we're going to get into it. I mean, this has been kind of fluffy, fun conversation, but now we have some substance. Well, I'm skirting around the real issues. Give me a second to turn my chair around back so I can straddle it. Real talk. I like cake fine.

Okay. And my favorite cake is chocolate cake. Yeah. Which I cannot eat. Oh. Because I cannot eat chocolate. Oh no. So.

Because you are a dog. You will die. Well, I'm a half dog on my mother's side. Of course. Of course. Um, so, uh, yeah, so, so like, to me, ice cream is king of desserts, full stop. Sure. No question about it.

No ifs, ands, or buts. And so either of them I would like to have with ice cream. Yeah. But, I mean, as I was thinking about this cake that's sitting in my stomach like a giant gelatinous – The pie that's in my stomach like a giant gelatinous. I don't think there's a pie that I don't like. I like a home-run pie. Sure.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I think that there are wonderful cakes in the world. Sure. That may even be a more refined and beautiful experience than eating even a pretty good slice of pie. It's possible. I don't know. I haven't had these cakes, but I can imagine them with a very fine crumb or something like that.

Sure. A light, fine crumb. Fondant. Fondant might be involved. Oh, fondant is not for eating, though. I feel like fondant is only for presentation. Yeah. It's not that good. Shit, man. I got high the other night and just squeezed a whole tube of fondant is only for presentation. It's not that good.

Shit, man. I got high the other night and just squeezed a whole tube of fondant in my mouth. My friend from high school, Jasmine, is one of those bakers. She has a career as one of those bakers who only bakes cakes for special events. Sure. And among other things. Like for a bachelor party, she'd do a cake shaped like boobs? Yes.

Okay. Or for Willie L. Brown Jr.'s retirement party, she would bake a cake shaped like the Golden Gate Bridge. Thank you very much. Sure. It's also extremely classy. But yeah, the boob cakes too. And I have a lot of respect for that. Sure.

You can't make a pie that's shaped like – she made a cake that looked – sincerely in a photograph appeared to be a pair of Timbaland boots. Whoa. And I was like, this is awe-inspiring. But I almost always would rather have pie, right? I mean, like pie is better, right? Aparna, do you come down on this issue on one side or the other? Well, I once had to debate for the superiority of pie over cake. What was the situation?

High school debate? No, it was this show. You were running for governor. It was this comedy debate show called Uptown Showdown that they do in New York. And they made it into like a television show that was on CISO called Debate Wars. And I debated for Pi along with Guy Branum. Oh, wow. You were on a team or you were against him?

No, we were both on the same team. Thank God. I know. You're telling me. This was on CISO so everyone saw it but if for some reason someone didn't can you walk us through the argument you guys made i think we made the argument that pie is the underdog and cake is i think we essentially argued cake is the patriarchy wow well yeah cake rearchy wow yeah yeah it does sound you really went fourth level on we really Wow. Well, yeah. Or the cake-rearchy. Wow, yeah.

You really went fourth level on it. We really dug in. I mean, that's, I can't speak to your strategy, but that adds up to our friend Guy Brannan's strategy. Oh, sure, yeah. Our friend, former lawyer. He did the closing argument, yes, yes. And he did, yeah. Constitutional enthusiast, I think, would be a fair way to describe it.

Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. He's a pre-import junkie. Yeah. Did you win the debate? We did. Congratulations. Thank you.

That's amazing. So I feel like for that reason alone, I come down on the side of pie. I feel like, and I think this is a battle as old as time itself. Right. I don't think I have met a passionate cakey when this comes up. Yeah. Have you guys ever met at this thing? Were there people who were like screaming for cake?

No. And I think that's a good point because I think cake – and that was kind of our argument is like cake is so much the default that people don't even really have a strong stance on. Right. It's sort of like the Paul Blart of desserts. Sure. Yeah. You can't make a sheet. Like a slice of Blart?

You can't make a sheet pie. Right. I think that's one of your big issues. Yeah. If this is an office birthday situation, there's 40 people who need pie. Well, hell, you're going to have to bake eight, ten pies. Yeah. And also I think the wild card is always that pizza is technically pie and then you get to claim all of pizza. And I have also heard when this comes up, pie folks will also throw cheesecake in.

