Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 535: Daddy Thicc with Eliza Skinner

Episode Date: June 12, 2018

Fan favorite Eliza Skinner joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of not only the abundance of confederate monuments in Eliza's hometown of Richmond, but also the thriving art community; the evocative fish dick hand motion from The Shape of Water; Annette Bening's power move during a film Q&A; and Eliza's key role in MaxFun's new scripted sci-fi comedy podcast BUBBLE.  Subscribe to Bubble today! Apple iTunes Bubble on MaximumFun.Org Feed for other podcatchers: https://maximumfun.org/feeds/bubble.xml Check out the trailer now! And if you are in Los Angeles, come to the Bubble launch party on June 12th at Dynasty Typewriter!  Get tickets here!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Welcome to Jordan Jesse Goh, one and all. All of you. You. You. You in the hat. You.

You in the sneaks. You. Yeah, get over here. Nice kicks, buddy. You. You. You in the hat. You. You in the sneaks. You. Yeah, get over here. Nice kicks, buddy. You big lug. Good. Good.

A good day and a good warm welcome to each and every one. That's what Jordan and Jesse goes all about. This is a big tent. It doesn't matter whether you're rich, poor, black, white, what language you speak, what religion you practice, we will, over the course of 75 minutes or so, alienate you. You know, we welcome you in and we drive you away. I will say that I like that you said good day to everyone. And I think that I've needed a space now to say that I don't like the idea of people listening to this at night. Oh, really?

It seems unseemly. I assumed you were going to accuse me of being time of dayist. Oh, no, no. Against those who are listening at night. I mean, I'll accuse myself of the same thing. Okay, so you don't think this is a nighttime listen? I think it's a founded prejudice. So you don't want people to listen to this show at night?

Yeah, I mean, you know, that's when bars are open. That's when cable TV comedians are swearing about the president. I don't want to be associated with that. Oh, you just don't want to be associated. No. It's not that you don't think we can hang. I don't want this to be considered a nighttime entertainment. I like daytime entertainment.

Right. I like The View. Right. I like The Chew. Bonnie Hunt Show, RIP. The Bonnie Hunt Show. And that's it. Okay. time entertainment right i like the view right i like the chew bonnie hunt show all right hunt show and that's it okay i like re i like bonnie hunt clips on youtube uh-huh r.i.p right by the way netflix save that save the bonnie hunt show so fun everyone likes bonnie hunt she's funny so i want to be i want people to think of us as kind of an audio version of the Chew and not.

So just what are we talking about? Recipes, food news. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's what happens on that show, I think. I think the Chew just got canceled. Oh, no. Chew?

Could we be an audio version of the Doctors? Sure. Which Doctor am I? The sexy one. Yeah. And I'm the old guy. Ooh, yeah. Yeah, the silver fox. The sexy one. Yeah. And I'm the old guy. Ooh, yeah. Yeah, the silver fox.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, I think we both believe in antioxidants, though. Oh, yeah. Blueberries. That's like the only thing I know about health. Sure.

Blueberries. Toxins. Acai. Give me more toxins. No, we want less toxins. Oh, I don't watch that show. I hate to correct you. I don't watch that show very closely.

Okay. So I don't- I just kind of have it on in the background. I hate to contradict or correct you while we're being recorded, Jordan. But the whole thing is less toxins. So that's why we don't- More rocks. More rocks.

Less toxins. Okay. Okay. Daytime only. If you got this on at night, switch it off. Wait for God's hour. Or just turn on one of those SAD lamps that gives you full spectrum or a grow lamp from your marijuana cultivation. Or a Himalayan salt crystal.

And just bathe in those full spectrum rays. That will give you a day-like experience no matter what time it is. Some people might work an overnight shift. They're watching their Bonnie Hunt clips 3, 4 o'clock in the morning, but that's Bonnie Hunt time for them. Gotcha. So they're not out smoking reefers at a jazz club. Right. Yeah, there's wiggle room with this.

Okay. Our guest on the program this week, she is a beloved stand-up comedian and comedy writer. She's a beloved regular guest on this show and perhaps most importantly in the current cultural context, one of the stars of the brand new smash hit podcast that premieres the day after this show goes live bubble. Her name? Eliza Skinner. That's me!

Good entrance. Thank you. I popped through a window. What are you, in show business? Uh-huh, yeah. I'm in show business and I travel with my own laughing wall. Have either of you ever done that thing where you run through a banner? No.

Or a tape and a race? I wasn't involved in the banner activities in high school. Did you have banners at your high school? Oh, yeah. Definitely there were members of my high school who would run through a banner. That was certainly not me. We didn't. At my high school, people had sex.

Right. We did cool stuff. Yeah. So we didn't have banners. Well, I guess that was just because of the high school that you went to, Jordan, because at my high school, us drama students definitely ran through a banner on our way on stage to do the Three Penny Opera. Guys, I didn't run through a banner or have sex. I didn't neither. That's called the V effect, Jordan.

Oh, sure. It's a little specialty of Mr. Bertolt Brecht. Right. Maybe I should start setting that up in the boudoir before an encounter. No, come on. You're a grown-up. All you need is a balloon drop. Five, four, three, two, one.

Yay. Do it. Move your legs. Move your legs. What? What? Sure. We have to finish the act before all the balloons fall.

Oh, okay. All right. Well, man, so you got to finish it together? That's very romantic. This is such a romantic balloon drop. Thank you. You got to make eye contact. Real eye contact.

I had assumed there were going to be air horns, too, but now I'm thinking maybe no. No air horns? Oh, no. Auld Lang Syne. That's the... Are these all gold and white balloons? Yeah, exactly. Auld Lang Syne. That's the... Are these all gold and white balloons? Exactly. I have a conductor there.

Do you have a toast at the end of every orgasm, Jordan? Right. Yes. A champagne toast. Oh, I just have a thank you speech. It's mostly about my reps. I think everybody made this possible. I got to thank ICM.

Mom. Cody, Becky, go to bed. Yeah, I got to think ICM. Mom. Cody, Becky, go to bed. Yeah, exactly. Eliza, when you were in, first of all, where did you grow up, Eliza? Richmond, Virginia. Richmond, Virginia. That's a beautiful town. Yeah, it's nice.

A weirdly large number of Civil War things. I wouldn't say weirdly. I would say pretty appropriate for it. It was the former capital of the Confederacy to my chagrin. The only time I have ever been in Richmond was for my cousin's wedding. And I was like, this is a real – I was just walking around. This is such a beautiful city. Like what a cool, amazing city.

But as a San Franciscan who's used to never seeing any Civil War thing, I was like, there is a Confederate thing everywhere. Yeah. So, yeah, we have this street called Monument Avenue with these huge statues. It's also where like all the fancy kind of mansion-y houses are that aren't the ones that aren't in the suburb. The ones in the city are all on the street. The ones that aren't in the suburb, the ones in the city are all on the street. And there's huge statues with Confederate War generals on the top of them. And then some other different types of huge statues with like different people involved in the Confederate Army. And, yeah, it's a big bummer. And there are people who are working to take them down.

But, of course, they're getting a lot of resistance. You know what? I've been working to take them down. Just yourself? I would like to re-erect them before NFL games. Oh, okay. Why?

USA number one. Wow. This is such a weird stance from you. I really didn't expect it. USA! What I'm doing is I'm going to places that still have hard copy media.

The first couple of, you know, the last couple of video store holdouts, Best Buy. And I am just, I am taking. Do you mean hard copy of the TV show? Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

I am taking every episode of hard copies, destroying it. Oh, no. Yeah. I'm sorry. Where are you going to get your cutting edge tabloid TV news? Right in my globes that fly at the screen. I mean, no, it's an inside edition. Oh, that's fair. Okay. Yeah. As long my globes that fly at the screen. No, it's an inside edition. Oh, that's fair.

Okay. Yeah. As long as you don't destroy the inside edition. No, no, no. Everything's fine. But yeah, what I'm doing is I'm destroying every episode or every DVD of the Dukes of Hazzard movie. Oh, okay.

Because yeah, I just don't think- That is originally where the Confederate flag came from. Right. Exactly. To the best of my knowledge. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Anyway, so- Yeah.

Now, at the end of the day, if you want to best buy a lookout. At the end of the day, if you want to take a look at the racial strife in America, try and figure out what is the source of this. The answer is going to be Jay Chandra Sikar, director of the Dukes of Hazzard movie and guy from Broken Lizard. Wow. God, I learn so much every time i do this podcast you're welcome thank you you are welcome thank you you probably thought america was number three or four coming in well yeah i you know i wasn't sure i try to check the charts every day and you're a guam fan i know this about you i fucking love guam loves guam i think we all know how you feel parties we all know are you thinking of a hummus it out for parties. We all know how you feel. Are you thinking of a hummus trio?

