Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 590: Turdrugen with Xeni Jardin

Episode Date: June 25, 2019

Xeni Jardin (Boing Boing) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of how her fashion decisions have been impacted by her time in rural Utah, the new commercial with the phrase "she shed" that has Jordan worked up, and Jesse’s square van Craigslist fantasies. Plus, we find out just how many delightful Juggalos and slavs who are in the JJGo audience. We're on tour this week!  Come see us in NYC (6/26), Boston (6/27), Washington D.C. (6/28), and Austin (6/29) on The Summer Boys of Summer Tour! 

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Moore has sultry amber rhythm. Really? Mm-hmm. Can you tell me more about this? I got a new scented candle.

Oh! Do you want to guess what the scent was? Well, my first thought is apple cinnamon. Nope. Guess again. Okay, so my second thought would be stink of death. No. That would be a bad scent.

A mistake for the Glade Corporation. Oh, I don't know. It could be the disruptor that turns the scented candle industry on its head. Well, if you want to go there, that's fine. But I would not suggest that to the conservative Glade Corporation. Nobody thought that flip cams would become the most popular camcorder in the world.

Then it happened. That's true. It's true. I've got one on me as we speak. Yeah. Yeah. Right now it's just getting the inside of your fly. It's live streaming.

Follow me on Twitch. Wow. What is this? Amber. Sultry Amber Rhythm. Sultry Amber Rhythm. Amber Rhythm. It's based on the-

She dated Kanye West for a while, right? Right. yes. And so Sultry Amber Rhythm is a new scented candle I purchased today at Ralph's from the fine folks at the Glade Corporation. Yeah, I mean- Who would never do stink of death? Jordan, can I tell you one thing? Mm-hmm. If you're going to get a scented candles, the last thing you want to go to is Albertsons.

No, yeah. We'll go to Ralph's. If you're going to get a scent of candles, last thing you're going to want to go to is Albertsons, Jordan. Mm-hmm. And other sentences that are coherent. Sultry amber. By Jesse Thorne. Sultry amber rhythm.

So have you blazed this thing yet? No, I'm waiting for a particularly large dump. Yeah, it's in the bathroom. That's where I like to conjure my sultry amber rhythms. The ba-dum-bum, ba-dum-bum, ba-boo-bop-ba-doo, bop-bop. Smells like Gene Krupa. The label on sultry Ampharism. So, just bourbon and Lucky Strikes.

Unfiltered Lucky Strikes. And heroin. Was he on heroin? Probably. He's an old jazz guy, so maybe. Primarily they were. Maybe just dropping greenies. The label features a piano to conjure jazz, I think.

Right. And also tree sap. Okay. So, amber and rhythm. There's nothing like the sweet smell of jazz. Oh, I love jazz and I love tree sap. What's your favorite jazz smell? Minus Thelonious Monk.

Thelonious Funk? Yeah, thank you. Do you want to back that up and do that again? Thank you. Do you want to do your favorite jazz smell and then say Thelonious Funk? I'm 99% sure that's an underground rap group from Berkeley in 1993. Oh, it's gotta be.

Yeah. Gotta be. I think that was. Should we introduce our guest on the program? I would love to. She's a beloved. A jazz great. One of the jazz greats. Friends, it's Alice Coltrane. Boop, boop, bap, boop, boop, bap. Didn't want to go John Coltrane.

Took it over to Alice. That's fun. Threw a curveball at people. You couldn't think of Thelonious Funk? Come on, man. I know. Get in the game. Guys, I dropped some cauliflower earlier.

It's really bending my shit out of shape on the floor uh well let's introduce our guests i'll tell you about this is it gonna be as riveting as my i got a new candle story they both end in dumps oh particularly large dumps okay our guest is uh a longtime editor of Boing Boing. She is one of the voices in the Smash It podcast bubble, Jordan. She's an old pal of ours, Shani Chartain. Hi, guys. Hi, Shani.

How are you? I'm doing great, but I didn't realize this was a coprophilia podcast. Yes. Talked a lot about poop. That's all the poop we're going to be doing? I don't care for poop stuff? Poop material, no. Dig material, yes.

Poop material, no. That's my motto. Jesse speaks for himself. I may be doing more. All of my blue material is very light blue. I've been spending a lot of time in southwest Utah. What's the bluest thing that flies in southwest Utah? Man.

Okay. So like there's this one stretch of highway. You're dressed for southwest Utah, Shani. You're wearing what can only be described as a Civil War reenactor's dress, but a practical one. A practical Civil War. You've got buttons up to the chin. You have a standing collar on that. It's a band collar.

It's a standing... We're not talking about a shirt-style collar. And you're going down all the way to the ankle and the wrist here. Yep. Highly functional boots. Oh, and then you've got combat boots. On a good day, there might be some petticoats happening. Sure. Sounds like a pretty good day.

It's Sunday. This feels like a really appropriate for Southwest Utah fit. Well, so the thing is, ever since I've been spending time out there, I've been learning about things that I assumed were dumb that aren't. For example, races on the salt flats. It's probably central Utah. For example, races on the salt flats. It's probably central Utah. Well, you know, there's that. But, like, I'm thinking about bonnets and aprons, right?

Right. And petticoats and whatnot. Yeah. These items. Do you have a bonnet? Well, so, one. One. You have a bonnet.

Yeah. More bonnets than most. Here's the thing with bonnets, right? Yeah. So, like, you're out there in the desert, and there's sand, and and there's wind and there's kind of thorny seed pods going every which way. Right. And you don't want your hair, if you have like long hair, you don't want it to get all scraggly in the wind. So you might be wearing a scarf, but then you have the bonnet has a little visor, right?

Right. So it's like you have a hat and a scarf. It's exciting. Have you ever thought about wearing that kind of green tinted visor that an old-timey accountant or card dealer wears? No. It's not going to protect your hair from seed pods,

Jesse. God damn it. This is to protect your hair from seed pods. I should have got my head in a more desert-oriented place. But like a thing that I think about now with garments is, would this fabric get torn if I'm walking with my dogs through sagebrush? Right. And it turns out that that kind of stuff is also just comfort.

You're a garment guy. Yeah. There's no doubt about it. I'm a garment man. No, you appreciate these things. I'm in the rag biz. Can we talk about clothes for a moment? Yeah, I would encourage you.

So you rightly called me out as wearing what I'm wearing. I found some ladies on Etsy and through different closed Facebook groups in Utah who are either from the LDS or they're from other modest religious denominations,

closed Christian religious denominations in different parts of the country. And it turns out that some of these women make very, very affordable, very functional garments that cover your body. So, you know, you're not going to, whatever, get critters biting you. So did a lady make this? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's great. She spun the stuff and everything.

It's super affordable and it fits me and I love it. It's been homespun? Yeah. Wow. By Rumpelstiltskin himself? Yeah. Homespun like my grandfather's wisdom? And like I won't buy from them if they're Confederate reenactors.

It's too close to home because I'm from Richmond, Virginia. I was born there. I actually went back a few days ago. The cradle of the Confederacy. Yep, yep. They always say the capital of the Confederacy South is going to do it again. And we would say, what, lose? I went to Richmond, Virginia for my cousin's wedding.

It's awesome. My cousin and her husband are both Virginians. Yeah. And they met, I think, at the University of Virginia. Oh, right. And Richmond, Virginia is a beautiful city. It got cool. And if you are not from Richmond, Virginia, the sheer volume of Confederate shit really knocks you on the wrong foot.

You are really like, West Virginia, and then had just enough good sense to drive across the border into Richmond, where I was born. And I was raised there. They were both artists and art educators. She ran publications at the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts for 30 years. And so the occasion of me going back was this amazing guy who was the curator of African art there for almost as long as her. He was just retiring. So my brother, who's a Richmond born and raised as well

and has a really cool radio show that's music from all over the world called If Music Could Talk on WRIR on Sunday nights. You've got to listen to him, Carl Hamm. Thank God WRIR is getting a shout out on the moon. Low power radio, really cool station. There's so many amazing shows. But If Music Could Talk with Carl Hamm, DJ Carlito, as we know him. Sure.

So we were all back there. We who are in the now. Carl and I were there with our mom and it was just uh really a beautiful experience we were so proud you know the the museum there really we were saying it feels more like our home than the homes that we lived in one of them the first that we were born in uh that we were born into you know what i'm saying. It has been flattened and it is literally a Target parking lot. There were all these beautiful trees and, you know, possums and squirrels and wildflowers and weird things in the woods. And it's just all gone.

Let me ask you this question, Shay. I've known you a long time. And I've never known you to dress immodestly. Look, I'm not here to accuse you of immodesty. But I wonder, you go back home, were you wearing the modest garments? Yeah, and my mom is. What did people think of it? Right.

So, well, I mean, here, look, you don't have to have it buttoned up the way that I do. For the folks at home, Jenny is unbuttoning a few buttons. Yep, yep. So, like, you know, you can do this. Right, you take down a few buttons and it makes a little more cash. Yeah. For grabbing some can do this. Right. You take down a few buttons and it makes a little more cash. Yeah. For grabbing some drinks after work. Yeah.

If your work is in the junkyard in Utah that your dad makes you work in. Yeah. Well, like I'm sober. I don't do that anyway. Right. So the first thing that my mom said when she walked off the plane was, ah, you're a Mormon? I said, Mom, I love you and I missed you so much. You said that it is very different than when you grew up there.

What was it like then versus what is it like now? Right. So I was born in 1970 and grew up there in the 70s and 80s. And it was much more explicitly, you know, apartheid. It was white and black. And there were any other communities that weren't part of the mainstream. They really weren't visible. And now there are so many more cultures kind of in the mix.

It's still a super racist place and it's still a super confusing place because when you grow up in a place where there are Civil War monuments that you drive by – when you grow up in a place where there's Civil War monuments that you drive by every day on the way to work, it's just part of the landscape, right? And when people go for drinks and for a restaurant on a Friday or Saturday night down in Tshako Bottom in the city, well, that's where the slave market was.

And it's right there where that bar is. And what's underneath that? Well, it'd be interesting to know. This island over here, there was a so-called slave rebellion on that island. And you can read about these things, but why would you? Because nobody cares and it's irrelevant and maybe it was fake mentioned a Target parking lot. Is it chains and stuff or is it kind of moving toward like hipsterdom? I'm picturing brew pubs. A little bit of both. Yeah, there's so many brew pubs. But the area where my brother and my mom and I lived after my dad died, he was an art teacher at VCU. And after he died, we moved to the south side of Richmond.

And there's this big, beautiful wooded park called Forest Hill Park. My brother and my mom and I walked through it together on this trip. And in that area now, there's all these cyclists, right, and coffee shops. And it's a huge kind of like – what do they call that? The TRX biking and just all kind of like, what do they call that? TRX biking and just all kinds of fun rough sports. I think TRX is a kind of softball bat. I'm going to say BMX

biking. Oh crap. TRX might be a kind of biking. I think TRX is a sound system in a movie theater. They blast you with that tone to let you know. Okay, triple X I remember. Triple X, yeah. That's a Vin Diesel vehicle. Right.

Yeah, yeah. I'm not sure dad's James Bond. I'm sorry, I'm not a cyclist. Later Ice Cube. Later Ice Cube was added. And I just flew back and I'm jet lagged. Yeah. I'm sorry.

Wait, so you, okay, but you've been spending time in southern Utah. Yeah. You've been getting into LDS fashion. What is in southern Utah that you've been spending time at? A desert full of nothingness. Okay. It's absolutely beautiful. Yeah, yeah.

You're just looking to find your spirit animal or? Yeah, so I guess it's like this. Over the past few years, everything that I believed in fell apart. And I didn't know what mattered or what I was doing. And so I wanted to figure that out. And the best way to figure that out was to stop doing a lot of things. And so, um,

that's my, literally my worst nightmare. It's great. Not doing things. It's great. Not doing things. Like terrifies me. I didn't,

I didn't stop working and I didn't stop communicating with people, but I spent six months out there away from LA and the area we live in is bordered on one side by some federal land and on another side by some state land and there's Native American reservation nearby. There's just beautiful wildness everywhere. What's the top three animals, Southern Utah? Top three in coolness or how often you see them? Not how often you see them, Jenny. We're trying to make an entertaining program here. No one wants to hear bug, bug, and bug.

We want to hear cool animals. Which animals wear shades? Well, they're all cool is the thing. Okay, so cool animals that we see very frequently out there, eagles. Oh, yeah. Long may she roar.

Yeah, and there's little spots in the cliffs where you can see white stuff coming out the side. And basically, you can tell where they're nesting by their poop. Yeah. Oh, now? Okay. Look, who's talking, Miss I'm-Not-Going-To-Go-Blue?

You're talking about poop nests. Princess Giggle Fest. All right. Yeah. Okay. That would be fun to spot a poop nest, though. That's an American poop nest to you, sir. A lot of coyotes. Coyotes also exist in L.A., but they're very different.

So we have a couple of golden retrievers and a rescue poodle. They roll with us everywhere. They're going to drive with us out to Utah. And when we're out there – so when we're here in L.A., we live up in the hills and close enough to some coyotes that we need to keep an eye on them. Sure. But they like to taunt the coyotes here and say, this is my property. You shall not pass. Yeah.

But out there, when they hear the coyotes, they whimper and they want to come inside. The coyotes out there are really hardcore. And then the other thing, there are various kinds of wild cats out there as well, bobcats and cougars. And they're big mountain sheep, but their numbers are smaller than they used to be, and they're not in the low desert right now in the summer. Summer out there gets out to like 110, 115, 120 sometimes. That's too hot.

Yeah. Realistically, too hot. So here's our deal. We're going to drive out there and then drive north through Nebraska and then through Minnesota. And we're going to the very northern border of Minnesota to the Boundary Waters for about a month. And we've got little floaty vests for our dogs. And we're just going to canoe around and fish and eat walleye and wild rice and read poetry. And put vests on your dogs.

Yes, so that if they want to be fun. I got a dog vest at a garage sale the other day. So pumped to put it on my dog. Now, your dog's not going in the water, though. Oh, well, you may remember on this very program the time I told the tale of when my dog tried to go in the water disastrously. Oh, so the vest is going to be on him at all times.

Yeah, well, poor Coco one time in the snow, I took her up to the lake by my cabin. And the lake was a little frozen, but not really frozen. And we got up there. It's like a 20-minute hike. She immediately went in. And I had to like, she doesn't know how to swim. She's an idiot dog. All dogs are idiots, but.

It's the truth. Yeah. But I had to. They all go to heaven. That's true. So laughs, laughs, and airs. I had to wrap her up in my clothes and put her under my jacket with no shirt on and trudge back the 20 minutes, terrified my dog was going to die.

It was really horrible. But now I got this fucking vest. I'm good as gold. Sure. Might as well just toss her off the side of the canoe. Jump in any lake she pleases. Dogs are the best, and traveling with dogs is the best. So we're excited about this.

We've got a little rig on top of the car that's going to carry our stuff. Kind of an SUV. For the dogs, Mitt Romney style. No, no. Utah deserves better than Mitt Romney style. No, no. Utah deserves better than Mitt Romney. Sure. The dogs will be safely in the backseat, front seat? Yeah, yeah.

It's called shotgun, I guess. We have it pretty pimped out. It's almost like a little podcast recording studio. There's some carpet and there's some fuzzy things that are on top of the carpet. It's really cool. Maybe I'll post some pictures online. Oh, man. But it's just sort of a rolling giggle fest, I'll say.

You know what I do very regularly? If I'm bored and I have a few minutes, I'll open up the Craigslist app on my phone. And I'll type it into like whatever's on sale within one mile of my zip code and just look at the weird shit people have listed on Craigslist. That could be a fun road trip thing yeah and dear god do i want to buy some weird fucking uh like box truck or van that has a sink inside it i do not i want to be clear i do not care to rough it i do not care to go anywhere in this van yeah but i love the idea sink. I love the idea of there being a fucking, man, I looked at this van

with a sink in it the other day. This was not a camper van. It was probably to carry dangerous chemicals that you would have to wash out of your eyes. I don't know why

there was a sink in there. It had no camper elements other than the sink, but God bless it. Well, you could, uh, it'd be nice to be able to brush your teeth.

Oh, geez. Like after your commute. Yeah, you gotta keep those choppers cleanamine lap. Oh, yeah. It'd be nice to be able to brush your teeth. Oh, jeez. Like after your commute. Yeah, you got to keep those choppers clean. Got to keep them clean. You know, I bet Jerry Seinfeld drives a sink van. Why do you think that? Because he loves brushing his teeth so much. Haven't you ever seen his poster at the dentist?

No, I never have. He believes that... Does he have a series of dental posters? Yeah, oh, God, yes. Yeah, I mean, this is bigger than Whoopi Goldberg for reading books at the library. Wow. This is one of the biggest celebrity posters ever. This is his cause.

He believes that because he's a comedian, his mouth is his instrument. He's got to keep it in tip-top shape. He brushes his teeth before he goes on stage. Hmm. He may also be a strange man. Sure. That's also possible. That's a pretty good...

I think that is a cause we could all get behind brushing our teeth before we go on stage as opposed to reading which I'm hot and cold on yeah I know depending on when you get me

yeah but brushing your teeth that's good it depends on whether there's something good on Netflix for me sure yeah that would be my top

like when I watch oh shit I watched the last toast of London sure I might as well read between seasons of Glow. Yeah.

If there's no new Glows, I guess I'll read. Yeah, I'll read a book. The novelization of season two of Glow. Yeah. That's a good novelization, though. You get some more backstory from Melrose, who's my favorite. Oh, God, yeah. You know what I really enjoyed reading?

Hmm? The alternate reality website that's just all about Marc Maron from GLOW. Right. It's supposed to be his personal website. Sure. That's fun. Oh, God. It's fun world building.

I love... Jenny, do you love world building? Just love world building. Love to learn lore. Love lore. And insights into characters that I already know and love. Like Marc Maron.. Like Marc Maron. My friend Marc Maron.

Is world building like terraforming? Oh, yeah. Right, it is. It's sending a rocket with minerals up to a planet, crashing it, and then waiting for a thousand years until it's habitable. Story of my life. Can I – because you – boy, tell me about it. You are – you work for one of the internet's best websites. Yeah.

It's true. Best website of very long standing. And I feel like my knowledge of what – Mostly sitting, but yeah. Yes. But I get a standing desk. Yeah, sure. It's good for your back.

I don't know. I'm not here to tell you what kind of desk to use. That was in between the don't wash with soap phase and the eat only meat phase was the standing desk phase. Was there a don't wash? The bidet, we are actually owned by Big Bidet. Oh, wow. Was there a don't wash with soap trend? Yes. What was the rationale for that?

Not just at the punk rock club gilman street when i was a teenager no that i remember that you know what that was wash your hair with bar soap right that's what that is mid 2000s and it's because society man oh society i forgot about society fuck them society right guys but i was was going to say, I feel like I used to be up on what is going on on the internet and now my internet consumption has really dropped.

And basically I know about zaddies and that's the most recent thing that I know about. So, boing boing, I run this site with a few of my best friends. It was started long before I joined in the mid-'80s by Mark Fallenfelder and Carlos Sinclair as a zine, as a print zine. And I'm old. But for those of you who aren't, there was this phenomenon of zines in the 80s.

And the idea was magazines, you know, before the internet, you could publish your own thoughts, your own – it was like a podcast but in words and you would go to a copy. A podcast you make at a Kinko's. This is something we've heard a lot about from people who are four years older. That's right. Roman Mars told us about that. It was a big deal and it was part of kind of an outgrowth of the punk scene. So anyway, Boing Boing was a cyberpunk scene, a very early cyberpunk scene.

It turned into a website and turned into a blog around 2000. A couple other guys, Cory Doctorow and David Paskowitz joined before me. And I joined and a guy named Jason Weisberger and Rob Biskitza, a few other characters in and out. And we've been at it for a long time. We only became a business a few years into the project. And we're still kind of puttering along with all the changes that happen in the world. We are still here. There are some internet things that are still good. Once in a while, I go to my browser, you know, the bar at the top.

I type in Zombo.com. Just double check that Zombo.com's still there. It's still there, baby. Wasn't it sad when you're the man now, dude? Oh, yeah. That was a big one. Yeah.

Can I read you guys speaking on the subject of websites that still exist? Craigslist still exists. Yeah. Shout out to Craig, by the way. He's still a cool guy. He's always been a cool guy.

Big Judge John Hodgman supporter, Craig. And? Yeah. He's still a cool guy. He's always been a cool guy. Big Judge John Hodgman supporter, Craig. And? Yeah. Very discreet? Yeah. 420 friendly. 420 friendly.

Not shaved, though. Hmm. Yeah. Come on, Craig. Her suit. I was so... I guess some people like that. When I was doing this,

when I was doing this activity where I just go through Craig's list, normally what i do is i'll find a van and i'll text it to ben harrison from greatest generation he and i share a great love of a square utility van of any type um and a conversion van you know all these vehicles but i found a paddle boat and jordan you probably remember this sure you and i bought a paddle boat. And Jordan, you probably remember this. Sure. You and I bought a paddle boat on Craigslist, or actually I think we sent Brian and Christian

to go buy it for us, from a stranger in Orange County. And then we recorded a show just for donors out on the lake. There's a video of it on the Max Fund YouTube channel. You can watch it if you want to. I can't recommend it. Then we just left the boat there.

Yeah. And posted it free on Craigslist because we're like, what are we going to... I briefly considered bringing it up to my parking space here in the office. Right.

And like leaning it against the wall in case I wanted to go... It seemed wasteful to just give away a perfectly good paddle boat. It was not perfectly good. It had lots of holes in it. Yeah, it was pretty fair.

It was a fair quality boat. And anyway, I saw a paddle boat that looked exactly like our paddle boat, and it was listed for $10. And it was right in the part of Los Angeles, Mount Washington, where I live. Wow. And it had a picture. You can see the picture there. It looks exactly like the boat that we used, just a classic blue and white paddle boat that you'd rent at the marina. But $10, and I was like, what's going on?

Why is this boat $10? And then it says condition fair. That's just one up from poor, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. Then the description is below average condition. Those are two different conditions conditions if you ask me. That's a fair description. Below average condition.

I'm told there is a hole in it, but I can't see. It's possible they mean they're not sighted. It's possible they mean they've never taken this boat out. It would be dangerous for them without a friend or a companion of some kind to take this out on the lake because they literally can't see.

It's possible they mean they can't see the hole. Below average condition. I'm told there is a hole in it, but I can't see. Fun weekend project? Question mark. Find the hole! Exclamation mark. Hey, it sounds like a fun weekend project to me.

Depends on the whole. You know, it depends on the whole. And consent is important here. It says, price dropped when found out unfunny podcast was recorded inside. Stink of failure all over boat. Jenny, so what is the internet like these days? What do they enjoy? I know – because I was mentioning I learned Zaddy and that's about as much as I know at this point.

What does the internet into? Outrage. Outrage. Yeah, they're mad. They're mad. Yeah. Sonic the Hedgehog? The hedgehog?

I am only marginally up with trends on the internet. I feel like most of what I try to do on the internet right now with my work, I contribute a number of posts to Boing Boing every day and I do other things with our project. Boing Boing is sort of a collaborative anarchy. There's no one boss. We all work for the Borg. But the kinds of things that I tend to write about right now tend to be things that are difficult, that are happening, that I can't find straight talk about. It's very frustrating for me to have to sit through all the bullshit on television there's nothing there's no good form for news

on television for me right now it's just not working with everything that's going on there's that bad commercial where everybody says she shed so many times have you guys seen that commercial? it drives me up a fucking wall she shed they say and they say it all the time like it's a joke like you're supposed to laugh at she shed

it's like a man cave but the time like it's a joke, like they're supposed to laugh at she shed. It's like a man cave, but for a lady, it's a she shed. Man cave's bad. So is she shed. Stop saying she shed so much, commercial. She shed, man cave. Both bad. She shed.

The only television news source I trust is Mr. John Tesh. Thank you. As long as that guy's not on TV. And the delightful Miss Mary Hart. I do trust Mary Hart. Let's not forget Miss Mary Hart. Though she crossed me once and I'm going to have a hard time ever forgetting that. You know what you did, Mary Hart.

Let's see her she shed. Sorry, I don't like she shed. Resentment is like a poison that you drink yourself. Oh, and Mary Hart like she-shad. Resentment is like a poison that you drink yourself. Oh, and Mary Hart is such a sweet wine. Oh, sweet, sweet wine. So a lot of what I'm trying to do right now is to be of service to people by looking at stuff that's difficult, trying to explain it in a way that makes sense and provides a way forward. I'm trying to focus on the solution in everything I do.

What happened to when you used to just hang out on 4chan? 4chan became radicalized. Before 4chan became fully evil when it was only of questionable evilness. Well, there's a difference between people behaving badly and the Saudis or the Russians or the Chinese dumping a bunch of money into psyops. It was supposed to be creepy guys, not actual psyops. And I also, I don't

Hey, 4chan, don't turn your evil on us. Please, I didn't say it. It was someone else. 4chan, more like greatchan. We love you. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Jordan. Lovely, lovely vibrato, lady. Shani Jardin of the Metropolitan Opera. Lovely vibrato.

Jesse Norman over here. Lovely vibrato. Sheeshed. I kind of liked it there. Yeah, okay, thank you. Hey, I'm flipping on Sheeshed. Well, my voice is a sweet, sweet wine, not unlike one Mary Hart. This Mary Hart.

The divine Miss Mary Hart. Every week, of course, Jordan Jesse Go is brought to you by all of the kind folks who are members of MaximumFun.org. You can join, too, at MaximumFun.org slash donate. This week, we're also brought to you by our friends at Arm & Hammer Cloud Control Cat Litter. Oh, I hate clouds. Yeah, but you know what I love as much as I hate clouds? What's that? Cats.

Yeah. Specifically mine. I think you probably love your cat, Bug, twice as much as you hate clouds. And you really hate clouds. I really hate clouds. Oh, no, Jesse. It's an equal hatred. You're no fool.

No. But, hey, Bug, Jesse. It's an equal hatred. You're no fool. No. But hey, Bug is great. But, you know, having a cat box in the house has its challenges. Yeah, the poops, specifically. The poops? The P's, too. And the clouds. Yeah.

But here's, this is actually a great product. Jordan, if you even say the word cumulonimbus, I swear to God, I will go on a sick rampage. Yeah. Stratus! Ah! Gotcha. With a cloud name. Joke's on you. I thought about the compact dodge. Well, okay. Well, you

got me. Are you serious? Oh, come on! Right there! Mark that, Brian. And just remix it. Add a beat. Drop the rest of the show. Drop the rest of the show.

Just have that one joke and that's the whole show. Hey, I actually filled my cat's box today with Arm & Hammer Cloud Control Cat Litter. And it's great. I love this product. I think everybody should check it out. It's hard to clean up a litter box, but with Arm & Hammer Cloud Control Cat Litter, there's no cloud of nasties. It's 100% dust-free, and it's free of heavy perfumes, which I don't care for, and it helps reduce airborne dander from scooping. So what happens in the litter box?

airborne dander from scooping. So what happens in the litter box? Say's in the litter box. Shoo, shoo. Shoo, shoo. New cloud control cat litter by Arm & Hammer. More power to you. Yeah.

It's a great product. Less power to those fucking clouds. Yeah. Oh, I could pound a cloud right now. Pound a cloud. Hey, guess what? What? If you're listening to this near to when it came out.

Yeah, the week that it came out. You could probably still catch us on tour. Yeah, we're going to Brooklyn, New York City. We're going to Boston, Massachusetts. Ooh, hold on, Jesse. That show sold out. Oh, fuck. Yeah.

Well. We're going there. But unless you got a ticket, you ain't seeing us. Tom Brady. Yeah. You can't come. Sorry, baked beans. Giselle Bündchen, you are on the list. Sure. Wait, is that who he's married to? I think so. Okay, good.

People, Brian is telling us there might be some walk-ups available, so if you really want to see the show. But not if you're Tom Brady. No, not Tom Brady. But Giselle Bündchen, yes. Oh, she can walk up. Yeah. Walk right up, Giselle.

Wednesday the 26th in New York City, the 27th in Boston, try and walk up. The 28th in Washington, D.C. Our nation's capital. That show, we have announced Glenn Weldon and Stephen Thompson from Pop Culture Happy Hour will be our guests. And there could be other surprise guests. Yeah, we're talking about very special guests. Yes, very special. Very

special guests. And Saturday the 29th in Austin, Texas with Rachel and Griffin McElroy. Yeah. So those will be fun shows. Come on up. We had a blast in the first leg. Oh, yeah. So much fun. So this is leg two, which is more fun than leg one. Can I just say who the special guest is in Washington, D.C.?

It's Paul Tsongas. Sure. It's the Capitol Steps. Featuring Mark Russell. He's leading them on piano. They don't usually have a so brilliant an accompanist. Usually it's just Billy Joel. You can get those at MaximumFun.org slash Summer Boys of Summer.

MaximumFun.org slash. Billy Joel tours with the Capitals. But just plays piano. They're accompanists. It's like a Bowie. It's like I'm so tired of being in the fucking spotlight. It's like a Bowie play keyboard on a couple of Iggy Pop albums. And I love satire.

Sure. And he loves to laugh. He loves to laugh. Joel loves to laugh. That's something about old Beej that even some of his fans don't know. He loves to laugh. At our kooky political system.

Oh, man. It's crazy. Buy Camero, baby. Maximumfun.org slash summerboysofsummer. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, a block with content. Delicious content. Important issues, of course. Candle stories. Satire. I would say more than, I'm 37 years old now.

38 years old. I'm 38 years old now. And at a certain point in my mid-30s, maybe it was around when I had kids, I said, you know what is important to me is satire. You know, like really speaking honestly about the way power corrupts. That's right. Sure. Holding up a mirror. Yeah.

Holding up a mirror. Drawing a picture of a politician that emphasizes their least flattering physical characteristics, whatever they may be. I mean, I'm not afraid. I'll draw anything slightly enlarged. And will you draw a pig trough and write tariffs on it? Yeah, I'm not afraid to do that, Jordan. Wow.

That's very brave. Well, I'm a brave man. Sure. And I think we've established that Jordan and I are both brave. We're both courageous people. We're both satirists.

We love to educate as well as inform as well as, you know, just add a little shade here and there to the picture of this great society in which we live.

We also like to learn a little something about our audience. It's a segment we call the Coliseum. And this week- C-A-L-L. Yeah, C-A-L-L. It's a spelling joke.

Typical. Typical of the kind of sophisticated. And this week, we basically wanted to know if there was more Juggalos or Slobs listening. Yes, we were wondering. That's about right, right? Yeah, it's the Slobs versus Slobs. Not to suggest that Juggalos can be quite careful. I mean, you can't get that level of character distinctiveness required without taking great care.

That's true. And, of course, I am. I am. I am. It's a delicate rib to juggalos. I think they would care. They would probably like that characterization. You know, those scrotums don't pierce themselves.

Exactly. And you got to sterilize. Sterilize the scrote, people. Sterilize the scrote. Scrotize? If there is. Yes. If there is.

Scrotalize your sterum. If there is anything that anyone takes home from this lesson, is you gotta sterilize the scrotum. You know what I like to do? Just mist it. Mist the scrotum? With like Febreze? Well,

it's half Febreze and half rubbing alcohol. Some people don't know your scrotum's been smoking weed, dude. Oh, man. Well, here's what I do. I take a toilet paper roll and I fill it with toilet paper and I put my scrote in there. There's like 14 or 15 butt and poop references. Jenny, I've got bad news.

This show will decrease the value of a paddle boat. That's how bad it is. Okay, so Brian, did I get that right, what we're doing on this program? Brian Fernandez, Sonny D is our producer. He's outside the studio here. He's cool. There's a little bit of a comparison. Now, did you think there were more Slavs than Juggalos?

I remember picking Slavs and defining Slavs. Now, do I remember why I picked Slavs or how I defined Slavs? No. You had to either live in a Slavic country or have lived in a Slavic country. It didn't just count if your grandfather is from Herzegovina. That doesn't count. And yeah. I'm sick of that bullshit. I think we're all pretty sick

of people who claim to be Slavs because their grandfather is from Herzegovina. Elizabeth Warren pulled that. Sure. It's a good thing she took that 23 and me. Yeah. We had one guy who was just playing in a band in Slovakia, and I did not count that.

Just on his way touring Slovakia? Yeah. You can't be backpacking there. I mean, I'm impressed that they can draw there. Yeah. How's our draw in Slovakia, do you think? Probably poor. What about the Czech Republic?

What if we went over to the Czech Republic? Maybe this segment will tell us. Okay. So yeah, I think we probably have a fair amount of Juggalo listeners, or a pocket of listeners who at one time identified as Juggalo.

It's important to remember the Juggalettes. Yes, of course. Whoop whoop. I'm sorry. To all the fine Juggalettes out there. Juggalexes jugglexes. You have long been a chronicler of the counterculture, and I think that you are both – I first saw the Magnets How Did They Work video on Boing Boing, a landmark time in Boing Boing history and juggalo history. But also I think you probably are familiar with the softer side of juggalos and juggalettes meaning which is butts and scrotes don't forget the scrotes where were you going with that which is to say that this is a this is a community of people

who have you know often suffered indignities at the hands of the broader society, who've banded together to really care for each other very passionately. And in fact, when we were in Chicago recently on our Summer Boys of Summer tour, Colt Cabana, our friend who's a professional wrestler, talked about his wonderful experiences going to the gathering of the Juggalos. experiences going to the gathering of the juggalos and what a like warm and inviting and welcoming and no questions asked 420 friendly uh discreet discreet community that they are um and i i believe that i believe that absolutely that's something that uh our Nathan Rabin talked about. My thing is – so I haven't had an experience of going to a Juggalo gathering in person. But I've interacted with a number of them over the internet because of the posts that we've done over the years. And what I love about their culture and the world that they create is that it's portable and you don't have to be anybody in particular to join. Pretty much everybody is welcome. There's a place for everybody.

You don't have to buy anything or have a certain amount of money or a certain ethnicity or certain parents. I love that about it. And it reminds me a lot of my experience as a young person discovering punk rock and hardcore in the 80s. Like my first show is the Bad Brains and the Dead Kennedys in 1980-something. And I was maybe like 13 years old. And there was just this world that was a little messed up and there was some stuff that was a little off and my mom hated it. I think that it's a natural, normal human instinct that can't be squelched. You can't suffocate the instinct to be a part of something bigger than yourself where you belong.

Or to occasionally wash your hair with bar soap for confusing ideological reasons. For sure. And my thing is like don't yuck other people's yum. yum. Something that an eight-year-old said to me. Yeah. Right? A lot of wisdom there. A lot of wisdom there. So it's not exactly my thing. Take that to your she shed.

But yeah, in my she shed, I think about things. It's a good place to think. Yeah. But a bad setting for a commercial. Not a menstrual hut. It's not a menstrual hut. No. So Brian. Or a menstrual hut. It's not a menstrual hut. No. So Brian. Or a man cave.

So Brian, tell us a little bit about the shape of the results here when we asked how many of our listeners were Slavs and how many Jordan Jesse Go listeners were Juggalos and Juggalettes. So it's actually pretty close here. Were you trying to get who had the most? I think so. Yeah, I think so, yeah. I think we were just going for volume on this one. Who has the better food, I wonder? And who has the better drugs? I gotta be juggalos on both, right?

Yeah, I feel like you probably don't have that good of drugs in the Slavic world. Well, you don't know where they're manufactured. That's true. You don't know where they're manufactured. That's true. That's just a guess. I could see it coming out both ways, but I would guess Juggalo in that situation. Yeah.

What about the food? Yeah, also food because it's funnel cakes, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's got to be. Yeah. It's got to be funnel cakes. It's hard to beat that.

No amount of delicious dumplings. I bet one of your listeners who is from one of the countries you identify as Slavic can probably tell you a deep fried delicious carby thing that's as nice as funnel cake. I'm sure they have their funnel cake. And it's probably good. I do like beets as well. Beets are good? I love beets. You just, yeah.

