Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 538: Shrekspositive with Steve Agee

Episode Date: July 3, 2018

Actor, comedian, and photographer Steve Agee joins Jordan and Jesse to discuss Jesse's ultimate businessman power move of flying to San Francisco for lunch, Jordan's arsenal of activities that keep his fear of being bored on a plane at bay, and Jesse's experience finding the power within himself after learning how to take a nap. Also: Steve is in an upcoming episode of BUBBLE! Listen to BUBBLE today! Episode Three is out now! Subscribe on iTunes! Or use this feed for your other podcatcher needs: https://maximumfun.org/feeds/bubble.xml

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jet Set and Jesse Thorne. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, I hate to start the show with a brag. Well, I mean, apparently you're going to tell a tale of Jet Setting. Yeah. Jordan Morris, stationary shut in.

I flew somewhere for lunch today. Oh. Today, earlier on this very day, I flew to San Francisco, had lunch, and flew back. For a good reason? Yes. I should explain. Yes. It was for a good reason.

Yes. Please explain. Don't let that for a good reason. Yes. Please explain. Don't let that hang and make everyone hate us. We are a donor-supported podcast network. Sure, yeah. Well, so my daughter spent the last two weeks at a summer camp, a day camp in the Bay Area called Rainbow Day Camp, which is for all kids, but particularly for gender nonconforming kids.

So the first week, my wife and my sons went up there with her and they got an Airbnb and they spent the week up there. And Oscar, my four-year-old, went to the day camp too and they all had a great time, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then on Thursday of that week, I flew up and joined them. And then Teresa and Oscar and Curtis and I drove back down to L.A. so that I could work this week. And Grace stayed up there with my wife's parents and my mom. So we had to get her back here.

And she's a little too young to fly as an unaccompanied minor. So we realized the best way to manage this was for me to do the ultimate businessman power move and fly somewhere than just fly back. Nice. And how are you feeling? Terrible. Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. Flying is horrible. Sure. I don't mind. Let's introduce our guest. I would love to. Our guest on the program, of course, one of the most beloved Jordan Jessico guests. Wow.

We actually planned to have him here this time. Weeks ahead of time. He is a film star. He's a stand-up comedy celebrity. And of course, he's probably best known as a guest star on the hit podcast Bubble. Right. In an episode that hasn't come out yet, Steve Agee.

Thank you. Hi, Steve. Wow. That's a day for you, man. Yeah, so here's the thing about flying. I'm not afraid of flying. No. I went through a brief afraid of flying period.

Me too. Where I just, it was like, it was sort of that feeling that you get when you realize your own mortality. And then you have to refocus on shunting it away. I, as a man of no faith, go through that occasionally. You know, I just suddenly, why am I ill? Oh, yes, because I'm going to die someday. But I had that feeling for a couple of plane flights where there would be moments where I'd be like,

nothing's holding this plane up. Planes aren't real. I'm going to die of this. Steve, was that yours too? I had a decade of plane fear where I did not fly. Really? I had a panic attack. fear where I did not fly. Really? I had a panic attack. John Madden style?

Yeah. I had a panic attack on a flight from Sacramento to Burbank, which is maybe 40 minutes. Had a panic attack. Like to the world's two mildest airports, too. Which was not even related. Speaking, by the way, speaking of the jet set. Yeah. Burbank to Sacramento.

It's the classic jet set route. Oh, yeah, yeah. Southwest. Yeah. Only way to go. And it was. You're a plane full of state legislators. Yeah.

There's no boarding group like boarding group C. Am I right, fellas? C, C, C, C. This was like 95 or, yeah, like 95 or 96. And I had a panic attack unrelated to flying. I just happened to have a panic attack while I was on the flight. Right. And for about 10 years after that, I would associate flying with panic attacks, and I just did not fly.

Wow. Were you a comedian at the time? No, I was playing music. I was playing in bands. Yeah, I was playing music. I was playing in bands. It seems like maybe flying affects that. I mean, you could only... Did you have stuff you couldn't do for work because you couldn't fly? Not really. It kind of all changed when I started working at the Jimmy Kimmel show. My first assignment as a writer was

to fly to Vegas with Jimmy's Uncle Frank to do a bit with Criss Angel, Mind Freak. Right. You may know him as the Mind Freak. Again, the ultimate jet set lifestyle. You got Jimmy Kimmel's on-camera uncle.

You got the Mind Freak himself. And Flavor Flav. Oh, wow. Who we ran into at the airport and we're like, hey, you want to come do a bit with us? Hey, let's see if we could guess what year this was. When could you do a bit with both Criss Angel and Flavor Flav and have it be an event? Of course, my initial thought here is fear of Black Planet just came out. Right, sure.

Public enemy are at the peak of their power. I'm guessing this is probably when he had a reality show. Criss Angel is a lonely shut-in practicing magic tricks in his parents' room. Practicing in a bedroom. Yeah. Saving up for that leather jacket that he'll wear with no shirt. And mascara. It was 2006. It was 2006.

It was 2006. That's good. And so, they're like, AJ, you're doing it because none of the other writers like traveling for work. They all had families

so they're like, you're the new guy, you're doing it. Sure. And I was terrified and did the flight and was fine and have been fine

with flying ever since. I do know what it's like to be working for a show that has some travel associated with it and automatically being the default guy who goes because you have no family. Yeah. Like you are the guy who goes. Yeah. That's how it began. I had to go. I would fly to New York to do bits.

I would fly to Philadelphia. Like none of the people with families wanted to do it, rightfully so. Was it just for Jimmy's uncle or were there cousins involved? No. One was with Jimmy's cousin, Sal. One was with Guillermo. Yeah.

I wasn't a writer on the show for very long. Sarah Silverman's show got picked up maybe three months after I'd become a writer. And so it was very short lived. And you just like muscled your way through that fear. You didn't have a breathing technique or anything. All it took was one successful flight.

I just did it. Yeah. Yeah. I have never had a fear of flying, but I am irrationally afraid that I'll get on the plane and be bored. But I am irrationally afraid that I'll get on the plane and be bored. That to me, I overpack my like to-do stuff. Books, iPads. Yeah.

And I'm like constantly like if I have a backpack on, I am constantly feeling that backpack to make sure the thing is in there. Just because like, yeah. What are we talking about? What's the laundry list here? Yeah. Oh, I mean, you got to have a big, you got to have a chapter book. Right. I love, since I turned 10, I've always loved chapter books. Sure.

You got to have a chapter book. Wait, pictures or no pictures? No pictures. I'm a big boy. That's rough. Yes, I'm a big boy. Picture book. I'm not a baby.

How do you imagine what's happening in the story? Picture books are for babies. How do you imagine what's happening in the story? Picture books are for babies. How do you imagine what's happening in the story? The mind. My imagination. Oh, that. Ugh. You clearly haven't seen Fantasmic.

No. The Disneyland water show that teaches you that imagination. A water show. Anyway. So, yeah. I like to have a chapter book. I like to have a lighter piece of reading. Something you can just kind of-

Magazine. Magazine. Jordan, I'm morally opposed to back projection. Oh, okay. book like to have like a lighter piece of reading something you can just kind of magazine magazine jordan i'm morally opposed to back projection oh okay certainly on a water scrim now why is that is it a religious thing yeah i'm a jehovah's witness oh okay well that explains and that's one of the things so no birthdays you don't celebrate birthdays that's why prince never did phantasmic oh wow Do they not celebrate birthdays? I think, yeah, I think that is a thing with Jehovah's Witnesses. Pass.

You were about to join. Yeah, I was thinking about it. You were this close. Man, they look so nice in their suits. Yeah. Nope. So, yeah, I will create any flight, even if it is, even if it is the old Burbank to Sacramento 40-minuter, I will pack like crazy stuff to do. I mean,

the solution to this is get a fucking iPad asshole because it has all that stuff on it. Okay, so wait, wait, but number one, chapter book. Chapter book. Dude, what about mags? You bringing mags? Oh, yeah. At the height of my flying, I get mags, mags for days. What kind of magazines are we looking at? Boys Life.

Highlights. Highlights. What? Highlights. And then Guns and Ammo. Got it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like some sort of video game thing always helps. Nintendo 3DS.

I was in the newsstand at the airport today. Speaking of Guns and Ammo, this was not a big 100-magazine selection newsstand. This was a 25 or 30 magazine selection newsstand. Oh, yeah. One of them was a concealed carry themed magazine. What does that mean? It was like concealer or something. Right. For like articles of clothing that have gun pockets or something.

Yeah. It's for spies. Yeah. I was stunned by it. Yeah. This's for spies. Yeah. I was stunned by it. Yeah. This is in Oakland. By the way, I'm still impressed that you flew today. Yeah.

Flying still impresses me. I flew, got off an airplane, went to lunch, got on a different airplane. Where'd you go to lunch? You got your in and out. You did get your. Because it had to be close to the airport. It had to be something my six-year-old would enjoy.

I was going to say, you did get the kid, right? Yeah. Okay. Jesse, it would have been a great bit if I had said that, and you had run out of the booth and not come back, and then let- Gotta go. ... Steve and Steve. Anyway, if you want to do an elaborate bit next time.

Gotta get away. I have to run from the law. Yeah. So, yeah. But, yeah, and then I will over- Okay, so book? Book the law. Yeah. So, yeah. But, yeah, then I will over – Okay, so book. Book. Mag.

Mag. What titles are we talking about? Atlantic? Yeah, Atlantic. Yeah, I mean I think at the height of my like traveling a lot, you know, I like a general interest. Do you buy them in the airport at the newsstands in there? I sometimes I'll subscribe, but if I know I'm doing a lot of traveling. Again, I don't have a job

where I travel a lot these days, so I'm not subscribing, but at the height I was subscribing. I feel like I go into the airport thinking I'm going to buy some magazines for myself to enjoy on this airplane. And I look at all the magazines and I think, I hate all these magazines.

Every single one of these magazines I hate. Yep. And except for- Even Hustler? Yeah. Well. Come on. I'll buy a Hustler.

Do you hate Hustler? Don't be one of these I hate Hustler snobs, Jesse. I'll buy a Hustler over 60. Okay. I have rarefied taste. Oh, okay. But I will see, I'll see the New Yorker there and I'll think, why? I actually like reading the New Yorker.

Always a good choice. But then I'll remember that I have a subscription to it, and I'll get mad at the idea. Doubling up. Of doubling up, because I didn't bring it. Or it didn't come in time. That's a big, it's a weekly magazine, it doesn't come in time, so there's a new one on the shelf at the newsstand, but I don't have it in my house yet. When it comes to your house, do you read it right away? No, if I planned ahead. You like to wait until you have a nice long dump. I don't have it in my house yet. When it comes to your house, do you read it right away? No.

If I planned ahead. You like to wait until you have a nice long dump. Yeah. Nobody reads all their New Yorkers. But it also costs like $11 or something. And then I have to read like, you know, there's like these magazines that are like that, you know, Harper's and the Atlantic and stuff. And I don't really like them. And I will buy this.

The one magazine that I will buy in an airport that I have like I've had dalliances with having a subscription to but made me too crazy was a magazine called Monocle. Have you ever looked at this magazine? I'm familiar. I haven't looked at it, though. This is the magazine of the high-flying international asshole. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. But like a pretty classy asshole.

And it like if I buy it and bring it on the airplane I can look at it as it has pretty good fashion editorial in there which is nice. It's got it'll have some interesting things. It's pretty breezy. You know, not a lot of big, long features, but some kind of interesting thing about an

article about what kind of airplane the King of Poland has. Sure. Something like that. What kind? But like the, basically the central thesis of this magazine is that the problem with the third world is that their airport lounges aren't nice enough. Sure, sure, sure. And that is so insulting.

Yeah. It can be very difficult to make it through. But on an airplane, I just put away my morals and enjoy the watch coverage or whatever. You know, there's a magazine for the people and it's called Perfect Ten. Sure. Anyway. Big. Anyway. Big naturals. They're natural.

Okay. We appreciate naturals. I feel like when I buy like an Esquire or a GQ, which I will once in a while, I feel like it is so hard to figure out what is going to be good and what is going to be bullshit. Sure. You got to get a couple paragraphs into it. Because like an Esquire or a GQ will publish a long, brilliant piece of magazine journalism that is so amazing. But it could be any one of the pieces in there. Sure.

Like it might be the piece about Mila Kunis. That one might be the good one. Right. It's like a piece that lets you know how crazy Val Kilmer is now. Yeah. And then you're like, this is amazing. This is brilliant. This is genius.

He owns a buffalo. Yeah. Why? Is that true? I think so. Yeah. Oh, he is a ranch guy. He lives on a ranch.

I'm thinking of a specific kind of like magazine article that will like viral nowadays with of like, we've checked in with this celebrity you kind of remember. Sure. And like, you know, let you know about their kind of crazy life. And there's a little pathos. I think there was a Brendan Fraser one recently that was in. Ooh, I'm into that. Yeah.

There was a really intense Johnny Depp one in Rolling Stone. Oh, I did read that Johnny Depp one. Really? Wow. Johnny Depp in that says one of the most mind-blowing things. And I think it- Share it. Johnny Depp. Really? Johnny Depp in that says one of the most mind-blowing things. And I think it – Share it. Johnny Depp is –

That's his manner of living. Sure, yeah. He says he's talking about – and it's about his like money problems and how – Problems? I know, yeah. I heard that fucker parks his car anywhere he wants and just leaves it because he's like, if they get a ticket, I'll just have someone pay it. He has 14 houses and one of his big problems is he won't sell any of them. That was a revelation in the news.

Oh, is that true? Yes. Yeah. That's 100% real and the number is 14. It's stuck in my head. 14. He says something in that about how he feels kind of crazy because his financial managers have-

And also he's crazy. And also he's Johnny Depp. He's crazy. And also probably a bad person as well. But yeah, he's talking about how he feels like he's living in a parallel universe because he's made all this money but he doesn't have any because he's been bamboozled by his people or whatever. He's like, I feel like I'm living in the Matrix. I never saw that movie and I didn't understand the script. Oh, my God.

You sure did say that. I remember that. I never, and I did. I like the idea of them wanting Johnny Depp to be in the Matrix and him just not getting it and throwing it out. Okay, so we got bags. A chapter book. Chapter book. What about a computer?

I don't do a neck pillow. I mean, that's not entertainment. Yeah. I've never had a tiny laptop. Okay. And I've tried to top with my big top. But you decided to power bottom? I decided to power bottom.

Right. So, yeah, I usually don't have a laptop that I can poke around with on the flight. And I'm not about to give my money to go-go in flight. Oh. Yeah. I guess I could play Solitaire or something. I put movies on my Microsoft Surface. That's a good idea.

That's a really good idea. I should probably do. Anyway, I should probably do tablet. I don't fly that much these days. I fly two times a year these days. That's true. Okay. So no computer.

Yeah. But I know you got video games in there. Yeah. Sometimes if I have a Nintendo 3DS or I had a PlayStation Vita for a while, I would bring those. Have you ever brought more than one video game thing? No, I never have. That's something that's a level of boredom paranoia I'm not

prepared to go to. What about like a Game & Watch? Oh, yeah. Sure. Nintendo Game & Watch. Play those boring games. like a Game & Watch? Oh, yeah, sure. Nintendo Game & Watch. Yeah. Play those boring games. Yeah, like a Tiger LCD game. Oh, yeah. I had a couple of Tiger LCD games growing up.

What Tiger LCD games did you have? Football and Karnov. Oh, Karnov. What's that? Karnov was a very weird – it was a Nintendo game, but it had a Tiger LCD version as well. I don't know if I also had the Nintendo game. Do you ever have a Tiger LCD game? You know what we're talking about?

I think I know. They're like this big. It's like the size of a – what's an analog for that size? I don't know. A king-size Kit Kat bar? Six or eight inches? Yeah. That's actually pretty good. And it has maybe a two by three inch LCD screen.

And your character has like two animations. Yeah. Yeah, it can go boop, boop, boop. But they had like a Donkey Kong one, right? Yeah, so they wouldn't try and port popular games into this format. Yeah. But Karnov was a very strange NES game where you played a shirtless Russian man who spit fireballs. Oh, sure.

Yeah. Where's that reboot? Yeah. Where's that reboot? It's timely now. It's happening right now. Yeah, sure. I know. I think Karnov chose our president.

Whoa. Are you doing a John Oliver submission? Good luck with that, man, by the way. I had baseball, which I purchased at a garage sale. So I had it three years too late. Not unlike my MC Hammer cassette tape. Oh. But yeah, I had baseball, and then later I got Herzog Savai.

Did you get Herzog? No. You couldn't play that on. Oh my God, though. You know what? I was at the Goodwill the other day. Not bragging. It was just part of my Jet Set lifestyle, Steve.

Wow. In San Francisco. Yeah. Fly up. Go to the Goodwill. This was it. Goodwill 2.0. Nice.

Ooh. Tech Goodwill. Yeah. I was at a regular Goodwill here in Los Angeles. It's just all segues. Just huge segues. And what about that thing that squeezes juice out of a

pod? Oh, right. Yeah, sure. Oh, yeah. You put a little bag in there and it squeezes it for you. Yeah, some kind of like a sachet. Yeah. I think it may have been a potpourri. Yeah. I can't tell you. Anyway, I found a cartridge.

I just saw it out of the corner of my eye on a shelf, on a miscellany shelf, a cartridge for a video game, and I picked it up. And Jordan, you know me. Outside of the Nintendo game baseball stars, I'm not driven by video game nostalgia. I've had some fun with the Sega Genesis you got me for Christmas a couple years ago.

I played some NHL hockey and some Bulls versus Blazers in the NBA playoffs. Haven't gotten myself a copy of Flashback, but I might do that at some point, remembering my childhood. That's hard. Back when we decided what game to play based on how many megabits it contained.

But I am not a retro gamer and I'm also trying to avoid irony based consumption. Sure. But something so beautiful happened before my eyes it almost blinded me to that

principle. It was an Atari Jaguar cartridge for the video game White Men Can't Jump. Wow. Nice. And I didn't buy it. I didn't buy it.

I left it there on the shelf. I even looked it up on eBay. I could have made 10 or 20 bucks. Boy, this was... Because I actually know the cheat code to play is Rosie Perez. And there's a mini game where you win at Jeopardy. Is that why you can't jump?

Yeah, I think that's why you can't jump. Yeah. I think, honestly, if it was an Atari Jaguar game called Rosie Perez at her peak, I would have bought myself an Atari Jaguar so that I could play it. Steve, I think the last time you were on the show, you were kind of recently off video games. I'm back. You're back, baby. Welcome back.

Oh, you don't look happy, though. No, I'm very satisfied. You're just content. I came back for Destiny 2. And you feel good about it? I mean, I've wasted a lot of time but it's been fun. You like the grind. You like a grind.

Yeah. What's a Destiny 2? I've never heard of this. It's like a first person shooter, you know, a la Halo or something like that and you can play

with your friends. There's things called raids, these big challenges where you, it takes like a team of six people to go and fight their way to a boss.

And I can't believe I'm 49. Your, your friends are your fellow 40 billion. Tommy jr. All your buddies, all your buddies from your boy's life reading. These are all my other like actor entertainment buddies who don't work full time. Right.

I had a little bit of a... Speaking of feeling old in relation to video games. Yeah. I had to turn down the difficulty of a video game I was playing the other day. I pride myself on playing video games on hard. Heroic mode. It feels good. I feel like I can lord it over people when we talk about a game and I can say I'm playing that on hard.

What's the regular mode? Like I have the video game Fallout 4. Yeah. We've talked about this on the program before, but I have the video game Fallout 4, which despite still not really liking, I've now spent over five days playing. Oh, boy. Oh, wow.

And- So, like, you like a grind, too. I guess. Yeah. I think I just don't know how to buy another video game that I'll like better. But, yeah, I just never changed it. Does that make me weak? You never-

I don't even think I know where the setting is to change how hard it is usually you do it at the beginning when you're booting her up okay but some some games you can change it like in the menu at will so yeah i jokes i am playing i am playing but how many levels below the level that you play am i are there are usually five levels and i'm on number three there are beginner normal and like So it's like beginner, normal, and like- Yeah, hard. Insanity mode or heroic mode. Yeah. Yeah.

Or like if it's Wolfenstein, a guy's face gets madder and madder. Yes. Yeah, yeah. They've kept that convention even in the Rebits. Good. I remember that from my IBM PC days. Yeah, yeah. They're still going with that guy's face getting a little madder as the game gets harder.

That's funny. with that guy's face getting a little madder as the game gets harder. That's funny. I am playing God of War, the kind of reboot, kind of not, of the PlayStation franchise. It's a very, very good game. You know how people tell you it's a good game?

It's a good game. It's great. But had to turn down the difficulty. Are you like a sword guy? You have an axe, and you get other weapons later. And you have an arrow son. You're a blade dude. You're a blade dude, you have an arrow

son. Your son helps you. He's nice, and you're kind of mean to him. Is this PlayStation specific? This is a PlayStation exclusive. Right now I'm mad at Fallout, because I don't want to be friends. I have to pick somebody to be friends with, and I hate them all. Oh, no.

They all seem like real heels. Yeah. And also, it tricked me into being on this one team. And like, yeah, I killed all the robot guys because they seemed like assholes. But you weren't supposed to do that? And now I'm on this other robot team. There's this team of guys with robot suits. And there's this other team, they're fighting suits, and they have helicopters, which have a weird name.

In their suits? Yeah, they go in the suit, and then they go into the helicopter and shoot guns at people. That's cool. Yeah, that does sound cool. It's cool, but I... Steve, do you want to buy this game on the way home? I did it for a minute, but then I decided they were morally corrupt, so I killed them all. I just murdered every single one of them.

Here is the concern with modern video games. Here's a fucking trick they like to pull these days. It's like, hey, go kill all those guys. You kill them. And then at the end, the video game's like, why'd you kill all those guys? Maybe you're bad. You're an old man. Maybe you're bad.

Yeah, that's the thing that upsets me about. So there are so many more in this game, Fallout. There's so many moral choices that it asks you to make yeah but the only solution that you can do the only thing you can do in the game is kill everyone in front go somewhere and kill everyone that's there makes that's the only so yeah the only that's literally the only course of action. There's no like, I mean, you can decorate your house. That sounds fun.

But you have to kill a lot of people to get enough points. Can you bang people like in Grand Theft Auto? There's no, but I fell in love. That's nice. Congratulations. Thank you. What's it feel like. That's nice. Congratulations. Thank you. What's it feel like? It's cold and dead.

Oh, no. Kind of clammy. Huh. Yeah, she just kind of follows me around and helps me kill people. Oh, that's true love. Oh, I want that. I want that. And I get a bonus if we sleep in the same bed together.

Oh. Sounds nice. Well, like a stat bonus? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I got a lot of- Like your luck or something? I got all these stars, special abilities, gun nut.

That's one of them. Gun nut. Science man. Science. That's one. Sure. Poindexter award. I'm friends with an evil mutant.

Seems like you're doing great in this. I got him a special hat. Fallout 4. I'm going to have to play this. Yeah, this fucking sounds like str this. I got him a special hat. Fallout 4. Yeah, this fucking sounds like strules. I want to fall in love in a game. I know,

and give a hat to a mutant. Yeah. That's the life. You have to give him a mutant hat. He can't wear regular hats. I can do everything I can't do in real life.

Yeah. Give a hat to a mutant and fall in love. I gave my girlfriend a pilot hat. That sounds cute. And kind of like a Tarzan outfit. She wears like a pilot hat and a Tarzan hat. That sounds cute. And kind of like a Tarzan outfit.

She wears like a pilot hat and a Tarzan outfit. She sounds great. She's pretty cool. She's a journalist. Oh, good. What's the game that all the kids are playing right now? Fortnite? Fortnite.

Yeah, all the professional baseball players are playing that. Is that true? Yeah. Professional baseball players love that. I don't want to play it. It sounds horrible. I played it at a family function and a child beat you. Well, the child gave it

to me and then yelled at me when I wasn't good at it immediately. Oh, yeah. It's Battle Royale, right? It's a Battle Royale game. It's just a fight until there's one left. Yeah, they drop you in an arena. There's a bunch of weapons and you just blast dudes. And you're not playing against computer. This is all PvP. I think it is all PvP.

Although maybe there's some bots. Net and trident? Oh, these are guns. A net. Yeah. Very traditional. Trap them in a net and then poke them with a trident. You got sword.

Right. You can choose Christian or lion. There's two factions. And then the emperor gives you a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Yeah. That would be cool. They should do a big group fighting game that is gladiators. That would fucking cool. Yeah. That would be cool. They should do a big group fighting game that is gladiators. That would fucking cool.

Yeah. That would be sweet. That would be sweet. I mean, if you could get a girlfriend, what's a journalist? Sure. Put a little hat on her. Yeah. Yeah.

And I got this other friend. He's like a zombie robot. Mm-hmm. A Humphrey Bogart. Oh. That sounds cool. Yeah, I think what they did to make this game was they made a big list of things

and then passed them out to different guys in the office. And each person got four things and they had to do a thing that's that. You know? Have you messed with Fortnite, Steve? I have not. I bet you would be good at it because you play with fortnight steve i have not i bet you would

be good at it because you play destiny and stuff i don't know yeah i don't i just don't like that because it's a it's a lot of kids it's a lot of little kids and the thought of like little kids baseball players yeah and ball players just beating me up oh god i have to play with hunter pence and derrick holland i don't like pvp stuff yeah i don't either i don't like... Oh, God, I have to play with Hunter Pence and Derek Holland. I don't like PvP stuff. Yeah. I don't either. I don't love online. I don't love fighting online. Mostly because I'm bad at it. Same here. My video game chops are not what

they once were. Yeah, same here. Anyway. Well, I mean, I had to fucking turn my other one down. It's not even multiplayer. It's just me versus the computer. Is there any video games... Here's a question for you guys. You guys are hardcore gamers. Yeah, we're plugged in.

Yeah. I plugged in. You get like a little implant? Yeah, I know how to jack into the net. He's a regular Johnny. Listen, I haven't seen The Matrix, and I didn't understand the script. But I know about jacking into the net. the Matrix and I didn't understand the script. Right. But I know about jacking

into the net. Yeah. Is there any kind of video game where like you're like doing stuff online. You're doing stuff online. Well you're not like you know that game that I like where you grow fruits and you pass them out to your friends and you write them letters. Yeah.

What is it? Stardew Valley. Yeah. Starman Farm. What about Second Life? Is it Second Life? Yeah I think it is. You Stardew Valley. Oh. Yeah. Starman Farm. What about Second Life? Is it Second Life? That's a, yeah, I think it is a, that is that. That's where you just do menial tasks. So that's the thing. And find other furries to do erotic dances for. I don't want to do, I don't want to just decorate my house.

Right. But you do want to do erotic dances for furries, right? I want to have stuff. Don't kink shame them, Jesse. I want to do fun stuff. I want to do cool stuff. Like kink shame them, Jesse. I want to do fun stuff. I want to do cool stuff. Like cook? Like erotic dancing.

Yeah. But I want it to be like violent and focused erotic dancing. Oh, okay. But also I'm bad at video games. So like I need a video game where it's okay for there to be a guy who's bad at it at your team because he's fun. He's a fun dad. And he's like, you know. Runs a barbecue.

There's a group of about 25,000 people that he's very famous to. So you want to – sounds like – Yeah. Sounds like what you want is a video game that is a simulation of your real life. No, no, no. Yeah, you want second life. No, that's not what happens in the game. That's who the game is good for.

Okay. So, like, most games are good for 17-year-olds who don't have anything else in their life. Sure. You know? 17-year-olds with empty lives or 49-year-olds with empty lives. But just people that can really. You know what would be great? Yeah.

If you could, if there was a video game where in real life, Jesse, when you get your mail and there's bills, you scan them. Yeah. And then in the video game, you like pay those bills. Yeah. And like put together an Ikea chest. Right. Yeah. You're really listing shit I'm bad at.

You do your real life stuff. Sure. It could be a motion controlled game and you can grab the Joy-Cons or whatever and you could bang on that Ikea table. Can you be – in this game, can you be married to an emotionally competent person who kind of makes up for your not insignificant emotional deficiencies? Yeah. She's wearing a captain's hat. A Tarzan outfit. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, I saw The Matrix in college. Yeah. I mean like in a class in college. Did you like it? No, I hated it. Are you serious?

Kind of consciousness or whatever? Oh, I hated it so much. And then for some reason I saw, I want to say it was Matrix 3? Might have been Matrix 2. It had Cornel West in it. Which Matrix had Cornel West in it? It was like, oh, there's Cornel West. What the fuck is this? Two and three, I think.

Two and three? Yeah. Both, yeah. We'll never know which one it was. I feel like it had a lot of those kind of scenes where everyone is dancing in an industrial nightclub. Oh, that's two where it's like the big mass orgy where everyone's dancing in Zion. Sure, yeah. They've got it tough, but look how amazing the real world is for people who haven't taken the blue pill or whatever the pill was.

I genuinely – I kind of spaced out in the first one intermittently and lost. I genuinely didn't understand it. So by the time I didn't understand the first one and was watching it on a standard definition television at the back of a – Standard. The back of an American Studies classroom. Oh, boy. You know how they said there were people accusing the Wachowskis of stealing that script, you know, the original Matrix? I did not know that.

Yeah, from a Japanese anime or something. Yeah. I, after seeing the second two movies, was like, maybe they did steal that first script because the second two was so bad. If they wrote these on their own. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean, I think it seems like in those second ones, people, they were like, hmm, you know what people liked about that first one? Oh, the kind of, you know, unique and novel approach to action scenes? No, it was the stony philosophical shit.

I assumed you were going to say that what they believed that people really liked about the first ones was new types of dreadlocks. Sure, right. Yeah, right. Like new ethnicities. White dreadlocks. Right. Like pointy white dreadlocks. Yeah.

The colored dark. Asian guys with blonde dreadlocks. The colored dark green. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. We have some sponsors on this week's program, above and beyond the Wachowskis. I hear that, what's that, Speed Racer?

I heard that's fun. Nope. Here's the good part about Speed Racer. Yeah. Because there are a lot of Speed Racer is good guys out there. And I think there's, just my own observation. Yeah. Because there are a lot of Speed Racer is good guys out there. Right. And I think there's just my own observation. Yeah. Speed Racer is good overlaps with the Star Wars prequels were good.

Oh, okay. Wow. So, but there is a part in Speed Racer. Is that also a group that overlaps with every movie I've ever seen is good? I don't know how to pin down this kind of, let's say, man. But here's the part about the Speed Racer movie that I did like,

and I will remember forever. And, you know, to its credit, there are not a lot of parts of movies that I feel like I will remember forever. So this movie that I guess, as a whole, I did not like, did have one part that I did really like. John Goodman is fighting

a ninja and he is picked the ninja up over his head and is doing a wrestling twirl move to the ninja. Twirling him around like a pizza pie. Like some wrestling WWE stuff. Like a big hot pizza pie? Yeah. Big hot pizza pie. It's a real spicy meatball.

He's twirling this ninja. And shit's flying out. He's twirling this ninja. And shit's flying out. He's twirling this ninja. He's twirling this ninja. It's never been said before. Then the moon hits his eye. Right. Like a big ninja guy.

That's a ninja. I can't add to that. No reason to. It's too hot in here. He's twirling this ninja. Yeah. and shit's flying out of the ninja's pocket. So all these knives and ninja stars are flying out of the ninja's pockets, and they're hitting the wall. Ah, centrifugal force. And so there's a ninja star flies out of it, hits the wall, and then the ninja's keys fly out of his pocket and hit the wall.

And just the idea that the ninja has house keys, he would. How was he going to get back into his house? Sneak. Anyway. Susan Sarandon looks good in it. Yeah. Always says so. She's a beautiful woman.

Who plays Speed Racer? Oh, boy. I think one of those guys who was supposed to be famous and then was not. Like an Emile Hirsch type. An Emile Hayden Christensen speaking of the prequels. That might be it. It might be. Maybe this was his follow up to the prequels. I don't know. It's Emile Hirsch. It is Emile Hirsch. Oh, my God the prequels. That might be it. It might be. Maybe this was his follow-up to the prequels.

I don't know. It's Emile Hirsch. It is Emile Hirsch. Oh, my God. Confirmation. Hello. Way to go. Steve Agee, an expert in the stars that never were.

If you're trying to- Maybe Emile Hirsch has been successful after that. He's done some good stuff. I bet he has. Jordan, if you're trying to hire- Yes. A star that never will be- Sure.

It can be tough. Sure, you can go out there and you can get George Clooney. That's a star that always was. You can go out there and you can get yourself a Cersei Ronan. You're going to get a star that will be for quite some time because of her brilliant talent. But if you're looking for something as specific as a star that will never be, it's going to be hard to bring in the right candidates. Yeah, that's why you got to go to ziprecruiter.com slash JJ Go. It's simple, fast, smart.

They send your job to over 100 of the web's leading job boards. So that means it doesn't matter what kind of employer you're looking for. A soon-to-be-faded minor star. Armie Hammer. Yeah. He's done some good work. Armie Hammer is so great in Sorry to Bother You, just so you know. I think everybody should really get out and see Sorry to Bother You because Armie Hammer is amazing.

And his name is Armie Hammer. That is his name. Armie. That is his name. Unbelievable. Insane. Not since baseball center fielder Milton Bradley. Okay.

Anyway. Hey, ZipRecruiter, they got powerful matching technology. They scan through thousands of resumes to find people with the right experience and invite them to apply to your job. And right now, our listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free at this exclusive web address. Now type this into your website. ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire.

What do we say about ZipRecruiter, Jordan? They're the smartest way to hire? When a problem comes along, you must zip it. Yeah, I think we say that about another company too, but, you know, also ZipRecruiter. Sure. Hey. Something up on the Jumbotron this week. A message from a listener.

Yes. Tune in to the collective cerebellum of Russ and Steve on Joygasm, a video game and movie podcast. Finally, a podcast about those things. They're the, I guess they're, these men refer to themselves as the Bodacious Bros. Oh. They banter on titillating topics including video games, movies, and pop culture. Joygasm stems from a desire to cultivate a community that embraces nerdvana.

So if you crave pixel goodness, memorable moments, and experiences that make your inner child do the happy dance, you've come to the right place. Welcome to Joygasm, a video game and movie podcast. You can search for Joygasm on all the applications and for exclusive access, you can subscribe at patreon.com slash joygasm. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's easy. Go to maximumfund.org slash jumbotron. That's a special service we provide for members of the Max Fun community. And hey,

Jordan. Yeah. Can I mention something? Please do. Hey, do you know any top five podcasts that you created? No. It's not this one. It sure isn't. Well, maybe it was this one in like 2006. Yeah, but we had a moment in the top five. We might have cracked

it up there after we were in Time Magazine or something. Anyway, Bubble has been absolutely destroying it. Yeah, it's been the fan reaction has been delightful. Thank you. And the critical reaction, I just saw a

rave on Twitter from Peter Hartlob, pop culture critic of the San Francisco Chronicle. Wow! And our friend Glenn Weldon of Pop Culture. Glenn Weldon said some very nice things about it, and Glenn Weldon knows what is good and what is bad, so I was very flattered

to hear him say such nice things about it. Who owes who dinner next time he's in Los Angeles? That's right. He knows more than his brother Mac. Mac Weldon knows a lot. They know about comfort. Yeah, he knows about how to put a mesh panel underneath the balls to let the steam out.

God bless him. God bless my man. I'm wearing my M-dubs right now. We should say Steve Agee, our guest, will be appearing in episode five of Bubble. The Cinco, as we call it. The Cinco. That's written by the great Sarah Morgan.

Another beloved Jordan Jesse Go-Gast. In a hilarious bit. And recorded in this very booth. Recorded in this very booth. Yeah, no, thank you to everybody who's been listening and leaving reviews in iTunes or Apple Podcasts. It really, really helps it. So thank you to everybody who's talking about it online, people who are reviewing it.

It is very, very cool. And, yeah, I'm thrilled with how it's been going. I had a great time hanging out with Steve Agee at the Bubble premiere. Yeah, that was fun. We both came to it because we were involved in the production and wanted to support our friends and colleagues who were involved in the production. But realized we had no role to play in it. So we two giant men sat in the front row. Sure.

The absolute front row. And you each did the dick in the popcorn trick to each other? Yeah, totally. Oh, I used hot dog buns. Oh, that's a fun flip on an old favorite. Honestly, it hurt me very badly, but yeah. Yeah. Classic. Yeah, when yeah. Yeah. Classic.

Yeah, when he took the chomp. Right, the old dick chomp. I was hungry. You don't technically reach into a hot dog bun to grab. I go bobbing. Dude's a bobber. I go bobbing for hot dogs. Dude's a bobber.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jet Set and Jesse Thorne. Jordan Moore's boy detective. Steve Agee, former child star. Good deep breath. Yeah. You were not a former child star. No, no.

I was actually surprised when we were chatting earlier and you said you were in bands. I guess I didn't know you had a musical past. Yeah, yeah. You've done it all. Steve Agee went to arts. He's got an art degree. Things I didn't know about Steve Agee. I have made every poor choice in the arts.

Look at you now. Degree in painting, playing in bands, stand-up comedy, acting. Things that on paper your parents would just be like, oh, my God, what is he doing? But this cryptocurrency thing is going to be big for you, though. I've got my fingers crossed. What kind of bands were you in? Punk bands. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Sounds like a lot of fun. Punk rock or? No, we were just jerks. Young jerks. Just little assholes.

We played like mellow yacht rock, but we were young jerks. So-and-so. Sure. Steve, you're just a jerks. So-and-so. Sure. Steve, you're just a man of many talents. Thanks, guys. You're a man of many talents. You've got your ad-lib charm. I nap.

You've got your acting gifts. We were talking about this in the elevator. Steve, I cannot nap. You can't nap? Can't nap. Have you ever- I take maybe one nap a year. Have you ever put any effort into it yes because you got to put your back into it yeah for me the best naps are no effort it's me

laying on the couch going oh let's see what's on netflix and next thing i know really it's dark outside and i'm very confused i don't know if it's morning or night. I'm like, did I just sleep all day? Did I just walk out of a movie? Yeah. I didn't nap until I'm, I'll say five years ago. And a couple of different things happened. Number one, I started taking, for a while I was taking this migraine medication that was making me so tired in the middle of the day.

Also, I started to accumulate more and more children, which also had the same effect. Sure. And I realized that like either I could have a garbage 1 to 9.30 p.m. before collapsing or I could learn how to nap sometimes. Like disco naps, like really quick ones? Well, I was doing a lot of cocaine. Is that all it takes or do you have to – White polyester sheets.

You also have to have a four on the floor beat. Yes. What I did, I'll tell you what I did. You remember old MaxFun sponsor Metafilter, popular community weblog and community community. So there's this website, Ask Metafilter, which is like Ask Yahoo or Yahoo Answers, but not garbage. And I went in there and looked at some- There are no people on it asking if a spider can get you pregnant. Yeah, exactly.

A spider can get you pregnant. Yeah, exactly. I looked at some – and the child is known as an ass. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh. So I – Just real quick. Yeah.

I at one point had a job where combing through the shitty Yahoo Answers thing was like a segment. Right. And maybe the craziest one I ever- This is when you worked for the McElroys. When I worked for the McElroys. Yeah. They fired me. Yeah.

And you weren't getting paid. I was the fourth brother. I was like that other guy who was in the Beatles. Yeah. What's his name? Pete Best. Pete Best. I was the Pete Best of the McElroys.

So there was like an Ebola scare maybe like three or four years ago, like Ebola was back. And on Yahoo answers, someone wrote, will the Ebola outbreak affect the new season of Game of Thrones? God damn. Concerned that it would hold up shooting or something if everybody got Ebola. I looked at a napping, a couple of napping threads on Metafilter to learn what I could about naps. And this is what I found. First of all, I got myself a high-quality eye mask. They got these that are made out of three-dimensional neoprene.

I have one. So they don't press on your eyeballs. Yes, I have one. And it's pitch black. What's your brand, Steve? I don't know. I just found it at Walmart and I was like, wow, that looks comfortable and amazing. And I bought it

and it is comfortable and amazing. Yeah, you look like a bug. You look like a mosquito. It looks crazy and it is a dramatic improvement over standard. Yeah. Then I got myself, I had some noise canceling headphones, but I also bought myself some high quality earplugs, depending on whether I wanted to listen to something or not.

And then the essential thing that – the essential insight that I found from that was you give yourself half an hour and your goal isn't to fall asleep. Just know that half an hour is your time. Should do 60 kegels. Yeah. Kegels. Your pelvic floor is going to be so strong at the end of half an hour. But genuinely, the central thing was you just are taking some time to rest and you have met your goal if you just are in the dark listening to fresh air for half an hour. You've met your goal if you fall asleep.

You've met your goal if you don't. And then at the end of it, you can get up and you feel good about yourself. You don't feel bad about yourself. And what I found was while I had never napped before, I found the power within myself. It was in there the whole time, I think. I just had to let it out. You have seen Fantasmic. You have seen it.

You've seen Fantasmic. I should also mention. This is the moral of Fantasmic. A four-inch incision immediately underneath my rib cage and put my fingers in there and pulled it, and it just slid right on out. Just slid right on out. Ooh. Just slid right on out like a little power within myself C-section. Mm. Gross.

Yeah. Then I sewed it back up with dental floss. Oh, that's good. Very DIY. Yeah. Yeah. Was it glide? Yeah.

Or was it that regular old school white waxy dental floss? No, it was standard white waxy. Oh, yeah. I mean, got to keep it in the family, baby. Sure, man. You really missed out on an opportunity to give your chest cavity a nice minty flavor. That's true. You should have used mint.

When something momentous happens to you, give us a call, 206-984-4FUN, or hit us with a voice memo at jjgoeatmaximumfun.org. Then you get that nice, crisp fidelity. That gorgeous fidelity. So good, baby. Yum, yum. High five like a 60s Playboy magazine review.

Tickle our eardrums. Oh, yeah. Coming up, new fiction by Philip Roth. Some of these articles are good. Most of them are bad. So what's this bit? We're a radio announcer who reads old Playboy articles to you? I guess.

I guess. The girls of the Pac-10. Top 10 party schools in ascending order. Yeah, JJ, go at MaximumFun.org. Here's the first Momentous Occasion call.

Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and J. Keith Van Straten. Nope. This is Rick from Cleveland calling in with a Momentous Occasion. Can you pause this for a second? My name's Steve. J. Keith Van Straten. Come on. Yeah, come on. Does this look like J. Keith Van Straten. Come on. Yeah, come on.

Does this look like Jay Keith Van Straten to you? Kind of. Yeah, a little bit. Like a taller Jay. Yeah, a little bit. Sure. There's a resemblance. Yeah, I mean, they're both pasty whites.

True. You an Angels fan at all? Not really, but I grew up out here in Southern California, so it was quicker to get to Angel games than Dodgers. So we went to those a lot. So you've seen Wally Joyner ply his trade. Yeah, and Jim Abbott. Oh, yeah.

Jim Abbott. That's me and Jordan's baseball cultural touchstone. Sure. It's the thing Jordan knows about baseball, and I'm there for it. The one-handed first baseman. Okay. Press play.

We love J. Keith Van Straten. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and J. Keith Van Straten. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and J. Keith Van Straten. Wrong again. This is Rick from Cleveland calling in with a momentous occasion. I have my three kids. All weekend to myself. My wife is out of town for the first time since my son was born. He's two now.

And I was inside doing the dishes while they were outside playing with the sprinkler, and he comes inside and says, look at my hands. I look at his hands, and there is dog shit on them. And then I asked him what happened, and he said, I ate it. I am not intending to tell my wife about this, but she does listen to the podcast. So anyway, have a great day. Yeah, maybe tell her before she hears it on the podcast. I'm no relationship expert. That's pretty momentous.

Yeah. You guys know we have a parenting podcast here at Maximum Fun called One Bad Mother. And on One Bad Mother, they have this segment called Fails, which this would qualify for. This could do double duty as a momentous occasion to end the sale.

Nice. Thanks, Steve. You should write for Jimmy Kimmel. I did. You should write for Playboy's Truly Tasteless Party Jokes. I generally do not listen to One Bad Mother because I feel like I am weirdly like – my wife is the co-host of the program. And I feel like somehow like I am like weirdly stalking her if I listen to her show where she talks about our family life a little bit. Like I feel like I know that she's being kind to me because everyone always says she's always very kind to you, especially anyone who knows what a shitty parent I am.

And but like I think I don't know. I feel like I'm, like, weirdly listening in on something that's her thing. But she did tell me about this one fail, which was that it was a parent who was using her phone at the playground. And her two- or three-year-old was a couple hundred feet away. It kind of like wandered off while she was using her phone. And she looked up and saw him kind of too far away to intercede as he reached down and picked up a chocolate cupcake off the ground,

a half-eaten chocolate cupcake off the ground. And she said, no, no, and started running towards him as he just held it up and took a big old munch out of that chocolate cupcake right off the ground. And she's screaming like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And she gets there, and it's not a chocolate cupcake. It's covered in ants. Hell yeah.

So it is a regular cupcake that looks chocolate. Yeah. Yeah. By virtue of the fact that it is so completely covered in ants. But now he's their queen. Yeah. The child. Yeah. The child controls an army of ants.

God, I'd love to play a little Sim Ant right now. This Friday, check out Ant-Man and the Wasp opening in theaters near you. Right. Why is there so much? How come I hear so much about Oregon Trail and I never hear anything about SimAnt? That's also- When people are remembering the video games from their youth. Yeah, that's also a weird game you were allowed to play at school for some reason.

I don't remember that one. I think Oregon Trail was very widespread as far as a treat you got when you finished your typing lesson in the computer lab, which you got to play to play, you know, 10 minutes of Oregon Trail. But SimAnt wasn't? I don't think so, yeah. What did you do in SimAnt? You fought other ants. Right.

You gave yellow balls to the queen because she liked to eat them. Yeah. And guys, I know I just said yellow balls. No jokes. No jokes, guys. I didn't want to go there. We're adults. Yeah.

Didn't want to go there. It's our duty. jokes, guys. I didn't want to go there. We're adults. Didn't want to go there. It's our duty. Oh, sorry. That's a big a pizza pie. That's a big a pizza pie. Yeah, that's what you did in Sam Ant. Okay. Got balls.

I had a game called Sim Life. Oh, yeah. What a pile of garbage. Oh, boy. There's some bad Sims games. Oh, yeah. What a pile of garbage. Oh, boy. Here's some bad Sims games. Oh, boy. Sim life, you had to create creatures and then have them grow up together. Oh, fuck that.

And I'm like, oh, I'm 10. I hate this. Make them fight each other. Yeah. Anyway. Okay, let's take another call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, Brian and guests. I'm calling with a moment, a momentous occasion. I was just driving on the highway and I saw a stopped train and one of the cars had graffiti

on it and the graffiti was a train size Sonic the Hedgehog shaking his finger, and next to him in train-sized letters in the Sega font was the word slut. I have many unanswered questions. All right. Thanks. Have a great day. I think Knuckles, right? What about Knuckles? Well, the first question is, who's the slut?

Oh, yeah. I think it's Knuckles. Yeah, but I mean, let's not shame him for that. No, I think he should be able to. He's in charge of his sexuality. I think that's great. I feel like the Sonic the Hedgehog universe is a sex-positive universe. I think so, too.

As long as everybody consents to it. Sure. Right? Why not? Everybody. Sonic, Kn As long as everybody consents to it. Sure. Right? Why not? Everybody. Sonic, Knuckles, Amy Rose. Go for it. Tails. Jim. Yeah. Also, I think the big question is why was there a train on the highway?

Yeah. Oh, I'm smelling some bullshit now. This story about the Sonic graffiti. Anyway. Slut shaming Sonic, huh? Not cool. I mean, it's pretty rich coming from Sonic, considering how many times he's been pregnant.

I know, right? I've seen some photos. Drawings more. More than, not photos, they're drawings. Yeah, but I mean mean Sonic himself is a drawing Yeah That's true He's just drawn by computers

Sure And what are computers If not instruments In the hands of man Of God Of man Yeah And what is a computer

But an instrument That gives you porn It's like a flute That you can jack off to I wish I You know I'm just glad I'm just glad you porn. It's like a flute that you can jack off to. I wish I, you know, I'm just glad there's people out there still doing whole cars. I want to see more end-to-end burners. Here's what I think we need to do.

I didn't hear what city this was in, but apparently there's this negative Sonic the Hedgehog graffiti out there. Yeah. But apparently there's this negative Sonic the Hedgehog graffiti out there. Yeah. I think someone needs to do a response graffiti on a, ideally the next car on the train, but wherever it'd be, you can see. It should just say, fuck all you want, and it's coming out of the mouth of Shrek. I think, let's take it back. Wait, could the- Sex positive Shrek. I think. Let's take it back. Sex positive Shrek.

Shrek's positive. What's Eddie Murphy from Shrek called? Donkey. That's his name? I think his name is Donkey. Very uncreative. Donkey says consent is cool. Yeah, give that another pass.

Donkey says consent is cool. Yeah, there you go. So Shrek says fuck all you want. Yeah, and then Donkey says consent is cool. And then Donkey says consent is cool. Yeah, there you go. Here's a graffiti. So Shrek says fuck all you want. Yeah, and then Donkey says consent is cool. And then Donkey says consent is cool. And who else is in that show? Lady Shrek. Lady, girl, yes, Lady Shrek.

Yeah. Who? Yeah. Girl, Lady Shrek says I love sex and I love orgasms. Sure. Yeah. So bring it on. Yeah. So bring it on. Yeah.

So bring it on. Cartoon fuckers. Go to town on me. Okay. Okay. So the three elements here. Number one. Number one, Shrek is saying.

Right. What's Shrek saying? Sex is fun. Fuck all you want. Fuck all you want. Shrek is saying... Right. What's Shrek saying? Sex is fun. Fuck all you want. Fuck all you want. Shrek is saying fuck all you want. Donkey. Donkey is saying consent is cool.

And then Lady Shrek. Fiona. Fiona is Shrek's wife. Fiona, Shrek's wife. She says... I... I... Bring it on.

Bring it on, you fuckers. You cartoon fuckers. Cartoon fuckers. I love orgasms. I love orgasms. I love orgasms. Bring it on, you fuckers. You cartoon fuckers. Cartoon fuckers. I love orgasms. I love orgasms. I love orgasms. Bring it on, you cartoon fuckers. And then the title is Shrek's Positive.

Shrek's Education. Shrek's Education. Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah, and then there's a kid and he's saying C-D-B. He's pointing at a bumblebee. Yeah. That's from the book C-D CDB. He's pointing at a bumblebee. That's from the book CDB.

It's a different William Sky book. But it's just a little – that's like a little thing in the bottom right like how an editorial cartoon sometimes will have a second little cartoon in the bottom right. Yeah. It's like the guy who wrote the cartoon going like, yeah, they really are a bunch of clowns. Sure, yeah. He drew like a little self-portrait down there. Cool. Yeah. Well, we figured this one out.

Case closed. Case closed. And they said America was in moral crisis. Nope. Not anymore. Not thinking now, it's solved thanks to my friend Shrek. Yeah, thank you, Shrek. And his friend Lady Shrek.

And Donkey. And Donkey my friend Shrek. Yeah, thank you, Shrek. And his friend Lady Shrek. Mm-hmm. And Donkey. And Donkey. From Shrek. Y'all ready for this? That big old donkey dick. Bring it on, you cartoon fuckers. Do you think Donkey ever gets mad because people confuse him for regular donkeys that aren't in Shrek?

Because they both have the same name? Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Because if I went to a farm and I said, can I meet Shrek? They'd be like, we don't have any Shreks here. That's a thing from the movie Shrek. We have an alpaca. Right. But then if I went to a farm and I said, can I meet Donkey?

I'm talking about the donkey from Shrek. He thinks I'm talking about just a donkey he's got. That's what happens when a spider impregnates a person. Right. By the way, a donkey. Oh, finally. I think spider impregnates a person. Right. By the way, I don't... Finally, I think I can answer

that guy on Yahoo Answers. Yeah. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Now, I know as a MaxFun listener, you love enamel pins. But guess who were the first people to wear enamel pins? Everyone in Starfleet. We talk about them every week on our show, The Greatest Generation. Originally about Star Trek The Next Generation. Now we're covering Deep Space Nine.

The main thing we're trying to encourage you to do is listen to the show. Listen to the show and know that you are expanding the community of enamel pin-wearing enthusiasts. You can only resist Big Pin for so long. So give yourself over to Big Pin and The Greatest Generation

by subscribing and downloading right now. The Greatest Generation at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hey, this is Griffin McElroy. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. And we've got a new podcast on Maximum Fun called Wonderful. Wonderful.

It's an enthusiast podcast where we talk about things that we're excited about and things that you're excited about. Things like overalls. 24-hour Sudafed. The grand prize game. The fact that wombats use their butts to kill predators. The soundtrack to the movie Dick Tracy. The beach potion we call Bud Lightline.

All these things and more every Wednesday, and we'll also talk about things that you're excited about. You can find us on MaximumFun.org or iTunes or wherever. I don't know, just search Wonderful. Google it, you'll probably get there. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Oh, shit.

Jetpack Jesse Thorne. There you go. Jetpack. The rocketeer's radio sweetheart. Oh, shit. Jetpack Jesse Thorne. There you go. Jetpack. The rocketeer himself. Yep. Jordan Moore's boy detective. Steve Agee read the scripts to Matrix 2 and 3. Fully understood them. Really? Yep. Coherence as fuck. Made sense. Yep. Do you think they wrote a part for

Cornel West? No. Or do you think they were looking at this and they were like, well, the character description says a Cornel West type. Why don't we go straight to the source? I don't know what that casting decision was like. We'll have to you know, when somebody does the oral

history of how Cornel West got in the Matrix movies. Matrix Revolution. Yeah, exactly. Come on, BuzzFeed. Write that article. Is Matrix Revolution at all related to Dance Dance Revolution? Yes.

Same universe. Okay. Yeah. Thank God. Well, Steve, it's been a joy to see you as ever. It's been so fun, guys.

Yeah. Thanks for coming. Yeah. Thanks for having me. Steve, you have your own hit podcasts now. I do. It's called

We're No Doctors with me and occasionally Busy Phillips, which is not writing books and being her name and starting a talk show. She's busy. Busy is busy. Yeah. She's a charmer. Yeah.

But people love it. I feel like when I casually talk to people and I tell them I'm in podcasting, this is one of the ones that are like, oh, I love podcasts. I listen to We're No Doctors. If you guys have any medical issues, please come on in. Well, I know you have migraines. The migraine headaches. Glad to come by. Come talk about the migraines.

Anytime. Talk about those migraines. You've got my number, Steve A. I do. I'm fit as a fiddle. And can I, I'm going to give my regular recommendation. If anybody's out there and they're looking for a comedian with an art degree to follow on Instantgram. Instantgram.

Look at Steve Agee. I'm here. This guy's out here taking pictures. This guy took a picture of his camera the other day. Yep. That's meta. Well, it was National Camera Day. This camera looked like a Winnebago on a tripod.

What was going on with that camera? It looked like the EM-50 from Stripes, that motorhome tank thing. There you go. What was going on on that camera? That was a Canon A7R III, a fairly typical dslr camera but it had a 200 millimeter lens and that's because you usually you do a lot of bird photography sure and it had a filter attachment on the end it looked like you genuinely it was the first digital camera i've ever seen that genuinely looked like if you wanted to you could have taken a picture by stepping in front of it, telling something to the people you were taking a picture of, then going underneath a giant sheet and squeezing a bulb.

Yeah, it's a big setup. It's quite a beautiful photograph of a vista, a place he's traveling to, a celebrated actress that he's friends with. Thanks. That's it. Those are the three categories. Selfie-free.

I rarely post a photo of myself. No. Nobody needs to see that. No. Especially me. You're not going to look gorgeous. Thanks. Look at this handsome son of a bitch.

Looking good. For those of you at home. Yeah, he's making a great face. For those of you at home. I need to have a tooth extracted. Yeah. I have a toothache. You mean just for flavor?

Just to give yourself a little extra something when you're going to that casting? I had a root canal last year, and it was towards the end of a year of a lot of dental work. And so by the time I had the root canal, I had capped out on my dental coverage. So they put a temporary crown on the molar. America's health system, it just works. And this was like in August, and I was like, I'll just wait until January till it resets to go in to get the permanent crown put on. And by the time I went back in, they were like, where have you been? Look, your tooth is a disaster.

This is filled with corn. Yeah. They're like, the temporary is gone. Your tooth is just a mess. We have to take it out. I've had a hole in my mouth for 18 months. And I'm just like, they're talking about now, they're like, oh, it's finally time. In September, you can put in an implant. Is it a missing tooth? I'm like, yeah.

Okay. Right here. Did they put the bone, do a bone graft? They haven't done anything. They took out, I had a baby tooth that had just always been there and just finally got worn out. They took it out. It's been gone for a long time. But I'm just kind of thinking I might just leave it there and see what grows.

What growth? Maybe a flower. What if I got a Dracula tooth? I mean, that's ideal. A fang? One fang, old one fang thorn. Well, you only need one as long as the sluice is open. The sluice. The sluice.

The sluice? The vein? If you close the sluice, you can't get any blood through the Dracula tooth. No. You got to open up that sluice. Yeah, you got to open up the sluice. So you might know it as a flu. Right.

Yeah, it's a regional thing. Yeah. I'm a New Englander. Sure. Right. Exactly. The sluice John B. I can't New Englander. Sure, right, exactly. The sluice John B.

I could just say. Yeah, R&B singer John B. is part Dracula. Oh, we're learning a lot today. Yeah, that's how he gets that finely shaped facial hair. Yeah. Doing John B. humor over here, Jordan. That's right. I love it.

Yeah. Yeah, and hey, thanks again for listening to Bubble. You guys are great. If you haven't checked it out yet, please do. We think you'll really like it. It's so cool how many people have. It really is. You will like it.

It's super cool. Yeah, Steve, you were very hilarious in your episode. I cannot wait for people to hear that one. Yeah, it was really fun. It's a great one.

And you know what? Can I say this? Mm-hmm. Look, there's lots of events where you can't announce any scheduling stuff ahead of time. I know these types of events. You know these kinds of events. Yeah.

There's these events where it's all about who's going to be there. Sure. What conference room is it going to be in, this kind of thing. Yeah. But if you've got some plans to attend events this summer. Conferences or conventions. Yeah. Let's say you're going to a convention.

Sure. I'm just going to say, let's say you're going to a convention. Let's say you might hit up a Padres game after. Sure. Right. Well, make sure to catch some of the cast of Bubble there. Yeah. Oh. I think I'm going to, I think it looks like I'm going to moderate, I think. Jordan some of the cast of Bubble there. Yeah. Oh.

I think it looks like I'm going to moderate, I think. Jordan, you're going to be there? Yeah. But, you know, again, we haven't announced anything. Right. We wouldn't. But just if for some reason you were going to a convention. Or you've got naval training.

Or we're heading to Legoland after. Like for some reason half of our guests on this show. Tip-top meats. Sure. If you're on your way to tip-top meats, then great news. Pick out a meat. They'll cook it for you. They'll give you some German potato salad.

I like that. Keep it on your radar. Yeah. Okay. Just putting it on your radar. Save the date? Yeah. Sure.

Save a date. Save a date? Yeah, sure. Save a date. Save a date. Yeah. For a snack later. Speaking of which, if you want a date shake. Yeah. Oh, sure. That's the other way.

That's more inland. Yeah, go out to Hadley Fruit Orchard in Cabazon. It's a little more inland. Yeah. And, you know, can I also thank a group of bubble listeners? Sure. There have been so many bubble listeners who have been telling people about it and tweeting with the bubble show hashtag. Yeah.

And there's been some cool fan art. Yeah. I've been noticing some cool fan art starting to emerge. I noticed someone, and this is probably some – listen, I'm not going to speculate as to this person's motivations. And I mean, again, the imagination is a beautiful thing. Right. But there is someone who drew a version of Mike Mitchell's character as like a really buff blonde guy. It's awesome.

Yeah. It's super dope. Mike is so funny in Bubble. He is very, very funny. And like, to be clear, we're all for that. Absolutely. The characters in Bubble can be any color you want. They can be any shape you want. Whatever you feel. Look in your heart. Absolutely. The characters in Bubble can be any color you want, they can be any shape you want, whatever you feel.

Look in your heart. Yeah. Make a three to four inch incision right below your clavicle. Get yourself some mint dental floss for after. Get your hands in there, spread it open, and birth it out. Yeah. Breach it. Sew it back up. You're going to want to go white and waxy with

that. The old waxy wax. Can I give you a suggestion for future live events for bubble? Please. Hand out. Is it have less primary gas? No, no, no, no. Throw out packs of bubblicious bubble gum.

Shit, man, that's great. That's a really good idea because if you chew that, what's the next thing you're going to do? Blow a bubble. Blow a bubble gonna do blow a bubble got it you fucking got it it's bubblicious maybe but bub we can handle bub bubblies the pepsi co lacroix variant can i tell you uh hurled hurled cans of soda hot soda cans like a t-shirt cannon type thing for the cans. Oh, yeah. Really give it to people in the face. With Michael Jackson's chimp on it. My favorite thing about the conversations around Bubble that have been going on is the hashtag Bubble Show. Yeah. Which is the hashtag we've been using.

On Twitter and Instagram, I've noticed it is about 85% related to the hit podcast Bubble starring Mike Mitchell, Eliza Skinner, Alison Becker, Keith Powell, Cristela Alonso, and Tavi Gevinson. And it's about 15% bubble shows. Yeah, like people- Like bubble-based performances. Oh, wow. Like at kids' parties. Literally- Like a guy who will blow smoke into a bubble and then you pop it.

Yeah. Like a – most of them are British kids' parties. Yeah. My son, my four-year-old, Oscar, the day after we launched Bubble with the hashtag Bubble Show, came home from his preschool and said, Daddy, guess what we had today? A bubble show. Wow. Nice.

He went inside a bubble. Oh, that's great. Oh, my God. I know. That's awesome. Has he come out yet? He floated away. Oh, that's cute.

I mean, I'm sad that your son doesn't live with you anymore, that he belongs to the sky now. Cheaper this way. But, yeah, that's true. Family of birds adopted him. That's very cute. There's a Pixar movie in there somewhere. Yeah. Okay.

Our producer is Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. He's the one you hear laughing outside the booth. Our apologies for that. He can't help it. He's just born this way. It's a chromosomal thing. It's just he's got a little something. Don't laugh.

Shame him. He's got a little something, something on the side of one of them chromes. It's better than crying. A little cul-de-sac. Yeah. Some people can't help but cry. There's a little cul-de-sac. Yeah. Some people can't help but cry. There's a little cul-de-sac on the edge. You know what I mean?

And he gets in there and he starts driving around in a circle. Don't shame him like a judgmental Sonic the Hedgehog. Embrace his laughter like a Shrek who loves to fuck. Cartoon fuckers. Cartoon fuckers. Maximumfun.reddit.com is where you can chat about the show. Also, like us on Facebook. You can find Jordan, Jesse, Go.

And hashtag it JJGo on Twitter. If you have corrections for the show, as always, head them over to our customer service department. You can find them on Twitter at GasStationTV. That's at GasStationTV. You can let them know if there's anything, any quibbles or points of information. Yeah. Yes.

Cardinal facts. Yes, that song that Jordan sang was a real song from Gene Autry about hoppity hoppity Easter's on its way. That's a real song. We know now. Yeah. I've learned. I know. I can't speak for Christella.

I've learned my lesson. Yeah. Fuck you learned. I know. I can't. I can't speak for Christella. I've learned my lesson. Yeah. Fuck you. You thought that was a fake song? I was singing it and Jesse and Christella both gas lit me and said it was a fake song. No, I know. I heard it. Yeah.

I didn't think it was a real song because Jordan was just going hoppity hoppity Easter's on its way. Hippity hoppity. What the fuck is that? Steve's right. Steve knows it. The Easter Bunny song. Steve wouldn't have fucked with me if he was on the show. Here comes Peter Cottontail hopping down the bunny trail. Hippity hoppity. What the fuck is that? Steve's right. Steve knows it. The Easter Bunny song. Steve wouldn't have

fucked with me if he was on the show. Here comes Peter Cottontail hopping down the bunny trail. Hippity hoppity. Easter's on its way. Thank you. Thank you.

I told you guys. I already learned my lesson. Well, fucking marinate in it, dude. You were wrong. Okay. We'll talk to you next time on jordan jesse go maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported