Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 586: Rueful Memoir with Elizabeth Gilbert and Nick Adams

Episode Date: May 28, 2019

Elizabeth Gilbert (City of Girls, Big Magic) joins Jesse and special guest co-host Nick Adams for a discussion of Jesse and Liz's recent trips to Mexico City and, more specifically, the lucha libre wrestling spectacular they each saw while visiting, Liz's glamorous new book City of Girls and the legendary showgirl she talked to while researching it, and everyone's take on one of Jesse's favorite fruits, the cherimoya. Plus Hang It Up, Keep It Up makes a triumphant return!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. New permanent co-host, Nick Repeat Adams. Wait, are you a usurper? Is that what's going on here? I was going to talk to you about it earlier, but then I thought it would be better content live on air. Bubble's taking off. Right.

It's going places. Yeah, Jordan's got a new job. Can't be tied. He's writing shows. Yeah. Developing shows. Can't be tied down. No.

You need a reliable, dependable host. Plus, he's got that peripatetic lifestyle, speaking of not being able to. He's the king of the road. He's always gone. He's always doing stuff. He's always making it happen. No, no. Not permanent. gone. He's always doing stuff. He's always making it happen. No, no, not permanent. Okay.

Just here. Just here. Having a beer at 10 a.m. It's my brand. Kanye doesn't want to be weird and disconnected from reality. He has to. Artistically, that's his brand. He has to stick to it.

Right. Whenever I host this show, I drink, and it's 10 a.m. I don't have a job right now. My children are in school. They're in the bosom of LAUSD. Let's get into it. Let stick to it. Whenever I host this show, I drink. And it's 10 a.m. I don't have a job right now. My children are in school. They're in the bosom of LAUSD. Let's get into it. Let's do it. You're a dangerous alcoholic.

No, I'm going to go home and take a nap. It'll be great. You're on the way down to rock bottom. This will be the first act in the repeat biopic. This is the fun times. I have a question. What kind of beer does one – because sometimes we have beer in the refrigerator here at Max Fun HQ, especially if we've had an event or something like that. I know that very well.

Now, this time I don't believe that we have any beer in the refrigerator. So you brought this beer with you. I imported some Dog's head IPA. It's like a German-style white beer. You don't drink. Why are you asking this? You don't drink. I'm just waiting for you to say that it's the Namaste beer because I saw Namaste on the can.

Yeah, it's got Namaste on it. That's not why I bought it. I don't stand by that. They're brewmasters, joke writers okay back up he's a guy in like rhode island somewhere i believe that place is making beer i think they just got bought out but just back off there really is me day drinking peace thorn i feel like in the micro brewery industry there is a surfeit of irreverence. Like there are too many people being goofy too half-assedly. You don't turn your back on your grandfather's inheritance

and move to Maine and start making beer if you don't have a sort of fuck you attitude. Come on. Maine, we're talking about Colorado here. Yeah, it's Colorado. We're talking about older Colorado. I didn't want to be too on the nose, but it's colorado uh we have a guest on this week's jordan jesse go uh she is a beloved friend of jordan jesse go she is herself a max fun host the host of the magic lessons podcast

which is currently on indefinite hiatus uh she is a best bestselling writer and her new novel is called City of Girls. I just received it in the mail not 24 hours ago and I'm very excited to read it. Miss Elizabeth Liz Gilbert. Hey, guys. Hi, Liz. How you doing, bud? Hi, sweetheart. I'm so good. I'm just sitting here nursing a mug of warm gin. Oh, yeah. Excellent. Gotta heat it up. Do you guys, when I was on my way into the studio, our colleague Christian Dueñas asked me my position on Champurrado. Do you guys have a position on Champurrado?

You know, like most of the population, it's in flux. Depending on the events of the day. Right. I mean, we're still in a post-9-11 Ciamparato world. You know, depending on how I feel day to day, I could, you know, be pro or con. Have you ever had Ciamparato, Liz? I thought it was a wrestler. Okay. It is something that I am pretty ambivalent about.

And apparently it's very close to Christian's heart, so I didn't want to crush his fragile spirit. You're not someone who's known for ambivalence. I know. I'm known for my clear, strong takes. When we were in college, Jordan and Gene, our other co-host on The Sound of Young America, had a character that they would do that they had co-created called the City Critic. And they would just list – one of them would say the name of a city to the other one and then the other one would go, F minus. And then like when we were like 26, they said, you know that was just our impression of you, right? No, I did not know that.

Your impression of them doing you was excellent, by the way. That was spot on. Very convincing. Champurado is like one of the things that you can buy on a street corner here in Los Angeles from a lady with a cooler. Oh, it's a drug. Yeah, it's a drug. It's a cancer drug. One of those new drugs. Yeah, it has to a lady with a cooler. Oh, it's a drug. Yeah, it's a drug. It's a cancer drug. One of those new drugs.

Yeah, it has to be kept in a cooler. Theranos. It's an organ. Theranos. Chilled rock, chilled rock. Yeah. It is, so there's this family of things that you can buy from a lady with a cooler. And then there's this other family you can buy from a lady with a griddle.

So like your main categories would be like the griddle. There's pupusas. There's ladies who are selling pupusas. The bacon-wrapped dog. The bacon-wrapped hot dog is a very classic Los Angeles thing to buy from a lady with a griddle. The cooler is often a lady who is selling elote, which is like a roasted corn that has mayonnaise and cheese and chili on it and is great. And lime as well often. And it's really tasty and you eat it off a stick.

California and Mexico, for you guys that don't live out here, lime just falls out of the sky. So we just put it on everything. I never had a lime until I moved to Los Angeles. Never had one lime. And now never have not had one. Yeah, where is the lime? What the fuck? Why is there not lime on my scrambled egg? Nick, I feel like the first 10 years

that I lived in Los Angeles, and you maybe had lived in Los Angeles for two years before I moved here, like, anytime I would say something I didn't like about Los Angeles, you would be like, but the citrus, it's free. It literally grows on trees.

And now where are you, Jesse? Where are you? What are you all about? Tell the people. I got two lemon trees and a satsuma tree, and my neighbor has a grapefruit tree. Love and life. I can't complain about any of it. I can't complain about any of it, Nick.

But anyway, champurrado is a drink, is it is like a breakfast drink made of corn um whoa so it's like pureed grits it's like that's it pack it up champurado you had a good run she just finished your shit it's pretty she just pulled the like curtain on the champurrano industry in one fell swoop. Puree grits as a southerner and a grit lover. That is a fucking savage, savage burn. That is pretty much what it is. I mean, if you imagine like half horchata or something like that, like it's a little, it's sweet. It's a sweet drink, but it is,

like the part that I was talking with Christian about was, I have, the part that makes me ambivalent is it is too soupy to be a drink. You know what I mean? Like it is thick like a thin smoothie. Here's what I love about all sort of, like, working class, ethnic, quote-unquote, food is that you get to a- Quote-unquote food?

Because, I mean- Quote-unquote ethnic. Quote-unquote ethnic. I'm not sure those quotes are in the right place. No quotes are in the food. No. I mean, the real ethnic food and then the stuff that is, like, a bastardization or, like, which, you know, like,

like nachos is ethnic food food but it's like he made it up for a white person you know what I mean I mean like all that stuff it has like these like guy in San Diego or something yeah I think he was in Texas and there was like the hotel kitchen was closed whatever but like it all has this root of like we have to feed the

masses we have to make this pork or this cow or whatever go as long as we can let's make something that maybe isn't food let's see if we can make it food we don't have to do that anymore guys got plenty of drinks let's take these grits and put them in some cheesecloth and squeeze them yeah and call it a beverage yeah well you gotta you gotta heat it. I appreciate the ingenuity of the 1800s or whatever the fuck. You gotta heat it and sweeten it a little bit.

Right. Or- It's like, it has the texture of- Got all these limes, make a limeade. Wait, is it served warm? Yeah, it's served hot. Oh, this is even worse. It's warm-

Hot grit juice. So it's tepid- But it's pretty good, though. It's tepid, medium-thick grit juice? No, it served hot. Oh, this is even worse. It's warm. Hot grit juice. But it's pretty good, though. It's tepid, medium-thick grit juice. No, it's hot. It's hot. With sugar or without sugar? Steaming hot.

With sugar, it's sweet. No, you don't add. You don't. That was a grit joke. Oh, okay. Got it. With shrimp is how you serve it. Champonade is served with shrimp.

