Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 557: Nobody Ever Pulls Out with Travis McElroy

Episode Date: November 13, 2018

Travis McElroy joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Travis's new fancy (and possibly deadly) slippers he got for his trip to the Magic Castle and how it adds to his fall aesthetic of "Rogue Wizard," the time Travis's dad was frozen into a block of ice as a promotion for a car dealership, and a new memory that Jordan recently unearthed about his dad. Plus, everyone nominates someone they'd like to see as a non-canonical Doctor Who and then pinpoints the most prestigious or historic place they've taken a dump.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, you're looking breezy today. Thanks. On this program. You just...

Don't you mean sleazy? Well, I didn't say... I wouldn't say not sleazy. Okay. A little sleazy, a little breezy. God knows you're easy. Yeah, I know, right? Can I jump in with greasy?

What about greasy? You may. Okay. Our guest on this week's Jordan Jesse Goh can't help himself. It's just he's got to do what he's got to do. Put me in front of a microphone and just watch me go. He's going to podcast. Yeah.

You can't stop him from podcasting. Oh, you're also lemon squeezy. Okay, go on. He's known internationally as the king of podcasting. That is correct. The strength in my brand.

The name he's given himself from the Adventure Zone. My brother, all these trends like these. My brother, my brother and me. Probably some other podcast that he's doing secretly and just hasn't even started distributing yet. Some that are just for me.

Travis McElroy. This one's for daddy, you say. So when I got the chance to sign the new table at Earwolf, I won. I was very excited, obviously very excited. We should say maybe just for non-podcast insiders who don't occasionally get to drop in on Earwolf Podcast, they have a big table where – That is just made of plywood. Yeah. And where if you're a guest on a show, you get to add your John Hancock, and it's a who's who, this table.

Yeah, and they've just got a new table. Wow. From Weird Al Yankovic to also Weird Al Yankovic. There was a signature on there, Jennifer. And then just Paul F. Tompkins 150 times. There was a Jennifer Aniston signature on there, which I was too timid to ask if it was real or not. Wow.

Could be a goof. I have a chance to sign the new table. And I was like, well, this feels a little, there's an element of betraying my MaxFun family. Sure. That's true. And so I wanted to kind of insult Earwolf a little bit. You had to flex a little. Yeah.

And I put it literally in front of the seat that every podcast guest would ever sit in. Okay. So I was like, well, it's a new table, so I get to choose my space. I was like, well, it's a new table, so I get to choose my space. So I'm going to do like, you know, that great billboard space that you always see right there where everyone will sit down and know that Travis McElroy is the king of podcasts. Wow. This is you threw the gauntlet down. Yeah.

This is the who shot you that's going to start the feud. I do. Between Earwolf and Max Fun. I mean, I do nine podcasts. I think I do more than anyone. You would have thought that who shot you would be the who shot you. I mean, I do nine podcasts. I think I do more than anyone. You would have thought that Who Shot Ya would be the Who Shot Ya that started it. I know, right? There is actually a show called Who Shot Ya. Yeah.

But this is it. Yeah. Yeah. I did it. Take that. Boom. Take that, Aukerman. Look at you.

I should say, before, we all had a nice, we all had to swallow a lovely chuckle before we started, because before we started rolling Travis just into the mic let it drop my slippers are stinky I believe what I said was my slippers don't smell good my slippers don't smell good I'm sorry I shortened it

as genteel as your slippers are not well here's the thing if it makes you feel better I cannot smell your slippers from here. No, that's fine. I should clarify. When I say my slippers, I include the foot within. But the slipper itself is not an ergonomically designed shoe that I have here.

I'm going to the Magic Castle right after this recording. So I bought shoes and a matching bow tie, which I will show you later, specifically for my Magic Castle trip. These shoes are truly, I think bold would be a good adjective for these shoes. But when I tell you Magic Castle, are you like, oh, yeah, okay, I get it. Yeah, well, because at the Magic Castle, the comedy and magic club here in Los Angeles that is a membership club of magicians but also a functioning nightclub. Not of the dance variety, although that would be great. Oh, my God.

That would be amazing. If just every night at 11 they just put out a dance floor at the Magic Castle. And then that would – I mean I think we've discussed this on the show before when Matt Ricardo was on who was nice enough to invite us to his show at the Magic Castle. I think also something about it that I think is worth mentioning. I've asked this on the show before when Matt Ricardo was on, who was nice enough to invite us to his show at the Magic Castle. I think also something about it that I think is worth mentioning. I don't know if this will make sense in this conversation, but I think it's worth mentioning that it is also the horniest place I've ever been. Oh, yeah, very much. It's so horny. I can't believe how horny this place is. Also the most baffling as far as physical space goes because it looks like, oh, this is like a house.

And then you get in there and there's like room upon room upon room. I don't know how it's connected. It's like a magic trick. Sure. Yeah. It is. And it's like it was owned by an insane person who thought they had to keep building hallways to trick ghosts. Yes.

It is exactly like that. Like an insane Walt Disney World. Sure. It is truly an amazing place. And I'll add a descriptor for your slippers. They look even a little bit deadly. Do they have spiked toes? They do have spiked toes.

Let's hear about those. These are like a velvet evening slipper. Correct. Otherwise known as the styles you know as an opera pump. Is that what it is? Because someone referred to it as a smoking slipper. That's a sort of conflation of multiple things. But you can also see zero traction.

It's in a burgundy color. And that is in and of itself unremarkable. All the things we've described, sure. Is it something that Aziz Ansari would wear to the Golden Globes? Yes. Yes. However, in addition to that, there is a golden crest on the vamp that can only be described as- It's a winged lion with two seahorses.

Oligarchical? Yeah. Wow. Which I didn't realize the seahorses till right this second. Is that metal or is it? Let's see. I think that's going to be a plastic. I don't know.

It feels metallic. It's shiny metal. Is it cold? Does it feel cold? No, it's definitely metal. No, it's plastic. It's definitely plastic. And the spiked toes kind of suggest that maybe these would be worn by a villain who has like a signature kill shot. Yes.

Maybe if you are, like, you know, when the body is thrown out of the van, you know, at the hideout of whoever, when they see the golden spike marks all over the guy's face. I give him one last toe tap and it's like, oh, well, that's what did him in. Yeah. Yeah. It looks like something that a character in the... I've been playing the video game Hitman a lot lately. Like one of the bad guys from Hitman, they'd be like, so-and-so is an international coin smuggler.

You know him by his metallic spiky toe. Yeah. That's exactly what Travis is wearing. And never one to fail to gild the lily, Travis. You're also wearing floral socks. Correct. God bless you, sir. And I also have a bow tie with gold wings on them and double chains that hang down from it.

It's a while. I mean, an appropriately horny outfit for an appropriately horny building. And a white dinner jacket with a black lapel, a black satin lapel. And let's not sell you short, Travis. In addition, a lapel pin of your own face. Also correct. Are you – now, have you planned for this scenario? I mean, I know you're visiting L.A., doing shows, making deals.

Are you – and you have a wife and child back home and of course butter buttercup the cute cute dog which you can see more of that buttercup is a very good girl.com buttercup is a heck of a we're all we're all bookmarking that site yes are you concerned that you will have to start a new life when you are named king of the magic castle i am and must dwell there like um some sort of cursed Rapunzel. And also, will you merge the kingdoms of the Magic Castle in podcasting? Yeah. I mean, listen, have I considered it?

Of course. You know, it's definitely one of the planks of my platform to get elected as the king of Magic Castle. I am worried because I think I'm too authentic. I'm worried I'll walk in, I'll accidentally get whisked into some kind of performer area. Right. And then once I'm there, I'll be expected to perform. And will I have to show the little bit of magic I know?

Yes, of course. Now, I didn't know you knew a little bit of magic. It does not surprise me, but I would love to hear if thrust on stage at the Magic Castle, what are you going to do? See, here's the problem. I only know the minorest of like, you know, like sleight of hand stuff, like basically nine-year-old child stuff. But what I am more than that is very much a critic of Magic. This is not a joke. I am a huge fan of magic.

I went through a long period of childhood where I was obsessed with it. One of my childhood heroes is Harry Houdini. And so like I grew up reading books of like magic tricks and how to do them. I just didn't practice them. But I know how most magic tricks are done. And so I very much like watching magic and watching – I like watching the expertise of someone who does the trick really well do it. I don't like being baffled by a trick.

I like seeing how well it's done. I think you're right that you will be whisked into the performer area. Oh, definitely. And then given your garb, I would say that your shoes are like what Criss Angel would wear if Criss Angel was the brutal dictator of a former Soviet republic. See, I would say 85-year-old Criss Angel will wear these shoes. He's like, hey, I'm chilling out. I'm in the twilight of my years. Here's what you do if it happens.

Just bring someone on stage, pull a quarter out of their ear, and then dance to Enya for nine minutes. Nice. But that's what I do all the time. That's a show. I think I could probably talk my way into some magic of just, like, talk long enough before people just start applauding. Like, that's what I do now. I mean, you could probably juggle scarves or some shit. Yeah, definitely.

Just whip them out, baby. Charismatic dancing. You got a few scarves on you, don't you? Oh, definitely. Not where you can see them. Hey. My butthole. Oh, cool.

Oh, wow. That's what I thought. And thank you for confirming it. I just want to explain. It's my butthole. Thank you. But no, I got the shoes. And also, part of it is, I was actually thinking about this on my way over here today.

I believe that accidentally I've done a running theme now of every time I've been on Jordan, Jesse, Go! I've discussed my different looks and styles during the time period I've been here. I started as a metropolitan cowboy. And then I was benevolent drifter. And now I'm rogue wizard is actually the look I'm going for. Wow, you've gone rogue. Yeah, for my fall winter aesthetic, it is rogue wizard. And I want to make it clear, I'm not an evil wizard.

But just that kind of like bad boy of wizardry. It's just like, oh, I don't trust him. Yeah, you're not evil, but you're at the very least a mixed bag. Well, yeah, I'm chaotic good, I would say, is what I was going for. Maybe chaotic neutral if you get me in the wrong mood. But I think mostly I'm a good wizard who just doesn't follow the rules. I'm kind of a loose cannon. Can I say one thing?

You definitely have an iguana. Oh, yeah, for sure. Like, that's my familiar is an iguana. It's like, an iguana? An iguana is not a normal familiar. You're constantly feeding him slices of banana. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know the rules about which pets you can have in which states.

Very much so. You know where to move if you want to own a sugar glider. And I've gotten my iguana a special passport. My iguana has a special passport that, like, convinces people he's a person so I can bring him on planes. Bad news. WizCon is in Montana this year. No ferrets allowed. Are you considering what your spring aesthetic will be?

I've thought about it a lot. Yeah? Maybe we can help you narrow it down? Chimbley sweep? I actually do like that. Haggard Godzilla? See, just as of tonight, I like retired magician is kind of getting me now that I think about it. I do like – see, up until now, I tend to – because the one I skipped, the season I missed that I didn't come here was Pineapple Boy that I did throughout the summer.

Now, can you describe pineapple boy? Yeah. I had, within a couple months, purchased upwards of 40 different pineapple-themed pieces of apparel. Wow. From socks to pants to shorts to trunks to shirts to t-shirts to tank tops to just various different pieces of pineapple apparel. And I wore them constantly.

And during that time, I'm going to say, Travis, your cum tasted great. Your cum really tasted good. And so I don't know. Maybe I'll move into like next Dr. Are You Apologizing to Me or the Listener. Everyone. Perhaps my child. Your family. Your child.

Your wife. Your beautiful wife. By the way, your child should definitely listen to this. Oh, yes. I would like to maybe – one of the things that I've really been considering for the spring is like non-canonical Doctor Who. Like Doctor of Who, you know? It's like, oh, he might have been a Doctor Who but not within the canon of accepted doctors. Sure, you've got like a tweed jacket and a cowboy hat.

Are there alternative Doctor Whos? There are. There are some non-canonical doctors. Explain. Like legendary Cowboys coach Tom Landry? Yeah. No, you can, so there is the thread,

the canonical doctor thread where you go, this doctor regenerated in this doctor and this doctor regenerated in this doctor and this Doctor regenerated in this Doctor. But they made some specials. Like, there's also, like, a non-canonical James Bond. Oh, really? I didn't know that.

With Woody, not Harrelson, Woody. Why is his name escaping me? Who's the dude? Alan. Yeah, Woody Allen. And he played, like, James Bond Jr. And he played like James Bond Jr. and like his uncle was James Bond and it was this very like 60s like sexual psychotropic romp. Okay. It's like Casino Royale.

It's kind of a spoof. Yeah. Oh, okay. It was a Casino Royale. I think I've heard of that. Yeah. And so there was that kind of thing where there was I think a humorous Doctor Who spoof in which it was like, this is the doctor. But there was also just like some doctor kind of non-canonical movies made that weren't, didn't actually have the like, you know, approval of the BBC.

I don't know as much about it as I should, but I know that. Yeah, you should know more about it. There are doctors that are loosely recognized. Huh. You guys get off every time I'm here. It's all about, ooh, I wish Travis knew more about the doctor like I get it I would like to hear I've already nominated

my alternative doctor who legendary Dallas Cowboys football coach Tom Landry known for always wearing a suit and overcoat and a short brimmed hat on the field and of course yes I would like to see some fan art of him with a TARDIS or fighting one

of those trash can robots. I would like to give each of you the opportunity to nominate an alternative timeline Doctor Who of your own if you could make anyone a Doctor Who. Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Who might it be? There we go. Listen, I might be biased by the fact that she already has doctor in her name. I get that.

And you're super horny. And I'm super horny. But I get it. Maybe Briscoe County would be a good doctor. Oh, sure. Yeah. I think, Travis, I'm with you 100%. Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman is a brilliant choice in her frontier garb.

Yeah, definitely. I mean, I think this Doctor Who that I'm about to nominate will only be of regional interest. But I think to the people it speaks to, it will be potent. There was a guy in a local commercial that I watched a lot growing up. So you weren't kidding. You're not even going to say Huell Hauser or something. Not Huell Hauser. This was a guy and he had a bike store.

And at the end of every bike commercial, he'd go, buy my bikes. Buy my bikes! And sometimes his family was with him. He would oftentimes dress up for the holidays. In springtime he wore a bee costume one time. Ooh, that's a good look. Maybe I'll adopt that look

for my spring look. Local bee? Local bee man. Yeah. Can I just say a quick thing as Doctor Who Huel Hauser? Sure. Oh my, it's bigger on the inside.

It's pretty good. I think there was a non-canonical Doctor Who with Rowan Atkinson. Really? Maybe. Like a comedic one. Rowan Atkinson

canceled on me recently, so I'm pretty steamed at old Mr. Bean. Wait, because you matched with him on Tinder? Yeah. And he's like, hey, I'm not sick now, but I'm pretty steamed at old Mr. Bean. Wait, because you match with him on Tinder? Yeah. And he's like, hey, I'm not sick now, but I'm getting sick,

so I probably shouldn't. And I have a lot going on right now. Oh, you know, I actually have something earlier that day and I think I'd be done in time, but I don't want to stand you up if I'm not. But yeah, I mean, I have a lot going on and I'll text you at some point. I'm on Stumble.

It's like a bumble for silent comedians. It's pretty good. So it's you and Rowan Atkinson. Yeah. The late Charlie Chaplin. That guy who was the artist. Yeah. And that's it.

Roberto Benigni. Sure. Roberto Benigni. He's very grateful to have been included. Yeah. Thank you for inviting me. That's my Roberto'm Roberto Panini. Remember when I was famous?

I walked on chairs. I just get louder. I didn't even do an accent. Yeah. Well, it really captures the spirit of Panini. He walked on some chairs. Well, he sure did. It's me, Panini.

I am Roberto Panini. That's his new character. He's a reveal. Oh, man. He loves pressed sandwiches. Yeah, he put a little. Who doesn't? Yeah.

I know. That's a very good kind of sandwich. Put some ham and cheese, maybe. Oh, yeah. Okay, I'm back around. I'm in now. Now that you know they can be made with ham and cheese. I didn't realize.

Cheese, but the melting. Of course. It's right there. We'll be back in just a second with more on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris,

boy detective. You know, Jordan, every week our program is brought to you by the MaxFun members who go to MaximumFun.org slash donate to support this show. Those guys are the best. God bless them every single one. Top to bottom, tip to toe, from the roota to the tuta.

We love them. We also are brought to you this week by Eero Home Wi-Fi systems. The new Eero second generation and Eero beacon allow customers to build a Wi-Fi system that's perfectly tailored to their home. Eero Plus offers the ability to block malicious content across your network and automatically tag sites that contain violent, illegal, or adult content so you can choose what your kids can and cannot visit right in the Eero app. These systems are great, especially if you have, like, for example, in my house, it's two levels and it's built into the side of a hill. I have never been able to find one place where I can put a router where the signal reaches every part of my house. Yeah, it's so frustrating to get Wi-Fi in every part of your house.

Yeah, so this is exactly what this is for. If you get this Eero, you'll never have to worry about Wi-Fi again. You can get $100 off the Eero base unit and two beacons package and a year of Eero Plus at Eero.com slash JJGo. That's E-E-R-O.com slash JJGo, and use the code JJGo. I'm thinking this would make a great holiday gift for maybe someone that you know who is having problems with their Wi-Fi signal. Yeah, and somebody who just doesn't want to freaking worry about it anymore.

Yeah. It just makes your hair raise. Just go to Eero.com slash JJGo. Use code JJGo. We've got a message up on the Jumbotron where our listeners share messages with each other. This is a message for Josh Coles from Emma. Happy birthday, Josh Coles. If I could be there, I would take you out

for Korean tacos, beer, and cake, but since I can't, JJ goes saying your name on the air. We'll have to do. Can't wait to see you in New York. Love you. Jordan, don't editorialize. I'm sorry. It says like you, but I bumped it up. It's his birthday.

We're trying to add a little frisson to this thing. Yeah, man didn't get any cake or Korean tacos. What about this? What if we change it? Instead of punching it up to love you, let me say, JJ Goh saying your name on air will have to do. Yeah.

Can't wait to see you in New York. Love me? Question mark. Love you? Love. Love. Love. You.

Love. That one is particularly notable because uh josh is like one of those androids that doesn't have feelings like data from star trek oh sure and he's always wondering what are you what are these humans do you know love love what anyway we hope hey josh it's your birthday we hope you find out what love is. You know what I think is cool? Like when they go into like Elizabethan times and that, you know, they have that room where they can do whatever they want. Oh, yeah, the holodeck, yeah.

Yeah, and then they go into like Elizabethan times where they play like a game of old-timey baseball. Right. And you're like, on the one hand, it's really cool to do that. But like, how do they know how to not, how to do like Dickens stuff? I mean, I think they probably just do a lot of studying. So you think they prep it up beforehand? Yeah, I would imagine if you were going to holodeck into Dickensian times,

you know, you would probably bone up a little bit first. It's like, you know, before you take a trip, you learn how to say, where's the bathroom? You learn how to say. If I was going to holodeck into Dickensian times, I'd bone up once I got there. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Sure, yeah. And do some of those petticoats, huh?

Yeah, you said it. Yeah. Maybe we should check in with Ben and Adam about this from The Greatest Generation. Yeah, those guys are probably – they probably know what they're talking about more than we do. Those guys know when they practice for going into the Dickensian times because you have to talk funny. I think there's probably just – in a Star Trek situation, you're not in the middle of any kind of wars. You're just on a trek. Right.

You probably have so much downtime. There's probably so much downtime in the world of any kind of wars. You're just on a trek. Right. You probably have so much downtime. There's probably so much downtime in the world of Star Trek. I would argue that maybe even Star Trek episodes are showing us that downtime. Yeah. They're not fast moving,

that's for sure. Sure. Full of lots of conference room drama. They really make those effects shots count. So I think, I do think there is probably a lot of downtime where you can study, you know, the past or, you know, what Ferengis drink. Can I give you an example?

Let's say you're a future man like Will Wheaton on Star Trash. Sure. And then you have this little machine. You say, machine, make me chicken nuggets. Yeah. Whenever you're hungry. Let's say you're in Dickens time. Right.

You'd have to say, machine, make me a fine fat goose. Sure, yeah. It has to be the appropriate food of the era. It's like an example of a thing you can mess up on. Because if some Dickensian people see you eating nuggets, they're going to think you're a witch. I mean, I guess it depends how dank the nugs are. Depends.

Yeah. Well, anyway, let's get back to the show. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, buy my bikes. I'm Travis McElroy, rogue wizard. This is why we literally pay Brian dozens of dollars every month to produce this show. He hasn't.

It's been 10 minutes since you brought up the Buy My Bikes guy. I have not heard actual audio of the Buy My Bikes guy yet. Yeah. Do you think he has a big YouTube presence? That's a great question. I don't know. I mean, I don't remember his name nor the name of the bike store. So I only remember the fact that his family was with him sometimes,

that he wore a bee costume one time, and that he said, Buy My Bikes. So just search bee family man bikes should pop right up. Yeah, probably should. I found video of the dogs from KOFY TV. I should say KOFY TV 20 stereo. I found the dogs that they would have local dogs

sitting in front of a fire. Oh, that's fun. Like a fireplace, not like a burning. Oh, okay. High Freeway, Salon Creek, buy my bikes. Buy my bikes. There you go. Oh, well, there you have it.

I hope that delivered. Buy my bikes. Buy my bikes. Anyway. Or else. delivered by my bikes by my bikes anyway or else if somebody sees me out on the street you know don't don't i mean obviously you know come up to me nicely is the first is the first option if you see somebody you recognize and you want to talk about their work come up nicely and say hi i know you from this i'd like to talk but if you just want to yell something at me don't do jordan jesse

go don't do whatever just yell buy my bikes Don't do whatever. Just yell, buy my bikes, and I'll respond. Yeah, that's pretty good. This happened to me once. So we had just done an episode of My Brother and My Brother and Me where, for some reason, we talked a lot about Andrew Johnson, president right after Lincoln. And I did not know that Andrew Johnson was the president and, in fact, made fun of Justin when I believe he first said Andrew Johnson. I was like, oh, do you mean Andrew Jackson? This fucking guy. And then we went on like a whole 25-minute discussion about Andrew Johnson.

And then I was in L.A. like a week later walking down the street and this guy was like, Travis? And I was like, hey. And he goes, Andrew Johnson. And I said, oh, hi, Andrew. Like it had already gone right out of my head. You thought he was just yelling his own name at you. And he was like, no, the bit from, like, and I was like, oh, yeah, Andrew, okay, great.

Yeah, I mean, what I'm going to need from you, Jordan, and I don't know if you can meet this standard, but I'm going to need you to remember what happened on this show days from now in order to deliver on that promise. No dice. Buy my bikes. Buy my bikes.

Buy my bikes. Please. I guess you'll just end up assuming that it's a fellow person who grew up in Orange County. I'm like, oh, hey. Although, maybe he's just yelling at me because I'm wearing my bee costume. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's autumn. Yeah.

I'm either the Buy My Bikes guy or the girl from the Blind Melon video. Maybe it's the same person. Oh, yeah. I never thought about that. This is the thing. Now I'm creating for myself all this rich fiction about the Buy My Bikes commercials because I want them to get progressively more desperate. Where at first it's almost like, happy, like, buy my bikes.

Like maybe he has fewer family members. Yeah. And like by the end he's like, buy my bikes. Please. Why? No one's bought one bike from me. You gotta buy my bike? Like I have investors.

They're hungry. They need. I have to pay them back. Please buy these bikes. I took out a loan. Like, I trusted you. Can I tell you something? I trusted you. I trusted you. Can I tell you something? I trusted you.

I trusted you. You all need bikes. Yeah. My wife's childhood best friend's dad. My wife grew up in Marin County in Northern California, a very affluent place. And she did not grow up in an affluent family, but she had friends that were very affluent because it was Marin County. And her childhood best friend's dad. She couldn't understand what he did for a living.

They had an excellent standard of living, but she didn't know what it was. And I asked her one time, I said, you know, as a, as a kid and she figured it out. And then I asked her when we were teenagers, like what,

what does her dad do for a living? Like how do they have horses and stuff? She's like, Oh, oh you know i didn't understand it but but she explained it to me he is he's like a community guy like he's like a community banker like when people have a hard time getting a regular bank loan they can go to him to get a loan like to to start a business or buy a house or whatever. And I was like, wait, he's a loan shark?

He's a loan shark. No, no, no. He just charges high interest rates and like something about the juice, the juice running. And you just owe him a favor for life and he can collect anytime he wants. And collect aggressively. I should say he's also a jobs creator because he hires large fellows to get the money done. So if you're a local goon and you know how to break a hand. That explains why he was a Croat, why this Croatian man always carries a baseball bat,

I guess. Sure, yeah. So speaking of dance stories and what my dad does for a living. So my dad, I grew up, my dad is a radio DJ and it was during the time period in which that meant something. And so I have all these weird memories of my dad doing publicity stunts for different things.

And the one, I think we've referenced it a bunch on My Brother, My Brother and Me, but the one that stands out the most is he was frozen into a block of ice for a car dealership in which he sat. Okay, so the ice was very thick, but in the middle of this big block of

ice, there was a compartment, a cavern. A dad compartment. A dad-sized hole that he just sat in reading and you could come and look through little scopes and to see him. So wait. So it was his head outside the ice? No.

He was inside. And the dad. And they were pumping air in. I guess my question – I mean you grew up in Huntington, West Virginia. Correct. The beautiful state of West Virginia. Not a state known for its ice. So where do you find the ice crafts people if you're calling from John Elway Ford?

Well, it wasn't like a beautiful carved slab. It was basically just the rectangle. Oh, okay. I pictured it in the shape of a swan. No. But it was inside like an air-conditioned trailer, so it didn't melt, like an air conditioned trailer. So it didn't melt like, you know, a refrigerator trailer. And like he just sat in there for like 48 hours and like he couldn't eat. But like I believe he might have had some kind of catheter situation set up so that he could urinate. And I'm sure he got a pretty good bonus out of it.

But he had to go in for like hypnotism beforehand to like make sure he wouldn't get claustrophobic. Sure. beforehand to like make sure he wouldn't get claustrophobic. Sure. And like I just remember going there like I think twice in those two days and like looking and seeing my dad and then getting a free hot dog. And like it was the weirdest shit. And like that was – Hey, Dad.

I look back at that now and like I don't think I appreciated the time. I think it was like 9 or 10. I don't think I appreciated the fact time I think I was like 9 or 10 I don't think I appreciated the fact like I had friends whose dads were like doctors and lawyers and stuff and I could have walked up to any of them and be like what did your dad do this week oh yeah went to court my dad got frozen

in a fucking block of ice dude like it's that's a bonkers thing if your dad is a judge though and you go visit him at work you do get a free hot dog well that's everyone gets free hot dogs in Huntington yeah well dad is a judge, though, and you go visit him at work, you do get a free hot dog. Well, that's... Everyone gets free hot dogs in Huntington. That is a thing. Huntington is a very big food city,

so there are competing hot dog chains. There's municipal hot dogs, too. I mean, here's the thing. There's a hot dog festival in Huntington. Is there really? There's like Stewart's hot dogs and Sam's hot dogs are like these family run... Were you a Stewart's guy or a Sam's guy? I was a Stewart there's like Stewart's Hot Dogs and Sam's Hot Dogs are like these family run – Were you a Stewart's guy or a Sam's guy?

I was a Stewart's guy. Stewart's had really good homemade root beer that I enjoyed immensely. And you could literally go and get a box of like 20 hot dogs for like $10 and like a big like gallon-sized jug of homemade root beer. That's very good. That's really good. And during the winter, they would open up their like drive-in parking lot for Christmas trees. And you would go in there and buy Christmas trees. But there was also Frost Top and a couple other locally owned, family owned hot dog restaurants.

I fucking hate Frost Top. Have you ever been to Frost Top? Fuck Frost Top. I don't know what it is. I'm a Stewart's man all the way. Stewart's rules. Sam's was okay. Sam's's rules. Sam's is okay. Sam's is okay.

Sam's is okay. And Frost Top can suck a dick. Well, Frost Top fries were very good, and it was right on the corner of Calgary, just before you got onto 64 to get to the mall. I mean, here's the thing. I don't know if you know this or the folks at Stewart's know this or the Frost Top folks know this. In my experience, all hot dogs are exactly the same. No, this is absolutely correct.

The difference was in the dressing, right, because you had good, like, and not that Cincinnati shit. And if you're listening to this, I live in Cincinnati. You can't give me guff about it. Why do they put on a hot dog in the natty? In Cincinnati, they have Cincinnati-style quote-unquote chili. And it is this meat sauce that has like cinnamon and like cocoa and sugar and shit in it. It's like sweet. Like a mole.

And it's like spaghetti sauce that they try to call chili. And if they just called it spaghetti sauce, it would be fine. But it's – I've been told that I'm just going the wrong place. But if you've ever heard like Skyline or like Gold Star Chili. You've lived there for quite some time. Yeah. Yes. Eight years altogether.

Like it's bad. It's not good. But this is just like straight up like hot dog meat sauce. I have heard of Skyline. That is something that Cincinnati people cherish. But it's not. That's what they claim to because we don't want to tell you the actual secret good Cincinnati food, which is getta.

What's that? Getta, G-O-E-T-T-A, is this like kind of meatloaf. It's like a breakfast sausage except it has like oatmeal in it. Okay. So it's like a very hearty and you like slice off a slice of it. Like a Scrapple. Yeah, it's like a scrapple thing with oats instead of corn

were we talking with Chris Gethard about pork roll is that not unlike pork roll you're talking a lot about local meats on the show lately it's a way you find a grain to bind the anuses correct

Cincinnati used to be known as Porkopolis because it was a big pork city where, like, it was, you know, where they literally pigs would, like, be driven down, like, Main Street to the slaughterhouse. And then, of course, that fell out of favor. And so it wasn't anymore. But, like, there are a lot of, like, very famous, like, brat recipes and, and like sausage recipes came out of Cincinnati. And so, yeah, it's very much like Geta was out of the like, well, this is the leftover stuff, but we but like we want to be able to sell it. And so it would be bound with stuff. And also, it's really good.

It's a very good. Are people in Cincinnati just super stoked about Bootsy Collins all the time? Yeah. And also IPAs. Like, it's a kind of very – I love it very much because it's like a light hipster place where it's like they're all hipster but also very Midwestern hipster. And so, like, they're Midwestern but still say, excuse me. That sounds like a nice combo. It is nice.

Can I share a recently recovered dad memory? Please. I mean, he was not frozen in a block of ice. That you remember. I remember. Maybe he was. And maybe it's something he did sexually on his own time. I don't know.

And I'm not going to judge him. I mean, bringing home that fake old timey car, the Excalibur from the car show, is about, that's like equivalent to the block of ice. Yeah, sure. That was a weird thing kind of toward the end of my parents' marriage is that my dad was just making wild purchases that threatened the family's livelihood.

Yeah. One of them was a giant Napoleon painting, and the other one was- Oh, wow. I haven't heard about that. Painting of or painting by? Painting of. Okay.

That there was no room in the house for. And the other one was like a like a 1920s gangster would drive. Ooh. And yeah, this was kind of- Like the 80s repro version of that. Yeah. So not like an original, but very much like a reconstruction. Yeah.

It would be one thing if he's like, oh, this is Dillinger's car. Right. No. Because then you guys could take it on the road. Yeah. Yeah. sure go to county fairs people can pose with it for two bits yeah um so i you might so my dad a very weird guy um and you know yeah i don't i don't think i ever really knew him and like really wanted you know and really like spent my childhood trying to get him to notice me. And I never really felt like the stuff I did got through at all, like anything I was – Have you thought about going into comedy?

You know, I haven't considered it. I have not considered it. But I'm thinking about taking some improv classes. Okay. And so I remember being on a plane with him and him just laughing like a maniac at something. And when I asked him what he was laughing at, he was reading the In-Flight magazine. And he's like, this is so – I'm reading – this is so funny. And so he was reading like a – one of those kind of Dave Barry type first person things that's just in stuff like that.

I'm sure whoever like – I'm sure they could not get Dave Barry for Spirit. Yeah, they got Dave Barry's brother Sam. Yeah, exactly. Sam, yeah. And Stuart Barry. Sam and Stuart, there's a lot of competition. Marvin Barry. I've got a humorous essay.

You know that take on everyday life you've been looking for? Right. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thank you for finishing that, Travis. You kind of got what I was going for. So he's just laughing at this thing, and he's like, you have to hear this. It's so funny.

And it was this, like, the story of this guy buying a big dog for his family. And it was just like, he's like, look, so you know we got this goliath of a dog and he just starts laughing and laughing at like the fact that this guy called the dog a goliath and like in the you know and he you know and you know and he barked like a banshee just like he was just laughing at exaggerations about this dog and i'm like god like i'm like ah fuck i'm eight but i know this isn't funny why is Why is my dad losing his shit at this? And I thought about it recently. I'm like, oh, he was drunk.

Drunk on the plane and laughing at the in-flight magazine. Anyway. But to this day, you're a master of hyperbole. That's true. That's true. And someday I hope for my writing to appear in Skyways, the official in-flight magazine of Delta. Oh, that's the dream. Now, Jordan, you had a topic that you wanted to touch on in this episode of Jordan and Jesse Go.

Should we take a break and come back? Yeah, we can either touch on the topic or we can take some calls and save the topic for next time. I don't know what you want to do. Wow, it's getting tense here. I didn't expect that this shit was going to get late on my plate. I'm going to throw it to you. I'm just saying timing-wise, what do we want to do? Topic? Wow. It's getting tense here. I didn't expect that this ship was going to get laid on my plate. I'm going to throw it to you. I'm just saying, timing-wise, what do we want to do? Topic?

Wow. Phone calls? Travis, do you have any thoughts on the matter? Boy. I mean, I could just keep talking about myself. Oh, Travis, you're the best. Let's do this. He's got a lapel pin of himself yeah listen here's the thing here's the beautiful thing that i've learned back to talking about myself is take whatever your like the psychological

foibles are and just embrace them so hard that it becomes your own brand and then you're a comedian like that's it and mine is like well i love myself oh now in the world of instagram not only is that embraced but it's just like oh travis is so great he loves himself so much there he is doing that thing we all like thank you sure well my instagram feed will often feature a picture of your fingernails uh-huh i have a nail art on there uh-huh i'll be like, there's my friend Travis. And like in my head, Travis is like if I saw Jordan, you're not on Instagram, but if I saw Jordan on Instagram or I saw my friend Chris Bowman on Instagram or something, like

just a friend of mine, you know, and they're doing a thing. Like you see your friend's kids or whatever it is on there. And then I'll look down and I'll see it has like 19,000 likes. Yeah. This is great. Well, I know myself. Travis is the king of nail art Twitter too. Hey, to be fair, they also like when I make a big smiley face.

Oh, that's true. Everybody wants to get a look at that gorgeous gum. Yeah. Listen, pearly whites. One day, Justin and I were talking earlier about the Delta Sky Club. One day, Justin and I, while trying to make it to the New York stop

for our Adventure Zone graphic novel book tour and being rained out of the sky, we were in the Sky Club trying to get rebooked onto a different flight and I was wearing a lapel pin with my own face on it. And the very helpful woman helping us said, oh, that's great. You know, my nephew would love to have a pin of himself. Where did you get that made?

And then I had to explain to her, no, actually, I sell them. I had a company make these and we sell them. Her nephew could probably swing that too. I know, right? I'd buy a pin of her nephew. Maybe. I'm just saying. Maybe this is the next big revenue stream for everyone.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Brian, I'd buy a Brian pin. Would you buy a Brian pin, Jordan? Well, I mean, once I filled up my lapels with hot nephews. If there was any room after the smoking hot nephews, then maybe I could. But I don't know. Maybe, Brian, are you a hot nephew, would you say?

Yeah. Yeah, Brian's a hot nephew. I like how Brian said, I could be a hot nephew. I could be. I could see it. With a little bit of work. Yeah. You know, if I set my mind to it.

Yeah, a little workout montage, and then boom, hot nephew. I'd get there. Finishing school in Switzerland, perhaps? Yeah, you come in a dumpy son and you leave a hot nephew. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la How does this sound? A weekend on a beautiful mountaintop in California. You wake up, eat a tasty meal with some new friends, some old friends, maybe the host of your favorite podcasts.

After that, it's a couple of inspiring classes, spectacular podcast tapings, a hilarious stand-up showcase, a dance party, and more. And s'mores! All of this can be yours at MaxFunCon, returning to Lake Arrowhead next June. Tickets go on sale Friday, November 23rd. Put that on your calendar because MaxFunCon tickets always sell out. Get a head start planning your next summer vacation and go to MaxFunCon.com to learn more. It's Jordan, Jesse Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Travis Mackler, a rogue wizard. Travis, are you disappointed that you're not going to get to talk about this secret topic? No. I haven't. I haven't. I don't know anything about this.

I know what it is. And that is where my knowledge of it ends. Keep tuning in to Jordan, Jesse Go for a secret topic coming up at some point. Can I share one thing, though, that I just heard? Speaking of dad stories? Yeah. There's just a random memory popped in my head that I have to get it out. My dad was on a morning radio show, him and his buddy and partner named Steve,

and they did funny comedy bits and parody songs and sketches that they had written. Like, back when morning radio shows, like, had maybe one song an hour. And it was mostly, like, you call in and it's funny. And they made, like, anthology albums called, like, Cuckoo Puffs, I believe was the name. And you could buy it on cassette. And I remember, like, listening to that shit as a kid over and over again. Clint. I believe was the name. And you could buy it on cassette. And I remember like listening to that shit as a kid over and over again. Clint, Clint, Clint, Clint, Clint, Clint. It was like back before they knew what podcasting was, they were basically making podcasts.

And it was called radio. Did you, when you were a teenager, did you like walk into the comic book store and say, hey, what's up? My name's Travis. My dad has a column in Wizard. It was odd. Once again, this is another one of those things where I didn't realize until I looked back on it that like when I was a kid, my dad was famous in Huntington. And like to a point where I was like, oh, yeah, everyone knows who my dad is.

But literally like I just got used to like people know like who I am. Well, like in the Huntington newspaper, which covers your family breathlessly. Yeah. Every time there is a new story, like, I read a lovely profile of Justin and Sidney on the occasion of the release of their delightful new book. The Sawbones book, yes. Exactly. Available at bit.ly slash the Sawbones book, yes. Exactly. Available at bit.ly slash the Sawbones book. And I noticed literally every time my brother, my brother and me is covered, anything, they always mention that you're the children of legendary Huntington radio personality, Clint McElroy. Yeah.

It's a thing. And, like, it is bonkers. Like, I couldn't say my last name without it being followed up with, like, Climac, right? Like, and listen, my town's not huge. Like, Huntington's not huge. But it's a town. Yeah, it's like 70,000, 80,000 people. And, like, I would say 60,000 of those people knew who my dad was.

It's like being the child of Bootsy Collins in Cincinnati. Exactly like that. I kind of have a similar thing where if I say my last name, they won't serve me an airport bar. Get the fuck out of here. It's Dad Morris' son. Wait, Zach Morris' boy? Oh, yeah. No, no, no.

No, no, no. I wish my dad was Zach Morris. That'd be great. I could freeze time. It's an inherited trait. Yeah. My dad is Parker Lewis. Oh, cool. And how's we all? I could freeze time. It's an inherited trait. Yeah. My dad is Parker Lewis. Oh, cool.

And how's he doing? What's his win streak like? Yeah, is he losing? Can't lose, baby. Can't lose. Can't lose. Nice. Glad he could keep that up.

Synchronized swatches. Is a thing they said. Was it? My mom is Kubiak. Oh, that's fun. Okay. Parker Lewis can't lose humor. Humor is strong.

Stay tuned next week for some Herman's Head material. When something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-9844-FUN or hit us with a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. The segment is called Momentous Occasions. It's a chronicle of these occasions. Here's our first such occasion. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. This is Kate.

I'm on my honeymoon in Spain, in Seville. And I just went to the royal palace, the Riel Alcazar. And after looking around, my husband and I were having a glass of beer and I realized, hey I took a dump in a palace so I had to call you. It was a momentous occasion Long time listener I love this show. Bye

We love you too And hey Kate, calling from her honeymoon Congratulations on losing your virginity That's really great Congrats on finally learning about the carnal pleasure. Call us back and let us know what it's like. Yeah. We're dying to know over here.

Oh, I hear it's good. Yeah. What's third base like? Is it as good as second base? Is it twice as bad as second base? Yeah, sure. Have you ever taken a dump in a palace? No, I haven't ever taken a dump in a palace.

I'm trying to think about where the most impressive place I've dumped is. Yeah, I sure have. Caesar's Palace, baby. Yeah. That does count. I've thrown up in the toilet at Abbey Road. Ooh. The Abbey Road recording studio where the Beatles recorded Abbey Road.

I threw up in that toilet. I've rubbed my balls on a throne. Does that count? Wow. No. Tell me about... God, I wish. No, I'm sorry. I haven't been in a lot of castles, but I haven't been in a lot of pal... I've only been in one palace. What palace was that? That was

the Iolani Palace in Honolulu. It's the only palace on American soil that actually housed a royal family. Oh, that's nice. And it's also super cool. Are you ever surprised

at countries that have kings and queens and you only hear about them once in a while? Like America. Did you know about this? No, I had no idea. And podcasting apparently has a king who is very humble. I'm actually very – this is very true.

I love hearing about stories about people who declare themselves king of things. Oh, yeah. One of my favorite stories is a guy named Joshua Norton and he declared himself the king of America like back in like the 20s or 30s because he lost all of his money and basically had a nervous breakdown and declared himself the first king of America. Is this the famous San Franciscan Emperor Norton? Oh, yes. Emperor of America. Yes. And, like, he became a huge, like, beloved figure.

And, like, I believe Mark Twain wrote his eulogy. And, like, it's amazing. Sort of a David Lee Bahart-like. Yeah. loved figure, and I believe Mark Twain wrote his eulogy. It's amazing. Sort of a David Lee Bahart-like. I have actually, that Abbey Road thing is real. I have thrown up in the bathroom. What were the circumstances? That was back when I was doing press junkets, and they flew people out to England to do a press junket for something, and they had it at Abbey Road Studios.

It was a rock and roll themed movie. I was sick, and before I went to do my interview, I threw up in the toilet. Was the big reveal that you were pregnant? Yeah, exactly. Because that's usually what that means. Yeah, and then there was like a little bit of blood coming out of my nose and then I coughed into a hanky. Oh no, and then you die.

And then I die. You have consumption. But the baby was born healthy. I'm trying to think of the most famous place that I've ever had a bodily function. Mm-hmm. Hmm. No, you know, I guess I'm just a good genteel boy. Yeah.

And I don't do that. You only poop at home. No, I just don't at all. You don't poop at all. I mean, I just pooped at the Chateau Marmont. Does that count? That's like. Hey, that's pretty good.

Yeah. That's rock solid. Taking the old Chateau dump. Yeah. As they call it. Yeah. The old Marmont number two. I had to call down to theau dump. Yeah, as they call it. Yeah, the old Marmont number two. I had to call down to the front desk and warn them I was doing it. You're like, I've never pooped before.

This is the first time I've ever done it. This could be a big one. It's going to be awful. Travis, you were at the Chateau Marmont recently. The last time I was at the Chateau Marmont to dine, I sat at a table and gazed upon a table that featured David Spade and three models. Did you espy anything of interest while you

were at the Chateau? Meryl Streep. Whoa! Streep. That's pretty good. That's about as good as it gets. Which was then, like, Helen Hunt was in it. Yeah, that was Helen Hunt. You're thinking of Greg Kinnear. I'm always thinking about Greg Kinnear. That's a safe bet, buddy.

Let's talk about that later. There's very strict rules at Chateau Marmont of, like, no pig. It's a very, like, safe haven-y kind of deal. And, like, it's the, like, it was this weird feeling of, like, in any other circumstance. Because I'm the person, like, if I see somebody, I will say hello to them. Yeah, see somebody, say somebody. Yeah. So that I can later say, like, I met Meryl Streep, which is a way more interesting story than I saw Meryl Streep.

Because anyone who has been to a movie has probably seen Meryl Streep. Yeah. I mean, that's like saying you've heard Clint McElroy. Right. But I didn't speak to her. I didn't want to bother her. She was just having dinner and not someplace like public. It was very nice and just – yeah, there's not a funny ending to the story.

I just respected Meryl Streep's privacy. That's nice of you. You're a Streep respecter. Thank you. Respect Streep. When she tried to put some ketchup on her burger, it did sound kind of like a fart. No, that was great. Is that from something? No.

Oh, good. Okay, I was wondering if I missed some sort of famous street gaffe. Well, then she faked an orgasm. Oh, right. I'll have what Streep's having. Then she came out of a radioactive area and cried while being

hosed down and brushed with heavy brushes. Yeah. As in the film so close. a radioactive area and cried while being hosed down and brushed with heavy brushes? Yeah. Isn't the film so good? This all happened. Okay, let's take another call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. I'm going to say Steve

Agee. This is Jay calling in from Philadelphia with a momentous occasion. Today my dog ate an oxy and spent the whole day tripping balls, sitting by the window, just looking pensively into the backyard, wrapped up in a blanket. We made him throw up after we

figured it out, so he was okay. We just had to keep an eye on him. Thanks. Love the show. I attached a picture of my dog. Hey, Jay. Travis here. You seem nice. You know me as Steve H.

I'm glad that you like the show that I'm currently on. Did you take your dog to the vet? Yeah, maybe take it to the vet. You can call the vet. If you call the vet, they'll tell you whether to be worried. Sure. And they'll say either bring him in or just have him make a SoundCloud mixtape.

Because, listen, Jay, I bet you're really nice. I don't know that I would necessarily count this as a momentous occasion so much as a terrifying thing that happened. They probably called the vet. The vet said it's going to be fine if you make them throw up. Wrap them in a towel and keep an eye on them. And, you know, write to your congressman about America's opioid crisis. Sure. And this is a little late, but vote, everybody.

Vote. I have to imagine dogs should not have access to fentanyls, Oxycontins, Xanis. I have to imagine that the worst part

of this experience was after the dog threw up and Jay had to sift through the vomit and clean off the Oxy so he could take it away. Daddy needs his Oxy. I'm not going to let a good Oxy go to waste. oxy so he could take it away. Yeah. Daddy needs his oxy. I'm not going to let a good oxy go

waste. Yeah, just because it's been in a dog. Jordan, is in your scenario where the dog works on a SoundCloud mixtape. Yeah. He gets a bunch of like face and hand tattoos too. Yeah, okay. That's what I was about to say. The dog also has face and hand tattoos. Is the dog, yeah, a white rapper with face tattoos?

Yes. Okay, great. Maybe pink dreadlocks? Yeah, it's got a weird hairdo, maybe a mohawk. Yeah. Sure. And he kind of mumbles and you can't figure out what people like about him. Yep, and it makes you feel like culture has passed you by. Yeah, and only then in that moment do you realize maybe I'm old.

Sure. You just want to yell at a bunch of kids and ask them if they know who bad religion is? Sure. You begin to question your own mortality. Yes. Like, what does it mean to die? What am I doing? Yeah, maybe my potential has run its course and now it's over and I'm actually on the way out.

Yes. Why am I in the culture business? Sure. Why don't I have a regular job that people respect and value? Yes. All of this happens when a dog swallows an oxy. All of these thoughts come into my head.

If something romantic happens to you, that phone number 206-984-4FUN or email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. We'll be back

in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Now, three Hollywood professionals shall attempt the impossible. Break a story in one hour. That's right. Here on Story Break, I, Freddie Wong, Matt Arnold, and Will Campos, the creators behind award-winning shows like Video Game High School, have one hour to turn a humble idea into an awesome movie. Now, an awesome movie starts with an awesome title. I chose The Billionaire's Marriage Valley.

Mine was Christmas Pregnant Paradise. Okay, next we need a protagonist so i've heard wario best described as libertarian and of course every great movie needs a stellar pitch in order to get to heaven sometimes you got to raise a little hell check out story break every week on maximum fun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Travis McElroy, rogue wizard.

