Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 562: Pleasant Taint with Brendan Hay

Episode Date: December 18, 2018

Brendan Hay (Harvey Street Kids, Dawn of the Croods) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the european soccer player villain in Cliffhanger who kicks people off the mountain, Brendan's desire to expand the roster of his new Netflix show based on Harvey Street characters to Casper, Richie Rich, and ultimately Baby Huey, and Jesse's deconstruction of the song Word Up by Cameo and how it cannot be about anything but a disfigured penis. Plus, Jordan asks an important question: is the culture more horny for Santa than usual this year?

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Welcome to the program, America. Even you, Utah. Nebraska, have a seat. That's the one. No caffeine in this.

So Mormons can enjoy. I have a question. Yeah. Did you ever have to memorize the state capitals? Yes. I mean, I think I had to. I think I did not. I was asked to.

I was assigned memorize. I still don't know what shapes the states are. I am terrified at maybe there would be some oblong. Yeah, there would be Hideout, if you will, where we hide out from the other countries. Don't tell them we're here. Yeah. I was in middle school. I had to memorize every country. But I don't think I had to memorize. All countries?

Yeah. Every country. That seems like too much. It is too much. It's too much to ask of a child. There's two Koreas. But I think it speaks. They're different in some way. I don't know. It's too much to ask of a child. There's two Koreas. But I think it speaks. They're different in some way.

I don't know. It speaks to a fundamental problem with the American educational system, which is that our priorities are misplaced right from the very start. If you think, what is the building block on which all American education is built? What is the building block on which all American education is built? The answer to that is what sounds do animals make? Oh, sure. Yeah, that is a big part of early education. That's not – It's a barnyard.

That's not an important piece of information. Sure. It's not something that you need to – you don't – like it's not like, well, you got to have calculus one to do calculus two. There's no barnyard sounds two. Yeah. It's unlikely. You go to C sounds.

It's unlikely that it's- Did you not make it to C sounds, Jesse? Oh, no. What sound does the humpback whale make, Jordan? That's perfect, by the way. I was as good at C sounds as I was bad at state capitals. So maybe this little rant of yours is born of being self-conscious that you never made it out of barnyard and into sea. Yeah, I guess so.

You want to go back to school, do a Billy Madison kind of thing? No, then I wouldn't have my signature rants. That's true. You can sell your signature pants. And your signature aunts. Your That's true. You can sell your signature pants. And your signature aunts. Your mom's sisters. Talking about Aunt Debbie?

Yes. Love Debbie. She's great. She's good in everything. Christmas. She's good in that. I have a question, Jordan. Please. Should we introduce our guest? I would love to. Our guest on the program is a celebrated

television comedy writer. He's written for programs including, but not limited to, The Daily Show, The Simpsons Family, and most recently, executive producer and showrunner of Harvey Street Kids on the Netflix streaming video platform.

His name, ladies and gentlemen, Brendan Hay. Hi, guys. Hi, Brendan. Nice of you to introduce yourself to me the other day, by the way. Yeah. Very awkwardly at the end of a party as you were walking out. I figured it was the perfect time. Ooh, you guys have been socializing?

Dish. How was it? Delightful? Not as good as I remembered. Oh. Yeah, I hadn't socialized in a couple years. Oh, yeah, kind of a letdown? I kind of built it up in my head. Yeah, like Caddyshack.

This is going to be great. You think it's going to be funny. There was a whole lot more boat chasing in our socializing, so that's, yeah, much like Caddyshack. Oh, sure. Our friend Elliot Kalin from the Flophouse had a small gathering at his home for his birthday, kind of a last-minute birthday gathering.

Fun way to know I wasn't invited. Sorry. If there are bombs you want to drop on me. We'll get you invited next time. Well, thanks. You know what? I don't want to be invited. Okay.

I don't want to. That's good. The next bomb was actually, Elliot said, not next year either. Oh, wow. There's an opening in 2022. Okay. If I play my cards right and really sidle up to Elliot. We watched Elliot's favorite movie, The Taking of Pelham 123.

Really? This was in all ways a middle school birthday party. Oh, sure, yeah. And what I liked about it is it's rare to know someone who can get away with not only just inviting people over to watch his favorite movie for his birthday uh but also uh offering like a an american movie classic style uh spoken word introduction at the top where he stands in front of the television right between the audience and the television and introduces his favorite movie but But the reality of the situation, Jordan, is there are two facts that cannot be overcome in my description of this.

One of them is The Taking of Pelham 1, 2, 3 is a fucking great movie. And so who wouldn't want to watch it? Any chance. Totally great. It's a fucking delight top to bottom. Number two,

fucking Elliot Kalin is great at introducing it. No, he should be doing that. Yeah, and so he is fully qualified. Thanks for salting this. I wasn't invited, Wound. Jesus Christ. Sounds like it was like a... He gives you fun facts.

He sets the mood, some context about New York City in 1972. Sounds great. No. If it makes you feel better, he's got a smallish television well yeah probably too small for a big gathering

it really yeah okay so I would have been squinting the whole time yeah okay so I was probably better off

yeah we were squished it was good you know home alone yeah but not squinting you had space and no squinting yeah

it was a pretty solid snack selection very yeah fuck come on guys I was just starting to feel better I did I had stomach trouble the next day.

Okay, so. And we had to be quiet so we didn't wake up the baby. Okay, so. Oh, did I mention we were fucking? Oh, boy, guys. This has been such a roller coaster. Every time I think I've become okay with this. You salt the wound

yet again. This is... Yeah, we greased up and went to pound town. I mean, you watch Walter Matthau in the 1970s without fucking.

Yeah, exactly. Everyone's hard, moist, et cetera. A little Robert Shore, too. I mean, it's a natural loop. How about a little dusting of one Jerry Stiller? Maybe a couple of scenes that are

racist in hindsight. Yeah. A couple of those. But still, man, well, it sounds like a fucking blast. And then at the end of it, I awkwardly introduced myself as, I think I'm going to be on your show soon. I was very grateful. That sounds fun.

It was very fun. Well, you know, now I guess I'm now I know who not to invite when I do my birthday this year where I do an elaborate intro for Cliffhanger. The Sylvester Stallone mountain climbing film. I hope you have a good Michael Rooker anecdote.

I have enough time to get one. My birthday's in May, so I've got a couple of months to get a Rooker anecdote. Let's see the training montage. Does he play the soccer villain? There's like a soccer villain in that. No, he's the one who I think ends up, spoiler, killing the soccer villain. He's like the Stallone buddy who's kind of angry at Stallone because Stallone let his girlfriend die.

I'm working from seeing this in a theater in 1993, but I'm pretty sure that's correct. Yeah, I'm working for it. I've actually never seen it. I only saw the cut scenes in the Sega CD video game, which was one of the first video games with full motion cut scenes. Jordan tries to focus on the really

important films in the Stallone oeuvre. Sure. Demolition Man, primarily. Demolition Man. Wow, that's really old, yeah. And of course, Over the Top. I do have seen Cliffhanger. I do remember something. I have seen Cliffhanger. I do remember something about that. There's a great like, you know, it's in the in in the time when those action movies had to be super jingoistic.

And there's like a a villainous European soccer player who is like as part of the bad guys kill team. And he like how he wears cleats on the mission and like just is there to kick people. Yeah. He uses his soccer skills there to kick people. Yeah. He uses his soccer skills to kick people in the face. No, his actual finishing move that ends up, I think, eventually leading to his doom was he kicks people off the mountain. There is something like it's like, oh, as you're hanging there, he comes charging at you with a cleat. As they were a soccer ball.

Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. It's a good finishing move. That's like that scene in Gymkata where he's in the village of the crazies and he gets cornered and then there's a pommel horse there. This is like that, but you need less gear, I guess. Yeah. You don't have to study Gymkata.

Yeah, you don't need gymnastic skills or karate kills because you've got soccer kills. Brendan, can I ask a question about your television show Harvey Street Kids? Please. So this is a – I've watched a few Harvey Street Kids, even though I have no children. I have no children and also not a lot going on. It's a really, really funny show that I think, you know, even if you're a childless animation fan, you would enjoy.

But the characters in it, they are, like, from the world of Harvey Comics? Yeah, about two-thirds of them actually are, like, updated from the 1950s or, yeah, 1950s, even some earlier, I think, Harvey Comics characters like Little Dot, Little Audrey, Little Lotta, that sort of thing. And could you – was there talk of involving other – like can Richie Rich in theory come into your show? Totally. We are canonical for Harvey Street or Harvey Comics. It is basically the fun thing of what does DreamWorks

want to give us permission to play with? Sure. So, you know, we are pounding on the doors to get Baby Huey. I was going to ask

about Baby Huey. That is the show's dream of let us just have a violent man-child duck. Oh, I just assumed you meant Baby Huey, the late 1960s Curtis Mayfield protege. The psychedelic soul legend.

Yeah, yeah, who dressed up as a duck and went to town. Really went to town. So they really grease up in this show. Wow. Yeah, I figured that's what's stupid. What are the Harvey Comics characters that I would know?

Richie Rich. It's Richie Rich and Casper. Then you drop a whole lot of notoriety. You might have your Casper, the famous mattress. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The dead boy mattress. Got it. And then you have Wendy the Witch and Hot Stuff and Baby Huey I feel like they're maybe mid-tier and then the Harvey girls were a little more lower tier Is Hot Stuff a little pokey devil? Yeah, that guy Okay

Yep, exactly Got it A little like horny devil in a diaper Got it Was he horny? I can't tell just every expression on his face Yeah, I mean the literal part

but it's a lot of those characters the way they're drawn yeah, a little bit both ways Sure Yeah Yeah, then you got to the Harvey kids and after that it got even more obscure It's a lot of those characters, the way they're drawn, a little bit both ways. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Then you got to the Harvey kids. And after that, it got even more obscure of like Timmy Time or something.