Yeah, like Guam. Yeah, it's like chickpeas. You put them in a- And you've got one that's kind of an olive-y thing and one like a spicy- It's chickpeas, tahini, olive oil, a little bit of garlic. A little bit of salt and pepper. And then it depends which- You can also add things.

As you said, you can add a little bit of olives or a little bit of an olive tapenade. Yeah. Or like a – you can have like a spice to it. And actually – Hot sauce. So I think what – Here's the thing. You can also make it from –

Or lemon. You need a little squeeze of lemon in there for your guam. I'm just going to stop. You can make it from a white bean. Can I have the floor? Any white bean. You can make a kidney one. Listen, and I don't want –

Well, I mean – Guys. Have you had kidney bean guam? Guys. That's more of an El Salvador. I know I'm going to come off as a technically it's Frankenstein's monster kind of guy. And I don't want to do that. But also, you know, I just want to make sure.

You're very afraid of fire. I'm very afraid of fire. And I was just trying to play with that little girl, okay? Right. I don't know how she ended up in the lake. I believe Frankenstein is the scientist oh sure the the guy you're talking about is adam frankenstein's monster was his chicken dinners right he's just very bad at making chicken right um no i do i'll tease him in the neighborhood and then he'd be like ah i just i want to have

something besides just guam at my parties yeah again, again, I think you guys think things are Guam that are not. Okay. So let's cover quick what Guam is. So let's say I have a pita bread or a pita chip. This is not going to be it, by the way. I already know this is not it. And I'm at a gathering or I'm backstage in the green room and I want a protein-rich snack.

No, it's still hummus. It's still a hummus trio. Logi before protein-rich snack. No, it's still hummus. It's still a hummus trio. Logie before I go on stage. Jesse, it's a hummus trio. Guam is a country. I don't know how logie you are, Jordan. I think you are actually getting confused with something else. A hummus trio is usually like an upright bass.

Like a horn. I think you're thinking of the horn. That's a saxophone. So I think you're thinking of the horn doesn't need a saxophone so i think you're thinking of the brian setzer orchestra no no because that's a bunch of like a brian setzer orchestra that's like a whole like you got carrots you got um you got uh peas snap peas you got like little chopped up bits of broccoli yeah yeah yeah that's a whole spread that's a whole orchestra yeah you know what yeah guys just go You know what? Yeah. Guys, just go. You know what? Who am I to say what

Guam is? What the Brian Setzer orchestra? Language only has meaning because we, you know, we give it meaning. Yes. Language is alive. Money only has value because we say it does. Blockchain. Exactly. Blue to me might not be blue to you. Exactly.

So, you know what? Everything's Guam. Everything's a hummus trio. to you. Exactly. So, you know what? Everything's Guam. Everything's a hummus trio. Thank you. I would like $100. I'll Venmo you. Perfect. Yeah.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Stitch it? Absolutely. Okay. Okay, here's what happened the other day. What happened? I was walking down the street. I was itching my arms. I was shaking uncontrollably. I felt a little bit ill. Maybe you should go to the doctor. I realized I needed to get my fix. Yeah.

Stitch fix, baby. When a problem comes along, you must stitch it. Just because a sense of style can be elusive for some doesn't mean it's impossible to attain. Discover the style you never knew you had with a little help from Stitch Fix. Here's what you do, Jesse. What do you do, Jordan? I've done this myself. This is something that you yourself did.

And it's a gosh darn blast. Okay. You go on to the Stitch Fix website. What's that? StitchFix.com? Slash JJGo. Yes, you go to StitchFix.com slash JJGo. You fill out some questions about your sizes, your favorite styles, what your budget is,

and your personal stylist will hand-select five clothing items just for you. You send back anything you don't want. Shipping is free both ways. You only pay for what you keep. Get your fix whenever you want, or you can receive scheduled shipments. It's a lot of fun. They really send you some cool stuff. I recommend it. When you were talking to your personal stylist by filling out a few, answering a few quick questions online, can I guess what you put in there?

Please. Okay, so my first thought is sensual. Sure, yes. My second thought is leonine. And my third thought is stank ass. Well, those weren't options I wish they were maybe in Stitch Fix 2.0 we can get some of that stuff it was a little more practical than that

but yeah what you do is you go to stitchfix.com you get started now and if you keep all five items you'll get 25% off your entire purchase stitchfix.com slash JJGo. We've also got a Jumbotron this week

from Russell Sprouts. He's a guy who likes to print t-shirts and he'd like to give away some to Jordan Jesse Go listeners. If you'd like to receive one for free, send your information to Russell Sprouts on Facebook. Russell with two S's and two L's. This is strictly a hobby. You will not be asked for money in the future,

and your information will not be shared with anyone. First 100 or so respondents receive a free shirt. Wow. We're just giving away free shirts. Yeah. Now we're just enabling insane millionaires. Way to go, Russell Sprouts. He sent us a couple of shirts, and they had what I would say is a pictograph depicting the jack-off motion.

Well, there you go. Like symbol for jacking off. Why would he send that to us considering this show? Yeah. We try and keep it clean on Jordan Jesse Go. We sure do. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, is Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Eliza Skinner, Sweet Little Creature of the Dark.

Eliza, do you make it back to Richmond, Virginia a lot? I try to go a couple times a year because my parents still live there. And yeah,

so I just go back and visit them. What's top three things about Richmond, Virginia excepting your parents? Ooh, okay. There's a great art school there

that people don't really know about. It's not like it's not one of the ones that people think of, but they got a bunch of funding so they have great resources. So people will go to school there. And then when they graduate, it's cheap enough to live there that they just stay and they open up galleries or coffee shops or all kinds of stuff. So there's actually a great art community there. So that. The river's real cool. Good for tubing. Good for hanging out. God, I want to tube so bad. Did you do a lot of tubing? I've never tubed. When I was growing up, I did.

Yeah. Yeah. I felt like I would enjoy tubing. Me too. Even as a non-drinker. I think I still would enjoy tubing. You could do sober tubing. Yay.

Just lazing down the river. Come on. Why not? Do you think we could start a sober tubing group? You can do that on your own. No way I'm not tubing fucked up, buddy. By the way, a Sobertubin group, that's basically a gamelan, but with the addition of an electric guitar and a traditional rock drum. Yes, exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a squeeze of lemon. And the third one would be there are these cookies that are – there's this bakery called Dots that makes rainbow cookies. And then they also make ones with like a dollop of hard icing in the middle of them. Oh, that's good. What's a rainbow cookie? Is that just a sugar cookie with sprinkles on it? No.

It's in the – it's baked into the cookie part, the cookie itself. His cookie body is all the colors in the rainbow. For the folks listening, Eliza is making the universal symbol of cookie, which is pinching her hands like crab claws and then unfolding them like angel wings. You know, a cookie. Yes. Pinch, pinch, pinch, fly. Can I tell you guys? His cookie body goes from red to blue. I just went to Chicago, Illinois to do the Judge John Hodgman show.

Had a great time. And on the airplane, I watched The Shape of Water, which I had not gotten a chance to see when it was in theaters. Did you cry because it was on an airplane? Yes. Okay, good. I just felt bad for putting it through that. Okay. I really loved it.

You'll be surprised to hear that this movie that everyone else loved, I also loved. I thought it was wonderful. I mean, maybe not No Hellboy 2. Well, sure. Don't hold it to that impossible standard. Well, I mean, you know, a performer learns about his craft as he grows and as a fishman actor. Right. Even that evolves.

But I was thinking there was something raw about those early fish man performances, you know, before it got to produce. Yes. Yeah. And there's some questions I don't need answered. You know, I don't need to know about what the midochlorians and the dick flaps I don't need to know about. Right. Okay. So this is the part.

So I feel like I had heard a pretty fair amount about this movie going in. This is, I guess it's kind of a spoiler, but at this point, if you're really being defensive about spoilers about this movie that everyone else has seen, just, you know. No, I think you didn't want to see the movie at this point. Yeah. If you haven't seen it by now, you don't want to see it. That's fine. Go see something else. And this isn't, honestly, if you do want to see it, this isn't going to ruin the movie at this point yeah if you haven't seen it by now you don't want to see it that's fine go see something this isn't honestly if you do want to see it this isn't going to ruin the movie you've you've heard the rough out yeah you know there's dick flaps already

there's a scene when the woman from happy go lucky what's that woman called the main woman from the film uh i'm totally come on i don't know i I was so lost in the world. I forgot that they were actors. Okay. I can't think of what her name is. The Paddington lady. Yeah. She's from Paddington. She's from the Mike Lee movie, Happy Go Lucky, and she is a delight.

