Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 592: Australian Boyfriend with Jen Kirkman

Starting point is 00:00:00 Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne. All shook up. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Because there was a terrifying and devastating earthquake. Rash, a rash of earthquakes. Oh man, I would say about seven too many earthquakes. Sure.

Starting point is 00:00:26 So many quakes. Do you know what I discovered during the terrifying earthquakes? I sure picked a good week to start Fabergé egg collecting. Oh, boy. I have two collections, Fabergé eggs and rickety shelves. I had not been through a major earthquake since 1989, which is 30 years ago. But many small and medium-sized earthquakes.

Starting point is 00:00:48 And I thought I wasn't scared of earthquakes anymore. Like, I have a very vivid memory of third grade when the 1989 San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Loma Prieta earthquake

Starting point is 00:01:01 occurred. I remember... And thank you for giving its married name. Yes. Vicente from my class. You, of course, remember Vicente. I don't.

Starting point is 00:01:13 Probably the best wide receiver in turbo football games. Okay. So Vicente said that when the earthquake happened, he thought it was fun, like a ride at Marine World. Mm-hmm. the earthquake happened, he thought it was fun, like a ride at Marine World. I remember resenting that because I did a lot of crying at the time. I remember doing a lot of crying during the 1989 earthquake when I was eight years old.

Starting point is 00:01:38 Very reasonable response. But since then, I thought, I'm over this. I've been through a lot of earthquakes. It's going to be fine. When were you thinking of this, mid-quake? I was thinking this. Okay, I'm going to be frank with you, Jordan. I was thinking this through the entire first major earthquake of this past week.

Starting point is 00:01:59 Right. So there was a 6.4 earthquake. Right. Which was, and these earthquakes were, I was at my cabin in Sequoia National Monument, which is actually relatively close to where the epicenter of the earthquakes, earthquake. And when that first earthquake happened, I was bothered by it, yes. I don't, I don't like earthquakes. I'm not a fool. But I thought, you know what?

Starting point is 00:02:31 Just take a deep breath and I'll see you on the other side. Not the other side of the rainbow bridge, but the other side. Of the quake. Of the earthquake. Yeah. You don't mean hell. Yeah. Like there was a brief period in my late 20s when I got scared of airplane flight again. And I would occasionally

Starting point is 00:02:45 get freaked out about being on an airplane. And then I said to myself, this is stupid. Airplanes never crash. If I notice myself getting scared about this, I'm going to be like, come on, give me a break. And it worked. Okay. It worked great. And did you employ that same reasoning in the quake?

Starting point is 00:03:02 Yeah. Well, in that first one, yeah. reasoning in the quake? Yeah, well, in that first one, yeah. But it turns out what I'm scared of is that the first earthquake puts you on alert. If there are other earthquakes

Starting point is 00:03:13 that could be worse than the first earthquake, I feel like it breaks the contract we all have with earthquakes, which is if we make it through this, everything will be fine. Sure, right, yeah. That was the part that I found the most upsetting was that I made it through a major earthquake. And then like 18 hours later, there was an even more major. I was like, fuck you.

Starting point is 00:03:34 Major earthquake. When the first one happened, I was in the beautiful NoHo Diner. Oh, wow. Is that in the arts district? That's arts District adjacent. We should explain for people who don't live in Los Angeles that a lot of artists here in Los Angeles cluster in the North Hollywood Arts District. That, of course, is sarcastic. David Hockney. Sarcastic.

Starting point is 00:03:54 It's kind of a crummy area that they've now called the Arts District because it has a few black box theaters. Yeah. It's a good place to see a production of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode. Right. Yes, exactly. Yeah. People are doing an unauthorized Frasier musical parody. Yeah. It's a good place to see a production of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode. Right. Yes, exactly. Yeah. People are doing an unauthorized Frasier musical parody. Yeah. This is where you go to the beautiful NoHo Arts District.

Starting point is 00:04:11 Exactly. But I will say when you're visiting North Hollywood, NoHo Diner is about as good as it gets. Great little diner and they have a great back room with a stained glass panda window because maybe it used to be a Chinese restaurant. Maybe they used to serve panda at the diner. Sure, yeah. I don't know the history of the place, but it's one of those colorful, weird buildings. Great diner. Good pie, good service. And I was thinking during that first quake, you know, in the NoHo Diner.

Starting point is 00:04:40 And the NoHo Diner staff is unflappable. The panda's gamey, but it's nice in a stew. Right, yeah, exactly. When spiced correctly. Oof. If you can get a baby. Oh, one of those little. If you can get a baby.

Starting point is 00:04:54 Hey, little guy. Ooh, let me eat you. Ooh, you don't like to fuck. Come here. You're not going to be doing any fucking. No. It's hard to get pandas to mate in zoos. Right, yes.

Starting point is 00:05:07 That's what I was referring to. I wasn't going to fuck the panda. I don't know. Maybe some people out there haven't seen a panda 3D movie like I have. So they're not experts on whether they like to fuck. No. I'm talking about. No fucking in that movie.

Starting point is 00:05:22 IMAX 3D, baby science museum all the way. Okay. I'll watch any 3D, baby science museum all the way. Okay. I'll watch any goddamn movie at the science museum. Just get me out of that science museum. In the NoHo Diner, shaking starts. NoHo Diner staff doesn't miss a beat. People keep pouring coffee. And I was like, this is a good place to die.

Starting point is 00:05:41 This is great. This is a king's death. If the panda window would shatter and cover me in panda glass. You've always wanted to die in a kitschy manner. Yeah. Like a slightly kitschy manner. Right. If like a

Starting point is 00:05:56 tiki god can fall on me, that'd be nice. Anyway, hit by a little Shriner car. Ooh, that's a nice kitschy death. Strangled by Brian Setzer. Should we introduce our guest on the program? Yes.

Starting point is 00:06:12 She's a stand-up comedian, a podcaster, a favorite of ours here on Jordan, Jesse Go. Although we haven't seen her in some years. With the exception, of course, of the legendary parking incident in Hollywood, California. I love that story. I'm sure we're incident in Hollywood, California. I love that story. I'm sure we're going to get into it. Definitely tell that story. That's the time Jesse's friend was pulling out of a parking spot, and someone was pulling into it, and it turned out to be Jen Kirkman.

Starting point is 00:06:35 No need to go into any more details. The end. Our guest is the great Jennifer Kirkman. Hi, Jen. Thank you so much. What I was just holding in the laps over here. Jen, thank you for saying that almost convincingly. I know.

Starting point is 00:06:50 That sounded very sarcastic. I really was cracking up, but I didn't want to interrupt. No, thank you. That was nice. You're a professional. You understand. I know how this biz works. You understand the flow.

Starting point is 00:06:59 Exactly. What we in the business call the flow. Exactly. Now, Brian's out there cackling in that perfect producer way that I don't know if your home audience can hear, but I heard it. Oh, they can. They can. And they have mixed feelings about it. Well, anyone who doesn't like it is wrong. It's a grand tradition in radio. Thank you, Jen. And they just don't get it. Thank you. Now, they're allowed that opinion, but it's wrong. I don't think they're allowed that opinion. Well, that's what makes the world go round. There's a lot of wrong people. Sure.

Starting point is 00:07:26 Did you tell that story on air of the parking? No. Basically what happened is I was out with a past guest of this program long, long ago, Adam Lissagor, Lonely Sandwich, out at a beautiful tapas restaurant in Hollywood, California. Hollywood is just a beautiful place overall, especially on a Friday, Saturday night. Oh, yeah. You're out there just enjoying the nightlife, just looking at dirty streets. Oh, Hollywood's the worst. Nothing is worse.

Starting point is 00:07:56 It's the worst. Except maybe the North Hollywood Arts District. At least there's parking in the North Hollywood Arts District. So anyway, I had directed my friend Adam into this. He drives an electrical car. He tried to plug into this electrical car only parking spot. He couldn't find the right adapter, had to pull out. We were pulling out. Some lady's pulling in and I, ever the good Samaritan, said,

Starting point is 00:08:22 sorry, this spot's actually, I pointed to the sign, only for electrical vehicles. So I get a thank you wave. It's pretty dark, you know. Then a window rolls down. Hey, is that Jesse Thorne? Look, it's Jen Kirkman. Wow. The great Jen Kirkman.

Starting point is 00:08:37 No electrical car, huh? Hey, don't get all judgmental. No, I'm not. I don't have, I mean, I have a hybrid. I'm going to tell you. Hey, get a load of Ed Begley Jr. over here. That's right. I don't have – I mean I have a hybrid. I'm going to tell you. Which is great. Hey, get a load of Ed Begley Jr. over here. That's right. I don't even have a car.

Starting point is 00:08:49 Well, I was borrowing a car that – no, I don't. I will get one the next car I get. So I was driving your diesels and your such and such's cars over the years. Yeah. And then I had one of those diesels that wasn't really a diesel that I found out. Like, it was like the Volvo-Audi situation. Oh, you had one of those things that was a trick. Not only not a diesel, but spewing worse than normal gas into the air.

Starting point is 00:09:16 I didn't know there was a false diesel scandal. I think it was a real diesel, but they had falsified the emissions. Yes, and it was a big deal, and I think I got a couple thousand dollars back or something. Not at all what I deserved, which was everything back. You deserve all the success in the world, Jen. Yeah, I deserved to be president. And they were like, sorry, that's not how people get elected. And I was like, why not?

Starting point is 00:09:39 Why not me? So anyway. Oh, I tell that to the Supreme Court. So I, the last couple of years, was living most of the years in New York and it was time for a new lease. And I'm not going to say the swear word, but as the Australians say, I couldn't be effed to bother with all this research and all this hoopla. Thanks for keeping it clean here on Drug Days to Go. So I got a... What's the Australian phrase?

Starting point is 00:10:01 I can't be fucked. Okay. When would they say that? Let me see. Do you want to hand wash your clothes? I can't be fucked. Okay. When would they say that? Let me see. Do you want to hand wash your clothes? I can't be fucked. Dropping it to the dry cleaner. Right?

Starting point is 00:10:09 Okay. I just assumed farted. Oh, no. Do you want to, you know. I don't even know. What's the word that you said? Fucked. Have you heard it?

Starting point is 00:10:16 Not familiar. So do the Australians consider fucking to be bothersome? Is it an inconvenience? I don't think they're thinking of it sexually. I think they're thinking of bothered. Gotcha. Although it doesn't really make sense. But that's what I love about it.

Starting point is 00:10:31 Because it's a nonsensical expression. Because I'd love to fuck an Australian. Think of the examples. Crocodile Dundee. Right. One of these movie stars from Marvel movies is probably an Australian. Many, many.

Starting point is 00:10:47 Yahoo Sirius. The guys who sang I Would Walk 500 Miles. The Proclaimers? They're Australian? They're not Australian. I thought they were Irish. They're Scottish. They're not Australian.

Starting point is 00:10:55 Why are you guys doing this? Why was that a crazy opinion? You're like, you guys are looking at me like, oh, I think they're Scottish. Well, you don't know either. They're not. Apparently you didn't go to Blockbuster to buy a Blockbuster's greatest hits cassette with that song on it in 1995. From the movie Benny and June?

Starting point is 00:11:16 Yeah, I believe that's correct. But you also don't know where they're from. I took a guess. I said it was a guess. I didn't believe them to be Scottish. Okay, well, we're all guessing. Don't, Brian. Do you know why we're mad? Because let me tell you two things.

Starting point is 00:11:28 Yes. First of all, most people of a kind of like European-British descent, they don't sound it in their songs. Rod Stewart, you have no idea he's English, right? Maybe Mick Jagger. He might be from Gloucester, Massachusetts. Yeah. But these guys are like,

Starting point is 00:11:42 I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:11:44 I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I Worcester, Massachusetts. Yeah. But these guys are like, I would walk 5,000 miles. Maybe that's Australian.

Starting point is 00:11:46 That is a perfect Scottish accent. That is exactly what Scottish people sound like. And I would walk 5,000 miles. Hello, it is me. I am Scottish. Can you tell by the way I do it? Would you like to eat some haggis? But the Australian would be like, and I would walk 5,000 miles.

