Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 539: Big Dad Energy with Janine Brito

Episode Date: July 10, 2018

Comedian, TV writer, and BUBBLE writer Janine Brito joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of everyone's go-to sleepover movie rentals, the tale of how Janine used the Nextdoor app to keep a surprisingly valuable tortoise from being sold on the black market, and Jesse's need for Janine's (and listeners') boat expertise.  Plus, Jordan coins a new summer mindset!   Get your San Diego Comic Con BUBBLE tickets here! Listen to BUBBLE today! Episode Four is out now! Subscribe on iTunes! Or use this feed for your other podcatcher needs: https://maximumfun.org/feeds/bubble.xml

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm shoeless Jesse Thorne. I'm Jordan Morris, hot positive. Tell me about your new nickname. Well, we both have new nicknames. Do you want to go first? You were wearing a t-shirt that says summer cannibals. Yeah. I was sure it said Summer Cannabis. Oh, yeah.

No, I know. That would be nice. Hey, if anybody has a Summer Cannabis t-shirt. My t-shirt says Summer Cannibus, the rapper. Oh, yeah? The 1990s rapper, yeah. Well, we all have similar shirts then. Yeah, exactly.

Hey, if you like to rock out with a band that sounds like a millennial L7, Summer Cannibals, everybody. Hit them up online. There you go. Put them on. Okay, so what's your new nickname here? Hot Positive. And what's that about?

Because I'm being positive about the heat. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, guess what I'm doing? I'm wearing fucking sandals in here. Yeah. My bare feet are out for everybody to see. Does that count as shoeless, though?

It's not technically a shoe. Okay. That's my argument. Yeah. it's less than a shoe do we want to bring in our guest and talk about uh these issues i need to talk about these issues with our guest because our guest i'll give her a little run-up here brilliant stand-up comic yep television writer for the hit television program one day at a time. She is a charming past guest of Jordan and Jesse Go. Yep. She is, perhaps most importantly.

Most importantly. In fact, certainly most importantly. Dwarfs all other accomplishments. A writer on season one of the smash hit podcast Bubble, Janine Brito. Yay! And not only is she all of those things, but she came in here looking so fresh and clean. She looks like she just got back from renting a boat with her paramour.

That's the goal every day when I dress myself. I do feel I have my straw hat. You look like you have a boat and a secret love. And a secret lover. I have a little straw hat balanced on my mic stand and I feel like a blues singer, kind of. I feel like I need to have a piano. Probably.

I love that your go-to for blues song was Frasier's theme song. It's either that or the Babysitter's Club Blues. Those are my top five blues references. I am not familiar with the Babysitter's Club Blues. Those are my top five blues references. I am not familiar with the Babysitter's Club Blues. Oh, it's just from the... No, oh, not the Babysitter Blues. Not Babysitter's Club.

What am I talking about? Adventures in Babysitting. Adventures in Babysitting. I was going to guess Boxcar Children. That is not one of... They seem like they'd have a blues. They do. Adventures in Babysitting is one of those 80s classics that I have not seen and often am yelled at for.

Can I ask you a question, Jordan? Is that the one where they say, and perhaps I should refer this to Jimmy. I have not seen the movie. Resident Adventures in Babysitting expert. Is that the one where a guy goes, the dishes are done, man? No. Oh, I don't know. That's Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead.

Oh, okay. done man no oh i don't know that's uh that's uh don't tell mom the babysitter's dead oh okay i haven't seen either of those movies but i've perhaps the single most vivid memory of my childhood is the dishes are done man yeah they broke the dishes they they don't they shoot them this was a this was a popular uh like sleepover rental for us uh Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead. It was Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, the Beverly Hillbillies movie, and A League of Their Own. I feel like we just rented from the drugstore constantly. That's a weird mix.

It is. And I'm learning that now. But I think that's why you're so well-rounded. Sure, right, exactly. That's the one thing. Sure. That contributed to that. What's the we that you're talking about?

This is just like if people were coming over, if it was a sleepover situation, like, you know, mom goes to the store, gets the microwave popcorn, brings home a couple of movies. And it was either Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, The Beverly Hillbillies, or A League of Their Own. I think a big part of that is those are three movies that, like, my sister could also come down and watch. Oh, yeah. So I think that was part of the thing. She's a that like my sister could also come down and watch. Oh, yeah. So I think that was part of the thing. She's a few years younger than you. Yeah, six years. Yeah.

I mean, the Beverly Hillbillies. Yeah. That's from the director of Wayne's World. Oh, yeah. And also the decline of Western civilization. Oh, sure. Talk about well-rounded. Jesus Christ.

And the Little Rascals movie. I was Christ. And The Little Rascals movie. I was about to say The Little Rascals movie. Did she direct both of those? Yeah. I'm not completely. Okay. I think so. If I'm wrong at Gas Station TV, let them know.

Janine, what were your go-to rentals? First of all, I think you're maybe a couple of years younger than we are, but did you have a home video equipment? We did have a VCR. We stole cable. Nice. We had one of those little black boxes. And I had a very extensive VHS collection. Oh, really?

What were the crown jewels in this collection? Fern Gully. Oh, the last raid forest. It was a big one, which apparently my sister once told me her and her high school friends tripped acid to it. Wow. And then like went into the movie. That was their acid.

Which seems I've never personally done acid. That seems like a delight. Yeah. Yeah. Of all the movies to be transported inside, Fern Gully is, yeah, that's pretty safe. Yeah. I mean, you have to deal with the- You have a tar monster.

Tim Curry tar monster. Tim Curry tar monster. Tim Curry tar monster. But you have a rapping bat. Yeah. Voiced by Robin Williams. Voiced by Robin Williams. In his finest role. And Who Framed Roger Rabbit was another huge one.

Yeah, for sure. Little Mermaid. Mm-hmm. Beauty and the Beast. Yeah. See, now you're listing good movies. Yeah. Let's get back to Fern Gully.

Sorry, Fern Gully fans. The last rainforest. Yeah. Let's get back to Ferngully. Sorry, Ferngully fans. The last rainforest. At home, the writer of Ferngully is sitting down to a nice coffee. I'll write it on my favorite podcast. And he's like, ah, favorite time of day with my chamomile tea. And then he spit takes at

this part. The only place where I receive no criticism at all. The only part of my life where no one talks shit about me. It is I, the writer of Fern Gully. Did your parents. One of many, perhaps. Did your parents have movies that they rented multiple times or like had in a like a weirdly small VHS collection of like tapes bought used from the blockbuster? My dad had a little stash of like concert films

elton john billy joel live from the what have you so he was sort of a punk rocker yeah right exactly yeah my dad well yeah sure he was a crust punk yeah i think he wouldn't he wouldn't like punk rocker that he like connotes that you know he's part of that CBGB's crew. He was a crust punk. Got it. So, yeah. So, my dad... But, yeah, my parents...

My dad was a mod. Oh, sure. Yeah. So, yeah. I once said that he had a Vespa. He got so mad at me, and he literally wiped my face on the Lambretta nameplate on his scooter. Oh, boy.

Yeah, it was really rough. That showed you. Yeah. Wait, so, Janine, what is the Adventures in Babysitting Blues? It has nothing to do with tossed salads and scrambled eggs. No, it does not. Oh, God, it's been so many years since I've seen this movie. Okay, so, Adventures in Babysitting, Elizabeth Shue comes to babysit the kids.

