Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 56: The Threesome

Episode Date: March 28, 2008

Jordan, Jesse and special guest Ashkon discuss the home drying of steaks, viral video fame, and threesomes of various sorts.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and sex and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty, netty, twiddle, dum, a very special guest, and threesomes of all shapes, sorts, and sizes.

Let's go! Yeah, constantly. You guys are constantly doing this. When I'm not working or sleeping, I'm doing this. Are you done, Ash? Yeah, you should probably take this out of my hand. He's going to play through the whole freaking thing. Ready, Jordan?

I'm ready. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I, Jordan? I'm ready. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, a lot of people are thinking something right now, and I'm just going to come out and say it. Are you saying that there's some sort of elephant in the room? There is an elephant in the room,

and I'm not just talking about the new Fat Joe album, which I bought earlier today is that uh some sort of allusion to how fat joe is uh i think that's why he named it that yeah i think he named it the elephant in the room because he's so oh is that the actual name of it that is the actual name huh yeah absolutely making fun of no that's the name of his album okay i think he is pro i mean he's he's obviously he's got a great sense of humor about himself fat joe sure anyway this is the elephant in our room jordan last week on the program we hit the absolute apex of what jordan jesse go

is capable of doing we brought in a special guest, Claude Brodesser-Akner from the treatment, I mean, the business. Yowza. We brought in Claude Brodesser-Akner from the business. That's worse than the time we had the guys from Asia in here and you introduced them as Europe. It was really like the creme de la creme, the peak.

And the question that it suggests is... Wait, hold on, I got another one. It was really like the creme de la creme, the peak. And the question that it suggests is... Wait, hold on. I got another one. This is worse than the time we had Dylan McDermott and you introduced him as Dermot Mulrooney. That's actually an interesting question. Dylan McDermott or Dermot Mulrooney? I was going to save that for another...

But yeah, anyways. Anyway, let's save it. We'll save it. We're going to sit that for another, but yeah, anyways. Anyway, let's save it. We'll save it. We're going to sit on it. So we've already hit our heights, right? In fact, we're here normally, Jordan, we would be and we usually do these from the field. We're actually in the Sound of Young America

call center right now, which is very unusual for us to be doing our show from there. Here's one of the calls we got about last week's show. Jordan, Jesse, go. This is Jason. It's St. Patrick's Day. One of my best friend's birthday is on St. Patrick's Day.

I was running home at 2.30 in the morning, and you had Claude Berdester-Achner on the phone. I mean, on the show. And it was the best thing I've ever heard in my entire life. And I would just like to say thank you for having him on. This has been the pinnacle of the show. The Claude Bredestra-Achner show was the best thing I could ever possibly imagine. Thank you.

And keep it up. Thanks, guys. So, in other words, I think the question that's going through our listeners' minds right now is, why even bother continuing? Sure. If by continuing, are we only sullying our legacy? Yeah. Do you see what I'm saying, Jordan?

Yes, sure. Are you on board with this? It's like maybe Woody Allen should have just stopped after, I don't know, let's say... Maybe Manhattan murder mystery? Yeah, yeah. Bullets Over Broadway, even. I'm going to go as far as... No, Bullets Over Broadway.

I can go as late as Bullets Over Broadway. Right. And even though he has had some successes, he's had... They've been successful failures. Yeah. has had some successes. You know, he's had... They've been successful failures. Yeah.

And that's something I put a lot of time and thought into the past week and a half or so, Jordan. And actually, one of the reasons why this show's been a little bit delayed is because, you know, you and I have been... It's what we call a refractory period. Yeah. After you blow your load... Yeah....on the tits or face of your listeners, like we did, you have to, you know. Yeah.

You got to take a little nap. Yeah. Maybe go to Jack in the Box. So, Jordan, there was something that made me re-evaluate all of that. Sure. I'm going to play it for you. Hey, Jordan, just to go. This is Jimmy in LA.

And that was the zenith of the show. Really? I mean, Claude Brodester-Rotsner, he was pretty good, but he was no Ashkahn. Guess who we got tonight, Jordan? I hope it's Ashkahn. Yeah, it is. Ladies he was no Ashkahn. Guess who we got tonight, Jordan? I hope it's Ashkahn. Yeah, it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Ashkahn.

What's going on, guys? Wow. It is always a pleasure to have Ashkahn on Jordan Jesse Go. And by always, I mean last time and hopefully this time. Mm-hmm. How are you doing, Ashkahn? Oh, you know, just hanging in there Yada da meme Yada da do

I guess for the people who didn't hear the Bobbly, bobbly, Bob All right I think that's all at least 400,000 Americans need to hear In order to know exactly who we're talking about, Jordan If you didn't hear the last episode, Ashkahn, in addition to being a hip-hop performer, I don't know, how do you like to be billed?

A hip-hop artist? What should I call you? The ultimate pop star. Yes, in addition to being the ultimate pop star, Ashkahn is a guy Jesse and I went to college with. Yeah, he directed me uh as i was portraying the lead character in a play that you wrote yes one that i was told if i auditioned for i could get to be the uh very brief um cameo sketch comedylike appearance as radio DJ, and I could get five credits.

Instead, you had to do a lead role. Yeah, and did it, C. I'd say C. No, no, no. Come on, Jess. That's the rating I would give myself, C. I would say B-. Are you willing to go as high as B-, Ashkahn? Oh, absolutely.

I'm saying a solid B. Wow. Solid B. Well, thank you, Ashkahn. I'll go with B-. I'll take B minus. And it's kind of noteworthy, I think, to have Ashkahn back on. I mean, apart from just being a great guy and a gracious guest. Thank you. I think we could qualify him now as an internet celebrity. Yeah, Ashkahn is undoubtedly an internet celebrity. Here's how internet celebrity works, Jordan.

Tell me about it. Tell me about it. First, you record a red hot record. The kind of thing that is itching to burn up the charts. Okay? Itching. In Ashkahn's case, that was a little song he performed last time he was here called Hot Tubbin'. Which Jesse won't let me perform again.

Now, we'll get to that. Now, next thing, Jordan. What's the next step? So we've recorded this hot record. Now what do we do with it? You make a music video for the record. Now, you should make the music video on the bus in Santa Cruz. Part of it should be on the bus in Santa Cruz. There should be part of it should be on the bus in Santa Cruz.

Check. Okay. Ashkahn says check. Ashkahn did that, yes. Exactly. So far, so good. You put it on YouTube. Thousands of people watch.

Four, five, six thousand. It's a great video. Then a kingmaker steps in. That's me, Jordan. Oh, okay. Puts it out there, puts it on a few message boards, puts it on a blog, lickety-split, front page of YouTube. Hundreds of thousands of people are watching it. What's the final, as of the recording of this, what is the t of views uh for as of the last time anyone i think

i think it's over 300 000 it's over 300 000 okay that's mostly in the last three days that's viral that's a that's at least as many people as bought the last ghostface killer album oh that is a shame well you know he's a great rapper but that's a. No, a lot of people don't buy a lot of albums these days. Too busy watching Hot Tubbin' on the internet. Oh, am I detracting from Ghostface Killa's album sales? Yeah, no, that's what happened to Ghostface Killa, yeah. Oh, no. That's why Ghostface is going to have to go back to a life of crime to feed his children.

Doesn't he have a little bit, at least, some sort of cult following going? I feel like more so than some other uh you know similar capadonna capadonnas your capadonnas of the world your memphis bleaks of the world you know at least you got people that are really really into the ghostface record every time it comes out so what you're saying is he can still make money if he's willing to do gay stuff. Exactly. Yeah, I think that's true. So, okay. So, Jesse, you came in. You Karl roved this whole situation.

Now Ashkahn's a superstar. Now Ashkahn's an internet celebrity. I'm not worthy. Ashkahn thought that it was going to be celebrity DJ DJ Strong, with whom he is allied, that was going to make him a superstar. It actually turned out to be public radio host Jesse Thorne. Hey, sometimes the answer is just right there around the corner. You don't even know it. Ashkahn, the thing to remember is don't talk back to me or you're going to be hanging out of a window by your ankles like Vanilla Ice.

I believe it. Okay, so how is life different now that you've had this brush with internet celebrity? What's taken place? Take me through the process. What's happened? You mean aside from all the blowjobs? You can talk about the blowjobs. No, talk about the blowjobs.

That's the main difference. Talk about them. What's a blowjob? That does sound good. Yeah. No honestly that was that was a dirty joke tropical vacation that was a dirty joke and it wasn't true that's not that's not what internet fame is all about no no that's not that i don't have that happening no oh you do from time to time from time to time not because of the internet just because your reputation precedes you just you know as as any you know just a great guy just you know i'm just a good guy just do my thing you know every now and again a blow job happens right that happens that's all we can hope for yeah

and you say i i'm as surprised as you are exactly you're like wow you're like wow this is happening right now it's currently happening Things are pretty good right now. And now it's not. It's tough for life to be going bad when you're getting a blowjob. Yeah, that's true. You know, you're just like, I can't really complain right now. Yeah. I wouldn't be right.

But what the hell? Maybe you're wearing like an itchy sweater or something. I'm sorry about this. Here's what I want to know, Ashkahn, because I was watching the video on the YouTube, and I noticed there's a scene in the Hot Tubbin' video when a girl opens up her phone, her cell phone, and it says Ashkahn on it because Ashkahn is calling. And there's a number and I saw a 510 area code,

which I know to be Ashkahn's area code. Yes, sir. What is that area code? And I noticed an absence of... The bay. That's the East Bay. The Nickel Dime. Sure.

And are you familiar at all with the Yay Area? Nah. No? Don't know what that is. Oh, Ashkahn and I are what's called Yay Area representatives. Oh, okay. So anyway, I noticed there was no 555 and the number it's your actual phone number yeah um so the day before we put the video up on youtube the editor matt says do you want me to blur out

your number why was your number even actually did you actually call the girl yeah well they shot yeah we did the shit that's how we did. We were like, we need to get a picture that comes up when I do it. We did all that. You know? Yeah, it was necessity is the mother of invention situation. Totally. It was a funny idea that I think... Has gone horribly awry.

So, yeah. So now I got all these random people calling my phone, which has been at times funny, at times scary. What's the latest somebody's ever called? Definitely, you know, two in the morning. Wow. But you're up then. I'm generally...

That's known as the blowjob hour. No, I'm generally... I've been... I think I was asleep a couple of times. I heard it ringing. There's one guy out there that's stalking me. Really? Yeah, a man.

Oh. How? Is he looking for love? I think he's just like a, you know, he doesn't actually scare me. I think he's, if you're listening out there, you don't scare me, stalker man. I know that's what you want. Unless you get off on the fear. I get the sense that he's a really sad geek because he calls over and over and over again.

And when I answer, he does what I think is intended to be a scary voice, but it's really just silly. He's like, Ashkahn, sing for me. Please sing for me. No way me no way yeah this actually happens i think he'll i think there's a good chance honestly i think there's a very good chance that he'll call during the recording oh please put him on i hope he does that's all i can hope for he's in my phone as weirdo so that i now don't pick up oh Oh, man, yeah. So that's the main change. Yeah, that's the biggest one.

You got an album coming out next month that you're going to be hustling on the iTunes. Yes. You're thinking about, you're probably going to do some gigs. I heard you're doing some gigs with the Numa Numa guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That gym sweater girl, are you going out with, you and Leslie Hall are going to do some dates

I think so Me and the Two Girls One Cup crew We're all going to go out tomorrow night There's nothing musical about that video What do they do on stage? What's the stage performance? They eat shit and then they sing a song Oh, that's nice

Anyway Cat flushing toilet. Is that going to open for you? Oh, you know, I just want to go back real quick to the content of your video. And here's something that I thought was an interesting choice, and I want to just pick your brain about it a little bit. All right. Now, Hot Tubbin' is it's about getting in a hot tub

trying to get laid kind of this this you know a search for something more sure sure and the mundane realities that we all have come to know you would think that a video about hot tubs and about getting laid where these are two of the themes would be sluttier but this is not a slutty video it's it's it's it's funny it's a part did that ever cross your mind like let's try and make getting laid where these are two of the themes would be sluttier but this is not a slutty video it's it's it's it's funny it's a part did that ever cross your mind like let's try and make this slutty i don't know yeah well you know what yeah it did it did cross our mind but um all the hot girls didn't show up no i'm just i'm half kidding um essentially we we did think about making it just a total over the top kind of mock music video scene but as it ended up kind of turning out we you know i think we ended up

being able to to walk the line that i think the song walks which is like i mean it's a joke but it's also kind of it's kind of just not a joke i don't know is is this totally a joke or not and we all just did it kind of sincerely the people um in the video or for the most part people that i know and it i mean i don't want to say that the girls in the video are not attractive uh they're very good looking but they are not but they are not you know these maybe rap video girls that right they're not the direction you could have gone. No, exactly. And I think a big part of that was that we really just wanted to create kind of the energy of me and my friends kind of hanging out

and the energy that we have as a crew and make it look like it was fun to make and very real, you know? Friends and family going to a Warriors game, for example. Yeah, free sausages. Free sausages. Yeah. Let's say you snuck in some Jimmy B. Yeah. And you'd hope that maybe the Warriors would win.

Maybe 127 to 119. Yeah. You call up your friends. You see what's going on. Oh, we're spitballing here. We're just throwing out ideas. Just randomly. Well, we'll have a lot.

Ashkahn, you're going to do some. The last thing in the world I want is for all our Jordan Jesse Go listeners to think that all you are is a latter day. What's your ethnicity? Persian? You mean like a weird Al-Qaeda? Yeah. Okay. That'll do it.

I was just going to say like the persian r kelly but i wasn't i couldn't remember if we're actually persian r curry oh jesus christ don't repeat this stuff this is all stuff that my friends made up don't worry this will not go beyond the three of us yeah this isn't we're not it's not like we're recording this for a greater audience i asked you to do some real rapping on this show. That is going to happen. I can't wait to do that. Later on we'll have some real rapping. You're listening to Jordan

Jesse Go. We'll be back in just a second. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. With us, R. Curry. Mark Curry. Mark Curry. From Hanging with Mr. Cooper, Mark Curry.

Yada to me, yada to me. Ashkahn, can I ask you a question? Yes. This is something that I would never expect any guest on this program to be familiar with, except possibly you. Oh, no. Did you hear maybe five years ago a big hit song in the Bay Area by the Loonies called Oakland Raiders? It went, I'm a raider, Oakland raider.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever heard, I don't know if it was on the radio version of the song, but I heard that song and went, oh, this is a great Bay Area song. What a great song. Right. And I downloaded it. Have you heard the Mark Curry outro to that song? I have not heard the Mark Curry outro.

He goes, what's up? This is Mark Curry, Mr. Cooper. And he goes like, hey, yo, I'm an Oakland Raider, too. I'm the first Oakland motherfucker that had rims. I'm like the first. And he starts talking the hell of shit. And then he goes, big dank. Wow. Wow. talking hell of shit and then he goes big dank wow wow big dank that is amazing

i want to steal that for the end of one of my next songs what you should just do is fade out your song and crossfade in just the end of that song the beat the whole nine yards just mark or you could just i bet mark curry you know he just he does a show regularly at the punchline in san francisco i bet if you gave him 20 bucks he'd do that shit for you and just as do you'd probably have to specially request big dank but mr curry if you're listening let's do it mark curry definitely listens to this show, wouldn't you say? Why wouldn't he?

Big dank. Sure. Can I talk about something that I did today? Yes. Please. As you guys know, probably, I love to eat a nice steak. Sure. You probably concur.

Yeah, no. I mean. Sure. Sure, I could imagine that to be true yeah um this is a weird thing i i heard on the radio one day someone and i don't even know who it was talking about leaving your steak in your refrigerator until it goes brown okay now what would you guys do if your steak went brown? It was in your refrigerator. I'd toss it out.

Right? Well, Ashkahn's looking kind of shifty. He thinks he might eat it, but that might be it. I very rarely have ever had steak in my refrigerator. I feel like I've either just ordered steaks or I buy a steak and go barbecue it immediately. Right. Exactly. But if you had a steak and caviar lifestyle like me right

might have steaks in your refrigerator here's what i found out steaks do you get them delivered yeah absolutely no i get donald trump steaks thank you very much i got a solicitation for omaha steaks the other day apparently i get 25 off okay then okay this is what you do. You take your regular steak, get a nice marbled ribeye. You know what I'm talking about? A nice steak, nice marbled ribeye, something like that. Maybe like a marbled ribeye. What makes it marbled? What's that? Marbling is the fat that's in the meat. Like, you know how a steak will have, a lot of times it'll have some fat around the edge that didn't get trimmed off by the butcher or whatever. That's kind of like a big white strip.

But then if you look at the actual body of the steak, you'll see that it's not flat red. There's actually little bits of white through it. Sure. That's called marbling. That's the fat in the steak. So that part, that's actually what makes it a good steak. steak. So that, that part, that's actually what makes thing, what makes it a good steak. Like the difference between USDA choice prime, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, select is that the amount of marbling, more marbling is better because it makes it juicier. It melts into the

meat when it's cooking. So you get a nice marbled ribeye, you stick it in your fridge and then you just leave it there. You open it up, You put it on a very clean baking rack, for example. Yeah. This is taking up a lot of fridge space, it sounds like. Yeah, well, you can do a couple at a time. Maybe you do it in your spare fridge. I know you've got a spare fridge out back, Jordan. I do, out in the garage.

Yeah. It's where I keep the kids' Otter Pops. I'm getting hungry. You'll steak a' Otter Pops. I'm getting hungry. So you put the steak in the fridge, and what happens is the steak shrinks and dries out. I swear to God, in the course of two days, you take this steak, put it in the fridge. It shrinks and dries out and goes kind of brown. And then what you do is you take a really sharp knife and you chop off any bits that are really dry or if it gets any mold on it. Okay.

You chop those bits off. Right. You don't eat those. You do not. So you've got this brown steak. You cut off any bits that are really desiccated, like anything that looks like it's too chewy to eat. And then you cook that shit.

You can cook it however you want. The best way would obviously be to barbecue it. I live here in this apartment building. I can't do any barbecuing. So what I'll do... Does your house accommodate barbecue? I'm going to have a barbecue. Very, very soon.

You guys are invited. when you say you guys you were talking about the whole audience of jordan jesse go right everybody is invited to my barbecue i'll tell you i'll tell you who you should invite to your barbecue lives here in los angeles mark curry maximum fun yes mr cooper he actually lives in the bay area i think but he'd fly down i bet you I could get him to my bar. He'll teach us some tough life lessons in a humorous way. I think I could get Mr. Cooper to do just about anything at this point. There's a Maximum Fun forum poster called Mike D. He'll tell you. He's all up in the recipes thread on there.

He lives here in Los Angeles. He's not averse to meat. I think you can get that guy at your barbecue. Get him on the grill. He'll take care of business. Low and slow is his motto, as I remember from the board. So this steak gets really grisly looking. Right.

And you'd think it was not edible. You cut off the two chewy bits. You cook it. I cook it. Since I don't have a barbecue, I'll cook it on high heat on a uh cast iron griddle i mean a cast iron uh pan and uh you know flip it you know just get it charred on each side right and then finish it up in the oven at about 500 degrees a lot of work for a fucking steak it's not a lot of work okay so how it really isn't you just you you just burn it on

both sides you know you get it that's like a minute on each side, and then you put it in the stove for three or four minutes. It's been a long journey for this little calf. It has. It has. You take it out. God damn it, I ate this shit tonight. It definitely is better.

Definitely. By how much? You made it sound like it was just, like I was ready for you to say, and it was just probably the most delicious steak I've ever had. It was the best steak. And it was definitely better. Slightly better.

But just imagine. I know that could be. It definitely didn't taste like a regular steak. This shit gets mad grisly looking. I put it in my fridge for 48 hours because I was, some people do this for like a week, 10 days, something like that. 48 hours is how long I put it in there. It got super grisly looking. It was the kind of shit that I would not have eaten under other circumstances. Okay, I got you. So it was

really surprising that it was even edible, let alone better. Yeah. Maybe that was it. You were just surprised that you weren't barfing. No, it was good. It was the best steak I've ever cooked at home. Did you use a rub or a marinade? I did. I rubbed it with, before I dried it out, I salted it, peppered it, and added some garlic powder. But that's it. Simple.

Very simple. Just salt, pepper, and garlic powder. And it shrinks. It actually gets smaller. It's the less. It's amazing. And what it is, it's like the same thing they do in a steakhouse. They do, it's called, you know, like, I can't remember what it's called.

Like a dry something. Dry, cold drying. Dry colding. Sorry. Something like that. Like a dry colding. What do you say? Something like a dry cold.

Dry aged. You know, dry-aged steak? You hear that before? Dry-aged steak. Sounds kind of familiar. This is like dry-aging your steak inside your refrigerator. I made a hot dog burrito recently. Really?

Where you cook a hot dog and you put it in a tortilla. Mmm. Yeah. Did you know that Teresa... Real sad. It's like the saddest thing you can eat. My fiancee, Teresa, grew up with her mom working nights, and her dad opened the store shift at a hardware store.

So he would pick the kids up from school and then have to cook dinner for them, but he didn't know how to cook anything, and they didn't have a microwave or anything like that. So my fiancée grew up thinking that a tortilla with refried beans and slices of cucumber was what a burrito was. Wow. She really like... Very sheltered. She was like 12, literally like 12, 13 years old in middle school when she discovered that that was not what a burrito was.

She thought that's what the definition of a burrito was. Like if you went to a restaurant and ordered a burrito, they'd give you a tortilla with refried beans and sliced cucumbers. Yeah, no, burritos, you know, a lot more than that. He also... Yeah, several ingredients. There's other stuff that goes into one of those, right? And almost never cucumbers. He also didn't like to...

Rarely cucumbers. Didn't like to wash plates and silverware. So what he would do is he'd make some food that was all in one big bowl and then they would all eat out of it with their hands. And he called this European style. That's kind of awesome. He's a pretty awesome guy, as you can imagine, to have perpetrated these lies upon his children.

What kind of cooking does your current lifestyle afford you, Ashkahn? God, it's been a while since I've eaten healthy. You look pretty good. You look nice. You look great. Hey, well, thank you. Ashkahn, you're a handsome man. Oh, come on. Ashkahn, you're a handsome man. Very fit.

Ashkahn, sing for me. You're fit, Ashkahn. Do you really want to know about my eating habits? I kind of do, yeah. There's been a lot of tacos recently. You're an indie musician. Do you make the tacos? There's a taco truck right across the street from my house it's really hard to avoid i've had a hard time finding a good decent

taco truck in los angeles too dry um i you know i i have multiple taco trucks within like a couple of miles of me that i think are really good wouldn't it be hilarious if two taco trucks crashed into each other would that just be be basically the funniest thing that could happen. That'd be awesome. Salsa all over the place. Yeah. Maybe they both veer off the road and hit one of the fruta fresca stands. I don't know. Continue. I feel like this is getting borderline offensive.

Sorry, I'm just saying it'd be funny. It's all good. You know, for racial reasons. Right. It's certainly not because tacos have amusing ingredients um so you were saying what were you saying about tacos you have you're undiscriminating you have an undiscriminating taco palette i did discriminate a little bit but for the most part there's i just think there's really good i know there's the spot on uh on alvarado right by the vaughns over there you guys ever tried that place i have not tried that that's a nice little

taco truck right there i don't know i feel like there's always room for a taco yeah you know like there's always room for a taco if i'm driving by and i'm if i'm i mean ashkahn you don't actually convince me that you're talking to a man who's catering his wedding with a taco truck there you go there you go that's you go. That's awesome. Deep, deep. Jordan, what the fuck do you eat? I wonder this sometimes. Yeah?

I try and imagine you cooking something, and I can't. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wait, no. I can imagine you. One time you made me chicken in your Fry Daddy. Yeah. In college.

Oh, that was good times. I don't have that Fry Daddy anymore. You should get a new Fry Daddy. I should invest in a Fry Daddy. If you get get a fry daddy i'll come over more often oh wait did i say if i if uh you get a fry daddy i meant if you ever invited me over i invited you over nope you probably wouldn't come though honestly yeah well that's true i don't like you very much if that's what you're asking it's true no no uh let no, let's see. No, I think I have, I get probably, I get probably four, three to four meals a week

bought for me at work. Okay, you're talking about dinnertime meals? Yeah, I mean, you know, depending. What do you eat for a longer day? Let's start with lunch. What do you eat for lunch? Sure, sure. If this is a work dinner, there's a Zancou chicken

near work that we often go to. Oh, Zancou's nice. You know what a Zancou chicken is? No lunch? Sure, sure. If this is a work dinner, there's a Zanku chicken near work that we often go to. Oh, Zanku's nice. You know what a Zanku chicken is? No, sounds great, though. You've never had a Zanku chicken, huh? It's kind of like a Middle Eastern. It's like a rotisserie chicken. Yeah, yeah.

So it's spit-cooked chicken. It comes with some pickled beets and kind of a garlic dip, a real intense garlic dip. You can get hummus on the side. Yeah, the garlic sauce, it's kind of like uh it's kind of like a yogurt it's got a yogurt garlic butter yeah it's like a yogurt garlic butter very good i feel like i feel like you guys are pranking me i feel like you like i didn't know since the last time i came on here that this is actually like becoming all culinary all food i know okay so so you'll eat a Zancou

chicken from time to time. Sure, there's a Zancou chicken. There's a pizza place. There's a Cucarou. There is a Cucarou. I don't care for it. I've never had it before. I just like to say Cucarou. You're dropping $10 on a sandwich at Cucarou. It's not worth it. You know, and there's a couple of burrito places, a couple of solid

burrito places. There's a taco truck by the work. It's Los Angeles burrito places, a couple of solid burrito places. There is a taco truck by the work. It's a Los Angeles burrito place. Sure. NorCal has better burritos than SoCal. Oh, no doubt about it. So what's the difference? I've heard this a lot. Bay Area is the home of the burrito.

Los Angeles is just a pretender. Well, let's hear it. Jordan, what's the difference between your local taqueria and Taco Bell? I'm talking, is it quality of ingredients? It's an entirely different dish. It's a whole different thing. Let's hear it. It's native to the Bay Area.

It's like the Bay Area is, it's like, you know how someone from Philadelphia feels about a Philly cheesesteak? That's how I feel about a burrito. I want some concrete description. Okay, well, you got it. Not just an L.A. burrito is a piece of dog shit. No, no, no. And a left-side burrito is a clown that's coming out of God's face. Let's be fair here.

There's certainly, you know, I've had some good burritos in Los Angeles. It's coming out of God's dick, by the way. Fair enough. You know, and I've even heard some folks from la say that they don't like the northern california burritos but i think most people i've not heard a lot of that i've heard just a little bit of that i've also had a tasty burrito in los angeles but it's just a different thing it's a completely the main thing the main thing that you're talking about is up there you got uh well first of all down here there's very few places that do the grilled

chicken like you do up north. Over here, a lot of the times, it's more of like a broiled chicken or the grilled chicken isn't as flavored like that real just, you know, that grilled chicken flavor. And then you also got down here just generally pretty simple. Like a pollo asado. Is that the situation? That's what you can get up there. But down here, you got – Well, up there, you can get pollo asado, anything from pollo asado to barbacoa or lengua. Yeah, you can get up there but but down here you go up there you can get pollo asado anything from pollo asado

to barbacoa or lengua you can get it all yeah um but i you know i think down here it's just generally uh it's it's simpler it's like rice it's usually refried beans a lot of meat and maybe some spicy salsa and that's generally what you're gonna get for your burrito okay not even rice there's no there's usually no rice i mean that's one of the big things yeah so it's just like some rice in my burrito it's just well jordan hold on that's jordan let's let's don't touch this you're pressing the wrong buttons here jordan sorry so i don't want to be a rabble rouser i'm right here with you ashkahn what you're talking about down here is you're talking about a bit of meat in uh just a mediumsized tortilla, and if you're lucky, you might get some salsa in there and maybe a few beans.

Right. That's what you're looking at. So if you have a decent meat, then it's okay. It's a tasty thing to eat. And if the salsa's good. Yeah, it's like a nice little thing. If you can get decent meat, a lot of times you'll find a shredded beef. I don't like a shredded beef.

Nobody needs that. I still don't think I know what the difference is. Well, up north, up north, what you got, you got a big tortilla. There's generally, you got sour cream involved. Now, your tortilla is often grilled, by the way. Yeah, that could be grilled. That's nice. There's some cheese in there. You got some

delicious grilled chicken, maybe some carne asada in there. You got your rice grilled chicken, maybe some carne asada in there. You got your rice, maybe a little. The salsa's got a little bit of tomato in there, a little cilantro, a little onions, a little bit of everything. Dip drop of that, a little bit of there, a little bit of this here. Yeah, absolutely. You're dead on. You know what I'm saying?

I am. It's just some good shit. You got to come up to it. Yada da doo. Yada da doo. So let's go up there and get a burrito, man. So it's more. I'm getting so hungry. It's more so it's it's more it's more it's

thorough it's a more thorough it's also it also weighs 10 pounds 10 pounds and up it tastes like there's just like there's there's some fresh zesty goodness in there and but you also there's no shortage of the the just you know the rich stuff either you got you got your cheese you got your meat you got your it's a it's a baseball bat of flavor oh yeah and you're just stuffed when you you know by that last couple bites it's like the last you know the last sip or two of a 40 when you're younger you know you're like i'm just you know i'm so but i just i gotta do it and you finish it off and except the difference in the burrito to the 40 is that the last bite of the burrito is arguably the best because it's soaked

up all that yeah it's soaked up all the juice and it's also got that little pocket of the tortilla where it's tucked in and it's all juiced up and so it's kind of so hungry right now oh have you guys changed the format of the show is this yeah we talk about internet videos and food man all next week we'll be discussing fat bitch falls off bike and barbecued beef. Oh, man. So there's two topics per show. Ashkahn, do you want to hop in Teresa's Scion and head up to San Francisco for something from El Taco Real, Taco Loco? Oh, man, absolutely.

Taco Loco, that's my shit. People talk a lot about your poncho vias. And sure, if you're some fucking fleece-wearing yuppie asshole that's invaded my neighborhood that I grew up in, then probably you'll want to go hit Taco Ria Pancho Villa. But if you're fucking a true G from the hood and you want to fuck up a real burrito, you're going to hit Taco Loco. And sure, once in a while,

a group of people might come in from a limousine that's parked outside covered in blood, and you're like, why are they stopping for burritos instead of going to the hospital it might have been guar was it guar it was guar that's what it was it was theatrical metal band guar that explains why they had monster heads. I had never found a satisfactory explanation for that. Oh, jeez. I always assumed the reason the blood on their face

is they were at a club, and at the club they let in some guys wearing jerseys. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know. Once you let in guys wearing jerseys... You shouldn't do that. Sneakers and jerseys, that's, you know, keep it clean, guys.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Don't want to be caught in the's sneakers and jerseys. That's, you know, keep it clean, guys. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Don't want to be caught in the club with your jerseys. Can I say something? Right now, Ashkahn is wearing a KMEL Jams t-shirt. Mm-hmm. Now, I understand that's the word on the street is the KMEL Jams.

I understand it's the people's station. Hey, it is the people's station. Are you on KMEL yet? That's my new goal. We are working on it. We are working on it. What is KMEL? KMEL's big hip-hop station up in the Bay.

Yeah, it's one of the biggest hip-hop stations in the country, although it's suffered a little bit because it's had some tough competition the last few years. But one of the biggest hip-hop stations in the country. And at one time, when Ashkahn and I were the kind of age where you listen to a lot of commercial hip-hop radio, it was actually surprisingly committed to local programming and so on and so forth. That's kind of ebbed and flowed over the years since.

I would say, though, that since the whole kind of hyphy thing there is a definitely when i go home and i'm driving home and i turn on kmel i'm like oh i'm back home yeah exactly you're supporting the bay you're driving around listening to the hip-hop radio station in la you turn it on you're not going to hear a lot of messy marv jordan there's not going to be any big rich on there you know what and also you're not going to hear very much much local la rap either no sir you're not going to hear very much local la rap either no sir you're not going to hear there's no real support of the the scene over here they're not a lot of anything uh-uh sure julio g might play something once in a while you'll hear a lot of uh

a lot of t-pain yeah oh boy a whole lot of that uh t-pain on on the what are you gonna get one i can't even believe they still call it where hip-hop lives down here power 106 where hip-hop lives are you fucking kidding me it's like if i'm not mistaken hip-hop lives in atlanta somewhere oh man yeah it's like t-pain akon akon t-pain t-pain beyonce i hate t-pain you know what i fucking hate rappers the worst thing in the world is a hip-hopper who tries to use singing to get on the radio oh yeah let's talk about let's talk about hot tubbing and cameo um i think we can get it on there It's melodic I think we could too I intended that to be ironical Oh right because Ashkahn sings in that I was with you right before that

I thought you were going to continue pushing on the joke a little bit more I was going to really I just let it go I didn't know if anybody was there with me I didn't get that energy What are you talking about I was so high on the energy from the burrito talk. Yeah.

You know. That little crash. Man, you know who we need to get on here? There's this dude, there's this other dude who lives down here in L.A. His name is Amin. I don't know if he posts on Maximum Fun sometimes, but he's definitely, he's over on this special thing.com. I mean, I hung out with that guy before.

Man, me and that guy, you just say the word burritos. We will have a burrito talk. He's a really big fan of El Farolito, which is an excellent, that's my brother's burrito joint, the one in the OMI, Jordan, actually. Surprisingly, the one in the outer mission. Can I change the subject to a funny story? Yeah, fine.

I thought that was a pretty funny story about El Farolito. We're talking about message board guys and burritos again. Jordan, just because you didn't get the joke that it's surprising that the OMI El Farolito is better than the intermission. I don't know what any of this is. I don't know who Amin is.

I don't know what T-Pain is. I'm feeling left out. I'm like, bart bartender that was good you ever heard that song no that's t-pain oh okay well it was ashkahn technically it was ashkahn on t-pain you're gonna get one of those vocoder deals right oh for sure yeah absolutely you can see but you're not going to be like t-pain where they're just using the pitch adjustment so much because he can't sing so much that it sounds like a vocoder. You're going to be like Snoop and sing into the tube. Yeah, oh, straight up.

Yeah. So Ashkahn, you have on your, I don't know, fourth coming album, your thing that you gave me the last time you were here, you have a, like a... This is the one that's out right now. It's a mixtape. a mixtape okay so you have a con speaks louder than words mixtape and if i'm misusing the word parody please correct me but you have a parody of a justin timberlake song on there yeah what how would you describe that um how would i describe that song oh no no but what parody i'm okay to say oh yeah i think it's it's just about a parody, kind of a remake. Okay.

Kind of a reimagining. The R-rated version. The R-rated version. Like the new Hulk movie that's coming out. Sure. Just like that. Absolutely. And what's the Justin Timberlake song?

What's the So People Know? My Love. You know, it was him, T.I. My love, if I wrote you a symphony. And then you have kind of a randy version of it. If it didn't mean shit to me. There you go. Et cetera, et cetera.

Yeah. Well, it's just, you know. Yeah, yeah. The original Justin Timberlake song is so ridiculous, kind of sappy. Kind of castrated. Yeah, just like kind of empty love statements in there. And then, you know i turned it into something a little bit realer you can listen to it on myspace if you want sure sure

anyways i i i heard this delightful totally made me want to fuck listening to the song you're right um you said that you mean fuck ashkahn anything yeah it's okay inanimate objects you can be honest just the general urge to fuck if you were around yes maybe okay i got um i had never heard the justin timberlake song before i had never heard i thought this was an original composition i thought this was an original beat an original tune um and i was in a bar uh semi recently and the justin timberlake song came on and i told the friend i was like oh my god this is my this is a friend of mine on the radio this is a fucking friend of mine on the bar i was really excited for you i'm like i went to college with this guy

and uh he's like no that's justin timberlake uh you're you're uh you're an idiot actually you know what we have you brought you were gonna doja Boy. Speaking of songs that are remakes slash commentaries, we have the Soulja Boy on here? We do have it on there. Why don't we... Do you feel like rapping? Are you ready to rap?

Yeah, I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it rap. Ashkahn will rap for everyone. I will do rap. Now it's time for rapping. Later we'll lay down.

Yeah. There you go. But honestly, if we are really going to throw this thing on right here, we just need to do a little quick shift segue because this is kind of a little serious cut right here. Okay. Well, let's talk. Do you want to do what's called VH1 storytellers on this?

Yeah. Let's get quiet. Mm-hmm. Well, after your daughter died, you wrote this song. Your son, excuse me. He fell out of the window. Yeah.

Sorry, Eric. Sorry, you fell out of the window. You know who listens to this show? I don't think either of you guys got that. Only two people. Oh, Eric Clapton. That was bad. That's what I was going for.

I was trying to lead into that, Ashkahn. No, we were right on the same page. That's why I corrected it when I said daughter. It's terrible of us. I feel like we're really just... We're so sarcastic right now. This is bad. This is getting bad. No, no, no. You're right. Oh, man. Okay, so let's be

sincere about this. This is a Soulja Boy song. It's about supermanning hoes. Right. Which probably means jizzing on their back while they're asleep and then sticking the sheet to them using the semen. Is that the consensus, Ashkahn? Yes, you got it right. I've actually cross-checked this, yes.

You've tried it out a few times. And yeah, it works. You've tried it out a few times. And yeah, it works. I'm more of a Marvel fan, so I Green Lanterned. Oh, shit, that's another DC character. Never mind. I was going to say I Green Lanterned that, but it's enough.

Jordan, I'm more of a Marvel fan. I could help you. I've been playing a lot of Marvel Ultimate Alliance, but I'm not going to. Okay. Oh, I Fantastic Four'd that hoe. There you go. That's good. Can we think of another one? You got one, Jason? No, we're being serious right now.

I'm more of a Dark Horse comics fan, so I spawned... What is that? That's Image Comics. I just got Iron Man'd that hoe. That'll do it. Give it to her hard. I Jimmy Corrigan'd that hoe that'll do it you know give it to her hard i jimmy corrigan that hoe it's a little that's why you just instead of having sex you just stay home and cry

anyways ash khan i'll go lobo on a bitch so you wrote so so you're telling me you wrote this song after hurricane katrina i love you ladies. I'm just being silly. Okay. So this is a song that is, you know, regardless of what you think of it, it's the most banal record in history. I, you know, I have mixed feelings on the original. What does banal mean? Banal means it's just mundane, kind of without content. Right. Is how I intended to. No, I think that's kind of true.

What I kind of like about the original Soulja Boy song is just how it's almost bizarre. Like, because he's really just on one. Like, for example i you know like that mims song this is why i'm hot yeah you guys remember that that to me that is really one of maybe the worst song ever because what you got with that song is it was just so saying this is why i'm and it was so formulaic like i could definitely picture myself if i wanted to try to write a hot song going home and writing This Is Why I'm Hot. However, I would never... Have you heard the new song, I'ma Do Me? I feel

that way about that song, I'ma Do Me song. Oh, no, I haven't heard that one. Yeah, it's a new Jermaine Dupri produced record. My friend PZ was going to do song, I'ma Do Me. I thought it was a good idea. I was going to get on it with them. Yeah, well, too late. I'ma Do Me is already, it's blazing up the charts yeah i saw it on 106 in park while i was working out um can i just finish this one little thing was was just that uh but the soldier boy song i could sit i would never in a million years be able to come up with that stuff i can never write that the chorus is totally absurd you know like and it's even a weird rhythm and it's's kind of long. Sub your boy up in there.

Oh, watch me crank and watch me roll. Watch me crank that Superman. Now watch me, you crank. It's like, what are you talking about? What's even going on? There's almost an element of soul in his performance, which I respect. He's 16, 17 years old, produced the record himself on his home computer. That's kind of neat.

He worked for it. It's got a cool dance that everybody does you know i like that little dance but but but but there is a but but all in all it is i i like the idea of taking this song that it was you know a big number one record uh and doing something a little bit more serious to it because when it did come down to it it was essentially a nonsense song, kind of pretty ridiculous, and kind of like the Hot Tub song. Right. So to set the record straight, I want to hit them with a little something real.

You can drop that beat now whenever you're ready. I'm going to maybe back off this microphone a little bit, make sure our levels are good. It's a good way to get the beat up a little more in the phones, the headphones. This is for the troops. I'm gonna be pretty loud here. 50 years approaching since the war in Vietnam started.

