Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 534: Pop Tart with Helen Hong

Episode Date: June 5, 2018

Comedian and podcaster Helen Hong joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Helen's recent trip to Adana, Turkey for a USO tour, the buttwashing toilet that Jesse has in his very own home, and the generous gift Helen recently received consisting of a bag of high tech dildos.  Plus, we discuss the newly-announced sci-fi comedy podcast BUBBLE created by Jordan and produced by Maximum Fun!!   Subscribe! Apple iTunes Bubble on MaximumFun.Org Feed for other podcatchers: https://maximumfun.org/feeds/bubble.xml Check out the trailer now! And if you are in Los Angeles, come to the Bubble launch party on June 12th at Dynasty Typewriter!  Get tickets here!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse the Itch Man Thorne. Jordan Morris. Boy detective. Itch Man or Edge Man? The Itch Man. Oh, okay. No, an Itch Man is...

Both are fun! An Itch Man, that's somebody who doesn't achieve orgasm, who goes to the verge of orgasm without achieving orgasm. Is that correct? Or is that somebody that is – no, that's an edge lord. You are the guitar player for U2, right? Yeah, I'm the edge. The edge man. Wait, is an edge lord the – an edge lord is a jack jackoff man or is that somebody who says controversial things on the internet?

We are getting into a – we are getting a little too deep Reddit for me here. Okay, yeah. These read to me as things that come from Reddit but I don't know where specifically or what you're talking about. Hey, I'm right there with you, man. So you are – I mean I enjoy that Reddit about thrift store hauls. Sure. Although, for my money, too many Nickelodeon alarm clocks.

I mean, I- I'm not that excited about your Nickelodeon alarm clock. And I like r slash obscure media where I get to watch old Chuck E. Cheese commercials. There you go. Which are weirdly soothing. Yeah. Anyway. No, I'm the itch man.

Itch man. The itch man. And I'll tell you how it's a funny story how I got this nickname. Yeah. The other day I was unusually itchy. Okay. Just all over, all around. So it was at the end of the story?

I had an all around itch situation. Right. I was scratching. I got so itchy, Jordan. What do you say? I was so itchy, Jordan. Is that the one about masturbating? No.

Sorry. I'll give it to you again. Okay. I was so itchy, Jordan. How itchy were you? I woke myself up from itchiness. Wow. Yeah.

I was itchy, so itchy that I woke up from itchy. Is it isolated in a specific zone? Oh, no. It's all over itch. Eyeballs included. Your eyeballs are also itchy. There are relative peaks and valleys of itchiness, but it's not a localized itchiness. And I think it was seasonal allergies compounded by being in the mountains. I went to my cabin for

a holiday weekend. Sure. And that's where the itchiness struck. And before that, and on the way to the cabin, you stopped at a barbershop to roll around on the floor. Yeah. I actually went to a dander factory. Oh, sure. Wow. They make that at a factory? Yeah.

And you actually sprinkle it on your pets. Yeah. Oh, wow. Which I would think that what you would do if you were allergic is just not do the sprinkling. Right. But it seems like the sprinkling is essential to their well-being in some way well i mean dander factories are a great american institution yeah i mean as we know uh you know one of our big um one of our big you know sticking points on this podcast is bringing manufacturing back to america yeah usa number one absolutely

and i think you know support support local dander i am so sick of these dander bots replacing human. Thank you. Thank you. Union member dander workers. Right. Are being replaced by overseas robots. Thank you. Local 417 forever.

Dander men and women. Well, since 1977. Right, exactly. With a lawsuit. When the dander factories opened up. Yeah. Yeah. Finally.

Not to mention the Dandermans Benevolent Association. Right. Which also was forced to become the Dander Persons Benevolent Association. I think that's ultimately for the best. Women need good union jobs too. Absolutely. Support big dander. That's what I say.

Big oil, big pharma. I can take them or leave them, but big dander. That's a big I can get behind. Can I tell you my position on dander? Yes. Shop local. Oh, sure. Yeah.

I prefer a local artisanal dander. Right. There's a guy in Highland Park working out of his dad's old garage. Right. And he just, oh, that dander. It is There's a guy in Highland Park working out of his dad's old garage. Right. And he just oh, that dander. It is so fine. It just gets right in your nostrils. Uh-huh. And there's a it has notes, you know. Yeah. It has notes.

I love notes. Something that you can't get. Top notes. Base notes. Sure. A, C. Yeah. Blueberry? Uh-huh. These are notes. Should we A, C, blueberry? Uh-huh. These are notes. Should we introduce our guest on the program? I would love to.

Our guest on this week's program, a beloved friend of Jordan, Jessie Go, making her second appearance on the program, I'm going to say. Might be third, second? I think it's second. Second appearance on the program. It's the second, but it feels like the third. That's how comfortable we are. I don't know how I feel about that. She's the co-host

of the Smash Hit podcast, Go Fact Yourself. Yes. And she recently murdered Peter Sagal and took his place on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Yeah, Sagal had it coming.

Finally, we got rid of Sagal. Shanked him in the shower. So, too busy when you're in Los Angeles to come on Jordan Jesse. Yeah. Hey, Sagal. Well, we got the new Segal.

We murdered you now. You're dead. Dead men tell no tales. I murdered him via dander. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. Death by dander. It's a really tough time with dander.

Yep. He's a successful roadrunner. He likes to go for runs, but can't handle the dander. Helen Hong, we should say. Helen Hong. Hello. Hi, Helen. Welcome back.

Thank you so much for having me and thank you for that wonderful intro. I have been getting increasingly itchy as I've been sitting here. Yeah, itching is one of those things where when someone talks, you notice your itches. Oh, I'm like super itchy. And I read something recently about itchiness that the reason why actually once you start an itchy phase. A session. A session. An itch session.

That it kind of grows and grows and grows because your body gets addicted to the – it releases dopamine. Once you start scratching, your body is, oh, I like that. That's probably why I get so itchy whenever I'm playing the slots. I do. I am a man who has very itchy feet. And I think a big part of it is my love of wearing sneakers with no socks. That'll do it.

You're saying you have a fungal infection. Yeah, basically. Basically, I have a foot fungus. I think they make sprays and powders. Oh, I have sprays and powders, Helen. Oh, you should see my medicine cabinet. Jordan, have you- All sprays and powders.

Have you considered salves or unguents? Oh, have I? Okay. I've got those too. I literally have a- And I'm always testing new ones. Because I'm always like, can I be less itchy? Right.

That's the question I'm always asking myself. You've talked to all the witches in town. Sure. East, west, good. And I've settled on one I like. There's a gold bond spray. Okay. And it just – it's soothing.

It's medicated and it blasts out with just the perfect amount of intensity. Oh, yeah. It hurts just a little. Oh. A little sting. A little sting, you know? So good.

Like a good whiskey, you know? A little sting, a little edge, and you got yourself a regular traveling Wilbur. Sure. Yeah. I don't think I've ever been sexually aroused by the description of a Gold Bond medicated spray, but i'm feeling a little like my world helen well let me introduce you to my friend mr shaquille o'neal oh yeah um he'll endorse anything

um but before that my number one was a was an army powder that I got from the army surplus store. It was like – and it's just in this gray bottle and it says like army powder. No, you're kidding. It's something like that. Oh, my god. It's like military issue. And yeah, and I would go to – yeah, and that was my foot relief of choice. There's probably six ingredients that are not legal in the United States in that powder.

That's probably why it was the most effective. You wanted something strong enough for a serviceman, but pH balanced for Jordan. Yeah, for a loser. Yes, exactly. Totally not FDA regulated. I do not need that much. I do not need that much medication, but I got it. Got it on my tootsies. But yeah, I'm

a gold bond spray man now. Are you concerned at all about creating super bugs? How so? I wasn't before. Maybe I am. Like Starship Troopers? I would like to know more. Are you concerned about Casper

Van Dien? I am now. Well, you know. I did have a little Jake Busey problem. I think some. He's also in Starship Troopers. Sometimes what happens is if you're using an antibiotic or insecticide. Any bug killing thing. And then what happens is bugs have very short life cycles and they create a lot of other bugs.

That evolve. And so they evolve beyond your ability to defend against them. Oh, boy. But by in excessively defending against them, you then create superbugs. So does that also apply to funguses? I think that probably does. Is a fungus a bug? It seems fair. A fungus is definitely

a type of bug. Yeah. Where is Neil deGrasse Tyson when you need him? He's already, he started his essay about Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom. He wanted to get it, the movie's not out yet, but he wanted to start on all the things that are bullshit about it based on the trailer. I recently was yelled at

by my four-year-old for suggesting that bugs are a type of creature. Oh, are they not? Animals are creatures. People are animals, so they are creatures. But bugs are not creatures. They're critters. There's a difference. Do you guys remember that song from childhood that goes,

People are animals, animals too? Anyway, I do. Something I remember. Okay. Was that from Free to Be You and Me? Something like that, yes. It might actually be from Free to Be You and Me. Oh.

But speaking – so I guess the thing we were alluding to at the toppers – that's what I call the top of the show. I call it the toppers. I call it the poppers. Do a few poppers right before we get into it. Right. Sure. Yeah I call the top of the show. I call it the toppers. I call it the poppers. Do a few poppers. Right. Sure. Yeah. You're club drug of choice.

Jesse's a big popper head. Your butt is ready. I mean, I've been known to. Your butt is ready, sir. Maybe you would like to have a drink at the bar while we prepare your butt. I'll fall into a K-hole from time to time. Sure. Yeah.

Generally, I'm a pop man. Yeah. I'm a pop-tart, as they're called. A real pop-tart. He's a pop-tart. His butt's always in it. Sure. I'm a toaster strudel. That's how I sexually identify. Put the icing on me after I get out of the

toaster. Helen, I believe... I'm a Cinnabon. I am a Cinnabon. Not only a Cinnabon, a classic. Sure. Apparently they call the classic Cinnabon, they call it the old school. What? I was taught that by a five-year-old this weekend. A five-year-old was like, I said the phrase old school and she was like, like it's Cinnabon?

And I was like, what? That is so strange. Yeah, I guess I didn't, I have not been to a Cinnabon in a while just because I haven't been to the San Jose airport in a while. Right. Which is where the primary place one gets a Cinnabon. Yeah. But yeah, I guess I don't know what's going on with them and why they have. Do they sell Cinnabon at Sbarro?

Seems like a missed opportunity. You get a combo. Yeah. A deep dish. A baked ziti topped with a Cinnabon. I've been put off of all mass consumer baked good chain stores because I sometimes take the subway to work. And in Union Station in Los Angeles, there is an Auntie Em's Donuts. I mean, not donuts.

Pretzels. Thank you. Auntie M's Donuts. I mean, not donuts. Pretzels. Thank you. And you have to walk, like, to transfer from the Gold Line to the Red Line. I'm not to give you guys too much insider info here about my path to work.

You're about to get shanked on the way to work. But to transfer from the Gold Line to the Red Line, you have to walk past this thing. And it's one of those stores, like Subway, that is defined by the baking smell that is emanating from it. Pumping out a kind of a mist. Yeah. And I'm not, honestly, I've never been that interested in the Subway smell. But the Auntie Em's smell is world class. Absolutely.

It smells so good. But the problem is that I have twice bought the pretzel. You have. Because I succumb to the smell. Because it's right at like... Only two times? It's... You're made of steel. I know.

Seriously. I was going to say you're doing it. I would do it once a week. Well, here's the thing. It's, you know, so first of all, to explain my weakness,

it's nine o'clock in the morning. It's like the exact time that you're ready for. I've eaten my breakfast at seven. You know, and I, you know, I ate my grape nuts

or whatever, my punishment food. The coffee's kind of wearing off. And I kind of, yeah, the idea of that pretzel is starting to sound really good. And maybe they have a cheese sauce. I like a cheese sauce with a pretzel. And I order the pretzel. And every time I get it, I'm like, this sucks.

This is worse than a super pretzel from the supermarket. Oh, no. Yeah, so now I distrust all Mrs. Fields cookies. I distrust Cinnabon. I now distrust all chain baked goods storefronts because I feel like I've been so burned by Auntie Em's pretzels. And, like, I've made pretzels at my house. It's a little – you have to buy food grade lye. It's a little complicated.

But other than buying the food grade lie, a pretzel is the simplest baked good in God's creation. It's like four ingredients. It's the dopiest. But somehow you can never get the smell in your house the way they make it. Well, because I think that the Auntie Em's one is just half sugar.

But it's not sweet. I just don't like a sweet bread. I like a cookie, but not a sweet bread. You will eat a little piece of brain, though, right? I'll eat some sweet breads. Yeah, sure. By the way, I've had a lady boner the entire time we've been talking about Auntie Anne's. I'm like, oh, I know what I'm doing when I get out of this booth. Auntie's a bad girl.

I want to be clear. I'm not fancy. I legit love frozen super pretzels. Sure, from Costco. From Costco. Featuring baseball legend mike trout that's literally the best endorsement that the best player in the last 25 years of baseball can get is super pretzels wow uh the thing we were alluding to is that you uh guest hosted wait wait don't tell me that is true. That is true. It's crazy.

And it was also part of a, you were telling us before we started taping, that it was part of a crazy couple of days where you also went to Turkey. I went to Turkey, yeah. And you know what's sad? They have a Sbarro's in the Turkey International Airport, like in the Istanbul airport,

and I was so disappointed. Like they have everything. They had a Panda Express. They had a Sbarro's. I was like disappointed. They have everything. They had a Panda Express. They had a Sbarro. I was like, this is Turkey. You were hoping for some sort of exotic spice market. Come on, Istanbul Airport.

I was just like, yeah, you guys came. I'm only here for the cardamom. Wait, in Turkey, a Sbarro baked ziti is the new Turkish delight. I did have a lot of Turkish delight. You know what? I think Helen is the Turkish delight. Oh, yay. I don't know why I was clapping. And because I think some of our bravest Americans are single mothers.

Thank you. Finally. Thank you. Thank you. Finally. Thank you. We should explain Helen doesn't have any children as far as I know. No children whatsoever.

Yep. Just children. We're just making. Twinkle in my eye, but not even that. So you have a bit of, but you also have a five-year-old in your life who knows a lot about Cinnabon. That's true. Is that a niece or nephew or something?

It's my best friend's kid. So I call her my niece, although she's not a blood relation. But yeah, apparently she's, she knows she's up to speed on the latest with Cinnabon. Yeah. And now she thinks – it's funny that a five-year-old only thinks of the phrase old school as an offering at Cinnabon. We happen to know that it refers to the movie Beat Street. Right. So then I was trying to explain the phrase old school.

I was like, well, that's not exactly – it's kind of a meaning that – You're like, well, Beat Street is the king of the beat. You can see them rocking that beat from across the street. And she just was like, whatevs. And she went back to coloring. Helen, I feel like we have circled back to Cinnabon when we should be talking about the overseas nation, the trading post of the world, Istanbul, that you just flew into. It was amazing. That's true. until heretofore that she was named after a city in Turkey. Yeah, I get a nice Facebook message from Adana once every six or seven years. Yeah, very nice. Adana is, despite being the fourth largest city in Turkey,

and when we were taking off and landing in the plane, I was like, this is a huge city. In the airport, it's still small and quaint enough that the toilets in the Adana airport are still like those porcelain holes in the ground. Oh, my. Yeah, which I posted a photo of on Instagram saying, oh, this is bringing back some immigrant memories. I was going to say, had you hole peed before? I totally had, yeah, because I went to – my parents are from South Korea.

And although I lived here my whole life, I went to visit as a kid and shocked, shocked, I tell you, at this hole in the ground scenario. I was like, what? Yeah. And I posted it on Instagram and people were still like, how do you poop? And I was like, you just let it fly. You just let it fly. I mean, you poop more naturally than you do on a Western style toilet. Yeah, it's like extreme squatty potty.

Is cleanup different or more difficult? I mean, you just have to – there's more balancing involved on your feet, right? Sure. So you got to do – you got to like get into a deep squat. Probably good for the calves. Yeah. I would imagine this kind of pooping. Deep squat.

And so there's more, I think, danger of tipping over, which you really don't want to do. But cleanup isn't different. There's still TP there on a roll. Okay. And you just, I guess you got to reach around further. Sure, yeah. There's a little more.

It's a little more of a journey. This may no longer be true, but when I visited Japan, a nation not far from Korea, this would be 25 years ago when I was a middle school student, there were mostly not whole toilets, although whole toilets did exist. Yeah. But you had to have your own toilet paper. Oh. But you had to have your own toilet paper. Oh. So people would pass out on the street promotional packets of tissue that were for using public toilets.

And that was not universal, but it was frequent that you would have to have your own. You know what? When I went to Korea for the first time, probably around the same time, 25 years ago, I think I remember it being very similar. Like it was a crapshoot. See what I did there, guys? We do. See what I did there? I see it and it's great. Comedy.

I see it and I love it. Take that, Sagal's corpse. We're going to exhume you just to taunt you and then bury you in a shallower grave. Yeah. So some public toilets would have the TP and others would not. You would have to have your own. But 25 years ago, the vast majority of Korean public toilets were the porcelain hole in the ground. I feel like they're –

The deep squat scenario. And now, of course, South Korea is such a rich country that toilets will wash your butt for you. I got one of those. They're heated and they'll be like, mint, sir? They tell you the weather. Would you like a mint, madam? Yeah. I got one of those.

I got one of those butt washing toilets. Oh, you do? Yeah. Wait, you have in your home? In your house? In my home. What? It's an add-on.

Yeah. I didn't replace the entire fixture. But it was one year for – I'm a notoriously difficult person to buy a gift for. And one year my wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas. And I said, you know, I'm going to be honest with you. I want one of those toilets that washes your butt. What? So this is not a bidet.

This is not a bidet. This is a toilet seat that replaces your toilet seat. Right. But is electrified. Right. And has access to water. I installed it and I don't remember how. That sounds terrifying.

Electrified and access to water. Yeah. No danger there. Sure. He died a good death, electrocuted on his own toilet. But it notices when you're around and it warms up for you. That's nice. That's terrifying.

It'll squirt your butt. It'll dry your butt with a blower. The squirter moves. See, this is all. Is this Alexa enabled? No, I wish it was. Alexa, dry my butt. No, as someone who is

thoroughly convinced that the robot overlords are coming fairly soon, this is all terrifying to me. Terrifying. Right, they're even in our toilets. If the robot overlords are coming to clean my butt,

I say, welcome. Blast my taint while you're at it. Sure, thank you, Skynet. I have, in the past couple of years just – I'm such a wipe man. I'm such a flushable wipe man. I love them. I love trying new brands. I mean you live in a rental house, so why wouldn't you be?

Sure. Oh, yeah. Flush it down there. I'll be out of there in a couple of years. Although maybe not. I might die there. Anyway. It took me a second. As soon as you said, I'm such a white man. It took me a second to be like, are we not all white? We all white. We all white.

We all white. No, you meant a flushable white. Yeah. Got it. I'm a white man and a white man, of which it's something I am ashamed of. Thank you. And do you have a brand in particular that you really just are? I mean, I'm trying Scott now. Okay. I did some Charmins.

Target up and up. Pretty good wipe. Pretty good wipe. And value conscious too. Oh. But yeah, I've also. Is that a concern for your bottom line? Yeah, that's true.

I had to see a doctor because I was in the red. That means there's blood on the toilet paper. Anyway. He got me back into the black by having me eat tar. Sure, yeah. Licorice. I think those are all the poop

finance jokes. I think we are all the poop finance jokes. I think we've made them all. But yeah, I do not envy the person who has to use my toilet after I move out of that apartment. No. But again, I may die there. So, you know. Six of those and one half of the other. I quit using flushable wipes because I heard they're horrible for the environment.

They're very bad for the environment. Guys, do I want to know why? No, it's because they don't degrade as they claim to. Sure. Is there a conscious brand I could be using? Yeah. Just a bamboo leaf? Yeah. Okay.

Thing that squirts your butt. Oh, sure, sure, sure. I mean, Jordan, you can install this butt squirter yourself. Yeah. I did it at my you can install this butt squirter yourself. Yeah. I did it at my house. Also the toilet. Right. Yeah.

But again, I mean, I think like Helen, I have overlord concerns. So you're worried that this thing might be part of the Internet of Things. It might be. I'm freaked out. Like, I'm freaked out because I've seen the ones. I actually know a number of people that have them. And I'm freaked out. Like, I'm freaked out because I've seen the ones. I actually know a number of people that have them. And I'm freaked out. Like, you wave your hand over and the lid opens.

Oh, wow. And then you wave your hand over it again. And it's heating up the seat. And it says, give me num-nums, right? Like, it says in a little voice. Yeah. Yeah. I don't love that.

I don't love that. Alexa, give toilet num-nums. Sure. See if they're taking care of each other. Yeah, oh right, sure, yeah, it's the snake eating its own tail. Yeah. I'm just very, I'm very, I'm clinging like a,

just like an old lady to analog life. I don't ascribe to Alexa, I don't want an echo in my place, I don't want the electric toilet. I even recently got a giant bag of dildos. And even those being electrical, I'm like, oh. Yikes. I have eight questions.

This is a great story. Please. Well, let's hear it. I actually added taping of Go Fact Yourself, the show that I host here at Maximum Fun. The smash hit comedy trivia podcast, Go Fact Yourself, the show that I host here at Maximum Fun. The smash hit comedy trivia podcast, Go Fact Yourself? That is exactly right. Co-hosted by Rescue Cat and Angels enthusiast, J. Keith Van Straten. The very one.

That's the one. The very one. So we tape live in front of an audience. Wait, J. Keith Van Straten from thepointsguy.com? Yes. Travel points columnist, J. Keith Van Straten from thepointsguy.com? Yes. Travel points columnist J. Keith Van Straten. And the host of Beat the Geeks that wasn't Blaine Kapach. Holy moly.

Anyway. All one and the same person. We've listed his resume. Yeah, one and the same person. So the tapings are in front of a live audience and everyone is invited to come because the tickets are free. And there was a woman there, a lovely couple. They looked like a mom and dad, like a very normal kind of Midwestern-looking couple come to the show

because they're friends with one of the panelists or guests or something. And they come up to me after the show and we're chit-chatting, and they're like, oh, we had such a great time. I'm like, it's free. You should come back often. She's like, we're going to make a thing of it. And then somehow in the course of our conversation with the lady, she's like, oh, you know, because I work at AVN. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up.

AVN, the porn company? And she's like, yeah, it's just, you know, I just test their sex toys. And I'm like, wait a minute. Sure. Hold up. You what-ity, what-ity, what? She's like, yeah, I get, I just, and the husband's like, ugh, you should see our living room. They're just everywhere.

And I'm like, do you give away some of these goodies? Do you share the wealth? Because I recently had a sex toy that died. Gustavo. R.I.P. Pour one out for Gustavo. Did you name Gustavo or is that the name on the package? No, I named him.

Did you name him after Los Angeles orchestra conductor Gustavo Dudamel? The most famous Los Angeles Gustavo? I was inspired by his wild wand waving. Yes. Oh, sure. I mean, it is almost wild wand waving. Yes. Oh, sure. Yeah. I mean, it is almost dildonic. Sure.

Ooh, good use of the word dildonic. Thank you. Yeah. Sort of my thing. So I had left a set of batteries inside Gustavo for way too long. And they exploded. And then Gustavo died. Classic problem.

And the good ones are expensive and it's not really a thing that I want to invest necessarily a ton of cash in. But if I happen to meet a lady who's For instance? For instance, who is a dildo tester. And you explain patiently

to her that while you were quite wealthy, you were cash poor. It was really just a cash flow issue. She sent me a huge box of just grand things, which half of them I don't even know what they do. And I pulled one of them out and it's divine. But the scariest thing is it's not – so Gustavo was analog. You just stuck two batteries. Sure.

Artisanal. There's a guy in Highland Park making them in his dad's garage. You stick two D batteries in there and you're good to go. No. This thing, you have to – it doesn't even come with a wall outlet plug. You only get a USB plug. Oh, wow. So you have to plug it into your computer.

So it's reading your data. It's absorbing your data. So it's reading your data. It's absorbing your data. And it's judging me as it's going. Sending it back to Big Dildo. I can't stand that. Yeah. It's like, you know, it's got like 72 settings. Who is it telling about my settings preferences?

Sure. Jeff Bezos, specifically. Hate it. Bezos is going to use it to inform his efforts at space travel. Yeah. Rocket ship has 72 speeds. Yeah. Come on, Jesse.

This is fun. Mine also has 72 speeds, but it's just a blender. It's a blender that I stick my dick in. Yeah, I was talking to Ralph Nader about Tiltos. Even at the first setting, it's unsafe. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Kind Max Fund members who go to MaximumFund.org slash donate. We are also this week supported by our friends at RxBar, a whole food protein bar made with 100% whole ingredients.

Their core ingredients do all the talking. It's simply like eating three egg whites, two dates, and six almonds. RxBars come in 11 delicious flavor varieties. They just introduced three new flavors, mango pineapple, peanut butter and berries, and chocolate hazelnut. Gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free. They're great for tons of occasions. Breakfast on the go, travel snacks, pre- or post-workout snacks. Jordan, I was just at my cabin in the beautiful Sequoia Groves of Sequoia National Monument.

And guess what I was snacking on? RX bars. You got it. That's what I said. Yeah. And it's sort of dirt bike style. I love them too. I always keep a couple around the house and they're great. And I think because of having RX bars at the ready, I'm driving through less,

pulling over and getting those donuts less. In general, feeling like less of a grease bomb. RX Bar has also introduced RX Nut Butter, which is available in honey cinnamon peanut butter, peanut butter, and vanilla almond butter. For 25% off your first order, go to rxbar.com slash jjgo and enter the promo code jjgo at checkout. rxbar.com slash jjgo, promo code jjgo.

We are also, also, Jordan. Yes. Supported by our friends at ZipRecruiter. Are you hiring? Are you posting your position to job sites and waiting and waiting for the right people to see it? Well, good news. ZipRecruiter has an enormous robot brain

at their headquarters dedicated to finding qualified applicants for your job. It learns what you're looking for, identifies people with the right experience, and invites them to apply for your job. Are you concerned it may become too powerful? So are we, but we presume that ZipRecruiter has stopgap measures in place to control its intellectual power. We can only hope they are responsible given the massive amounts of power they have at their fingertips.

If you want to try it for free, you can go to ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo, the smartest way to hire. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Yeah. Great. Honestly, that's one of the better nicknames we've had. Yeah. Love it. Love it. Yep. Caught unawares.

Yeah. Hey, this is maybe something that you have seen on the internet recently, but maybe we'll talk about it on the show because we haven't talked about it on the show yet. I am pretty excited about this, Jordan. I know you are excited about this. I'm excited. Helen is moderately excited about this. I'm right here. You are.

You are here. I'm here. You're here. I'm physically here. It's true. So for a couple of months, we have been teasing a special secret project. Edging, if you will. Yes.

We have been teasing a special secret project for you, and we are finally ready to announce it. This is like seriously, this is the hardest. It's certainly the hardest I've worked on any project here at MaxFun. I think it's probably the hardest you've worked. I mean, you work very hard on this show. Well, yes, it is. I can say this. It is absolutely the hardest I have worked on a MaxFun thing. And this is something that is, like, by far the most ambitious thing we've ever done at MaxFun. This is something that we are so immensely proud of, and it's something that you can subscribe to right now. Now, Jordan? Yes.

You're the creator of this thing. Mm hmm. Are you ready to tell America what it is? Yes. Wait, I need to get to the edge of my seat. OK. Yeah. OK.

Wait. Thinking of a joke thing. No, I'll just say it. We're doing a an eight part sci fi comedy scripted miniseries called Bubble. And it's coming June 13th to MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts Thank you cheering throngs

Yeah, it is a really cool show if you are a long time JJ Go listener or a last couple years JJ Go listener, you might remember this as a pilot I wrote about a year ago and we did a stage reading of it and put it in the JJ Go feed and got a lot of cool fan response from it.

And kind of the resounding feeling was, when are you guys making more of these? And we said we weren't planning on it. But yeah, it was such a, we got such an awesome experience. We got such an awesome response to it rather that kind of it seemed like the logical thing to do. And this is like – I want to be clear. This is an insane project for us. It's absolutely crazy. I mean kind of from the outside looking in, I could see how much work had gone into it. I mean, just coming and seeing the reams and reams of script pages

and all the people that were involved and the great cast, a big cast, I was like, whoa. Including Helen Hong, we should say. Helen Hong has a great featured role in one of the episodes, pops up in more than one of the episodes. Yeah, I was very honored. She's really, really funny, and it probably riffs some better things than we're in the script, honestly. Yeah, I was very honored. of crazy, insane monsters trying to get in. And our main characters are kind of casualties of the gig economy and have to use a Uber-like app to kill the monsters to make ends meet.

And, yeah, check out. I want to maybe mention some of the people we had writing on this thing. It wasn't just you. Co-executive producer, one of our most beloved guests on Jordan, Jesse Go. Nick Repeat Adams kind of definitely shepherded this thing all the way to the end. If you don't, he's a beloved Jordan Jesse Go guest, writer on BoJack Horseman, writer on New Girl,

one of our favorite funny people for sure. And writing some other episodes, we had Janine Brito, Sarah Morgan, Dan Kennedy, and Ryan Perez, all people you will know from Jordan Jesse Go, and definitely some of our favorite funny people. Yeah, some really brilliant funny people.

And we called in. Now, I can't tell you that we made any of these people rich with their salaries. No, yeah, yeah. We paid everyone involved. Helen, I'm interested to hear what you did with your $100. It didn't go to dildos. We know that because she gets those for free. I got those for free i spent

it at a sabaro's in turkey oh yeah it's easy sabaro's is extraordinarily expensive in turkish airports it's it's like levi's in the soviet union before the fall of the berlin wall they were asking for turkish lira or euro and i was like oh have $100 American dollars. Let me sign this check over to you. That's right. I did a voice on a podcast. Like an episode of a sitcom from 1988. Yeah. So our primary cast.

Let's talk about our primary cast for a second because they're all Jordan Jesse Go favorites and they're all brilliant geniuses. So great. We're looking at Alison Becker. Yes. From Parks and Recreation, among many other things. We're looking at Eliza Skinner, the great Eliza Skinner from the James Corden show and Drop the Mic on TBS. We've got Mike Mitchell. Yeah.

From the Doughboys and the Birthday Boys and Love on Netflix. Keith Powell from 30 Rock. Yeah. Maybe you've heard of a show called 30 Rock. Yeah. He was on that. And he's in our thing. You know, the funniest show ever. Yes.

And Cristela Alonso from Cristela and one of the voices in Cars 3. Yeah, brilliant. Really, really funny stand-up comic. And a brilliant actress, too. Yeah, she is great in this thing. I'm not going to act like I spent any time with her work in Cars 3 to check whether she was a great actress. I had seen Cristela which was a really funny network

sitcom. Obviously kind of a very different part from what she was playing and stuff. Cristela just blew me away. She can act her ass off. Absolutely. I did see Cars 3 and I cried. Yeah, there you go. Wow. I was like, Those Pixars, man. Those Pixar's.

They got their finger on the pulse of the tears. It's so true. The tear pulse. Tavi Gevinson is the narrator of it. Yeah, that's right. We got it, girl. Tavi Gevinson. Yeah.

She's a genius and a great actress. And a lot of cool guest cast. Helen Hong, we mentioned. Probably headlined by Helen Hong. Headlined by Helen Hong. So first, top Helen Hong. Then probably Judy Greer would be second. Judy Greer we got.

Yeah. John Hodgman, Bill Corbett. Judy Greer from Jurassic World. From Jurassic World. Oh, that one? The one who didn't go to Jurassic World. She called the main character on the phone. Yeah.

But yeah, we got John Hodgman, Bill Corbett, Tawny Newsome, Vanessa Ramos. The McElroys. The McElroys. So good. Rob Hubel. Yeah. I was just listening. Rob Hubel is a key role in the pilot and he is hilarious.

Yeah, absolutely. Turns out he's good at his job. That's why he's so successful at it. That's true. We even have three new semi-original songs by jonathan colton yeah jonathan colton uh you'll eagle eagle eared fans will hear in uh in the first couple episodes and uh yeah so it's and and just tons more just a shit ton more uh martin star from silicon valley um uh yeah just keep you know listen keep give a listen for all your

extra or john roderick max fun, John Roderick makes an appearance. Um, yeah. And it's definitely like, this is a real like passion project and it's something that I definitely felt, felt very strongly about. I, uh, you know, I, this was something that I had kind of wrote as being a TV pilot and, you know, after we did the, you know, after we released that reading, it definitely like got some interest. Like I got, you know, meetings from it for like real life, like TV companies, like things that would impress you if I said them.

And and kind of the meetings. Jordan, I don't think we're speaking out of school when you say that you had a little sit down with the creator of The Purge. One of his guys. One of his guys one of his guys okay and i think all of the all of the meetings kind of sort of went like this um most of them kind of went like this is that like i was really surprised how much people you know because sometimes you go to i mean helen i'm i i'm sure you know this phenomenon of going to a showbiz type meeting and feeling like oh this person has no idea who i am. Yeah.

They have certainly not read my thing. Nope. In these cases, people did seem familiar with it. They liked it. A lot of people had these really cool like insights about it. I love that. I know it was like it was it was awesome. And they're like, we responded to it.

Oh, my God. Like, does this pay off in later episodes? And like, I love that. And they and yeah, and we would like chat about this for a long time. And then they would all end with like, yeah, well, God, thank you for coming in. We loved it so much. I love that. But the showbiz reaction to Bubble was like. Definitely one of the nicest, most surprising meetings I had was with the woman who is the head of development at Billy Crystal's production company. Wow. Which seemed odd. We like got together and we had breakfast.

You were originally – you had been – just for context for Helen and maybe for some of our listeners. You had originally been pitching it as a one-man show. Right. That's a lot of characters you know and she like clearly really liked it and had like picked out all of these little things that i kind of i'm like oh these are a little detail for me later and she's like so this is gonna pay off later right i'm like oh yeah that absolutely will and had clearly like read it several times read it really closely really liked it i love that kind of at the end of the meeting she's like yeah i mean i'll you know i'll run it by billy and see what he says but honestly we've

got five baseball movies in development so i think this is a thing that is definitely by the way is working on mr 4000 starring the ghost of bernie mack so yeah i think this is a thing that's maybe a little too weird for tv but hopefully it's just right for podcast people who, you know. I mean, here's what I think about it. Please. I don't think it's necessarily that it's too weird for TV. It's just that this is like there's a lot of – this is a comedy. It's fucking hilarious.

But there's also like a ton of wild action and creatures. It's expensive. Yeah. wild action and creatures. Yeah. If you, I even just reading the, the, the scripts that I read,

I was like, Oh, this, this would be really expensive to make as a TV show. Cause there are, there are things happening and action sequences and lots of extras and sound effects and you know, all that stuff.

But as a podcast, I think it's, it's really, it would be really good. Like it's just, it'll draw you in. Yeah. It's a world. It's a world you want to explore, but like it's, it would be really good. Like, it's just, it'll draw you in. Yeah. It's a world.

It's a world you want to explore. But, like, it's, you know, Jordan, you've never been the boss of a TV show before. And somebody who's friends with Mr. Billy Crystal, Willie, I call him. Sure, yeah. Right, Willie. Willie Crystal. If your Willie Crystal is too close to a possible actual character, Billy Kristol could have done guest hosting Saturday Night Live in 1992.

Right, yeah. It's a questionable segment on Comedy Relief 96. Yeah. He's like, whoop, he said it was okay. Well. But, like, it would be, you know, the reality was to make a TV show of it, you know, you'd have to produce all this action stuff and it would be challenging. And it would be scary for somebody who has the millions of dollars that it takes to say like, okay, guy who I like who wrote a great script. Whose main credit is a fake game show.

Yeah. Like you're in charge of this. And one of the amazing things about audio is that, while I will be frank, the amount of money that it costs to make this show is an extraordinary leap of faith for Max Funn. And we have no plans or intention to earn it back, I guess. But like it's an extraordinary audio production for us. But we can create a thrilling fight in audio without ever having to without ever having to you know hire industrial Latin magic.

And so that was why I was like like this is totally within our means and it's so great. Let's just fucking do it and then figure it out from there. Yeah. We've done it so exciting and it out from there once we've done it. It's so exciting, and it really does create a really cool world. And as someone who is also like loves sci-fi as well, I was like, ooh, this is fun. And Helen, I will say, speaking of action scenes, you have quite a doozy in your episode. And your efforts were amazing. I love hearing that.

Efforts, by the way, are the sounds that voice actors make that are not words. Yes, sure. There was a lot of random fight noises. I think that that might be my first and only fight scene. Yeah. Well, hopefully you mean forever. I think if you, you know, you'd probably have to take maybe a Krav Maga class. But once you've got that under your belt, I think you'd be a hot commodity.

Atomic Blonde 2. Sure. Hear me. Not a natural blonde this time. Atomic Brunette. Hello? So, yeah, I think the trailer is up now. You can listen to that and you can also subscribe to it now.

So the first episode comes out June 13th. So yeah, get in there and subscribe. I'm going to lay it on the line here, Jordan. Please. If you're a Jordan Jesse Go listener and you don't subscribe to Bubble, not only are you missing an incredible opportunity, not only will you be sad about the mistake that you made for years to come. Yeah. I will never speak to you again. Sure.

Me too. I'm there with you. I mean, you know, I'll still value you and maybe you're a MaxFun member. I'll value your contribution to my career and everything. But no, I'm going to look you up and down and turn my back to you. Yeah. Should we ever have the opportunity to converse. Oh, you know, can I, this is a little bit of a backtrack. I would like to maybe shout out a couple of the great punch-up writers we had.

Oh, we had so many cool people come in. So, like, basically, Jordan, you know, Jordan created this thing, and Jordan and Nick map it out. This is sort of the writing, behind the scenes of the writing process. So the two of you wrap it out, and we had these amazing people that we thought of, they're real brilliant geniuses who might be willing to do it for the amount of money we could afford to pay them. Which was not much. Yeah.

And Jordan, you kind of went above and beyond and you found time in your busy work schedule to write several episodes. But we wanted to bring in awesome people to write the rest. And once we brought those in, then we brought in a group of incredible people to do what they call in TV punch-up, which is you just go through everything and find every joke and think, is this the best version of this joke? Yeah, we had Riley Silverman, Danielle Radford, Jane Borden,

who I don't think has been on Jordan Jesse Go, but she should be sometime soon. Cool lady. John Gutierrez, Alison Becker helped with the punch-up. Nick Weiger, the other doughboy. So, yeah, a lot of really, really cool, funny, funny people helped make this happen. And it's awesome. I'm so excited about it.

It's one of the most fun, creative things I've done in a long, long time. And, yeah, I hope you subscribe right now. Yeah. Like, seriously, take your phone out of your pocket right now and type in Bubble and you can subscribe. You can listen to the preview. It's such a blast. Like, just from the very first episode, it's a total blast and you're going to love it. I listened to it driving up to my vacation with my family in the car.

There are some swears in it. Yes. Do not listen in front of children, but, you know. Or if you think your children are mature enough to hear it if they can handle alternative universe drug use yes there yes there is a lot of uh yes there's a lot of uh alien blood being used to make psychedelics in this um uh but uh i listened to it and i have to say um you know i'm it's scary to do something like it's genuinely scary to do like I love and trust you Jordan and I love and trusted the work that you were doing and I was like well you know we know

a lot of really cool people that can be in this and hopefully they'll do great and that you know the people that the people that we brought in to work on it that we didn't know we're doing an amazing job like Eric Martin our director who we didn't know previously yeah like everybody everything was amazing but I was like the proof is in the pudding and like maybe this sucks like maybe it just lies flat when it when it gets played and listening to the first the first rough cut of the first episode with all of the sound design that Ben Walker our sound designer made and everything it was like oh oh, fuck. No, this is awesome.

Yeah. This is fucking great. It's really, really cool. I definitely. And I want to be clear. Both of us hate everything we do. Sure, yes. Everything I've ever done is bad. Yeah.

But, yeah, this is really, really cool. And I'm, yeah, I'm just so excited people are going to get to hear it and going to get to hear the rest of the story. And I also want to encourage, like, I feel like Jordan, Jesse, go listeners. That's our, you know, that's our easy audience. You guys, hopefully you care about this show and us enough to give this thing a try. Yeah. You've always wondered what Helen's efforts sound like.

We're working really hard to get this show out to the world. Sure. And so my hope is that you will listen to the show, listen to the trailer, and just talk about it and share it with people that you know. Because we don't have a shot. We're not going to be able to buy bus ads for this thing. I will be talking about it on the bus. Loudly. I will be playing it on my phone with,

uh, with no headphones. I mean, we're hoping to bring, uh, we're hoping to bring Graham Clark into that bus talking effort from podcasting yourself to make it loves to ride the bus. That's sort of our international marketing push. Um,

but yeah, like, uh, hashtag bubble pod. Um, and just like, let's really, let's really make it happen because

I really believe in this show I think it's like some of the most special work we've ever done and we need you to share it with everybody I think it's not a big leap of faith

for fans of you guys' show this show you're not gonna hate it believe me it's there's so much work that went into it and it's

you know a lot of your favorite people yeah it's the quality is really there. Just being in this tiny booth with – at one point there were seven of us crammed in here kind of doing the scenes out. But I was like, wow, this is really good. I had a really good time the other day, Jordan.

You weren't here for this, but we had to record the sounds of like crowd murmurs and alarmed crowds. Yeah. No spoilers here, but sometimes crowds are alarmed. Yeah, something alarming happens in public. And so we literally, I mean, we were like, okay, so we just have to get everyone that works here into this little booth. Oh, yeah. And have everybody go, oh, no.

And it was some of the most fun I've had. Oh, cool. That's awesome. Yeah. So, yeah, audio. And it was some of the most fun I've had. Oh, cool. That's awesome. Yeah. So, yeah, audio cameo from the MaxFun staff. Yes. Can you pick out Lindsay Pavlis? Who knows?

Can you hear a Stacey Molsky, a Daniel Baruella? Where's Bikram? Okay. When something momentous happens to you, like you get thrown into the booth for your new favorite podcast, Bubble, Like you get thrown into the booth for your new favorite podcast, Bubble. We ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN or record a voice memo and send it to us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. For our segment, Momentous Occasions, here is the first such occasion. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and Gary, UC.

This is Willie from Lawrence, Kansas Kansas calling. She's calling with a momentous occasion. I recently discovered a setting on my phone that allowed me to open it with my voice. It had this voice recognition thing where it had me repeat things so that I could say a phrase and then

it would unlock automatically on my voice and just my voice. The other day after I set that up, I went to the bathroom and had my phone in my pocket. I sat down and started to do my business, and the noises that I subsequently started to make apparently sounded enough like my voice that it made my phone unlock. So, cool. That was it. Love the show.

Kisses. Bye. Toilet Alexa. Play Huey Lewis and the News Sports. See, this is what I mean about the robot overlords. You don't want robot overlords under your butt. You don't. Get them away from your butt.

That's only for the person you're married to. That's right. You think those robot overlords have a flared base? I don't think so. They probably don't. Probably not. When I am on the toilet and maybe having a little bit of a hard time, like maybe I haven't eaten enough fruit, I will often yell my own name. Jordan!

That's weird because when I have trouble on the toilet, I yell your name as well. Oh, wow. Jordan! Jordan. Jordan. Yeah, and I live below you, so it's actually a little bit of a – it's confusing, I'll say. Well, certainly for your phone that keeps turning on whenever Helen's using the bathroom. Yes.

Yeah. I mean, I have worked up a little system where whenever I get a little clogged up on the insides, I just yell, my voice is my password. Verify me. Right. Sure. From sneakers. From the hit film Sneakers. Yeah.

Why is that the only thing I remember about the movie Sneakers? Might be the only memorable thing. Oh, okay. Other than Dan Aykroyd wants a Winnebago. Oh, okay. That's why I remember that. Then he gets it at the end, I think. By the way, can I just acknowledge that Gary Busey is probably the most off-base guest

guest we've ever had in a Jordan Jessico Momentous Occasion call. Although I did mention Jake Busey earlier in the the show so that's a fun little bit of synergy that's a fun bit of synergy that's fun when we listen to bubble will we get fun in jokes like that one no but if you want if you are listen if you are a huge bubble fan yeah and you know you're out there you're tweeting about the show oh yeah're reviewing it on Apple Podcasts. Facebook messages. You're sending Facebook messages to all your friends. How about the Secretary of Defense?

Send him one. Sure. He needs something to do. Yeah. He's got a long commute, I hear. How about Orville Redenbacher? Popcorn magnate. Send him a tweet.

Redenbacher. Popcorn Magnate. Send him a tweet. So, yeah, if you're out there tweeting to Redenbacher and you want me to personally call you and talk about Jake Busey while you listen, I'll do it. What? I'll do it. That's fair. No way. Yeah.

I mean, we'll have to work it out timing-wise, but I'm into it. We, by the way, have a publicist on this. So if you're like a journalist or a podcaster and you want to help us do some press, hit us up at jjgoatmaximumfund.org and we'll share it with our publicist. Absolutely. I'm impressed that you guys have a publicist on this. Yeah, which I hired a publicist. You guys are spending money. Yeah, with no hope of ever getting it back.

Yeah. What am I doing? I'm the world's worst business person. I would call this thing a hilarious sinkhole. It's a hilarious. The thing a hilarious sinkhole. It's a hilarious. The best type of sinkhole. Yeah, I mean, this is probably the worst financial mistake I've made since I funded that reboot of the movie The Money Pit. Yeah, yeah.

Kind of like funny and fitting that it lost you all that money, though. Yeah, well, that's the kind of in-joke that you don't get on Bubble. That's true. Let's take our next call. Jordan, Jesse, and subsequent guests, I just witnessed a rare triple shaka, which I will explain. There was a car driving, and for some reason, out in front of the car, the driver put their hand out and gave that surf shaka, the pinky out, thumb out, middle fingers down, and did the shaka. The car behind it then put their hand out the window, did the shaka, and then the car behind that did the shaka.

And I thought, maybe they're all driving together in a caravan. But no, the first car turned, the other car kept going, the third car eventually split off as if they had nothing to do with each other. Just a triple shocker. And I hated it, and I loved it all at the same time. Thanks, guys. Love the episode that I'm currently listening to. Hopefully on. Nice.

Triple shocker. A lot of athletes are afraid to attempt that because they're worried that they'll get knocked on points if they don't land it perfectly. I don't think I understood a single word of that roll call. So are you aware of this gesture, Helen? And I am making the hang loose shaka bra. It sounds like what happened was that this guy just witnessed a spontaneous, you know, some guy did it out the window, and then it was a domino effect, a kind of a chill human centipede of chillness.

You know what? If I saw two cars ahead of me doing the hang loose thing out the window, I absolutely would follow suit. Now, I don't want to. You wouldn't be worried that it's one of those things where it's a gang initiation of some kind. Oh, and then they come kill me? Yeah. Yeah. You'd be forced to pull off extreme sports-related heists like the movie Point Break starring Gary Busey.

That's a dish. Hashtag synchronicity. It all comes back to Gary Busey. It all comes back to Busey. Hashtag bubble pod. Hashtag bubble pod. Hashtag bubble pod. Hasht Gary Busey. It all comes back to Busey. Hashtag bubble pod. Hashtag bubble pod. Hashtag bubble pod. Hashtag it all comes back.

It goes back to Busey. Yeah. Hashtag Jake Busey is his son. What's amazing is, like, I feel like if you were in a mall or a park or another public place, you might see this. But in cars, these guys can't even see each other's chain wallets to know that this is a safe... Maybe it's like a bumper

sticker situation. Maybe he sees the Rip Curl sticker. Maybe he sees the, you know, follow me to a 311 concert sticker. Maybe each arm that came out the window was sleeved. Oh, and you see the tribal tat. The tat sleeve.

And that's how you knew. Do you think that what happened was all three of these guys were listening to NPR? Listening to Helen on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Yes. There was a report about the president pardoning legendary boxer Jack Johnson. Sure, posthumously. They had never heard of the boxer and the report wasn't specific enough. And they were just super stoked that Jack Johnson was off the hook.

Singer-songwriter Jack Johnson. Yeah. From the movie Curious George. What? Yeah. Chill singer-songwriter Jack Johnson wrote songs for the movie Curious George. Stop it. That's fun.

That's real. Kids need to be more chill, I think. And I think that's a step in the right direction. Yeah. Can I tell you something about singer-songwriter Jack Johnson and National Public Radio? Please.

One time, I think it was, I think it was long enough ago that I was driving to Santa Cruz from San Francisco. I heard an in-depth interview on, we'll say weekend edition, with Jack Johnson, the singer, the chill singer-songwriter.

He was in the middle of a tour that he was doing to promote the world's oceans. Oh. Just getting awareness. They need promoting. They're there, guys. Mm-hmm. They're here. You really, I mean, you couldn't find music further from my personal taste than Jack Johnson.

Sure. The man seemed like a lovely man. Yeah. I was like, this Jack Johnson seems like such a fucking class act. I really had to reevaluate my whole value system. Oh. I was like, this Jack Johnson seems like such a fucking class act. I really had to reevaluate my whole value system. I was like, should I be a chill bro? I mean, and I think that is the thing with your like, and I don't know

necessarily know if you would describe Jack Johnson's music as white reggae. I'm as familiar with it as... It's white reggae adjacent. It's kind of in that zone of kind of... I hate that feeling when you want to despise someone. That's like I was on – wait, don't tell me.

And the guest was – oh, man, what's the name of that horrible quarterback from the New England Patriots? Tom Brady. Oh, my God. He was on and I was like groan, boo, thumbs down. But then he turned out to be a lovely person. Nice guy. And I was like, I don't like this feeling. You know why he did that?

He deflated his head slightly to make them easier to catch. to be a lovely person. And I was like, you know why he did that? He deflated his anecdotes slightly to make them easier to catch. Deflated your expectations. Yeah, I mean, I think the thing about that zone of guy, the thing, the triple shaka,

tribal tatted dude is that like, you know, usually probably a pretty pleasant dude. Nice, interested in you, probably asks you a pretty pleasant dude. Nice. Interested in you.

Probably asks you a lot of questions. Nice to have a conversation. Knows where the best fish taco is. Knows where the best fish taco is. I think that is definitely a core competency of that guy. Yeah. He knows the fish taco place you're thinking of and he thinks you should go to the other one. Yes. I mean, anytime you're looking for a restaurant that you can wear board shorts to, he's your man for a recommendation.

If you're wearing board shorts, you're concerned you're not going to be able to get into your favorite eateries or you'll stick out. Right. He's like, no, we got you, bro. Yeah. Great guac. Great guac. Killer guac. Good guac.

Killer guac. Yeah. Hey, you know what I say? Killer guac. Yeah. Hey, you know what I say? If you're on the road this summer and you see a triple shaka, make it a quadruple shaka. Who are you to stop the shaka?

Don't stop the shaka. Keep it going. Hashtag bubble. Hashtag bubble pod. Hashtag 311. Keep the shaka going. Keep the shaka going. Keep the shocka going. Okay.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la I love it good stuff every time well I hope that you're enjoying this podcast you're listening to as much as we are pretending to but anyway

why not listen to another podcast too it's called The Flophouse and on our podcast we have recently watched a movie often a bad movie

and we review it on our podcast but mainly talk about other stuff and I don't know, hang out. It's all about hang out, feeling like you're being with your best friends. Who are your best friends? Us three. Dan McCoy, Emmy Award-winning writer for The Daily Show,

Stuart Wellington, owner of the best bar in Brooklyn, Hinterlands, and Elliot Kalin, former Emmy-winning head writer for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, former head writer of Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Return so many things author of the upcoming children's book

All right that's enough The Elliot's credits just go on and on Yeah but if you like the idea of listening to three funny guys talk about bad movies

then why not come over and listen to The Flophouse It's available at MaximumFun.org or wherever fine podcasts are found So get out of here hey we'd like to talk to you about our new podcast on maximum fun

friendly fire it's the podcast about action movies and sylvester stallone specifically it's the show i've always wanted to make it is not that it is not that at all it's a little bit more of a war movie podcast it's not a little bit more of a war movie podcast it is explicitly a war movie podcast we look at them from all sides and put them in a variety of cultural and historical contexts such that anyone is going to enjoy this show. So go grab Friendly Fire every Friday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, You were pretty excited about the fact that Lisa Loeb is in Bubble. You're like losing your shit over here. I'm like, Lisa Loeb makes a cameo in Bubble Podcast? Movie star Judy Greer is in it.

That's maybe because I grew up with her. I know. We all did. Lisa Loeb. Yeah, a little bit of a spoiler, but Lisa Loeb pops up in an episode, so keep an ear out. Was she wearing the glasses when she was recording? Yes! I an ear out. Was she wearing the glasses when she was recording? Yes! Yes!

I'm freaking out. And I think an article of cat clothing, if I'm not mistaken. Oh, my gosh. Yes, a cat-themed article. She was totally wearing a cat dress. A super cute dress with cats on it. If that is not reason enough for you guys all to subscribe to Bubble Pod right freaking now. Do it.

Yeah, Helen, thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you for having me. It's always a hoot to chat with you. Should we mention that my other favorite musician from 1993 was also in it, Glenn Danzig? Right. That's awesome. We didn't get Glenn Danzig. We could not get Glenn Danzig.

But maybe if, you know, listen, I'm not going to put the cart before the horse here. But, you know, if people respond well to Bubble, if everybody gets out there. And there's a season two. And there's a season two. When Danzig. We'll go out to Danzig. I think we need to explain something here, Jordan. Yeah.

Because we've made a lot of jokes about Helen having murdered Peter Sagal. Should we have? Peter Sagal is a friend. And he's very much alive. I presume he was sick or on vacation. Yeah, there were no Peter Sagals harmed in the producing of this episode. Right. The Humane Society was on hand to make sure Peter Sagal was treated appropriately.

But, Helen, I want to let you know something, which is, you know, I've known Peter Sagal for a long time. Yes. He's always been really lovely to me. He is, by the way, like motorcy Peter Sagal for a long time. Yes. He's always been really lovely to me. He is, by the way, like motorcycling through Italy or something like that right now. So don't worry about it. And, you know, I have the most immense respect for Peter and his talent. And as I said, he's always been really considerate of me, you know, despite being a real big fish in the public radio lake.

And I'm a very small fish. A kahuna. But I'll murder him for you if that's what you want. So if you think that would be best for GoFactYourself and for you and your career, I will murder my friend Peter Sagal on your behalf. And you know what? If that means that someone else has to take over his column in

Runner's World, then so be it. So be it. Wow. I am happy to take, whenever Peter is on vacation, take any of his gigs, except for that Runner's World gig. Okay. But you would feel pretty good about the PBS show about the Constitution, right? I would. I would. I think you could take that. Yeah, totally. You can handle that. Yeah. I mean, give me like a whole history.

You'd have to fight Guy Branum for it, to be clear. But yeah, I think you could. I think you could handle it. Yeah. I think I could. Yeah. Bring it on. Go Fact Yourself, the hit quiz comedy podcast.

That's right. Maximum Fun. You guys record that every month at Angel City? Yeah, we do two Sundays a month. Unfortunately, we don't have the exact dates on the Sundays. But usually two Sundays a month at Angel City Brewery in downtown Los Angeles. The tickets are free. It's a great time.

If you have anything to offer me, such as sex toys or anything. Analog sex toys. We should be clear. Analog sex toys or anything. Analog sex toys. We should be clear. Analog sex toys. No robot overlord sex toys. Come on by. Come on by. And you can listen on a podcast no matter where you live, including an episode recently recorded at MaxFunCon.

Or about to be recorded. About to be. I'm counting my days. About to be recorded at MaxFunCon. There's a little look inside the schedule at Max FunCon. We've got some celebrities there to be on Go Fact Yourself. Go Fact Yourself. And to a lesser extent, J. Keith Van Straten.

Sure. A very lesser. I mean, the man is an Angels fan. I know, right? He probably likes the Rally Monkey. Do they still have that? I remember the Rally Monkey. That's rally monkey. Do they still have that? I remember the rally monkey. That's pretty good.

Yeah. I was at a – I mean, it really hurt me because the Angels came from behind to defeat the Giants in the World Series that year. Sure. But, yeah, it was a pretty solid piece of business. The monkey. Yeah, that monkey. And, hey, Bubble, you can subscribe now, listen to that trailer.

Helen's episode will be out shortly. Yeah. And yeah, it's a ton of fun. We would appreciate it if you did. Our producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez, on the boards this week. If you heard a creepy distant laugh, it's because this laugh penetrates the studio like an X-ray. And you can join us on the internet. Hashtag at JJ Go on Twitter,

at Jordan underscore Morris, at Jesse Thorne. Helen Hong is at funny Helen Hong. Yes. Not to be confused with sad Helen Hong. Or serious Helen Hong. Or dour Helen Hong. Or dyspeptic Helen Hong.

Oh, that's a good one. I'll have to follow her. Yeah, just a little, you know. Orpeptic Helen Hong. Ooh, that's a good one. I'll have to follow her. Yeah, just a little, you know. Or even at Helen Hong. Yeah, that biatch. Fucking Helen Hong. Fucking Helen Hong. Between at Helen Hong and soccer player Jordan Morris, you guys are just fucked SEO-wise.

Oh, yeah. You guys are just asking for it. You can also, like Jordan and Jesse, go on Facebook and join the chatter on Reddit at MaximumFun.Reddit.com, where I'm sure someone is explaining the difference between an edge man and an edgelord. I'm actually kind of excited to read that one. Doctor Who, he's an edgelord, right? Yeah, sure. Tweet your corrections if you have them about the show or your just general contrary thoughts at GasStationTV. Let them know all the updates

about the program if you've got any beef with us or with helen or with anything we've said at gas station tv uh is the twitter account to send those to we'll be back next week on jordan jessica maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported