Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 546: The Pegging Place with John August and Craig Mazin

Episode Date: August 28, 2018

Esteemed screenwriters and podcasters John August and Craig Mazin join Jordan and Jesse for a deep dive on the nuances of eating pancakes, a dissection of John's recent experience taking his daughter to see Panic! At The Disco for her first concert, and the revelation that Craig has worked with the monkey from Friends and she gets paid in yogurt. Plus, we take a few calls from couples celebrating the most wonderful time of the year -- Anal August!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Moore is so full of cakes. Wait a minute! Hold on, Jordan! I had too many cakes before I came. I think the audience deserves some context on this. We're recording this week's Jordan, Jesse Go on a weekday morning.

Yeah. And you're already full of cakes? Full of cakes. Pancakes, to be exact. I had imagined like a fine batter cake. No. I like to start the day with a whole sheet cake from Costco. No.

I mean, you know, eagle-eared listeners will remember the episode from a few months back where we had a lunchtime record. Eagles, by the way, known for their ears. Known for their listening skills. They're active listeners. So like while you're talking, they'll say, mm- their ears. Known for their listening skills. They're active listeners. So, like, while you're talking, they'll say, mm-hmm, boy, that must have been difficult. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Can I tell you, like, a really powerful resentment that has lived with me since my middle school years?

I would love to hear that. We had this class called self-science, which was sort of like group therapy. Okay. And one of the teachers was teaching us about reflective listening and she said what do you think reflective listening might be and it was quiet so i like raised my hand i'm like is that where you listen to something and then you consider it before you reply and uh she said no it's when you listen to something and then say it back to the person and i was like that's fucking stupid not that you shouldn't do that. And that's still sticking in your craw. But 25 years later, I still am resentful that I was set up to look like a fool. Yeah. By the so-called self-science teacher. And to spite that teacher, you have lived your life without listening to others. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so I stopped on the way in for a little breakfast. That breakfast involved pancakes. What kind of stop were we talking about? Like 7-Eleven? Yeah, no, I stopped at Cassell's. Oh, yeah. A charming dinery-themed restaurant in Koreatown.

Two-egg breakfast. I said to them, can we swap out that toast for cakes? They said, hell yeah. You're kidding me. You got them to substitute pancakes? For an upcharge. Because Cassell's used to be run by a Korean

American family. Used to be a very affordable hamburger restaurant. It has gone upscale. The name was purchased and it was moved into the ground floor of a fancy hotel. So I can't imagine they're just willy-nilly substituting cakes. No, I mean, you're paying for

the privilege of cakes. Right. But, you know, I got it. You got a cake line item on your household budget? I got it. Yeah. I'm making cake money. I mean, I'm not making side of fruit money. Okay. But.

Right. But I can treat myself. These aren't chocolate chip cakes. No. Jeez, man. I'm going to have to really, really fucking have a great year before I'm substituting chocolate chip cakes. You can't afford creme fraiche. I wish, man.

I wish I was living that creme fraiche life. Yeah. But anyway. That's my favorite. It afford creme fraiche. I wish, man. I wish I was living that creme fraiche life. Yeah. But anyway. That's my favorite. It brought these cakes. And I love, hashtag creme fraiche life. Yeah. Hard to spell, but sure.

Satisfying. And, you know, I love, cakes are one of my favorite treats. treats. But I think with cakes, kind of part of what I like about them is that the best pancake and the worst pancake are not that far off. That's absolutely the case. And I think that's what I, you can always count on them being about as delicious everywhere you go. Sometimes there's an X factor, for instance, at DuPars around here, they give you a little coliander of melted butter. I don't know if I'm using

the word colliander correctly. I don't think that's even a word. I'm not. What am I thinking of? Coriander. You're combining colander and coriander, neither of which

is appropriate in this situation. It's the little metal thing, which I now call a colliander. Well, I certainly would expect, even in a lower quality cake venue, that nice whipped butter. Yeah. If my butter's not whipped, why are you serving me- This is a melted butter.

Oh, really? Yeah, it's like a butter sauce. Oh. And you get that in syrup. Maybe it's clarified. Is it ghee? Are they giving you ghee? I don't know what that is.

It's like a clarified butter. It's a clarified butter. Oh, yeah. Well, I like my pancakes in a little karate uniform. Okay. So, yeah, here was the X factor with these cakes. Vanilla butter. So it's a butter, and it has little flecks of vanilla in it.

Fuck. I'm like, I'll eat one and a half of these cakes. Housed all three cakes. Some browns, too. You housed them, huh? Full of cakes and browns. Like the Jungle Brothers? Yeah.

Okay. I'm just a coriander filled with food now. Holy cow. I'm doubling down on this coriander thing. Okay. Well, I think we can make it happen. Yeah. Anyway, so I just wanted to let you find, if I'm bringing a low-gi energy today, if

I'm bringing a full kind of sleepy energy. Too full of cakes. You're not getting a carb rush? Huh? I would have thought that you'd be having a carb rush. What's a carb rush? A carb rush. Carb rush?

Oh, no. Yeah, rush from carbs. Or a carb rush. Or a carb rush. Yeah, if your car's dusty. That's true. No, I think I maybe had that in the car on the way over. Uh-huh. You know, bounced around, turned on some heart.

Got it. But now, full carb crash. Should we introduce our guests, Jordan, before you go into a coma? Yeah. They are the co-hosts of the Smash podcast, Script Notes. Everyone here in Hollywood is familiar with it. Jordan and I work in the entertainment industry, so we know a lot about the Script Notes podcast. And they are also profoundly accomplished screenwriters themselves.

And in one case, a screenwriter turned novelist. Yeah, that's right. He's got his own novels. That's Craig Mazin and John August. Hi, guys. Hey. Hello. It's Craig Mazin and John August. Hi, guys. Hey. Hello. It's nice to be here.

That was fascinating to watch and listen to. You guys were up close. Up close and just shocked. I got to tell you, shocked the entire time. That people would listen to this? No, no, not that. It's all the parts of the podcast we would normally cut out are featured here. Exactly.

But I did take copious notes on Jordan's misassumptions about pancakes, that all pancakes are the same. As the parent of a kid, I can tell you that not all pancakes are the same. Let's hear about this. Sorry. There are good pancakes that my daughter will eat. There are terrible pancakes my daughter will eat. But there are also good pancakes my daughter will not eat because she's so incredibly picky. How old is your daughter?

My daughter is now 13 years old. So incredibly picky. How old is your daughter? My daughter is now 13 years old. And so our usual Saturday morning is we go to Blue Jam Cafe, which is one of the best breakfast spots in the world. They do a great job. And so crunchy French toast is what you get there at Blue Jam. But they used to have pancakes and they stopped serving pancakes.

What? Because— I'm sorry. I think something might be wrong with my headphones. Yes. I thought you said that this was one of the best breakfast places. Yes. It is the best breakfast place in Los Angeles. Welcome to my world, by the way.

This is what happens. Except they stopped serving pancakes because they needed extra griddle space to make more of their crunchy French toast, which is what they are known for. Sure. And because Japanese tourists come expecting the crunchy French toast, so they stopped serving pancakes. My daughter stopped getting up in the mornings on Saturday mornings because pancakes were not available. pancakes. My daughter stopped getting up in the mornings on Saturday mornings because pancakes were not available. So now we get her Jack in the Box pancakes, mini pancakes, on the way back, and she prefers them to any other pancakes in Los Angeles. This may be more about your daughter than about pancakes. I have to be honest with you.

All right. Pancakes, I think you're right. Thank you for your frankness, Craig. That's all I have to offer, by the way. And it's not going to go well for you guys. So pancakes, I think pancakes are just basically sponges for other things. But in and of themselves, they're not particularly great. Yeah, they're sponges for butter and sugar. Precisely, but that's wonderful.

Or maple syrup. Yeah, that's the two best foods. But Craig, do you make pancakes at home? No. Because pancakes can be delicious made at home, but they can also be terrible. At their best, a pancake bear is just sort of a warm, spongy thing. I have to admit something here. You've never had a pancake?

I frankly am unfamiliar with them. I've never heard of them. Can we just all say, by the way, the three of us say pancake because that's what the food is. And you keep calling them cakes with an invisible apostrophe in front of you. Well, what if people are more familiar with Johnny Cakes or Flapjacks? They're the same? I think they all fall under the category of cakes. The world is full of cakes.

Well, he's trying to distinguish between crepes and pancakes because they're- It's forced ambiguity. Yes. It's forced ambiguity. At the hotel buffet, they might say pancakes when they're actually crepes, and then my daughter would also throw a tantrum. And also, I'm also trying to reach out to cool millennials who I know love to abbreve.

Exactly. So here's my secret trick. Ooh, cakes had me like. I, hashtag cream fresh life. I have a cabin in the mountains and I go there. Of course you do. With that face. When I got a cabin,

my mom was kind enough to buy me a giant cast iron griddle. Oh, it's actually a very important thing to have. Yeah. And especially at your cabin because you have guests. The guests also have children. You have children.

If you had a cabin, Jordan, by the way, you would have children. And Jesse, I'm barely making, I'm barely making upgrade to pancake money. I don't have a second home. I don't have a first home. It's hard.

It's called a mountain home. Yeah. It's a weird cabin. And I got the griddle. So I'm sorry to brag, but it's just my life, you know? Hashtag creme fraiche life. So I have a giant cast iron griddle. Yeah, that sounds amazing.

And you're obliged to make pancakes for everyone. Bacon and pancakes, at least one day on your cabin trip, even if it's just a weekend, everybody gets bacon and pancakes for breakfast. I still cannot get pancakes. Right. I am like a – I am a – I'm going to storm out of here. I am a competent home chef. No, you're not.

I dispute your press. Craig has already said he doesn't make pancakes. No, no, no. I have made pancakes, of course. One of the reasons I don't make pancakes is because they're so absurdly easy to make. It's boring. You can't even make the boring thing. You literally pour a thing and stop and wait.

Until when? When do you wait until? For the bubbles. Thank you. Is that wrong? I'm right. That is the opposite of wrong. That is in fact wrong. You wait until you wait until? For the bubbles. Thank you. Is that wrong? That is in fact wrong. That is in fact wrong. You wait until you see it drawing around the edges.

My mommy told me that. John, that is like the one thing my mom imparted to me. The bubbles and the edges happen simultaneously. Gail? Gail's wrong? I'm sorry, Gail. Oh, Gail's going to hear about this. Nothing wrong with you, Gail.

Okay. August to Gail, colon. Wrong. Wrong on Colin. Wrong. Wrong on pancakes. Wrong for America. Oh, that may be true. It's Gail's birthday next weekend. I think it's really disappointing to hear that her pancake wisdom.

But maybe by next week, she could step up her pancake game and learn that there's better ways to detect when a pancake is wrong. Okay, so actually, I'm curious to hear this. So it's a sense of dryness. The reason why the bubble thing does not hold universally is because there can be different thicknesses of batter, and some batters, the bubble thing is not actually accurate. Where are you from? I'm from high altitude Colorado.

Thank you. The problem is he's from frickin' Denver, where nothing holds. None of the laws of physics hold in Denver. People float in Denver. That's true. In Denver, you drink half a beer, you're fucking drunk, and you're throwing up on the street. Correct.

Can I tell you something? Yes. My cabin, 7,200 feet. Oh, see, that's the reason why. There you go. You needed a little extra flour in there. That's a mile plus. You have to factor certain things in at that point.

At that point, honestly, you are in another universe. Yes. I mean, in that high altitude creme fraiche life, you've got to make some changes. Now you know how you can afford this cabin. You have to go into space. Literally into outer space. Why do you not have a local cook at your high altitude creme fraiche cabin? I don't.

That is not. That's a Hollywood lifestyle that you guys enjoy. Those are called mountain men and you avoid them. They're really like. You have to capture them. You have to set a snare. But it could be a family of Sherpa who live there and help. I've called myself a chef.

Yeah. Help. I have to drive 45 minutes to get to a restaurant from the cabin. And that is, even calling it a restaurant is pretty strong. Yeah. You're looking at 90 minutes to get to an actual restaurant where there's- Why do you have the cabin? So many questions for you. Yeah. Yeah. Because I have three- You're looking at 90 minutes to get to an actual restaurant where there's, you know. Why do you have the cabin?

So many questions for you. Yeah. Because I have three. And then I want to get back to you and your colander because I'm still outraged. Yeah. Sure. You go on. Hey, language is a living thing.

It's evolving. If I want to make up a word that you could use. I thought maybe you were going for ramekin at one point. Ramekin. Ramekin. That you could use. I thought maybe you were going for ramekin at one point. Ramekin. Ramekin.

Well, but I held back just because it doesn't begin with C or O or L or I or A. A ramekin is not a pube wig. No, that's a merkin. Also, ramekins generally aren't metal. They're usually ceramic. Oh, okay. But metal ramekins are possible. Correct.

I think I can explain. Thank you. I'm having a stroke. Correct. I think I can explain. Thank you. I'm having a stroke. Okay. That makes sense. So he's not smelling toast. He's smelling pancakes.

Smelling burnt cakes. I was smelling toast, and then I paid the upcharge. Nice. Now I'm smelling pancakes. Jesse Thorne, I want to know, how do you know right now somebody is not romping around in your cabin? Like that your cabin is burnt down? And if they were, would anything of value be lost? That is what terrifies me about having a second house. John, Skip is keeping an eye on it.

Ah, Skip. All right, Skip. Skip, is he a woodland sprite or a person? No, he's a shirtless man who lives next door. He's very nice. He runs the whole town. He calls you the shirted man who lives next door. Look at that fancy city boy.

With his shirt. His chest cover. And his top pants. He that fancy city boy. With his shirt. His chest cover. And his top pants. He doesn't even know the word for shirt. Skip has a key to your house. Skip has a key to our house. Jerry and Debbie have a key to our house.

Everybody's got a key to our house. Jerry and Debbie are great. Jerry and Debbie are wonderful. Aren't they great? They're fun. They're fun. And here's the thing I like about Jerry and Debbie. I've never met these people. But we have, haven't we? But we have. We've all met Jerry and Debbie. You've IM'd with them. I like about Jerry and Debbie. And I don't – I've never met these people. But we have, haven't we?

But we have. We've all met Jerry. You've IM'd with them. I've IM'd with them. Yeah. We each – yeah. Debbie is volleyball girl 82. You can tell she made that IM address in high school when she identified as a volleyball player.

As a volleyball girl. What's great about them is that they're keeping the passion alive. I mean, and I think, you know,'re keeping the passion alive i mean and i think you know they do the work so i mean that baron has been going for a while reflective listening but you reflective listening and uh you know you look at those two and you're like debbie and jerry they fuck oh they're very fit people they're very fit i presume that that was not a secret if they're on a mountain and you know them i i assume that we see everything all the time. Yeah.

Well, they practice their instruments as well. Sure. Is that what they call it? No, Jesse, I mean, they have a key to your house. Are they fucking in your house, in your cabin? I'm sorry, your mountain house. Because somebody should be. Can I be honest?

Whether it's Skip and Sherry or Jerry and Debbie, if they want to fuck in my house and I'm not there, as long as they clean up afterwards, it's fine. Go for it. I have a cat sitter who comes when I'm out of town on one of my many jaunts. I won't say who it is, but fun fact, it's someone who's been on this podcast. So maybe eagle-eared listeners can guess who it is. It's the guys from Penny Arcade, isn't it? It's the guys from Penny Arcade. We had a little bit of a misunderstanding, but now we're on good terms and they love my cat.

And yeah, the last time it happened, there was like, stuff was askew when I came back. Nothing was like fucked up, but like askew. But some things may have been fucked on. There was some there was there was I, you know, again, I'm not making smart water money, but there were smart water bottles around it in the trash. OK, can I guess who the house sitter is? Yeah. Is it rapper 50 Cent? Yes. 50 Cent was great on the show. That does make sense, given the details we got.

Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Also, one of our best recurring guests. Jennifer Toots Cutes Aniston. Yeah, Toots Cutes is her nickname that she chose. And there was a, and then I- Which cast member of Friends has been the best on Jordan Jesse Go, would you say? The monkey.

We've had a cast member from Friends on Jordan Jesse. I used to... Tyler was a cast member of Friends. That's absolutely true. She was good. Yeah, she was great. But the monkey was better. The monkey was great.

I've worked with that monkey. I know that monkey. That's Crystal. Crystal the monkey. Crystal the monkey. Hold on. All the other lines of conversation are coming to an end so that we can focus on the monkey from Friends. That's right.

Well, the monkey from Friends is like kind of an incredibly highly paid monkey. It's also – I mean – That's my favorite sentence. My favorite phrase is highly paid monkey now. Kind of a highly paid monkey. In the monkey world, you want to be Crystal. In what context did you work with Crystal the monkey? Crystal the monkey was in The Hangover Part 2.

I like to stress the word part just because it's unexpected. That was the same monkey from Friends in Hangover 2? Wow. What a career. And you don't even – She's good in everything. She transforms herself. Yeah.

She does the work. First of all, most people presume that she's male because people think all monkeys are boys. That gendering has to stop. Primate gendering is it. Thank you. You know what? And maybe there are primates out there who don't have fights either. That's right.

They can choose whatever pronouns they want to choose. I'm not sure that Crystal has made that choice for herself. Sure. But the guy that feeds her yogurt after each take, he calls her Crystal. Who feeds her yogurt? Yeah. When you say highly paid, you mean gets the most yogurt. Gets the most yogurt.

And they call it paying. They're like, so they'll do a take and Crystal has to go from here to there, touch a thing and run back. And then they do it. And then it's time for another take and the animal trainer will go, can I just quickly pay her? Oh, yeah, go ahead. And then they go over and they give her a little yogurt and then they come back. So she works for pay. Yogurt pay.

How did she feel about the amount of scariness in Hangover 2? Because that really caught me by surprise. We kept her. It was a much more intense experience than I had anticipated going in. Things get darker and darker. Yeah. You know, we try and shoot her. I actually, you know, I really enjoyed.

Don't use the word actually. Don't fucking use that word. I really enjoyed Hangover 2. I actually. I liked it a lot. I really liked Hangover 2. I enjoyed it. But it was much more terrifying than I expected.

Much more visceral. Yeah, a little visceral. A little dark. We shielded. I mean, we wouldn't necessarily let Crystal see some of the scenes. Sure, yeah. But she saw quite a bit. I mean, she didn't know exactly what was going on in the scenes. She saw Ken Jeong's penis, I'll tell you that much.