Why is it in a cooler if it's served warm? Because coolers aren't insulated. It's a hot cooler. Oh, they keep things hot and cold. How does it know? How does the cooler know which one to do? Why do we park on a driveway? There's so many questions we don't know the answer to.

It's a Mexican cooler down there. It's down there. It's like boot and fanny and lift. I thought a Mexican cooler was a sex position. It is a very thick drink, which is weird. It has the quality of, do you know how the difference between if you make a milkshake in your blender at home or with a spoon and some milk at home in a cup. Versus go to Cantor's or something. Versus go to McDonald's.

Not Cantor's. Not somewhere where they're going to scoop ice cream into a bowl. Are you talking about like this sort of like chalky? They're adding, you know, soy lecithin or something like that. So the thickness of the milkshake does not come from the fact that it is somewhat frozen. It comes from gummy stuff that they put in there. That is the kind of viscosity. Sold. That we're talking about god you have just

convinced me that i'm gonna love this when you use words that are previously reserved for motor oil to describe a beverage it protects against viscosity and thermal breakdown so you had me at soylent but the viscosity is the weirdest part but i I will say, and like our colleague Jordan Cowling, our production fellow, was sitting there. She had never had a Champurado before. And she said, what is that? And I said, oh, it's a hot corn drink. And then Christian quickly said, but it's much better than that sounds. And even as someone who is ambivalent about Champurado, I do have to admit it is much better than hot corn drink sounds.

Well, that's good news. Pretty good. What's the translation? Do you know what the literal translation is? I don't know what the literal translation is at all. Yeah, I mean, hot corn. That can't be it. I think it's pureed grits is the sweet grits.

The romance languages have to come up with something better than that. You're from, Nick, you're from North Carolina. Is that right? So you're from North Carolina. What is your preferred grits preparation? Are you a sweet grits man? Just butter. Just butter.

If they're good, all you need is butter. You don't have to put sugar in everything. What about cheese, though? Yeah. Cheese makes everything better. Take it or leave it. like i'm a grit purist wow butter you have a really a clear vision for what grits can be doesn't take much it doesn't take much um i uh it's funny that this question of uh mexican and mexican-american street food came up because I was just – Because we're all experts on that. Yeah, no.

As non-Mexican Los Angelinos, we are the demographic. You're welcome, Mexico. We'll take care of it from here. But my wife and I recently had our 10th anniversary. And my in-laws were nice enough to fly down from the Bay Area. Maybe they drove down from the Bay Area. Maybe they drove down from the Bay Area. But they came down from the Bay Area to spend five days with our children so we could go on a trip together. So my wife and I could go on a trip together.

Which was basically the single greatest thing any person has ever done for me in my entire life. And so my wife and I went to Mexico City. And I had never been to Mexico City. Mexico City. Nick, have you ever been to Mexico City? I have yet to visit District Federal. Well, what about... Is that right?

Have you seen the movie District 9? Twice. Okay. Liz, have you ever been to Mexico City? Just went there in January. Oh, yeah. Isn't it fucking great? It's fantastic.

Holy shit. It's fantastic. Not even like, you know, I feel like I have had a lifetime of people telling me, sort of like if you've never been to New York, there's like this lifetime of people telling you about like how like it's so busy and everybody's everybody's honking their horns and that kind of stuff like i didn't even really find that stuff to be the case like i found no downsides to mexico city i was like this just fucking rules it's great oh absolutely great did you do did you do any uh did you do any cool like uh only in mexico city stuff i did what did you do any cool, like, only in Mexico City stuff? I did. What did you do? I went and saw the wrestlers.

Yeah, fuck yeah. I went and saw the Chomperados. Fuck yeah. Have you ever been to a wrestling match before, Nick, of any kind? I have not seen a Mexican grit wrestling match. Have you ever seen an American wrestling match? Yes. Any wrestling match. I mean, I grew up in the South, like in the golden age of that sort of regional, before it became WWE and like the big, they just would go up and down the East Coast.

So you've been to see like regional, like what are we talking about? Are we talking about like high school gym? Are we talking about small, are we talking about 5,000 seat? Greensboro Coliseum, Jesse. Rowdy Roddy Piper. Okay. Chief Wahoo McDaniel. Apologies to my native in-laws and family.

In an Indian strap match is what I saw. Oh, wow. Sounds racist. It was super racist. Super racist. It was the 80s, so so kind of, not the golden age of racism, but I would say racism had a renaissance.

It had a rebirth. They refined it. They still had a patina. It was morning in America. A new day for racism. Something from multiple generations, like the old school, the new school. They had sort of figured it out, polished it. I had never been to a wrestling match before.

And Liz, I don't know if your lifestyle previously. Look, you've had a lot of lives in your long career as a journalist. I mean, you worked at the Coyote Ugly Bar. That's exactly the same thing as Mexican wrestling. I mean, I'm just saying you haven't always been hanging out with Oprah all the time. Oprah and the Dalai Lama or whatever. Yeah, I've seen some stuff. I've seen some stuff, but I've never seen anything quite like that.

Yeah, man. It was – Wow. I had – so what happened is like three weeks before we left for Mexico City, I got an email from a friend of Jordan Jesse Go, Colt Cabana, who's a professional wrestler. You're just making names up now. No, he's a traveling professional wrestler. He's a great guy. He's a wonderful dude.

And he emailed, as he does once in a while if he's going to be in town because he lives in Chicago. We'd love to have him on Jordan Jesse Go. We say, if you're going to be in L.A., drop us a line. And I said, oh, shoot, I can't record when you're here because I'm actually going to be in Mexico City. And he said, you should go to the Lucha Libre. And I said, I was kind of thinking that I should go to the Lucha Libre. And he said, okay, have you bought tickets yet?

I was like, nope. He's like, don't worry. I'll hook you up. What? And I'm like, fuck yeah. Cole Cabana is going to hook me up. I have a friend who's a professional wrestler. Nice.

Which is like the most exciting type of friend to get the hookup from. What did the hookup look like? Like what did that entail? It was a man named El Guerrero Maya Jr. So Saul was like, do you have Facebook Messenger? Because my friend El Guerrero Maya Jr. is in the Mexico City Wrestling League, but he doesn't really email and he doesn't really text message. And I was like, I don't. I could Twitter DM.

He's like, great. Twitter DM him. Do it in Spanish because he doesn't really speak English. He's a great guy. He'll hook you up. I already talked to him. So I'm like, great. So I start this long Twitter DM conversation with El Guerrero Maya Jr., who, as his name suggests, I think is part of a long lineage of Guerreros Maya. Or just two.

I don't know if there are Guerreros Azteca or Mexica or if there are other types of Guerreros. But in the end, he was like, where are you staying? We're like, we're staying in this neighborhood called Roma Norte. It's near the arena. He said, look, you're not getting in until Thursday. I can't drop the tickets off on Thursday, but I'll drop them off at your hotel on Wednesday so they'll be there for you. I'm like, this is the kindest thing anyone who doesn't know me has ever done for me in my life. And apparently I was cashing in friendship points from our friend Colt Cabana, who's such a sweetheart.

And so we got to our hotel. And it was like a kind of haciendas-style hotel, very small, six rooms or something like that, and one person who worked there at all times. And she welcomed us there. And she said, welcome to Mexico she said oh you know welcome to mexico city you know if you need anything let me know blah blah blah this is how you get coffee whatever and she says oh she goes oh and someone left tickets for you and she she gave she gave us the tickets and she said uh he said his name was el guerrero Maya, but he was a normal man. Which was the best thing anyone could ever say.

That is a great sentence. Was she... I want to know what she would have expected him to look like. Well, I mean, I feel like a professional wrestler is such a superhero cartoon character. Like, the idea that they could be normal people walking through normal life. And especially because a lot of Mexican wrestlers, a lot of luchadores are not, like a lot of WWE wrestlers are former professional football players

who finished playing football and then went on steroids. You know what I mean? They're like monster oak tree people. A lot of the Mexican wrestlers look like athletic men. Yeah, you're right. But they don't look like insane, crazy people.

One of the guys that I saw was legit fat. Yeah. There's a long, rich tradition of fat guys in pro wrestling. Yeah. That's true. Just like not any special kind of comic fatty. They're just a fat guy, just like a fat middle-aged guy. Yeah, totally.

John Cena came in the booth where BoJack is to record something else. People come in to record other stuff. You work on the program BoJack Horseman. BoJack Horseman show. He was recording something else. And you were just like, oh, he's not a massive human being. He's muscular. He's not?

He's muscular. He's a normal man. He's not a normal man. He's muscular. And I'm sure he's leaned down since his WWE days a normal man he's muscular and i'm sure he's like leaned down since his you know wwe days but he's still like an action movie star or whatever and when those guys are shooting something they like start lifting harder and bulk up or whatever but yeah he's not a behemoth you're like oh this guy is 5 11 this guy is i'm 5 11 i'm 5 11 he was like 5 8 you know like he wasn massive. He's not a massive dude.

He's wide. His shoulders are broad. You've broken something in me by telling me that. But it's like he's not – but you can oil up and bulk up and then it's incredible what those guys do to their body. It's astonishing. You're just punishing your body in a way that like – I think only football players may be more just damage to your bones and cartilage than pro wrestlers maybe. Boxers. Oh, well, bones and cartilage because boxers are just taking head shots. It's the whole body.

Like, yeah. I mean, but. So anyway, he gave us tickets that were right on. that were right on – it takes place in this place called Arena Mexico, which is built in the 30s. And it has the same qualities as in – I don't know much about the Greensboro Coliseum. But I know that in San Francisco, they're just building an arena for the Warriors in San Francisco. But previously, there was no arena of that scale in San Francisco. The only arena in San Francisco was this place called the Cow Palace, which was built in like the 40s to house rodeos and is basically in Daly City, the city south of San Francisco. The arena in San Francisco, I believe, is being built entirely out of homeless people.

Yes, that's true. Literal backs of homeless people. Yeah, it's true. Literal backs of homeless people. Yeah. It's quite a disruptive solution to the problem, in my opinion. So the Cow Palace, like you would go there for, like they would have

a Harlem Globetrotters game there, a minor league hockey game there, a rodeo there, things like that. Would they have like the ice capades there or could they not do that? Ice capades would absolutely be there 100 the circus would come there sometimes and it's the kind of place where while the harlem globetrotters are playing there is water dripping from the

ceiling onto the basketball court like that is exactly, generals. That's what the Arena Mexico is like. Like, I presume that's probably where you went to, right? That's exactly where I was, yeah. Yeah, like, you're like, it is, it's just on a street in a regular neighborhood. It is not, you know, it's not surrounded by parking or anything. Moldy cement. Moldy cement. And there's just a crush to get in.

Yeah. Moldy cement. Moldy cement. And there's just a crush to get in. Yeah. And the crowd is just like, I don't think you could take a more representative sample of a place than the crowd. Like there's people, there's like old ladies, lots of children of all ages. All ages. Like there's four-year-olds and three-year-olds there.

There's babes in arms. Absolutely. At midnight being held up by their parents screaming in joy. A number of wrestlers kissing babies. There's people dressed up like they're going to a country club. Right, like formal wear? Yeah. I'm talking about like polo shirt formal wear.

Maybe long sleeve polo shirt formal wear though. You know, like boat shoe kind of shit. Okay. There's like all – every type of – and then there's a fair smattering of 17 to 26-year-old dudes who are pretty wasted. Right. But that is a smaller group even than at like if you went to a baseball game in the United States or something. Like they are definitely the top category, but they are certainly a plurality and not a majority. Middle-aged women going out with their friends. Yeah, totally.

As if they're at a book club, but instead they're going to the wrestling match. Yeah. Yeah. Like you describe it perfectly. And it was cool as shit. Awesome. It was so fun. Like, first of all, there's almost no talking.

So it really doesn't matter if your Spanish is not strong. Yeah, it's a wrestling match. But I mean, I feel like I've only seen, as someone who's only seen wrestling on TV, and Daniel Radford, the host of Tights and Fights, our wrestling show here at Match Fund. Daniel Radcliffe? Daniel, yeah, Daniel. That's amazing. How'd you get him?

He's actually not working that much lately. He reached out to Jesse. Yeah, he's like, I'm tired of doing regional theater. He's like, I miss the tights and the fights. It's Daniel Radcliffe. Yeah, right, delete. Yeah. Oh, yeah, show me your penis and then I'll believe you.

I saw it in that penis play you were in um so that's all i know about daniel radcliffe i've we've gotten to the bottom of my knowledge of daniel radcliffe i know he was harry potter and i know that he showed his penis in a penis play um i wish him all the best of luck as i do all of the harry potters the Harry Potters. And their penises. Exactly. So it was just like a vibrant scene. So much. So vibrant.

And all kinds of wrestling matches, I would say. Like there was an Australian dude there who was one of the wrestlers. But when you say all kinds of matches like tag team, battle royal everything had multiple people there was no one on ones not even the finale?

no the finale was a three on three my finale was an amazing one on one oh wow yeah I wish I had seen that there was a ladies there was three ladies against three other ladies. Three on three. The hero's hook was that she was Venezuelan, which I don't know what that means in Mexico City, but people loved her. There was a woman who was called La Terror China, the Chinese terror, who was a very small Asian woman.

That was the most racist thing that happened. Wrestling and racism are just... Yeah, just best friends. Best friends. They can't quit each other. She could do a lot of cool jumps, a lot of cool jumping around. But my favorite of the ladies

was just one lady who I would characterize as stout. Not... Just a solidly built young lady who is maybe like 28. You know what I mean? And maybe if she was a young cheerleader, she would be a base. Exactly.

Exactly. And remember when it comes to cheerleading without a base, without a trace. So, uh, she, she was great because she did a cool wrestling stuff, but also she had braces.

And I just thought, isn't that a sweet thing for a professional wrestler to have? It's going to be dangerous. I know. Does she have a mouth guard? I'm hoping. As her orthodontist, I'm hoping that she's wearing a mouth guard. It was very dicey. There was a set of, I'm going to say say six or eight dancers who brought everyone on stage

as they came down the street with their video hot dancers and thank you for saying that liz because i didn't want to be misogynist they were super hot but like one of the things that one of the things that i always find myself thinking is like there is this hyper sexuality to sports dancing, cheerleading and so on and so forth. Right. But also including things that are like more dancey, like NBA cheerleaders are more like dance teams. Yeah.

They're like real dancers. I mean, they're all real dancers. I think pretty much these ladies were not a watch making the, making the team. Okay. About the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. If you need anything misogynist said, just tell me and I'll say it for you so that you'll be okay.

Thank you. Thank you, ladies. These bitches came out. These hot bitches. These hot bitches. But there is something weird when you see cheerleaders. And I had just gone to a ball game the night before that had cheerleaders. just gone to a ball game the night before that had cheerleaders because they are they're like athletes but dressed up in this crazy like hyper sexy painted woman way and when you're looking at

them you're like i know this is a sex thing sure but this is a very normal looking person other than being athletic and it's also super wholesome, but it's also a sex thing at the same time. Yeah. Like if you took a volleyball team and just like, it took them to benefit and had them just like, give them the prostitute makeup. Right,

right. And cut, cut their shirts off, cut their skirts off at three inches. Everybody's got the same hair. They all have to have that hair that bounces around. Yeah, but these girls were straight strippers. So the crazy thing about the girls, the dancing girls at the thing were, they were A, and

we were right on the shoot, so I was eight feet from them. I was like, wow, all of these women are legitimately super beautiful. And also, their dancing could not have been more indifferent. Like, basically, like, even to say that it was like the Vandellas from Martha and the Vandellas when they're not singing. Even that overstates the amount of dancing. It was basically like doing the locomotion very gently. So they were ring girls like, you know, boxing like they have ring girls. They come out like they don't.

They just walk around in a bikini to be hot. Like, yeah, there was a gang of them and they were doing dance moves. They were doing dance moves. So that that was pretty fun. But I don't know. Who is the who is the best wrestler that you saw, Liz? I do not remember the names of any of them, but I remember this experience, which was that I was watching it previous to the finale. I felt like I was watching it anthropologically or journalistically.

Right. You know, I was like, oh, I'm here seeing something that is very foreign to me. I feel very lucky to be here. This is all really interesting. You had your skinny notebook. Exactly. I know how you roll. And look at it. I'm curious about very lucky to be here. This is all really interesting. You had your skinny notebook. Exactly. I know how you roll. And look at it. I'm curious about all these kids are here.

I was definitely at that. And I was like, this is interesting. This is cool. Like I – having all those sort of observational thoughts. And then the finale came and it was definitely an evil guy against a good guy. It was a pretty boy against a bad man. Face versus heel. Thank you.

Thank you for the terminology. By the way, Liz, you're the baby face and Nick, you're the heel. Until we switch. And that's going to fuck with people a lot. I'm the announcer at best. But these guys were so fucking incredible that then I was in it, like in it absolutely submerged in my excitement and the thrill of it and the amazement of it. And I couldn't stop screaming and people were running up and down the aisles and I was too. So I think I can't tell you exactly what happened other than that it was one of the most spectacular pieces of entertainment I've ever seen in my entire life.

Was there a very small dude in an electric blue gorilla suit at yours? Nope. OK. Mine definitely had that. I feel like I wouldn't remember that unless I'm like that Malcolm Gladwell test where you can't see the gorilla or like a gorilla walks by and you can't notice it. But no, I didn't notice it. But no, I didn't notice that. Mine definitely had a tiny – and Colt had mentioned. He's just like, just so you know, there's a really little dude who wears an electric glue gorilla suit. He's a good wrestler, just so you know.

I didn't see that. He didn't wrestle in mine. But the bad man won and the good man was taken off stage in an ambulance and in a stretcher. And it was just fantastic. I i loved there was a ringside doctor at mine who had he was wearing a white coat he was like 50 ish his hair was kind of dry slicked back and he had like square reading glasses on the tip of his nose and he looked like he looked like god i wish I knew the actor's name, but there's a wonderful actor

who just plays everyone's doctor or lawyer in every movie. And he always seems, he's kind of his general physical quality. And like this doctor was so perfect at doing that. And I found myself wondering, do they find a real, because they have to have – I imagine they have to have a real doctor there. So do they find a real doctor who's also good at being a fake doctor?

Or are there two? Is there a real doctor and an imaginary doctor? Because if your fake doctor gets hurt doing one of these bullshit wrestling things. Exactly. What are you going to do? You need a real doctor. Yeah. He's in the back. And one of those guys in boat shoes with the long sleeve polo is probably the doctor. Jesse, I see you're holding a poster and it says Rush and that was the name of-

Roosh. Roosh. That guy was- That was the bad guy. Okay. He was incredible. Wasn't he amazing? He was a truly spectacular performer.

So he was the headliner. So I want to talk about a couple of performers I saw. One of them was a guy named Mecha Wolf 450. And Mecha Wolf 450 was like a steampunk robot wolf man who also had a beautiful, spectacular – a lot of these wrestlers had gorgeous heads of hair. Beautiful, spectacular. A lot of these wrestlers had gorgeous heads of hair. But, like, he had the whole suit with a cape and a cowl that was in the shape of a wolf's head. Nice.

But a robot wolf with, like, gears and controllers on the side. Like a found object robot wolf? No, like a fucking sleek ass robot wolf. You said steampunk. I know, I know, I know. I wanted to suggest the, like, qualities of machinery, but it was a little more high tech than steampunk. It was not monocle-y. There was the headline fight was Roosh was the bad guy with Terrible and Bestia del Ring.

The Beast of the Ring. Nick, it's the literal translation for you. I think I can follow that one. That was my stripper name. And it featured a group. It was three on three. So it was three good guys against three bad guys. And that was really fun.

And it had a lot of cool flips and stuff. The good guys often do a lot of flips. That was my experience. There was one guy who was just 100% fake Spider-Man. Just had a spider man suit but they can't contractually no they did did they go with he does birthday parties when he's they didn't go with like el aracno or anything no no no it was clearly it was clearly that like this guy's grandpa saw the spider-man cartoon TV show, you know, Spider-Man does whatever a spider can, and like drew it on a napkin in 1962, gave it to his aunt. She made a suit for him. And that has been handed down through generations ever since.

But one of the coolest fights that I saw was between two families. It was like a family grudge match. Oh, that's so good. And it was very clear that these were guys that had very deep roots because everyone in the arena had very strong and emotional feelings about them. Everybody's picked sides already.

The good guys were called the Guerrero family. The dad was called Ultimo Guerrero. And then there was another one called Gran Guerrero family. The dad was called Ultimo Guerrero. And then there was another one called Gran Guerrero. Yeah, they basically, and they all came in wearing like Aztec or Mexico style giant headdresses and like battle gear. And they looked incredible. They were very stout men. Again, these guys were not exactly obese.

Just kind of like maybe full-time working in the garage, part-time doing the wrestling. Yes, just very stout guys. Just blocky men. Block-shaped men. Like 10 push-ups before you go out. Yeah. And Ultimo Guerrero, who was probably 50, 55 years old, was the most radiant good guy I have ever seen in anything.

It was like one of those things where, like, you know how you can't root against Will Ferrell in a movie? You know, like, he could do any dumb thing and you're like, oh, that's sweetheart Will Ferrell. Like, it was that without the dumbness. I was like, I'm ready to vote for this man for president. Nice guy. Just a good guy. Just totally a good guy. But the bad guy

and his family were my favorites. The main bad guy had his two sons. The main bad guy was named Mascara 2000 or I guess Mascara Dos Mil and

he came in in old timey wrestling clothes like a singlet or whatever it's called like a one strap yeah yeah and

like an Andre the Giant exactly like Andre the Giant but with with half legs like bike short kind of thing like bike short exactly and he is maybe Like Andre the Giant. Exactly like Andre the Giant, but with half legs, I would say. Like bike short kind of thing. Like bike short, exactly.

And he is maybe – oh, Danielle looked him up. I think he was 60 or 65, somewhere in there. But a kind of like – he was legitimately overweight. He looked like a – he had the body of a 60-year-old man. And I don't – like I think it's normal for a 60-year-old man to have this kind of body. But like imagine if like the body of like a comedian Eddie Pepitone. You know? I was just thinking of like a principal or the head of the school board.

Yes. That kind of body. Exactly. He definitely had the body of my principal, Mr. Rosenblatt, my high school principal. Okay. Now we know where you stand. Joe Rosenblatt. Hello, guys.

Mr. Rosenblatt here. We've had some fights. We don't want that. That's off in the hallway. Maybe leave them at home. Yeah, exactly. We don't want that. Cats off in the hallway. Maybe leave them at home. Yeah, exactly. We're very proud we've got some students going to the summer school of the

arts. He was a really sweet man. R.I.P. Mr. Rosenblatt. But Moskata 2000 had the look of like a Bruce Campbell or a Burt Reynolds. Like he was Mexican and had brown hair that was clearly artificially browned.

And thin but not totally thin but very voluminous in a part of some teasing some so one of the most magical parts of the thing was during the match his sons would take care of his hair oh just with their hands just just fix his hair his wrestling sons wait was that part of the show or was that just sweet son on dad tenderness i yeah was it think it was they know they were doing it yeah were they performing doing it or were they were just doing it to tend it was they i think they knew they were doing it but it was not that sticky i would say it was performed as a kind of weird, crazy tenderness. The lines get blurry. He came in wearing a-

The curtains open, the lines get blurry, man. A black vinyl, like elastic waist jacket that had a horse head on the back, like a majestic horse head. And he had two slogans embroidered on his pant legs. Each of his pant legs had a slogan. One was El Macho del Lago, which I think was a pretty good slogan, you know, for Mexico City. You know, the lake. You know, he's the king of the lake or whatever. He's the big guy of the lake.

And the other one was Padre de Más de Viente, which is to say father of more than 20, which is the fucking best brag for a professional wrestling heel I've ever heard in my life. Oh, my God. And he couldn't really do much because he was a portly 62-year-old or whatever. And his vital juices had all been taken away. Yes. Fathering all those children. Did they at a certain point peel off and like, okay, now my most athletic son will fight your most athletic son and we'll get out of here? But honestly, the sons were 50.

You know what I mean? The sons were playing at being 35, but they were 47. You know what I mean? They were definitely not. I think we would have needed to have seen grandchildren if we wanted to see real athleticism. Here's a pitch. Yeah. Menudo rule.

You hit 50, you got to get out. Your family member has to come in. We got room for, like, a dad and a son at once. Like, one guy can be in his 40s and one guy can be like in his teens or 20s. That dad hits 50. Out. Out. New kid.

You got to cycle him through. I mean, here's the thing. Fresh blood. Like they used to do with stewardesses. Yeah, yeah. There's only one category. Like there's a top level one slot at the top of the pyramid. It's like an Amway thing.

level one slot at the top of the pyramid it's like an amway thing so if you there's three sons they gotta fight to the death to figure out who becomes a dad it's like you gotta you gotta get writers that's why wwe they have like people you know crafting these storylines you got one dad right then you have three sons one is the everybody's all-american it looks like he's going to be the champion and take his father's footsteps. This guy is just a nerd. He doesn't, he's not really a wrestling star. And then, oh my God,

he comes, who is this masked man? Oh, it turns out he's the son and it's him the whole time. He dropped out of law school. Yeah. He was a lawyer.

He wasn't even wrestling and now he's taking over and my sons are going to fight for the, like, come on, man. One of the Guerreros was unmasked, which is a very big deal in Lucha Libre. And on man one of the guerreros was unmasked which is a very big deal

that's very shameful lucha libre and he ran out of the ring crying covering his face with a towel yeah that's what you he should have yeah yeah fuck that guy right liz pussy okay we'll be back in just a second on jordan jessica Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. New permanent co-host, Nick Repeat Adams. Liz Gilbert, Beast of the Ring. We live in turbulent times.

Military buildups in the Middle East, trade battles across the Pacific, professional soccer struggling to maintain its foothold in the American market. Our nation and our world are, as the Temptations once sang, a ball of confusion. Through that murk and mire comes one man, Jesse Thorne, and one call for clarity, for purpose, a proud declaration. What is good and what is bad?

This is Hang It Up, Keep It Up. We turn first to the darkness, malevolence, evil, disappointment, and heartbreak. Hang it up. Hills. Can one geographic feature be both too tall and not tall enough? It can.

If it's hills, hang it up, hills. Tiny juice cups. The restaurant industry won't admit it, but I'll shout it to the mountaintops. Tiny juice cups are just too small. And who suffers? Juice enthusiasts like you and I. Hang it up, tiny juice cups. Eggs? Let's face facts.

These nasty orbs plop right out of a bird's cloaca. Brown, white, or speckled, it's simply gross. Hang it up, eggs. Palm trees? They claim to be trees, but what's the real truth? These green liars are actually sickeningly huge grasses. These flappy liars are bad news. Hang it up, palm trees. But for each yin, there is a yang.

A silver lining to the cloud, a glint of dawn at the end of the night. Keep it up. Keep it up. Please don't let me down Roofs Without these pointy pals We'd be as wet as the mighty Mississippi

Keep it up, Roofs My dog Sissy She loves to cuddle me And bite my enemies Right on the ankle Chomp chomp Keep it up, Sissy Lenses. These

bendy friends help us see stuff. And take attractive photographs. Without lenses, there'd be no Mr. Holland's opus. And certainly no Krippendorf's tribe. Keep it up, lenses. Fireplaces. Crackle, crackle,

motherfuckers. Keep it up, fireplaces. Fireplaces. Crackle, crackle, motherfuckers. Keep it up, fireplaces. That's Hang It Up, Keep It Up for 2019. And also, I guess, like 2014 through 2018. See you in six years. When was the last time I did that bit? I think I might have been here the last time you did. There are long-time listeners who are very confused right now.

A nation turns its lonely eyes to you, Jesse Thorne. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la momentous occasions on the program, but I want to take this opportunity to acknowledge a momentous occasion for you, the publication of your latest novel. It has just landed in my hands. It's called City of Girls. Yes, it is. And I'm very excited about it because I read all 7,000 pages of your last novel. You did.

You read the whole signature of all things. Not many people can say that. I loved it all. I really got a kick out of it. I thought it was great. I know that I mostly talk about the various 18th and 19th century words for pussy that you have

in there. I remember that you particularly liked change purse. Bringing it back. You know Liz Gilbert's a real journalist. She went to a library at some point in the process of preparing to write The Signature of All Things. She went to a library, the kind where you have to put on white gloves to handle the books. And you have to ask a stern woman to bring them to you.

Yes, on a cart. And you said, do you have anything about quims? Bring me everything that you have. If you're ever in a bind Certain things You don't have to research You can just make them up Nobody will know

Squat waddle was one of the things That they called a woman's anatomy But I don't know Who's going to sue me from 1790? Someone's got to do the research Just to prove you wrong They're not doing that Nope, nobody's going to do that

And I also, of course, loved your book, Big Magic, which wins the award for most creatively inspirational book, then in parentheses, not Linda Barry category. There is no Linda Barry category other than Linda Barry, so I got

you. But I'm just happy to be spoken of in the same sentence, even if it's outside the parentheses. But a joy to read and a wonderful way to get yourself out of the traps that you set yourself up for when you are trying to make anything, pretty much anything. Oh, thanks. What is the new book about? It is about New York City showgirls in the 1940s. Oh, yeah, now we're talking.

It's a novel about young women in the 1940s behaving very sexually recklessly. And it's written like a fake memoir from the point of view of a woman in her 90s reflecting upon that time in her life. Why did you write a book about that? I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't sound great. It fucking sounds like a great thing to write a book about. Because that. Not the first topic that would come to my mind. Because that – I think that a story that I never see is the story of women surviving their own consequences. Women making really bad reckless decisions, maybe some really bad things happen to them.

And guess what? They actually can totally survive it and maybe even look back on it with a certain rueful fondness. And so I wanted to tell that story because I feel like that's a story I've never read. Do you aspire to be a 90-year-old looking back on things with rueful fondness? The only thing that would stop me from being that is if I didn't live to 90. But yeah, absolutely. I think your time at that Coyote Ugly bar probably took five years off. That was before the no smoking ban in bars.

And yes, I will probably have to have a lung removed at some point because of those years. But yeah, it was really, really fun. And I've also always been really interested in New York City in the 1940s. I think it's such a great, glamorous, exciting moment. And I will tell you a story that as part of the research for this book, I met – I mean it's not easy anymore to find surviving showgirls from that era, but I met one. And her name was Norma Amigo and she lived in New York and she was – First of all, fuck yeah. And that was her actual fucking name.

It wasn't even her stage name. And she had come from Chicago to New York when she was 19 because she got picked up in a bar by a guy who said, come to New York and I'll make you into a showgirl and he did. And she was completely promiscuous her entire life. She was John Wayne's girlfriend for a while. She was Milton Burrell's girlfriend. She never got married. She never had kids. She had five abortions. She still lives in the same apartment that she moved to in 1950. She's still one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. Like absolutely stunning, six foot tall, blonde, 95 year old, really funny, really sweet, really innocent in a way. Anyway, she said one of the best lines ever,

because I wasn't sure if I could get away with making these girls as promiscuous as they were. I was like, did that exist back then? Were people really, you know, and, and then I talked to her and I was like, oh yeah, that totally existed back then. And I can't get her to stop talking about it, which was great. And, and I said to her at one point, I said, so, Norma, you never regretted – you never wanted to get married, never wanted to have a partner. You never regretted that. And she goes, oh, God, who wants to fuck the same man for 60 years? Which just was like total permission for me to write this book. It was amazing to hear her say that.

So does the book have anything about Milton Berle's dong in it? No, although I did ask her about it. You got to check in. You got to check in. Well, I'm a journalist and we hear things. There is famously, for anyone who's never heard the famous apocryphal show, potentially apocryphal show business story about Milton Berle. The story is he famously had a giant dong. And once a younger comic said to him, I hear you've got a big dick. And he said, well, you know, that's what they say.

And the younger comic said, I bet mine's bigger. And Milton Berle says, look, I don't want to get into a contest. And the younger comic says, yeah, but I do. And then Milton Berle says, okay, fine,'t want to get into a contest. And the younger comic says, yeah, but I do. And then Milton Berle says, okay, fine, but I'm only taking out enough to win. Oh, what a great line. I asked her about that rumor. And not only had she never heard that rumor, she was like, I don't remember it being anything particularly special. Wow. How about that? Shattered. she was like I don't remember it being anything particularly special wow

see this is called fucking public service how about that this isn't just about artistic indulgence Liz Gilbert is doing the work I am still an active journalist in the important matters of such things as whether or not

Millenboro had a big dong skinny notebooks not to get all curb though did you just call his dong a skinny notebook matters of such things as whether or not Millenboro had a big dong. One of those skinny notebooks. Not to get all curb, though. Did you just call his dong a skinny notebook? Yes. We've established that this woman did not have a run-of-the-mill vagina, though. This woman likely had

an extraordinary vagina. We don't know. Did you ask her whether her vagina was extraordinary at all? I did. By extraordinary, I mean You know, I did. I mean, by extraordinary, I mean like accomplished. Yeah. But can I tell you something else she said that was amazing?

She said – and she was very nonchalant about her abortions, like no problem. She said we always used to get our abortions in Catholic cities because they were so much better out on there because they do so many of them. Oh, boy. because they were so much better at them there because they do so many of them. So she said we would – us girls, we would always go to Boston for abortions because they get – such a Catholic city, they had so many. Because in New York, birth control was available, so I guess they didn't do as many. Isn't that a weird, wild fact? That's crazy. And she said, and if your boyfriend had enough money, you'd go to Mexico City. This is called a callback.

Callback. You'd go to Mexico City and then you'd go to – John Wayne fly you out to Mexico City. And then you go to Cancun and recover and have a nice vacation and come back with a tan. Sounds nice. Right? They knew how to do abortion so much better back then. Sounds better than usual.

So wild. Anyway, the book is a romp. That is how I would define it. I found your previous book, which was about an old-timey botanist to be a romp. Well, good. I like to romp. If you can romp through botany, then Showgirl should be, I think, is going to be a very exciting subject.

I am super stoked to read it, and I'm very grateful that you made time out from your busy Los Angeles lifestyle. This is the one thing I want to do. Come to the box. Ladies, open up your coin purses and purchase the new book. They do it. Thanks, Jesse.

Okay, so I have brought a momentous occasion here, but why don't we take one momentous occasion call first, and then we will have our live on-air momentous occasion. Brian, play the tape. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. I'm going to guess Lin-Manuel Miranda. Can't even get him to come on fucking Bullseye.

I'm an ATM repair person, and I just got done repairing an ATM. person and I just got done repairing an ATM and someone came up to use it and they said, well, I've never used one of these before. I was working on a fairly new model and I was explaining to him it's just like the old ones and he told me, no, I've never used an ATM ever. Wow. So that was fun having to walk him through how to use an ATM. He definitely hadn't used one before because he was trying to pull cash out from his

credit card. So yeah, you guys have a good day. Bye. I love the idea. We have this longtime listener named Ronnie who lives in Houston. Very nice dude. He's been here. In fact, I think he's been on the air here.

I think when he came and visited, we invited him into do momentous occasions with it. Very long time listener. And Ronnie is a very capable man. He's going to be at MaxFunCon this year teaching how to use your hand tools. No. But he's a man who radiates competence.

And his old job was he worked at a hospital and he just fixed whatever broke there. And I'm not talking about like a plant. I'm not talking about he fixed pipes or something. I'm talking about they got 10,000 different kinds of things that go beep in a hospital. Right, right.

And you can't just like send them to the hospital repair guy. You know what I mean? That's not a business. But Ronnie was that guy. So he would just wander around the hospital. And when something was broken, a nurse would tell him and he would fix it. That is the kind of competence I think it probably takes to be an ATM repair person. How much of Ronnie's job was turning stuff off and turning it back on?

I mean, 70%. It's got to be 70%. But the problem is a lot of people died that way.%. It's got to be 70%. The problem is, a lot of people died that way. Yeah. You want to be careful about that. You got to be able to point the finger at somebody.

That's where Ronnie comes in. Yeah, you got to know how long the reboot time is on the dialysis machine. 30 seconds max. But yeah, like, I love the idea of, I love the idea of people

who have specialized competencies and travel the world plying their trade. Well, what I loved about that call is what I was picturing when he said the guy was trying to pull cash out of his credit card. I was literally picturing a guy holding his credit card up and trying to magically make cash come out of it. And I was like, man, that guy really doesn't know how to use anything. There is an ATM at the Magic Castle. That's also not a function of this guy not knowing how to use an ATM. That's a function of him not understanding interest rates and how much that's going to bite him in the ass in a month. He's got some high-level stuff to work out before he gets there.

He's light years before he understands that. He just used an ATM for the first time. I think we are all old enough to remember that moment when ATMs started to exist, right? Like I don't think I had a bank account at the time. No. I was probably seven or something like that. So it was going to the bank with my mom. But I remember when the bank machine got invented.

bank machine got invented what an extra like because my dad i until i was 12 or 14 would go to the grocery store to cash a check at the customer service counter did you have the pneumatic tubes at the bank oh no god god i love you that was the best you would you could pull up there was a drive-thru yeah and then they had a suck it right in they had a microphone and you would say i'm depositing a check i want to get money out of whatever and you would say, I'm depositing a check. I want to get money out of whatever. And you would fill out the form and put it in the tube and it would shoot over there. And I was like, this is the best. And then they would shoot whatever back and they would put a lollipop in. If there was a kid in the car and shoot a lollipop in.

I was like, we got to bring that back. We've got to bring that back. I was living in the East Village in the 90s. And I remember the first time that there was an ATM east of Avenue A. And I was actually walking down the street one day. And it would have been daylight because I wouldn't have been doing it if it wasn't. And I think it was on Avenue B and they were installing this ATM. And there was a cop, a New York City cop, standing there watching them do it. And he said to his buddy, I wouldn't take money out of that machine on this street in broad

daylight in my uniform i just picture uh i just picture down abby like you know the reaction whenever they show some new technological advance and she sees like lights for the first time or like here's like a record i picture that cop reacting like that automatic teller machine i feel like new york city and manhattan particularly is the world's capital of that type of atm machine that is in what what we californians would call a corner store that you would call bodega uh where you get you you're like, you need cash for whatever. Like you, in my case, it would be, I just got a haircut, but then realized I didn't have any bills on me and have to pay in cash for my haircut. So you're like, hold on, let me go to the ATM.

I'll leave my, I'll leave my coat here or whatever. I'm not, I'm not. Right. And you have my hair. Okay. You can extract the DNA and create a real dinosaur. I have my hair. Exactly. Okay. You can extract the DNA and create a real dinosaur. You basically have my soul. Yeah, I'm not going anywhere.

And you like get there and you put in your card and you type in the number and then it just says like. Nope. FYI. It says FYI, you can withdraw up to $40. Yeah, $40. I got to do it twice. And it will charge you. And your account will be charged $40. $40. I got to do it twice. And it will charge you, and your account will be charged $7.99

in your first born child. Like one pint of blood and $11.24 will be charged to your account. One month after I got my medical marijuana prescription, my wife was like, hey, there's like an ATM charge from like smoking out technology for $185.

Oh yeah, that's me. Did you withdraw money from Buds and Nugs? Is that like a thing? Yeah, that's me. Also wait, ATMs felt like when they first came out,

then you would have like a new like Chase Manhattan Bank right in Midtown or whatever. And it's 24-hour access to our ATM. And you can use your car to open this door. That's where they're going to kill me. Inside that little vestibule is where I'm going to get murdered and the guy's going to stab me. ATM on the corner. It's outside. I can run if I need to run.

Don't trap me in a little death vestibule to take my money out. The bank airlock that they have in New York. A deafstibule. Yeah, a deafstibule. Just keep it out in the open. You know, recently on Judge John Hodgman, the podcast I do with Liz Gilbert's friend, John Hodgman. That's how he's usually defined. Yeah. Yeah. The guy who wrote Liz Gilbert's Time 100 article, as I found at my mother-in-law's house one time.

Did you? Yeah. I was like, I guess I texted Hodgman. I was like, are you friends with Liz Gilbert from Eat, Pray, Love? And he's like, yep. So on a recent episode of Judge John Hodgman, I had a conflict with John, which is rare because John is the most considerate and humanist man on earth. He's the kindest, sweetest guy in the world. And I rarely disagree with any of his judgments. But there was this discussion about whether you should count your money at the ATM.

And I said, I never count my money. I just shove it in my pocket and get out of there. And we couldn't figure out why he felt so strongly that you should count your money in case you were overpaid or underpaid. And I felt that you should shove it in your pocket and get out of there. Until I realized, maybe five minutes into this weird argument John was being a New England thrifty man which is to say he was being he was being very careful about his money and being very careful about being honest in case he was overpaid and I grew up in the hood and you shove your money in your pocket get the fuck out of there also what brewster's million scenario is he imagining where

he's gonna get overpaid at the atm like what is that doesn't happen like you people read one article about a guy who got 700 at an atm or something in there and also when it comes out like you're getting 100 you're getting 200 you can hear the chunks each one of those is a 20 you hear those boom you got your money you go you go. Come on. Here's some advice from Nick Adams for one John Hodgman. Yeah. Listen for the chunks. Listen for the chunks. Count the chunks, baby.

It's also the title of my album, Dropping in a Month. Listen for the chunks. It's a rueful memoir. Yeah. There's no music at all. When something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us. But this week we have something momentous for our guests on the program. As the two of you may not know, my professional aspiration is to be a television greengrocer.

And on the local news. And so I have – Maybe like every Friday morning. Yeah, exactly. So I have brought my current favorite fruit, the cherimoya or custard apple. Oh, shit. I'm out. For you to enjoy.

I have already sliced it, but Nick, I'm handing you a slice. You can see from the skin that it is a grotesque looking fruit. This is a hideous looking fruit. I've never seen this in my life or heard of it. If you have, first of all, you had cherimoya right there, locked and loaded, sounds exotic. Custard apple doesn't help anybody. Doesn't help custard people. Doesn't help apple people.

Leaves everyone disappointed. Everybody's bummed out. What do you have marked on your OkCupid profile? Custard person or apple person? Can I try it? Yeah, it looks like a weird dragon egg or something. And we are going to eat on Mike a little bit. Yum.

We're going to do our best. And Brian is going to go through and manually reduce the mouth sounds. Wait, can we put lots of mouth sounds in? Misophonic. Well, Brian's just going to take them out. This is ASMR. It looks like a weird, gross dragon egg when you get it.

People eating something and no one can see them eating it is great radio. I'm a professional radio host. You guys, I wish you guys could see Nick eating this right now. The skin is very Game of Thrones Drogon dragon eggy, which is cool. I'm sure it's a cool

looking fruit. The inside is pale and fibrous, would you guys say? There's some black seeds. There's giant black seeds, but the texture— The color is pussy. Just as I take a bite. It is pussy. It is pussy, right? There's a reason it's called the custard apple.

The texture. Idiot. The texture is custardy. They tried pussy apple and it just didn't sell. Jizz pineapple didn't stick. The folks at the Cherimoya board were pretty ambivalent about jizz pineapple. And meanwhile, there's like, Terrence is like, you guys, we got Cherimoya. I think we should just stick with Cherimoya and roll with that one.

No, because people got it too confused with that drink I can't remember the name of that we started talking about. How would you characterize the flavor? I love it. I don't hate it. I don't love it. I think it would be good as an essence, like in a drink. Like a guava? Yeah, yeah. If you could just get the drink, like, you know, like. Like a guava? Yeah, yeah.

If you could just get the nectar of it out. It's much sweeter than a guava, though. Like one of the problems with a guava is it has this amazing smell that you think is going to be so good. And then you taste it and you're like. Oh, I got to add a lot of sugar to that and put it in a pastry. It's got a melony situation in it. A little melony, a little pineapple-y. I'm a fan.

Like a little bit of vanilla in there, too. I'm a fan. Like a little bit of vanilla in there too. I can't find the vanilla. Okay. I'm not good at describing things though. That's why I'm a writer. We're talking about notes here.

I get that. Yum. I'm all for it. You got a giant cherimoya seed stuck to your hand, Liz. Yes, I do. Thank you.

Classy celebrity, I had a nickel for every time someone said that. Jesse Thorne tried to make a move on my cherimoya. That's in the book. That kind of stuff

that's in the book. What's the name that Grits drink again and why don't we have that to try? Go get some of Christian's. Just knock him down and chug a lug. Okay, we got one more call. Let's take a listen. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and one of the McElroys.

This is Alex calling from Salt Lake City. I think, Liz, you're technically a McElroy. I'm a McElroy sister, yeah. So that's not wrong. No, not at all. That's why I didn't flinch. Once you've contributed farm wisdom, I think that is

what... You know, the McElroys will occasionally get an email that says, like, can I be part of your family? Yeah. And I think what they say back usually is, well, what's your farm wisdom? Farm wisdom. I offered them some good farm wisdom. What was your farm wisdom? If you have a goat and the goat eats poison ivy and you drink the goat's milk, you get poison ivy immunity.

Yes. Which caused Griffin to say, if you give your goat a passport, your passport, do you get diplomatic immunity? Also, I know. When you're done, when you go to write a novel and you're like, I'm tapped. I have nothing else to say. And you turn to children's books. There's my book right there. If you give a goat and you're like, I'm tapped. I have nothing else to say. And you turn to children's books. There's my book right there. If You Give a Goat Poison Ivy. Definitely.

I've read that If You Give a Mouse a Cookie book a lot. It's annoying as hell. I would much rather read about a goat poison ivy. By the way, pre-order my wife Teresa Thorne's book. It feels good to be yourself on Amazon.com and other booksellers right now. That is a beautiful book, and I read it, and I loved it. Oh, thank you, Liz.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Yeah, I endorse it as well. Fantastic. And I learned stuff from it. Oh, yeah, we have a call. Yeah, let's go. People listen to this show? Had a momentous occasion, kind of a moment of shame.

I was road raging in my car for quite a bit, and this one guy got into my lane, and I was very angry at the speed he was going, so I just started yelling at him. When I finally got a chance to pass him, I did, but something very weird came out of my mouth in the blind rage. I screamed,

You are a toy, like from Toy Story. After that, I was too full of the giggles to be mad at anyone. And I had quite a nice car ride afterward. So thanks for all you do. Bye-bye. We're all toys, guys. This guy doesn't sound like an old school graffiti writer for whom that was a popular insult. You are a toy.

You're a toy. Yeah. A toy is like a graffiti writer who's not serious about it. Oh, is that it? Is that really what that's called? Yeah. In the olden times. I mean, it may still be true to some extent, but definitely in the olden times.

So like a toy poodle is a poodle that's not serious about it? No, I think that's correct. I think that's how... Is that where the graffiti thing came from? Graffiti writers in the late 70s and early 80s

described toy poodles. Yeah, I think that's true. Look, get serious. Either be a standard poodle or don't even try. I love that this guy's momentous occasion was just like,

this fucking sucks. Driving sucks. Like, that was basically it. Like, every now and then, as an angel, you know, you have a moment in your car where you yell at somebody or you're mad and you're like, oh, this doesn't matter. And you're just like, it's me. I'm the problem. This is, we're all, like there's the movement for people to say, like, I got stuck in traffic.

And someone will say, no, you were traffic because like, oh, you were part of it. Right. But that's what that guy's moment was about. Like this all, it sucks. Driving sucks. Like in that way that like when you're eight, the line between reality and your imagination is constantly blurring. I really believed it was real that he was about to say and I got up to him and it was George Wendt. And I don't know why I thought that it would be George Wendt. I guess the same reason that he thought Liz would be, you know, Travis McElroy.

But I definitely imagine that it would be George Wendt. You guys, can I share something? About George Wendt? Yes. No, but for a real thing. Yeah. I for real think that Jizz Pineapple is giving me an allergic reaction

in my mouth. Oh, no! Are there confirmed turmoil allergies? It's weird. I'm getting like a strange roof of my mouth. Do you have that problem?

Some people have that problem with pineapple. I have it with mango. Oh, wow. It must be in the mango family. What are you feeling on the roof of your mouth? You know what I need to do is feed that to my goat and then drink the milk and then I'll be immune to it. You also just should probably stick to the cold and dreary parts of Europe.

Yeah. This is why we didn't vaccinate, guys. Where my people came from. This is why we didn't vaccinate, guys. Where my people came from. This is why we didn't vaccinate. I should just have lutefisk instead of these exotic fruits. Exactly. Get yourself to Finland or Copenhagen. Yeah.

Maybe Edinburgh. Yeah. I'll have a Lindenberry and I'll be fine. Nothing like a good Lindenberry. Anyway, I just want to share that with you. Are you feeling that? I don't know. I'm starting to feel a little paranoid.

I think I'm okay. You're getting a contact allergy? I did allergically hotbox the studio, just so you know. But the magical turning point in the call is when he says, when he yells at the guy, you are a toy. And then I can only presume he's concerned the guy doesn't know what a toy is. He says, like in Toy Story. Oh, yeah, that's good. The part where Woody, it's near the end.

And he's tied to the moving truck. When they're trying to get back, and he's like, I'm going to fly. You can't fly, right? Doesn't he? It's like, I know most toys can't drive, obviously. That's not what I mean. I don't mean literally that you're an inanimate object.

I mean, you're like, if it had a soul, and they do have souls. They're beautiful movies. And then the guy yells back, you mean like the Robin Williams, LL Cool J movie? No, that's Toys. That's Toys. That's a different movie.

It's a weird movie. The kids movie? It's not for kids at all. It's not a kids movie. Like the Richard Pryor movie? No, that's The Toys. It's really offensive. Don't rewatch it now.

It'll make you feel really bad for Richard Pryor that he had to go through that. Don't watch that either. Do you mean Bicentennial Man? Now you're just yelling Robin Williams, lesser known Robin Williams movies out, sir. And we're driving very faster than freeway. This is becoming dangerous. What does this have to do with

Crippendorf's tribe? We all thought Jenna Elfman was a star, sir. Is that Jenna Elfman? I think Jenna Elfman may have been in Crippin' Dwarfs Tribe! We all thought Jenna Elfman was a star, sir. Is that Jenna Elfman? I think Jenna Elfman may have been in Crippin' Dwarfs Tribe. If I got that right, that is a momentous occasion if I pull that out of my ass. The proudest moment of my wife's college career, my wife attended the great Northeastern Liberal Arts University, Sarah Lawrence College. of the great Northeastern Liberal Arts University, Sarah Lawrence College.

And while she was there, she had a work-study job as one of the school's official poor persons. And her job was in the fundraising department. She had to place calls to a lawyer. That's ironic. Get to work, poors! And she had the opportunity to leave multiple voicemail messages

on the voicemail of David Duchovny and Jenna Elfman, who used to be married. At a certain point, I would have just gotten really casual. David, Jen, hey, how's it going? It's Reesey. Listen. Just call me back, you guys. What's up? It's Reesey PC.

It's Reesey PC. Oh, It's Reesey P.C. Oh, man, I'm going to start calling her now. It'll lead directly to a divorce. Yes. You can come crash on our couch when it doesn't work out. Thank you very much. If something momentous happens to you, 206-984-4FUN is our telephone number, or you can email a voicemail straight from your phone to jjgoe

at maximumfun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Hey, James. Hey, Nake. What we doing, girl? We are inviting the awesome listeners of Maximum Fun to join us at Minority Corner. Ooh, fun. But you know how we go on Tangent City. We're the joint mayors.

We're not going to do that, okay? Soup's focused. Okay, so Minority Corner is where you can all come and get your pop culture take. Plus, social commentary, news, and TV movie reactions like Avengers Endgame. No spoilers here. Ooh, snap. Sometimes we dig into the vaults and we review and recap those movies you missed. News and TV movie reactions like Avengers Endgame. No spoilers here. Ooh, snap. Sometimes we dig into the vaults and we review and recap those movies you missed.

Can I tell you, Halle Berry's kidnapped. I love how she always gives 1,000%. Like Beyonce. Did you see Homecoming on Netflix? She was burning it down like the Mother of Dragons. Have you seen the latest Game of Thrones? So good. Only thing missing? More black people.

What'd you think about Mayor Pete? Wait a minute, James! We went on a tangent? Yes. Ah well. Join us every Friday for Mayor Pete? Wait a minute, James. We went on a tangent? Yes. Ah, well. Join us every Friday for more tangents. On Maximum Fun.

Unless you wish you could trade in your own family for the Pearsons, Inside Pop is definitely not for you. Sean, that's a little extreme and also not quite true. Okay, Amita, how about Inside Pop is the podcast for people who love and appreciate the best pop culture has to offer. Oh, much better. In every episode, we interview the people who create the culture you crave. Past interviews include the production designer for Fargo and Tony DeCray from the DreamWorks story department. You'll also get the very best pop culture recommendations in our big sell segment. Plus the opinions of two TV producers who are pop culture obsessives and actually do wish Sterling K. Brown was our cousin.

Kissing cousins, that is. Listen to Inside Pop every other Wednesday on the Maximum Fun Podcast Network. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, daughter of 20 fathers, Gilbert. Keeper of the purse. Wow, he made a real bouillabaisse. That is really something. We'll never know which one it really is. Classic

fish stew situation. Nick Adams, you recently finished working on the television program Tuca and Birdie on the first season of Tuca and Birdie that's right I told you this via text message

but I'm going to say it for anybody who's at home listening for their benefit this show is such a fucking joy thanks man it is really something special it is a true expression of the actual genius of the actual genius Lisa Hanna-Walt. It is

funny and moving. It is about stuff. It's not like any other show I've ever seen. Including BoJack Horseman. From which it is directly descended in some ways. And yeah, it is a fucking delight. Thanks, man.

Congratulations, friend. It's on your Netflix boxes if you're interested in animation or ladies or ladies being friends. Oh, yeah. Friendship. Stuff like that. Friendship is very important. People laughing about things. If you like to laugh about things, it's a show you might be interested in. Sounds like something I would love.

If you're just wondering what Steven Yeun would be like if he was a bird. Yeah. Yeah. If you want to see animal and plant boobs. Yeah. Yes, I said plant boobs. That's all I'm going to say. There's a lot of plant boobs.

That's all I'm going to say. You're in there. Do I? There's this giant plant who lives upstairs, and she's like a really cool kind of like model type who sort of doesn't really talk to to them and it is the greatest thing she mostly just sits on the fire escape smoking and it is the greatest shit in the history of the world my my episode jennifer lewis does a voice in my episode and it's the greatest thing she makes the word leggings like the funniest thing in the world. Can you do it? I wrote leggings and she puts

like three extra syllables in it. Leggings! Amazing. It's so good. It is a wonderful television program. We're always grateful to have you. Thank you for filling in for Jordan this week. And the reason by the way, Jordan is working on

the television show that he works on today. This is something that we scheduled many months ago. But Jordan, unfortunately, couldn't leave work without getting fired. Yeah. Big-timed you. He big-timed you real good. And you were kind enough to use your free time to fill in for him. So I'm very grateful to you, Nick.

Thank you very much. My pleasure. Always fun. And, of course, there's no greater great than the great Elizabeth Gilbert. What? Literally no greater great? There's no greater great. Wow.

I'm going to take that in. Don't double back on this. Well, I'm thinking, number one, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Kind of in perpetuity. I could argue it, but I'm not going to. I mean, Kareem has also written books he's a novelist that's true

do you think you would be willing to as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar did write your own Holmes and Watson novel oh my god did he really no he's the greatest. Yeah.

And he wears sports goggles. So what could be better? Yeah, you're right. I feel like he doesn't wear sports goggles. He doesn't even wear glasses, does he? At first I was sad, but now I'm happy. Do you think Kareem got LASIK? I don't know.

Maybe he just calls them his cheaters. He just doesn't wear them that much. I don't think he wears glasses. He reads a book at arm's length. His arms would be long enough that he shouldn't have to have glasses. Whether near or farsighted, he should be able to read without glasses. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, ladies and gentlemen. What a giant.

What a giant to have the great Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on the program. A giant with retinas and corneas can't see everything? You have giant retinas and corneas can't see everything? You have giant retinas and corneas. Is that not how it works? Yeah, I think that is how it works. Everyone needs to run out and buy Liz Gilbert's brand new novel, which is called City of Girls. It is out now.

It is a beautiful book. It is a delightful book. And I think you should probably buy Liz Gilbert's other books as well because they also are great. I've read two of them. I haven't read all of them. She's written like seven or eight. But what are we looking at? Eight? Seven? Six? Nine?

She's written nine books. The instrumental stuff. How many has Kareem mentioned? You gotta unplug stuff. That counts as a separate novel. There was like a jazz fusion. Yeah.

The covers novel that you wrote. We gotta wrap this show up because Liz That counts as a separate album, a separate novel. There was like a jazz fusion. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, Liz. The covers, novel that you wrote. We got to wrap this show up because Liz has to go have lunch with, I'm going to say, Brene Brown, the founder of Zoroastrianism. And one of the ladies from the Marvel movies. I was going to say Michelle Obama, but yeah. No, the Marvel woman with the mantis is going to be in there. Mantis.

I'm just having lunch with a model with plant boobs. Yeah. Okay. Good enough. Our producer is Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. You can find us on Twitter with the hashtag JJGo. I'm at Jesse Thorne on Twitter. Nick is at Nick Adams Web, the name of his website from 15 years ago Liz Gilbert is at Gilbert Liz

because apparently her social media person couldn't pull enough strings it took me a long time to get on social media and it was all gone by then there's like a middle school teacher in Chicago who's like nope sorry sorry lady should have been quicker

it's mine you can also find us on reddit at maximumfun.reddit.com I go, he's like, nope, sorry. Sorry, lady. Should have been quicker. It's mine. You can also find us on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com. And you can like Jordan Jesse Go on Facebook. We love you all very much. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture.

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