Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 593: The Summer Boys of Summer Tour Part 2

Episode Date: July 16, 2019

Live from Portland, New York, and Boston, it's PART TWO of The Summer Boys of Summer Tour with special guests Bill Oakley (The Simpsons, Bill Oakley's Fast Food Reviews), Syren Rayna (SyrenRayna.com), Ted Leo (The Art of Process), Manolo Moreno (Dr. Gameshow), Lamont Price (LamontPriceLive.com), and Stuart Wellington (The Flophouse). Get tickets to see THE FINAL SHOW of The Summer Boys of Summer Tour in Los Angeles with special guests Mike Mitchell and Nick Wiger from the Doughboys podcast, music from Allie Goertz from Everything is Coming Up Simpsons, and an opening set from the brilliant Story Break podcast! JULY 24th at ANGEL CITY BREWERY!!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Go listeners. It's Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. This week's Jordan, Jesse Go was recorded on the road at the Summer Boys of Summer Tour. We are bringing you all the podcasting that's fit to podcast from that tour. We'll have on this episode talk from Portland, Oregon with Bill Oakley, the legendary Simpsons writer, among many other credits, and Siren Reina, the legendary erotic hypnotist. I don't know if she has other critics, but she's a big deal in erotic hypnotism circles, I bet. But she's a big deal in erotic hypnotism circles, I bet. Also, we've got a show from New York with the great Ted Leo and Manolo Moreno from Dr. Game Show. That's a lot of fun.

And from Boston, Massachusetts with Stuart Wellington and Lamont Price. Plus some music from Ted from that New York show. Hey, by the way, if you like that Boston segment of this show, that entire program is on the Maximum Fun YouTube channel now. It looks gorgeous. They've got a whole professional camera set up in that venue in Boston that we played. And they put that video together for us. We put it up there for you for free. There is lots of stuff in that video that is not and will not be on the podcast.

Anyway, let's go to the stage. Hey, this is stop number four on the Summer Boys of Summer Tour. Oh, yeah. And I think it's probably just fair to let you know kind of what's been going on on the other stops because it is a competition.

Yeah. Yeah. You guys don't want to get beat by fucking Seattle, do you? Yeah. It's so similar, so we hate it. Boo!

There's similar weather in stores. Sometimes we forget which one we live in. So, Minneapolis. hard to beat. Minneapolis was a lot of fun. You know sometimes how at a performance when there's a bar,

somebody will run beers or shots up to the performers? A dude from Minneapolis went next door and bought us blizzards from Dairy Queen. Like, pow, pow! Minneapolis! So, beat that, is what I'm trying to say. And we mentioned...

Jordan said that maybe he should have somebody go get blizzards. Somebody was like, what kind? And Jordan was like, any kind. And I was like, Butterfinger. Dude delivered. So it's McFlurries or nothing. And

during the Minneapolis show, the concept of summer reading programs came up. Yeah, that's the kind of show you're in for. We're about to drop the hammer later. So summer reading programs came up

and a woman in the front row dabbed. And it really derailed things. I had to ask her why did you dab when that came up? Do you run a summer reading program? And she's like, no, my mom does.

But like, respect to your parents. Yes, absolutely. So yeah, at the Chicago show, someone proposed during momentous occasions. The answer was no. They said yes. They said no and then dabbed. It was pretty funny.

So we all kind of liked it. Yeah, so you you know if anybody wants to get up during momentous occasions And pop the question To a significant other You're not ready to propose to Tonight's the night So yeah that's kind of what And then Seattle just talked shit about you the whole time They were like oh you're going to Portland next?

That's very slightly different from our city. Hey, let's introduce our first guest. Why don't we? Yeah, let's. You know him as a legend of comedy writing, having written for The Simpsons,

Portlandia, and many others. You also know him as a superstar of Instagram fast food criticism. Please welcome to the stage Portland's own Bill Oakley. Bill, I am a Simpsons mega fan. I try not to, you know, spooge out too hard in the green room. As people definitely say. Yeah.

We all say spooge out, right? I wanted to know, and I am a big consumer of not just episodes of The Simpsons, but I also love Simpsons memes. Yeah. How do you feel about them, or is it something that you consume? I like them a lot. You know, I don't have, I'd say I have no problem with The Simpsons memes. Okay.

No, I mean, there's certain ones that I love, like, well, I like the Ste Tams ones because I wrote the Steam Tams segment of course I don't receive any money for the memes you know get up! you don't have to pay to make a meme? I love, you know, but really, honestly, my favorite one is the dud. Oh, right! Yes.

Yes, I'll explain it. In this episode called Summer of 4'2", there was a scene where Homer and Marge play this old vintage board game, Mystery Date, with Bart and Milhouse. And Milhouse draws the card, well, Marge draws,

Homer draws the card where he opens the Mystery Date door and it's the dud, who is the character that you have to go on a date with who sucks. And it looks just like Milhouse. And he says,

hey, Marge says, you got the dud. And he goes, hey, it looks just like you, Poindexter. He points at Milhouse. But Homer smiles in this crazy, creepy way that has never been animated before or since on The Simpsons, where he has this really slow smile that's kind of like cropping up.

And so someone, well, many people have remixed this, like they do with these Simpsons memes, into these really bizarre and sometimes nightmarish scenes where, for instance, anytime someone opens a door, there is a dud, like a reconditioned dud, like Homer with the dud head or whatever, and the person who's opened the door has that smile pasted on their face.

And then the best thing, really, on all of the Internet with this is a supercut of the dud, which is on YouTube. It's like 80 of these pasted together with that creepy music from A Clockwork Orange. So anyway, that's really the end-all be-all of memes as far as I'm concerned. It is a dramatically different way to consume The Simpsons. I mean, Jordan and I have been through the first three great Simpsons eras, which I would say watching it on television as a 10-year-old, tough to top that. Watching it on reruns on UHF through your entire adolescence, that's also really great. More recently, the everything is available digitally version.

But the let's chop it into tiny pieces and make it crazy as shit, that's something that only today's 17-year-olds really... But yes, I also want to know about your new career as an Instagram food critic. If you mean career, a job that pays nothing, takes a lot of time, then that's what this is. Yeah, compulsive hobby is what we could also say. So no, I mean, I have a lot of opinions about fast food

and eventually my family got tired of hearing them, so I turned to the internet and started putting them on there and for the past a little more than a year now, I've been posting one or two a week usually little reviews of new fast food items. They're little videos.

They're attempts at being funny. Sometimes they actually are funny. As well as on Instagram stories, I post almost daily stuff that people send me from all over the world. And that's actually one of the things I really like about it too is that people from Japan or Germany or the UK send me like photos and video reviews of like the weird new items that Japanese McDonald's has launched that week. So it's kind of like a clearinghouse. So people are mailing you McDonald's items from Japan? Well, they don't mail me the food. They just photograph something.

Oh, okay. But yeah, people do that all the time, and I get a couple of them a day from all over the world. So for those people who are interested in, it's not just fast food, it's also kind of like, someone described it as the norm core food movement that I am the leader of. It's like frozen pizzas and all sorts of junk like that.

You know, the kind of stuff that people like me eat, I guess. Was that the food that you had as a child? Is it a romantic association or a nostalgic association for you? Oh, yeah, totally. I mean, we didn't get to go to McDonald's. When I was little, there weren't McDonald's everywhere, and we lived out in the country, and the only restaurant was like 90 miles away. So it was a huge treat for me to go to McDonald's,

and it was also like a huge treat to have like a frozen pizza or something like that. So definitely the deprivations that I suffered as a child have made me overcompensate. Same with video games, to be honest. I didn't have those, and now I overcompensate as well. Do you sometimes just play Bioshock and eat a Stouffer's frozen pizza and think about how you've made it? Yeah, totally.

Except it's a Wild Mike's frozen pizza, and I'm playing Red Dead Redemption 2. Oh, okay. I'm sorry I made that error. It's okay. and I'm playing Red Dead Redemption 2. Oh, okay. I'm sorry I made that error. It's okay. It can be forgiven. It's very close. Thank you, thank you.

Yeah, so that's kind of an interesting... It's such an interesting thing to take up being from Portland because Portland is very particular about its food. It's very passionate about its food. We have been here for... I mean, we got in from Seattle, so we've been here for four hours, and I've already

had five different conversations about where you can get the best bone marrow. Yeah. It is... I mean, so do you feel that maybe Portland is aggressive toward the lionization of frozen pizzas,

or do you feel welcomed? This is not the best place in the world to be reviewing fast food, because Portland in general doesn't really like fast food. I often have to drive to Hillsboro or to Wallaton to find it. And we also, you know, we have tons of great facsimiles of fast food here, like, as I've told you four times since you arrived,

the Steamburger at Canard, which is their approximation of the White Castle Burger, which is spectacular. The burgers at Burger Stevens, which are like the In-N-Out burgers times two or three or four. We have tons of delicious food here, but in general, the

fast food chains aren't really here. Do you ever fantasize about living in one of those cities? In Texas or Florida? Yes, all the time. So your dream is just to pack up your PS4, move to Houston. Some dude sent me an itinerary

for going to Oklahoma City, where he was like, here are 14 fast food restaurants you could visit that you've never been to that are within driving distance of the airport. You can come for one day and eat at 14 places. And it's very tempting, I have to say. I like the idea that your assistant has one day a week blocked out to take pitches.

