Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 588: The Ghost Vote with Haley Mancini and Gina Ippolito

Episode Date: June 11, 2019

Haley Mancini and Gina Ippolito (B.A.B.E. Squad Graphic Novel) join Jordan for a discussion of the brilliance of Simpsons shitposting, everyone's lovely (and fat) cats, and Jordan's recent brush with a hipster dad at the barbershop. Plus, they get into the origins of Haley and Gina's graphic novel, B.A.B.E. Squad, that just came out!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Jesse Thorne is away this week. Where? I don't know. Again, I have not asked him because I am a bad friend. But you're a boy detective. That's true. That's part of your job.

Listen, there's an incident with a spooky carnival that I need to get to the bottom of. Yeah, yeah. So this Jesse thing. Low priority. Exactly. It's very low on my list. Well, yeah, because it's a friend case, you know, and those always have to come after the paid cases. Right. And the

carnival is paying me a lot of money to find out why it's so spooky around there. It's just spooky. It's like an amorphously spooky. It just feels spooky. Something feels not right. And we're going into carnival season, so we need to clear it all up. We really need to. The funnel cakes

are making people feel a little weird. I love that because there's definitely always those people that have the ghost stories that are like Okay, hold on. I have not introduced anybody. The show is not officially started. We're already ass deep

in delightful banter. But none of it counts because I haven't introduced anybody. Let me do that. Plug your ears until this part right now. Yeah, guys. Hopefully you weren't listening to any of that and being delighted by it, even though it was delightful. It truly was.

Let me introduce our guests. Two wonderful hosts. Two wonderful guests with me. The first guest is a returning favorite. Someone who had, I will say, an unusually strong first Jordan-Jessie-Go performance. Whoa. This is a complex show. Thank you.

It's a dance. It's a conversation. It is. It's a ballet. There's an essence that flows through it. And sometimes, and I'm glad you used the word essence, because that's actually what it is. There's an essence that is flowing through, like the mighty Mississippi. Oh, true.

Flows through this great nation of ours. Of course. Or part of it. The only part that matters, am I right? That's right. Let's hear it for the Mississippi. Old buddy, baby. Hey, hey.

Old man river. Sing it with me. Should we be singing this? Maybe we should. I feel like now. No. Okay. I don't know.

I think if we look back on it with a cynical eye, we can still sing it. There you go. We were mocking it. Yeah, there you go. There you go. We were holding up a mirror. Still haven't introduced me. Yes, the guest in question is a writer and the co-author of a hot new graphic novel entitled Babe Squad. Haley Mancini.

Hi, Haley. Good to have you back. Thanks for having me, Jordan. It's great to be back. People were very nice to me on Twitter after. They have been clamoring for your return. Oh, my goodness. And now they've got it.

I think they just want to know about Bebe and Woo. We'll get to it. We'll get to it. Oh, we'll get to it. Okay. Oh, yeah. Good. The second guest is a first timer.

Someone, it's get to it. Okay, good. Oh, yeah, good. The second guest is a first-timer. Someone, it's been too long. The show has been going on too long without you having been a guest, so I feel like I'm correcting an error here. Yeah. Yeah. Also a comedy writer. Also one of the co-authors of the hot new graphic novel, Babe Squad. What?

Gina Ippolito. Yay! Hi! Hi! Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here. First time, Babe Squad. Gina Ippolito. Yay! Hi! Hi! Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here. First time, long time. Sure.

First time guest, long time guest. Yeah, yeah. So you were saying about haunted carnivals. Oh, I was saying about haunted carnivals. I was referencing when people have ghost stories, and there's always somebody that wants to jump in, but it never really culminates. Like somebody has a legit thing where they're like a TV fell off a shelf. And we were like, holy shit. And then somebody is always like, yeah, I went to this.

People said this old insane asylum was haunted. And I mean, it was very scary. You could just feel how scary. People want to be involved in ghost stories. They want to have their own ghost story. They do. And you're like, yeah, but did you see anything? Did you feel anything?

I felt a little cold. I felt a cold spot. It was cold. It was cold. I felt a cold spot. And then the person before them was like, a banshee held me down. Ripped out my hair. It was cold. I called a cold spot. And then the person before them was like, a banshee held me down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ripped out my hair.

You know that scene in Ghostbusters with Dan Aykroyd? That was me. That was me. Now you're talking about, just to clarify which scene you mean. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of ghost parts in Ghostbusters. With Dan Aykroyd. Yeah, that's true.

He was in much of the film. That's true. So you're talking about the ghost blowjob. Yeah, yeah, ghost blowjob. Or ghost sex? I don't know if it's ever determined. Yeah, I guess people just assume that that is a blowjob. Because of the face he makes?

He makes a blowjob face? Yeah, a receiving a blowjob face. Yeah, yeah. That's true. That's true. But it could be sex. He could be ghost 69ing, for all we know. Oh.

Yeah. He could be. And that's just what he does. You know what? If he's polite to ghosts, he would be. Or he would at least give them the option. Yeah. He could be. And that's just what he does. You know what? If he's polite to ghosts, he would be. Or he would at least give them the option.

Yeah. At least, exactly. Exactly. Just let him know that he's woke. Yeah, yeah. Be like,

I'm open to it, ghost. Right. I care about your orgasm. That's right. It's not a relationship without mutual orgasms. Exactly. He put the head

in crystal head vodka when he let that ghost fuck his face I think we're off to a good start yeah definitely but you know what

his face felt cold oh right after the blowjob yeah if he got a ghost blowjob that would be a very cold blowjob that's true

so what if it was a fulfilling but cold blowjob. That's true. So what if it was a fulfilling but cold blowjob? Yeah. But I feel like it's like, you know, did you ever read one of those things in high school that was like, put an Altoid in your mouth when you give him a blowjob? Or like a Sertz. Really? It was like something you would read in like a Cosmo or something. Yeah, exactly.

It was like hot sex tip. Like you can play around with sensation if you put a Serts in your mouth. Or a cinnamon Altoids. Oh my god, that sounds dangerous. Yeah, I feel like you don't want cinnamon going in your pee hole. Of all the things you want in your pee hole. Well, I mean, listen, there's a porn category for everything, but most people don't want it. I think that's the cinnamon challenge online.

Oh my god. Yes, now it's moved away from how much cinnamon can you put in your mouth to how much cinnamon don't want. I think that's the cinnamon challenge online. Oh, God. Yes. Now it's moved away from how much cinnamon can you put in your mouth to how much cinnamon flavor can you have in your pee hole. They would always do it. Those magazines like Seventeen and YM were so ridiculous.

They constantly had to churn up new ways to say the exact same thing every single month. And we ate it up. We ate it up. I only subscribed for the Traumaramas, the embarrassing stories. Oh, I don't even. I do.

I do. Those were amazingly hilarious. They were so good. They always involved a period and a pool. Yeah. It was always like, yeah, yeah. I was at my first pool party, and of course I wore a bulky pad. Yeah, yeah.

And it floated to the top of the pool right in front of my crush. Which also could be a sex tip. That's true. Yeah, exactly. Turn to the next page to see how to get your crush with your pad. How to turn this trauma-rama into a sexy scenario. Assuming they were called sexy scenarios. It's so true.

Me and my high school girlfriend didn't fuck around. She put in an atomic warhead. Whoa. Yeah. She was hardcore and also wasn't real. I made up a person. So she's like a ghost. Yeah, a ghost.