Starting point is 00:12:08 That's different. Okay. Wait a minute. Where did Jen Kirkman go? And when did film star Yahoo Sirius come in here? Yeah, star of Young Einstein. And by the way, I've spent a lot of time in Australia. And they say, you know, because that's all we knew of Australia for so long was Crocodile Nadine.

Starting point is 00:12:22 They're like, we're not really like that. They're literally that. They're literally that. They're literally all Crocodile Nadine. I dated an Australian guy once and he was in America. One time or for a period? For a period. Okay. And he was in America for a few months and we were doing some comedy together and he was staying at my place and I put my clothes in the dryer.

Starting point is 00:12:41 I will get back to my car. Thank you. I put my clothes in the dryer and I woke up in the morning and my friend lived across the way in a different apartment building. And he saw all my clothes hanging out on my deck. And he took a picture and I woke up to a text from my friend Chris that said, why does it look like good times out on your deck like with all the clothes hanging? And I said, I don't know. I didn't put my clothes out there. And then David, my ex, was like, oh, Jean, I took your clothes out the dryer because it wastes energy. And I put them out there.

Starting point is 00:13:12 I go, no, these are nice clothes. They're going to be bird poop. I go, it was just one hour in the dryer. That's not going to save the world's amount of energy. I'm not powering a plant here. So your argument, Jen, I don't mean to, look, I'm not trying to. That was but one example. So you're saying that he was like, exactly like, hold on, let me backtrack.

Starting point is 00:13:33 You're arguing all Australians are exactly like Crocodile Dundee, star of the movie Crocodile Dundee. Paul Hogan. As portrayed by Paul Hogan. The great Paul Hogan. Spokesman for the Subaru Outbackile Dundee. Paul Hogan. As portrayed by Paul Hogan. The great Paul Hogan. Spokesman for the Subaru Outback and Tax Evasion. I'll give you another example. Wait. So your argument is based on the fact that you believe Crocodile Dundee's fundamental

Starting point is 00:13:58 quality to be eco-consciousness. to be eco-consciousness. He's always avoiding using excess energy by hanging his clothes to dry. No, I guess not. But it is like he didn't understand these crazy customs

Starting point is 00:14:16 like using a dryer and, you know, in Crocodile New Deal. Right, he would stab the dryer because he thought it was coming at him. Right. Like one time we went through airport security

Starting point is 00:14:26 and he had an entire thing of hummus in his backpack and they were like, this can't go through. And he's like, he's no longer... Just like Crocodile Dundee would have. He's no longer liquid and they're like, just sir, everything was a problem and like bumbling and like, I didn't know that. I'm like, you've been on airplanes. Right.

Starting point is 00:14:41 This is not uniquely American that you can't bring. Maybe you can. I don't know. I just said you are Crocodile Dundee. He is not uniquely American that you can't bring. Maybe you can. I don't know. I just said you are crocodile candy. It is more. He's right. It's more of a paste. It is more of a.

Starting point is 00:14:51 Then he gave it to her. Can you bring tahini on an airplane? That you can bring. You can bring. Okay. You can bring. The individual units of hummus. Yes.

Starting point is 00:14:58 You can bring. Pico de Gallo cannot bring salsa. Right. Salsa, sure. But he even said to her, well, why don't you keep it and eat it? She's like, sorry, I'm not eating food from your thing. He's like, it's not open. And I was like, stop talking.

Starting point is 00:15:09 And I just, I was thinking. Well, it's like in Crocodile Dundee 3, Lost in New York, that scene where he's constantly trying to get others to eat hummus. He doesn't want the hummus to go to waste. And he says it like that, hummus. Yeah. Crikey, this like that. Hummus. Yeah. Crikey. This is some nice hummus.

Starting point is 00:15:28 Did you? Did you? ADR that word in. Yeah. Did you spend any time in Australia yourself? Yes. Many, many times. Many moons.

Starting point is 00:15:35 Many months out of one year. And then I would go every year for like three to four weeks. What are we talking about? Like a Melbourne comedy festival situation? Yeah. I would do that. And I'd stay there like a month and then I'd go to Sydney and then one time I went all the way up

Starting point is 00:15:47 the coast, went to the rainforest and different parts like the Karanda rainforest and all these things. There are comedians we know who I believe to be famous in Australia. Greg Barrett, I believe to be famous in Australia. Arj Barker, I believe to be famous in Australia.

Starting point is 00:16:04 And Maria Bamford. I believe those three comedians to be famous in Australia. Arj Barker, I believe to be famous in Australia. Yeah. And Maria Bamford. I believe those three comedians to be famous in Australia. I have no confirmation or evidence of that claim, though. I think – Arj moved there from popular demand. Yeah. That's crazy. I was hoping for that, but – and then I kept going and then I didn't – then I stopped going. Anyway, my point is my car, I decided to just get some run-of-the-mill whatever.

Starting point is 00:16:26 Sure. Small SUV. I'm like, I'm going to be in New York. So now I'm getting rid of it soon. But what I like about the story is when I was pulling in and I was trying to fit – I knew in my heart this is too good to be true because this is a crazy area on a Friday night. And by the way, I wasn't going to do anything fun. I was going to an infrared sauna. That's fun. It's fun. But I wasn't like like clubbing like if you're in that neighborhood on a friday

Starting point is 00:16:48 night you're going clubbing like by fun do you mean imaginary what the fuck is an infrared sauna it's a place where you go and sweat but it's not a steam room okay okay what's now what's the what are the benefits to sweating in an infrared sauna? It's probably all crap. Okay. But it's – I do it after I've been on long flights and things like that. I just like to get – You got a lot of gunk. You got – there's a – yeah, there's a gunky feeling.

Starting point is 00:17:18 Clear it out. Clear it out. I just like to sweat. It's supposed to be really good for the immune system and really good for circulation and sleep and all that. I don't believe in toxins coming out because they come out anyway. Sure. It's not a thing. But what are the other –

Starting point is 00:17:33 What's the metabolism? What's the clientele like at Infrared Sauna? Just everything is – anything like that is women trying to look their best and lose weight. I mean let's just be honest. That's what most – just like how the internet got big because of porn, any kind of new lifestyle health thing is women trying to look pretty and lose weight. That's the driving economy. Well, there's also overweight baseball pitchers in spring training.

Starting point is 00:17:57 That's why everybody these days is wearing a rubber suit and running up and down the steps of the stadium. Sure, yeah. There is a lot of crossover. But I was proud of myself. I know this is a really dumb thing to think about. But when I was pulling in and I saw the spot, and then I saw you, but I didn't know it was you yet,

Starting point is 00:18:11 kind of waving, and I think I rolled my window down and said, is this a spot? And you said, no, it's whatever. You saw me in that moment in the wild. I didn't know it was you. You didn't know it was me. I saw unadulterated Jim Carrey. And I was a nice person. You didn't see

Starting point is 00:18:25 me pulling in. F you. Why am I not saying fuck you? You know what? Courtney loving it up and then when you tell me who you are. You just don't want to attract any rogue Australians. I understand. If you say, if they hear their native word, they're going to come a running.

Starting point is 00:18:42 That's right. Crikey. Jim Kirkman's rude. I heard the word fuck. I're going to come a running. That's right. And then they're going to make- Crikey, Jen Kirkman's rude. I heard the word fuck. I'm going to shower my knife. If only I could walk a thousand miles. I am still mad about that. To fall down at your door. I am actually mad.

Starting point is 00:18:56 So it's funny that you mentioned this, Jen. Why? I'm not going to pick on you anymore. No, I'm just kidding. I'm glad that you mentioned that because I'm going to be frank. My favorite part of the whole story is that before I saw it was Jen Kirkman in the car, I was trying to be friendly and helpful to a stranger pulling into that parking spot. That is a great – and you weren't judgmental and you weren't like, what do you think you're doing?

Starting point is 00:19:18 No. You really just waited. You waited as I tried to park. You could have walked away. No. You greeted me like someone at Ellis Island as the ship comes in. Jordan, are you ever worried that you don't do enough good deeds to talk about on Jordan Jesse Go? Yes.

Starting point is 00:19:35 Yes. No, I need to tell more stories where someone says I'm cool or I look cool. Yes, I know. Oh, wow. Maybe something would have happened at the North Hollywood Diner, but you got interrupted by Earth's scariest thing that could happen ever. I could have, you know, soothed the child. Did you run to anyone's aid at all? No, I mean, the vibe in the NoHo Diner was, like, was chill.

Starting point is 00:20:02 Like, I looked around. I kind of clocked what was going on. Everyone's like, we've been through this. We're Southern California lifers. This is part of it. We're going to laugh it off. So it seemed I was trying to, I didn't, I thought if I got up

Starting point is 00:20:17 and started, you know, running around like a dingo with a baby. Did you like maybe wave down your waiter or waitress and say, hey, could I have a little more coffee? I lost a bit. Sure. That would have been a lot of fun. And I want to get jacked up right now. You know, also it seems like a self-sufficient crowd that goes to NoHo Diner.

Starting point is 00:20:38 You know, maybe some people that don't, they're rough. They're tough. Well, they can't make their own home fries but besides that it's a lot of yeah i mean i think the the the diner culture that sort of diner culture is people who are there to like read a hard copy newspaper or a big like world war ii book they got from the library yes god bless they're not beautiful you know so yeah that's it's it's a magical place in that way now meanwhile i should go there because my friend Chris, the aforementioned friend who took pictures of my clothes, he used to live there because he used to live in the neighborhood. I'm not too far from that place.

Starting point is 00:21:11 I'm in Studio City, though, not the NoHo Arts District. But I did buy – That's an easy jaunt on a Saturday morning. It's weird. I had previously thought of you as an artist. Well, you have to apply – I guess maybe more – she's probably more of a crafts person yeah you have to apply to live in the district and they said by a hair stand-up is really they don't think

Starting point is 00:21:30 of it as an art there's a lot of there's a lot of sculptors there yeah there's a lot of meetings i'm going to where i'm trying to get them to see that it's an art form but right have you thought about doing a one-woman show where you play all the characters from clueless because that is the kind of thing that is going on in the no-ho arts district. Of course I've thought about it, but I've thought, do I have what it takes to do this? Have you ever – Right. I mean you would be putting yourself out there in a really vulnerable way.

Starting point is 00:21:57 Yeah, and as I get older, it gets scarier. Have you ever written a retelling of A Christmas carol using the songs of Abba? No. Oh, geez. Yeah. I don't see how you're going to get into the whole arts district. But I mean, I could have. If I thought of it, I could have.

Starting point is 00:22:17 That's true. That's true. If you gave me that idea right now, I could go do it. Jennifer, you're a native of the great state of Massachusetts, if I remember correctly. But you've lived largely in Los Angeles for some time now. About 18 years with a little stop in New York for five years in between. How do you feel about a temblor as the second paragraph of every news article about an earthquake calls an earthquake?

Starting point is 00:22:45 I've never seen. I've never seen. I've never seen. You know why? Timbler? Timbler is the word they use after they used earthquake and they can't repeat the word earthquake. They always go with Timbler. Personally, I think Timbler went downhill when they took all the porn off.

Starting point is 00:22:59 Boom. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan.

Starting point is 00:23:02 Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan.

Starting point is 00:23:04 Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. I'm a good friend. shit for not knowing where the Proclaimers are from.

Starting point is 00:23:06 Yes. That's true. You come through every time, Jordan. Do we know where they're from, Brian? Yeah, they're Scottish. They're Scottish. Yeah. Okay.

Starting point is 00:23:13 Edinburgh. Edinburgh. But you guys didn't know for sure anyway. No. I did not know for sure, despite owning Blockbuster's Greatest Hits, featuring that song from the soundtrack of Benny and June, which, if I remember correctly, I purchased on cassette specifically because I wanted that song. They make that song appealing in the movie. I don't think if I hadn't seen the movie would I like the song.

Starting point is 00:23:35 Yeah. Because you think of – Where does it come up in Benny and June? I've never seen it. I think it's at the end. It's at the part where they're being quirky. Yeah. I think it's at the end.

Starting point is 00:23:43 It's at the part where they're being quirky. I think I remember I had a best of CD from a Target at one point. That was when like a store could have a music collection. I think there was like my version of it in the 80s when I was a kid when we still had records was like there was like the K-Tel 10 best songs. Like a television advertising. No, it was like the record label put out the 10 best something. I mean, that makes a little more sense. Like a proto, now that's what I call music.

Starting point is 00:24:17 I don't know what that is. That's something that people who are – well, Jordan and I have often discussed things that are really emotionally important to people who are three years younger than us. I think we are maybe one or two years too old to be in the now that's what I call music generation, purely speaking. Sure. But, yeah, like a series of annual greatest hits albums that metastasized into many things. Now that's what I call country. Now that's what I call jock jams.

Starting point is 00:24:49 Oh. Now that's what I call it. Yeah, I think it's like at the height of the boy band era. It was like a collection of the boy. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:56 That's where you'd get your genie in a bottle if you didn't want to buy the whole Christina Aguilera album. I would buy the jock jams one, I think. I sometimes like to think about that.

Starting point is 00:25:04 As a big jock. You like to just think about how pumped you like to get. Well, there's one song that I do love. Y'all ready for this? That's just fun. The quintessential Jock Jam. I mean, that's really the only one I need. I could just download it.

Starting point is 00:25:15 But anywho, I think that I've never read the word Timbler or whatever. Yeah. Because I've never gotten past the first sentence of an article about an earthquake because it starts to scare me. Oh, yeah. I was not scared. I was just like you. I moved here right after 9-11, the first, the real one, not like 9-11, 2008.

Starting point is 00:25:37 And nothing could scare me. I'd already been through the worst. You're not just identifying what part of the calendar year you moved here. No. A real deal. You're not just telling us mid-September is when you moved to Los Angeles. I moved in January 2002. So that was like the craziest thing that I'd lived through so far. And then I didn't feel an earthquake at all for the first few years that I was here. And then probably wasn't until like between 2005, 2010 that I started feeling them. And I remember they happened so quick that the only way I can describe it to people is, especially if you're in bed, you wake up in the middle of the night and you go, oh, did someone just jump on my bed like an animal?

Starting point is 00:26:15 And you don't have an animal. You go, well, that couldn't be it. Is it a ghost? And then it sounds like someone is banging down your front door. And this all happens in a split second. And after it's all over, which is within five seconds, you go, oh, that was an earthquake. And you go, okay. And that's it.

Starting point is 00:26:29 I always end up blaming it on – I do have an animal. I always end up blaming it on my panda. Are you supposed to have a panda? John Frey? Yeah. I think a fortune teller told me. I went to a fortune teller five or eight years ago. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:26:46 I asked her what my future held, and she said, you're supposed to have a panda. Teach it to fuck. Teach the panda to fuck. Or they're going to take it and make it into food at that no-ho diner. This line indicates that you're a patient lover. Right. And this line indicates you should teach those skills to others. Right.

Starting point is 00:27:06 That you perform better when there's an animal-looking activity. So, like, in a spiritual way, you were supposed to have a panda, but are you allowed legally to have a panda? I mean, I'm worried about this. I don't think there's anything in the rulebook that says that I can't have a panda. I feel like you might want to edit this out. I mean, he certainly can't play baseball. I really think this is not allowed.

Starting point is 00:27:26 Yeah. Are we confessing to a crime? His problem is he can't hit a goddamn curveball. It's not that there's a rule against pandas playing baseball. If he could hit the hook, then I'd have him out there playing for the San Diego Padres right now. Sorry, Franchi Cordero. Bad news for you, buddy. You just got cut.

Starting point is 00:27:48 Need a roster spot for Mr. Spots. Now, this ties in with Australia, Johnny Depp, and Weird Animals. Wait, when were we discussing Johnny Depp? Benny and Drew. Oh, okay. I have not seen the film. He's Benny from the film Benny and Drew. He's in it being one of his eccentric characters.

Starting point is 00:28:03 He makes some rolls dance with forks in them. That's all I remember. Oh, that's right. Because he does a little Buster Keaton thing. This is like 90s Depp. Yeah. This is like Scissorhands era. Okay.

Starting point is 00:28:13 Sure. Anywho. This is when he was a beloved madman. Beloved. Beloved eccentric. Now. And like, but with the face of a model. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:22 And so in now recently, Johnny Depp and his ex his ex-wife, they had to make a video saying, we're sorry we took these wild animals out of Australia. And it looked like a hostage video. So I don't want to have to see you have to make one of these videos about your panda after you get caught having endangered species in your home as a pet when you could just have a dog. Do you just want to have a marsupial? I don't think pandas are marsupials. No, what I'm saying is Depp. Why was he bringing animals out of Australia? I actually think that, and the ones they were bringing were dogs.

Starting point is 00:28:56 It wasn't even that the animals- Oh, they were just Australian breed of dogs. Were they dingoes? Had you noticed a lot of babies were being eaten in America? No, I don't know. Something, something, something, a dog or something. I bet when you're Depp, you know, there's just a point where you're like, all right, what do I do now? You know, you're like, I have to find some other crazy thing to start doing.

Starting point is 00:29:21 I think Nicolas Cage was probably pumped when all this crazy stuff about Johnny Depp came out. He said, well, I'm like that but not toxic. Right, yes. It's still fun to like and talk about me. Well, do you guys know there's a story that came and went

Starting point is 00:29:40 because this world is so crazy. This is about a month ago. Nick Cage in went because this world is so crazy this about a month ago nick cage oh boy in in not too far from here myself it's not bad okay he just got very drunk and sang by himself at a koreatown karaoke and it wasn't freebird but it was not something unlike that don't stop believing maybe something that you we built this city sweet home al? No, something you would sing and you'd go, oh. And then if you find out that person just got divorced that day, you'd go, oh, I see. Scenes from an Italian restaurant. And you go, I didn't know he was married.

Starting point is 00:30:16 That's specifically about a divorce. I go, I didn't know he was married. Why is he getting a divorce? Well, I didn't know he was married because he had only been married two days. He had just gotten married in Vegas. And then it ended. I think maybe he ended ended it and he was just doing a lot of drunk karaoke and being a little unhinged and i feel like that should be a big story but it wasn't yeah yeah i mean hey come on you're like hey this is not normal with all the claps sure

Starting point is 00:30:42 uh i yeah i mean i i i hope that that Nicolas Cage continues to be a beloved weirdo. I think that's like a good beloved weirdo moment, right? Yeah, that seems great. There's no assault of any kind in it. As far as we know, no. Nothing evil that I heard there in that? No, unless he bribed the DJ or something. Sometimes people can do that in karaoke, which isn't fair.

Starting point is 00:31:05 You don't wait your turn. The only assault was on the music of Boston. Thank you. I read the entire Crazy Johnny Depp feature article. Oh, in the Rolling in the Stone? Was it in Rolling Stone? I think so. Yeah, I was going to guess GQ, but yeah, one of those.

Starting point is 00:31:19 I read it, and the whole time I was just like, man, this would be a lot more fun if he wasn't a bad person. Like, if he was just a crazy person, would have strongly preferred that. Couldn't he just be into buying asteroids or something? You know what I mean? Trying to ride a dinosaur? Yeah. No, I know. I think that is what we need.

Starting point is 00:31:43 That is the celebrity we need right now. It's just the rich mad person who doesn't also have some sort of toxic violence associated with it. I would be down to be that celebrity. Oh, you're going to take up the mantle? If someone would make me wealthy. I feel like there's a lack of women doing that. Oh, yeah. Couldn't agree more. I mean, I would love to see.

Starting point is 00:32:03 Where's Portia de Rossi on this? Although, you know what? My favorite. All right. Oh, yeah. Couldn't agree more. I mean, I would love to see... Where's Portia de Rossi on this? Although, you know what my favorite... All right, pause my favorite... Well, no, tell it, but I do want to tell you my earthquake story. It's not that great, but there was a great article.

Starting point is 00:32:13 People can Google it. I think it was in Vanity Fair maybe 10 years ago. So Johnny Carson, we all remember the show. Johnny Carson, host of The Tonight Show, starring Johnny Carson.

Starting point is 00:32:22 Starring Johnny Carson. Boston Jen's here. Do you mind if I park my car in Harvard Yard? Oh, my God. I've got to walk 500 miles. What if when I pulled up, I was like, can I park my car here? And you were like, why is she that crazy accent? I'd be like, Tom and Ray Maliazzi.

Starting point is 00:32:45 Who's that? It's the car talk guys. Oh, they're off the air, right? Yeah. And one of them passed away. Oh, well, that's a good reason. Sure. So what was that?

Starting point is 00:32:56 Oh, Johnny Carson, his producer, this guy named Freddy DeCordova. Now, Freddy has a rich Beverly Hills wife. They live in this beautiful house. And there's a maid that they have, the housekeeper that lives with them. She's from Mexico. She became the rich Beverly Hills wife's confidant in the 60s, 70s, whatnot. Anyway, after I believe it was Freddy's death, the housekeeper who loved Mrs. DiCordova a lot moved back to Mexico, but she had tons of money now and she moves back and she makes a home.

Starting point is 00:33:31 That is the exact replica of the Beverly Hills DeCordova residence. And then Mrs. DeCordova after Freddie's death goes to Mexico and lives with her. That's a kind of fantastic. Now, not like I don't think they're romantically involved, but they just loved each other so much. I think that kind of eccentric celebrity weirdness where even the housekeeper is eccentric as well.

Starting point is 00:33:56 The housekeeper also rich and eccentric is exciting to me. God. You know who I think could step up and become the female Nicolas Cage that I think we all need? Mila Jovovich. That's an interesting position. Yeah. What leads you, Jordan, to believe that beloved actress Mila Jovovich could become a female Nicolas Cage for our time? Well, I mean, I think, you know, they kind of have similar trajectories a little bit.

Starting point is 00:34:26 Although, you know, I think Mila Jovovich doesn't have the, like, you know, the, like, big, meaty Oscar roles. I think, you know, more genre stuff for her. And her uncle isn't Francis Ford Coppola. It's Uwe Boll. Right. Yeah. So, yeah. I mean, I think, you know, kind of a similar like you know person you

Starting point is 00:34:47 have warm feelings about yeah but maybe isn't popping up in you know huge movies these days but someone you like and you like hearing from and you like seeing um probably has a lot of money but also maybe has to star in weird movies because sometimes they almost run out of money. Yes. So I think if she would start channeling some of that. Yeah. You know. Take it next level.

Starting point is 00:35:11 Yeah, exactly. Like, here's the thing. I think Cage has done so much great work because he forces himself to with crazy projects and dinosaur buys. Yeah. So he gets out there and has to do these wild movies so i think maybe the spending is to push himself creatively yeah and i just want to say mila if you're out there um you know fucking get out there uh hunt for the sasquatch for a year come up empty empty-handed and then you just have to be in a bunch of weird movies that pop up on netflix well i do have a

Starting point is 00:35:43 mila jovovich story that might support that fact. Please. I would love to hear it. Back when I was just a young thing living in New York, I was going to say in the 20s, in my 20s. Yeah. The roaring your 20s. The roaring my 20s.

Starting point is 00:35:56 I used to run a comedy night with my friend Patrick Borelli, now works on Jimmy Fallon. Thank you. You're welcome. I said thank you because I couldn't think of the name and I almost said Johnny Carson. I know him as James Fallon. Yeah. We're pretty close. He has some dignity when he hangs out with me.

Starting point is 00:36:17 Oh, I see. You're taking it that not that I'm more familiar with him. It's that you guys have a dignified friendship. Yeah. He and I respect each other. Now, I've never met Jimmy Fallon, but I feel I'd be on a Jimmy basis with him. He respects the fact that I have my own NPR show.

Starting point is 00:36:33 Right. I respect the fact that he's so good at beer pong. I just call him a guy who's on screen during the Universal Studios tour. That's how I refer to him. That would be a great gig. Well, anyway, it was in this place called the called the gershwin hotel cute little boutique hotel um i don't know chelsea area and you know in the back room we did the comedy show there was a bar adorbs well it was almost like a youth

Starting point is 00:36:56 hostel vibe and the rumor was because we'd always see her in the lobby that mila jovovich had a room in that hotel that was just for her clothing. It was just her closet. And looking back, that's on the way. That's good. But looking back, I thought, you know, I at the time thought that was so extravagant. But if you've ever— Now you think it's downright practical. Well, if you've ever really seen a room in a youth hostel, they're pretty small.

Starting point is 00:37:20 It probably was like $500 a month at the most. And her closet was probably had to be maybe where she stored certain things because of, you know, now you look, oh, if that's like your thing, you're into designers or maybe there's costumes. I don't know why she would need that. You think it was cheaper than a self-storage? Yeah. I think it was one of those things where it had to – it was like a business expense, almost like having an office. But it was like, wow, because you pictured that she just had so many clothes that she would have to drive down here. But I don't think it was clothes – your everyday clothes.

Starting point is 00:37:52 And maybe it's like she stored all her clothes in a youth hostel because she likes when her clothes smell like weed. I think it's – But I think there's something to that that says she could tip. Oh, that would be beautiful. Yeah. I mean, obviously, I've seen her a lot at the infrared sauna. Sure, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:11 So that's nice. Are you nude in the infrared sauna? I'm sorry. I mean, I'm... Sure. Yes. You can go in a bathing suit, but you're by yourself. You know, this segment's in minute 39.

Starting point is 00:38:23 This technically is an infrared sauna now. It does feel like one. You're alone in your own little room. Gotcha. So I usually just wear a white towel. Okay. Because I don't even like to be nude in front of myself half the time. You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:38:36 It doesn't always feel great. Jordan's cool with it. I think when you're sitting at- With my own- I am cool with my own nudity. Yeah. It's terrifying to me. Love to splay out. Not your nudity. Your nudity. Yeah. It's terrifying to me. Love to splay out.

Starting point is 00:38:45 Not your nudity. Your nudity is very beautiful to me. Thank you. Oh, that's sweet. You're a good friend. My own nudity is terrifying to me. Yes, that's how I feel too. I don't want to share my nudity with anyone.

Starting point is 00:38:55 I hesitate to share it with my beloved wife. She appreciates it. I'm just kidding. Were it not necessary for important activities that the two of us pursue together, shared hobbies, I don't think I would ever appear naked in front of anyone. I kind of like strolling around the house nude these days. I feel like I look a little better than I have in the past couple years. So I love strolling around and catching myself in the mirror and going, oh, hey, look at this. I'm good with you.

Starting point is 00:39:21 Hey there, Frankie Broadshoulders. Sure. Doing the breaststroke. From something, just if I've been out all day or something, the first thing I do, just like a toddler, I rip all my clothes off. And I walk around naked and then I put everything back in its place. Whatever hasn't been, you know, too worn, I hang it back up. But for some reason, it's like, oh, the freedom. But I don't like to catch a look in the mirror.

Starting point is 00:39:42 But anyway. I'm thinking of installing some more mirrors just so I can catch a few more looks. You've got a healthy, healthy sense of self, which I love. Maybe a nice kitchen mirror for when I'm nude pouring a glass of juice. You'll regret it when you're older that you didn't appreciate this youthful body that you now have. Right, yes. I now realize I have never- This beautiful, tight 37-year-old frame.

Starting point is 00:40:04 That's right. I have never... This beautiful, tight, 37-year-old frame. That's right. I have never lived alone. Unless you count a single dorm room. I think that counts. Does that count? I mean, you're not in a cabin by yourself, but you shut the door at night and the only one sleeping in there. But I definitely,

Starting point is 00:40:20 as the two of you describe your personal nudities, I do feel that way in a hotel room. Oh, there you go. When I enter a hotel room that I have to myself, clothes are off. I'm having me time. Do you do the robe at all or does that weird you out? If it gets brisk, I'll put on the robe.

Starting point is 00:40:41 But, you know, the robe, I'm a 6'3", 210-pound man. Right. Jen. The robe on me looks like a sexy lady's robe from a sexy commercial. Yeah. And it's short and, yeah. Like where a lady is still into her husband. Like you're Cary Grant and you have to answer the door and bringing up baby.

Starting point is 00:41:07 Well, yeah. It's like not a functional robe. It's like this better be off in five seconds because I'm so hot in this robe. It has roughly like a sports coat length. Yeah. It just covers my parts, but it leaves my stems out. And the thing is, is my stems are so devastating. I worry if I had to answer the door, they, you know, it would only highlight my gams.

Starting point is 00:41:31 That's why you can't get room service. Or if you do, you have to make sure you're still dressed. This mostly happens in my 1920s, by the way. Oh, in the roaring, your 1920s. Yes. In a hotel room, I love to take off all the clothes, blast the air conditioning. Just like splay out. Watch a nice Family Guy rerun.

Starting point is 00:41:52 Oh, yeah. On like TV-ass TV. That's nice. I'll sit back, put my feet up, and watch SportsCenter. Who knew that SportsCenter even, you know, it's 2019. You can just ask the internet what happened in sports. Yeah. And you don't have to wait through a bunch of college baseball highlights.

Starting point is 00:42:12 But I don't care when I'm in that hotel room. I'll put my butt right on that bedspread and flick it to old ESPN. I'll check that little card next to the remote control that says what channel's which. Yes. Always a helpful card. Give me the sports center. I want to hear some fun catchphrases associated with some skiing highlights.

Starting point is 00:42:33 Now, let me ask you this. Please. I had – I will eventually tell you my experience with the earthquake. But I got into – I had some dissenting opinions reflected back at me after I tweeted about something. From Clarence Thomas? No, he was actually on my side. Okay. And I couldn't believe it.

Starting point is 00:42:53 But he wouldn't say anything out loud. Right. You're like, you back me up. You've got my back for once. For once. Yet you maintain your silence as per usual. And he wouldn't even tweet his opinion. I mean, he wrote it on a piece of paper, handed it to someone.

Starting point is 00:43:04 They took a photo of it. They tweeted it to me. It got to me weeks later. But I got to a hotel. I don't know where I was. Philadelphia, something like that. And the room service ended at 11 p.m. And I got in the room at 10.55.

Starting point is 00:43:17 I didn't know what time room service stopped because I didn't ask. Yeah. And I went to find the menu. I couldn't find the menu. I called down. They weren't answering. What do you have a hankering for at this point? Just food. I hadn't eaten. Yeah. And I went to find the menu. I couldn't find the menu. I called down. They weren't answering. What do you have a hankering for at this point? Just food.

Starting point is 00:43:28 I hadn't eaten in like eight hours. And I'm a vegetarian, so it's probably not much. But I'm like at least French fries, something. Just fill me up with some carbs. Something. So the phones – so now it's like 11.58, 10.58, 15.59, blah, blah, blah. So then I finally go, oh, no. This is one of those hotels where the food menu is on the TV.

Starting point is 00:43:48 Oh, wow. So the remote never – I don't know what it is, a non-masturbation sticky joke. But the remotes never seem to have like good batteries in them. So I'm like – Where the batteries should be, they're sticky masturbation stuff. They're just jokes, masturbation jokes all jammed up in there. Just like written on little scrolls and jammed in there. So I put on the TV.

Starting point is 00:44:11 Turn on the black light. Okay, yeah. And this is for our hotel customers, frequent hotels such as mine. The Mario Lopez starts going on over the movies. And I'm like, shut up. And I'm hitting the thing so hard to get to guide that it just starts flipping around. And now I've rented a kid's movie.

Starting point is 00:44:28 I'm trying to get to the menu. Like, oh, no, sing too. So I call downstairs. Oh, this is fun. James Corden's really giving it his all. I call downstairs and I'm like, I can't get the menu to work on the room service thing. They're like, we just closed.

Starting point is 00:44:42 And I was like like if your thing had been on a piece of paper when i opened the drawer this wouldn't have happened but was it actually on the tv were you right about that yes okay would they not give you food they're like we just closed and we were really busy tonight so we really don't have anything and they only had like wilted they literally go we have a caesar salad but it's pretty wilted. I was like, forget it. What'd you eat? I got into the mini bar, and I had Pringles and peanuts or something. Jordan and I just got off tour, hashtag summer boys. Well, for one thing, anybody who wants to go to the Maximum Fun page on YouTube can watch our full Boston show. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:45:22 Our friends Stuart Wellington and Lamont Price, two very funny dudes. Yeah, that was great. They really made a nice video of that show. So if you want just a bonus JJ Go this week that you can watch, get on over there. So we stayed in a variety of hospitality sites. We stayed in an Airbnb apartment that smelled sickeningly of cigarette smoke, and we couldn't figure out how to turn on the HVAC, so we just sort of sweated cigarette smoke through the night. That was a rough one. We stayed in a few kind of Courtyard by Marriott's that were very lovely.

Starting point is 00:46:01 What was the other thing that's like Courtyard by Marriott we stayed at? Holiday Inn Express? Holiday Inn Express was – Holiday Inn Express delivered. That was the hotel experience. I don't need a concierge. No. I just want a clean, comfortable room, Tom Bodette. Even I know who that is.

Starting point is 00:46:20 The one that was – Mattel 6, Mattel 6, Boatswain's on – wait, don't tell me. The one that was the most interesting to me was we stayed in a sad business person's hotel. But it was a happy place for sad business persons. So it was like the hotel itself was not sad. It was like an all suites. I know exactly what you're talking about. I feel like those come through for you sometimes too.

Starting point is 00:46:47 Yeah. And you go – and they have a big convenience store with a lot of items in it that all cost a normal amount of money, not a hotel amount of money. Yep. You can go down and get your Pringles for 75 cents or whatever. I had some nice almonds from that place. You get your mac and cheese microwave. Yeah. I stayed at that place in Seattle. Oh, yeah? I was just going to say.

Starting point is 00:47:06 It was a dream. It's a dream. And it's not gross. I'm like, this is everything that's great about capitalism. Yeah. Someone figured out a formula that delivers a sad business person exactly what they need for, and I'm not going to say what our room rate was, but it was extremely reasonable. Very reasonable. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:25 For a suite. I mean, it's a what our room rate was, but it was extremely reasonable. Very reasonable. Oh, yeah. For a suite. I mean, it's a legit living room, a kitchen. You could cook if you wanted. Yeah. In one of our Airbnbs, I got in and discovered that the bed was a bare mattress with a throw on top. No. No. No.

Starting point is 00:47:42 We had to give out two very bad Airbnb reviews. Brian is nodding because he's the one who penned the poison letter. You couldn't do it yourself? Well, Brian is the one who booked the room. He's the producer. Oh, got it. Okay. Jennifer, I'm talent, Jennifer.

Starting point is 00:47:57 I thought you were dictating to him. Jennifer Kirkman, I am talent. I am talent. I don't even think what Johnny Depp did is as bad as what you're doing right now. Okay, look, we've done, we've talked too much. Can I say one more thing about why I think Milla Jovovich is a good choice? And then I want to hear about Jim's earthquake. And I was going to say, when you come into that place, that's when you Gilbert Grape the Joint.

Starting point is 00:48:19 Speaking of Johnny Depp, you burn it down. Oh, I've never seen that either. Oh, well, I just told you the ending. They burn the house down because the mom's too fat. That sounds funny. Maybe you should 21 Jump Street it. Infiltrate a high school pretending to be a teenager. Oh, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:48:31 I don't know. Are there any Ed Wood references you could make? No. That's okay. Mila Jovovich is good like Nicolas Cage because she's talented. We're not laughing at Cage because he's untalented. We're laughing because he's outrageous. Mila Jovovich is – she's not picking Oscar movies, but she elevates everything she's in.

Starting point is 00:48:56 She gives it her all. Yeah. And even if it's cheesy, even if it's the eighth Resident Evil movie or whatever, she's in there fucking doing stunts, delivering one-liners, and doing a great job. We always like to see her, and we want to see more. So I think that is why she is a great future Nicolas Cage. Wow.

Starting point is 00:49:15 I feel like fireworks should go off right now. The end. Oh, beautiful. Oh, we'll do yours. Four spacious skies. And Mila Jovovich. She's in Fifth Element. That speech made more sense than what Trump said on Fourth of July.

Starting point is 00:49:33 That could have been our nation's address, what you just said. If Corbin Dallas multi-pass. To vote for. Is something that she says. Anyway. If only we had voted for Jordan for president. Yeah. I voted.

Starting point is 00:49:51 Hey. I write it in every time. You guys have seen my bumper sticker. Don't blame me. I voted for Jordan. Sure. I write you in every time. I just didn't know if I was okay to admit it because they say people who wrote in.

Starting point is 00:50:03 That's why we have Trump. No. I say if everyone wrote in Jordan, we wouldn't have Trump. So don't blame me. 2020 is my year, I think. I think so. I want a candidate that reflects my values and I didn't feel the so-called mainstream candidates reflected my values. That's why I voted for Jordan.

Starting point is 00:50:18 Sure. I'm the only one singing songs about Fifth Element. I want a candidate who's not afraid to sing songs about their Fifth Element. It's true. element. I want a candidate who's not afraid to sing songs about their fifth element. I want a candidate who when I want to talk about the Dreamcast game Seaman, where you had to develop a little guy inside a fishbowl

Starting point is 00:50:34 by talking into your video game controller, I want a candidate who knows what I'm talking about. And I don't think Elizabeth Warren has a plan for that. Does she walk around nude, proud of her body? She probably doesn't. She probably doesn't. She doesn't seem like she would.

Starting point is 00:50:46 Well, now, really quick last thing. Yeah. I tweeted that I was upset about that. Oh, yeah. Oh, right, right, right. And people were like, I work in hotels and this saves paper. I'm like, don't give me your environmental crap. That one piece of paper in every room.

Starting point is 00:50:59 Like, we're so far gone. What are you, an Australian boyfriend? All right, Crocodile Dundee. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. I got shamed for not being environmentally conscientious enough. And I was like, listen, it's past the tipping point. A piece of paper, I'll recycle it after.

Starting point is 00:51:17 It's not like you wait. The piece of paper stays. It's not like a new one every time. Sure. How about this? Write it on a fucking chalkboard. Chalkboard is a great solution. Chalkboard would be great. Problem solved.

Starting point is 00:51:28 Chalkboards for everybody. You know who gets... Another campaign promise. You know who's personal chef gives them all their menus on a chalkboard? Mila Jovovich. Is that true? I hope so. Why not? Why couldn't it be, Jordan? It's your job to prove

Starting point is 00:51:43 me wrong. Can't do it. That's what I've learned when I sat down. Unless I can prove something, I can't have an opinion. This is an evidence-based podcast. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, It's just a thing we've been saying for 20 years. No, I've legally changed my name. Oh, have you? Yeah. But you changed your name to Barnaby.

Starting point is 00:52:29 I've seen your ID. Right, sure. And that stands for Boy Detective. Barnaby. Yeah. Boy Detective. Yeah, it makes sense. Break it down.

Starting point is 00:52:39 Makes a ton of sense. It sure does. We've got a Los Angeles live show coming up on July 24th. Hey, we sure do. At Angel City Brewery in downtown LA. Yeah, great guests on this program. Allie Gertz will be doing music and goofing around with us. She, of course, from the Everything's Coming Up Simpsons podcast.

Starting point is 00:53:01 ECUS. And Mike Mitchell and Nick Weiger, the Doughboys themselves, will also be joining us on that show. From the podcast, The Doughboys. That's the one. And, oh, the Story Break, guys. Oh, yeah. Story Break's going to open for us, babe. It's going to be a jam-packed show, July 24th at Angel City Brewery.

Starting point is 00:53:23 Tickets on sale now. Can I tell you, when I called you, babe, it reminded me of my old barber, Jerry. And that made, because he was a chill L.A. guy who can call you babe in a chill way. Hey, babe, how are you? And then I wondered if Jerry died. Oh, well. I wonder if he's still alive. Where are we getting those tickets for that show?

Starting point is 00:53:44 We're going to MaximumFun.org slash Summer Boys of Summer. That's MaximumFun.org slash Summer Boys of Summer. This is the grand finale of the Summer Boys of Summer tour, Jordan. Yeah. And you know what? This is probably going to be the best show of the whole goddamn thing. It's going to be tight. It certainly won't be much like the other shows since we will have been forced to write new material by the fact that we put out some of the other shows on the podcast.

Starting point is 00:54:10 Oh, I think we can reuse some stuff. All right. All right. I accept your challenge, Jordan. episode from the Summer Boys of Summer Tour, our Boston show, which we mentioned earlier, on the Maximum Fun Facebook page, or just search for Jordan Jesse Go Boston. Yeah. It'll probably come up if you do that. You know, I threw it up on the old Jordan Jesse Go Facebook page, too.

Starting point is 00:54:36 So if you like us on there, the show's right there for you. I put it in the Flophouse Facebook group. Cool. Yeah. Because Stuart was on the show. Yeah, because Stuart was on the show, exactly. Nice. You think Lamont Price has a Facebook

Starting point is 00:54:46 group? I mean, it would be a great place to... Very funny Boston comedian Lamont Price. It would be a great place to put the link if he does. Remember when he talked about how he's always wanted to turn into a werewolf? I sure do, and I enjoyed it a lot. That was great. That was a lot of fun. Hey, we've

Starting point is 00:55:02 also got something up this week, Jordan, on the Jumbotron. That's where our listeners can drop a little dough and get their personal or commercial message shared with the world. It's for our listeners only. It's a little something special for the tuppies out there. Very nice. This is a commercial message from the podcast Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. It is a comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews.

Starting point is 00:55:29 Whether Pat's ice is too cold, Sam's server is too nice, or Yosemite doesn't feature enough 7-Elevens, prepare for both laughter and eye-rolling. Each week hosts Alex and Christine cover a new topic, such as strip clubs in Vegas, ghost tours in New Orleans, or DMVs in Phoenix. They delve into the cesspools of Yelp, TripAdvisor, and more to find you the best of the worst. Listen to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, wherever you get your podcasts. You know, we're not charging enough money for this.

Starting point is 00:56:03 Let's charge instead of $200. For the Jumbotron? this. Let's charge instead of $200. For the Jumbotron? Yeah. Let's charge $200,000. Okay. Well, beach too sandy, water too wet. You were the last $200 Jumbotron. Not true.

Starting point is 00:56:18 Not true. I'm sending them an invoice right now. All right. I'm invoicing them right now. They're $199,800 short on their bill, water too wet, beach too sandy. It's a good thing you're going to gain so many listeners from this notice that you'll be able to afford that. They better be plugging Jordan Jesse Go on water too wet, beach too sandy. Yeah, because if they're not- Sometimes I worry-

Starting point is 00:56:47 Bam, right in the podcast. Smack a room. Right in your dirty podcast. Right in the podcast schnoz. Jen Kirkman will probably- You think Jen Kirkman will plug Jordan Jesse Go on her podcast? 100%. Hey, thanks.

Starting point is 00:57:01 Yeah. That's confirmed. Great. You know why? Jen Kirkman's a good friend, unlike Beach Too Wet, Water Too Sandy. Yeah. That's confirmed. Great. You know why? Jen Kirkman's a good friend, unlike Beach Too Wet, Water Too Sandy. Yeah. Yeah. Not giving us $190,000-some-odd.

Starting point is 00:57:14 Yeah. We deserve it. We've been doing this for 12 years. I need it. Four stuff. All of my children live in this. They all share a bedroom Jordan shares a bedroom with a cat bug

Starting point is 00:57:27 No I Sleep in the living room now We need more bedrooms It's only $200,000 What were you going to do with it anyway Invest it What kind of future is there in Trump's America Just give it to us

Starting point is 00:57:42 You're going to buy two Teslas and crash them together Actually that would be cool Pelosi's America. Just give it to us. He's going to buy two Teslas and crash them together. Actually, that would be cool. You should do that. Or Pelosi's America. I take no stands on political issues as an NPR news reporter. There's no future in either of those Americas. I think balances it out enough

Starting point is 00:57:58 so that I don't lose my NPR show. Yeah, that was a nice neutral statement. Thank you. Or Lyndon LaRouche's America. Sure. That's why I voted for one Thank you. Or Lyndon LaRouche's America. Sure. That's why I voted for one Jordan Demore. Right. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, you in the earthquake because we we mash past it several times i mean people are dying to know no

Starting point is 00:58:45 but you know i just i feel i feel the same way that jesse does where i i never thought of myself as afraid of earthquakes and i'm a very neurotic person with a history of panic and anxiety i used to have a fear of flying used to fear this fear heights it would only seem natural that i had a fear of earthquakes i really pride myself on the fact that i thought i know there's the big one but the odds are not gonna to happen in my lifetime. And then these articles started coming out that, oh, it's going to happen in the next 30 years and it's going to be so big that the whole West Coast will be devastated and blah, blah, blah. Now, this was – this particular two earthquakes were not along the San Andreas Fault. There was two new faults.

Starting point is 00:59:18 Fine. Anyway, I was particularly taking it personally because it was over the July 4th weekend. And I didn't go anywhere. I didn't vacation. I'm working on some things, trying to get some work going. So I was writing. And it's a good time to sit and write because everyone else is on vacation and your phone's not ringing with a last-minute meeting or a thing or a thing. And I was working on making my place just, like, really relaxing. And both times that the earthquakes happened, I have a ton of candles in my place just like really relaxing and both times that the earthquakes

Starting point is 00:59:46 happened i i have a ton of candles in my place i lit every candle and fourth of july morning i made some fresh pot of coffee poured a little gasoline on the carpet just splay it out that week's newspapers i love the smell read them all don't you love that that gasoline smell when you go to the gas station yeah so I bring some home. I pour it on the ground. Oh, my gosh. Especially if I'm trying to focus, if I'm trying to write. Mm-hmm.

Starting point is 01:00:10 That gets me in the mood. I think it's the sense memory of that novel I wrote at that gas station. Mm-hmm. You wrote it when you were working there, behind the counter? No, I was living there. Oh, I see. You mean Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:24 One of the best of the series. You don't get enough credit for that. One of the best of the series. I don't. Oh, I see. You mean Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets? Yeah. One of the best of the series. You don't get enough credit for that. One of the best of the series. He gets no credit for that. You know who gets too much? J.K. Rowling. Yeah. I mean.

Starting point is 01:00:32 At least, at bare minimum, it should be 50-50, given that I wrote it at that gas station. Well, that was what you signed up for when you decided to be a ghostwriter. You're not supposed to reveal. That's true. I thought it meant that I would get to, you know, go through walls and floor around and surprise people. Oh, no. It's not literal. It's not literal.

Starting point is 01:00:50 Well, I took it literally. I wasn't familiar with figurative language at the time. All I wrote was the crimes of Grindelwald. I didn't get shit for it. Jen Kirkman wrote her detective novel. It's called Boy Detective. Oh. Weird. So I've been meaning to for it. Jen Kirkman wrote her detective novel. It's called Boy Detective. Oh. So I've been meaning to sue you.

Starting point is 01:01:08 Okay. Wait, is this you serving me my papers? Yes. Well, I don't have them on me. Oh, okay. But just know that they're coming. Okay. But basically anyway, so-

Starting point is 01:01:18 You're not supposed to warn people. Oh, well, you're not going to know. Just like an earthquake, you won't know when. Whoa. Everyone, you know, you're decorating your room because everyone has their process. In your case, process server. Thank you. Sure.

Starting point is 01:01:30 Yeah. Uh-huh. So your house was full of candles. Coffee on. Great. Blah, blah, blah. All of a sudden, the earthquake happens. And normally, like I said earlier, there were five seconds.

Starting point is 01:01:40 This one was going and rolling. Yeah. Now, I live in a condo that's fairly new. I think it was built five years ago and I think it's on those rollers that you hear about, which is really good for not shattering and collapsing a building. But it felt like I was on a boat. And I immediately went to Twitter where you go when you want a sense of community and everybody was saying the same thing. This one woman said her vertigo got ticked off and she had to lay down. I seriously felt it went on for so long and I stood in a doorway, which someone told me that's,

Starting point is 01:02:09 we don't do that anymore. We go under tables. I love earthquake Twitter, by the way. Earthquake Twitter is, it's so, it really is a bond. It made me feel good. And I don't know why they're so mad about the little mermaid casting. I don't know what that has to do with being into earthquakes. I don't know. But it was just, it really shook me in a way that sometimes when you're in an airplane, even if you're not afraid, the turbulence is not good for your adrenal gland central nervous system. And I had that kind of feeling where I went, I'm unsettled even hours later.

Starting point is 01:02:38 Then I started reading, there's going to be some pretty big aftershocks. And I thought, nah, no, there isn't. I've been here before where I've had a little bit of it. There was a bigger earthquake a few years ago that woke me up in the middle of the night. Some things fell and I went, maybe that. And, you know, whatever. I didn't think twice of it. You said to yourself, housequake, shut up already. Exactly. And I went about my life with a confidence like you did, like, no, we had it. And then the next night, same thing. I had gone out for the day and I came home and I was going to have a nighttime writing night.

Starting point is 01:03:11 I lit all the candles again. This time instead of a pot of coffee, I poured myself a glass of wine. Oh, gosh. That's beautiful. This is relaxing. I'm a one glass of wine at home alone once in a while person. It doesn't go over one and I love it. I like to have a glass of wine while I'm watching Home a while person it doesn't go over one and i love it i like to

Starting point is 01:03:25 have a glass of wine while i'm watching home alone makes it more romantic and i have it while i'm watching home improvement oh i wish i could think of one that had home home home on the ranch yes you have to take a glass and watch Homer Simpson. So I mean, and I said, this is just I'm so happy in my abode. And then that one happened. And I was like, oh, my fucking God, this might be the big one. It was going on for 55 seconds, which is 50 seconds longer than I was used to. And I'm again like like, oh my God, it's getting, and it was getting worse and worse as the seconds went by. And I filmed it and my

Starting point is 01:04:11 doors and my deck were shaking and people were screaming. There was the sounds of screams outside. And I was like, this is not going to end well. Like I didn't think my building was going to collapse, but I just, I just thought, no, this is not good. And by the way, whereas the night before I said, there aren't going to be more, I thought this is just going to keep happening every day. The big one's coming. And then I read about it and that was a 7.1, 50 miles closer to us than the 150 miles away had been. And it was a different fault line and a totally different earthquake. It was not the aftershock and and i i have never shook it looked like bad acting my hands were shaking such as i'm doing now and it

Starting point is 01:04:50 was my heart was racing my fitbit for the people listening at home she is shaking my fitbit went to 12 minutes of heart rate activity and i hadn't done any like i was apoplectic and i was like i i just started packing a suitcase I don't know where I was going and my dad called and I go I think I'm coming home to Boston he's like your mother and I at the casino I go well I don't have to I can just go stay with my sister

Starting point is 01:05:15 I mean I was going I go stay with my sister and I was just going crazy and I just eventually didn't ever but I would have had enough time to get to LAX and get on the last JetBlue flight. It was weird that the earthquake lasted long enough that you could have multiple plans during the earthquake. Yes.

Starting point is 01:05:33 I found that I was – because I was at my cabin, my cabin is like the last thing on a series of – you go drive to the end of the road, turn right, drive to the end of the road, turn right, drive to the end of the road, turn right. Yeah. Like outside of, of course, Skip and Jerry and Debbie, Skip's wife, Sherry, I don't mean to leave her out, my neighbors, there's nobody else around, you know, just trees and bears. Yeah. You know what I mean? And so I'm in there thinking like, if this road gets cut off the one road it's 100 a lord of the flies situation with me and skip and sherry jerry debbie uh theresa my kids and ben harrison and his wife

Starting point is 01:06:15 rachel who was who were also there and uh when we would when it would start there was a long series of aftershocks after the larger one. Yes. My wife and I would run upstairs to where the kids were asleep and look at them. And make sure they weren't changing into earthquake zombies. The ultimate parenting choice, which is like, do we drag them out of their beds? Yeah. But look, they're sleeping like little angels. And every time we went with little angels, which-

Starting point is 01:06:50 Yeah, there's no reason to wake them unless you have to evacuate. Or just from now on, kids sleep in a doorway. Oh, yeah. No, it's under a table now. Oh, really? Has it changed? Yeah, doorways, they say they're not made like they used to be. Because it's not 10 and 2 anymore.

Starting point is 01:07:02 Where do you have your hands when you drive? I drive with my feet. No, I don't. You put one on the shifter. Right. I'm a cool... What an outstick. I still have not recovered.

Starting point is 01:07:15 Like, if I hear a noise, I jump. And I just went, what am I doing with my life? Why don't I go move back to New York where all we had was some mild terrorism now and again?

Starting point is 01:07:24 Sure. But the fact that I live here when you can't plan for an earthquake, I get, you know, my every place has its stuff, tornado, hurricane, but you usually get a little warning. Sure. And I and then I started reading up on it and realizing all the things that can happen as a result of one, like the gas could just blow up. You know, the whole building can blow up if in order. The entire city of San Francisco could burn to the ground. Exactly.

Starting point is 01:07:45 The fires that get caused. It's not good. I have shoes under my bed. My friend told me to put shoes under my bed so that when you run out of the house, you're not stepping on glass. Oh, that's smart. I always have a pair of Ugg boots near my bed because I take them off right before bed. That's nice. I feel like it's the same.

Starting point is 01:08:02 I've had three earthquake kits forever. I wear Ugg boots too bad. Oh, you do? Well, me – It feels great. You get the wool between your toes. It feels nice. I mean, I knew you weren't comfortable with nudity, but I didn't realize how far it went.

Starting point is 01:08:14 Yeah. Boots to bed. I wear a third Ugg boot over my junk. Yes, that is correct. Guilty as charged. You flushed me out, Jennifer. He died with his boots on, his Ugg boots. Sure.

Starting point is 01:08:25 This ain't your daddy's war. It's comfier. Okay. It's kind of a cozy anyway. So I have something important to cover here. Lazy Sunday. Jordan, we have something important that we promised our listeners. We had this segment called The Coliseum.

Starting point is 01:08:39 It's run its course. We're sunsetting it after this week's program. But we have one challenge left. One final call. We've been asking our listeners to call in and answer questions about themselves. We've been counting the number of responses and then having Brian report them back to us. We found out that many fewer than I expected of our listeners have been to a Tony, Tony, Tony concert before. We found out that almost all of our listeners have been on a submarine.

Starting point is 01:09:08 Yeah. Or battle, submarine. Yes. Not battleship, submarine, right? Submarine. Submarine. Yeah. Yes.

Starting point is 01:09:15 A lot of our listeners are either like military hardware enthusiasts or went there on a field trip. We found out that a surprising number of our listeners have been to this one restaurant in Vancouver. Sure. What was that, Vidge's? Vidge's. Vidge's Restaurant in Vancouver. A listener, a Jordan Jesse Go listener,

Starting point is 01:09:33 came to our show in Seattle with food from the restaurant Vidge's that he brought from Vancouver to us. Amazing. Did he drive? He did, and it was poisoned, but it was still very thoughtful. It was just a good thing we fed it to those raccoons first. Yeah, it was just an emetic.

Starting point is 01:09:55 It was just an emetic. They eventually died of dehydration, of course. Sure, sure. Because of losing their fluids. You know what I found out about that Vidge's, Jordan? You know who's been to that restaurant? Jordan, Jesse, go listener. Dave Shumka.

Starting point is 01:10:12 That's right. Dave Shumka, host of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Shumka loves to eat. I love that guy. That guy's one of the best guys there is. Do you actually know Dave or are you? I think so. I think I've done his podcast.

Starting point is 01:10:22 Is that possible? You went on a podcast in Vancouver. It was probably Stop a podcast in yourself. Yeah, Dave Shumka. Dave Shumka tweeted at me about it today. I think he's a few weeks behind on the program. I just want to tell Dave Shumka. I'm speaking to the Dave Shumka of the future.

Starting point is 01:10:37 But when he catches up with this episode, Dave Shumka, I love you very much. Maybe, but maybe in the past weeks, you've done something terrible. Dave. If that's the case, clean up your act. How about this? Brian, I'll give you a few alts. And in a few weeks, when Dave seems like he's about to catch up, review what he's been up to. Maybe talk to Abby, Schumpke's wife.

Starting point is 01:11:04 Find out what he's been up to. Maybe talk to Abby, Shumke's wife. Find out what he's been up to and just put it in. Dave, I love you so much. Dave, I'm fond of you, but your actions have introduced some ambivalence into my feelings. Dave, I just want you

Starting point is 01:11:20 to know, you're my worst enemy. I mean, I don't know why you need to do all these. Why don't we just replace Dave with Mila Jovovich? And I said I love him, so I should do some. Dave, on behalf of all women, you've let me down because I believe women.

Starting point is 01:11:35 Wow. That was heavy. And then Dave, you know, you did your best. And then Dave, a lot of people might not stand by you through this time. I will do whatever is most politically correct. Expedient. Expedient.

Starting point is 01:11:50 I was going to say expedient. Why didn't I? You should have just said that. Anyway, Dave, that's how I feel. And should I record a few for Graham real quick? Graham Clark, of course, the other co-host of Stop Podcasting. Oh, yeah, I did. That was the podcast I did.

Starting point is 01:12:03 Graham, I'm sorry that thing happened to you on the bus. That should cover it. That should cover pretty much all the Graham situations. Just basically a crazy thing happened to Graham on the bus. So the Coliseum, one final go-round on this crazy go-round-a-mcgig. Yeah. We got a new goal. We've done as many as we can. We've tried to McGig. Yeah. We got a new goal. We've done as many as we can.

Starting point is 01:12:27 We've tried to guess exactly. We've tried to beat each other just barely. This time on the Coliseum, we're looking for something that only one Jordan Jesse Go listener has done. Now, I want to be clear. This really raises the stakes on people who are responding to this.

Starting point is 01:12:45 Right. This thing that we described. Yeah, if it's you, you have to call. This is, don't fuck around. Like, this is really important. Right. This is like those people who say, well, it's not my fault in the election, but I didn't vote. You've got to vote in this one.

Starting point is 01:13:04 This one is on you. This is for all the martyrs. This is more important than the 2020 presidential election. Look, we are obviously, 2020 election is important, vote LaRouche. But what really matters here is if you're the one person that this thing applies to. And we learned there was two listeners in Bosnia.

Starting point is 01:13:23 Yeah. If the two Bosniansnia. Yeah. Yeah. If the two Bosnians can pipe up. Yeah. So, yeah. So, Jen, you are welcome to play as well. If you think you can have – we'll do our guesses. Okay.

Starting point is 01:13:39 And then if you want to throw in something you think that only one Jordan Jesse Go listener has done. Perfect. You can too. You can too. And if you are the final winner of the Coliseum, that's an embarrassment for us. But you should enjoy your Starbucks gift card, which is the prize. By the way, there's a Starbucks gift card on the line. I got one and I think it's going to do it.

Starting point is 01:13:55 Okay. I think I got one too. Do you want to go first? Yeah, I do. Okay. If you're listening to Jordan and Jesse go right now and you're on a boat, but you are the captain or first mate of the boat. Or first mate. Okay.

Starting point is 01:14:11 You got to be top two. Right. So not I'm on the Staten Island ferry. That's bullshit. Okay. Everybody knows that's a ferry, number one. It's not technically a boat, number one. Not technically a boat. But ships are also included.

Starting point is 01:14:28 So let's say you're listening to this right now. You're at the Maritime Museum in San Diego. And you're on that ship from the movie Master and Commander. That doesn't count. No. You have to be the captain of the ship. And you also have to be listening on a ship you can't just be someone who is a

Starting point is 01:14:48 licensed boat captain who listens to the show you have to be a active captain who is listening on the ship you have to be listening on a ship right now and you have to be top two in the hierarchy and if you're on a ship right now and you're not top two, do call in as well.

Starting point is 01:15:05 Let us know where you are in the pecking order. But I think that to get one, I'm looking for a captain or a first mate. I'm including – look, you could be on a pontoon boat, catamaran tugboat sailing ship you could be on a what if you're wearing a captain's hat but you're in a paddle boat that you like rented at the park no

Starting point is 01:15:33 yeah that counts oh I was wrong you're top two unless because it's only a two person thing unless like your your partner and your uncle

Starting point is 01:15:43 are in the pedal seats and you're on the backwards facing seats on the back. Okay. That's a four passenger boat. Then you're number three on the hierarchy at best. All right. Maybe even number four depending who's in the passenger seat. I like this. I like this.

Starting point is 01:15:56 I like the specificity. Like let's say in the passenger seat was Tom Hanks. He's probably number three just because he's so beloved and because he played – he beat the Somali pirates and everything. That's true. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Even if you paid for the boat rental. Here's mine.

Starting point is 01:16:12 No. One Jordan Jesse Gell listener. Okay. Give us a call. Yeah. If you gave me a free drink at David Buster's one time. Fuck! No.

Starting point is 01:16:22 I have a real one. That's cheating. I have a real one. Are you trying to use this as a missed connection? There's an actual guy who did, who gave me a free drink at a Dave & Buster's because he liked the show. It was the greatest moment of my life. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:16:35 And I just want to say hello to him. Yeah. How's your boat, buddy? Yeah. But also, here's some alts. Yeah. Dave & Buster's bartender, I'm very disappointed in you. Okay.

Starting point is 01:16:45 Dave & Buster's bartender, I love you, but not the choices you've made. Dave and Buster's bartender, I'm sorry that crazy thing happened to you on the bus. Yeah. My one thing, I think one Jordan Jesse Goh listener, give us a call if you have had a sexual experience at a Six Flags. What is the... I think that's going to be like 100 people. Really? Yes.

Starting point is 01:17:11 What do you think is the threshold? I think here's the key question, Jennifer. I'm having a lot of fun calling you Jennifer. Is it okay? It's a delight. Okay. Here's the key question, Jordan. Where do you draw the line

Starting point is 01:17:23 between a romantic and a sexual experience? It has to be like kissing is romantic. But if it gets hot and heavy. So how hot and heavy? Like over the clothes? Over the clothes. Food grabs? Over the clothes.

Starting point is 01:17:38 It's touching something that is usually covered by clothes in a sensual way. So like how many – Jordan, you just shot yourself in the foot. You think this happens a lot? Yes. Yes. At a Six Flags? When you're in line and you're bored and you're hugging your boyfriend or your girlfriend and you kind of like grab their butt. But that's not – no, that's flirty and playful.

Starting point is 01:17:58 This is like – Be specific. Well, Jordan, you're the one making the rules here. Yeah. So clarify the rules. Is it in public, like where people could see or is it the back of the six legs? You could be like behind the funnel cake thing. I think you have to indicate bikini area out.

Starting point is 01:18:16 Yep. Okay, sure. The bikini area has to have come out in some way. I'm talking blowjob on a Ferris wheel is what I think you're talking about. Yeah, sure. I mean, I would love to hear about a Ferris wheel blowjob. That would be great. Yeah, I mean, right.

Starting point is 01:18:28 I mean, nothing that you, you know, something that you felt like you had to hide from the Six Flags going public. Like something that you wouldn't have just like. Well, I mean, I felt that way about the boner that I got from the pirate ship swinging back and forth. Right. That just really turns me on. I'm not even talking about riding it, just looking at it. Right.

Starting point is 01:18:51 Swinging back and forth, a mighty pendulum. Oh, yeah. And it's also the bad boy energy from the pirate thing. Sure, yeah. BPE, big pirate energy. You guys think there's going to be a ton of these, huh?

Starting point is 01:19:06 I think at a Six Flags. That's why you go. Do I have to specify the Six Flags like Astroworld? I think you have to specify the location and the act. Like is it exhibitionism where people can see them? Right. And it was something really dirty like a blowjob on a tank. So this is what I think.

Starting point is 01:19:24 What I think you're driving at, Jordan, and you can correct me if I'm wrong. But I think what you're driving at is you're talking about a true sexual experience that involves direct contact with or the revelation of butts, junk, or boobs. Yeah. That's-B. B-J, sure. The classic trinity of the Christian Bible. That's right. Father, son, and junk.

Starting point is 01:19:56 But God don't make no junk. That's why it's controversial. That's true. God don't make no junk. I just don't want, I think that if we include grabbing a butt. Yeah, no, that's not part of it. Or even grabbing a boob over a shirt. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:20:12 That seems too loose. I think there's just too many people at, if you said who are doing it right now, you might get one. Sure, while they have their earbuds in. Yeah, somebody's at six flags over texas and they say oh well you know they're giving a giving a handy on the justice league ride not a bad idea yeah yeah you know what i mean sure with their partner consensually yeah of course but uh i think if you specify specifically that what it involves is skin-to-skin contact on one of those parts. Yeah, you have to either be maneuvering past or removing clothes.

Starting point is 01:20:53 Right. Yeah. I agree. I'm with you. I think that's a great one. I'm really intrigued that you specified six flags. I think we're going to get some calls from some real Disney nuts who are upset about not including their Disney nuts. No, I know.

Starting point is 01:21:08 I didn't want to lose in an avalanche. Jen, do you have a guess? I thought of one, yeah. Yeah. Is there one listener who met their current partner on an airplane. Now, it has to be that this relationship ended in marriage. Like you are married or in such a serious – it's not like you went on a date or you hooked up.

Starting point is 01:21:34 You met and fell in love on an airplane. However, they were seated next to each other. And it can't be, oh, it's my – oh, I know you. You worked for my dad. It can't just be Frank Gifford and that woman that he left Kathy Lee for, the stewardess. Well, if it's a listener. Air hostess. If one of them is a listener, yes, it can be.

Starting point is 01:21:55 But it has to be. Well, Frank listens. Oh, well, then what am I doing? Kathy Lee actually listens too, so I feel a little embarrassed. I was originally going to say you have to be. This is going to be very uncomfortable for us in the next minute. You've always said that you don't pick sides too. And you haven't.

Starting point is 01:22:10 You haven't. To this point, I had not. But I was going to say originally flight attendant. You know what side I pick end of the day? What, Kathy? Hoda. Oh. She's more of a McElroy listener now.

Starting point is 01:22:20 Yeah, she does. She, well, is she a McElroy listener? She's sort of a fair-weather McElroy listener. She loved season one of The Adventure Zone, but has complaints about season two, and she listens to Schmanners, but she will not try

Starting point is 01:22:37 Sawbones, despite the fact that she has an explicit interest in medical history. Come on, Hoda. I think Hoda has never finished an episode of a television show, a podcast, or a book. I see her as having zero attention span. The big three. The Holy Trinity of the Christian Bible. Sure.

Starting point is 01:22:55 I get the podcast, TV, a book. So I was originally going to say flight attendant. If you're a flight attendant who has met your partner because they're a passenger on a plane. But then I thought, no, I wonder truly if it's you're a has met your partner because they're a passenger on a plane but then i thought now i wonder truly if it's you you're a listener of the show you're a passenger in a plane you met your current partner and that you never saw them in your life before it's not like oh you used to work for my dad and we're not reconnecting complete strangers we're seated next to each other on a plane you exchanged information you knew something was special about them you started dating you, you fell in love, now you're married, you're on the way to marriage.

Starting point is 01:23:25 Are you that person? Okay. I like this. My friend Al Letson is a public radio host. He hosts the podcast Reveal, the public radio program and podcast Reveal, which is a wonderful investigative journalism podcast. And Al is a very talented guy. He's hosted a few public radio shows.

Starting point is 01:23:44 He was originally a performance poet but I found out one day that he had a previous career as a flight attendant and for a regional airline, I believe in Florida, in the southeast where he's from and he is a heterosexual man.

Starting point is 01:23:59 He said of the staff of flight attendants, there was like two or three hundred and there were two heterosexual men among them. And, you know, he will occasionally go on our mutual friend Glenn Washington's show Snap Judgment and like tell a story. And I was like, you must have crazy stories about having been a flight attendant. Like that must be a truly bizarre story fest. And you've never told a story about it. And he kind of hemmed and hawed a little bit.

Starting point is 01:24:26 And then I realized, I was like, oh, he doesn't tell any stories because they're just all about how much fucking he was doing. Just like the sheer volume of fucking that was Al Letson's life when he was the only male heterosexual flight attendant in the Southeast. And then, yeah, because you're serving the single ladies who are

Starting point is 01:24:46 now allowed to travel without companions. Sure. Everybody's emotional because they're crying at movies they normally wouldn't cry over. That's right, because of the heightened altitude. That was one of the big changes of the jazz age, which is what I call my 20s. And you're

Starting point is 01:25:03 serving them alcohol and maybe, you know, lets them know that he's of the heterosexual persuasion as stereotypically this gay man who are flight attendants. He might say something like, my ex-wife preferred the same kind of drink you have. Oh, I was watching Home Improvement yesterday. That's right. One thing I was not doing was watching anything Andy Cohen does. Oh, you said ginger ale? I thought you said cunnilingus, which is something

Starting point is 01:25:30 I do. Me. Okay, so the scoring with this will go zero, you're out. But then it's closest to one. Yeah. After zero, any new entries are a liability for you.

Starting point is 01:25:47 Yeah. I also want to know with Jens, people who have met any romantic partner on an airplane, not just their current long-term romantic partner. Oh, got it. Okay. It won't count, but I just call it an experience. Just for fun. I'm interested, and I think it's important that you do that.

Starting point is 01:26:04 And for Jordans, I want to know who's fucked at an amusement park. Sure. Sure. And I'm throwing in loose interpretations of it. Tivoli Gardens. Right. A state fair that comes and goes. Sure.

Starting point is 01:26:19 Are there rides? Can you buy a funnel cake? Yeah. Is the smell of funnel cake in the air? Yeah. Is that what made you so horny? Yeah. Okay.

Starting point is 01:26:30 Oh, you weren't asking me that question? Oh, I thought he was. I was talking to the listener. Okay. Then why am I so horny if it's not the smell of funnel cake? You must have seen a pirate ship swing. Sure. You must have seen a swinging ship.

Starting point is 01:26:41 Oh, yo, ho, ho. Sure, yeah. A bottle of rum. Mm-hmm. Sixteen men on a dead man's chest. Right. ship. Oh, yo, ho, ho. Sure, yeah. A bottle of rum. Mm-hmm. Sixteen men on a dead man's chest. Right, sure. Oh, that sounds fun. That's a lot of men.

Starting point is 01:26:50 Le petit mort. Sure. What's that? The orgasm? The orgasm. Oh, sure, the little death. Why do I know that? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:26:59 I don't know. I don't know. Why do I know that? Woody Allen movies. Probably. It's just some fucking Woody Allen movie. Mm-hmm. I think that's going to movies. Probably. I just do some fucking Woody Allen movie. Mm-hmm. I think that's going to be pretty good.

Starting point is 01:27:08 I think it's going to be great. Brian, where do people go to call in one of these things? Just give them my cell. You can text Jen Kirkman. Jen's looking for the T. So they can go to MaximumFun.org slash call if they just want to fill out a form. Or they can call our number. Or they can email JJGo at MaximumFun.org.

Starting point is 01:27:33 Wow. That sounds great. But they should only do one of those. They shouldn't double up. Get an accurate count. Yeah. So just do one of those three things. Just one.

Starting point is 01:27:41 If it's a good story, they should probably call, right? Yeah. If it's a good story, they should call in, right? Yeah, if it's a good story, they should call in 206-984-445. Yeah, rehearse it a couple times first. Don't just call in with a dry run. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:27:49 Sometimes people call back with a second version of it. Or just stop and start over. Brian's capable of editing it. Yeah, I'll edit you down. Don't worry about it. Brian likes to boil it down to the essence.

Starting point is 01:28:02 That's right. First, he's got to get in the mood. He lights some candles, puts a little gasoline on the carpet. Makes a couple funnel cakes. I have to blow out all the candles. So upset. Sorry.

Starting point is 01:28:12 Yeah, you must have been short of breath by then. I really was. I can't imagine what your Fitbit thought about all that. That's probably why it went 12 minutes of working out. Well, she's really huffing and puffing, it said to itself. Fitbits have an internal monologue. It's been programmed into Fitbits, Jordan. So give us a call, 206-984-4FUN.

Starting point is 01:28:33 And also, you know, if you have any stray, because we're ending the segment. If you have any stray coliseums, if you're one of the drug rug people and you just haven't gotten around to it yet, give us a call. the drug rug people and you just haven't gotten around to it yet, give us a call. If you've been to see Tony, Tony, Tony. If you own a Fez. Graham, if you're listening. Graham Clark. Yeah. Just give us a call.

Starting point is 01:28:54 Always nice to hear from you. I'll try to have final, final tallies on all of our coliseums. Great. We can run through them if we want. For all those data nerds out there. God.

Starting point is 01:29:10 You know what? I'm changing mine. If you're a data nerd, I think there's going to be only one data nerd. Oh, boy, yeah. Probably only one data nerd. If you're a data nerd. Hey, Nate Silver, if you're listening, give us a call. Give us a call, Jordan.

Starting point is 01:29:25 Area code 538. Get it? call, Jordan. Area code 538. Get it? Oh, yeah. Wow. Fun. Man. Jen, you're on fire. We'll be back in just a second.

Starting point is 01:29:35 I'm sure it's just a go. Hi, I'm Joe Firestone. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, over the world. And you can win a custom magnet. A custom magnet. Subscribe now to make sure you get our next episode. What's an example of a game, Manolo? Pokemon or medication. How do you play that? You have to guess if something's a Pokemon name

Starting point is 01:30:12 or medication. First time listener, if you want to listen to episode highlights and also know how to participate, follow Dr. Game Show on Facebook,

Starting point is 01:30:21 Instagram, and Twitter. We'd love to hear from you. It's really fun. For the whole family. Norlex. Pokemon? Yes. Nice.

Starting point is 01:30:34 Going into a Bullseye interview, I know that it's somebody who does amazing work, but it's an actual conversation, and sometimes it gets real. No, but my mother, I remember when I got... This is going to become a therapy session very quickly. Does that make sense? I feel like I'm in therapy. That was a great interview. Bullseye.

Starting point is 01:30:55 Creators you know, creators you need to know. Find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jen Kirkman, your guest. It's been a thrill to have you back, Jesse Goe. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jen Kirkman, your guest. It's been a thrill to have you back, Jen. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:31:30 It's been too long. I know. I was in New York for a while. I'm back. This has been fantastic. You know. So many accents. Oh, I mean, did you hear that?

Starting point is 01:31:39 I just did two right there. You're a sponge for them. I would walk 500 miles just to do this podcast. What? Yes, I'm from Scotland. From the Scotland. It's a different part of Scotland. Oh, right. The Scotland.

Starting point is 01:31:56 Jen, you're on tour. You're one of the funniest stand-up comedians that there is. People should go see you. Jen is so funny. So Jen has two specials on Netflix, no matter where you live. That's right. You should watch those comedy see you. Jen is so funny. So Jen has two specials on Netflix no matter where you live and you should watch those comedy specials because Jen is fucking hilarious.

Starting point is 01:32:10 If you live in one of these places and I'm going to blast through this list real quick but you can find it on jenkirkman.com. Right on the homepage. I insist you go see my good friend Jennifer Kirkman.

Starting point is 01:32:19 Sound of Young America contributor, Jen Kirkman. That's right. Jen Kirkman's Hollywood was I believe what it was called. Jen Kirkman's Hollywood was, I believe, what it was called. Jen Kirkman's Hollywood Stories. Deep cut. A long time ago.

Starting point is 01:32:30 How many movies did we make? Two? It was based on my blog, I think. I used to have a blog, you guys. It was a great blog. It was a great blog. A web blog. It was a great blog.

Starting point is 01:32:36 Jen's a gifted writer. Now, let me just say one thing to everybody. Please. No wonder she has several best-selling autobiographies. Do you know what the thing is? Worst writer now because of Twitter. I'm just like, oh, I'm all frenetic. But everyone, I don't do stuff you've already seen on Netflix.

Starting point is 01:32:48 Always new stuff and no politics. So come relax and don't get triggered. Yeah. Don't worry. Here's the cities. Yeah, come on out, snowflakes. Los Angeles. You're a snowflake out there?

Starting point is 01:32:57 Come on out. LA, powder your bottom for you. Minneapolis, Nashville, Birmingham, Athens, Georgia, San Antonio, Texas, Houston, Texas, Austin, Texas, Brooklyn, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Del Mar, California, Toronto, Ontario, Canada, London, England, Manchester, United Kingdom, Amsterdam, Oslo, San Francisco, Richmond, Virginia, and Durham, North Carolina. Jen is coming to all of those places. She's mostly playing cool rock clubs. go Richmond, Virginia and Durham, North Carolina. Jen is coming to all of those places. She's mostly playing cool rock clubs. So you can go out and see her at a cool rock club where you can get a cool rock and roll drink. You don't have to order any nachos.

Starting point is 01:33:35 Don't have to order food. Summer theaters. No, no comedy clubs on this one. I think I already did my comedy clubs for the year and and come enjoy it. No heckling of the audience. JenKirkman.com. Jen's going to be nice to you. She's not going to be upset about anything except for comic things.

Starting point is 01:33:54 You're not going to be upset about anything unless you don't like to laugh, in which case I can't recommend you go see Jennifer Kirkman. That's going to be trouble because you're going to be laughing a lot. In fact, you might need to have a paramedic on hand in case you bust your gut. Oh, I have three paramedics every show. Oh, good. Or at least people who just like to role play. Either way, you'll feel safe. I just have one guy who's the captain of a boat.

Starting point is 01:34:16 I have one guy who's given a blowjob at Astroworld. Oh, and people are allowed to do sex acts at my show as long as I can't see it. Oh, wow. You know, just don't disrupt the show. That's really nice. It's really sex positive. You do it if you can. What if other people at the show can see it?

Starting point is 01:34:33 Is it just you that can't see it? Oh, yeah. I guess I should think about the other people. Because some people might be trying to enjoy the comedy. Yeah, case by case basis. If the people next to you. They're getting horned up. If they seem like really focused on the show, you could probably get away with a little bump and grind.

Starting point is 01:34:48 Can I ask you a more specific question? I'm thinking about coming out to the Los Angeles show. Is there going to be any pirate ships there? I was going to, but I'd be honest, for you, I will have them removed. Thank you. Or hidden the way that – I won't say it because it's a political reference, but I will have a curtain over it so that you can't see the ship that offends you. Thank you. Just put a tarp over it.

Starting point is 01:35:11 Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah. Jordan. Yes. I can't help but notice your peg leg. Don't look at my peg legs. It's for my wife to look at only.

Starting point is 01:35:22 My wife's peg. My future wife. Couldn't look at the peg. No one else. We're Christian pirates. That's so romantic. Thank you. Hey, Jordan, you were guest hosting on Good Mythical Morning. I watched a thing where you were reviewing cold brew coffee.

Starting point is 01:35:41 I was amused both because of your many witticisms and because of the fact that I know how profoundly emotionally affected you are by drinking even a little bit of cold brew. Oh, yeah. I did a little segment for those guys on YouTube and I got a little eye twitch at the end of the day and it only recently subsided. I think we taped that thing four weeks ago. Amazing. Yeah. But it was really great. It was really funny.

Starting point is 01:36:06 It was really fun to watch, and there was a little Cotton Candy Randy in there, too. Sure. As you know, Jordan, I'm a big Cotton Candy Randy fan. I think that is one of the funniest things. Well, thanks. The beard's uncomfortable. Yeah, I bet it is. I mean, who's that?

Starting point is 01:36:23 I think I'm supposed to not know who it is. Oh, cool. Anyway. Who is it? I'm supposed to not know who it is. Oh, cool. Anyway. Who is it? Don't know. Never heard of it myself. I don't know what anyone's talking about. I've seen you wearing a t-shirt before is why I mention it.

Starting point is 01:36:33 Oh, I just got that at the Goodwill. Okay. Yeah. Is that an old violent femme tour 91 t-shirt? It's the only two t-shirts I own. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer. It was his hard work that put together that live episode of Jordan

Starting point is 01:36:49 Jesse Go Endo. Our thanks to him, not just for producing the show, but producing our wonderful Summer Boys of Summer Tour. Brian worked his butt off on the road, so we're very grateful to him for that. He also worked hard to get the video

Starting point is 01:37:05 that is up on YouTube now of our Boston show. It actually involved an extra trip back to the venue because he needed a bigger thumb drive. Mm-hmm. You know how that is, Jordan.

Starting point is 01:37:14 Sure do. Don't look at my thumb drive. That's not a thumb drive. This is a thumb drive. Wow, Australian boyfriend. No, it's me, Crocodile Dundee. Oh, hi. Hi, Crocodile. Hi, Cro, hi. Hi, Crocodile.

Starting point is 01:37:26 Hi, Crocodile. That's right. Fucking Arj Barker. You're right. We are all the same. Hey, it's me, Maria Bimford. Get a low flow toilet. Here's 20 things you can do to save the earth.

Starting point is 01:37:43 Mm-hmm. With me, Mad Max. Use a... Greg Berent. Paper straw. Right? Yeah? Crikey.

Starting point is 01:37:54 Use a paper straw. Crikey. Crikey. We've got to do what we can for the endangered species. I'm teaching a panda to fuck! Don't drive cars like Jim Kirkman that aren't electric. You should walk instead. You could walk 500 miles like my band said. I'm in a band that said that.

Starting point is 01:38:19 Howdy! Howdy, it's me, Yahoo Serious, star of the movie Young Einstein. And I'm mighty pleased you've contacted me in this weird seance. I presume I'm dead. Is he dead? Oh, my gosh. I had no idea. I did a lot of blow in the good times, and it came back to bite me in the bad times. I died when Steve Irwin got stung by that stingray because we're all the same person.

Starting point is 01:38:51 When one of us dies, we all die. We're on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com. You can find us on Facebook at Facebook.com slash whatever. Search for Jordan Jesse Go. Yeah. Maximum Fun. There's a nice maximum fun group. People like to post things there.

Starting point is 01:39:09 We're on Twitter with the hashtag JJ go. I'm at Jesse Thorne. Jordan is at Jordan underscore Morris. Jen is at Jen Kirkman. A lot of fun to be had all over the internet. NYtimes.com is a good website for news. Yeah. Check out Amazon for news. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:39:29 Check out Amazon for products. Yeah. You like products? They got them. Weather.com for all your travel weather prediction. Oh, that's a great place to go. Great place to shop. Yeah, that is great. I bought a really comfortable pair of ballet flats from weather.com.

Starting point is 01:39:46 Nice. It's not a shopping site. But for travel, you want a comfortable pair of flats that you can wear at the airport, you can wear them

Starting point is 01:39:53 out to dinner, credibly, you can wear them to a business meeting. You know what I mean? Like, if you have to go to something nice,

Starting point is 01:39:59 like, let's say you're in London and you get invited to the ambassador's residence. Which I will, yeah. I would just show up in my Uggs

Starting point is 01:40:04 that I wear on the plane. No, you've got to go to weather.com. Get a nice – if not weather.com, weatherunderground.com. W-U-U-G-G-R-O-M-E-R-D-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-D-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M-E-R-G-R-O-M And what's nice is that they fold flat in your luggage. All right, I will. Listen, I was just going to show up in some stank-ass slippers. The last thing you want to do. What's the ambassador's wife going to think, Jordan? She doesn't like me anyway.

Starting point is 01:40:34 She's going to think ill of him. Yeah, she loves stank-ass slippers. Don't listen to him, Jen. I know this wife. She loves a stank. I've met this wife. He ran into this chicken of six flags in Edinburgh. Oh, say no more.

Starting point is 01:40:45 And she loves the stank. We'll be back next week on Jordan, Jessica.

Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 592: Australian Boyfriend with Jen Kirkman

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