And it's pitches for cities you should visit with the maximum number of fast food chains you've never eaten. Like when cities are pitching the Olympics. Bill, the intensity when you were describing the fast food crawl that you want to do, it reminds me of when you get drunk with a friend and you talk about the craziest sexual thing you've ever done. I'm glad, and I hope it comes through to the audience at home, that my passion for the... It's like, yes, I can talk about The Simpsons as long as you want, but when fast food comes through to the audience at home, that my passion for, you know, it's like, yes,

I can talk about The Simpsons as long as you want, but when fast food comes up, then you feel a passion. Yeah. Do you, like, get sweaty when fast food things are in the zeitgeist? Like, you know, whataburger was trending on Twitter the other day, or when there's a new menu item everyone's talking about. Sweaty in a good way or a bad way? A little of both? Oh, yeah.

I mean, like, to be honest, I'm a little... Both the Washington Post and the LA Times have been kind of creeping in on this. They're doing a lot of video fast food reviews these days, and I'm like, guys, you're the Washington Post. You know, let me do the fast food reviews. But no, they got these... It was really a big deal when McDonald's launched this new menu

last week of these worldwide favorite items, and every outlet, up to and including Washington Post and the LA Times, was doing all these reviews of them. But fortunately, I beat them all to it because I reviewed it about 15 seconds after it came out from my car, live from my driveway. So it was definitely one of those things where I got a scoop on those other people. That was just kind of a

kismet because for some reason they had it on the menu early here in Portland. No, he's not going to tell you who Deep Throat is. If there's a foodie in the audience or a foodie listening who is one of those I don't eat fast food people, and you want to push them toward one or two menu items that might change their mind, what would it be? It would depend on where they lived because some fast food places are not – like, obviously, many people know that In-N-Out Burger has what is considered the best burger in fast food. But those are only in certain regions.

Honestly, if you're anywhere in the nation, I would say you really should try their fresh beef McDonald's Quarter Pounder that they launched about a year ago, which is not the same old frozen hockey pucks they've been selling since the 70s. It's fresh beef, and it easily rivals all the best major fast food chain burgers. Okay. Okay. Some applause for the quarter pounder. I know.

It's hard to get people excited about this multimillion dollar, billion dollar corporation. But I would say it's extremely convenient. Right. Portland's like, put a little kimchi on it and we'll talk. Bill, what about in our grocer's freezer aisle? Portland's like, put a little kimchi on it and we'll talk. Bill, what about in our grocer's freezer aisle? What are the things that we should be looking at there? You know, those are also tricky because many of them appear to be kind of like artisanal,

but then they're owned by Nestle or something like that. Specifically, I'm talking about the Outsiders Pizza Company frozen pizzas. You guys ever seen those? No, uh-uh. Okay, so again, it's probably owned by Nestle, and they probably do a lot of evil stuff. But their frozen pizzas are pretty good. Okay. So Outsiders has a couple different Detroit-style pizzas.

They also have, like, this brick oven, Milwaukee-style tavern pizza and stuff. It's more for, like, pizza buffs, but I really like those. Pizza buffs who are buying their pizza in their grocer's freezer aisle. And trying to bring a little class to the frozen pizza aisle. And then warming it up in a wood-burning oven.

How was it intended to be? How they do it in New York, baby! And also, I will say the air fryer. Now, anyone who follows me on Twitter is pretty sick of hearing about this, but there's this will say the air fryer. Now, anyone who follows me on Twitter is pretty sick of hearing about this, but there's this thing called the air fryer, which many of you probably haven't heard of, that was invented

about two years ago, that is basically better than the microwave oven for people who like to eat fast, crappy food. It's sort of like a super convection oven, right? Yes, and it makes anything that you would normally think about, like you want a deep fry or you'd want to like – the kind of stuff that you put in the oven and it's disappointing because it's not crispy or whatever, like pizza rolls,

Totino's pizza rolls, bagel bites, whatever, stuff like that. In the air fryer, it's dynamite. Okay. It is, totally. And like Hot Pockets. People have been eating Hot Pockets. I'm totally serious about this. God damn it.

Let me say that – I feel like Don F. God damn it. Let me say that... I feel like Don F. Kennedy up here. Hold on. Brian, can we swell the music? People have been microwaving Hot Pockets for 25 years and eating them, and they've been kind of sucky, but we've all been eating them anyway. If you put them in the air fryer,

they're like the pastry that came from a bakery. It's freaking amazing. They go from a bakery. It's freaking amazing. They go from a 4.2 to a 9.0, depending on the variety. And you will be stunned. And then there's also this other crud that you've been suffering along with since the 80s, like

Totino's pizza rolls, bagel bites, all that stuff. It all comes up 30-40%. It comes up from a 3.8 to 8.2. There you go. Wow. And an air fryer is like 50 bucks. My daughter bought me the air fryer for Christmas. I'd never heard of the thing.

But now it's my favorite way to cook convenience food. God bless America and all the ships at sea. Hot Pockets can be an 8.2. Wow. That was very exciting. Should we bring our other guest on? I would love to. So some time ago

in the Momentous Occasions portion of our program, a listener called in. No, it was for the Coliseum, actually. Oh, yeah, sure. Jordan had asked how many of our listeners had worn a costume on a date that wasn't on Halloween. And we just assumed that most of them would be like, you know, the Ren Faire. Yeah, Ren Faire, like a Comic Con, something like that.

It turned out that there was another type of person who called. They called and said, I'm not sure if this counts as a costume. But in the erotic hypnosis community, we like to wear sequins and other dazzling clothing. We like to wear sequins and other dazzling clothing. And we, naturally, as anyone would, became completely fixated on the idea of what's going on in the erotic hypnosis community, because why wouldn't you? Yeah, and we were just racking our brains,

needing more information, and then we thought, hey, we're coming to Portland. needing more information. And then we thought, hey, we're coming to Portland. And Brian, Sonny D. Fernandez, always the creative Googler, found us our next guest. Yeah, she is one of the world's premier.

I think we can claim that, right? Sure. She's got to be at least top 100. I mean, if I was one of the top 100 baseball players in the world, I'd be really great at baseball, right? Sure. She's got to be at least top 100. If I was one of the top 100 baseball players in the world, I'd be really great at baseball, right? Yes. One of the world's premier erotic hypnotists,

Portland's own Siren Reina. Hi, Raina. How are you? Wonderful. How are you? What's your favorite McDonald's menu item? I am so highly suggestible because of my job that now I'm just craving burgers nonstop. After this, I want a pizza burger. That's what I want.

Wait, is that just because when you are a hypnotist, it's like being a massage therapist where hypnotists are always hypnotizing each other as a favor? Yes. You're not wrong. We have a saying that says, you go first. So I'm usually in it before you are. So welcome to my world.

So the caller, the caller that started all of this, talked about how the clothing, the dazzling clothing, was used in hypnosis. You know how the clothing, the dazzling clothing was used in hypnosis. You know, the feel, the sound. How does that line up with your experience? I actually have had a fair amount

of subs who have called in or who have asked me to do video sessions with them where I wear something sequiny and have pulled them into it's a point of fixation, right? So it's finding something shimmery to stare at. Sort of like the pocket watch, the swinging pocket watch. So imagine if you're wearing that from head to toe,

and it's just all of a sudden your body is the point of fixation, right? And so they do have a large interest in that community towards things that are shimmery shiny, have a large interest in that community towards things that are shimmery shiny and I have now acquired way more sequined outfits than I have ever had in my lifetime or would ever wear again I like to imagine that all your hypnosis sessions are basically like a Vegas Cher concert like 12 changes You're not wrong. I wish I could say that's not true. There's one person in particular who I engage with a lot who the big point of fascination for them

is the fact that they'll go out for a smoke break and they come back and they're in something new. And I'm just like, what in my closet have I not worn? Hide the tag. Because it's been like.... And I'm just like, what in my closet have I not worn? Hide the tag. Have you thought about just like, you know, one day, you know, sequence goes out for a smoke break and he comes back and Ghostbuster. I have a head to toe blue outfit. Okay. Like the ones that cover your face and everything.