And it comes full circle. Hey, there it is. A little spooky at that carnival. A lot of ghost girlfriends. That's why I'm at the carnival. It's just a bunch of single guys walking around saying they can't find their girlfriends and they don't have any. It's how everything feels spooky.

I got these two cotton candies. Who will have the other one? I guess I'll have to eat it, but boy, this feels uncomfortable. I hope I can find my girlfriend before the funnel cakes get cold. Better draw a pentagram on the floor. That'll do it. I think you, now Haley, something you alluded to, and I think we should, I think a box we should open. Okay.

Is that a big part of the reason your first appearance was so popular – I mean I would say that the primary reason is because of your delightful nature and sense of humor. Oh my gosh. But also I think our listeners, if I know them well, and I think that I do. I feel that you have a strong relationship. You give each other orgasms. Yes, sure. Yeah. And listen, if my listeners were ghosts, I would either blow them or perform cunnilingus on them or a third thing.

Or if it was just a platonic thing, I would listen with my heart open. Yes, exactly. It doesn't have to be sexual. I feel like these are your respective platforms for running for president. Listening with my heart open, making sure you get an orgasm. Mancini-Morris 2020. We split the ticket. That's it.

That's it. This is great. This is great. I like this. You heard it here first. You heard the announcement here first. Oh, actually, we were going to actually announce on CBS this morning. Oh, great. I like this. You heard it here first. You heard the announcement here first. Oh, actually, we were going to actually announce on CBS this morning. Oh, yeah, that's right.

So this is the unofficial announcement. Okay, great. We want to get Twitter abuzz first. Yeah. Hey, if you're out there, start that buzzin'. Start that buzzin'. Hashtag ManciniMorris2020. If you're a ghost, one of them will blow you.

We've got the ghost vote. Yes. This really speaks to me. We're taking the sideshow Bob method of voting. Yes. Where we register all the dead people in town to vote for us. I feel like I could have a beer with them.

Not snowball. Oh, this is, okay. Side note. Gina and I did Simpsons trivia the other day. Oh yes, we did. I know, I'm so sorry I missed that. I feel like you would have maybe helped us win. Yeah, we, we did. I know. I'm so sorry. I missed that. Yeah. I feel like you would have helped us.

You would have maybe helped us win. Really? Yeah, we kind of lost. We did good. We did well, yeah. Was there something you think I would have gotten? It was harder than I thought. I'm going to be honest.

They really cranked it up, I feel like. Which they need to because that crowd knows a lot of Simpsons. Oh, yeah. What was a tough one? It was like, so there was a round that was like, and I think you and I think all three of us in this room probably pride ourselves in knowing a lot about the Simpsons. Sure. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

And- Specific seasons of the Simpsons. Yes. Yeah, very specific. Was it past season 10? No, no. It was specifically season four. It was just season four.

Oh, my God. I wish I- I know. All right, all right. What were some of the tough all right you introduced me to the simpson shit posting facebook oh i know i love that book or that group that group so much just basically the old the i've never enjoyed shit posting so much i don't i don't understand a lot of them and i feel like an old person being like did did a robot make these? I love them.

I've made a lot of Lomer posts. There's like one screenshot. I mean, it's all just based on like silly screenshots that evolved into their own meme. But then there's also a friend added me to maybe the most specific page of all time, which is Simpsons drag race shitposting. So it's stuff from RuPaul's Drag Race combined with Simpsons memes. Oh, my God. This is the end of the internet here. It really – I know. It reached the end of the internet.

Yeah. I mean it's really like the permutations that we've gone through are getting ever more specific until we hit the singularity and explode. I'm going to do – But what was the one of the questions? Hold on. I'm going to do – I want to explain a Simpsons shitpost meme. So just to kind of explain where the Simpsons shitposting memes go. Don't tell them.

You go look it up, people. You go do this on your own. Oh, sure. We're giving you homework. Don't lean on Jordan for every little thing. If on your own. We're giving you homework. If you listen to this podcast, you get homework. And if you don't look up, you don't look it up, you unsubscribe.

You unsubscribe. That's it. This backfired horribly. If you've used our promo code for any products, like Casper mattresses, you return them. Yeah, take it back. Take it back. Boy, those Casper mattresses are so comfortable. That's right. And they come in a box.

Are they our sponsor this week? Who knows? Oh, no. I hope so. So, there's a... So, do you guys remember the episode where Homer falls in love with Mindy? Yes. Of course. The, like, foxy...

I sing that to my cat every night. Yay! Aw. Yeah. I sing it to him. Hey, Merlin. He likes it to my cat every night. Yay! Aw. Yeah, I sing it to him. Hey, Merlin. He likes it. You came and you gave me a turkey. Oh, my God.

On my vacation away from worky. Oh, Merlin. So, basically, an example is, so, you know, the, so, when Homer falls in love with Mindy, the, like, foxy new hire at the power plant. Yeah. And they go on this romantic business trip to Capital City. Yeah. And there's this part where she's like.

The windy apple. The windy apple. There's this part where she she's like, we've got to do it. We've got to be a little wicked. And he thinks he's talking about sex. And then she's like, let's call room service. Yeah. So an example of a Simpsons shitpost meme is,

so the first panelist, Mindy, is like, let's be a little wicked. We got to do it. The next panelist, Mindy, with Senator Palpatine's head. So we got to do it. We got to be a little wicked. Let's execute Order 33. See, that's a good one.

The order to kill all the Jedi. Oh, we know. I didn't. I'm not going to lie. You guys big prequel heads? I'm wearing a Star Wars t-shirt right now. You sure are. Gina's a huge Star Wars fan.

She's a very large. Gina's 17 feet tall. I know none of you can see me, but just trust it. And I know my voice just got deeper. She pitches it up. She inhales a bunch of balloons before she just popped out. Yeah, yeah. I inhale helium, but we're starting to run low.

That's right. My giant voice is coming out. It happens when I drink, too. My giant voice is coming out. It happens when I drink too. Bop, bop, bop, bop. So a big part of the reason that your appearance was so popular is because we got to hear about your two cats. BB. BB-8 and Wu-Tang.

That's right. And I think if there's – and I've been saying this. I know our listeners. There's something they like. It's stories about cats with cute names. Aww. So I thought – Well, I thought maybe we could bring Gina's cat Merlin

into this. I've got two cats, Merlin and the doctor. Now, tell me about I've met Merlin. I don't know if I've met the doctor. Yes, Merlin's the OG. Merlin is grumpy and old and chubby. And to exercise him, I got Doc.

Uh-huh. And she really likes to play with him and cuddle with him and bounce on him. Mm-hmm. And he is not a fan of it. And he makes a noise that Haley refers to as, like, the Marge Simpson noise. Yeah. When Gina's impersonating Merlin, she goes, well, then he'll go. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's his, like, warning that he doesn't want her around. And she doesn't care. She's like, I'm going to sit here and try and. You're not performing that operation yourself. Homer. Homer. Homer.

Okay, send him in. Yeah, so it took them a little while, but they finally sort of get along. Although Merlin is much chiller. Merlin wants to chill much more, and Doc wants to play much more. How old is Doc? Doc is a little over, she's like one and a half. Okay. I got her a little over a year ago.

Yeah. She's very tiny. She's still small. Yeah, she's small like Woo. They make quite the pair. Yeah, we decided that Bebe and Merlin are boyfriend-girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah.