That was like a time traveling kid and just stuff like that. A lot of alliteration. Joey Jump. I don't know. He likes to jump. Yeah. And then Booster Gold. Made Her Money.

Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Did you already know this comic world before you came to this work? Not at all. This was a – I absolutely love the show. It's been one of the best gigs I ever had. And it also was totally one, hey, we're doing this project.

Do you have any interest? So I – yeah, no idea at all of – I'm more of a superhero comics guy. I can go deep on Marvel. Not so much on Harvey Comics. So I got a little learning here. We had a friend, Ian Brill, a longtime listener. Yeah. He was the editor of like all the Darkwing Duck comic books or something.

Like he worked for a comic book company. Over at Boom, yeah. That just specialized at the time in licensing a character. No one else cared about it and making comic books of it. I feel like that is like an exciting prospect. Yeah. To get an abandoned character and get to do things. Oh, absolutely.

Because it is one of those things like before this I worked on some properties where it's like, like oh people really have like an active passion about these characters so here was like no pretty much do whatever you want as long as you make something of it have fun so uh it was cool just don't change the boys into girls yeah actually that will ruin my childhood there you go oh yeah no we did have uh one adult uh who has been a fan i I believe he said, since 2006. So he kind of knows this stuff and was very, very upset that we didn't switch genders, but we did switch races. And he wanted to clarify he's not a racist. He's just a really, really serious fan. Sure.

Yeah. Here's my question, Brendan. question, Brendan. What happened late in the second Bush administration that led him to escape into the world of Harvey Comics? He's like, it's 2006. The time has come.

I assumed he was just keeping a very thorough book of everything he ever wanted to read one day and just got to the letter H. Sure, yeah. Okay. The entire back catalog. Finally took care of remembrances of things past. Now it's time for a tear-ass. Well, I sure enjoyed every Bazooka Joe comic.

Hey, you know what? If someone wants a new hot new take on Bazooka Joe, I'd love to. Can I tell you something about Bazooka Joe that I learned recently? Please, what? Bazooka Joe. Oh, I just want to point out, in my version, he will have to be white. Sorry. Sorry.

I won't. Again, not a racist. You just, you're a fan. I'm not racist. I just, I think it should be pure. Jughead is Blasian, though. Yes, Jughead is Blasian. And Mort is a sentient gas.

Oh, wow. All right. So here's something. I genuinely have fond remembrances of Bazooka Joe. Yeah. Because I think there was a newsstand between my house where I grew up and the BART station, the subway station, on 16th Street in San Francisco where my mom would allow me to get a bazooka bubble gum. If she was with me, we would go in and whatever it cost, a dime or a quarter

or something like that, I could get a bazooka bubble gum. And so I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. I don't think I ever enjoyed the comics. No, but you did love what Confucius say. You were a fan of that, right? And you learned how to put your feet up in the air. I learned recently. I think it came up on Judge John Hodgman or something.

Bazooka Bubblegum no longer has Bazooka Joe comics in it. Wait, really? Yeah. It has inserts, but they have like fun facts. Hmm. Fun facts. Sorry, that's Snapple's thing, Bazooka? I know. Tell me about it. Yeah.. Sorry, that Snapples thing, Bazooka? I know.

Tell me about it. Yeah. Tell it to the Snapple lady. Although Snapple lady versus Bazooka Joe, I'd want to watch. Yeah, that would be fun. You're talking about greasing them up and going to Pat-Town.

Yes. By versus, we mean a sex competition. Who can fuck the other one the most. I mean, there can only be one winner in sex, right guys? Yeah. Sex is a competition between you and your partner. And I'm undefeated, baby. Sure.

I do pretty good at it, yeah. I'm five and seven, but I mean. Thank you. That's kind of what I was looking for. I was going to make a remark like that, but it kind of fell apart in my head. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah, they still have Bazooka Joe still exists.

Wow. Like, he'll, like'll pop up on the margin. It seems so crazy to me. And just tell you about what the difference between a Blue Jay and a Cardinal is? Yeah, exactly. Like I genuinely, I found myself after just chatting about Bazooka Joe for a minute, fantasizing about buying a bucket of Bazooka bubble gum just for myself, just to have and to hold.

But immediately upon learning that there was no longer bazooka Joe comics in there, the idea lost all of its appeal. And I went back to just thinking I should buy Yo! MTV Raps cards at the flea market. Oh, yeah. That is definitely the better choice, by the way. You should get that big tub of gum and put it in your office under your table and have your bare feet in it at all times. And then when you can stand up and you can reveal that you've been soaking your feet in gum and then really add to your mystique. You know what's nice about that is Bazooka Joe nibbles off all the dead skin.

Oh, yeah. Sure. Oh, yeah. It. So, yeah. It's like a massage and it's a whole thing. But you gotta watch out for Mort, though. He loves those nasty little pitties.

Mort's a real foot fetishist. Foot fetishist? Yeah. We'll be back in just a second. By the way, Bazooka, give us a call. We've already got a... Sure.'ve already got a hot new take.

White characters. Love them nasty little pitties. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, by all the folks who go to MaximumFun.org slash donate to support our program. We love them. It's also this week supported in part by Away. Yeah. Makers of first-class luggage at Coach Price.

Mmm. Away in a manger, your brand- new suitcase. A special holiday jingle for the folks at Away. I could tell it was a holiday song because of the sleigh bells in the background. Yes, of course. I'm sure someone will add those in post. Away is an amazing luggage brand, and they have the perfect gift for everyone on your list. A, something that's cool about these Away bags is they're able to charge

cell phones, tablets, and anything else that's powered by a USB cord. A single charge of the Away Carry-On. Do you get it, Jordan? Hmm. Other things that are powered by a USB cord? Oh! Yeah! Like a Bluetooth speaker!

It's a removable, washable laundry bag. Keeps dirty clothes separate from clean clothes. That's a fun innovation. And there's a lifetime warranty if anything breaks. I was just mixing them together like I was making a goddamn soup. No, it's no gumbo. It's your wardrobe. That seems like more of a stew.

Is that more of a stew? Well, I mean, I think it depends on... What's the difference? Like chunks? I think it's a chunk issue. Yeah. Meats. Sorts of meats.

Viscosity? Is that part of it? I think it is. I think probably more has to do with the spices. Okay. Yeah. Anyway, there's a lifetime warranty if anything breaks. They'll fix or replace it for you for life.

Anything breaks, they'll fix or replace it for you for life. If you've got some travel to do this holiday or if you're looking for a great gift for somebody who likes to travel, you can get $20 off. Or if you just got called for traveling in a neighborhood basketball game. Sure, yeah. Why not sit the rest of the game out because you've been humiliated? Get on your laptop or smartphone. Go to awaytravel.com slash JJGO. You use code JJGO at checkout to get $20 off a new suitcase. That's awaytravel.com slash JJGO and the code JJGO for $20 off a suitcase.

Because this season, everyone wants to get away. In a manger, your brand new suitcase. Anyway. Jordan, we're going to the San Francisco Bay Area to perform at the San Francisco Sketch Fest. We sure are. We sure are. It's going to be a lot of fun. This is like our 10th year at SF Sketch Fest.

Wow, really? Yeah, it feels like slightly less, maybe eight. It feels like exactly 10 to me, actually. Oh, okay. Why are you acting surprised then? Just different experiences. Oh, okay. Because I was right.

I'm used to being wrong about these sorts of things. Okay. What do we got here? January 19th, 7 p.m., Castro Theater. Judge John Hodgman. Oh, yeah, that's going to be a lot of fun. We got the great Martin Luther McCoy, formerly of The Roots,

star of that Julie Taymor Beatles movie. He can really sing his ass off. He can really rock on the guitar. And at this restaurant by my dad's house that my dad loves to go to called Breakfast at Tiffany's.

They used to have a picture of him up on the wall because he's a local celebrity. That's terrific. Yeah. He'll be there. Yeah. Doing something. Playing guitar and singing. Playing guitar and singing.

Yeah. That's how appropriate. Yeah. Because that's what he's known for. And they will have, and they have Fitz Clark also from Minority Corner there. Amazing. Yeah. Also, January 19th,

you can make it to both these shows, by the way, if you want a full night of entertainment. After Judge John Hodgman at 10.30 p.m. at Cobb's Comedy Club

doing an all-new episode of Bubble live on stage featuring, of course, you got the core cast there, Eliza Skinner, Christella Alonzo, Alison Becker,

Mike Mitchell, special guests, oh, special guest narrator, Eliza Skinner, Christella Alonzo, Alison Becker, Mike Mitchell. Special guests. Oh, special guest narrator, Gene Gray. Oh, yeah. From the world of hip-hop music. Formerly known as what, what? Sure. Jonathan Colton will be there.

Also from the world of hip-hop music. Right. Young Jonathan Colton, Y-U-N-G. He will be there performing all new legally dissimilar songs we can use on the podcast. I love Colton's new face tattoos by the way.

They look really really good. And hey maybe got a couple of new special guests that we're ready to announce. We're kind of

rolling out this lineup slowly like Coachella. I think we should go to this bubble show. That's my feeling. Fuck Judge John Hodgman. Yeah. I think they can

go to both right? Yeah but they should fuck Judge John Hodgman. Yeah. I think they can go to both, right? Yeah, but they should fuck Judge John Hodgman. Yes, of course. If his wife says it's okay. And if he says it's okay. Yeah. You should have both of their permission. Yeah.

So also joining the cast will be the great stand-up and sketch comic, Sarah Claspel. You know her from the Asian AF comedy group and uh the podcast that's just about rent oh wow yeah uh she's joining the cast on stage uh oh can i tell you something jordan yeah i spent an hour listening to that but it felt like nine million i know what you're getting at. It would have been better if I could say the number. 600 minutes. Yeah. Also, also joining us in an acting role, Nick Weiger from the Doughboys. Wow. Yeah. Getting him up there with his podcast co-host to do some acting.

See how broad he can get that emotional affect. We'll see. Also, Jesse, you'll be performing a little part in Bubble. Oh! I just found this out! Yeah, I asked you last week! You asked if I could be there, but now I know I'm cast! Oh, okay. I knew I was up for a part. It was to read

a... Jesse, you got the role. Yes! You got the role. Woo-hoo! Congratulations! How do you feel? Yes! You got the role. Congratulations. How do you feel? I'm glad that you knew that I was willing to do what it takes. Yeah. You were.

Yeah. And also just Camille Natchiani dropped out. Oh, yeah, well, sure. So thanks for stepping in. I mean, that guy's got a fucking Oscar nom. Yeah. Thanks for stepping in at the last minute. If Camille decides to do it, then you're out.

Okay. Okay, but just letting you know. The character is still going to be Pakistani? I mean, that's just a choice you're going to have to make. Oh, also, don't make that choice. Don't make the choice. Just be... Thank you.

Jesse, just be yourself. This is just a... Just be yourself and have fun. A remake of the Peter Sellers movie, The Party, right? I hope not. And hey, Jordan and Jesse go live at the Punchline Sunday, January 20th, 1 p.m. It's going to be a lot of fun there at the Punchline. Right there at the Punchline, right downtown, Jordan.

1 p.m., brunch show. Bring your eggs. No, I don't know if they'll allow you to bring eggs with you. But do bring eggs and see what happens. Sure. If we're bad, throw them at us like an old-time politician. Either way, throw them at us. I want to be able to say that I've had eggs thrown at me.

Yeah. I want a whole head of lettuce. Oh, God, that'd be great. Hurl that lettuce at me. What about a fat, juicy pomegranate? Mmm. Mmm. Got all those seeds.

Mmm. You're trying to catch them in your mouth like snowflakes? Yum, yum, yum, yum. Because it's so tasty? Like Pac-Man. Yeah. That's what he does. He's eating pomegranate seeds.

SFSketchFest.com or MaximumFun.org for ticket links. Can we promise? What can we promise to people who go to all three of these shows? Oh, the hat trick, you mean? Yeah. Yeah, we should have something for people who go to all three shows. I agree with you. So it'll be something. should we bring the robot up there oh yeah sure the eastern european robot do we give that to the person who goes to all three shows yeah well i mean we'll

see how many people do it but you got to bring your ticket stubs or what have you yeah you got to be able to prove you got to have the receipts for a chance to win the robot for a chance to win the robot i love it chance to win the robot. I love it. Brian can bring it in his luggage because I don't feel like it. Brian, remember to bring the robot. Okay, I like this. This is a little piece of the show's history.

Yeah. This is the original robot. What happened is my son, my youngest son, put it in the toilet. My wife took it out and dried it out, but then she forgot about it for a while in the closet, wrapped up in a towel. Then my son Oscar believed it to have been broken forever. We do not believe it is broken forever, but we did not want to inform Oscar of that as long as

we had him believing that it was broken forever. So I took it here to the office. And now we're giving it away to a lucky fan who comes to all three SF Sketch Fest shows. Boring storytelling is always my hobby. Let's get back to the show. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Brendan Hay, Herald of Galactus.

That yo you're not, that's the Silver Surfer, you motherfucker. Don't pretend to be the Silver Surfer. Well, all right, technically I'm the't pretend to be the Silver Surfer. Well, all right. Technically, I'm the second Harold, like a second assistant. Surfer did all the world scouring, telling people they were going to get eaten. And I just did a lot of the scheduling. Okay. I'm sorry I got so mad.

It's cool. You know what? You stood up for Surfer. I get it. You know what? It's on my resume. I answer that at every interview. I didn't know that you had already done the apprenticeship and done all the work to get into the union.

And honestly, I respect that. Thank you. I can't know that you had already done the apprenticeship and done all the work to get into the union. And honestly, I respect that. Thank you. I can't tell you that I don't respect that. Thank you. By the way, speaking of heraldry. Yes. Nice bugle. Thank you.

And hey, Jesse, speaking of herald, nice maud. What does that mean? Who cares? Hey, Jordan, speaking of her Harold, nice international tribune. Thank you. Any more of these? No. Nice improv format.

That's what I was trying to get to, but I couldn't think of. Yeah, sure, sure. No, no. Or, no, never mind. I was trying to do a mod thing and lost that also. Nice be Arthur. I spent most of the first segment trying to bring up Harvey's Wallbangers, the early 1980s Milwaukee Brewers team. Gorman Thomas was their stark slugger, Jordan.

Brendan was telling us over the break that he has some nice pug socks, pug dog socks. Indeed. And it's as a result of people giving you a lot of pug stuff. Yeah. My wife and I, we're now on our second pug. And I feel like that says, meet us now, pug people. And I feel like that just has meant more and more pug gifts, which, you know, it's very nice. There's a lot of good pug apparel out there.

Yeah. Seems to just draw in good designers. What are you looking at? Underoos? I might have a pug pair of boxers. Yeah. I might. I might not.

Might not. Only one way to find out, Jordan. Ask him! Ask him! Ask him! Those are like really nice consent focused bullets. I am experiencing

a similar thing in my life. People know that I'm like a cat guy now, so I just get a bunch of cat stuff. Yeah. And you know what? I love it. That's what I was going to say. I love it more. It's really not a bad thing once you get that identity.

And it also, I feel like, makes everybody else's life easier. Oh, we have a go-to gift thing. That's nice. Makes it easier for them. My Aunt Marty was into puffins for a while. Oh yeah? Get her some puffin

bullshit. What puffin bullshit is there other than the cereal? Well that's the thing. I think that we just sent her the puffin cereal.

Only one time I accidentally just bought her a whole case of good friends. Oh no. No I think. She loved puffins but hated interracial friendships.

I think. Made her mad to tear open the box. Certainly among older middle-aged women. Right. Sure. I think the thing with, if your thing is something as specific as puffins, the issue that you're going to run into, and I think you're getting there with pugs, although there's like a whole world of dog crap. Oh, yeah. you're getting there with pugs although there's like a whole world of dog crap oh yeah um uh but i think the issue that you're going to run into is anytime someone sees any puffin thing they're

going to get it for you sure like it i think with brendan and the pugs sure like if you're out to get brendan a gift which you and i are jordan we were always in the market yeah curry favor with the herald of galactus sure would I could always find a new planet. Devour our world. Look, I'm setting his Tuesday at noon. You tell me if he's eating here or not. Tuesday's not great for me. Okay.

No, I'm just so busy. Oh, I'm so busy. Can you send me one of those websites where you click what times are available? Sure, sure, sure. I'll give you the options of when you want to be devoured. Got it. Yeah, because I get a lot of meetings and stuff. I'm in show business. Oh, I didn't realize. Sure, sure, sure. Give you the options of when you want to be devoured. Got it. Yeah, because I get a lot of meetings and stuff.

I'm in show business. Oh, I didn't realize. Okay. Yeah. How's Galactus' early 2019? Well, I was actually going to say if you're in show business, Galactus has a spec.

Would you mind reading it? I'm glad to read it. Okay. And I'll show it to some of my agent friends. Please. Look, Galactus didn't want to ask, but if you're volunteering...

I should clarify. Yeah, and I guess if we could get him that staff job on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, maybe he wouldn't devour our planet. The one where Brooklyn Nine-Nine exists. Exactly. Look, he's just a fan. They always have good cold opens.

He's in. Very good cold opens. Jordan, is that why you've kind of eased off on threatening to devour the planet? Because there's the prospect of maybe getting staffed on Brooklyn Nine-Nine? That would be really nice. I know a couple of people over there. So, yeah, I mean, I think it's just a matter of when the spot opens up. Maybe AP Bio?

AP Bio would be great. Love that show. Dennis is on there. Get staff over there. So, yeah, just like if anybody's got any openings and also wants to save the world from being devoured by me. You don't have to have formerly been a writer on The Office, but it helps. Sure. Yeah.

That would be nice. You could have formerly been a writer on Parks and Rec. Exactly. Wow. So many options. These are very diverse stats. Yes. Yes.

I wanted to, on the topic of gift giving, I wanted to bring up the holiday season. Yeah. Well, we're actually in the, you don't actually have to bring that up because we're right in the midst of it. Sure, yeah. It's true. Well, I won't then. Brian is inserting the jingling bells into all the conversations we've had so far. I have been noticing – I have been noticing there's a billboard near my house for the Kurt Russell Santa movie.

Have people seen this billboard or this movie? I know the billboard. There's a movie where Santa is Kurt Russell? Kurt Russell is Santa. Okay. And it's called The Christmas Chronicles. And on the billboard he has a gizmo-like gremlin character on his shoulder that is not gizmo but... Is this a theatrical

film? Straight to Netflix. But I want to say at least produced if also maybe written by Chris Not gizmo, but... Is this a theatrical film? Straight to Netflix. Straight to Netflix. But I want to say at least produced, if also maybe written by Chris Columbus. Yes, I think it has one of those kind of strange poster things. Exactly. From the people who brought you Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. People who brought you nightmares from watching the vacant eyes of Tom Hanks in the Polar Express. Yeah, sure. Right, yeah. From the makers of the Uncanny Valley.

Yes, and so I noticed that. And then I've also been noticing a commercial. I think it is for some sort of American car. You know these tough American cars, right? Oh, God, they're so tough. You guys are gearheads. I'm all about the torque. Sure, torque, gas mileage.

Displacement. Sure, horsepower. Axles. Hey, guys, call me crazy, but I went ahead and got the sport mats. Radio, AM, and FM. So this commercial for this American car. They didn't have short waves. No, I know.

Radio, AM, FM, and ham. I have a ham radio in my car. So I can talk to truckers and let them know when I can suck them off. Who cares? You go ham on your ham. I go ham. Yes, exactly. Wouldn't it be great if Spider-Ham was just Spider-Man?

His hobby is ham radio instead of a big Spider-Man. That would be good. Yeah. That would be good. So this commercial features... Breaker, breaker. Breaker, breaker. In this commercial features a muscle Santa wearing, I think, like overalls and no shirt.

This is different from Kurt Russell. Different from Kurt Russell. It's a different second Santa. Got it. And he has like a sledgehammer and he's like building this car and really just sweating it up. Yeah. My question is, do we currently, or have we always, and I just have not noticed, do we currently or have we always wanted to fuck Santa? And why is this coming up now? I mean, I'm more of an elf fucker. Sure, I know.

Yeah. That's right. I've seen your profile. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it seems like there are so many. There are a lot of horny images of Santa. I mean, maybe I'm just projecting my own feelings about Kurt Russell onto the billboard.

Well, sure. We all want to fuck Kurt Russell. That I get. But how old is the song, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus? Oh, yeah. So I think there's always been a little Santa fuckery in the air. Sure. But that was just Mommy was kissing.

It wasn't Santa Claus. It was a metaphor. So I think in that song, it's about Mommy cheating on Dad. Sure. Right. That's fair. That's fair. I think that's true.

With a mountain man. A trapper. A very bearded trapper. Just a drifter who's blown into town. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess'd blown into town. Yeah. I mean, I guess, you know, he's a gift giver. So that, you know, kind of implies a certain amount of generosity, I guess.

And he is both, it seems that he is well-to-do and doesn't have to work. So he'd be around a lot. You can kind of have a good time with him. Yeah. I mean, his December's probably a little bit rough. Yeah. I mean, up till then, he probably has a lot. Yeah. A lot of time on his hands.

Not hard to get a hold of. You know who would be good to pair up with Santa? Elvira, because she gets it, you know? She gets what it's like to have a busy season and then you kind of lay back for a while. Oh, are you suggesting some sort of sex competition?

Elvira versus Santa? Oh man, I want to see who wins that. Yeah. My money's on Elvira versus Santa? Oh, man. I want to see who wins that. Yeah. My money's on Alvira. It depends. If it's Kurt Russell, Santa. Oh, yeah.

Do you get to pick the Santa? Sure. And does the Kurt Russell Santa have all the powers of previous Kurt Russell characters? I assume so. I assume this is like a culmination for him playing Santa. He looks so much like his character. On the billboard. He looks like his character from The Hateful Eight. So I like the idea that maybe that character was Santa the whole time just watching that movie. I like that.

With the knowledge that maybe he was Santa. That wagon was actually a sleigh going through. Sure. Hateful Eight with Santa. I'm in. going through sure Hateful Eight with Santa I'm in one of Kurt Russell's

children is the star of a television program that I enjoy watching called Lodge 49 oh yeah very very fun

television show and before he was the star of Lodge 49 he was a European professional hockey player

and I just think that's what it's like to be Kurt Russell's child. I think his mom is Goldie Hawn. I'm not sure. Are all their children shared? I think his mom is Goldie Hawn. I believe – for that one, I believe so.

I feel like it's not necessarily on all children but that one. Was it Wyatt? Yeah, Wyatt. He was great on the show. But I just think like they're like, honey, do whatever you want. And he says, I would like to be a professional hockey player. And they'd be like, well, off to Luxembourg. Here's your goalkeeper's glove.

And what will happen if I get bored of that? Ah, yes, you'll come home and be on AMC. Well, good. Thank you. I'll call Christopher Columbus for you. Right, exactly. Yeah, I don't know. I think it would be nice to be either a sexy Santa or a celebrity's child.

It would be nice. Did you guys consume a lot of Santa-related media as kids? Did you guys have a – Oh, yeah. Yeah. I also – because I was in the perfect age range for when that Santa Claus the movie came out, the one that starred Dudley Moore and John Lithgow. I don't think I've seen this one. Oh, it is fantastic.

It is, I believe from around like mid-80s, like 1985, I want to say. By fantastic, you don't mean good. No, no, no. But I watched it so, as a kid, I think I actually thought it was good, because it was one of my most rented movies, and watched it over and over. Did you keep like a last FM list? Yeah. It's on my, what is it,

filmography of sorts. You're like, hold on, let me check my spreadsheet. Number three. Yeah. I do actually keep a spreadsheet of movies, so that is that. Awesome. No wonder you were at Elliot's house. That hit a little closer.

Exactly. I'm like, I'm going to own up to the part that just stung in there. But yeah, no, I watched a shit ton, so it is not good at all. I think also it might have been released in August, weirdly. It's like one of those kind of weird things. Wow. Classic Christmas in August. You know.

There was a time when a movie would just hang out in movie theaters. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. Sure. It wasn't about that opening weekend. Yeah. It wasn't a long game.

Yeah. It would really get around. You know, Lithgow would travel from town to town. Introduce it. Yeah, sure. It could only be playing in one theater per city. With his Harold's Bugle. And, of course, Galactus in tow.

It was there in case, yeah. I have fond feelings of Prancer. Do you guys remember Prancer? Oh, I remember Prancer. Sure. The Prancer, the donkey from Santa Claus. Yes, Santa Claus' donkey. Do you not know about Santa, Jesse?

I'm not an expert. No? Well, yeah. So Prancer is Santa Claus' famous donkey. And then he's got a, there's a lady Santa Claus. Sure. Sure. And there's a couple of little skinny Santa Clauses.

Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. They build the toys. They're called Santitos. And the Lady Santa is Santina. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, this is the Christmas story.

And he lives with a penguin or something. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And of course, it's all just bullshit to distract us from the reason for the season, which is Jesus Christ. Thank you. Thank Christ. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you for putting the Christ back in Christmas. Accepting the applause on behalf of Jesus Christ. Yes, I am. I'm related to the big man tonight. Yeah. Hey, I just want to take a minute to dedicate this podcast to JC. Big ups. Big ups to JC.

Congratulations. Big man in the sky. Died for our S. Podcast to JC. Big ups. Big ups to JC. Congratulations. Big man in the sky. Yeah. Died for our S. Oh, I just assumed. I initially assumed JC Chazet. Yeah, also. Oh, is he not the son of God? He's who I worship.

No, I think he's one of the second tier members of NSYNC. Oh. Well. He's second tier. Interesting. Yeah. What's your tier breakdown? I would say. Yeah. What's your NSYNC ranking, Jesse? Fourth tier would Interesting. What's your tier breakdown?

Yeah, what's your NSYNC ranking, Jesse? Fourth tier would be Timberlake, right? I'm not sure. Who are the other members of NSYNC? All right, I'll actually think. All right, we got Fatone. Can we do this? We got Joey Fatone, Chris Kirkpatrick, Timberlake, JC Chavez, and Lance Bass.

Yeah, okay. Pretty good. Lance Bass is the one who's been to space, so he's number one. Yeah, that makes sense. Which of them have been to space? I think Chess Bass. Yeah. Okay, now Lance Bass is the one who's been to space, so he's number one. Yeah, that makes sense. Which of them have been to space? I think just Bass. I want to say Fatone tries. You would think that Bass would invite Chazet.

Did he return to Earth or was he devoured by Galactus? He became a herald. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Sure. He got turned into Terax. Hmm.

Hmm. I don't even, I don't know that reference. What was that? Terax was a later Herald of Galactus after Silver Surfer. In case, again, you were still wondering why I might be friends with Elliot Kalin. Why are we talking about Prancer and not the new gods? Sure.

Jordan, I want to hear about Prancer because I sincerely don't even know what Prancer is. Prancer is a – oh, God. Maybe you can even fill in my gaps on Prancer because I sincerely don't even know what Prancer is. Prancer is a – oh, God. Maybe you can even fill in my gaps on Prancer. I just remember it being my Christmas movie that I enjoyed. It was about a little girl who has a reindeer farm and then one of them turns out to be Prancer. Yeah. That sounds – it's one that I remember watching in bits and pieces on cable but that

all checks out. That would have been my thing of little girl ends up with one of Santa's reindeer. He gets promoted to Prancer or she finds that he's a decrepit old Prancer. Yeah. I think he's always been Prancer. Yeah. And she's like, you're going to turn into glue. We got you here on the farm.

Then she finds out he can fly. Yeah. And then they turn him into glue anyway. Yeah. And then they sniff the glue to get high. Yeah. It was a very bad movie. Yeah.

Look, the family farm was in tough times. I feel like the only Christmas-related movie that I can really remember watching is Miracle on 34th Street. My mom was a big Miracle on 34th Street. I remember liking it a lot. I had not seen It's a Wonderful Life until last year. Oh, okay. My whole life. I think I don't like old movies.

They're a little dull sometimes. There's a point somewhere around like 1968 where before that, it's got to be a real monster. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I did a thing recently where I, listen, had I had a couple of cocktails and I was listening to You Must Remember This. Oh, sure. Sure.

As I do. This is my life. And I bought a, like, Blu-ray set of all the Universal monster movies. Oh, very nice. Which I had not seen all of. I think I had seen maybe Frankenstein and The Wolfman. You were well on your way to your destiny of becoming Dana Gould, too. Yeah.

Oh, I would love to be Gould, too. Yeah. Listen, it's just in hopes of maybe someday by 2022 getting an invite to that Elliot Caden birthday party. Yeah. I'm just taking steps now. I'm laying the foundation. Yeah.

Yeah. But, yeah, I'll take an invite to Dana Gould's birthday party if you're out there one time I went to his house you know who his house belonged to? Roddy McDowell from Planet of the Apes in a giant Planet of the Apes

totem pole it was really from one of the Planet of the Apes movies that's amazing these universal horror movies are they're noteworthy in a lot of ways. They're about 80 minutes, which is great. Oh, perfect. So you can really watch a movie, you know? They still manage to be pretty boring.

But they do always have like a couple of really striking, amazing scenes in it. Like where you're like, wow, I can't I can't imagine what it was like to see this in 1935 or whatever. You were probably fucking freaking out. Bride of Frankenstein is really funny, like genuinely like it's really weird. There's you know, there's just some kind of like, yeah, there's a lot of like fun camp in it. It's definitely like the best of them. I know that's like a cold take.

Bride of Frankenstein is the best one, but it's true. It is. And I remember the last one I did was Phantom of the Opera. Boy, that is mostly opera. That is mostly just people, they filmed an opera, which I'm sure at

the time, you're like, I'm watching an opera! How often do you get out to the opera? I live in Poughkeepsie and I'm watching it. Just like the world's most popular musician, Enrico Caruso. They haven't invented pop music yet. So, yeah, like the end of that movie is really spectacular. They, you know, get the phantom in his lair and it crumbles around him. It's really, really spectacular.

But up till then, you are just watching several operas. Yeah. Have you ever watched that movie? This is just on the subject of boring movies that will have really amazing things in them that will really stick with you. Have you ever watched The Passion of Joan of Arc? No, uh-uh. This is a silent film, and it is all close-ups. I saw it when I was 17 or whatever

so this is 20 years ago but my memory of this film which I guess is like one of the greatest movies my memory of this film is that it is exclusively composed of like super close-ups of an

incredibly expressive woman's eyes as she is tortured to death like i remember it just that's all like that is the thing that has stuck with me and i think i guess like and it's after a certain amount of time has passed there's just not enough universality to make it not boring you know what i mean but what you can hope for is you came up with like one thing that'll really bother people for the rest of their lives that's a pretty good goal i feel like for all art if you can't yeah if you're not gonna knock it out of the park just haunt yeah uh yeah and also also important to remember when uh when when catholicism says passion they mean torture oh yes it's's just one of those little things that maybe doesn't sync up.

Yeah. Did you know that's why a passion fruit is called a passion fruit? Sure, because it's so torturous to eat. Except when you mix it with orange and guava, then it's delicious. Because it's supposed to suggest the passion of the Christ. What? Really? I'm not making this up.

What do you mean? In what way? In the color of the juice? Yeah, it's like a bloody mess. Wow. Isn't that wild? That's insane. Yeah.

Now I'm going to backtrack and go ahead and say there's a 20% chance I'm making that up. No, I love it. But I'm putting it at 80-20. I'm on the 80 on that. That's fine. He was juiced for our sins. Okay. Or JC Chavez.

Let's take a break. We'll come back with more in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Hello, Maximum Fun. I am Oliver Wong, scholar, journalist, DJ, etc. And I'm Morgan Rold. I'm a music supervisor who loves stilettos. We host Heat Rocks, a music podcast where we talk to influential artists and scholars about the albums that changed their lives. On our most recent episode, we had the chance to talk with none other than R&B legend Macy Gray about one of her favorite albums, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy by Yeezy. We get deep talking about everything from Kanye's college dropout days all the way up to his most recent shenanigans. I just think it's weak and I don't think he has to do that and I was just disappointed.

So make sure you, dear listener, are subscribed because you definitely do not want to miss this conversation. Heat rocks every Thursday right here on Maximum Fun. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, the cameo man. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Brendan Hay, former second herald of Galactus. Oh, did you get – I'm going to be honest.

No, that's – I explained it earlier, so. Thank you. Yeah, that's a little more – I'm not going to lie on the resume anymore. Sure. Yeah. It's like, you know, if you say – don't say you're an executive producer if you were an associate producer. Exactly.

I mean, how many times are you talking to someone and they say they're an executive producer when they're really an associate producer? This is my life. Yes, Jesse. I want to clarify one quick thing, which is that I am not the cameo man because I've been making cameos and things. Unfortunately, I have not had the opportunity to make very many cameos and things. I was on that one episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Oh, yeah. But I really –

Did you just pronounce Camaro man? Yeah. No, I was just listening to the song Word Up by Cameo. Oh, okay, yeah. Really getting down. But I have two questions about the song Word Up by Cameo. Oh, sure. Hold on.

I actually – I'm going to take out my phone, guys. I have some music-related things to say too. Okay. Brendan, you can do if you want to as well i have some questions go ahead you ask yours and then i'll ask mine so people probably know the song word up you know the song a word up what's the word a word up um it starts you pretty ladies around the world i got a weird thing to show you, so tell all the boys and girls. And what – that seems to me like it's got to be a disfigured penis. Sure. Or disfigured testicles, but sure.

It's one or the other. There's only three things it could be. Yeah, exactly. Or an unpleasant taint. Or an unpleasant taint. Or also pleasant taint. That actually would be the unexpected part. Sure. My first thought is...

My family summered in pleasant taint. I kind of. Through yachting. On the Cape, huh? Yeah, the Cape of pleasant taint. The Cape of good taint. Hey, they're all good taints, if you know what I mean. I don't.

Me either. I don't know either. Well, we really talked ourselves into a corner here, Brendan. Why are we saying things? It's just taint misbehaving. Sure, yeah. Yeah, I mean, initially I thought, well, it could just be like a particularly distinctive scar or something. Right.

But then why are you getting, why is it just for the pretty ladies? And why do they need to get everybody – you know what I mean? Yeah, sure. Why are you showing everybody your – Yeah. It seems like something that maybe you would like discuss with a partner beforehand. Yeah. In kind of an intimate setting.

Or are they trying to like open source a cure for it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's like spread the word. I have a problem. I want somebody to figure this out. Do you know any scientists? It's just like posting it on Yahoo Answers. Yeah, exactly.

Is this normal? I was doing a- Wait, can I ask my second question about the other lyrics? I was really like I had my windows down, the stereo turned up. I'm listening to Word Up. I'm looking forward to Candy, which is the next song on that great album. I was about to say, that's really actually the one I, yeah. If it's a Candy discussion, I'm in.

Word Up, I'm trying. There's this other part where he says, we don't, and this is like a really important part in the song where he says we don't have the time for psychological romance and then they go no romance no romance you know what I'm talking about

the fuck is psychological romance what the fuck is that you know it goes deeper than just a physical attraction it's when you're really fucking with somebody well it's when you get to pound town What the fuck is that? You know, it goes deeper than just a physical attraction. It's when you're really fucking with somebody? Yeah. Well, it's when you get to Pound Town versus Pound Village.

Oh, sure. Yeah. What was your music question? I just, it's so central to the song. It's such a weird phrase. Psychological romance. I don't think anybody's ever used the word psychological romance before. Yeah. Well, it sounds like

the two of you have never been in love. Oh, wow. Even though you're married, it sounds like your marriages are shams. Because if they were, sorry, I'm sorry to break it to you, but you guys will have to dissolve your marriages after tonight. Damn. But it sounds like if they're not built on a foundation of psychological romance.

Where do you go? Where do you go? There's a Jenga tower waiting to tumble. Yeah, sure. Sure. Left hand green. It's a twister. Ours was built on a foundation of oncological romance.

Not like that in a cancer ward. Oh, well. Yeah. It's kind of nice. Is that where you lost your hair? That wasn't a nice thing to say. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry to all the...

Yeah, that's true. You know. It's the cancer patients as well. I'm sorry. I was wrong. I'm growing and I'm changing. What's important, Jordan, is that you communicate. Take this opportunity to communicate.

Listeners should not say that to me. No. Yes. Do not. Yes. Listen. I listen. Jesse and I have known each other for a long time.

Yeah. We can rib. Yeah. Once in a while. Yeah. You may not. No. We don't know you.

Nope. We don't know you. Don't rib. Nope. These are good boundaries. You can say that you like the show. That feels great. Yeah. You may not. No. We don't know you. Nope. We don't know you. Don't rib. Nope. These are good boundaries. You can say you like the show. That feels great. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. We can talk about the 1989 San Francisco Giants. Sure. Sure. I cannot. Are theories on Cameo appreciated? Yeah, that'd be great.

Okay, there we go. Cameo theories. If you hear the song Rubber Band Man by the Spinners somewhere, you can send me an email about it because I talked about it for, frankly, too long on the show one time. Hey, you know- You cannot talk about that song enough. Brendan's out there online. If you have a favorite, Herald of Galactus.

I'm sure he'd love to know. There are at least four I can think of off the top of my head, so please. Let's hear them. Let's hear them. All right, so we at least got Surfer, Nova, Terax. Oh, shit. There's the other one. Now I'm blanking on the name.

You know what? I take it back. I can name three off the top of my head. I'm blanking on the fourth. The fourth one is Harold Baines. JC Chazet. Lance Bass. He got lost in space.

Oh, yeah. Sure. Sure. I was doing a search on Apple Music, which is how I like to listen to music. Oh, wow. For something unrelated. I was doing a search on Apple Music, which is how I like to listen to music. Oh, wow. For something unrelated. I like a physical object, something I can hold in my hand. You can hold it, smell it, liner notes.

Just a nice, thick, veiny. Sure. CD, sure. CD, yes. By the way, Fire Lord. Fire Lord was the other one on the tip of my tongue. I just didn't want to lose that. Thank you.

Go ahead. Thank you. And something that came up was a playlist. Do you think we'll get emails or complaints if I don't say Firestorm the Nuclear Man right now? Say it. Okay. Firestorm the Nuclear Man. Good.

Okay. You saved us both a lot of- Just because you said Booster Gold earlier. Yeah, you gotta. Yeah. You gotta. And I got a playlist that was called Jimmy Buffett Next Steps. Oh, wow.

These aren't the essentials. This is his to-do list. This is 201. 201. And I am like, huh. Because something I like about Apple Music is they have the essentials. So if you're someone you're kind of casually into, you can kind of get a sense of all the hits. And then if you like it, you move to the next steps playlist and you hear some of the

deeper cuts. I like the idea that at the Margaritaville Corporation, when they have one of those board meetings where somebody's writing on a giant notepad with a fat permanent marker or a big dry erase board and they're

writing down there okay what what are the next steps we already got a cheeseburger in paradise let's come up with some action items here uh hammock fries so you can close with that. So here I was wondering what is on the Jimmy Buffett's. Because I mean, I know. I mean, I think like comedy men, I kind of know and use Buffett mostly as a punchline. I don't know a lot about him. I know Margaritaville.

I know the restaurant. You don't know him personally like the McElroys do for some reason. Sure. Yes. Why is that? I don't know. But I'm like, I wonder what are the Buffett deep cuts? Yeah, I'm curious. What is on Next Steps?

So I'm going to read you some songs. He has a really beautiful cover of Hallelujah. Exactly. It's a Leonard Cohen version. Sure, sure, sure, yeah. So, okay, here are some things that are on the Jimmy Buffett Next Steps playlist. One is not a Jimmy Buffett song. Okay.

So you guys have to figure out. Because I think, I mean, you're not a secret parent. No, I am not a secret parent. I've gone to Margaritaville once with my parents. It was a competently enough meal. But, yeah, that's about the extent of my Buffett fandom. You're just saying it's no Guy Fieri's burger joint in the Burbank airport. Obviously.

I'm going to be honest, that did send me on to Flavortown. I was only there to fly to New York, but I took a detour to Flavortown and loved it. Yeah, sure. Every minute. A little stopover. Yep. Okay. License to chill.

Coconut telegraph. Life is just a tire swing. Too drunk to karaoke. Trying to reason with hurricane season. Only one of these is made up. One of these is made up. Okay. Jolly mon song.

One of these is made up. One of these is made up. Okay. Jolly Mon song. Mañana. Incomunicado. Wow. Wow. What was the hurricane season one?

Trying to reason with hurricane season. So my feeling is that's the made up one, but I'm going to. No. No. I feel like that feels too very special episode for Jimmy Buffett. What about Coconut Telegraph, though? That I buy in a heartbeat. Really?

Oh, yeah. Because he's always about going A to C, so he didn't want to do Coconut Telephone. Sure, sure. Do you guys want to know? Yes, please. This was a little bit of a trick question. Actually, Too Drunk to Karaoke is actually a collab between Jimmy Buffett and Toby Keith. Oh, okay.

Fair enough. That's a Buffett X Keith project. Yeah, Buffett X Keith. Wait, who gets the featuring? Oh, it's Jimmy Buffett ampersand Toby Keith. So I think it's more of a Buffett song. I think we could stop it there. Can I say one thing?

I went to see the movie The Grinch today. We can have this played in the background. Please, turn it off. It's illegal. Oh, yeah. He's litigious. He's illegal. Oh, yeah. He's litigious. He's chill and litigious. This is Jimmy Buffett's two characteristics.

You don't get to have a, yeah, that kind of empire if you're not. Yeah, if you're not out there suing podcasters. Suing away. I saw the movie The Grinch today with my son, Oscar. I saw the movie The Grinch today with my son, Oscar. And don't let the mixed to positive reviews fool you. It's a mixed to negative movie. It's a very competently made but entirely unremarkable movie.

But I have to say this one thing. There is a Grinch theme song that is performed by, and this may be the single most inexplicable. It's performed by- Can I guess? Yeah. Evanescence. Cisco. Tyler, the creator. Wow.

Wait, really? Which, Tyler, the creator, is a guy who got famous with a rap video where he and his friends put all the drugs in a blender and then drink them. Are they trying to get some of the magic that a kids movie did with a Pharrell song? Do you think that was the thinking? Is that we should take a guy who is previously been edgy and pharrell is in the cast of i was gonna say he's the narrator for the new version of the grandchild enough oh that's what he was i was like who is who who and why is this yeah yeah i could not figure it out um yeah so uh so it's the worst idea that anyone has ever had in the history of the world.

I mean, Tyler has become a much sweeter guy in terms of his lyrical content over the past, whatever, half decade or so. But still, what a terrible choice for a children's film. Sure. But you know what? I'm not going to lie. I kind of liked it. Pretty good? That was probably my favorite part of the movie.

It was Tyler, the creator, rapping about the Grinch. And it was one of those old school, he's rapping about the character, about the plot. It's like they flipped the You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch song. There's a children's chorus on it. And it's Tyler, the creator, rapping about the Grinch. And I wouldn't choose to listen to it again, but I was like, this is dramatically more artistically successful

than it has any business being. At the end of Venom, Eminem raps about Venom. That is fantastic, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like rapping about the plot of a film is something that came and went too quickly in the late 1980s and early 1990s. Yeah. Like, I think that if I were making Venom 2, I'd get Tone Loke on the line.

Sure. Get him in there. Yeah. Distinctive, gravelly voice. You know, when something momentous happens to you, Jordan, or to you, Brendan. Oh, thank you. It would be perfect. You're welcome.

It would be perfect for you to call us or send us a voice memo so you can participate in our famous segment, Momentous Occasions, which we've been doing now for 12 years, largely out of habit. 206-984-4FUN. And to kill time. Okay, fair enough 206-984-4FUN is the telephone number or you can just record a voice memo and send it to us

at jjgoe at maximumfun.org here is our first momentous occasion telephone call hi Jordan Jesse and guests. Guessing it's a McElroy this time.

Momentous occasion from Sojack in Colorado. I just came out to my parents. Brian, the better than a McElroy, like that's a pretty good generic guess. I think from now on, I'm guessing it's a guy in a Hold Steady t-shirt. Yeah. Every other Jordan, Jesse, go guess. a guy in a Hold Steady t-shirt. Yeah. This is every other Jordan Jesse Go guest. Brendan's wearing a Hold Steady t-shirt. Hold Steady are a great band.

They're amazing. I like old bands should have a need to previously on for their lyrics. It's a good band. Did you guys see that the CEO of Twitter said something about when he came back from his meditation retreat, he read some of his... He checked out his favorite poet, Kendrick Lamar. That's literally

the worst thing any human being has ever said in their life. Oof. Oof. I think I stopped reading that thread somewhere in his... Yeah. Does he also say that he's spiritual but not religious? I think I stopped reading that thread somewhere in his, yeah. Does he also say that he's spiritual but not religious? Yeah, I would have preferred if he said his favorite poet.

Two favorite poets that immediately come to mind are Tyler, the creator in The Voice of the Grinch. Sure. And Dr. Seuss. Both of those I would prefer. Even Tom Loke. Yeah, exactly. My favorite poet is Tomoak. Yeah, exactly. My favorite.

The poet is Tomoak. What other wild pitch artists. Sorry. Sorry, Brian. I stepped on that person's actual really exciting. Maybe we can go back. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. Guests in the McElroy this time.

Momentous occasion from Sojack in Colorado. I just came out to my parents, and my phone died halfway through. And I realized they hadn't said anything in about a minute, and I thought I was toast, and then I looked down, and my phone was just black. So, yeah, that's my moment of occasion. Kind of a moment of shame, but, you know, you can only come out once. And I finally did it. So, thanks, guys.

Love the show. Bye. Congratulations. I hope he actually went back and did it as opposed to just calling in here and hoping you would hear it. I mean, you know, guys only got so many minutes, you know. You don't think those parents listen to Jordan minutes, you know? You don't think those parents listen

to Jordan Yossi go? I don't know. You know what he should do? Do they have any Hold Steady t-shirts? He should get Unlimited Nights and Weekends. Oh, sure.

That's what I got. I got Unlimited Nights and Weekends, so I don't even have to worry about it if it's after seven. Why does nobody come out over the mail anymore?

You can touch it, write it, smell it. I love a good pen. Sure. He loves pens. You know what I would love to open, Jordan? A pen store? A stationery store.

Just like a cool stationery store for teens who are questioning. Sure. Or just trying to figure out their place in the world. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. It sounds like it. Or a succulent store.

Oh, yeah. But also for questioning teens. Sure. Yeah. Just to stare at longingly while they question. And people who have a cat but want a houseplant. That's not toxic to their cat. Yeah.

Non-toxic houseplant. You can't get that orange spiky plant. No. That's so bad. They can raise welts if you just walk past it. I don't want. It's like the only plant in all of Los Angeles is that orange spiky plant. The welts?

No. You don't bet that orange spiky plant? I'm not. I'm not familiar with this problem. He moved here from New York City, I guess. That's true, yeah. They don't got those in New York City, I bet. Nope.

I'm so excited about losing my mosquitoes, I never even noticed the orange plants. It's an orange spiky plant, and it's poisonous. Oh. It's everywhere, because of its vivid color. Oh. And it's drought friendly. Well, that makes sense then. Yeah.

I would probably have it in my yard. Yeah. It's probably better than those pile of quartz. You know that kind of thing that people put in there? Yeah. Pile of quartz? The mineral? Yeah. People just put a pile of quartz in their yard. Just of thing that people put in there? Yeah. Pile of quartz? The mineral? Yeah. People just put a pile of quartz in their yard. Just like toss them out, like sprinkle them out? Yeah, like that's

as good as a plant. Sounds pretty good. Sounds better than a plant. Honestly. It's a pile of quartz. Captures light. Maybe a pile of gypsum. I don't know. Naming minerals here. Sure. The show is. Naming here. Sure. The show is.

Just naming stuff. Yeah. Mr. Mitzopitilich. Yeah, sure. It sounds like, based on the caller's attitude, it sounds like this process went well. Yeah. And that's great. Yeah.

And thanks for telling us. Yeah. And that's great. Yeah. And thanks for telling us. Yeah. Way to go. Have we ever had a, we must have had a coming out on Jordan and Jesse Goh at some point. Seems, yeah, but. Not with that awesome twist.

No, yeah. That was well sold too. Heartfelt and funny. Yeah. Call that it all. It was well, the showmanship on this was great. Yeah.

Eat your heart out, Gary Marshall's ghost. What? Gary Marshall's ghost is mad because he's never made anything that heartfelt and funny. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Enjoy hell, Gary Marshall.

We're coming for you, the I think still alive James L. Brooks. Yeah. Pretty sure? Yeah, pretty sure. Fun Gary Marshall factoid that once I heard heard this i just wanted to tell everybody i ever apparently on the last day of shooting on uh at least all his later movies he uh had the crew throw a parade oh like they did a crew parade uh down the set on the last day of filming gary marshall gave show business to careers to two of my wife's cousins

uh and they just think he was the most wonderful man in the history of the world. That makes sense. And weirdly enough, from probably the similar era. So my dad, who was a federal investigator and later worked for the FAA, somewhere right in the middle there before he did this transition. He only accepted initial jobs. Exactly. Yeah. If you're a full word, go fuck yourself.

MLB, here I come. Right in between him and one of his government working buddies, they decided they wanted to try to be comedy writers. Oh, wow. And this was in the late 70s. Uh-huh. And at that time, Gary Marshall, king of TV, they thought their way to break in was sending him a funny letter because he was employing so many of his relatives a letter to Uncle Gary. And they thought this was like, he's going to read this. He's going to laugh.

He's going to hire us. That did not happen. And years later, he's like, but it's the funniest thing I ever wrote. You got to read it. It is the creepiest thing ever. I am so glad my dad did not get arrested. This is a really intense story. Yeah, geez.

It was like, oh, this is so misguided because I'm now just thinking the other side of that. I'm like, no, no, why? Brendan, what? I can see getting something like that and feeling like maybe it's a threat. Yeah, there is that thing. It's like, no, you're like kind of simultaneously shitting on me and trying to get a little too close. Yeah, sure. me and trying to get a little too close of me and yeah sure brendan this this story got almost too emotional for me to handle early on when i realized that you were telling me that you

you are currently living the dream of your fbi agent father oh yeah wow like you've you've destroyed your father oh no no he actually has had, first off, he still does, what he ends up finding as his outlet for his comedy is he hosted every government in the tri-state New York area retirement function for about 15 to 20 years. And he'll still go back and host and MC things. And that became his outlet on top of everything else. So he very much had his comedy outlet. Do you think he might be willing to host the Oscars?

Oh, he was very willing. He's got some solid material there. But it's got to be loving. It can be funny, but it's got to be loving. Like a poke, but not a jab. Like you can't say Uma Oprah. No. Because people will hate that.

It's a little too, yeah. Even though it's really funny. Before we make this official, we just need to do a quick peruse of your dad's Twitter feed. Sure, sure. We're going to go back a couple years. Not homophobic. You know, just super into Dick. Okay.

Well, that's fine. Yeah. That's awesome. All right. Then we're good. We love it. Dick Nixon, that is. Of course.

Sure. Thanks. Don't clap for Nixon. You clap for Christ. Clap for Jesus Christ on this show Nixon happens to be the Christ of presidents that's true

he died for our sins for sure open up that nice library let's take another call hi hi Jordan, Jesse and Dest I have a momentous occasion Hi. Hi. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and Dest.

I have a momentous occasion. I just quit my job to pursue kind of a risky career, I guess. My friend introduced me to financial domination, and I just helped her make $5,000, and she's giving me a cut of it so moment of occasion I have nine questions my first thought when she said I really thought when she said she was

taking up a risky career I initially thought the person you know how a knife throwing guy throws – and then it turns out into an outline of a person? She's the person. Sure. That they outline. Somebody has to outline.

With knives. It's not as risky as you think because they have safety measures. Sure. Not just practice, but obviously a lot of practice. What's financial domination? Well, I think that is like when – I think it's a branch of BDSM where in addition to being tied up and whipped by someone, you also send them your money because you're a nasty small-dicked cuck. By the way, when I went to the Wikipedia page for financial domination, I got literally three screens full of requests for donations to Wikipedia.

Sure, sure. It's a practice of dominance and submission where a submissive, in parentheses, money slave, fine sub, pay pig, human ATM, or cash piggy. Sure. Will give gifts and money to a financial dominant, money mistress, fine dom, money dom, cash master, or fine dom. Wasn't cash master one of the Heralds of Galactus? I think that was the show on Game Show Network. But it was hosted by one of the Heralds of Galactus. Yeah, that was Fire Lord's gig.

There may be accompanied by erotic humiliation, but there may be virtually no further intimacy between the individuals. Huh. The part of it that confused me was that she said she helped a friend do it. How do you – I mean, you've been an assistant, clearly. Yeah, sure. I wonder how you assist someone in that. Maybe like helping them set up a Venmo account or something? Or is it like a Brewster's Million situation of she needed to help spend the money that was being given to help the financial-dominated achieve climax?

Many pro-doms and fem-doms found this to be a natural extension for any professional dominatrix who's already being paid for fetish services and began to exploit it with clients who shared their fetish. Some dom clients were aroused as much by giving money to a dominant woman as they were by any fetishes they may have been coming to see her for. The dominatrix may also be aroused from being financially worshipped. Sure. Sounds like an arousing arrangement. Yeah.

For all parties involved. Yeah. For the dom, for the cash pig, and also for the dom's assistant. But I guess, you know, I wonder if this is like an internship sort of situation where she, you know, kind of maybe tags along on some financial dom for a couple months. You get the experience. Yeah, exactly. Or college credit.

College credit, sure. Where do you go? Like a safe deposit box maybe? Yeah. I don't think so. Well, somebody's got to do the bookkeeping. Yeah. Yeah, that's your spreadsheets.

Yeah. Yeah. I wonder what your taxes are like at the end of the year. What do you – yeah, sure. Always save your financial domination receipts. Yeah, there you go. That's rule number one. And of course, start an LLC. Yeah, sure. Always save your financial domination receipts. Yeah, there you go. That's rule number one. And of course, start an LLC.

Yeah, exactly. Have either of you guys ever had a safe deposit box? No. No? Uh-uh. No. I'd love to have one. It seems so cool.

You got to have something to put in there. Yeah. And I don't have a hoard of anything. What about yard courts? What's now? Yard courts? What's yard? What are we talking about?

Yard courts earlier? The courts of a yard. Oh, courts. Yeah, Yard Quartz. What's Yard Quartz? Weren't we talking about Yard Quartz earlier? The Quartz of a Yard. Oh, Quartz. Yeah, yeah. Quartz. I mean. Talk about Quartz. I got a bit of Yard Quartz.

Yeah. I don't know if it's worth. I just like the idea you go, you give the man a key, he gives you another key, you open the things. Sure, yeah. You slide it out. He makes fun of your dick. You get a little cubby.

Maybe Robert Redford robs you. Sure, yeah. You slide it out. He makes fun of your dick. You get a little cubby. Maybe Robert Redford robs you. Sure. I just want to leave something now for my children in a safe deposit box. It would be a fun little treasure hunt for them someday. Maybe some of your overflow pug socks. Ooh, very true. I like that. My pug depository.

Maybe your movie spreadsheet. Oh, yeah. They're gonna want to see that. Here, girls, here's Daddy's My pug depository. Maybe your movie spreadsheet. They're going to want to see that. Here, girls, here's Daddy's dirty secret. Oh, Daddy gave that a seven? Ooh, in 2017, Daddy decided to watch a lot of John Huston movies. Brendan, what are the fields on the movie spreadsheet? Okay, so it's – all right. It actually is fairly simple. It is just title, a star rating.

I stick to the classic one to four. I don't want to go beyond that. And then nudity if it's frontal or applied. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Situational. Situational nudity. Because as long as you want the sexual situations, not nudity.

It's a better guarantee. Of course. Yeah, no. It's mainly – I love a sexual situation those two columns plus um then i just start doing anything particularly noteworthy about it usually just like a performance or it's like something that i want to remember if i'm going back through those three and then later you jack off to this oh wait it's more of an end of year thing it's kind of i edged myself for 12 months yeah holy cow and a partridge in a pear tree you blast yeah we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go

welcome back to wKEP at night. Up next, looks like we've got a PSA from local forest ranger, Duck Newton. Do I start now? Yeah, lean in, Duck. Yeah, sorry. Okay, I wanted to address the unfortunate situation that... Okay, listen. Two people, good people that I and a lot of y'all have known our whole lives are dead.

Torn to shreds. A savage, bloodthirsty beast that defies human comprehension. If you'd like to know more, stop by the Cryptonomica, Kepler's premier museum of the macabre. Just off highway. Come on. We just wanted to warn y'all to beg you. If you see one of those things out in the forest, don't fight. Don't scream.

Run. Run as far as you can. Doc, it's almost midnight. Listen, folks. If you see anything, please go to thelamplighter.org and let us know. And get behind a locked door tonight. Anything else we need to... Oh! They're leaving. Okay, well, that's thelamplighter.org

and stay safe out there, Kepler. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I am Brendan Hay, former herald of Galactus. Can I go ahead and give everybody a PSA? Sure. Get yourself down to the farmer's market. You know why?

It's fucking sad suma season. It is sad suma season! The king of citrus has returned to cleanse us of our sins. Oh boy! Such is the sin of difficult to peel citrus. Of seeds.

Troublesome seeds. Insufficiently flavorful or too handsome citrus fruits. It's a weird lumpy looking fruit. Quite delicious. Got myself the first Satsumas of the season, Jordan. Sure, yeah. You do seem, I will say, I didn't know about this. I like Satsumas.

I don't share your enthusiasm. I like them. I think they're very good. You always are fucking talking about cuties or whatever. I do like cuties. Cuties are delightful. Cuties are good. Anyway, what I was going to say is I could tell it was Satsuma season because you seem hornier.

I could tell. I could just get a... Here's the thing about Satsuma season, Brendan. Go down the farmer's market. They got those Satsumas in season, you know? I'm not familiar. You get there. Well, you wait for the cold snap.

Okay. They got to have the cold snap to get ripe. We just had the cold snap here in Los Angeles. You get that cold snap, go down there, you get those satsumas, they look gorgeous, rich red-orange color. There's still some leaves on this stem. God, my pants are tight. Yeah. Jeez, you want us to leave?

Oh, do you want us to stay? But you buy... When they're in season and you're at the farmer's market, or there's a pickup truck in Chinatown full of them. These are the two main situations where I buy them. You run, drive past a pickup truck that's parked and there's

just a frenzy of people buying satsumas. So when you get these satsumas, you buy a bunch of them. I'm talking about, you buy five pounds of satsumas easy Okay. So when you get these satsumas, you buy a bunch of them. I'm talking about you buy five pounds of satsumas easy. Wow. Fill a grocery bag with satsumas. It's no problem.

You get them home because they're reasonably priced when they're at the height of the season. Off a truck, sure. Yeah, and you're buying them off the back of a truck in Chinatown. They got to get rid of these fucking things, you know? They can't, these aren't worth anything to them tomorrow. Now is their living in the moment. That's fair. So you get them home, Jordan.

These things are so fucking easy to peel. And they're so little. You say, I'm going to have one of the Satsuma with my breakfast. This is going to be nice. You know, normally I just have some grape nuts, but I'll throw in a Satsuma. It's like a 9.30 o'clock in the morning, you know? And you're like, man, it wouldn't be easy to peel a Satsuma right now. Toss another one down your gut.

Sure. All of a sudden. 11 o'clock, you're ready for bed. It comes to be 9.30, you know? You're sticky. you're wet. You're confused. You don't know where mommy is. You've had a boner for a day.

Oh, you got to call a doctor. Yeah, that's the tricky thing about Satsumas. These things are delicious. Yeah. You don't have to take my word for it. Yeah. You know how I found out it was Satsuma season? How?

Hunter Ellenbos posted about it in the Facebook group. See, Hunter Ellenbos posted about fucking Satsumas. I'm like, yeah, same day. That was the same day I got mine. See, Facebook isn't all bad. Yeah. Yeah. Well, mostly, but sure.

But Satsuma season. That orange thing. Yeah. That's fun. He gets it all out. Yeah. Well, mostly, but sure. But Satsuma Seas. That orange thing. Yeah. That's fun. It gets it all out. Yeah. Brandon. Yes. Where can people watch this television program you work on? And this is one of these fun shows that's funny enough to watch for grownups. It is. Yeah. So Harvey Street Kids on Netflix.

Yeah. Aimed at children. But honestly, we really do go for being one of those cartoons that parents tend to actually enjoy watching with their kids. And even just, you know, if you're an animation fan, we have a lot of jokes. More than anything, we are an incredibly joke-dense show. Is there anything – And a good voice cast. Is there some kind of age that people shouldn't watch it? Like, does anybody hang dong or anything?

No. It's all very tasteful dong hanging, so it's really, it's a good introduction. Like Michelangelo style? Exactly, yeah. And the animation isn't really detailed. No, no, no, no. I'm talking about when the ninja turtles hang dong.

Yeah, yeah. No, it really is, yeah. Honestly, my daughters are very young. They've seen parts of it. It's for any age. And it's super fun. And we got a super fun comedy voice cast like Lauren Lapkus and Danny Pudi. And yeah, it's awesome people.

Others. I was trying to think of who else is comedy world adjacent. But I was like, we got a lot of Atticus Schaefer and Utkarsh and a whole lot of very, very funny folks. I'm a big Karshnut. By the way, if you try Karshnut season, we're down the farmer's market. Sure, there's a guy with a truck. Our producer, go ahead, Jordan. I was going to say, I agree.

I watched a couple. I mentioned this earlier, but I watched a couple of Harvey Sheets. Thank you. I thought it was real funny and good. Thank you. We are really in a golden age of children's television being better than it needs to be.

Sure. Yeah. Because I'll tell you what, I got children. They don't need to be any good at all. Our TV was very bad. Yeah, as it turns out.

Look back at that. I know. Oh my God. It's truly horrendously excreble. Yeah. Yeah, I was, I watched, there was a BuzzFeed article about Square One.

Oh, yeah. I saw that recently, too. Yeah, and I was like, well, certainly I fucking loved Square One. I loved all that shit. And then there was links to things that were really great, like the greatest of the great in Square One, and I clicked on them. Yeah, I mean, fucking better than Heathcliff. You know? Sure. Better than Jabberjaw.

Yeah. Nothing's better than Jabberjaw. What could be better than Jabberjaw? Yeah, I'm sorry. That would be a fun reboot to do. That would be fun. Anyway. Yeah.

Jabberjaw. Hanna-Barbera? Yeah. If you're out there. Do you think now you've been on Jordan, Jesse, go, they're going to give you the keys to Richie Rich? I hope so. Oh, dear God.

This is the goal. That's it. Or Casper, either one. Those are the Cadillacs of the Harvey franchise there. You know who you should get to play Richie Rich? Who are you thinking? Bay Area rapper Richie Rich.

Ah, very clever. I like it. A little outside the box. That's an idea. I like it. I don't know if he can act, but he can definitely rap about killing people.

You know who you should get to play? Casper? Who's that? Eliza Skinner's cat, Casper. Ooh. Has he done voice acting before? If he's only on camera, it doesn't translate perfectly.

That's true, yeah. No, you're right. You have to be a little bigger than you think. Yeah, that's all. A little bigger than you're comfortable with. I know about voice acting. My mattress does voice acting. There you go. You know who you should get? Casper Weinberger.

Perfect. From the Reagan administration. I think he's alive. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. I mainly know him from Bloom County. Yeah.

That cowboy hat that was George W. Bush. Exactly. That's him. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. I'm thinking of Doonesbury. That's Doonesbury, yeah. Who cares? There's like a talking asterisk at one point.

I've never been more baffled by anything than by like a collection of Doonesbury comics. What is this? Why is it good? Others read this? Why do they read? It has the rhythm of a joke. Yeah. I would really rather be reading for better or for worse.

Sure, sure. At least the dog might die. Yeah, they age. They do age. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer. That's his voice that you hear penetrating the soundproof booth. Not much we can do about that. Maximumfun.reddit.com is where you can join us on the Reddit.

There's a lot of fun chat there usually. If you want to go chat with Hunter Ellen Boss, you can go there. You can find our Facebook group right there on the website Facebook. That's the one. Hashtag it JJ Go on Twitter. I'm at Jesse Thorne. Jordan is at Jordan underscore Morris.

Brendan, you on that? I am. I am at B underscore Hey. B. H-A-Y. Good Twitter. Good jokes. Good pug avi. There you go. You got a pug avi. Yep. That's nice. Do you ever have a pug competitions with Josh Gondelman? No, I should.

I think I have less pug competition and more of like a pug solidarity with comic book artist Mike Norton. We have a good little pug bunch. That's really nice. I'd like to see a pug Olympics. If you think you could, what would the events be breathing heavily? Yeah. How many people can you wake up with your snoring uh yeah yeah deformed on purpose yeah uh we'll talk to you next time jordan jessica

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