Sure, who hasn't? Yeah. Literally no one. But to get her to focus on it, you had to coat it in yogurt. Correct. It turned out it was already coated in yogurt. It was sort of like The Shining, where the kid didn't really understand the movie that he was in. Correct. You were telling Crystal's story about, like, this is a fun story about a monkey who gets to explore, not only sort of like, you're telling Crystal a story about like, this is a fun story about like a, you know, a monkey who gets to explore.

Right. Not knowing sort of the actual details. And now I want you to just shake your face and drool, but just to be silly. Yeah. Right. Just to be, just to be silly. Um, I had something I wanted to talk about. Okay.

Um. Fine. I wanted to. Fine. It's weird, but okay. Okay. Okay. Uh.

Intervention. Uh, John. Yes. When we had coffee. That's right. John and I. Okay. Intervention. John. Yes. When we had coffee. That's right. John and I had coffee. You guy. You were telling me that the night, that evening, you were going to take your daughter, who

apparently has terrible taste in pancakes. Terrible. To see Panic at the Disco. Yes. To see Panic! at the Disco. Yes. I wanted to hear about what that was like being the dad of the teen at the teen concert. It was pretty fascinating. So Panic! at the Disco obviously is a band.

It's really one person at this point. Sure. It's the guy who's the lead singer. My daughter desperately wanted to see it. So she sort of convinced us to let her buy tickets for it. She was going to take a friend and I agreed to shop around. Does he have a band with him or is he just pushing play on a laptop and flouncing around?

He has a whole band with him, but it's really just him. I think it was at one point a band, but it's now just this guy who's tremendously talented. So it's downtown at Staples Center. And so it was on the calendar for two months and then it came closer and closer and then I had coffee with you and that night I had to go. It was and closer and then I had coffee with you and like that night I had to go

and it was just sort of the was coffee with Jordan the sort of the precipitating event for the whole thing yeah I wanted to sort of ground myself

it's like you know I mean yes I have to take my daughter to this thing but at least I'm not at least she's not a cat no so that's

sure yeah I got more of the cat I've leveled up you're like let me do a little mentoring first yeah absolutely I met her she's not a cat. I've leveled up. You're like, let me do a little mentoring first. Yeah, absolutely. I met her. She's not a cat.

No, no. I'll tell you guys if he starts lying. But like a cat, very clean. Oh, yeah. Just relatively clean. Carries cryptosporidium. Sure. Exactly.

Can't let her near pregnant ladies. Yeah, that's true. You know what? It was good. So I think the whole experience, I was like, man, I'm now the dad going to one of these shows. And luckily, there were a lot of other sort of parents sort of in my situation. So it didn't feel that weird. If I'd gone to that show without kids there, it would have felt strange.

Like, I've crossed that age threshold. Like, we're going to this kind of show just to go to the show would have been weird. I had my little orange earplugs. i was unapologetic for it i hate that ringing in the ears like the next day kind of thing um but it was kind of great it was actually like a really good experience is panic at the disco with now i i'm gonna readily admit something it's difficult for me to admit as a professional culture critic i was definitely thinking of lc System. Oh, no, it's not that. Very, very different. Okay, so what is

Panic at the Disco? Panic at the Disco is one of the top bands, performers out there. I didn't even know there were still top bands. No, there are still top bands. So teenage girls still love it.

What's weird is my assistant, Megan, who also produces the Script and Show, like, they were a big band when she was a teenager. They've been around forever. They've been around for like nine years,

but just sort of forever. Yeah. And so it was honestly great. Yeah, I think maybe they started out as a kind of a screamo band in the start of screamo. That's right. But then as most of those bands kind of did was they kind of evolved into more of an electronic dance thing. They evolved into a money-o band. Yes, exactly.

So, you know, even though maybe the scream-o kids graduated from them, the kids who now listen to more dance and pop music could get into it, but it also has those kind of, you know, hard-on-your-sleeve type lyrics. I've avoided this whole thing happily because my daughter, she loves the whole Harry Styles, Taylor Swift, the One Direction. So Melissa takes her to that because she just knows that I won't. Just flat out won't do it. Oh, sorry. But I want to ask everyone's first concert because it took me back to my first time seeing a real concert.

And so that was Cyndi Lauper and the bangles were opening for Cyndi Lauper. That's kind of a dope. That's a great show. That's pretty great. And then in this Panic! at the Disco show, he played Girls Just Want to Have Fun. And so it was a very sort of like, you know, whole experience like circling back on itself, which was really nice.

But Jordan, what was your first? Wait, hold on. Sorry. Was this your daughter's first concert? First concert. Okay. Yeah. Oh, nice.

Was it magical for her? It was magical. It was what she wanted it to be. It was as exciting as she hoped it was going to be. And so there were two opening acts. One of them was a band called Arizona, which I don't think will become the next Bangles. Sure. Hayley Kiyoko, Hayley something.

I was out in the lobby trying to buy two extra small t-shirts. And so I just missed out that whole thing. Sure. To knit together into one medium t-shirt? Girls are small. Some of them. Oh boy, Mike. My first concert

will be comically on the nose to four people who listen to this podcast. The Eagles? The Eagles, yes. You're right. I am 50. It was Chubby Checker. It was Chubby Checker opening for the Eagles. And he did the California twist, the Hotel California twist. Oh, it's such a good classic.

One of my favorite twists. It's not the mashups? Come on. Yeah, love those. My first concert, let's see, can I get the year on this? 1995? Smashing Pumpkins. Oh, does everyone want to guess? No, not Smashing Pumpkins. Oh, does everyone want to guess?

No, not Smashing Pumpkins. I don't know if anyone wants to guess. You two. I just did. Not you two. Jesse, I bet you probably can. Green Day? No, uh-uh.

Mighty, Mighty Boss Toads. Oh, wow. Opening for them, the original line of Dropkick Murphys. So they can sing Tessie over and over and over and over. What do they sing other than Tessie? Who? The Dropkick Murphys. Ah. So they could sing Tessie over and over and over and over. What do they sing other than Tessie? Who? The Dropkick Murphys. Oh, what do they sing other than Tessie?

Tessie, no, Sammy Green. Oh, right, right, right. Their Boston Red Sox song. They have other songs? Yeah, so the original Dropkick Murphys was a little more of an oi band, unless they kind of leaned less on the Irish thing. They had one song on their first album that had like a bagpipe intro. Right.

And I think that's kind of what people latched on to. And then going forward, they're like, more bagpipes, more penny whistles, more mandolins. Go dealing to Boston Irish. We need something for our crypto white pride celebration. Right. Yeah. To be fair.

It is crypto white pride.. Right. Yeah. To be fair. It is crypto white pride. It is. To be fair, I've made this point about the Dropkick Murphys on the show before, but I think it bears repeating because I think that the fans

of the Dropkick Murphys you worry about. That they might get a little drunk and a little rowdy, maybe hit you with a brick? Yeah, or maybe how they feel about, I don't know,

Viking heritage. Right. Or African Americans who live about, I don't know, Viking heritage. Right. Or African Americans who live in the Boston area. For instance. Yeah. Like N.O.G. of N.O.G. and the Bulldogs. I saw the Dropkick Murphys in college at UC Santa Cruz at the Catalyst Theater. I don't know if that's around anymore.

Some of those types had come to the show. Oh, okay. And one of them jumped up on stage and did a salute. Oh, wow. A kind of salute. Oh, wow. And the band stopped playing, threw down their instruments,

and beat him up. Holy shit. On stage. I think that's the appropriate reaction. So... The word dropkick is in their name. So, me and the Dropkick Murphys are good. Yeah, that's great.

You guys are solid. They beat him up. Anyway. But you don't know the context. It may good. Yeah, that's great. You guys are solid. They beat him up anyway. But you don't know the context. It may have been like, that's one of our best mates. We love this guy. But we told him not when we're playing. Sure, exactly. Don't interrupt us.

Save it for the green room. That's the sixth time he's done this. Yeah, so Mighty Mighty Boss Tones, Dropkick Murphys. In hindsight, I think it was some sort of Boston-themed tour. It sounds it. Dropkick Murphys. In hindsight, I think it was some sort of Boston-themed tour. Sounds it. It was in the basketball stadium of UC Irvine.

Anyway. Oh, lovely. Yeah. Basketball court. I can't claim anything as cool as the Mighty Mighty Bustos. Yeah, that's right. You can't. I think I had probably been to many concerts of the cultural center variety, like going to see African pop singer Angelique Jolie or something.

No, no, no. But the first pop music concert that I went to with a friend, my friend Gabe Zittrain in seventh grade, I think, got tickets to see Late Period Aerosmith. Yeah. Okay, fine. And we went to see Aerosmith with me and Gabe and Gabe's dad, Richard. You are crazy about the show. What year was this? This would be like 93.

So this was right at the height of their Liv Tyler videos. This was pre-Armageddon soundtrack. Oh, This was pre-Armageddon soundtrack. Oh, pre. Pre-Armageddon soundtrack. Before I Miss You But I Don't Want to Miss a Thing. This was right around the same time that Tom Petty had a series of second wind hits. This dude looks like a lady era. This is crazy era.

Crazy era. This is crazy. Yeah, definitely. Oh, and just to add a little context, this is a clueless soundtrack era Mighty Mighty Monster. Right. It's not quite radio hit, but it's anyway. Understood. So the one thing that I remember, first of all, I did not – like I went to a – I grew up in the city and went to a suburban private middle school where everyone liked rock music.

And I was mostly confused by rock music. The fact that you refer to it liked rock music and I was mostly confused by rock music. The fact that you refer to it as rock music in that way with the weird pause between rock and music. I remember like, I liked Nirvana and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but basically all the other things that I would get CDs of for my birthday, I would just be like, I don't know what

this is. I'm going to go back to listening to Tony Tony Tony. And Tony Tony Tony. And, Tony, Tony. And so I had no emotional connection to Aerosmith at all, but Gabe was a good buddy. And the thing that I remember the most about it, besides just being kind of confused by Steven Tyler's prancing, like, what is this? Right. Is this what a concert is?

Just an old man prancing around? Ish. Ish. Ish. Ish. what a concert is? Just an old man prancing around. Ish. Ish. Like a wiry, taut man. Uh, was, I remember that we were,

it was at like an outdoor amphitheater in the Bay area, the Concord amphitheater. And, um, we were on the lawn and there was like some middle-aged dudes sitting on the lawn in front of us puffing a jet. Yeah. What?

And Gabe's dad, Richard, fully yelled at them. Oh, really? Yeah, like 100%. And Gabe's dad was like- There are kids here. He was a lawyer who our big connection to show business in my family was that Gabe's dad had been a consultant on the movie Class Action. And he had gotten a line where he stood up and said, objection, your honor, literally. It's one of the most useful lines in screenwriting.

Absolutely. Right, yeah. Normally you don't toss it out to some random attorney, by the way. Absolutely. It's a term of art because you have to like, you know, it's a day player line, sure, but you've got to have somebody talented. He had the talent to bring it home. The second most – Sorry.

I was just going to make a joke. Yeah, go ahead. Then you continue. The second most useful line in screenwriting. So that happened. Continue. Tall, handsome, presence lawyer man who could really yell at some 47-year-old men who were smoking a J watching their favorite band from high school. And they were just like, dude, it's an Aerosmith concert band. I know.

Yeah. That's such a funny dynamic in that they – Aerosmith went from heroes of stony baloney 70s guys to just like something that teenagers liked in the mid-90s. Yeah, Diane Warren. That's what happened to them. Diane Warren sort of found that voice and found them as the soundtrack gods. She wrote that? She wrote the song?

Don't want to miss a thing. She wrote that one. Oh, interesting. I didn't know that. I mean, they did write great, great songs before. Yeah, they are a fascinating one. If you came across Aerosmith in the, I mean, because they did write great, great songs before. Yeah, they are a fascinating one. If you came across Aerosmith in the, I guess, the late 80s, early 90s, then you thought that they were a thing. And then if you go back, they're not that thing at all.

Yeah. I guess it would be, yeah, like if teenagers now started getting into like Duran Duran. Yeah. I'm sure they are. That's true. They should. They should. What was your guys' first concerts?

Well, he was a- Cyndi Lauper, Bangles. Oh, right. Yeah. I'm sure they are. That's true. They should. They should. What was your guys' first concerts? Well, he was a- Cyndi Lauper, Bangles. Oh, right. Yes. Okay. So I am almost 50 years old, and that still won't explain this. But I, unlike you, when I was in middle school and high school, I started becoming fully obsessed with 60s and 70s.

And so when Crosby, Stills, and Nash, not young, but when CSN came to town. Wow. That was my first concert seeing CSN. And it was awesome. I bet you smelled some dupes at that. Just a touch. And that was 19, I'm going to say like 1985 or something like that. So it was more like a club drugs era.

Not for this clientele. The clientele for Crosby, Stills & Nash were not into the club drugs. But they were, it's funny because I say to people like, oh yeah, I saw Crosby, Stills & Nash, they must have been really old. And it seemed to me that they were, but in 1985, I don't even think they were that old.

I think they were younger than I am now. Yeah, that's not great. But they were great. So concerts were they were younger than I am now. Yeah, that's not great. But they were great. So concerts were the first time I ever smelled pot. And I didn't know what it was. So we went to go see Pink Floyd at the big stadium tour. And like a joint's being passed around. I was like, what is that smell?

Like, is there a skunk? Like, I just had no sense of what that was. Right. And no sense that I would be smelling it for the rest of my life. Lynyrd Skynyrd has a great song about that. And you just like, everyone. There's a smell. Move toward the fire exits. I do not want to concern you.

Gas leak. But if you do smell something strange. I was told this concert would be amphetamines only. Yeah. Come on. I want pills. Floyd, honestly. I mean, I saw, I've seen Floyd a number.

Floyd. Floyd. Shut up, Craig. Cliff Floyd. Montreal Expo's first baseman. Craig. Great pull. Thank you. I've seen that band in various incarnations a number of times.

And I also saw Roger Waters solo. And everyone there seemed to be completely acid it up. I mean, there was no weed. It was just all acid. And I do remember one person about four rows ahead of me, maybe like halfway into the first song, just has a full-on freak out, and they just cart her away. And I just thought, and this tells

you who I am, what a waste of money. You bought a ticket, and you got half a song. Oh, boy, yeah. You drop acid, you know, two songs into the set, so it hits you at the encore. Test your dosage before you go to the show. You don't want to blow the... Just think.

Think. Think before you take that acid out of the show. And know your dealer, kids. Know your dealer. And it's not about volume. It's not quantity. It's not who can get the highest. No.

It's not a race. It's not a race. No. Appreciate the art. It's about talking to God, and he has the head of your dad's penis. There's no God. I beg to differ. That was just your dad's penis.

I've met him. You've never seen Jordan's dad's penis. I have. Yeah. I have. That's true. They dated briefly. We didn't date.

Oh, okay. But I am an amateur urologist. So speaking of the nethers. Yeah. Thank you, Jordan. We have – why don't we take a break? We have a special seasonal segment coming up, right, Brian? Do we have – It's a very special time of year.

And we're very proud to include the two of you, men whose professional careers we admire in this time of year. Yeah. Well, maybe we'll have a little break and then we'll come back for some seasonal fun. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, every week, Jordan, Jesse Goh is supported by the thousands upon thousands of max fund members who go to

maximumfund.org donate we also have a few businesses lending a hand with jordan jesse go this week businesses yes why those have never been hotter i know these are big everybody's talking about businesses small business big business medium business. Oh, medium. Yes. Oof. It's medium business. That's in between small and medium. Oh, cool. And? Extra medium. That's like a tight t-shirt business. And B-dium between big and medium. And also BDSM businesses.

We are supported this week by the folks at Green Chef, a USDA certified organic company that includes everything you need to easily cook delicious meals that you can feel good about. Yes. Meal plans include paleo, vegan, vegetarian, keto, gluten-free, omnivore, and carnivore. No keto meal plans. No, only keto. Whether it's Kalen or Institute, they will not provide you. They have a lot of great options. Each ingredient thoughtfully sourced and its journey is tracked from planting to plating.

Let Green Chef do the meal planning, the grocery shopping, and most of the prep for you week after week. Hey, Jesse. Yeah. Do you like deals? I mean, we both love businesses. Yeah, sure. I mean, we know that. That's something we share. Yeah, well, I've Yeah. Do you like deals? I mean, we both love businesses. Yeah, sure. I mean, we know that. That's something we share. Yeah, well, I've got... Do you love deals? I've got money. Mm-hmm. And I love

to give it to businesses, but I want to keep as much of it as possible for myself. Well, good news. Yeah? If you go to greenchef.us slash JJGO, you're gonna get 50 bucks off your first box of Green Chef. Holy cow.

$50? Off Green Chef if you go to GreenChef.us slash JJ Go. More like wholesome cow. Am I right? Instead of holy cow? Oh, yeah. That works. Is there a wholesome recipe?

Did I say holy cow? No, I said holy cow. In your head. And then said wholesome cow. No, I said it out loud. Oh, okay. But then I corrected myself afterwards. Okay.

To be more in keeping with the realness that Green Chef is serving. Gotcha. And by realness, I mean probably like a grass-fed beef burger or something like that. Sounds really good. Something along those lines. Sounds really good. We're also supported this week by RX Bar, a whole food protein bar made with 100% whole ingredients. RX Bar's core ingredients do all the talking.

It's simply like eating three egg whites, two dates, and six almonds. Yeah, this is like, you know how President Obama could only eat eight almonds at the end of the day? Oh, yeah, sure. This is like that, but in a bar form. Oh, boy. This is President that, but in a bar form. Oh, boy. This is President Obama's choice. This has not been evaluated by President Obama. This has not been evaluated.

I don't know if he likes them. I think if he does not already like RX bars, if he tried them, he'd probably say, yum, yum. These are better than those cigarettes I love so much. Not to mention my dad jeans. That's true. Don't get me started on that tan suit. You know what? These are great jokes from three years ago.

Jordan, can I make a recommendation? Yes. I think President Obama should come to my cabin in Sequoia National Monument right here in California. He loves national monuments. He used to be the president of the nation. And I got a few of these bars in my cabinet. I like to use them when I'm on the go and when I go for a hike. Jesse, I couldn't agree more.

I also love to use RX bars when I'm on the go. 14 flavors, Jordan. Yeah, and they're all really tasty. Gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free, no added sugar or artificial flavors, preservative or fillers. That's why they're Michelle Obama's choice. That's right. Has not been evaluated by Michelle Obama. We don't know.