Oh, wow. That's what I usually use for like turning people into furniture. That's a traditional use, yes. As you do. It's literally hanging in my coat closet, which is amusing when people come over and they open my coat closet and it's like, here's this blue outfit.

What's this for? I'm like, I don't know. Talk more about turning people into furniture, please. I think we maybe ran by that a little too quick. I just assumed you knew. My bad. Well, I know, but maybe the audience doesn't know. Oh, that's fair.

I'm open-minded. Yeah, turning people into furniture. So oftentimes there's a kink around the idea of being objectified to a point of being a lamp, right? So we'll... Right. Yeah, it's a kink around the idea of being objectified to a point of being a lamp, right? So we'll... Right. Yeah, it's a thing. And so we'll stick a lampshade on a person's head and give them one of the light bulbs that you get from that have the... Oh, what are they?

The hanging, the pendant lights, right? That you can get at like Ikea and you just make them hold it or you stick it in their mouth and then you sit there and you read. Yeah, that's it. That's the job. So it's interesting. You mentioned you have a lot of subs. Bill has also had a lot of subs. Sounds about right.

Thank you. I think that was a good time to say that. Now, you do have people who do things for you. Yeah, absolutely. Like what, for instance? So, I mean, there's a lot of things. I work in the world of dominatrix as well as erotic hypnosis and financial dominatrix, which is a subset of domination in general.

I have everything from, I get, for a while there was getting monthly shipments of wine to my house. I have people who have showed up and cleaned my house. I have had people show up and be furniture. I have not to gesture to you to indicate anything at all there. I'm proud. I have been an Ottoman. Damn it. It gave me a boner.

And I'm not ashamed. For too long, bias against duvet Americans. Can you get someone to... Can I turn you into a dishwasher? I mean, it's more functional than an ottoman. Sorry, not my thing. I'm an ottoman guy.

Your kink is not my kink. I accept that. Can you get someone to drive us to the airport tomorrow? Possibly, yeah. Actually. Which one of you? I know there's a... I saw a shiny necklace, actually, in the back. There was a beautiful woman who was walking in and out of the back door, and she has this

really pretty shiny pendant around her neck. Caught my attention. Job hazard. What is your instrument of what is your instrument of choice for uh my voice point of focus oh for point of focus voice imagination i watch one of your videos on uh youtube and it had that uh twirling spiral the spiral is a very common one so spiraling any any of the point of fixation So the humorous part to me has been that when I learned about... Wait, hold on.

The humorous part to you is that you're an erotic hypnotist. I mean, the list of humor I have is a mile long. But no, it's when I first started, they were talking about point of fixation. And they brought into my classroom, not even joking, a spiral on a stick. And then they pointed it at us like this and then spun it. And I'm like, it's a spiral. And, and then I got into erotic hypnosis and found out that that is a huge trigger, um, as a point of fixation. And then it got even bigger to where, uh, women will talk about titanosis. Go on. Focusing on my breasts until you're in a state of hypnosis,

which is pretty amazing, right? Because we kind of just do that by default. We focus on something we like and then fall deep down the rabbit hole. And so, yeah, footnosis. Focusing on feet until you're in a state of hypnosis. You can pinpoint anything, anything at all. How do you, like, hang up a shingle in this field? Do you go to a hypnotist's mixer and say,

anybody horny? God. A little bit. I started out by jumping into a world of actually BDSM first. I went to a dominatrix tea party where I thought I was going to be eaten alive. My favorite ride at Disneyland, by the way. Darling, it's

everyone's favorite ride. And I started out there and then I ended up actually, by luck of chance, a best friend of mine ended up dating a dominatrix who ended up with a friend ended up dating a dominatrix who ended up with a friend who's a financial dominatrix

who lives here in Portland. She's been in the industry for 15 years. And I went to her and I was like, hey, I do hypnosis. Is this a thing I could combine with that? She's like, god, yeah. I was like, alright, well let's do that. She's like, good luck. I was like, um, Twitter?

Now, you were saying backstage that you also have improv comedy training. That enters into it. Is that a helpful thing to have at your disposal? Are we erotic? Yeah, you're erotic. Yes, and? Are we erotic? I don't know.

I get a lot of interesting requests because it's erotic hypnosis. So there's a lot of transformation that takes place. Examples? Furniture. Well, without shaming of any kind, but it's like, turn me into a cat. Turn me into a dog. Turn me into a statue. Turn me into a smurf.

Yeah, there you go. I got a response. Turn me into a snork? Yeah. I've had an array of things that have come in. I've had some that I felt are unsafe, and I have to monitor that. But then I was telling you backstage that there was an instance where I was

in London, and I was working in a dungeon, and I was doing more domination than I was doing erotic hypnosis in that situation. And the person and I had conversed about the potential of using a box that goes around the head that locks down so you can't see, can't use your head, can't touch your face. And I thought this was available to me at my disposal. And then I got left might have been downstairs with the other dom, she might have had it you gotta sign them out it's like a library card

there's a library card at the end but you check it out with gloves because you're never sure but so I didn't have what I needed available and so i'm scrambling around trying to find something and what i end up finding is this box that kind of looks like a head would go in it and so i'm like hey put your head in here i'm gonna tie it to this post you're gonna do this thing and later on i like, that's totally the thing that a bedpan goes in.

Improv! I think I can safely say this is, between the two of you, this has been our sexiest get-sexy. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, up at Angel City Brewery in Los Angeles on July 24th. We will be joined by our friends, the Doughboys, Mike Mitchell and Nick Weiger, as well as the great Allie Gertz from Everything's Coming Up Simpsons. She'll be playing some of her hilarious songs. Plus, our openers will be Story Break, an awesome podcast from the MaxFun Network made by the folks at RocketJump. YouTube Legends podcast, relative newbies, but they are super hilarious. Really fun

gang of dudes. They basically take anything from the Burger King Kids Club to, well, mostly just the Burger King Kids Club, and they turn it into a pitch for a movie. And they are actual professional filmmakers and script writers,

so they know how to do this. It is an amazing thing and a real hoot. You can find tickets at MaximumFun.org slash Summer Boys of Summer. That's MaximumFun.org slash Summer Boys of Summer.

And do not wait, because that is on July 24th, immediately around the corner. Nothing, nothing, nothing Nothing, nothing, nothing Nothing, nothing, nothing Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, about your cat shirt. My cat shirt? Yeah. You were recently in Portland, Oregon, yes? We sure were. Are you familiar with the vegan mall?

You know, I went to the vegan BDSM dungeon and then to the vegan gas station, and I did not have time to stop by the vegan mall. Before I tell you that, since you mentioned the vegan BDSM, I thought earlier when you said erotic hypnotist, I thought you said erotic physicist.

And I was like, oh, physicists are erotic, am I right? Ladies and gentlemen, Neil deGrasse Tyson. I was like, erotic physicist? Oh wait, he's a bad guy now. Sorry about that. But yeah, there's a whole stretch of shops. There's like a vegan bakery, a vegan grocery, a vegan tattoo shop.

And there's a shop called Herbivore. It's run by friends of mine from way, way back. And they made this show, which is just like it's about adopting. It says adopt on the kitty's neck, and it's got a lyric. And a little heart. It's got a lyric from what people of a certain age will remember as a talk-talk song, not a no-doubt song. Okay. Thank you.

I don't think that people should adopt kittens. Yeah. Ooh, hot take, hot take. In the business, we call that a heel turn. I don't think that people should adopt kittens. Yeah. Ooh, hot take, hot take. In the business, we call that a heel turn. Well, I'm going to have to hit you with a folding chair later. Yeah, Ted, I have been a big fan of yours for some time. You came out here and made a Descendants joke, which I loved.

Yeah, you're a California punk guy. Sure, that's right. Oh, I hate the system. Oh, boy, I sure hate the system. The suburbs. Oh, the man. The dance, the big dance. That makes me mad.

And, yeah, you came out here in a catcher. Boy, you're in the running for my favorite guy. Hey. If you want to rank Sega Genesis games later. I will drop in the ratings very quickly. Yeah, we'll wait until you hear what he has to say about Flashback. Yeah, sure. If you want to go ColecoVision, we can talk.

Okay, all right, all right, all right. No way, dude, I'm in television all the way. Atari 2600 or nothing This bit isn't going well Naming pre-NES video game systems If anyone wants to continue this We're 35, not 41 That's what the audience is chanting

Yeah, that's what the audience is chanting Ted, you were a New Yorker for some time Yeah, I grew up in Jersey just over the river My mom's family is actually from Brooklyn Ted, you were a New Yorker for some time. Yeah, I grew up in Jersey just over there. My mom's family is actually from Brooklyn, and I grew up in the whole area. Nice. And now you are not.