Did you know, Jordan, that Travis McElroy is the number one New York Times bestselling author? I do now. Yeah, it's true. To be fair, the way that they hand it out, I'm only 25% of a number one New York Times bestselling author? I do now. Yeah, it's true. To be fair, the way that they handed out, I'm only 25% of a number one New York Times best-selling author. You feel you deserve

more credit. No, I actually deserve less. Thank you for asking. I will say that I read the Adventure Zone graphic novel

recently, Here There Be Gerblins, is the title, the subtitle, I guess I should say. And I am a casual Adventure Zone listener. I've listened

to a handful of episodes. I wouldn't say not because I don't enjoy it. No I get it. I've got a thick pod role. I got a thick role. Yeah we all know you got a thick pod role. So I and this is about to be a compliment for the graphic novel. Okay. Oh thank god I wasn't sure

where we were going. Not diminishing the podcast but as a casual listener to the podcast I thought the graphic novel was terrific. Thank you Okay. Oh, thank God. I wasn't sure where we were going. into the holidays uh we specifically went into it like writing it i mean i almost said adapting but like we really started from scratch as we wrote it to say like we want to make sure people who know nothing about the graph know nothing about the podcast like the book so like you could buy this for a friend is a really great way to introduce them especially uh with you know the holidays coming up you can get it as a present for somebody and say, like, I think you will really like this. And the pre-order for book two just opened up. Murder on the Rockport Limited is book two, and it is very good. I really liked the first book, but when we started doing Adventure Zone, we had no idea what we were doing. And so the second arc of Murder on the

Rockport Limited is just a better written, better produced version of it. And so the graphic novel is even better. And you can preorder that at theadventurezonecomic.com. Not an adventurezonecomic.com. Don't go there. The Adventure Zone comic. And I will say also, this is such a weird plug to make, but I'm going to be honest here for a moment. Please.

I know that when we – Stop fucking – I know you've been holding back. Stop fucking around. I'm going to get rid of all my Hollywood bullshit. So we finished Adventure Zone Balance. You have taken off your shoes. I have.

I'm very comfortable here. When we finished Adventure Zone Balance, like we finished that story, and I think that there are people who are like, well, that story is done. And they were kind of hesitant to then jump into the next version of it with us. And we have been putting out episodes of Adventure Zone Amnesty for a while now. And we have, I think, really hit our stride with it. And I'm very, very proud of it. And I think that it is a good time for people to kind of jump back onto it if they are waiting to see how they feel about the new Adventure Zone. I'm very proud of Amnesty. I really like the story we've created and the characters we've created with it. So if you've been wondering if you should dip back into it, the answer, I would say, is yes. Time to dip.

Ding, dang, dong. Yeah, dong right into it. You know what I mean? That's why I always say it. Just dip your dong. Dip your dong right into it. You know what I mean? That's why I always say it. Just dip your dong. Dip your dong right into it. Or vagina. Or what have you.

Or what have you. Whatever you got, dip it in. Dip your butt in. Dip your butt in. Hands. Nephew. You got a hot nephew, dip him in there. As we say down on the farm, dip your nephew.

You got to dip that nephew. You got to dip that nephew when you're ready. When you're ready and you don't want to rush you, dip your nephew, you know? You got to dip that nephew. You got to dip that nephew when you're ready. When you're ready, I don't want to rush you, but dip that nephew. Travis, it's always a joy to see the original pineapple boy here on Jordan Jessica. Thank you so much. I mean, I've got the tattoo. I really do love a pineapple iconography. I'm not some poseur.

No, not some fair weather pineapple fan. No, I love pineapples. You're crazy. I'm crazy about them? Crazy for the PAs. Love them. I do like pineapples. You're crazy. I'm crazy about them? Crazy for the PAs. Love them. I do like pineapple. It's my favorite fruit.

Yeah. I looked at a pineapple cutter. I kind of wanted to get it. Yeah. Really? I've also looked at a pineapple cutter. I think it might be fun to slice a fresh pineapple. No.

You're in the home. Okay. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry to do this here on your own show. Are you about to burst our bubbles? You should be enjoying fresh pineapple, but the carving it yourself is like half the fun. Like, it is a process. I love carving up a fresh pine.

You know what I mean? So, like, don't take that away from yourself with a modern gadget. Travis loves to carve pine. I love to carve a fresh pine. Especially since his wedding day. Am I right? Yeah. With my wooden dick.

Oh, boy. He's got a wooden crank. His name is Travis Mack. Maybe that's what I'll do for my spring look is wooden crank. Wooden crank? No, Nick Offerman's already doing that. Sure. What about divorced Sasquatch?

Sasquatch who's let himself go. Yeah, he's not making it to the gym as much as normal. Could be a Yeti. I mean, if you wanted to be a Yeti. No, it's a Sasquatch. Sasquatch who's let himself go. Yeah. He's not making it to the gym as much. Could be a Yeti. I mean, if you wanted to be a Yeti. No, it's a Sasquatch. Okay. Not Yeti. Bye-bye bikes.

Bye-bye Sasquatch. Okay. We got to get Travis McElroy over to the Magic Castle. Travis, it's been a joy. I hope Jordan Jesse Go listeners are already listeners to My Brother, My Brother and Me, the Trends Like These, and the Adventure Zone. And Schmanners also. And Schmanners.

Thank you. I left Schmanners off the list. There's so many shows, you guys. Schmanners is a wonderful podcast for those of you who want to hear Travis at his most charming. I think we all like Travis best when Teresa is around to reign him in. Oh, a thousand percent, yes. And also, if you've been waiting to dip into Shmanice, it is a nonjudgmental etiquette podcast. Like, we're all in this together when I'm here to tell you that you're the jerk.

So come on, join us. I'm going to do a bunch of, like, if you've been waiting to dip into it ads for myself. Yeah. And if you've been waiting to dip into the Mangrove Brothers Will Be in Trollstew, there's no better time than now. If you're waiting to dip into Till Death Do Us Blart, we're coming up on Thanksgiving. Episode four, jump in.

If you've been waiting to dip into... So many. Positivitini, a show I do with my friends Amy Dallin and Erika Ishii. It's messages of hope, love, and inspiration in 10 minutesutes or Less every Monday and Wednesday and Friday. You can listen to those.

Run a Doctor Who fan cast that I do with my friend Tybee where we're talking about the new season of Doctor Who. These are all real. I'm sorry, Doctor Whom? Yes. Doctor What? When you say the new season of Doctor Who, that's the Tom Landry season, is that correct?

Mm-hmm. Okay. Travis McElroy has been our guest on the program. He hosts all those podcasts, he said. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer. His laugh is the one that penetrates our soundproof booth. And our hearts. Yeah, that's true.

And our—never mind. You can also find us— Are you going to say he makes our cum taste good? Yeah. Cool. The Candyman can. You can find us a Candyman can because he mixes it with love and makes your cum taste good. Charlie, just get in there. He's giving out

free candy. I'd rather not. I'm actually good. I want the world. I want some sweet cum. Nobody ever goes in. Nobody ever pulls out. Oh, Travis wins.

Maximumfun.reddit.com is where you can chat about the show on Reddit. Always a lively conversation there. If you have corrections for Jordan, Jesse, go. We are very serious about our customer service here on the program. Please direct them to at JDPower on Twitter. You can find us on Twitter at Jesse Thorne, at Jordan underscore Morris, and at Travis McElroy. You can also find Travis's nail art on Instagram. I did not mean to say male nail art.

No, that's fine. It's gender neutral male art, although you are male. I happen to be male, yes. You can find us on Facebook. You can find us elsewhere probably. I'm really running out of steam. You can find me at Facebook. You can find us elsewhere probably. I'm really running out of steam. You can find me at the Magic Castle tonight. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go.