Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 589: Live at MaxFunCon 2019 with Lynda Barry and Ken Jennings

Episode Date: June 18, 2019

Lynda Barry (Making Comics) and Ken Jennings (Omnibus podcast) join Jordan and Jesse live on stage at MaxFunCon 2019 for a discussion of Lynda's farmhouse homestead, Jordan's recent experience seeing the new Godzilla movie, and the different types of Jeopardy champions. Plus, Lynda and Ken go head to head in a ridiculous game with some help from Dan Deacon.  If you want to WATCH this episode, check out the video on YouTube!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. Hey gang, this week's Jordan Jesse Go was recorded live at MaxFunCon with our friends Linda Barry and Ken Jennings. Guess what? You can listen to this show right now, but if you want to watch it, you can also watch it. The entire thing is up on Maximum Fun's YouTube channel, and you'll also find it in the blog post for this episode. So go check out our gorgeous mugs. We're headed out on tour again next week.

We're going to be in Boston, New York, Washington, D.C., and Austin, Texas. So you'll get a little taste of what it's like to watch our mouths move as the sounds come out. Let's go to the stage at MaxFunCon. Welcome to Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, I had a beautiful conversation with my son Curtis yesterday that I really think encompasses the Max FunCon spirit. Share it with us now. He was just my two-year-old.

He was just waking up from a nap. And he got into an argument over the Star Wars prequels? he was sort of he was waking up and my wife Teresa said oh Gaga mommy's here mommy's here and he said ah

and I was right there but just out of his line of sight and I said daddy's here too and he said no so John Roderick, everybody. Ah!

Jordan, Jesse, go! No! Ah, we tricked you. We're very happy to be here. We've had a wonderful MaxFunCon so far. As usual on Sunday morning, I'm pumped on. I'm off that setty. I took that Excedrin earlier.

Feeling pretty good. You setting? You setting, bro? Absolutely. Feeling very, very pumped. Very excited. How are you doing? I'm also pumped.

Yeah? Yeah. Oh, but I think maybe before we get started with the show, we have some announcements to make. Just a little bit of housekeeping. Oh, thank you so much. Sorry. We'll start the show in a second, but we have some announcements to make. Just a little bit of housekeeping. Oh, thank you so much. We'll start the show in a second. This is a big year for MaxFunCon.

It's not only the 10th year that we've been doing MaxFunCon or the 10th anniversary of the first MaxFunCon. We also, for the first time, have been accredited by the American Con Association. The ACA. Yeah. It was a very big deal for us.

For a long time, we had been... For a long time, we were unaccredited. It was sort of like if you spent four years going to one of those weird Christian colleges,

and in the third year, they lose accreditation, and then you get a degree, but what's it really good for? That's sort of where Max FunCon was at. We've all been through that for that's sort of like where max funcon was at we've all been through that um that's sort of where max funcon was at but now we are for real the only

thing is that as part of the accreditation process we have agreed to announce some upcoming cons yeah so yeah maybe you guys will be interested in these hopefully but uh yeah which is kind of a just kind of something we got to do. So some upcoming cons. June 26th through 28th you can visit ConCon. For those who like For those who like busting out of the hoose cow.

I think it's on the other side of that. And of course, July 5th you can enjoy Parmesan Con. Say when. July 23rd, here we're going to have Kublai Khan Con. That's for

those who wish to decree a stately pleasure dome in Xanadu. That was Jordan's English major contribution to this. This real thing. Yes. For the folks listening at home, Brian Fernandez has made a logo for each of these cons that the audience will see for three seconds.

So that's why you got to come. August 3rd through 6th, Barbizon Con. For those who want to be models, or just look like one. Barbizon! Con. June 4th through 6th is Con Con, which is a celebration of the bad guy

from Star Trek 2. And of course August 19th is the start of Star Trek First Contact. For those who want to celebrate the directorial work of Jonathan Frakes. Applause break for a Jonathan Frakes joke. Seems odd. It makes time count. That would be... June 1st through 10th is SpawnCon.

That's for salmon who are considering swimming upstream. Watch out for bears! Of course, October 18th is the start of SpawnConCon, a convention for sponsored content. October 22nd through 24th is YonDubonConDubon. October 22nd through 24th is Yon-Da-Bon-Con-Da-Bon. An appreciation of the director of Twister and Speed. And of course, August 16th, Ball-a-Bon-Con.

A convention for those who like to mispronounce the name of character actor Bob Balaban. A few quick con announcements. Wait, wait, what is this? I don't even know what this is. Oh, I told Brian I wanted to talk about, I went to see Godzilla King of the Monsters. Oh, this is the new Godzilla movie. Yeah, that was

a mistake on my part. How many times have they made new Godzilla movies? I feel like this is the seventh consecutive time they've been like, this'll work. They're just trying to beat Spider-Man at this point. We'll show you how many times we can reboot something.

Yeah, I did not love, despite being a big G fan from way back when. A true OG. A true, yes. Original Godzilla, yes. I did not love the movie.

I did think it had some good parts. Maybe the main positive, I would say, is that Mothra's wings are very beautiful. Oh, wow. Beautiful wingspan, lovely shimmer. So, yeah, this is a Mothra's wings Stan account. They're very beautiful. Oh, wow. Beautiful wingspan. Lovely shimmer. So, yeah. This is a Mothra's wings stan account. Beautiful wings.

I don't think my interest in them was sexual, but, you know, we'll see. We'll see how things shake out. But I was kind of wondering why. Because I'm sitting there watching this. I'm like, well, Godzilla's fucking up all these other monsters. Why am I not enjoying this? This should be fun. This is maybe the greatest monster of all time. Certainly one of the greatest Japanese monsters of all time.

Japanese film monsters. Right. Legendary creature. Yeah. He's like a fat Tyrannosaurus. Sure. So how could you not be enjoying it? I mean, the first time he came out,

my first thought was, Daddy Thick. Okay, so two things I liked about it. Mothra's beautiful wings, and Daddy Thick. Love a thick G. But I'm sitting there, I'm like, why am I not enjoying this?

And I think I just went in with a weird... I kind of went in with a weird mindset, because in the lobby of the theater, this is a big movie theater complex with a lot of different screens in it, so there's a lot of different movies getting out, and that's why I'm kind of making... You're at the Grove. Everyone knows where that is.

Oh no, baby, I was at the Arclight LA Regional References. We'll talk about Mendocino Farms later. Good place for a takeout salad. Yeah. Thank God Los Angeles finally got a place for a takeout salad. I know. I'm... Thank God Los Angeles

finally got a place for a takeout salad. Oh, I know. Now if only we could get a poke stop. Yeah. This isn't going over well. Let's not do any more

Los Angeles regional references. Wayne Kavach in the back just yells out his famous catchphrase. Local jokes get you local work. Local jokes get you local work. It's true. So I was like,

so these other movies are getting out, and I just overhear this woman say to whoever she's with, oh, you know what's weird? I didn't know it was going to be a musical. And I think there was a split second where I thought she was talking about Godzilla. I think she was talking about Godzilla? I think she was talking about Rocket

Man. Rocket Man is also in theaters. But there was this moment where I'm like, it's a what? Anyway, if there's going to be a Godzilla movie, I've got a song. You want to hear it? Yes. Wait, can I just say one thing before we get into that, in case Elliot Kalin is listening? I just want you to know that

Jordan wrote Godzilla musical on a piece of paper and then mailed it to himself. Yeah, don't steal my shit Kalin. Goes like this. Start spreading kaijus. There's That is the end

That is the end of that There's nothing else My name is Mothra I worked on that Don't try and riff Spent a lot of time on that I'm imagining like the montage of you at the piano. Right.

Like a visor. Like the dad from 101 Dalmatians trying to write a jingle. Jerome Kern is there. Yeah, so we can go on to the next slide now. I finished my Godzilla story. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, go listeners. It's your old pal, Jesse. Jesse. This week's Jordan, Jesse Go is, as always, brought

to you by all of the Maximum Fund members who've gone to MaximumFund.org slash donate and signed up to support our program. It's also brought to you in part this week by Arm & Hammer Cloud Control Cat Litter. Look, nobody loves Jordan's

cat, Bug, more than I do. Except for Jordan and probably some other members of Jordan's family and maybe a couple of Jordan's friends who cat sit for Bug. There's a few people who love Jordan's cat, Bug, more than I do. But I love Jordan's cat, Bug.

Bug is so fun and she's beautiful and she loves to chase little things across the floor. She is all the joys that a joy could be. But there is one thing that I don't love and you probably don't love about your cat. It's hard to love cleaning up the litter box, which is why Arm & Hammer created new cloud control litter. No cloud of nasties here. It's 100% dust free, free of heavy perfumes, and it helps reduce airborne dander

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Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Do we introduce our first guest? I would love to. She already addressed Max Funcon and immediately became everyone's lifelong hero who she wasn't

already the lifelong hero of. And let the record for our at-home listeners reflect the fact that as I said that 200 people nodded in unison she's a legendary comics artist a professor at the University of Wisconsin and the author of some truly inspirational books about writing and making art please welcome to the stage the great Linda Barry. Hello. All right.

First of all, Linda, apologies for the last 25 minutes. I thought they were excellent. Thank you. Which was your favorite part? Well, that Godzilla is thick is still on my mind. And will be for a long time. And then also, where can I get those Mothra wings? Oh, yeah.

Let's get Linda. Can somebody get Linda some Mothra wings, please? Yeah. Are you a Godzilla fan yourself? In the oldest possible way, I actually have one of those Godzilla toys that any time anyone sees it, they go crazy. It's the plastic one that has the fist that you push the button and the fist flies around the room. And it doesn't fly around the room. I'm exaggerating. It just flies across and not very strong.

But at the very end of every comics class, I have my students stand around in the big moment as I bring Godzilla in, and then I hit it, and it goes, eh. We go, yeah. Man, she would have brought it out. That could be our big finale. Shoot the audience with Godzilla's fist. I don't carry it with me often,

but it's partly because it has this tail. You guys might know it, but it has a tail, and the tail comes off maybe for packaging reasons, and then there's this big, just round, troubling area. reasons. And then there's this big, just round, troubling area. And when students are very bad, I show that to them. Look at Godzilla's stump. Look at his troubling area.

His TA. I just went to see my GP about my round troubling area how'd it go? genetic as it turns out I thought it might be cancerous with me it's a cleanliness issue what an odd reaction

someone kind of booed me? no it was a What an odd reaction. Someone kind of booed me? No, it was a ooh. Yeah. It was ooh. Oh. Maybe it was intrigued then. Yeah.

It could be a Mothra's Wings kind of thing. Yeah, it could be a Mothra's Wings kind of thing. If anybody out there is single, I'm looking for a Mothra's Wings situation. How do you enjoy nature? We're here in nature. Are you a person who enjoys beautiful vistas? I do enjoy beautiful vistas constantly. Oh, great.

Yeah. Wherever they are, I'm enjoying them. Do you go hiking and stuff? Are those parts of your life? No. But I live on a farm. My husband does prairie restoration, and I always had it in my head,

like, man, I'm going to live on a farm. It's going to be so badass. But now, the way agriculture is, you're on a little farm, and there's big ag lands all around you. So my experience of nature are giant machines coming by. And the guy can actually look in the window of my studio and he's not wearing a shirt. And I'm like, do that one more time. You didn't get all that alfalfa.

Seriously, it's like some ad. You know, the way he looks. But unfortunately, dude who came by last time, there's this thing about flying the American flag right now. I don't know about you, but the American flag looks completely different to me than it did when I was a kid. When I see people flying it, now I'm like,

you asshole. Do you know what I mean? You know what I think of when I see people flying it, now I'm like, you asshole. Do you know what I mean? You know what I think of when I see the American flag? You know, I just think the red, white, and blue, the funny things you do. America, America, this is you. This is you. Yes, right. And then you get hit in the nuts with a wiffle ball, right?

And when those football players kneel when our anthem plays, I just think of Colin Kaepernick on one knee. Red, white, and blue. Funny things you do, America. And he can't salute that, salute our troops during that time. Our troops who took nut shots and fell off roofs. This is a complicated joke linking the National Anthem and the Steve Song. It's the America's Funniest Old Videos, Steve Song.

Correct. Have you, this alfalfa man who comes by your house. Let's call him Falf. Yeah. Sir Falf. Have you engaged with him? Have you talked to him? Oh, he hates me.

Yeah, they hate me and my husband completely, but that doesn't keep me from admiring him. No, it's like... That's how I feel about Godzilla. Yeah, exactly. No, it's like... That's how I feel about Godzilla. Yeah, exactly.

When we found our little farm, Kevin, he says, baby, this is the place. It has a barn from like 1888. That's cool. He goes, there's a hog's little barn that you can make into a studio. What's the house look like?

Baby, there are these oak trees that are fantastic. Honey, what's a house look like? He goes, well, okay, look. He goes, as a house, it's kind of fucked. But if you think of it as a tricked out trailer, it's amazing. So sometimes, you know, when y'all are introducing me, and here she's this cartoonist, she says, I thought, if you could see my house. It's the kind of house that you see half of it driving by on the highway. You know what I'm talking about with the furniture already inside,

and then the other half drives by, and then the big super glue drives by. That's my house. Do you have creatures that live on your farm? Is it an animal-rich place? No. There's just domestic animals. But again, the problem is big ag. So the Roundup stuff that you all have been hearing about,

it's been amazing. All the amphibians are just gone, and the reptiles are gone. There used to be snakes that I would always hope noticed me in the garden. Somehow we're having a thing. But they're all gone. They're all gone. It might not be the roundup. It could have been me, man.

It's like, here she comes again. You're just out in the garden wishing someone would give you an apple. I'm wishing for someone to slither with. For the folks listening at home, Linda Barry just made a Disney princess face. He did.

Very good, too. Thank you. Thank you. Linda, have you ever... Who will wake me from my slumber? One kiss. True love's kiss will wake me from my slumber. Why are you backing away, Prince?

Why does this keep happening? Well, somebody told me that my problem was, the problem with you, Linda, is you just look too interested. That's why men back away. People would roll, when I was younger, especially guys would roll down the window to try to yell something, and I'd roll mine right back away. You're like, hey! People would roll, when I was younger, especially guys would roll down the window to try to yell something, and I'd roll mine right back down. I'm like, yeah!

And I had one guy say, no, man, roll it up. She's crazy. And this was a snake driving a car? Have you ever thought about getting any animals? I just feel like if I had a farm, the first thing I would do was buy a goat to find out if it would really eat a tin can. This is exactly. It's interesting that you say this. This is exactly what we're getting.

It's goats. And it's part of prairie restoration. They actually are goats that instead of having the guy come over to mow your lawn, there's people who just bring goats. Oh, God, yeah. That's like my dream job. Yeah, just bring the goat. Wait, are you the goat? I'm the,

Jordan, I'm like the leader of a group of goats. You're the alpha goat. Yeah. Oh, is that, is that why you grew the beard? To start the transformation from man to goat? I mean, it's how I ended up in the hospital trying to eat that tin can. Yeah, for sure.

I was like, my mom always taught me, you can do anything you set your mind to. Yeah, sure. Yeah. I got asked to do a book review for the New York Times, and it was a book review of a book that changed your life when you were younger, right? And I had two I was fighting about. And one was Heidi and the other one was Carrie, right? Same universe. Same Stephen King interconnected universe.

Go girls. That's what I realized. 666 and milking, I guess. connected universe. Go girls. That's what I realized. 666 and milking I guess. But I got to do a comic strip called When Heidi Met Carrie. Right?

Mostly for this one scene where Carrie has, because Heidi's always so happy and Carrie's like screwed up and covered with blood and she says to Heidi, you know, I think I might have overdone it. You know? I just blew up everyone. I just stabbed my mom a bunch of times.

And Heidi says, she started it. We have another delightful guest, don't we? Yes, you know him as the co-host of the Omnibus podcast and as the once and future and once and forever greatest Jeopardy champion of all time Ken Jennings. A man who has touched

Trebek. Many, many times. Ken, I was so worried that that other dude would beat your Jeopardy record and we'd have to uninvite you from Max on God. Ken, I don't have to send this email very often. But more often than you would think. To ex-all-time Jeopardy champion, we have some sad news, sir or madam. Just a form letter at this point. I do it with a mail merge.

What does once in future even mean? I'm not sure. That's why I changed it. Like I'm not the king right now, but if I draw the buzzer from the stone... I'm worried that, like, once in future is when you used to be, and then you might become it again. So, but in fact

what happened is that you will forever be that, because no one will ever beat your great record on television's greatest answer for a question show. Thank you, Jesse. I appreciate that. But you're not wrong.

There is kind of an Arthurian thing where I kind of lie in a cave under Northamptonshire or something, and then my phone rings, and it turns out Jeopardy needs me, and I have to ride once again because there's a computer that's learned to play Jeopardy or something else awful has happened.

Or if just the Riddler's causing some trouble. Ken, Will Shorts is acting up again. We need someone to bring down Shorts. I'll get my razor. His power is in the mustache. Shorts. I was like, I'll get my razor. His power is in the mustache.

You, from what I understand, competed very well in the MaxFunCon pub quiz. Wait, did you compete in the MaxFunCon? Yes. That seems like no fairsies. A lot of people will not be coming back, I think. Next year, 100 Meter Dash against special guest Usain Bolt. Good luck!

It came down to the wire. Every year, as you guys know, John Hodgman and Chuck Bryant run a pub trivia quiz here at Max Von Con. And they didn't really know what they wanted to do with me, but they did not want me to go back to my room and take a nap. So they were going to have me just play along. I mean, you're the world's most trivial man.

That is so sweet. Thank you. You're welcome, Ken. But I said, what if I was a lifeline, like on Who Wants to be a millionaire, and I could help out the other team? So I think of myself more as a dispenser of good trivia advice and wisdom. Do you still do whatever?

I had a friend in elementary school named Evan Hulka, and Evan Hulka was famous because he went to the National Spelling Bee, and he finished third, but he was on ESPN, and after he asked all those questions, God bless him, fifth grader, 10-year-old, this kid was a wonderful 10-year-old, he got to the, you know, use it in a sentence, what part of speech is it, you know, what's the language of origin, or whatever you're allowed to ask him, and he just said, can I buy a vowel?

And then he, you know, ducked out because he didn't know it. But I remember that to do that, he had to just sit around reading the dictionary. And in my imagination, all Jeopardy champions have to sit around reading the World Ball Manac or whatever. And I wonder if your passion for that knowledge that you had to use to win Jeopardy was like natural or goal oriented like have you just abandoned knowing things now? You're like knowing things has run its course. Yeah, leaving a trail of wreckage in my wake.

I immediately resolved to spend the rest of my life forgetting everything I knew. Like I imagine you still like read books I immediately resolved to spend the rest of my life forgetting everything I knew. I imagine you still read books, but do you still do whatever the boring stuff is that it takes to win on Jeopardy? You know, there are both kinds of Jeopardy champs. I think there are a few who are sitting on their toilet reading the World Almanac and Book of Facts, kind of Rain Man style. I think that James Holzhauer, the guy who is on now, he's a trivia guy, but very much I think he spent years getting into Jeopardy shape. But I think for most of us, it's just a matter of kind of being curious people our whole lives,

you know, not stuff you learn from looking it up in a book, but just a conversation or a billboard or the back of a cereal box. It's just paying attention to things your whole life. But that does mean there are things that are too boring even for me to remember. So before I go on Jeopardy, there are flashcards with, on the back it says Grover Cleveland and on the front it says 1876 to 1880,

1885 to 1888, and I have to go through world capitalism. Is that the real Grover Cleveland numbers? I think it's close. It's close. Oh, it's not right. That's not right. 1876 is Rutherford v. Hayes.

It's 81. Sorry for the audience says to me it's correct. Did you get that Samuel Coleridge joke that Jordan wrote? I did, actually. The target demo for this show. And you have to laugh very loudly so that you can be seen laughing. Right, let everybody know,

I get this. Looking around, looking around, I'm laughing at this. Now, Ken, because you're a trivia game champion, we felt like, and sort of in deference to Linda's great gifts, we felt like we should have a trivia game on the show where Linda competed directly against Ken. thought that instead of just like

instead of just making it about what years Grover Cleveland were president we would give Linda a fighting chance so we have a very special you get the pink tools Let me say something to you in Tagalog. She knows Tagalog. Tagalog.

We have a Tagalog speaker in the front row who just booed me. That's close. You understood. This show has something for everyone. Yeah, so we have a very goofy, also filthy trivia game coming up. If anyone has kids or doesn't, you can have kids. If they're in the room, you have them and they're not in the room, you can stay. If anyone here has kids, put them up for adoption.

You are no longer a fit parent. Or, you know, if anybody, you know, just isn't nuts about filth, maybe leave. But, okay, everybody's staying? Cool, all right. Not a single person. Oh! There goes Oliver, blank matches, son. We love you.

Yes, yes, yeah. That's for the best. Our very special quiz for you, Linda and Ken, is called Craft Brew, Sex Toy, or Some Shit We Made Up. Here's the rules of Craft Brew, Sex Toy, or Some Shit We Made Up. We will be alternating between you and telling you we will give you three choices. Probably should have written down the rules. We will give you three choices, one have written down the rules we will give you three choices one of which is a craft brew one of which is a real sex

toy and one of which is some shit we made up we will ask you to identify which one is which you will get a point for each one that you get correct and I hope that someone has a pen because I don't have a pen you have a pen thank you and it's just a special treat I don't know if this is either of your areas

of expertise, but... We have two kind of lifesavers. We have two lifesavers. You get one, poll the audience. Yeah, so through the course of this game, you can poll the audience one time. In case we're in a room full of experts on craft beers, sex toys, and shit you made up. You know what? You kind of are.

Honestly. You kind of are. Honestly. You kind of are. There's no room, I think, that is a better judge of these three things, actually. Yes. Yes. Someone in the front row said, with our powers combined. And we also took some time. You know, there's so many brilliant writers, performers, comics thinkers, artists, chefs here at Max FunCon. And we thought, who among them is a true expert on beers and things you can put in your butt? And we thought, you know, is it Pete Fields,

the country singer? Is it Julia Crookston, who cooked at Chez Panisse? We thought through all of the people. Who is the person most in touch with beers and butts? And ultimately

we decided that we would give you one chance to ask the expert. And the expert is celebrated independent electronic musician Dan Deacon. Dan Deacon, everybody. They're all sex toys. Dan, how are you feeling going into this trivia challenge? I feel like the pink tools. Which is sex toys.

Go with sex toys. Yeah, there are actually a few pink tools on this list. Our first choice, our first question is for Linda. Yes, so Linda, here are three things. One is a craft brew, one is a sex toy, and one is some shit we made up. Beard of Zeus. Mr. Jack.

And Thickhead Daddy. Thickhead Daddy is the beer. What were the other two? Mr. Jack and Beard of Zeus. Jeez. Beard of Zeus you guys made up. And what was the other one?

Mr. Jack. Mr. Jack. There they are. Mr. Jack is the sex toy. No, they're all the sex... No, wait. If you hold them right, they're all the sex toys. Who are we to say what a sex toy is?

We're a sex-positive game show. Yeah, that would be my guess. Beard of Zeus, you made up. Mr. Jack is the sex toy, and Thick Head Daddy is the beard. Linda, you got one point. Beard of Zeus is a craft brew. It had the word beer in it. Oh, yeah, it kind of does.

Yeah, beard. Mr. Jack is a sex toy, which we'll show you here on the screen. Now, Jordan, when you say it is a sex toy, I think our at-home audience can identify from the reaction to our... It is truly disturbing. It looks like just the... It looks like the guy on the bottle. Oh my God.

Maybe they were made by the same company. It is like just from the, what's that called? The frenulum? The philtrum. The philtrum. The philtrum. The philtrum down to the chin of a man's face. But because of the shape, the chin looks like balls.

And it has a sort of Tom's of Finland mustache. And what's really upsetting about it is it's this kind of pale pink color, and the fact that its gaping mouth inside it has weird pokey things sticking up. Guillermo del Toro-ass sex toy. Yes, straight from Pan's Labyrinth comes Mr. Jack. Linda, you got one point. One point for Linda. Okay, Ken, this one's for you.

The Leviathan, Human Blockhead, and Vajankle. Just a reminder, you have two lifelines. You can talk to Dan Deacon or poll the audience. Oh, poll the audience. That should be a sex toy. Yeah, and we did not write...

We didn't write that many questions, so you should probably use your... That's a little strategy tip. Use your lifelines. And also, look sort of in the middle for the daily doubles. I appreciate that. So use the help sooner

rather than later. Yeah, I think you should not let your help die on the vine. I'm going to ask Dan to come in here and help me out. Good, because I changed my flight to be able to do this. Dan, any thoughts on these? The choices are the Leviathan, Human Blockhead, and Vajankle. Vajankle is clearly the beer, right?

Yeah, I drank it this morning. It's delicious. I'm going to disagree. I don't think the Vajankle is a beer. I'm with you. I also don't think Human Blockhead is a beer. I'm with you. I also don't think human blockhead is a beer. So they're not, they have to be one of these? They're not all sex toys?

They're not, no. No trick questions here. Yeah, one is a sex toy, one is a micro-brew. The Leviathan sounds like a terrifying sex toy. Terrifying to some, terrifying to the weak, perhaps. Where are you leaning on these? Not for the faint of heart. Sorry, where am I landing?

Yeah, where are you landing? Hopefully on the sex toy. Thank you! Thank you, that's my time. I'm with you. The Leviathan... I think that's beer. Is the beer, right? Just so you know, I don't drink beer, I might... I'm with you. The Leviathan... I think that's beer.

...is the beer, right? Just so you know, I don't drink beer, so I'm going to be real bad at these beer things. Good thing you changed your flight. Yeah, I'm more of an expert on made-up shit and sex toys, so... I think that's the beer. And I think human blockhead... How is that a sex toy?

Did you see the last shit they put up? So, the jankle sounds made up, right? I'm going to go with sex toy on the vajankle. I'm going to defer to Dan, and I'm going to go with his answers. F the Leviathan, marry the human blockhead. Kill the Leviathan. Different game, different game. The Leviathan is the beard, the vajankle is the real sex toy, definitely,

and not a thing you guys made up. And the human blockhead is fake. You also got one point out of three. The real beer is human blockhead. That's also the guy from the sex toy the first time. He's got the mustache. Yeah. The human blockhead has a Coney Island mustache man on it,

which, yes, is a very similar type of design to Mr. Jack, who we all know. The sex toy is the Vajanko. Oh, no. I thought you were sex positive. Look how judgy everybody gets. Look how judgy everybody gets when a fuckable foot is placed on screen. Check your privilege. Unpack your knapsack.

If someone wants to fuck a foot, they should be able to fuck a foot. The vajankle is an ultra-realistic cast of a foot that appears to have been severed, and where the ankle bones should be sticking out at the point of severing, there is an ultra-realistic vagina. Brian, change the slide. We have found your Achilles heel. Yeah.

Oh, God. Linda. So you have both of your lifelines. Poll the audience and talk to Dan. Your three are primal juice. Old chub. And shameful excretion. I'd like to poll the audience.

Yeah, I don't know if you want to pick. If somebody thinks they know it, maybe... Well, first of all, I think Old Chub is the beer. Yep. Yeah. Plus hope. Yeah. Audience, what are you guys...

How are you feeling on shameful excretion? Made up. Made up? All right. And Primal Juice is? I'm going with that. Three for three. Three for three. shameful excretion. Made up. Made up. All right. And primal juice is? Sex toy. I'm going with that. Three for three. Three for three.

Old Chub is a scotch ale. There is also a spin-off of Old Chub called Old Chub Nitro. And the sex toy is Primal Juice. It's a clit bullet. It's a clit bullet. It's a type of clit bullet. You know. A brand of clit bullet.

Oh, yeah. So there's a photo of what you get when you order Primal Juice. And, you know, it's kind of a metal vibrating thing. It comes in a velvet bag, and it also has a sand timer. Or possibly... So if you like to masturbate while you're playing Pictionary...

And who doesn't? Also possible, it's just a little vial of crystal meth. Oh, sure. Just a little meth. Yeah. Just a little. That's the juice.

Okay, Gan, this one's back to you. Your choices are, one of these is a craft brew, one a sex toy, one some shit we made up. Kilt lifter. Dick Rambone. And the woodsman's Promise. It sounds like a Dirty Heidi fanfic. Linda, do you have any of that in your portfolio? How did the New York Times feel about your that?

I think, is this my last question? No. No, you probably get one more. I don't know. I'm not really counting. I may wait to poll the audience then. Okay. I think Kilt Lifter's the beer.

Hey, hey. He's not polling you yet. Please. Please respect the sanctity of the game show. This is my church. I think the weird thing with two names must be the sex toy

because why would you make up two names? I'm not saying you're not a hardworking podcast. But perhaps you made up the Woodman's Promise. That's what I'm going to go with not a hardworking podcast. But perhaps you made up the Woodman's Promise. That's what I'm going to go with. Three out of three.

Tilt Lifter is a beer. And Doc Johnson brand Dick Rambone is a 17-inch false cock. I like how it can't fit on the slideshow, apparently. Too big for our slideshow. But maybe big enough for you. You can tell it has that kind of packaging that will fight you when you're trying to get it out. It's like by the end of it, it's like, forget it.

Yeah, it's like opening up a Nasonex. You've got your poultry shears out. God damn it, I cut myself. All right, Linda. Okay. Your options. Score is tied. Jiro dreams of sushi.

The great big Kentucky Sausage Fest. And of course, Glow-in-the-Dark Pussy Snorkel. Please don't. Dan, for the folks at home, Linda is pointing right at Dan. I'm pointing at you like death. You take this one, big guy.

Well, I have two of these. I don't have any fucking idea. I wouldn't really want to crack open a beer and think sushi right away, you know? But glow-in-the-dark pussy snorkel sounds. That sounds like a nice hoppy IPA to me, so I think... I can tell you this.

I would order it immediately if it was on. I would order it. I would order several. What do you think about B? I think that maybe as a clue, it made these two laugh their asses off.

The great big Kentucky sausage fest. I think that that might have made them laugh really hard. So I think that might be shit we made up. Because you think they made it up and they're so proud of themselves? Honestly, not bad logic. How about this one? I don't know, man. I don't know.

I could see the bottom one being real. The sex toy? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we'll just take it. It's not a beer. I don't think it's a beer. No, but I can't imagine the other one. I don't know.

Jiro Dreams of Sushi just sounds so good. I know. I'm going to go with... Okay, now let's make the second one beer and the top one Jiro Dreams of Sushi. Maybe they one beer, and the top one, Jiro Dreams of Sushi. Maybe they made that up. So you're saying Jiro Dreams of Sushi is some shit we made up. The Great Big Kentucky Sausage Fest is a beer.

I don't know why that would be a beer, but yeah. And Glow in the Dark Pussy Snorkel is a real sex toy. You're absolutely correct all around. The Great Big Kentucky Sausage Fest is a... The label is a screaming sausage. It's that same dude again. Going into a mouth. Which one inspired which one?

Right, yeah. And glow-in-the-dark-pussy snorkel. Exactly what it sounds like. It sticks in your nose. It's a little bit like one of those beer helmets, but for your nose and pussy eating.

Right. Yeah. Back to you, Ken. Here's your choices. Sweetened blow, lick'em sticks, or smells like a safety meeting.

Okay, I think I might need the wisdom of crowds here. Okay. Like, Dan kind of let me down compared to his performance for Linda. It's true. So I need you guys to be just as, like, on the ball here as you were for Linda. Is Lickum Sticks the sex toy? Yes, right?

It is, right? It's funny how you, like, everybody's jerking on the sex toy immediately. Like, good job, evolutionary biology. There are only two categories of people at MaxFunCon. Number one is evolutionary biologists. The other is people who work at lesbian-owned sex stores. Like, clean, well-lit, you know, comfortable places.

Kind of looks like an Apple store in there. Yeah. There's a genius bar. Both an area of the store and a product you can buy. So which of these is more likely to be a beer? C, right? What does that even mean? But very hard to make up.

You guys seem confident it is the beer. Has anybody seen this beer? Raise your hand. No. Suddenly. I think I'm going to go with that, though. I'm going to go. Sweet and Blows the beer, Lickum Sticks are the plural sex toys.

Smells like a safety meeting is made up. Zero out of three. No. No. Smells like a safety meeting as a beer. You know what I kind of was my take home from writing this quiz? Fuck all micro brewers.

What about Old Chub? I can't tell what the picture is. What's going on in the safety meeting picture? Yeah, the safety meeting label looks like some noses that have hands coming out of them. It's very strange. It's very, it looks like one of those Terry Gilliam Monty Python animations. It's an absurdist beer.

Yes, right. It's an IPA. Well, it is a title somebody made up. I'm sure someone did make it up. Someone did make his shit up. The real sex toy is Sweetened Blow. The real sex toy is sweetened blow. It's stuff you put on your private parts for oral sex to make it taste better.

And it's bubblegum flavor. Yeah. Hence the... Which is exactly the headspace you want to be in when you're face-to-face with someone's most sensitive body part. If the bubble yum mascot bear always made you horny. I love that Big League 2 ball player. Daddy Thick, I don't know. I'm sorry.

Lick'em sticks is a type of candy where you get it wet and then you put it in the candy dust. I'm surprised nobody has anybody eaten lick'em sticks before you? Why didn't you help him? Like, 30 people are like, yeah, of course. Apparently they've all used that candy sexually.

Wouldn't put it past him. It's not illegal. So, Jesse, can you talk about the score? Yeah, let's say it's a tie. Okay. But we have one last question. How about this? How about this last question? Yeah. Because we have an odd number. Okay. But we have one last question. How about this? How about this last

question? Yeah. Because we have an odd number. Yeah. What about we make this a collaboration? Okay.

Great. Ken, Linda, Dan. This is my first creative collaboration with Linda Barry. Yeah. And it's going to be about sex toys and

graphics. Dan, you can also talk to Dan. We've collaborated about this extensively. And yeah, let's involve the audience too if you want to talk to the audience. So let's see if, you know,

you guys, you have this game down at this point. So your three choices are Gandhi Bot, Robocock, and Love Bot's Jack's Hammer Multifunctional Rechargeable Thrusting Sex Machine. Now, one of these

is a real sex toy, one of them is a real craft beer, and one of them is just some shit we made up. I feel like the sex machine is the beer. Is C the beer? is a real craft beer, and one of them is just some shit we made up. I feel like the sex machine is the beer. Is C the beer? No, it's the Gandhi bot is the beer. You think Gandhi bot is the beer?

I think so. And then C is made up? I think it'd be hard to have the word... And yeah, because I think it would... I think it would be hard to have the word cock in a beer. Well, no. Maybe just the word cock. Maybe... Well, maybe robo-cock would be hard to have the word cock in a beer. Well, no. Maybe just the word cock. Well, maybe robo-cock would be hard. Maybe not like...

I know it's a chicken. What if it's a robotic chicken? And it isn't a chicken. It's a rooster. Yeah, I think Gandhi bought the beer, but I might be wrong. What do you guys think? Beer? And robo-cock?

What do you think? Fake? Hold on. What kind of beer is Gandhi-butt? What dickheads are like, you know who we could use? Gandhi could be our brand. It's a funny picture. Yeah.

They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We cannot use Gandhi. That's disrespectful. Let's make him a robot. The Gandhi estate gets very angry if you do not turn him into silicon-based light. To be fair, it is the only beer fully endorsed by the Gandhi-bot estate. R.I.P. Gandhi-bot.

I think B's the beer. Okay. I could see that. I heard an O from the audience. But how would they make up Gandhi-bot? I'm the only person that thinks C is the beer, and I'm going to go to my grave. I mean, we're all going to die, if that's what you mean. I'm going to go to my grave, dot, dot, dot, thinking that was the beer.

Once Gandhi Bot comes for us. He believes in violent resistance. I want to see Gandhi Bot and Robocock face off. Hold on. Maybe C is the made-up one. No? Is everyone on stock in this company? How is everyone so confident? It has so many names.

Dan, if you'd had the chance to buy in to Lovebots, I think you would have. Yeah, I would. Okay, we need a final answer, guys. Who's our team captain? I think Linda should give the final answer. Shit.

All right. I'm thinking Gandhi Bites the Beer. I don't know. You know, Robocop could be the sex toy, because this bottom stuff seems... Everyone seems to be saying no. All right, so Robocop they made up, and they were not doing that great that day.

And then C is real. Does that sound right? Okay. Guess who wins? Everyone in this room! GandhiBot is a profoundly disrespectful beer. LoveBot's Jax Hammer multifunction

rechargeable thrusting sex machine is a real sex toy. It looks like it was designed by the same people who do the Roomba. Is anyone buying that

being like, I don't know, but is it rechargeable? I just go through so many batteries. How many functions does it really have? Multiple.

I feel like to me the thing it most looks like is like a souvenir soft drink cup you get at the circus. Thank you all for playing this very filthy game with us. Congratulations. Ken, I'm going to give you this as a keepsake for you to take home to your family. My kids always want me to bring home something from the road, and now I don't have to stop at an airport gift shop. This is fantastic. Real quick, that was filthy, so we just want to do a little palate cleanser.

Yeah. A little palate cleanser. Feel free to bring any children back in the room. See that for the logo. So these are some photos. This is my cat center. Emily Fleming, who's been on Jordan and Jessica before some photos of my cat center. Emily Fleming, who's been on Jordan,

Jessica before, she sits my cat when I'm gone. She sent me some photos. Here's Bug laying on the bed. Here's another one of my cat Bug

sitting on an Amazon Prime box that ain't even open yet. She loves those boxes. And so these texts, so Emily's like staying at my place while she's watching Bug. So these photos were accompanied by a text that just said,

ate your Indian leftovers. And then I woke up to one that said... She said late last night, that said, your bread's all gone. I think she just ate a loaf of bread. Hey, MaxFun listeners. Have you been listening to MaxFun for a while and you've just been wondering, La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Ono, Ross, and Carrie, and we join fringe religious groups. We undergo alternative medical treatments. And we hang out with people like 9-11 truthers, flat earthers.

We find out why do people believe strange things. We join them, and we tell you all about it. We have a lot of fun. We make a lot of friends. Yeah, we do. We joined the Mormons. We joined the Scientologists. We got acupunctured.

We got fire cupped. We got ear kindled. We've done it all, and we're going to keep doing it all. Why don't you check out Ono, Ross, and Carrie at MaximumFun.org? Since the dawn of time, screenwriters have taken months to craft their stories. But now, three Hollywood professionals shall attempt the impossible. Break a story in one hour. That's right. Here on Story Break, I, Freddie Wong, Matt Arnold, and Will Campos,

the creators behind award-winning shows like Video Game High School, have one hour to turn a humble idea into an awesome movie. Now, an awesome movie starts with an awesome title. I chose The Billionaire's Marriage Valley. Mine was Christmas Pregnant Paradise. Okay, next we need a protagonist. So I've heard Wario best described as libertarian, Mario. And of course, every great movie needs a stellar pitch.

In order to get to heaven, sometimes you gotta raise a little hell. Ha ha, that's the tagline! Check out Story Break every week on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Lately, we have been getting to know our Jordan, Jesse, Go! audience through a segment called The Coliseum.

A segment that people love? Yes! Or maybe are a little tired of? All right. That's fair. We're still doing okay. Yeah. maybe are a little tired of? All right. That's fair. We're still doing okay. Yeah.

We kind of like, we've just really been wondering who our audience are. And so we have been asking our audience if they've participated in particular activities or own certain items. And we find out whose idea for some quality or activity that our audience has there are more representatives for. So, for example, I recently asked, I started to ask how many people in our audience have been on a hovercraft. What did I change that one to? How many people have seen Tony, Tony, Tony live?

What did I change that one to? How many people have seen Tony, Tony, Tony live? And Jordan had asked how many people in our audience, for example, had had a bad experience at a Blink-182 concert. So we're really trying to drill into what makes our audience tick. So we wanted to do one, and we've been trying to hit certain numbers lately, but we wanted to go for pure volume on this one. And in this case, you in the room are the listeners. We're not throwing this out to people listening at home. This is just purely for this room.

And I don't know if our guests want to collaborate on one after we're done to see if they can beat us, but you're more than welcome to. So, yeah. So I think more people in this room have raised – I think I can go 100% on this. Really? How many people in this room have raised their voice while having a conversation about the DC Comics movies. And not, hold on, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Not DC Comics. Just the movies.

Just the movies. The current film universe. Not Marvel Comics. Don't raise your hands yet. We all have to think of something, and then we're going to ask you to raise your hands. And what about, like like Batman the movie? You know, the one with the shark repellent. Oh, sure. Yeah.

So this is a conversation about the current universe that started with Man of Steel. What about Watchmen? Does that count? No, not in the continuity. But I mean, you can I'm sure Watchmen came up while you were fighting about this. Right. But it cannot have been the jumping off point

of the raised voice conversation. What about that 70s live action Disney family film that was called like Vulture Man or something like that? Yeah, that counts. Ken was leaning toward the microphone. Do you have a correction? Everyone in the room said Condorman. Thank you. In a kind of the room said, Condorman. Thank you.

In a kind of a bored voice, Condorman. Jesse, what's your coliseum? How many people in this room, and again, wait until our guests have also collaborated on something, but how many people in this room have

French kissed a pet? That means like, that means like, like a dog is sitting, the normal way this would happen. I mean, it's possible. Oh, normal? It's a little judgy.

Who's to say what's normal? Some of us want to French our dogs, and some of us want to fuck a foot. This is America. The relatively common way this might happen, and it's happened to me, is you have a dog on your lap, maybe, or you're petting a dog and you have your face

near the dog's face, you turn to say something to someone and the dog picks that moment to lick your face. And your tongue touches the dog's tongue and you become sisters forever. Okay, so those, so, have you raised your voice while having a conversation about the

DC Comics movies? Have you French kissed a pet? Any guesses? Do you think you have something? Do either of you have something that you think can beat this? I know this is a little bit of a big ask, but does anything come to mind? And you can't just be like how many of you have drove to car. Nothing's coming to mind. I mean, there are a couple things that are coming to mind but they're not that good what are you thinking right now what are your first bad how many of you have like lots of

mustard in your refrigerator that you never will use and you you will never use it and there's lots of it I like I like I kind of like what about, I don't know, how do you feel about this, Ken? How do you feel about multiple mustards? I am in favor of a diverse spectrum of mustards. I'm mustard woke. How many mustards have you got in your refrigerator right now, Ken? Just yellow?

Probably just one yellow and one Dijon. Yeah. Is that a lot, Linda? No, that just means you're clean. Oh, okay. Alright. I've got a yellow, a mustard, and I've got two different mustard... a yellow, a Dijon,

and two mustards that I got at the German Delicatessen. I liked them because they came in glass stein jars. I thought it was fun. You're also clean. I'm talking about the mustard that comes with your takeout. That you have

like, I mean, the stuff that you, for some reason, can't throw away because it looks at you with its little mustard eyes, and you just give it one more chance in the fridge, you know? And then when you die it'll be someone else's problem like a like a hot chinese mustard maybe like any kind of mustard that comes into the fridge never leaves how about we say more than two types of mustard

in the refrigerator including packets of mustard as a separate type of mustard no maybe it how about this packets of mustard packets of packets of mustard in No, maybe... How about this? Packets of mustard. Packets of mustard? Just packets of mustard. Packets of mustard in their kitchen. No, in their fridge. In their fridge. Yeah. Even though mustard does not have to be refrigerated.

You don't have to refrigerate packets of mustard. It's high vinegar content. Aren't we trying to do a niche thing here? We are. Right? I mean, people have mustard in drawers. How many mustards have you got, Jordan? I got the two.

You got the two. Standard yellow and a honey. Oh. For when Daddy wants a sweet sandwich. Shut up, Jordan. Shut the fuck up. How many people have mustard packets in their refrigerator? Okay.

You comfortable with that, Ken? Oh, absolutely. Okay. Let's start with mustard packets. Do I get to do one or not? Oh, absolutely. Okay. Let's start with mustard packets. Do I get to do one or not? Or are we collaborating on one? We can collaborate on one. You're collaborating, Ken. Jeez, okay. This is your chance

to collaborate with legendary comics artist Linda Barry, and you're here like, do I get to do my own? You're working with a genius, Ken. Don't try to yes and the mustard. Well, maybe should we just make it, you know, the packets that come with food. Like, I always have to disappear them because my husband, like, when we get barbecue or something, he just saves it and it starts to stack up and make disturbing shapes, you know.

And so when he's, like, looking away, I just quietly, you know what I'm talking about, packages. It's mustard. It's mustard. Mustard packets. Mustard packets. Mustard packets. Okay. Okay. And we're going to do this with a system that will help us here on stage and the at-home audience, which is to say, rather than raising your hands or clapping, we will ask you to raise your hands above your head and clap.

So how many people here have mustard packets in their refrigerator? Mustard packets in their refrigerator. Pretty good showing. That's about 25, I'm going to say. About 25 or so. How many people here have accidentally or intentionally, no kink shaming, if you have consent from the pet, tongue kissed with a pet. Yes.

Yes. I think that's more like 50-ish. Yeah. Okay. How many people have raised their voices while having a conversation about the DC Comics movies? Jordan, I think we tied. No, I think it's pets. You think it's pets?

French kiss pet. I cannot win this thing. I cannot win. Looks like we have a final segment, one final segment for you before we call it a day. When something momentous happens to you, our MaxFunCon audience, we ask you to write it on a three-by-five card

that Brian then hands us for our beloved signature segment, Momentous Occasions. There are audience microphones in the house somewhere. Mariel has one here, and Brian has one, and he's turning to the audience right now. Address them closely and directly. Somewhere here we have K.

Where's K with a K? K with the letter K. K-A-E. Come on up, K. And Susie, you're next. K, what's your momentous occasion? I broke my butt playing a tabletop game. Go on.

So I was playing with some friends. We were playing D&D. What does that stand for? Dungeons. Yeah. I don't know if you guys have heard of it. It's a little game called Dungeons & Dragons. That's a game that's turning teenagers into Satanists.

Well, I mean, yeah, but that's just a perk. Yeah. And I'll be honest. I got a little bit too excited at the prospect of pizza and uh was it in-game pizza or real world pizza roll for toppings this was the real pizza and uh um i moved my chair uh and it was a rolly chair on a hardwood floor my chair, and it was a rolly chair on a hardwood floor, and the chair just

went nope and just zoomed off across the room, and I butt-planted on the floor extremely hard and fractured my coccyx. Wow. Have you seen a medical professional for this? I have, and there is nothing they can do.

They just sort of laughed at me. I'm here to see Dr. Bix a lot. Kaylin! Kaylin! Hi, Susie. Susie Longtime Max Funster from the United Kingdom. Thank you for joining us here. The host of the Casual Birder podcast.

Yes, thank you. What's your momentous occasion, Susie? I was recently down in Mexico on a whale watching holiday. And in San Ignacio Lagoon, I stroked a whale on a chin. I will say it's totally consensual. The boats are stationary and if the whales want to be touched, they'll come up and present their faces to you.

And it was the most awesome, wonderful experience. Sometimes when Jordan is in heat, he will present his face for stroking. Oh, yes. Oh, I was recently spayed, so not anymore. And do you feel like there was a connection there with the whale? Yeah, they look up at you and you can look into their eye and it's just, honestly, it's wonderful. It does sound wonderful.

It does change you. When you stroked the whale's chin, did you feel like I'm really helping it think about what it's thinking about right now? Because it can't reach. I hadn't thought of it like that. That's a very interesting thought. What I will tell you is what it feels like. If you imagine a peeled, hard-boiled egg,

cold, that's what a whale's chin feels like. Is a gray whale – now, this would not be Jordan Jesse Goff if I didn't ask this one quick follow-up question. Is this a toothed or baleen whale? It's a baleen whale. It's a baleen whale. Ken and Lyndon, have you ever had an encounter with a sea creature? I have seen orca jumping near my boat, but I have never actually had a close encounter.

I've never touched a chin. Apparently they enjoy it. Yeah, it helps them think about stuff. Susie Buttress, folks. Where's Jeff? Jeff here. Here comes Jeff. Jeff's coming up, and Perry is next.

Yeah, we're kind of getting on lunchtime, so maybe we're just about to wrap this thing up. Got a banger. Going to wrap this thing up. Hi, Jeff. How are you? Where are you visiting us from, Jeff? I'm from Bloomfield, New Jersey. Oh, beautiful Bloomfield, New Jersey.

What kind of sandwiches do they like to eat there? Hoagies? We have subs. Submarines? Subs. Subs. It's sub-country. Fun regional sandwich chat.

What's your momentous occasion? I got to apologize to Ted Leo last night. I hit his dad with a car. You hit his dad with a car? His dad's car with my car. What kind of car do you drive? I was driving a regular old sedan. Just a standard sedan?

What kind of dad does Ted Leo have? Ted Leo Sr. is an attorney. So I hit a lawyer with a car, and then when we were exchanging information, I saw his name was Theodore Leo Sr., and I asked him if his son was Ted Leo, and yes, he was. Did he seem proud or ashamed? He was so proud of all of his kids. He was telling me all about his wonderful daughter and her wonderful life,

and then I mentioned his son. He goes, oh, yeah, yeah. And then we were talking about him. He is the greatest guy in the world. And this is like the worst circumstances to meet another human being. Has anyone here ran over John Darnielle's cat? I just want to follow this up.

Jeff, everybody. Our final momentous occasion is from Perry. Hi, Perry. How are you? I'm great. Thank you. Where are you here from? Miami. Miami. Yes. What kind of sandwiches do they have there? Cuban. Cuban sandwiches. Sandwich.

Cubanos. Absolutely. Many porks. Yeah. Grill it up. Snack Thai. Yes. Squish it down Yes Just a scrab in a sandwich Although I prefer a Jamaican patty with cocoa bread myself Oh, that's good too Power move

When you're married to a Chinese Jamaican, that's the food you have to have Yeah You have to, it's like in the marriage contract Yes, it is actually What's your momentous occasion? My momentous occasion is that about a month ago, I told my boss to go fuck himself,

and he suddenly turned into the nicest person in the world. Wow. So you still work there? Surprisingly, yeah. It took a year to work up to doing that Did you literally say the phrase Go fuck yourself?

I did, I said you can go fuck yourself And I'm going to walk And he said I don't want you to quit Give me a minute And he went in his office and he cried And he came back and he apologized Let the record show Linda Barry said maybe he went and fucked himself.

Guys, thank you so much for coming. I'm Jordan Jesse. Thanks for listening to this week's Jordan Jesse Go Live from MaxFunCon. If you want to watch it or if you want to share the video, we would love for you to do so. You can find it on the Jordan Jesse Go page on MaximumFun.org or just search for Maximum Fun YouTube and you'll find the Max Fun YouTube channel where we share cool video like this once in a while. So if you're ready to be disappointed by our faces,

watch it on video. Thanks, Bart. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.