And here we are six years after bombing. Afghanistan looking for Osama Bin Laden And he's still dropping videos every so often Next stop, Operation Iraqi Freedom And our nation's still bleeding from that And who's eating all that? None other than our born-again leader Mr. X, crackhead of the pack

And that's a fact You do reading and you'll see we've all been duped it's time to bring home the troops but it's up to you to make it happen if you start taking action asking questions instead of taking directions and start attacking the system it's been attacking these innocent victims ever since its inception a nation of killers since the beginning when we was raping and pillaging so-called Indians And taking Africans out their villages and filling them up in loads And I hope for the sake of the children that we won't continue driving this road

It's getting lonely, boy We told you once, told you twice, told you angry, told you nice How many different ways do we gotta say that we don't support this war? And so on and so forth, yelling till I'm hoarse. Of course, we support the troops, but not the use of excessive force. It's time to bring them home like Manny with Runner's Zone. How many got friends and family members just dead and gone? I got family, can they run?

And I'm not trying to see the next round of bombs dropped on my mom's mom. So the rest of y'all go on and crank that soldier boy But I'll be on some real shit, hope y'all feel it cause I speak The true soldier boy left his home cause he had nothing to call his own Couldn't afford no college loan, now he overseas feeling so alone The truth, bring back that soldier boy Bring back that soldier boy Bring back that soldier boy Bring back that soldier boy Soldier boy that soldier boy Bring back that soldier boy

Soldier boy went to sea Tried to be all he could be But acting like you Superman Can sit you down like Chris Reeves Bring back that soldier boy Bring back that soldier boy Bring back that soldier boy Bring back that soldier boy

Soldier boy's on the clock Watch him lean, watch him drop Someone make the bleeding stop Time for us to leave iraq obama 08 not to you know politically affiliate the show yeah those are just the views of ash and for and for for people for people you know listening who's everybody but us right um thank you for the f thank you for thank you

for performing that by the way hey you performed that thank you i was concerned that that was the neighbors uh hitting a uh broom handle on the ceiling actually it, it was Ashkahn doing an exciting rap stomp. Very exciting. Oh, yeah. We'll have, Ashkahn's going to do another song. We got a lot of calls to take, a lot of exciting stuff coming up

on Jordan, Jesse, Go. We'll be back in just a second. It's Jordan, Jesse, Go. Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. With us, Ashk la, la, la, la. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. With us, Ashkahn, the Persian R. Kelly. You might know him as R. Curry. Yadda to me, yadda to me, oh.

Oh. Yes. Okay. Jordan, the sponsor of Jordan Jesse Goh, a little website called IWantToSeeThat.com. Here's how it works, Jordan. Let's little website called IWantToSeeThat.com. Here's how it works, Jordan. Let's say you or I want to attend a film.

We click it on the website. Clickety-clack, click, click, click. There's boxes. You'll see boxes of all the movies currently playing in theaters, and it's pretty good about having smaller movies, too. I guess we should add. Yeah, sure. Ashkahn, are you friends with us? Would you say that you're friends with us? Absolutely. What we'll do is we'll have ashkahn and you live in la this

is great right exactly things are working out perfectly now you'll go on i want to see that dot com you'll take a second to make a profile you know you just have to put in your name and your email address basically okay okay and uh pain free then you'll just go on there clickety clickety click you'll tell it what movies you want to go see we already told it what movies we want to go see now guess what happens it tells all of us what movies we all want to see together so we don't go without each other and guess what jordan i've got big news yes uh a listener named kevin from san francisco california uh that's my hometown jordan sure home of the world's greatest really you haven't mentioned it he sent us this amc silver experience good for one admission pass wow and thoughtfully this film card from Landmark Theaters

so that I can go to the movies, since I so rarely go to the movies, so I can go to the movies and then talk about it on JordanJesseGo, he said. Wow. And using IWantToSeeThat.com, we will know exactly what movies to go to. That is awesome.

That's the sponsor of JordanJesseGo, IWantToSeeThat.com. I want you to go. That's the sponsor of Jordan and Jesse Go. I want to see that.com. I want you to go. It's fun. Yeah, it's fun. It's one of the funnest websites out there. It's right up there

with Brickles in terms of fun you can have on your computer. Sure. Playing Brickles. It's funner than GeoCities.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse, Go. It's Jordan, Jesse, Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. With us, Ash Kahn. How are you, Ashkahn?

Feeling good, feeling great, feeling great, feeling good. How are you? Ashkahn's mixtape called Ashkahn Speaks Louder Than Words is available for purchase right now as we speak. Yes. Your album will be available sometime in April in iTunes. What's the actual LP known as? The Final Breakthrough. We did a short run of it

about a year ago and it hasn't been available for the last few months. We're going to have a version with the Hot Tubbin' song and a little remix I did with Mr. Fab and Boots Riley from The Coup. Maybe you've heard of it. Jordan, are you familiar at all with Fabby Davis Jr.?

I don't think so. Ah, boy. I don't know what to do with this guy at this point ashkahn this whole this whole show i do with him every week i come in here i can't talk about burritos i can't talk about mr fab i can't talk about street soldiers that's great that's a great it's a wonder we have a show that's a great stick do you guys is that kind of part of the thing that you talk about stuff that he doesn't know what it is? No, not at all. It is not a shtick.

It is a nightmare that I would live with. There was one time where this guy from G4 came on. G4 is like the video game kind of geek tech network on TV. And I got to talk to this guy about Japanese fighting games. That was the only time I feel like I had sufficiently exiled Jesse from the conversation.

I go out of my way to include people in the conversation. That's how I host a podcast. Jordan, I go out of my way to exclude people from the conversation. As far as I'm concerned, that's the only way. You go out of your way to exclude one third of the people in the room yeah well not to mention 95 percent of the audience oh yeah let's not there are common we all have things in common we all went to the same college jordan we have an important topic on the table right now mid to late 20s trying to

make it in the arts jordan we got something important going on here. Yes. Sorry. It's much more important than trying to make it in the arts. It's a little something called sex dreams. Ah. Last week on the show, a caller called in to say that she, or two weeks ago on the show, I should say,

a caller called in to say that she had had a sex dream about Jordan. Oh, Jordan. And that he was gentlemanly, but not a s dream about Jordan. Oh, Jordan. And that he was gentlemanly, but not a sissy about it. Oh. I think that's about accurate. Sounds like Jordan did. Sounds like Jordan sounds a bit like. The drunk gay stuff we did in college.

We've all done a little bit of drunk gay stuff. Those few drunk gay experiences. Except that I wasn't drunk. So we asked people to call in with stories about... Can we scratch that from the tape, then? We called in to ask people to tell stories about their strangest sex dreams that they'd ever had. So here's...

And I actually don't know if this applies to any of these calls at all, but we also So here's – Hey Jordan, Jesse, go Lance from Austin R.E.B. celebrity dream, sex dreams one that's always stuck with me was Mayim Bialik Blossom the strange thing about this dream was that she was in a wheelchair at the time, hope you guys are well

bye what's the symbolism behind that? I don't know. That is a very special episode of Blossom. Yeah, amazing. Wheelchair sex. So, okay, so what? I mean, we don't need to sit and pick all of these apart.

We don't need to parse them. No, no, no. But we are licensed psychotherapists. Okay, so a young kid watching Blossom, like what does Blossom represent? Like what? Blossoming womanhood. Oh, sure, okay.

Entering from traveling from child to woman. From non-sexual to becoming a sexual being. Like the mermaids in Peter Pan represent sexuality in a world of children. Naturally. Yeah, I think in this case it represents that transition. I think it's a fair analysis that the show Blossom was about, that kind of on the cusp of child and adult, young adulthood. And I think the fact that she's in a wheelchair

represents the caller's wheelchair fetish. Oh, yeah. Represents his perversion. His sick sex brain that he has. I want to hear more about whether he was into the wheelchair in the dream. Yeah, did she take her out of the wheelchair? Or did he sit in the wheelchair? I want to know how it worked.

Yeah, me too. I want to know the logistics. Okay, now Jordan Jessigo has been really blue the last few months. Somehow we've just gotten made every episode have at least one really blue part in it. Sure. But not all of these dreams were as blue as you might expect. Take a listen to this one. Or hope.

Hi, Jordan and Jesse. This is Allison from Cincinnati. I was calling about the sex dream thing. I once had kind of the opposite. I had a dream where Brad Pitt showed up on my street, and we were hanging out, and we were getting along really great. And he hugged me and left. And then I woke up.

And I think maybe we didn't have sex because I was a virgin. That's true. Brad Pitt does not have sex with virgins. No. He's a respectable gentleman. Brad Pitt is actually maybe the best guy in the world. Yeah.

Have you heard about this, though? No. He's publicly said that he's taking a few years off from acting to just help Katrina victims. No, I don't know this guy. Recently, did he say this? Yeah, I mean, I think so.

He's just over the top with this, you know, this... Nice guy-ness? No, let me... Altruistic behavior, really. Let me ask you this. I mean, there are other handsome, cool guys in Hollywood. Hell, there are other cool, handsome guys in the movie Ocean's 13. So here's what I have to ask you. Okay, just look me in the eyes and tell me that helping Katrina victims

is better than having a pet pig that sleeps in your bed like George Clooney did for 15 years. I can't do that. Yeah, the best guy in the world is George Clooney. Case closed. Cerrado en espanol. Sorry, Mr. Pitt. However, this one, this sex dream that I'm about to play is so,

I mean, if you thought Mayim Bialik in a wheelchair was something. And I did. Get a load of this right here. Hi, this message is for Jordan Jesse Go. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. I'm calling to tell you about the doozy of a sex dream I've had. I had a sex dream about George W. Bush.

I had this dream early during his first term. In my dream, I was a prostitute on the street leaning against a brick wall. Bush and two giant bodyguards approached me. The bodyguards kept watch on either side while he paid to have sex with me as I degraded him. I said stuff about how small I was, how I couldn't feel anything,

and how he could never make me cum. This dream has definitely disturbed me because I don't like the man. I definitely don't find him attractive. But the greeting him like that was somehow really hot. And I should mention I've never had a sex dream like that before then or since then. So that's my story. Thanks. Am I right?

Was I right? Wow. Jordan Toledo. That's why I'm a broadcaster. It's stories like that that remind me of why I'm a broadcaster. Those are what they call at NPR driveway moments. Yeah. Well, that was more of a street corner moment yeah hey hey who

just you are the master of disaster man that was beautiful that was such a special moment that That was great. We all have an image in our head now forever. Yeah. Now, Jordan. Yes. Your big question here was, what would it be like if you had a sex dream about someone and then ended up having sex with them? Oh. Oh.

And I'm not talking, we're not talking here about having, you went on one or two dates with someone, but you haven't slept with them, then you have a sex dream about them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is sex dream. This is someone who you couldn't know what real sex with them would really be like. Sure. Now, Jordan, we got a call, and we got a message on the message board. I'm going to start with the call.

Okay. Okay. Hi, Jordan and Jesse. This is Doug calling from Chicago with a story of someone who I had a sex dream about and eventually did have sex with. She was the lifeguard for my local pool when I was 14. She was 16 at the time. And the pool is where I spent most of my time in the summer because it was the only place worth going that I didn't need a car for. And also the lifeguards are pretty hot.

Spent a lot of time hitting on her unfruitfully because I was 14 and therefore unfool in her eyes. But I guess I was persistent enough in a very Smalls and Wendy Peppercorn shirt away that we actually did make out twice when I was... This is a horrible call. I'm going to go. Bye. Oh, I didn't. You know what happened? He posted this story on the message board, and then I was like, oh, this is the story that he posted on the message board. I'm going to play it on the air, and I didn't listen all the way in.

I mean, all the way through. Wow. Okay, well, I'm going to... Are we going to do a dramatic reading of the rest of it? I'm going to pull it... Yes. Is it possible that maybe he stopped? I mean, I don't know.

He wouldn't have put it on the message board. Okay, so Doug Life wrote in on the... You guys know Doug Life. Doug Life. He's the guy who made the Hy-Fee remix of our theme music. No, I didn't know that that existed. Oh, it's great. I hope I'm right in remembering that existed. Oh, it's great. I hope

I'm right in remembering that Doug Life was the one who made that, because if it wasn't, I feel really bad for the person who actually did. Okay, so he made out with this girl at the pool. That's where we're picking up the story. When he was 14, he said when the summer ended, I didn't really think I'd

see her again, and the next year, she wasn't working as a lifeguard anymore. Six years later, I didn't really think I'd see her again. And the next year, she wasn't working as a lifeguard anymore. Six years later, I was home for the summer, and she'd just graduated from college. I was driving to a friend's house, and I spotted her jogging. I pulled the car— What state is this in? I don't know. I would like to know, but for some reason, this seems—

He appears to be in Chicago. Okay. So I'm only— Not to say. This is only conjecture that it would be in the Chicago area. They had made out once behind the bleachers and once parked in her car by the Pizza Hut. Mm-hmm. Okay.

Six years later, I was home for the summer. She just graduated from college. I was driving to a friend's house and I spotted her jogging. I pulled the car over two blocks ahead and walked back to meet her. She gave me her number and said to call when I turned 21 so we could go out. My birthday was three weeks away and I called her that day. We went out the next weekend while my family was at the beach. The sex didn't hold up to the dreams of a 14-year-old virgin,

but what sex could? The three reasons the sex weren't great are the same three reasons why the story is great. Number one, we did it in a field. This seemed like a romantic idea, but it's actually a whole lot of nature and bugs, and it's also tough to get a good rhythm going when you're smashing into solid ground. Number two, she worked at the Bush White House.

This killed about 50% of the remaining adolescent lust I had for one of my all-time dream girls. Wow. Worked at the Bush White House. This killed about 50% of the remaining adolescent lust I had for one of my all-time dream girls. Worked at the Bush White House. It's actually like that one season conclusion of Curb Your Enthusiasm a few years ago, you know, when Larry was allowed to... Anyway. I don't remember. I'm not caught up on that. Number three, she gave him the clap hey

he said this has been a uh this has been not and he said so he had to call one of his childhood dream girls at the bush white house and let her know that she had given him the clap. Great anti-Bush episode of Jordan, Jesse Go. I know, surprisingly so. Well, Jordan, I'm voting for Kucinich. Fair enough. I support you in that. Okay, now here's the real piece de resistance of this whole affair, Jordan.

This is a post, it was the first post this person had ever posted on the message board. Somebody named Jim Boy USMC. So I would presume he's a workout enthusiast and he's in the Marine Corps. Okay. Right? Wouldn't you say? That sounds right. Gym boy, USMC. Yeah. So the subject is sex dream come true, then in all caps, with NPR personality. Oh.

Here's the message. So I used to work out at the gym with this person, and I had a sex dream about this person and woke up very um randy i went to the neighborhood chain coffee shop and this person was there and this person was there this person and i started talking and this person asked if we could go to my place. So we did, and it was better than in my dream. Much better. Come to find out, this person is a pretty well-known mid-level local-slash-national NPR personality.

What city is this guy in? He's in Chicago, Illinois, and it has to be Peter Sagal. It might be one of those sound opinions, guys. Oh, like Jim DeRogatis, maybe? Maybe it could have been Jim DeRogatis or Greg Cott. I'm just saying. My money's on Peter Sagal all the way. All the way to the bank, Jordan.

I have Peter Sagal's email address. He did email me that one time. Do you think I should email him and ask him if he's ever done it with JimboyUSMC? Nope. No, you don't think so? That's probably not a good idea. What about the person that had the dream about Jordan? What about that person?

I want to hear it. I want to hear about the... That was a long time ago. Oh, it's not on the message board? It was a call, Ash. That was the only details they gave were the gentlemanly without being a sissy. Oh yeah, you did say that.

She didn't even know what Jordan looked like. She was having sex with the idea of Jordan. Right. That was some sort of amorphous gray blob. Yeah, and that's what's truly amazing about it. Most people can't get it up in that state, but Jordan could. I just thrust part of myself forward.

I mean, it's all kind of the same. That is incredible. Yeah. Okay, well, we'll be back in just a second. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. With us, Ashkahn, a.k.a. Ashkese. Known to friends as Ashkese, certainly. Sure, why not? Buddies will call you Ashkese. Ashkese. Ashkizzle. Ashkizzle.

Ashkizzle. Ashkizzle. Flowers for Algernon. Whatever's clever, man. Let's go back to the telephone, shall we, gang? Why not? This is a call that... Do you remember when we got a call from Federal Property recently? No.

It was two young ladies called in. Oh, sure, sure, sure. They had a dual question. And they were in the post office. They were in the post office. That's federal property, right? That's federal property. And we ask that in the future all calls be made from federal property, as I recall.

You know, just so that, you know, because we want to have the FBI to have jurisdiction over Jordan Jesse Go. And we want to make people feel like their tax dollars are going to a good cause. Yeah. If I'm not mistaken, this is the same two young ladies. I think this is supposed to mean something, but I need you guys to parse it for me. Sure, sure. I listened to it three times and I couldn't figure out what it was supposed to mean. Yes, let's play the nonsense call.

This is called the nonsense call. Hi, Jordan and Jesse. This is Laura and Denise from San Francisco. We're the Zeitgeist. And Jesse, this is for you. I think that might be different girls. Hard to say, man. I don't know what that means.

I think that's different ladies. But it's still a team of two ladies calling it at once. What do you think? Does that mean anything to you guys? No, it sounded like... They said they're in San Francisco at the Zeitgeist. Now, I think the Zeitgeist is a club that has been referenced on Jordan Jesse Go in the past by Bucky Sinister. Okay.

That's all I got so far. What was that song? It sounded like a foreign country's national anthem. It sounded like if someone was humming the New Zealand national anthem or something. Hail Britannia or something? Sure. I don't know what was going on with that. Yeah.

You know what that was? That was O Canada. Might have been O Canada. O Canada. Oh, yeah. That's what it was. Mr. Assault. I know what it was. Yeah. Mr. Assault. I know what it is.

We're about to have a hockey game. There you go. Shit. I don't know how I could have been so stupid. You're dumb. Step your game up. Hi, Jordan. This is Sarah from Massachusetts.

I had something going on in my life right now. It sort of reminded me of when Jordan was talking about his relative named Pinuel Gatewood. I just found out that one of my distant relatives from Holland is named Balthazar Spang. I'm thinking my first child will be named

Balthazar and my second child will be named Spang. Alright, thanks. Bye. Here, I have an idea. Balthazar's making out like a bandit on that one. Balthazar's stoked. He has to cruise around the house in a cape. What's Spang gonna do in that

situation? Balthazar's not only wearing a cape, he's wearing one of those capes that has a collar. You know, like a high collar. You know what I'm talking about? And like a chain across the front. Spang sounds like his crippled, likeled manservant. I have an idea to kind of even things out. Sure.

She should name her first child Balthazar Spang and her second child Barth Balthazar Spang. Yeah? Yeah. Okay, I like that. Sort of like George Foreman style. Mm-hmm. But instead of George Foreman, who's so self-obsessed,

he names every child after himself, it's this woman who's so obsessed with Balthazar Spang that she names every child after Balthazar Spang. There you go. I think that's entirely reasonable. Jordan, a popular segment on the program, probably the most popular segment on the program, is when someone calls in to ask a question about San Francisco. And I talk about a lot of really San Francisco-specific stuff. Yeah, everybody loves that. Well, guess what, Jordan? What?

Guess what, Jordan? The reviews are in, and they are glowing. Listen to this. Hey, show. This is Peter from Minneapolis, but right now I'm in San Francisco at Musee Mechanique, and it's amazing. I'm not the guy who called for advice in San Francisco at Musee Mechanique, and it's amazing. I'm not the guy who called for advice about San Francisco stuff, but I needed advice about San Francisco stuff.

And I took your advice about San Francisco stuff, and I'm blown away. I just got beat by my dad at foosball and watched a movie thing uh with the crank reel thing and it was amazing thanks bye obviously one person calling in is just you know that's just a coincidence you know what i mean like is there more of these there's like eight of these that doesn't this that doesn't make this the most popular segment in jordan jessico history right that doesn't make this the most popular segment in Jordan, Jesse, go history. Right. That doesn't make me the greatest tour guide in American history. But two calls, right? Is that where we're going? But I would say...

Two calls, there's another one. Oh, there's another one. Guy with the same thing. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. It's Nate from Chicago calling back reporting. I am at the Musée Mécanique, like you suggested, and I'm kind of freaking out.

It's incredible. I saw several women, scantily clad, in sheer jeeps, for only a quarter. It's just really fucking great. My monocle almost fell out. You know what we're doing here? Touching people's lives. Man, that music sounded great. What is this place?

This is a place. I'm from the Bay. I want to know about this place. It used to be in the Cliff House, but they've since moved it. The Cliff House booted them out, and now they're in a hangar by Pier 39. But what it is, is it's just like this huge collection of turn of the century arcade amusements whoa like everything from like little things where you put in a nickel and then like a bunch of like weird robots dance around to like

crazy like football games that are sort of like electronic table football from the 60s like every every kind of crazy ass thing to to movies where you crank roll a hand crank that is awesome get to see a naked lady oh it's the greatest thing in the world speaking of naked ladies jordan since this is the bluest jordan jesse go in what has really become a string of blue jordan jesse goes um i thought that rather than fw rather than play for example one of the two people who called in with the momentous occasion that they had their first piece of writing published, I would instead play this momentous occasion. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, go. My name is Dave.

I'm calling from Vancouver in Canada. Just calling with a momentous occasion. Maybe a little bit blue for the airwaves, but what the hell, it's important to me. My girlfriend just agreed to have a threesome with myself and another woman. It would probably be more momentous if I called after said threesome, but I'm not really the type to count my chickens before they hatch. So this is a small victory in and of itself, I think. Don't you like how he has just a really straightforward,

grounded, Canadian-type attitude about the whole thing? This doesn't sound like the kind of guy who has threesomes. He's kind of jinxing it, though. Yeah, he's jinxed it already. He kind of is jinxing it. Because, man, you can come really close to having a threesome, but to actually have one go down is tough i've learned you know the hard way you i mean i don't i mean feel free to elaborate you've had some near misses in the threesome department oh man there you know i feel like

every time i've been like 100 for sure i'm about to have a threesome like you guys like something like the like you did paperwork like yeah like there's no way i'm not having a threesome right now you're like oh fuck i forgot to get this notarized somehow everything that could possibly unravel like the ceiling caves in or something something something happens that should totally be like uh some sort of a stick on something like somebody that i don't know is that worthwhile of a whole are you saying that we should have a threesome is that what you're saying narrowly oh man no but okay so so okay so in these situations and let me know if this gets too personal i don't you know want to overstep my bounds in these situations you

you were mentally prepared to have a threesome um mentally and physically prepared so you prepared yourself mentally and then got a boner at the thought of it so let me ask you this would you say that you engorged? Would you say you were in the bone zone? No doubt, son. Okay, so how much thinking about the logistics of this whole act did you do? Because that, I've done a lot of speculating on this show as to how the secret sex party works. Man, I got a kiss. Like an orgy.

I got a... How do you wrap your brain around that? You're like, what am I going to do? Mid-threesome, what am I doing? Are you sitting there thinking, what am I going to do? What am I going to go? Sure.

Oh, man. I'm just debating whether to tell this story or not there's no question that you should tell the story ashkahn when it comes down to it oh wow oh wow or jessica tell a story about hanging out with mr bup from a message board this is good and i've always wanted there to be a little bit of get back on this and so here we go get back live on jordan jesse go it's not live right well it's live to tape it's live to tape um so there was a girl that i was seeing for a while and then uh we broke up and she moved somewhere else and things were really bad by the end of our relationship. But very, very shortly after our relationship ended, I found out that she's having threesomes. Oh, my God.

Just in general? I mean, you guys didn't have a threesome. No, we had almost had a threesome a couple of times. It was definitely something we talked about, wanting to. Never went down for whatever reason we break up after you know kind of a dwindling sex life for the last few months that you know that can happen in a bad relationship and then i find out within just a couple of months that she has engaged in i think either one or two threesomes i think with the same pairing who The same pairing.

How do you find this out? I find this straight from her. You've heard this. You hear about this kind of thing on the internet. Yeah. So I hear this straight from her. Is Googling her name and, yeah. So you guys can imagine, I'm bummed out about this, a little bit jealous, a little bit just like. Why would she tell you that?

That's what I'm saying. It's like, really? And so I'm like, well, that might be a little bit too much information you know and you know i don't know if it's her way of you know ash god remember when we were going out we always talked about that three seven you are going to laugh listen to this exactly so so as it as it goes i'm so i'm like man you know i don't even know that you should be telling me that you know it's kind of serious and then she's like well you know I'd rather it was with you. That's what she says.

So she's telling me about this her and her friend that are now messing around. And they've been hooking up with the girl's guy that she, I don't know. It's a mess. The threesomes are just a mess. Right. Anyhow, so. That's why you need to have a three way. So she says, threesome.

So she says, you know, I'd much rather it be so she comes back into town oh you know we're recently broken up it's not that far-fetched that this could go down so she comes back into town she's with her friend that the threesome you know this is the threesome the threesome friend exactly i go friend that will have the threesome with this is good stuff this This is good stuff. So I go through all this trouble. Just ridiculous. I'm like, okay. You've got the candles. It's damn near planned, right?

It's overly planned. And it's just so for sure. Even the friend knows that she kind of came to town with her to have a threesome with me. Right. And I'm into it. I'm like, hey, let's do it, obviously. And we're having this little hangout at my house and i actually the threesome friend had mentioned that one of my

friends was cute yeah we had hung out just like a break-in night a couple of nights before we're like we're gonna hang out but the actual threesome is gonna happen on saturday or whatever sure so so we hang out and while we're hanging out she you know she had mentioned that one of my friends was kind of you-looking or whatever. So I even – You got good-looking friends? Look at these two fellas. Sure.

That's what I'm saying. So I make a point to actually call him. I say, hey, man, look, this girl, I know you're probably looking to get something. She's cute and whatever. But I think there's a pretty – pretty much there's a threesome going down is what the deal is unless you show up then it's no he's gonna be there but i'm like if you can like i'd appreciate you not you know trying to you know touch your penis together you know touch the thingies so he's like oh dude no problem like no worries like i totally feel you man whatever you know i'm like okay great so this guy sounds like an asshole so to me so that

so the uh i don't trust him past the end of my nose to tell you the truth he's talking about the the me character in this story yeah i am actually now that i think about it i'm talking about every character in this entire story it's horrible yeah oh man i can't believe i'm telling this how many listeners do you guys have a few thousand okay oh this is good um so so the stage said i have a small gathering at my house with some of my friends the plan is basically gonna have a little little hangout hang out do a little partying after people take off they're you know you know whatever we're hanging out maybe exactly so rashahn already told this guy there's not going to be... Oh, cocktail.

Yeah, go ahead. So my ex is getting, like, really hammered at a really rapid rate to the point that it's worrying me. And this is why I said, like, the moments right before potential threesome are really intense because you're just, like, you want everything to be going right and you're lighting the candles. You're lighting the candles. You're lighting the incense. What's going on there?

You've got Ignition Remix playing on the radio. So what's going on? Fishing hard at the kitchen, baby, rolling that body. Cut off Manny and Huwishin. Sipping on Coke and rum. So what's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What you're telling me, Ashkahn, what you're telling me here is that you've got food everywhere as if the party was catered.

Exactly. As if it was catered. Go ahead, Jordan. Sorry, continue. And after the party is the after party. Right. And that's true. So that's what I was thinking.

So you're in some sort of pre-threesome zone. And I'm starting to worry because the ex is getting really hammered. And I'm like, she's not even maybe be able to participate at this rate. So I'm trying to kind of contain her. And then like, have a little water. Let's get something to eat. Exactly. Have some brown bread.

Exactly. You might want to slow down a little bit on that vodka why why what are you talking about and then i have to worry like well i don't want to get into a fight yeah you know so it's kind of i had to walk okay sure have another okay but just you know i'm just never mind yeah you know so so it's high stakes anyhow um as the night proceeds you know uh things are i start feeling like they're probably feeling like they're going well. They're going in the right direction. Things are jamming.

Give me a little... Right. Can you guys give me that? Sure, I'll do it. So the party's just feeling good, right? The vibe's right. Everybody's buzzing. People are starting to leave slowly.

And I can see that threesome right in my grass. And as I go around the corner to have a quick moment by myself, before the shit goes down, I go around the corner, cut the music, to see my ex-girl and the dude that i had warned not to get with the other friend hooking up in my closet in my goddamn closet but this is honestly i know this story is getting too long now i know the story's getting and then not even then the midget comes in and the pastor and the nosy neighbor. Yeah.

And then she takes off her wig, but she has similar hair under the wig. This is the funniest part on my part. I'm so ridiculous at this point because obviously my initial instinct is to punch my friend in the face. Like, what the hell are you doing? And get really mad. But I actually am so worked up for the idea of the threesome happening that I decided I don't want to just end it right here

by throwing a shit fit and just going crazy. I'm going to just play this off like a just random 60s free love makeout that just happened. Clearly, like, it's not a big deal. Clearly, this could not really be, you know, whatever. So I play it like it's not a big deal clearly this could not really be you know whatever yeah so i play it like a party at this point you're at a sex party exactly so i play it totally cool they they're looking at me like deer in headlights like they're

in such big trouble and i'm like hey honestly you guys are tripping but it's it's okay it's not a big deal you know come on man you know and then i kind of dragged him into the bathroom a little bit i'm like look what the fuck are you doing come on come on you can't be doing this i'm look we're supposed to be touching dicks right man your twosome can't interrupt my threesome so so i'm you know i'm like come on now you can't and he's like my bad my bad dude you know he's really really hammered i don't know even what's going on i can't believe and i'm like it's not a big deal so then uh then uh he's about to leave and you know everyone's kind of clearing out now i don't know that everybody knows what had happened it was it

was happened around the corner anyhow so my friend's leaving but then and then my ex like feels like it's awkward for him to just leave on that note like they need to like have some quick saying of something like anyway that just turns into her following him out and making out with him in the street for a very long time honestly like they go i saw i guess i wasn't hard enough on it yeah they decided like hey he doesn't really care let's just get it on on the street. So it actually ends up being this unbelievable, awkward hour of just me and the would-be threesome girl sitting there waiting around for her to come back in what we thought was going to be like a quick moment. And now they're not answering their phone. And then I have to go outside.

And ultimately, after a long enough time, I go outside. I'm like, what the hell are you guys doing? At this point, I had to be kind of mad. I can't believe this shit. But then I still, I'm like, I've went this long. Maybe I can just have a little frustration threesome right now. At this point, you still think the threesome is a possibility. Yeah, what's amazing is that I still think that. You haven't let go. I haven't let go. It's like- You thought there's just not enough candles. Your eyes were on the prize.

Honestly, it's kind of like the Hot Tubbin' song. Okay, yeah. So I'm still, despite all of this... At the end of the song, you get into a hot tub. You've already said jacuzzi, but now you're going for ooze, ooze. Right, right, right. So instead of getting... Like, I should be...

I mean, I was fuming at her. I was basically thinking about how upset. I mean, it was a betrayal. It was really upsetting what was going down here. Like, this is one of my best friends. How dare your ex-girlfriend. A serious ex-girlfriend and one of my best friends, you know. And it was just in such poor taste.

But anyhow. That's a good point. You're a classy gentleman. You're trying to throw a classy threesome party your monocle fell out of your eye as we heard earlier so for christ's sake i i your dickie flapped up you were so she comes back in she comes back you spilled your drink on your spats. Absolutely. Absolutely. So she comes back in, and I'm still thinking maybe after all this, maybe now we're going to have a threesome. But she just immediately passes out, like immediately goes on the couch and passes out, not even to be moved.

Me and threesome girl end up kind of spitefully hooking up all night. It was really fun. Spitefully. Just like, yeah, we hook up. And then she has this awkward moment of waking up and not really remembering the night before and i'm just with threesome girl and we all went out to breakfast and i can't believe i just told what'd you have for breakfast we all went to breakfast together me her and threesome and uh did you were you thinking depending on how good this breakfast burrito is maybe i still might if i pick up the check

if i'm funny to the waiter oh man that was that story too much was that over the time not at all are you are you still comfortable are you still comfortable closing out our show with a rap that's the real question most definitely okay what's this what's this rap song going to be? This song is called Hey Keezy Hey Keezy, that's you That is me And it comes from the final Breakthrough record This song actually features Some students that I had in Oakland

When I was working as a tutor And a substitute teacher In the Oakland schools for a while And I had the idea From the first time I heard this track, I want to get kids singing on it. I got these kids to sign permission slips. We did it after school.

It was amazing. They loved the whole thing. They were so happy. And anyway, they sound beautiful. And it's basically a song about leaving the town you grew up in to go and pursue your dream or whatever it is you want to do. 25 years of my life have passed by and they've been priceless. grew up in to go and pursue your dream or whatever it is you want to do. One, two, three. Twenty-five years of my life have passed by and they've been priceless.

Actually not because every night is five on the liquor and five on the food. I got to move quick. I'm tired of paying dues. I need some new scenery soon. And though I miss my hometown, I know that it's time for me to go now. Roll down the window and slow down the car. It's missing Mr. Keoughh when they walking by the park. I spark my first J there.

Hit my first hey there. Thinking back to Little League and all the games I played there. Hey there, Esther, tell Ian I'ma miss him. I'm coming back soon, but for now I'm on a mission. To carry the cross and bear the burden of the ring. I won't stop at no cost. I won't quit for anything. Been sinking down the drain in the town that I came from.

It's time to take aim at the game and make some of my name No one's to blame but myself and this life of fat blunts And months of bad health, but I'm changing Turning the page, opening up a new chapter The one with me is full-time rapper, part-time actor With the swagger of a king, won't stop till I get me a ring And then I come back home That's my name See and then I come back home That's my name See you when you come back home

Come back home Hey GZ Don't they sound so beautiful? See you when you come back home Come on, let's go It's been a long time coming but I've finally been summoned So goodbye everyone, I gotta run to the summit and just jump in Let's go by the liquor store where they used to always let me buy. I can't help but think about how time flies and how I miss living with a finger to the sky.

But my time is now. It's my time to rise. So as I leave this town, I don't want to hear you cry. Because I'm just trying to win this prize for y'all. So when the door falls down, we'll be rising tall. And as I sing this song, know tomorrow I'll be gone. Till then, let me hear you sing along. Hey, TV.

Yeah, that's my name. Come on. See you when you come back home. Come back home. Hey, Keezy. That's my name. See you when you come back home. Come back home.

When I return, the blood's gonna burn longer. Cause once I earn stronger funds, y'all are the ones I'ma honor. And I put that on my moms and father. Hold on, y'all. Karma's coming round the corner. That's for my dogs and the ones feeling hunger. With no homes every year waiting for summer. Cause once I make it, y'all, the wait is over.

Take you straight off the slums and off to the Bahamas. No hummers for me if my peoples ain't eating. I don't know why that's so hard to see. I find it so hard to believe that so many MCs get rich and buy another SUV. And I ain't even from the streets. But I've seen enough to know that there's grown men sleeping on the concrete. So Ash Khan gonna speak for the meek. Till everybody gets a little peace.

Ride with me Ash Ashkiese. Yeah, that's my name. What? Come on. When I come back home. When I come back home. Yeah, you know that that's my name. Yeah. See you when you come back home.

When I come back home. Hey, Kiese. Hey, Kiese. Hey, Kiese. Think we can just let the kids ride out there? When I come back home. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. I think we can just let the kids ride out there. See you when you come back home. See you when you come back home. See y'all when I come back home.

Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy.

Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy.

Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy.

Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy.

Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy.

Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy.

Take it easy. Take it easy. Thank you. Thank you. Ash Khan. Thank you. Ash Khan. Blessing the microphone. Thankapper Ashkahn. Thank you. Ashkahn, blessing the microphone.

Thank you very much. Here at Sound of Young America World Headquarters. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you that. It presumes that your first name is Ash and your last name is Kahn, which is incorrect. Yeah. But I'm going to call him Mr. Kahn. Jordan, you don't like that? King Kahn? King Kahn? Sure. Mr. Dan, anything you say.

Yes. Oh, man. Ash Kahn's great mixtape, which includes some of the music you heard today and Hot Tubbin', which you can get from Ashkahn's last appearance. Also, link it up. I'll link it up on the message board because we have a special download of Ashkahn's live on Jordan Jesse Go version of Hot Tubbin' if you haven't yet heard Hot Tubbin'. Or you can go to the YouTube and type in Hot Tubbin', Or you can just buy his mixtape and get it on there. Ashkahn's on the MySpace. MySpace.com slash Ashkahn1.

A-S-H-K-O-N number one. Yes. Which you are. Yes, yes. Oh, hey, thank you. Who's the Ashkahn that made you have to add the one? Some bastard. Yeah, fuck that guy.

One other thing. Yeah, fuck that guy. One other thing. Yeah, sure. Spit it out. Hopefully, if we can make this happen, the Hot Tubbin' song should be available on iTunes very, very shortly. Very, very shortly. We weren't expecting the whole internet phenomenon thing. And we had had it mailed in, ready to basically come up in the next week or so.

Right. We didn't realize that those few days would end up being so crucial yeah but it will be up it will be up on itunes as will the final breakthrough album uh probably before the end of april so seriously folks get your 99 cents on and support our man ash kesey why not i say you send in what's the cd cost the mixtape costs like eight dollars right the mixtape is like $8, right? The mixtape is like $8. $7, $8, yeah. It's about 25 tracks. There's a lot of fun stuff on there.

It's absolutely, it's not half-ass bullshit. I have it and listen to it in my car all the time. It's not a crappy bullshit, half-assy type mixtape. This is a high-quality type production that you've put together. Yeah, I'm pretty proud of that mixtape. It's some cool cover art as well. Working with the Cali Untouchable DJs, a reputable DJ crew.

This is just not some bullshit down on the corner. Questionable behavior on disc. This is worth your $8. Do we have any special action items this week, Jordan? No, I know. know endanger your health by leaving a steak uh uncovered in your refrigerator let food spoil then eat it yeah absolutely um anyway

our milk curd our theme music is um uh by the free design courtesy of light in the attic records you know a listener sent me just this week, or sent us, I should say, a link to a commercial that apparently is all the rage in Norway right now, scored to the free design. Really? Yeah, Love You is the music of the commercial.

In this commercial, a young Norwegian boy has a roll of candy treats, and two bullies come and try and take his candy treats. He takes a look at them. He takes a look at his treats. He takes a look at the bullies, and he decides to run. He's not giving up the treats. He runs until he meets two even bigger boys.

Oh, boy. They scare off the bullies. Thank God our candy treats are saved, right? Does everyone share the treats? Right, Jordan? Oh, wrong. Something else happens. Those guys decide they want the treats. Oh, boy. The kid recognizes it, and he bolts. That's the story of the commercial. It's a powerful story about a boy and his candy treats. A boy and failing. Yeah, yeah exactly he's got nothing to worry about they have an amazing social they have a social safety net in that country

you would not believe norway i gotta confess i kind of missed that whole story i was thinking about my frustration about the missed threesome and on that note we'll see you next week on jordan jesse yep threesome. And on that note, we'll see you next week on Jordan, Jesse, and Ben. Yep. Yada, da, be, no. At the Warriors game, friends and family, free sausages, snuck in Jimmy Bean. Warriors won the game, 127-119. Called my homie up, said, y'all, what's happening? He said, there's a party going down on the west side.

What you gonna do? You should come on through. Say, yeah, that sounds all right. Oh, yeah, he said. Just one more thing, he said. You better bring a couple girls, because it's a sausage fest. God damn it. All right, I'll see what I can do Whatever it takes to do

What you know that I wanna do Hot tubbing on the late night Yadda da mean, yadda da mean, yadda da mean Oh, oh Hot tubbing on the late night Yadda da mean, yadda da mean, yadda da mean. Oh, at the sausage fest, wasn't having fun. Not enough buns, not enough huns, wasn't gonna get none.

So I had to go to the liquor store and get a 4-0 before the store closed. Oh, nice but, but her teeth was busted. Wasn't for me, yada da mean, no. What am I gonna go? Where am I gonna do? All I wanna do is find a place to get into a hot tub. Hot tubbing on the late night. Yada da mean, yada da da mean, yadda da mean.

Oh, oh, hot tubbing on the late night. Yadda da mean, yadda da mean, yadda da mean. Oh, got my cell phone out. I started making calls. Unlimited nights and weekends got me calling all my bros. Hey girl, what you doing right now? I got an idea that you can't turn down. What's the big idea?

She said, what are you talking about? I told her, grab a couple towels. You're about to find out. What about Stacy? We was gonna watch a movie. We can break a long Stacy. We can all jump in a hot jacuzzi. Now all three of us cruising, looking for a place to do this. But where we gonna find the jacuzzi? I pulled into the Motel 6. It's after pool hour, so we hop in the fence. It's after pool hours so we hop in the fence First I take my shoes off then I'm dropping my pants

Turn the bubbles up and get in time to romance Hot tubbing on the late night Yadda da mean, yadda da mean, yadda da mean Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Hot tubbing on the late night Yadda da mean, yad-mean, yadda-da-mean, yadda-da-mean Oh, bubbly, bubbly, bop Bubbly, bubbly, bop

Bubbly, bubbly, bop I'm finally in a hot tub Hot tubbing on the late night Yadda-da-mean, Jesse