Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 591: The Summer Boys of Summer Tour Part 1

Episode Date: July 2, 2019

Live from Minneapolis and Chicago, it's part one of The Summer Boys of Summer Tour with special guests Bill Corbett (Rifftrax, Bill Corbett's Fun House podcast, Kevin Murphy (Rifftrax), Courtney Enlow (Trends Like These), and Colt Cabana (The Art of Wrestling podcast, Edinburgh Fringe Festival Show)!  You can watch our Boston show from the tour in its entirety on our YouTube channel! Check it out here! Special thanks to the WBUR Cityspace for the amazing video production!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jessico, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. You know, Jordan, we're doing our Summer Boys of Summer tour right now. We are. And we have a very special treat for Jordan Jessico listeners. Oh, this is going to be a good one.

We've been traveling this great nation gathering segments for this program. Yes. As Johnny Appleseed planted apple trees, we will gather planted laughs and then gather the- In the wombs of the children of Portland. It's an imperfect analogy. It's an imperfect analogy. That's not implant. Children's wombs? Yeah, that's true. It's an imperfect analogy. That's not implant. Children's wombs?

Yeah, that's true. That's true. Leave children's wombs alone. That's our motto. That's true. But it's in Latin. Yeah. Sic transit gloria.

Right. Leave children's wombs alone. Of course, we all know that famous line from Rushmore. We had so many amazing guests on this tour. In Minnesota, we had our friends Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy from Riff Trax. Yeah. In Chicago, we had Colt Cabana and Courtney Enloe. Courtney, of course, is from Trends Like These.

Colt Cabana is our friend who's a wrestler. These were really, really fun shows with awesome audiences and some great guests. So we hope you enjoy this first little peek at the Summer Boys of Summer Tour. Let's go to the stage. Welcome to Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Sorry, I'm a Jordan Morris boy detective.

Jordan, I can't help but notice that you are, you're wearing a Baja sweatshirt or drug rug. That's right, baby. It's 3 o'clock somewhere. I think the expression is it's 5 o'clock somewhere. Nah, dude, 3 p.m., baby. So is this like your new thing? Are you like a super chill guy? Yeah, man.

I got this drug rug and I think it's gotten to my brain, man, because I am just living the life. Really? Yeah. In what way would you say you're living the drug rug life? Man, I just, everything else just kind of went out the window and I'm just living for the moment chilling with my tunes you know what kind of tunes? Splish splash I was taking a bath all along a Saturday night

I don't mean to rub a dub I don't mean to correct you Jordan I'm just not sure that that necessarily is part of the drug rug, listening to 1950s novelty hits. Come on, man.

What's more chill than rub-a-dub-it in the bath, baby? Three o'clock somewhere. Again, I'm not sure that's the expression, and I'm not sure you're actually understanding what it is to be a chill dude. You know what my buddy Matthew McConaughey would say.

Okay, now we're on the right track. What would your buddy Matthew McConaughey say? I'm the Lincoln lawyer. It's me, the Lincoln lawyer. I don't know, maybe... Three o'clock somewhere.

This motherfucker knows what I'm talking about. I'll see you at 3 p.m., asshole. I'm the Lincoln lawyer. I am really not sure that you know what it is to be chill. I'm a little parched. What do you have there? I'm going to crack a beverage. Oh, what kind of beverage?

Oh, you know, a brewski, a brew dog, something to quench my thirst. Excuse me while I kiss the sky. Ooh, yeah. Time for a brew dog. Jordan, that's an RC Cola. I call it a brew dog. RC, reallyog. RC. That's not what a BrewDog is. Really chill.

No. A BrewDog is normally that's a beer or something. Perfect for a Lincoln lawyer like me. Again, like maybe something from Dazed and Confused or something would be a better thing that Matthew McConaughey says, man. I ain't seen that one, baby. Only movie I've seen is The Lincoln Lawyer. All right.

Hey, man. Why are you so uptight? I don't know. We have this big show to do. Hey, come on, baby. What time is it? Three o'clock. Three o'clock somewhere.

Come on, sing it with me. Splish splash, I was taking a bath all along a Saturday night. Alright, it's John and Jesse Go! I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris. That was the

drug rug bit. Drug rug bit. A very good bit. We're very excited to be here in the great city of Chicago. Yes. Where every other building is a bar. So many bars in Chicago. One just called Moe's Tavern. Like, that's legal.

And with a picture of Moe from The Simpsons on it. Like a faded one. One that's been there for a long time. Like, at this point, just have a bar called Disneyland, right? Come on, let's go get fucked up at Disneyland. Yeah, but I'm already having a good time. We had some famous Chicago food. We've got some Chicago and Illinois friends here with us.

Yes, we sure do. Later on in the show, we're going to hear from Courtney Enloe from Trends Like These. And our professional wrestling friend, Colt Cabana. He'll just come out, hit us with a folding chair, and leave. All that's going to happen. Yeah, no, it's actually, we're having a good time here. We made a little stop at a store. I'm teasing something.

This will make sense later. But you said you overheard something you wanted to. Yeah. Genuinely, we've had a lot of moments on this trip where we've started to talk about something, and then we've stopped the other one and gone, save it for the podcast. It's because when you're spending all your time together and you have, like, three hours at Liberty,

and then you have to do an hour-long show later that night, like, if anything of interest happens, you gotta save it. But yeah, I was in the liquor store, store there was this woman in front of me very nice woman and the the man at the counter was sort of courtly I would say like very polite he was wearing a powdered wig yes and they were they were talking and he apologized that something he was ringing up took too long and she said

oh I'm sorry it's okay it's okay it's not a problem how are things going for you today and he said to be honest I'm having a little bit of a hard day and she's like oh what happened you know

what's going on just super nicely everybody in Chicago is nice. Sure. Except Mike Ditka. Except for fucking Ditka. Look out, Ditka. She's like, what happened to you today? And I'm thinking, what kind of thing would you think?

Like rude customer or something like that? Sure. He says, I had heart surgery. And he still came to work at the liquor store? That's what she said. Literally, not as a cliche to my son.

That's a good... Is that a sexual innuendo? I just had heart surgery? That's what she said? Yeah. And maybe breakup sex? Could that be breakup sex? Heart surgery?

I don't know. I don't know either. Sure. But she... I have an enlarged ventricle, if you know what I mean. He goes... A lot of arterial blockage.

Ladies. She says, like, and you came into work at the liquor store, as you said. And he goes, I couldn't get anyone to fill in for me. Wow. And she goes,

she's at this point, like, sputtering like a cartoon character out of concern for this kind man. And she says, like, well, but it must have been minor surgery, right? Like, she's trying to explain it so hard. And he goes, no, five hours. Yeah, we went in there at like 2 p.m. So,

you know, that actually, that's funny that you say that, because now actually something is starting to make sense. I know he was at one point dragging an IV bag, and then replaced it with from the store, a Mike's Heart lemonade. But like, by far the most challenging part

was she, like, was so sweet to him. She was like, well, when do you get off? And it wasn't that far from then. She said, well, I hope you do okay between now and then, and I hope you get to rest. And he says, I hope so, too. And then I'm like, can I buy this liquor now? What are you supposed to say?

What's the follow-up? I'm glad I didn't follow through with my plan to scare him. Yeah. I do like to sneak up on people I'm buying things from. Oh, you know, sorry, before we continue any further, we have just like a quick sponsorship thing. I hope you guys don't mind. Just a little bit of housekeeping.

We're so excited to have a sponsor on this week's. Of course, it is, this is the Summer Boys of Summer Tour. We're celebrating all things summer and summer boys. This is the original summer boy himself, Mr. Jordan Morris. You mean the Lincoln lawyer.

We are so lucky. I'm not going to do that anymore. Even I don't like it anymore. Fuck that. We are so lucky to have a wonderful local sponsor here for the tour. It is the Blue Harbor Resort in Sheboygan, Wisconsin. So if any of you guys are looking for a great lake resort, the only thing they asked of us, and I hope this is okay with you,

I mean, we don't normally do SponCon or sponsored content, but we did agree to just do a few quick announcements for them. And I know that not everyone in this room will go there, but

for those of you who do go there, or people who are there and are listening to the podcast later, they just gave us a few quick announcements regarding the resort, which again is a lake resort. First announcement here. Lake announcements is the title of this list of things. You mean real commercial we have to do? You mean real commercial we have to do? Yeah, I mean real thing

with significant stakes. First lake announcement. Lost a foot or hand in a motorboating accident? Great news. Get a free nacho upgrade when you show your stump at the snack bar. It's dirty dancing night at our nightclub. Admission is free if you're dressed as Jerry Orbach.

Always wanted to try a jet ski but were afraid to take the leap? Take a lesson with one of our jet ski pros. Head to the lake house and ask for Brad, Chad, Ashton, Asher, Gunther, Gunner, Handgun, Bullet, Handlebar, Oakley, Patagonia, Nalgene, Champ, Chomp, Chp, or Bronson Pinchot, star of Perfect Strangers. Sheboygan Mayor Shumway has declared June Vector-Borne Parasitic Infection Awareness Month. Why not get into the mood by opening your mouth slightly in the children's swim zone? Looking for something to read? Check out the library for fun tomes on everything from poker strategy to gambling addiction treatment to how to pay alimony when your ex has already sucked you dry.

Are you a Sudoku fan? Old Jim has a bunch of Sudokus, but you're gonna have to fight him for them. Our famous water slide is out of service this week, but you can approximate the experience by letting an out-of-control

quad bike drag you through the old mining sluice wave. Great news for public sex fetishists. Head out to our forest meadow. Our bears are finally

docile enough to watch you fuck. If you've seen footage of our legendary lake monster, Sally, don't worry. It's just a close-up of some out-of-focus driftwood. The real monster is our groundskeeper, Frankie, who always has one testicle

hanging out of his shorts. And finally, anybody up for a game of ping pong? You can find our new table tennis tables at the old rendering plant. Head past the multipurpose room in the garden gazebo,

through the rusty door, then follow the distant laughter of the child ghost until you get to the pile of femurs. But remember, if you hit the portal to the blood dimension, you've gone too far. Those are lake announcements.

Lake announcements. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. We're taking a quick break from all the live action to remind you that Jordan, Jesse Goh, of course, is brought to you every week by all of the members of MaximumFun.org. All the folks who've gone to MaximumFun.org slash donate. This week, we are also brought to you by our friends at Zip Recruiter.

Hiring can be a challenge. Oh, it's the worst. But there's one place you can go where hiring is simple, fast, and smart. That place is ZipRecruiter. ZipRecruiter. They send your job to over 100 of the web's leading job boards, but they don't stop there. Yeah. They use their powerful matching technology.

They scan thousands of resumes to find people with the right experience and invite them to apply to your job. It's so effective that four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day. Jordan, did you ever go to the college recruiting job center? I sure did, Jesse. They have like three by five cards on the wall. You know who I bet is putting those three by five cards on the wall? ZipRecruiter. Probably ZipRecruiter.

Probably. That's not confirmed. Going from university to university. ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo if you want to try it for free. ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. Try it for free. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Let's get back to the stage. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you.

Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Let's welcome our guests. You know them from Mystery Science Theater 3000. You know them from Riff Tracks. Please welcome Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy.

So hello, boys. Hi, kids. You're looking very summery, I've got to say, each in your own way. I should say, for the folks at home, I am wearing a Baja sweatshirt, otherwise known as a drug rug. And a banana warmer. Yeah. Well, don't tell them about that.

A mesh banana warmer. Let's breathe. Let's the banana breathe. More of a banana cooler this time of year. I should say that I am wearing this as a goof. I'm not actually dressing like this now. That'll happen in six months when this just makes its way into the rotation. Jordan, what is... Maybe we'll throw this to Bill and Kevin. Let's say you were

down on the pier in Los Angeles. Maybe you were at Venice Beach. You're buying yourself a drug rug. What do you think it sets you back? Having not done that in about 30 years Wait, you did 30 years ago? Actually I bought one in Tijuana Oh

Yeah, they were cheap there Yeah These days what are you going to say? You traded your body for it though Oh hell yeah Unspeakable acts in order to get a serape. By cheap, you mean free with blowjob.

Right, yes, exactly. Didn't want to be quite so on the nose, but yeah. I don't know, what, 20 bucks, 30 bucks? Bill, you have a guess? I'm going to say $19.99. What do you guys think? $60, $1. Actually,

someone from the audience, $1, Bob. That is actually the closest without going over. $14 for this drug. Venice Beach. It's hot. Will I take it off during the course of the show? Who knows? That is a tremendous value.

I think you have to now. You already took off the banana warmer. As we say in Minnesota, that's quite reasonable, you know. It is reasonable. And it gives me free admission to any Dave Matthews concert. Already I'm saying thousands per year. You guys are long-time Minnesotans. You guys are serious Minneapolis.

Yeah, I've lived here now. Sounds like an accusation. Longer than I've lived here myself. Defend your choice! Something we kind of tried and failed at this morning. We got here on kind of an earlier

flight, and I have been... Something that I like to do when I'm alone at the house. First, he takes off that banana water. For the folks at home, that was Kevin making the masturbation noises with his cheek. You're fast. Yeah. You know, I don't know how long the show is I gotta get things going here

Is that Michael Winslow over there? The police academy Making those jack off noises? First I crank it a little And then I get in the helicopter And then I talk on a megaphone So when I'm at home alone Something I like to Google is photos of a regional delicacy called the Juicy Lucy.

Oh, yeah. I've not ever had one, and I was so excited to come here so I could eat one. But there are no Juicy Lucy's in this immediate neighborhood. Not in this neighborhood, no way. Can you describe? It's zoned for it, man. You can't, yeah. It's true.

It's like having a liquor license. Got to be south of the crosstown. You have to have a master cheese injector, and the license fees here are really high. Can you describe what this is and where I might go to get it before I leave? Well, the places are like Matt's, right? Or the 5A Club. Well, what it is...

Yeah, you see, this is the controversy here. What about the one the lady at the hotel said? What was that called? Listen, this is all I've been talking about. We were talking about this while checking into the hotel. And you think he means all he's been talking about since we got, all he's been talking about since we booked this tour. When am I going to get the juicy?

Our hotel concierge, and let me know, this is interesting because it's clearly a divisive issue. Oh, yeah. The Nook? Whoa. A lot of Nook fans. By hotel concierge you mean the woman at the counter

of our all suites suburban business hotel. Don't let them know we're not staying at the Ritz. The one employee of our hotel. So for your audience

Our hotel by the way is attached to a four-mile-long hardware store. Wow. I want to stay there now. It also has an indoor gazebo. It's very confusing. Minnesota is very different from Los Angeles. During the winters, man, you don't want to use an outdoor gazebo. That's fair.

That's fair. Freeze your balls off, absolutely. So this is, I should describe for people who may, this is a burger with the cheese baked inside, right? The cheese is inside the burger. And for a proper juicy Lucy, right, it has to burn your mouth in the first bite. The roof of your mouth sears and blisters. And the cheese, American cheese, mind you,

adheses to the top of your mouth and just sits there and just boils away. Let me not call bullshit on that verb. Adheses? I love that. Adheres? Well, adheres, yeah, but adheses is more, you know, visual. It's more bullshit.

Yeah. But, yeah, point taken. Go ahead. Point taken. I like that you burn off that top layer of mouth to get to the more powerful underlayer. Then the sensitive underlayer is there, which you can appreciate. Yeah, to really taste the tang of American cheese. The oiliness, the blandness, the waxiness.

But you can't have a Juicy Lucy without American cheese. It just is not a Juicy Lucy. What about, now hold on, because one place that I saw on Yelp serves a Blue Sea Lucy. Bullshit. I mean, I'm sure they do, but it's bullshit. It's not a Juicy Lucy. No, I've heard of one called... Plus it's not blue.

This is like martini arguments, you know? I've heard of one called... Plus, it's not blue. This is like martini arguments, you know? I've heard of one called... Have you had a Dirty Lucy? Or a Cheesy Sanchez? No, no, no, man. Well, the name Juicy Lucy, if you didn't know it was food, you might assume it's something else. I wouldn't.

No, you would say they said apple juicy or something. There's actually one called the Wacky Jackie. It's a burger you eat while a clown masturbates. Clowns! Clowns! It's consensual. I want the clown to be masturbating. It's not a surprise.

I've asked the clown nicely. That's why I ordered the burger. The key is that the clown not make more clowns Speaking of clowns I had a flashback while you were doing that rant there Jesse You're talking about my moving open letter? It was a good rant

My shoes grew three sizes during that Thank you It was a necessary rant but I was remembering when I was an aspiring punk rocker in high school, I had a song called Decomposing Clowns. Wow. And it was all about

people come into the big top and stumble on a pile of dead clowns that have been massacred. Because I was pretty fucking edgy. Could you sing a little, Bill? Something happened on the big top.

The lights are out, the colors down. Jolly red face smiling forever. Oh, what an ugly death for a clown. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Rubber red noses covered with maggots. Grey floppy shoes caked in grey dust.

Bum, bum, bum, dust. I don't know. That's all I can remember. Yeah, I like the scat part. Nice. But put me on the charts. That was pretty beautiful for a clown murder based song you wrote in high school. It is one of the most beautiful clown murder based songs. Yeah.

Hot damn. Okay, so I mean, obviously I would like to get this burner at some point. Cloud Murder Burst song. Yeah. Hot damn. So, okay. So, I mean, obviously I would like to get this burger at some point. Is there any other Minneapolis food things

that I should look for? No. Okay. No. As it turns out, no. What about, don't people eat Northern European foods here?

What about hot dish? Someone gave me a hot dish once when I was here. Well, hot dish? Someone gave me a hot dish once when I was here. Well, hot dish is generally at funerals. Does anybody have any hot dish? Now that I think about it, I had killed someone. You traditionally put it on the chest of the dead person.

Right. And then you eat off that. And you bury it with them so they can take it to the next life. Right, to the next life. Like a fucking funeral. Boy, it sounds good. Anybody have a plus one to a funeral in the next couple days Right, to the next life. Like a Viking funeral. Boy, it sounds good. Anybody need to have a plus one to a funeral in the next couple days I can tag along to?

Well, if you were here on Friday night, you'd go to a fish fry, I think. Go to the VFW, your local VFW, and have a fish fry. Or a supper club. Or a supper club, yeah. Which I've never understood the concept of, honestly. It's not like you don't have membership, right?

It's not a club, and generally they also serve lunch. What's the difference between a supper club and a restaurant? Get the fuck out of here! Supper only! Supper clubs are very regimented, though. They have a specific menu.

They've got the grill portion, and they have walleye. Do you want your walleye broiled? Or fried? Well, it's basically like the menu that time forgot. You get a little fruit cup with those little pale grapes in it. Crinkle-cut carrots.

Yeah? Yeah. Horrible food, really. Cheese curds. Should I look for cheese curds? Cheese curds are wonderful. Absolutely. But the Juicy Lucy, I think there's only like three places.

And I have to confess, I have never enjoyed the experience. Oh, interesting. Because really this is mostly about injury, which I'm not as into as I used to be. They're surprisingly easy to make, just so you know. It's a very easy thing to make. American cheese, good ground beef, little thin patties, really hot grill. Sear the hell out of the first one. Put the cheese on.

Put the second one on top of it. Put an iron on top of it or heavy, heavy implement. An iron works. And then damn near burn one side. Turn it over. It takes three minutes and it's done. Have your finger poised over 911. I do.

I have a bacon press. I put my juicy delicious under a bacon press. It works really well. You make them at home? I do. You resourceful son of a bitch. They're fabulous. You ever make a bluesy?

Fuck no. Heresy. Heresy. That's right. But there is kind of a thing with these in that there's two places that say they invented it. Matt's and the 5-8 Club, yes. Yeah. Do you have an opinion as to which one actually invented it?

I ain't getting in the middle of that. No, this precedes me. A man could wind up dead. That's exactly right. Dead like a clown under the big top. It's like asking which original pancake house is the original pancake house. Nobody will tell you. There's like 10 of them.

It's like Ray's Famous in New York, right? It's heavy. It's very heavy. Heavy shit. Bill, you're a New Yorker originally. Is that why you won't eat? I'm not eating this food from these people. I've been here a long time.

I've gone completely native. My children are Minnesotan. I like garbage food. I just don't like that garbage food. What's your garbage food of choice? Gee whiz. I love anything at the state fair, which is when you guys should go.

You just go and have 700,000 calories a day of pure oily garbage. Yeah. Just fantastic. See the temptations with none of the original members. Right, right, right. Sounds like a great day. I was actually surprised. When you were talking about that song you wrote, I was surprised to hear that you were a punk rocker in high school.

You're such a delightful, soft-spoken man. I know. It's amazing. I really wasn't very serious. I had a little garage band with friends, and we never charted. Were you full of rage? Was I? Oh, yeah.

Well, you know, half full of rage. Half full. He's an optimist half full of rage. Half full. He's an optimist. You're a rage optimist. It was a weird thing to be, but yes. Kevin, how did you channel your adolescent rage?

My inner rage? Yeah. By making juicy loosies. Oh, sure. Just really whacking that patty. Just like, ah, ah, ah,

inject the cheese. No, I just, I don whacking that patty. Inject the cheese. No, I just, I don't know. I'd get in trouble, you know? Go out and drink underage drinking and driving when I shouldn't have. That's what it's like. Oh. Yeah. One day my dad just told me about how he used to like pop greenies, like speed pills.

Oh, wow. Like Benzos. Oh, wow, his father. And steal his parents' car and drive it out to the ocean. But I think the moral of the story was that he was doing that shit and was a straight-A student and president of the student court. That helps. And so if I was a B-minus student, which I was,

then imagine the shit I was up to. And I wasn't doing anything except for, you know, a production of Little Shop of Horrors. Now, now, you were in a rotisserie baseball league, too. Oh, wow. So that could get a little wild.

That could get a little wild. That's pretty crazy, yeah. Absolutely. I went to art films with my friends on Saturday matinees. You badass, you. Absolutely. I went to art films with my friends on Saturday matinees. You badass, you. Regular James Dean here. Yeah.

Who out here saw Ousien on Delu at 16? Oh, really, man? They have a razor blade in the dog's eye. It's so fucked up. When you said that in jest, several hands of the audience shot up. I love you, art nerds. That ingests several hands of the audience. Shut up. I love you, arch nerds. I would wear my costumes from the high school drama performance to class.

Wow. Oh, shit. That's fucking real. Were you in musicals? Yeah, totally. Which ones? The Boyfriend, which is a 1920s... A flapper thing, right? A flapper thing, yeah.

Did you play the Twiggy part? Yeah, I did play the Twiggy part, yes. Not an all-boys school either. I was just the best one for the job. No, I played like the lusty old man. I even drew on my own crow's feet. I did that thing in high school drama where you draw the three little lines by your eyes.

Put a ton of talcum powder in your hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, every time you move. You know, us theater people know about Chiaroscuro, the art of the light and the dark. Sure. Hello. And Into the Woods as well. I was the narrator in Into the Woods.

Let me, you played the big bad wolf. Oh, no, I was the narrator, the talk-sing part. Oh, okay. I got a lot of talk-sing parts. Were you Little Red Riding Hood? No. I was the narrator. I told you.

Because I had to talk. Which fairy tale is narrator from? Is it just... Just from literature. Just from literature. Just all literature. He's the guy who says, once upon a time.

Yes. Were you the guy that didn't have his rent? Oh, so you were Rumpelstiltskin? Yes. And I was the guy trying to sell the trombones to the small town. Oh, yeah. And also Alexander Hamilton, I guess. Very confusing one-man show.

I was actually, not only was I a punk rocker, but I was in high school musicals. I was the star of a musical version of Destry Rides Again,

the 1930s Jimmy Stewart movie. Okay. It just never was a big musical. We had this very weird theater teacher who was like, I

want to find the most obscure shit possible and challenge the kids with it. And it was like a cowboy musical and I want to find the most obscure shit possible and challenge the kids with it. And it was like a cowboy musical and I had to learn to spin a gun on stage. I was just drowning

in pussy from that show. I mean, to be frank, if there are any high school students out here who are straight boys and you're trying to get laid, there's worse things than being the one straight guy in the high school. I went to an all-boys high school students out here who are straight boys and you're trying to get laid, there's worse things than being the one straight guy in the high school. I went to an all-boys high school. It was a necessity.

I'm not saying I'm married to my high school girlfriend or anything. Hey, Jesse, you know that thing you just said? Yeah. Disagree. Disagree. Disagree. When weree. Disagree. When we did Little Shop of Horrors my junior year, and the alternative, and I was not a big musical theater knower about her, but I remember that the alternative was.

Don't you let him get away with that word. He's the host, buddy. Okay. It's the law. It's the law. It's podcast law. Go on, I'm sorry. Without me, you're not getting paid. A lot of shit.

Also, with me, you're not getting paid. That's right. This is a voluntary thing. I remembered that the alternative musical, they were deciding between Little Shop and Company. And I watched Company. I watched Company. I watched Company. I hadn't seen it at the time.

I didn't really know anything about it. But I watched it 15 years later on PBS. And I was like, this is about ennui among the literati in late 1960s New York. This is the worst high school musical ever. You know, Intelligentsia pretty much. Yeah, it is a truly, it's like if they said, let's do a musical version of the Ice Storm.

It was very baffling in retrospect why that was the other choice. Kevin, you have a beautiful singing voice. Thank you. Did you do any theater in high school or anything like that? I did, and the voice was actually a liability. I'm glad.

I'm blessed with a nice voice, but I was in South Pacific, and I wanted to play Luther Billis, which was really the meaty part of that. You know, that's, there is nothing like a dame, nothing in the world. But instead, I played

Popeye. Luther Billis is sort of like Popeye except he's enlisted. He's not Merchant Marine. I mean, it's not specific. That's right. No, but I had to play Emile de Bec, who's the French guy, the plantation owner.

Salmon chante evening. But that's the most boring part in the whole, except you get to kiss. It's a weird story. Yeah, it is a weird story. Yeah, this American nurse falls for some gadabout on the South Pacific Island.

You, you were the gadabout. He has a couple of kids on the side. Yeah. And it's pretty racist, too. It's way racist Well it was a piece of art Made before 2010 It's gonna be a little dodgy in parts

Wait a minute I was making art before 2010 Who did you get to kiss? I got to kiss Kim Nowicki Ladies and gentlemen, she's here tonight. Kim! Hi, Kevin.

You gave me herpes, Kevin. Terrible, terrible kiss. Before you did on-stage kissing, had you done any significant real-life kissing? No, and I was terrified and the kissing

was almost non-existent. It was truly air kissing how did they like was there like a you know how so once what's going on here he's getting there he's getting there one time one time entering a fugue state one's gonna wake up a short order cook in cook in Nebraska in two weeks and not know how he got there. One time I was in a local television commercial where I had to be naked. Wow. Don't worry, I got paid $300. And I figured that there would be a whole system for how someone gets naked in the thing. Like, I knew that I was going to have to get naked, but I figured I'd get a sock,

and there would be a whole thing about who can look and who can't look, and so on and so forth. But actually, they're just like, all right, take it off. So what I'm wondering... Hope you brought your own sock. This was like a local TV thing, not a union job, right? I have to confess, I've never seen a naked person in a commercial. I mean... You mean like... Yeah, it was like a local TV thing, not a union job, right? I have to confess, I've never seen a naked person in a commercial. You mean like meat and two veg kind of naked? Yeah, it was for a local store called Vivid Entertainment.

Sure. Wow. Yeah. The best in adult entertainment? Is that what it was? Yeah. It's just an entertaining store. I guess they probably sold adult novelties.

Adult novelties. Like the Lion's Den down on 35. So what I'm wondering is when you are, how old were you in this musical? 15, 16? I was 17. 17 years old. When you're 17 years old and you have a horny old drama teacher of some kind. Gay priest.

A gay priest. There you go. What's the setup for rehearsal? How do you go through what's going to happen in the smooch scene? Well, we'd read through it and he would say, and then you kiss. And then we blocked it and he would say, and then you kiss. And then we blocked it, and he'd say, and then you kiss. And we finally had to kind of build up the nerve. And like I say, it was the most tentative attempt at a kiss you've ever seen in your life.

And it ended up being more like a hug with puckers. How long did the two of you date? A puck hug. I mean, like, boom, it was done. It was like half-life of a helium atom. Sometimes it goes really fast when you're that age. I was more terrified of dancing than I was of kissing, actually. But now, to this day, you get aroused every time someone says,

and then you kiss. Right. Sproling. What do you look for in a book? Literally, if on the back it said, like, this book made me shit my pants, I'd be like, that's, I'm buying this book. Yeah. Like, I think the problem with blurbs a lot of times... I like that we both want to crap ourselves over books. What's the best way

to e-read in the tub? Listen to that noise. I'm reviewing a plastic bag today. How do you find a good book? This is the most fucked up weird shit you've ever read. You're like into it. Hand it over. Take my money. I'm Brea Grant. And I'm Mallory O'Meara. We're Reading Glasses and we solve

all your bookish problems every Thursday on Maximum Fun Hello this is Amy Mann and I'm Ted Leo and we have a podcast called The Art of Process We've been lucky enough over the past year to talk to some of our friends and acquaintances from across the creative spectrum

to find out how they actually work So i have to write material that makes sense and makes people laugh i also have to think about what i'm saying to people if i kick your ass i'll make you famous the fight to get lgbtq representation in the show we weirdly don't know as many musicians as you would expect i really just became a political speechwriter by accident. Realizing that I have accidentally pulled my pants down. Listen and subscribe at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. It's like if the guinea pig was complicit in helping the scientist. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. Our first guest is a writer whose writing you may have seen on Sci-Fi Fangirls.

She's also one of the hosts of Maximum Fun's own Trends Like These podcast. Please welcome to the stage Courtney Enloe. Who brought two beers? My boy Billy hooked me up with some Revolution Antihero. Yay. Chicago beer. Please, Anne.

Thanks. Stop plugging local beers. Well, shit. No, go ahead. Plug some local beers. I actually, this is really important. Okay. Do you want some dramatic music?

Because we have some. I mean. Maybe just pull up that dramatic music there. So I'm backstage. Yes. Picture it. It's just me standing there. That's all you have to picture.

And they're doing their whole like chicanery about Matthew McConaughey. Yeah. And then Jordan brings out his RC Cola. To which I think to myself, who did Matthew McConaughey play on True Detective? But Rustin Cole. R.C.

Time is a flat circle. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, who needs Reddit? That's what I get from being too close to Jordan's nug rug. The Pixar movies are all connected. Oh my god.

Wow, so you on your show Trends Like These you let the listeners in on what's going on on the internet that week. We tell them about that internet. Yeah. With some things.

I have definitely reached the age where it is hard work to know what anyone else is talking about. Like, where I have to put my mind to paying attention to events in our culture. my mind to paying attention to events in our culture. Yeah, the last internet thing that I learned about is that sometimes people draw erotic drawings of Sonic the Hedgehog. And then

basically my mind stopped ingesting anything about the internet. Wow, what a weird reaction to that. You know what? My reaction to that. You know what? My reaction to the reaction sounded a little judgy. And I'm sorry if it came off that way.

If you want to draw Sonic the Hedgehog with a thick old crank, giving it to Wario, while Waluigi jacks off in the corner. I support you. I couldn't hear you over all the boners. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Like when your popcorn's ready.

That's what it sounded like in the audience. And the moistening pussies. And they sound like rings, rings, rings, rings. That's the only thing I can make to the sonic ring sound. Let's be inclusive. So what have we missed

on the internet? I feel like I don't tune in to the internet like I have in the past. And I feel like sometimes I catch a glimpse of something and I'm like, like oh I should find out about that but maybe I won't I mean it's a dark bad place sure it's a bad place for bad people and also

me so this week so we're taking the show off this week because I'm like here and this yeah by the way thanks for blaming us for that I'm sometimes people yell at me because I'm the girl one.

Yeah. They have lots of feelings about that. This week, Justin Bieber asked if he could fight Tom Cruise. And I wish that we had an episode this week because the entire hour would be about that. Wait, when you say that Justin Bieber asked if he could fight Tom Cruise,

did he like stop by his butler and give him his calling card? He sent his message through Xenu and was like, Xenu, tell this boy I want to fight him. Did Justin Bieber and Xenu hang out? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. All the

time. He tweeted it on the Twatter machine, and he was just like, Tom Cruise, fucking fight me, coward. And I don't know that Tom Cruise responded. Does he? Now, here's the thing. I understand wanting to fight Tom Cruise, I guess,

but you certainly cannot call that man a coward. I mean, I don't know that he... I'm paraphrasing. Oh, okay. I'm paraphrasing Bieber speak. He literally was just like apropos of nothing. Right. Bieber wise. Like, fucking fight me Tom Cruise.

Wow. Do you know why that happened? Ours is not to ask why. No, you're right. I mean, ours is to speculate, right? But it made me wonder so much, first of all. Guys, which celebrity would you fight? Oh.

Oh, wow. Interesting. Well, certainly not Tom Cruise. Yeah. I'm thinking my first thought is Nicole Kidman. I'm gonna say... Yeah, I mean, maybe... Listen, I will probably lose to any celebrity,

so I think I'll say Terry Crews because it will be a quick and delightful death. He'll finish it quick, and I will shuffle off this mortal coil with a smile on my face because of his positivity and positive messaging. He'll probably just crush you

between his muscled breasts. I mean... Yeah! That would be great. What a way to go, though. Yeah. That's the only way I want to go. So yeah, I think I've resigned myself to losing,

and I think that's who I want to lose to the most. Jordan, you got in a fight with a celebrity once, and by in a fight with a celebrity, I mean punched by a motocross guy. Oh, yeah. Sure. I don't know if anybody knows. Listen, if there's one thing I know about Jordan Jesse Goh fans,

there's a lot of overlap with professional motocross. There are a lot of Monster Energy Drink neck tattoos in the audience. A lot of people call this show Jordan Jesse Mo-Crow. Yes. Somebody just raises their hand, they're like, I'm going to excite bike. I build my own courses. But yes, there was a back,

three careers ago for me, I hosted segments for this not around TV network, a TV network that is not around anymore called Fuel TV. And I had to interview a lot of the stars of various extreme sports, although they didn't like me to call them extreme sports.

They wanted me to call them action sports, but they're not around anymore, so fuck them extreme sports. Can you finally say that the host of the show is a former professional rollerblader? Oh, yeah, sure. The guy who hosted our show used to be a professional rollerblader,

but we could not mention it. But the show's not around anymore, so fuck him and his rollerblades, which he was really good at. Yeah, talented guy. Talented guy. And yeah, anyway, so I was interviewing this motocross guy,

Travis Pastrana, and as part of a bit, I asked him to play Thumb War, and so he took my hand and then threw it down and then punched me in the face because he was one of the funny ones. Anyway.

Oh, that... Do you guys not like that story about me getting punched in the face? Maybe comedy was a mistake. Yeah. But I think that in that world, that was what comedy was. It's important to know your lane. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. This was the mid-aughts.

Sure. It was a different time. A very different time. You could just punch someone in the face while they were interviewing you. On camera. Let's change lanes. We were talking a minute ago about this kind of

phenomenon in podcasting. A little peek behind the curtain here. This phenomenon in podcasting of talking about something, it seeming interesting, and then saying let's save it for the podcast. Right. While we were backstage, you told us that you set your butt

on fire? I did do that. And not in a metaphorical sense like the... Well, maybe. I don't know. Like the chorus of a Neptune's produced hip-hop song from 2005. It was as though they dive-bombed in front of me like, No! Save it for the podcast!

Okay, so. Yes. I'm painting my kitchen. You've done beautiful work on your kitchen. Let's hear it for Courtney Enloe's kitchen. She's been sharing photographs of it on Twitter. Follow along with that kitchen gram action. Okay, so I'm painting my kitchen.

I'm sitting on the counter. The kitchen? That's a thirst trap and a hunger trap. I don't know that that exactly works. I'll workshop that. It's fine. try it again later And it's going to be a rule of threes, just do it three times So I'm sitting on the counter

Like you do, to paint inside of the cabinet Because I am short and small of body I'm in the cabinet I'm on the counter I have a stovetop With some burners I shift So does the burner I have a stovetop with some burners. I shift.

So does the burner. And then there's the smell. And I'm like, what the fuck is that smell? My friend's helping me paint. I'm like, did she just like fart weird? And I like didn't want to be weird because I'm very Midwestern. And I was just like, I'm going to be respectful. And then it just keeps happening. And I'm like, God, this is a really weird smell.

And then I shift again, and the entire, like, underside back of me explodes in flames. The underside back of you? Well, okay. What does that entail? Because I'm fucking sitting on the oven like a fool. Are you okay?

I'm fine. I'm fine. Honestly, here's, this is maybe either wonderful, blessing, or concerning. The flames did not touch me. Oh. Oh, yeah. I just binged all of Good Omens. I think I might be a demon.

You're probably a superhero from those M. Night Shyamalan superhero movies. No, like, I felt the heat. I felt the flames. I was not okay, like, in terms of emotions. But I did not burn. Did you stop, drop, and roll? I, like, just, like, jump butted off of the burner and was just like, okay, okay, okay, okay. Because that's how I respond in, like, anxious situations. It's just like, okay, okay, okay, okay. Because that's how I respond in anxious situations.

It's just like, okay, okay. Because I'm Midwestern. When your butt's on fire, you don't call 911, you call 1-900-MIX-A-LOT. Like, you can picture all you want. The guy in the corner is slow clapping and you know what? That's the appropriate reaction.

Thank you. Yeah. It's in that song. Mm-hmm. So you say you might be a good omens demon. Have you also considered that it might be a Khaleesi situation? Oh, shit. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know. I'm not the one whose butt was on fire. Maybe. My dragon don don't know. I don't know. I'm not the one whose butt was on fire. Maybe. My dragon don't want none. Sure. That's good. So.

Oh, wait. So who, you haven't said who you would fight. Who would you fight celebrity-wise? Guys, I've thought a lot about this. Clearly. And I could go one of two ways. Celebrity wise. Guys, I've thought a lot about this.

Clearly. And I could go one of two ways. Either I want to fight something that would help humanity, like a Max Landis and just pulverize him. Or, alternately, I fight someone that I love so much and I take the hill turn that they get to elevate. And that would be Christine Baranski. So it's one of the two. So Sybil's friend?

Sybil's best friend. They had a very contentious relationship. Yeah, it was kind of a friendly situation. I kind of want to see Sybil and Christine Baranski fight. This is a very niche celebrity death match, but I'm into it. In that moment when we were having that exchange and then kind of nobody was reacting,

I was like, oh shit, I've seen a lot of Sybil. Did me and my mom watch Sybil together every week? I think we did. Early Ops Oxygen was a very special thing. It had Living Single, it had Sybil, and it had

some manner of game show that involved Terry Garr and Jim J. Bullock God that sounds great and that's this is for three people

listening and they are so fucking happy right now they're like I fucking love that show I don't remember the name of one of them is

Jim J. Bullock yeah he loves the show you know what if I could make anyone happy it would be Jim if I could fight anyone Jim J. Bullock okay pretty good celeb fight no one here knows who Jim J. Bullock is He loves the show. If I could make anyone happy, if I could fight anyone,

Jim J. Bullock. Okay. Pretty good celeb fight. No one here knows who Jim J. Bullock is. I'm too young to know who Jim J. Bullock is. It's fine. I might fight Ernest from the Ernest movies. Jesse, God already fought him and won.

That's what I call dying, losing a fight to God. Yes. R.I.P. Vern. Actually, Vern is still alive. Is what he would say about himself, I guess. Vern is thriving. See you in hell, Vern. I don't think he's in hell.

We have another guest. Is this our classic segment. Deathbed utterances of Ernest from the Ernest movies. We have another guest. Don't let my son have my money, Vern. The importance of being dead like Ernest. There you go. We have another guest. The importance of being dead like Ernest. There you go.

We have another guest. He is not only the host of a delightful podcast about the topic of professional wrestling, he is a professional wrestler himself. Please welcome the injured Colt Cabana is comfortably, by a wide like a 94-year-old. But like a jacked 94-year-old. Yeah. Cole, I've been in Chicago for six hours, and I've seen billboards with you flexing seven times. That's right. One hour tease.

I feel they do a service to the world because every time they put up a billboard of me, we take down one of Mancow. Thank you. I've got a message for Mancow. See you in hell, Vern. Hello, friends. Hi.

Hi. I'm cosplaying as Simon Cowell today. Thank you. Backstage, you said you had a reveal. Do you want to do the reveal now? I think that would probably be appropriate. Is that a wrestling term? Well, it is, but also I think it's a

real life term also. Fair point. Are you just going to show your dick? The reveal. I mean, the man's probably got a great dick. There's no doubt about that. Did Colt showing

his dick or Sonic the Hedgehog's dick get a bigger round of applause? Hard to say. Both are blue. Okay. Wow. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. Gotta go fast. I'm pressing C as fast

as I can right now. Okay, so last time I was in Chicago with you, Jesse, I did the Sound of Young America. Yeah. And at that time, I was the NWA World's Heavyweight Champion, which is a very impressive thing in the world of professional wrestling. Now, today, I am no longer the NWA World's Heavyweight Champion, but I am a different champion,

and I thought I would bring the belt to show everybody and kind of show off a little bit. Is that okay? Yeah, sure. Yeah, that sounds really cool. Title belt? That's great. I.

Oh. Someone tried to start a chant and bailed. For those of you listening at home. Which is the best part of live wrestling shows. Like, you are my favorite part of a live wrestling show. And we're not even at a wrestling show.

Yeah, for the folks listening at home, someone went, cold cup. Aww. Actually, what he did was the very Midwestern, like, oh! Now, I... Can we get a drumroll, please, from everybody? Oh, shit. I am the very first

Mitzvah Heavyweight Champion! Wow! Wow! For the folks at home, Colton is holding up a beautiful wrestling belt with a Star of David on the front. A diamond studded Star of David.

That is sparkly as fuck. I won this in Toronto in front of 400 Orthodox Jews. And I'm very proud of it. I thought I would show it off. Are you sincere that this was a Jewish event in which you won this bedazzled symbol of your people? Correct. How do you get booked for that? Do they just look up Jewish

and cross-reference it with wrestler and it's just a picture of you? Well, the list of Jewish wrestlers is very small. It's you, Goldberg. Right. The Undertakerstein? Yes. So who did you wrestle for that?

Oh, you know, to me it's not weird, but I'm sure it'll get a laugh. I wrestled a man. Benjamin Netanyahu. Christine Baranski. And Sybil Shepard, a tag team match. I wrestled David Starr. Okay. Oh, okay.

I get it. Yep, yep. A real thing. It's a thinkerer but a good one do you have a Jewish wrestling name? well sadly I was in the WWE for two years and I had this

big conversation with Vince McMahon and he was just like okay tell me about yourself so I can turn you into what I'm going to turn you into like he did Randy Savage, the Macho Man Jim Helwig, the Ultimate Warrior, Hulk Hogan, a racist. And so I give him all this information. I'm like, my name is Colt.

I love wrestling. I'm Jewish. I love entertaining. I love talking on the microphone. And then the next week, I debuted on the CW network on SmackDown as Scotty Goldman, Jewish Warrior. Oh.

And guess who never won a match? The old bar mitzvah boy. I think because there's already a Jewish Warrior. That's right, Jesus Christ. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Big you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Big ups to JC. And RC. Royal Crown saved my life. So actually, the reason we were at there was a reason that we were at the liquor store. Yes. Of course some of you

may know that I do a podcast called Judge John Hodgman. And my sidekick on that show is named John Hodgman and John is a man of peculiar obsessions. You know there was a period where there was a period where I think he spent an entire year of his life

making up names for homos. There's a variety of unusual things in which he becomes interested. And one of them is a special Chicago thing. And I think I heard somebody yell it out. Does somebody know what we're talking about? Malort! Malort. To be fair, I think this heard somebody yell it out. Does somebody know what we're talking about? Malort! Malort. To be fair, I think this audience probably just yells that out anyways.

The area code, they yell out. Colt's name, almost. Where did our Malort go? That's your RC Cola. Rustin Cola from True Detective. They should have marketed that, you guys. I put it under the table because I knew it would get an applause break when I brought it out. Jordan, we call that a reveal.

A reveal, excuse me. So at MaxFunCon this year, which was just this past weekend, John did the benediction, which is what he does at every MaxFunCon this year, which was just this past weekend, John did the benediction, which is what he does at every MaxFunCon. It's to welcome everyone and sort of start the... It's a ceremony to start the event. And typically, people who are traveling from the Chicago area will travel with Malort, which is not available in California, and they will bring it and place it on the stage

as part of a sort of initiation ritual and John had found out that one of the guys from Pod Save America had done a I'm more of a Joe Rogan guy

I'm not really a comedian. I'm more of a laugh-tivist. But one of the guys from Pod Save America had brought Malort to a Chicago live show and read from the bottle, and that made John so mad, because it's John's bit to do that, that he had all

250 people at MaxFunCon take out their phones during the benediction and tweet at John Lovett reading from the Malort bottle is John Hodgman's bit etc. etc. etc. and scold him

it was very beautiful anyway I just wanted to read from the Malort bottle. Jepson's Malort has the aroma and full-bodied flavor of an unusual botanical. Its bitter taste is savored by two-fisted drinkers.

Colt and Courtney, do you guys have as Chicago Courtney, do you guys have, as Chicagoans, do you have an experience with this stuff? Yeah. Yeah, I do. Yeah, she said ruefully.

So, the Chicago people who went to college here, did you guys have the bad, bad college malort experiences? Because I did. It tastes worse

coming back out of you. Yeah, if you've never had Malort, it's a liquor that is a little bit like if they mixed whiskey with a bad taste. I know that technically alcohol is a poison, but it tastes like a super poison?

Yeah. Colt, is this something you've... I know you're not a big drinker, but is this something you've had? I'm not a drinker at all. Yeah. And so, no. Never even...

Never ever? When I smell beer, there's a gag reflex there. So this is just... Who knows what that's going to be. Yeah, that is a bottle of gag reflex. I mean, I don't drink at all. My father, my entire life has been in recovery. Are you guys applauding for recovery?

Oh, it's a multi-stage nasty flavor. It sucks. God, it sucks. It smells like I remember. It smells, it tastes, okay, hear me out. It tastes like grandma's house gone wrong. It tastes like the unusual botanical used to be grandma. This is just grandma.

You're drinking, grandma. It tastes like you licked a couch that's on a curb. I will say, it doesn't taste as bad as it did in my memory. But it's still really bad. In my memory, it just tasted worse. In my memory, it tasted like an actual coffin full of people. It doesn't smell that bad, actually. Isn't that fun for you, Mr. Hasn't-Tasted-It?

Which is actually the slogan of Chicago. It's because of those lake breezes. We have something that we wanted to bring up, because both of you are here. We have something that kind of straddles both of your expertises. It's in the center of the Venn diagram of Colt Cabana stuff and Courtney Enloe stuff.

So this is an internet trend that involves juggalos. Courtney, of course, you have a podcast about internet trends. Professional juggalo. You wrestle regularly at the gathering. Seven years, much clown love. He's a real love.

I do like that you wrestle at the gathering in character. Can you talk about your gathering character? Yes, when I wrestle at the gathering of the Juggalos, I am not Colt Cabana. I am Officer Colt Cabana. And my arch nemesis is the Weed Man. And the Weed Man

is obviously the good guy, and Officer Colt Cabana is the bad guy. You're the heel. What I like best about this is like there was a brainstorming session and somebody was like yeah well we should have

a guy who loves drugs and a police officer who is the heel nodding in agreement they're like what should we be called and you were like well I'll add officer to my regular name and the other one's like I don't know weed man I pitched my original pitch was which I thought was a way better name regular name and the other one's like I don't know, Weed Man? I pitched my original pitch was

which I thought was a way better name but they wanted because Colt Cabana has some recognition on the wrestling scene, I wanted to be Officer Jack Offerson. Which I thought was an amazing name. And feel free, anybody to take that and give me 10%.

Thank you. So we have an internet story that involves a juggalo controversy on the app TikTok. Yeah, any TikTok users here? TikTok users? TikTok is a young... Yeah. TikTok is an app popular among one drunk lady. And teenagers in China?

Okay, I didn't know what TikTok was until I actually discovered it. And it's just like, it's just Vine. And I was like, thank you, TikTok. Yeah, TikTok is like a more socially focused Vine. It is very short videos that have a lot of filters and so on and so forth and editing tricks that are very easily accessible within the app.

It encourages people to respond to each other and kind of converse with each other through these very brief, often silly, often memetic videos. So yeah, we want to play an example. Hi, I'm Jesse Thorne from National Public Radio. When teens say something is fire AF,

they are beats, beats, raps, musical backing tracks. Why don't you think we should play one of the videos that has caused the controversy, and then we'll kind of explain a little bit more about what's going on here. So this is one of the people that populates the TikTok app, typically an attractive, carefully made-up young woman. Phone check. I say the fucking piece of...

Boom shakadee, I'm Balaji, and I'm back like a vertebrae Oh the second time I got the back like a vertebrae I get it now They are good You know Shakespeare was the original insane clown posse So what is happening here is that there was a juggalo meme

where someone says, where are my clowns at? Clown check. Clown check. And what would normally, if you were at the gathering. Oh, I'm so excited for this. Go on. And someone were on stage to say, clown check, what would happen? Well, I would say, and then everybody would repeat it, and we are going to do this.

So I would say, magic, magic, ninja, what? Magic, magic, ninja, what? They're my clowns. Okay, now you're all a gang. You're all officially a gang as categorized by the FBI. And there are police cars waiting to take you all to jail. So, as someone who, like, I know that the Juggalos exist. I know they happen.

But we've got clowns. We've got, like, ninjas. There's just a lot happening. And I'm honestly fine with all of it. I'm fine with this very pretty lady and her very pointy teeth. Happy pride. Here is the controversy.

So this began as a meme among the Juggalo within the Juggalo community. So real Lowe's would communicate... LAUGHTER ..beats, rap music, musical backing tracks. Real Lowe's would joke between each other

with their Juggalo makeup through this fun smash at it. But the controversy has come because this has left, it has metastasized. Because this platform is built to share memes, it has metastasized, and now many, many people making these videos are not real lows.

Oh. Which bring, which, yeah, I know, I know, I know. Oh, so we have a bunch of gatekeepers in the audience. Sorry we don't stand up to your purity test. Is it okay if I get in first? Yes. Is it a low creation? Ha ha! Is it okay if I get in first? Yes. Is it a low-preation?

A low-preation. People. Yeah. I mean, that really is the question. That was the please clap of, like... There are differing opinions within the Juggalo community about whether this appropriation of Juggalo aesthetics is appropriate. And in the article that I read, what I thought was the most beautiful sentiment was

somebody said, I'm a real low, and real lows don't judge, man. So I think it's great. I thought that was very beautiful. Colt, where do you come down on this as someone who is maybe the closest to this culture? Should I text Violent J right now? Yeah.

I will say this. Every year I go to the gathering, and every year I am not scared in any bit. They are very accepting. And the way that guy said that, I believe that to be... That's, like, the... That's the heart of the Juggalos,

is, like, we've been... That wasn't the funny part. That they have hearts. The heart of the Juggalo... Hi, I'm Cole Cabana for NPR. Is that they were all, you know, essentially picked on their whole lives, so they don't want to pick on anybody else.

Everybody's accepted. Except Tila Tequila. Yes. And I watched that as that happened, by the way. Really? Famously, people threw a lot of stuff at her. Yes. And I was video recording for a documentary I was doing,

but there was no Wi-Fi at the place or anything. So had I known, like, we couldn't get to a contact quick enough to sell it on TMZ. And by the time I got home, somebody else had already, ugh, that's the time I lost $2,000. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

And now, for a segment that involves you, the audience, Momentous Occasions, are Hannah and Peter here? Hannah and Peter. involves you, the audience, momentous occasions. Are Hannah and Peter here? Hannah and Peter. Come on up to the mic. It's right here.

And if anybody needs a little liquid courage before you get on the mic. If you're afraid to make the most disgusted face you've ever made in your life, we've got liquid courage for you. Here's Hannah and Peter. Come on down, Hannah and Peter. Kevin, you're next. So, Kevin, can you come up and stand behind Hannah and Peter?

Hi. Is that Hannah there? Yes, hi. Hi, Hannah. How are you? Where are the two of you from? We live in Little Chute, Wisconsin. Little Chute.

Hmm. That's my nickname in high school. I actually have an uncle from Big Shoot. That's my nickname in college. I hit my growth spurt late. You have a momentous occasion. What is it? We got engaged this morning.

Whoop, whoop. Whoop whoop. Whoop whoop whoop to the both of you. Whoop whoop madam. Congratulations. Just a quick question. So you got engaged. One of the most romantic days of your life. Why aren't you fucking?

Why are you at this podcast? Yeah I mean like I can totally see you right now and you're not fucking. This is their fuck music, guys. We're inspiring. What were the circumstances? You don't often hear about a morning engagement. I just decided to do it this morning

because we didn't have much control over our plans throughout the day and just decided this is the best time I'm going to be able to control the circumstances and went for it then. So how did you ask? Can you recreate it for us? The fucking?

Yeah. I actually almost ambushed her as she was putting her shoes on and asked her then. Nice. Had she put her shoes on at the time? I don't know why. I just have timeline issues.

No, I only had one shoe about half on. And I mean, have you talked about a date or is it just kind of a when we're ready kind of thing? We haven't worried about that at all yet. How long have the two of you been together? It'll be four years next month. Oh, that's sweet.

How did you meet? Online. Online. Did you meet on Juggalo TikTok? Just a couple, just a low seeking a low Low drama Real lows only Congratulations

Hannah and Peter Where's Kevin? Where's Kevin? Do you think their honeymoon will be at the Wisconsin Dells? Kevin, are you coming to the... Yeah, Kevin. Kevin is wearing a t-shirt for our friend Stuart's Bar in Brooklyn. That is, yes, yes.

I think we're allowed to buzz market bars that are 1,500 miles away, right? Kevin, your hat, glasses, and beard. Make it look like you're in disguise. Yes, I am hiding out from the students that I... So today is my last day. Hold on. You're in disguise as a Jordan J.C. He also

just looks like John Hodgman. Oh, yeah. You look like a tough Jack Hodgman with guns. Judge Jack Hodgman. tough Jack Todgman with guns. Judge Jack Todgman. Judge Jack Todgman. Okay. Sorry, your momentous occasion.

Yes, so I have two. Today was my last day as a English teacher, a high school English teacher. Today was my last day. So after seven years of teaching English in high school, today was my last day. I'm moving on to other things. Kevin, I don't mean to interrupt you, but I'm looking at your card here, and it says eight years, which proves why you're not a math teacher. In that eighth year, I did get hired as a math teacher, but they didn't want me there. And then my other, so this was a couple years ago.

I had a couple of students. We somehow in an English classroom got off track and we're talking about movies and they were freshmen. I told them whatever movie we're talking about maybe isn't appropriate for them and one of the students was saying, no it's okay, I'm a man.

I'm a man. I can watch this movie. I'm a man. Too fast, too furious a man. Like, I'm a man. I can watch this movie. I'm a man. I'm a man. Too fast, too furious? Yes. Let's say yes. And another student said, oh, you're a man. And he was like, yeah, I'm a man. I can watch that movie.

And she said, so you don't eat Trix? Ha ha! Pow, pow! Yeah. Can't argue with that. No, and I think I lost control of the classroom from that point on. It was worth it, but... For the following three years.

Yeah. Thank you, Kevin, and congratulations on a career shaping young mind. Let's have Tess up here, and Rob G. is next. Everybody give Tess a hand. Tess up here, and Rob G. is next. Everybody, give Tess a hand. Tess, anybody, you can take a slug of that Malord. It's on the stage.

I'm okay. Yeah. No, good call. You made the right decision. Well, thank you. So my momentous occasion is that I won a talent show at my work, won $200 by playing All Star by Smash Mouth on the violin. Wow!

Excuse me. Smash Mouth by All Star. Smash Mouth by All Star. Someone get this woman a violin! Tell me you brought it! Tess is wearing a cool Oakland A's sweatshirt, presumably to pander to me. That's right, that's right.

Cool. And she played Smash Mouth on her violin to pander to you, Jordan. Did somebody once tell you that the world was going to rile you? It's all good.

Shut it down. How long did it take you to learn it? The violin or the song? Violin took a while. Smash Mouth, it's not as complicated as it might seem. Yeah. It's basically a Steely Dan

song in its level of musical sophistication. Roughly. It's Steely Dan level or lower. A lot of jazz chords in that. Well, congratulations, Tess. Thank you very much. Rob G. Rob G.

Rob G and MJ are next. Rob G. Hi, Rob. How are you? Yes! Attaboy! Rob's taking a slug of the Malorts. Yeah! Robby! Big drink. Rob, what is your momentous occasion?

So I was walking to work. Turn that mic a little bit towards you. I was walking to work, and I had to walk through a street fair in Chicago, and I heard a bunch of people yelling and getting real excited, and I turned, and there was a little petting zoo made with guardrails and that,

and I walked up to see what everyone was yelling about and a goat was giving birth. Yes! And so the goat gave birth and a very bored-looking carnival worker kind of walked to the side and he had hung some paper towels there. He pulled off a couple paper towels,

walked over to the baby goat, gave it a once-over. And immediately people started reaching through the bars and starting petting that goat that was about a minute old at that point. And then he just pulls the lever that starts the tilt-a-whirl back up. Was this just the plot to City Slickers 2? So we've had an engagement,

and we've had a goat birth. What a blessed day. May the circle be unbroken. That's kind of what people birth is like. You got a goat birth and a goat's first day on the job. Thank you very much.

Thank you. MJ. Is MJ here? MJ's headed down the stairs I can read Oh boy I just got a glimpse of this And I'm very excited for you In this story

What's going on? MJ knows what They signed up for Recently My partner was experiencing a lot of uh dental pain um they have a long history of dental problems we went to the dentist they got x-rays they had their mouth looked at and the dentist was convinced that they had had some sort of accident was saying did you recently fall off a bike and my partner was like no and they're like

are you sure um and my partner was like absolutely and they were just like okay we need a minute and my partner sat down with me we talked about we realized a couple days previously we had engaged in a pretty intense sexual act um and so essentially i fucked a couple of my his teeth out of their mouth. Which, yeah, no. We like talking about it. But, I mean, it also involved a lot of pain, and they're still kind of working on getting the proper flipper and things like that.

But we both have that, actually. So, now we're like twins. Yeah! It really brought the two of you together. Yeah. That's so beautiful. Well, thank you very much. Yay.

I mean, that is a tough act to follow. But Jessica, where's Jessica? Jessica, are you here? This is our last one of the night. Jessica, come on down. You might want to have some, if you're a drinker, you might want to have a little bit of malort Jessica so my momentous occasion is happening

right this very moment I am about to ask this guy right here Dave if he will marry me yeah he said yeah He said yes! He said yes! Jessica, Dave,

Courtney Enloe, Colt Cabana, this is my friend Jordan Morris, our thanks to Sleeping Village, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer. Good night, everybody. Guys, you're engaged. Why aren't you fucking?

Yes! Now fall! That's real. Jordan and Jesse go live from the Summer Boys of Summer Tour. We've been having a lot of fun doing this, Jordan. We sure have. We're in Los Angeles on July 24th at the, what's it called? The Old Angel City Brewery. ACB, baby.

Yeah. Little Tokyo. Join us in LA July 24th if you want to experience the Summer Boys of Summer for yourself. Oh, I didn't know you do. Hey, if you are listening to this show and you're going to be in Edinburgh around August 2nd, our buddy Colt Cabana, who you heard on this show, is going to be doing his

show with John Hastings. They're going to do commentary to Bad Wrestling at 11 p.m. every night with special guest Josie Long. Oh, the great Josie Long, August 2nd through 26th is when they're doing that. And, of course, all our friends who you heard on this program, you should follow up on their projects. Bill and Kevin, their hilarious riff tracks.

Courtney Enloe, Trends Like These, our Maximum Fun Sister program. Special thanks to our brilliant producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. He was there with us every step of the way. Made it happen. With his good humor, his high-quality PowerPoint presentations, and more. If you want to watch the Jordan Jesse Go Live show, remember we do have full video of our MaxFunCon show up on the Maximum Fun YouTube channel. Oh, yeah. The visual aids for our sex toy game.

Are truly horrifying. Yes. And also, but I think also it's like being there. It's like you were there. It's as though. To see the Vajankle in person. As though you were there really licking Ken Jennings. Tastes like caramels.

Oh, God, it does. Like a Werther's original. That's why they call him the Werther's original of television's Jeopardy. They do. They do call him the Werther's original. That's why they call him the Werther's original of Television's Jeopardy. They do call him the Werther's. You can find us on Reddit, MaximumFun.reddit.com. We'd love to chat with you there. We're also on Facebook and the Maximum Fun group. You can also like Jordan Jesse Go on Facebook.

We're on Twitter, at Jesse Thorne and at Jordan underscore Morris, and you should join us there. Hashtag it JJGo on Twitter. We'll know what you're talking about. If you have questions, corrections, updates, send those at JDPower on Twitter.

We care about quality just as much as you do. We hate to make an error, and we want to make sure that our quality assurance friends at JDPower know about the mistakes that we've made. We love you very much.

Good night. We'll talk to you the mistakes that we've made. We love you very much. Good night. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.