Oh, yeah. Which is maybe technically a pie. And I feel like that, because cheesecake people are so intense. And as a cheesecake person, I'll put myself in this zone. There's a whole factory. Yeah, that will just tip things to pie if you're throwing in cheesecake and pizza. That's a good point. If you threw in spaghetti, well, then there's two factors.

Two factors. One old and one standard. It's good for the economy. It's about time manufacturing got back to America. Coal, oil, cheesecake. Old spaghetti. Old spaghetti. Old spaghetti.

Do you think the old spaghetti factory specialized specifically in aged spaghettis? Yeah, I think probably. You know, barrel-aged maybe. You put it in a nice oak barrel. Get those notes. It absorbs some of the flavors. You've got to have notes. Yeah.

Love those notes. What's your favorite note, Aparna? My favorite note? I'll go with C. Yeah. Oh, yeah, sure. That's a great note. Yeah.

Of course, I like dough. That's a deer. Oh, yeah, sure. That's a great note. Yeah. Of course, I like dough. That's a deer. Right. Oh, yeah. And I'm going to go Secret Admirer. Yeah. That's my favorite. Ooh, that's a good one.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, We're also supported this week by our friends at Stitch Fix. You know, Jordan. Yes, Jesse. As our friends at Stitch Fix always say, when a problem comes along, you must stitch it. That's true. They do say that. I don't know if it's legal for them to say that.

It's almost weird the extent. They just say it back and forth to each other, and it's kind of upsetting. Yeah. Here's what Stitch Fix is. Other than a company that maybe doesn't know that we've come up with this slogan for them. Yeah. Here's what Stitch Fix does. You answer some questions about your personal style on their website, and then they will

send you cool clothes that you can try on, and you only pay for what you keep. Yeah, and they'll switch sizes for you. Shipping's free both ways. It's easy. They pick the clothes for you. Like I'd go to the website. It goes stitchfix.com slash JJ Go. I'd go there and I'd type in my personal style.

I'd say biker babe. Sure. I'd put in my budget unlimited. Yeah. And then I would go ahead and they would pick out five brand new items for me. I mean, they actually did this for you. You got some clothes that you love. Yeah, no, I'm a Stitch Fix user and I like it a lot.

I always love getting that box and it feels low pressure because I'm only paying for what I keep. They're called Fixies. Sure, yes. It's a bike with no gears. Yeah. Nice box from Stitch Fix. Get your fix whenever you want or sign up to receive scheduled shipments. The choice is yours.

Hurry to stitchfix.com slash jjgo to get started now. You can keep all five items you receive and you will get 25% off your entire purchase. If you do so, stitchfix.com slash JJGO. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, That's a real solid nickname. Do you like Jell-O? No, I really panicked in the moment. It did not show at all. I'm glad you're being vulnerable right now because I, you know, I in that moment saw you as cool as a cucumber. Oh, whoo.

Yeah. I thought you seemed like a real JQ. What's that? Jell-O queen? Oh, sure, yeah. Yeah. That was a pretty Jello Queen move. If you have a choice between Jello with things suspended in it and Jello with things not suspended in it, no things suspended in it. Whew.

I don't love Jello, period. Me neither. I'll eat a Jiggler if a Jiggler is presented. We had a lot of Jigglers growing up. Right. They're really fun commercials for those. Did it have a song? Seems.

Yeah, there was a song. Jigglers. You got to jiggle those jigglers. I am stuck on jigglers and jigglers stuck on me. It's jello that looks like stuff. Yeah. But in general, I don't really want to have Jell-O, so I would go nothing

suspended. You can kind of go with Jell-O. You can kind of go until it's like a liquid. Oh, that's true. That's really fun. Fun texturally, I guess. I love that. You can also do that with packing peanuts. Less sugar, too. Yeah, especially if there's corn

kind. Those are biodegradable. Nice, yeah. Get nice and smooth. Yeah, smooth in your stools. When something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN. That's 206-984-4FUN. You know, Jordan?

Yes. A couple of people have actually already called us. Why don't we listen to one of them? That'd be great. Hi, Jordan Jesse Go. This is Ben in Omaha calling in a momentous occasion. I was just walking on a trail outside of work, after work, and saw two Canadian geese just ripping at each other, fighting, pooping the entire time.

And then as I was about 10 feet away, those little fuckers started chasing me. And then when I was around the next bend, another goose started chasing me. So, yeah, that was great. All right, thanks. Love the show. God, Omaha must be great. Yeah, sure. This guy's fucking attitude about this is so golden.

Yeah. Do you, I mean, I don't know a lot about geese. Uh-huh. I'm not a geese scientist, but. Would you say you're down for goose? No, I would not say that. I would not. I would never say that.

I would never say that. Anyone who says that is wrong and should not have said it. Got it. I would never say that. I would never say that. Anyone who says that is wrong and should not have said it. Got it. I would never say that. Never. Got it. Ugh. Ugh.

Ugh. Anyway. Don't lay an egg, buddy. Oh, boy. Whoa. It sounds, do geese shit aggressively? It sounded like the shitting was part of the fighting or was that involuntary? Have you ever fought?

I've had schoolyard brawls. I wouldn't call them brawls. What's one step below a brawl? Scrap. I've had a scrap. What about you, Apoyna? Have you ever been in a fight? I think the only person I've physically

fought with was my sister maybe when we were really little. But I think I bit her when I was quite small. She does not let me forget it. Yeah. Is there a mark? I don't think there's a visible mark, but there's clearly some kind of an emotional mark. Sure. Yeah.

And you're a real emotional machine gun. Yeah. I mean, when it comes to non-physical fighting, you're just, you're destroying everything around you. I'm really just a Jedi. Sure. Yeah, I've been in a couple of scraps. Nothing too noteworthy.

I mean, I have never been in a fight either. And I don't think I've ever really been party to a fight. Not just, I haven't even been directly – I haven't been next to a fight. I haven't closely observed a fight. You haven't shadowed a fight? No. Not even on Take Your Daughter to Work Day. Yeah.

And I think it's possible that when you get in a real fight, you shit yourself. You start shitting. Yeah, just because you're focused on other things. Right. I think it would be a really great tactic to pull out in one of the final rounds. Oh. Yeah, sure. Like possum style.

Yeah. You've always got that ace in your hole. Your butthole. Sure, yeah, your butthole. Your butthole. Sure, yeah, your butthole. Did anyone else think of wild goose chase as he was telling his story? It sounds like he got himself involved in a wild goose chase.

They could have been domesticated geese, though. Yeah, that's true. That's true. So we don't know if they were wild. I've never been to Omaha, either. Yeah, sure. I hear it's a great town. I feel like I have heard so many goose attack stories that when I say anything that

resembles a goose, I automatically will like go the other way. But a goose can't I mean a goose could attack you. What's it going to do to you? Nip my testicles. Okay. I don't need that. Fair enough. I do not need that. Nip my testicles. Okay. A fair point. I don't need that.

Yeah, fair enough. I do not need that. Life is hard enough already. I don't need a goose to nip my testicles. Do you want that? You've got to wear an athletic cup when you're goosing. When I'm walking near a pond, I have to put in a cup. Well, you should already

be wearing a cup when you know you're going to be goosy. Sure. Are swans also mean? I think swans are also mean. Yeah. It's quite beautiful. I think the whole family is very cranky. I don't find them beautiful.

Why are they so cranky? Real birds have curves, huh? Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know why they're so cranky. Because ducks are not known for being cranky. Ducks are nice. Yeah, ducks are pretty chill.

Well, sometimes they can be a little daffy. God, what a... Delete! Okay, delete the show. Delete the whole... I'm yelling at our engineer. Delete the whole show. It's my birthday, baby!

I'm doing it my way! Daffy is an underused adjective. The only time I've seen it used not in regards to ducks was I saw it on a poster for some New York theater show, and they said, positively Daffy. Wow, I do not want to see that play. I know. Wow. There were a pair of legendary baseball brothers, one of whom is in the Hall of Fame and one of whom was a great pitcher, named Dizzy Dean and Daffy Dean. What?

And that's as good as it gets. Yeah. Wow. I mean, well, there was that one guy who played for the A's for a minute whose name was Country Breakfast. Whoa. But besides that, Dizzy and Daffy Dean are about as good as it comes out. Sounds like a 1920s comic strip.

Yeah. I know. And if you name your kids Dizzy and Daffy, I mean, what are your hopes for them? I mean, you better hope they've got a screwball, right? Yeah. Or they dress like Napoleon, as all old-time crazy people do. That's a good point. Why was that the go-to?

Because you're right. I think when we were kids, when someone went crazy in a cartoon or something, they would dress like Napoleon. Where did that come from? I had a crazy landlord when I was a kid. And the two craziest things he did, he owned the apartment building that I lived in when I was with my dad. And it was not a luxury apartment building. That's a fair description of this apartment building. And once we came home and it was on a hill.

So it had one of those kind of like, you know when a big building is on a hill, it has like a stripe across it of like facade that gets it parallel to the earth rather than parallel to the hill. You know what I mean? So there's like a right triangle. Oh, okay, yes. And then it goes straight up from there. Yes, yes. So he had painted that forest, spray painted that forest green, high gloss forest green. And then the below that part was spray painted like hunting safety orange. And like very well carefully, but also not house paint.

Sure. You know what I mean? Like carefully done, but not appropriately done. And he was, I believe, a South Vietnamese Army veteran and would wear his outfit often, very often. And he was definitely insane. Okay. I mean, he must have been not insane at some point because he had a whole apartment building. Yeah. But he was definitely an insane person.

A landlord seems to be a job you can hold down and be bonkers. Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely. I have had some. I've had some. I've had some. Some of those. Yeah.

But, yeah, I would actually love to know the origin of the cartoon character dressed as Napoleon to signify that he's crazy. I don't know this trope, I think. Oh, yeah? I feel like that was, yeah. I mean, I guess I remember like Looney Tunes and stuff growing up. Oh, got it. Like when someone goes crazy, Francisco and wore a Napoleon outfit everywhere and just had people comp him meals. Whoa.

everywhere and just had people comp him meals. Whoa. Yeah, he was like famous for believing himself to be the ruler of the area. Wow. So is it from that? I don't know if it's from that. I mean, it might well be.

It could be. Yeah. I mean, there was also a man named Napoleon Bonaparte who often dressed like Napoleon. And it might be from that. Could be. That's true.

This guy sounds like a real nut. Well, you know. Couldn't escape if he wanted to. We got a couple more calls, don't we? Yeah, let's take another call. Jesse, guest. This is Ben calling from Austin, Texas with a momentous occasion.

I left to work overnight at a gas station at 930, and it was very dark. This will be important later. Anyway, I got there, started cranking some old Jesse Jordan Go episodes, trying to get through that back catalog. At 11, my girlfriend calls me to say she left her $800 laptop sitting on the porch, and she thinks it might be stolen. Around midnight, I went outside to grab a box cutter from the car and found the laptop sitting on my trunk. This had been through eight miles of numerous stop signs, stoplights, and on the highway, and it was still there.

Hard as a rock, wet as a river. That's gorgeous. Was the darkness important to that? Maybe it wasn't. He's like, it was dark. That's going to be important later. Was the darkness important to that? Maybe it wasn't. He's like, it was dark. That's going to be important later. Was it? I think the band The Darkness was important to that.

Sure, yeah. I thought he meant later in the day, darkness is important. Sure. Oh, that's true. How do you know it's night? I took a very poetic interpretation of that. Just kind of understanding the idea of night time. Yeah.

Oh, or maybe even just kind of in a larger sense of what you're saying is that, you know, there's only joy because we've experienced darkness. Exactly. The only reason that we feel joy for anything is because we've also seen darkness. Wow, this was a deep call. I had no idea. I had no idea it was so. You know, they say it's always darkest before the dawn. And I don't know who dawn is.

Right. But something to consider. Yeah. And, you know, I appreciate that this guy was cranking Jordan Jesse Go. Right. I believe he was cranking Jesse Jordan Go. Do you have another podcast with a guy with my same first name? It's Jordan Morris, the soccer player.

Oh, boy. He's good in everything. Yeah. Especially the junior national team, huh? That in particular. But, yeah, I mean, you can crank the show, but do not crank it to the show. I disapprove. I disapprove of masturbation in general.

I approve. I don't want you to- But we need to agree on this. We need to have a united front. You can't- Here's the thing. I think that- This is either a crank or no crank situation.

I don't want you to- And here's where I agree with you, Jordan, and I think we should focus on our common ground. Sure. I think that's what's wrong with these clowns. Okay, get off on one of your classic jags. I think we should focus on our, and our common ground is I don't want anyone to send us evidence that they've cranked it.

Oh, no. I don't want this to call and let us know that they've cranked it to the show. No. cranked it. I don't want this to call and let us know that they've cranked it to the show. I don't want any dick pics or bean flicks or whatever. I don't want... That's a good rhyme.

Thank you. I don't want any of those things. However... Now I'll take a couple. I'll take one or two. So we disagree on both parts. I'll take one. Oh, boy, yeah. You're ready to see dick pics and bean flicks.

Sure. But you are opposed to people cranking it to our program. Whereas, you know, at the end of the day, it doesn't bother me. If what you need to gain physical and emotional satisfaction is to listen to Jordan Jesse go and crank it. That's your thing dude or lady. That's your thing non-binary person

as well. I'm also including any person can pleasure themselves physically to Jordan Jesse go and it's fine with me as long as you don't tell me and you don't send me any pictures or evidence or anything like that. Yeah.

Or what if you have a playlist on and it's a song and then for some reason due to a glitch it starts playing an episode? You don't have to stop. You don't have to stop. Right. So if you're listening to some classic cranking music like— The Darkness. Yeah. The Joke glam rock band from the Darkness? Yeah. Joke.

Glam rock band from the mid-2000s. Exactly. Yeah, Joke Queen. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I mean, I'm probably there listening to like Anytime, Anyplace by Janet Jackson, right? Sure.

Isn't that what you crank it to? It's an arousing song. You know what I crank it to, of course. Huey Lewis and the News, sports. Alexa course. Huey Lewis and the News Sports. Alexa, play Huey Lewis and the News Sports. There you go. A little treat for all you Alexa users out there. Yeah.

By the way, can I just say Huey Lewis is in our thoughts. Oh, yeah, sure. He has some sort of throat issue. He has an ear condition that has led to him. But how's his throat? I think he has some seasonal allergies, but they're under control.

Can he go to the same doctor to look at both these issues? Yeah, Dr. Vinny Boombatz. Okay, yeah. I was thinking of the ear, nose, and throat doctor. Oh, got it. Yeah, well, he's an ENT,

Dr. Boombatz. Who is that? I know that's something, but I don't know what it is. That is Rodney Dangerfield's imaginary doctor. You were talking about that on the Tonight Show. I was just watching.

I was doing dishes yesterday and just watching YouTube clips of Rodney Dangerfield on the Johnny Carson show. That's fun. And, yeah, I mean, it's about 10% nightmarishly homophobic. Oh, boy. But outside of that, outside of that, it is pretty great. It's pretty fantastic. Man knew how to sell a joke. BoomBots.

BoomBots. You know my doctor, Dr. Vinny BoomBots. That's what he would say to Johnny Carson. That's good. Yeah, that's very funny. So we have not agreed. We are not in agreement as to whether or not you can crank it to this show. No, I think we're going to have to agree to disagree.

I guess so. Do you feel comfortable with that? No. All right. I'm taking your position. Don't crank it. Do send Jordan big pics. All right.

Cool. Okay. Good. We found a nice common ground. Happy medium. I think we have a follow-up call to this laptop call. Oh. Let's take a listen.

This is Ben with a follow-up to my last laptop. Oh. Let's take a listen. This is Ben with a follow-up to my last message. The situation has developed further. Apparently, my girlfriend spent two hours putting flyers up all around the neighborhood offering a reward for whoever returned the laptop, and I thoroughly plan on collecting on that reward. Get him, get him, get him.

Hell yeah. What a dick. Stick it to your whack-ass girlfriend. Here's what I was hoping. This is my dream world. Here's what the... Because when you said, like, oh, we have a follow-up. Yeah.

It's this guy who's like, yeah, and then I went out to get my girlfriend's laptop chased away by geese. Oh, and I thought maybe the darkness would finally come into play. That would be... Oh, yeah, right. And then, right. What was the darkness's hit song? All I can think of is their Christmas song. Oh yeah. They had a Christmas song called

Christmastime Don't Let the Bells End. Bell end meaning dong in England. I'm thinking of songs but I think they're all Electric Six songs. Oh yeah. Danger High Voltage. Danger! That was a fun song. High Voltage, oh sure. Very fun song. Not gonna

say that that's not a fun song. Sure. sure. Very fun song. Yeah. Not going to say that that's not a fun song. Sure. I'm not here to try and convince America that Danger High Voltage by the Electric Six, the novelty, who are primarily probably what you would call the novelty white stripes. Mm-hmm. Sure. Are you tired of those deadpan serious white stripes? Yeah. Those deadpan serious white stripes.