Now, how did you come to that decision? Because they're both big. They're both big. They're both fluffy. Yeah, pretty much that's it. I mean, that's all it takes for a successful relationship, right? Yeah, I think that's as good a foundation as any. They love food.

Yeah, I think if you have that. You're a food as any. They love food. Yeah. I think if you have that. Or a foodie couple. Right. Yeah. And you both know if you want kids or not. And if you're both the member of the same Harry Potter house. Yeah.

That's true. That's true. What are they? I feel like, oh, man. Like Hufflepuff. I was going to say Hufflepuff, but that seems too pathetic for, oh, did I just insult all the Hufflepuffs out there? All the Hufflepuffs out there. They're proud Hufflepuffs.

I feel like Merlin's a little grumpier than. But what's the grumpy house? It must be the one that's like in Eastern Europe, whatever the other, the non-Hogwarts, you know, the other Hogwarts that's in Eastern Europe. Durmstrang. Is that what it is? Okay, cool. So there's probably a grumpy house.

Ah, they are the grumpiest. Yeah. I like magic, but I am not happy about it. Come from Iron Curtain and try to make me smile. I do not enjoy wands. These wands I do not like. Our motto is magic is for pussies. Yeah, it's the Victor Crumhouse. Our cats are in the Victor pussies. Yeah, it's the Victor Crum house.

Our cats are in the Victor Crum house. Haley, how are Bebe and Wu-Tang doing these days? They're great. Let's see. Wu's been getting a little tubby, which is a little disappointing. I started working her out a little bit more.

We've been laser pointing. She's so greedy. Bebe doesn't eat that much. She's just big boned, you know? But Lou is just like a fucking trash goblin. She just eats whatever. You know, I'm lucky because Doc does not like Merlin's food. And I put Doc's food on the counter because Merlin will eat anything.

If you drop it on the ground, he's like, this is mine now. No matter what it is. And he will just sit his entire body on top of that food so you can't get to it. Oh, no. And then as soon as you leave, he eats it from under his belly. Merlin. Yeah. Well, I mean, I will say like say like oh i will say this so if there's a new story to to give

for them i mean well woo's always out and about everybody like everybody likes her uh and then is she always bb bb arrives into the room like norma desmond and i think gina can test to this because she, Bebe won't, she'll like, as soon as she hears the doorbell ring, she's like, goodbye. I gotta get out of here. And then, like, I'm getting the vapors. I have to lay on my chaise lounge.

My chaise lounge. My smelling salts. And then, like, 30 minutes after a guest comes, Bebe decides that it's okay. And she enters, but she poisons herself precisely in the middle of the hallway and sits there. And then until I notice her, and then I'm like, oh, hi, Bebe. It's like I've announced her. And then she's like, oh, right.

And then she comes in. Bebe Mancini of the Los Angeles Mancini. Oh, do you have company? I had no idea. I had no idea. I had no idea. I threw on this old thing. Exactly. Perhaps you'd like to hear me play the harpsichord.

I'm ready for my close-up. And so then she comes in. And so I had, we had like a, I did Boom Chicago in Amsterdam, which is this comedy theater where you get paid to do improv. It's very nice. I did that for a while. And so everybody, when they come back to America, it stays pretty close. And we had a Koningsdag celebration, which is King's Day.

And the people that are next door to me in my apartment building are also Boom Chicago people. So we opened, we kind of had it between the two. And one of the girls came. So what happens in this festival okay so if you're in amsterdam what happens is well if you're in the netherlands at all everybody wears orange and it's just a huge day-long party everybody's out and the the old idea of it is that taxes for the day are lifted so there's no taxes on anything so like buy a ton

of crap yeah it's like a big garage sale, basically. It's like everything is the duty-free shop? Yeah, pretty much. I have so much vodka in CK1. Exactly. It's so weird. You can get just anything. As many Toblerones as you want.

Whatever you want. And people will get rid of whatever they have, and there's kind of a carnival and the boats are all out and like kids will dance and, or sell their, like they'll sell their stuffed animals, their old stuffed animals and stuff. Monsters. Monsters.

Well, that's like, they're making a good buck on it. It's a symbol of growing up. I'm putting away my childish thing. I may or may not, I may or may not have been on drugs during that day when I lived in Amsterdam. One of us in this booth is a narc.

Oh, gosh. Jordan. Or is it the fan? There's an ionic fan in here. No, I'm cool. I love to get fucked up. Is that dope? You're smoking?

I sure like the name of your supplier. I'm hip. I love rap. All right. I love rap. This fan's cool. This fan's all right. He's got a weird mustache on though.

It is real. Started hanging out with the fan. Everybody's been ditching me for the fan. It's got a weird mustache on, though. It is real. Started hanging out with the fan. Everybody's been ditching me for the fan. It's so popular. I've got a Nintendo Switch. Sorry. What's your Pokemon Go code? There's a little girl selling all of her old stuffed animals.

This girl and her sister, and they're called Canoe Fools. So it's like they're getting to that age where they can sell them. And my boyfriend and I at the time were like potentially out of our mind, theoretically out of our minds on drugs. You can say you were out of your mind. OK, we were out of our mind on drugs. And so we were like and they're selling them for like a euro a piece maybe or something like that. And there's a bunch of there's like, you know, 10 of them or something. a piece maybe or something like that.

And there's a bunch of, there's like, you know, 10 of them or something. And you know that their parents were like, go do that because that'll keep them busy all day. We can sit over here and have some beers. We don't have to mess up their plans. So we threw, we were like, here's 50 euros. We'll take them all. And they were like,

what? And we'll rip off the heads in front of you. And they were like, what? And we're like, yep, all of them. And then you could just see them. And then we packaged them up. And then you saw them run back to their parents. And their parents were like, what?

And they look over at us. And they look back. And they're like, you could just see them process that. All right, that was the distraction for the day. Gone. And so they're just stuck with the kids. And we're messed up on drugs. And we're messed up on drugs. And you're messed up on drugs, so you're not going to talk me out of it.

This is the whole reason we did this. Yeah, pretty much. We thought we bought at least three hours worth of shrooming. Yeah, exactly. I know. So soon they just, these poor kids going back and forth between adults on drugs. So wait, so when you threw the King's Day party at your apartment complex, what did you guys do? So what happened?

Oh, we just— Just douche rooms and buy stuff from each other? Yeah, it was great. No taxes, man. A far tamer, less interesting version of it was just basically using it to catch up with each other and have some beers. That sounds nice. But it was very nice. So this girl, Jen Burton, very funny lady, comedian, comes over into my apartment near the end.

And we're just kind of chilling and talking. And I had the cats locked up for a while. And so then the doors were closed and I opened it. And she was mid-sentence to me. And she turns and sees – and Woo's, of course, already bouncing around. She turns and sees Bebe. And she goes – she's like, so like so anyway i that cat is so fluffy and then everything stopped and she had to take a do a photo shoot with bb oh my god bb's so fat

and fluffy and then bb of course flopped around on the ground really showed her tummy off yeah that's one of my favorite moves exactly are you do. Exactly. Do either of your guys' cats, or any of your guys' cats, are they in the bed sleepers? Oh, yeah. Both of my cats are in the bed sleepers. Absolutely. Yeah. Have you tried to reverse that? No, I want them in that bed.

Yeah, why would? I'm not a monster. No. What's going on with you? So, Jordan, I'm turning into a monster. Oh, i got a bigger bed man i got bit by this other monster oh right good bug this is bugs well here's the thing it's like bug is bug has been interested in the bed for about a year now okay okay and yes there's part of me that's like, this is great. Look at this little butt in here. What?

Curling up, nose to tail. That's cute. But that's really cute. Making biscuits. I love that. Yeah, wait. Why would you not? All right.

I'm only listing the pros. Okay. But lately, oh, boy, around 530, she has gotten the let's play bug, if you will. Yeah. And it's pretty consistent now. It used to be she would sleep, you know, kind of the time I was sleeping. And I'm kind of an early riser anyways. But now about 530, she's like, time to party.

Have you tried just putting down some food and then letting her like at 530, she eats it, tires herself out and then takes a nap? Oh, maybe. That's what I do. That's what I do. 530 a.m. feeding time? Yeah, that's what I do. She just may want to eat a little earlier.

But I'm also awake then. I guess I just don't want to like. You can't go back to bed? It's a little hard for me. Oh. Yeah. So, but yeah, I feel like it's. You should just adjust your clock and start waking up at 530 to play with your Oh. Yeah. So, but yeah, I feel like it's- You should just adjust your clock and start waking up at 5.30 to play with your cat.

That's it. Yeah. I should get on her time. Simple answer. No, you're right. I don't know. I feel like I kind of trained myself back to, like, I'd feed them and then I would have trouble going back to sleep.

Yeah. But now I have no problem with it. Yeah. I don't have- and they'll wake me up at all hours because Merlin will want some food or Doc will want to play. But there's nothing quite like getting in bed. As soon as I get in bed now, like Doc takes a little while to – I'll try and put her in the bed and she'll be like, no, I want to go of my own accord. So she'll jump down. I want to go in two minutes.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But Merlin, as soon as he hears me get into bed and turn my bedside lamp off, he comes up. He waddles up. He's got pet steps because he's old. Oh, BBS pet steps. Cute. And he's chubby and old.

So you hear the flump, flump, flump on the little pet steps. And he gets on the bed. And then he comes up right by my pillow, flops over, just totally like earthquake flopping and then immediately starts purring and making biscuits. And now that's like how I fall asleep. Oh, okay. It's like the purring in my ear sort of helps me fall asleep. Yeah.

My man. Yeah. But I will say that sometimes I wake up and they'll both be on either side of me and I feel like I'm in a coffin. That's true. You'll panic. Yeah, yeah. Did I die?

Am I dead? Yeah. Hey, what a way to go, huh? Buried alive by cats. And I guess I do worry about that in terms of dating. And like, okay, it's like if you are dating another cat person and they come over to your house and then your cat gets up in their zone, great. We all love it. We're having fun.

High fives. If they're not cat people. Right. Or a cat skeptic. Or they think it's a little weird. Yeah. Yeah. I've dated.

I've gone on a couple days with people who were straight up allergic to cats. Yeah. And I was like, I have allergy meds. But other than that, you're going to have to deal with it. Sure. Right. And there's a lot of people that really – I mean, this is no offense. There are some people that really have, like, such bad asthma from cats.

Sure. Absolutely. This is not to discount these people. I haven't dated one of those. No. But there are so many people – and I'm sorry, guys, like, not to put you on blast, but, like, this is – it's always dudes – because girls will come over to my house if they're allergic and, like, my friend Lelele and she'll just take an Allegra or whatever.

And the amount of guys that I've like – like the amount of guys I've dated. But like the amount of dudes that have come over to my house and are like, oh, I don't take allergy meds. And I'm like, what the fuck do you think this is going to do to you? I would never swallow a tiny pill. Maybe the tiniest of all pills. By the way, not to generalize. Did you take a birth control? Also, not to generalize, but I feel like all those dudes smoke hella weed.

They smoke so much weed, yes. They're like, I don't want to put anything in my body. Anything not natural. Anyway, I took four shots before I came over. Anyway, time to take a rip off my giant vape rig. Yeah, exactly. But I'm pretty sure it's natural. Yeah, exactly.

That's right. It's like, that's natural. It's all natural. It's natural. And it's always the same type of dudes. It's like why we can't get male birth control legalized, for sure. Where you're like, dude, i'm taking some weird ass i took like that birth control for a while where they were like then it went on all the legal commercials were like did you take it oh yeah yeah i did we can get

you money oh that's your bad why did you kill an entire building full of people while taking your birth control you maybe owed money did, but it was reasonable. Yeah, right. Yes, exactly. That is a, it's like, yes, you're, listen, you're over at the home. Yeah. Of a new lover. Of a new lover.

Have a Claritin. Have a Claritin. You'll be fine. Take that, take that Claritin. Have some biscuits made on you. Yeah. Yeah. I will say, like, most i will say like most of the dudes most of the dudes have been cool like i'll be like do you want me to get my giant cat off of

your black jacket and they're like well i am allergic and i'm like oh my god i'm so sorry and they're like it's fine yeah it's fine now smooch me yeah yeah i have i definitely had a like online date a couple of years ago with this with this woman. And we were just like it was just one of those where you're just like, man, we we just can we can we is there anything we can talk about? You know, it's one of those things was like it's kind of clear 10 minutes in that we didn't have a lot to do. But it's like we ordered a meal. The meal was coming. It's like, let's let's have a nice time.

Let's have a nice time. You know, who knows? You know, so it was just this thing of like oh i mean if you i feel like if you get into what tv shows are you watching 15 minutes into the day like that is like yeah that's such a like your reserve question yeah i mean, yes, if streaming television comes up too quick, like, everyone just get out of there. Just call it a day. That's so funny. Fake food poisoning. Game of Thrones finale, what did you think? Did Daenerys flip too quick?

Yeah. Boy, it's been the rainiest year here in L.A. Sure. Do you think Orange is the New Black is still good? Or does it get bad? Or is it bad? Or money you? But, you know, we were just kind of in that zone of like nothing. Just nothing was connecting.

Which app did you guys meet on? Oh, boy. That's a good question. Two years ago, maybe Tinder? Yeah, it was a couple of years ago. Okay. It was two years ago, so it was MySpace. Yeah.

I got it. Cool, cool. She was top eight. Yeah, she was one of of years ago. Okay. So it was two years ago, so it was MySpace. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. Cool, cool. She was top eight. Yeah, she was one of my top eight. Sweet, sweet. Okay, so you guys were in this zone. But I'm more of a bottom eight, if you know what I mean. What does that mean?

Who knows? I'm a switch eight. Yeah. So I'm like, pets. Who doesn't love talking about pets? Oh, yeah, sure. So I'm like, oh, you know any pets she's like i have a dog i'm hey let me see some photos we go photos dog dog looks great good and then i'm like

she's like do you have any pets i'm like oh yeah i actually have a cat uh cats and then she did the moth style monologue about how much cats suck oh no it's. With, like, beets. It had beets. And she wasn't, like, even a... What the... Yeah, she was testing out her one-woman show. Yeah, it felt like that. She put on different hats. The truth about dogs and dogs. Sure, yeah.

And I'm like, why are you doing this to me? Like, what? Oh, I hate this. You know I have one. It's not an accident. That's so weird. Also, like, what is with... Listen, I understand our country is divided.

Sure. But what is with the people that feel like it has to be one or the other? It is very weird. I grew up with dogs, and that's, like, what I was used to. But then in L.A., I was like, I don't know how to make a dog work in an apartment. It's tough. So I got a cat. I had never had a cat before, and now I'm a total cat person, but I still squeal and delight anytime I see a dog.