Something happens where, where like crime bosses are after them and they're out in the city which i believe is la sure uh out in the city with the kids trying to get away from them and they end up walking into this like real like real seedy like real blues club it's all smoky um and they walk in from the side stage and end up on stage in the middle of a blues concert. And so the whole crowd falls silent. And everyone's like, who the hell are these white kids? And they basically, as Elizabeth Shue goes up to the microphone to apologize and explain. And she's like, I'm so sorry, you guys.

It's just been a really rough day. Then the bass hits. The backup band's like, I'm so sorry, you guys. It's just been a really rough day. Then the bass hits. The backup band's like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. No, they do the classic, do, do, do, do. Right. And then she's like, what's happening?

And they just improvise a blues song from the events of the day and evening. It sounds really good. It's riveting. It sounds really good. That's really cool. I feel like my favorite genre of music is the blues because it's just so elemental and

especially contemporary blues music yeah um probably my favorite blues singer is the guy who owns the new york knicks um who has a blues band that has put out albums and has music videos mine is mine steven seagal. We all have our favorite bluesman. Bluesman. Yeah. Personally, Bruce Willis. I love his. Yeah, you like a blues harmonica. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sure. I'm more of an acroid guy, but I hear where you're coming from. Right. Oh, baby boomers are horrible. Blues Brothers has no jokes. Janine, what movies did your parents either rent over and over or have a copy of? Oh, I mean, amongst me and my mom and my sister, Steel Magnolias. Oh, girl, let's have a cry sesh.

The first movie I cried in. Yeah. And I hate the movie to this day. Really? Yes. Because it made you have feelings? Because it made me have feelings in public. You were like, no!

And I could not control them. It set your path towards comedian. Yeah, exactly. So Steel Magnolia, one of the ones I met, Steel Magnolia's My Girl. Oh, boy. Oh, that one. And Braveheart. Oh, Braveheart.

Yeah, sure. You love freedom so much. I just love freedom. Wow. And I hate the British. Oh, those sneaky British. I hate them for some reason that is not clear in Braveheart. Maybe it is.

They got those hoity-toity voices. That's true. Those accents. There you go. No, Steel Magnolias was a big one. Oh, gosh. My dad and stepmother had and have a contentious relationship, but the two things they agreed on were their VHS copies. And this was the extent of their VHS library.

I want to be totally clear. This is it. The Commitments and Bram Stoker's Dracula. Nice. And I do not know how they land. Like, the Commitments make sense. The Commitments are in Dublin. And my stepmother's from Belfast.

And she loves Mustang South. And my dad loves Mustang South. Really? My dad loves R&B music. So, like, my dad's love of R&B and my stepmother's resentment of all non-authentic Irish things, of which The Commitments is not one. The Commitments is an actual Irish film made by Irish people about actual Irish stuff. Like, they've found common ground there. But I have no explanation for why they both love Dracula so much.

My dad would go around the house going like – They're just both horny for Gary Oldman. Dracula. My dad would say Dracula all the time. Let's watch Dracula. And I got to tell you, like I only lived half time with my father and stepmother because I lived with my mother half time. But I think that they probably bought those videos when I was 11 and I went away to college at 18.

And I think between that time, they probably watched each of them 15 or 20 times. And I did not watch either of them once just out of like teenage resentment. Like later, I still haven't seen Bram Stoker's Dracula, but I saw The Commitments a year or two ago. It's totally great. I totally should have watched it. I think Bram Stoker's Dracula is like a famous bomb. What about Bram Stoker's Chacula?

Bram Stoker's Chacula? Yes. Bram Stoker's Chacula. My teenage angst spite thing was i also my i'm also a child of divorce and spent summers with my dad in miami but my stepdad every sunday without fail at 9 a.m which is prime teen sleep in time sure would blast at full volume through the house um swing out sisters breakout i don't know what this is oh i love it now okay but i used

to hate that song it's um i forget what the genre is it's like oh it is called officially sophista pop it's like sophisticated pop sure and it's a lot of british groups and it's no i only listen to rosé wave so i probably don't really know about this genre. Oh, I also love her as a drag queen. Rosé Wave. Right. My favorite genre of dance music and drag queen. It's like the chorus, you have to experience it. It's such an adult contemporary.

Right. Like we drink Rosé and white zins at our weekend parties. It's, don't stop to ask. You've got to find a way to make it that. I love this. Say what you want to say. Break out. There's like a saxophone.

It is. Do you know this song, Native New Yorker by Odyssey? I do not. Okay. Does it have similar vibes? Brian's about to play a few seconds of it. Yes. But this song, I don't, just on the subject of sophisticated pop music. At some point, I became old and wanted to listen to, it's like right on the edge of when they still wanted to sell records to grownups, you know, but they also had invented contemporary pop music.

So it's like a disco record. Oh. Oh. It's got this beautiful intro. Yeah. Wait, hold on. Here it comes in. Sort of like an 80s TV theme.

I love it. I love it. New York City girl. I love it. I love it. New York City girl. You grew up on the subways running with people. I automatically want to point at buildings.

I just want to drive around and point at buildings. Possibly swing a hat into the air. Oh, my God. I feel like you're the heart and soul of New York City. This less swing-out, the sophisticated pop genre is like your Aunt Janet. Right. Like, she got a convertible this year. Yes.

And she's driving down. Never had kids. But she doesn't care. She doesn't care. She lets loose. It's lets loose everybody brian is enjoying this so much he is not even turning it down like brian is literally sitting outside our studio our producer brian sitting outside our studio just fucking jamming right now yeah and actually i this is so so weird i'm just kind of noticing brian now i think when we walked in he had on like a button down and some slacks and now it's all white linen.

Yeah. Where did he get all that? All that resort wear. Brian, I can't help but notice that you're the heart and soul of New York city. I like it. It's slaps. Sure.

Yeah. It's a bop. It's a bop. Kids also say that sometimes. Heart and soul of New York city. Anyway. Yeah. I,

my parents, my father and stepmother, that is, because they had this weird, you know, it has like elements of like when you hear about somebody that has a mail order bride. Like the cultural gap was pretty fast. No, I don't know about that. I mean, who has a mail order bride? You know, that old. You know, that old mail order bride couple that's on everybody's street. I guess I'm just referring to from a sitcom from 1993. There's this vast cultural.

They're opposites, but they make it work kind of thing. Yeah, but it's specifically that there is like a depth of cultural misunderstanding that is difficult to. Because my stepmother, like if you go to Belfast now, 2018, and I went four or five years ago, mostly, mostly, 95 percent, it just seems like a medium-large European city, Western European city. Just seems pretty regular. There are a few parts that have a lot of murals of martyrs. But besides that, it seems pretty normal. Whereas like,

I know like when I went, when I was 11, there was just a ton of automatic weapons on the street, just soldiers walking around with automatic weapons. And occasionally a bomb would explode. And I think when my stepmother lived there, she, and my stepmother is not old. My stepmother is 60 ish. But my stepmother, when she lived there, did not have running water in the house. in 1975 or whatever it was. So like they just had this huge cultural gap between them. Like they shared that they were traumatized by war.

But besides that, like a huge cultural gap. And so there were a couple of things. My dad would always try and do Irish things to satisfy my stepmother. But my stepmother, what he didn't know was kind of resented Irish stuff because she had grown up Catholic in Belfast and you have to like learn to speak Irish. It's a very dark gift of the Magi situation. Yeah.

Like you have to play penny whistle. Like they send you- What is penny whistle? It's, you know, that little whistle that like you would imagine a leprechaun would play. Oh, okay. Okay. Like you have to like carry a shillelagh everywhere. Like just different Irish stuff you're required to do to demonstrate how not

British you are. So she kind of resents that stuff, even though it's like her cultural heritage. So he went through a long period where he listened to the Chieftains all the time, which is like a traditional Irish band, the greatest traditional Irish band. And like now as an adult,

I can listen to the Chieftains and be like, well, this is wonderful. This Celtic music is spectacular. What a wonderful thing. I really enjoy that tin whistle solo. But at the time, it made me want to kill myself. And the only other thing they agreed on was Sinead O'Connor. Sinead O'Connor was it. Like we had so many late period.

Oh, and Van Morrison. So many late period Van Morrison and Sinead O'Connor albums. I'm not talking about Nothing Compares to You. I'm not talking about Moondance. I'm talking about a live Van Morrison album from 1994. I'm talking about a Sinead O'Connor reggae album. That's where our family was at. Yeah, that is the intersection of dad and Ireland.

Yeah. That's the corner. Exactly. Before we came into the booth, we were talking about heat matters. Janine, you said you were monitoring your neighborhood's power outages on the Nextdoor app. Yes. This is not something I've done, but I've kind of heard of this. I was under the impression this was for monitoring your neighbor's racism. Yes it's both for sure um it is a nightmare and a gawky good time i i found out about the la like apparently there are tens of thousands of people without power in la and by the way i'm i don't know if you heard but i'm hot positive now yeah and i think that's a benefit bauer being out really we yeah because your community comes together?

We can take some time to get out. Just stop staring at our little fucking hypno screens. Or is it possible? Read a book. Is it possible that you think that- Get out there. Connect. Is it possible that you think it's positive that the power went out during a heat wave

because a dog just told you to murder a bunch of people? Yeah, that too. I'm having a real summer of Sam in my apartment. Yeah. I just told you to murder a bunch of people. Yeah, that too. I'm having a real summer of Sam in my apartment. It was a cat and she was telling me to put peanut butter on a Pop-Tart. And I did it. And I did it. It was great.

So I was in the mountains this week in my cabin. So I didn't experience this. But from what I gather, it was 115 degrees in Los Angeles this week, past week? Yeah, it was Cray Cray Town. It was so hot. We luckily, thank God, did not lose our power. My girlfriend and I have three dogs and three cats. And so we had to keep our zoo comfortable.

Sure. And every time we let the dogs out to pee, it truly felt like sticking your head in an oven. It was a real Sylvia Plath day out there. The pee would just come out boiling. The dogs would just spray boiling pee all over the lawn. Just a heated pee mist would emerge from their genitals. So it was bad. And yes, next door, oof.

So this is it, I guess. Can you explain the setup of this thing? I have not been on it yet. You sign up and you put in your zip code and so you only get posts about your area. It is like a localized Facebook localized facebook yeah pretty much and people put posts and you'll get alerts for like top posts of the day and most of them are very racist like i think one in my neighborhood was like a break-in stopped like the people who own the house happened to come home as the break-in was happening and they left a very detailed description of the people um that did not

include skin color but they were like the woman is five foot three long blonde hair literally wearing this outfit this is the make of their car the guy is six two like they described the outline of his beard and then the rest of the comments were people complaining that they didn't mention race they were like how are we supposed to know who these people are if you don't tell us what skin they're cut? Right. So that's what it is. But also, like, my girlfriend and I saved a tortoise in the neighborhood and found the

owner via Nextdoor app. Wow. And then reunited the tortoise with her long-lost sister. Now, was the tortoise racist? It was very racist. That's why we had to get him out. Because I am Cuban and he was like, get your hands off of me. From what did you save the tortoise addiction uh yes we found him uh in the alley uh behind

you cb franklin no he was just walking down the middle of the street and it was like a huge tortoise and so my girlfriend and i being the lesbians that we are we're like we have to save him you already put him in the back of the Subaru. Get him in. Let's buy a gate and feed and stuff. This is what we got the Rav4 for. How did the six other pets react to the tortoise? Oh, they did not interact. We kept the tortoise outside.

I named him Glen Campbell. It turns out her name was Rakshma. But Glen, as we knew him, was out in the front yard. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Okay. And that's nice that you used the next – what did you post just like – Basically, yeah, we posted a picture of the tortoise.

We're like, hey, we're near this intersection. And then all these wackadoos started texting us. Tell us the race of the turtle. Yes. Okay, hold on. What skin color is it? But apparently the type of tortoise it was goes for tens of thousands of dollars, and you have to have a license in the state of California to own it because they're a protected

species. And so all these people were like, yeah, what's your address? Because people were coming to try and steal the tortoise. Turtle wrestlers. Yes, turtle fighters to sell it on the turtle black market or tortoise black market. And so we got very protective. We were like, no. Yeah.

We're going to screen these people. That, by the way, is what Michael Vick is into now. Tortoise black market. Yeah. It's a calmer dog fight. It's a slower battle. Right. Slow and steady wins the dog fight.

Still abusive, but yeah. But it keeps your party going longer. Yeah. Because, you know, if everybody, you know, get a couple of drinks. And they've got shells. They'll be fine. Check in periodically. They clock a few jabs.

They know how to cook heroin. I think we learned earlier. Yes, yes. But no, and we got the tortoise to our owner, and the owner was just happening to mention, yeah, we lost her sister. Her sister has eye deformity. And then someone else on next door was like, we have a turtle with a weird eye. They both broke out at the same time?

No, like two months apart. Okay. How did you lose a tortoise? They're fast. Glenn was crazy fast. We had to get a cage for him because he was moving too. What did you do? You got a cage and what did you?

We got a corral in the front. Wait, you go to the tortoise store? We went to Petco and they do. They have a tortoise cage. Wow. So now you have a tortoise cage. How did you even pick him up? You just pick him up by the shell.

How big is it? He was like the size of a toilet seat. Oh, okay. Now my instinct would be to feed him pizza. I watched a program when I was young. To be fair, that's because your father taught you that. He was a famous rat. Right.

Sure, my father was a famous rat. Right. Sure. My father was a radical rat. Yeah. Anyway. Would you say the turtle was a party dude? He was. Cool but rude. How would you describe Quince Campbell?

He was more of a Leonardo. Like a natural leader. Yeah. Real steady head on his shoulder. Sure. A little vanilla, but yeah. Anyway, you need a leader. Yeah.

So yeah. So next door. Next door. Horribly racist, but also sometimes you reunite tortoise sisters. What do you learn about that is useful to your life? Nothing whatsoever except yesterday when I saw that the power was out in several parts of L.A. Do you just look at it and get mad? Because I do that sometimes when there is a Los Angeles-themed Reddit group, subreddit, and I will go on there. And I find it interesting to read interesting news articles and so forth about the city in which I live,

my adopted hometown. But if I look at the comments, every comment thread is just about how either all cyclists should be run over. Oh, my gosh. All homeless people should be sent directly to jail or there should be no laws. Like one of those things. I think we should give the homeless cycles. I think so, too.

Yeah. Give them those scooters you rent with that app. Those bird scooters? Now, I've been kind of circling next door just because it's interesting to me, and I have seen that there's a lot of kind of funny stuff that goes on. And my neighborhood has some characters, so I'm wondering what these yuckalucks are posting on there. But I think this is the reason that I don't dig too deep in the internet sometimes is I am worried that I will see something about myself. I am worried that one of my neighbors is going to be posting about how weird I am. And that is, I think, the reason sometimes I'll like, oh, I should look on this podcasting subreddit to see if anybody is saying anything about blah, blah, blah.

I'm like, no, it's probably mean. I won't do it. Well, I think you're safe in Nextdoor because you're white. Oh. It really is. Like a lot of the posts are like, dark man walking down our street at 8 p.m. Why him here? Why him here?

It's a lot of that. I happen to be. Finally, this whiteness is paying off. I can join any app I want to. It's about time. I happen to be relaxing on a Saturday afternoon afternoon and I heard Frankie Beverly featuring Maze. Maze featuring Frankie Beverly and I've got some concerns.

It's just an example of a next door post that you might find. Maze featuring Frankie Beverly. Janine, how long have you had this summer hat that's hanging on the mic? This is me leaning into my dad energy. You heard about big dick energy this week, maybe. I'm talking about big dad energy. You heard about big dick energy this week, maybe.

I'm talking about big dad energy. So this is speaking of just not going down the hole, thinking I should go on the podcast subreddit, and then going, nah, I shouldn't. Thinking I should go on Nextdoor and go, nah, I shouldn't. You heard about big dick energy, but you were worried it was about you. I saw it, and then I closed the laptop. And I'm like, I am going, yeah.

So, yeah, I'm like, I'm going to read a hardcover book and not learn about Big Dick Energy. But I am curious now about Big Dick Energy. I know it's a thing. It's a simple thought, idea. I think it's just people who are confident. I think I assumed it was something that Kanye West said. It sounds like it. Because I had a similar – I saw a few allusions to it and thought I should figure out what this is.

And I thought I don't want to do that. Yeah. Who are the – is it like attached to celebrities specifically? I don't know a lot about it extensively. I've just seen it pop up uh on social media and i i got it right away because for a long time when i did stand-up sets that i was nervous about yeah before the house was open and anyone was in the room i would walk pace back and forth around the stage and pretend like i had a huge penis that i was swinging around and that would help get me comfortable in the space.

Like, yeah, I got this. And I would just really be like, yeah, this is my huge dick. I own this space. So as soon as I saw Big Dick Energy, I was like, yes, I have been a Big Dick Energy monk for years. Janine, I always had you pinned for having MV or many vests energy. No more. I played with vests in college and I was like,

you know what? The time has come for me to be a grownup, but no longer a baby dyke. No more vests. No more vests. You hung up your vests. I hung up. I still have one for every once in a while.

Also, they don't sit right on my body. I get a little side. Gotta get some alterations. I know, but. Now you're out there renting leisure boats. Leisure boat time.

That's my genre. But now you have dad energy. You've switched to a dad energy. Yes, I switched to a dad energy. It's something I feel comfortable. I feel like dad energy, I also find it to be non-gendered. Or I'm trying to make it non-gendered, I guess. Sure.

It's more appropriate. I feel like dad energy is like cool, calm, don't take yourself too seriously. And also, kids, you're in safe hands. Yeah. Now I'm going to turn on a little Sophista Pop. Pour you a glass of chocolate milk. Anyway, I'm trying to keep a carton of chocolate milk with me wherever I go. Jordan, I kind of want some chocolate milk.

Do you mind if we take a quick break? Sure. Let's take a break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jessica. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Janine Burrito, tep la. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Janine Burrito, tepid.

Let's see how it shakes out. Yeah. Wow. You've been on this show before, Janine. You might fail, though. I feel like you've got a sense of it. I know. Guys, it's been hot.

I was going off of your hot positive. Yeah. Yeah. Are you not feeling hot positive? I'm feeling, I am very cautious. Okay. I won't say that I'm a pessimist. I'm more of a like, hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Like old timey, old world mentality. That is very reasonable. And it shows a lot of dad energy. Yeah. So I'm hot positive. And I'm tepid. Let's see how it shakes out. Okay. That's fine. I'm not cold.

We're like a classic buddy cop. Yeah. We have some sponsors on this week's Jordan, Jessica. Of course, every week we're brought to you by all the kind MaxFun members. Go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. This week also by our friends at HelloFresh. Yes, HelloFresh. It's a meal kit delivery service that delivers your favorite recipes and ingredients so you can just cook, eat, and enjoy.

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Yeah. That's kooky. In reference to the Queen Mother. Oh, there you go. They have vegetarian meals. They also have family-oriented meals, which as a family man myself, I'm known for my big dad energy. Sure. I have to say, I appreciate a family-oriented meal because sometimes

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meals delivered every week for less than $10 per serving. I mean, we're talking dill sauce here. Dill sauce. I made my own dill sauce. How could you go wrong with dill sauce? Look at me. Look at me. I'm not a...

You wouldn't look at me and go, that guy can make his own dill sauce, but I can. Now, that's... Don't sell yourself short. Thank you. The first time I laid eyes on you, all I could see was dill sauce. It was like one of those cartoons where a guy's really hungry and he sees a fully dressed chicken. At less than $10 a plate, this big dad says that's a deal. Applebee's is going to charge you $15.99 for dill sauce.

And thank you for comparing this to Applebee's, which is the metric by which we judge value on this show. Hey, and speaking of value, if you want $30 off your first week of HelloFresh, visit HelloFresh.com slash JJGo30 and enter promo code JJGo30. Now here's something else, Jordan. Another sponsor on this week's program. I noticed

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Keep all five items and you receive 25% off your entire purchase. Stitchfix.com slash JJGO. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Kyle. It's Jordan, Jesse, Kyle. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Janine Brito, sofista pop pop. Janine, do you know anything about boats?

I have a boat question. The only experience I have with boats are two things. One, my dad once told me, he's like, the best day of your life is when you buy your boat, and the next best day is when you sell it, because they're a pain in the ass. That's a big dad energy. That's a big dad energy. That's a dadism. And then my first girlfriend, her dad had a yacht and I once helped him take it from Houston to New Orleans.

Oh. So I like threw boat, like, you know, bumpers over the side while we were going through channel locks and learned knots and things like that. So you know a lot about boats. Like, I don't remember. Like, if I was thrown into a boat situation, I would make do. Right. I would make myself handy.

It would return to you. Yes, it would come back. It's in my muscle memory. It's like riding a boat. Yes. That's why that old adage is true. Like, riding a boat. Janine, did you learn any shanties?

No. I don't even. What is a shanty? It's a boat song. Oh, yes. What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning? Hey, now you're an all-star. Get your boat on, go sail.

This is why I happen to, as I mentioned, I'm coming directly from my cabin to this studio to entertain America. I don't want to leave the loyal listeners of Jordan Jessup. And some of Canada. Yeah, that's true. How you doing, Canada? I drive past this lake. On my way to my cabin, I drive past this lake called Lake Success. What?

And I think it's a man, I think it's a reservoir of some kind. It's very large. It's because they found success dead there. Yeah. It's floating. Success was killed by the mafia and dumped into that lake. Yeah. It's not a region characterized by success, I would say, economically speaking.

Right. And so if you go past, it was recently 4th of July, this is the height of summer. If you go past this lake on a weekend, it is chock-a-block with boating revelers. Now, there's a couple of kind of boats on there that I know about. I mean, I'm not a boat expert, but I did once spend a night on a boat in fourth grade,

so I know a few shanties. Sure, yeah. So there's sea-dos. Got your sea-dos. Yep. That's very popular, needless to say. You got your speed boats. Right.

And I've ridden in a speed boat. My Uncle Roy had one of those. You know, I mean, you know my Uncle Roy. Yeah, we go way back. Later went to jail. I know the type. But at the time, he had a speedboat. He was a nice uncle at the time.

I wonder what the correlation between speedboat and jail time served is. One to one. Perfect. Perfect one to one. So that's the two types of boats that I'm familiar with. Then there's a third type of boat that looks like it's a flat bottom boat that looks a little bit like a paddle boat. Now these make the rockin'

world go round. Like a pontoon? Is that what it is? No, there's no pontoons. It looks like, you know those paddle boats you would rent at an urban lake? The ones that don't look like swans. But if you picture that kind of side and bottom, but over a boat that is holding 18 people standing around under a crappy tarp, like a canopy.

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Like it's just a floating platform for beer. This is from a distance, I'm observing. It's a party boat for a booze cruise. It's a redneck yacht party. But these boats, it seems like a boat you would rent there to put beer on. But I think people drive them to the lake, but they seem so huge.

I need your boat expertise, you two. Are there homes nearby? Not really. I mean, you would have to take one of these boats. Guys, you would have to take one of these boats from Porterville, Visalia, maybe even Fresno. This seems like something you would rent. This seems like a thing. It so seems like.

So what I want to know is can you rent it at the Big Five? Like, can you stop by the Big Five and just hitch up a trailer they've got outside and give them $300? Does the lake just have them? No. There's no place to rent. Because here's the thing. Sometimes I've driven past on a late April day where it's a weekday, and you can see all there is there is a campground. There's a campground and there's a boat launch.

There's no boathouse. There's no place to keep these boats. So people have to be driving these boats up to Lake Success. Right. From another body of water. Yeah. Yeah. I bet you there's a way to hire them or rent them.

I think that's probably it. That has to be for like busy times. Could they come with a captain? I mean, ideally. I mean, you know, you need somebody with that class of license. You can't just let any Yahoo start sailing around. It's like a semi of the water if it's that big. Right.

Is the license class a Ron class? Yeah. Captain Ron. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I bet. And I bet they come with like a sunburned failure. Yeah. You pilot your boat around.

This is something that I think I wanted to share it both because I thought maybe Janine, given her aquatic attire. And apparently passed driving a boat from New Orleans to Houston. Is that the route? Yeah. Yeah. boat from New Orleans to Houston. Is that the route? Yeah.

I thought maybe she would know, but I also thought, like, this has got to be something that every American besides those of us who live in Los Angeles and New York know the answer to. Oh, sure. So we're sourcing that. It's like, hey, if you're out there and you have, like, lake parties, let us know where to get one of these things. Yeah. If you need to know about New Yorican performance poetry, we will explain that to you.

Sure. Can you please explain these big flat boats to us? Where do they come from? Can you keep them in your yard? I wonder if they break down somewhat. I mean- Like when the platform comes up. Yeah.

Sure. I mean, I've talked about- I bet you just let them sink too. I bet they're like not expensive. I bet that lake is just, if you go to the bottom- It's a lawnmower engine tied to the back of it. And there's probably like half a case of Zima went down with one in like 1992. And those are like the remaining Zimas at the bottom of this lake.

I am picturing that the only analog I know is the greatest miracle of my neighborhood. And I think I mentioned this on Jordan and Jessica in the past. I've mentioned this on Jordan and Jessica in the past, is that in my neighborhood on Pasadena Boulevard in Los Angeles, there is a home that is a perfectly normal Los Angeles home of normal size with a normal size driveway on which is parked the cab owner operator tractor trailer, but like a full big rig somehow parks in this small urban driveway. Like just like a driveway. Just picture a driveway, not like a country house driveway or a mansion driveway, just a regular driveway, but with an entire tractor trailer parked on it. I don't know how it works. And it must be the same thing with these boats. And speaking of things we've talked about before, I consider one of the great failures of my life that I have never been on a booze cruise.

You'd think so, right? Yeah. You'd think so. Right after the economic downturn, me and Lonely Sandwich, Adam Lissagor, and our respective lovers took to the seas. Lovers? Oh, my God. Stop that now.

Don't. Took to the seas. Took to the seas on a- Sea lover? You're sea lovers? Yeah. I mean, what else are you going to call a sexual whale? Well, that's true.

That's true. We bought one of those Ensenada cruises. You know, like from here in Los Angeles, you can go on like a two-night cruise or like a one and a half. Like it's like a two and a half day deal, like a weekend. You know, you leave on Friday, come back on Sunday. And I think we each we paid like I'm going to say it was $110 each. For a whole weekend? For a whole weekend, all food, everything included.

That's crazy. Because it was 2008 and, like, the entire economy had just collapsed and no one was going on. Well, here's hoping that'll happen again. Your Booze Cruise dreams will come true. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I was originally mad at myself that I had never gotten invited to an escape room, but that happened. It was great. I did it.

And now I'm my sights set on booze cruise. I've never done an escape room and I don't think I want to do one. I don't want to either. I didn't think I would want to, but I went because I wanted to socialize. I thought it was really fun. I was real prepared to be kind of whatever about it or to kind of roll my eyes through the whole thing. I was into it. It sounds like.

It was a bank robbery mystery and we got to blow the vault of a bank. It was great. Competition and bad feelings of board game night. Sure. With all of the unpleasant plastic simulacra of a theme park. Sure. Into my worst nightmare. My personal. I wish everyone the best who enjoys either of those things. These are broken things about me, not broken things about these experiences. I enjoy play.

I love the movie Clue and I'm like, I want to do that. Yeah. But when I play HQ, our writer's room plays it. experiences i enjoy play like i love the movie clue and i'm like i want to do that yeah but i also like when i play hq oh sure our writer's room plays it yeah the uh the trivia yeah the little trivia app i get legit like my heart pounds if i get to question eight because then i'm like oh my god i got four more questions left i don't know if i'm gonna be able to do and that's just a video like video would it that's one of them phone video toys. Now, if you want to know what I want to do, I want me and Janine Brito and probably Louis Vertel, past guest Louis Vertel, to watch Clue.

I haven't seen it since I was a kid. I want to know. Does it hold up? I loved it when I was a kid. Louis says it does. Eileen Brennan. Yeah, sure. So great.

Great Madeline Kahn performance in that. Heat flames in my face. Flames rising from the side of my face. Two spectacular Madeline Kahn's, by the way, guys. Thank you, thank you. I saw that used as a GIF recently, and I'm like, oh, that's a useful GIF. That's a great GIF. That's a very useful GIF.

Incorporate it into your life. I will. I am going to somebody send me something online that will make me mad so I can use that Madeline Kahn GIF. No, don't. Don't do that. Let the record show that Janine punctuated her statement. I will. I'm going to somebody send me something online that'll make me mad so I can use that Madeline Kahn gift. No, don't. Don't do that. Let the record show that Janine punctuated her statement. I did.

That was claps. Yeah. I love that gift. I love that gift. That gift is one of my number ones. And my number two is a gay man in a Speedo twerking while Patrick from SpongeBob is mouth agape staring at his butt. That's really good.

Those two gifs. Yeah. Bring me joy. Do you use that for just undersea butts or? Anytime I see butts, anytime I see something exciting, really. Sure. Got it. Got it.

Well, when something momentous happens to you, the listener, like you see a great twerking butt. Yeah. Or your friend is SpongeBob. Yeah. Or if you're a, what kind of animal is Patrickongebob. Yeah. Or if you're a – what kind of animal is Patrick? Starfish. He's a starfish.

Starfish. You're a starfish that can talk. Give us a call. That's momentous in and of itself. For our segment, Momentous Occasions, the number is 206-9844-FUN. You can also always hit us with a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Here's our first call. Hi.

This is a momentous occasion. So my name is Peggy, and I am in medical school, and I recently had a major medical school exam. And in this exam, there was a question about vasectomies. And I got this question right, not because I had actually thoroughly studied much about vasectomies, but actually because Jesse talked so extensively about his experience getting a vasectomy on this podcast. So thank you, Jordan, Jesse Goh, for helping me to pass medical school. I appreciate it very much. Bye. I guess the question on the exam was something about what it's like to have fellowship with men of every age, race, and economic background who have all

decided they don't want to have any more children, which was by far the standout part of my vasectomy experience. Yeah. I mean, if there's anybody there who is getting into child delivery or something like that, I mean, I think we've constantly been addressing the question on this show, can Sonic the Hedgehog get pregnant? Hopefully, if that's on your next test, you can answer that confidently. Confidently. That's great. Your little snip tip. Yeah. test, you can answer that confidently. Confidently. That's great. Your little snip tip. Yeah.

Oh, it's a snip tip. It's a snip tip. Do you think there's any Jordan Jesse Go listeners with more than one PhD? Yeah, I think so. I bet they're a learned bunch. I think so. I think so, too. At the con in the Poconos, they all seemed very-

Like a lot of brainiacs. Like a lot of smart, little bunch of pinkies in the brains. I mean, I'm sure. Yes. And if you're out there listening, do not try and take over the world, okay? I think there's- Will it be funny? Sure.

I'm going to say we top out at a JD and a PhD. What's a- Jurist. Jurist doctor. Oh, okay. PhD. What's a – Juris Doctor. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's a law degree. That's my guess. You're thinking two PhDs?

Oh, I think two. Yeah. What's your guess, Janine? You've been to Max Fun Con. I would say – I think two PhDs, one Quidditch trophy. Somebody out there who has more PhDs or more Quidditch trophies? I want to hear from you.

Maybe a Robot Wars championship? Oh, sure, yeah. Someone who's won BattleBots more than once. If you can get a PhD in Quidditch, then I'm changing it to five PhDs. Okay, sure, yeah. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Is playing Quidditch a real thing that young people do or is it a trend piece that makes fun of young people in Time magazine? Unclear.

I have seen like videos of people playing Quidditch earnestly. And yeah, and I think there are a lot of like CBS This Morning type exposés on that. CBS This Morning known for their exposés. Yeah, like a fluffy, fun piece that Gayle King can introduce. Tearing the...

Yeah, okay. I'm a huge fan of CBS This Morning. John Dickerson. I do Sunday Mornings with Jane Polly. Oh, I also like Sunday Mornings with Jane Polly. That's my John Dickerson. I do Sunday mornings with Jane Pauly. Oh, I also like Sunday mornings with Jane Pauly. That's my go-to. I do Jane Pauly Sunday mornings. All right, all right, all right, all right.

She's talking about what are your sea lovers. Is she one of your sea lovers there? Yeah, she's a talking starfish. Oh, cool. Her mouth and her anus are... never mind never mind enjoy your emmys also chamomile spit take yeah um let's take our next call hey jordan jesse D, and guests. So, Tim from Chicago, you may remember me from the Daddy Thick episode. I think it was 535.

I'm feeling a little more peppy today. Can you pause this, Brian? I'm calling. I have a... First of all, I have to admit I don't remember. I don't either. Because I don't remember anything that's happened to me in my life generally, but particularly in here. And particularly now where it's 175 degrees in here. Yes.

It's not very hot positive, Jesse. However— Hot positive. Hot positive! I would like to congratulate this caller on his temerity for claiming to be peppy. His peppiness claim is truly impressive. Anyway, that's not the point. I'm calling.

I have a momentous occasion that I thought it was a momentous occasion, but it quickly turned into a moment of shame. I was on the toilet. I was on the toilet, and I was going to change my toilet paper roll, and I dropped the little insert, the little metal spring insert, managed to catch it between my legs, right on top of my hog, my penis, whatever you want to call it. Hog, yeah. That's right. Right at the first time. right on top of my hog, my penis, whatever you want to call it. That's right. And then as I tried to use two fingers like a pair of tweezers to grab a hold of it and get it out while my legs were still together, I definitely dropped it into the poop water.

So, yeah. Thanks. I love the show. Have a great one first of all it got a lot peppier it did once I brought up that hog

it got a lot poopier there we go this is why you're successful in showbiz you're not you just switch a couple letters and it sounds similar

it's true. Switch-a-roo. First rule of comedy. Your dad had that tattooed across his back, right? That whole paragraph. Right. That's why you got to be tepid. Let's see how it shakes out.

I guess so. Because you think it's going to be a momentous occasion. And then you're stuck in shit water. Yeah, you're just dropping a whole roll into the shit water. But it's landing on your penis first. So that's fun. It's hitting that hog on the way down. It's hitting that hog.

Jordan, you're hot positive. Yeah, I'm hot positive. Janine, you're tepid. See how it works out. I, of course, am ice cold negative. But the great thing about ice cold negative is, sure, I dropped it in the poop water, but at least it landed on my hog.

Sure. There you go. I dropped it in the poop water, but at least it landed on my hog. Sure. Well, there you go. Yeah. I think that's more hot positive than you're giving yourself credit for. Oh, thank you. And I would say, as ice cold negative, you're still cool. Yeah. No?

Oh, yeah. Do you think hot positive could be extrapolated? Time to take your sea lover back to the cabin. Gaze at the portal. Do you think that hot positive could be extrapolated into a sort of general lifestyle? I mean, no reason why it shouldn't be. I mean, yeah.

I mean, I think you can, you know, I mean, I think what I'm trying to do in the midst of the heat wave and the power outages and, you know, the commander in tweet up there in the White House, sorry. Sorry. Sorry, I don't have anything to say about that. I kind of try and save

my satire arrows for the people who really deserve it. Yeah. The Clowns in Congress. Excuse me? Oh, the Clowns in Congress. Sorry. I couldn't hear you. Never mind. A lot of Big Dad energy in the room right now. Yeah, a lot of Big Dad energy. Sorry, my ears are full of

seltzer water from these clowns in Congress. So yeah, I mean, I guess I'm trying to be positive through the heat wave and see Senator Bozo. Yeah. And find the positive things about a heat wave. Getting to wear jorts, which I love. Checking out everybody

else's jorts. I love looking at somebody wearing jorts. Also, I feel like hot positive could apply to people on instagram who post like real sexy like thirst traps and then the caption is all like hashtag look on the bright side like it's all like sexy pics like here's here are my abs or here's my butt and then it's the caption is like hang on to your dreams for the moon you'll still hit stars or something like sure yeah i also think like that. If you shoot for the moon, you'll still hit stars or something. Sure, yeah. I also think that's hot positive.

Shoot for the toilet, you'll still hit your hug. You'll still hit your hug. And you'll still hit your hug. Right. You'll land amongst the poop water. Yeah. Hey, if you're out there posting sexy pics on Insta. Throw in a positive caption.

Tag them hot positive. Hot positive. Yeah, I think so. I think I am. Yeah. Maybe that's our new summer boy for this year. I think so. I mean that's what I immediately thought of.

It feels like it could even be – it could almost be a year-round thing. I mean it certainly peaks in the summer. But like what are the tenets of being hot positive do you think? Right. Well, I mean I think in general it's finding some fun in whatever situation you're in, whether that's sweltering heat wave, if you're in an apartment with no power, find it, find in something fun. I think that's that would be my core, my core piece of advice. Turn that sweat into a Corvette in a good time. There you go.

Turn that sweat into a vet. Yeah. We want to shorten it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Yeah, I like that.

So yeah, if you're out there and you're having a, whether it's a heat wave, whether it's a frost blizzard, or whether you've lost your lover to the sea. A wave has taken your lover and swept them out. My lover has returned to the sea. Oh, okay, from whence they came. Yeah. It's a real shape of water situation. Yeah, just try and stay hot positive, I think. If we're gonna say that it's sort of a shape of water

situation, could we work in at all doing that hand signal for fish penis? Yeah, sure. That'll be the international signal of hot positive. Oh, God, that's a beauty. Very evocative. 206-984-4FUN or JJGoAtMaximumFun.org for all your voice memos.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Desigo. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la-fi comedy podcast, Bubble, is coming to San Diego Comic-Con on July 21st. At 1 p.m., Bubble cast members Travis McElroy, Cristela Alonzo, Eliza Skinner, Alison Becker, Mike Mitchell, Jordan Morris, and Danielle Radford will be signing autographs. Tickets are required but free. Then at 5 p.m. the cast will participate in a panel moderated by Jesse Thorne held at the San Diego Central Library. For more information visit MaximumFun.org slash SDCC.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hi, this is Jay Keith Van Straten, host of Go Fact Yourself, here on the Maximum Fun Network. On Go Fact Yourself, we take the smartest people we know and make them look dumb. Paul, by the way, how much do you know about chicken husbandry? You gotta give him that grain. All right. You gotta give him that grain. And then smart again.

What future Hall of Fame pitcher for the Cleveland Indians became the first active player to enlist? Bob Feller. Oh, okay. We've got me, co-host Helen Hong, plus celebrity guests and actual surprise experts. In the coming weeks, you can hear guests like Maria Bamford, Tom Bergeron, Paul F. Tompkins, Janet Varney, and Grant Imahara. And if you're in the New York area, come check us out live. We're doing two shows there on July 21st and July 22nd. Go to GoFactorPod.com for tickets and more. We'll see you in New York or on the first and third Friday of every month

here on the Maximum Fun Network. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Shoeless Jesse Thorne. Jordan Moore's Hot Positive. Janine Brito. Pontoon Sally. Wow. That's really fun. Thanks, guys. I really likeeless Jesse Thorne. Jordan Moore's Hot Positive. Janine Brito. Pontoon Sally. Wow. That's really fun. Thanks, guys. I really like that, Janine. Pontoon Sally. That's just

a solid triple in the gap. You make the rockin' world go round. By Land NC. Now, Janine, you wrote as we record this, and I guess as this comes out, it will be the most recent episode of Bubble or One. No, Ryan Perez's was this week. Yeah. So one week ago was Jeanine's episode three.

Yes, episode three. And, God, it turned out so good. It was so fun. Yeah. Yeah. And I think I have said this elsewhere, but I don't think I've said it to you. So I'll say it now. Something, you know, when we kind of were talking about like, you know, who to get to do bubble and who we should have right episodes. I mean, you know, I was I was super excited because, you know, you were one of the funnier people that I know. And I was super excited to like have your jokes in it and like they were very very spectacular but I think something kind of wonderful that came from your episode um and you know I think I think everybody who worked on it can kind of tell this is that like

the one you turned in was the first instance of the main characters being friends the the Alison Becker and Eliza skinner character and i think up until there it seemed like they hated each other yeah like they were these kind of you know people who were like together by obligation or they were these like you know uneasy people who had to work together and i think your episode did such a good job of not only being very very funny but also like showing them being friends and showing them why they kind of work together. Yeah.

And yeah, it was great. And I think I went back in everyone before yours and just tried to insert some of that Janine Brito friendship magic into them. Janine Brito friendship magic! Friendship energy! Yes. Friendship energy. Big friendship energy.

Big friendship energy. Are you going to Janine Con this year, by the way? Yeah, yeah. I will be wearing my little ponyony, My Friendship is Magic costume. Yay! So, yeah, I definitely, like, appreciate your jokes, but also, like, my mind was totally blown when I read your episode. I'm like, oh, they're friends. They like each other.

They love each other. Like, it was really great, and I think that the whole, like, series is so much better because you worked on it. And I, like, could not have been more excited to have it. It was really, really a pleasure to read. I didn't care for it. He's like, I like women fighting. Sure. Not enough nudity either.

Well, there's no nudity. You can't see anything. Ain't nothing in here for my hog! Had to drop some toilet paper on it. Yeah, so it's such a so, so cool that you on it. Yeah, so it's totally such a – yeah, so, so cool that you did it. Yeah, we were very lucky to grab you before you became – in between your successful career as a late-night comedy writer and the blossoming of your successful career as a network television comedy writer, a professional network sitcom writer. And we feel very lucky. We feel like you were a ringer, basically, is what I'm saying.

You know that episode of The Simpsons where all the baseball players come to play on the power play baseball team? You're Daryl Strawberry. Yeah. Yeah. Guess what? Speaking of Bubble, Jordan. Yeah. I bet.

Should we need to say what Bubble is at this point? People know. People know. Bubble is this scripted podcast from MaximumFun.org created by friend of the podcast, Jordan Morris, and executive produced by me and our friend Nick Adams, who's a beloved guest on the show and written by many beloved guests, including Sarah Morgan and Dan Kennedy and Janine Burrito and Daniel Radford. A whole laundry list of brilliant people.

Name your faves. And starring many of your favorite Jordan Jessico people. And seriously, if you're not on top of this, what's going on? Come on. At this point, come on. At this point, come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on, Eileen. I bet. About to download that cast. Can I tell you a secret about this song, Come On, Eileen? Sure. I fucking love this song, Come On, Eileen. You're a human.

You have a soul. I fucking love it so much. In fact, in general, I love Dexys Midnight Runners. I'm in heaven when you smile. I have multiple Dexys Midnight Runners albums, and I love them. Yeah. I think now that we are kind of, although it's kind of coming back

around again, I think now that we have taken a little step away from the, like, annoying 80s irony of our childhoods, we can realize which of those songs fucking ruled. Come On Aileen is one of them. Yeah, it sure does. Anyway, I bet that there's a lot of Jordan Dixie.

I Ran So Far Away, that also fucking rules. Anyway. That is a great song. You know what I also like? That 99 Luftballoons song. Yeah, 99 Luftballoons rules. That's a great song. It's a great song.

We love Naina. Yeah. Naina? N We love Nena. Yeah. Nena? Nena. Nena. I will venture a guess that there are a fair few among our listening audience who are headed to the SDCC. Now, Janine, just so you know, this is the San Diego Comic Con.

Yes. As a jock, you probably don't know about these nerd events. You know what? I've been throwing that pigskin, slapping that hog. Slapping that to the old hog. I don't know. Janine's left vests far behind her. She's focused on renting boats now.

I went in 2008. Oh, okay. I went once. Well, what a lot of people who don't know about San Diego Comic Con don't know is that it's about more than just great comics. Yeah. I'm trying to think oh more than just great coats just as burlington coat factory is about more than just great coats san diego comic con about more than just comic books yeah it's also about sci-fi comedy podcasts and your favorite people

from them and we are going to be there uh on saturday july. And we are going to be there. On Saturday, July 21st, there's going to be at 1 o'clock a signing session with Jordan, Alison Becker, Eliza Skinner, Mike Mitchell, and Cristela Alonso, all stars of the Bubble podcast. Late addition, Danielle Radford. Ooh!

Danielle Radford, noted comic, one of the punch-up writers for Bubble, and one of the screen junkies gang. Yeah, and she's also, in addition to all of those things, she's one of those actors whose, her voice is in almost every episode of Bubble in one place or another. Like, we, like, got on our knees and said, hey, Danielle, will you just hang out with us for a long time? Right, and be just a general fount of positivity. Exactly. Yeah. And did great for us.

Her and Mark Gagliardi were kind of our utility people and they did a great job. Oh, that's great. We will also have from 5 to 6 p.m. a, this is a first for us. Yeah. A Comic-Con panel. A Comic-Con panel. Check out who's coming to this thing. So it's all the people we mentioned earlier.

Also, we're adding Travis McElroy into the mix. Who's he? Well, he's a noted podcaster and current Mohawk haver, I think. Oh, really? I think so. Oh, that's nice. Confirm or deny. Oh, nail art enthusiast, Travis McElroy. Yes. Got it. Boot

fan, nail art enthusiast, current Mohawk haver, I think, Travis McElroy. Noted polite man. Noted polite man. Hilarious delight. He was one of the beer snobs in episode four of Bubble. We're going to be doing a panel moderated by NPR's Jesse Thorne. Don't care for him.

Smug. Sure. He is smug. Don't like him. Can we get Sandon Totten? Yeah. Please. Ophabia Quist-Arcton.

I went over to Sandin Totten's house the other day. It was a lot of fun. Oh, that sounds nice. He's getting into flower arranging now. Oh, that sounds really cool. Great guy. I went over to Ophabia Quist-Arcton's house in Senegal. Very nice.

Yeah. It's at the Neil Morgan Auditorium at the San Diego Central Library. Oh. As part of Comic-Con, but not in the convention center. A lot of cool stuff has taken place there. The Neil Morgan Auditorium, 5 to 6 p.m. on July 21st. And you do have to have tickets for the 1 o'clock signing, but the signing itself is free. Well, you know, we're not there to take your money.

No, we're not making, we're losing money on this. Not insignificant amount of money. Yes. Why are we doing this? For that swag, baby. Get that Comic-Con swag. Got it. I want a deck chair that says Showtime on it.

This is high stakes for me. I mean, longtime Jordan Jesse Go listeners will know the last time I went to Comic-Con, we did a show where our mics got cut unexpectedly and then a tiny woman screamed at us for five minutes we didn't know who she was and then when she stalked away uh someone said did you know who that was and we said no and they were like that's the worldwide vice president of marketing for warner brother yeah so we have had one year we've had a negative comic-con experience you can go back in the archives and listen to that uh so yeah hopefully this is a positive one.

I think it will be. Here's my honest truth. If you want to talk about hot positive, how can you top Cristela Alonso? You can't. If you have Cristela Alonso there, how could it not be hot positive? If you have Daniel Radford there, how could it not be hot positive? Yeah. This is going to be the hot positive event of the entire summer for San Diego.

Sure. I'm giving you a church hand because that felt very interesting. Thank you very much. She's doing it. Sorry, San Diego Padres. And I'm doing the nail painting emoji and I'm looking at a butt. You can sign all the Eric Hosmers you want. You're still not going to top Cristela Alonso for hot positive vibes. Okay.

That's it for this week's Jordan, Jesse Go. Guys, I have to go pack. I'm going to Massachusetts to the world's largest flea market. Brimfield, baby! Okay. Brimfield, baby! Taking my mom! Yum, yum. You sure you won't pick up a sea lover along the way?

Well, I might pick up a sky lover. Sure. I don't mean to be brag, but I'll be flying Economy Plus. Oh, wow. What a place to find a Sky Lover. What about a lift line lingerer? Someone else with long upper legs.

Just the upper leg. That's the key one for sitting in an airplane seat. Yeah, long thighs, tiny little calves. That's how I like them, baby. Built like... When I'm loving in the sky. Built like Hellboy. Huge right hand, too.

Huge stone right hand. I saw it off my horns for you, baby. And you were afraid of your potential. Right, exactly. Your destructive potential. Exactly. Janine Brito, it's been a joy

to have you on the program. Yeah. So much it's been a joy to have you on the program. Yeah. So much. It's been a joy to be here. We mentioned that you're a brilliant stand-up comic, which you are. If people want to enjoy your stand-up comedy, where would you send them? Oh, gosh. I don't know.

I haven't been doing a lot of stand-up since I've been working one day at a time. But they can watch that on Netflix. They can watch that on Netflix. Please do. And tell your friends. Are there any e-gots that people should address letters to complaining that you haven't been doing stand-up lately? Address all complaints to the Rita Moreno. The incomparable Rita Moreno.

That's right. You can send that. The Postmaster will deliver it if you just write Rita Moreno care of show business. But if anything comes up, you can go to my Twitter account, Janine Brito. They can find you on Nextdoor, too. Yes. Find me on Nextdoor, saving tortoises left and right. And, you know, past guest of this program, Mike Royce, is the executive producer of one of the executive producers, One Day at a Time.

And I do not say this because he is a longtime Max Fund supporter. But One Day at a Time, absolutely one of the best comedies on television. It's so funny, so genuinely moving, and just so fucking pleasant in a non-cloying way. Like, just a real, like, a lot of, like, actual recognizable family feelings. Like, I am totally, even with all my big dad energy, I'm kind of, I'm still not quite on board the family sitcom train. Yeah. But One Day at a Time is one of my favorite shows. It's really wonderful, really hilarious, brilliant performers.

The writers are fair. But Justina Machado really elevates our shit. Yeah. No, she is really something. She's so good. She's so amazing. So get on whether or not you've already seen it. Go get into your Netflix and watch that because it is really a treasure.

And tell your friends. We rely a lot on word of mouth to get you. This isn't The Ranch. They're not just making you watch it any time you watch anything. But yeah, you'll really love this show. This is absolutely one of my favorite shows.

I am so stoked that our buddy Janine Burrito went to write there. I was like, oh, yes! Awesome! On the boards this week, and almost every week, is our friend Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. He's hot positive, laughing all the way through that window behind

Jordan, piercing the window. And you can find us on Twitter, hashtag JJGo. You can find us on Instagram. I don't think so. No, it's not.

We're just naming platforms. Sure. Facebook, you can search for JordanJesseGo. You can join the MaxFun Facebook group. There's also a MaxFun subreddit where no one says anything crappy about people who ride bicycles at MaximumFun.reddit.com. Hashtag a JJ Go and by the way, Bubble, if you're already listening to it,

is a pay-what-you-will show, so go to MaximumFun.org slash Bubble and help pay for it. That's it. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. Go.