Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 558: Hungry Boys with Freddie Wong

Episode Date: November 20, 2018

Freddie Wong (RocketJump YouTube, Storybreak podcast) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the food porn that imprinted on them as children like The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Junk Food, the Halloween wealth gap that has changed the way children in 2018 trick or treat, Jordan’s misguided attempt to learn about CBD oil at his local weed shop and Freddie's persistent but unsuccessful attempts to get a Dairy Queen to to make him a discontinued Crunch Bar Blizzard with Crunch Bars he brings in from another establishment. Plus, Jordan unveils a new signature pop culture segment. We love this stuff!   

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse the Biryani Boy Thorne. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Here's the thing, Jordan. A lot of times on the show, you will replace your ordinary nickname, Boy Detective, with a new nickname that is about how you're feeling a little logy from eating too much of something. Sure, yeah.

That's kind of become a pattern on the program. I thought I could get in on that, so I ate a little bit too much biryani. I guess I don't even know what biryani is. It's like a Pakistani rice dish. Okay. I mean, I think maybe there's Indian versions of it as well. The one I ate was Pakistani. Yeah, oh, man, it's very tasty.

You're going to want to starch up before the podcast. A couple years ago, there was a real biryani wave that ran through my office where my former colleague, Nick, who's now the producer of Good Food on KCRW, he was like – he was needing some biryani. So we did some biryani research, which is to say we emailed Kumail Nanjiani, who has super strong biryani opinions. He told us one to get. We got it. It was great. Then this new Pakistani restaurant opened a year or two ago. And we went over there and had some biryani.

We said, this is great biryani. So I texted Kumail. I was like, hey, Kumail, I think I found some really good biryani. And he was like, oh, yeah, I ordered that earlier today. It's on its way. I was like, oh, okay. Seal of approval. You beat me, Kumail.

Well, I was texting with Steve Agee about grilled cheese. So I don't know. We just want a food story to drop a celeb brag into. I was texting with Steve Agee about grilled cheese. So I don't know. We're both pretty great. We just want a food story to drop a celeb brag into. We're both pretty great. I wasn't doing that. You weren't doing that? No.

Should we text Steve about grilled cheese right now? Probably. Yeah. Just write grilled cheese, question mark? Our guest on this week's Jordan Jesse Go comes to us from the Story Break podcast and the media, the multimedia super brand, Rocket Jump. Oh, God. Freddie Wong. Hi, Freddie.

Hello. How are you, friend? Good. Tell me about this taco on your T-shirt. Now, Freddie looks great outside the sandals. I will fight you on this. He looks like a million dollars. Good.

Welcome the first-time guest by slamming their clothes. Oh, I'll go hard on this. I did not arrive at my- Good thing Jesse didn't see your furniture so he could crap on that right in the top 10 minutes. Oh, I'll go for it. Welcome him in. Let's go. Let's do it.

What's the, now, you look like- I need to start with, hold on. You look great, Freddy, but what's the story with the lettuce on this taco on your t-shirt? Two things. One, I don't arrive... It looks like tornadoes, too. Or bell peppers. First and foremost, I do not arrive at my sandals lightly.

As a man committed to a full 24-7 sandal lifestyle, I wear sandals. To badge? I've worn sandals to Toronto when it was snowing to the bemusement of literally everybody in that city. These are Olokai brand, very specifically because they are a good Hawaiian brand of sandal. And I think that they pair well with the watch I'm on. Yeah. Bring it. The taco.

That's true. I have a taco shirt. It's a hard shell taco. Yeah, it is. I got this from NorCal because that's kind of how they do it up there. Is it? Hard shell tacos are hard to find down here i know granted the taco dorado down here you will find a couple places that do it but generally when you talk about super taco when you throw in like the lettuce and the mayo etc etc i see the norcal i don't see where are you getting this in the san

jose sacramento where are we going san jose you can see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Y-Rica? San Jose, you'll see it. Y-Rica? I don't know, dude. I'll just fucking check out. We can do TacoCast. I don't know, man. Oh, good. A regional food argument.

I know it hasn't turned into an argument, but it's going there. We're going there, right? Oh, we're supporting each other. We're going. Okay. I'll say this. I think tacos are better up around San Francisco. Oh, no, no, no.

I'm sorry. I think tacos are better down here. I think burritos are better up there. Yeah, I think that's fair. Yeah. I'll say this. I think tacos are better up around San Francisco. Oh, no, no, no. I'm sorry. I think tacos are better down here. I think burritos are better up there. Yeah, I think that's fair. I'll agree. As a former San Franciscan and a current Angeleno, that's correct. There's no argument. There's no argument. Sure. Because there's only one thing. It's just the truth. It's just the truth that we arrive at.

No one's arguing about regional food. Hoagies with french fries are better in Pittsburgh. Agreed. 100% agreed. Yeah. So I am a little bit, Freddie, for your information, I have come to be a little bit exhausted with regional food arguments because I feel like it is something that-

Stands in for content on the internet? Yeah. I feel like it is something that stands in for content on the Internet. I was going to say something that boring men do in conversation in order to take control of the conversation. It's a stand in for comedy. And yes, absolutely rampant on the Internet, too. It's like yelling about at someone about pizza is supposed to be like captivating or something. Yes. It makes everyone feel bad. Is yelling at someone a pizza a sandwich?

Yes, I know. I think it is. I think it is a sandwich. Anyways, but I think a fun discussion about the differences in regional food can be fun. But when it turns ugly, I check out. The key is for how I approach it is I'm down with everything. There's like Chicago versus thing like give me the best of both and I'm good with that. If you're just a hungry boy, you're good with these conversations.

If you're sitting there trying to say one is better than the other, you're missing the point. Both can be really good. You just got to have both. Freddie and I enjoyed a dinner in San Francisco at the House of Prime Rib. Sure. You've been to the House of Prime Rib before, haven't you? Maybe.

I've certainly been to a house and I've had Prime Rib. This was when we were doing the Monsters of Podcasting a decade ago with our friends from You Look Nice Today. Merlin and Scott Simpson in particular are very deep and profound adherents of the cult of the House of Prime Rib, which is like an old-timey restaurant in downtown-ish San Francisco. Yeah, it's got a little Tam O'Shanter vibe to it. Yeah, like the Tam O'Shanter here in Los Angeles, where they only have basically one item on the menu. You can order different amounts of rareness in your Prime Rib, as I recall. There's just some sides and stuff that you can choose from. Is there a cart-based service? Yes. Okay.

Yeah, as is proper. Yeah. Freddie and I ate at the bar, but I've seen Freddie take care of a plate of prime rib like a real hungry boy while I was doing the same right next to him. Sure. It was one of the highlights of my business traveling career was sitting down with Freddie Wong and enjoying some serious prime rib. Just showing these people how it's done. Just destroying some meat. These yokels think they're hungry boys, but you guys showed them.

There's an art form to it. Believe me. It is a lifelong pursuit. It's how they form to it. Believe me. It is a lifelong pursuit. That's how they talk into it. Speaking of food, I saw something on your Twitter account today that I wanted to bring up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is you and I, just a flood of childhood nostalgia whacked me right in the dick as soon as I saw this thing. Very good.

Does that metaphor work? A flood of childhood nostalgia hit me in the dick. You know how floods are always- It's like yeah um or a knee-high flood in my case anyway he's got a hell of a old tripod yeah that's true um uh you posted that the the junk food in the Berenstain Bears Eat Too Much Junk Food book was a lifelong food goal of yours. It is. I realized. I woke up this morning. I realized my entire life is chasing that high of looking at that food and being like, what does this taste like?

Here's the thing. That doesn't work because that is supposed to be an anti-junk food book. That's the best part about it. And that shit looks so good. Yo, they blew it. Because the whole point of that book, the little of the plot that I do remember of it, was that they all get fat just gorging on the most delicious food ever illustrated. Mama Bear is like, y'all got to slow this shit down. Sure.

And then gets them on a whole health kick and then they're fine. I don't remember that last part. I do know I was influenced by that first part. There's a, there's a, so, you know, the, the cover is just them. Just gorgeous. Going to town. Just popcorns. Have you seen this?

No, I'm Googling it right now. Oh boy, oh boy. And there is a, there is a, there's a box. So most of it is just loose candy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they're eating like, you know, bags of what looks like gumballs and lollipops but then there's just a box that says yum with two m's yeah and i'm like where is that what the fuck is in that box oh i bet it's so good what's in the box can i tell you guys that i uh

went to internet search for berenstain bears eat too much junk food. Sure. But I kind of was trying to cut corners because I was trying to do it quick. So I wrote Berenstagen. Okay. Good, good. So far, so good. Google can figure this out. They'll get it, yeah. Google can figure this out.

Then I wrote junk food. Uh-huh. Then I'm going to admit I lost my nerve and I went ahead and added bears. Oh, boy. You didn't have the faith in the Google AI, huh? No. So it's Berenstain junk food bears. Let's see the porn.

Let's see it. Let's see the porn. I bet it's pretty good. What did you get? I feel the same way. You know, I always spend a lot of, maybe you don't know this, Freddie, but every Sunday I'm at the flea market and I am always looking for the high that I got the first time I saw that lamp they break and the Berenstain Bears tell the truth.

It's just so tasteful. Yeah. I mean, like, two things, by the way. Oh, this food's looking good. What's in that yum box? What's in the yum box? Whatever a yum is, it incorporates both peanut butter and cream cheese. Yum.

That's what I think. Well, what about sweet tops? There's also sweet tops here. I'm not as concerned with sweet tops. I'm more of a yum cheese. Yum. That's what I think. Well, what about sweet tops? There's also sweet tops here. I'm not as concerned with sweet tops. I'm more of a yum boy. Okay. I'm a yum daddy. I'm not a sweet top.

One thing I do want to point out on that cover is they are gorging from these what look like clear plastic boxes of candy. Yeah, like something you would mount a butterfly in. Which, to be fair, is kind of, have you been to like, it's like at the Grove here, you know, the fancy outdoor mall sort of thing. They have these like specialty candy stores that will do like very boutique gummy bears in like small, clear plastic boxes. Oh, wow. They cost four times as much as you expect it to. But they called this – The presentation.

The presentation. They called that shit back in the day. You realize that this is like a window into the future of what junk food would look like. Well, I mean, I remember the Berenstain or the Berenstain Bears were at the, you know, at the heart of a controversy a few years ago about whether or not there's alternate dimensions. Yeah, the old Mandela effect. Sure, exactly. So, I mean, I think, you know, this book proved that there's an alternate timeline running where it's bear and stain bears and that there is a movie called Shazam starring Simbad. Yeah. And we know that we all live in that universe because, I mean, look at the three of us.

Three hungry boys sitting here eating crunch chips. Sure. Yeah. Just like the cover of the bear and stain bears. Going to town on a box of yums. So, I mean, I think it's also plausible that this book series also could predict candy trends. Yeah. I mean, listen, it's a trans-dimensional book series. Because I remember very specifically that and Redwall were like the two food-based. Did you ever read Redwall?

