Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 576: Live at SF Sketchfest with Tony Hale and John Roderick

Episode Date: March 22, 2019

Tony Hale (Veep, Arrested Development, Mr. Roboto VW Commercial) and John Roderick (The Long Winters, Friendly Fire) join Jordan and Jesse live on stage at The Punchline comedy club in San Francisco as part of the 2019 SF Sketchfest. They give away the infamous "Destroy the West" robot, play a game delving into the obscure corners of Reddit, and John Roderick pulls of a musical magic trick with the help of some very talented musicians in the audience. This special extra live episode is coming to you in celebration of the MaxFunDrive! This is the best time of year to support the MaxFun shows you love, including Jordan, Jesse, Go! Go to MaximumFun.org/Donate right now!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. Hey Jordan, Jesse, go listeners. It's me, Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. What a coincidence that we're both here. Yes, on the show that we host. It's a Max Fun Drive time and as we teased in last week's episode, we have a very special treat for you. Yes.

This is an extra episode. Usually we're throwing out one episode a week. This time we got two. A second episode that we recorded live at SF Sketch Fest with a Mr. Tony Hale. Maybe you've heard of him from that Volkswagen commercial where he dances to Mr. Roboto in the 90s. Or Arrested Development or Veep. Those two beloved comedy nerd shows. He's perfect and truly transcendently brilliant.

And John Roderick, Max Fun host in his own right. A superstar musician from the Long Winters. Yeah, our friend from the Friendly Fire podcast. Yeah, this was a really, really fun show. I laughed my butt off, and I am really, really excited you guys get to hear it. And we wanted to bring you an extra episode because it's MaxFunDrive, and

we wanted an extra chance to talk to you about how cool it is to go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. You know, we invited Maximum Fun listeners who play an instrument and were coming to Jordan, Jesse, go live in San Francisco to bring their instrument without much further explanation. We then had them all go off and learn a song to play with Roderick all together all at once. Yeah, it's a delightful kind of madness. I will say this is probably our most insane live show ever.

Yes, it was very crazy. In a really good way. Not just because both of my parents were in the same room for the first time in like 20 years. Yeah, a lot going on in this episode. If you want to hear what it's like for me to do comedy while I'm having anxiety attacks about my parents' relationship when I was 11, then this is a good show to listen to. My parents don't like each other, Jordan. They don't like each other.

So yeah, why don't we let this sucker play for a little bit, and we'll come back and talk about some of the cool stuff you can get if you go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. Let's go to the stage of the punchline in San Francisco, California. For Jordan, Jesse Goode. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective,

unsure of where to sit. What a joy it is to be here. Yeah. Just a little something for the home listener. We are recording this at 1 p.m. on a Sunday. So I'm curious, is anyone brunch drunk? A couple of very earnest hands shot up. Is anyone

brunch on shrooms? San Francisco. Hey, welcome to the show. What a joy it is to be here. Both of my parents are here, as far as I know. Yeah, this is exciting for me. They're going to get to see a side of me

that they probably would prefer not to see. I'm going to be frank with you. Couldn't you have gone to graduate school? They'll be thinking. I think I'm in a unique position to just kind of say whatevs on a podcast because my mom still refers to the podcast as

my blog. Are you still doing your blog? She will ask. Jordan, there's a lot of people here I'm sure from... Fuck shit, diarrhea. See, I can say whatever. But I would never say that at home. Jordan, there's a lot of people here from San Francisco and the San Francisco Bay Area.

I'm sure there are also some folks here who have made a trip to be here at SF Sketch. Yeah, anybody who's kind of from out of town, anybody make it a, yeah. Some travelers. Anybody staying in an Airbnb while they're here? Anybody Airbnb? Yeah, I heard some applause. We actually, I'm glad that we did this then because we got an email from Airbnb. Could we make

a few quick announcements? Yeah, so a little housekeeping before we start. The messaging system at Airbnb is down, so they just have a few... Oh, we're doing dongtails first? So, for the listener at home, here's what happened.

We have slides. For the listener at home, here's what happened. We have slides. For the listener at home, we have slides to accompany the various bits of the show. We thought these Airbnb announcements, which aren't real, were going to be first. But apparently, the first thing we're going with is Dong Tales. Which is a slide I jokingly asked Brian to make at breakfast. And apparently,

he actually made it. Thereby cementing us into a segment called Dong Tales. No, let's fucking go with it, man. I'm my Dong Tale. No, no, no, it's fine. No, we should do Dong Tale.

People are pumped for it, right? Are you enjoying the show so far, Mom? Yeah. So, I mean, like, you know, like they said that New York City was the fifth lead of sex in the city. Our dongs are the third and fourth co-host of this show.

So why not? Because we each have had some significant dong happenings recently. Yeah, mine was pretty quick. I mean, we're staying at... That's what she said. We're staying at a sort of sad business hotel. And I had to use the bathroom in the lobby. Turns out it was in the lower level

after a long series of corridors. And when I finally got there, I opened the door and it was a very small bathroom with two urinals. And the mirror was on one wall and with two urinals, and the mirror was on one wall, and then the urinals were on the wall that was perpendicular to that wall. So if you imagine a corner with a giant wall-sized mirror and then two urinals.

In between the two urinals, there was a divider, but there was a man peeing on the right-hand side of the divider, and I had to pee on the other side of the divider where it was basically just a dong display mirror. It was as though they had intentionally placed the mirror to highlight my schvanz while I urinated. Actually, you went to the concierge and asked them to replace it with a funhouse mirror

so it looked bigger? Yeah. It ended up just looking like a butt plug. Oh, sure. Flared base and all. Yeah, yeah. You can do a long skinny one and then do a funny voice for it. I make pee. Anyway, so my...

The dong happening in my life right now is I have recently gotten comfortable, nay, enthusiastic about having nude chit-chat in the gym locker room. Now, you're on an adult swim team. Yes, adults only. Very discreet. It's a very discreet swim team of adults. What's nice about being on an adult swim team

is you're automatically shaved. Yeah, sure. Right, yeah. Not me, baby. All natural. I don't care if it makes me slower. It's like when The Flash wears a red boot. All right.

But I, you know, and obviously, like, there are some seasoned swimmers on this team who will prance around in the locker room like it ain't no thing. And it was a thing to me for a while, but I've slowly become more comfortable with it, and I

found myself recently having dong out chit chat. Pleasant chit chat about traffic. What that closed fro-yo place might turn into. And what's a good comic

book to try for a new reader. Oh, wow. All just hanging on. What did you recommend? Well, I mean, another nude man was saying that, you know, Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns is obviously a classic, and it's standalone. But, I mean, I was making the argument that, you know,

that is very indicative of a kind of 80s comic storytelling that, while very influential, maybe doesn't represent the breadth of comic tones out there these days. Imagine this nude. Imagine this nude. Jordan, please keep talking because my penis is growing.

We don't need that funhouse mirror anymore. Okay, dog tails. Dog tails, right? That was dog tails, ladies and gentlemen. Show of hands. A slide we didn't realize Brian had actually put in the presentation. Show of hands, who wants that to be a recurring segment? Yes, that's a solid 20%.

And now show of hands, who's bummed they came? I think the secret of our program is to have enough segments that if 20% of the audience likes each of them, each of them leaves with one happy memory. So like we said, a lot of people are kind of in from out of town and staying at Airbnb. So Airbnb got in contact with us and just wanted us to relay a couple of messages. Again, this is not necessarily for comedy. It's just informative. So the first message is from these kind folks. It's feel free to join me in my yoga practice at 7 a.m.

But be aware, it's highly sensual. Feel free to get to know our pups. Frankie, the golden doodle with the bandana, loves to play fetch. Spot, the Alsatian, will do anything for belly rubs. And Cerberus, the three-headed one, guards the gates of Hades. So, make sure to put coins on your eyes if you die to pay for your passage across the river Styx. LOL, LOL, LOL. Feel free to use the spices in the kitchen cabinet.

Except the marjoram. That's for daddy. There are fresh linens in the hall closet. If all the regular towels are dirty, just use the sex towels. Those are on the top shelf. Don't be alarmed if the air smells a little bit like cabbage. That just means my grandma Phyllis got into the vents again. Don't be alarmed if the air smells a little bit like cabbage.

That just means my grandma Phyllis got into the vents again. Don't confront her. She's a real wolverine. No direct eye contact. You'll notice that your room is heated by a gas fireplace. So, be sure to eat a lot of beans before you come over. Or, barring that, some other kind of musical fruit. And of course, feel free to use the

Wi-Fi. The network name is JesusIsLordForeva and the password is SpitInMyMouthDaddy. It's an Airbnb announcement, so I just, you know, suss those out who those were for. A few quick...

Should we bring our guest on? Let's do. You know him from the Smash It podcast, Friendly Fire, and from his career as a singer-songwriter in the band The Long Winters. Please welcome to the stage, John Roderick. John, we booked you on the show as the musical guest. Yeah. When you're performing music, what instrument do you usually perform with? I was originally a guitar player,

and then over the course of my career, I was offered the opportunity slash forced to learn other instruments because there are a lot of guitar players, and if you want to stay in the business, you've got to pick up some other... So what instruments overall do you play? Guitar, bass, piano, any synthesizer. Really anything that makes noise I will go after.

Yeah. Try and make some sound. I mean, I know we had kind of a time in indie rock a couple years back where, you know, like an arcade fire was big. So then was like everybody in your world just rushing to learn how to play an Alpenhorn? Yeah. You had these bands with 14 different musicians in them, but then you realize

if you're going to take that show on tour, every one of those people needs a chicken fried steak every day. And that gets very expensive. John, I'm sorry you haven't gotten your chicken fried steak yet. I know you'll have to eat it here on stage. You brought me a banana,

and that was nice. I did bring John a banana. True story. There's no banana tails slide? No banana tails, yeah. We could just use dong tails. Yeah, a banana is the dong of the fruit world. So, John, a partial list of the instruments

that you know how to play. You know how to play a keyboard or a synthesizer. Certainly, it's cousin the piano. If you had to, you could play a harpsichord. Yes. A guitar you could play. Yespsichord. Yes. A guitar you could play. Yes. A bass. A bass guitar. So, John,

you're the musical guest on our show and we've listed all these amazing instruments that you can play in addition to singing. What instruments have you brought with you today? Well, you know, the great thing about Sketchfest is there are a lot of people that bring instruments.

And I learned several years ago that I could just come. So, in other words, you did not bring an instrument. No, I didn't bring any instruments. I've done a few shows so far where I played music. But someone else had a guitar or ukulele or some spoons. Yeah. And so I didn't have to schlep anything. You could probably

jam on a chicken fried steak if you needed to, right? Slap it against your face rhythmically. I could make such beautiful music with a chicken fried steak right now. Watch the gravy splash. John, when we found out that you had not brought a musical

instrument to be our musical guest on today's program, we put out a call to the audience. Now, as I call your name... Wait a minute. This is a very, very... This portends... As I call your name, if you're here, could you please stand? First of all, Gabriel O.

Gabriel O. Hello, Gabriel O. Gabriel O. Hello, Gabriel. My note about Gabriel says, Gabriel has been playing acoustic guitar for 10 years, which is what someone who's bad at playing acoustic guitar would say. Also, I would describe Gabriel's vibe as Metallica roadie. Justin K. is here. Do we have Justin K.?

There's Justin. Hi, Justin. Justin's wife, Sarah, wrote in on his behalf and said he's a talented baritone saxophone player. Okay. Quote, a real jazz cat.

I'm more of a jazz dog person. Yeah. To describe Justin Vibe, I would say, normal man. Yeah. Justin, did you bring a baritone saxophone to this event? I did.

Wow. Yeah. Okay. Matt L., are you here, Matt L.? Matt L. just got here. Matt convinced his ensemble mates to end practice early so he could? Matt L just got here. Matt convinced his ensemble mates to end practice early so he could rush across town to be here.

He is a professional classical guitarist. Excellent. I would describe Matt's vibe as can't see him from here. He's far in the back. He just came in. Matt, I saw him. He has kind of A Claire Danes vibe She's good in everything

Yeah she really is And finally Mark W Mark W Are you here? Here's Mark W He brought his Melodica today

Oh yeah And he jammed with John once At Max FunCon Yes Did you take The songwriting class? Yeah

I would describe Matt's vibe as weed-dealing pizza guy. It's a pizza guy who also deals weed. John, not every, I mean, Jordan, not everyone here can be a miscellaneous person at Tuck Company. We also need weed-dealing pizza guy. Our two

primary demographics. So, it sounds like you've got at least four, possibly five, accompanists. Oh, I should mention, I saw the classical guitarist's instrument. It is an eight-string harmonically tempered

acoustic guitar. Not acoustic, it's a gut-string classical guitar. And a harmonically tempered guitar is when they drop it into water after they take it out of the forge? That's right. It's much better if you get into a samurai fight. Worth noting,

while you were describing the guitar, a woman down front went, mmm, dawn tales. Which I think we could probably just punctuate everything with for the remainder of the show. That seems like a little, like a song interstitial that you could just put into your show from now on. Don't tails.

Don't tails. Woo! Tails of wieners, something, something, dog tails. You're going to have to give us a while of this duck tails parody, okay? It's not. Workshop it, workshop it. We found it.

It came up here. It'll be really good. I was backstage like, I was vomiting on my sweater already. Mom's spaghetti. Getting ready to freestyle song parodies. So with the two guitarists, the melodica and the baritone sax, do you think you can whip up an arrangement of one of your tunes? One of my tunes?

Or a tune. A tune. A tune. Something by John Lennon that'll get us sued. Yeah, we could probably throw together a version of Classical Gas. Yeah. Or, yeah, sure, Bohemian Rhapsody, maybe. You have not met any of these people ahead of time,

outside of the guy who came to MaxFunCon. Confirmed? No, he and I worked together at one point, and you're absolutely right, he's a pizza-delivering drug dealer. So we're going to give you guys a few minutes to go out on the patio and work up an arrangement, and we'll see how it comes out.

Let's hear it for John Roderick. John Roderick. Soon to... See you soon. Debuting an all-new song. It's a lot to ask of him, but frankly, it's his own fault. Sure. Should have brought a guitar.

Yeah. Or something. Should we bring in our other guest? I would love to. This is very exciting. Our other guest is most of the way to an EGOT, probably, because his name is Tony, and he has an Emmy, I think. Sure. And his middle name is Golden Globes.

Yeah. Well, that's not part of the EGOT, but... He's got a couple Golden Globes. Jesse. He's talking about his honkers. Jesse he's talking about his honkers he's of course one of the stars of Arrested Development

and Veep as well as the guy who did the dance to Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto in that Volkswagen advertisement from the late 1990s early 2000s please welcome to the stage Tony Hale. Hello.

Now, Jordan, now that Tony's up here, take a good look at those bazooms. They're very nice. Thank you. Congratulations. Thank you. Hello, all.

Tony Hale, bring in a glass of red wine on stage. I know. I was thinking, should I say something? Should I not? My stomach has been bugging me a little bit. So red wine actually makes it... Red wine tends to settle it.

So I realize it's... What time is it? 1.15, maybe. It's not a good time to drink red wine, but... To be fair, not a good time to do a comedy show, yet here we are. What's under here? We're going to get to that. That's maybe our biggest celebrity guest.

How exciting. For the listener at home, we have a covered item on stage that is going to be very exciting. Tony, I learned some very fun facts about you backstage during our pre-show chatting. Maybe the thing I was most delighted by, you are a big, passionate fan of chain restaurant desserts.

I do love chain restaurants. I like chain restaurants in general. Is this a connection to your childhood or something? You know, good question. It is. I was raised in Florida, and I like a mall. I really actually love a mall. Did somebody just go, oh, hey, that's my happy place.

But I love a mall. I love a food court. I love the fact I'm not a hiker, but I love mall walking. Most mall walkers are pretty hardcore about hiking. Thank you. And I love Central Air. Actually, my daughter learned to walk in a mall. I would take her to the indoor playgrounds and let her go.

Her first word was sunglasses hut, right? Or Spencer's. Yeah, sure. Our children are real Spencer's one of the two. Yeah sure. But anyways our children are real Spencer's gifts. Thank you. Thank you. Let me

do an alt of that it maybe didn't land like you wanted it to. Just going to do an alt of that quick. Brian can edit these together. Our children are

the real Orange Julius. I love Orange Julius. That also didn't go great so maybe we'll just cut that whole part. But anyways chain restaurants came out of that too. I love Orange Julius too. If I see an Orange Julius. That also didn't go great, so maybe we'll just cut that whole part. But anyways, chain restaurants came out of that, too. I love Orange Julius, too.

If I see an Orange Julius, I'm there. But I have not seen an Orange Julius in a decade. It's funny. I'm not... I will say that's not in my camp. Mine is more the Great American Cookie Company. Does anybody resonate? Thank you.

I see you nodding. However, I think they changed their icing recipe, and I'm not a fan. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. Because I like the double doozy. I contend that their icing recipe and I'm not a fan. Oh, no. Yeah. Because I like the double doozy. I contend that the Arby's horsey sauce is different. And I will not go back until I've been issued an apology. You know what?

I hear you. Thank you. They called me a liar and it's... Anyway. I don't appreciate it. Sure. I don't appreciate it. I get it. I get it. What would you say is your all-time chain restaurant dessert? Or you can have a top three if you want to. Oh, sure. I'd love to have a top three.

I'd say Cheesecake Factory is in that top three. Okay, just any cheesecake from the factory. Yeah, because it's pretty much eating a cake. I'm pretty much quantity over quality. And I think that's why I like the chain restaurant desserts, because they do not hold back. Bring me a lot of something. That's all I care about. Because I like a basic brownie and sundae,

and you get that at TGA Fridays, you get that at Chili's. I like a McFlurry from McDonald's. McFlurry rolls. I way prefer the M&M over the Oreo. I think they actually took the Oreo off the menu. Because I said something. Those bastards. I'm a big...

What are the Dairy Queen and Foster's Freeze analogs? Blizzards. Blizzards and what's the Foster's Freeze one called? Twisters. I love them both. I'm all about Butterfinger. Put some Butterfinger in there. Oh, and then they turn it upside down

and it does not fall out. Yes. The thing, the thing, the primary thing that worries me about those, let's call them twisted dessert confections.

That sounds negative, but okay. Sorry, you can't handle. They're so twisted. They serve them to you in a drink cup. Yeah, they do. Drink cups at a fast food restaurant

are quite large. Yes, they are. And if you order a large twister or whatever at the Foster's Freeze... Let's go with Blizzard. I'm much more familiar with a Blizzard. If you're getting a Blizzard and you're getting the large, that's literally two pounds of ice cream that you're supposed to eat. Yes, it is.

That's like stacking two pints on top of each other. And I'm not complaining. It is in the drink cup, and oftentimes they're too thick to get through a straw, which is always a little frustrating. Oh, God, I'm getting excited. Dong tail. Dong tail.

Dong tail. But I find you can kind of get around that I don't know about you guys But I can fit my whole mouth around the roof of the cup And just Eat it with no hands I can just tip my head back And let it slowly droop down my esophagus

Delicious And then I go to sleep Come on, isn't that a good feeling? I mean, you feel like shit the next day, but that's a good feeling. That's a hearty sleep. Jordan wrote the first draft of that Lil' Kim song where she says, watch me make a Sprite can disappear in my mouth.

And it was about a large blizzard. When they wanted to change it, I left the project. Is that really a lyric? Yeah, Lil' Kim's very vulgar. It's one of her signatures. I'd prefer to keep it clean I left the project. Is that really a lyric? Yeah, Lil' Kim's very vulgar. I'd prefer to keep it clean, Tony. Oh, wow. That's disappointing.

I mean, for a sitting U.S. senator to use language like that... It'd be awesome if Lil' Kim was a senator. I would really appreciate that. Would it be awesome? It would be really fun, yeah was a senator. I would really appreciate that. Would it be awesome? It would be really fun, yeah. She's got my vote. Look at the senators we have. Have you met these clowns in Congress?

Oh, don't get him started. Oh my gosh, I just had a total memory of Molly Shannon's stand-up person going, don't get me started. She got that from me. Oh, did she? No. Jordan writes a lot of first drafts. I think I accidentally got that from me. Oh, did she? No.

Jordan writes a lot of first drafts. I think I accidentally stole it from her. Just now. Are we going to deal with our friend under the sheet? Yeah. So, Al, I just want it to be such like a little man. Hello. I'm Danny DeVito. I've been here the whole time.

And I sound like this now how many of you are Jordan Jesse Goh fans regular listeners already and if you're a regular Jordan Jesse Goh listener you'll know that some time ago as a gift my young son Oscar

who's five received a horrible nightmare. He had a bad nightmare. No, no, no. He received as a gift a horrible nightmare in corporeal form.

The nightmare takes the form of a robot called Number Two Robocama. And the robot is here with us today. Oh. So this is a blue robot that my wife got because my son Oscar requested a robot for a birthday, and this was the first thing that came up

if you type robot into Amazon. It says smart bot on the outside for the listeners at home. It has a vaguely R2-D2-esque color scheme, but is a humanoid bot. Right. Just to give people

a sense of what this thing sounds like. I am number three Robocop. I have super sensibility. Able to sense your special orders. I can dance as well. So, yeah. So the robot... Oh, boy. For the robot... Oh, boy.

For the folks at home, the robot is trying to kill us and knocking us off our stools. You okay? So I'm just fine. So it has a series of buttons here. There are some that control its movements. They make it slide forward or walk

forward, walk backwards or slide backwards. That's all it did was slide. I didn't see any walking. Turn. It also has five buttons on the controller. One says song. One says machine language. And then one says find mom in shower.

No, no, that's what it says. Too close to home. One says music. One says good habit. And one says science popularization. And one says science popularization. The science popularization one also has the symbol for, like the atomic symbol. The symbol for nuclear power. So this was in your house, and it was both dancing and playing some sort of ace of base knockoff type song.

And then periodically I would press science popularization and this would happen. Master, let me tell you some interesting popular sciences. Master, do you know what a universe is? Universe is a general name of works of God. A universe

is general name of works of God. Is it good for a... This is general name of works of God. I don't... Is it good for a... He's a believer. Yeah, clearly. Is it good for a child to become accustomed to being called master?

Are we just giving our kids fetishes? I mean, I know everything we do gives them one, but is that just laying it out too specifically? Yeah, like, are you worried that this is going to be like... That's the other thing. It gets mad at you when you don't play with it. I only eat credit

card pin numbers. Low battery. Please recharge. Throw me at the White House. Okay, I guess we'll throw you at the White... So, okay. So, as far as you know... As far as your kids know, it's broken. Yes.

So... You have lied. One of my children picked it up. My youngest child picked it up, stole it from his older brother, took it into the master bath, and put it into the toilet. I love being in here. I enjoy your waist. Master. Open wide for Master's waist.

All right. Master, put me under the glass coffee table. Spit in my mouth, all right so we said that we were going to dry it out and see if it still worked so we washed it pretty thoroughly dried it and we said we had to put it in the closet to dry it uh we decided to see how long we could keep it in the closet before he asked for it. It had been several weeks in the closet. He finally asked for it and we

improvised that it had not survived the water. Tony, did you, when your kid was going... It sounds like it survived. Don't forget. No, it's broken, Tony. it survived. Don't bring it up. No, it's broken, Tony.

My five-year-old listens to this show. You were doing those voices. Yeah. So, Jesse, you would like this to not be in your house anymore, lest the kids find it and learn that you are a liar. Yeah, I brought it to the office

to hide it from my children, and it's been sitting on my desk. For clarity, it did survive the toilet. Yeah, that's why it made those noises. So it did not have any glitches after the toilet. I'm not going to lie, that says something about the company.

Yeah. It's so well made. They made it well. I mean, an iPhone drops in and you're screwed. Yeah, I mean, I think this has... Such a good point. Those things just fucking break. Yeah, and this can survive a swim in the toilet.

And it's still telling you that a universe is anything made by a living God. He actually, I sent him out to audition to star in WALL-E 2. After the apocalypse, he's the only thing still there. Yeah. But so we want to, you want to get it out of the house. Yeah, because I had brought it to my office for quite some time. And it was frankly actively embarrassing me on my desk. Like too many, you know, like movie stars would come in to be interviewed by Bullseye.

And they'd be like, so, weird robot on your desk, huh? Why did you keep it? Because I felt like I might have to... Was it false guilt? No, I think after a certain amount of... I felt like I had gotten past the window where I could

remove it from my house, but there was always the possibility that me not having it would lead to a catastrophic disaster later. And it's nice to be called Master. That's true. That's a really good point. It's nice. It's a really good point. My wife's not into that shit, so...

You're doing a great job, Master. And I don't care if you sometimes cry. Now, feed me your urine. Now. Feed me your urine. All right. So we wanted to give this away to someone who has come

to all three of our combined Sketchfest shows. So someone who is at John Hodgman Bubble and is here. Has anyone accomplished this? Has anyone hat-tricked this thing? More people.

Please stand. Wow. I really was... All our contingency plans involved no one having done that. And we just boot the robot out into the audience and let people destroy it. But yeah, somebody can have this. So I think what we want to do is we want to give this to someone who's come to all three shows. And I guess because

as we all know, singing is always my hobby. Yeah. You have to, if you want the robot, you have to sing a few bars. And Tony Hale's going to get to judge who wins. Oh, God. That started off scary. If you want the robot...

So we've got an audience microphone right over here Brian Fernandez Number 28 ma'am Just gonna go ahead and make a wild guess All of these are gonna be Hamilton right? Or a They might be Giants deep cut We really only need a few bars

We're just remember that And by the way that's asking a lot I get the anxiety that you're feeling right now. I just hear you, and I see you. Just remember, it's not a well-attended show, so not that many people are judging you. And I've been drinking ice-cold beverages. Oh, okay, great.

Okay, number 28 is ready. What song will you be performing for us? I'm going to do a karaoke go-to of West Side Story Dream a little dream of me Great Here's your pitch

La la la la I don't know if that's the pitch Stars shining bright above me I don't know if that's the pitch. No. Stars shining bright above me. Pretty good so far. Night breezes seem to whisper I love you. Sweet. Feeling something. I heard singing in the sycamore tree.

Dream a little dream of me. Pretty solid work. What's your name? Ariel. Ariel with Dream a Little Dream of Me. Ma'am, what's your name? Shiloh. Hi, Shiloh. What song will you be performing for us?

I'll do Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Great, that's a classic. Here's your pitch. Me, me, me, me. Okay, great. That's a classic. Here's your pitch. Me, me, me, me. Don't listen. He's not a train. That really helps. Block it out.

I'm scared to fuck you up. Somewhere over the rainbow. Okay. We're just confirming those aren't the lyrics. No, it is the lyrics. No. We're proud of her for't the lyrics No, it is the lyrics We're proud of her for getting there Oh, 100% Way up high

There's a land that I heard of Once in a lullaby Ladies and gentlemen, a strong performance Great job Classic song Great job. Classic song. Great job. Amazing. Okay, right over here.

Two strong contenders. We got this young lady in a sweatshirt. Hooded sweatshirt. Some sort of print. That applause, by the way, was just classic San Francisco applause for the idea of the hooded sweatshirt. I've got one of those. It's a Harry Potter sweatshirt. I've got one of those.

It's a Harry Potter sweatshirt. Oh. Gryffindor? Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff. Hufflepuffs in the audience? You guys should think about spending your time going to a live taping of a comedy podcast.

What will you be singing? I will be doing my karaoke go-to, Bitch by Meredith Brooks. Okay, great. This is different than Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Do you need your pitch? Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather.

I'll just be making up some notes because I do not sing. I want you to know. Nope. That's a different... It's going good. It's going good. Great so far.

That's a different song. That's like Alanis Morissette. That's my other karaoke go-to. I'll do that one instead, since I started. Is that not Bitch? That's Alanis Morissette's I Want You to Know. Yes. You ought to know.

You ought to know. I'm glad that she knows her lane. Her lane is Alanis Morissette and fake Alanis Morissette. But, fun fact, fun fact, both of those songs about Dave Coulier. Who sings Bitch? But I ask that you

not cut it out. No, no, keep going. What you were doing was great. Absolutely. I'm happy for you. Thank you. I want nothing but the best for you both. Yeah.

Help from the crowd. Well done. Well done. Well done. Oh, wait. What was your name? Carrie. Carrie.

Who stood up over here? There was one more over here. Yeah, come on. Get up here. Here we go. I mean, if you just want to sing the chorus from I Hate You So Much Right Now by Khalees, it's actually called Caught Out There.

Thank you. At J.D. Power on Twitter, if you have corrections. All I could think of was This Old Mayor. Yeah. Yeah. It's called The Old Gray Mayor, but go for it. Yeah, sure. Whatever.

Oh, I thought it was This Old Man. He's combined the two. Oh, okay. Yeah. Don't public domain-splain to him. This Gray mare. It goes, the old gray mare, she paint what

she used to be. Paint what she used to be. Paint what she used to be. Thank you. I've never heard this song, so you can literally sing whatever you want. Paint what she used to be. Paint what she used to be.

Paint what she used to be. That old gray mare. Paint what she used to be. Ain't what she used to be. Ain't what she used to be. This, no, that old gray mare. Ain't what she used to be. All in a bowl of blood. Excellent. Is that what it was? Good job. What was your name?

Matt. Matt. Thank you, Matt. So, yeah, who do you think, Tony? Who's getting the bot? Who's getting the bot? Who's getting the bot? Guys, I don't like making these decisions. It's big.

No, I know. I'm a people pleaser. I wish, I mean, it survived the toilet. Can we not separate it four ways and maybe it'll survive? I'm just going to go with my favorite color. And I like yellow. And her sweatshirt was yellow. So I'm going to say say That's a great reason.

Come on up. Congratulations to you and by extension to all the Hufflepuffs here. Yes. Yay. Best of luck at this year's

Tri-Wizard Cup. And I will ask this like I ask at the end of every Harry Potter reference. Did that make sense? Thank you. I can kind of make them. I think it's time to bring John Roderick on. Oh, yes, I would love to. Please welcome back to the stage the one and only Mr. John Roderick.

only Mr. John Roderick. We've put together a little quiz. However, to help out Tony and John, we've decided to ask some folks from the audience to come up and join them. So if you would like to come up and play the quiz with a

major entertainment celebrity or John Roderick. Go ahead and raise your hand. We've got one right here, you ma'am, who raised your hand right away. And how about you, right there. Come on up. Come on up. Nope, they're just going to...

Sidle up. I think you're going to have to... Yeah, you're going to sidle up and you're going to be sharing. Since you're on stage first, you get to pick your teammate. Oh, thanks. Tony. What's your name?

Sorry, John. Danny and Tony. Seemed kind of fast that you'd pick your... It's a proximity thing. Hi, John. Hi, nice to see you. Thank you for being my default partner. Oh.

So this quiz has to do with the website Reddit. Have you guys heard of this Reddit? Yes. Do you use Reddit? Yes, I do. This Reddit. Do you use Reddit, Tony's partner? I'm sorry, I forgot your name.

Oh, it's okay. It's Danny. Right up on that microphone. Not by choice. So Reddit, just to kind of describe it for some people who might not know what it is, it's kind of a message board of ultra-specific communities. It's the front page of the internet. Yeah, and it's a good place to go to express...

If you want to talk to other members of a really specific kind of Nazism. So what are your Reddits? Oh, gosh. If you can say. I'm very active on a TV show Reddit that I'm obsessed with. It's called Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Really? Yes.

Created by a past guest on Jordan Jesse Go. Yes, I love her. She's the best. Yeah, it's a place I like to go to express an opinion about a Sonic the Hedgehog game and then be called a cuck. Sure. It's a lot of fun. So we have a list of some actual subreddits, which we have combined with some shit we made up. with some shit we made up.

So, your job is to identify which of the subreddits that we read is the real subreddit. So two of them will be subreddits that we made up. One of them will be an actual subreddit. And what's your name? Sarah. My husband is the jazz cat.

Danny. Oh, yeah. He's very jazzy. What is a subreddit? It's kind of like a... It's like a little... Danny. Oh, yeah. He's very jazzy. What is a subreddit? It's like a little enclave where you discuss a very particular thing. How is that different than Reddit? Because isn't Reddit

you discuss a particular thing? I guess Reddit is the larger website that contains the subreddits. They're kind of like individual pages. I'm sure there's Tony Hale website that contains the subreddits. They're kind of like individual pages. Okay, go. I'm sure there's, you know, Tony Hale slash Vic on there. I do not want to go to that.

Yeah, stick with slash r slash Boz Skaggs and you're all good. Everybody loves the Boz man. So yeah, I'll... John, because you just recently sat down, we'll give you guys the first crack at it. Which of these is real? Horn dog, where you

discuss dogs with horns, wolves with watermelons, pictures of wolves eating or standing near watermelons, or seals that might be uncles. And the description for that one is just

discussion theories, etc. Is this which one is real or not real? Which one of these is real? Wolves with watermelons or seals that might be uncles. So our two choices are horndogs and seals. With uncles. Seals are uncles, yeah. That might be uncles.

That might be uncles. But you feel pretty strongly that horndog sounds Reddit. That might be uncles. That might be uncles. But you feel pretty strongly that horndog sounds Reddit. It does to me. Horndogs. Someone in the audience said it does to me. Okay, should we just... I'm going to cede to you on this.

That sounds great, yeah. Horndogs. Bad news, guys. The correct answer is wolves with watermelon. Wolves with watermelon. So was neither. You'll look up there on the screen. We have an example of a wolf feeding a watermelon

that a group of people on the internet are into for some reason. Let's go to Team Tony here for the next one, Jesse. Yeah, Team Tony. Danny and I are being very disciplined by not looking at your paper because we can see your paper and we're not looking. Ooh, it's going to be our quiz show scandal.

Okay, Danny. Okay, Danny, are you ready for this? Yes, sir. Which of these is a real subreddit? Skyfieri. That's clouds that kind of look like Guy Fieri. Bread stapled to trees. That'sieri. Bread stapled to trees. That's pictures of bread stapled to trees.

Or fuckable Nintendo. It's dedicated to ways to fuck Nintendos and their peripherals. Like a Rob the Video Robot. Rob the Video Robot would be the top one. Super Scope 6 Power Glove Power Glove Would be a big one I think we should scratch out

The fuckable Nintendo We're not gonna support that Oh no People love Guy Fieri And stuff that looks like him What was the middle The second one The middle one is

Bread stapled to trees I wanna see that though I know There was a big trend Of Jesus in pieces of bread The middle one is bread stapled to trees. I want to see that, though. I know. There was a big trend of Jesus in pieces of bread. And in trees. And in trees. Ooh. Maybe we should go with your instinct of the Guy Fieri.

Yeah, Fieri. Fieri. Yeah. I agree. Guy Fieri. In the sky. No, sorry. Bread stapled to trees.

You should always go with Rob. Bread, staples, and trees. We should have listened to the robot. But we encourage anyone out there to go out and make the fake ones. Sarah and John, the next one is for you. All right. Dinosaurs on bicycles. A peaceful and loving community For dinosaur enthusiasts

With a penchant for cycling Freedom Hamster Hamsters delivering famous quotes About libertarianism And Freedom Ham Hams delivering famous quotes About libertarianism Oh my gosh

It's gotta be one of the libertarian ones Because that's nine-tenths of Reddit. Here's the thing. I know that there's a Reddit that's like dragons fucking cars. And I feel like that's very similar. That's the main thing we talk about on this show, man. I feel like that's very similar to the first one.

So I'm thinking it's one of the other two. Right. It's not implausible. It could be either all three. But let's see. Which says freedom to you more? A hamster or a ham? Ham.

Ham is way more freedom. How so? Well, I mean, if you had total freedom, go right to the ham, right? Yeah, I'm thinking of those government fat cats. But at the same time, maybe the juxtaposition of the hamster and the freedom is what appeals to people at the Reddit, right? Also, ham can't talk. Ham can't talk. An excellent point

right but you know a hamster is on if my hamster can he told me to murder that woman alright I urinate in my bedding

everything has this voice a hamster is on a never ending wheel trapped in a cage like there's a symbolism there yeah it doesn't realize that's a very good point that trapped in a cage. There's a symbolism there. Yeah, it doesn't realize

that it's a cuck. Right. It doesn't know yet. So a freedom hamster would be a hamster that was ready to go build an underground bunker. Yep. I'm right there with you.

So where do we go? I think you're right. I think freedom hamster. Freedom hamster. Freedom Hamster. No, dinosaurs on bicycles. A peaceful and loving community for dinosaur enthusiasts with a penchant for cycling. I have to say, I'm so literal in my head when you were like, oh, there's a Reddit for dragons fucking cars. And I'm like, how? And then I see it drawn.

How does a dragon get access to the internet? Tony, I'll answer your question mostly in the trunk. Mostly in the trunk. Here's your guys' next one. Which of these is real? Chapped teats. A community for long distance runners. Unlikely goiter. Goiters you'd never expect. Chapped Teats, a community for long-distance runners.

Unlikely Goiter, goiters you'd never expect. And Shower Orange, pictures of users eating oranges in the shower. Shower Orange. It's so stupid. Shower Orange. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Shower Orange. You're right, you're right, shower orange.

And for the audience, there's a picture of a wild-eyed man eating an orange in a shower. I would describe him as a posts to subreddits type. Sure. Sarah and John, Wooly Bully, a community of sheep haters and harassers,

Fat Squirrel Hate, people insulting the weight of squirrels, That's it. or Animal Friends, pictures of animals who look like cast members of Friends. Oh. Oh. I feel like...

You love animal friends. I could see it on your face. I really like unlikely animal friends, but this is a different thing than that. But I feel like fat squirrel hate is very consistent with what I know about Reddit. Right? You're right. Fat squirrel

hate. That's the real one. You win. Our expert. Look at that stupid squirrel. What an idiot. I hate that squirrel. Okay, this one's for Danny and Tony. Sharks with human teeth. Pictures of sharks with

human teeth. Tall hats. You won't believe these hats. Or three shoes, two feet. The description of which is one too many shoes. That's fine. I think it's sharks. I've seen it. It's terrifying.

I've seen sharks. You're absolutely correct. It's sharks with human teeth. You knew it. I didn't see it right. For you guys. Which of these is real? Oh, he looks nice.

For the record, Danny just said, oh, he looks nice. He does. It's a nice smile. He looks fun. Congress babies. Congress members made adorable. Primary Pokemon.

Discussion of Pokemon as presidential candidates. And enlightened bird men. Discussion of humanity's imminent downfall by bird men. Oh my gosh. I'm really intrigued to go to r slash enlightened bird men. I agree. But that doesn't mean it's real. My instinct is Congress Babies.

Incorrect. The correct answer is Enlightened Birdman. Where they literally make posts where they type out screech, screech, awk, awk, and then philosophy stuff. One and one. Danny's team has two. Oh, okay, well, two and one.

That's fun. Which of these is real? Joe Biden and a sandwich. Pictures of Joe Biden eating a sandwich. Pictures of Joe Biden eating a sandwich. Still shooting. Ideas for sequels to stop or my mom will shoot. And peaches.

Peaches discussion only. Please no herb talk. I feel like I'm gravitating towards the peaches. Somebody getting upset saying please don't talk about herbs. That sounds close. It sounds very Reddit-y. It's actually Joe Biden towards the peaches. Somebody getting upset saying, please don't talk about herbs. That sounds close. It sounds very Reddity.

It's actually Joe Biden in a sandwich. Oh, but now I want to see. Oh, he does like sandwiches. We would have won that one. Yeah, we would have. Danny has such a winning attitude about these nightmarish pictures. Sarah and John,

giant micromachines, unus giant micro-machines, unusually large micro-machines, Dorito hair, anime characters with their hair replaced by Dorito bags, or Crabba, ABBA songs performed by crabs.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I got the last one wrong, so I want to hear your thoughts. Well, you know, the thing is, I'm trying to hear Jordan and Jesse's comedic voices in some of these, but their comedic voices are indistinguishable from real crazy people. Ladies and gentlemen, the Roastmaster General. I don't know. Giant micro machines.

I was so excited. I really want to see those. But also, Dorito hair is so absurd that it could be true. Let's go Dorito hair. You're absolutely correct. You're absolutely correct. Yay!

For you guys. Danny and Tony. Thomas the Dank Engine. Hip-hop remixes of the Thomas the Tank Engine theme. Where My Dogs, DMX rapping about Paw Patrol. Or Richie Rich, NSFW, slash fic featuring cartoon millionaire Richie Rich and Oakland rapper Richie Rich. Which of these is real?

The first one that I can't remember. Thomas the Dank Engine. You're right. You're absolutely right. Okay, Sarah and John. Keys as weapons. Discussion of self-defense using keys and key rings. Pocket sand.

People discussing the benefits of carrying around sand. Or everyday hoagie. Carefully composed photographs of the ingredients of submarine sandwiches. Oh my gosh. I feel like the first one is more of a 4chan. I disagree. Oh, really? You think that's also pretty reddity?

Pocket sand. I'm feeling pocket sand. It's so appealing especially if it was kind of like that warm sand that they use at the optometrist am I the only one to bend your glasses the optometrist has a bucket of heated sand

and they put your glasses in it it heats up the plastic and then they can adjust it to you super hot heated sand and they put your glasses in it, it heats up the plastic and then they can adjust it to you. Super hot. There are so many glasses wearing nerds in here that I feel like this is some slash fic that they're all like, oh yeah.

Let's talk about our favorite inhalers. Tony is pumping his fist. Albuterol. So what do you think? I don't know. Everyday hoagie, though. Everyday hoagie. Everyday hoagie, though.

I mean, I've seen reddits of where they make giant sandwiches and post pictures of it. I don't know. I think we should go with pocket sand, though. Pocket sand? Yeah, it seems like with pocket sand, though. Pocket sand? Yeah, it seems like that's the instinct here. Pocket sand. You're right.

You're absolutely right. This is actually great. This is great. This is the last question. This is the last question and you guys can win it all here. Because we're tied, right? Because you're tied.

Three to three. For everything. Which of these is real? Danny and Tony. Yes. Skeletons, NSFW. Pictures of skeletons having sex, nude, or wearing suggestive bikinis.

Oh! MyPillow deep fakes. The MyPillow.com guy digitally inserted into pornography. Or, Mom, Dad, I love you. It's been a great ride. I don't blame you if you cut me out of the will. I don't blame you if you cut me out of the will.

Shark Garfunkel. Scat porn featuring Art Garfunkel. Featuring who? Art Garfunkel. Skeletons and SFW. My pillow deep fakes. Or Shark Garfunkel.

Wait, I have a question. Was the description, was nude in the description for a skeleton yes it is nude having sex nude or wearing suggested bikinis it says a lot

so it could also include like R rated shots yeah no one wants to see the MyPillow guy I don't want to see the MyPillow or the Gart Funko

or Gart Funko Shart Funko sexy skeletons please you're the champion you've won wow Sharts, Funko. Sexy Skeletons, please. You're the champion! You've won! Wow. We did a good job. Danny, you've won my script.

Congratulations, Danny, ladies and gentlemen. And let's hear it for Sarah as well. Well, that was a lot of fun, huh? So, yeah. I guess we have one more little piece of business before we debut this all-new song, right? Every week on Jordan, Jesse, Go, we ask you to share your momentous occasions with us.

We have some folks who have created live, in-person, momentous occasions by talking in the future. I probably should have scripted this out for myself because I'm doing a bad job of improvising. No, you're nailing it, dude. We love it. Thank you, Jordan. Wait, so it's a momentous occasion that you've had recently? Yes.

So something amazing that's happened to you in your life. Usually we have people call them in to an answering service. But now we're going to do them IRL. So is our Dana and Mike here. Dana and Mike, come on up to this microphone over here. Brian's got a microphone. Hi, I presume you're

Mike. I am. Mike, nice to meet you. Where are you from? We're from around Chicago. Around Chicago. Aurora. Why are you here? Did you know this was going to be a Jordan Jesse Go taping? Yes. Wow.

Weird. My mom lives out here, so we come to see you guys and visit my mom for a weekend. You two are real American heroes. Sorry, firefighters. What's your momentous occasion? What's your momentous occasion? We were inspired by your swim team joining to start taking a stroke clinic class to prepare to join a swim team near us.

Stroke clinic? Dog stories. Different kind of stroke clinic. Different stroke. Different strokes for different folks. John Roddick, everybody. And how are you finding the stroke clinic? Of the two of you, who strokes it the best?

I'm terrible. She's the stroker. So she's the stroker ace. Wow. Sure. A little bit of a deeper cut. Yeah. So it's called a stroke clinic and not just a swim team?

The swim team is the next level. Oh. Do you guys have weird tans yet? It's all inside. Yeah. This is Chicago. Oh. Yeah.

You're probably right. What's your favorite stroke? I just struggle to not breathe water. I get that. She's the one to add. Trying to live, then. Trying to live. Yeah.

I like backstroke. Yeah, I love it. I remember, I don't need to go into a story, but I remember when I was a kid and I was on the swim team and I didn't like being on the swim team and I stopped in the middle of a meet. And my dad said, he looked at me, was like, keep going. And he said I had an expression in my face that was like, why I'm exhausted. And I just stood up and stopped. Hence the asthma and the albuterol.

You're like, is there an acting class in that pool house over there? Are there any artists in here? Lacey? Is a Lacey here? Lacey. Come on upacey here? Lacey. Come on up. Here comes Lacey. She's wearing a red blazer.

Vomit on my sweater already. Mom's spaghetti. I really did not. Jesse, that is like a boiled wool, like, super South American super coat. Got it for my birthday. It's like a poncho jacket. It looks beautiful. It has pockets, too.

Always got to have a pocket. Jacket in the day, throw in the evening. I could wear this all day long. Those are big pockets. You could steal a baby and put it in there. Lacey, what's your momentous occasion? My momentous occasion is that our dog recently had surgery, and she's fully recovered from TPLO surgery.

And how long until she can go snowboarding again? She could go right now, but we have to do slower, you know, slowly introducing. Do you have to keep your dog in, like, a weird... When my dog had knee surgery surgery we had to keep her in one of those like inside one of those baby play gates you know like a playpen and we weren't allowed to get her excited because she might run from one side of it to the other and if she ran she might hurt herself oh yeah we had to keep the fun way down and she did not like it did they give

you like dog tranquilizers also yes they were so doing anything? Oh yes, they were so helpful. They're just like keep pushing them on her. You'll be very thankful about it. Can you give me a handful for the flight? I'm going to fly back after this. They're all gone. I'm sorry. They're suppositories. I have a question about I have a question about pet insurance.

Oh, let me talk about that. Please, because is that something it's a real trend, I mean not a trend But people have pet insurance And I do wonder, I never know what's covered Is something like that covered? Okay, I did a lot of research into this before it actually happened So I was like

Maybe I need to get dog insurance for her So I read on Consumer Reports Who ultimately concluded That you just save up your money Six months later She pulled her knees So what do they say it does cover? reports who ultimately concluded that you just save up your money. Six months later she pulled her knee. So what do they say it does cover? It covers everything other

than dental and then they're very weird about the whole leg issue. Really? The tendon issue in the knee is a common thing among dogs. What about, does it cover if they're quanky because they want some food? Problem in my house. What about, does it cover if they're quanky because they want some food? That wasn't listed. My wife and I, a lot of listeners

here probably know that I have a dog named, a beautiful dog named Coco who I love very much. My wife and I talked about whether we should get pet insurance for her. We ultimately decided to and it was a second dog named Sissy. So if something happens to Coco, we still have a dog.

We got it for our dog Mia and we like, not going to do that again. Hey, give it up for Lacey and her recently injured dog, everyone. We got one more, and then the big musical extravaganza. Carrie. Is Carrie here? Carrie. Hey, Carrie. Carrie.

YOLO, YOLO. My favorite color. Yeah, Hey, Carrie. Carrie. Yellow, yellow. My favorite color. Yeah, proud Hufflepuff. Winner of the upsetting robot. Carrie, what's your momentous occasion? So I decided to have a baby. Congratulations. That's not it.

That's just the setup. This is going to be a very momentous occasion if the baby is just the setup. And you found out who you're maining in Super Smash Brothers. In order to, one of the things you can do when you're trying to have a baby is you can check your fertility by looking at your cervix. at your cervix. And we... Sorry to interrupt, but we are really big advocates of just getting a hand mirror

and checking out your downtown area here on your podcast yourselves. We're having a little... Your body, your podcast? What did I say it was called? Anyway. Anyway, we're having a little meet-up after the show. Hopefully you brought your hand mirror and yeah, we're all just going to check it after the show. Hopefully you brought your hand mirror.

We're all just going to check it out. If you didn't bring a mirror, don't worry. We've got the robot and the glass coffee table. So you were saying about your cervix. I think we should move on. Go ahead. In addition to a hand mirror, you need a speculum to see your cervix. So I got one on Amazon. a speculum to see your cervix.

So I got one on Amazon. And what I didn't realize is that most of the people who buy speculums on Amazon are sex perverts. No judgment. No judgment. Well, you said perverts. That was a little judgy.

Let's just say medical enthusiasts? Sex adventurers. Sensual adventurers. What about heroes? Sorry, firefighters. Thank you. Finally. So Amazon now believes that I am a sensual hero.

Amazon now believes that I am a sensual hero. And so now Amazon frequently recommends to me adult baby onesies. Dope. Now, how much are those? Ballpark. I mean, it probably varies by size. Right. Well, hey, well,

hopefully this, this, you know, opens your mind to the possibilities of dumping in your jammies. Should we hear this song? Carrie,

everybody. Hey, Carrie. Yeah. So, John, what can you, what can you,

for the big climax of the show, what can you tell us about what we are about to hear? Well, just as I was leaving the stage, you made a crack about how, if we did a John Lennon song, that it would get you in some kind of hot water, publishing hot water. Yep, right. You are the Roastmaster General. That's right.

So I said, lol. Ruffle. Let's find a song that we can do from the Beatles catalog that everyone can join us in singing that maybe will get you guys in a situation where you owe some money to Northern songs. And so let's bring the band up. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. You know, one of the things about the Beatles is that three of them have the names of Christian saints,

and one of them is named Ringo. That's true of our band, too. Everyone has the name of a Christian saint except for Justin. So which disciples? Peter? What saints are we talking about? Peter, Paul, and Mary. Peter, Paul, and Mary.

Got it. I'm John. There's Matt. There's a Mark. And there's a Gabriel. Ooh. Wow. There's Gabriel's fan club here.

Yeah, should we give them the stage and watch them do the show? Sure. So we have a classical guitar that has eight strings, an eight-string classical guitar, which is a new design we're working on. We have a baritone saxophone, a melodica, the greatest of all instruments, and a Yamaha acoustic guitar, and I will vouch, Yamaha acoustic guitars are some of the best guitars.

They really are. Really are. And that's a beautiful black one in the style of Johnny Cash. Everyone knows this song. Even if you just immigrated here from the moon, you know this song. Let's see here.

Okay, so ready? Everyone sing along as well as you can. This is a little song you'll recognize right away. So let me just do a little. Hit it, fellas. In the town where I was born Lived a man who sailed to sea And he told us of his life In the land of submarines So we sailed into the sun

Till we found a sea of green. And we lived beneath the waves in our yellow submarine. We all lived in the yellow submarine. Yellow submarine. Yellow submarine. We all live in the Yellow Sun Marine. Yellow Sun Marine. Yellow Sun Marine. We all live in the Yellow Sun Marine. Yellow Sun Marine.

Yellow Sun Marine. And our friends were all aboard. Many more of them live next door And the band begin to play Hit it, band! We all live in a yellow submarine Yellow submarine, yellow submarine We all live in a yellow submarine Yellow submarine, yellow submarine. We all live in a yellow submarine. Yellow submarine, yellow submarine.

Hit it, Matt. Mark! Yeah, Mark! Gabriel! Gabriel Just take us home As we live a life of ease Every one of us, it's all we need Sky of blue and sea of green In our yellow submarine We all live in a yellow submarine Yellow submarine a yellow submarine. Yellow submarine.

Yellow submarine. We all live in a yellow submarine. Yellow submarine. Yellow submarine. Hang on. We all live in a yellow submarine. Yellow submarine. Yellow submarine.

Yellow submarine. submarine Yellow submarine We all live in it It's a yellow submarine Yellow submarine Yeah! Thank you! The Yellow Submarine Band Ladies and gentlemen, John Roderick

and the Roderick Heirs! I've been Jesse, this is Jordan. Good afternoon, I guess. Jordan, Jesse, go. Live from San Francisco in the SF Sketch Fest. We're always thrilled to get to go to Sketch Fest, and we were thrilled to have that grand finale from the one and only brilliant John Roderick of Friendly Fire.

Yeah. So shows like the one you just heard are brought to you by MaximumFun.org subscribers. Five bucks a month, 10 bucks a month, 20 bucks a month, whatever you got. You could throw some of it over to MaximumFun.org. Not only can you feel great that you're keeping shows like this going, but you can also get some cool swag out of the deal. Yeah, there's all kinds of great stuff you can get from our amazing pin that has the terrible robot that we gave away in this episode of the show. Yes. Of a horrible robot that snuck its way into my home at a birthday party and drove me insane for six months that has a banner in front of it that says,

Glug, Glug. Yeah. Which all Jordan Jesse Go listeners know is short for glug, glug that hot yellow. Sure. Listen, if you want a robot pen that alludes to piss drinking, go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. Who are we? Hard to say. Are we technically entertainers?

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