And it is very weird that people are like – I think it's even a question on some dating apps. It's like dog person or cat person. It is. It actually kind of freaks me out a little bit. I definitely quietly judge a person that's like one or the other because I'm like, I see myself having a menagerie. Sure. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

A peacock, perhaps. I don't know. I will not stop. A marmot. Yeah. Yeah. It is very strange. I don't trust those people.

I mean, I think that like that, like the monologue thing is like. That's really. What did you do after that? You just ate your food in silence? Yeah. Just kind of moved on. That is weird. Oh, that's rough.

Jordan's like, well, here we are. Eight months later, I'm still laying it. Do you think Breaking Bad will ever come back? Jordan's like, can you girls help me break up with her? That's what I'm here for. I felt the need to fix it, and I'm still here. I'm actually telling her on the podcast. Honey, it's been eight wonderful months, but I'm still mad about the cat monologue.

Yeah. You go home and she's like, joke's on you. I don't listen to your podcast, honey. I think it's bad. You're right. She got a point. I think that those like monologues and I think I will liken this to something else I have complained about on the show before. It's like people who will like do the big prepared song and dance about like regional food.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. The bagels in L.A. Oh, that thing. The pizza. The burritos in L.A. And it's like, all right. Why?

You're saying that actually like made me feel exhausted. Yeah. It's – right. And it's like, all right. Why? You're saying that actually made me feel exhausted. Yeah. Right. And that's what it is. It's draining. It is draining. It's like a leech is on your neck and it's yelling at you and it won't let you talk. In a New York accent.

Right. Because it thinks the burritos are. I'm a leech over here. Someone pay attention to me. The water in the bagel. Absolutely. When I first moved out water in the bagel. Absolutely. When I first moved out here, I hated L.A. And I think I spent a solid two years being kind of a shithead about it.

And then looking back on it, I'm like, ugh, I must have just been intolerable. I mean, we've all done it. We've all done it. I mean, I think definitely when you move to a new place, especially like there's a lot of like complicated, lame shit about living in L.A. Sure. There just is. And it's like it is.

It's real. It's totally real. Absolutely. But the like, I'm going to live here but complain about it anyway. Oh, yeah. It's like, all right, we need to either move away. Yeah. Right.

Or stop yelling at me. Find your radical acceptance. Sure, yeah. I liked L.A. from the minute I was here. That's right. Gina hates New York. This is so funny. Gina is like Homer Simpson.

She fucking hates New York. I hate it with the passion of a thousand suns. That's pretty hot. And then she had to work there for six months last year. And so she had to fly both the cats. I flew up Doc on a separate flight. Haley flew up Doc. I flew up Merlin. And what a wild time it was.

It was, yeah, it was a nightmare. It was a nightmare. And then flying the back was terrible. I got all scratched up. Doc scratched my tit. Oh, no. Oh, no. A tit scratch.

Yeah, and it's one of those things that when like, when you wear, like, a low-cut top, you're like, I swear this is a cat scratch on my boob. Not anything weird. Not a, sure, not a glimpse into my lifestyle. And not that there's anything weird. Yeah, I know. That's true. If people want a tit scratch in their own time.

Yeah, yeah. As long as everybody's getting mutual orgasms yeah yeah everybody as long as stevie morris 2020 more tit scratches for all tiny american flags for some listening with my heart open and i will give you an orgasm oh but so the the thing about the like complaining about regional food is like i think it is i think a lot of people when they are not funny when they are not funny people but they want to like entertain a crowd oh they will go into this zone of like the prepared complaint yes and i think they think it's like a it's like it's a it's a rant it's a rant and i have a theory on this please it is 90 of the comics that come out of boston they're all like their og stuff is all predicated on how boston is somehow fucking better than

everywhere else i swear to god go to an open mic night i went to it every time i've ever gone to one in la to like i don't really do stand up so i'm just a keen observer but when i've gone to ones in la and then i went to one over Christmas in Denver where I'm from. And there's another. But every single time it's like it's just they come from Boston. They go to a new town. And then their whole thing is, hey, I'm annoyed. But it comes with this accent.

So fuck you. This actually makes a lot of sense. That woman I was on a date with who. Was she from Massachusetts? She was Dennis Miller. Oh, shit. Dennis Leary. Dennis Leary.

OK, my joke was OK. Pretend go back and pretend I said Dennis Leary. I didn't know the difference. I assume they're both from. OK, thanks. Actually, honestly, Dennis. Yeah. Dennis Miller sounds like he's from Cambridge and Dennis Leary could be a Southie.

OK, there you go. Yeah. Dennis Miller has the arrogance of somebody from Cambridge. Dennis Leary has the arrogance of somebody that's a Southie. Yeah. I'm going to get torn up. Listen, guys, I still love Boston. I went to Boston College.

I had a great time. But I think we all need to agree on this about the Boston Comics complaining. And then they evolve past it. Then they evolve, hopefully, they evolve past the complaining part. But that is how they all literally start. I don't know. I don't know if I've ever seen a Boston comic, to be honest. I've seen too many. Listen, I'll just...

Probably boned too many. Let's say... Some of I've been accused of it. Let's say that all of these meccas are beautiful places in their own right. They truly are. They all have wonderful food. Absolutely. And let's all just agree that I said Dennis Leary first and not

Dennis Miller, making that joke all the more impressive. We were going to take a little break and we'll be back in just a minute on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Yeah, that's right. We're taking a break live at MaxFunCon. We made everybody, we made 300 people in the hallway be quiet so that we could do this.

How you doing out there, everyone? Hey! That was John Roderick being a jerk. I liked it. I thought it was fun. Well, I didn't say I didn't like it. Okay. It was classic Roderick.

You know, every week, Jordan, Jesse, Go is brought to you by all the Maximum Fun members who go to MaximumFun.org slash donate and join Maximum Fun. This week, we also have two awesome sponsors. Yes. The first one will be familiar to our listeners. It's the good folks at ZipRecruiter.

Oh, the crute. We love the crute. Love the crute. Here's something, Jesse. Yeah, we've been talking a lot about, like, I'm a small business owner, right? We've been talking a lot about how great ZipRecruiter is for recruiting employees if you're a small business owner. But it turns out they've got this app, Jordan. Yeah. If you are out there and you need a job or you need a job, you don't like your current job and you want to get the H out of there.

Yeah. H stands for heck. That's right. Well, come on, Jesse. Don't swear. In some cases, it stands for who's gal. If you want to find a job, you know it can be a lot of work. But here's what you're going to want to do.

You're going to want to download ZipRecruiter's app. It's a personal recruiter to help you find a better job using their patented matching technology. I love that technology. Oh, my goodness. Download the ZipRecruiter app. Let it know what kinds of jobs you're interested in, and it puts your profile in front of employers. If an employer likes your profile, ZipRecruiter lets you know if you're interested in the job and you can apply. That's when you send a message that says, Netflix and chill? Right. All the fun of dating apps being applied to the job search. Our listeners should download the free number one rated ZipRecruiter job search app today and let the power of technology work for you.

Yeah, stop fighting technology. Now, Jordan. Let it help you. Yeah. God, so tired of the war against the robots. Give in. We're also brought to you this week by our friends at Arm & Hammer Cloud Control Cat Litter. Jordan, you're a cat owner.

Jesse, I'm a cat owner, and I won't shut up about it. I know, and you also are, something that you're constantly railing against, of course, is clouds. I love, I hate clouds as much as I love cats. Yeah. And I love cats. You love cats very much. No, my cat bug is, she's my world.

I love her little paws. I love how she sleeps. And I love how when she's is, she's my world. I love her little paws. I love how she sleeps. And I love how when she's hungry, she goes, meow. It's the best. Love that cat. But what I do not like so much is cleaning out her litter box. Not my favorite chore. But the good folks at Arm & Hammer have created a new cloud control litter.

So there's no cloud of nasties. Oh, I hate those nasties. I hate nasties. I hate how they travel in clouds. This product is 100% dust free. It's free of heavy perfumes, which is great because sometimes cat litter is perfumed and it makes your house smell like a weird coffin. Yeah, one concern is stank. I mean, you've got, one concern is stank.

I mean, you've got to be concerned about stank. Not only is it 100% dust-free, free of heavy perfumes, and it helps reduce airborne dander from the scooping, so what happens in the litter box stays in the litter box. It's like Vegas in that way. I honestly don't know what happens in litter boxes. You don't want to know. Okay.

It's nasty. Yeah. So you're going to want to check out the new Cloud Control Cat Litter by Arm & Hammer. More power to you. That's fantastic. And Jordan, the Summer Boys of Summer Tour is at hand. It's this week and two weeks from now

we are traveling this great nation bringing you our entertainment. Minneapolis, Minnesota, June 12th. Chicago, Illinois, June 13th. Seattle, Washington, June 12th. Chicago, Illinois, June 13th. Seattle, Washington, June 14th. Portland, Oregon, June 15th. What a beautiful set of cities that is. Amazing cities, great food scenes.

Oh, God, yeah. Beautiful skylines. Have you heard about food trucks? No, I haven't. I hope someone in Portland will tell me about them. June 26th, Brooklyn, New York. June 27th, Boston, Massachusetts. June 26th, Brooklyn, New York. June 27th, Boston, Massachusetts. June 28th, Washington, D.C.

And June 29th in Austin, Texas. We've got a lot of great guests for those shows, including in Seattle, Mr. John Roderick. Boo! Wow! Dissenting opinion about John Roderick. You can find out more at MaximumFun.org slash Summer Boys of Summer.

But the time to prevaricate is gone. Now is the time to act. Go buy your tickets. Don't be a dope. Grab those ticks. Don't be a dope. This is going to be the highlight of your year. Yeah, nothing's going to be more fun than this.

Oh, jeez. All downhill from this. Your sister's going to get married, and this is going to be better than that. Yeah, although we don't have an open bar. Yeah, that's true. That's fair. You have to buy your drinks. So, yeah, no live band either. We'll don't have an open bar. Yeah, that's true. That's fair. You have to buy your drinks.

So yeah, no live band either. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Haley Mancini, girl sitting next to boy detective. I'm Gina Ippolito, cat wrangler.

Indeed. Gina Ippolito, cat wrangler. Indeed. Gina Ippolito, tit scratcher. I'm Haley Mancini, cat transporter. That's the next transporter movie. Right. Statham's out. Haley's in. That's right. I have to get

this cat across the country. And I have to kick a bunch of other cats while I'm wearing a suit. Oi, oi, mate. This cat across the country. And I have to kick a bunch of other cats. While I'm wearing a suit. Oi, oi, mate. Oi, mate. Oi, mate.

I gotta get these cats. I gotta get them over. I gotta get all these cats on this plane. Get them across the country before it's too late. I'm wearing a suit, but I'm doing high kicks. Why do my pants don't rip? Why do they don't rip? I don't know. They're yoga pants. Wearing my pants don't rip? Why do they don't rip? Why don't I?

They're yoga pants. Wearing yoga pants with a blazer, mate. Gotta get these cats across the state lines. You know, they do have, like, these ads always come up on Facebook where it's like, they're trying to show, like, yoga work pants for women sort of thing. And then it's always like a woman in an office like a CEO type office being like yay and like lifting her leg over her head. Oh yeah.

That's how I work. Yep. You love to do high kicks in your office. Yeah I do it. I like to show everyone who's boss. Gina Ippolito

and Haley Mancini are of course the authors of the hot new graphic novel Babe Squad available at an internet retailer near you. Yeah you can get it on Amazon. Yeah, Target, BarnesandNoble.com.

Yep. Do you want to give us a quick synopsis of Babe Squad? Sure. Okay, so it's basically Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles meets Sex and the City, but way more violent than Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, like bloody. And way sexier than Sex and the City.

Yeah. Makes Sex and the City look like fucking church. That's right. So it's like four aspiring models get pushed off the highest catwalk in the world into a vat of radioactive furs. So they come out half sexy model, half grotesque mutants. Yeah. And now they are fighting crime with the help of their sensei, who is half toilet. That's right. That's Beep Squad. That's Beep Squad. Beep Squad. Available. Yeah, and now they are fighting crime with the help of their sensei, who is half-toilet.

That's right. That's Beep Squad. That's Beep Squad, baby. Available at an internet retailer near you. We're very mature. Also, Haley reminded me that I should tell the listener what one of the hard questions at Simpsons Trivia was. And tell me. And tell you. And just tell me, because it's also been

on my mind. So there was a part where they showed a bit like a clip from The Simpsons and you had to say what it was a parody of. What was the clip? That was hard.

It was really hard. What was the clip? What was the clip? So it was a list of them and like, you know, some of them were easy, some of them were like... Okay, this is why it was hard.

Yeah. It was because it was one of them was Homer getting ready to watch Marge in a streetcar named Desire. Okay. And he's playing with the newspapers. And he's playing with the newspapers? Maybe it's like his program that he's messed up. Oh, he's like flipping it around, isn't he?

Yeah, he's very lazily sort of like blowing on it and very bored. Whoa. So what is that a parody of? Would you know? What? We did not know. Wait. Why would that be?

It's a two-second shot. Yeah, that's a two-second shot. It was very specific. Wait, what was it? Citizen Kane. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Wait, what was it? Citizen Kane. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Yeah.

You know what? They tapped on Citizen Kane a couple times during that season because Rosebud is in that season as well. Go to hell, you old bag.

One, two, three, four. Happy birthday to you. From the Ramones. Smithers, have the Rolling Stones killed. So, on this program, something we like to do is open up the phone lines to our listeners who give us a call at 206-984-4FUN. And we like to hear about all their momentous occasions. Brian, why don't you play that first one?

Hi, JJ Go. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. I love your voice. This is is Matt in Ithaca New York we have the best postal employees in America in my opinion it's a beautiful sunny spring day just got out teaching Friday afternoon 75 degrees driving home and I see the first mailman his sleeves are curt like cuffed up up to his shoulders like he's, like, a greaser from the 50s. And I give him finger guns, and he gives me finger guns back, wearing shades. Cool dude.

Second postal employee carrying, like, a huge, huge box. I honk, and I wave, and they put the box on on the ground and they give me double arm waves. I'm like feeling hot. This is great. And then I come rolling around the corner approaching my house. And it's the cool male woman or female man, as Bart would say. Hey. We were just talking about that.

And I honk and I wave my arms as hard as I can. We were just talking about that. And I honk, and I wave my arms as hard as I can, and she gives me the, like, slayer horns, and she takes her hand, and she starts, like, scrubbing her private area and nodding her head, wearing her shades. I am just blessed, blessed for the weekend. Oh, God.

Oh, man. Have a great weekend. Wow. That took me on quite a journey. That was a real wild ride. It's like a nice three beats. But also, I just imagine this guy being like, he waves to one, then he's like, another mailman. Yeah.

Can I up it? Yeah. Confidence grows. Let's keep this going. Yeah, I mean, listen. I'm glad these worked out well. Yes. I can't say I approve

of randomly hawking at people on the streets. Yeah, I would not like that. Especially government employees. In this case, it sounds like it turned out okay. Also, that's a lot of mailmen to see on one drive. I'm not gonna lie. I thought it was gonna end with, like, he had a lot of mailmen to see on one drive. I'm not going to lie.

I thought it was going to end with like he had a bag of fast food on his trunk and they were all trying to warn him and he didn't know or like his baby was up there. Gina's always thinking

of the twist. Yeah, yeah. M. Night Shyamalan over here. Sure, check out Shyamalan with the baby on the car. Turns out there was a baby on the car the whole time. That would be great if he told this story in this cool way.

He's like, yeah, and they were tipping their shades, giving me the devil horns. And then I got home and my baby died. My baby fell off the roof. And I asked them, why did you do that? And they were like, until I warn you. I wiggled my eyebrows after I put my shades down a little bit. I was making cool gestures. I wiggled my eyebrows after I put my shades down a little bit.

I was making cool gestures. Yeah, I mean, I also like the idea of the cool Fonz-style mailman. I do, too. My mail carriers could step it up. I agree. Yeah. I agree. Yeah.

I do have one on my block that is always blasting AM talk radio out of a bad speaker. What? That's pretty speaker. Oh, God. What? That's pretty cool. Oh, yeah. I will say the guy who delivers my Chewy packages from FedEx is cool as hell. Oh, yeah? He's always like, got another one for you, Gina. It's a heavy one today.

Oh, my gosh. What is a Chewy package? Oh, my gosh. You don't use Chewy? Chewy is the best. I don't use Chewy. It's all pet stuff. And so you can have kitty litter delivered to your house.

I have my cat's food delivered there they have delightful toys that users rank and their customer service is fabulous wow yeah

by the way I feel like we should be giving out a promo code I know yeah by the way if you search for our comic book on Amazon

there's a thing that shows up that's either the customers also bought that shows up that the customers also bought that shows up for ours is a cat toy. Yeah, that Haley and I have both bought. I have bought it

multiple times. Oh, me too. It's the Cat Chaser. The Cat Chaser. Made in the USA. So you guys have a... You know who the audience is. Yeah, exactly. We know what our cross streets are. How's that chaser working out for you? I played with it with Bebe and Woo before I left because I was like, Woo's getting a little chunky. Yeah, exactly. We know what our cross streets are. How's that chaser working out for you? I played with it with Bebe and Woo before I left because I was like, Woo's getting a little chunky.

Yeah, Doc loves it. Doc will bring it. Like, I will wake up and it will be on me. Yes, they carry it around. Merlin looks at it and is like, what else do you got? A Merlin. Yeah. The Rambo of cats.

Yeah, he doesn't. Maybe he would play with it if Doc wasn't there. Every once in a while he'll be like, I'm going to play with this toy. And then Doc will be like, me too! And then he's like, fuck this. I'm going to go out to my car and smoke cigarettes. Lay back and look at the stars.

The other cat saw me enjoying something. Now I've got to be cool for a while. Brian, we got another call in there? Hi, my name is Zelda. I live in Plymouth, Massachusetts. Oh, no. And I had the greatest purchase ever recently.

When I was at my friend's store, he sells weird shit that mostly middle, upper class white ladies buy. But he had this tiny couch uh just a tiny little weird looking used obviously doll couch which is creepy in its own right uh but i said hey how much is it it was twenty dollars and I bought it, and she fucking loved it. Within ten minutes of me bringing it home, she sat down on it, started scratching it up as the cat does.

It was perfect. She now sleeps in it almost constantly. And it just looks frankly adorable all the time. And I love it. And I don't know. I thought you guys might be interested in that so there you go yes we are interested yeah thank you i'm thinking of all those sketches that you could shoot where it's like it's uh like your cat like reviewing huge books on this couch

today's literary sample is one piece i thought that call weirdly summed up everything we've talked about. She was like this creepy couch in its own right. Right. Spooky in its own right. Haunted. She brought it home to her cat and she's from Plymouth, Mass. Whoa. Yeah.

Which, by the way, that one call makes me take back everything I said about Massachusetts. So, yeah. Although her cat is a traveling stand-up who only does bits about how the food in Boston is great. Ah, we're back on! Bebe's from Boston. I found that out on her medical records. Really?

Yeah. Okay. The lady who had her first, because I adopted Bebe as an adult, moved across country. So she was a brownstone cat. Wow. First. Yeah. She's had quite a life.

Oh, she truly has. What a life. If these cats could talk yeah yeah they would say i have a short memory i don't remember any of it i like when it's warm oh okay not a lot to say uh oh i when she said the products aimed at um you know middleclass white people, I had quite the middle-class white people experience today. Oh. Do tell. I was getting my haircut.

Okay. It looks great. Thank you for noticing. Thank you for noticing. And yeah, this is just a little diversion about the haircut. The haircut man asked me if I wanted my ears hidden or exposed. Oh, wow. And I chose.

I'll let you guys see in a year. I'm going to take off my cans. I chose exposed. Okay, those are some exposed ears. Thank you. You know, and I thought about it because, I mean, I think I, you know, I'm trying to better myself as we all are.

Sure, of course. And I'm thinking, you know, I feel like I'm a person who maybe can be kind of a closed book sometimes, a little bit hard to read. And so then I, you know, so I said exposed because I want to be more open. I love it. So I want to show my ears. I love it. I don't know what. I'm basically saving nothing for my wedding night.

Yeah, yeah. By showing these ears to the world. If you can get the ears for free. Yeah, if you By showing these ears to the world. Why buy the cow if you can get the ears for free? Yeah, if you can just see those ears flopping around. Oh, Jordan already

showed me his ears. Yeah. There is no mystery left. I'm never marrying him. It's me, Dennis Leary. Or she does marry you, but she makes you,

like, she becomes very possessive and she makes you wear earmuffs all the time. Those are mine. Those are for me. The day of the wedding, you have to wear one of those hilarious northern exposure caps. Oh, that would be funny.

I'm not allowed to see your ears on the special day. And then she lifts up the flap and kisses the ear. You may now kiss the ear. You're wearing a tiny ear garter. So I was at the—just, just to set the scene, this was at a super cuts. Oh, I know.

I know. I like the super cut. Yeah. Ultra cuts. Sure. Yeah. Much better. I was wondering which one was better.

Super or ultra. It turns out it's super. Oh, that's a big rivalry. Yeah. They're actually, they came from the, the original cuts and then it's like a real cane. Yeah. rivalry. Yeah. Actually, they came from the original cuts.

And then it's like a real cane in the ass. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And the fella in the chair next to me is a classic hipster dad type. This guy has a fixie bike. He is probably a graphic designer, but maybe plays bass in an indie band he's heard of. Dabbles in composting. Yeah, does a little composting. I've clocked this guy.

Right. And he says three kids are playing in the little waiting area. They have one of those. It's like magazines. The Supercuts is nice. They're accommodating to kids. They have one of those things where you slide the beads along the wire. Yeah, those are fun.

Yeah. So the kids are playing with this. Yeah. And, you know, I mean, I am aware of the trend of the, like, hipster parent who, like, goes a little wild when they're naming the kids. Oh, yeah, yeah. And you hear, and it's always, like, a surprise because it surprise because you come across these names when they're being yelled out in public. Uh-huh. And you have to like, there's this moment where they yell out the names and you're like, well, those aren't names.

And then you realize that they are. Oh, no. And this guy, when he was done, I think he thought his kids were being a little rowdy in the play area. Oh, no. So he yelled, just in succession, Sage, Rune, Jazz. Sage, Rune, and Jazz. Oh, my God. Oh, no.

That's great. Someone is going to have sex with one of those kids one day when they're adults, when they're adults, and have to yell that out. Oh, Jazz. Oh, Jazz. Oh, jazz. They all sound like characters from Final Fantasy III. Yeah. Yeah, they do.

One of them has a mech suit. Yeah, I'd like to do, I'm not hipstery at all, so I'd like to do that in the, like, I'd like to name them, like, Monster Cheese or something like that. That's what I was going to say. Like, what if you name your kid, like, you hear somebody be like, Clementine? You're like, that's pretty normal. They're like, like I'd like to name them like Munster cheese or something. That's what I was going to say. Like, what if you named your kid, like you hear somebody be like Clementine, you're like, that's pretty normal.

Yeah. Oranges. Like damn. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Munster cheese.

Munster cheese. Kiwi fruit. Second aisle of Ralph's. Get over here. I love how like white. Deli case. Rich white people have just come down to naming what they can see. They're like, map of Antarctica.

Olive bar. I love a good olive bar. Love a good olive bar. I do love a good olive bar. Oh, man. I actually do. Well, did the kids respond? No, they responded.

You know, Sage, Rune, and Jazz, pretty well-behaved kids. They seemed really nice. They seemed like a happy family. I mean, I don't need to, you Jazz, pretty well-behaved kids. They seemed really nice. They seemed like a happy family. I mean, I don't need to, you know. Because they don't know yet. They don't know yet that their names are stupid. Did he go, Sage, Rune, Authority, what do we do? We respect authority, but also our own autonomy.

That's right, kids. So I'm choosing to sit down and respect you at this moment. Frank, we don't call you dad. Okay. If you would like to share a momentous occasion with us, give us a call at 206-984-4FUN. We'll be back in just a second with more Jordan, Jesse, go. We are the host of My Brother, My Brother and Me, and now nearly 10 years into our podcast, the secret can be revealed.

All the clues are in place, and the world's greatest treasure hunt can now begin. Embedded in each episode of My Brother, My Brother and Me is a micro clue that will lead you to 14 precious gemstones all around this big, beautiful, blue world of ours. So start combing through the episodes. Let's say starting at episode 101 on. Yeah, the early episodes are pretty problematic,

so there's no clues in those episodes. No, no, not at all. The better ones, the good ones, clues ahoy. Listen to every episode repeatedly in sequence. Laugh if you must, but mainly get all the great clues. My brother, my brother, me. It's an advice show, kind must, but mainly get all the great clues. My Brother, My Brother and Me. It's an advice show, kind of, but a treasure hunt, mainly. Anywhere you find podcasts or treasure maps.

My Brother, My Brother and Me. The hunt is on! La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Well, Alexis, we got big news. Uh-oh. Season one, done. It's over. Season two, coming at you hot. Three years after. Three and a half. Season one. Technically almost four years.

All right. Listen, here at Can I Pet Your Dog, the Smash It podcast, our seasons run for three and a half years. And then in season two, we come at you with new hot co-hosts named you. Hi, I'm Alexis. And I'm Dwayne Oswalt. All the field troops. Dog tech. Yeah. Dog news. Dog news. Celebrity guests. Hi, I'm Alexis. And I'm also Em. All the field troops. Dog tech.

Yeah. Dog news. Dog news. Celebrity guests. Oh, big shots. Will not let them talk about their resume. Nope, only the dogs. Only the dogs.

I mean, if ever you were going to get in to canopet your dog. Now's the time. Get in here. Every Tuesday. At MaximumFun.org. It's Jordan, Jesse Go I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective I'm Haley Mancini Gina Wrangler

I'm Gina Ippolito, stupid kid namer It has been a delight to hang out with the two of you, two of my favorite funny people in the world. Oh, shucks. Thanks, Jordan. Ditto. We mentioned your great new graphic novel, Babe Squad. Yes. Available now wherever graphic novels are purchased online. Yeah. Oh, and make sure to search it B.A.B.E. Oh, babe, it's an acronym.

It's an acronym. And if you just search Babe Squad, you will get a lot of bachelorette party. Oh, yeah. We're the Babe Squad. Hi. All right, Babe Squad. We're out of New Vegas. We got penis lollipops.

Marzie's getting married. We're on a sexy scavenger hunt. So if you like hilarious graphic novels and penis water guns, head on over to your local online retailer and search Babe Squad. I do really, because this is a little bit late to be asking this, but I am curious about the writing process of it, because the two of you are TV writers. You work in TV writers writers rooms and such.

Graphic novel writing a little bit different. Yeah. We actually wrote it as a TV show first and pitched it. And one of the places that we pitched it said, we love it. Can we buy it as a graphic novel? And we said, uh, sure. Let's try that out. Is there money in it?

Yeah. Yeah. So they paid us to write it as a graphic novel. And we sort of loosely used the pilot that we had written. Yeah. But it is a totally

different experience. It took us a long time. There's a lot of rewrites. Long time. A lot of notes. A lot of pages. But it does help pitching the show.

Now that we're pitching the show around, we're getting some really nice positivity. Yeah. And it does help pitching the show. Now that we're pitching the show, we're getting some really nice positivity. And it does help that the novel came first. And I will say that it is a full-length graphic novel. My friend Skander bought it and he said, oh, I'm enjoying it quite a bit. And he said, I'm making my way through it. I didn't realize it was going to be so long. Yeah, it really is a novel. So it did take a while. And he said, I'm making my way through it. I didn't realize it was going to be so long.

Yeah, it really is. So it did take a while. This is a full story, too. It's an origin story of the Babe Squad. Yeah, it was. I think it might have been the hardest thing I've ever had to write.

I think from conception to it finally coming out, it was about two years. Yeah. It took a long freaking time. Finding the artist and approving artwork and seeing designs and all of that stuff that goes along with the actual writing. Yeah. Yeah. It was nuts. Well, it is a terrific

concept. The two of you are two of the funniest people there are. So I think this is a slam dunk of a purchase for all of our listeners. Get that and the cat, cat dancer. Cat chaser. Here's your shopping list.

Cat dancer, Babe Squad the graphic novel, Babe Squad brand penis water gun. Yeah, that's right. Have yourself a great night. Have yourself a great night. What are your plans this weekend? Oh, I've got some plans. Don't you want to know?

Squirt, squirt, read, read. Cat, cat. We're going on tour. We might be already on tour. I'm not sure when this is coming out. Check us out online, maximumfun.org slash summerboysofsummer. We may be coming to your town. So head over to

that URL and grab yourself some tickets. And yeah, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer on the program. Get at us on Facebook. Join the Jordan Jesse Go Facebook group. You know what we'll do there in the Jordan Jesse Go Facebook group? I'll put up a link to where you

can purchase your very own copy of Babe Squad the graphic novel so if you're still confused as to that acronym head on over there to the Jordan and Jesse Go Facebook group and we'll put up a link there on Twitter. Hashtag JJGo. We're on Reddit. MaximumFun.reddit.com We will see you next week. MaximumFun.org We will see you next week.