No, what's Redwall? redwall were like the two food based i don't know read redwall no what's redwall redwall's like um it's like mice it's like a it's like a fantasy series where mice have swords and shit okay it was dope sounds pretty good and the food descriptions in this book are pornographic as a like first grader it is the closest you get to being like i'm kind of uncomfortable reading this because like he describes brian jacks jack something like that describes like scones paragraphs of food descriptions because they'll have a feast at some point and it's just like literally four pages of wall-to-wall food descriptions and i remember in like first grade when i was reading this being like i'm so fucking hungry right now yeah i mean i think we can all agree the number one food porn of our young lives was the Imagination Feast and Hook.

Yep. Imagination Feast and Hook. You like those globs? You like those generic? The Willy Wonka Gobstopper thing. Remember that? You looked at that and you're just like, I don't know what that is, but I want it in my mouth. My daughter this year at Halloween had that moment where she had received some Wonka brand candy and she pulled it out and

she goes like, wait, daddy, are Gobstoppers real? Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Was she also concerned that it might be the source of some sort of ironic punishment? No. might be the source of some sort of ironic punishment? No, it was like one of those things where she stays looking normal, but everything else has a brief digital glitch in and out.

Sure. And then stock footage of an iguana appears behind her. Yeah. Really freaks everybody out. She's fucking finding out the shit they don't want her to know. Yeah. What is Halloween candy like these days? I don't have trick-or yeah uh what is what is halloween candy like these days i don't you know i don't uh i don't have trick-or-treaters on my street i don't have kids i don't know if you do i live in a condo and there's nothing just zero what what's what's the hot shit halloween

candy wise these days wonka well i would say the first the primary difference between Halloween as I knew it and Halloween as my children know it is the concentration of Halloween wealth into a few short blocks of each region of a city. Oh, yeah, yeah. I used to get, at both my father's house and my mother's house, my parents

were divorced when I was a kid, we would get a fair number of trick-or-treaters. Neither were like super popular trick-or-treater destinations, but we'd have to get two bags of candy. And we would go on our block and then we would go up the hill into Bernal Heights in San Francisco where my friend Petey lived. Of course, you guys know Petey. Sure.

We love him. And we'd go up and down his street because it was a little more residential, a little more upper middle class. Yeah, that's what the good shit was. But in Los Angeles today, there are Halloween streets. Yeah. That's 10 percent of the streets. Then there are deadly darkness streets because everyone has turned out their porch lights to indicate that all children should go away. Like there is no in between anymore.

It is a, you know, just like with the wealth and income gaps here in America over the last 25 years, a lot has changed. Yeah. And the real heroes of both, of course, are single mothers. Oh, I was going to say sex workers. But you know what? Everyone's a hero. Were you a fun size house or or a full-size house?

We were absolutely a fun-size house. Yeah, we barely, like, my neighborhood was very heavy on threatening teens. Like, I would say that was the top demographic. Well, all the more reason to be a full-size house. That's true. Fun-size gets you teepeed, bro. Yeah. Full-size, they're leaving you alone for the rest of the year.

You're paying for security there. These same kids would come by. For the cost of an Abba Zabba. It would be like they would ring the doorbell and offer to sell you a magazine subscription so they could go to college. And if you said, no, thank you, they would kind of like push up their sleeves so you could see their gang tattoo that kind of situation like a protection racket but for selling magazine subscriptions for college those were the kids that were doing the primary trick-or-treating in my neighborhood but in terms of candy my kids first of all god bless them did a very bad job collecting candy

volume wise yeah like they just don't have the focus did they have a pail or did they do the Did a very bad job collecting candy. Volume-wise. Yeah. Like, they just don't have the focus. Did they have a pail or did they do the, like, pillowcase? They had bags. Okay. One of them is shaped like a pumpkin. Nice. We hang on to that.

Love it. And then the other one is my daughter Grace's library bag. I don't remember where it came from. It's like one of those cloth sewing bags that you make in your first sewing class. That sounds fun. I just did one of those. There you go. Are you really taking a sewing class? Yeah. And you made a cloth bag? Yeah. That's the first thing you do. What are you throwing in the bag? Things not too heavy because I don't trust my sewing yet. I'll tell you that much. Light objects. Fun size only. Fun size only. Yeah. If you throw a full size in there.

Yeah, get out of here. But I'm going to say my kids only got 15 candies apiece. What? Well, they just don't. These are a seven-year-old, a five-year-old, and a two-year-old. The two-year-old wasn't really. I was holding them back. And they were in a group.

It doesn't sound like they're college material. A group of seven-year-olds. A group of seven-year-olds. God, I hope my children go into the trades. A group of seven-year-olds. You mean I hope my children go into the trades. A group of seven-year-olds. You mean you want them to write for Variety? Yeah. They haven't figured out how to focus and buckle down and make it happen for themselves.

So they've been eating there, and they're basically done now. But I did notice that the last one in my son's bag was an Almond Joy. Raising them right. Yeah. There you go. Now as then, no one wants a fucking Almond Joy. That and mounds got to be the tie for worst candies. Even as an adult who has, I feel like along with asparagus, coconut is the thing that I have most come to as an adult.

Like I was pretty dead set against it when I was a kid and I'm perfectly fine with it now. Great new dessert. Yeah. Except for amounts. That's what I was about to say. So even now, I love coconut flavored things. Especially the example of chocolate flavored things. It's on the real short list of.

So I love a coconut flavored. No one. Who loves? things. Especially the example of chocolate-flavored things. It's on the real short list of... So, I love a coconut flavor. No one... Who loves... I mean, I know there must be people. It must be like Tab where there's people who have special Facebook groups for hoarding moundses, but I don't know who those people are. It's like candy corn

people. Yeah. Like, I've met candy corn people. Like, serious candy corn people. Yeah, it's jacked up, man. My wife looks forward all year to candy corn season. Whoa. I know. She also liked the pumpkins? Yeah, absolutely. Hmm. A little more mass in those. I kind of like them too.

The pumpkins? I like the pumpkins and the candy corns. I've gone on record. This is my position. Three pieces a year. It's three great bites, but if I have four pieces, I just have to go to sleep until a wave hits me in the dick. We should explain. Jordan's alarm clock is a wave that hits him in the dick. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. It's like one of those wave machines like at an indoor surfing. I sleep on the beach. It's like Matthew McConaughey, but I don't have a trailer. Yeah. It's like a here to eternity,, but I don't have a trailer. Yeah. It's like a here to eternity, but it's just by yourself. Yeah, exactly. It's very romantic.

Freddie, what was your Halloween candy of choice as a kid? So, okay, so here's the thing. I love Nestle Crunch. Okay. Crunch is good. Chocolate is crunch. Chocolate is crunch. So for the longest time, that's what I'd be hunting for.

Even in fun size, Nestle Crunch is still workable. Do you know what I mean? A lot of times fun size just screws up a lot of candy. But Nestle Crunch is still workable in the fun size. You got that one-two punch. Yeah. I think a Snickers really suffers when it's been fun sized. Agreed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I remember for Halloween, that's what I would be hunting for. Jolly Ranchers, I hate that shit. It gets stuck in your molars. You know what I'm talking about? It gets to that certain size and then it gets stuck in your molars and you're just licking away at green. I just hate it. There was a time in my childhood when a Jolly Rancher was a prestige candy.

It was a prestige candy. You're a little younger. You're a few years younger than Jordan and I, Freddie, but there was a time when a Jolly Rancher was a premium. Distributed by Miramax. Yeah, exactly. It was the HBO of candies, if you will. A sad situation we later learned. Sure. Yeah, we didn't know what was going on.

Yeah. But there was a time when Jolly Rancher was the candy. It was like right before sour candies broke big, I would say. Interesting. But a Jolly Rancher was like a fancy candy that people wanted. And I remember eating it and thinking, this, huh? I definitely remember feeling threatened because, you know, the long, flat Jolly Ranchers? Yeah, sure. You could suck those Mm-hmm. Yeah, sure. You could suck those into a point. Yeah, that's a good point.

That's why they don't open them up in our neighborhood. Yeah, you could lick a Jolly Rancher into a shiv. Holy shit. And then it evaporates in the wound. Yeah, exactly. It's the perfect crime. No one will convict you. Airheads?

You guys remember Airheads? Sure. And the mystery of the white airhead. Oh, sure. It was one of those pre-internet sort of things. I remember like all sorts of theories floating around the old neighborhood group of kids. Because here's the thing. I grew up during a time, maybe the last generation of kids who could still, like when the streetlights turned on was when you had to go home.

Like that was the thing, which I feel like just doesn't really happen anymore. Kids are not roaming on neighborhoods on bikes as much anymore. Where did you grow up, Wong? Like that was the thing, which I feel like just doesn't really happen anymore. Kids are not roaming on neighborhoods on bikes as much anymore. Where did you grow up, Wong? I grew up in Seattle, Washington. Seattle, Washington. It's a beautiful country. Beautiful.

Good biking. Good biking. It's an urban environment, but it's also a clean from rain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Constantly. Yep. A lot of MS and depression up there too

due to the seasonal sort of. Sure. Yeah. Anyway, but I remember we would like bike up to the drugstore. Like there was a drugstore where we would buy candies and like, you know, pool our allowances and just, you know, go wild on airheads and stuff like that. Get a phosphate with two straws. Phosphate with two straws. And then the Dairy Queen.

So the Dairy Queen. Sure. Yeah, the DQ. And they had, when I was a kid, they would have Crunch Blizzards. And so I was like, this is it. This was my jam. I was like, always, all summer, swim meets, afterwards, get that Crunch Blizzard. They stopped.

At the time, I didn't understand it. Now it's like, oh, clearly it was some weird licensing thing. I shit you not. I have been trying to get a Dairy Queen to make me a Crunch Blizzard for 10 years. I will go to- You think if you brought them the Crunch Bar, they would do- I have done this multiple times. You can find a rogue employee.

And I have tried to bribe an employee 20 bucks and a Crunch Bar. Because there's not a lot of Dairy Queens around Los Angeles. So on the way out, there's a couple on the five if you're going up north. I will go stop by a gas station, buy a Crunch Bar, go into the Dairy Queen attached to the damn gas station and be like, listen, can you do a blizzard but put this in here? And the guys – every single time, I got to ask my manager. And the manager comes up. I'm like, I will give you –

Like here. Look. Cowards. And they're like, sir, no, sir, we can't. You're like, tell me when to stop. You just start laying down money. I've tried bribing. It's never happened.

I've tried – You're like, I am a YouTube celebrity. Certainly this should give me some sort of credibility out here no i i know exactly what you mean i've tried to do the same thing but with cbd oil they will not they will not put cbd oil into my blizzard fucking cowards and you saw that thing by the way in terms of the uh actual effectiveness of cbd oil right no tell me about the thing so there's so again it is like there's a whole article on effectiveness of cbd oil right no tell me about the thing so there's so again it is like there's a whole article on like how cbd oil is basically snake

oil except for so that of the few studies there are they found that there it is effective in a range of about 300 milligrams as a dose in terms of having these anxiety reducing effects etc etc yeah like i think in a in a recent study of one guy at my house, they found that it makes you soups chill. This was my first CBD oil experience because I was curious about it. Sure. You know, I'm always looking for ways to de-stress. Yeah, and you love to blow trees.

To lubricate. Yeah, you got to lube up. Yeah, bro. You blow down a fucking forest like a big bad wolf, baby. That's right, look out pigs. Daddy's getting stoned. What does that mean?

Who cares? What does anyone listen to this? They don't! Oh, yeah! Cool, here's my pen numbers. So I was curious about CBD oil. Everybody's talking about it. And, yeah, it's definitely one of those things that like CBD oil people really want you to know about CBD oil. They want to shake you down and tell you about it. And they made a very compelling case. All the CBD oil people in my life made it really sound great. And so I noticed the place where I buy pot, the Green Easy over

on Beverly. Check it out. Big up, Green Easy. Hey, Green Easy. I noticed they send a little mass email with specials every week. Oh, so you subscribe to their mailing list? Oh, yeah. You got to keep abreast of what's going on at the Green Easy. Jordan tries to blaze seasonally. Yeah, exactly. I want to get to what's in season.

Yeah, you know what they say. Think globally, blaze seasonally. Who says that? So I noticed they sent me a thing for CBD oil demonstration. And I'm like, great. This is great. I can get it explained to me by a knowledgeable professional. Probably named Doug.

As you can see, it's yellowish and unctuous. Sure. So I'm like, great. And I kind of something that I like about, you know, the pot shop culture is the, like, you know, the getting the explanation from, like, an enthusiastic. Oh, it's maybe the best consumer experience you can have. It's really terrific. I remember in Seattle when they first opened it up. Not to interrupt.

No, no, no. Please. When they first opened up when, you know, Seattle and Washington State was pretty early. I remember going to one of these spots. And then, like, in line was like a it was like a parody of diversity in line there was like a group of people on a bachelorette party it was a guy in a suit it was a construction worker like no joke it was like a full-on like united colors of benetton ad it was like every walk of life is represented cowboy an indian construction worker like no joke a guy with a

construction worker vest like yeah and a hard ad You're basically just looking at a series of posters inside your bank. Yeah. It was 100% that. And again, they're so enthusiastic about it. And it was like, yeah. Good experience. Good experience. So I went in, in the designated CBD oil demonstration time.

And the place was decked out. They had kind of laid out this like AstroTurf and they had put out these streamers. Really, really, really, you know, really doing it up for the CBD oil demonstration. And with AstroTurf and streamers? Yeah. They had kind of like decorated it to make it. Well, OK, I think this will explain it. To make it look like a lawn care expo? Yeah, exactly. Like those like those places at the county fair that sell you hot tubs. Got it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The pavilion. So I go in, and so there, and usually in the pot shop, there's a friendly pot shop dog. Golden retriever with a bandana, pretty standard. That's nice. Very nice dog. Did you say it soups chill? Yeah. I think that's the dog's name, actually.

Or it's technical breed. That's the Latin name. So, but there were three pot shop dogs. So, I go up. And so, I'm like, this is great. They're really celebrating. So, I go up to the demonstration person. They welcome me. They're like, are you here for the CBD oil demonstration? I said, yes, I am. Again, that great consumer experience you're looking for. You're welcomed in. You're given a spiel. You're, you know, you're made to feel informed. It was great. A spiel is a local pot cookie. It's kind of like a macaroon.

Yeah. It's like an L.A. version of a black and white cookie. So the woman starts to explain the CBD oil products to me. And about a minute in, I realized that this is CBD oil for dogs. What? And I, it was only for dogs.

And I had said that I was interested. Oh my God. So I had to, so they're like, so are you, are your pets having problems? And I was interested. Oh, my God. So I had to. So they're like, so are you are your pets having problems? And I'm like, yeah, my cat's running around a lot. I guess she does that because I didn't want to say, oh, I thought this was for humans. I just didn't want it. And so she starts explaining about how it'll be good for the cat.

And I'm like, shit, to avoid an awkward moment. How much CBD oil for pets am I going to buy from this lady? Oh, my God. I was able to back out by just taking a brochure and saying I would need to do some more research and consult my vet. Which. Hey, I want to rub weed oil all over my mittens. Is this cool? So, yeah, it's out there if you've got an anxious.

Dr. Thompson, quick consultation. You ever accidentally get involved in a pet CBD oil demonstration? How would you get out of that? Yeah. I laid it on you. So that reminds me of I've had a very strange – okay. I'm debating whether or not to tell the story. Well, whatever.

Well, now you got it. It's been cast. It's been cast. Okay. So we had a building uh an office building a space up in burbank we were moving out and i'm sitting there and you know it's all cleaned out and this guy comes in he's like hey are you guys you guys are uh renting this place out right you guys looking for a new tenant i'm like oh yeah call the number on the thing that's

the the realtor he's like no let me talk to you first and this dude his company he wanted to take over and his company like used mri machines to magnetically like do something to cbd oil and weed wow which then he was and then their website was like you know it's like it affects it on a molecular level. Oh, God. And it increases the potency of it. And it makes it better. It removes all the side effects of weed. And I was like, okay. So we have these MRI machines that we've repurposed to magnetically resonate weed at certain frequencies.

And, like, the whole time, it's like, what is going on? He's like, anyway, we'd love to take over this space here let me get you some sam he went to his car he came back it's like here's just a bunch of weed related things and i was like okay cool he's like all right let me know if we can take over the space and i was like one we we pulled up the website we're like you gotta be kidding me this is the most ridiculous yeah let us know if we can take over the space. Clearly, we'll be here forever. Yeah, it was like, and the best part was the landlords. My name's Jim. I'm a living billboard for the negative effects of marijuana.

The best part was, I was like, look, it's not my decision. The landlords are the most uptight, just piece of shit, like worst people I've ever met. Sounds like they could use some molecularly modified CBD oil products. Yeah. Run through an MRI machine. So now like from now on, though, whenever we're like, yeah, this is good weed, but is it as good as this quantum weed? How much does it cost to buy an MRI machine? Hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Okay. We're going to find out exactly. Let's take a quick break. When we return on Jordan, Jesse, go, we'll find out how much these people spent on used MRI machines. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Yeah. Hey, Jesse. Jordan, Jesse Goh. Brought to you every month.

Some exciting announcements. Every week, I should say, by all the folks who are MaxFun members. God bless every single one of them, tip to toe, from the Roota to the Tuta. Every single MaxFun member is a blessed human. We'll kiss you right on the Tuta if we ever see you. Oh, God, I'd love to kiss a Tuta right now. With your consent, of course. Yeah, if you want us to kiss you on the Tudor, just let us know.

Yeah, we'll kiss that Tudor. Yeah, we're going to need it notarized, though. Yes, head down to the shoe repair place that also has a notary. You know who was a notary for a long time? W. Kamau Bell. That's fun. Your friend W. Kamau Bell was a notary back in our San Francisco days. Everybody had a hustle before they made it big.

He was a notary. Anyway, we're also brought to you this week by our friends at Stitch Fix. When a problem comes along, you must stitch it. It's an online personal styling service that finds and delivers clothes, shoes, and accessories. So we're talking about anything you can wear. You give them a little information about what your own personal style is. Like I imagine, Jordan, that you told them you like shirts with fish on them. Yeah.

That's what you're wearing right now. Give me all those fish shirts is what I said. So, yeah, you fill out a little information about yourself, what the dress code at your office is, you know, if you have to. Calypso casual. Yeah, sure. Chillcore is the genre of my band. Got it.

And, yeah, and then they send you a great box with whatever frequency you choose. They have a couple of different frequencies to choose. And you pick out the items you like and the rest you just ship back to them free of charge. No fuss, no muss. Yeah, you want to exchange something for something? Yeah, easy, free. ship back to them free of charge. No fuss, no muss. Yeah, you want to exchange something for something? Yeah, easy, free. You want to return something? Yeah, easy, free.

This is one of the easiest situations you could possibly get involved in. All you got to do is go to stitchfix.com slash JJGo and answer a few quick questions. Yeah, it's a ton of fun. I do Stitch Fix myself. And every time I'm wearing a Stitch Fix item, I inevitably get a compliment. We've been talking about my gray pants, but just the other day, someone told me how much they liked my blue pants. Oh, wow. That I got from Stitch Fix.

Everybody loves a nice blue pants. Soft blue pants. That's the color of the sea. And soft. Or green, depending on what culture you belong to. Of course. Interesting. Of course. Interesting. Thank you.

Anyway, get started now at stitchfix.com slash JJGO. Whether you're a contemporary American or an ancient Greek who saw the sea being green.

Right. Get started now at stitchfix.com slash JJGO. You'll get an extra 25% off when you keep all the items in your box. That's stitchfix.com

slash JJGO to get started today. stitchfix.com slash JJGO to get started today. Stitchfix.com slash JJGO. And here's something exciting, Jordan. This is speaking of clothes. This is fashion related, Jordan. It sure is. Jordan, you know that America is in desperate need of a hero. Sure is.

And I think that on this very program, just a few short weeks ago, we found a hero. That's right. We sure did. A robot that your children wanted from Amazon that is from some nation that we cannot place. Now, my child, my two-year-old child, dropped this robot. I have it in my hand, the original. My two-year-old child dropped it in the bath. And then my wife put it in the closet to dry out.

And then my five-year-old, we think, forgot about it. And now I've brought it into the office to share with you in the hopes that it will never enter my home again. Hello. I am number three, Robocop. I have a super sans ability. Able to sense your special orders. I can dance as well. So, of course, this robot is now instantly more popular than either of us.

God, I can't stand that music. So we have created a T-shirt with the robot on it or a representation of the robot on it. It shares his special message, which of course is destroy the West. Destroy the West. Well, we actually put DTW. We didn't want it to seem too aggressive. So you'll know. If you accidentally wear it on an airplane.

You'll know that DTW, of course, stands for didn't want it to seem too aggressive. So you'll know. If you accidentally wear it on an airplane or. You'll know that DTW, of course, stands for Destroy the West. And you know what? I'm going to come up. We're going to come up with a contest to give away the original number three Robocop. I love that. I love that. So, yeah. So this shirt, we got two different styles of the shirt, right?

Yeah. There's a gentleman's style and a lady's style. One is a gray. The men's sizes are gray, and there's a beautiful heathered lilac for ladies. Very lovely. Go to maxfundstore.com.

Lots of other holiday merch. There's a tugboat and pistachio shirt from Can I Pet Your Dog? Oh, they're so cute. The dogs are so cute. All sorts of stuff at maxfundstore.com. And I guess we should probably mention that we will be at SF Sketch Fest this year. Yeah, this is going to be very exciting. It is going to be the weekend of January 19th.

We have, Jordan, you and I, between the two of us, three slam jam super shows. That's right. The 19th, January 19th, 7 p.m., Castro Theater, Judge John Hodgman featuring you and John Hodgman. Yeah. Mostly John Hodgman. Judging stuff. Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

Very exciting. That same night at 1030, you're going to want to have a little late night espresso and come see two shows. Because 1030 Cops Comedy Club, we're doing an all new episode of the Sci-Fi Comedy Podcast Bubble. Jonathan Colton himself is going to be there in person to sing beautiful Jonathan Colton bubble songs. Yes, he'll be singing some new legally dissimilar songs that we can use on the podcast. We're going to have the cast there with special guest narrator Jean Grey.

Yeah, Eliza Skinner, Cristela Alonso, Alison Becker, Mike Mitchell, and some to-be-announced special guests. This is a new episode. This is in continuity, too. This counts. This is not an imaginary story. Oh, I just assumed this was going to be like a holiday special.

No, in continuity. Oh, wow. So this is part of it. I did not expect that. This is part of it. Holy shit. You have to be there if you want the whole story. Is this going to be a prequel or a side quest?

This is episode 4A. It happens between episodes 4 and 5. Oh, wow. So it's going to be mid-timeline. Yeah, mid-timeline. Have you written an encyclopedia at all? Nope. So some of it might not make sense. I have to hire a guy like George Lucas to keep track of all this stuff.

And then we, Jordan and Jesse Go, are going to be at the Punchline on Sunday, January 21st. And tickets are going to go on sale on the 30th, I believe, for that. It's a little later. And it's going to be an afternoon show. We don't know exactly what time it is, but stay tuned. Keep the afternoon of the 21st open and go to sfsketchfest.com for all of these tickets. SF Sketch Fest. You can also find direct links at maximumfun.org to all of the shows. And also, before we go, Jordan, I wanted to mention somebody named Devbra, a listener to our show, who sent us a message about how Jordan Jesse Goh helped her in a really tough spot with a kid who had a really severe health situation.

Yeah, and I think they are through the woods in terms of this health situation. So we are definitely, definitely thrilled to hear about that. in terms of this health situation. So we are definitely, definitely thrilled to hear about that. And yeah, just we wanted to say thanks to Debra and everybody else who drops the line to mention that the show is helpful.

Can I say thanks to the lady who works for a medical supply company, a medical equipment company and like goes from brain surgery to brain surgery? Yes. Brain surgeries or heart surgeries? I think it was brain.

Brain surgery to brain surgery. And just one it brain surgeries or heart surgeries? I think it was brain. Brain surgery to brain surgery and just one of the doctors was an asshole and then she accidentally started talking about Bubble with the resident who was there and the resident

was a Bubble fan and then the anesthesiologist came in and was like, oh, you guys are talking about Max Fun? Yeah. And then she said she recommended

Jordan Jesse Goh to the anesthesiologist who hadn't heard it before and then later realized she had jeopardized her career. In so doing. Yeah. So thank you so much to everybody who drops a line about the show. It really means the world. Very grateful.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the $144,000 or best offer man. Yes, that's right. I'm buying an extremity MRI machine dedicated open bore

on eBay. Shipping is $750. But just think how much you'll make when you run some ordinary old CBD products through it, blast them with quantum beams, and then sell them for twice the price. In a strange way, your target audience

is the exact kind of people who will believe that this is making their weed better. You know what I would describe as the aesthetic of this extremity MRI machine? Japanese toilet. Like, sprays your butt toilet, basically. It is way more vulgar when you put your leg into this MRI machine than when you put your arm into it

based on this creepy picture oh yeah sure she's really you really have to splay to let it get up in there it does look like you're fucking a claw machine one of those prize things you guys know what I'm talking about now Jordan I know that you machine. You mean one of those prize things. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You guys know what I'm talking about. If only. Now, Jordan, I know that you have been really excited. First of all, some listeners might not know

this, but probably your... Freddie Wong. Freddie Wong is our guest. Yeah, Freddie Wong is our guest on the program. Did we introduce ourselves?

I didn't. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Oh, okay. Freddie Wong is here from Rocket Jump and the Story Break podcast. Freddie, for your benefit, Jordan's favorite movie probably of all time is Avatar. Hell yeah, bro.

Yeah. I mean, I love, I just love the world of Pandora. Yeah. Of course, that classic character, Jake Sully, played by an actor. Yeah, sure. An actor. Yeah, sure. Natiri.

Mm-hmm. Batongo. Mm-hmm. Inuyish. Yep. Shin-to-tam. Those colorful fucking trees. Tree-to.

And, of course, what Avatar cast would be complete without? Harold and Kumar. Harold and Kumar. Those. Harold and Kumar. Get some unobtainium. So yeah, I mean,

and you know, and we, maybe I don't know if you know this about us, but we're real pop culture geeks. We're total pop culture geeks. Geeks, gamers. You know what we love

to hang out? We love this stuff. And we love gaming. Hit flicks. Oh, I mean, and just getting into it about pop culture. We're junkies. We love this stuff. We love this stuff.

Do you have any heroin? We're junkies who love pop culture. Do you have any news about the upcoming Avengers movie? Shoot it straight into my dick. Yeah. I need it. All the other veins are ruined. I need it. By the previous films. Sure. In the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Wonder Woman casting news. Shoot it between my toes. All those good rumors. The rumors. The goss. New trailers. We love this stuff. The goss. New trailers. We love this stuff. The teaser trailers before the trailers.

Oh, my God. International trailers with eight seconds of new footage. Only way I can finish. While watching an international trailer. Oh, yeah. It's got to be turned up in the headphones. And, of course, I don't know if you consider yourself a real geek, a gamer, a pop culture junkie. My fave.

I live on the internet. Would you say you love this stuff? Love it. We love this stuff. Roll around in it. Basically, I'm like social media. Yeah, please. Can't has memes.

Oh, God. Can't has memes. Anyway. All your pop culture belong to us, Joe. God. Oh, jeez. Can't have memes? Anyway. All your pop culture belonged to us, gentlemen. God. Oh, my God. Ouch. Dug deep for that one.

So this news is a couple weeks old. We talked about maybe getting into it last week, but it just was not time. But I think we can agree that last, you know, I don't think we were really qualified to do it last week with a real jock like Travis McElroy. Yeah. We needed a real gamer. Yeah. A geek. Yeah.

A pop culture junkie. You just call him a pop culture junkie? Yeah. Love it. Like Freddie Wong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we love this stuff. We love this stuff. Live off of it. So, as you Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we love this stuff. We love this stuff.

Live off of it. So, as you mentioned, my favorite movie is Avatar. Yeah. All those classic characters. Would you say your favorite food is gamer grub? Mm-hmm. I love yes. Mountain Dew, bro.

I love the Dew. Bro, you do out. Do you get exclusive? What's your favorite flavor of burritos? Anything that gives me exclusive codes on how to boost my COD stats. I got to get those exclusive codes. Guys, I've been playing so much Fortnite. I love the latest Call of Duty.

Which number was that again? 69, baby. Nice. Nice. So some pop culture news I think we're all excited about is they've announced the titles. Or maybe I don't know if this is an official announcement or if it's a leak. It might be a leak. So, you know.

Even better. Yeah. Oh, I love those leaks. Give me those leaks. So they've announced the titles of the next four Avatar movies. Finally. And I just wanted to maybe. Are they already, are these being made?

Are they making them as a block? Yeah, maybe it's a thing where they just hang out in James Cameron's submarine for two years and see how many they can knock out. Does James Cameron believe he will never die and this is his life's work? Yes, yeah. Yeah, making four more Avatar movies. So I just wanted to lay out the titles to you guys. And then maybe we can all give an opinion

about which one we're more excited about. Oh, sure. Because we love this stuff. So here's the first. I don't know if this is an order. I don't know if this is the order in which they'll be released. But here's the order in which I'm looking at them

on IndieWire.com. Can you please... I don't care what order they'll be released but if you could stick to the timeline of the universe sure now does this include um the cirque de soleil uh turoc first flight yeah okay which is a prequel to the yeah first film i think that's timeline wise the first thing that happens is the cirque de soleil shot turoc the first flight anyway uh is the Sir Desolatio Turok, the first flight. Anyway. So, first title mentioned here. Was Turok the first airbender? No, this is Turok.

Turok. Anyway. Completely different. Isn't that one of the new characters in, what's that video game I just said I like? Fortnite. Fortnite? Yeah. Yeah. Gotta nerf your Turok.

Yeah. They nerfed Turok. Yep. Anyway. First of the Avatar titles. Avatar, The Way of Water. Brilliant. Avatar, The Seed Bearer.

Love it. Wow. Avatar, The Tolkien Rider. avatar the seed bearer love it wow avatar the tolkien writer and of course avatar the quest for ewa that's spelled e-y-w-a so just initial reactions guys which one are you most excited about i love it as a father of three i myself am a seed bearer you consider yourself a seed bearer i'm more of a seed spiller yeah yeah given given the sort of sexual nature that the fandom has taken avatar i do think there are many people a jonesin for that seed bearer one yeah they're an avatar fandom yeah man because that's the thing

about these i don't i don't mean to get too sincere too fast i don't i i would be hard pressed to name a film that has more thoroughly as far as i can tell disappeared from the popular cult consciousness relative to having made a billion dollars in the box office or whatever because even titanic even to this day has lasting effects you know i feel like there's more talk of true lies in 2018 America than there is of Avatar. Sure, if we're running down the camera movies, The Abyss, we'll probably talk about more than they talk about Avatar. So my initial is the seed carrier. That's my first feeling. But I've always been a fan of the last one.

What was that? That was Manny Abar? The Quest for Iwa. The Cardinal'sanny Abar? The Quest for Iwa. Cardinal's Reliever? The Quest for Iwa. Okay. No, I liked it better when it was Cardinal's Reliever, Manny Abar. Oh, I'm sorry.

That's actually what it says here. Okay. Yeah, I mean, personally, I'm a Tolkien writer, man. I just can't wait to see what they do with that part of the mythology, the Tolkiens, their rich culture. I just assumed that was just a literal recap of J.R.R. Tolkien's writer. What he demanded in speaking appearances. 44 ounces of honeyed mead. Sure, yeah.

Several breakfasts. Man, need a lot of breakfasts. Some sweet smoke. Sure. Do you think James Cameron maybe met some eldritch god like when diving like a cthulhu like something and made some sort of bargain because right like because that's my that's my sort of running theory is that he got into the weird world of you know everyone's like oh there's the oceans are less explored than space guys like there's you know

i feel like he's like because the first Avatar should not have made that much money. But he did. I'm very much – I have two strong and divergent feelings about James Cameron and his oeuvre. I've never seen Titanic. Sorry, what? I've never seen Titanic. No way. But I did see Avatar in the theater.

And I think it's the worst movie i've ever seen in the movie theater that said he took his avatar money and spent it on submarines yeah and to me that is the single most compelling celebrity folly in the world yeah i love it i far prefer it to these tech billionaires buying spaceships a thousand percent percent agree. Fucking submarines are awesome. I totally want to watch every one of his 3D science museum documentaries. Yeah, which are good, which are really good. Love it. Love 3D science museum documentaries.

The total amount that I want to watch a 3D movie is 21 minutes. And you want Mount Everest to be involved. Exactly. 21 minutes. And you want Mount Everest to be involved. Exactly. Exactly. Like, so I could not have more conflicted feelings about James Cameron based on

number one, I sincerely despised Avatar. And number two, I fucking love that he has these upset. That he clearly is as an ocean guy who makes movies to fund his ocean. I seriously like ran into uh when that thing got announced there was something about sigourney weaver or something like that saying that one of them was kind of explores the undersea world of the you're probably

thinking of the way of water yeah way of water avatar colon the way of water so when i when i saw that one i mean maybe they go underwater in the seed bearer i mean you know what do you i mean if a seed's gonna grow grow, what's it need? You know that the technological hurdle for these movies was they were developing tech to do motion capture underwater. That's what is holding them up. And by saying so long, he was like, I've spent a lot of money to be able to mocap underwater. Guys, can you imagine the sexy fucking squid that's going to be in that movie? The sexy squid.

fucking squid that's gonna be in that movie the sexy squid but anyway like when i heard there was an underwater one i was like that directly brought into conflict my taste for and distaste for james and i literally i think the submarines won i was like oh an underwater one well i'll check that out well the last one was literally the movie i've liked least that i sat through all of in a movie theater in my entire life. But I'm like, just the possibility of submarines being involved. I'm like, yeah, sure. I'll give it a shot. I do like your theory, Freddie, that in one of his private expeditions, the ones he was not filming for a science museum, he did meet some sort of Cthulhu-like horror.

And now he owes it something and has to keep making Avatar movies in order to feed its hunger for whatever. But I think it also explains why every one of his movies are just commercial successes. I know, yeah. He really seems to be able to not make a failure. I just wanted to give you guys a quick little update as to when Google Ads came up in this IndieWire article, just letting you guys know that Big Bad Voodoo Daddy is coming to the Canyon Inn in Pasadena February 2nd. February 2nd, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. So if anybody wants to go

to that, hit me up. I think that, I don't know if you knew this, this is like a fun fact about James Cameron. You know, he got divorced a few years ago and he changed the name of his submarine to the Seed Bearer. Sure. Ticks hot babes in there, you know? You want to score? Take them in your fucking submarine.

Sure, yeah. Take them on a little quest for Iwa, if you know what I mean. Hey, baby. Do people in the Avatar fandom want to fuck the space aliens? There's a lot. The forest aliens? There's a lot of avatar porn they are pretty sexual yeah uh yeah no there is it is like live yeah there's like the hair

yeah it's like the hair blue gymnasts cat gymnasts blue cat gymnasts who knew who knew that that was secretly the ambition of every Midwestern housewife? It would be awesome if instead of cat gymnasts, they were inspired by dog agility competitors. You know where they like run on the little board? Sexually running between poles. They like jump over little things. Yeah. That would have made Avatar way doper to me. It would be great if all the chase scenes were inspired by dog agility and you just had a you

know a giant oh gotta jump through that hoop sure dodge these stationary poles you ever been to a dog show like that uh no i have seen people practicing dog agility at the dog park no shit really yeah it's fucking so cool every time i I see it, I think, had I not had children, this would be what I would be spending my emotional energy on. This particular brand of enthusiastic loneliness. It is so cool. I love it. Freddie, are you a pet guy? So I have a dog in my life.

Let me be clear on this one. This is one of those things where- But you're not putting labels on it i'm not putting labels on yeah so my younger brother hanging out my younger brother who my parents call the uh younger hotter thinner version of me they referred to him as essentially the new model car oh boy wow he's an actor uh and he got a dog like a little a very cute dog who fucking hates me and also we live together he didn't consult me before that decision wait he just brought a dog to your house he brought a

dog into our lives and it was just like hey i have a dog now like the at no point was i asked if this was okay so i guess i just have to go with it so i just go with it the dog hates me growls at me every single time uh she sees me um she knows you're talking shit about her on podcasts i know i know i know that dog here and so yeah uh yeah a little bit um yeah we we've never the long families had a very bad pet history we had a turtle once and the turtle mysteriously disappeared i later found out that was ended up in the soup that we had. Oh, my God. What? Holy shit. They cooked your pet?

I mean, to be fair, the soup was fucking delicious. I bet it was good. Because that turtle was loved. And that love came seeping out. When they talk about, like, Southern Chinese, because my dad's from Southern China, my mom's from Northern China. When they talk about Southern Chinese, the saying is, oh, yeah, the Southern Chinese will eat, you know, translated, will eat anything that slithers, has legs or flies and basically just covers. The joke is it covers all animals. They'll just eat anything.

So, yeah, I've had turtle. Pretty good. That you once kept as a pet. See, now that taught me pretty early. Don't be emotionally attached to animals. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You never know.

You never know. I was at the flea market this morning and I was talking to this dog I love there named Hi-Fi. Sure, yeah. Does Hi-Fi hang out at the Green Easy? Yeah, totally. Hell yeah. I know this dog. He's got some oil. I took a, look, I got

one of these information phones. I set that thing to portrait mode and shot a few snaps of my best friend Hi-Fi and texted one of them to my wife and she texted back snaps of my best friend high five and texted one of them to my wife and she texted back also cute or something like that and i was like oh you know that's high five he belongs to my friends who have the store and pass like i'm telling to tell her the story of high five high five and she just texts me back yeah i know you talk about that dog yeah i know so that's where i'm at with regard to emotionally emotional attachment to animals dog a lot. Yeah, I know.

So that's where I'm at with regard to emotional attachment to animals. I will develop an emotional attachment to a dog at the flea market. Unhealthily so as well. Yeah, exactly. No, I've got no problems with pets, with dogs. I have more dogs in my building. I think there are more dogs in my building

than there are human beings. Human beings can have multiple dogs. it's one of those buildings. Human beings can have multiple dogs. Exactly. That's the thing. Exactly. About humans. Yeah. It depends on how many young ladies you have who have multiple tiny dogs.

In my experience. That ratio in your building. Like I lived in a building for a while that I would say had four young women who had three or more very small dogs. Four young women who had three or more very small dogs. So I'm in the arts district, which is like now a very hip, cool place to be. Well, you're very artistic. Yeah. But we were there to sort of lay down some street cred.

I've been there for about 10 years now. I was there before. It was a very weird, sketchy place. And I remember distinctly the moment it flipped from weird, sketchy place to hip, cool place was we were in this like weird artist loft space with this guy in our building. And he's just this crazy desert dude who kind of talked like this and had crazy machines. And he was talking about going to Burning Man. He's been to all the Burning Mans. He had this scale model of like this thing that he was going to build in the desert. It was going to be cover and all this stuff.

And then as he was telling us about this, the new tenants across the hall walked by and they had a Whole Foods bag and a small dog in their arm. And they're like, oh, you guys are going to Burning Man? Oh, my gosh. We're going to be there, too. Can't wait to see it. And they walked by and he had this look of hatred. Fucking desert Phil hates those people. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. They're the ones who are ruining the burn. I have a friend from high school who goes to a thing that's like Burning Man, but it's for like Mad Max cosplay. Yeah, I've heard about that. I guess there are now smaller scale Burning Man type. Because Burning Man is like mainstream now. Sure. Like Google has a Burning Man presence. Yeah.

You might as well go into Disneyland, man. Yeah, bro. Worshiping the mouse. Anyway. Yes, I have heard of this thing, that it is, right, it is taking that Mad Max thing that you see at Burning Man and making it the explicit theme of the event. Yeah, I've seen pictures that he's posted on the internet of him in a full outfit. And it's really something.

They really put the work in to enjoy that weekend do they are they moving the whole time are they constantly driving around or is it like a stationary we're all gonna get yeah my friend plays guitar and then the flames come out of the sure yeah god remember head over to bullet town remember when fucking mad max whatever it's called came out and you just like went to the movie theater and saw that and you're like, oh, can this be all movies forever? Oh my god, that was so great. Fury Road was

one of the best. Like a reverse Avatar. Now, hey, I liked Avatar. Wow. Good for you. Yeah, I enjoyed it. Do you admire the technical achievement? Well, yeah, actually. Honestly. I mean, first and foremost, to really get into it, to really nerd out for a second here. You gotta love this stuff.

Flight is hard to depict on film. And it's one of the few times where I'm like, I get it. 3D makes sense for me. I've got a Cirque de Soleil show. I think I should say. Two-Roc, the first flight. And, yeah. Canonically in the Avatar universe.

Yeah. I think it works. You know, I think that, like, again, it's definitely an eye-rolly movie, but, like, eh, good time. Are you excited to explore the Avatar-verse? Fuck yeah, I am. I'm the guy that, when they said that they're taking out Animal Kingdom at Disney World and replacing it with Avatar Land, being like, when's my next trip to Disney World?

I gotta get there. There's gonna be Avatar Land? You don't know about this? No. It's already here, bro. Yeah, it's already there. Already here. So there's a little Avatar boat ride, and there's an Avatar restaurant.

Wait, like a jungle cruise? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. There's a restaurant and a themed coaster, like a hardcore coaster. Oh, I didn't know about the hardcore coaster. Yeah, it's like you fly on the back of one of the things. Don't remember the names of it. Yeah, man, Avatar Land.

It was one of those ones where Disney made the decision because Harry Potter Land just got announced and they lost out on it. They're like, quick, we need an evergreen movie property. We have something that's as popular. What will live forever in the annals of history? Yeah, exactly. Well, we could do the Meg

World, but that might be too evergreen, you know? Yeah, the sequels are just coming out hard and fast, nonstop. But I mean, I've used this example before. It is just totally amazing how if you go to Universal Studios, there is a Waterworld stunt show, like a movie that I can't imagine the 12-year-olds in the audience know anything about.

And not only that, because we've looked at, you know, we've done like some boat stunts and like, you know, for the stuff that we've been working on. Literally every stunt person who does water stuff has been in the Waterworld stunt show. Oh yeah. Every single one.

Like you talk to them and you're like, yeah, I was doing it from this year to this year because there's only so few guys who know how to like do jet ski tricks.

And guess what? They're all doing the Waterworld show. And I bet it's like working at a restaurant where they've all hooked up, too. Oh, yeah. Although I hear the best place for that, for those stories, is at Medieval Times.

Oh, yeah. Like those guys. You know. The hair. Fucking. The fucking Green Knight, bro. Yeah. Green Knight, Red Knight, Falconer.

Yeah. Everybody going to town. What night do you go for? Yeah. What's your favorite night? What's your favorite color night? I'm going to say red night. Yeah.

But I don't know. Once the lights are out in the dungeon, who cares? It's just a mess of Fabio hair and abs. Yeah. I don't know if I've told this before, but I went to Medieval Times earlier this year with a bunch of friends. And I was really impressed. I had not been since I was a kid. And really was impressed at the level of commitment

to all the medieval stuff. It was not winking. It was not, you know, no one said. There was no Janine Garofalo lines from. Yeah, no, no one said there were not utensils in medieval times. Therefore, no, this is not medieval times. I feel like I would go to a Janine Garofalo in the early 90s themed restaurant. Sure, yeah.

Now the must love dogs portion of the show. And then, and so it was really, you know, I assumed when I went there would be like, people would say like, you know, winter is coming or, you know, or there would be some pop culture references or something. Someone would say damn Daniel. This was kind of around the time of that. Okay, very good. But I was really, really impressed about how they just, the script was very earnest.

Like everybody, you know, was doing their best to speak in the dialect and it was all really, really, yeah, I mean, they really wanted it to be authentic. Was there a particular dialect? No, I guess, yeah, I guess it was all kind of Shakespeare-y. And also, I want to point out, authentic in the sense that there is a wizard and magic is real. Like, they do definitely say magic is real. They hired a real wizard to check in and, like, be on set and make sure there wasn't anything that was off base. Check in and be on set and make sure there wasn't anything that was off base. But the one time where they did kind of break was when the king was coming out to just kind of set up the show.

He had to remind everyone not to vape. The one time that the veil was broken. Well, now, hold on. Now, vaping probably, yeah. He may be referring to the ancient 14th century practice. That could be, yeah. Vaping., yeah. He may be referring to the ancient 14th century practice. That could be, yeah. Vaping. Sure, right. Of course, when you kneel and present a mutton to the king.

Vaping. That smelled like cotton candy. Yeah, so don't do that. Right. Better for your lungs. Seriously, though, dragons blow fat clouds. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, dude.

Yo, you think dragons vaped, bro? I fucking wish man fucking dragons could do can you imagine the fucking instagram followers on a vaping dragon all the fucking tricks have you tricks drag throw on a skrillex song fucking blow those clouds and rhythms wait for the drop i want to make a show where everybody it's like every week it's like all right guys we're gonna're going to do it. Who can do the best vape trick compilation? You have one week to figure this shit out.

Go for it. Sounds like a great show. I'd watch it. I would also love to compile a few vape tricks. Guys, I got to go compile a few vape tricks. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Hey, Kira. So Max Fun Con tickets go on sale this Friday, November 23rd at 11 a.m. Pacific, and I'm trying to write a promo. Okay. So what do they need to know to look forward to? Inspiring classes. Live podcast tapings.

Stand-up showcase. The s'mores party. Making new friends. Don't forget about the dance party. Oh, and it all takes place on a beautiful mountaintop. Okay, got it. Anything else? Well, if we missed anything, they can find all the details at maxfuncon.com.

And we'll see you in June. I think that went really well. Yeah, that sounded good. Great job. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Freddie Wong, B-list internet celebrity.

B-plus list. At least internet celebrity. B-plus list. At least. Yeah. B-plus, A-minus. You know what I'm saying? Just grind that edge. Don't worry. Someday you'll catch up to Logan Paul.

Ah, my God. The stories I could- You'll take down- Gentlemen, the stories I could tell from the depths of YouTube. Oh, boy. Oh, God. Let's focus on your podcasting career. You guys make the coolest videos at Rocket Jump.

Like I'll go and watch all the videos on your channel once in a while. And then I just think of the fact that like just because you're four years younger than we are, you've had to live your life making your career surrounded by YouTube celebrities. Dude, it's – and by the way, we are old for YouTube celebrities. We are in like the worst in-between kind of thing where I'm like, cool. Because I remember when YouTube first came out, everyone was like, this is where the next Spielberg is going to be. And it ended up being something totally different. But we were in that sort of time period and everyone from our sort of era was just like, I guess not. I guess we better do something else like this.

Turn to the lucrative world of podcasting. Yeah, that's where the next Spielberg is. Jordan, I am in love with- He's watching every episode of Battlestar Galactica with his friend from college. And they're getting into it. They love this stuff. I am in love with Freddy's podcast, Story Break. Like, basically what happens on this, I don't know if you've heard it, but basically what happens is they take a thing, like, what would you call it?

A piece of cultural detritus. Exactly. Just a floating jetsam of culture. The main thing, the main example I would say is the Burger King Kids Club. Sure. club sure and then they the three of them break it down fucking build an entire uh basically an entire screenplay treatment out of that thing that is like a compelling and sometimes moving narrative that's fair that's sometimes sincerely moving like i think i think it's fair to say that you often start treating the subject matter disrespectfully, with the disrespect it deserves. But then we get into it.

Accidentally get into it and your professionalism accidentally takes over. And you start finding yourself making very sincere and passionate storylines for Sonic and Knuckles. One of my favorites was the probably award-winning indie film for Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? We managed to get what I think is an actually good movie out of it. The one we did most recently was, are you familiar with the Australian Drop Bear? No, I don't know about Drop Bear.

Do you know about this? What's a drop bear? So if you go to Australia, there's a good chance that the Australians you talk to will mention drop bears. So be careful for drop bears. Yeah. And it is a like- These are Austrians living in Australia. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it is a nationwide prank that they all are in on because it's not a real thing and the whole thing about Australia being like you know dangerous creatures are in Australia so there's like yeah sure

there's koalas that come from the trees and they drop on you and they drop on you and people die from it and it is a thing that like without even prompting

everyone was just like oh yeah cousin killed by a drop so they all know to play along they all know how to play along with it

so we're like oh let's do a horror movie about that so that was the most recent one hell yeah oh, let's do a horror movie about that. So that was the most recent one. Hell yeah. It's like a magic trick every time. And you hate magic tricks.

Well, I just tried to hate magic tricks. It's like if I liked magic tricks, Freddie. There you go. There you go. When something momentous happens to you, call us at 206-984-4FUN or email us your voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. For our segment, Momentous Occasions, where we chronicle those momentous occasions in your life, here is our first such television call, courtesy of, telephone call, courtesy of our producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez, who's about to hit play right now. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, yes. I'm going to guess Dick Wolf. I'm calling you at the moment.

Very close, very close. Yeah, really close. I mean, you are probably, would you say Freddie is the closest to Dick Wolf of any guest we've ever had on Jordan, Jesse Go? Yes. I do got that wolf dick, though. Oh!

Yum, yum! Yes, that is the sound it makes. ago. Yes. I do got that wolf dick, though. Oh! Yum, yum! Yes, that is the sound it makes. Flognaw! Yeah, baby! That's Austin Powers. That's Austin Powers. Cool. You guys should do a story break for Austin Powers. It's on the list, no joke.

Like an Austin Powers reboot. Okay, let's take a listen hi jordan jesse guest i'm gonna get dick wolf can you pause it again for anybody who doesn't know he's the creator of law and order just if people don't know who dick wolf is i always want to bring them on board yeah you don't want to freak people out he's the creator he's the famed legendary creator of the law and order franchise and chicago Fire. And Chicago Fire as well. All of our favorites. Yeah.

Which is a dramatic television program about the great Chicago Fire. Exactly. It's a 10-part series. Talking cow. It's a 10-part documentary series. It's an exhibition at the New York World's Fair featuring real flames. Okay. Press play, Brian.

I'm calling in with a momentous occasion. Earlier this week, I celebrated my two-year truckiversary. Truckiversary being two years ago, I was hit by a truck and another car. I survived, although I broke my pelvis in three places and three of my ribs and a handful of teeth. pelvis in three places and three of my ribs and a handful of teeth. But after around a month in the hospital, I learned how

to walk again and I'm back on my feet and I'm doing all right. Thanks. See ya. He didn't mention if he got any shiny new choppers. Yeah.

I should hope so. I love this. Something I like about those is the detail they don't explain. He says, I was hit by a truck and another car. Yeah. I wonder why. Ba-bum, ba-bum. Yeah.

I wonder why it's the truck-iversary. I wonder why the truck. I guess maybe that's the first one that hit him. Coincidentally, it's also the day that he married a truck. Oh, sure. Yeah. So he had married a truck. Oh, sure. Yeah. So he had married a truck earlier in the day and then- The same truck. The truck hit him and then he opens his eyes and it's the first thing he says is like,

oh my gosh, are you okay? Yeah. And he's like, I think I'm in love. We should get you on our podcast. Yeah. Today I drove past the tractor trailer that parks in a driveway in my neighborhood. I think it's the most amazing thing. I think it's literally the most amazing thing in the city of Los Angeles.

What is it? It's an entire tractor trailer, you know, like a giant semi truck. Right. Parked in a driveway in front of a regular house. What's in it, I wonder? How do they fit it in there? How do they park it there? How do they get it in there?

It's truly amazing. On my block, about once a week, and I think there is something in L.A. about, like, you have to move campers every so often. Like, you can't keep a camper in one place. You know, they don't want people camping. Being homeless. Yeah. So I think there's a camper that someone has to move. there's a camper that someone has to move.

So, you know, about once a week there will be a camper on my street scrawled with apocalyptic biblical messages. Anyway, it's a real hoot. Yeah, that sounds fun. Yeah, and I mean, the parking's bad enough on that street. There's a guy who lives on my street in a van, and he has since before I got there.

So, you know, I give him the uh yeah he's he's he's squatters right yeah exactly like he's if you've been there more than six years then you know what who am i to say to you that you don't and uh he always he's kind of a big dude like a very broad shouldered dude uh he's always wearing basketball shorts. And he always waves hello, which is cool. I'm into that. And sometimes he's doing nice things for the neighborhood. He'll go pick up trash along the street or something.

There's no street cleaning on my block, so it's really cool of him to do that. He also gives you tickets if you're there on street cleaning day. And then just sometimes he's yelling at himself at full volume. And I feel like the's like yelling at himself at full volume. And I feel like the cleaning up the street makes up for the yelling at himself full volume, but it still kind of freaks me out. I think that's fair.

I remember one time I parked downtown and the homeless guy came up to me and was like, hold on, wait. And he had a paperclip that he had twisted in a very strange looking shape. He's like, hold on, how long are you going to be here for? And then he just went up to the coin slot and then just like jiggled this thing around and just gave me two hours on the meter. Wow. Cool. And I was like, yeah, I'm paying you. And it was Criss Angel.

Whoa, you got mind freak. He's like, I'm homeless now. This is what the career of magic gets you. I spent my mind freak money. But I like i was like yeah i'm paying you like yeah i was about to feed a bunch of change into this but yeah sure why not i was like and he just went just walked up and down the block just feeding people's meters with this weird contraption what i should have done was like i'll pay 20 bucks to tell me how to make that thing yeah wow i bet that i bet that guy could also like fucking beat any claw machine.

Oh, my God. Yeah, you want him? Sure. That guy has so many fucking stuffed animals. Like, can you imagine just the sheer number of just minions that guy has? Just minions. Bob, Stuart, the whole gang. All those minions.

Yeah. I love minions. Love them. Let's take another call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. It's 741 a.m. I'm sitting here in bed, and the most momentous thing just happened. Two years ago, I got this rescue dog named Poppy, and she's the most beautiful dog you've ever seen.

rescue dog named Poppy, and she's the most beautiful dog you've ever seen. But she's also incredibly emotionally distant and probably has, like, rescue dog PTSD. And every time I would get anywhere near her face for this entire time, she would treat me like I was Ted Cruz trying to kiss one of his kids. And she's, like, never, like like put her face anywhere near my face uh the only part of people she will lick is their feet which is kind of weird but today after her post-breakfast pets she licked me on my face on my mouth twice so that's pretty momentous i guess she loves me now thanks guys bye she needs to fuck with that dog high five

yeah high five will get up all in your face high five gives me how like is it and those nasty little feet too oh yeah and those nasty tootsies there's some CBD oil that she could maybe introduce into the oh yeah maybe they need to go down to the old green

easy yeah most rescue dogs blaze trees could maybe introduce into the play. Oh, yeah. Maybe they need to go down to the old Green Easy. Most rescue dogs blaze trees. I've heard that. Yeah. Who blazed who, right? Yeah, exactly. That's what Jordan's bumper sticker says. People don't get it, but fuck them.

Who cares? It's on a different level, bro. Yeah, exactly. Half pot leaf, half paw was a weird icon to put in the middle of it. It's just kind of confusing. It sort of doesn't look like either one. Yeah.

Yeah. But you know what? Fuck them. Yeah. I repeat. Anyway, um, that's,

you know, that's really nice. It's a beautiful story. It's a very beautiful story. Um, yeah. I wonder what the dog would do to ted cruz oh yeah get all up in that feet though yeah ted cruz has some nasty little feet i mean i don't those those those those stanky yeah i mean i don't agree with this politics with those nasty Oh. Flap, flap, flap.

Yeah. Yeah, that's how he edged out Beto O'Rourke. He made a video of himself stepping on eggs. Just got that very, very important foot fetishist vote out. Sure, you're like, I wasn't going to show up to the polls, but. He edged him out with the edging vote. Right, yeah. Edging enthusiasts and foot fetishists.

Yeah. I always wonder sometimes for foot fetishists if me wearing sandals is just like doing them a favor. Here's a question. Yeah, especially on a nice

hungry boy like you. Yeah. Have you looked up yourself on... On WikiFeet? On WikiFeet. I'm not on it. Oh, I'm so sorry.

So bummed out. I have a sub-question. If you type Freddie Wong into Google, does it try and write net worth yes it does actually and they're so wrong it is so great are they above or below so far above what my actual i have so little money compared to what they are claiming that i have now what it doesn't help that all the other fucking youtube assholes are rolling around in maseratis and Teslas and shit.

I'm like, I drive an early 2000s era Honda minivan I bought used. All right? You take one look at the fact that I will wear T-shirts if someone sends them to me, regardless of what's on them. The wardrobe is, there's nothing that would know, that would suggest I'm unworthy. You're not doing that bad. You're importing your sandals from Hawaii. Hawaii?

Yes, indeed. Oh, sorry, go ahead. I have a very dumb sandal story. Let's hear it. So I was hosting the Dice Awards, which is a video game awards. And at that time. Created by Andrew Dice. He's in the corner just rocking um and the japanese starting pitcher dice gay sure um oh waluigi i fucked him so at the awards show was palmer lucky the founder of oculus and the now as we under as we know now

palmer lucky yeah and as we know now funder of right wing trolls and kind of a weird alt-right dude oh no wow with a name like palmer lucky how could it be yeah with a name that's like basically a character that sorkin made up for the social network right at the time this was not known yeah and he's also like a dude who just hangs out in sandals all the time and we got into sandal talk and i was like hey i really like this brand he's like oh sweet i'll check it out no joke then like later on i find out one he has definitely been an adherent to this brand i think off of my suggestion and he's also a weird like neo-nazi alt-right dude so you're an an enabler. You're a Nazi enabler.

Yeah. I feel really guilty about that. His proud European tootsies are on display. I know. It really. His nasty Viking feet. I'm very conflicted by that. I understand completely. Yeah.

Anyway. It's like that time I sold a Nazi tank to Lemmy. Sure. Lemmy had a Nazi tank. Sorry, what? Lemmy from Motorhead had his own Nazi tank. Okay. That really drove around and shot.

What the fuck? I'm not saying he's a Nazi. He was very clear that he was not a Nazi, but still. They made a good tank. Yeah. It's hard to argue with their tank craftsmanship. What were your duties when you hosted a video game award show? It was, so not surprisingly, they never asked me to host again, but they gave me a big list

of just read the teleprompter and here's our joke. Because you kept introducing Oprah to Uma, right? Is that why? So they gave me this big list of just read the teleprompter and here's our joke. Because you kept introducing Oprah to Uma, right? Is that why? So they gave me this list of jokes. Here's what the run of the show is. And I was like, these jokes suck. These are very bad. So I sat down with.

Who had written the jokes? Their, like the event organizer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was all like. The catering team. And it was all just like, it was very bad. Do you remember an example of one of them? God, it was just, oh my God. It was just all like just really weak like riffs on gaming, the industry.

They're like, oh, journalism is in this state. It's just like weak, weak stuff. Wait, was it pro-gamer gate? It was all the real problem is ethics in video game journalism. I mean, everyone does it. That's really the real issue. It's a huge problem with ethics and video game journals. I mean, everyone does it. That's really the real issue. It's a huge problem with ethics and video game journals. Um,

I've always wanted to do a short where, uh, cause E3 will have like all these like parties where it's like Kotaku will go to a party that the publisher puts on. I just want like a, all the president's men style biopic where like, can you look at this guest list? Activision's inviting all the press. It's like,

this is corruption at the deepest levels. And the guy like just takes a big old drag off of vape and dons his fedora. It's like all the press like, this is corruption at the deepest levels. And the guy just takes a big old drag off of Vape and dons his fedora. It's like, we gotta stop this. So me and Matt... Gotta find the alt-right's own Robert Redford. Yeah, who would that be, really, at this point?

Milo, maybe? So Matt and Will, my co-hosts on Story Break, we all were just like, well, let's just redo these jokes. What if John Voight would star in that movie? I bet you. You could probably get Voight. You could get Voight in there. I guess I would explain to him what a video game is.

Yeah. But after that, I'm sure he'd be on board. He's game for it, I bet. Yeah, Voight's game. Voight loves DDR, I hear. If you told Kirk Cameron that a video game is a reverse banana, he'd probably be on board. Yeah, you get Cameron, Voight, Kevin Sorbo. Wait, was he pro-banana or anti-banana, Kirk Cameron?

I don't think he was making a judgment call about bananas. Why not? No, I mean, they're a great grab-and-go fruit. Yeah. You eat one in the car, the car smells like it for a long time. They come in their own packaging, though. Sure, yeah. But I think he was saying that the precision with which a banana was designed is proof that there is intelligent design

because of, but because the peels are so slippery. Yeah. Mm. It's hilarious. It was the shape of it that like the hand can go, which then people point out by the way that it's like, yeah,

because we made them that way. Like bananas in the wild are nothing like the Chiquitas that we hang out with, you know? God, you know that? I'm hanging out with Chiquita later. Yeah.

It's going to be all kind of fun. Going to blow some fat clouds with Chiquita. So the three of you had to write new video game jokes? Yeah, we rewrote the whole thing, and we're like, oh, we're just going to do this. And they're like, oh, this one's a little bit mean-spirited. Yeah, sorry, I'm going to do it. I remember one joke in particular went after a developer,

you know, in a lighthearted way, but in a way that was both, you know, aware of the world of gaming culture and poked fun at it. And the reception to that was an entire room of gaming industry professionals going like, ooh, and one dude in the back going, ha! Nice. And I was like, nailed it. But that one guy.

That one guy. You got through to that one guy. To be fair, the developer was going to tear down the community center to build an office building. Sure, yeah. You guys had to have a breakdance contest. Yeah, I know. The little bit of work I've done for gaming stuff, there's definitely a fear of comedy because everyone is worried that anything negative will set off a fan community who will descend upon it. I mean, I think that's – I mean, it's legitimate that might happen.

But anyway, yeah, it is a tough world to make jokes in. Video Game Awards as Norm Macdonald was to the Espy's that one year where just all his jokes were met with a combination of rustling and stunned silence. No, I think... See, like, dragged Michael Jordan. Yeah, right? Oh, my God. Yeah, I think that it's one of those things

because, right, this just happened for those of you in the gaming spheres. Like, Blizzard just had to deal with that just recently with the whole Diablo thing. But point being – They hate PC gamers now. They hate them. I think fundamentally I do think it's a problem with online fandoms. I think that online fandoms are poisoned when the creators put them at the same – like put them in subservience.

By that I mean there's a lot of – and I saw this in the YouTube world. I see this now. A lot of people will be like, you guys are fans. You guys made us. You guys are exactly why we're here. We owe you all this stuff. But I think it sets up a really bad relationship. I think the gaming industry is like in the thick of it where like it's – everyone is like, yeah, we got to – you owe us this now.

And it's a different kind of relationship. you owe us this now and it's a different kind of relationship. Sure. It is, it is weird. The, the, the nerd,

the nerd urge or the nerd propensity to want to destroy something you love, like to see, like if something you love, you know, uh, does something different or something that isn't your favorite. The move from this is everything, this is my life, this is my fandom, I love this fandom, to fuck you guys, I'm ruining you.

It's so easy. It's like making a phone game that's not a PC game automatically makes Blizzard, you know, everything in the world versus the worst money-grubbing blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, it's terrifying! My only window into this is the, like, once a week that our friend Brandon Bird,

the internet's favorite painter, will just spend two hours in a retweet fight with people. Last Jedi people. With Last Jedi people. Yeah. And I get. Anti-Last Jedi people.

Anti-Last Jedi. Braden Byrd is pro-Last Jedi. Yeah. I'm like, I enjoyed that movie so much. So like, and I did see it. Like, I feel fully qualified to have. Yeah. Get a sense.

And I like Star Wars. So God, it just fills my heart with so much happiness to watch my – like Brandon is a deeply committed geek. Like a true down to the core of his being geek. And it just – I'm like there's my geek friend and he's doing it for all of us. I know. I like – the thought of getting into a fight on the internet stresses me out. So much. To no end.

But watching someone who kind of gleefully does it, it's fun. I mean, I know the internet has too much fighting on it. And, you know, if he asked me if he should keep doing it, I would say probably not. Don't do that. Just ignore them. Yeah. But sometimes when it's done skillfully, it's a little bit fun. And I'm ashamed to admit it.

There's a trick to it, right? Because, I mean, I was an internet twerp growing up. And, like, I've trolled people on forums. There's an art form, and bad as it is, there's a way of doing it. And it really just comes down to every time someone's trolling you, they want you to play the game they've set up for you. The only way you can win the fight in that way is to deliberately not play that game. only way you can win the fight in that way is to deliberately not play that game and over and over again it's frustrating because i see this it's the same tactics that i see you know alt-right trolls doing it is getting people to engage them in a game where they've set up the rules and they will

always win that the only way you beat them is by not engaging in that game to it i got into a twitter fight with this guy and i was like i think this guy's trolling me. So I just changed my persona to just fight commentators being like, oh, coming in late with the reference. Don't – just bad form after revealing – and I just didn't stop. And I got the guy to actually go, all right, you got me. I was just trying to troll you. I didn't think you'd respond. I was like, all right. There you go.

Just sidestep it. It's the internet troll trick. Take it from an internet troll himself. Just sidestep it. Sid's the internet troll trick. Take it from an internet troll himself. Just sidestep it. Sidestep it. Don't fight. I would just kill myself. Yeah.

That'll show those trolls. I can't handle it. I don't have... Trolls, if you're out there, you win ahead of time. I just want to let you know you've won. Whatever satisfaction you need from that, you've won. Please don't involve me. Just move to a non-english speaking country but there's like a real like anxiety when you put something out and you're

like there's like i know there's notifications in my twitter that someone's gonna be mad at me for this it's like it's not worth it man you should just shut up and make more video game high schools i think i'm just gonna no joke i've been thinking about just deleting twitter i don't think there's anything i don't know what benefit it provides. Makes you more anxious. Yeah, that's it. Helps you be bothered by the news. Helps you be bothered by the news.

Makes you more anxious. I love weird. The problem is I love weird Twitter jokes. But then it's like, is it worth it? Is it worth this anxiety? I definitely feel like as a guy who is always teetering on the edge of employed. I, you know, need it for visibility purposes. I feel like as a, you know, a guy who is, you know, always looking for the next writing job, you know,

having a thing where I can be publicly funny or, you know, publicly amusing is good for me. But, yeah, I feel like if that, if I did not feel like that was, if I was, like, torpedoing a part of my career, I would definitely delete it. You should just buy a bunch of Twitter bots and have them like artificially boost your numbers. Ooh, bots, eh? Yeah, like why not?

Can they all be Goku avatars? Anime avatars, I think that's a premium for Bitcoin. Oh, shit, man. I don't have – no, I cannot afford premium bots, man. Is there a Kroger bot? Is there a Kroger brand bot? Ooh, hold on. Have I told you guys?

I have an idea. I have an idea, and maybe you can help me out with this one. Any bot programmers out there, as a countermeasure for alt-right Twitter trolls, here's what we do. Every time an organization or a person just tweets something shitty,

get a bunch of people to just retweet it and be like, LOL, is anyone going to tell them how long before they find out? And just put up a smoke screen of like, wait, do we tweet something wrong? Do we tweet some stupid joke? Are we making ourselves look like idiots? And send them into a tizzy. Be like, wait, wait, wait.

Are we referencing something that we're not realizing? The goal is tizzy sending. Tizzy sending. Yeah. Right. It's all about taking up their time and resources researching nothing. Wow. I love that. And then they're wondering if they retweeted some sort time and resources researching nothing. Wow. I love that.

And then they're wondering if they retweeted some sort of millennial sex slang or something. Exactly. They're just like, oh, my God, are we looking like idiots? Oh, gosh, we've got to figure this out. Does this mean ass eating? They're like, oh, we thought this tweet slapped. We thought it slapped. We used to be on fleek.

Oh, now we have to delete our account. Do this go? Yeah, Twitter's a wasteland, man. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Hi, I'm Dave. Hi, I'm Dave. Hi, I'm Graham. And we're two house DJs who have been trapped inside our drum machine. We love it here, and we'd love if you stopped by and visited us every week

on Stop Podcasting Yourself here on MaximumFun.org. We're just a couple of doofuses from Canada. And listen to our show or perish. Stop Podcasting yourself. On MaximumFun.org. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective.

Freddie Wong, A-minus list. Yeah. Got bumped up. Internet A-minus list. Internet A-minus on the curve. We should say, during the break, Logan Paul died. So. Like, it's great on curve, so everyone moves up a little bit.

Freddie pumped for the last segment. Yeah. Don't wish death upon anyone. No, of course not. He seems like a good guy. I wouldn't go that far, but I don't wish death upon anyone. Real salt of the year. Thrill. He's going to run for president.

He's going to probably win the presidency, and that is when I will check out of America. Yeah. But during his swearing in, he will dab. That's true. He'll bring it back, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The presidential dab. What are you thinking?

Maybe Columbia? You know, so my brother spent a lot of time in New Zealand. New Zealand looks nice. It's nice. Yeah. Although, if you factor in global warming, parts of Ontario and the Russian steppes, apparently, are where you want to be.

Well, certainly you want to be in the Russian steppes if you're the Mongol horde. That is so weird. You're a horseman, a military horseman of some kind. You want to be on those steps, right? Yeah. You just got to learn to ride and shoot behind you. Yeah.

And drink the horse's blood for sustenance. Yeah, totally. Absolutely. Get that blood. Good iron. Sure. You'd quaff some horse pee if it came to it, wouldn't you, Jordan? I mean, hey, man, when in Rome, right?

Drink a horse's piss. We all know what you have to say about drinking horse's pee, right? What? You're signaling do I have a bit? Is there a horse pee drinking bit? I'm trying to fit into your famous new catchphrase, glug glug that hot yellow. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.

I would glug glug that hot yellow. Did that catch on? Did people like that? Oh, yeah. All right. That's like the most popular thing we've ever done. Well, set me up again and I'll really sell it this time. Hey, Jordan, if you were really thirsty.

Hold on. Don't laugh. Don't laugh. This is serious. We're going to re-edit this to where it sounds like I fucking nailed it, to where the audience doesn't know it's coming. I'm going to give him a different setup so it's a little clearer. Yeah. Let's say you were leading a resistance movement in early 20th century India through nonviolent means, and you believe that health

benefits were derived from drinking one's own effluent. What might you say in that context, given the opportunity to do so? Well, I mean- You first do an adjust your tiny glasses. I would adjust my tiny glasses, and obviously it's a pretty far-flung situation, and there's a lot of factors, of course. Yeah. A lot of things to consider, but ultimately I'd probably say I would glug-glug that hot yellow. Yeah!

Way to go, Big G! Sure. Oh! Our guest on the program has been Freddie Wong. You can catch Freddie on the Rocket Jump YouTube channel and, most importantly, on the Max Fun Podcast Story Break, which is so cool and funny and silly and a narrative delight every single week. Thank you. Yeah. What stories are you breaking coming up?

You got anything on the whiteboard? We got, we have a big Google doc that we, that we, you know, refer to. We want, we were thinking of doing,

um, hold on. What was it? Uh, uh, you remember the movie equilibrium? No, I,

I definitely, yeah, my dude. Yeah, sure. The first, the first gun caught a movie. Oh yes.

Uh, equilibrium was, this was in the sort of malaise of post-First Matrix where it's like guys in trench coats with two guns is cool, right? Two guns. Two guns. So this was Christian Bale in a serious, taking this movie so seriously. Christian Bale? No. He was saying it so seriously.

And it is a schlocky sci-fi movie about a future where you can't – the government doesn't allow you to feel emotions. And there's a – I wonder how Christian Bale got that part. But then he becomes the first Tetragrammaton cleric to begin to feel emotions thanks to a dog because he no longer takes the emotion-suppressing drugs. There's a lot of guns. There's a lot of backflips. Does the dog eat him? No.

No. So they – so he's this unfeeling enforcer, the master of a martial art created for the movie called Gun Kata. The Gun Kata. He's the master of Gun Kata. Is this a knowing nod to Gym Kata? That's a good question. I don't know.

No, I don't think so. Martial art skills, gun kills. I would say that, but the maker of this movie does not appear to have seen another movie. Oh, got it. So, Gymkata or otherwise. Cool. So, it's a series of gun poses designed to maximize your ability to like- Your kill count.

Your kill count while dodging known vectors of bullets in coming in. So, it is a lot of posing and a lot of shooting guns. The creator of the movie, not coincidentally, born and raised in the village of the crazies right yeah sure where there's a pommel horse um and yeah and he public a public pommel horse yeah and uh you know and he he snaps and turns against turns against his government when they try and steal a like a pomeranian he has stashed in his trunk. And then, boom, the fucking gun kata comes out. And then he sword fights against who's the- Taye Diggs. Taye Diggs.

He cuts off Taye Diggs' head. Yeah. His face. So we want to do sequel-liverium. The sequel to equal-liverium, of course. Man, you gotta. Yeah. So that's just about Taye Diggs following everyone on Twitter.

Tweeting, where's my face? Yeah, so you got a whole range of stuff. Gosh, I need to pull up the list. We've always wanted to do one. Do you remember there's a video game, what was it, Streets of Rage? Yeah, sure. There's a whole range,

a plethora of video game properties. The kangaroo's going to have to be the main character there. Yeah. I mean, there's a whole range, a plethora of video game properties. The kangaroo is going to have to be the main character there. Yeah. I mean, given the monologue that this one girl from my high school did in our art survey class, introduction to the arts from Double Dragon the movie, I think you could swing something from Out of Streets of Rage. I haven't seen Double Dragon the movie, but I did see that compelling performance of a monologue from the film.

And it suggests to me there's a lot of depth to be mined in Streets of Rage. Yeah, I think so. I mean, you can go left, you can go right, you can go up, sure. You can jump. You have a variety of weapons. You can pick them if you beat a bad guy

that has that weapon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tap forward twice to dash. I do believe turkeys will make you healthy again. Pick up some food you find on the ground. I love that part of video games. The idea of like, oh, shit, turkey. I've been shot a lot.

I better eat this food I found on the ground. It's like Wolfenstein, right? You just constantly be finding just like full turkeys and salads and dog food. Story of my life, am I right? Yeah. Boy, tell me about it. It's amazing that we beat the Nazis given that they have, am I right? Yeah. Boy, tell me about it. It's amazing that we beat the Nazis,

given that they have all those turkeys. Yeah. It's amazing. The turkey production allowed them to be super soldiers. With their high-quality

tanks. We certainly couldn't starve them out. Yeah. With all those turkeys on hand. Okay, Freddie Wong has been our guest,

our producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandezandez you can find us on twitter for the time being at jesse thorne at jordan underscore morris freddie you haven't quit yet no i'm at f wong at f wong uh you can find us on reddit maximumfund.reddit.com you can find us on facebook uh join the max fun facebook group, or like JordanJesseGo. How about this, Jordan? Hmm? Why not do both?

Do both. It's not an either or. I said it was an or, but you could do an and. Yeah, you can. Nothing is stopping you. And that shit. Do an and. We'll talk to you next time on JordanJesseGo.

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