Yeah. If you have a momentous occasion to share with us, 206-984-4FUN is the number to call. 206-984-4FUN. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse. Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Hello, are you looking for a new comedy podcast? In which case, can I draw your attention to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast? It's a fictional industry podcast for the beef and dairy industries. It won Best Comedy at the 2017 British Podcast Awards Awards and it features wonderful guests such as Greg Davis.

To my knowledge, it's the only cow circus that's ever existed in this country. In rural Russia, every small town has a cow circus. Josie Long. You should have a beef. Have a beef with them. I have a beef with you. I will have a beef with you. Come round my house and I'll have a beef with you. And Andy Daly. That virus never existed.

There was never any such thing as a mad cow disease. That was all an illusion that Big Lamb came up with. That's the Beef and Dairy Network podcast. Find us at maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts from. And I would recommend starting at episode one. Bye. What's the difference between optimal and optimum? I have no idea. What's the difference between an actual conversation and a promo for our new show on Maximum Fun, Go Fact Yourself? Nobody has any idea. Go Fact Yourself, the game show with celebrity contestants, super smart experts, and answers to questions you've never even asked.

Listen twice a month on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. And be in the audience for our tapings of Go Fact Yourself in downtown L.A. It's free. Go to GoFactYourPod.com for more info. We're having a very realistic conversation. Yes, we are. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, these half hour specials. Parna has one of these. You got to get on your Netflix and watch this. It's on the stand-ups

is the name of the series. It's on the collection. Sure. Throw it in your queue and then watch it. Unlike that other stuff you put in your queue and didn't watch.

You know why you should watch it, Jordan? Because she's the funniest. Yeah. She's like literally one of the funniest human beings in the world. That's true.

The idea that you could be disappointed by watching that special is unfathomable to me. Watch the world. That's true. The idea that you could be disappointed by watching that special is unfathomable to me. Watch the special. The delight that lies ahead of you is indescribable. Yeah. If you have

Netflix now, if you have Hulu, you're out of luck. Bad news for you. You cannot get that on Hulu. Even Hulu Plus. But, if you're, and hey, if you're watching Hulu, why not check out some old episodes of The Twilight Zone? Yeah, there you go. So two plugs. Yeah, I think they got news radio too now.

Oh, nice. I think they stole news radio from Netflix. Yeah. Well, Netflix, I think, wants to have more original content, like a Parna non-Charlotte's comedy special. It's true. You got it. You guys really sold it. Aparna also might be the funniest tweet. Sure.

We'll go ahead and say that. Yeah. And Corporates on Comedy Central. You're filming a new season. Yep. We're just about to start, but I think you can watch all of the first season on the web. Oh. Now this is a sort of visual version of the internet. Exactly.

That's amazing. You've probably used Gopher, Jordan. It's a lot like that. Sure. Well, I don't plan on switching anytime soon. Got it. Fair enough. I know how much you love your Usenet newsgroups.

Yeah, you'll take my Usenet newsgroups when you pry them from my cold, dead hands. Sure. I'm right in the middle of an adult-themed mud on a dial-up service that I've been – a message board that I – a bulletin board that I've been connecting with. That's fun. I found the phone number in the back of Computer Currents magazine. Excellent. Yeah. So that's really fun for me.

Aparna, what a joy it's been to have you on the program. Aparna, what a joy it's been to have you on the program. Thank you for making the time to do this with us in the middle of your busy time here in Los Angeles as a high class transient. Thank you. High class transient. That's a good one. Daniel Baruela on the boards this week. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer.

We wish him all the best in his new career doing something, anything else. Hard to say. Anything. Anything but producing this show. Fruitmonger. Yeah. Television greengrocer. International assassin.

Any of those things. National assassin. Any. National assassin. Regional assassin. Any of those things. National assassin. Any. Regional assassin. I'm a regional assassin. I focus on the research triangle. Yeah. Sure.

You know, so if something goes down at Duke. Yeah, if you need somebody killed in the lower 48, you know who to call. Brian Fernandez. Yeah, but I don't do Hawaii. I'll go to the U.S. Virgin Islands. Right. Puerto Rico. Certain'll go to the U.S. Virgin Islands. Right. Puerto Rico. Certain protectorates are in place.

We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica.