Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 57: Icelandic Candy

Episode Date: April 5, 2008

Jesse, Jordan and guest Rachael Cantu enjoy some Icelandic candy, talk about Jordan in high school, and Cantu serenades us with a couple of songs.  We also finally learn what Wii game Ira Glass bought.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and sex and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty, netty, twiddle, dumm, fiddly, palm tree. This week we're serenaded by Rachel Kandu.

We visit Chicago, Indiana, and then we eat some Icelandic candies. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Special guest joining us on this week's program, Jordan Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Special guest joining us on this week's program, Jordan. Rachel Cantu. Rachel Cantu is a singer-songwriter in L.A.-based indie rock.

L.A. is Los Angeles. Yeah. Indie rock is independent rock. Independent rock music. Rock is short for rock and roll. Sure. It's also a euphemism for sex. You know, in the 1950s.

Yeah, I've heard about that. I'm very uncomfortable right now. That's totally appropriate. It's a shitty chair and I apologize. And we're doing a bad job. Yeah, we're terrible at this. Rachel. I'm getting out of the business.

Rachel has put out some solo records. You may have seen her on tour with the likes of Ben Lee, Tegan and Sarah, Limbeck, etc. Is that an adequate list of your accomplishments? John Cougar

Mellencamp. Debbie Reynolds. A shortougar Mellencamp. Mm-hmm. Debbie Reynolds. A short stint with Debbie Reynolds. An evening with Debbie and Rachel. Did you do that? Yeah. No, absolutely.

We'll talk about that later. Country legend George Jones. Sure. And Rachel is, you know, first and foremost noteworthy for her wonderful singing and songwriting, but also kind of secondarily because we went to high school together. Yeah. Yes, we did. That's also something about you. How'd that go, going to high school with me?

That was great. Can I tell you when I first met you? Yeah, sure. Well, yeah. I want to, before we hear this story, I want to say we're live for our introduction. you? Yeah, sure. Before we hear this story, I want to say we're live for our introduction. We're live for our introduction this week

in a weight room. So while you tell the story, I'm going to do some raps. And I'm going to read Highlights Magazine and try and see what's wrong with the picture. Okay, good. Oh, you're supposed to say, Jordan, you're thinking of a waiting room. Well, I was wrong. Let's continue.

This is great. We're fantastic at this, Jordan. I can't remember the first time we met. What were the circumstances? I hope it was embarrassing for me. Probably. Actually, well, you had just come back to school after getting metal rods in your leg.

Isn't that what? Oh, yeah, yeah. You had gotten hit by a car? I did. Freshman year of high school, I got hit by a car. Whoa, Jordan, I did not know that you had got hit by a car. I didn't get that. You had been hit?

Been hit, yes. I've been hit. I read grammar. And I just remember thinking remember thinking like everybody loved you and they were like jordan when's jordan coming back i don't know i think i know no i'm pretty sure well here's what i think i think it was a little disingenuous i think they were just jumping on the bandwagon you know like because he got hit yeah but like and like a couple people were like oh that guy's great and then they're like oh now that he's you know it's like patrick swayze who

likes that guy but now that he's got cancer's like Patrick Swayze. Who likes that guy? But now that he's got cancer, everybody's like, oh, Patrick Swayze's my favorite. I love Point Break. No. I think I just felt really jealous because I'm sure by the time that you had left, I had gotten into our little friend circle and they liked me. Then all of a sudden you came back and it was just like, who's this curly haired freak that's just taking my...

She actually jumped out in front of a car, but she was disappointed because all she got was a cast. She didn't get any pins. Yeah. I was like... You know, you got to get hit at that exactly right angle. Yeah. It's got to be perfect, Jordan. By the primer gray Toyota Corolla driven by illegal immigrants

who run off after they hit you. Oh, jeez. Is that really what happened to you? Yeah, it did. Did you have insurance? Did your insurance cover it? Yeah, I mean, I was a high school student. Well, what does that have to do with having insurance?

Well, then your parents cover you. I don't like having to... If your parents have insurance. They did. And ever since then, you've walked with a slight little... Yeah, a little jangle. My parents didn't have... A little metallic jangle.

Jordan, I don't like your classism because my parents didn't have insurance for a significant portion of my childhood. My apologies. I paid for visits to the doctor with little stickers from Medi-Cal. I think that's what you get when you grow up in Orange County. Yeah, you'll have to forgive Rachel and I. With health insurance.

Yeah, with their health insurance. And non-government cheese. You know, yesterday, or maybe a couple days ago... Private cheese. Of course, I get migraines, but I don't usually get the... Some people who get migraines, they get the blinky lights. And I had really intense blinky lights, and I thought I was going to die or something. I thought, like, maybe I have...

Because I knew that I get migraines. So I always assumed that because they once checked me when I was eight or nine for a brain tumor, that I don't have a brain tumor. It's just migraines. You know what I'm saying? But at this point, it's long enough down the line that I could have migraine. I mean, I definitely have migraines, but I could also have a brain tumor. You see what I'm saying? Past eight or nine, can't you develop a brain tumor? Yeah, absolutely. At any point during your life, you can develop a brain tumor.

So now, again, you are in fear of having a brain tumor. So I think I may have migraines and a brain tumor because, as I said, it's established that I have migraines. That may be masking the symptoms of the brain tumor. But I got a big blinky light. Well, that would explain why you're so dumb. High five, right? Yeah. I hate this.

High five myself. I hate this high school buddies episode of Jordan, Jesse, go. Yeah, we're just going to gang up. Rip on you. No, it's okay. I totally understand. I've become a self-diagnosing kind of person slash hypochondriac. I guess that's what they call.

You are a bit hypochondriacal. Right? What have you self-diagnosed with recently? Same thing. I was pretty sure I had a brain tumor, too. Instead, it was just sinuses. Yeah. Briefly, she thought she may have been hit by a car as well. Until I did some research on the internet, and I was like, oh, everybody gets this. Pretty clearly sinuses. I was laying in bed going, I'm dying.

What did you think? Just like a small, just the pressure on your temples? You were thinking brain tumor? That's exactly what it was. And my ear had clogged up or something. You figured it was one of those, like a fast acting brain tumor. Yeah. Like it was an inflatable brain tumor.

It's going to be gone tomorrow. And you'd accidentally, I see what you're saying What happened to me is I had this horrible blinky lights Which I'd never been a symptom of my migraines before And I knew like oh that's a migraine symptom But I'm like it's okay I have health insurance

Worst things come to worse I can go to the doctor I have that kind of medical insurance Where you pay the first $10,000 Or something like that But I figured if I had to get brain surgery, it would be okay. And then yesterday, like the day after this happened, Teresa was like, you know how we were talking about taking you to the emergency room? And I was like, yeah. And she's like, I realized that I forgot to renew our health insurance. Like you can only buy health insurance

like 12 months at a time or something if you're not buying real health insurance like the most of the like $5,000 health insurance is like is supposed to be is theoretically temporary it's like supposed to bridge you between your actual health insurance but I don't have

actual I don't have money to buy actual health insurance no so I just have to jump from 12 months to 12 months so just try my point is don't try not to give you a brain tumor yeah try not to give me a brain tumor because it could be a dangerous situation if it makes you feel any better i don't have health insurance no oh good karma thank god did they dump you because of your sinus condition is that what you're saying you're too much of a risk okay well we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. With us, indie singer-songwriter Rachel Cantu. Rachel, how are you? I'm great. I got that right, right? Yeah. Now, I'm holding in my hand, what I am holding in my hand may look to you in the radio audience like it's just a plain red box. Red and white, sure it's a nice box, but it's no special significance, right? Sure. Wrong. Whoa. This box comes from Iceland.