You know what I like? I fucking love borscht. Okay. Borscht is good. Yeah. There's a big swath of the world that mostly eats borscht, I think. And they're not wrong. Borscht is great. It's so is good. Yeah. There's a big swath of the world that mostly eats borscht, I think. And they're not wrong. Borscht is great.

It's so healthful. Yeah. I'm okay with borscht. Okay. Look, I'm not trying to pressure you into eating more borscht, Jordan. This isn't a- I had a friend whose grandma made a- It's just that if you were a real Slav-

It's true. I'm not. I'm a- Not some fucking bullshit Slav. I'm a poser Slav. Yeah. I had a friend whose grandma made Christmas borscht and we would go over there and have Christmas borscht.

And I didn't love the borscht, but I loved the communal experience around the borscht. Specifically, every few hours, all night long, somebody would be like, oh no, I think I did something to my kidney. Oh no. It's the borscht. That's why my pee's red. Yeah. Okay, so, Brian, it was very close, you said.

God bless Paula Dismon's grandma. Did we get any particularly interesting telephone calls or emails about it? We got some great emails from the Juggalos. Oh, God bless. It's funny because all the Slavs filled out the Colosseum form very nicely, neat and orderly, and then the Juggalos were all over the map. Yeah. They're wild cards.

Yeah. Someone did, this is just a little anecdote, he's not really a Juggalo, but he got booked to open for them doing stand-up, and he was removed by security four minutes into his 20-minute set for his safety. Wow. Okay.

Holy shit, that's probably our friend Dan Telfer. What do you think? Probably. He's coming out doing dinosaur material. Yeah. You know what? Juggalos probably love dinosaurs. I'm sorry to paint with a broad brush.

I bet they do too. Yeah. Another guy named Hempus emailed us from Australia. Hempus. Hempus. In all caps. In all caps. Hempus. He said, good day, Jordan and Jesse and Sonny D. Hempus. Hempus. In all caps. In all caps. Hempus.

He said, good day, Jordan and Jesse and Sonny D. Rope lover. Sending you some love from Australia. hold on.

Good day, Hempus. Continue. Just a quick good day to Hempus. Sending you some love from Australia. Marked me down

as a listener and a juggalo. Became a juggalo when I was 14 and still proud to be one 20 years later. If you ever get a chance to see ICP live, definitely do. Hands down the best live show I've ever seen.

Nothing but family love and a room full of juggalos and juggalettes. And no joke, when the lights came up at the end, there was a good inch and a half of Faygo on the ground. Yeah, it's like the fucking splash zone at Marine World Africa USA. I mean, he says best live band. Yeah. Has he seen the Capitol Steps featuring Billy Joel? He probably hasn't. Because the thing is, here's the thing about the Capitol Steps featuring Billy Joel.

He's not on the bill. It's just at the end, they say, we want to thank our piano player, Bill. And then they throw the spotlight and you're like, fuck, that's not just, that's the piano man himself, William Joel of Long Island,

New York. Sure. Probably. Sounds right, right? Does that seem like the right borough to you? For Billy Joel? I think he's New Jersey, right? Like that's his thing.

He's a—oh, maybe I'm thinking of Bon Jovi. Yeah. The other BJ. It's like TRX. Yeah. TRX, THX, BMX? That's what they call BMX in New Jersey. Where is Billy Joel from?

Don't tell us. Can I tell you, when I was in Little League, there were these bats that were called TRXs or TSXs or something like that. And the fucking Rich Kid teams had these bats and they wouldn't let us use them. We had these fucked up ass bats from like 1978 like when they invented metal bats

and it was just made by hitting a fucking drink can with a hammer. A V8 can specifically, not even the soda can. You can drink your vegetables. They would have these gorgeous bats. And you'd go over. Our coach would go over and he'd be like, hey, when we're batting, can we use your bats?

And their coach would just go, no. No. Class war. Classic slobs versus slobs. They had full uniforms usually rather than the ones that we had to pick out of a shed every year and then return. Full military dress? Yeah. Okay.

It was actually military formal dress like a policeman's ball. So we heard from Hempus. Yeah, so Hempus Touch Base. What's up, Hempus? Hey, good day. Good day, Hempus. Woot, woot. Yes.

Oh, we did something. A lot of people just called in to say they were Juggalos or were at one point, but I got a genuine, I don't think I've ever heard a genuine whoop, whoop, and it was fun to hear them in the calls. That's neat. Yeah. That's really fun. Yeah.

Did you hear from anybody else other than Hembis? Yeah. Well, we got one guy who just said, my boy's a Juggalo. He lives in Koreatown. His cell is is and then just gave us his number who's his boy i don't know but he spelled boy b-o-i okay and uh he says he is we don't even we're gonna call this guy without knowing his name yeah well i don't know his name no we could call him or text him i guess uh it says he's right here in koreatown just go over

his house we can bring him in i guess you can car, Brian. You can go pick this guy up. Okay, we'll go get him. I'm sure he'd come over. I came over to borrow a cup of Faygo. My mother's making funnel cakes. Can't you tell by my getup? Later, we're going to go to the Brass Monkey. That funky monkey.

He's in Koreatown. It says he's been to the drug- The Holy Trinity is Faygo funnel cakes and heart drugs. Right. So wait, so this guy gave out this dude's phone number. Yeah, it said he's been to the drug bridge multiple times and celebrates Thanksgiving in NorCal with Juggalos. Oh, okay.

So he has a Juggalo Thanksgiving. I would love to go to a Juggalo Thanksgiving sometime. Yeah. You'd want more courses than just the traditional funnel cakes. Right. The father of the families at the head of the table. Is there like a turducken equivalent? Oh, yeah.

Sure. It's a funnel cake filled with loose pills. Filled with various medications. It's called a turdruggen. Yay. Now we're talking. We are talking. Thank you. with various medications. It's called a turd druggin'. Yay! Now we're talking. We are talking. Thank you.

Blogger Shani Chardin. And then one guy who got a, he has a Hatchet Man tattoo, but he's no longer into the music, and so he just likes to get seen by other juggalos. I like the idea that you get the Hatchet Man tattoo, which is a tattoo that many juggalos. I like the idea that you get the hatchet man tattoo, which is a tattoo that many juggalos have. It's part of why

they're a gang, according to the federal government. Although I think that got overturned recently. The ACLU stood up to that, thank goodness. And I like the idea that you get that, you don't want it anymore, then you gotta figure out what to do with it. Sure.

You make it into like a wristband of hatchet men that look sort of vaguely tribal. Honestly, I've seen the hatchet man tattoo. That turns into Mario real easy. That turns into Mario so easy. Big Mario post-mushroom. Right. But who doesn't want a Mario tattoo? Also, what juggalo doesn't want Mario to do some mushrooms?

Sure, yeah. What right-minded. What about on the Slavic side, Brian? Okay, we got a couple of interesting Slavic things. One guy says he was born in Slovakia but moved to the US when he was four. But he does speak Slovak and he owns a fujara, which is a kind of giant Slovak didgeridoo,

which I thought was cool. But those are beautiful. I'd love to hear a fujara right now. That'd be nice, but... Hey Siri, play a video of a Slovak Tisara or Didgeridoo. I didn't find anything on the web for Slovak Tisara or Didgeridoo.

Oh. Why does your Siri sound like that? I changed it from lady to British man. Huh. I want it to be like that guy with the glasses from Buffy. You wanted to be Giles? You have it set on Giles? Yeah, that guy's cool.

He knows all the answers. He's a real expert. Were you worried that your wife was thinking you were being unfaithful? Yeah. I mean, she knows that my hall pass is Giles from Buffy. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. My hall pass is Giles from Buffy. Oh, wow.

If you're out there, Giles, you can have sex with Jesse and no one will be mad. You might. God damn it, Martha Stewart. Okay. Are you still trying to find a video of it? It looks a little bit like a bassoon. Hmm. I don't know if you have to wear a tunic to play it, but this man is wearing a tunic.

Probably not. It's probably optional, I would imagine. It's beautiful. It is really haunting. Shout out to Michael Smetanka. That's absolutely beautiful. Smetanka's fucking jamming. Get your brother on this.

Wow. He might already be on it. That's a very lovely instrument. That's a very lovely instrument. It's a very lovely instrument. I learned something here. It made me want a borscht. Why didn't we hear anyone play that at UC Santa Cruz?

Remember there was that one guy that would go out on the quad and play theremin? Yes, I do. I know. Yeah, come on, UC Santa Cruz. Get into that thing. Maybe they are now.

I don't know. I have not been Maybe they are now. I don't know. I have not been back in years, so I don't know what the unusual instrument du jour is. Probably after the panpipe apocalypse. Sure. Panpipes were totally played out. Yeah. We're over them. Can you capoeira to it?

That is the main kind of instrument that gets popular at UC Santa Cruz is what goes well with capoeira. Yeah. The dance fight. Dance fight, martial art. One of the top dance fights. Top five anyway. Do you think they're still into it? I wonder often about our alma mater, UC Santa Cruz.

Like what is going on there now? Like because, you know, we have all these things that were so prevalent. And I think when we were there even, it was in the process of changing from what it had been, which was like a special hippie school. Where you did mushrooms. Yeah. Yes. Into just like the poor man's UC Davis. You know, like just a less – slightly lesser UC Davis, two tiers below Berkeley and UCLA. Ouch.

Like it was just really turning into a very regular college all the time with people studying, you know, science or whatever. Something useful. Yeah. Why don't you contribute something to the world and study history of consciousness? Yeah. Learn yourself some agitprop clowning. Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, if you're out there listening from UC Santa Cruz, what are you guys into? Give us a call, 206-9844-FUN. Is it still capoeira and tube and throat singing, or is it something else? Is it zip lines and blow darts? Do you think more Jordan Jesse Go listeners are juggalos, or more have made or operated a giant puppet of ralph nader the nader thing easy that is an easy one okay brian so yeah with the slavs so we learned about the fujara the beautiful slavic didgeridoo uh there's one there's two others here uh one was somebody who was uh russian

born uh they lived in vladivostok until they were 12, and then they moved to Australia by way of their mother entering into a mail-order bride-type scenario. Holy shit. Which is wild. Wow, wow, wow. Good day. Yeah, they don't have any more about that,

but, I mean, it's possible that that was Hempus, because Hempus is from Australia as well, but I don't think so. It's probably Hempus. It's probably Hempus. Was there a dowry of hemp? Yeah. Bong-based dowry.

It's a very strong fiber, Shani. I don't know if you know that as the proprietor of a drugs website. I wonder if that flute could be used as a very large bong. Oh, yeah. You could bong the shit out of that thing. Heck yeah. How many people in our audience have made a bong out of a bassoon, huh? Probably some.

Probably some. At orchestra camp or whatever. Yes, yeah. Who here has blazed a woodwind? Give us a call if you've blazed using a woodwind. 206-984-4-5. What does a clarinet sound like as a bong? What does a clarinet sound like? Sing Woody Herman

Known for his clarinet playing And his fat bar rips This podcast will decrease the value Of your paddle boat Pull fat rips like nobody's business. So one last one that I went deep on here. We should probably do more of this. No, hold on.

Yeah, keep going. Keep going. Let's follow this path. See where it goes. One last one, Brian. Okay. So Irina emailed and she said, I may be your one and only Bosnian listener Actually living in Bosnia

And I thought Oh I think I can check that This is you Brian This is me After she said living in Bosnia Big brother Brian more like it So you paid a private detective To track her down

I hired a man to track her down. Hey, listeners, how do you feel knowing that Brian is looking in on all your search histories? Brian's watching you jack off. He loves it. And he's collecting your data. Brian watches you through that camera at the top of your laptop. That's right. Put a little piece of tape on it or else Brian's going to look at what library books you're checking out.

Don't shut me out. little piece of tape on it or else Brian's going to look at what library books you're checking out. Don't shut me out. Yeah, Mark Zuckerberg put that tape on his after Brian showed up at his front door with some of his favorite pornography. Zuckerberg likes hard copy pornography. He does. He likes a nice... I was at a newsstand the other day and I was impressed by the sheer

variety of hard copy pornography available. It's like how records and tapes came back into vogue. That is. They're for collectors. And it's easier to buy at a show. You get something, you can take home. Yeah, you can get somebody to sign it. Yeah.

At a strip show? Yes. Yeah, sure. I just assumed hardcore sex show, but yeah, either way. Do you know what you're into? Brian. Oh, yeah. So what did you do?

I just kind of waited around by the stage door. Hey, sorry. Could you sign this? I'm just a big fan. So I went and looked at our downloads just to see, out of curiosity, how many downloads we were getting from Bosnia. And I checked all of 2019. That's the current year, Brian.

Yeah. Good one. Current year. And so we've had 26 episodes with one bonus episode for Max Fun Drive. And so if you count all of those. I don't. Go ahead. Okay.

We've had 54 downloads from Bosnia. So that suggests that there's a second Bosnian listener. There could be two Bosnian listeners. You know where I think the second Bosnian listener is? On the grassy knoll. Yeah. Killed Kennedy. Our second

Bosnian listener. It's amazing. So if you're our second Bosnian listener, 206-9844-FUN. And yeah, I would love it if you two would get together for some borscht. Yeah. Take a photo. No Hertz of Governance.

None. No. But have your fill of borscht. And keep that in mind when you're urinating later. Unless you're the governor of Hertz of Governance. What are we even doing on this show anymore that's some great detective work yeah you know um you jordan you've heard of detective pikachu i have not again i'm not on the internet anymore so i've only heard of zaddies okay we'll be back we don't know the numbers let's fight

let's finalize the numbers here okay so. So there were eight total Slavs. That's a pretty good turnout, I think. Yeah. Given the narrowness, the constricted. And we do know that maybe there is a ninth Slav out there somewhere. Yeah, there could be a ninth out there. Yeah. It's like a Schrodinger's cat thing.

It's my favorite Orson Welles movie. If we can only observe the Slav indirectly. And there were 13 juggalos. Wow. Congratulations, Jordan. Thank you. I have not won one of these in some time. There can be only one champion, Jordan.

And today, it are you. I'm that, yes. It me. I'm champ. Me is champ. More juggalos. That's a lucky 13 juggalos One of them being

Hempus Hempus This is great Is Hempus our new Top listener I mean If you're out there And you think you're

Cooler than Hempus Fucking give us a call I don't think you are I don't think you are Yeah it's Hempus or nothing You're out of here Shrimpoo Yeah sorry Shrimpoo

It's Hempus time now. Hempus needs his moment. Sure. Get out of the spotlight, shrimpu. Yes. The Sandman's coming for you, shrimpu. He's dancing on stage with the hook right now. 2019, the year of hempus.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Hi, I'm Biz. And I'm Teresa. And we host One Bad Mother, a comedy podcast about parenting. Whether you are a parent or just know kids exist in the world, join us each week as we honestly share what it's like to be a parent. And then that's how my day starts.

Yeah. Come on. I'm so sick of it. When is that going to be over? Like, I want it to stop. Teresa, you're hurting my ears. I mean, that's it. Yeah, no. I just hate it. Yeah, I're hurting my ears. I mean, that's it. Yeah, no.

I just hate it. Yeah, I don't blame you. It sucks. It really sucks. So join us each week as we judge less, laugh more, and remind you that you are doing a great job. Find us on MaximumFun.org, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I listen to reading glasses because Bria and Mallory have great tips. My suggestion for book festivals is just go for one day.

I listen for the author interviews. I was a huge Goosebumps fan. Oh, yes. R.L. Stine was totally my jam. I don't even read. I just like their chemistry together. Literally, if on the back it said, like, this book made me shit my pants, I'd be like, that's, I'm buying this book. Like, I think the problem with blurbs a lot of times. I like that we both want to crap ourselves over books.

I'm Brea Grant. And I'm Mallory O'Meara. We're Reading Glasses, and we solve all your bookish problems. Every Thursday on Maximum Fun. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Zini Jarden.

Great pronunciation. I think it's pronounced Jardenaire. And it is not a real Italian beef unless you've got it on there. Sure. It's like a pickled peppers and cauliflower situation. I don't quite understand what you're getting at. This is Chicago food. Hmm.

Italian beef. Okay. Have you had that before? Yeah, I have. Yeah, that's pretty good. Pretty good. They put jardiniere, which is like a mix of pickled peppers that Peter Piper picked. Sure.

And then also some cauliflowers and stuff. That sounds good. Little pieces of carrot. It's like a little diced pickled peppers and vegetables situation. Like a tapenade. It is. Well, it's no olives, of course. Yeah, and it's not-

Kind of that consistency. No, it's more, it's like slightly crunchy. It's small pieces, but it's chunks. Okay. It's chunks. Jordan? Love a chunk. It's chunks.

I love a chunk. You know me. Everybody loves chunk. I'm always chunking. Oh, steady chunking. Sure. When I'm. Everybody loves chunk. I'm always chunking. Steady chunking. Sure. When I'm at my house, you know I'm chunking. All night, all day, homie.

Yeah. Chunking. Jenny, thank you so much for being on the show. It's been fun. Yes. It's been too long since we've had you. Yeah. Yeah.

People should check out boingboing.net on the reg. Yeah. How's your marijuana website going? We didn't launch bongbong yet. Okay. Bongbong. But we do own the domain. Excellent.

Now we're talking. You're going to want to squat on that. Now we're talking. We have fun. Please visit us, boingboing.net. And, yeah, I'm just really looking forward to enjoying the rest of the summer. And I'm going to be downloading a bunch of episodes of this show so that I can listen to it out in canoe country. Yeah.

Oh, this is a perfect canoeing program. I really think so. It really helps you get your aromatic rhythm down. Mm-hmm. You know. We're going to be doing the final for now Coliseum during our next studio show. It's going to be amazing. And it's going to be big.

We should build this up big so that we can only disappoint people. Yes. Oh, yes. Almost certainly. How about we undersell it? This will be the best Coliseum ever. Yes, it sure will. Yeah.

We want to just kind of set the bar low. Oh, yeah. So that we can only win. Mm-hmm. Jordan, we're headed out on tour. We sure will. We want to just kind of set the bar low so that we can only win. Jordan, we're headed out on tour. We sure are. I hope we will see people in Boston, Washington, D.C., Brooklyn, New York City, and Austin, Texas, as well as Los Angeles. Brian, do we have a date for Los Angeles in July? Nice.

July 24th. Nice. At the Angel City Brewery, DTLA. Downtown Los Angeles. Little Tokyo to be specific. The arts district. It's going to be a lot of fun. Probably going to be some great guests. I don't know.

That's a really fun venue. It's a very fun venue. And it's a great venue if you want to stop by the Kino Kuniya and buy a bunch of Japanese fashion magazines, which is what I will be doing before the show. I mean, it's a real one-stop shop. Yeah. But yeah, no, we've done-

It's got everything. Beer, Japanese fashion magazines. Sure. And chunks. Yeah. Of course. Chunks of various kinds. Usually there's a nice taco truck there.

Yeah, there's a great taco truck there. They have chunks? Sure. Yeah. I mean, I love it when my tacos are filled with chunks. Carnitas? That's a chunk. Carnitas is a great chunk. Oh, that's a great taco truck. They have chunks. Sure, yeah. I mean, I love it when my tacos are filled with chunks. Carnitas, that's a chunk. Oh, that's a good chunk. Right? It depends if you chunk or shred your carnitas,

but I prefer a chunked carnitas. Would you say chunked or shredded is your top carnitas? Well, I'd say chunked. Yeah, chunked. You gotta say chunked. I'd say chunked, partner. You've got to say chunked, partner. But with a carne asada, I would have to say shredded. Oh, wow. More of a machaca situation then. A little bit.

Wow. Wow. We're getting into the hot topics in the final minutes of the show. This is why Boing Boing's still out there doing their thing. They get these hot takes. They're bouncing around social media. Nobody can believe people preferring shredded asada to chunked asada. There's no taco censorship, man.

Yeah. Sorry, Brian. You're not going to There's no taco censorship, man. Yeah, sorry, Brian. You're not going to tell us how to have our tacos. Yeah, Brian. And you're not going to tell me not to check out the anarchist cookbook from the library. Yeah, Brian. Stop telling me not to do that. Brian, I downloaded it from Gopher.

I heard there's gluten in it. Oh, God. Now I don't like it. Because I have a gluten intolerance and it gives me diarrhea. Yeah. It's like, so much poop in this episode. I shouldn't be eating that. I shouldn't have eaten that copy of the Anarchist Cookbook.

Page by page. You can learn how to make a bomb. Jeez. You can find us on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com. You can find us on Facebook in the Maximum Fun group where there's always fun chat. People mostly post a lot of pictures of crows to upset me. Yeah, so if you want to troll Jesse. Yeah, you're just posting pictures of fucking crows.

Guys, crows are like the only thing I hate as much as clouds. And because they're always scheming. You know what I mean? A murder. What are they doing back there? Yeah, that's true. They are called a murder aren't they

a group of them no wonder no wonder this isn't about the movie The Crow no that's fine RIP Brandon Lee

yeah we'll remember you forever for the movie The Crow and being Bruce Lee's son yeah these are the two things I know yeah

about Brandon Lee so anyway maximumfun.reddit.com. JJ, go at MaximumFun.org is our email address. You can just send us a voicemail if you've got a momentous occasion or whatever. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron for the show, we haven't been quiet on the Jumbotron front lately, but you can go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. We will share your message with the world, specifically Australia. One guy named Tempest. Specifically Tempest. You will have a message with the world, specifically Australia. One guy named Tempest.

Specifically Tempest. You will have a message for Tempest. Two Bosnians and over seven Americans. You can go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer. Our guest has been Shani Chardon from the great website Boing Boing, which is always a blast. 2019. Boing Boing. Still doing always a blast. Boing Boing. Still doing it big time, baby.

Magnets. How do they work? How do they work? We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Desigo. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.