We don't know her position. Maybe she likes them, but we think that if she doesn't already like them, if she tried them, let's say Michelle Obama went to rxbar.com slash JJGO. Right. And she entered promo code JJGo at checkout. Yeah. She'd get 25% off her first order. Wow. And that's not just former first ladies. Yeah.

Everyone could take advantage of this great deal. Regular Janes and Joes across this nation. Absolutely. You don't have to have lived at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to go to RxBar.com slash JJGO and enter promo code JJGO at checkout. Everyone can do that, and everyone can get 25% off their first order of RX Bar. You don't have to have lived at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Yeah. 1602 Pennsylvania Avenue?

Sure. Okay, so that is allowed. What about 1060 West Addison Street in Chicago? Absolutely. You get rxbar.com slash JJGo and enter promo code JJGo at checkout. Okay. That sounds great to me. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, not that great. I liked Craig's better than John's, honestly, because he brought more conviction to it. Is that what this whole show is about?

It's competition. But you know what? You guys are mean. I kind of like, I think that there's a rawness to this episode. There's an honesty. Yeah. Nobody's given anybody a bill of goods. No one's serving anyone a coriander full of shit.

It's still not a word. Craig, John, are we good? Guys, are we good? Are we good? But who are your guys? You're as good with me as anyone is. Thanks, everybody. That's good.

Gentlemen, the month on the calendar right now is August. That's my month. And every August, I'm happy to hear that, John, because every August we celebrate a very special time of the year. Now, this is going to sound gross, but it's actually inspirational. So just keep that in mind while we're...

Like a lot of things that happen on this program. It's actually inspirational and it's actually... We'll get a judge of that, but go ahead. For the public good. Yeah. So it's anal August here in New York, Jessica. Great. But only here.

Well, I mean we – It's not like United Nations anal August. No. The United Nations has not acknowledged it yet, but we're working to that. Typical UN. We're working toward that. Typical UN. I know.

Unfortunately, we lost Kofi Annan before he got out. I know. I mean, who's blocking it? Is it Belarus? Always Belarus. Right. Who let them in the Security Council, the Anal Security Council? Okay.

Analogous. I'm down. Sure. There's a popular sign on Santa Monica Boulevard. And by popular, we mean that Jordan used to walk past it. I used to walk past it on the way to work sometimes. It's popular with a you alone crowd. It captured my imagination.

There's a kind of a sex positive sex toys shop called the Pleasure Chest. Of course. Oh, yeah. It's a classic. It's been around forever. Yes. Local favorite, the Pleasure Chest.

Still in business? It might be a chain. I don't know if there's other Pleasure Chests forever. Yes. Local favorite, the Pleasure Chest. Still in business? It might be a chain. I don't know if there's other Pleasure Chests around. Anyway. They probably sell chains. Sure. Yeah, there you go. They've held on in the internet age.

Speaks to a loyal customer base that appreciates mom and pop. Yeah. Absolutely. And yeah, I mean, and, you know, great customer service. I mean, kind of like the classic, you know, video stores that we all miss. You go in, you know, partially for the selection, but also for the recommendations. And they know your name. Yeah.

Which is weird. Yeah. That part's weird. How's your mom, they say. Is Gail enjoying? Is Gail? Did Gail get the card? I'm so sorry to hear she's been under the weather.

Did Gail get the card? Wow. Yes, Gail loved it. How's your father's penis? How's your father? It's good, Baron Nightshade. Still, Gail loved it. How's your father's penis? How's your father's penis? It's good, Baron Nightshade. Still glowing. The friendly owner of the pleasure chest.

Yes. I don't know. So every August, they celebrate Anal August. Okay. And, you know, with classes and sales, you know, kind of around, you kind of around the anus. But also I think we – what we can extrapolate from that metaphor-wise, it's kind of about broadening your horizons, exploration, getting out of your rut, trying something new, asking yourself, what in this life have I not experienced? Sure. And also, secondarily, I think, something that's important not to forget is doing so safely.

Safely. Because the watchwords of Analogous are, of course, without a base, without a trace. So you don't lose your item. Oh, yes, of course. Oh, is that what that means? It needs a flared base. Oh, I, of course. Oh, is that what that means? It needs a flared base. Oh, I understand. Without a base, without a trace.

Oh, so if you don't have a base, it disappears without a trace. Without a trace, yes. And then you become one of those stories in the ER threads about things that showed up on people's bodies. Yes, yes. So because it does have a trace, it's just that it's only revealable by x-ray. That's true, yes. Wonderful, wonderful x-ray. Yes, yes. Technically, wonderful X-ray. Yes. Yes.

Technically, I think you're correct. So, yeah, I mean, I think that's kind of the spirit we like to bring to August is, you know, try something new. Do it safe. But, you know, ask yourself what's out there. And I think we have some calls from listeners who are celebrating. Anal. Anal. Yeah, we've had a lot of great. We've had a lot of great posts on the Reddit celebrating Anal August.

Mostly things that look like they go in a butt that don't. And we've had some listeners. We didn't even, like, it's not like we went out there and said, listeners, here's a call to action. Call us at this number. People just know that, like, if they're feeling it in their heart and it's the right time of year, they need to share it with the world. Of course. If there's one podcast the world listens to, it's

probably Serial. But that doesn't have a telephone number. So they just settle on us. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and let's say Chris Fairbanks or Steve Agee. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

No, no, no. This weekend I had my girlfriend peg me for the first time, and it was amazing. Her wrist is flared, so we start with a hand and that worked, and then we move on to other things. It's momentous because it's August and also because we live in an apartment that the neighbors can hear just about everything that happens. So I'm very certain that they heard all the pre-cleaning

conversations we had and everything after it for the next hour as we talked about how we felt about it. Watch Brent, stay wet, get hard, and only Guy can judge me. Love the show.

Wow. Did he say only Guy can judge him? I think so. I sometimes feel that way. Guy, our friend Guy Branum. Yeah. Regular recurring guest Guy Branum.

Only Guy can judge him, I think. All right. Oh, you know what? I think he's referencing our Guy Fieri t-shirt slogan that actually turned out

to be a t-shirt slogan. Oh, yeah. We thought we were about to get rich because we thought of the stupid t-shirt slogan, only Guy can judge me with a picture of Guy Fieri. Yeah. The internet's fucking been on top of that for years. For years. For years. Damn.

Okay. So we have to say congratulations to your listener. Yeah, absolutely. He's happy. Yes. And I mean, I think I was presenting analogous as kind of a metaphor. This was very literal. But, you know,

but it is absolutely in the spirit. Yes, but Dan Savage was a guest on our show. And Dan Savage would be applauding this listener for trying something he wanted to try and talking about it. You know what? The only thing is I always identify with the people living next door to somebody.

Sure. I don't necessarily – I mean you don't need to speak that loudly about being pegged, right? I mean why – it felt a little showy to me. Would you care? I'm so proud that I'm about to get pegged. That's how amazing I am. Let me yell about it now so that John and Brenda can hear it next door and feel bad about themselves or something.

I'm sure that maybe. I mean, I think your cabin would be the ideal place to try pegging for the first time. He knows. I mean, Jesse, I know you call it the stabbing cabin, but I mean, maybe it could be the pegging cabin. That's a fair point. The pegging place. The pegging place.

I'm interested to hear that Craig always identifies as a neighbor. Always. Always. Listen, the neighbor is the person that is subjected to- What's going on in there? The begging place. I'm interested to hear that Craig always identifies as a neighbor. Always. Always. Listen, the neighbor is the person that is subjected to – What's going on in there? I am – when I was a kid, my sister and I would watch I Love Lucy reruns and, you know, Fred. Yeah. You're the Fred.

Fred – You're a Fred type. I'm a Fred. You know, Ethel was cool. I'm Fred. What is this madness that's going on next door? You know, there's a decorum that has to occur in a shared living space. Sure.

You know, so, yes, peg. Peg all you want. Peg constantly. But, you know, peg respectfully. No, I understand that. That's a really good point. And, you know, I mean, obviously based on the intimacy with which one would have to have before this, I mean, you know, why not hold your partner and whisper about the pegging?

It sounds like they spent an hour doing that. They did. Except they weren't whispering. Because he just seems a little peacocky to me. Sure. We don't know what this is. How proud I am. Do you think they, like, had, like, maybe a couple of podiums in there

with those little, like, skinny microphones? Tap the mic. Okay, let's break this down. I would say, like, we don't know what the building situation they're in. That's true. So if they're in a building that has, like, a lot of young families and stuff, but they may be in sort of a cool swingers building. It doesn't matter. I guess I was imagining a community center.

Oh. There's a kid's story time going on next door. That's bizarre. Maybe a small swimming pool. Yeah, sure. For seniors, aqua aerobics. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, it's cool that he likes it.

That's good. Yeah, absolutely. Way to go. And yeah, I mean, it definitely sounds like they were exercising responsible anal august tendencies. So I appreciate that. You know what I find myself thinking about as the father of three? And I mean I guess this is how I think about everything now to some extent is through the lens of having three children.

But the main thing that I was jealous of was not the actual physical act, although it sounded great. It was more just having a lifestyle where I could dedicate an evening to a new sex thing. Just like anything where like, I'm like when he said

they spent an hour talking about it afterwards, I'm like, I can't even watch an hour-long television show and that's only 45 minutes. How young is your youngest? My youngest is 18 months. Yeah. So you have about 18 more years. Yeah. But then you guys can really get down to it. That is the great irony is that when you do get all this time back for sex with your partner, you're both quite a bit more wrinkly. Yeah. But you know what? You kind of don't care. Because you get the time back.