Okay. It's a frozen wasteland north of the Atlantic Ocean, I believe. It did look very foreign. A few weeks ago, maybe even a few months ago, a listener emailed me and said, I don't have any money to donate to Jordan Jesse Go because I'm unemployed and I live in Iceland. And I said, that's no problem. And he said, but my friend works at a candy factory. Should I send you some Icelandic candy?

To which I replied, why isn't it here already? You Icelandic asshole. Good news, Jordan. why isn't it here already you icelandic asshole good news jordan oh we have a giant bag of icelandic candy 10 11 pegar perhentar it's what the bag says iceland candy okay first iceland candy here is Freyjin. That's F-R-E-Y-J-N. Duper. That's D-J-U with an accent, P-U-R.

If you're wondering what this is, this is actually Sukuladehujadabudur lacris. It's from the freyja company uh and if you're wondering what their address freyja f verse devour 36 200 cap of agur island iceland i'm really glad that you're the one fake pronouncing these yeah okay so i think i think we're gonna get a lot of mileage out of this. More languages sound weird joke. Who wants to try Jujupur? I'll try Jujupur. Oh, my God. What did I get myself into? Jujupur comes in a black and white bag.

You got yourself into eating something from a mystery box sent by an Icelandic internet weirdo. Jujupur comes in a black and white bag. What does it look like? It's white and kind of has the texture of like a malt ball. Okay. Looks like those Easter eggs. Jordan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Jordan, as Akinyele so pithily reminded us, put it in your mouth. Oh, it's a raisin. It's a raisinette. It's a raisinette, but it's too big to be a raisinette, and it's white. It's just a raisinette. Yeah, there's a raisin in the middle. It's a Raisinette. It's a Raisinette. Mm-hmm. But it's too big to be a Raisinette, and it's white. It's just a Raisinette?

It's like a candy. Yeah, there's a Raisin in the middle. It's got a candy shell on it. Okay. Oh, it's like an M&M with peanuts, but with a Raisin in the middle. What? Oh, okay. That's good.

That sounds pretty good. Okay. Give me one of those. You want one? Yeah. Next up, don't worry, Rachel. I've got one. I'm throwing them at you. I'll hold it until I need to.

I've got one for you. I knew that you were a big fan of Lindu buffs. Woo! So I got you this Lindu buff. It's by the Gibba Linda Company. Their address, by the way, is Bajer Harani 24, Hafnar Fafral, Simi 555-3466. So here's a Lindu buff. for all. See me, 555-3466. So,

here's a Lindu buff. It's just my luck that, Jordan, we get the Raisinette M&M kind of thing. Right, and you can get the chocolate-covered snake. Now, a Lindu buff comes in a green... Eat it anyway. A Lindu buff comes in a green package that's about the size of maybe

a marshmallow peep. That's true. What is that? Is that some kind of chocolate-covered marshmallow? Yep. Oh, man, that looks good. Nice Lindu buff. Wow.

It's all like Easter candy. Yeah, yeah. That's all they eat there. It's perpetual Easter in Iceland. I don't know, because I've never celebrated Easter by consuming a Noah Mondlur Hudadur Karamalulur. This is by the Mondlur Company. I'm going to try this one out. This one's purple, so I'm thinking that maybe it won't

have any chocolate in it since I'm not allowed to eat chocolate. Jordan, that's like licorice. I'm not a fan. The one that you had that you said was an M&M. You actually did get the worst one. It has licorice in it? Like black licorice. Why is Jordan trying to bullshit us?

I tricked you by saying a licorice was a raisin. I don't know. Maybe there's different ones. Maybe you can't taste. Oh, you know what? Maybe it is a licorice. What's wrong with you? I think I was wrong.

It's licorice. I'm sorry. You're right. It's black. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. A mandalure is very, very hard. Okay.

And it is maroon colored. This is like a really difficult to eat Tootsie Roll. Man, a Tootsie Roll is pretty difficult to eat. But it's purple. Okay. I don't know why it's purple. That's a Noah mandalore. It doesn't taste purple?

No. Is that it? No, there's two more. Okay. Do we have to eat all of them? I'm going to guess that this Villa Couture is caramella plus corn coulour plus kex. I'm going to save that for later. Right now, this is definitely the most exciting of the oh you're right this oh sorry i'm just to

correct this deeja poor has a real nasty aftertaste this is not it was kind of nice while i was eating it but currently i'm not enjoying it i'm not enjoying the one i ate a few minutes not at all do you think it's like a salted licorice sometimes my mom really likes a salted licorice does that even make sense like i don't know what salted licorice. Does that even make sense? Salted licorice? No, it doesn't. Okay, this one is called Opal. And it actually, all it is is an Opal.

It doesn't have a lot of really crazy shit written on it. But it does, Opal is written in like a target that makes it look like it would be on the back of a guy's cafe racer jacket. And the guy is riding a Vespa. So here we go. I'm going to open up Opal. Everybody gets an Opal, okay? Here's an Opal for you. Thank you.

Here's an Opal for you. Thanks. And I'm going to have an Opal. It looks like a juju fruit. Juju B. Wow, it's really hard, too. Wow, it's really weird. Oh, this is like a fucking cough drop. This is like a chewy...

I'm going to spit it out. I know, Opal. I like this, Opal. What? This Opal tastes like... Do you just drink Dime-a-Tap out of the bottle? I love the taste of cough syrup. Well, Dime...

This tastes like Stimeral gum. I think I'm in between the both of you, and I just keep eating it. Jordan literally spat it out and threw it in the trash. Yeah. Yeah, one side of me really wants to do that, but the other side is like, no. Keep going. Just eat it. Do you think that the weird taste...

It's like an abusive relationship. Do you think that this weird taste, Jordan, comes... There's so much fun. Do you think it comes from the hay plifni, the secur, or the glucosaccharop? I'm guessing it's the cough medicine. I'm guessing that's where it gets its taste. It's from the robitussin that they froze in the freezer.

Do you think it's possible that the word in Icelandic for cough medicine is lachrysgjarni? Nope. Rachel's jumping ship. Throwing it in the garbage. You're the only one who can stomach one of these. I love oat balls. It's really clearing out my sinuses, too. Well, good thing you have two boxes.

Holy mackerel. I feel like I just drank some of that Dr. Brommer's magic soap. Jeez, man, I have that tingly menthol taste in my mouth. Isn't this one of the things that someone got mad that you eat on the air? Yeah. Slobber. Slobber noise. Okay, I have an announcement to make, Jordan. Hold on, actually,

oh, yes, go ahead. This is about the candy, I'm going to slightly change the subject. No, because we have different segments for different subjects, Jordan. Well, Rachel had a nice segue into this. Anyways, keep going. Go fuck yourself, Jordan. Wow, alright. Why don't you guys Go back to high school

Where you were so Fucking popular Because you had Fucking kids in your life Yeah Nice Oh we're going to be High fiving all show

If you live In a foreign country And by foreign I mean not the United States Okay That's the definition Of a foreign country The world over

Canada counts Please send us in the mail A weird candy you can find our address on the website uh just click go to maximumfund.org click on about you can find the address there it says for publicists but you can use it to send us candy send us a weird candy of the place that you live and if you'd like to include some kind of explanation uh you're welcome to do so man that opal's gonna stick with me all day i am i'm loving this opal right now jordan i hate iceland and its candy

country now man jordan if i were you i wouldn't want to get in trouble with ari from iceland you remember you remember what happened when we uh didn't get rutger hauer on the show ari came down on us pretty hard. It's true. And as we know also, all Icelandic people have a very severe, halting way of speaking English perfectly that is fundamentally terrifying. It's very core. So I wouldn't mess with them.

They can crush your spirit with but words. I would hate to get chewed out in the King's English. Yeah, exactly. Okay, well, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Fine! Can we bring this up? I'm just saying, okay, Rachel, you mentioned earlier, you said you guys get bitched out for eating on the air sometimes.

I thought that was a good illustration of how Rachel is the first guest to ever do a little research before coming on the show. That's true. Rachel is the first guest ever to come on Jordan Jesse Go, who's listened to Jordan Jesse Go before. So you said you took some notes. What did you take notes about? Are you ready for this? Is this okay?

Do you have notes in your pocket? Yeah. Okay. A little piece of notebook paper. All right. It's good. It's fun. Whoa, look at that.

If you're like Rachel, you're a touring musician. Sure. You need something fun to listen to in your touring bus. Okay. Here we go. These are the notes. Okay. Things that I have learned, observed, or would like to make a comment about Jordan.

Did you write this all out? Yes. Don't you write, don't you do your, are your note taking an outline form? Yeah, look at this. This is an A1. It's like scribbles and scratches. Yeah. There's paragraphs. And, um, sorry, not a lot about you, Jesse, I really

do apologize. That's fine. I know, it's okay. You'll probably actually thank me. Okay. In the end. Um, first one, you've had girlfriends? Question mark? Is that surprising? Uh, we lost touch for a while. No, it's true. It's true.

And you just assumed I was living some sort of... Did you believe Jordan to be a homosexual? Is that what you're suggesting here? Did you just live some sort of chaste life? Not at all. Not at all. I just... Maybe asexual?

Okay, yeah. My cells divide. Come on. You're like a brother. I can't... I can't think of okay me in the throes of okay go ahead right you're like a brother who you presume never to never to have had amorous relations with the opposite sex specifically yeah sure exactly yeah brothers

don't do that no absolutely not um you and jesse have gay kissed we have gay kids that's true we have gay kissed um no tongue though no tongue it wasn't as gay as it could have been jordan's really stubbly yeah no it's true actually you know what that's a that was an important formative experience in my life not so much because i gay kissed my friend but because I realized what it's like when a girl is saying like, oh, you're so stubbly when we kiss. So now you're a clean shaven. Yeah, I am clean shaven right now. You don't have a thick beard though, Jesse.

No, I have a thin beard. I have dark enough hair that it looks awful if I don't shave for a day. Gotcha. But yeah, not thick enough to grow any cool mustaches or beards. That's quite unfortunate. Yeah, it's really whack.

You really just made the ooooh. Redumlicans equals hilarious. You guys, okay. Redump, sure. You guys mind talking or I'm going to have an opal. Yeah, yeah. No, continue. Continue with the list. Listening to your voice actually reminds me. No, it gives me flashbacks of you in a tuxedo with a top hat and a monocle singing Fancy Forgetting in our high school musical The Boyfriend.

Okay. Yeah. Wait a minute. Excuse me? I was. Excuse me? And a monocle. Yeah. Excuse me? And a monocle. Yeah, that was, I would say one of my finest high school performances

was in the flapper era. Spoof. Spoof, light comedy, The Boyfriend. I just remember them putting this play on and everybody, because we had this drama teacher that liked to put on the most random musicals. Yeah, she was like the young upstart drama teacher that liked to put on the most random musicals it was like yeah she was like the young upstart drama teacher we had one before that would put on all the well-known whatever and everybody loved him your oklahoma's your guys and dolls exactly yeah yeah but then and then

and then the maverick came in she put it like once on this island like all these ones was like i'm turning this high school upside down and then. And then even the plays were weird. I don't know. It was never well known. And I remember trying to explain to people, no, it's funny. It's a spoof. Yeah. And everyone's just like.

Like Airplane. Did not get it. Only with 13-year-olds doing the Charleston. Yeah, the Charleston. That was the big number. Sure. That was it. It was huge.

I had to learn how to do the Charleston in high school myself. Yeah. Why? I think we've all had to learn to do the Charleston in high school at some point. Yeah. I mean, some of us were on the football team. Some of us got high under the bleachers. Some of us learned to do the Charleston. I think they teach the football team how to do the Charleston. I could be happy.

I mean, I wasn't on the football team. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could be happy. Okay, we don't have to sing the Charleston? I could be happy. I mean, I wasn't on the football team. Okay, we don't have to sing the songs from the musical. We would get in trouble with BMI. Ask Cap BMI. Shoot. Yeah, you just fucked us big time. Any other noteworthy list?

I never want to see you in a kryptonite suit again. I did stalk you on YouTube, too. Okay. Kryptonite suit. He did wear a kryptonite suit again. I did stalk you on YouTube, too. Kryptonite suit. He did wear a kryptonite suit. I did, yeah. There is a video of me on YouTube wearing a green body sock. Please search that, everybody, and comment on that. We'll throw that up. You may have fooled John Travolta,

but you did not fool me. Okay. Thank you. You got another allusion to an internet clip anyway so yeah so we kind of like to do with the show so rachel we kind of we kind of lost touch for a while but then you know we my spaced reconnected and then no remember i i saw you on the street and you know how i saw you on the street how oh right right okay anyway yeah yeah yeah yeah your hair uh anyways so you've been catching up with me on the internet that's nice just the internet no we had dinner oh yeah no we did i don't have to worry about any of this stuff because i didn't have any friends in high school

yeah you're you currently live with your friend from high school yeah and you're getting married to her you don't have to do this awkward catching up on the radio thing. My big problem is people remembering who I was from high school and I have no idea who they are. Just regularly in San Francisco. Just all the time. It's brutal. It's a very difficult situation.

I'm sorry to hear that. Okay, we can go to break now. Jordan, do you want to host the show from now on? Yes, please. It'll be better. Ladies and gentlemen, your new host, Jordan Morris. All I'm going to have to do from now on is be the sidekick and occasionally throw a wrench in things.

Go ahead, Jordan. You're the new host. We'll be right back on Jordan, Jesse, go. We've got sexy rockers. I have a topic that I wanted to bring up. Oh, sure. No, we're going to break. Oh, I see what you're doing. You're doing what I did.

Yeah. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Iwanttoseethat.com is the sponsor of Jordan, Jesse Goh. Now, Jordan, you and I actually went to the movies.

We did. We did go to the movies. This is like the most amazing occurrence. I left the house, which is truly remarkable, Rachel. You don't know me, but I left my... He's a bit of a shut-in. Yeah, I'm a shut-in. A hermit or a troll. of the movies the most amazing occurrence i left the house which is truly remarkable rachel you don't know me but i i left a bit of a shut-in yeah i'm a hermit or a troll yeah or a goober i mean as long as there's snack foods at home sure you know i do occasionally walk down to the 7-eleven to get some crispy hot cheetos sure i don't think they're called Crispy Hot Crispy's not really a modifier of hot Nah

We saw Gymkata Gymkata 2 Gymkata 2 which was written by David Mamet Starring Chiwetel Ejiofor We saw Red Belt Written by David Mamet Starring Chiwetel Ejiofor Now Red Belt if you're wondering about it

It's a sequel to Punch Fight Which was a movie about a man i would say it's more to have a fight prequel to punch fight oh okay well sure it is it is a bit of a well it's sort of it exists in an alternate right in an alternate storyline coming out yeah exactly they kind of they broke the reality and there's a word for that in comic books what is that called where there's like's alternate storylines and continuity. It's an alternate continuity version of Punch Fight. And it stars Chiwetel Ejiofor as a guy who's really good at martial arts,

but he doesn't want to be in the competition, but it turns out he has to be. It turns out he has to be. For reasons of honor. Yeah, plus he's got to build his relationship with the lady from 30 Rock who had the bird bones. So it's really a very powerful movie. I found it very powerful.

Ricky Jay is in it. He says some funny Ricky Jay stuff. It's really a magical film that I can heartily recommend to anyone out there who's interested in David Mamet or just love the original Punch Fight and want some more of that. You know what I mean? Just a guy who's reluctant to fight a new take on punch fight exactly it's just a different perspective yeah you know what i mean it's like gus van zandt's

psycho it's a shot for shot remake of punch fight yeah exactly only this time it's helmed by legendary playwright david mammett sure so it's very exciting. It's actually, you know, it's a lot like David Mamet's Hollywood satire, State and Main. Mm-hmm. It's Chiwetel Ejiofor mostly fights Philip Seymour Hoffman and Bill Macy. There you go.

Actually, I really liked this movie. Jordan didn't like it as much as I did, but I did really like it. I liked it up until the last 20 minutes. Okay, well... It gets a little silly in the last 20 minutes. Because it's a movie about a martial arts tournament, Jordan.

Well. And it's also a David Mamet movie. If there weren't a few ridiculous things happening in the last 20 minutes of a David Mamet movie, you'd be pretty disappointed. Anyways, but yeah, Edge of Four is great. We do a lot of joking around about Edge of Four yeah the edge of four is great like we do a lot of

joking around about edge of four on the show but this is like a this is like a um that guy's like george clooney like denzel washington style movie star performance he is spectacular man as you would tell each of four that guy's like magic i haven't seen a movie star performance this good since tom jane in the mist i mean that earnestly that is a great that was the only that's the only like lead male performance i've seen recently that's been as compelling jordan loves the mist so much it's great uh oh i want to see that.com you can go on the website uh you can go on the website and click on either The Mist. You can't do The Mist. It's not in theaters anymore.

You can click on, just click on, look for the, it's under P for Punch Fight 2. It's called Punch Fight 2 colon Red Belt by Chiwetel Ejiofor. Click on it and then get your friends to click on it if they want to go see it. The website, just so you know, Rachel, it's a website where you click on what movies you want to go see, your friends click on what movies they want to go see, and then it sets you up on a friend date. Gross. That's not gross.

It's a little gross. That is not gross. It was gross when we went to the movie. Okay, well, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse, Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Without a microphone is Jordan Morris, boy detective.

You're fired from the show, Jordan. Hey! You're off the show. You don't even talk. Can I hang out? Yeah, you can totally hang out. Sweet. There's some cold pizza in the fridge if you want any,

and I think I got a few brews left. Fine. Do not spill the bong. Rachel, you're going to sing a song for us. The song is called A Genius and a Wizard. I'm taking my time so my gun will shine when I walk right up to your door. You won't see it shine from the floor.

They said this is the law and it's not far behind I forgot your picture on me in not much time But my goal is to shoot you blind I am a genius and a wizard But I ain't got nothing on you, honey Cause you're somehow fooling all the lovers Into believing it's about the money And even with the death around

I can still hear the sound of you dragging my name all around town. Yeah, I was kind. And yeah, I was good when I was running wild in your neighborhood. wild in your neighborhood I don't expect sympathy when they lock me up and throw the key Cause you survive enemies all across this

country And I bought, bought, bought it Yeah, bought it Yeah, bought it They should just let me be Cause I've got two out there gunning for me They sit there so quietly Out in Oakland City Yeah!

Woo! Yes! Rock and roll! Thank you. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective with us indie singer songwriter rachel contu who also went to uh high school with jordan sure a good summary yeah i'm proud of that she has some prestigious some prestigious credits but first

and foremost is going to high school with me yeah i mean I mean, do you put that, I mean, if I were you and I was on a billing, you know, like in a press release, it would say, you know, Tegan and Sarah, such and such records, such and such television programs. Yours would say, Rachel Cantu, and then in parentheses, went to high school with Jordan Morris, and then in double parentheses, Fuel TV. Of course.

No, I definitely feel like that would get me many places. I'll give you permission to do that. If you feel like your career isn't on the right trajectory. I demand that you do that. I insist. I'm very proud of Jordan. And after doing lots of obsessive research. Yes.

Kryptonite suit, the whole nine yards. I'm very impressed. Likewise. And from now on, you are on my resume. Yes. Kryptonite suit, the whole nine yards. I'm very impressed. Likewise. And from now on, you are on my resume. Okay, thank you. You know how we've been complaining a lot about Hollywood lately on the show? We have. You've been complaining about your entertainment industry insider status.

I've been complaining about my... Being annoyed by guys with Ed Hardy shirts. Yes, exactly. Now, I think that probably there are a lot of people out there in, say, Newfoundland. In, say, Lawrence, Kansas. Butte, Montana. They're thinking, this isn't real. This isn't a real thing.

Luckily for us, friend of the program asterios coconos uh who uh a bon vivant a man about town a former production assistant at mad tv a guy who told me that when bobby lee from mad tv thought that another one of the cast members on mad tv had slept with his girlfriend he went to that cast member's dressing room and took a shit on the floor. Just a general all-around good guy. The kind of guy who's always ready to give

you that kind of information that's important to know in contemporary American society. He posted something on the Maximum Fun Message board that I thought was really important to share with everyone. The subject line, what the guy thought was really important to share with everyone. The subject line, what the guy in the office next to me is yelling.

It's just a direct quote. Here's the quote. If Mira Sorvino says she wants these shoes and you've called three places and they don't have the shoes, I've got two options. I can go to her trailer and say, Mira, we don't have the shoes we've got these other shoes and now by the way she's not coming out of her trailer without the

shoes or i can find the shoes look i know you're sick but this is important ah thank you thank you Thank you. Thank you, Hollywood. Hold on. Why? I didn't know Mira Sorvino was currently famous enough to have shoes yelled about. I mean, I think that this, it's such a beautiful moment. Maybe someone was playing a recording from someone yelling on the set of The Mimic. Yeah, shortly after the movie Mighty Aphrodite was released. Sure. Or Mimic, the one I said.

Yeah. Yeah, no, it's a truly magical moment. I mean, there's no... How could you possibly... She needs these shoes, number one. Number two, she's Mira Sorvino. Number three, it's a guy yelling at his assistant to do something stupid sure and finally in conclusion the most beautiful moment of all i'm sorry you're

sick i know you're sick but this is important this is not important at all rachel not even this is the least important jordan this is the least important thing that's ever happened. I've experienced, I've been working in Hollywood for a number of years. I've worked with some heavyweights. I've been around, you know. Fran Drescher. Fran Drescher, for instance. Kennedy. Jamie Kennedy. Yes. Not Kennedy from MTV. Now that would be a heavyweight.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Um, uh, she, Oh, I do see Kennedy in my building sometimes. She works for Fox reality. Really? Yeah. I wish I was friends with Kennedy.

I was way into Kennedy when I was like 11. No, she, Oh, are you kidding? Like Kennedy and Lisa Loeb are like the, little glasses 13-year-old nerd obsession. Oh, boy. Yeah. I'm getting a nod of approval. Yes. Yeah.

You're on board with this? You're right here with us? Mostly Lisa Loeb. Yeah. Not Kennedy at all? No. Isn't she a big Republican? She's a big Republican.

But I only found out she was a big Republican long after after you had been masturbating to her and you can't just give that up you can't just stop when you're um oh anyway so kind of my experience with this kind of hysteria about what a star wants and you know granted i've never worked around a you know a nicole kidman or a you know uh harrison ford yeah sure tom cruise yeah no no um but this kind of hysteria that kind of they need betty davis that kind of yelling um is that that is that's a that's a thing that the yeller is feeling. Like I was yelled at. That's something that the yeller – that urgency is coming from the yeller, not from the person. I think that there's that show business feeling that – and I'm sure this goes to other industries, but I found it prominent in showbiz that, holy shit, I'm bad at my job.

I could be fired at any second. As soon as the tide – the internet is going to fire me is a feeling that I feel like a lot of people have. So there's that extra hysteria that if one little thing goes wrong, you're out and i think that is even actually a little bit true i think that you know uh definitely because television is so fickle and so um you know kind of based around trends that that people do get fired for silly reasons anyways but uh i'm i'm not positive that that in this situation i believe that mira sorvino in some cases mild-mannered and down to earth in some cases it is the star though like for the for example the other day, I threatened to fire Teresa if she didn't get Coco to bring me some opals. Sure.

Because I love them. Which you've only recently eaten a few minutes ago. I love opals. It's my favorite candy. Finding some holes in this story. It's my favorite candy. Mmm, opal. You're a little brown, too chewy, jujube of cough drop flavor. We should

be clear that the opal tastes specifically, it does not taste like a fruity cough syrup. It just tastes like the cough syrup part of the cough syrup. Yes. Rachel, you're a recent L.A. transplant, right? Recently. Boston, is that where you came to L.A. from? Yeah. That makes it sound like I grew up in Boston and that we didn't go to high school together. No. But no. You're from Southie, right?

Yeah. What's been your L.A. experience so far? Has there been any like... I fell into the trap of becoming a production assistant and I agree, it's the same kind of like you leave your job every day thinking I did the worst job ever whereas you probably worked four times as hard as any normal job and ran around with your head cut off

and tried to get Mira Servina her shoes and you still go home feeling like crap because somebody is a yeller and it's true, I do agree that a lot of times it's not from the actual i mean sometimes yeah the actual person but i have witnessed you had any divas have you had to no i work in commercials come on okay but still things maybe jared from subway things up at you or something what about maybe that uh that bunny that lays eggs from the Cadbury's ad? Sure.

That's an amazing bunny. There's only one, you know? That kid who's stoked that he won at Crossfire from the Crossfire commercial. The fat kid from the Target education commercials who goes, Want to buy some bird seed? It's for the birds. What? I've never seen that.

Sounds terrible. Anyway. Anyways. Is that all we got? We've had seen that Sounds terrible Anyway Anyways Is that all we got? We've had some yellers Yellers Yeah but it also It just

It comes from the person Yeah The person yelling at you I've witnessed this too Where it's just been blown Out of proportion I don't know It's just not reality

It's just not right No Gosh darn it It's immoral It's an immoral world That we live in Jordan I agree with you Okay well We'll be back in just a second On Jordan Jesse Gale No, it isn't. It's immoral. It's an immoral world that we live in, Jordan.

Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Off-microphone Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm in trouble. With us is Rachel Cantu, who has another song to sing. What song are you going to sing this time, Rachel Cantu? This is called Make a Name for Me

and You. There was a day when I could sit face to face with you Now that I'm away, I can't sleep the night through Remember the time in your kitchen with wine Kitchen with one Dancing to the tunes of our blues I'm going out I'm gonna make a name for me and you I'm gonna make a name for me and you They can never say I never cared for you

Cause it's just not true And I know your vices and those are your choices And I want to be there for you And this place of sunrise is burning in my eyes And I want them to burn here with you I do I do I'm going out I'm gonna make a name for me and you

They can never say I never cared for you Cause it's just not true And I tried my best just to hide this away But the earth cracks hard in california and the earthquakes are giving me And it's just not true Cause I care for you I care for you. Yeah!

Yeah! That's called Rock and Roll Music from Rachel Cantu on Jordan Jesse Go. We'll be back in just a second. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Singer-songwriter Rachel Cantu alongside us here. You guys want to go to the telephones? I have a question.

Yes. Quick question, you guys. Shoot. You want to go to the telephones? Yeah. Yeah. Would you guys like to hit the phones? That's my favorite part of the show.

This is the guy who called Susan Law School and was going to fail a law class. And I recently took my second exam for the class. And I'm proud to say that your mouthparts and encouragement helped out very well because I passed with flying colors. So one more exam to go and I will be in the clear and ready to graduate law school. As far as I can tell, there's only one appropriate way to congratulate this young man who passed his business course in law school. Great. Congratulations, asshole. It's Margaret in Manhattan with a momentous occasion.

I think this one is one Jordan will probably appreciate in particular. I was doing my jazz gig on a recent Tuesday and this gentleman comes in, looked to be about 50 years old and was dressed in a manner that suggested he was either famous or the most fascinating crackhead I'd ever

seen. Baggy plaid shorts, big jacket, crazy looking. Well, someone pointed out to me that Bad Manners had played a concert around the corner earlier that evening, and this was in fact Buster Blood Vessel, the frontman for the noted

Ska Pioneers, Bad Manners. So I'm coming around. Oh, Jesse, just so you don't fall asleep, pretend I just said it was Grandmaster Flash. So later on, I'm coming around with a tip jar, and because I'm a total idiot, I said, oh, I hope it's not bad manners for me to ask for a tip. He just about said, oh, good manners are hard to come by, love, but bad manners will make you a fucking fortune.

So that was great, and he drunkenly tried to sing along with the song, Won't You Come Home, Bill Bailey, which he didn't know the words, but that was fun. And he gave me a sweet little drunken snog at the end of the evening. So lip up, daddy, indeed. Excuse me? Wow.

Now, what I want to know is, what is that? Why would Grandmaster Flash say that? I'm confused. Yeah. That is a good one. Totally baffled. Gosh, that reminds me of a story that big time Gene O'Neill told once, that kind of comparable celebrity pod.

Gene works at a hot dog place called or he worked like throughout high school and then kind of like summers during college worked at this hot dog place in the valley called the wiener factory and richard dreyfus came in and you know the wiener factory is staffed by guys who you would think would work at a place called the Wiener factory. You know, dudes, dudes, dudes. Male models. Male models. And Richard Dreyfuss ordered, and the guy behind the counter said,

Wow, you must be hungrier than Jaws. Didn't I tell you about something else that happened to big time Gene O'Neill? I guess tell Rachel because I bet Jordan's already heard this. By the way, we've been getting a lot of requests to get big time Gene O'Neill back on the show. We'll get him back on the show. Right now he works on the day that we record the show, so we've got to figure out something else. But Gene O'Neill worked at a Christmas tree lot. This was just like a regular Christmas tree lot, and it was during one of his sort of more down periods of his life so he wasn't very happy about working at this christmas tree lot and one day he's standing there taking his break

sort of like off in the corner of the christmas tree lot and he sees wesley snipes walk up this is a christmas tree lot in hollywood he sees wes Wesley Snipes walk up on the other side of the fence. And Wesley Snipes is like, hey, you dudes know anything about this burnt out building across the street? And Gene was like, no. I just went to the Christmas tree lot. And Wesley Snipes says, yeah, I'm thinking about opening up a club there. It's going to be pretty ill. And Gene's like, wow, that's great.

Great work, Wesley Snipes. And he goes, yeah, when I open up that shit, you dudes are going to be hanging out with me and the VIP smoking some fat cigars. And Gene goes, yeah, when you open up your club, you're going to be hanging out with the guys from the Christmas tree lot. And then Wesley Snipes goes, you know, big dog.

And then he leaves. Oh, man. Every time I think about that story, I want a fourth Blade movie. It's so bad. Where's the next Blade movie? Okay, let's go back to the phones. Oh, wait. I have a comment that I wanted to make about Margaret's call.

Yeah. I like, one of my favorite parts about doing this show is that it allows me to present one of my closest friends to thousands of people across the world as defined by only two characteristics, curly hairedness

and enthusiasm for scum music. There you go i have to say we're i was working yesterday and somebody put on say ferris and i did think of you is that is that that's that's the first thought why i've become i have a lot of other interests other than that hey jesse this is ashley from te. And my mother, on a whim, just decided to go visit her best friend who lives in Indiana. And I dropped her off at the airport just now, and I was talking to her about, like, where she was going exactly. Because I know her best friend lives in Indiana, but I'm not sure which city. And she goes, oh, we're going to Chicago.

I'm pretty sure Chicago isn't in Indiana. I'm pretty sure it's in Illinois. But I could not convince my mom that she was not flying to Chicago, Indiana. So I'm not sure where she's going now. But she just got on a plane. And I guess I'll see her in four days. I'm really happy. One reason I played this call, Jordan, is I'm just happy that Ashley from Texas is okay. Regular listeners to the program may remember Ashley from Texas as our official caller. She used to call in every week,

and I was worried that something terrible had happened to her, Jordan. Yeah, well, clearly she's doing great. She's doing fine. She's having a lot of fun dropping her mom off at the airport. And just so you know, I can't say for sure where she's going in Indiana but she's probably going to the Basketball Hall of Fame which is in Boston, Indiana. Which is actually where Rachel lived before she was here. Boston, Indiana. Next call.

Hey Jordan, Jesse Go. This is Pete from Lehigh Boston, Indiana. Next call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Go. This is Pete from Lehighton, Pennsylvania. I was just listening to Ashkahn doing his Soldier Boy, and I thought it was a joke at first. You guys are all like, you know, oh, now we're going to get serious.

And then it touched me, and I started crying. So thanks a lot, jerks. Ashkahn made our listener cry, Jordan. Wow. I think that's the first instance of tears because of an episode of Jordan and Jesse Go. I'd like to think that some people cried when I cried on the show. When did you cry?

When my dog died that I loved very much and very sincerely. Yeah, I kind of just tuned out. Forgot about that. Jordan, I still cry about that sometimes, you asshole. Who's the jerk here? I think what has been made clear is that if there is one jerk amongst us, it is Jordan Morris, the curly-headed ska lover. And nothing else.

Ah, jeez. Jordan. Yeah. ska lover and nothing else ah geez jordan yeah you already knew that lots of celebrities love to listen to jordan jesse go but did you know that lots of celebrities spouses also love to listen to jordan jesse go i did not know that i'm guessing that uh for example i'm just going to give some examples these are just purely conjecture. Ice-T's wife, Coco, the adult model. I'm guessing she probably listens. I'm guessing... Nicolas Cage's 18-year-old Asian sushi restaurant waitress wife. You got it.

Nicolas Cage's sushi restaurant wife listens to the program. Taffy Brodesser-Akner, Claude Brodesser-Akner's wife, who didn't invite us to that party that one time. She probably listens to Jordan Jesse Go. We don't have conclusive proof of any of those, though. But we do have conclusive proof that one celebrity's wife listens to Jordan Jesse Go. I'm going to run the tape.

Hi. This is Ira Glass's wife. I'm calling to tell you that the game that he bought from the store was Super Smash Brothers Brawl, but it wasn't actually for him.

It was for some friends of ours who are getting married. We only have a PlayStation 2, and basically the only game that he plays on that is Soul Calibur. So there you go. You're welcome. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oh, my God. Wow. We had a call. If you're confused by that, we had a call a few weeks ago. Someone was talking about a celebrity run-in they had. They work at a GameStop, and they said they sold Ira Glass a Wii game, and we were speculating as to which Wii game it was. What Wii game did we speculate it was?

I was guessing Super Wario Smooth Moves Which is my favorite Wii game In that game, if you've never played it before, Rachel It says shake it And then you have to go And shake it Oh man, it is really something It's going like

And it says shake it And you shake it Oh man, do you ever, Rachel That's the understatement of the century Right there Did anybody else pick up the fact that he was buying it for a wedding present? Yeah, well Oh, man. Do you ever, Rachel. That's the understatement of the century right there. Did anybody else pick up the fact that he was buying it for a wedding present? Yeah, well.

That is, yeah. It's pretty cheap. You know, babies making babies these days. That's true, yeah. Kids getting married. 13-year-olds. I love it. It's probably for, you know what it's probably for?

It's probably for Nicolas Cage's wife, his 18-year-old sushi restaurant wife. She loves Nintendo Wii. Would you rather get China platters? Or a Wii game? Right. No, that's a good point. Do you think we should take up a collection to buy Ira Glass Katamari Damacy? Maybe, yeah. I kind of feel like we should. I'll send him my copy. I have beautiful Katamari now for

Xbox, so I don't need my PlayStation 1 anymore. Are you going to send it to him? We'll send it to him with a little note. Ira Glass or his wife, if you'd like Katamari Damacy for PS2. I have their address. We can send it to them at Chicago Public Radio. No, because they're in New York. I don't know where they're... But I know their production

coordinator, so I'll ask him what the address is to send it to. If there's a closer address. Yeah, and we're going to send Ira Glass a new game to play besides Soul Calibur. That's funny. What is it? Soul Calibur involves demon slaying, doesn't it? Yeah, Soul we're going to send Ira Glass a new game to play besides Soul Calibur. That's funny. What is it? Soul Calibur involves demon slaying, doesn't it?

Soul Calibur, it's kind of a medieval sword fighting game. There's a lot of nerdery around it. There's a big Soul Calibur cult. I don't understand it myself. Maybe you should talk to Ira about it. Yeah, it seems like, I don't know, it seems like one of those. Anyway, it seems like a button masher to me. It doesn't seem as technical as people want to say it is Sorry it's not one of your precious

Import fighting games for the Dreamcast Yeah, well, it's all I like Oh, you know what? Now that I mention that I misspoke earlier when I said that I have presented you to the world As my close friend Who's defined only by ska and curly hair.

Ska, curly hair. Import Japanese fighting games for the Dreamcast. Now, last week on the program, we talked about sex dreams. Yes. And I was ready to leave the subject behind, except that there was a couple that I really wanted to touch upon. Okay? Because there's a couple calls I really wanted to touch upon. Okay. So because there's a couple calls that were too good. Hey, Jordan.

Hey, Jesse. It's like 4am. I have another sex dream for you guys. I don't know where this came from, but I just had a sex dream about Carrie Strug, the Olympic gymnastic from a while ago. I was standing in front of my elementary school in some sort of long line, and then I realized I was standing behind Carrie Strug, and I didn't have any pants on. I didn't have any pants on.

And then so in the middle of this line, we proceeded to have relations. I don't really know how it went or how good it was. But yeah, I don't know where that came from, but sex dream about Carrie Strug. My favorite part of this whole thing is that he had a sex dream about Carrie Strug. I'm just going to give a rundown for Rachel. He had a sex dream about Carrie Strug. He woke up in alarm at 4 o'clock in the morning, pawed his way on the bedside table grabbed his cell phone turned it on went to the preset for jordan jesse go hotline pressed the green button called that shit in yeah he kind of sounded like he was still he's still a little groggy in the

in the moment of the dream he was like i don't know i mean yesly disturbed. Yes. Still inside Carrie Strug is what you're trying to say. Oh, my gosh. And that's what you, you said it. You're the one who brought it up. I implied it with tone. Isn't Carrie Strug the one who, like, finished her routine after she broke her ankle? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man.

That's a real, like, yeah, that's a real, like, mid-90s, flash-in-the-pan celebrity. We need to get some 1950s Freudian analysts on the show, guys who talk like this, to talk about what's going on in these streams. And your brains. Your brains are crazy. Now, Jordan, a couple of weeks ago, the thing that spawned all of this was a listener who called in because she had had a sex dream about you. Sure. Jordan, and she said that you were gentlemanly, right? What did she say? I think it was gentlemanly, but not a sissy.

But not a sissy about it. She called in to offer a few more details, because there had been a lot of confusion about what exactly happened in the dream. A lot of discussion about this on the message board. She just wanted to clarify what went down. Oh, wow. Hi, Jordan and Jesse. This is Kristen.

I'm the one who called with the boner dream about Jordan a few weeks ago. I don't even know if you care anymore, but since you've been brought up on the show a couple times, I thought I'd fill in some details, like this is some sort of explicit Mad Libs. I wrote some stuff about it on the message board, but maybe you didn't see it. And that's the coolest I've ever felt.

Anyway, so in a dream, Jordan was like, I guess my subconscious drew up this caricature. He was a dude wearing jeans, flip-flops. He had curly hair. And I remember he was wearing a gray sweater. I would have thought that he'd be wearing, like, a gamer shirt,

like you got fragged or whatever. But I don't know why. Anyway, so the reason I said that he was a gentleman but not a sissy about it was that in the dream, I remember he kept being like, is this okay? Is this okay? Like if he was, you know, like take off my pants or like going up my shirt or something. But then once he was there, he fucking went to town. And that's really, those are most of the details I remember. Oh, also it didn't take place in the bedroom.

It was in like a living room and it was kind of dirty. And I don't want to make anything else for the sake of entertaining you. So that's it. Thanks. Bye. I'm sorry for really weird. Bye. That's really good, Jordan.

You didn't dream rape her, is what she's trying to say. No, I'm a very progressive, chick positive. You were careful even not to dream sexually assault her at all. I mean, not necessarily even rape, but you didn't dream take off, she didn't dream unconsensually remove her pants, for example. Sure, sure. And I know that, yeah, and that's good of me, because I know some, you know,

you want to be... You want to do it Antioch College style. You make sure you get consent at each level of the sex dream. Sure. You know what I'm saying? And then, you know what you do once that happens? Rachel, you know what you do. You go to town.

You go to town. That's absolutely correct. You go to town. Is this okay? Is this okay? Yeah. Now, let's go to town. Now that I've established that it's okay, I'll go into town.

Okay, now. Can you tell me if I've gone to town too much? We have one. Or not enough. we have one or not enough we have one last call on the sex dream topic now this is i mean it's a very short call but i i think i'm not certain but i think this may be the creme de la creme of this entire telephone call genre this may be the single best sex dream that anyone has called in to report i mean that's i don't know that's a that's a something old state perhaps even better than carrie strug from the united states olympic gymnastics team circa 1996 or

2000 or whenever that was i don't know is this better is this better than that one we had where the woman uh had rough sex with George Bush while the Secret Service watched? And she was a street prostitute. Yes. And she had to – George Bush hired her to berate him and talk about how small his dick was. Maybe. No, this is better. This is simple.

All right. Well, I'm anxious to hear this dream call. That one – let me put it this way, Jordan. That one may have been Dickens, but this one is Hemingway. Okay. You see what I'm saying? Hey, guys, I'm calling about a weird sex dream I had. This was like when I was like 11 or 12.

Maybe I had no sexual experience under my belt. And I had a sex dream about where I was sucking the female protagonist of Caroline in the City. I don't know where it came from, but there it is. Okay, that's pretty good. Maybe if her kind of crabby art assistant was watching, too. That would be a nice little feather in the cap. What about this? What if somebody had a sex dream where they were inside Herman's head?

Or they had to stay after Drexel's class. Somebody had a sex dream about Kubiak from Parker Lewis can't lose. Something something capital critters. extreme about Kubiak from Parker Lewis can't lose. Something, something, capital critters.

Oh, boy. Let's get serious for a minute and do a couple of momentous occasions, shall we? Sure. Just for our listeners who don't know, occasionally we ask, and for Rachel, occasionally we ask, if something momentous

happens in your life, call into our hotline to commemorate it. So everything from someone getting locked on the porch by the children that they're babysitting to, you know, the time that you made out. We had someone call in when she made out with the captain of the football team.

So here you go. That's sweet. Classic. It's classic is what it is. Gentlemen, this is Jay from Toronto. Momentous occasion, especially after this long, really, really snowy Canadian winter. I just saw the first robin redbreast in spring. I did not know. I have to confess. I did not know a Robin Redbreast was actually something. It is.

It is, and it's the first one of the spring. Now, if that doesn't touch your heart, if you're not bawling like a baby out there, then go fuck yourself. Okay, next one. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, this is Will from Chicago, calling in with a momentous occasion. I am in my hands right now holding the first book in which anything I've written has ever been published. Even cooler than that, the intro to the book is written by Judge John Hodgman,

and I'm the last thing in the book, which means we bookend it, which means we're Ink Brothers. Now, before this, one of the reasons I wanted to play this, well, I mean, I'm happy to support the McSweeney's book of book jokes, which I presume is the book, but I also just, I had no idea what the exact definition, I'd heard of the term

bandied about a lot, Ink Brothers, but I didn't know exactly what the definition of Ink Brothers was or is. I assumed it was maybe if two people touch their pens together. Their quills. Or their quills. Actually, it turns out...

You dip your quill into someone else's ink well. Exactly. That makes you Ink Brothers. But as it turns out... Or if you both take a bite of opposite ends of a squid. Mm-hmm. And you meet in the middle. Right at the sack.

Mm-hmm. Right at the ink sack.. Right at the sack. Mm-hmm. Right at the ink sack. You both bite the sack at the same time. Yeah, and it makes a little squirt on both ends. You have to do it simultaneously. Also, you've been doing peyote. It turns out it has nothing to do with peyote, not even mescaline. Sure.

It's just when somebody writes the first thing in an anthology book and somebody writes the last thing in the anthology book, those two people become ink brothers. Okay, one more momentous occasion. Hi, Jordan, Jesse. This is Tess from Chicago. I'm calling about a momentous occasion. It's about 1.30 in the morning. I stopped at the grocery store for a post-bar treat, and the person in line kindly offered me cuts because I had fewer items. And I look up to discover it's none other than WGN-TV Chicago's finest weatherman, Mr. Tom Skilling, who then proceeded to spend about 10 minutes explaining El Nino summers to me in the grocery store line at 1.30 in the morning. It was amazing.

Love the show, guys. Keep up the good work. Bye. Now, that is the kind of magical moment that Momentous Occasions is designed to capture. Television weatherman at the grocery store at 1.30 in the morning. Probably, I can't say for sure what he's doing. My best guess is he's buying Sudafed to turn it into meth. He's at the grocery store standing in line.

He graciously offers cuts to a Jordan Jesse Go listener, which, by the way, is the kind of great thing that happens once you start listening to Jordan Jesse Go. All of a sudden, people are offering you cuts that you didn't use because you only have a few items. Exactly. You just have to know the secret passwords, and you are in. You know what I'm saying? Yes. He offers you cuts. You have to park in handicapped parking spaces, too.

So if you're listening to this, just start parking in handicapped parking spaces. It'll work out great. It's totally fine. You're not going to get towed. Yeah, it's no problem. Loading zones, too. You're A-OK for loading zones. If you've got...

Anyone's driveway. Yeah, any driveway at all. People will actually... Park across the driveway. People will actually... If you park in someone's driveway and you've been listening to Jordan and Jesse go, they will come out and give you a handjob to thank you for parking in their driveway. Man, that's gross.

I'm sorry. What? Why do you keep turning on me this show, Jordan? Sorry. You're fired! Wow. Okay, can I still hang out? Yeah, totally.

Can you get the beer nuts, though? Yeah. You brought beer nuts, right? Yeah, I did. Awesome. Awesome. You want to play Soul Calibur? Do I?

Ira's coming over. Yeah, I get to be Voldo. You want to be Nightmare? I'm going to be Doldar. That's not a guy from Soul Calibur. Oh, okay. You can be Tucky. I thought being a guy from Soul Calibur just meant making up a funny name.

Nah. No? Specific funny names. So, Numtor won't be one? Numtor actually is one. Oh! He's master of the Numchucks. Thank you.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Sure. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. With a singer-songwriter, Rachel Cantu. We're wrapping things up here, Jordan. Saying bye.

Action items this week. Well, if you live in a foreign country And that means any country besides The United States And hey how about this Any country besides Hollyweird The country that we live in It's like it's the people's republic

Of Hollyweird Everybody's dressed like Spiderman All the time This is crazy Lots of Bed Bath & Beyonds. I don't know. Mostly Beyonds, though. Because only Hollywood does.

Yeah, only in Hollywood. It's that popular chain. Only in Hollyweird. Okay, you can send us some candy. And I'm going to open it up. If you do live in some other part of the country that has a weird regional candy. Oh, if someone would send us a can of Big Red, please. Big Red soda.

You know what? I was at the store. There was Big Red at the store in an 18-pack. Yeah, at Ralph's. Oh, really? Well, cancel my thing. Okay. If you live somewhere where there's caffeine-free Dr. Pepper, you can send me some caffeine-free Dr. Pepper.

You're going to mail us some White Castle hamburgers. Yeah, absolutely. You can also buy those at the grocery store. Really? Yeah, frozen. Huh. Can you get us, if you're out there and you can get us a squid so we can become Ink Brothers, just send it to us.

The address is on the website. Click on About. Or you can call us at 206-984-4FUN, 206-984-4FUN. Rachel, let's just say I'm an indie rock enthusiast. Right. Let's just say that I was delighted by the beautiful songs

that you sang on this week's program. Where would I go to find out more about you and or see you live in concert and or buy some kind of memento that says Rachel Cantu such as a t-shirt or compact disc? We can buy the CDs, my older CD. I'm in the midst of recording a new one, and the old one is on iTunes.

It's Rachel Cantu, R-A-C-H-A-E-L. And also... And Cantu is spelled exactly how you would expect. Right, right. It's the traditional spelling of Cantu C-A-N-T-U also obviously everybody has a MySpace page now my website doesn't work

for some unknown reason but you got the MySeries the MySpace, the iTunes the iTunes.com insaneclownpossefan slash rachelcantu is it myspace.com slash Insane Clown Posse fan slash Rachel Cantu. Is it MySpace.com slash Rachel Cantu? It is.

Okay. Here's something that happened recently, Jordan. Okay. The first time Ashkahn was on Jordan Jesse Go, he told me that he had gotten, no, you told me that when Chris Fairbanks was on Jordan Jesse Go, he got more new friends from being on Jordan Jesse Go than he got from being on Jimmy Kimmel. Yes. What have you gotten the most new friends from in your entire life, Rachel Cantu?

Touring with Tegan and Sarah. Touring with Tegan and Sarah. I want to prove that Jordan, Jesse Go is fundamentally better than Tegan and Sarah. We've been saying that for years. Yeah. I mean, we finally have a metric we can use. So myspace.com

slash Rachel Cantu, make Rachel Cantu your friend so that we can finally defeat Jordan and Jesse are better than Tegan and Sarah. It's a thesis and I think we can prove it. Yeah, absolutely. And it's simple.

It's just as simple as going to MySpace.com slash Rachel Cantu and clicking on Add. And then, Rachel, will you do us a favor and next week give us a call and let us know how many new friends you got from us. You got it. Okay. It's done. It's done. Done-zo. It will be done, Jordan.

We're going to be live in Amherst, Massachusetts next weekend Saturday night, April 12th, I believe it is We're at UMass Amherst You can find more information if you go to our forums You can find out all the information It's totally free We're going to try and see if we can put together some kind of meetup But we're not sure because we have complicated tech schedules And different other schedules Jordan has to teach a workshop about improvising and that kind of thing. So

we're going to try and fit in a meetup at some point during the day there in Amherst. But it's absolutely free and open to anybody. So we hope that you will go. And there's also some other really cool groups on the bill, like Team Submarine, who were on The Sound of Young America a few months ago. So we will see you in Amherst, Massachusetts. A special thanks. Our theme music comes from Light in the Attic Records. It is Love You by The Free Design.

Before we finish out, I want to say one thing about The Free Design. We got this email. Rachel was just asking, what is that great theme music from Jordan Jesse Go? It is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of Light in the Attic Records.

Here is an email that a listener forwarded me from his buddy who he sent the Free Design song to. So you are a bastard for giving me that Free Design awesome bullshit motherfucker badass gayness. Eric and I were video chatting, and we just stared at each other while we played, and we made up tap dances. Then Billeter heard it and got a boner and almost poked his eye out.

Then I googled free design and found out they did stuff with Enoch Light. Then I remembered that my mom and dad have assloads of those records in their basement because I'm used to those, when I used to use those when we pretended to be Run DMC. I'm an asshole, you're an asshole, our assholes are assholes.

This is the greatest email ever. Wow. Love, Chris. So that is the kind of thing that will happen to you if you buy yourself a copy of the best of the free design from Light in the Attic Records. You'll turn into a nonsensical weirdo. That is magic. That is magic. And you don't even just have to listen to – you don't have to just listen to Love You.

How about this? Why don't you listen to Kites Are to listen to, you don't have to just listen to Love You. How about this? Why don't you listen to Kites Are Fun? Yeah, Keegee's Ouija. Yeah, exactly. It's about an old man with a magical Ouija board. And there's a lot of amazing tracks on the best of the free design CD, and you should totally buy it. Okay, we'll see you next week on Jordan, Jesse, go.