Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 536: Fan Noises with Nick Adams

Episode Date: June 19, 2018

Nick "Repeat" Adams joins Jordan and Jesse to talk about what memes and gifs they can create to push their new scripted sci-fi comedy podcast BUBBLE to the top of the iTunes charts, Nick's advocacy for putting a large statue or totem pole in or around your house to mark your territory, and Jesse's incredible Lyft miscommunication that left him criss-crossing Los Angeles for hours.  Listen to the first episode of BUBBLE now! Subscribe on iTunes and get it to the top of those charts! Or use this feed for your other podcatcher needs: https://maximumfun.org/feeds/bubble.xml

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse, go! I'm Jesse the Sammy Manthorn! Jordan Morris, thinking of a new nickname to compete with Sammy Man. Yeah. Did you just have a sandwich? No, I- Did you just have a sandwich?

I just ate our friend Elliot Kalin's son, Sammy. Oh. Yeah. Well, I'll be calling the police then. It sounds like you murdered an alien. No, it was a sandwich. I stopped by. It was a sandwich, and it wasn't made of human meat.

Look, Jordan, once in a while, I come in to the office around 11. If I'm coming into the office around 11, there's one thing that you can count on. I'm working in the morning a little bit from home. It's not just that I'm starting work at 11. Let's make it clear. Sure. I'm working hard for your donation dollars. If I'm coming into the office at 11, you know I'm stopping at the Eastside Italian Market.

Oh, yeah? I'm going to eat some of those fireman sandwiches. We're just checking in food-wise. Yeah. I have not had lunch yet. I'm still coasting off my Norm's Bigger Better Breakfast. Ooh. Yeah.

$7.50. What are you getting there? Corned beef hash? The Bigger Better Breakfast comes with eggs, hash browns, bacon bacon and sausage, and a little ham slice. Well, what about corned beef hash? I think you can get corned beef hash. Have I had the corned beef hash at Norm's? I don't know. I bet you they do a good hash. Have we already addressed the fact that corned beef hash, number one, corned beef hash, my

favorite restaurant breakfast food. Sure. By a comfortable margin. Number two, I think I prefer corned beef hash, my favorite restaurant breakfast food. Sure. By a comfortable margin. Number two, I think I prefer corned beef hash straight out of a can. Like, the worse the restaurant is, the more I enjoy the corned beef hash. You don't want anybody's riff on corned beef hash. God, no. It probably has bell peppers in it.

Oh, that sounds good. Anyway, sorry. I like a bell pepper. I like a bell pepper in a breakfast food. Why is it in my hash? Get it out of my hash. It's too bitter. It's a little tang.

No, I don't want the bitterness. Sorry if Daddy doesn't like a little tang. Daddy loves tang. Don't get me wrong. All right, all right. I'm an astronaut, baby. Okay. But I don't like it in my hash.

Keep the tang out of the hash. Yeah. Should we introduce our guest on this week's program? That, to me, sounded like keep the tang out of the hash. I was a little afraid it might remind people of, like, the slogan of a racist politician from the 50s. Somebody running for sheriff in Broward County. Yeah. That is like now inexplicably running for office again.

Anyway. Now he's in a wheelchair, but he's popular. Sure. Okay. Tells it like it is. This week's guest is running for sheriff in Broward County. Mm-hmm. He's promising to keep the tang out of the hash.

I just want to keep this town the way it's always been. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Somebody's standing up for the old way. Mm-hmm. He's a racist druid. This week's guest, a beloved Jordan Jesse Go guest of a decade or more.

He is a writer on the hit television program BoJack Horseman, as well as an upcoming television program from our friend Lisa Honowalt. He is, most importantly, an executive producer of the top five comedy podcast bubble, Nick Adams. Repeat in the house. I just want to say I moved to Los Angeles. Are you accepting an award? 1997. I've been coming for Karen Kilgareff since that day. Oh, you got you got Kilgareff in your sights.

You're about to take her down. I've been coming for her since that day. Everything I have done in my comedy career, it's all been a smokescreen. You saw her as an occasional bit player on Mr. Show. I saw her. I am taking that. You heard the words, oh, you, man. They did Girls Guitar Club.

The short film with Nick Schwartzen. No, live. Girls Guitar Club live with- Marilyn Rice. Marilyn Rice. And I was just like, I can't have it. I have to take her down. So everything I've done comedically in all these years has been to get to this moment,

to take her podcast down. Remember how they used to have that song about, what's that mall on- Don't praise our enemy. Don't praise our hilarious enemy. I'm not saying that she's praiseworthy. I'm just saying, remember that, what's that mall on Sunset in West Hollywood where there's like a movie theater?

It's right by the party's beanery. Well, you're off. You're off. Yeah. Your geography's off because you're an east side dude and you don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, I don't. Not at all. You're conflating two places.

Okay. Barney's Beanery is on Santa Monica, so that's sad. But the place you're talking about is 8000 Sunset on the strip. There's a mall. There used to be like the Virgin Megastore was there. Yeah, that's the one. That's the one. Remember how they used to have that song?

That's an AMC now. How they used to have that song about how- It's a dine-in AMC, though, so you can get food. That mall was run by lizard people. I don't, but that sounds really funny. Yeah. Local jokes get you local work. Local jokes get you local work.

How about an old guy joke? That's the mall where I first listened to the Blackstar album on a listening station. Oh, boy. Should we explain our feud with Karen Golgaroff rather than just taking shots at someone with a... At a random, more beloved and better podcast than ours. Talented and very successful podcaster. Someone with, like, 14 Emmys.

Sure, yeah. And someone who's been a guest on this show probably ten times. And a friend who we like. Who we only swipe at in jest. Also kind of a bitch who's got what's coming to her. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. No.

Taking her down. Sure. Karen Kilgareth is one of the hosts of the hit podcast, My Favorite Murders. And. Murderers. Murderers. My Favorite Murderers. Our Favorite Murderers.

With an S. Now I met your murderer. And it's just S. It's not murderers. Murderers. My favorite murderer. Our favorite murderer. With an S. How I met your murderer. And it's just S. It's not murderers. It's not like that kind of podcast. Do you think we'll ever find out how she met her murderer? In the last episode, and then people will be kind of bummed. It's not a Gravedigger's album.

Okay. Nick is just trying to he's like looking inside me to press specific buttons that joke was for you like nobody who listens to this show is going to get that reference like there are five dudes

who are going to google it and they're like okay I got it so Karen Kilgareff is the host of the number two comedy podcast in America. America's favorite non-Joe Rogan podcast. Yeah.

And what could be funnier than the Joe Rogan podcast? Hard to say. And I think we're going to take her down. I had a tweet war with her today. Oh. She said that I owe her $50,000 for her digital influencer exposure. And I'm not going to pay the invoice. I'm going to trump this thing.

Wow. That's a bad precedent to set, digital influencer. Oh, I thought you meant not paying invoices. No, that's fine. That works for the president. Anyone who's worked freelance knows that that precedent has been set for hundreds of years. That's a precedent precedent. And even if it says in small type on the bottom, for every 30 days, 15% penalty, they'll ignore that.

Yeah. There's no way to enforce that small type. No. It's on there for a reason. Type's too small. Type's too small. Sorry. Didn't notice it.

That's the law. How do you know it's the law? Got to read the small type. Got to read the small type. Yeah. I mean, at the very least, if you're going to use that small type, set it in Curry or New and double space it so it takes up a little more room. Right, sure. You know?

Maybe add a GIF. These things are all digital these days. You can add a GIF to your legal document. But I think Karen's on to something. Digital influencer is a real thing. Like, there are absolutely people who come up with phrases and and memes and all of a sudden you move the culture. If you say, hey, fucking ESPN is retreating a GIF that I created. I'm a digital influencer. Is that what we should be doing? Trying targeting ESPN with GIFs?

For Bubble? Yeah, I mean. Like maybe Alison Becker playing in a celebrity softball game on VH1? Sure. Or maybe we can just get a nice shot of me or Nick or you. Say anybody involved in Bubble. Yeah. And we get a big pizza delivered.

Right. Just as big a pizza. I don't know if Pizza Hut's still making the Bigfoot. Can I ask you a question? But if they are, yeah. Round or rectangular? I mean, I think I'm just looking for pure size here. Okay.

I mean, I think obviously if it's round, it reads better as a pizza. Right, but I think if it's got pepperonis on it, rectangular will be fine. Right, sure. Stuffed crust? Yeah, not that important for the gif. Aesthetically. Are you asking me what I would prefer to eat after we're done with this gif shoot? I just feel like it's possible, and you're the expert here.

Sure. That's why I'm asking you. Thank you. But it's possible that if the crust is stuffed, it gives it a kind of potential energy, sort of like the glow on a pregnant woman. Right, sure. You know what I mean? Now you got what you call in the biz a hat on a hat. See, what you want is that you got a big pizza, you don't a goofy big pizza the big pizza itself is goofy sure right exactly so you consider

stuffed crust to be goofy yeah but it would be funny if a pizza was wearing a hat though i think we can all agree that pizza that if the pizza or or you get like a jamaican guy who shows up and he's got the big hat on you're like hey bro where the fuck is my pizza and he's got the big hat on. You're like, hey, bro, where the fuck is my pizza? And he's like, easy, man. That's pizza. Oh, and he takes off the hat, and there it is. Warm and toasty. Sure. See, the mind steaks.

So we have a hat. We have a pizza. Maybe the pizza has a hat on it. By the way, Nick can say that because he's Jamaican. I am 100%. As you can tell by how easily I slipped it to the authentic exit you've done some great voices you've done racist southern

sheriff and also Jamaican pizza guy all Robin Williams caliber level do you want to recreate the trailer from toys where he's yelling in the middle of a cornfield? I have a really on-the-nose gay guy that I'm going to do in about five seconds.

R.I.P. R.I.P. R.I.P. I can't wait to meet MC Repeat. Oh, boy. Are you going to cross your arms? Yo, yo, yo. R.I.P.

White people, nobody said, people stopped saying yo, yo, yo at like 84. Why people kept doing it. Who was the first person to say yo, yo, yo? Where did that come from? That had to come from somewhere. Probably yo, yo, ma. Probably, yeah. He was just yelling his own name and people misheard him.

Yeah, that guy hit the cello with a b-boy stance. Sure. So here's my gif idea. Okay. We get a big pizza delivered i mean i guess now just because in this period of brainstorming it's delivered underneath the hat of a jamaican guy and also it has a little hat on it right round it's round yes not rectangle all i need yeah we don't want this to be but it does have pepperonis in it. Got it. Sure. On it. I mean, what is happening? That helps it re-experience. Wait, hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. On it. Yeah, on it. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I was concerned about what you were doing with your pizza. No, no, no.

Pepperonis are on the pizza. Because we were talking about stuffed crust. I didn't know if we were sliding pepperoni inside the dough. No, no, that's not. Yeah, I don't want. We're getting- Or do we? What Nick is-

Whoa. Yeah, sure. What Nick is saying here, I think, is that it do we? Whoa. Yeah, sure. What Nick is saying here, I think, is that it's important to have the pepperonis on the pizza so you can see them and you register. This is a pizza. You don't think it's a particularly short, a particularly flat lemon meringue pie. The big circles pop. The big red circles pop. Exactly.

Let you know. You're on Twitter. You're on Facebook. You're on Insta. And you're scrolling quickly. You want to be able to get the idea of this gif. Isn't the pizza emoji, is that pepperoni? It's got to be, right?

Yeah, I think so. I haven't sent a pizza emoji in a while. I haven't yet. Yeah. It's a shame. Sure. It's a shame. I usually send a pizza emoji to signify a dick.

Oh, right. A sloppy cheesy. A sloppy cheese dick. A nice greasy dick. Oh, right. Because of your sloppy cheesy. Sloppy cheese dick. A nice greasy dick. Coming at you hot and flat. Sure, yeah. I'll send like I'm so pizza slice for you. Sure.

Which means I'm so dick for you. Oh, okay. Hot and flappy. Yeah, for you. Not if you fold it. You have to fold my dick. If you fold my dick, it's pretty sizable, narrow, and hot. Don't eat it with a fork and knife, though.

But do, I mean, you know, if you're watching your calories, maybe dab it with a napkin. Maybe just dab. Give it a couple of dabs. How many ladies would like a hot, thin dick? Sure. We're in Chicago. It's a deep dish. My dick's a deep dish.

It's more of a casserole. Shut up. Stop. Just eat it. Stop. You're never going to be here again. I don't really consider it pizza. Just eat your lasagna.

All pizzas are good. All pizzas are good. All pizzas are good. There's no bad pizza. Vegan pizza's bad. Yeah, vegan pizza's bad. Vegan free crust is bullshit. Yeah, sure.

I try to call it cauliflower crust. Yeah, that's just like a bread sandwich that you made. It's not good. It's not pizza. Anyway. That's an open-faced bread slice that you made. Would you like to have a pizza with a little Smokies on it? I would like to have a pizza with little smokies on it? I would like to have a pizza with that.

Wait, wait. That might be good. Wait, what? Little smokies are, oh, wait, a little smokies with a cocktail. Like the Farmer John. Fully on board. Shit, man. Yeah.

If you do like a California pizza kitchen like barbecue sauce instead of. Sure, sure. Fuck, man. Scallions. That might be good. Yeah. Anyway. My idea is I get the pizza delivered and then i look at it and then the caption is that's me when i see that d podcast and then that gets so popular so we would share that with that's what we would share with espn yeah could we share it would it just be espn or could we also share it with mlb network because

i think harold rey Reynolds might be interested in this. Well, I think maybe the next logical step would be to share it with a Twitter account of the ESPN Zone. Oh, okay. Yeah, sure. The popular ESPN-themed chain restaurant. What about the Fox Sports restaurant? Well, I mean, let's see if ESPN wants it to be like an exclusive thing. I mean, we ate lunch at Fox Sports restaurant together once after our disastrous San Diego Comic-Con appearance.

Oh, yeah. I remember that being good. Was it good? The Fox Sports restaurant? once after our disastrous San Diego Comic Con appearance. Oh, yeah. I remember that being good. Was it good? The Fox Sports restaurant? Yeah. I mean, we were hungry. Sure. Shame generates a lot of hunger.

That's true. Anyway, I hope to eat at the Discovery Channel restaurant sometime. Uh-huh. That doesn't exist. We'll see. Maybe it would be funny if there was another cable-themed. I only eat at the Ovation Network restaurant. Ooh, la la.

True TV has a food truck. I love that True TV food truck. Adam Conover works there. They make him drive it. I can't eat his food. He ruins everything. Just so you know, there's E. coli in this. He's a nice man.

We're on a video game chat thread together. No, he's great. Adam Conover is a peach. Brilliant guy. It's the name of the show, I was joking. Very funny. BoJack Horseman's... BoJack Horseman's own. Put this on, customer. There you go. He's a snazzy. He's a snazzier. He is a snazzier.

He's not Paul F. Tompkins snazzy quite. No, he's not as grand as Paul F. Tompkins because his hair is doing the work. His hair does a lot of the work. His hair comes in the room a second before he does and you're already charmed. It's pretty great. I want

to maybe bring this around to a past episode real quick. Thank you. Jesse, you regaled us with a lovely trip, or with a lovely tale, rather, of your trip to Legoland. Nick Adams has recently been to Legoland. Ooh la la. And I wanted to ask how you found it, and maybe we can compare your two experiences.

Had you been before? No, this is our maiden voyage to Legoland. Lots of highlights. One, Los Angeles Laker Kentavious Caldwell Pope was also at Legoland. Oh! I'm just saying. By himself or with children? Los Angeles Laker Contavious Caldwell Pope was also at Legoland. I'm just saying. By himself or with children? No, no, no.

With the whole Caldwell Pope family, like mom, kids. Contavious Jr. Contavious Caldwell Pope Jr. Contavia. George Foreman. He just named his kid George Foreman III. I just stole a 30 Rock joke. Tracy Morgan named his kid George Foreman the third um here's the I just stole a 30 rock joke Tracy Morgan named his kid

George Foreman did he? anyway I'm really sorry I'm sorry no they're fine it's a funny show I was doing a reference

everyone involved with that thing is a millionaire don't apologize okay um no uh the crazy thing about Legoland is that it's not for the kids

it's for the parents like they did like they put two hotels right at the entrance that is the smartest thing that anyone's ever done. What are you going to do? Be an idiot and go stay at some other hotel? Or stay in the hotel with Legos

in the hotel? Though that having been said, there might be another hotel in the area that's closer to Tip Top Meats. If you're meat centric, if you're doing your Lego trip meat centric, I can see why you might want to do that. You can just go to Tip Top Meats and point to a steak and they'll cook it for you.

I want to know about the Lego hotels. Are the fixtures made of Lego? Well, there's a Lego castle hotel, which is what we stayed at. So it's like Lego castle theme and there's the regular Lego hotel, which we didn't go in. But it's like the kids have a separate little area with a bunk bed and a TV and there's a treasure hunt for them to look and find special minifigures

and there's a slide in the lobby. It's just if you have a lobby slide. Shit man, that sounds fun. The whole experience is very minifigure centric. Yeah. I didn't know what a minifigure was. I call them minifigs just because I talk about them so much. That's the terminology.

The fans call them minifigs. I call them mm-figs. Sure. Well, how do people, how do you signify to someone how you're enjoying the fig that you're eating? I need an mm-fig dongle in order to use Pro Tools. Sure. This reminds me of the guy that I worked with who said, and I'm not shitting you, I thought this whole time I've been pronouncing it Mime.

The guy you worked with in the entertainment industry? He's been walking around every time he saw a meme saying to himself, what a hilarious Mime. I mean, that does have a certain likeness to it. Ba'e had me like. A Ba'e. lightness to it. Ba'e had me like. Ba'e. Ba'e. Ba'e.

When, yeah. Oh, Ba'e wants to Netflix in two. Did you visit Legoland's third rate aquarium? No, no. We stayed clear of all water related activities. That aquarium is just dire. Water-related activities. That aquarium is just dire.

It's like they took over my gym and just installed a jimboree with an octopus in it. Also, we have, right here at Long Beach, a fantastic aquarium. The Aquarium of the Pacific. Why are you knocking on it? I don't know they had a jingle. The Aquarium of the Pacific. Why are you knocking on? I don't know they had a jingle. The Aquarium of the Pacific. It's very catchy. I went to, last time I was at the Aquarium of the Pacific.

Wait, you were at the what? Aquarium of the Pacific. Thank you. K-O-F-Y-T-V-20. Stereo. I, last time when I went to the Long Beach Aquarium the Aquarium of the Pacific it was African American History Day at the Aquarium of the Pacific

which just meant there were just a few kind of like 65 year old African American vendors selling like metallic wall plaques of President Obama. It was a very unusual experience.

And another old man won an award for his traveling museum of African American history, which again, just metallic wall plaques of President Obama. Uh. What? What? just metallic wall plaques of President Obama? Is this how you teach African American history to a dolphin? Oh, yeah, sure. You operate on a sonoric level. This is one of those things where you just sort of shake your head

and shrug your shoulders and you just go, sure. Sure. What was the most impressive thing at Legoland? This is one of those things where you just sort of shake your head and shrug your shoulders and you just go, sure. Yeah. Sure. What was the most impressive thing at Legoland? Nothing comes to mind immediately. I mean, it was all great and good and fun and the kids were happy and, you know. When you have kids, you go to something like that and you immediately go, ah, okay, if we come again, we'll do it this way and that way and that way and it'll be even better. Well, my plan for the next time I go, I try and get there around 11, grab a quick lunch

at Tip Top Meats, then it's Legoland from noon to five, then back to Tip Top Meats for a quality schnitzel. You want to get there 10 a.m. Hit it hard. No big lines. Get all the crazy rides out of the way. Shop. Don't eat at Legoland.

Tip Top Meats. Food at Legoland is horrible. You got to get back to Tip Top Meats of Carlsbad, California. Do they have licensed stuff? Is there Star Wars stuff? Yeah, they got Marvel stuff. If you're really into Legoland, if you Do they have, like, licensed stuff? Like, is there Star Wars stuff? Yeah, they got Marvel stuff. Yeah, I mean, if you're really into Legoland.

If you're really into Legos, even if you're a dude and you're like, yo, I'm going to fucking go down there and just fucking blaze and do a day at Legoland and then go to Tip Top Meats. Like, yeah, I'm all in. Like, I'm not working right now. If I didn't have a wife and kids and shit and someone was like, you're trying to just hit Legoland, hard, first thing, and then go to Tip Top Meats and crash at a nice hotel

and then drive back in the morning, I would fucking do that. Shit, man. That sounds like a fun day. That sounds like a really fun day. Fun long weekend, maybe. Yeah. It's nice. Stretch it out.

Stretch it out. I would love to see two dudes in the pool at Legoland Hotel. Just chilling. Following the rules. Yep. Minding their own business, but no kids around at all. I would just love to see how that played out. They got like a swim up bar.

I don't, this is what I've always thought about Legoland, and I have not looked into this, but I remember when it first opened, some angry Lego adults that I know. And yes, I socialize with angry Lego adults. Hold on, so minifigure people? Minif. And yes, I socialize with angry Lego adults. Hold on, so minifigure people? Minifigs, yes. People who told me to call them minifigs. These are actually standard figs.

Yes, just figs. So the minifigs are about an inch and a half, two inches. Oh yes, I'm talking to figs who are enthusiastic about minifigs. Got it. So I was talking to these figs. And they told me that they did not allow adults without kids to go to Legoland. Now, I don't know if they've changed that.

But that was my assumption is that an unescorted adult. Listen, if you, like there are people that are like master builders that do this stuff you know like when you see these amazing there's not a little kids doing that shit you see like an amazing lego sculpture so you're gonna tell some guy who does that as a hobby and puts his videos on youtube and travels the world and meets other people he can't go to lego land and look at the mini city and the star i mean it's like if you like star wars and you live in Southern California, you just want to go to Legoland and see the mini Star Wars world. It's amazing. They have all of it.

Hoth, Tatooine. It's crazy. If you're really into Star Wars, you would absolutely want to see that. I've got a question for you guys. Yes. Is it about Hoth? Yeah. The ice planet Hoth.

Ice planet Hoth. A-T-A-T-S. Mm-hmm. At- planet Hoth. Ice planet Hoth. A-T-A-T's. Mm-hmm. At-ats. Yep. Here's my question. You know, there's these Lego- Tauntauns.

You got it. There's these Lego crafts people. Mm-hmm. Okay? Master builders. Master builders, they prefer to be called. Let's not make a joke about it.

I mean, they've earned that. They've earned that. Let's not make a joke about it. They've earned that. Yeah. Is it master builders? Isn't that some big head Jacob? That's not an Asian Islam. It's not an AGE thing.

I'm here. See, you have the 85% uncivilized. I'm here, the master builder, to teach you. So that's my question. A master builder to teach you. So that's my question. A master builder builds. We have multiple friends who have been recreated in Legos. Our friend Jonathan Colton. Almost certainly the McElroy brothers.

I haven't seen this, but I believe it. Safe assumption. I believe it in my heart. Do you believe that someone has just recreated that in private but not shared it at all? Yeah, for sexual reasons. Maybe we just don't know what hashtag to search. Yeah. Hashtag fuckable blocks.

So let's say, for the sake of argument, that a big fan of Jordan Jesse Go creates a life-size master builder level recreation of you. You, Nick Adams. You, Jordan Morris. What do you then do with that object? You can like... Hose it down after you find it.

You gotta keep it clean. You gotta go straight to the disinfectant. Don't just let it sit out, especially if it's outdoors. Then yes, straight to the disinfectant. Yeah. Don't just let it sit out, especially if it's outdoors. It'll get baked on. And yes, I am fucking it outdoors. I wanna get caught. So, I mean, I think I, what I,

and I don't mean this to be, this is not supposed to be a sexual joke, but you can lacquer your Legos, right? You can lacquer so if it stays. Permanent, yeah. So yeah, I mean, I guess you lacquer it. I think of it some amount of – In the entranceway, maybe in the – do you have a foyer? Yeah.

I mean, well, here's the thing. I would love to have a Lego version of me that I could fuck outdoors, but I don't have a ton of space. Right. So this is basically a human-sized thing. I mean, I do have a conversation pit, so I guess I could put it on one end of one of the couches. But that's where the cat likes to sit. Right.

So that's an issue. Or you know how you have that sunken bed area with the round bed? I don't have that, but sure, yes. I'll be yes and. You could, like, zip tie it to the mirror on the ceiling. Oh, yeah. No matter what, as soon as you lie down, you feel like you're fucking. Yeah.

And then when there's an earthquake, it can crush me. You don't want to be around post-quake. Nick, how about you? It's going to be ugly as shit. Someone issues you. Yeah, I should just die by my own Lego duplicate. You want to go quick, man. Yeah, right.

Like the zombie apocalypse. You don't want to have to do that thing where you duplicate. You want to go quick, man. Yeah, right. Like the zombie apocalypse. You don't want to have to do that thing where you have to shoot your mom because she got bit. Fuck. You want to get it early. Your brother's like, let's just kill her, dude. You're like, you've been wanting to say that forever. No, I think she got bit. All right.

Nick Adams. Someone creates a life-size Nick Adams out of Legos. What do you do with that? I didn't know you could. Yeah, you can lacquer your Legos. What do you do with that? I didn't know you could, like, yeah. Yeah, you can lacquer your Legos. You can lacquer your Legos. So if it was good, it's good. It's good.

Excellent. But, I mean, out of 10, it is a what? Out of 10, it's a what? I mean, it depends on what scale you're rating it on, right? Like, if you're rating it on the- I'm pretty sure I laid that out. Yeah. How good-

Overall legosity. If the question is how well crafted is this Lego representation of you. Yes. The answer is 9.5. However, let me just say if the answer is how attractive is a life-size Lego man. Well. I'm going to say three out of 10. Okay.

Pretty good. Here's my answer. If it's 8.9.5 out of overall attractiveness as a Lego sculpture, right, we're getting it lacquered and we're displaying it prominently in our home. Living? Conversation pit? We're pit free in our place. No pit. Yeah.

The city of L is weird. West Hollywood is cool about pits, but the city of LA is kind of a hassle. West Hollywood's great. Home of rent control. You can't declaw your cats. We're pit free, but we do have an entryway, maybe,

that would, you know, because my in-laws have a big huge grand foyer they have a fucking totem pole in their foyer and walk in you're like shit that's a for real totem pole your in-laws are native people we should explain sure but you could i mean that doesn't you could purchase a totem pole from a carver and display it prominently in your home as long as you're not native american like don't fucking put a Redskins jersey on it or anything. This totem pole is missing a little something. It's too reverent.

Yeah, let's just chief wahoo this up a little bit. I'm just gonna tape a cassette tape player, a walkman at the back that's playing a constant loop of the Tomahawk Chop song. Also, in my younger days, I was doing location scouting for someone for a music video.

And they were like, go out to this address. It's Snoop Dogg's house. And take pictures of it. Because we might want to shoot there. And it was way out in fucking Upland. Which, if you don't know Southern California, is like eight neighborhoods away from whatever is a far neighborhood away from Southern California. It's like crazy out in the desert. It's like crazy out in the desert.

And when you walk this house, there were two full-size, like, African warrior, like Maasai warrior statues on either side of the door. And I was like, holy fucking shit. And it wasn't like a giant mansion or anything, but I was like, you're at my house. My house now. You know what I mean? I felt like that's the biggest signifier of, like, I don't care what it is. It could be a mummy. It could like a chinese warrior just go to like a thrift store go to like a uh a state sale and find like a big statue a totem pole something and put it outside even if it's like a shitty apartment building just put it outside and chain it to the our friend i've been

to uh the former house of our friend Dana Gould which featured an enormous totem pole from the Planet of the Apes movie oh my god

that had it's own uplighting wow from the real yes oh shit yeah shit yeah I mean I went to

I've talked about this on the show before it was a couple years ago I went to Nicolas Cage's estate sale Nicolas Cage is not dead he just has tax problems right

so you could go to his house and buy his stuff he has a variety of problems but the estate sale. He just has tax problems. Right. So you could go to his house and buy his stuff. He has a variety of problems, but the estate sale specifically was targeted for tax problems. The hair. The hair. There's some wig issues. Some stuff going on. Wig choices.

He's got to just call Danson's guy. Just call Danson's guy. Call Danson's guy. I saw Danson in something. It looked great. You know what else? Call Danson's dance guy. Sure.

The man has moves. Yeah. Yeah. Acting know what else? Call Danson's dance guy. Sure. The man has moves. Yeah. Yeah. Acting guy. Weed guy. He's living life. He's so many good guys. Oh, the best guys.

Call Danson's guys. Call Mary Steenburgen. Yeah. She's great. Danson's guys. And Nicolas Cage did have a lot of haunted looking suits of armor. Just like basically before you go into a new room, a new haunted suit of armor loomed over you as if to say don't fuck with this house it belongs to nicholas cage if you're of european descent that's a great culturally specific and appropriate way to declare as nick said this

is my house sure yeah i'll give you a suit of armor you're a crazy rich guy. Wait, you have an extra one? No, no, I'm saying. This is a dad joke. You're a crazy rich guy. You have a big-ass mansion. I've been in a handful of houses that are that huge, and you're like, there's just space. You got to fill that shit up. I get it. Let's do coat of armor. There's a story behind this one.

It's really cool. I got it. Oh, cool. If you catch Nicolas Cage and he's drunk at his house, he'll tell you the story behind that coat of armor. Yeah. Second one? A third? Who would have needed enough?

Is this a different enough? I think that's why Nicolas Cage eventually started trading his coats of armor for dinosaurs. Yes. Right. Yes. Dinosaur skeletons. He also had an Egyptian throne. That would be nice.

I really wanted to make a bid for that, But I just, you know, I wasn't Listen, guys, I'm not making thrown money I'm not making thrown money At best, high back chair You can Purchase HBO independently of your parents That's true And watch them of thrown money

Yes, that is the closest I have to thrown money Is my own HBO Go password Now I will guilt free See what that guy did to that girl Yes, that is the closest I have to Thrones money is my own HBO Go password. Now I will guilt-free see what that guy did to that girl. I have basic cable, which I call Bones money. Oh, nice. You can watch Bones reruns. I'll rerun some Bones. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go.

It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nick, repeat Adam. We've got a new sponsor on this week's program, our friends at Mack Weldon. A premium men essentials brand that believes in smart design and premium fabrics. I'm wearing M-dubs right now. I got them on under my shorties.

Is that why you look so comfortable? Oh, I'm so comfy. I actually, I- I feel that premium blend of fabrics. I've got some M-dubs myself. No pilling, but a lot of softness. I also like a M-du fabrics. I've got some Mac dubs myself. No pilling, but a lot of softness. I also like a Mac dubs. I love them. I'm actually, I'm also wearing Mac Weldon no-show socks right now.

Oh, nice. Yeah, under my Adidas brand sneakers. I got a Mac Weldon pullover sweatshirt that I rocked all weekend at Mac's Fun Con, and I really love it. Feel cozy? Very cozy. Look good? Looks good. Fits nice. I love love it. Feel cozy? Very cozy. Look good? Looks good. Fits nice.

I love this thing. They actually have, they have all these, they have a variety of different lines of underpants. I like the one with a little bit

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macweldon.com. They want you to be so comfortable. If you don't like your first pair, you can keep it, and they will still refund you. They don't need you to send it back to them. No, we don't need that. At that point, there's nothing they can do with it. Sure, yes. Because as you mentioned before, daddy's steak. Transaction is over once you put on the other pair. No, we don't need that. At that point, there's nothing they can do with it. Sure, yes. Because as you mentioned before,

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If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, on Jordan, Jesse, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. We will share your message with the world. And if you want to advertise on Jordan, Jesse, go. You can hit up. Let's go ahead and hit up Kira, K-I-R-A at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Don't like that voice. Yeah, neither do I. That's a fun one. Why did it come out of my mouth? I don't know. Are you haunted now? Yes. Well, that explains it.

This is a ghost's voice. Okay, some sort of spirit has entered your body. Hi, I'm a ghost from 1962. I was a panelist on a game show. And how'd you die? Groucho Marx killed me. Oh, wow. Backstage. Wow, this is

and you're choosing I bet my life and I lost. You're choosing this podcast to come out and tell the truth about murderer Groucho Marxx i tried to get on dough boys but gillian jacobs beat me to it yeah no i get it you know from the writers of 42 she's friends with mitch from the set of love yeah i mean i'm ghost i'm well hey we're happy to welcome you on the show to tell the truth

about groucho marx sorry i just got a text that says I'm invited on all fantasy everything. Gotta go. Man, fuck, we can't even book a good ghost. Sucks. Jordan, what's your name? Oh, Jordan Morse, boy detective. Nick, repeat Adams. Can I tell you something? We picked the hash for Bubble

which by the way is our new sci-fi comedy action podcast written by Jordan Morris with help from Nick Adams and a beautiful team of hilarious writers many of whom you know from Jordan and Jesse I believe the logline we're going with is Buffy the Vampire Slayer

meets Sherman Hemsley's Amen. That's true. Right? Two really rabid fan groups. If you're a fan of the, I believe, late 80s, mid to late 80s sitcom, Amen, about a lovable but cantankerous church deacon played by Sherman Hemsley there's a little bit of that in Bubble I actually I have been

pitching it as it's an homage it's a riff yeah the spirit of it is in there yeah it's like Ready Player One

I had been pitching it as Frasier meets the Tortellis but that was before you had read it yeah and we're just Jesse

name his year's spinoff Jesse is desperate for a Frasier-Tortellis still. No, I think we all are. Yeah, America was robbed. We were robbed. Yes, why won't the two Cheers spinoffs join forces? Oh, boss.

Wasn't that his show? Kelsey Grammer's boss. Oh, boss. You guys don't even remember this. I've actually been, it's funny that you mentioned boss. Kelsey Graham has had like five shows in the past two years. I've actually, I went to. I had a meeting with Brian

Grazer yesterday and I told him he likes to have lunch with people he admires. Sure. So anyway, I broke in on his lunch with, let's say. Deepak Chopra. What's that stars guy that doesn't like all the movies? The critic?

No, no, no. Albrecht? The guy who looks at stars, but he doesn't like movies. Oh, Neil deGrasse Tyson. Yeah. He was having lunch with Neil deGrasse Tyson. I stopped by and let Brian Grazer know that he should check out our script.

It's boss meets bosh. That's what I told him. And it's pronounced. Boss-ish. Boss. Bosh. Wait, isn't that bosh? No, it's boss.

Bosh. So we decided on the hashtag bubble show to promote bubble. And by the way, I'd love to. We're looking forward to seeing your fan art. We want to see your tweets, your thoughts about the show. No, no fan art. There's no visuals here. Fan sounds.

You have to make fan sounds and send in fan sounds. Yeah, record us your favorite noises. What sound do you think the characters make? And literally the day, and I'm not going to lie, I had advocated for bubble pod. I didn't want any confusion. Literally the day that we decided on Bubble Show, guess what happened at my son's preschool? A bubble show. Yeah, a bubble show.

Yes, this is a hashtag people use for a popular kind of children's party entertainment, which is like a clown or a fairy princess coming and doing some sort of bubble, like soap bubble based performance. Yeah. Which, by the way, in my experience, kids are usually too freaked the fuck out to really enjoy. Has that been your experience? My son was placed inside of a bubble and he loved it. Okay. My daughter was just very much like, I don't know what the fuck is happening. I'm just going to stand still until this is over.

But you know what? Right. Because bubbles, their vision is over. But you know what? Right. Because Bubbles, their vision is like that of a T-Rex. If you don't move, they can't see you. As a black man in America, I have to raise my children to be skeptical of white society at all times. Some white lady just going to encase me in bubbles? I don't know her. No, sure.

I think that's a fair assumption. Perfect example of hegemony. That's how they get you. I mean, that's just my, I mean, that's my, I mean, I'm going to acknowledge, go ahead and acknowledge my white privilege. I mean, I just went around letting any adult encase me in anything, and I never had to worry. That's what I'm talking about. So I don't know what it's like to be suspicious of an adult who wants to put me in something. With a wand.

With a wand. Pretty much any grown up with a wand. to put me in something. With a wand. With a wand. Pretty much, and he'd grown up with a wand. Your daughter popped the ball, which is known as

an anti-hegemonic practice. They popped it around her. It was kind of cool. She's a Gramscian organic intellectual. She's woke. But yeah, well, hey, speaking of the hashtag,

it's been really, really cool. There's been a ton of people doing great tweets and suggestions and stuff about the show. It really, really helps it. And thanks. I've really, really loved getting on that hashtag and checking people out. Erotic fan fiction. Erotic fan fiction.

You heard the man. That's what we want, guys. You heard the man. That's an order. Can I tell you what I was, you know, I went with the nickname the Sammy Man. But I thought about going with the Lift King. I'll tell you why. Went to Chicago, Illinois to go do Judge John Hodgman. Right. Had a hell of a time. I bet.

Great city. Yeah. Three weeks out of the year. I bet. Great city. Yeah. Three weeks out of the year, probably the greatest city in the world. The city of brotherly love. You got it. Sure. Yeah. Phoenix, Arizona, as it's known.

Went to Chicago. Had a great time in Chicago. We had two great shows in Chicago. Flew home. And I'm at the Los Angeles International Airport. Now, what are you going to do if you need to get home from Los Angeles International Airport? You're going to call yourself a rideshare service. Call myself a rideshare service on my telephone.

And the thing is, it's 445 in the afternoon on a weekday. I'm 30 miles from my home. Just FYI to the listeners, that means you're in the ninth circle of hell. Yeah. And Los Angeles International Airport is a truly spectacularly bad airport. It's the worst. Like a truly horrible airport. It is always under construction, too.

Yes. Yeah. Like maybe when it's finished, it'll be good, but I have never known it to be finished. That will never happen. Yeah. By the time they finish whatever it is, the original, the other part is going to be shit. It's like the Winchester Mystery House. There's just an insane

widow rattling around making hallways that go to nowhere or to a Cinnabon where no one is working. Leaks. Leaks randomly. So I look at my phone. You know, you order your thing and it tells you what kind of car is coming for you. Shows you a little picture of it., shows you a little picture of the driver.

Yeah. So you guys know me. I'm a racist. Yes. I really only see ethnicity. Oh. You know how some people say, I don't see color? Right.

I exclusively see color. Okay. So I'm looking at my phone. I'm seeing, okay, it's going to be a white Prius with an Asian American man who has glasses. Okay. So I'm looking at my phone. I'm seeing, okay, it's going to be a white Prius with an Asian American man who has glasses. Okay. Seven minute estimate, right? Seven minutes later, pretty good. White Prius pulls up. Asian man with glasses gets out. I'm like, I'm rock solid. He says, are you Jesse? I said, yes, sir. Let's get going. Load my luggage in, hop in the pre. We're rolling out.

Okay. Estimate, one hour and ten minutes. This is not going to be a short lift ride. But, you know, you're trying to cross all of Los Angeles during rush hour. I, you know, I'll take what I can get. Get on some one of these weird freeways that I'm only ever on to go to the airport. The 608. Sure.

Exactly. I don't know what this is. Just a pie symbol? Yeah. Just take that one down. Drive that. Take the pie symbol down to Alabaster and then you get off at the 49. Yeah, you're going to want to transfer over to greater than.

You got a meeting at Northrop Grumman. You want to get on the pie. Oh, you got to take the no-grow. I've been in this car for an hour. I'm very friendly with the driver. I like to sit in the front seat. Okay. You guys backseat sitters or front seat sitters?

Backseat. Discourage all contact. Yeah, I backseat and I try and politely do a little bit of chatting, but also kind of trying to signal that I do not want to. I am a man of the people 99% of my life until I get into a ride to your service and I become the most high minded. Boy, boy, silence boy. Do not speak to me about your upcoming improv show. Please, boy.

Smooth jazz only. Coming improv show. Please, boy. Smooth jazz only. I will always get in the front seat, and I cannot say that it is because I want to interact with the driver necessarily. Well, sometimes I will interact with the driver. Yeah. It's occasionally nice.

It is mostly because I am a big man, and I'm more comfortable in the front seat. You need a big cereal. Yeah, exactly. I need a deodorant that's strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for a woman. The leg room in the backseat of the Pre, pretty solid. I know, but I also don't like, I'll get a little bit of motion sickness.

I get hot. Yeah, you don't get the same AC circulation. The one innovation that I really had come to rely upon with the ride sharing service versus the taxi cab was that in a taxi cab, it would always be 100 degrees outside. And so the cabbies just got all the windows cracked. And you're like, come on, this is not working. Just close- Just close them up.

But you don't want to complain because he's going to turn on you. I thought that the ride share service had solved that. And then in the last six months, I feel like I've only gotten into ride shares where it's 106 degrees and the windows are cracked. Here's the thing about ride shares. I'm old enough and I've been following basketball enough that people complain about different eras or compare different eras. And there's the math of it all. There are guys in the NBA now who weren't good enough to be in the NBA in the 80s because they expanded the league.

That's just the math. There are dozens of guys who just weren't good enough, and now they're good enough, right? You start to have all these rideshare services. There's a lot of people who, you're not a good driver. You're not good enough to make a living driving people around. If you were, you'd be a cabbie or a limo driver, you know, know the city. This is expansion baseball.

You're talking about the Houston Colt 45s. This is some double A shit we're having right now. So. They can't drive. They don't know how to fucking drive. They don't know the city. It's an hour into our drive. We're in one of the many cities of southern california that i cannot correctly

identify or identify where it is or what it is i think out to carson i'm was about to say where are you at commerce commerce now city of industry ran out of names couldn't even be bothered to find a great person in our city's southern california past red city of industry literally we were in commerce. And I'm like, why did we get off the freeway in commerce? This seems weird. I look over at his telephone. It says, now riding, Jeffrey.

So I'm like, hey, where are we headed to? And he's like, we're almost here. We're already in commerce. We're almost to Casino Morongo. Yeah. I'm like, oh, no. I'm going to Mount Washington. I don't even know what commerce is.

I was in. So luckily by then, thank God I had made friends with this man. Very nice older Korean guy. Thank God you were already gonna pay this guy money right i i was like uh hey uh i'm jesse not jeffrey and uh i was i was in the car and i'm not fucking shitting you for two hours two hours you guys must have really bonded. So just the-

I bonded with the scene in the previous, I'll tell you that much. So he calls an audible in Carson, and then from Carson to your place was another hour. Well, I opened my app. He opens his app and texts and says, you're not in my car, why is this still on? I opened my app, and somebody is in my car car driving around, been driving around for an hour and 20 minutes.

As you. As me, pretending to be me. We finally, so I'm like, hey, listen, I'm not trying to be rude, but I would really love to stop at a gas station and get some water. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, I need gas too. We've been driving around for an hour and a half. So we stopped at the gas station. I got some water.

I offered him to get him a beverage. He declined. And we reprogrammed, and 35 minutes later we were back at my house, and I just gave him a handful of $20 bills. I was like, I don't know what the answer to this is. I was like, I don't want this guy to, like on the one hand, I've been in this car for two hours and it was a horrible nightmare.

On the other hand, nobody's fault. You know, not his fault he speaks English with a heavy accent and Jeffrey sounds the same as Jesse. Not my fault that I'm a racist who believes all Asian American people look the same and I didn't check the license plate. But yeah, like plate. Was it Jeffrey with a G?

What's crazy is what's weird about it, the one part where I blame somebody is it does show a picture of me to him. When he saw the picture of that colorful cartoon giraffe, he should have known I'm not Jeffrey. Maybe he only

saw the neck. Yeah. I could have grown a beard. I don't even wait for any sort of verification. I just jump in the back and start buckling up. I don't even look at it. What I have run into as a Prius owner is that people

think when... Everyone just assumes when you stop, you are their lift and I feel like I have been at stop signs a number of times and will just feel a yank on my door and it's just someone who is kind of drunk who saw me at a stop sign and just assumed that because I'm a Prius that kind of was stopping that

I was their car I believe this is a big problem for our friend Hari Kondabolu's dad I believe that was a bit in his act at one point that just his dad, just anytime he comes to pick up Hari at the airport, four people try and get into his car. Sure. It's the Prius owner's dilemma.

Yeah. It's a classic problem. Anyway. It's tough. Hard out there for a Prius owner. It was a tough two hours in that Prius, but I made it through. Yeah. And I'm here for you guys.

Hey, well, thank you. Would you rate this? Do you have five stars all around for everybody? Hey, me and my friend, the Prius driver, we were basically, he actually asked me to be the best man in his recommitment ceremony to his wife. Oh, that's amazing. That's really nice. Which I declined. Good for them. Yeah. But still happy for them. That's really nice. Which I declined. Good for them.

Yeah. But still happy for them. I just got stopped. You're the help. But I'm going to get- Don't be ridiculous. You work for me. Don't think you're people.

I sent him an ice cream maker. Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah. But the other person got a free ride on your dime, right? So the phone charged me $75, but I went ahead and complained. And you know how it goes. They took it back.

They gave me back my $75 real quick. It seems like that person probably corrected pretty quickly and just went straight to Carson then, right? Yeah. I think the person who got into my car, I think Jeffrey got into the Jesse car and rolled on out to Dominguez Hills or whatever. And yeah, just went ahead and took advantage. I texted, I've spent like 10 minutes on my phone trying to find the button for I am not in the car that is in the little picture on this phone.

They didn't care. Yeah, that is the hard part of those apps is that they're only like pre-planned. You cannot actually say what's going on if it's not part of one of their like pre-emptive problems. Yeah. Oh, we didn't know you guys were going to be stupid in this way. Yeah. Sorry. We're finding new ways to fuck this up.

I ended up just to get the attention of customer care. I ended up just pressing the button that says, I think my driver may want to unionize. Oh, immediately. Yeah, you get somebody on the phone real quick. Anyway, when something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN. Here's our first call. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse.

Hey, guest. So I'm working outside of Cleveland, Ohio, and I paid for a week at my hotel, which is $220. And that was really terrible, so I decided to move out and they only offered me $90 back so I took it went to go get all my stuff out of the room and I found a vibrator laying right next to my bed that I guess is there all night so I left I told him at the front desk what happened they started laughing and said all it must have been Deborah's So then I get in my car I drive to the next hotel when it's day at and I get pulled over for speeding on the Ohio Turnpike

And the first thing I tell the officer is I'm sorry. I just found a dildo laying on my bed at the hotel I was staying at and he said oh, I totally sorry, I just found a dildo laying on my bed at the hotel I was staying at. And he said, oh, I totally understand. Just slow it down. Yeah. That must have been Debra's? Do they just have an employee that masturbates in all of the rooms and they're okay with it?

Haven't you ever seen Debbie Does Cleveland? I guess I haven't. Sounds pretty hot. Deborah's great. Deborah's such a cool lady. Very sex positive. That's nice. And she also puts a little mint under your pillow. I was just, that whole

time, I was just hoping he was going to end that story with it. And the cop goes, just shakes his head and goes, Deborah. I know. Call her when you tell that story to friends. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Have the cop say, fucking Deborah. And then just go, be safe out there, okay? Slow down. Be safe out there, yeah. Classic example of driving while Deborah. Good punch up. Yeah, I was trying to think of a way that maybe she was using a dildo for her just cleaning. Like the cleaning lady just has her little supply cart and she has a dildo on there and she uses it to...

Yeah, maybe if there's like, you know, soap scum on the shower and, you know, you... Use percussion to... Yeah, I can use the waves from the vibrator to kind of chip away at some of the stuff that's built up. Calcium deposits on a nozzle. When I'm cleaning the bathrooms, I want to listen to my podcasts. And I can't leave my phone on the counter because I'm cleaning and it gets wet.

So I slam the dildo into the window with a suction cup. Place my phone up. And then I listen to my podcast. This is a very specific product. Now Jordan, have you ever seen those toothbrushes? There's a little chip inside that vibrates a pop song into your teeth? No, this isn't-

Yeah, it's a popular product. Is this actually a product or are we doing a bit? No, real product. It's like got a little Justin Bieber song in there. And when you touch it to your teeth, it vibrates it directly into your head. Can you change out the song? No. Okay.

Is this pre-programmed? Yeah, this is a- One use only? How many uses? I think a standard number of AAA battery powered. I would love to build a vibrator like that that plays Jordan Jesse Go. Right, yeah. That's what I'm saying.

I mean, it'd save a lot of time if you can listen to the podcast while you- If it just shoots Jordan Jesse Go directly into the clitoris. Or wherever you're sticking it. Yeah, coming live to your cervix. Jordan, Jesse, go. That'd be a lot of fun. I mean, it seems like there should at least be a podcast version of this thing. I'm going to tell you the story

of how you were conceived. Ew, mom, gross! I do want to mention one thing, though. Please. If you're out there and you're already working up the design, please remember to flare the bass. You've got to flare the bass. Please. Without a bass, without a trace.

Please. I don't want to get lost up in somewhere, because I consider that me when I'm speaking. Yeah. So my spirit is within everyone who- All the guys who downloads this show. The official design of the Jordan-Jesse-Go-Dodo is going to have curly hair at the tip. I imagine there's some extra stimulation there.

Probably reach some crevasses. Can I suggest a slogan for Jordan-Jesse Go? Sure. All your flared base are belong to us. I mean, might as well, huh? Very memetic. Very memetic. Okay, let's take another call.

Hello, Jordan. Hello, call. Hello, Jordan. Hello, Jeffy. Hello, guests. I'm going to get one of the excellent cast of Bubble. I have a memetic occasion. I was just clearing out some brush in my backyard with that chainsaw, and I was walking through the backyard, and I had a dispute with my neighbor where he keeps throwing stuff into my backyard,

and I've been fighting, with my neighbor where he keeps throwing stuff into my backyard and I've been fighting, yell fighting with him about it. And I get to the backyard and I see that he's done it again and I have the chainsaw running and I scream, fucking, motherfucking asshole while revving the chainsaw at full rev.

And I look over and there's eight couples looking at me because they're having an open house and he's selling the house and moving. That was pretty funny. Love you guys. Love you. Bye-bye.

Love you too, little buddy. You stinker, you. We almost had someone randomly guessing the guest. We've been looking for that. We've been looking for that person who says, hello, Jordan, Jesse, and, and then they say the name of the person who was actually on. Yeah. Very cool.

I mean, he had a very general guest. Bubble has a big cast. Yeah. A big star-filled cast. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and- Allison Becker from Parks and Recreation. She look cool. Got Allison Becker from Parks and Recreation.

We sure do. Got Eliza Skinner from Drop the Mic and the Late Late Show. That's right. Got Mike Mitchell from the Doughboys and Love. You got Keith Powell. Yeah, that's Tuva from 30 Rock. Sure. That show, a joke I stole from earlier.

Yeah. A show so good, you inadvertently steal their jokes. You got Cristela Alonso from the sitcom Cristela. Voice in Cars 3. Yeah. She's in Cars 3. They don't just let you have a show with your name in it. They don't just do that.

Nope. You got to be good. Rare. Got to bring something to the table. Yeah. She's in Cars 3. They don't just let you have a show with your name in it. They don't just do that. Nope. You got to be good. Rare. Got to bring something to the table. Yeah. Rob Corddry. Paul F. Tompkins.

Judy Greer. Yeah. John Hodgman. Jonathan Colton. All three McElroys. All three of them, baby. Tawny Newsome from Spontanea Nation. Tawny Newsome.

What a treasure. Okay. We've listed the cast. What was this guy talking about He had a chainsaw Yeah he had a chainsaw I thought that was fun He's set up though That those people

Are never gonna fuck with him Ever Yeah He can't speak to them Yeah What if one of them Buys the house Cause it's a bargain

It's like buying a haunted house Well but what's gonna happen Is someone's gonna buy that place I'm sure it's a lovely home The market is what it is Sure Yeah don't tell me About the market They're gonna buy sure you don't tell me about the

they're gonna buy that house and everybody fucking chainsaw guys next door he they're gonna be afraid of him so they're never gonna complain they're never gonna make too much noise they're gonna be terrified all he has to do is never speak because I'm assuming this guy's like just a nice run-of-the-mill you know lovely human being if he ever talks to them they're gonna realize he's not a scary guy so he has has the perfect scenario. He just can never talk to his neighbors. You know what you've got to watch out for. That's what you want. Ideally. I'm a homeowner. I know what you've got to watch out for in a

neighbor. Elderly Scientologist lady. That's a concern. She's a lioness. Don't cross her. Lioness. She gave me a call. I'm a lioness. Don't cross me. We should say that's something, Jesse. Neighbor actually said to me, I'm a lioness. Don't cross me. We should say that's something, Jesse. That's something she said to you.

They were actually said to me. I'm a lioness. Don't cross me. I'm a lioness. Well, to be fair, you were crossing her, though. Yeah, did you cross her? What sort of energy were you putting in there? I had assumed she was a lion-er.

Oh, okay. Yeah, or a lion-o. You don't understand that. From Thundercats? Yeah. Sure. Yeah, you misheard her. Yeah. She's a lion-o. Well, my wife is. Or Lion-O. You don't understand that. Thundercats? Yeah. Sure. Yeah, you misheard her. Yeah.

She's a Lion-O. Well, my wife is a real chitara. She is the number 250 plus Lion-O cosplayer on the circuit. Yeah. There's a lady in Tacoma that really nails it. I mean, she is really a sight to behold. I mean, her cheekbones give her an unfair advantage. It's a natural in Tacoma that really- She just nails it. I mean, she is really a sight to behold. I mean, her cheekbones give her an unfair advantage. It's a natural gift.

She's sort of a natural lioness. And her sideburns. My neighbors don't respect me because I'm a mum-ra cosplay. I'm Mossman. Is that from Thundercats? No, that's from Masters of the Universe. Oh, okay. Masters of the Universe had some bad villains.

I'm the guy with the metal neck that extends up. Oh, Mecha Neck. Mecha Neck. Oh, what a bad show. Oh, you know it's bad when you're a little kid and you're just like, guys, I have some pitches. I got some. This is the first thought.

What I'm thinking is you take a man and you cover him in moss. And then what are we going to call him, Morty? Well, I've got to knock off for the day. I can't. Hold on, hold on. Can we table this? I've got to pick up my kids. Okay.

My first thought is. It's almost lunchtime. Let's just name the mossy guy. My first thought is Clover King. Well, that doesn't make sense. You said you started with the moss. I should be going A to C. Hey, guys.

You started with moss and now you're in clover. Hold on. Put the menus away. Put the menus away. Guys, I want to get that big sub. Can we just say Mossman and go to lunch? Mossman is fine. Are we all fine with moss?

Can we live with Mossman? That's all we needed was a name. Next question. The Six Foot Club? After lunch. We're going with the Six Foot Club? After lunch. We can't do that now.

After lunch. No, I'm talking about lunch. It's hard to name. I thought that was a new one. It's confusing. We're trying to name He-Man's new weapons. I thought that was a new guy. I don't know.

I'm trying to order a sandwich here. Is it any dumber than Mechaneck? It's rough. We got to eat. This is what happens when you don't eat. 206-984-4FUN. Or just record a voice memo and email it to us. JJ, go at Maxim maximumfun.org.

Let's hear those fan noises. I'd love to hear some good fan noises. I can't fall asleep without fan noises. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la hip town, the kind with great coffee, lots of dog parks, you're going to need a side hustle. In Brooklyn, maybe you drive rideshare. In Fairhaven, it's more like... Well, it's more like...

Well, it's more like slaying psychic beasts with your custom-balanced throwing knives. Hey, are you from Hunter? I guess so. Hold on, I have to ask you some stuff. Are you hurt? No. Do you feel yourself developing strange powers?

I mean, it's all a ghost wants. Okay, I'm going to put down no. Okay. So, you're having some sort of monster issue. Oh, um, it's like a pod, I guess? Um, here it is. Is that what you call it? Like a pod? Yeah,

pod works. Oh, it's opening! Morgan leaps back and positions the metal spear she's been carrying on her back. She points it towards the bug, which swipes the spear away just as an electrical bolt fires from the tip. It hits the gate to a petting zoo

and a bunch of baby goats come streaming out. Can we just take a moment to appreciate how cute this is? It's great. I hope someone's filming it. Oh my God. Just love baby goats.

Bubble, the sci-fi comedy from MaximumFun.org. Just open your podcast app and search for Bubble. Hey, everybody. Hal Lublin and Mark Gagliardi from We Got This here to talk about our upcoming live shows. Why don't you tell everybody the details about our show in Philadelphia? Sure. Here's what you're going to do.

You're going to go down to Philadelphia Improv Theater, okay? I'm going to do it on Saturday, June 23rd, okay? There are two shows. One is a 5 o'clock show. There's an 8 o'clock show. At an 8 o'clock show, you can get a VIP ticket and hang out with us at 7 p.m. for like a whole hour. We'll sign something for you.

You can hang out. You can talk to us. And then come see a show. Both shows are going to be completely different, though. Both shows? Both shows are going to be different. I sounded like a British actor trying to do a Philadelphia accent. You can look up Philadelphia Podcast Festival.

You can look that up and get tickets there. Or you can go to Philadelphia Improv Theater to the Phit Theater, P-H-I-T, and you can get tickets there. Improv Theater to the Fit Theater, P-H-I-T, and you can get tickets there. Or you can just go direct at fit.ly forward slash we got Philly 2018. That's W-E-G-O-T-P-H-I-L-L-Y-2-0-1-8. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Nick Repeat Adams.

I want to thank everybody involved in the production of Bubble. I especially want to point out our producer Ben Walker, our producer Julia Smith, who've been working so hard. Absolutely. And I want to say this, Jordan. We had, as we record this, just last night, we had the premiere of Bubble.

And here in Los Angeles at the Dynasty Typewriter at the Hayworth. John Hamm was there. John Hamm was there. I believe, did I see John Krasinski and Emily Blunt? They were there? I think they were. I didn't get a chance to talk to them.

I did. I saw John Hamm six days ago. I went to a thing. I went to a thing. Paul Feig invited me to a tailoring related event. And I was like, I can't miss this. Went there. God, there's Hambone.

Right there in front of me. He's doing comedy now. Clear as day. He's doing comedy. Great, that's what we needed. That's what we need is good looking guys being funny. Can I offer you an insight about Jon Hamm? Very handsome man.

Interesting, I'll look into that. He looked well. Yes. He looked good. Easy on the eyes. Yeah, it was a nice, smooth, easy situation. What are we talking about?

We're thanking people who are involved in Bubbles. I just wanted to say that you guys did a Q&A. It was a fucking delight. There was a live reading with almost the full cast. Almost everybody made it. Tavi Gevinson obviously lives in New York. Some delightful ringers. Mark Gagliardi came in and killed it.

Talk about delightful ringers. Yeah, Rob Hubel was on an airplane. He can't be there. That's true. Gagliardi can do it. We just think Gagliardi is in the actual series. Yeah. Not as the character he played last night.

But you're going to hear Gagliardi throughout the run of the show because he's so versatile. He's sort of a running gag. Yeah. Gagliardi. Yeah. That was a real fucking hoot, Jordan. Thank you for doing that. I had such a great time at that fucking thing.

Yeah, it was a blast. And yeah, people have been really, really cool about Bubble so far. Definitely everybody who came to that event and people who are chatting about it online. We really appreciate it. We took wire service photos. There you go. Photos for the wire service. That's something our publicist, Emily, she's like, you're going to want to take some photos for the wire service.

Get yourself a standee. You're just like, yep. What is it? Of course. Yes, that is something we should do. That definitely is something I know. Yes. I know what that is.

Step and repeat. Step and repeat. But yeah, it's been so fun so far. Thank you to everybody who's been checking out Bubble. Yeah, we worked hard on it, and we like it. Yeah. Thanks to everybody who's checked it out. Thanks Yeah, we worked hard on it, and we like it. Yeah. Thanks to everybody who's checked it out. Thanks to everybody who shared it with somebody.

Thanks to everybody who's been writing about it, reviewing it in Apple Podcasts, clicking on it here and there, here, there, and everywhere. It means so much to us. Thank you very, very much. Nick, what a joy it's been to have you here. Always a pleasure. And what a joy it's been to have your help with our new hit podcast. It was really fun, man.

It's amazing to see this thing flower and grow and see all these really talented people see what I saw in it, what you guys saw in it, and how big of a world it could be. I was at that premiere, and I said to – I'm sitting there in the audience with our friend Steve Agee. He's great. Also in the show in a future episode. Yeah, nice enough to come out to the premiere. You know why? All class. Sitting there with the great Steve Agee.

I'm looking up at that stage. I see my friends Jordan and Nick. I think, hey, there's my buddy from college and my buddy from college from an internet message board. I've known those guys for 20 years. A long time. 20 years I've known those guys. Now we have our own show. Yeah. Good for us. I was known those guys for 20 years. Long time. 20 years I've known those guys. Now we have our own show.

Yeah. Good for us. I was very excited about it. It was a real heartwarming situation. Yeah. Man, so great to work with you on Bubble Nick. You're one of the funniest guys around, and your storytelling expertise was really, really appreciated.

You know what I always like to say, Jordan? At the end of the day, when it all comes down to it, when the rubber hits the road, we're just storytellers. Sure. Just a bunch of cavemen sitting around a fire. Drawn on a wall. We like the narrative. Pissing on the embers. Leaving no trace.

Sure. Flaring the base. Flaring the base. Is that the first critic? Yeah. We're just the... Great Hunt had third act problems. Is that the first critic? Yeah. Great Hunt had third act problems.

Don't recap the whole thing. Jesus. Whoa, spoilers. Wooly Mammoth must save Cat. Oh, sure, yeah. By Cat, I mean Sabertooth Tiger. Which is only Cat we are aware of. We will meet Cats later and domesticate them.

This story do good. You should learn from my story how to tell story. I speak English pretty good for cavemen. But bad for English speaker. I'm just Frankenstein. Trust me. Broken English better than subtitles. People know

like me. People know like Green. No, people know like me. Seems highfalutin. Seem foreign. Yeah, better for broken English. Even when we talk to people whose language we share, we should speak bad English to one another. We should have dubbed part of second act that takes place in Land of Ugg. Yeah.

You know how it is. of second act that takes place in land of Ugg. Yeah. You know how it is. Did the whole thing in Uggish. Did the whole thing in Uggish with subtitles. Don't even have written language at the time. Sure. It's going to be a problem. Yeah.

Okay. Our producer is Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. You can join us on the internet. MaximumFun.reddit.com Like Jordan Jesse Go on Facebook. On Twitter at Nick Adams Web, at Jesse Thorne, at Jordan underscore Morris. And with the hashtag Bubble Show, which is the perfect place to share all your soapiest adventures. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Jesse Goff.