And then you appreciate it. But just start acquiring the gear now. Yeah. Clear a space in the garage for the St. Andrew's cross and the spreader bar. Wait for the late models. It's like computers. It becomes obsolete as soon as you take it out of the box.

The second you drive it up a lot. Yeah, it loses its value. It's like computers. It just becomes obsolete as soon as you take it out of the box. The second you drive it up a lot. Yeah. It loses its value. Yeah. This dildo. Sure, yeah. I bought this dildo for $50. Walked out of the store. Can't sell it for $10.

Yeah. That's why you get a nice pre-owned one from your Lexus dealership. Certified pre-owned. Dildos. Yeah. I think it's not the time involved in the act. I'm involved in the act. It's the attendant responsibilities of negotiation, discussion, equipment acquisition. Shopping.

Yeah, sure. Set up. Specifically regarding pegging. Or just any notable sexual act. Anything that involves anything like more complicated than like a vibrator or something. Well, I'm out. It's like a whole set of stuff that you have to go over. And it's like I can't even get –

But Jesse, you're a collector. You're a stuff guy. You go to garage sales and estate sales. That's true. Do not get sex toys at garage sales. That's true. Don't do it. I think my wife and I have had a really hard time trying to sit down to figure out whether

we need to get earthquake insurance. Oh, yeah. The answer, by the way, is no. Okay. So I will say, like, in terms of sex toys and such things, you could, like, spend $500,000 on a sling or something and decide, like, you don't like that. And that's not a good thing at all, too. A sling. I feel like you need some sort of rental situation or, like, you get to go someplace and use it? I feel like even if I didn't like the thing that I bought for $500 or $1,000, it would be like a spa day.

Like it's self-care to be like I'm going to spend a stupid amount of money on my own sexual enjoyment, even if I don't enjoy it. Yeah. I think just having taken care of myself and my partner in that way would feel like a victory to me. That unsatisfying, disappointing way to act. But would you feel pressure to keep using it even though you didn't like it the first time? Because we spent all this money on it. That's the – Look, we have the sling.

Get in the sling. I know you don't like the sling, but look at the money we spent on the sling. What are we supposed to do with it? Are you saying that I shouldn't have bought the sling? I'm not really enjoying the handmade sale. Well, we paid for the Hulu script. Indeed. We paid for Hulu.

I mean, it's well made. It's just a little bit hard. I know. It's like walking out of enjoying the handmade sale. Well, we paid for the Hulu script. Indeed, we paid for Hulu. And it's well made. It's just a little bit hard and mushy. I mean, it's like walking out of a movie. Right, yeah, sure, exactly. I know it's got, you didn't necessarily

order that. You ordered this. They brought what you, just eat it. I mean, that's how, why I haven't bought an enormous trampoline from my backyard.

Right. Oh, trampolines are good. Plus the liability on that one. Hold on, let me put my kippah on for a second. Yeah. Oy, the liability on those.. Plus the liability on that one. Hold on. Let me put my kippah on for a second. Yeah. Oy, the liability on those.

Yeah, the liability. We have another call, right? Yeah, let's hear it. I also got pegged by... Hey, Jordan, just to go, I have a momentous occasion for you in celebration of Analogous. So I just spent the last couple of hours fishing a vibrator out of my wife's vagina. There were tongs and spoons and other implements involved, and finally with some latex gloves we made it happen.

But even though it didn't involve the anus, I have a newfound appreciation for analogous and the without a base, without a trace mantra. So, yeah, be careful out there, everybody, and happy analogous. Thanks. You never want to use the phrase fishing when you're talking about your wife's vagina. Yeah, I noticed that as well. That was an interesting word choice.

Yeah, not fishing so much. Rummaging, I would use. Rummaging. The latex gloves provide extra sort of traction. I was wondering why the latex gloves. Yeah, why the little cleanliness? Probably an issue. Yeah, you want to

wash your hands, but then I think once you start doing a proper gynecological procedure, you do want a glove. Speaking as an amateur urologist.

Also a gynecologist. Yeah. Very accomplished. Very accomplished. But, I mean, again, you know, but again, I just want to reiterate

that usually we use analogous as a metaphor and I think even though in this case it did not involve the anus, it was adjacent. It must have been a very small vibrator. It must have been one of those real tiny ones. You know, you get completely lost.

Sure, yeah. Yeah, I mean, and again, I don't know if you know, I guess we decided we don't need earthquake insurance. What about vibrator insurance? Those things can get pricey. Yeah, vibrator insurance isn't a bad idea. So are you insuring the vibrator or are you insuring your sexual partner? Sure.

Well, I mean, that's for the folks at Triple A to decide. That's possible damage from the vibrator. That's right. Sure. Sorry. That's earthquake insurance. All right. But I mean, it could go flying.

Absolutely. It could go flying. I mean, because of the earthquake, that's why you lost your grip on the vibrator and therefore the – Oh, sure, sure, sure. Yeah. I think we should try and think about investing in sexual ceiling fan insurance. Because when you're throwing the clothes up into the air, they're hitting the ceiling fan.

They're shooting off all over everywhere. Right. Who knows what might happen? Yeah, absolutely. We should call up Aetna, Geico, Aflac. Aflac. Aflac. Aflac will handle that.

Sure. Yeah. And thank you for name dropping your guys as a sponsor. No problem. They've been really good. We don't have sponsors. Aflac. Aflac will handle that. Sure. Yeah. And thank you for name dropping your guys as a sponsor. No problem. They've been really good to me. We don't have sponsors. No. We're pure.

You're doing it for the love, for the love of the game. That's why we literally get to say anything, anything we want about any company, we can accuse Geico of selling vibrator insurance. It doesn't matter. Oh, no, that's actually defamation. That's not an accusation. That's kind of a, that's a compliment. To you.

Yeah. But maybe not to them. You don't think that duck would see it that way. That's an affleck, sir. How dare you? Geico is that gecko. Oh, sure. It's in the name.

Yeah. Which one is the guy from Law and Order? That's the general. Okay. That's the general. That's pretty great. So I have a non-sexual but sort of a related sort of August topic here. Please.

Stepping outside of your comfort zone. So for the last 15 years, I've been tremendously allergic to raspberries to the point where like if there's a raspberry in a salad or something like that. But it's a reason you weren't allergic as a child. No, as a child I was not. Are you allergic to Bronx Cheers? No. I mean, I actually – Oh, my God. I celebrate.

I mean, you're in for the taste of the coriander. And so I've known that I've had to, like, really watch out for raspberries. And so I'm that person at a restaurant, like, are there any food allergies? And, like, I have to sometimes say raspberries because it could be in, like, dressing. It could be someplace. Sure. So I went to the allergist, and they actually did the skin test for everything else. And I said, raspberries.

And they scratched me with it. It's like, no, you're not actually allergic to raspberries. I knew it. And so, but it you. It's like, no, you're not actually allergic to raspberries. I knew it. And so, but it turns out there's two kinds of things. There's the histamine response, which is like peanuts to kill people. But there's also food sensitivities. And they can kind of come and go. And so they said, like, maybe you just try it again.

So I tried it. And so I tried, like, a tiny bit of raspberry jam. And it didn't kill me. But I should say that when I would have an allergic reaction to it, I would be like in the fetal position for hours just like back in the day. The raspberry shakes.

The raspberry shakes. I'd have the raspberry shakes. One of the great medieval diseases right there with St. Vitus' dance. Oh yeah, sure. I was going to say

also a great Chubby Checker song. Also, as many things, Chubby Checker's, most of his songs are titled after famous medieval ailments. Right. The dropsy. medieval ailments. Right.

The dropsy. Sure, yeah. Yep. But to bring this back to pancakes, because I want to make sure that Jordan is. Full circle. Here we go. So husband Mike went to the Griddle on Sunset, which is the famous place that has giant, giant pancakes. He went without me and got raspberry pancakes.

And there's so many that he brought back raspberry pancakes. He's trying to kill you. He's trying to kill me. But I also said, like, you know what? Maybe this is a sign. So yesterday I was like, you know what? I'm going to have half a raspberry pancake and see if it kills me. It didn't kill me.

Oh, it didn't kill you. It didn't kill me. Okay. Happy analogous. That's great. Yeah. So I was safe about it, but I made it through. You should have never told me the story because anytime someone says to me, oh yeah, I have an allergy to blank,

I sometimes say but always think, no, you don't. I'm that guy. Oh, you're an allergy skeptic. I'm an allergy sneerer. Sure, sure. You think you do? It's a truly horrible way to live in the world. No, no, no. Oh, it's amazing. You eliminate so much bric-a-brac

from your life, like people, friendships, relationships, good feelings. Yeah, then you can safely eat all your meals alone. Alone. Yeah. But I still put one arm around the food just in case. Just in case. To protect it.

Yeah, you never know. You never know who's out there trying to snatch your cakes. I have a good buddy and former colleague here at Maximum Fun named Marielle. And she is one of these people who's deadly allergic to shellfish. Oh, yeah, yeah. And her father is also deadly allergic to shellfish. But he really, really loves shrimp. See, that's my guy. That's like his favorite food.

Let's take this to the brink of death. And so what he will do is once a year, he will just take a shit ton of Benadryl and like go get ceviche. Wow. He'll just shrimp up. Shrimp it up. Shrimp it up and then just white knuckle it through the next 18 hours. He's just got EpiPens poised everywhere. I love that guy. That guy's pretty cool.

That is very gutsy. That's great to literally risk death for your favorite food. For what you love. It's ceviche. It's really good. Now I feel like to really appreciate my favorite foods, I should develop that deadly allergy and then live that ceviche trench run lifestyle. Because if you're going to die on Ceviche night,

you know you're getting the best Ceviche you can. Yeah, he's pretty serious about it. Is he a local guy? Is he Los Angeles? No, he lives in New York City. I will go to New York to have this Ceviche. Well, I'll find out for you. Legendary death Ceviche.

I have to say, like myself, I don't have any super bad allergies or food sensitivities in the traditional sense, but there are these foods that are migraine triggers for me. Oh, yeah. And one of them is chocolate, which is the best food. Classic migraine triggers. So I haven't had a chocolate bar in forever. Like four or five years ago, I went through this kind of emotional awakening where I was like, you know what?

I get a lot of migraines all the time. I have not eaten chocolate at all. There you go, big guy. I was like, chocolate chip cookies don't have that much chocolate. I'll eat those sometimes. And do you, when you get migraines, because I used to be a biger no longer what do you do what's your uh what's your go-to uh oh that what don't i do baby all right let's start with that soup to nuts i got i got a self-injection right i got sublingual dissolving pills i got excedrin that i take during the day that doesn't work that good praying to god praying to god definitely doesn't i. I have contemplating suicide.

Cursing God also doesn't. How often do you take those rescue meds? All the time. I'm also a neurologist. All the time. That's a problem. That's a huge problem. So I'm aware of rebound issues.

I'm sort of on the edge of rebound or not rebound on the rebound side. So when you take migraine medications for your benefit, Jordan, or for yours, John, if you take them too frequently, they can actually – their absence can be a migraine trigger. Correct. And like my neurologist once in a while will be – she'll be like – she'll like look at the chart that I've given her of like when I've – and she'll be like, you know, this could really – this could cause rebound headaches, Jesse.

Yeah. And I'm always like, well, yeah, but what the fuck do you want me to do? Not take it? That was a bad. I did that. I've tried to do. I went cold turkey on the Imatrex, which was, I guess, whatever they're using then. I'm sure it's considered too old to even give anyone anymore.

And that was a horrendous week. Horrendous. But then kind of coming after that, I went to go see, you know who was my headache doctor? Dr. Vinny Boombatz? Dr. Feelgood? Both of them in practice together. Dr. Kudrow, brother of Lisa Kudrow. Friends.

Back around to friends. Yeah, Lisa Kudrow's brother is a Kudrow, friends. Back around to friends. Yeah, Lisa Kudrow's brother is a headache doctor. He was great. She was a neuroscientist herself, if I remember correctly, before she was an actress. Because their dad was a, or is a neurologist. You know who my ear, nose, and throat guy is? It's Crystal the monkey. Oh.

With a little yogurt. Pay her with yogurt. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la minorities. Don't worry. I know a place where we can learn, laugh, and play. Where? Minority Corner with the wonder twins of podcasting, Aneke and James. Wow. They sound fabulous, smart, and incredibly attractive. At Minority Corner, you'll get everything from the history you were never taught.

Like the history of Chinese immigration. Or who was James Baldwin? Or African queens of old, like Queen Candace. Plus, awesome book recommendations outside of the usual white male cisgender canon. Interviews from comedians, artists, writers, and activists. Well, that sounds like a party. But hold up. What about movie and TV reviews starring folks whose melanin is poppin'?

Well, you know Minority Corner loves their deep dive into pop culture, all from a perspective that's black, queer, and ladylike. Ooh, yes. And with the election just around the corner, sounds like Aneke and James are going to get us in formation. Not to mention self-care, tips how to be an ally, and how you can get involved in your community so you can help fix this mess. You know what?

James and Aneke kind of sound like us. That's because they are in us. Whoa. Minority Corner. Minority Corner. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Minority Corner! Hey there, folks. I'm writer and performer Dave Holmes, and I host International Waters,

where we pair a team of comedians in L.A. against a team of comedians in London in a pop culture trivia battle royale. Comedians like Josie Long. I worry that it makes me seem like I'm 80 years old but I hurt my knee and it is just on the mend and I can't tell you how delightful that feels. If I want to walk down some stairs, I'd just go for it

now. Michaela Watkins. We have a country where our leaders actually deny global warming. So we are going to have more beachfront property than any other nation. I mean, it's going

to shrink our country in half, but it's okay. But that's just more beach. And many more. Join us every other week on International Waters with me, Dave Holmes. Find it on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Craig Mazin, born in August. I'm the ghost of John August. Hey! See? Mission strong! I wasn't criticizing them, I was challenging them. You know, yeah, sometimes it makes people step up. Yeah. I'm

a great leader. A lot of people don't know that. Seems a little strong for what you've done here. No, I'm a leader of men. I'm like the Churchill of my generation. You're the Churchill of this small room that we're in. Right. Even that seems...

I know. I'm actually giving you way too much credit. Yeah. I mean, John was nice enough to have coffee with Jordan after he talked about his podcast on his podcast. We had a nice time. We shared a cookie. We shared a cookie.

I'm a notorious bastard. You're the Chamberlain of this chamber. And you've met that famous monkey. So who am I now? I'm basically chopped liver in this situation. I've worked with her. One more before we wrap up. I did have one more question about the trip to Panic! at the Disco.

One is the dad. Yes. At the teen concert. Did you think a lot about or put a lot of time into what what you would wear oh that's a great question um i ended up wearing basically what i'm wearing right now which is jeans and you know sure and pants you leaned into dad i leaned into dad i didn't i didn't go big i didn't go i didn't wear like you know a rolling stones t-shirt or something like that i didn't want to sort of i i went as the dad taking the daughters to the show. But there was a long conversation about like what my daughter would wear to

it because she's 13. She's tall and thin and started to wear like short shorts and stuff like that. So it was a complicated conversation about sort of what was going to be appropriate to wear to this. I freaked out more than I should have freaked out about it and sort of like made a bigger deal than I wanted it to be. So it was- Did you apologize? I did apologize. Well, that's good. Yeah.

Open lines of communication. Very crucial. No matter whether it's taking your daughter to a rock show or discussing pegging, you need to figure out sort of open lines of communication. It's all about communication and aftercare, of course. Yes, absolutely. Aftercare. You're explaining it to us like I'm not the Churchill of my generation.

Ah, yes. I know a little something about the leading of men. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you know, whether it's going into battle or sort of, you know, on the home front. Or whether they're 13-year-old girls. It doesn't matter. No. Sure.

Nice. You're welcome, everyone. You're our lucky jack, Jesse. Did you have to drop them off like a block away? No, no. I mean, I went in with them. Okay, gotcha. So I was there with them the whole time.

So I was, you know, I was there beside them enjoying the show, but also... Did you get any snacks? I did. I got some chips, got some nachos. I feel like I would get nachos. I would totally get nachos. I got myself a beer. I got them a giant Diet Coke to share.

I was so happy. You know what? You're kind of a... That's a sign that your daughter loves you, that she's comfortable with you being there and eating nachos and drinking. And you're not embarrassing her. I wasn't trying to be a peer. I wasn't like – Right.

I mean you were a total freak about what she was going to wear. Oh, my God. If you had heard what he was saying, it was like – God, Dad. You're such a communist. So my concern wasn't what she was wearing like at the, but knowing that we were going to take the subway back. And so therefore we're going to be walking through downtown Los Angeles at 1130 at night. And I didn't want randos to shout weird things at them, sort of not understanding she was a 13-year-old girl.

There was all that kind of stuff. I didn't want that to happen yet. to happen yet. You know, my, I think I would have been embarrassed at the time, but,

you know, after hearing this conversation, I kind of wish my dad had taken me to see the Mighty Mighty Boss Tones. Oh,

oh God. He didn't want to. Oh God. And I'm kind of wishing I had worn short shorts to Aerosmith. Yeah, I know.

That would have been nice. Hey. And I wish I had nachos right now. Yeah, me too. It's getting to be about right now. Yeah, me too. It's getting to be about lunchtime. Jeez, that's...

God, we're all so sad now for different reasons. Mine the best of all, but still. My dad just thought they sold out when they were in Clueless, you know? Yeah. That's fair. Your dad was so hipster now. He was like, it's just not hip enough for me. Oh, you want to see Mighty Mighty Boston?

Of course you do. Yeah, well, maybe I would have gone three years ago before they were in Clueless. Yeah, that one it's just not hip enough for me. Oh, you want to see Mighty Mighty Boss Tones? Of course you do. Yeah, well, maybe I would have gone three years ago before they were in Clueless. Yeah, that one, before everybody knew who they were.

Yeah, anyway. I don't know a ton about the Mighty Mighty Boss Tones. I know that they had a guy whose job, who was like the hype man of the band. Just to dance, yeah.

God, those guys. There's a whole show to be made about all those guys sharing an abandoned mansion together or something. Mighty Mighty Boston's guy, Jerome from the time.

What was the band that did Tennessee, that song Tennessee? Arrested Development. Talking about Baba OJ. Thank you. Who's like the overlord of that whole class of why are you here? What do you do? That guy barely even did anything. Scoob, the dancer

from Big Daddy Kane. I bet at the height of these bands, it made total sense to pay these people to go on the road. Totally. But now when these bands are doing county fairs, I bet they wish they did not have the superfluous ornamental person overhead. I mean, is there an Uber where you can hire a local person just to be the hype man just for that one show kind of like a gig yeah kind of an app based San Bernardino there's just a listing local county fair seeks mirror holder

Mara stay in the time yeah nice God dancer must own own three-piece suit it's so great yeah. It's nice. Seek ska dancer, must own own three-piece suit. It's so great. Yeah. What? It's amazing that that's a job. Yeah.

What a life. Those were the go-go 90s. Oh, man, the 90s. St. Lunatics, seek mask guy. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I bet there's a whole, you know, when GWAR comes to town. Oh, well. Everybody breaks up their- They can get away with anything. Everyone can up their foam-toothed vagina costumes.

The inside of this smells so bad. Put it on. We're paying you. Script Notes is your guys' wonderful podcast. Every Tuesday. Every Tuesday. We talk about the finer points of screenwriting and occasionally interview Dan Savage. Yeah.

We talk about the finer points of screenwriting and occasionally interview Dan Savage. Yeah. John, when you were kind enough to mention Bubble, I don't think there was anything else that generated the outpouring of excitement. Like, you know, Bubble was in major national publications and so on. it at the Entertainment Weekly Suite at Comic-Con or whatever, nothing compared to your casual mention of enjoying the show on script notes from basically everyone we've ever known who's worked in show business.

Well, thank you. I just really dug it, and I'd not heard a show that was like it. It was great. That's why it was one cool thing. It was great to sit down and talk to Jordan about the show. I don't listen to podcasts. So it's not an issue for me. Most are bad.

Yeah. Thank you again. Thank you. I couldn't thank you enough. It was very – it was a big deal for the show and a big deal for me. And I am more famous to certain friends now. And, John, you also brought an advanced copy of your brand-new novel that's on the way. Absolutely.

So Arlo Finch is my book series. The first book came out in February. The second book comes out this next February. So it's a three-book series. It's a Harry Potter-age fiction. And it's been great. It's been just so different to write books versus movies. There's just obviously more words.

And the sense of the – This is the kind of insight you get from the Screenplays Podcast. More words. But the thing is, we've all written screenplays. You can sort of plow through a screenplay in two weeks if you need to. You can just muscle it, and there's just no way to muscle a book. It just takes so much longer to write. I'm still trying to figure out

how to muscle the screenplay. I've never written anything in two weeks. Really? You can do that? If I have to. Oh, God. I mean, frankly, it was three weeks. Really? Yeah. Huh. Jeez.

It's a thing that's possible. From cover to cover, how long does it take to write a novel? Cover to cover? Let's see. Four weeks. Four weeks takes a solid month.

So there is a solid month. There's the NaNoWriMo, the National Novel Writing Month, that idea where people write a whole book in the month of November. You can do that if you're writing

1,600 words a day. You know, I hate that thing. Tell me why you hate that thing. Because I find it disrespectful. It's like, oh, let's have a national surgery in an hour a month. You know, people have a profession. This is a craft. It's an art.

Why are you jamming it into a month? It's a novel, for God's sakes. How good could it possibly be if you're like, it's a month. And plus, it's in November. They don't even give you the extra day. It's 30 days. It's 30 days. I hate it.

I hate it. I hate it the way I hate people who claim they have allergies. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. People really suffer from this, Craig. You know, I. And I literally life threaten you. I know. And I suffer from boring Novembers. Right. So you're literally life threaten you. I know.

And I suffer from boring Novembers. Right. So you're insulting me as well. I know. I know I am. I know. Special EpiPen just for Craig. I mean, it's Anger Pen.

Umbridge. Yeah, it's called Klonopin. Arlo Finch, though, available at your finer booksellers. Booksellers everywhere. What about second tier booksellers? When's that next book coming out? The second book comes out in February. So the paperback of the first book

comes out in January. Then the hardcover of book two comes out then. But in Europe, I don't know if you have any European listeners. One or two. One or two.

I don't know if we have any listeners. You run a podcasting company. If they are, they are in Europe. The crucial thing about running a podcasting company is, I've learned, is to have no sense of listenership or analytics. That's central.

I actually do have no sense of our listenership or analytics. So you can concentrate on the creativity. It's not about numbers. It's not the words. It's not about abacuses. Our friend Sarah Morgan listens to your show, so you're set. Oh, really? That's the deal.

You got Morgan on board? She's from England. All right. You know what? I love the Englishers. Until recently, that was part of Europe. Yeah, sure. Oh, man. That's the deal. You got Morgan on board? She's from England. All right. You know what? I love the Englishers. Until recently, that was part of Europe. Yeah, sure. Oh, man.

They are not. You know what? It's like ha-ha to us. You bring it up with them because I've just spent a lot of time with British people recently. And oh, yeah, no, they get quite serious about that. They're like, not funny. Yeah. Not funny.

It doesn't play around the are you being served reboot set. No, it does not. Yeah, so I have European versions. I have German, Swedish, Danish versions of Arlo Finch coming out this next month, too. I might read it in Danish. Read it in Danish. I might. The original Danish.

The original Danish. Yeah. So I get to tour there and do all that stuff, which would be cool. I might read it in English and have a Danish. Oh, that sounds good. That's a nice pastry. Raspberry Danish. Here at the Full Circle Light Motif Cafe.

With a side of pancakes. And a vibrator. I think we've mentioned everything in the show. I'm trying as much as I can here. You need a little ramekin of lube there. There you go. Ah, the ramekin of lube. Perfect. Our producer is Brian Sonny D. Fernandez.

He's the one you hear laughing through the window. It's not his fault. It's just how God made him. You can find us at MaximumFun.reddit.com. On Reddit, you can hashtag your tweets, hashtag JJGo. You can find us on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris and at Jesse Thorne. Now, Jordan, we actually have a – we're facing a crisis right now. Oh, no.

On Infinite Earths? Sometimes people want to send us a correction. Of course they do. Of course they do. Because we host a podcast. People do suffer from allergies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we're speaking –

Really? Do you guys get that on your screenwriting podcast? Oh, yes. You have no idea. I can't imagine. I'm shocked. Oh, the things we get. I'm shocked.

John very, very smartly hides most of it from me so I don't imagine. Oh, the things we get. I'm shocked. John very, very smartly hides most of it from me so I don't lose my shit. So ordinarily we have them tweet their corrections and historically we've been having them tweet them at Gas Station TV. Okay. Which we think

is just a great place to send your thoughts and ideas. About anything. Because they cover a broad range of issues, et cetera, et cetera. Now, Gas Station TV is no longer at Gas Station TV. I don't know if you heard about this. No, I didn't. Previously— Was it the racist tweets that got knocked off?

Previously, they were a teenager at the time. The network was only 17 years old. Sure. They were supposed to be ironic, so, you know. The network is only 17 years old. Sure. They were supposed to be ironic. So, you know.

Yeah. Previously, we had targeted, we had had people target their corrections at Papa John. And then before that, we had them targeting their comments at the vaping congressman. Duncan, what's his name? Duncan Hunter. Duncan Hunter. Yeah. Problem with him now. All three of them are now mired in controversy.

By the way, I just want to note for anyone who's thinking of something to tweet, yes, I did just make a weird daffy duck sound while saying the word three. And we need a new Twitter account for people to direct their thoughts and corrections at. Yeah. Can you, Brian, can you see if there's anything Trapper Keeper related? Maybe the Mead Paper Corporation? At Lisa Frank. At Lisa Frank. Does Lisa Frank have a Twitter account?

Does Lisa Frank have a Twitter account? I don't know that we want to bug the actual person. There is an actual Lisa Frank. There's a woman named Lisa Frank who started Lisa Frank. What's the first one that did Lisa Frank and Paul Frank? I'm going to get confused. One's the monkey. Which one's the monkey?

Paul Frank is the monkey. Lisa Frank is a pink unicorn. Oh. Oh, you know what? Yeah. How about peachy folders? I love peachy folders. Yeah, sure.

Yeah, let's see if peachy is on. I think peachy is a really solid one. I used to, man, I lost it in a move, but my most treasuredession was a promotional item for E40's album My Ghetto Report Card that was an E40-themed peachy folder. Peachy folder. OPG All Stars. OPG, that's just Canadian Top Spaceball Cards. Brian, where are we at on Lisa Frank? Is there a Twitter account for the Lisa Frank Corporation? Come on, Brian. Brian, for the love of God. It's already in your porn search history.

At Lisa Frank. Should that be our new correction target? Yeah. So for the time being, please send your corrections and thoughts about the program to at Lisa Frank. Our mission here at Lisa Frank Incorporated is to strive to create quality products that enable children to exercise their imaginations and creativity. Just like here at Georgia. Yeah. And to help Brian for doing this crank off. By the way, I do have one person that I follow on Twitter. Comedian Mike Drucker also follows Lisa Frank.

Oh, that's fun. Isn't that nice? It just shows your little – we're all connected. Yeah. You know the monkey from Friends. I know her. Mike Drucker follows Lisa Frank on Twitter. The brotherhood of man.

Yes. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. Bye-bye. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Jordan Jessica.