Sally Hawkins. Sally Hawkins. Sally Hawkins. Okay. So Sally Hawkins is walking down the corridor with her friend, and they're talking about fucking a fish. walking down the corridor with her friend, and they're talking about fucking a fish.

And there's a part where she does, because her character is unable to speak, she does a symbol that illustrates the way that the penis comes out. Yes. The fish penis. To me, that was, in the context of an amazing film, like a film that I really loved overall, straight through.

Wonderful performances, aesthetically beautiful, very moving. The highlight. The highlight was the part where, and the only analogy that I can draw filmically to me, to me, the only thing that has moved me so deeply as this hand symbol for the penis coming out of the fish man is the scene in another film that I really enjoyed, Miranda July's You, Me, and Everyone We Know, where the children – Poop into each other's butts. Devise an emoji that symbolizes poop back and forth forever.

Oh, yeah. And those to me are like the kind of... I don't think there is an Oscar for that, but there could be a Golden Globe for that. Sure. For iconography. Yeah. Maybe a pair of Golden Globes.

Baboom. Hey, hello, nurse. There a pair of golden globes. Baboom. Hey. Hey. Hello, nurse. There's something wrong with my lungs. Honk, honk. The traffic lights are something. Yeah. I feel like both of those cases are situations in which it's like I feel like the filmmaker is being like, how come there are things that we talk about and things we don't?

Like when we think about all of them, for sure, all the time. Yeah. But we're not allowed to, but some of them are like, bad things. So are you suggesting that maybe Miranda July spends all of her time thinking about the prospect of poop packing? No, but I think she thinks about it just as much as she thinks about the other stuff in that movie. Right. So why be like, that part's off the table? I think she thinks about it just as much as she thinks about the other stuff in that movie.

Right. So why be like, that part's off the table? I will say, I do think that maybe Benicio Della... Benicio. Guillermo del Toro. His cousin, I believe. A little bit of a freak. Oh, yeah. I think that's entirely possible.

Sure. That boy's freaky. Yeah. I went to... There was a fun traveling exhibition. They had a Delacma here where you could like go through Guillermo del Toro stuff. And he bought – according to a New Yorker article I once read, not to self-paradise. No, I think we all believe that you've read New Yorker articles.

But according to a New Yorker article that I once read, he purchased a house upon falling in love with and marrying his wife. He purchased a house to live in so that he could have his other house, which was also a mansion like mansion ish house, just remain full of his shit. So, like, rather than winnow or focus his shit collection. Yeah. Why would you? If you have the money, why would you? I mean, that's. I mean, of course. And you know what?

I once. I had Miranda July on Bullseye, probably back in the Sound of Young America days. And guess where I interviewed her? In her house full of shit? In her house full of her stuff. There we go. That she was then using as an office because she had moved in with her husband. What's his name?

The also very talented film director. Yeah. Very handsome. Sure. Yeah. Real dreamboat. Former professional skateboarder. What?

Who is this guy? Is he still married to her? He's a guy who directed 20th Century Women. What's his name? Mike Mills. Yeah. Real dreamboat. Former professional skateboarder. What? Who is this guy? Is he still married to her? He's the guy who directed 20th Century Women. What's his name? Mike Mills. Yeah. Mike Mills. Mike Mills.

Yeah. I saw him do a Q&A with Annette Bening. It was one of my favorite movie Q&As. I'm a real movie Q&A connoisseur. Now, how were the cues during this Q&A? Well, I mean, I have a whole stand-up bit on it about it, so I don't want to, you know, mind that. But what was- So, Eliza, traffic's weird, huh? Well, I mean, I have a whole stand-up bit about it, so I don't want to mind that. So, Eliza, traffic's weird, huh?

Well, it's funny you mention that. Eliza, I hear you talk about Q&A. Well, I do. But I will say about that, my favorite part of it was that Mike Mills, obviously, was excited to talk about his movie, answer questions, but Annette Bening, she would answer a question as quickly

as possible and then turn the mic off and put it down like under her on her chair underneath her leg and someone would ask her another question she'd be like okay um yeah we did wear costumes and like you can tell she just hated it and then finally somebody asked her a question i think it was like hey so you guys all seem to like each other. Did the cast like each other? And she was like, yeah. Yeah, that's part of the magic. No, I haven't said it until now.

I hated all these assholes. But she was like, yeah, you know, part of being an actor is becoming close with people very quickly when you have a new ensemble. And that's what we did. But I do want to say that's my experience of making the movie and it shouldn't affect your experience at all. Like you just had your experience. Whatever just happened between you and that movie, that's it and is right. And any of these questions or anything,

like I really don't think that they're necessary or that they should influence you. And I was like, yes! 20 minutes in and she said, fuck this! Yes, yes, yes! Like, I loved it so much. Wow. Because I feel like that's, yeah, that's the truth.

She's getting into some real signifier signified shit. It's like, every time I'm at one of these things, I'm like, what are these for? What are these for? Annette Bening's like, quick, do y'all even Foucault? Puts it back. I also really loved Shape of Water. I thought it was great. Really just up my alley in a lot of ways.

As a man who's horny for fish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've seen your Tumblr. What's your top fish? Like a flounder? Boy. I mean, flounders are real flat. I mean, if it's got gills, I ain't've seen your Tumblr. What's your top fish? Like a flounder? Boy. I mean, flounders are real flat. I mean, if it's got gills, I ain't kicking it out of bed.

No, flounders have the roughest puberty of any animal, I think. Do they? Yeah, because a flounder starts like this, like a regular looking fish, you know, like flounder from The Little Mermaid. And then when they go through puberty, their weird stage is that their eyeball moves from one side of their head to the other side. So they can flatten out. Yeah, so they can flatten out and then be on the bottom.

So, like, boo-hoo to your middle school boners. This is an eyeball migrating to the other side of a head. I would much rather have a surprise period than an eyeball move. Well, and when you're perfectly flat, your boners are so much more apparent. Yeah, Yeah. That was, honestly, you know, people talk a lot about this, like, what was your favorite episode, so on and so forth. My favorite episode of Blossom was the one where Flounder, his eyeball went to the top

of his head. The very special episode? Yeah. Also, they are hideous once that happens. Because there's not room for both eyes. It's just like, they both are mushed over. Well, as someone who's horny for fish, I'll disagree. I think they're beautiful.

They're beautiful, whether they're flat, round. Are you horny for a gilled creature like, what's that thing called, like a shoquattle? What are those things called? I mean. Salamander with gills? Oh, I can't picture this creature, but I'm going to go ahead and say yeah.

It's real pale, and it only lives near Mexico City. What's this thing called? Jonathan. Yeah, Jonathan, your ex-boyfriend. Mexican Jonathan. Okay. I will say, I really, really liked Shape of Water, but had a visceral reaction to the cat death. And it almost turned me against the movie i'm like i felt like that

was an important thing that it was like this is you know it's like the same same way that kids will be like like like in in um uh that what was the it was the tiger in the boat movie uh life of pie life of pie when the the lesson the beginning was like you want to hug the tiger you can't that's not it's an it's wild thing, and it doesn't belong in that situation. And that was what the cat move was for. And I understood. I understood the storytelling device, but couldn't it have killed a less appealing animal? Yeah.

Yeah, like a person. Like maybe it could have killed an oxolotl. Sure, yeah. Oxolotl. That's what I was talking about. Oh, yeah, it's a cutie. Come on. Don't kill him.

He looks like a little Pokemon. I've got feathers on my head. My feelings on Shape of Water, I enjoyed it and recently did a Shape of Water the musical for the Late Late Show. Oh, okay. I wrote. With Jimmy Corden? Yeah, with the old Jimmy C. And they have to be so quick that we had to cut half the song and i was on the road when they were doing it because i don't work there

anymore they just like do some of those bits like the musical bits they call me for and um the part of the song they cut out was the dick flap references and i I was like, what? That's the comedy to leave in. People want the dick flap. Can I suggest something to you? I don't know if you've thought about taking a keyboard with you on the road, but I think that's an evergreen bit that I think will really help you in your road work.

The second verse. So you could play... Just the second verse. Well, what I'm suggesting is you have them play the first half, which is Corden and, you know. Well, it's Corden and Audra McDonald, which I don't totally want to follow. Right. So it's Corden and Audra McDonald.

They sing the first verse. And the crowd is loving it. They're going apeshit. Every single person at the University of Iowa Oh, you know my crowds. is flipping the fuck out. They're like, we love Audra. We love Jimmy.

Jimmy C. We love this whole thing. We love his accent. We love that they're singing on TV. It's like, what is this? We love the shape of water. We love fucking fish. The whole nine yards. And then you say, but wait,

there's more. And you do the sign for the penis emerging. The dick flap sign. And maybe you play the clip of her friend going like, even when it's smooth down there, which I really enjoyed as well. And then you get on the keyboard,

you know, sort of like Craig Robinson. You just knock it out. I don't play keys. Okay. I mean, you could learn. For this bit? This is a surefire... This could be your closer. I feel like you just want me to play this for you. Eliza, don't

listen to him because I started traveling with drums because he insisted I do my whiplash bit. Oh, right. Well, weren't you traveling with the whole Hummus Trio for a while? Now, again, I think I don't. I mean, Jordan, with Spicy, look at the success that I've had since I hit the road with 76 Trumbo. Yeah, I feel like you could have at least thrown a different type of horn in there for some of them. How do you think I'm supposed to lead a big parade if I don't have the trombones? Well, okay, fine, I guess.

You know, it used to be saying not my tempo would just always get a laugh. Now nothing. I ain't getting shit from it anyway. Well, you got to go back to your Crash material. Right. Exactly. What? Crash the movie?

Yeah. Crash the movie. Which Crash the movie? The sex movie or the race one? Some from both. Okay. I have a fun bit where I confuse Crash, the Cronenberg movie, Crash, the one that solved racism, and Crash, the classic Dave Matthews band album.

And I kind of mash them up in a really fun way. And it's never been hotter. Cool. So he plays keys, and he's classically trained, not unlike Alicia Keys. Sure, sure, sure. By the way, have you ever gotten that reference in her name?

What? So Alicia Keys. Yeah. And guess what she plays? The piano. Yeah. What's on a piano? Notes. Yeah. And guess what she plays? The piano. Yeah. What's on a piano? Notes.

Right. What makes the notes? Oh, the lacquer. The lacquer. You spread the lacquer on the piano. Yeah, well, I mean, it's lacquered, but that's not what I'm... So what I'm saying is Alicia Keys is her name. Uh-huh.

Keys. Uh-huh. It's like a stage name. I don't think that's how it... Oh, wait. Oh, okay. Is she from Florida? Yeah. That's funny. I do get it. She's known a stage name. Oh, okay. Is she from Florida? Yeah. That's funny.

I do get it. She's known for moving weight. And she also, and this is a funny, you know, kind of a double. I kind of get the she also wrote the classic local jingle Keys, Keys, Keys, Keys on Van Nuys. Oh, alright.

You'll hear that a lot if you're listening to the radio. It's about a local car dealership. So what Jordan does in his act is he comes out, he plays a little intro, kind of Liberace style. Of course, he puts his candelabra on top of the keyboard first.

Yeah, because otherwise it'll be under and it'll burn his legs. Exactly. And he learned that lesson the hard way. I know. I've seen his legs.

They're gross. They're so gross. They're covered in wax. Scalds. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He plays a little bit. He sings the first verse. Racism isn't white people's fault and it's been solved.

Second verse is just crashed into you by the Dave Matthews band. You've got your fall. You've got your ball. You've got your Oscar. Oh, that's the transition moment? Yeah. Right.

Okay. And then the final verse is about fucking car wrecks. Huh. And that's the crowd favorite, I would say. Wow. Because who hasn't had that thought? It's just like Marie Antoinette with the poop. Sure, yeah.

Yeah. I feel like I'm so shocked. I've known you for so long and never known that. Yeah. I mean, have you ever gone to see his act? No, I won't see my friends perform. Oh, but that's why. I mean, you're on the comp list every night.

You and my estranged father. I put you on the list hoping you'll show up. There's a little reserved marker in two seats right up front. Pretty busy. No, I get it. Why do you keep RSVPing? Oh, I love RSVPing. It is fun.

It's my favorite. You'll do anything that anyone says, save who plays. Yeah, I feel so French, so continental. Like I'm wearing a little beret, and my hair just dried that way. It's just perfect. It is amazing that we all think of that movie as the fish dick movie. Right.

And you don't even see the fish dick. That hand motion is so evocative. Yeah. So potent. That one moment where you feel like you've been, you know, slapped with fish dicks for two hours, you haven't seen Fish Dick 1. Yeah.

Anyway. The power of storytelling. Well, and I think we've all heard that the most thrilling and anticipatory movies save the monster. Right. For like halfway through. Sure, yeah. This one, you never even see the monster. Because you know that's a monster too. Sure, yeah. This one, you never even see the monster. Because you know

that's a monster dick. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah, he can fucking cross the room with that fish dick. He's in the Atlantic.

He's fucking in the Pacific. Yeah, that's right. That's that fish dick. Ocean to ocean dick. Do you guys think he has issues with that fish that swims up

inside the dick? I mean, I think he's probably into it. Yeah, issues. Oh, really? I mean, I think he's probably into it. Yeah, issues. Clearly, they've definitely had some conversations. Who knows? Maybe a relationship. Maybe just some fun nights.

I mean, again, you can't lock down the fish, man. He's just so busy. He's so busy. Listen, you're a great urethra fish. It's not about you. It's not about you and it's not about you it's not about you I just need more time also

he has been talking to this other fish from a long time ago and they still haven't figured stuff out so we wouldn't want to mix up it's unfair to you urethra fish until he knows what's going on because so much respect do you think he's ever fucked a whole flock of piranhas until he knows what's going on because so much respect. And there's so much respect for the Eurydice fish.

Do you think he's ever fucked a whole flock of piranhas? No, but I bet he's watched videos online. Yeah, sure. Seems like it. Why do we focus so much on the dick when I know for a fact, because I saw it in the movie,

that there's a reason they call him the asset? Oh. Oh, sure, sure, sure. Yeah. What about them cakes? Yeah, sure. So you're asking why we don't see him poop?

Yeah, back and forth forever. Right. I don't know. Maybe ratings? Yeah. Maybe like they wanted it to be something that kids could see and that's too sexy. Right. That's true, yeah.

To watch a film. And I guess you want to sell the Blu-ray with more fish pooping. Yeah, you need extras. I mean, what kid hasn't seen a fish pooping in an aquarium? That's all fish do is they swim around with a string of poop behind them. Well, maybe that's, I mean, we know that takes a long time. So maybe they just had to cut it for time. That would have been like a 45-minute shot.

It would have had a lot of continuity problems too. Yeah. Yeah. Like a 45-minute shot. It would have had a lot of continuity problems, too. Yeah, yeah. I do think you were absolutely right when you said Guillermo del Toro's probably got some shit that we don't know. I bet there is a version of that movie that if you come to his house and sit on his Sasquatch. Do you want to see the pooping scenes? Would you like to see the pooping scenes? Would you like to see the pooping scenes? No. What about the Blade 2 pooping scenes?

I'm just your Postmates guy. Yeah, yeah, chill out, chill out. Yeah, have a seat on the Sasquatch. You remember Blade 2? Do you think that the whole reason he made Pacific Rim was because he'd always wanted to see Idris Elba fuck a fish? No, yeah. I bet. And that's just on the Blu-ray?

It's like not many people buy the Blu-ray anymore. Yeah, that's the thing. All of his extras from every movie have been people pooping and fucking fish. And robots. And robots. And so it's not a shock that he built up to this movie. I will say that I have read the original draft of Pacific Rim. Pacific Rim job?

It does not refer to an oceanic occurrence. The ocean is not even a part of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's just robots eating ass. Can you believe that when we're on mic, we're talking about this? Literally, the second the microphone turned off, we had a nice conversation about Mr. Rogers. Yes.

True. An actual nice conversation about Mr. Rogers. I mean, and I think we all agreed, daddy thick, right? Nope. I can't go there. No, I know. We shouldn't. No.

It was wrong. I didn't like it when I said it. I'm sorry that I said daddy thick about Mr. Rogers. No, no, no. You should have been saying it about Music Man Stan. Or Mr. X the Owl. X the Owl. Like, yeah.

Yeah. Daddy thick. Sure. Yeah. He can get it. That owl can get it. Wait. Were the owl and the...

No, they weren't. Okay. Never mind. We know what the people want. You thinking that X the Owl and Henry had a pussycat were? I think they might have been a couple. I think they might have been one of those progressive ones that get homes next to each other so they each have their own space for their own shit. I have to say that watching Mr. Rogers as an adult, which I have a pretty fair amount, I am pretty uncomfortable with how attractive I find Lady Elaine.

Lady Elaine. Yeah. She lives in a museum. She's super your type. Not Lady Elaine. No, not Lady Elaine. No, I get it. No, you said it.

Stick to it. Yes, Anne, Jessie. Stick to your guns. She's your type. She has a lot of opinion. She lives in a museum. That's what we all want. She's clearly keyed into the arts.

Okay. So I have some thoughts about Lady Elaine that I'd like to share in a minute. What's Lady Aberlin? Lady Aberlin, the human woman, is a very beautiful woman, which, you know, who cares when you're a child? You don't care. I think you do. Maybe. When I was a kid, if they had put an ugly woman in or an ugly man, an ugly anybody, I would have been like, no, thank you.

I have standards. I would like pretty people only. Show me the scales. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Hey, Mr. Hooper, do a sit up. Yeah, exactly. I would turn off the TV when like neighborhood friends who were not smoking hot came over.

Yeah, thank you. I would be like, nope, I'll be back when you show me how to make a crayon. This is disgusting. Yeah. Come on, Mr. Hooper. You're appearing on camera with Cookie Monster. Yeah. And we all know Daddy Thick.

That one I don't mind. Yeah. That's kind of fun, right? Lady Eberlin, though, is a beautiful woman. And it terrifies me. And apparently George Romero. Do beautiful women always terrify you? No, it just terrifies me in the context of the land of make-believe.

Okay. I don't think sexuality is really part of the land of make-believe necessarily. Well, Friday and King Friday has a son and a wife. I mean, how did the son show up? I mean, I just always thought a stork. Oh, okay. Where do kids come from? Oh, boy, Jesse. I have three kids. Oh, no. How do kids come from? Oh, boy, Jesse.

I have three kids. How many kids do you have, Eliza? I don't have any. Okay, so I have three kids. Right. And sexuality's never been part of my life. I believe that. Do you think?

I think it's maybe time to have the talk with Jesse. Okay. When a fish loves a woman. I was going to say, when a chickpea loves an olive tapenade. Going back to the hummus. No, no, that's okay. Yours was good, too.. I was going to say when a chickpea loves an olive tapenade. Going back to the hummus. No, no, that's okay. Yours was good too. I don't want to say.

It was good. I just wanted to let people know that I had a different one. But can I share something non-sexual about Lady Elaine? No! It has to be sexual. You can, but I'm going to picture her in a bikini the whole time. So Lady Elaine has a very distinctive look. I think we can agree on that Elaine has a very distinctive look. I think we can agree on that in a very distinctive manner.

And one of the most important family members that I had in my life besides my parents as a kid was my mom's sister, Gail, who was and is, I love her very much, but was and is a very intense woman with very short, at the time, blonde hair. Sometimes it would be crazy colors, but usually blonde hair and a thin build. And I absolutely thought – do you know how, like, reality – like, you really have a hard time picking out reality from stories when you're younger than five or six. That's why they have a lot of rulings on commercial breaks on cartoons. Yeah. I couldn't figure.

I thought my dad was a transformer until I was 12. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I couldn't figure out. Then you realized he was just a car. Yes. My daddy the car. I couldn't figure out which was the real Mr. T.

You know, A-team, professional wrestling, public appearances, or cartoon. Serial. The serial confused you. And I absolutely thought Lady Elaine was my Aunt Gail. And I couldn't figure out why she was a puppet or why they called her a different name. I thought my pediatrician was Phil Donahue. That is what most pediatricians look like. It was, yeah.

Yeah, when I was whatever, like four years old, I couldn't tell. Yeah, honestly, I always thought your pediatrician was Sally Jessie Raphael. So I understand where you're coming from. Yeah, that is where I got all my style choices. I did have my braces put in by Ricky Lake, though. The actual Ricky Lake. Oh, well. Yeah.

For a segment? No, just for fun. Oh, okay. Just for fun. Was this when she had her talk show, or was this more like a crybaby era? Yeah, this was on the set of Hairspray. Okay, all right. Yeah, she later-

She was a teen orthodontics prodigy. Yeah, she only really abandoned oral health care after she started getting that daytime money. I had no idea. Which, by the way, is what we're shooting for on Jordan, Jessica. Are you? Jordan's made that very clear. Oh, do you have some, do a show kind of like The Chew? Yeah, I mean, God.

Or maybe The Doctors. Sure, I mean, now that apparently The Chew's off the air, there's a void. Yeah. We'll fill it. A gaping maw, if you will. Sure, a mouth that needs the chomp maybe oh i like that like a chomp yeah the nom kids will like that and i mean no part of my life is sexual but i do love to masticate oh boy oh boy

that's where we draw the line. Something that sounds like masturbate. Boy, I remember the time in junior high when you discovered the words that sound dirty but aren't. Masticate. Epidermis. Oh, epidermis. Your epidermis is showing. Yeah. And then you really fucking freak people out.

Oh, it was great. Yeah. I love to freak out the norms. Yeah, me too. Yeah. And then you really fucking freak people out. Oh, it was great. Yeah. I love to freak out the norms. Yeah, me too. Yeah. I mean, I could tell from your face tattoos. Yeah. I love to upset the squares. And of course, well, the face tattoos are more of a tribute to my favorite rapper, which is every white rapper now?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just had, I do what the voices in my head tell me to, tattooed on my chest, because I was wearing out my t-shirts. Yeah. I can understand that. Mine says, keep Austin weird. Sure. I don't visit that often, but I was worried about, you know, like what if I lost the t-shirt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean my favorite cities are always all the cities that have the keep the city weird t-shirts at the airport. I love that. I love that. My back says, no shirt, no shoes, my favorite cities are always all the cities that have the Keep the City Weird t-shirts at the airport. I love that. I love that. My back says, no shirt, no shoes, no problem. Nice. That's because I don't usually wear a shirt because I got the shirt right there on my chest. So I don't want to hide that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a few shirts with windows. Is there a... On my tits, I have a Tweety bird on one and the other one says, what tattoo? Is there a reverse campaign make this city weird make there should be a lot of cities that could use some weird they could use a little weird uh san diego time to get a little weird yeah hey san diego uh not weird enough not weird enough at all there's a marketing campaign uh that i often see in the pages of The New Yorker.

Oh, wow. Sure, sure. No one's surprised. That is pictures of people enjoying nightlife, and then the slogan is DC Cool. It's like a campaign to

get people to visit Washington, D.C. Have you ever been to D.C. during non-business hours? Yes. It's a zombie movie without zombies. It's completely deserted. There's a chill in the air. I do not believe there's any D.C. cool. My mom is from Washington, D.C.

cool. My mom is from Washington, D.C. And all my mom's family lives in the, besides this one sister, live, Lady Elaine, live in the Washington D.C. Metroplex or whatever it's called. So a few in Northern Virginia, a few in D.C., you know, so on and so forth.

Maryland, yeah. And, not Maryland. Oh, well, that's part of it. What do you think? I'm just saying. What do you think? I got relatives in Tacoma Park. I don't know. College Park. I don't know. Anyway, I spent a lot of time in Washington, D.C.

Two summers there. I love Washington, D.C. Sincerely. I think it's such a cool, wonderful city. The mall. Yeah. Honestly. The museums.

The mall and the museums. I fucking love them. I think they're. Oh, you think I didn't go there every year growing up on field trips? You think I didn't think the air and space was named after someone named Aaron Space? The Aaron Space Museum. Yeah. I always thought the Aaron Space Museum was my Aunt Gail.

Oh, OK. So I love Washington, D.C. museum was my aunt gail oh okay so i love washington dc and i i have hardly an ill word to uh to describe it uh because it's a very close to my heart place yeah however it's not hopping those ads are the least convincing advertisements it should just have like three three sad political interns and like a creepy lawyer hitting on them. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Or it should have like an arrow pointing to Northern Virginia.

Yeah. Like, we're here actually. That's where we go to hang out. Washington, D.C. We still have a couple of Bennigans? All right. Washington, D.C. We mean Arlington.

Yeah. all right washington dc we mean arlington yeah i do right i i visited washington dc for the first time not too long ago and was really really amazed at the america feelings it made me have that america shit fucking works i don't know that's something great monuments yes oh the monuments and those are great after dark because, ooh, I love a lighting designed monument. Yeah, sure. Pinpoint lights just so here and there. I would say maybe my favorite one would be the Korean monument, Korean War monument at night. I mean, I mean, I mean, I know it's cliche, but just the, sorry.

I know. Where are you going with this? You can't even get there. I know. You can't even get there. My favorite was the Lincoln Memorial because Daddy Thick. Anyway. Okay. I know. Where are you going with this? You can't even get there. I know. You can't even get there. My favorite was the Lincoln Memorial because Daddy Thick. Anyway. Okay.

All right. I mean, you should try the Roosevelt Memorial. Oh, yeah? Why? Because he's in the wheelchair and he's got the dog and his Daddy Thick. Funny every time. Jordan. Maybe not once.

Did you get a chance to see the Washington Monument? I did not. I missed it. I was busy with other stuff. I was looking at my feet a lot, so I never noticed it. Do you have any observations about it? I mean. Daddy Thick.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Friendly Fire is a war movie podcast, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't listen to it. Boy, I'll say. You know, a lot of people, Ben and Adam, might not initially watch a war movie podcast. What's in it for me, they say. Yeah. I'll tell you what's in it for you. What's in it for you is biting, socio-political commentary, scattered dick and fart jokes. And a lot of history like there's the

depicted wars but also the history of the time period that these films were made and released they're very telling so download Friendly Fire every Friday

from your favorite podcatcher or MaximumFun.org Friendship is tough. Especially when you're constantly slaying carnivorous hell beasts spent on your destruction. Hey, make sure to clean the tub. I might actually need to shower today. Oh, don't give me that. You've been wearing the same pair of track pants since Tuesday. I mean, they still have the size sticker on the leg. Yeah, I do. Well, still, I was thinking today might be the day.

Yeah, yeah. Ah, it's still alive! Kill it! I don't have any weapons! Get it with the shower head! Shit. My burrito got some gunk on it. But that's just Fairhaven. We make it work.

Bubble, the sci-fi comedy from MaximumFun.org. Just open your podcast app and search for Bubble. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Eliza Skinner, sweet little creature of the dark. Wait a minute, Eliza. Aren't you one of the stars of the hit podcast, Bubble? I am.

Doesn't that premiere this week? It does. I think tomorrow, if you're listening, the day that this one comes out. What an exciting project. If only I was a professional interviewer so I could think of a question to ask you about it. Oh, I've never thought of you as one, so don't worry. Okay, good. You're a sexless man who never interviews.

There's two things we know about Jessie. Eliza, would you like to tell us a little bit about your character on the show? Yeah, my character is kind of, she's a kind of, not quite a burnout, but kind of layabout-ish. She's definitely, I think she's on the edge of burnout. Sure. She's sort of like in the lemon between burnout and active young person. She's the type of girl who wakes up with pizza in her hand. Yes, there you go. You painted a picture.

Thank you. And she's pansexual and active at it. Yeah. And she's a dealer. She's a drug dealer. So she's a active at it. Yeah. And she's a dealer. She's a drug dealer. So she's a lot of fun. Yeah.

Liza, you were so, so funny in this. Thank you. I will say probably riffed some better lines than were in the script. Thank you. I tried to stick to the script but then also offer some riffs. That's why you work with Skinner. Thanks. the script but then also offer some some riffs one of my that's why you work with skinner yeah thanks um one of my favorite things ever when i first moved to la i got to go to a table read for an old show called uh alan gregory oh yeah sure i had a friend who was a writer on it and one of the stars of it was french stewart right yes um and there were all kinds of comics who listeners

would know from the goofy roofers yes yeah um and there are all kinds of comics involved. French Stewart, who listeners would know from The Goofy Roofers. Yes, yeah. And there were all kinds of comics involved in the show. And they were all riffing and raffing off the script. They loved to raff. They were switching it up. They were adding things. They were missing words.

And, you know, grasping for the funny, grabbing for that funny. And French Stewart did not change a single fucking word and was hilarious and it was it like really felt remarkable to me and i was like oh that is that's a pro sure if you can take what's actually on the page and make that really funny yeah we tried to do it i had to actually no no hey i get i appreciate it i appreciate it that's like in my mind but you aspire to that someday to to that French Stewart level of professionalism. Yeah, no, the show's really fun. We're super proud of it.

If you haven't heard the pitch, it's a sci-fi comedy. If you like a little Buffy and a little Portlandia mixed together, I think you're going to enjoy this. There's monsters. There's fighting. There's jokes. You're going to enjoy this. There's monsters. There's fighting.

There's jokes. I think with most of the fighting scenes, like we would have to make sounds like we were punching or getting punched. Yes. Yeah. And that I feel like it did struggle with a little bit that most of my fighting sounds were like, ow, stop it. Ow, punch, punch. Ow, ow. A fight's happening now. Hey, wait a minute.

Yeah. Just words, exclamations. Yeah, exactly. Hold up. Wait a minute let me put a punch up in it yeah

it would be like ah my neck my back oh boy don't punch me two more times two more two different places

exactly this is for kids that's an example of the kind of enhancement that a Skinner brings to a project the show is not for kids yeah not. This is for kids. That's an example of the kind of enhancement that a Skinner brings to a project. The show is not for kids. Yeah.

Not for kids. Not for kids. Yeah. It's out there June 13th. So the day after you're listening to this, if you're listening to this the first day, it comes out. Is it all coming out at once or are you rolling it out? It is.

One a week. One a week. Cliffhangers. Ooh. People got to wait for the next info. Fan theories on Reddit. We're filling the Westworld void. Will they?

Won't they? Sure. Symbolism. We didn't want to put it all out at once because we wanted to give it a little bit of time for it to breathe and for it to find its audience. Especially Jordan's a strange dad. Yeah. Has he RSVP'd for it? No, I'm just mailing him a thumb drive with the latest episodes.

I'm just writing daddy on an envelope and throwing it into a pond. I think if you put – usually if you mail something that just says daddy on it, it does – they end up delivering it to James Brolin. So it will get there. Oh, good. Another thumb drive. Is this how I talk? To be clear, Jordan usually tosses it into a pond,

and the reason that he usually tosses it into a pond is he's not 100% sure, but he's pretty sure his dad is a bullfrog. I was going to say, because it's not easy being green. Is that right, bud? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm just, I'm taking into account my own neck sack and assuming that my dad is a bullfrog. I was going to say because it's not easy being green. Is that right? Yeah. I mean I'm just I'm taking into account my own neck sack and assuming that my dad is a bullfrog.

Anyway. Wow. I don't want to get weird but I mean. I try and take into account my neck my neck sack and my crack. Yeah. Oh you cleaned it up for kids. Is that part of your children's album? Yeah. Jesse has his own kids bop line. Yeah.

Super dirty hits for kids. Yeah. I got a whole series of Uncle Luke songs. Oh, me so happy. Oh, oh, me so happy. Oh, boy. That's why she's the premier musical improviser in America today, Eliza Skinner. Thank you.

Thank you. improviser in America today, Eliza Skinner. Thank you. When something momentous happens to you, like your new favorite podcast is released on June 13th, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN for our segment Momentous Occasions. Here's the first call.

Hi, Jordan, Jesse Go. I found a pigeon that was sick, and over the past couple weeks I've been nursing him back to health, giving him a little water and a little peanuts. Can you pause this? Is there any evidence that what a sick pigeon needs is a little water and some peanuts? Yeah, that is an odd assumption to make.

I mean, why not? What's better than a little water and peanuts when you're not feeling good? No, that's, I mean, I would maybe bird seed? I don't know. Water, I guess. Really? That's what you want when you don't feel good? Oh, yeah.

Bird seed? Here's what I want. Here's how I want it. I want honey roasted peanuts and a little bit of water and some episodes of Botched. When I'm feeling sick, what I like to do is I like to get an old paper towel tube, cardboard tube, spread it with peanut butter. Eliza, it's pronounced bosh. Yeah. You roll that in bird seed and you just take it to bed with you.

Oh. Yeah. I don't know. That sounds to me like it's for the birds. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner.

Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner.

Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner.

Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. Skinner. I was going to go't pick up my chair! Stop it! Stop it!

There you go. I was going to say, stop singing that Jewish song. But I couldn't think of having to do that. But you did, so thank you. Play the call, Brian. Sorry I interrupted. Sorry, not sorry, more like. Wow.

And he just flew away. Bittersweet. I can't believe it. I didn't even know he just flew away. Bittersweet. I can't believe it. I didn't even know he could fly yet. So this is very exciting. Love you guys. Bye-bye. The version of that I want is like, oh, wow, and he's flying away.

Oh, he's fucking my wife. Oh, come on. He's been in my house for weeks. I did nothing but good for him. He's driving my car around. He's been in my house for weeks. I did nothing but good for him. Driving my car around. One time he's been fucking my wife. Honey, how'd you even get up there? Yeah.

Anyway. A lot of bird-related calls. Last week we had, or maybe, when did the hawk carry away the guineas? We had a hawk call in? Yeah, a hawk called in. Wow. Yeah, Hawk Har harrelson the legendary color man for the chicago white socks i don't think i don't think we call them that anymore

the pale hose okay um yeah there's a lot our our uh our our listeners are interacting with birds a lot and i don't like it you know j, Jordan, I think it's probably not healthy for me to feel this way. Yeah. And just in general, for my emotional well-being, it's probably for the best that I get it from something inside myself rather than external forces. Or at the very least, something like my relationship with my family members, like my wife and children or something. But I do get a little kick every time a listener says they love us.

It's nice. I always want to say, I love you too. I remember that I don't love them. I have a sort of a warm regard. Right. I mean, I,

I don't need it because I get it from my Amazon Alexa. She will. What's your trigger for that? What's the command? I think he says, Alexa, play Huey Lewis and the News sports. Sure. And then? And then she says, I love you, Jordan.

Yeah. It's really nice. It's really nice. I'm sorry, Jordan. I can't do that right now. I like you. You seem cool. What are you doing, Jordan? Jordan. Alexa, open the airlock. Stop spreading peanut butter on that right now. I like you. Jordan, what are you? You seem cool. What are you doing, Jordan?

Jordan. Stop spreading peanut butter on that toilet paper tube. I can't do that, Jordan. No! Okay, let's take our next call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests, and Sunny D. This is Tim from Chicago. This is Tim from Chicago Just calling to tell you about a momentous

A momentous ouch occasion I had recently I was working on my drone Getting it ready Shocking To get out in the park and do some practice tricks and stuff. Stunts. Anyway, I had to replace one of the motors, and so I went to test it out,

and something happened, and all the throttles went full throttle and it flipped over and it had props on it and so it sort of took a little chunk off my pinky. A couple of cuts.

I glued it all shut. Brian, can you pause this? It's just all going too fast for me. I need a second to process. I glued it all shut but it's kind of still mangled It's just all going too fast for me I need a second to process Yeah, was he going to start selling us micro-machines next? Jesus Christ His drone took a chunk off his pinky

I heard that I glued it all shut but it's kind of still mangled but I think it's going to be okay. I love the show. Thanks. I mean, again, another bird call.

I mean, what is a drone but a bird that can film your neighbor showering? Any bird can film your neighbor showering. You just have to train them and get them a tiny camera. Oh, cute. Except for the spying part. I have a question. Yeah. If you're that fucked up,

Right. I don't think it's safe to operate a telephone, much less a drone. I mean, no, I mean, are you saying that the guy seemed like he was impaired or his hand? It's also possible he was a cartoon tortoise.

That's true. I would say the top two possibilities are. No, I don't know. I feel like if he was a cartoon tortoise, he would have talked a lot more about the Dewey Decimal System and organizing his figurines. Right. Not knowing how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Sure. Yeah. You. Yeah.

You ask Mr. Owl, I don't know. Never ask an owl. He's just going to take your fucking lollipop. Yeah, he sure is. That was my momentous occasion, by the way, for this week. I asked an owl how many licks it takes to get to the center. Never do that, Jesse. No, yeah.

And the fucking thing ate my guinea pigs. Oh. Wow. Yeah. Well, at least you got to have that Tootsie Pop, though. Wait, were the guinea pigs in the middle of your lollipop? Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, you're kind of weird, too, then. Well, that's your bad, wow. Yeah. Well, at least you got to have that Tootsie Pop, though. Wait, were the guinea pigs in the middle of your lollipop? Yeah. Oh, okay.

Well, you're kind of weird, too, then. That's your bad, honestly. Yeah, no, I don't know. That feels a little iffy. If you're out there with your guinea pigs loosey-goosey. Yeah, but if you seal them inside a lollipop, they're going to die. They can't breathe in there. Is there a machine for that?

I don't know. I think they probably. That sounds like you're going to eat them. I don't know if they can know. I think they probably... That sounds like you're going to eat them. This is... I don't know if they can breathe. I think they probably could. They have gills, don't they? No, they don't. They live on land.

Oh, shit. I'm thinking of an oxalotl. Oh, no. Those are so cute. Don't put those in lollipops. Yeah, well, they can breathe in there because they got the gills. Your guinea pigs were dead by the time the owl ate them. Oh, gee whiz.

They were smothered by a candy coating. Oh, gee whiz. They were smothered by a candy coating. Oh, gee whiz. Yeah, they're dead. Gee whiz. That's what I have to say about that. Gee whiz.

Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, well, I hope this won't keep anyone from listening to Bubble. Yeah. It shouldn't. No. It's better than this.

It's the sort of podcast that I think you could listen to in the daytime or the night. Oh, you can listen to Bubble at night. Yeah. You sure can, baby. You can listen to Bubble. You could watch the NBC Nightly News. What are your evenings, Jordan? Just watching Lester Holt.

Jesus. Knock it off around 7. Oh, man. Call it a night. You gotta get out there. Nah. Gotta see some live music. Go out there. Alexa will missolt. Jesus. Knock it off around seven. Oh, man. Call it a night. You gotta get out there. Nah. Go see some live music. Alexa will miss me.

No. Go see some live music. Okay, I'll go see Mumford and Sons. Oh, no. You know what? No, I meant like a band. Mumford and Sons. That's like,

that's like, like what? Like crust with a bunch of cut up chicken and peas and carrots inside of it. Another crust on top. What is that? Is this a samosa? What? What are you thinking? No, no. with a bunch of cut up chicken and peas and carrots inside of it. Another crust on top. What is that? Is this a samosa?

What? What are you thinking? No, it's like pie shaped and it's got that crust and then you put in, you got like creamy sauce and big chicken. Oh, the Lumineers. Yes. The Lumineers. No, that's a Mumford and Son. Oh, okay.

I'm sorry. Lumineers is like, that's a pizza. You're thinking of... That's a pizza. You're thinking of Portugal, the chicken pot pie. Sure. Oh, okay. On the topic of bubble, I just want to say, I get that sometimes when people are talking

podcasts with their friends, maybe you listen to this one, maybe you don't bring it up right away. Yeah. You know, you're talking- You want to play it cool. You're playing it cool, but also you wonder- You want this't bring it up right away. Yeah. You know, you're talking... You want to play it cool. You're playing it cool, but also you wonder... You want this to be Daddy's little secret. Yeah, what's

the entry point? This thing is so bogged down with years of memes that don't make sense. Bullshit. There's no reason to listen to it. Do you start with the comics or the podcast? Right. Or the podcast about the podcast? Sure, sure, sure. A lot of ins, a lot of Right. Or the podcast about the podcast.

Sure, sure, sure. You know, a lot of ins, a lot of outs. Asterisk. Editor's note, CSU 242. And then you panic. Yeah, true believers. And then you just panic and recommend Malcolm Gladwell. I get it.

Yeah. I get it. Look, I read The New Yorker, too. I get the appeal. Oh, my God. No. You can afford a magazine subscription. Congratulations.

Yeah. But Bubble, just because we're doing it doesn't mean it's full of Jordan, Jesse Go, Inside, what have yous. No prior listening is necessary. Start with episode one. It'll make sense to everybody anyway. And tell your friends. And tell your friends. Tell them.

Tell them. But you don't have to make it like it's a big deal. You could just be like, hey, no big whoop. Hope you guys are enjoying the Slurpees. If you have some free time, check out this podcast. And also you buy all your friends Slurpees before you recommend it. And then just ride away on a skateboard. Yeah.

They're fine. They're not expensive. I have a question. Yes. Is it okay to recommend bubble tea or friends if you bought them an Icy because they're better than Slurpees? Well, okay. My preference for me, for me. For you?

For me. For who? For me. For me. Who for? For me. For me. For me.

Steve Reichler. I recommend you buy them a slush puppy. Oh, okay. Now, do I know where you can get those anymore? No. Maybe at a Bennigan's. I'm going to say it's summer. It could be an Otter Pop.

Just have some fun. Ooh, get a, yeah, an Otter Pop. Set a scene where everybody's having a good time, they're in a good mood, they're feeling good about themselves and their prospects for the future. They're sucking down a little orphan orange. Yeah. That's an otter pop, by the way.

It sounds like it's a great thing. It really doesn't. Sounds awful. Yeah, it sounds very gross. Yeah. And then once they're in that good head space,

hey, how about you check out Bubble? Eliza, can I suggest something here? Sure, yeah. Why don't you go to the ice cream man? Order up a bomb pop.

Why does he have to be a man? Okay, you go to be a man? Okay. You go to a single mother. Thank you. You get yourself a bomb pop. You give it to your friend. Moms have bomb pops.

It's funny that you chose to define that woman by motherhood. It's really interesting that you didn't talk about her job. Or her name. She's got a name. It's Sandra. Go to Sandra. Go to Sandra. Go to Sandra. Get yourself a Bomb Pop. Uh-huh.

Give it to your friend. Uh-huh. Recommend Bubble to them. While you're at it, mention that Bubble is the bomb, baby! It works. It works. It's a real slush puppy. Do you guys have a theme song on Bubble?

There's some incidental music. Oh, but none of those like when you're with your friends and you're walking around and you know something cool is about to go down. Bubble family. Is it too late to insert that into every episode?

It might be. We're going to need to get the editor on the phone now. Brian, if we can clip that out, put some effects behind it and send it to the editor now. Brian, if we can clip that out, put some effects behind it and send it to the editor now. I think our, I think our, what's that called? Musician,

our orchestrator, Annie Hart, the band Au Revoir Simone and the vibrant solo career as Annie Hart. I think she could lay a few of her signature synths behind.

Sure. Great. When you're with your friends and you're walking around and you're having some fun, something's gonna go down. Bubble. Bubble.

I like that. Family. I like that that kind of uses the perfect strangers theme song theory and that the theme song should have nothing to do with what's going on.

That perfect strangers theme is all about what's going on. Sometimes stranger's theme is all about what's going sometimes the world looks perfect nothing can be arranged sometimes you just have a feeling like you need some kind of change those times we're like you live in me posts cousin larry lives no matter what the odds are this time nothing's gonna stand in our way those odds of like being an immigrant in a new city. Being the bottom rung at a newspaper. You know, nothing's going to stand in our way. Dream

in your heart like a long lost friend. The whole world is me post at every end. Is me post, is that where Cousin Larry is from? Or is that possibly a web 1.0 currency website? It's actually both.

Okay. Yeah. Is Cousin Larry from Flooz? He's from Coinbase. Got it. I think you guys are confusing Balki and Cousin Larry. Oh, really? Balki is from Meepos.

Yeah. Balki Bartokomis. No, no, no, no, no. Standing tall on the wings of my dreams we do not have the money to license this song bubble show it's cool don't you like it I made changes it was legally dissimilar legally dissimilar enough speaking of which I think people listeners will love Jonathan Colton's contributions to bubble oh Oh, yeah. Spoiler alert. Jonathan Colton makes some legally dissimilar song parodies where we would be using licensed music.

God bless that Jonathan Colton, this gorgeous beard. He's a handsome man. Good looking dude. Gotta stop breaking people in beards. Chill vibes. Some people don't have beards. How's your beard? I don't have a beard, Jesse.

I'm a woman. I can't grow. Okay. Well, I think? I don't have a beard, Jesse. I'm a woman. I can't grow. Okay. Well, I think there are things that are worthwhile about me still. Sorry, guys. Beans for lunch. Oh, boy. That's your band, right?

That's doing that album of clean covers of very dirty songs? Sure. Oh, God. Beans for lunch. We'll be back in just Yes. Oh, God. Beans for lunch. We'll be back in just a... Sorry, guys. Flues for lunch. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go.

It's Jordan and Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Eliza Skinner, sweet little creature of the dark. Our apologies for the preceding program. But, you know, I think we sort of wanted those does what it says on the container situation. Well, your fault for listening, asshole. Eliza Skinner, are you touring this great nation performing stand-up comedy at all?

A little bit. I just finished a real tour-y tour. But, yeah, I guess this is coming out next week. Yeah. Yeah. So I'll be at the Denver Comicy tour. But yeah, I guess this is coming out next week? Yeah. Yeah. So I'll be at the Denver Comic Con next week. Hell yeah. Yeah.

I think we got some Denver listeners heading to Denver. Come on by. I'm doing a show and then I'm moderating a bunch of Q&As and panels and stuff. You should stop by Sweet Action Ice Cream, the official ice cream store of Jordan, Jesse, Go. Okay. Yeah. They'll probably give you some free ice cream if you tell them you were just on Jordan, Jesse Go. Sick.

That's what I work for. I know. All right. Yeah. Take a lift over there. It'll cost you $25. Tight. Free ice cream, though.

Worth it. Worth it. I'll pay for rides. I won't pay for ice cream. My rides. My ice cream. My pussy and my cracker. Wait. that's not the part that you're supposed to oh i guess i just don't like find any part of a woman's body dirty i just think there are really

wow thank you to me to me i don't i me whom Me. Whom. Anyway. Yeah. So that and I'm doing some other stuff. I'm still laying down. And I got my podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Cool playlist, which you can find where you find podcasts where me and a guest create a playlist for a specific life event, moment, or occasion.

You've had some pretty rad guests on recently. Yeah. Yeah. The last one was Cameron Esposito. Heard of her. Yep, had her. Did one for Waking Up and Getting Out of Bed with Bobby Moynihan.

We did a playlist for This Steamship is Taking Me to an Exciting New Future with Paul F. Tompkins. Yeah, all kinds of folks in there. Awesome. Check it out. You know, I think I could see Paul F. Tompkins squandering his show business millions on a steamship. He might.

He might. Why not, right? He could bring it off, too. Why squandering it? Why not gambling it? Yeah. Investing it. Yeah. You could make that a live-work thing, though. Roll them bones. You could save on rent. You could live on the steamship. Yeah, if people will go on fan

cruises, why not a fan steamship? Sure, yeah. Yeah. I think so. Plus, you got one of the famous trunks. Mm-hmm. You need somewhere to keep it. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, maybe two of them. Oh, I think this is a good time to announce I'm having a fan inner tube. It's me and a fan in an inner tube. Wait, an electric fan? Like an oscillating fan? Yeah, that's how I'm killing myself. I'm going to take an electric fan and an inner tube watch your pinky buddy I'm gonna crack a brew

and then I'm gonna I'm gonna fall over the side and yeah and I think it'll it'll be great man that's the last great trip man you said it baby

it's true can't wait to die don't worry you will cool oh really yep for sure nice

we all definitely will die. Wow, we better listen to Bubble first, huh? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. ASAP. Yeah, don't squander your time by not listening to great content because you're going to die. That's what in the marketing business we call a ticking clock. Yeah, exactly. Save the cat, everybody.

Listen to Bubble. General screenwriting tips is brian sunny d fernandez if you hear an off microphone voice that's his that's his uh terrifying laugh piercing the window of the recording studio of for eliza skinner who is on twitter at eliza skinner and is a joy on twitter a delight she's been sharing positive messages lately. I always share positive messages. I usually do. I try to make it a fun place. It's work. Twitter.

A fun place for dads. Yeah. It's like the benches outside of Elaine Bryant. What is Twitter? An electronic space simulating the benches outside of Elaine Bryant. Oh, this is all part of Eliza Skinner's four-home-run game.

The benches outside of Elaine Bryant. Give me a break. I can't even say the word lane. You can find us on Twitter at Jesse Thorne at Jordan underscore Morris. And for real, this is the week that Bubble premieres. Get in there. Get in your Apple Podcasts the week that Bubble premieres. Get in there, get in your Apple Podcasts, get in your Overcast,

get in your Downcast, get in your Pocketcasts. Download Bubble right now. The first episode is available June 13th, so probably already available while you listen to this. And remember what we have told you.

Because this is serious. This is not just, we've done a lot of joking around on this week's show. Yeah, this part's not a joke. This is deadly serious. Yeah. If you do not download Bubble. You're gonna die.

You are dead to us. Oh, sure, yeah. We will ice you out. Yeah. You have to find a new place to sit at the cafeteria. Mm-hmm. You're gonna have to find your own ride to school. Yep.

I will not invite you in my death tube. Yeah. You're going to have to find a new place to sit at the Lane Bryant. Yeah. Bench is off limits. Because we're already sitting on that bench. You're going to have to go meander outside the Orange Julius. You're going to need a time machine for that.

Yeah. I think there's still one in Culver City. Okay, well, fine. I think at that Westfield in Culver City. Really? I might go. Yeah. You know, I had an Orange Julius recently. It didn't hold up.field and Culver City. Really? I might go. Yeah. You know, I had an

orange Julius recently. It didn't hold up. I wish I had kept it in my childhood. Anyway. Maybe they changed the recipe. I don't know.

I work at Hot Dog on a Stick. Ooh. Anyway, if you like getting transported away to a world in which things are funny yet edgy

and full of all your favorite comedians and performers, listen to Bubble. That's true. Great cast. We'll talk to you nextians and performers, listen to Bubble. That's true. Great cast. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. Bye.

Bye.