You have a little bit more of a, would you call it a rural lifestyle? Yes, though up there it depends on who you talk to. I live in a pretty small town in southern Rhode Island, where if you go ten minutes in one direction, there's this grist mill where they since the 1600s, the same family makes their own grist. I don't know what a grist is.

I want to go ahead and ask what a grist mill actually is in real life. A non-metaphorical grist mill. I have heard the name grist mill, but I think that is the name of my vegan BDSM dungeon. Welcome to the grist mill. Present your grist mill, but I think that is the name of my vegan BDSM dungeon. Welcome to the grist mill. Present your grist. The safe word is

Johnny Cakes. But you go there and the person doing the gristing will go, oh, came from the city, huh? And then you go up to Providence and people go, oh, you came up from the country. So you're in a liminal space between city and country.

Man, those fucking Providence slicksters. I know, right? Always running a con. Looking down on us normal people. Do you have access to fresh grist, though? I have grist for everybody in this room, believe me. Look under your seat! You're getting some grist!

You're getting grist! What is grist? We still have to stop this. Anybody want to take a guess? This will be a fun game. Who wants to raise their hand and guess what grist is? Cornmeal.

Ted, are they right? It's the process. The gristing is the process, is it not? I don't know. I think it's like a grist wheel in a grist mill. I know so little, you could be running a grist grift. That's right.

That's what they do in Providence, by the way. Do you miss the New York stuff? Do you miss the hustle and bustle? Or do you feel more accustomed to... When I'm here, I do. I miss... You know, I travel so much in my life

as the things that I do for my life that I kind of love getting home and being able to hunker down and not see another human being for a while. But when I'm here, I miss being able to see other human beings. Now, I'll tell you, I was a big public transport guy for my entire life, and I used to love the subways. Fuck the subways.

I am so glad that I don't have to deal with it. This is the hottest take that anyone will ever bring to a fucking podcast show in Brooklyn. I like, fuck the subways. That got more of a pop that people shouldn't adopt cats.

Let's hear you. I would love to hear this, Ted. It's a disaster. It's falling apart. I used to be the person who people would say, you know, we can take a cab before Uber and everything. We can call Arecibo. I have no idea what that is. What a great local reference. Jordan, I can only presume it's a type of grist.

That's the process, Jesse. It's not a thing. It's a process. Anyway. So you put Arecibo into the grist and you get cornmeal? Yeah. I would be the person who would say, no, I'll leave three hours early so that I can walk most of the way

and then take the N to the D, et cetera. I loved it. And every time I'm back, I feel like it gets worse and hotter and grosser. And I'm not wrong, am I? No. Okay. More odors.

More odors. When I was on the subway earlier today, I was lucky enough to have a seat, but it was a pretty full train, and a man came in. I didn't even notice him at first, but then he just fucking blasted a saxophone. It was a pretty full train, and a man came in. I didn't even notice him at first, but then he just fucking blasted a saxophone.

Just like... And a person in front of me literally went... Is this a YouTube prank show? What the fuck? But you are, you're podcasting now. You've joined the rest of us and started your own podcast. One of us. One of us. One of us.

They literally will not let you get a new prescription at the eyewear store unless you prove to them that you have a podcast. Everybody, yell out the theme of your podcast. Nope, don't actually do it. That would be too chaotic. I think I heard someone yell out Drunk Battlestar Galactica recap. Whoa. I want to be a guest on that show.

Three people just bought domain names right now in order to start that show Yeah, how are you finding the podcast audience V the rock and roll audience? Well, I don't know I mean, we haven't It's a very

Well, this is a very lively audience For a podcast audience Sure And we haven't done really any live shows other than the one at MaxFunCon. A couple weeks ago. Were those people applauding because you said MaxFunCon or because you emphasized the last syllable so enthusiastically?

I emphasized it. It could have been like, Pinochet! Yeah, yeah. It could have been like, Pinochet! Yeah, yeah. And you gotta give it up for my boy, Pol Pot! I'm sorry I mentioned Neil deGrasse Tyson earlier. We'll get back to safe ground, genocidal dictators.

So we were talking, I don't know if you heard this bit of the patter up top, but we've had pretty good luck on this tour with people sending things up that they know we would like. It's mostly fast food desserts with candy mixed into ice cream. Sure. So far. Is there anything in particular you would like fans to send up? Because nothing has come up so far, and frankly, I'm bummed. If a Ted Leo got to pick something for someone to run and get and bring on stage,

what would it be? Would it be a fast food ice cream with candy mixed in? Definitely not. Okay. It's not good for the singing voice, I think. Cold things in general, creamy things added to the cold, and then lumps on top of that. So no one send up cold lumps. That's not true.

Every night before she goes on, Adele just fucking gobbles a twister. Boom! Ready to go. No, I'm good. I've got a Poland spring, which as we all know does not actually come from the spring anymore in Maine.

Oh, no. Very angry about that. And the spring was never in Poland. Boy, New York really is changing. Yeah. Particularly the Maine and Poland parts. I have a rule. I used to very much appreciate a drink handed to me,

but I don't take drinks from even nice strangers anymore. That's a good policy. So if anyone has a drink for Ted, just slide it over here. Honestly, if somebody brought up a Blizzard right now, and I was like, what kind of Blizzard is this? And they're like, oh, it's ice cream and roofies, I would still eat it.

I just fucking love Blizzards. I would just rely on Ted and Jordan to protect me afterwards. Sorry, man, you're SOL. Oh, shit. I was modest. I have a little bit of beef, Ted. Of beef? Yeah.

Okay. You got some grist. I have a little grist. When I'm putting on the drug rug backstage, I feel like the need to apologize to my guests because I want to let them know that I don't normally wear that. And I'm like, hey, sorry, you know,

this is for a bit, I don't normally wear these. And you're like, eh, I wouldn't have known. Well, you know, it's not something you don't see. That's true. And I am a chill SoCal punk dude.

Exactly, yeah, yeah. The real question, Jordan, is why did we invite a cool guy on our show? That was our key mistake. Right. I'm hoping for a My Fair Lady situation. Well, let's begin. I think your challenge

is to find a way to wear that in a non-ironic manner. Whoa, shit. Okay. I'm not going to do that. No. But I think you could pull it off. Maybe if Ted Leo was wearing one on his next tour, then.

That's not even going to happen. Okay. No, you know, challenge accepted, Ted. Challenge accepted. I will confidently walk around in the, maybe that's, maybe that was the problem was, because people could tell that there was irony coming off me. Well, I think that you might

be projecting. Because before I knew that it was part of the bit, I just thought... I didn't even think. I just looked... It did not look bad on you. Okay. Jordan, I feel like if you were invited to a Jimmy Buffett concert, would you go and wear the drug rug?

Yeah. Nothing wrong with that. No, I would. I'd have a great fucking time. What if you were invited to Sublime and the guy that sings

for Sublime now concert? It is actually me, so I will be, I will be at that concert. I have now replaced Rome. You were discovered on Filipino YouTube. Note perfect. That's what happened with Journey, right?

Yes, okay. Good. We sussed that out. We have a second guest here tonight, don't we? Oh, we do. You know him from the smash hit podcast, Dr. Game Show, on the Maximum Fun Network.

Please welcome to the stage, Manolo Moreno. Manolo's the kind of performer who just steps out and seizes the stage. Wait, did I not seize the stage? Just came out with a sense of burdensome obligation. Yeah, you know me. That's how I am. This is a

community service thing for you, right? Yeah, kind of. I saw this microphone and I was like, I have to be this much away from it. I don't know. I feel like the main dynamic on Dr. Game Show, which is, this is a game show where the games are suggested by the audience and often are quite bad, bordering on nonsensical. They're almost more like dares or challenges than games.

Pageantry? Yeah. Your co-host, Joe Firestone, gamely attempting to barrel through while you just acknowledge that you don't want to do this. Yeah. Yeah.

Yesterday, I think it was two days ago ago someone invited me to a game night assuming that I liked games. And I had to let them down and then, yeah, I think we broke up. You don't like a Catan. You don't like any board? You don't like a Catan? You don't like a... No, dear God.

Like, I just... I feel like I just learned the rules of, like, having a normal conversation. Like, to have a conversation, but also, like, know that you're supposed to steal firewood cards when you roll. That's more rules than I need. That might be the biggest heel turn of the night.

Anti-Katan stance. Yeah. Do you like being summer boys? It's about time someone asked us a question. Because I'm jealous. Today was a hot day today in New York. Right? And I remember that

I'm like really shiny. And I'm not a summer boy. And I think I'm better with a matte finish. Like I'm not a summer boy and I think I'm better with a matte finish like I'm yeah you guys like summer clearly yeah we do we're big fans

we think we're you know giving off a fun vibe Jordan I think I'm going to be honest I think you're giving off a fun vibe and I'm doing my best. Wait, did you drag you into that? No, I think Jordan was attending an East Coast wedding in the mid-spring. And on his way to the airport was wearing his Southern California clothes.

And the person who was driving him to the airport was confused that he was wearing his Southern California clothes being on the East Coast in early spring. And he said to Jordan, I guess you're a real summer boy, aren't you? And Jordan just radiates it. It's changed my life.

It's changed my life. It's changed my life. Awesome. Now, you have, we mentioned the games part of Dr. Game Show. My favorite. You're clearly passionate about these. You have some for us to play on stage. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me pull one out.

So I guess this is going to be a three-way game, right? Jordan and Ted and me all going up against each other? Yeah, or a pageant. I'll present to you this. It's submitted by, back in our old days at FMU Harry Gensimer It's called Yeah, fuck yeah, Harry what's his name?

Yeah, why did that, wait, hold on Why did that get a woo? Do you guys know who that is? Okay, a recurring Person on a local shortwave radio station High school radio station Non-commercial shortwave radio station. High school radio station. Non-commercial freeform radio station, Jordan. Alright.

They have standard and longer waves. I'm learning a lot. Yeah. Although, to be fair, that show that only plays Edison cylinders is very popular among the ships at sea. So the rules, what are the rules of said game? Wait, should I say the rules first and then the name?

You know, do it. What's more thrilling? You do you. I don't know. Okay, what's less thrilling? You seem thrilled about both, so I'm going to leave it to you. Okay, so I'll'm going to leave it to you. Okay, so... I'll start with the rules.

Players sing an Elton John song while slowly transforming into a werewolf. Ah, yes! This old chestnut! The name of the game is Werewolf Elton John. Well, I went to see Rocketman, so I'm good. I'm good with this.

How are your guys' – are you guys up on your Elton Johns? Yeah, I'm not sure I'm up on my transformation. Oh, that's okay. Into werewolfness, but we'll see. I'll give you an acting trick. Just think as if. So if in the past you transformed into a werewolf, just think now it's like as if I was transforming

into a werewolf as I did in the past. Got it. Right, just to access that memory. A point of clarification? Huh? Can I add a point of clarification Got it. Just to access that memory. A point of clarification? Huh? Can I add a point of clarification? Sure. This will affect my performance.

Sure, but it was one sentence long. So I don't know how, what to do after that. It's up, it's anyone's. But yeah, please. I was, are we, are we Elton John transforming into a werewolf? Are we someone like singing? Are we just like someone doing karaoke? That's a good question, please. Are we Elton John transforming into a werewolf?

Are we someone like singing? Are we just like someone doing karaoke? That's a good question, Jordan. That is a good question. Let me refer to the rule. It's not in the rule books. Okay, let me ask you this. Okay, please.

If we have a donkey on the team, can he kick field goals? Yeah. It's not in the rulebook. I can go first. Wait, I need to ask a clarifying question. This one might be to the group. And the context on this is that I'm a professional culture critic. Could you guys tell me what some Elton John songs are?

Sure. Sorry, man, I want to win this one. Fuck. You're fucked. Fucking the Candle in the Wind song, right? Yeah. What are the other famous Elton John songs? I'm Still Standing, Lion King things.

Benny and the Jets. Yeah, sure, I know that one. Benny and the Jets. You know how I know that? Because Biz Markie sang it on a Handsome Boy Modeling School album. Wait, do you famously not know songs or just Elton John songs? No, I just genuinely couldn't think of any Elton John songs besides the Candle in the Wind song,

and I was worried that the first person who went, which seemed to be Jordan, was going to sing the Candle in the Wind song, and then I wouldn't know anymore. I'll take John's song. No, I would never. I respect Princess Di too much. Fine then. I call candle in the wind. Should we claim our

songs or just go? I was going to do Rocketman. Okay. Yeah. I don't know if anybody else was going to do it. If you wanted to do Rocketman, Ted, I was not going to do Rocketman. Okay. Yeah. I don't know if anybody else was going to do it. I will, if you wanted to do Rocket Man, Ted, I can switch. I was not going to do Rocket Man. Now, Ted. Yes, Jesse. I can't help but, I couldn't help but notice earlier that you're a professional

singer. Again, I am not a professional werewolf transformer. And I have done a little bit of that on TaskRabbit. Sort of more of a gig than a job, but I can only do it on Fiverr.

Okay. Well, I'll go first if you guys don't. Does anybody else want to go first? Easy. I'm easy. As long as I get that candle in the wind jam. We could play another game to determine who goes first. Yeah, what else you got in there? Oh.

No, we're fine. We're fine. We're fine. We're fine. You go first. You go first. Fuck. Fuck.

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time till touchdown brings me... Oh, God. Not again. No. Why? Why? Oh!

I'm not the man they think I am at home. Wow. I am at home! You Teen Wolfed it. Like, you got better after Transformers. As Teen Wolf got better at basketball, I got better at singing. That's what werewolves call Teen Wolf again.

Because normally they just stop saying words when people play this game, I think. How do we win? I could refer to the rules. I think a donkey has to kick a field goal. Yeah, three points or whatever. I did it. Yeah, you sure did. Anybody else?

Should I go? Yeah. Okay. When are you gonna come down? Excuse me. That was weird. I don't know. I don't know what happened right there. I think Ted's maybe hasn't turned into a werewolf before.

Let me start that again. When are you gonna come down? I don't know what's happening. I apologize. I'll just start one more time. When are you gonna come down? I really don't know what's going on. I apologize.

I'll just cut to the chorus, okay? We'll just do that. Oh! Oh! Oh! I don't... I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

I don't understand. We're. I'm really sorry. I don't understand. We're the wolves of society. How... So here's what happened with me. I got really confident when I thought, oh, I can do the Candle in the Wind song. And when I called it,

I was like, great, that's the one, I know that one backwards and forwards. I think I only know the candle in the wind part of the candle in the wind song. I was trying to remember the rest of it. You mean the four words, candle in the wind? Well, I like the three or four words that precede it. Okay.

Wow. So to see it all live, live to her life like a kinder... The change. She's here. So I did it as Elton John. Right. And while that might not be in the rules, I think it's in the spirit of the rules, so I probably won,

even though you guys did a better job. I did mine as Bernie Toppin. Those were all great different approaches. Teen Wolf, the puberty approach, and then Full Animal. Full Animal. You want Full Animal? Yeah.

Who do you think is... Should we ask the audience who the winner is? Yeah. I'm not good at judging. So who do you guys think won? Let's hear it for Ted Leo. Ted Leo, everybody. Let's hear it for me, Jesse Thorne.

Let's hear it for me, Jesse Thorne. Let's hear it for Jordan Morris. The obvious winner. Manolo was scared to say it because I could kick his podcast off the network, but Jordan was the obvious winner there. Save the best for first. Hello, Internet. I'm your husband host,

Travis McElroy. And I'm your wife host, Teresa McElroy. And together we present Schmanners. It's extraordinary etiquette for ordinary occasions. We explain the historical significance of everyday etiquette topics, then answer your questions relating to modern life. So join us weekly on MaximumFun.org or wherever podcasts are found. No RSVP required.

Check out Schmanners. Schmanners, Schmanners. Get it? La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Since the dawn of time, screenwriters have taken months to craft their stories. But now, three Hollywood professionals shall attempt the impossible break a story in one hour that's right here on story break i freddie wong matt arnold and will campos the

creators behind award-winning shows like video game high school have one hour to turn a humble idea into an awesome movie now an awesome movie starts with an awesome title i chose the billionaire's marriage valley my most christmas pregnant paradise okay next we need a protagonist Awesome title. I chose The Billionaire's Marriage Valley. Mine was Christmas Pregnant Paradise. Okay, next we need a protagonist. So I've heard Wario best described as libertarian Mario. And of course, every great movie needs a stellar pitch. In order to get to heaven, sometimes you've got to raise a little hell. Ha ha, that's the tagline!

Check out Story Break every week on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la So we've been on tour, and it's been just really fun to get to know the audience and their many shirts. I think in Minneapolis, that was a very fun show. There was a woman in the front row, and we started talking about after-school reading programs. Which, this is the kind of nasty shit we're gonna get into on this program. I hope there's no kids in the house, because we're gonna so we were talking about after school reading programs, and a woman in the front row dabbed.

So, and it it ground everything to a halt. And I... Because there's questions you have to ask. You cannot just let that float by. Yeah. And the woman dabbed,

and I'm like, ma'am, why did you dab when we mentioned after-school reading programs? Do you run one? And she was like, no, but my mom does. So, if we bring up anything that is dear to your heart, feel free to dab.

Yeah, I'm gonna dab anytime someone brings up being a cocaine smuggler in the mid-70s. Something your mom did. Yeah. And I'm gonna dab anytime someone mentions Gail, my mom's first name.

And yeah, definitely Minnesota was also very fun. By the way, this is a contest as to who the best city is. We see our entire tour as a series of challenges to America's greatest cities. Who can come through for us the hardest? And basically, you guys are doing pretty well so far.

I would say that the shirts have been too confusing. And I'm going to guess that some of you accidentally bought tickets to this show thinking you were buying tickets for tomorrow night's show, which is a taping of the public radio program Dr. Zorba Pastor on Your Health. Possibly calling all Pets fans are here on accident.

But Minnesota was very fun because our venue... You know how when you're on stage and sometimes fans will send up a beer or a shot or something. Our venue in Minneapolis was next to a Dairy Queen

so someone sent up blizzards Fuck yes Fuck yes So we've been using that as kind of a benchmark For other cities What do you got? We understand that unlike Minneapolis Not all cities have

Planning and zoning rules That require Dairy Queens to be attached to all performance venues. But you still could do something like that. And I ate that fucking blizzard. I ate the shit out of it right on stage when I was supposed to be entertaining people. And so we mentioned that in Portland,

where our guest was... Portland, Oregon, sir. Our guest was an erotic hypnotist, someone who practiced erotic hypnotism. And she was talking about the process and how she has, you know, she's a dom and she has subs who she hypnotizes. And so we were talking about the blizzards, and someone sent up McFlurries? Yeah. So we got McFlurries on stage, and then we found out later that it was one of her submissives. Someone was hypnotized into bringing us McFlurries.

But it's like the main issue there for me, personally, was like like if you're gonna hypnotize someone into bringing an ice cream mixed with broken pieces of candy treat, McFlurries are obviously the worst one. It's a bummer. So Minneapolis still beating Portland. I personally liked it because I like

eating a dessert knowing it helped someone to jack off. So if you want to send us anything it helped someone to jack off. So if you want to send us anything that will help you jack off, I'm open to it. Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with that. I was worried that because we're not here for that long, that I was not going to have a quintessentially Boston experience. And while that was happening, I really did.

For the folks at home, can we describe the performance space? There's the audience, and then there's a big window that kind of looks out onto the street. A guy in a Celtics jersey shot a double middle finger up. And I almost turned into a thousand butterflies. It took everything in my power not to turn into a thousand butterflies and fly away because it was so fucking perfect. And later that guy is going to step on my neck

because I said I don't like Dunkin' Donuts. I also had a quintessential Boston experience, actually, just right before in my dressing room, right before the show. You have a dressing room? Yeah. Okay. I'm Terry Gross.

I forgot. But I did have the quintessential Boston experience. I sucked off the gronk. Is that what that noise was? He liked it. Yeah. Is that why you yelled gronk in my beard? Well, I yell that to get pumped for shows.

But in this case, he was there to do it. Yeah. Cool. Hey. Yeah. We've got a guest. We have a guest. One of Boston's

favorite sons. You know him from his web series for the local NBC affiliate that we were just talking about backstage. And of course, as a brilliant

stand-up comic, please welcome to the stage Lamont, are you going live on Instagram right now? No, I just wanted to take a video of the introduction so that people know I'm working. When you say people, do you mean like

your mom and dad? Like, Dad, be proud of me. I mean, if they cared. But other people? Lamont, there's a spoiler alert. There's going to be a game later in the show. True. And we were kind of talking about the game.

And apparently you're a big game show fan. I was because I don't have a real job. So I sit home a lot in the afternoon and I watch the Game Show Network. It's beautiful. What are your top? Are you watching Game Show or are you watching rerun games or are you watching syndicated? Both. Both.

I watch religiously Family Feud every day, 3 o'clock, 3.30. And I play fast. I don't really care about the first 20 minutes. I don't care about that. That's peasant shit. I show up for Fast Money. Lamont, let me ask you, when it comes to Family Feud, what's the king shit? Fast

Money. That's the only time. A game show is only as good as its bonus round. And Fast Money, because I watch it, and I will answer also. And then I will judge. I'll say, oh, I only care about number

one answers. I don't know what number two, so I'll say... Because the others are peasant shit. I'll say, so I'll go, oh man, I got three out of five number one answers. And then the second episode I'll be like, oh, I got two out of five number one answers and then the second episode I got two out of five

five for ten on the day and I'll be happy that's a weird thing to be happy about but like I judge and I judge families I judge families and I don't know what I would be like if I was I get that if the cameras are on me

and I had to answer that quickly, I could freeze, but when I'm home, I hate everybody. I go, this whole family sucks. I agree with you that the fast money is the most fun part of the show, but it doesn't allow Steve Harvey to react

when someone says something that sounds like anal sex. That's true. I used to watch the entire show. I think he's the greatest host of that show. I know some people get offended

because of the other guy. Louis Anderson. The original guy who used to touch Well, Louis, right. But I mean the original guy who used to touch everybody. I was going to say Tim Allen's friend from... Richard Karn. Put some respect on Richard Karn's name.

Richard Karn. Tonight we stan a legend. Richard Karn. You saying put some respect on Richard Karn's name made me imagine a new sitcom where Richard Karn is best friends with Birdman. It's him and baby hanging out. Wednesdays this fall on ABC. Yeah, Richard Karn just goes, when the light hit the ice, it twangle and glisten.

Signature baritone. So yeah, I watched that. I watched Wheel of Fortune. That's good. Another interest So yeah, I watched that. I watched Wheel of Fortune. That's good. Another interest of yours that I found interesting. We were talking about, you know, again.

You didn't know each other in the 15 minutes between what we parted our band. Peeling back the curtain. Peeling back the curtain. We're best friends. We're talking about game shows, but also you said

you've spent a lot of time thinking about changing into a werewolf. Ha! And I... This was private. That was a private conversation. I didn't know you were going to bring up

my impending werewolf murder spree in front of all these people. Oh, wow, okay. Is tonight a full moon? Does anyone know? Yeah, you could have just said you're impending werewolf basketball success. Oh, yeah. Well, you gotta be...

I'm not a teenager anymore. That's true. Do you plan on teen-wolfing anytime soon? I can. I'd have to go back in time. Then I'd have to back to the future. It's a whole Michael J. Fox thing. Yeah, I know. And then before you know it, you're pretty and pinking. I'm a Republican on a Wolf, it's a whole Michael J. Fox thing. Yeah, I know. And then before you know it, you're pretty and pinky.

I'm a Republican on a sitcom. That's a whole thing. Wearing a suit to high school for some reason. So when you said I've spent a lot of time thinking about changing into a werewolf,

I started to ask you more about it and then Jesse yelled, no, save it for the podcast. Because here's the thing. Yes. Werewolves came up organically in our conversation. I mean, you're out with a friend.

You're having a drink. You're talking werewolves. And Lamont didn't just say, like, I wonder what it would be like to transform into a werewolf. Which is a standard, that's like within the standard range of responses. Well, Lamont, we can do a dramatic reenactment. All right. Hey, I'm saying something regular about werewolves, just making casual conversation. No, listen, I am obsessed with turning into a werewolf.

You said, since you were 12 years old. I was getting to that since I was 12. I didn't know you were doing a whole clown thing. We were acting. This was a dramatic read. I was trying to give you all of my... Brian, have you still got the music? Can we bring it in?

Since I was 12, I dreamed of being a werewolf. The obsession still lingers within me. Too late. It's okay. So what would be your plan? Once wolfed. Wait, hold that. Because I have a sub-question.

Do you remember the day you became obsessed? How can you tell that it was definitely since you were 12? It has to be one of those 11, 12, 13 years. I just say 12 because that was a fun... Seventh grade was cool.

Just in seventh grade, a werewolf came to your day. I enjoyed seventh grade somehow. That's not a popular thing to say. Not a lot of people know that. Yeah, that is easily one of the worst years in school. I don't know what... You know what it was? I was a weird kid where I didn't care what other kids...

I don't know why. I didn't think I was better than it. But the big thing when I was a kid was if somebody made fun of your mom or something like that, that would be them fighting words. This kid came to me one day and he goes, yo, L, that's what they called me.

Yo, L, so-and-so said something about your mom. I went, okay. He went, so that's it? You're not going to fight him? I'm like, no. This is what I said. I don't know where it came from. I go, look, he doesn't know

my mother. Whatever he says about her is irrelevant. If he does know my mom, then she's got some explaining to do. I said that. I don do. And I said that. And then I don't know why I said it. I was a kid and

who knew what jazz was. I was weird. You were just hanging out. You were just like, dude, I got important shit to worry about. How the fuck I'm going to turn into a werewolf? That was my thing. Yeah.

It just looks like... So you asked me, like, what would I do? Yeah. Do you have a werewolf plan? It's up to the werewolf at that point. Oh, shit. So this is like letting go. This is basically...

I want to wake up like, what happened? And then I want to hear about my destruction. You know, like, oh, I didn't know. I'm sorry. It's like a were-dom situation. It would be a werewolf to tell you what to do. Yeah. It would be a bummer if you wake up the day after the full moon.

Oh, God, what happened? Oh, my God, what do I do? What did I do? What did I do? And you found out you just ate a bunch of cheese fries. You know what would be great is if I turned to the werewolf and I didn't know what was going to happen, and then at the end I wake up, but the

werewolf recorded everything, like in the hangover. Like, oh, I bit somebody's head off, oh, and then I... Man, this werewolf's really blowing up on TikTok. But I love werewolves. I don't know. I love monster movies in general, but I love werewolves. What specifically about a werewolf? Is it the destruction?

Is it that it... It looked cool in American Werewolf in London when he transformed. And I was like, that looks... I was like, you know, kid logic. I would like my mouth to come out like that. I think we'd all like our mouth to come out like that. I want bigger feet.

You know, like I would say stuff. So it's just a desire for an elongated mouth and feet? I like, I want the drama of the moon and then me looking up at the moon. If anybody, like my Instagram, at least once a week,

I'll be out randomly and there'll be a full moon and I'll just take a picture of myself looking at the moon. And then I'll put, randomly and there'll be a full moon and I'll just take a picture of myself looking at the moon. And then I'll put, is tonight the night? And I do it all the time on my Instagram story.

Elpizzle12, by the way, if you guys want to follow. I do that at least once a week on my Instagram. And then hashtag fuck gypsies. Fuck gypsies, yeah. I like that this has this wistful quality. Yeah. But what if I am cool? gypsies. I like that this has this wistful quality. But what if I just, what if I am cool? Like, what if I, you know, like Teen Wolf was chilling? Yeah, that's

true. That's probably his top quality, chilling. They let him just kind of go to that school with no, like, there was nobody he transferred. Just like, you know, my dad is a Teen Wolf, there's a werewolf in my science class well bussing

so there was in that movie there was a part where Teen Wolf comes into school and he's breakdancing and he's like well he's not breakdancing he's just the coolest kid and he's got the letterman jacket and everyone loves him and then there's like, well he's not break dancing he's just the coolest kid and he's got the letterman jacket and everyone loves him. And then there's like one black kid in the school and then the Teen Wolf

sees the black kid and then he starts break dancing with the black kid. And to me that was like Teen Wolf saw somebody that was less accepted than the werewolf. Like the werewolf, I gotta make this black kid feel comfortable in the school. The werewolf. Probably that's comfortable in the school the werewolves

probably that's another reason why I love werewolves because they're very inclusive thank you werewolves the wokest of the monsters but something to be said for the creature from the black lagoon I'm sure yeah that was a good one.

But could he breakdance? That's true. Could he? He could pop lock. Probably tap dance. He couldn't do the floor stuff. It was the 40s, right? Was that the 50s?

He was probably tap dancing or doing the... Yell out the date of the Creature from the Black Lagoon's release. 1954. 1954. There it is. Someone said with confidence. Good to know your audience. Yes.

Monster movie fans are in the house. Math jokes about main rappers and knowing the exact year the Creature from the Black Lagoon came out. What was Final Fantasy III called in Japan? What? What? Yo.

You're fucking dabbed. The answer is Final Fantasy 6. I don't know if that's impressive or sad. I don't know what. You know, it's just something. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Actually, you know what? That was a beautiful explanation.

We just talked 20 minutes about you desperately wanting to turn into a werewolf. Yeah, but that is a bit of. I think we're all just doing our thing, right? We have another guest to bring out, but before we get to said guest, I wanted to ask you, we don't make it out to Boston

that much. Again, it's kind of a short trip. I've already been flipped off by a guy in a Celtics jersey. What else do you do with a couple of hours in Boston? Well, me specifically? Yeah, however you want to take that. I go home.

So we should go to Lamontown. You want to go? I go home, man. That was not in Photers, but it was in Lonely Planet. Go to Lamontown. Honestly, there's stuff to do, but, you know. There are game shows on. There's game shows in the daytime.

I don't have to leave my, there's too much trouble outside. Inside is where my snacks are. Oh, okay. What kind of snacks do you have at your house? Oh, man. So the other day I started Pringles I grew up on, I love Pringles but I got to lay stacks

Oh yeah, sure and let me say competition competition, so I have to have sort of a salty treat which sounds funny and I had one earlier from my friend the Gronk.

Please put me on WBUR. As well. All the Gronk cum jokes you can handle. No, it's just like a thoughtful interview with Lynn Shelton or something. Bottle that gronk. Yeah. So you stack Lays stacks?

Stack Lays? Yeah, good stuff. And then some got turned on to this, what are they called? The chocolate-covered pretzels? Flips? Flips. Flips. I like a yogurt flip, but all flips are good.

They have no reason. Can someone submissive run out and get us flips? We need them now. We need the flips. We need upwards of eight bags. Yeah, that'd be nice. You have to, when you're buying it, you have to say it's for your daddy. So, okay, cool.

So after the show, we're all going to your place for flips. Hey, man, let's do it. Oh, cool. We have another guest. Yeah, we do. You know him as the handsomest man in podcasting. He was kind enough to come all the way from his home in Brooklyn, New York City. He's one of the hosts of The Flophouse.

Please welcome to the stage Stuart Wellington. Stuart is fitting the summer boy theme this evening with what looks like an Aloha shirt. Hey guys, it's me, Stuart from the Flophouse Podcast. Nice to see you. All good intros start with it's me.

I learned all performance from watching Saturday Night Live impressions. It's me, Lindsay Lohan. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. You were practicing that Lindsay Lohan impression on the write-up. It was really great.

I have an SNL audition coming up. I just want to get out of this fucking business so bad. Even calling it a business seems strong. Yeah. I don't want to do this. I love doing this. I love everybody involved. I love all of you guys. But for the purpose of this bit, yes, I was trying to do a Lindsay Lohan.

Just the premise of the bit. Can I just try it out on you guys? It's me, Lindsay Lohan. Thank you. It's me, Lindsay Lohan. Thank you. You know, Jordan, in the write-up, when you were like,

you gotta fucking set me up for this bit, I was like, I don't know if it's gonna work, but it killed me. It killed! He knows because Lorne does not laugh much. When he did it in the audition, Lorne laughed. So he knows it's solid gold. It's me, Dan Quayle. Wait a minute. Harry Shearer?

Is that you? No. I'm Dan Quayle. This is going so good. Stu, what's going on on your Aloha shirt right now? I mean, it's... there's flowers and there's leaves, and I think that's about it.

What's that? I'm not sure, so I see the flowers. Who's that peeking out from amongst those leaves? Who normally lives in the jungles of Hawaii? Critters from the movie Critters 1 through 5, 6? I think the audience could help us with this. Yell out how many Critters movies there are. Four.

Four. Let it be known. Does that include the new series on Shudder? No. Thank you. Let it be known. I think this is an interesting factoid, worth mentioning,

that the guy who knew how many Critters movies there were is sitting right next to the guy who knew when the Creature from the Black Lagoon was released. Are you guys friends? Brothers. So you guys grew up in... Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.

I can see Jesse over there mentally calculating how to pitch them on doing a podcast. Have you guys thought about playing D&D together? Maybe giving advice. Who knows? Where'd you get a beer? You're having a fucking beer on the stage.

I just drank a warm Shasta. Is there like a bartender's guild where all you have to do is like press a button on your electric wristwatch and a beer appears? Yeah, so little known fact about me, guys. I also am a bartender in addition to a podcaster. And I walked up to the bar. There was no one else waiting in line because they're here watching you guys tell jokes. And then I bought one.

Great story. There's a bar here and nobody's drinking? Really? Oh, you're all... Okay. Most of you are drunk. I'm sorry. I did not know. Maybe that's why this has been going so well. Certainly hasn't been

a good show. Yeah, so you guys have been touring with the Flophouse a lot, right? You're going to be in this very space in September. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's an organic way to pitch that. It sure is. So, yeah, yeah. That's an organic way to pitch that. It sure is. So yeah, on September 28th, we're doing two shows.

The first one sold out, and we're doing a second one. Both of them are going to be different movies. So if for some reason you're already going to one and want an excuse to see us do this thing again, we'll be doing it. I'll probably make sure Dan has to do a second PowerPoint for the second show too, which he will be

very mad, I promised. So yeah, September 28th, here in this exact room. What, on your movie, you watch terrible films.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is... You didn't explain all that before I came out? You didn't explain my whole podcast? Flops, if you will. Okay, yeah.

We just thought people would applaud for your shorts. This is a very auspicious day for you, and it's also a very auspicious day for me in entertainment news. In your case, they just announced the casting of the reboot of one of your favorite films of all time. Yeah, Castle Freak. Castle Freak. And similarly, in my case, they just announced that Channel 4 and the PBS are going to be rebooting All Creatures Great and Small.

And they will be part of one cohesive universe. And they will meet up in a kind of Avengers. Yeah, wouldn't it be weird if you accidentally sent the scripts to the wrong cast and they accidentally did the wrong movie? I wonder what that would be like. Oh, we don't have that sketch?

It's just a drawing I made of someone ripping James Harriet's dick off. That never happens in Castle Freak. Everyone knows that. I think we know who did it. So yeah. So I was going to come out here and talk about

Teen Wolf with you guys, right? That's what this podcast is. Now, do you think the fantasy of Teen Wolf is that he's a teenager and that you could be an old person who's a teen all over again? What do you think? Well, it makes my obsession legit.

I guess. No, I don't. I'm really caught up on this actual question now. I kind of want to throw it to the experts, but. Yeah, I guess so. So yeah, but you guys have been traveling all over right? We have been yeah

we just got back from a Portland Oregon show oh nobody cares you've been doing a little you've been doing a little you tell me you're doing a little Nintendo Switch on the plane yeah the I just got a Nintendo Switch nothing like some you know the power of Nintendo in your hands

and now I'm playing with power what was the Gameboy it doesn't matter nothing like some you know the power of Nintendo in your hands and now I'm playing with power what was the Game Boy? It doesn't matter and so yeah we were I was Brian is bringing up beers yeah

okay one of our subs sent those up what? oh Okay. Thank you. One of our subs sent those up. What? Oh. Wow. Okay. Okay. For the folks at home, here's what's going on.

Some beers got sent up. And some flips. Sir, you may jack off. You may jack off. Yeah, with this whole jack off thing, I'm a little worried about having gotten the white fudge ones. Wait a minute. These are covered in cum.

Gronk. If anybody's listening, I'd like a pizza. Not a white pie, though, right? Not a white pie. Because that might be covered in cum. Should I explain all the cum jokes? Yes, thank you.

Yeah, so I was just recently flying back from Portland playing Dark Souls on my Switch. Oh, thank you. I didn't design it. I just bought it and played it. And I'm sitting there next to... Anybody here from Ad Orlando? Location in Dark Souls.

Yeah. This guy gets it. Yeah, I mean, I'd like to have words with their guard system. Not a good tourist location, Anor Londo. This is going well. Let's keep doing this. So I've been playing this game for like 60 hours. This is going well. Let's keep doing this. So I've been playing this game for like 60 hours.

I finally get to the last boss. I'm settling into my JetBlue mosaic seat. You're mosaic, baby? Oh, yeah. That's top class. Loving them perks. And I'm sitting there. I get to the last boss. I push through the fog wall.

The boss music starts to play. I see Gwyn, the Lord of Cinder, start approaching me with his giant flaming sword. That's when my wife starts tapping me on the arm to offer me a blue star donut from Portland. And my reaction, like a normal human, is to go, what the fuck are you doing? And then you yell, I want a divorce. Yeah, it was crazy. It was just, you know, my instincts kicked in. I looked down, of course, the you died

is spread across the screen because this is a game that you can travel with that has no pause function, which is very good when you're just on the subway trying to grind out some souls. Sure, I know what that's like. Obviously, afterwards, I put down the game, I turned to my wife, and I said, Look, maybe I overreacted.

Can I have that donut, please? And he's single! You know him as one of the hosts of Maximum Fun's podcast, The Art of Process. You know him as a rock and roll super celebrity. Please welcome to the stage, performing for you,

actual art in the form of music, Mr. Ted Leo. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. Okay. I'd rather hear insulting than ignoring me intentionally Don't you think it's weird, don't you see how it can hurt To drop it like it's hard or leave it lying in the dirt And from the field to the chafing dish I can't wait to taste dessert

And all the kiddies at your table Sipping vinegar from flutes You tell them it's champagne And then you charge them to believe you For the sake of what they're paying Oh, I wish that it was true Cause I remember heady days When they were my friends too And if the stars are aligned

Then the stars will all align For you celebrate all his animal cuts Of the cruelest kind of lupin' local I'll need you to prove it to you With a big man and I'll be the lamb slaw At the little smug supper club Oh, all the words upon your tongue You just gave your lips of his too And all the slumming tongue You just gave lips of his two

And all the slum and it was nothing more than fun to you A lot of damage I've done, but I've been damaged too And though the damage isn't done, none of it's done to you At Thursday morning brunch I just sat back amused but wounded too All embarrassed as I crunched upon a carrot for an emmer's bruise I never got your pretext for this whole rigmarole And it's insulting to the subject when you write it out in bold Like when I caught you at my brother's wedding

While pissing in the punch bowl And all the kiddies at your table Wipe your curries on their shirts And stains will be reminders Of how good it used to hurt Like a vampire's kisses Or a Thanksgiving curse Like opening up a bottle and always giving you the first.

And if the stars are aligned, then the stars will all arrive. For you're celebrating on his anacosts of the cruelest kind. A local origin proving to be a good man. And I'll be the last one. If the little smug stars are aligned, then the stars will all arrive. I'll be the lamb slaughtered. The Little Smug Supper Club The little smugs up a club The little smugs up a club Thank you. Thank you. There was a resolution pending on the United Nations floor Oh, in reference to the question, what's a peace camp and force for? Who believed it would be solved in a day?

No one walked out of that building on the 8th of May. And they turned to the one I'd wait. I got a message from my sister. She just had a kid. I took it to Copenhagen. To see how she did. My aunt could style her look Canadian. He called me a skid.

Though the charts were roaming. it took nationals right hit Someone was listening on my phone when I show up on the grid Me, I'm just a loner in a world full of kids Egos and dicks A year before and we were getting, getting bottled and caught On television, Congress crying about abusing the poor guy Told a bartender We were all from New York

Sometimes a path to least resistance What can you do the most? More than trying to map the distance Up and down the east coast We know in Munich they can use it Raise your glass and say prost Make it easy on your host over mountains and far away you'll jump, you'll know

the mockeries of justice they'll dog my steps till I see that next smiling face a little goodwill goes a mighty long way The Markeries of Justice From the bartender complimentary mug song If only I could stay a while What am I afraid of? All this psychic damage Of all the years I'm made of Tell the bartender I think I'm falling in love Tell the bartender I think I'm falling in love

Tell the bartender I think I'm falling in love Tell the bartender I think I'm falling in love Tell the bartender I think I'm falling in love I'm falling in love I'm falling in love. I'm falling in love. I'm falling in love. I'm falling in love. Thanks, everybody. Thanks, Jordan and Jesse.

That's Jordan and Jesse Goh from the Summer Boys of Summer Tour. Bill Oakley is on Instagram at that Bill Oakley. You can find his fast food reviews there. Siren Reina is at Siren Reina, S-Y-R-E-N-R-A-Y-N-A dot com. You can hire her to hypnotize you into giving her your bank account information. I think that's how that works. Anyway, she's a really nice lady. Manolo Moreno is on the MaxFun

podcast, Dr. Game Show, alongside the hilarious Joe Firestone. The two of them play weird listener-submitted games like the one that we played on this week's show, including the one that we played on this week's show, every week on Dr. Game Show. And it is also a family-friendly

podcast. It is a real hoot. I like to listen to it in the car when my kids are there and they are as baffled and delighted as I am. from and they have had so many amazing and hilarious guests on that show. Just go open it up and find somebody whose name you like. Ian Mackay was a recent one that is really great. I mean, if you've ever wondered how Ian Mackay writes a song rather than just like, what's it like to be the guy from Fugazi or whatever other people like me ask him, it's really something special. Stuart Wellington, of course, is one of the hosts of The Flophouse alongside fellow past Jordan Jesse Goh guests Dan McCoy and Elliot Kalin. It is one of the funniest podcasts that exist. They are also headed to Boston September 19th. They will be playing the same beautiful venue that we were playing, if I'm not mistaken.

And they will be playing Los Angeles on October 12th. Heck, Los Angeles, that's where I live. I'll go to that. Lamont Price is a brilliant comic from Boston, Massachusetts. For shows and booking inquiries, go to lamontpricelive.com and follow him on Twitter at El Pizzle. If you're in the Northeast, you're looking for a great standup comic. Lamont is a really hilarious dude. Okay.

Our producer is Brian Sonny D. Fernandez on behalf of my friend and colleague, Mr. Jordan Morris. I've been Jesse Thorne. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse go. Maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported.