Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 573: Friend Fiction with Moujan Zolfaghari

Episode Date: March 5, 2019

Moujan Zolfaghari (Mission to Zyxx) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the cats, Pancake and Zen,who she is cat-sitting for at the moment and their complex family situation, the new genre of fanfiction where you just write stories where you are friends with the people in pop culture you want to hang out with, and the improv or sketch show that everyone saw that opened their mind to the idea that comedy can be elevated or artful or cool. Plus, we reveal how many people in our audience are named Bronson! This week we want to hear from people who own fezes! Let us know if you own a fez and send in your hot fez pics! Email us at [e-mail] or call us at 206-984-4FUN. Are there more people in the JJGo audience who own a fez or who have been on Jeopardy!?

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris. Uh-oh, what's coming here? Jordan Morris, man who owes the audience an apology. Oh, wow, really? Yeah, I mean, I'm sure you saw some of the fallout from last week's episode.

I've been watching a lot of live streams of the video game Fallout. Okay. Well. A lot of actual play videos. Well, people are complaining about the show on those. Okay. Weirdly, people are mad at us in Dark Souls lore videos. Oh, okay.

Which I watch a lot of just to get some of the backstory for Fort of the Boral Valley. Is that a part of it? Yeah. I actually did that. I actually watched the lore video to learn more about Fort of the Boral Valley. Wow. Yeah. You know, the lore is complicated in those Dark Souls games.

It's not all – it's metatextual. I only recently like started to learn what even the word lore means. Okay. I'm really not – I mean that's not a – that's not a – that's just a word. Is it like vor? No. I mean it's like the story behind something.

The word lore? I mean I know what lore is in general but it's specific. It has a specific like – I think it just means story. Geek media meaning. Yeah in general, but it's specific. It has a specific like geek media meaning. Yeah. It's like the difference between the word canon and the word canon. So you were concerned that the word lore, which means story, was part of some sort of fetish like vore where want to see my little pony characters eat and digest each other yes you were concerned that it was going that far away from its original meaning i'm not sure because you know canon well on the one hand it's a question of like is tony morrison's

beloved canonical sure yeah you know so so-called Western literary canon, for example. Right. Then there's this parallel where it's a sexual thing where a man curls up into a ball and is thrown as far as... Into a lake of semen. Right. Presumably.

Yeah. Internet's a weird place. Could be a different bio. Internet's a weird place. So, I mean, basically, you know, from every corner of the internet, from Dark Souls lore videos to Fallout Let's Plays. People are upset with you, Jordan. To Minecraft rap

videos. Wow. Okay. Open Mike Eagle told me about Minecraft rap videos. Holy cow. Is that like chap rap? Boy, I don't know. I was, honestly, throughout the whole conversation, I was confused. Okay. We'll have to get Mike Eagle back in here to talk about Minecraft rap videos.

I won't do it justice. So, I mean, yeah. I mean, I think let's, you know, elephant in the room time. Yeah. I'm genuflecting. I'm down on one knee. Wow. The Pope's not even here. I know. We got you genuflecting. Yeah. I'm genuflecting. I am down on one knee. Wow. The Pope's not even here.

I know. We got you genuflecting. Yeah, I know. But he could walk in at any moment. Yeah. You know, I think last week we, I said that our guest Matt Bronger, great guy, great episode. The legendary ding-donger. Yeah.

Legendary ding-donger. Yeah. I said that I was excited to have him because he was our first guest that was officially part, canonically part, if you will, of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Later in the show, Brian, because he's a good producer, let us know that we had forgotten about Steve Agee, who of of course, appears in Guardians of the Galaxy 2 as Groot. Yeah. I think. Yeah. I'm pretty sure you're right.

He's either Groot or that mixtape. Right. Yes, he is. Yeah. Steve Agee plays a mixtape with the hits of the 70s. Yeah. 70s yeah uh and you know and i kind of had i felt silly about that but i kind of felt like we had addressed it but it it turns out this show is a fucking hothouse for people in the marvel cinematic universe i'll just refer to it as the mcu from here on out what does that stand for uh marvel cinematic universe it doesn't have a parallel uh no no yeah it's true yes it is it is also uh something where someone goes uh into you

head first through your butt got it called mcu-ing got it uh judy greer in the ant-man movies uh dc pearson um captain america 2 brian husky is in one of those ant-Man movies. DC Pearson, Captain America 2, Brian Husky is in one of those Ant-Man movies somewhere apparently. I feel like there's someone else. I remember someone else in addition to those people. Someone was on a TV show.

You know, there was this I mean, I know there's the guest we always, this is kind of silly because we just know him so well, there's the guest we always call when someone cancels, of course, and that's Anthony Mackie. Apparently he's in those? I don't know. I don't watch him. Yeah, do we count our favorite regular guest, Regis?

Is Regis in one of the Marvel movies? No, I think he should be if he isn't. I think he should too. Yeah. He's like 90, but, you know, so was Stan Lee. That's true. Yeah. Now that Stan Lee is dead,

Regis should cameo. They should just cut to Regis as like a mailman. I mean, I'd take Kathy Lee. So what's going to happen is- I'd take Hoda for that matter. So maybe,

you know, Wolverine will be fighting Wendigo. They'll crash into a restaurant and then they'll just cut to Hoda going, check, please. Yeah, exactly. And then the whole audience will applaud. Or at least, you know, the three quarters who know who she is. Who is Wolverine fighting? Winnebago?

Wendigo. Or Wendigo. He's like a big beast man. He's kind of like a Bigfoot type monster. He's like a Canadian monster. That sounds fun. It is a lot of fun. Wend kind of like a Bigfoot type monster. He's like a Canadian monster. That sounds fun. It is a lot of fun. Wendigo is great.

Or Wendigo. Does he, where does he live? Canada. But I mean, does he have a house or? I don't know. Are you trying to get me to say that Wendigo lives in a Winnebago? That's my ideal situation, certainly. Well, it's your lucky day, buddy.

I'm about to say Wendigo lives in a Winnebago. That's lore, baby. Until he eats Wolverine and digests him, then that's vore, baby. So, I mean, here's – okay. So where do we go from here? Where do we go from here? Where do we go from here? Man, that's the question that all of america is asking right now um of course we've had hearings in congress

sure tax questions intergenerational cultural conflict millennials of course sure you can't forget millennials avocado toast that's a that's something that millennials love. Chai latte. The return of the LP. Mm-hmm. Not fucking? Yeah. Millennials not fuck? I thought I saw something about them not fucking. Anyway.

Promise rings? There you go. The promise ring, of course. Sure. You got to talk about emo. Pedro the Lion. Yeah. Sunny day real estate.

Sure. Global warming. Boy. Okay. sunny day real estate sure global warming boy uh okay um so you know i think this is something you see in internet media a lot is like kind of people with a little fan base like we have kind of like petitioning to be in one of their favorite things so i mean you could draw the conclusion because we have had so many guests from the MCU. Oh, you know what? I'll address this real quick. A lot of people are saying Rob Delaney because he was in one of the Deadpools as Deadpool's

friend, but that is not part of the MCU proper. That is part of the Fox X-Men universe. So basically what I am saying is fuck you, Rob Delaney. Yeah. Fuck Rob Delaney. Yeah. Fuck Rob Delaney. Yeah. Deadpool 2. Quit looking into the camera so much.

Fuck your amazing television show catastrophe. That's like my favorite show. Yeah. Rob Delaney's great. And you know what? Sharon Horgan can stick it too. So, you know, I think logically if we were smaller men. Yeah.

Which we're not. No. We're big men. You're a tall man. I ate five cookies in a row yesterday. Wow. That we're not. No. We're big men. You're a tall man. I ate five cookies in a row yesterday. Wow. That's how big I am. I eat what the rock eats. Yeah. It's like some kind of protein paste, right?

Yeah. I think it's just salmon. Got it. Just salmon after whole salmon. He swats them out of the river. Like a brown bear? Yeah. They swim upstream and when they jump in the air, he just swats them down. He's got those paws. Yeah, can you smell what the rock is swatting?

It's salmon. So if we were smaller men, which we're not, we would do a thing like, hey, oh, so since we have so many guests on the show who are from the MCU, put us in one of the movies. Put us in one of the movies, Marvel.

I want to be buh-buh-buh. I want to to be, I want to be, but that would be small. We're big men. Big men. I'm a thick man. Yeah, daddy thick. Yeah. Daddy thick. Daddy's thick.

Daddy is thick. Daddy's, plural. Daddy's. Yeah, these two daddies. One of which is an actual daddy and one of which is just a daddy type. Yeah. Of course, I'm talking about Brian. Yeah.

I think what we should do is petition, because we're bigger men, petition to get our guest somewhere in the MCU. And then we'll just be in Shazam. And then, yeah, then we'll just be in Shazam as the voice of his tiger friend who may or may not be in the upcoming film. Yeah. Do you want to bring our guest onto the program. She is most recently been to the Emmy Awards as an Emmy nominee. She's works not quite nominated. Annie. Annie. Annie Awards. I will definitely take the Emmys,

but Annie Awards? The Annie Awards. That's for best little redheaded girl. And Jesse, I was not nominated for a Golden Globe. I was nominated for a Golden Glob. Just little differences. She's working currently on

At Home with Amy Sedaris. The most delightful crafting program on television. With all apologies to people who are really into that Nick Offerman and Amy Sedaris one. I mean, Amy Poehler one. I haven't seen that one. She works on At Home with Amy Sedaris.

I've been on it. I've been on it. You've been on it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In what capacity? Was a person on an episode. Been on episodes. Like a contestant?

No, no. No, with At Home with Amy Sedaris. Oh. I'm your assistant. You've been on it? Yeah. A couple times. She is also one of the stars of the brand new, to maximum fun, improvised science fiction adventure comedy podcast, Mission to Zix.

Her name, Mujan Zulfgari. You got it. That's right. Hello. Hi, everybody. What's up? How you doing? Hi.

Mujan, it's a joy to have you here. Joy to be in this box with you guys. What a joyful box. So, you know, how do you feel about us launching a campaign to get you into the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Yeah, I'd take any role at all. MODOK? Sure. Okay. It doesn't even need a name.

I would be just extra. I would just take it. Okay. Any screen time at all. Just the woman who, like, is angry about all the destruction they do. Oh, yeah. Who's going to clean up this mess? I want to be the Stanley of every

movie that's saying that. Oh, so you want to be the new Stan Lee. I want to be the new Stan Lee, but angry about all the destruction of property for just the normal people who are there. Like, why? My car! I see you a little differently, Mujan. Of course, follow your instincts on this. And, sure, sure.

And we're here to support you. We're your agents now? Yes, please. Oh, thank you. Well, we're back pocketing you. Okay, okay. Jesse's your agent. I'm your shaman.

Who takes more percentage? Yeah. I just take, I get paid in crystals. Fantastic. Okay. Who takes more ayahuasca is the real question. Yeah. Paden Crystals.

Fantastic. Who takes more ayahuasca is the real question. Yeah. I see you in that dust-up scene. There's a big dust-up between a superhero and a supervillain. Classic dust-up. Yeah. It's between Winnebago and Booster Gold. Yep.

They're really going to town on the streets of Brooklyn. Familiar. You are at a hip coffee shop, pour over. Great. Fantastic. You're drinking a pour over. Winnebago throws booster gold right next to your chair. You look at it, take a sip of your coffee and roll your eyes love it you're too cool too

cool you're too cool to yell at them can it be over five because the rate's a little better for sag oh okay so yeah can we think of five things so you can say whatevs yeah that'll go whatevs um who that who that uh you know what i going to have a new plan, Jordan. Your signature line is who dat? Who dat? And you're playing Master P. Fantastic. Got it.

I'm so excited for this. Yeah. So your lines are who dat? We bout it, bout it. That's all I got so far. Just say that two and a half times. And then you get your bump there. Thank you.

That old sack bump. Yeah. This is going to be great. So we were chatting before the show, and you are one of our rare bi-coastal guests. I am a bi-coastal. Yeah. I'm going back and forth. You live in both Los Angeles and Maine.

Yes. The rocky coast and Maine. Yes. The rocky coast of Maine. You live, I think, on the chalky cliffs of Dover, don't you? I do, on the toppest peak. Yeah. With one coat. Just the one. But yeah, I live in Park

Slope. Oh boy. You say that with a tone. What does the tone mean? What was that? It was loaded. It's just changing all the time, you know? Really? Is it? I know. I haven't heard.

Just business coming in. But it's the same as it always was. Babies and strollers and parks. You don't always have the bagel hole. Oh, the bagel hole. No, it's gone. It's an Apple store. Oh. Oh, my world.

It's five Apple stores. Sure. But yeah, I do the bi-coastal somehow. I don't know. I'm kind of at the end of my thread about that. You got to pick a coast. I know. I know.

But you are – you were saying that you – when you come to L.A. for riding gigs, for pilot season, you kind of – you board yourself by pet sitting. Yes. Tell me about the pets you're pet sitting for currently. I'm currently taking care of two delightful cats in West Hollywood named Pancake and Zen. Okay. They're both great. They're fathers. This is a great backstory for your Marvel character, by the way.

It's a father-daughter cat situation. Oh. They are now there due to a, not divorce, but a relationship breakup. Sure. Because there was a whole family and then like the girl whose place I'm staying at, she took the father and daughter and that guy took like the mother and like other child. Can I just say, we hear a lot about the importance of single mothers. Right.

What about single dads who stand up to take care of their kids? You know what I say to them, Jordan? What? Happy Father's Day to you every day. And I give them a fourth of cat fancy every morning. A fourth, huh? A fourth, yeah. Is it in the marijuana measurement system?

Yeah. Just give them a dank nug of fancy feast. But that cat is zen as hell. Yeah, oh yeah, sure. And Pancake loves eating pancakes. Pancake, kind of a diva. Really? Pancake does not like her father.

Pancake. Also, I'm afraid of staying too much time there because this is how I talk to people now. I talk about the relationships with cats that I have. Sure. But I go to clubs and I have have and I don't go to clubs. And you talk loudly about cats over the music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pancakes being a diva.

I don't think I even have ever known someone who goes to clubs. It's weird. I don't think. Hmm. So, I mean, I know, you know, there was there's a club zone in LA. Yeah. Or at least when I first moved here, there was a real club zone. And I was going past the club zone a lot to go to Iowa West Improv Theater.

Yeah. Sure. I mean most of the clubbing that I've done has been Burger King kids clubbing. Sure. Right. Exactly. With your friend Wheels who was in a wheelchair. Yeah.

I was closer with IQ, but go ahead okay um you know wheels there's a wall there yeah they should call him wall yeah because of the emotional wall yeah that is that's beautiful thank you um you know tough guy to get close to yeah um but yeah there's definitely a club zone where you you know, there were people in club wear waiting in line, velvet rope, bouncer in the whole nine. But, yeah, but that does not seem to be around anymore. There's a couple of loud buildings. There do not seem to be lines for the loud buildings. I don't know. Maybe is club in passe?

Do people still club? I don't think I've ever even had that kind of stretchy black t-shirt. I don't even think I've had that. Or a black dress shirt. The only club experience I have is back when I was in college here in California. Our improv group

performed at a club. That's like the cool story I have. At a dance club? At a gay club in San Francisco. What was the club? I forget the Like a dance club? At a gay club in San Francisco. What was the club? I forget the name, but there was nobody watching. There was a couple making out in the corner.

And we had a very... But you guys were getting them hot. We were getting them hot and horned. Yeah. With our yes ands. Yes, sure.

Yes ands. Yeah. Make out with me in public. Yeah, that's what they call affirmative consent, Jordan. Sure, yeah. And then there's a sad family story, which is like many years ago when my family first

visited New York, it was during, I think the height of the Roxbury brothers and SNL, but my brothers took it seriously. Like those were two people they looked up to. They didn't understand why the sketch was, people were laughing. They're like, this is great. These are cool guys. They're cool guys. And we were staying in a hotel in Times Square, as you do the first time you visit.

Sure. And these are my two older brothers. And one night, they're like, we're going to go out to the club. And they wore like, they look like Roxbury Brothers, like solid color, like flashy shirts with like deep Vs. And they're like, we're going to go out. We're going to have fun. Mom, Dad don't even care about us. And they came back like three hours later.

And we're like, what did you do? They're like, there was a line. They wouldn't let us in. So they went to an internet cafe. I was like, and now they're programmers and they're living great lives. Sure. We played Counter-Strike all night. With their like sexy, hot, like club shirts.

Yeah. Me? You can have some fun at an internet cafe. You can. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's interesting. What was the thinking of the gay club who booked you guys to do improv?

Did the DJ just like stop the music and go like, all right, for 45 minutes. No, the music was not stopped. It was no DJ. It was just like a soundtrack. It was just like music that was just playing. It was still playing? It was still playing. Wow.

Yeah, it was just, I think a friend of us just had a hookup and we're like, finally a gig outside of college. Sure, yeah. We're going to go to San Francisco. We're professionals. Yeah. Anyway. Wow. Yeah. It was just, I think a friend of us just had a hookup and we're like, finally, a gig outside of college. We're going to go to San Francisco. We're professionals. Yeah. Anyway. Wow. But I'll never forget that one. So. I mean, we played like a juice cafe type situation. Yeah. Our college improv and sketch groups had some, I mean, you know, people definitely kind of sort of paid attention. Yeah. Yeah, I think people, the music was turned down, but we definitely have been in some comedy groups that have been thrust on people. People who are not there for comedy were forced to at least, you know, try, they actively had to ignore us. Was it you and I who were in the stripping improv group in Santa Cruz?

We auditioned for the stripping improv group, but did not – or at least I did not get in. I was rejected from the stripping improv group. And how does that work? Well, I mean, I think, you know, I didn't have the bod for it. Okay. They weren't body positive. I think that was the problem. To be fair, they didn't have the bod for it. I mean, they were better than mine.

That's true. I think I would have had the worst bod. Yeah. No one in that improv group would you go to see Strip? Sure. So, yeah. So, our little college town, Santa Cruz, not much of a comedy scene there at the time, although I think there is maybe a little one now. I think they do have, you know, kind of an open mic scene and stuff like that.

But I think at the time there was not a lot of comedy. what to do after college. You know, like, okay, well, maybe we'll stick around in Santa Cruz or maybe we'll, you know, move somewhere around here. And kind of like, I remember just like exploring the, what are my comedy options if I stick around here? The stripping improv group was one of them. And they did like short form, whose line is it anyway, style games. But if you like broke one of the little rules, like if you, you know, if you, you know, entered

the scene and when someone rang a bell, if you, you know, didn't say the right magic phrase, you had to take off an article of clothing. But I mean, I think kind of the joke of it was they all came on stage in like ski outfits. Sure. So, you know, no one actually, you know, I don't think you saw Dong. Yeah. I don't think Dong was entered into it. No Dong.

No Jine. No. But you saw the boobicles? A little bit of butthole. A little bit of butthole? Just a kiss. Just a whip. A wisp.

And I think we, you know, we were hot off Humor Force 5. Yeah, sure. Santa Cruz's best dining hall-based improv group. I was just talking to my, I just had this memory last night and remarked to my wife as we were sitting in bed about to go to sleep. I was like, honey, I think when we did improv shows in college, like 150 people would come. What a weird thing that in college people go to things so much, are so poor, and so nearby, and so otherwise unengaged, that they would come see.

I mean, it was not because we were good. It was just a thing. Sure. A thing that was happening there in the dining hall. Right. It was a sizable dining hall. People would come to it. It was a pretty big dining hall.

Very strange. They would pause. In retrospect. They would pause Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, come downstairs, watch our show, go back up. Like, I think more people would come to an improv show that we did in college in the dining hall than came to the NPR taping that I just did in Portland. With the lady from Slater Candy. With the lady from Slater Candy. Well, I mean, sorry, not to armchair quarterback you, but you could have thought about asking Max from our improv group to come be a guest. I think people were there for Max.

Casey the Handsome Guy would have been who I wanted to draw. That was the box office draw. Good looking dude. Oh, yeah. So the townie improv group was the stripping improv group. And I think we rehearsed with them for a couple weeks. Yeah, we definitely never performed with them. That's what I was thinking.

It was like a couple of rehearsals. I definitely got a year cut email from them. Yeah. But hey, but they feel like chumps now. I've got a year cut email from them. Yeah. But hey, but they feel like chumps now. I've got a podcast. That's right. Take that, stripping improv group. So your improv group that performed at the gay club that got everyone so horny.

So horned. What was their bad name? Where did you meet them? It was a great group. I created it with my friend called Jericho Improv. I think it still exists in Berkeley, UC Berkeley. Okay. Yeah.

We just named it after our friend who was just like a cool stoner dude. And then people thought it was like a religious group. And so we went in Sproul Hall, which is like where you give out flyers, the quad in Berkeley. We would give out flyers for Jericho and people would be like, I don't like religion. And so a lot of people would like... Stop oppressing me! Stop, stop, yeah. It's not the place in Berkeley.

But yeah, I think it still exists. But I think one of my favorite memories is that we had a show, because we were all naive little kids, that was Milk and Cookies Night. And so we got a bunch of, somehow lured a bunch of crazy college kids to have milk and cookies at

midnight. That sounds fun. Yeah, and everyone brought alcohol. The milk, nobody drank it. We didn't realize what college was. Sure. Comedy nerds. Right, so it was cookies and that cheap vodka

from Trader Joe's that comes in the plastic jug. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were like, so you're having sex? I figured that was something for your mid-20s. You guys aren't even married. We pimp it in a scene, right? But we don't know what happens. Sure, yeah.

Yeah, exactly. We'll do kind of a sexy scene, but certainly no one touches each other. Yeah, but there was not much comedy happening in San Francisco. i mean san francisco was mainly like a stand-up town there wasn't like sketch or improv or anything like that and so i saw ucb theater i saw i went to ucb in new york in like 2002 and saw like an ass cat or something there ass cat in the swarm and then i like that ruined my life because i'm like i have to do this sure yeah, yeah. I can't become the doctor, lawyer, engineer my parents want to do. I need to be in this basement. So I like went to college.

Thank you, Andy Secunda. Right. And I went to college and I like that's all I wanted to do. But there was no – there's no videos online. There's no long form improv in San Francisco. And so we taught ourselves from a book. We were like an academic – like I've seen it once. I'm telling you.

This is how you do it. Sure. So we taught long-form improv from nothing. First of all, I will not allow you to dismiss the great work that Bay Area Theater Sports do

in long-form improvisation. At that time, there wasn't that much long-form. I had the same experience. I remember my wife went to school in New York, and I remember going out to see her and seeing, I don't remember which group it was, but I remember Seth Morris was in it.

Deer Shark Mice I think was the group that I would see at Sketch Fest and that was like the long-form group from New York that we would all pilgrimage to. I mean I think what – I mean I think this was – You missed the really good group at Sketch Fest by the way, Prank the Dean, our group. Sure. really good group at sketch fest by the way prank the dean our group sure um i think what was what what what maybe part of the appeal was or i'll maybe i'll speak for myself and you guys can let me know if this was this this was your experience as well but like when you you know as a you know as a theater dorkus growing up like i mean i think it's always in the back of your mind that you're a dorkus like you like it it's fun this is where

all your friends are you're you know you're being creative you like it but there's always just a little goblet on your shoulder going like hey you know you're a dorkus right and i'm like yeah i know goblet it's fine i'm enjoying myself this is me but i think you know when you know when that you know when that little long form ucb improv thing happened, seeing one of these and you're like, oh, wait a minute. These guys are kind of cool. These are cool people doing this thing that I like. And in hindsight, it was not cool. No, but it was relatively artful. Yeah, it was relative. I mean, it was just so nice to see a thing that was

at once the kind of like performance goof around thing that you loved so much that was also like seemed a little cool, a little punk rock, a little bit, a little artsy. I don't know. Anyway, so I think that drew in our generation to like that kind of stuff. Yeah, seeing other weirdos.

Yeah. Oh, you know, I can talk to you and be weird to you. And you're not the weird one. We're all just one. I think for me, and I think you might have been with me at this show, Jordan. But when we were in college or maybe I think when we were in college, we went to an 826 benefit show at the Magic Theater in San that uh i think our friend al madrigal put together i think al invited us to it and um and casper hauser were on that show and i remember seeing casper hauser and thinking dear god this is this is what it is sure this is what it is

this is like a thing from television, but even better somehow. And these are just some guys that live in the town I grew up in. But yeah, like that feeling of seeing something like that, that feels like, I mean, I think what you're describing is like, I think sometimes the kind of improv that we did in college feels a little bit like a cute parlor trick, sort of like acapella singing groups. Sure. And then you see something where you're like, oh, maybe this is art. And you're like, holy shit. Yeah. Do you still keep in touch with your college improv group?

Some of my best friends are from there. The Jericho team? Yeah. Jericho improv. Yeah. I think not all of them, but most of of them are still like some of my closest friends. Are any of them your enemies now? Yeah, two.

Awesome. I mean, Jesse and I both hate Max. Max! And don't get me started on the, basically the guy who was probably the biggest star in our whole group, Winnebago. Sure, that's right. He was from Canada. He's hated Wolverine. Yeah.

But I think it ruined some lives because a lot of us ended up being like, oh, yeah, no, we can do this as a career. Sure. We're going to try and do this as a career. Yeah. There's definitely those like comedy scene growing pains where you like, you know, you realize you're like, whoops, I need to make money. Right. Yeah. And I really put a lot of brain power into this thing.

So you have to kind of transmutate some of those skills that you got into a way to make money. Right, yeah. And I really put a lot of brain power into this thing. So you have to kind of transmutate some of those skills that you got into a way to make money. Yeah, I moved to New York with zero. Sure. So, yeah. The guy who was based on Jericho. Tell us more about Jericho. Yeah, where did he come from? What's he up to now?

I think he's a news reporter in the Bay Area. I'm not entirely sure. But his biggest claim to fame has been he was on Jeopardy. Okay. This is a recurring theme on the show. We have a lot of Jeopardy contestants listening right now actually. We have two. Jared Gosaria is his name.

So if anybody remembers him, that's him. We currently have two listeners competing against each other in the Jeopardy teachers tournament. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah, we were talking a little bit before we came on mic, and you were mentioning that you can rewatch the X-Files ad nauseum. I am a X-Files defined my childhood and adulthood. And I think I was like, okay.

You were raised by aliens. I was raised by aliens and Dana Scully. It's like, finally, representation matters. Right. Anyways, I was, just to give you a little slice of our audience, I was like, we need to find some way to bring that up. Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Yeah. I would, like, watch it as

when you shouldn't be watching X-Files. Like, when I was, like, five or six. Like, I didn't understand it. But also since at that point, I wanted Mulder and Scully to get together. So I was a shipper from the beginning. Where are you at on that now? Do you think they should be together? Do you?

Are they together? They are together. Okay. But I didn't need to see it as they were older. I just didn't need to see the revival, I think. Did they show like full penetration sex? No. I know.

I wish, right? Yeah. That's the dream. That's all I wanted. But I wanted that to happen when they were... I mean... How long before?

I mean, I think we're living in a media landscape now where it's all about revivals. What can we bring back? Yes. What has a fan base? Yeah. You know, Will and Grace.

Mm-hmm. Others. Mm-hmm. Right. The Gong Show. Right. How long before Pornhub starts bringing things back and just adding full penetration sex?

I'd probably watch that Murphy Brown. Sure, yeah. That Office reboot's probably going to be pretty good. Murphy's Brown. I don't know what that means, but I'm going to go with it. I think Brown can mean butthole. That's good. I think Brown can mean butthole.

Yeah. But you, so yeah, so you spent your childhood wishing they would get together and then when it finally happened, it was less than spectacular? Well, it happened during the show kind of. Like you never – if you see Mulder and Scully like kiss, it was in the dark. And then all of a sudden she was pregnant with a baby. That's how it happens. Yeah. And then no one knew who the father was.

But I was raised and I learned about sex I think think, through X-Files fanfic. I read it. I was part of it. My mom would like walk by the room and I would just be like sweating and like closed down. Like, I didn't have a laptop back then. So I would smash the monitor by five new computer monitors. Yeah. So I learned a lot of things incorrectly. Your mom's like, why did you ask for a softball bat for Christmas? What are you talking about? A softball bat and five CRT monitors? But yeah, I learned so much.

But yeah, I don't know. I didn't need to see them getting together at this age, I think maybe. And I feel bad saying that. Although I will see Gillian Anderson get with anybody at any time now because she is a drop of wine that gets better with age. But you just thought Duchovny was a little toe up. Yeah. Okay.

All right. Here's a question. Yes. What, in the X-Files fanfic of your sweaty adolescence, what other non-Mulder and Scully characters figured into it, particularly sexually? Well, Skinner. Buffy and Giles. Yeah. You mean in the X-Files fandom or like anybody?

No, I was just wondering if like Mulder ever fucked a Sasquatch or whatever. He probably did. There was Krychek. He was the one-armed man that was there. I'm sure like an alien that was probably like another woman but was actually an alien was like involved oil black he probably fucked black oil at some point sure uh skinner got involved the three wise men his friends i mean everybody did everybody in the fanfic world there was nobody was off limits that's really great that it it was that it was so no drama.

Yeah. You know, no drama in the world. As long as the two main people got together, we're fine along the way. And was there anywhere other characters from 90s serialized adventure TV came in? Like Frasier? Hercules and Xena? Oh, yeah. Frasier, that famous adventure show Frasier.

It was an adventure in wit. Yeah. Yeah. I bet there's some fucking nasty Frasier. It was an adventure in wit. Yeah. Yeah. I bet there's some fucking nasty Frasier Niles stuff out there. Oh, 100%. Ooh, it's probably nasty. Yeah. People are-

Eddie runs in. Yeah. Licks some brown. Eddie, no. People are starting to make Mission to Zix fanfic, which is like my dream. And I'm so excited. I think we have three right now. That's great.

But I hope it's going to just grow. We are pro fanfic. Good. Just write it out. We love it all. God, I would love to read a story where Sasquatch just fucked the shit out of that computer. Yes. What would be the rating if it was a motion picture to this fanfic?

These that are out right now? Yeah. Oh, they would be. I think they're pretty naughty. I think they're NC. A savanton. NC savanton. My favorite of the ratings.

I think there's one G. Okay. So we have one G and then the rest are like pretty. Just pretty nasty. Pretty down and dirty. Sure. As a teenager,

did you prefer savanton or sasser? I like saventon. Or Cosmopolitan. It's fun to say magazines funny. On Jekyll. Katfonsi. Tiam.

Uzvik? I learned of a genre recently, a fan fiction. I was talking to someone who said that they wrote friend fiction. And I was like, oh, you mean fan fiction? She's like, no, when I was a kid, I wrote Digimon friend fiction, where you write you and your friends going into the world of Digimon. Wow. I think it's very personal. I think I kind of did that. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. All right. Well, we're letting it all out. Let's very personal. I think I kind of did that.

Oh, yeah? Oh, boy. All right. Well, we're letting it all out. Let's do it. I was really into the monkeys, and my best friend at the time was really into U2. And so we created a monkeys U2 story together where somehow the monkeys of the 60s went on tour with U2 of the 90s.

And we were there. We were like the roadies, but also friends. Like nothing sexual happened. We were just like hanging out with the monkeys. Nobody'ss. And we were there. We were like the roadies, but also friends. Like nothing sexual happened. We were just like hanging out with the monkeys. Nobody's going to town on the edge. Were the monkeys like opening

on like the pop tour? Yeah, I think so. They were like a tour between U2. Yeah. Somewhere in a time where they all existed. There was a young Davy Jones,

a young Peter Tork. The monkeys were giving U2 advice on how to deal with their first ever sort of mixed critical reactions. Yeah, yeah. Like maybe dance music isn't your thing, guys. And I think it's still available now. If someone wants it as a spec script, I will sell it. We can make it into a motion picture.

Yeah. I mean, I think we've all been waiting for the YouTube monkey shared universe. Yes. Shared universes are big these days. R.I.P. Peter Tork. R.I.P. Peter Tork. R.I.P. The Edge. The Edge is fine, Jesse.

He's fine. Is he still wearing that hat, though? As of this recording, he's probably still wearing that hat. Okay, good. R.I.P. the two guys in YouTube who aren't Bono or The Edge. Those guys. Jeff and P. York. And P. York, yes.

Okay. We'll be back. P.D. yes. Okay. We'll be back. P-D-O-I-R-I-S-H. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Mujan Zafagari,

lady of the night. Oh no. That means prostitute. That's right, that's right. I'm sticking with it. Yeah. Okay, cool.

That's fun. I think it is fun too. I mean, listen, that's society's label. If you just are a lady who enjoys the night, don't let them tell you

what you can and can't do with your body or not. What's my point? I don't know. Yeah. I mean, you might be a lady hamster. They're nocturnal. That's true. So you're really putting in that wheel work.

I want to be ladle of the night. Everyone can enjoy that. And a midnight kitchen. Midnight soup kitchen, I guess, presumably. It's a ladle. Sure. Maybe it could be a stew kitchen. That's true. Is that a kitchen. Midnight soup kitchen, I guess, presumably. It's a ladle. Sure. Maybe it could be a stew kitchen. That's true.

Is that a kind of kitchen? Chili kitchen? Sure, yeah. I think chili's a kind of stew, I guess. I would love to have a midnight chili cook-off. That would be fun. We'd need a ladle of the night. And then a 2 a.m. fart contest.

Okay. Of course, every week, Jordan and Jesse Go is brought to you by Maximum Fun Members and the Max Run Drive right around the corner, Jordan. Oh, yeah. A lot of fun stuff coming up for that. This month, baby. This month, all kinds of fun, cool stuff. We're going to make a special Max Fun Drive episode.

All that shit, Jordan. All that. You're going to love it. Yeah. Ross and Carrie went somewhere to do a live show just for one person in their house. Oh, cool. Yeah. All kinds of great stuff. Oh, cool. Yeah. All kinds of great stuff.

All kinds of fun stuff. Coming up for the MaxFunDrive. We're also brought to you this week by our friends at Squarespace, which helps you create a beautiful website for, God, Jordan, any number of purposes. Sure. Do you want to blog or publish content? Do you want to sell products and services of all kinds? Do you want to showcase your work using beautiful, customizable templates created by world-class designers?

Fucking hate regional designers. Yes. World-class or nothing. It's a new way to buy domains and choose from over 200 extensions, analytics that help you grow in real time, and 24-7 award-winning customer support. Hey, Jordan. Yeah. Hello? Yes, it's me, Squarespace.

Can you fix my website? Yes, I can. Here's some easy-to-follow instructions. Great. We did it. We did it. We did it. It's Squarespace. And here is some easy-to-follow instructions. Great. We did it. We did it. We did it.

Squarespace. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code JJGO to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. It's squarespace.com and enter the code JJGO, which stands, Jordan, for Jordan Jesse Go. Wow. I know. Isn't that interesting? What a fun piece of synergy. It is pretty fun.

It's fun. It is pretty fun. Support for JJ Go also comes from Green Chef, a USDA certified organic company that includes everything you need to cook quick and easy recipes that are delicious and ones you can feel good about. Who can it? Green Chef. I don't even know what that's a parody of. ones you can feel good about. Who can it green chef? I don't even know what that's a parody of.

It's the men at work song. Who can it be now? We come from a land green chef. Wait, that's... That scan is good. I can accidentally conflate it a chain restaurant theme song with the men at work song, We Come From a Land Down Under. Hey, did you know?

Now we're going to get sued by the waltzing Matilda people just like Colin Hay did. Boy, we don't need that. Hey, Green Chef, they've got meal plans that include paleo, vegan, keto, gluten-free, and more. You can enjoy clean ingredients you can trust, seasonally sourced for peak freshness. You know what season it is right now, Jordan? Hmm. It's tangerine season. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Satsumas are done, but there's some real nice cuties at your supermarket. Okay. Yeah. Grab those cuties. Mm-hmm. supermarket. Okay. Grab those cuties.

Hey, did you know that I cooked with Green Chef recently and I found the meals to be delicious and easy to prepare? Really? What did you make? All kinds of stuff. Did you make any cakes? No cakes. That's okay. Yeah. But I enjoyed a lot of great stuff, a lot of great meals,

and yeah, I will reemphasize, easy and fun to prepare. Can I tell you something? I had a fun experience. Can I tell you something, Jordan? No matter what season it is, you're my cutie. Shut up. Fair enough.

For $50 off your first box Jordan, Jesse, go. You can email Kira at MaximumFun.org, K-I-R-A. and share your message about your own personal business endeavor or a love note or a marriage proposal. Business endeavor. I still don't know the song. It's a popular song. Could you do it to Come on Eileen? I don't know if that stands.

I know that song from Dexys Midnight Runners. Business. Listen, I need to work on it. I need to sit down with Tim Rice for a while. Business endeavor. Listen, I make up the songs. At this moment, I'm in business at my home. It's okay.

Okay. Run it by Tim Rice. Go to MaximumFun.org. Can you get Sir Tim Rice on the phone for us, please? No. He only communicates by mail. MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. You can get up on the Jumbotron.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jess, and Kyle. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Mujan Safagari, ladle of the night. She sure is, Jordan.

She sure is. Now, Jordan. A nice big spoon. Mujan, for your benefit. Yes. We've learned a lot over the past few weeks about how many of our listeners have appeared on the television program Jeopardy. We have a four-time Jeopardy champion in our audience. We have two teachers competing currently in the Jeopardy teachers tournament against each other, I presume.

And certainly in the grand sense against each other, I presume, and certainly in the grand sense against each other. I kind of see teaching as a winner-take-all blood sport. There could be only one. And we had looked at whether there were more people in our audience who had the name Dabney or who had appeared on Jeopardy. And it was a bloodbath. So many more of our listeners have appeared on Jeopardy than are named Dabney. And we included middle names and surnames in that. And you know someone named Dabney personally? Well, we of course know Dabney Coleman personally. Okay, okay. I'm married to Dabney personally? Well, we, of course, know Dabney Coleman personally.

Okay, okay. I'm married to Dabney Coleman. Oh, got it. And I are. Beautiful couple. So very personal. Beautiful couple. No, we don't know how it came up because we forget.

Yes, my type is just, you can generally be described as Dr. Phil. The Dr. Phil category, a bald mustachioed man. And yeah, so, you know, so Jeopardy, Slaughter, Dabney. We thought we want to try and find a group that we can put up against Jeopardy contestants. Last week we came up with people whose name

is Bronson. And, you know, we, you know, again, same thing, middle name, surname, nickname, you know, we, you know, again, same thing. Middle name, surname, nickname, you know, rap name. We're pretty pretty liberal with it. Frankly, we were hoping that Action Bronson listens to our show. That'd be nice. Brian. Now, Brian, our producer, Brian Fernandez, is going to come on mic and tell us a little bit about how this Bronson stuff shook out. stuff shook out okay hey guys um so we didn't get any actual bronsons or any action bronsons we got uh a guy whose friend's name is bronson friend okay yeah hey one of our listeners has a friend he was he was very sure that bronson did not listen to the show yeah uh and then somebody

don't tell him about it bronson's into rogan oh sure yeah uh and then somebody who's... Tell him about it. Bronson's into Rogan. Oh, sure. Yeah. And then somebody whose dog's name is Bronson. And he sent a nice picture of him and he was wearing glasses. Oh, the dog's wearing glasses. That's fun. Can I see the picture? Do you have the picture on your computer there? Uh-huh. Brian is calling up a picture of this dog.

I'd love to see a picture of it. It'd be a lot of fun. I'd love to see a Bronson dog. I love Bronson the dog. He's got little glasses, probably. That's what Brian says. Yeah. We'll just see

if that's true. Hey, pretty good. Oh, that's right. That's a smart dog. He's cool. Oh, that is a smart dog. You can tell because he does so much reading

that he needed glasses. Yeah, he has bad eyes. Oh, he's wearing a bow tie, too. You couldn't see that. Oh, he's ready for work. That's fun. Oh, sure. Look at that. He. Oh, he's ready for work. That's fun. Oh, sure. Look at that.

He sure is. He's ready to go to work as an Alton Brown impersonator. Yeah. I'm going to tell you this right now, Jordan. Bronson, while not technically a listener to Jordan, Jesse Go, does look like a great friend. Sure. Yeah. Maybe that's the theme.

Do you think Bronson the dog is the friend? Oh, could be. Everyone has a friend dog named Bronson. The guy did say he is an occasional JJ Go listener. Oh, okay. So that's the theme is friends. Oh, could be. Everyone has a friend dog named Bronson. The guy did say he is an occasional JJ Go listener. Oh, okay. So that's one. I'll count a dog. So a dog with glasses.

Well, if he listens to Jordan Essig, oh, yeah. So basically we have not found a group. Was there anything else? Oh, yeah. One more thing. These people have a little plastic giraffe that somebody hid in their wedding bed the night they got married. Their best man hid it in their bed

and they kept him and named him Bronson. It's a Ukrainian tradition. Yeah. Right. You're not married until a plastic giraffe accidentally goes up your ass. So his name's Bronson. I'm not counting.

I'm not going to count that giraffe. So I'm going to say the answer was one, which is well short of the 14 or 15 that we're at now for Jeopardy. Yeah, another bloodbath. Jeez. We did get a Dabney, a guy with the last name Dabney. Oh, that's good. He mailed in after the show last week. Retroactive Dabney.

A retroactive Dabney. So far our high watermark, though, is one in both categories. I have something here, I think. You think you can beat Jeopardy! I think I can beat Jeopardy! with this. People who make Dark Souls lore videos? How many of our listeners... Wouldn't it be great if Vort of the Boral Valley listened?

How many Vorts are out there? Any Deacons of the Deep? How many vorts are out there? Any deacons of the deep? Okay. How many of our listeners, and what I'm really banking on here is I know we have a lot of hip millennial listeners. Sure. But since we're older millennials, since we're sort of a bridge generation. I'm an Xennial, but go ahead.

I'm an Xennial, but go ahead. We're sort of a bridge generation. I'm an Xennial, but go ahead. I'm an Xennial, but go ahead. Okay. I believe that we probably also have some hip Generation X listeners. Oh, so you're saying give us a call if you were ever briefly in Black Flag? A lot of lineup changes in that band. A lot of lineup changes.

If you ever toured with the two Johns from Maybe II.B. Giants, it seems more realistic. Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. If you were ever in the band of Dans. Yeah. But here's my thinking. You know, Generation X, the last generation to, and probably the greatest generation, as Ted rather put it, to appreciate kitsch Americana. Right.

Everything from googie architecture to, you know, I mean, the generation represented in my heart by our friend Dana Gould. Sure. Recent Jordan Jesse Go guest. So here is my question. I believe there may be more Jordan Jesse Go listeners who own a fez than have appeared on Jeopardy. And I think we may get a couple of Jordan Jesse Go listeners who own a fez through normal cultural clothing practice. That's possible. It's possible that in Morocco there's a Jordan Jesse Go listener or two.

I wouldn't characterize it as likely, but possible. I think we may have a couple of Jordan Jesse Go listeners who are active Shriners because they're simply committed to the good cause of raising money for children's hospitals across this great nation by driving tiny cars. I think the real money is going to be in Jordan, Jesse, go listeners who own ironic novelty stores that have been open since 1988. Okay. Well, let's get some pics. Let's get some hot Fez pics coming in. Maybe they've got like a plastic Jesus on their dashboard, but instead of Jesus, it's

Ruth Bader Ginsburg. These are the people that I'm shooting for. They've got a poster for like maybe Pecker, a lesser John Waters movie. Sure. Serial mom movie sure serial mom serial mom fans out there um i really believe it and i'm not talking about have you ever had a fez i'm not talking about if you're worn a fez i'm talking about you own a fez right now i'm thinking we've got 20 listeners who own a fez right now what do you think jordan so we're at 15 for Jeopardy, right? Yeah, 15 for Jeopardy.

I think we can do 30 Fezes. 30 Fezes. I think one in like 45 people own a Fez. How many Mission to Zix listeners do you think have Fezes? I'm going to say 100. Okay. Yeah, we're a big Fez community, I think. By the way, congratulations on reaching 4,500 listeners.

Thank you. I mean, every day. Every day we get one and a half. Yeah. And then we lose 20. Yeah. I mean, and I also want to clarify one thing. I am not including Spirit, the Hollywood, the Halloween superstore.

They have to be real fezzes? They have to be quality? They have to be, yeah, real fezzes. Okay. That actually belong to either a Moroccan person or another person who, you know, or come from Morocco or if there's any other Morocco area places where they wear fezzes. other Morocco area places where they wear fezes. And then, or from, you know, like an actual shriner or, you know, an antique small or this kind of thing.

Do either of you own a fez? I have in my life. I had one in high school, but to my credit, never wore it in public. Yes. I also had one. And also, maybe I wore it in a sketch show. It was part of my sketch comedy trunk that did not make it in the last move. I decided to purge the comedy costumes. Right.

And hopefully a listener picked it up. Yeah. So, yeah, maybe you have my fez out there. Maybe you stopped by the Goodwill on Fairfax and Beverly. Got a Fez and a nice Case Logic full of Violent Femmes CDs. Yeah. I mean, the best way, by the way, to know if you have Jordan's Fez is just run a blacklight over it. Sure.

Yeah. It's covered in cum. You know, when something momentous happens. So if you own a Fez, email us at JJGo at MaximumFun.org or you can give us a call at 206-984-4FUN. We're keeping a count here. If you got a great Fez anecdote, you're welcome to share that on our phone line at 206-9844-FUN. We're really just put Fez in the subject line and Brian's going to count them up. Yeah.

You playing the video game Fez does not count. No, absolutely not. When something momentous happens to you in our audience, we ask you to call us at 206-9844-FUN for our segment Momentous Occasions. ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN for our segment, Momentous Occasions. Now, Jordan, for the first time in five years, I have a momentous occasion to share. Really? Yeah. Momentous things have happened to me.

I just haven't bothered to note them or write them down or in any way prepare for this show. Many, many years since I've tried to make this show good. Sure. But I was walking from the barbershop. I had gone for a midday haircut, walked to the barbershop, was walking back here to the office. I passed the alcove of the ground floor of a big apartment building, but maybe it was a closed storefront, I would say, and had a little entry alcove there. And as I passed it, I was hit with a wave of marijuana smell that was as strong as I have ever experienced in public.

It was like... And you were in Cypress Hill for a little bit, right? Not just a little bit. I mean, my entire adolescence, from like 10 to 16 i was in cypress hill and so you mean you've smelled cypress hill junior oh yeah a little cypress hill yeah yeah um and uh i was so i was frankly surprised by it i mean even with the relative legality of – I was in Naughty by Nature Babies. Other people's playthings?

Is that what OPP stands for in that? So even with the relative legality of marijuana in California and particularly in Los Angeles, you don't get a whiff of it every now and then in public, but you don't usually get blasted by it. It was like I had walked through a hotboxed car. And when I got it, I looked down into the alcove and there was a man sitting on the ground with his back against the door of this closed storefront. storefront uh and he was maybe 60 gray beard um hanging out in that alcove and he was doing something with his hands and i looked down and he had a row of four fidget spinners on the ground that he was doing different fidget spins with and also smoking weed yeah just fucking he's like you

know what midday break i'm gonna break out the spinners and get blazed that's multitasking right there that's the life it was amazing he's doing different stuff with them but all groundwork sure no no nothing vertical right okay okay so there you go that's your accomplish oh it's something amazing you were that you were that man yeah i would say my greatest accomplishment with regard to that would be that I noted it, then remembered it one day later to retell it on this show. That's huge. It's not nothing. As I said, it's been a long time since I've tried.

We've got some listener calls. Let's take our first one. Hey, Jordan and Jesse and special guest, I'll say, Max Weinberg. This is Jared in Anaheim. Similar face. And my moment of occasion is I just got off the phone talking to my mom, who is 75 and very actively participating in her Mormon faith. Pause it.

You guys both presumed that he was going to say sexual, right? No. Very actively sexual. My actively sexual mother. Yeah. No, I assumed he was going to say Mormon faith. Oh, okay. But I'm not a sicko.

Aren't you prescient? Yes, I am. Go ahead. Go ahead. ...in her Mormon faith, and she spent the last 15 minutes of our call evangelizing to me how miraculous CBD oil is for my knee pain, and I need to go get some. Blew my mind.

Anyway, thanks. See you. Blew my mind. Anyway, thanks. See you. Yeah, I guess I don't know where Joseph Smith and the original Morven stood on CBD. Is there anything about CBD? Can you, Brian, you've got the internet there.

Can you search the golden tablets for CBD? Just control F on the golden tablets. Yeah, it seems like maybe CBD is going to be the thing that flips drugs are bad people to drugs are cool. My mother-in-law brought CBD oil to us. Wow. From her house when she visited last. How do your parents feel about oils? Oh, never. Oh, boy.

Old school Persians? Nope. They don't believe in oils. They just believe in grad school and crank. They love it. They're snorting that all day. Advanced degrees. Presumably a variety of specific kinds of yogurt.

Sure. Although my father recently, after 70 some odd years, is beginning to drink wine. Really? There might be a change coming. We don't know. My mom was a lifelong teetotaler. And when she got remarried,

reconsidered the occasional drink. And I remember the first time visiting them at home and seeing a, like, half of a bottle of wine on the counter and going like, hey, good for you, mom. Yeah. My dad doesn't know the difference of like quality of wine and I don't either. But like when we had like a family party and you brought like a two buck check and he was showing it around like Charles Schwab to everybody in the party.

Like, look at the wine that we have. My personal friend Charles gave this to me for his reserve. By the way, I think you mistakenly said Charles Schwab instead of Charles Shaw. And I don't want you to get at messaged. However, I do want Charles Schwab the discount brokerage to start a winery.

Great portfolio, great deals on wine. Yeah, right. Yeah, great portfolio, great body. Great body, yes. Very full body. And then the tannins. Oh, right. Yeah, great portfolio. Great body. Great body, yes. Full body. Very full body. And then the tannins. Mm-hmm.

Oh, those tannins. Earthy. You can taste the dirt. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Let's take another call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and I'm going to say Guy Branum. So close.

I wanted to share my momentous occasion. I wanted to share my momentous occasion. I'm in the car right now on my way to a lovely sushi dinner with my longtime boyfriend and his boyfriend. Yes, we are in a polyamorous relationship with fried relationships. And it's been going, you know, there's been ups and downs. You know, there's a lot of things to organize, a lot of shared calendars, but it's going pretty well. I'm really good friends with his other boyfriend,

and we spend a lot of time at the apartment together, and doing the dishes is not an issue because we have a dishwasher. So that is the hot tip of the day for those entering into polyamorous relationships is share calendar and get a dishwasher. That's going to be it. Bye. Wow. I mean, yeah. I mean, I think that is I mean, listen, I have I have I have never been in a polyamory. That's going to be it. Bye. Obviously, I have questions about how the sex works. And I think that's maybe the first thing that comes to mind. It's like, you know, when, who, at what?

I mean, do you always, is it always with everybody or is it sometimes not? And, you know, how do you and where does and who does what? But also, I mean, I think mainly I just have logistical questions about scheduling. Yes. Chore wheels. Yeah. I just wonder what they named the calendar. Oh, yeah. Lujan, this is your first time on the show.

We should explain every week we have one tip for polyamorous couples. Couples, Jesse, that's a little closed. Relationships, persons. Thank you. Persons. Thank you. Can I tell you something that just occurred to me? Yes.

If we asked how many Jordan, Jesse, Go Go listeners are in throuples, specifically. Do you want to change it from Fez's? No, I don't. Let's see the Fez thing. I want to see how the Fez thing's worked out. And if we really want to destroy Jeopardy. I feel like throuples would lay waste to Jeopardy. I think we've got 45 listeners in throuples.

If we can't beat it with Fez, we really want to take down Trebek. I mean, I feel like most throuples where one of the throuple listens to Jordan Just to Go, all three listen to Jordan Just to Go. Sure. I think that's the thing that binds them together more than anything else is probably Jordan Just to Go. I want that to be the statistic like on your website. One person in a throuple always listens to J.J. Popular amongst thruples. Highly educated.

Sure. DTF. 420 friendly. 420 friendly. Shaved. Shaved. So if we're counting thruple, and again, we're not officially counting throuples. Are we counting throuples as people who have fezes?

Is that a type of fez? I don't know. Being in a throuple? Oh, no. Are we getting – is a throuple one or is a throuple three? I think – so – Right. And again, we're not officially counting.

That would make it a contest, I think. If we had the number of throuples versus Jeopardy. Rather than the number of personsouples versus Jeopardy. Rather than the number of persons in throuples. Right. They have to work together. Like you can't have – can you have crossover? Oh, like what if one person is part of two throuples?

Yeah, yeah. Or three throuples. That's an interesting question. Can I ask you a sort of follow-up question? Yes. You may. I probably know the answer. Is, in a way, appearing on Jeopardy a type of thruple?

A televised thruple. A competitive thruple. Yeah. I mean, I imagine there's competition in all thruples to some extent. What do you call a four person? A fruple. A fruple. Sure.

A frappe. Because with Alex Trebek being part of it. Oh, yeah. I mean, ideally, yes. Alex Trebek joins in. I mean, Alex Trebek is- Do you know, does he like drama? I don't know. Does Alex Trebek like- of it? Oh, yeah. I mean, ideally, yes. Alex Trebek joins in. I mean, Alex Trebek is... Do you know, does he like drama? I don't know.

Does Alex Trebek like... I think he likes a little drama. He likes... He's a little... He's a little dad. He's a little bitch. I can tell. Trebek can be a little bitch.

I think he kind of likes to... I think he likes to stir the shit a little bit. Yeah, he's a little extra. And then tell people what to do. You know what I mean? Yeah, he likes to watch it from afar. Yeah, but then he like steps in and straightens it out. You know what I mean?

Like he watched for a while and like feels the juice that he gets from it being kind of crazy, like kind of crackly speakers, you know? And then he comes in and he's like, you this, you this, you this, you this. Daddy's going to fix it. And then he comes in and he's like, you this, you this, you this, you this. This has to be Alec Trebek fanfic about specifically this. There's got to be. Do you think Alec's really going to town, telling the other contestants what to do? Do you think Trebek has ever been intimate with our friend John Roderick's friend Ken Jennings in fanfic? Oh, yes. Almost certainly. Jeick's friend Ken Jennings in fanfic. Oh, yes. Jeopardy celebrity Ken Jennings.

Do we have more Jeopardy contestants or people who have written that? Yeah, I feel like if we opened it up to people who've written amateur fiction about Mulder and Scully fucking, that seems like that would destroy Jeopardy contestants. Yes, one in seven people have done that in America. Probably guests. We could probably just do that guests. How many guests have done that?

Weirdly, those are the same people who recommend you use Brand X toothpaste. Yeah, six out of seven say Crest. Sure. One out of seven says Brand X and also has written that fanfic. 206-984-4FUN is our telephone number, jjgoe at MaximumFun.org. Our email address, you're always welcome to email us a voice memo if you don't want to give us a call. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Have you ever watched a movie so bad you just needed to talk to somebody about it?

Well, here at the Flophouse, we watch a bad movie and then talk about it. Yeah, you don't have to do anything. We'll watch it and we'll talk it. We do the hard work. Featuring the beautiful vocal talents of Dan McCoy. Stuart Wellington. And me, America's rascal, Elliot Kalin.

New episodes every other Saturday at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts, dude. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Welcome back and thank you, Dan, for that scathing report. As you know, Max Fun Drive is coming up March 18th to March 29th, which has some folks pretty excited. But as families around the world get ready to celebrate this season of giving, community, and quality podcasts, some are wondering if it's just too much.

Are they, though? They are. Some people are all for comedy and culture, but with 45 shows offering hundreds of hours of bonus content, plus all the MaxFun meetups taking place around the world, some people think it's too much. While other people think it sounds totally awesome. I took my granddaughter to the mall to get her picture taken, and the mall pod fairy was short. And I, you know, I'm just going to say it.

I'm sorry, but everyone knows the pod fairy is tall. Well, I think we should just leave it there. Until next time, here's the news you need to know. Max Fun Drive runs from March 18th through 29th. Be sure to listen to all of your favorite podcasts. I know I will. I know I will. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you Letals. Mujan, thank you for coming on our program, and thank you for, along with your colleagues at Mission to Zix,

joining Maximum Fun. We're so thrilled to have you. We're so excited to be here. You play the ship's computer on the program. I play the ship. I just play the ship. The ship. There's no computer.

It is who it is. How would you characterize the attitude of the ship? She's just like a tankeress, just had a really bad life where everything was great and then went to hell. And she just says it like it is. It's very honest and angry most of the time. It's who I am inside of me. To be clear, when we say the ship, what we're talking specifically about is John McCain's famous bus, the Straight Talk Express. Yeah.

And that's the voice of the ship. It's me, John McCain. Yeah, I'm alive. Yep. Yep. And that's the voice of the show. It's me, John McCain. Yeah. I'm alive. I'm back. I'm driving this to victory. Wouldn't it be great if John McCain came back to life and he was like, I'm back, baby. Yeah.

I talk like this now. Was I good or bad? I just imagine being very tiny. I've seen things that are even worse. I just imagine being very tiny. I've seen things that are even worse. I'm back. I actually have a plug this week, Jordan.

Yeah. My plug this week is that I got to co-host my favorite baseball podcast, Effectively Wild. And it was an episode about the Giants, in part,

as well as the St. Louis Cardinals. Ben Lindberg, who's a writer for The Ringer, was kind enough to invite me to co-host that show. And so if you want to listen to a great podcast for baseball nerds that I appear on and muck up, then you can listen to that. And so all of our Jordan Jesse Go listeners who really enjoy it, all dozen of them

who really enjoy it when I bring up Giants pinch hitter Ken Obergefell, who, by the way, is kind of a Dr. Phil type. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Nice baldy. Yeah. Any of those listeners, I'm on the most recent episode of Effectively Wild,

which by the time this comes out will no longer be the most. We'll be one or two behind. They put out a lot of content on that show, but it was a ton of fun. I'd never gotten to do sports talk despite being a sports lover, and it was really exciting to get to do sports talk. Yeah, I got one of these too. Great. You know, hey, we all love our buddy Eliza Skinner.

Who doesn't? Fan favorite guest. Yeah. One of the world's funniest people, perhaps. So fucking funny. Yeah, she has the world's funniest people, perhaps. So fucking funny. Yeah, she has a cool podcast called Cool Playlist. This is where she and a guest pick out songs for a particular life activity or something? Yeah, you pick a specific life activity, and together with Eliza, you make the ultimate

playlist for that. We picked picking up the cat and doing a little dance around the house. And it was a blast. She's so funny. It's such a cool format. And yeah, it was just fun to share some favorite songs. Also a lady with very deep musical knowledge and a lot of musical talent herself as well. Yeah, absolutely.

It was very fun. Yeah, it was not the latest episode. It might be two or three back in there. But cool playlist. You should just listen to all of them. It was very fun. Yeah, it was not the latest episode. It might be two or three back in there, but cool playlist. You should just listen to all of them. She's the best. And, of course, Mujan is on Mission to Zix. Yes, Z-Y-X-X.

Season three, right? Season three. Season three launching basically now. March 20th. March 20th. That's basically it. Yeah. But season one and two is now available on MaxFun, so please give it a listen.

Yeah, so go listen to them. You know what? I don't. Of course, I'm a millennial. So I use this kind of lingo. But binge them. Binge them, please. Binge.

Fire AF. Also, we have a live show coming up March 17th in Littlefield in Brooklyn. So I'll be back in town for that. So please come. You're going to stop by the Bagel Hole? I'm going to go, again, it's seven Apple Stores. Oh, no. My neighborhood.

Vertically or horizontally? Both. It's just a circle. It's a big building with seven tiny Apple Stores. Well, what's nice about the circle of Apple Stores is by spinning, the centrifugal force simulates gravity in space. Yep, yep. So that's a nice thing about having those seven in a circle.

Also, that's how you win Trivial Pursuit is you get those seven Apple Store wedges that form a circle. And you build a hotel on it. Space bagel. Oh, yeah. That's a really good point. That is a really good point. On that high note, Brian Pandez is our producer. I can't get good space bagels in L.A.

It's the water. The water. Got to get that space water from melting the ice on Venus' moon. Yep. That's facts. Yeah. Brian Fernandez, hashtag it JJGo on Twitter. You can find us on Facebook.

Just like Jordan Jesse Go and also join the MaxFun Facebook group. You can find us on Reddit. Just like Jordan Jesse Go and also join the Max Fund Facebook group. You can find us on Reddit at MaximumFund.Reddit.com where you can have a nice chat about this week's episode. And most importantly, if you own a Fez, send us an email. JJGoAtMaximumFund.org

or 206-9844-FUND. Give us a call. This is important. This is not some bullshit. This is like, this is what, as a member of the YouTube generation, I call a social experiment. Yeah, we've got to take down Trebek. Yeah. Fucking Trebek.

Oh, fucking Trebek. That's in that fanfic. Yeah, it sure is. I've definitely said that. We'll be back next week on Joy and Jesse Go. Fucking trip back. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.