Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 585: Knife and Dagger Work with Baron Vaughn

Episode Date: May 21, 2019

Baron Vaughn (The New Negroes) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jordan's newest binging obsession, the professional application of Baron's theater and pratfall education, and the thrilling results of last week's JJGo Calliseum. Which had more listeners in its column -- karate in real life, interactions with the Buffy-verse, or cutting mold off of food and eating it? Tune in to find out! Weigh in on this week's JJGo Calliseum at maximumfun.org/call or 206-984-4FUN!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Binge Master. Wait, Binge Master? I'm the Binge Master. What are we talking about, beer bongs? Not beer bongs, my friend. Premium television.

Oh, wow. Yeah, I mean, wow. Yeah. I mean, you know me. You know me. Netflix and chill? Stars app. Oh, holy. Cinemax now.

You know me. Premium platforms. Holy cow. Binging. Do you have Epic HD? You know I do, baby. Wait, Epix HD. So I can see my Epix on the go.

Oh, yeah. You won't catch me without my Epix. You haven't seen Ben-Hur until you've seen it on a telephone. That's right. Sitting in a bus station. Oh, no. My phone is Spartacus, I say. Yeah, so, Jesse, I've been binging, baby.

Okay, again, when you just say binging, it makes me feel more worried than happy. No, no, you don't have to worry about it. My weight is stable. Okay. I'm talking about premium TV. Okay. And as we know, big TV event coming up. And I just wanted to make sure I got caught up.

So today, I went deep. Got on my best sweatpants. My binging pants. Sure. Called up Grubhub. Mm-hmm. Said, I'm not leaving the house. You bring the grub to me.

Right. Hey, I'll let you do the work. Yeah, you do the work. I'm binging. I'm over here binging. I can't be interrupted. I'm on the food. Yeah.

Relaxing. So I got caught up. I need some food food. On. I think you have a real sofa, not a futon. But the point remains the same. But I do call it food food. Okay. So that part of it is correct. But I do call it food food. Okay.

So that part of it is correct. Well, everyone calls it food food. Fuck, I could say I eat food food on my food food. But I don't have a futon. I gotta get a futon. Anyway. You could just eat it off your food food. Instead of with your hands hands.

Oh, yeah. That sounds unsanitary. Yeah, that is unsanitary. But today I got caught up on Yosemite Symphony. Holy cow. PBS's ultimate show that combines theme-free images of Yosemite set to classical music. Wow. And let me say, this season was cray.

Really? Yes. Here's what I like about it. And I am not caught up. Oh, you got to get caught up. So no spoilers. Okay. Well, you're going to get them from me because I read the books. What I like about it is that they'll kill anybody.

Yeah. They'll kill a deer. They'll kill a bear. Well, today we were introduced to fan favorite character that all of us who read the books know about. Right. I haven't read the books. I haven't even. I read.

I'll admit. I read recaps on The Ringer. Well, you're not getting the nuance. Okay. But, again. Glenn Weldon writes great recaps for NPR.org. Spoilers for Yosemite Symphony. Okay.

Great recaps for NPR.org. Spoilers for Yosemite Symphony. Okay. This season they introduced fan favorite character, Baby Bison, who has kind of red fur. Oh, wow. Yeah. This is a Baby Bison who has kind of red fur Stan account. I was here for it.

You're a BB. I'm a BB. Yeah. WRF. That's Baby Bison with red fur. Great content. Great premium content. Sounds really good. And hey, if you have...

And here's something I like after I watch a show. Yeah. I like to go down the wormhole. I like to get online. I have my phone up because I love a two-screen experience. One of those screens is playing Yosemite Symphony. Yeah. PBS' number one show about themeless images of Yosemite set to classical music.

Right. And then I like to have my phone open and I like to be going down the wormholes and seeing what people are chatting about online, fan theories, interviews with the creators. So if anybody has any theories as to what's going to happen in this week's season finale of Yosemite Symphony, hit me up online. I actually love classical music TV, too. Yeah. So I will, and I'm also a two-screener. I'll watch Fantasia on my TV, the classical music classic,

and then on my phone, queue up Fantasia 2000. Ooh. That's quite a two-screen experience. For some 21st century shit. And hey, just real quick, can I say this? If the creators are listening, the creators of Yosemite Symphony are listening.

Or Walt Disney. If Walt Disney is listening. Yeah. If you kill Baby Bison, who has kind of red fur, I will freak. You're going to freak out? I'm going to freak.

You're going to freak? I'm going to freak out. Freak out? I'm going to freak. You're going to freak? I'm going to freak out. Freak out? I'm going to have a total freak. So unless you want a freak sesh. Freak out like Sheik. Unless you want a freak sesh on your hands. Yeah, unless you want to give a phone call to Nile Rodgers.

Do not touch baby bison with kind of red fur. Oh, God. Let him live. That's all. That's all. We know we have business to get down to. Can I say one thing about Baby Bison? Yeah.

It sounds like this little guy is just out here trying to do his thing. He was rolling around in the grass when they introduced him, and then they cut to an image of a woodpecker. And it was great. This is a Baby Bison with kind of red fur Stan account. Do you think that the people who do the editing have access to both the audio and video track? These seem unrelated. They seem to be concocted in two separate facilities and then married in a third facility. Without any regard for any theme other than Yosemite.

It's not like you hear like, and then there's like fish jumping out of the water. No. Yeah. No. The music is not related to the images. That's how I like it. Dissonant. Themeless.

My brother-in-law was a park ranger at Yosemite. Oh, yeah? And one time he had to chase a bear with a dart gun through the main encampment in his underpants. Great. Put that on Yosemite Symphony. God, that would be a great ep. Yeah, that would be a great ep.

That's like series finale shit, though, right? At least season finale. Yeah. I don't know. I got to go see what Shea Serrano thinks. Who's that? The guy from The Ringer. Oh, okay.

He writes the recaps for The Ringer. Oh, okay. Yeah. Should we introduce our guest on the guest? I would love to. Our guest on the program. I think the show's over. It's not going to get any better than that. Our guest on the program is known as a stand up comic. And now he's known as the co-creator and co-host of the smash hit Comedy Central program, The New Negroes. Please welcome Baron Vaughn. Hello. Hi. It's nice to see you. It's really good to be here.

I am so entertained. I'm glad. I've been in the room this entire time. Have you been watching something on your phone while we've been talking? Trying not to laugh. Yes, it's something completely unrelated to what you were talking to. You were just having funny thoughts? I was just thinking, just in my own head, in a different dimension, a wormhole of my own past. Coincidentally, you came here straight from the dentist.

That's true. And the nitrous is still wearing off. Exactly. A real baron after the dentist. And the more I can feel my actual gums and how they actually feel, the less I'm finding it funny. You said your brother used to – your brother-in-law? My brother-in-law used to be a climbing ranger in Yosemite. Can you get – can your brother-in-law get Jordan a baby bison with kind of red furs autographed?

Oh, I would love that. Are they – tell me he's cool in that. Tell me he's cool in person. Tell me he's cool in person. That's true. If he's not, I don't want to hear it. Can I say something real quick? Yes. Probably yes.

Oh, that's amazing. But, you know, my friend Jordan's birthday is coming up. Oh. Was it just your birthday? It was. Okay. But I have another one coming up. If I don't die.

Birthday gifts, yet six months in my book. I'm one of those, it's my birthday month, people. Yes, okay. It was just Jordan's birthday. I'm going to text my brother-in-law. Oh, yeah. Look, Max, he's a great guy. Wonderful man.

He's an architect. Former park ranger. What an interesting life already. Who says there's no second acts? I'm going to text Max and I'm going to ask him if he can get Jordan baby bison with red fur's phone number. Oh. This sounds like it's like a setup for us to go out. I don't know if you're seeing anyone right now, Jordan, either seriously or casually.

Sure. But you you thinking baby bison with kind of red fur might be well here's my problem could be molting well it's a baby oh okay we've established it's a baby i was hoping you were gonna draw that line doing uh doing more of a bit that would lead to me fucking it right it's probably how do you feel let me ask you this question how do you feel about bee milfs bison milfs bison mom i'd like to fuck well i would prefer a bee mirror a bison milf i'd like to ride b miller miller meal that's hard to pronounce. B-Miller. Yeah, a B-Miller. Yeah. I would love to ride her.

In a platonic way. Oh, of course. In a kind of... A consensual... A beast of burden kind of way. Across the plains kind of way. Yes, yes. A consensual platonic riding. As Parliament once sang, swing down, sweet bison, stop and let me ride.

I have, yes, I've... I'm not sure that was exactly what it is. Is that not exactly the lyrics? It's pretty close. Yeah. I feel like there was one word that was off. How are you doing, Baron Vaughn? Oh, I'm doing pretty good. I guess I'm kind of loopy a little bit.

I've been a little sick. Just got over it, luckily. And still taking a few medications, which... Ooh. Let's talk about these medications. Oh, yeah. I'm quilling. I'm safe.

I'm not even going to tell you if it's day or night. Sounds like Baron's off that quill. Sure. I'm on that quilling, you know? Netflix and quill. That's what I do. That's what I do. That's why you invited Baron Vaughn on the show.

From the show Grace and Frankie, Baron Vaughn. I learned when we were having a little pre-show chat, you do a pretty good Kermit the Frog impression. Oh, you thought it was good? I thought it was good. Baron, is Kermit the Frog here right now? When you rule, it's kind of weird, and you wish that you weren't there. It's good. It's pretty solid.

Yeah. That's a nice piece of business, Baron. You should work that into your act. I'm going to try. People are just clamoring for those Kermit references. You should do that on your new show. That actually was something I wanted to do on the new show. I wanted to do a bit where we get heckled,

and then a Stadler and Waldorf type character shows up and heckles the heckler, and then a different character shows up and heckles the heckler. And then a different heckler comes and heckles the heckler. It was just going to be kind of a heckling wormhole kind of a situation. Just a Fibonacci sequence of heckling. But it didn't – totally it wasn't right. Season two. Then there was like another meeting where they were like, how about instead we uh uh we see what danny brown looks like in business casual yes yes and when he when his

head opens up or when someone's mouth opens up uh yeah so um show's great it's out there it's kind of kind of amazing with another friend of ours a great open mike eagle yeah the other co-host of the program. Yes. Speaking of Jordan and Jesse Goat Connections, I also learned that, Baron, you went to college with last week's guest, Liz Feldman. Or not with, but... At the same school, yes. Yeah.

Boston University. We both went to Boston University. We were in the same improv troupe. Different eras. Different eras. You know, she... She was in the vaudeville era. She was in the Phil Hartman era. I was in... I was in the vaudeville she was in the phil hartman era i was in

i was in the horatio sands area no um yeah she was there a little bit before me but there yeah there was an improv troupe in college that i had heard about her when i got there like oh liz feldman she was really funny really funny she still is funny she's just not at the school anymore sorry to bring her up in past tense that would would be a pretty baller move to have the career that Liz Feldman has had, writing on Ellen, creating these shows, but also to commute back to Boston to still do shows with your college improv troupe. That would be amazing. I wonder if it exists anymore, that improv troupe. It was so important to me when I was in it. Oh yeah, sure. We went to our college's 50th anniversary or something

like that. It was some big deal. Maybe it was the radio station's 30th anniversary? It was the radio station, yeah. Oh, okay. So we went back to the radio station and when we were there, we saw a flyer for our college improv group. Oh yeah! We did not go to the show. But it's still kicking. Yeah. It's still kicking.

Because of the strong groundwork that we laid. Yes, exactly. Yes. Solid foundations. What if someone had a crazy job? Sure. Yeah. What if a scene we saw were redone in the style of a Western?

Howdy, partner. And then someone. How's things in Westeros? Now, our college improv crew, we were in the theater school. So that, but more theater or musical references. Oh, yeah. A little Assassin's humor, maybe. Yes, exactly.

A little Victor Garber. What if Sondheim had written Cats? Can you imagine? Yeah, it would be a better musical. Hey. Boom. Sorry. Not an Andrew Lloyd Webber fan.

Sorry. Sondheim is king. Sorry to come out here and say, not an Andrew Lloyd Webber fan. Not an ALW kind of guy. Wow. You know what, Baron? Yes. Fuck Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Oh! That's right, sir. You've been served. How about this? Sir, fuck you. Hey, Andrew Lloyd Webber. Jordan here. Hey, Andy.

Hey, Sir Andy. I think the one about the trains is pretty good. Starlight Express? Starlight Express? Starlight Express. They're living trains who have a race around the world. Yeah, he saw Transformers and he was like, what if they were on roller skates and it was a musical? Wait, Starlight Express is about living trains? Living trains who have a race around the world. Do the trains sing songs?

Yes. It's a musical. Holy shit. The Starlight Express is the name of like a weird, legendary, magical train that trains the main train. Oh, the train trains the train. Yeah. Rusty, if I remember correctly, because I remember the song Starlight Express. Also, it launched Jane Krakowski's career.

Oh. Well, we have that to thank for Jane Krakowski. That's true. One of our finest. A net good in the world. I could sing the song, but I'm not going to. Can Kermit sing the song? Starlight Express.

Starlight Express. Are you there? Yes or no. Pretty good. That's the song. That's the song. What kind of theater did you do in college? Oh, man.

All kinds of theater. What kind of theater did you do in college? Oh, man, all kinds of theater. Our school, our theater school was like structured in a very specific way where they kind of like wanted to break you of everything that you thought was acting from a high school. It's essentially what they were like, OK, you bunch of 18 year olds. Right. You think it's all about memorizing lines, right? Heartbroken.

Just kind of like almost like they were doing like, you know, back breaking sort of moves, but emotionally. Right. Stuff that I now look back at and I go like, I was 18. What did I know? Sure. It's only recently I've started to kind of learn what I learned there. But I look back at it and go like, hey, you 18 year old, Blanche Dubois, one of the most complex characters ever written. Figure it out. Right. But I have no life experience.

That's kind of what theater school was like. Hey, 18-year-old, do some Shakespeare. That's right. Oh, forsooth. So we did scene study stuff first, and then we kind of went into Shakespeare my junior year. And it was like you had to study it in different er eras contemporary drama modern drama all this stuff kind of learning the history of theater as you go along and the styles of acting and all this crap crap a lot of crap i had a great time yeah i excelled sure you you hoped every day that one day you would move to los angeles and someday meet liz feldman yes yeah yeah legend but i go is it was it I go, was it a real thing?

Was it a real thing to study it in a sort of a weird way? Anyway, I wish I do kind of wish I studied something else. I think that is a fair question to ask of all theater education. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, like I think there's some important lessons. There are. If you don't

show up on time, nobody else can do their job. Depends. Depends on what you don't show up on time, nobody else can do their job. Depends. Depends on what the job is. Said the guy, by the way, who was 20 minutes late today. But, yeah, there's a certain amount of act like this animal. Right. Yeah, that stuff is really interesting. I mean, you know, to be honest, it could be very spiritual.

It's almost like all theater training is Buddhism in disguise. You have to contemplate what it means to be in the moment because we got a show to do. So you kind of stumble into Eastern thought in a kind of a weird way. Did you learn the most important lesson of theater school, how to do your own old age makeup? No, man. That's why I'm wondering if there are even theater schools anymore. The key is chiaroscuro. The light and the dark.

Thank you for telling me. I really appreciate it. Yeah. That kind of era ended weirdly. They used to teach you to do your own makeup in theater school. We weren't that. Did you learn any skills? Sometimes you learn skills.

No, circus skills maybe? Circus skills, sword play, horseback riding. I did learn some sword fighting, knife and dagger. Really? Kind of sword fighting kind of stuff. The old knife and dagger, sir. A lot of clowning stuff, how to do pratfalls and rolls, barrel rolls and stuff like that. You've been in a lot of stuff.

You've had a good career. You pop up in stuff. It's jarring for a lot of people. This guy works. Yeah. Do you feel like you've had a good career you like pop up and stuff it's it's uh it's jarring for a lot of people do you feel like it works yeah do you feel like you use it do you ever like when you're doing something for grace and frankie or whatever do you remember something from college and go oh i can use this oh definitely definitely definitely especially with stand-up i actually use a lot of my theater school stuff in stand-up just kind of like ways to think about getting into a character are ways to think about what someone i interacted with might have been thinking because you know

sometimes stand-up is like i was walking down the street and this guy said this thing who is that guy theater school can help me figure that question out oh who is that guy and also who is this guy pointing to yourself? There you go. Like, you know, Seinfeld famously said, who are these people? Theater school is like, and what makes them tick? You know what I mean? Yes. What makes them be that?

Where is their pain located? Sure. In their back or in their jaw? Speaking of Jerry Seinfeld, you guys ever watch the television program Jerry Seinfeld? Not Seinfeld show, Cars and Coffee? Oh, yeah. No. It's a pretty good show.

I enjoy it pretty well. Funny peeps, eating peeps. Even if it is great, I have a no vanity interview show policy for myself. As an aspiring vanity interviewer myself, I feel like I need to survey the- Sure. No, I get it. You got to know what's out there. Unfortunately-

But I'm sure I've heard that it is great and there's great people on it. But you got to have principles for yourself. There's a lot of fun in the program. And you couldn't ask for a greater stand-up comic than the great Jerry Seinfeld, the true genius of his field. Watching it, you – and it might just be the space between reality and the space between fiction and nonfiction when he knows a camera is there. But I kind of don't think so. You just see Jerry Seinfeld not caring about the humanity of the other people present, just purely operating 1,000% as a joke-creating machine. You can just see all the information going inside to Jerry Seinfeld and him sorting it as potential joke, not potential joke, then refining the thing that's called potential

joke into perfect joke. Yes. And then like, great news. This interaction worked. I thought of a joke. I thought of a joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is one of the things that we all do.

Yeah. We all are trying to figure that out in some sort of way. But he is, you know, I want to say he kind of defined an era in some way. It feels like a pure uncut act with Jerry Seinfeld. Like you're just like, this man was put on earth to do one thing and one thing only. Like his family is incidental to it. His special white shoes are incidental to it. All things are just like, he just like sees a carpet and he's like, okay, carpet jokes,

carpet jokes, carpet jokes. And figures it out. Yeah. It's a fine-tuned instrument that guy's got. It's amazing. It's an amazing thing to watch. I enjoy watching it very much. And so that made you, theater school made you think of that because you're thinking about technique.

You're thinking about craft. Am I right? I remember having the thought when Jordan and I were just out of college and doing sketch comedy. I remember we were working on a sketch. And I remember having the thought, am I a monster if I say, I think something I learned in commedia dell'arte would be useful like really debate really going over it until it was a nice smooth wow now i'm so curious as to what that thing could have been it was something about entrances as i recall yeah yeah it's entered with a a definitive posture you have to have a, you have to cut a silhouette so people know that you're

Hit a zero, as it is called. An emboldened servant. But, this is a time-honored technique that we have seen the Marx Brothers do,

that we have seen Jerry Lewis do. Jerry Lewis. Jerry, Jerry Lewis. No, not Jerry Lewis. We're talking about ethnic caricature?

No, I'm talking about big entrances. Nonsense blathering? I'm talking about big entrances. Nonsense blathering? I'm talking about big entrances, like physical comedy. Yeah, right. Because Camila D'Arte is very physical. Eddie Murphy we've seen do that. Steve Martin we've seen do that.

Yeah. Where they make a big entrance sort of a situation, right? Yeah. I'm just saying that it's all been done in a kind of a weird way, right? Because I think the comedy technique is trial and error. In a kind of a weird way, right? Because I think the comedy technique is trial and error. So anything that I learned in theater school was learned, was written, a book written by someone who applied trial and error and said, I think it's this.

And they wrote it 500 years ago. Have you ever done a pratfall in a professional context? Yes. Yes, I have. I have done a pratfall in a professional context. Was there a person there to tell you how to do it, or did you rely on your training? I relied on my training because nobody told me to do anything. Everyone was like, can you? And I kind of showed them that I could do it, and they were like, oh, thank the Lord.

We didn't think about that until right now. Sword play? Have you ever had to do sword play? No, in a professional context. Knife and dagger work? I wish. Hey, if you're out there and you're casting one of those knife and dagger shows. Hey, if you got a thing about a comedian who's like, you know what?

I'm going to become an Olympics champion in the sport of epi or whatever. Saber or foil, guys. I mean, I don't hate it. I was all foil at the time. I did knife and dagger work professionally for a little while. I was kind of down on my luck. What is that? I met a few affluent dowagers.

Oh. And I kind of fell backwards into a career of knife and dagger. Oh, I see. Okay. Oh, you fucked them. Oh. See, I think what people who aren't here couldn't see was when Jesse said knife and dagger, he was doing a wink. And I think what he was getting at is he fucked.

Yeah, the dowagers. Yeah, you're giving it to the old dowager. Right in the old dowager hole. Hey, Brett, I see a couple dowagers over there. How'd you like to give them the old knife and dagger? Hey, your knife, I'm dagger. Together, we're the Dowager fucking brothers. Sometimes.

Gross, we're brothers. Do we do it together? In the same room. It gets us hard. Well, this is getting worse and worse by the minute, buddy. But as long as nobody fucks a baby buffalo, we're going to be fine. Oh, but get a load of that bee milf. Oh, my goodness. But as long as nobody fucks a baby buffalo, we're going to be fine. Oh, but get a load of that bee milf.

Oh, my goodness. Call Max McGillicuddy. That's our theater training. That's our theater training. Yeah, I analyzed the shit out of that just for my theater school training. Like I saw how you dropped into these characters, who these people were. Right, how they set their jaw. It started with the big entrance that you guys made.

Very comedia, very Capitano. Am I right? Or me. A real Capitano. I was I the big entrance that you guys made. Very comedia. Very Capitano. Am I right? For me. A real Capitano. I was Ildatore, but very close. Ildatore, of course. Very different. For me, podcasting starts with physicality.

Yes, yes. So I'll spend hours just at the mall. I'll go to the Grove and just watch people, see how they hold their bodies. What part of their body do they leave? Their story. Yeah. Yeah, when I listen to a podcast, I'm always thinking, like, how are they moving? How have they been forming these bits?

I also love to talk to the very old. Sure. Ask them about their lives. What were your hopes? What were your dreams? What? Here's an example. Do you need to be fucked if you are a dowager?

You need a little knife and dagger work. Oh, my goodness. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, business owner. Yeah, I know. So you've probably just been hiring all day. All I do is hire. I wish there was an easier way to hire. I'll tell you what I've been doing. What? I go to the mall and I pass out lollipops to

children. Oh, well, okay. I can think of a... You know what? I'll wait till the end to give you notes. And they say have your mommy and daddy call Maximum Fun. Is that a good way to hire? Jesse, I'll be honest with you. I'm getting a lot of unqualified candidates.

No, it's not. Here's what you need to do. There's a website I want to point you, the small business owner, to. It's ZipRecruiter.com. Now, this is on the web? This is on the web. Okay. ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. Same on the web? This is on the web. Okay. ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo.

Same web as ESPN SportsZone. The very same. The FogDog.com web. Everything that is on the web is also something that is ZipRecruiter. Oh. Yeah. Now I get it. Now you understand.

Because that made sense. So how does ZipRecruiter work? Here's what you do. You go to ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. ZipRecruiter's going to send your job to over 100 of the web's leading job boards. But they don't stop there. Thank God, because that's not enough. They're going to use powerful matching technology.

They're going to scan thousands of resumes to find people with the right experience and invite them to apply to your job. This is so much better than my fucking lollipop thing. It's so effective that four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day. It took me months of passing out lollipops before we hired Brian. Did we have a song for them? When a problem comes along. Nope.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. The zips come out at night. The zips come out at night. There you go.

The zips come out at night. Ha, ha, ha. Right now, our listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free at this exclusive web address, ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Jordan, we're headed out on tour. We sure are.

Starting June 12th, we will be going. Tickets are starting to sell out. I just got an email from Minnesota and Chicago that say they're perilously close to selling out. So, yeah, if you live in any of these places, go ahead and get those tickets now. Don't wait to get them day of because you might be left out. Can I say this frankly? Cop them ducats. Cop the ducats.

Go online. Get the ticks. Don't wait to frankly? Cop them ducats. Cop the ducats. Go online. Get the ticks. Don't wait to get them at the door or whatever. You know what I learned when I went to a baseball game in Mexico? What? They don't even really have advance tickets in Mexico. Oh my gosh. Think about the privilege that you have as an American. Right. To buy tickets to things ahead

of time. All of our shows are in America. Yeah. We'd love to perform in Mexico if Mexico would have us. God, I would love to perform in Mexico. June 12th, Minneapolis. Do you think we could get booked on Planteanito? I hope so. That guy's fucking amazing.

That would be great. June 12th, we'll be in Minneapolis with Bill Corbett, Kevin Murphy, and Mike Nelson from Riff Trax. Chicago, June 13th, with Courtney Enloe and Jesse's DJ set. Yeah, I bought a special box to bring my records in. June 14th in Seattle, Washington. June 15th in Portland, Oregon. June 26th, the Bell House in Brooklyn with Ted Leo. Ted Leo.

June 27th, Boston, Massachusetts with Ted Leo and Lamont Price. The great Lamont Price. Very funny, man. June 28th with Glenn Weldon, our best bud. And June 29th, Austin, Texas, with Griffin and Rachel McElroy. Should we probably book guests for Seattle and Portland? We know people there. We sure will, and they'll be great.

Yeah. Maximumfun.org slash summerboysofsummer. That's maximumfun.org slash summerboysofsummer for all those dates and your ticket links. Oh, we want to mention one quick thing. We had a call last week, and some of you may have heard the little thing that I recorded and your ticket links. Oh, we want to mention one quick thing. We had a call last week, and some of you may have heard the little thing that I recorded on my phone the night that the show came out, but somebody gave us their pronouns.

They were they-them pronouns, and somehow all four of us who were sitting here and then Brian when he was putting together the show just completely missed them, and we misgendered that person copiously in our response to the call. And we heard about it shortly thereafter and just felt like real monsters. Yeah, that's definitely something that we want to do right for our callers. And it was like really cool of the caller to, you know, tell us what they preferred.

And the fact that we missed it was a real boneheady on our part uh we're sorry and uh lauren that great caller was nice enough to let us leave it in the show yeah we talked to them they they actually we actually said well maybe we'll take it out and they were like well i liked being on jordan jesse con so you can leave it in there and i said i'll put it in a little thing yeah so definitely definitely thank you to them and thank you for uh the people who let us know in nice cool ways I mean it's every single person in a nice way yeah it was it's really cool and certainly like something that maybe

we deserved to be shouted at for a little bit more it was pretty stupid of us yeah so so definitely like just thank you to everybody involved and yeah we will definitely do our best to get that stuff right in the future we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica do our best to get that stuff right in the future. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Baron Vaughn, that ish. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Baron Vaughn, that is me. Hello, you. Hello, we. Yeah. Nailed the dismount.

Thank you, brain. Right in the clutch. What if Stephen Sondheim was the guest on Jordan, Jesse Goh? Jordan, Jesse. I went for Mandy Patinkin for some reason because of Sunday in the Park with George. Right. I would love it if you were Mandy Patinkin right now. That doesn't sound anything like Mandy Patinkin. God, I'd love to have the Patinkin here, Jordan.

One of these days. One of these days. Just the Patink. One of these days he'll be promoting his vanity interview web series and need to make the rounds. Man. What if I interviewed people in a different place? Yeah. In a different place?

You know, Alfred Molina, one of Alfred Molina's children has a standing appointment in the same hallway as my therapist's office. No. I don't believe it's a therapy office. I don't think I'm giving away anybody's mental health state. It's an office building. But yeah, it's like an office building. A lot of business going on in that building. Alfred Molina sits on this little park bench in the hallway when I go to and from therapy.

I kind of like to check in with him. Sometimes I think I could probably talk him into coming on Jordan and Jessica. Yeah. You probably could. Not sure about it. Not confident about it. You probably could. You could be like, loved you in Fiddler.

Start there. Hey, Doc Ock. You want to come on a podcast? Hey, you want to do a little knife and dagger work with me, buddy? You know any dowages, Melina? Point us in the direction. Yeah. I mean, I think if you got him when he was promoting something, you know, like if he was doing the rounds or something already.

Yeah. I think that'd be good. We can get Molina in here. What is he up to even, Alfred Molina? He's a ton of fun. That's what he's up to. Yeah. Well, that's good.

That's just a given. He's got his hallway work. That's just a given. But is he anything coming up he needs to promote? Like a Comedy Central series. Exactly. Like something that I am here to promote. Does Molina have anything going on?

Like my show, New Negroes, Comedy Central, Fridays at 11, you know? There it is. There's that plug. We should mention executive producer of your show is Alfred Molina. Yes. Alfred Molina, executive producer of our show. He's got his tentacles and everything. Hey, Doc Ockraff.

Hey, love it. And Benji Molina, the Cardinals catcher. That's right. Yadier Molina. We have Benjen Stark over here. So, yes, Alfred Molina. We work together. I'm done with that.

That's how I end a bit. Yeah. So, anyway. So, anyway. I obviously state the premise. What else is in the news? So Jordan, we've been doing this segment on the show where we get to know our audience through polling, which is something we worked a little bit on how to reformat the show. We worked with Dick Morris a little bit, the legendary political consultant.

He suggested we do more polling to get to know our audience. Soccer moms is the answer. Soccer moms. Minivan dads. We're going to do a lot of orange slice material. Oil uncles. Oil uncles. He said oily uncles.

Oh, okay. Like unguent uncles. Oh, you thought it meant like uncles who have like a business where they like ship olive oil. Yeah. Unctuous. Single country origin, olive oil uncles. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Extra virgin uncles. Yeah. Evu. Extra virgin nephews. It's too much disappointment right there. So we've been learning more and more about our audience through this process. Yes. And having them call in and just asking specific questions and comparing the answers.

Mm-hmm. So last week on the program, we had the great Liz Feldman on. Yeah. And Liz Feldman and the two of us each came up with one question we'd like to ask the audience. It was something that they've done. Oh. came up with one question we'd like to ask the audience. It was something that they've done.

My question was, I asked if anyone in the audience had used karate in real life. So not in a karate dojo, but on the streets. Hit the streets is this year's slogan, so it makes a lot of sense. Could they also be doing it in a municipal building? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, sure. Or on a be doing it in a municipal building? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, sure. Or on a city bus, like a guardian angel. Yeah, good place to do some berets.

Now, do you have you in your theater training? Or otherwise, have you ever studied any karate, the art of the open hand? I mean, I haven't, but I have had the theater to save my life at some times. That's right. Where someone was like, give me your wallet. I did a little Richard III. They were like, you know what? I'm so moved. I feel like, give me your wallet. I did a little Richard III. They were like, you know what? I'm so moved. I feel like I owe you for this.

Last night, a DJ saved my life. So, Jordan, what was your question? My question was, how many people in our listening audience have interacted with someone who had something to do with Buffy the Vampire? Who worked on Buffy the Vampire. Who worked on Buffy the Vampire. TV series. Did you ultimately decide that we were including? Yeah, we're also including the comicire. Who worked on Buffy the Vampire. Who worked on Buffy the Vampire. TV series. Did we ultimately decide that we were including...

Yeah, we're also including the comic books. So if you know... TV series, comic books, and the movie as well. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I guess you're right.

There is the first feature film upon which the TV show was based. I've met Paul Rubens. So there you go. So I'm right ahead of the game. Boom. I'm just hoping it leads to someone who had

a sexual liaison with David Boreanaz. That's what I'm shooting for is a hot Boreanaz liaison. Talk about knife and dagger work. David Boreanaz. That's right. What was the name of the role that he played? It was Angel.

Yeah, I was at a party once and my wife was very pregnant and he walked by us and he put his hands on her stomach and said, God bless you. This is beautiful. And he walked away and I leaned into my wife and i said i should have said thank you angel thank you for the blessing you angel that is funny that he's just into pregnancy he's so stoked about the miracle he was he didn't even look at me he was like this is amazing then like walked away did he ask first no but we were like but we were looking at him like hey there's there he is i mean i think, in general, we should maybe say that, you know, maybe touching a pregnant woman, probably something you should ask.

But, you know, sometimes you're David Boreanaz and you're so overwhelmed. He's no angel. That's true. More of a spike if you ask me. Hey. Meow. Meow. So I'm ahead of the game as well on that.

How about more of a glasses guy? What are you talking about? The glasses guy from Buffy the Vampire. Oh, Giles? Yeah. Okay. Yes. He's more of a glasses guy.

Yeah. That's the one. Yeah. Yeah, and Liz Feldman, she wants to know who has eaten something in their fridge despite it having a little bit of mold on it. Ooh. And I was like, including hard cheese? Because that's going to be everybody. Everybody sliced a little mold off their hard cheese and then ate it.

Disgust is a very interesting thing. I can't eat any cheese. Really? Lactose intolerant? I'm allergic to dairy. Slightly different. Yeah, slightly different, I found out, in all of the hard ways. And without hard cheese, sometimes with.

But yeah, so I can't even answer that. I mean, bread is one of those things that you slice off the mold. Have you sliced the mold off a piece of bread and then eaten the rest of the bread? Yeah, definitely. I don't think I've done that. If the bread feels like the texture is still soft, sometimes you slice off the mold and you touch it and you're like, oh, this is very stale and you don't eat it. Or we make it into croutons. No, still soft. Yeah. Sometimes you can, you know, you slice off the mold and you touch it and you're like, oh, this is very stale and you don't eat it. Or we make it into croutons.

No, still no. Okay. You won't do it. But I can't eat bread anymore either. I guess you're not making any French onion soup. I'm not.

I'm sorry. Classic Caesar salads off the table, Jordan. That's quite a layered joke. All the steakhouse starters. It's a layered soup. Yes. Yes, it joke. All the steakhouse starters. It's a layered soup. Yes, it is. It is.

So Brian Fernandez, our producer, is over there. He's got his own little microphone that we let him use. Brian, tell us a little bit about what came back when we asked this question. Actually, I maybe wanted to say before we get into the results, we've been talking about what name we should give this thing. Oh, thank you, Jordan. And we had some pretty good suggestions on Twitter, but one stood out from listener at ghoststabby. It could be either ghoststabby or ghosttabby.

Don't know. I cannot say. So it's like an abbey where all the monks got murdered? Yeah, maybe. Uh-huh. So yeah, I don't know about the quality of this account. The name worries me. Yeah.

I would say maybe make sure that they don't have an anime avatar following them. Not a guarantee that it's going to be a bad account, but that's often the case. 60-40. Often the case. Nothing against anime. Beautiful. Moving. Moving. Often. Grave of the Fireflies, etc. But I'm just saying when it comes to Twitter

avatars, you gotta watch out. Very true. So Ghost Stabby gave the suggestion, which I thought was very good. We call this segment Call Aseum. Spelled C-A-L-L. Aseum. Aseum.

Because we take calls. I had previously suggested we call it the Newseum, which is the name of a news museum in Washington, D.C. Oh. which is the name of a news museum in Washington, D.C. Oh. But then I realized it's probably not a good idea to name it after a museum in Washington, D.C., which also I had also suggested we call it the Smithsonian. Yeah. It really just has nothing to do with the segment too.

So I think that maybe that hurts it. Sackler Gallery? Is that something we could use? Maybe. International Spy Museum? Yes. I feel like you can't call that this bit,

like this segment something that's already existed. Yeah. It's going to confuse people on the internet. Okay. Oh, Museum of Psychiatry, the Scientology Museum

that warns about... Yes. Industry of Death. And Industry of Death. Guys, Baron, I hear you saying that we shouldn't, but I do have one

that I think this will settle the debate. I have my doubts. Coliseum is good, but what about Guggenheim-Bildau? Yes. That's for a classic. You're right. Yes, you're right.

That's a winner. That's what we're calling it. So Coliseum, I think that's a good name. Yeah. Because they're duking it out. They're duking it out with calls. Yeah. And emails.

Like a Christian and a lion. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah.. Like a Christian and a lion. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't really know what happened. You know, Baron, in between segments, you mentioned that. That I'm interested in ancient Rome. Really?

Ancient Rome. What can you tell us about the real Colosseum? Well, it was a place that was, they did games there. Did they think it was unfair that one guy got a net and a trident, which are like barely weapons? It depends. It seems like there were, you know, favorites were played. Favorites were played. That was their version of Netflixing and chill.

Was going to watch people murder each other for their pleasure. And you know, it was a big thing for whoever threw the games. Because you had to fund the games and you had to design the games. And if people liked your games it meant that they were going to like you and some people rose to political power because of throwing great games when you said it's a it was a big thing to throw the games at the time

i thought you meant lose on purpose which is to say just like let someone chop off their head that's boxing from the 30s that's prohib prohibition era boxing. Very different. Got it. Okay. So, Brian, give us a little tour of where we're at here. Yeah. Okay. So, one ran away with it. Oh, wow. Hold on. Do you have any...

Now, Baron, do you have a prediction as to which one of these ran away with it? No. I do not. I think, because of my hard cheese thing, I'm going to say it's the moldy food. Yeah. I think moldy food is not only going to win this, but just be so far and away, should far and away blow away everything else we've done. I mean, I think right now. Do you think that Doctor Who has ever eaten moldy food?

Yeah. That would assure that our listeners. Earlier, we asked about how many of our listeners owned Fez's. And it turns out Doctor Who has a Fez. And so it was thousands. Our audience is so full of Doctor Who cosplayers that they have it for the costume. Yeah. And it wasn't like the one Doctor Who didn't always wear a Fez.

It's just in one episode he wore a Fez. And that was enough for Fez's to like fire hose the composition. To just jumpstart the industry again. That's called devotion. That's what that's called. Brian, I don't know if we have an all-time list for this going, but is the all-time one submarine at this point? Yeah, subs are the champ.

We're in the mid-300s for subs. Okay, so I mean that... It could be in the course of one week, Moldy food has beat subs. I think that's a possibility. It sounds like Baron has made a sub with moldy food. I have, yes.

Sure. That would be a fun sub. I threw it away immediately afterwards. Right. You made it, though. I just wanted to take a picture of it because I like likes. Right. We did manage to talk Liz into excluding foods that are moldy on purpose.

Like a Roquefort cheese. Intentional mold, yes. Yeah, intentional mold is out. Mold through aging. Or a huitlacoche or corn smut. Okay. I don't think we specifically. Ryan, if we got any huitlacoche answers, can you cross those out?

Yeah, I'll cross – if those come through, we did not. I'll get them out of there. We actually didn't get any of those. But if we did, I'd cross them right out. Not even one huitlacoche, huh? No, not one. I got to say I'm really impressed with how quickly you're coming up with things that have mold in them on purpose. Thank you.

He's a real mold head. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, let's – Yeah, so let's – Yeah, so do we have any calls on the matter head. Yeah. Alright, well let's... So do we have any calls on the matter? Anything particularly interesting? Yeah, let's do... Well, let's see.

I can... Let's do a call. He ticked a couple of boxes and he has kind of saved up a bunch here. He's done a bunch of things on our Coliseum list. Hold on one second. Don't save this up. This isn't a no-fap situation.

Call in when we ask you. And hey, just fap once in a while. Fapper's got to fap. Fapper's got to fap. We're not saying we're demanding that you fap, but if you feel like you want to fap, just fap. Just fap. It's not a big deal.

It's how we were made. Right. We're designed to fap. Mm-hmm. Built for fap. Just fap. It's not a big deal. It's how we were made. Right. We're designed to fap. Mm-hmm. Built for fapping. Not for speed. Not for speed. Well, although, but you know, you got to vary the speed sometimes.

Yeah. And I think the Beatles were speed fapping. They got that speed fapping competition with each other, didn't they? Oh, I don't know. Oh, right. When the Beatles masturbated. I don't think that was speed. That wasn't speed fapping. That was just a group fapping. They got that speed fapping competition with each other, didn't they? Oh, I don't know. Oh, right, when the Beatles masturbated. I don't think that was speed. That was just a group fap. Okay.

It was group social fapping. They were the fap four. Is it weird that I assume... Yay, yep. Is it weird that I assume all group fapping is speed fapping? Yes. Yeah, it seems like it.

Oh, you think it was like a race, like a fraternity on the cracker thing. No, I think it was just pure socializing. Okay. They were on speed, though. Almost certainly. Okay. They popped a few greens.

Yeah, it was the 50s or whatever. They were drinking the leaded coffee. Right, right. Got it. Okay, well, let's play the call, Brian. Here we go. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. My name is Justin, and I'm calling in with a response for Liz Feldman's request of have people eaten moldy food.

I've definitely eaten some cheese that we've cut the mold off of. And, Jesse, you are 100% right to be upset by that. I'm sure a lot of people do this all the time. I also wanted to let you guys know about previous things that I've yet to respond to. I am one of your listeners who is Pauly. I do own a Fez. I have had a drug ride. I have gone on a costume date, a Mad Max-themed ball event.

I have been on three separate submarines, the Scorpion next to the Queen Mary in Long Beach, and then two additional ones down at the Maritime Museum in San Diego. Yeah, I went on those. Replica weapons are things that I definitely have. I've built myself two Thunderstick replicas from the Mad Max film. Wow.

I have a Tonks wand from Harry Potter, as well as the Elder Wand. I had a question about your three-wheeled motorcycles. You did not include ATCs. If you count those, I've definitely done that. And the last thing was your karate in public. I left a message earlier that I was definitely nervous on, and I hope you'll understand why.

I was a third-degree purple belt by the age of eight. Now, with that, if I admit that I've used that karate in public, would I be perjuring myself? I've only given you my first name, Justin, and I won't give any more information. So I suppose I'm saying that I have used the blocks that I was taught, but I have not used it offensively. Well, I hope this is a cleaner cut for you. And if you choose to use it, maybe that'll be better. Have a great day. And I really appreciate you guys in your show. You mean a lot to me and you helped get me through some real hard times. I was recently diagnosed with bipolar two disorder and listening to you guys and laughing is a good way to keep my mind

off of all the voices in my head. You have a good one. Bye-bye. Thank you, Justin. Incredible. Bipolar is a son of a bitch. We're thinking of you. I was applauding his list, not the ailment. Yeah.

Which is bad. It's a great challenge. Yeah. Great challenge. I'm sure. Wow, that was a list. I am impressed. I'm impressed with how many things this person has accomplished.

Yeah, what a life. From the cheese to the submarine. Yeah. And I love the thing about the karate, just because the person knows, like, you're not supposed to use it offensively. Right. Right? For defense only, self-defense. You learn it so you don't have to use it.

Thank you. Yeah. I saw that in the movie. The man makes his own replica weapons from Mad Max. Sure. He's not just doing Lord of the Rings whatevers. God, I'd love it if he made one of those like

those like crazy swings that they swing off off the back of the cars. Yeah. Oh, from Fury Road? Sure. Fucking Fury Road. That was like the greatest movie that's ever been made that shit was holy shit

insane insane yeah I mean hey if you're hey if you're out there why stop at the handheld weapons make some car swingers

that should be your next project one of those fire guitars fire guitar that's what I'm going for fire guitar eight strange fire guitar

get on down to bullet town fuck you remember when that there was a viral video of the like pre-digital effects get on down to Bullet Town fuck you remember when that there was a viral video of the like pre-digital effects

shots of the special effects shots from Mad Max Fury Road I don't I did not see that I am not a I'm not Mr. Viral Video

I mean I'll look at a a hundred dogs swimming in a swimming pool I'll watch that cats playing piano sure a pop culture related viral video

I'm not that into I playing piano. Sure. A pop culture related viral video I'm not that into. Ew. I fucking clicked on that shit so fast. And I was so pumped about it for like three weeks afterwards. I'm like, oh, look at these crazy fucks.

You know, I'm going to look that up now. Those Australian death wish havers. Oh my God. I'm sure it was a safe set. Oh my God. Wow. This is kind of amazing.

I mean, maybe this is the start of a new sub competition because i think what this needs to be is sandwiches versus underwater war machine yes i was gonna say who has ticked the most boxes oh wow i mean right now i mean i don't see anybody beating justin anytime. What's left from those questions we asked? Yeah, I didn't hear Fez. No, he said Fez. He said Fez? Yeah.

Shit, dude. Definitely has a Fez. Bowling shoes, maybe. Bowling shoes. And I didn't hear cover band either. Yeah, cover band and Jeopardy. Jeopardy. Speaking of which, congratulations on a very successful run.

Both of our listeners made it to the semifinals of the Jeopardy! Teachers Tournament. They will go no further. They were both killed in battle. Oh, my. Yeah. But congratulations to both of those Jordan Jesse Go listeners.

When you lose, Trebek asks the audience for a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Wow, yeah. Who has orchestrated these games? The Sky Door opens, yeah. Oh, right, yeah. Sure, right up the Sky Door.

Yeah, I mean, if anybody thinks they can beat Justin, I would love to hear about it. I don't think it'll happen anytime soon. And that's a sub competition now. Yes, which involves being on a sub. And also if you're a submissive, give us a call. Yeah. I want to receive those calls for personal reasons.

Submissive, give us a call. Yeah. I want to receive those calls for personal reasons. Do you think a dom in a sub-dom relationship has ever, like, made me a sub? Probably. And then they both have a good laugh. We have fun. It's fun.

Like, it's a sex thing, but it's fun, too. We're having a blast. We're not afraid to laugh at life's little quirks. Right. That's what that means. And then the sub reads Ziggy to the dom. What's happening with Ziggy today, slave? Well, Dark Master. Slave.

What will happen if nobody gives Kathy the chocolate? Very specific role playing right there. Right, yeah. I appreciate it. You've never done Ziggy Cathy stuff? Not as much as I should, apparently. Yeah, you gotta spice it up. Clearly I'm behind.

The fucking pounding that Ziggy gives to Cathy. Unreal. And vice versa. Vice versa, too. Fucking pounding. Double entendre. Yeah. Well, yeah, Brian, let's hear a little bit about the results.

Okay. So, you're right. M mold ran away with it yeah um but and almost every single person who wrote in or called said yeah everyone i know does this you're gonna get a million calls this is obvious who doesn't do this and surprisingly enough we didn't get that many. We only got 47. Really? Somebody on the Reddit, I'm going to say Biggie and the Mets. It might have been Hunter Ellen Boss. Somebody on the Reddit said the problem with Feldman's one

is that it's so unnotable that people aren't even going to be able to motivate themselves to call. There'll be kind of a paralysis that happens. Which is sickening to me. That you wouldn't call. You owe it to us. We've been dancing for your dollars for 12 years and you can't pick up the goddamn telephone call on a Sunday and call your mother? Yeah, I mean, I do think that that's an interesting point is that, like, I think what motivates people to call in this is an excitement.

Like, I do that. That's me. I've done that. I am a mold eater an excitement. Like, I do that. That's me. I've done that. I am a mold eater. Right. It's not a powerful identity category. Right. It's a kind of a recognition of one's life.

Right. Yes. And acknowledgments. Achievements. That someone has lived. Yeah. And the mold thing, that's interesting. I remember hearing a study once or seeing a study about disgust that had to do with like a roach versus a

piece of bread that fell on the floor. Like most people will cut the part of the bread that fell off the floor. But if a roach crawls on the bread and they're like, oh, we cut the part that the roach climbed on, people won't eat it because psychologically the bread is the roach now. So for some people, the mold and the bread are one. And then to some people, the mold is over there, and all of this is safe. Like I am Spartacus. Right.

Either one person is Spartacus, and they're over there, or everyone is Spartacus. And it's called a sea, and we call eating. By the way, Jordan, I know you've done some children's television work lately. Do you think you could help me pitch Sparta Kids? No, I cannot. Not in good conscience. Sparta Kids, fighting to the death for the pleasure of Caligula. Sparta Kids, here we go.

Sparta Kids, all right, lift your sword. Kermit? Kermit's in this I'm Christian they threw me in here to fight a pig ironic wow that was great it's ironic because he loves a pig

sure yeah babe from the movie that'll do Brian what else Did we learn from this what were the other numbers Gotta get it in there that's what Ziggy said to Kathy A couple interesting Buffy interactions

Here One person hung out with Amber Benson all night And didn't realize she was famous until the next week Who's Amber Benson Is that Buffy's friend she was tara and oh is that is that willow's uh yeah that's who willow was married to yeah yeah yeah okay um willow that's buffy's friend sure yeah well she has a lot of friends well but her best friend is just the willow just yeah yeah well she's pretty close with glasses man that's true true I mean, you know what you're talking about

We had a couple people Or one guy who knew people who wrote The Buffy tabletop game That was the most kind of You're saying that doesn't count? I didn't know there was a tabletop game We had a couple crew members, a couple extras One person, their minister

At the Unitarian Universalist church that they attend played a housewife type on an episode in 2002 see now that's good that counts if you're a unitarian minister by the way thank you for uh letting us know the denomination it's very important to the story i think think. Unitarian is the Buffy viewing of Christian sex. Sure, yeah. Semi-Christian. Yeah, I think that counts for sure, right? That's like the most counting so far.

That's great. That counts more than... I'm giving half a point for tabletop games. I mean, I would want to know if the tabletop game was canon. Right. If it was in-universe. Right. Then we would consider it, but I'm going to have to read up on the lore of the tabletop game before we make a ruling.

Maybe you could just watch some YouTube videos about the tabletop game lore. Do you think there are? There's got to be. Do you think there's a whole- There's a whole lore vid. There's got to be. Okay. Love a lore vid.

God. Recently, I watched an entire YouTube video that was just about a cassette changer that worked like a slide projector, like an automatic slide projector. Oh, that sounds interesting. Multi-cassettes. It was like 20 minutes long. I watched the whole fucking thing.

Your videos are pretty long. Yeah, it's just like this English guy going like, and as you can see, they go into the slot, they come out. Nice action on that. And now I'm about to try the Doritos Locos Taco. Yeah, exactly. So much excitement about the ingenuity. Nice action on that. And now I'm about to try the Doritos Locos Taco. Yeah, exactly. So much excitement about the ingenuity. Nice action.

What was the final number on this, Buffett? Well, if we count the tabletop game, we're at 23. If we don't, we're at 22. Pretty good. 22 and a half. I gave it a half point, Brian. 22 and a half. Most was Amber Benson.

We had a couple. A lot of people have met Amber Benson. After Buffy, Amber Benson got into sword and dagger work. Oh, sure, sure. A couple Seth Greens, a couple Felicia Days, Joss Whedon in there. Was Felicia Day on Buffy? Yeah. She was one of the potential replacement Slayers in the last season.

I'm kind of disappointed that more of our audience hasn't met Felicia Day. Yeah. She's out there doing work. That's right. I did work with her. I didn't even think about that. Hey, Baron Vaughn. Didn't even think about that. Put Barrett on the list. Put Barrett on the list. I's out there doing work. That's right. I did work with her. I didn't even think about that. Hey, Barron Vaughn. Didn't even think about that.

Put Barron on the list. Put Barron on the list. I'm already on the list. 23, 23 is the best. No, no, no, no. I don't listen to this show. And then very close behind is the martial arts. 21.

21 people have used karate in real life. 21 in real life. Do you count a talent show as real life? Because that's 20 of the 21. Yeah, that's all 20. No, there's one talent show in there that they have a demonstrator that they say, I need a volunteer

from the audience. Right. Which kicks their ass on stage. Thank you. It was a lot of schoolyard fights. And this category was actually the the most similar to like the extra terrestrial the the uh the supernatural one that we had last week from nick adams right uh because it had the best stories so uh one guy said um uh when i was 12 taking ken po karate in the 90s a neighborhood dick named jason knocked me off my bike and surrounded me

with a group of his dingus buddies. I dropped him. Jason his fucking dingus buddies. This person went back psychologically. I dropped him with a single kick to the chest, walked off with my bike, and none of his friends did anything to help him. That was Matthew. Hey Jason, if you're out there, fuck you.

You're no better than Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber. We have a listener who... Took the Starlight Express to peer shame Who is 0-2 in amateur MMA So he says So you can be proud to count the 350th rank amateur Lightweight in the northeast amongst JJ Go

Listeners Someone does Chun Kek Do Do you think the more times you Lose the further down the list you go? Or do you think all people who have never won are tied? Just on that list. Tied for 350. 350 people at 350, yeah.

Fuck, oh, and 17. Oh, my chest hurts. Looking to MMA ranking policies. But yeah, go ahead. The Chun Kek Do is the martial art that chuck norris started wow someone does that and uh do you think they do it ironically i mean i think any sort of interaction with chuck norris has to be at least semi-ironic right any interaction with a chuck norris question there unless you're an actor on walker texas ranger in this case it

might be semi-automatic. Right. A lot of gunplay on that show, I would assume. Yeah, I think so too, probably. Wow, that's really amazing. Yeah, and then this guy, he says, I've been training Brazilian jiu-jitsu and Muay Thai for a little over five years. I also worked bar security for a few years and have used jiu-jitsu when diplomacy failed me. One time I had to drag a man high on some substance out of a bar in a rear naked choke all while he was trying to crush my balls i've had to use it quite a few

times thankfully i don't do security anymore oh yeah and i'm 6 10 and 300 pounds that's duncan wow duncan this i'd like i like you to get a little glimpse into the toughies of the audience yeah there were a couple toughies couple bar A couple bar security guys that wrote in. Should we make a teaser that says, Tuffy Tuffy? Sure. I mean, there's like four guys who would buy it, apparently. We should make a, we should see which, we should put up a poll. Tuffy Tuffies or Huffy Tuffies.

Right. People who are into BMX and MMA. Right. And then the last one here is a little bit different. I've never had to use any of the fighting skills I've learned in karate class when I was a kid, but I did learn this thing where you stand pigeon-toed, move your hips forward and down and exhale, which closes your inner sphincter or whatever and makes it easier to hold in a poop. Whoa.

That is a martial art. Yeah, right. That's definitely an art, at least. The empty hand, the clenched anus. Students, in line. We have a very special class for you. You will pass when you snatch the poop from my ass. And scene.

Oh, man. You know what the problem with those toothpicks is, Barron? Without a base, without a trace. Yeah, right. That's very silly. Without a base, without a trace. This has been very illuminating.

As always, the results of these are always interesting. Infotainment. Right, exactly. I love it. Yes. Hey, Adam ruins everything. We're entertaining. Yeah, right. I would call it. I love it. Yes. I love it. Hey, Adam ruins everything. We're entertaining and educating, too.

Yeah, maybe we have fewer sets than you do. Sure. And nothing's been ruined this entire time. That's true. We haven't ruined anything, let alone everything. Also, we wish you the best of luck. Yeah, you're a great guy, and I look forward to seeing you on the video game chat thread we're on together.

Threatening people with compliments i love that yeah um boy this is yeah i mean i think this maybe you know uh i think the the next course of action for us is to book amber benson on the show hey there you go we'll get at her let's do it let's genuinely try and get her then because then some people will go oh my old friend amber is on the show. I mean, I have Felicia Day's email address. I mean, Benson was such a clear winner here. Benson's in the street. She's out there meeting the fans. Do you think we could get Robert Guillaume? The star of the show, Benson? No.

He's gone. Could we get Bunsen? Bunsen Honeydew? You could get to Burn? Is he here? Baron? I know Kermit was here earlier. No, no. I only have Beaker. That's okay. I had an awkward interaction with Nathan Fillion at a wedding once.

Oh, God. A lot of fun. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have an awkward interaction with Nathan Fillion. A lot of fun. Least awkward man in the world. Yeah. I was the one who was, I was being awkward.

He was being a real charmer as per usual. All you do is you start by saying, I hate Firefly and then see where it goes from there. I guarantee you it will be awkward. I'm a Castle fan, but I hate Firefly. Hate it. Hate Serenity. Hate Firefly. I watched it all.

I love Firefly. I watched it all because I hate it. Because I always hate Watch. Seems like it wouldn't make sense. I'm pretty into Death Race. I don't think he was in Death. He wasn't in Death Race? No.

I think it was Jason Statham. He played the race. Oh, okay. That's stupid. Okay, we'll be back in just a Chat on KMAX. With me in studio to take your calls is the dopest duo on the West Coast, Oliver Wong and Morgan Rhodes. Go ahead, caller. Hey, I'm looking for a music podcast that's insightful and thoughtful, but also helps me discover artists and albums that I've never heard of.

Yeah, man, sounds like you need to listen to Heat Rocks. Every week, myself and I'm Morgan Rhodes and my co-host here, Oliver Wong, talk to influential guests about a canonical album that has changed their lives. Guests like Moby, Open Mic Eagle, talk about albums by Prince, Joni Mitchell, and so much more. Yo, what's that show called again? Heat Rocks, deep dives into hot records. Every Thursday on Maximum Fun. It's new promo time, James.

Ooh, what you got in that guy? How about this? You need more black friends. Minority Corner. Every Friday. Uh, okay. But girl, that doesn't say anything about how we're a podcast that talks about queer issues, race, politics, and pop culture. Now it does because I've already hit record.

Oh, girl, you so sneaky. You be Linda Trippin' me. Minority Corner. Learn, laugh, and play. All from a perspective that's black, queer, you so sneaky. You be Linda Trippin' me. Minority Corner. Learn, laugh, and play. All from a perspective that's black, queer, and ladylike. Because nobody puts minorities in the corner. Every Friday. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Baron Vaughn, a man with a challenge. Okay, so let's get into this challenge. Baron brought this up. He's now splaying his legs wide. That's right. Like he was a man on the New York subway three years ago before we learned about manspreading.

It's because I'm about to give birth to a challenge. Do you want an epidural? No, I want to feel everything. Wow. Let it loose, baby want to feel everything. Wow. Let it loose, baby. Push, push, push. Ouch. I'm all about sound effects.

What's this challenge, Baron? Let's get serious here. Well, I was just, you know, hearing. This is not a comedy program. Not anymore. You were saying that you, we were kind of talking about the future of this segment off mic. We were saying that maybe we want to take it in the direction in the future of maybe trying to hit specific numbers. You were saying that maybe we want to take it in the direction in the future of maybe trying to hit specific numbers, maybe finding, you know, see if we can find something that no one has done or like exactly 20 or exactly 50 or something.

You were saying that you think you have one of these where you can get exactly 15? I think that I would assume 15 people would call in that have done this thing that I would ask. Okay. Once given permission. Yeah. Once someone gives me the action, I will ask it. Okay. Time to ask.

And go. Okay. How many people have eaten at Vidge's in Vancouver, British Columbia? What's that? Vidge's is one of the greatest restaurants on the continent of North America. Really? It's an Indian restaurant. Uh-huh. I dream about this place.

It's one of the, I still, when I think about Vancouver, I think about going to that place. Wow. It's that good. And I wonder how many people have had a meal there. Okay. At Vidge's. V-I-G-E-S. I cannot wait to hear the results of this. It's Michelin star, this restaurant. V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J-V-I-J- Yeah, well, they've invented it, getting people to drive, wear out their tires. Uh-huh.

I mean, I think that— Jordan, you talk like this now. Well, I guess I'll have to talk like a trope. So I'm not a fat. I couldn't understand you. That's okay. I appreciate that. I need to work on that. I didn't have theater classes.

My enunciation is very, very good. Perfect. Perfect enunciation. my annunciation is very, very good. Perfect annunciation. I mean, I think just based on anecdotal who I see on Twitter, I do think we have a lot of Canadian listeners. Yeah.

And I would think that we probably have a lot of Canadian listeners in Vancouver who maybe are foodies and out there trying new restaurants. But if I was going to pick a Vancouver activity, I would have picked attended the Sunday service, the comedy show from which Stop Podcasting Yourself draws all of its guests. No. Yeah. Or seen a squirrel that's a weird color. Oh, yeah. I would assume you have a lot of people that have attended the Sunday service.

Have you done it? Have you done that show? No, I haven't. But I've been on Stop Podcasting Yourself. So here's what I'm going to say. I think I can get close to 15. How many people have been on a hovercraft? Ooh.

Okay. I predict 13. Oh, I like this. An unlucky number. Okay, so I've got to hit 15. Yeah. How many people out there? Let's see.

And I'm talking about a real hovercraft Not like a thing at a science museum Like ridding it down the street Like it goes down the street And then goes in the water Like the end of Rumble in the Bronx Oh yeah, they run over that guy And you can see his butt Because it tore his pants off

It was a rumble If it's a rumble in the Bronx Shot in Vancouver Sometimes you're going to get run over by a hovercraft. Hey, I didn't know this was a rumble. I thought this was short and dagger stuff. But tell me they're still down with just here. The Bronx is changing, I tell you.

Those are the most accurate Brooklyn or Bronx accents I've ever heard. They are Brooklyn or Bronx. Brooklyn or Bronx. They are both. Not Staten Island, but Brooklyn or Bronx. How many people here in our listening audience have

Oh, shoot. 15. 15. Should have thought about it. I should have thought about it. You had one locked and loaded, but it was a 20. No, I know, and I have to throw it out. How many people here have had a negative experience at a Blink-182 concert? A negative. How many people have been to Blink-182 and had a negative experience?

It's got to be negative. Yeah. Could they also have had a positive experience? If you can recount one thing in the experience that was negative. There's going to be way too many people that have had a positive experience? If you can recount one thing in the experience that was negative. There's going to be way too many people that have had a positive experience. Yeah. Negative is going to narrow it down to that 15.

Yeah, but if we cut out all the... Like, if somebody had a beer spilled on them, but then Blink-182 played their favorite Blink-182 jam, that doesn't cancel out the beer. No, yeah. Even if it was a net positive experience. Right. I also have a follow-up question.

Please. Do the members of Blink-182 count for that? Yeah, sure. If they call in and said, hi, it's Mark Hoppus. Yes, I am still in Blink-182. I would love to hear if I'm having a negative experience. I have been unable to make my non-Blink-182 career sufficiently successful that I can eat from it. Can't get it to Hoppus.

Yeah. Matt Skiba, if you're out there, give us a call if you've had a negative experience during your time in Blink-182. Hit us up, Skiba! What are you doing? I think Skiba lives by me. Really? Yeah. I've heard people who say they've seen Skiba out.

Do they say that? Skiba out. I think that's what he says when he's leaving somewhere. All right, Skiba out. Anyway. And what's the third guy in Blink-182? Isn't there three guys in Blink-182?

Travis Barker is the other one. Oh, Travis Barker. That's a famous guy. Yeah. Yeah, he's the famous guy from Blink-182. He's the one who doesn't have to be

in Blink-182 if he doesn't want to. Got it. Does he choose to be in Blink-182? I think it's probably fun. Yeah. It's probably fun as shit

to be in Blink-182. I mean, Rafael Sadiq doesn't perform with Tony, Tony, Tony. Every now and then. Does he? If the Tony is right. They're nominated for no.

Yeah, okay. If they're nominated for a certain award. I have no idea. I don't think they've talked to each other. It's a big breakup. You have no idea how ready I am to buy plane tickets to New York and $200 tickets to see If I Had No Loot, the Tony, Tony, Tony musical. The musical, yeah.

And it starts with, it never rains in Southern California. You know, it's got to be moody when you walk in there. And then Tony, Tony, Tony wins the Tony. Come on. That's what you want. All you would rip it up and go, Tony, Tony, Tony has done it again. And then you give them the Antoinette Perry theatrical achievement. Congratulations, by the way, to Tony Danza for the Tony that he won for playing Raphael

Sadiq. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, no, you can regard- Hey, guys, I love Oakland. You can regard- Who wants to Oakland stroke? People would be very upset.

They'd be like, ah, they're whitewashing it again. Tony Danza. Another one. Tony Danza, Ralph Macchio, and Scott Baio. Why? Why? They're like, we want to do it with all 80s heartthrobs. Just do a Jersey Boys.

Why are they doing this? Just do a Jersey Boys. What can I say? I love the Tonys. Those guys, they have the pipes. Talking about Tony, Tony, Tony. It's the New Jack Swing coming at you. I feel like that's going to be 15 people.

15 people who have performed in the Tony, Tony, Tony. Who have opened for Tony, Tony, Tony. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, you can have- Wait. I'm changing mine. How many people have seen Tony, Tony, Tony in concert?

Okay. You want to change it to that? Okay. And I'm talking- No hovercrafts. Look, if Dwayne Wiggins was fronting the band, that's fine. It doesn't have to be- Any incarnation of Tony, Tony, Tony.

But Raphael Sadiq solo concerts do not count. Nor do concerts where Raphael Sadiq is performing with his ex-girlfriend, Joss Stone. Oh, goodness. So let's hit us up, 206-984-4FUN, or give us an email. JordanJesseGo at gmail.com. What's our email? Yeah, JordanJesseGo at gmail.com. What's our email? Yeah, JordanJesseGo at gmail.com. Got cam.

That's for our live cam shows. JJGo at MaximumFun.org. Where you watch us jack off. JJGo at MaximumFun.org. Brian, we should make a website. You know about internet websites. Make a website at MaximumFun.org slash call. C-A-L-L.

Or MaximumFun.org slash the final C-A-L-L. Or Maximumfund.org slash the final call. And that can be for the Nation of Islam listeners. Oh, my goodness. If Minister Farrakhan is listening, Maximumfund.org slash the final call. But Maximumfund.org slash call. And they can type their thing in. Or you can email us at jjgoatmaximumfund.org or call us at 206-984-4455.

Like a click box. Yeah, I think we can do... Someone emailed a couple weeks ago and said we might be able to do a Google sheet for it. Like a Google... Yeah, Google form. Yeah, Google form, yeah. Yeah, make a Google form at maximumfund.org slash call.

Yeah, we'll do that. And make a color form. It helps you learn math. And make a color form. It helps you learn math. And then you can just kind of click a box for this to answer. So, yeah. So, next week, we're going to try and hit 15. Click clack, motherfuckers.

MaximumFun.org slash call. Baron Vaughn, thank you so much for being on our show. Good to be here. Your new television program is what? It's called The New Negroes. We're talking about stand-up comedy? It's a stand-up comedy variety series, yes. We're talking about sketch comedy? There's a little sketch, but more music than sketch.

We're talking about music, funny music and not funny music? The music is not necessarily funny, but the themes are comedic. Right. But insightful. Comic themes. We're looking for insights here, Jordan. Sure. We love them.

And this is on the Comedy Central Network. On the Comedy Central Network, yes. Where can I get that? From my local cable provider? I literally have no idea. Your local cable provider, yes. And then also if you have some apps, some app portals like the Comedy Central Stand-Up app. Sometimes people do it through Amazon,

like you and the Stars app. Love the Stars app. I'm more of an HDNet guy, but go ahead. You seem like a slingbox kind of a dude. I love to slingbox. Just love to slingbox them. So it'll be up there in a bit, and you can get it there.

Epix has all the latest music specials. Hey there, Cinemax now? Yeah. Anyway. Cinemax when? Documentary now. I need it now. I need my Cinemax.

Oh, I need it. Give me my Cinemax. What is that, Cinemax dog? Wow. I made the noise once. I thought, that's an interesting noise. I wonder if I can do that again. It's just the pure sound of desire is what that is.

Guys, I'm having a blast, but it's time to end the program. Brian Fernandez is our producer. You heard him on the program earlier. You can join us on Reddit, MaximumFun.reddit.com. You can join us on Facebook by liking JordanJesseGo. We are on Twitter with the hashtag JJGo. Jordan is at Jordan underscore Morris. I am at Jesse Thorne.

Baron, what are you on Twitter? Oh, I'm at Barvon Black with a Q. I'll sing it. B-A-R-V-O-N-B-L-A-Q on both Twitter and Instagram. B-A-R. V-O-N-B-L-A-Q. I went up here. That was the negative experience

at the Blink-182 concert It's like, what is this song? You totally made it 181 We'll talk to you guys next time on Jordan Jazzy Go Robot