Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 601: Canceled Cam with Ify Nwadiwe

Episode Date: September 10, 2019

Ify Nwadiwe (Who Shot Ya? podcast, Candy Dinner Podcast) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jesse's latest and greatest television appearance, and the dominating Simpsons trivia skill of Lori Beth Denberg (star of the Nickelodeon's 90's sketch show All That), and the filthy past of children's Youtube megastar Blippi.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, star of Comcast Sports Network Bay Area. Oh boy, I was gonna come in with Jordan Moore as Cocaine Cowboy. Man, you topped me with the top of show surprise nickname. Yeah, sorry, Jordan. I talk first. I set the agenda.

Sure, yeah. You can save my shit for a couple weeks from now. What do you got? Well, Jordan. Yeah. I think our listeners know that I have pretty extensive experience in the television industry. Sure, yes. Of course, I hosted- Let me see if I can list your credits in the television industry. Sure, yes. Of course, I hosted-

Let me see if I can list your credits here at this point. Yeah. Short-lived IFC 15-minute recommendation show. Sure, aired in late afternoons, correct? Sure. That's IFC primetime, as we called it. Around 4.30, just before Lake Placid starts. Yeah, exactly.

Or Lake Placid 2. Yeah, exactly. Or Lake Placid 2. Yeah, I think we got seven or eight months out of that one. Yeah. Local commercial where you were nude or in your underwear. Yeah. I did a shot at both ways. Sure. One for international markets.

Exactly. In France, they're a little more libertine and can handle nudity in their commercials. Yeah. Plus, you know, it will harm my movie star reputation less for me to do it that way in France. It's like George Clooney doing Japanese Nespresso commercials. Sure. Yeah. And that's it.

Two lines on IFC is comedy bang bang. Oh, okay. Sure. I once had two lines on it. And I got to see. Have you ever been in Lake? See but not meet Super Dave. have you ever gotten to were you in lake placid that's what we call the ifc hat trick i did meet a guy who was on all that so i didn't meet super dave but i met a guy from all that okay he was very nice but he was having nothing to do with Lake Placid, the alligator. I have not been on Lake Placid or to Lake Placid, but I have seen The Whitest Kids You Know.

Went back when they had it. You know what? Let's go ahead and give you that IFC hat trick. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I have a new- A new credit. I have a new... A new credit. I have a new highlight of my television career, I would say. I don't think...

You know, before we get into this, should we introduce our guest, who has several television credits himself? Yeah. Our guest on the program is the esteemed, esteemed host of Who Shot Ya? Right here on the Maximum Fun Network, Maximum Fun's very own film podcast. Ify, which one is... Wadway or Nodway? One of the first two letters is silent,

and I always forget which one. You told me literally 90 seconds ago no i've been there though because you second guess it a strong argument in favor of notes oh man is being made right now no it's it's fine i'm horrible with names and one thing i always remember is my stepbrother he would always give me shit because i couldn't say patrick ewing when i was a kid he's like how could you not say pat Patrick Ewing when your name's Ippy Shakuda? I was like, those don't correlate. Like, I don't, I'm not a master of names.

Listen, some dudes just can't say certain names. Let's not dig too hard into it. Yeah, I think we've all had that same conflict with our siblings. My siblings used to rib me, so why can't you say John Sparks? I still can't say John Sparks? I still can't say John Sparks. I still can't say it. I can't spell soldier. Yeah.

Anyway, it's not exactly the same thing, but if you asked me to write down the word soldier, I would probably fuck it up. The word soldier is pronounced solder, right? Man. When you're connecting electronic parts. Man, you're killing my buzz, dude. You're killing my buzz. I buzz i try to come i come try to come to this show with a fresh buzz yeah just like pound a couple of coronaritas before i come in so i have energy i have a chill energy but i mean like a real cocaine cowboy vibe thank you but. But you are killing my fucking butt.

I'm sorry. Can I get back into the new highlight of my television career? Oh, do you want to pronounce your name correctly? Oh, Iffy Wadiwe. Wadiwe. Yeah, yeah. The inner silence. So we know Jesse's TV credits.

Yeah. What's your big credit, Iffy? Do you want to list some of yours? Oh, yeah. You know, I've been on At Midnight. Sure, yeah. You know, I've been on At Midnight. Sure, yeah. You know, I've been on Comedy Bang Bang as well. Yeah.

You know, I shared it because my episode was with Brie Larson. I never met her. It was just like they shot our stuff separate. Right. But the guy who's the stoner was in Inherent Vice, and it was new, and I was like, oh, man, you're cool. That was more impressive. The stoner in Inherent Vice and it was new and I was like, oh man, you're cool. That was more impressive. The stoner from Inherent Vice. Did you meet anybody from all

that? No, no all that. Not even Lori Beth Dinberg? I've met her, but not on Comedy Big Bang. Oh yeah, it was at Disneyland. She was looking at earrings. She was going to buy earrings at Disneyland and I was like at earrings. She was going to buy earrings at Disneyland. And I was like, hey, can I get your

autograph? And she was like, sure. And she wrote LB. And my mom was very disappointed. She was like, this ain't no autograph. I was like, it's an autograph. Your mom knows bullshit when she sees it. What did she sign? What did you give her to sign? I had this notepad. I asked my mom

for a piece of paper and my mom just gave me this note because she's a nurse. So she just had this notepad. I asked my mom for a piece of paper and my mom just gave me this note because she's a nurse. So she just had a notepad. Lori Beth Dinberg actually from all that. I have met because she... I know her as LB. Right. Yeah. Those in the know.

She is a regular at a Simpsons themed trivia night that I go to in L.A. once in a while, and she wins consistently. If you want to win, you've got to beat Dinberg. Wow. Yeah, it's wild. Have you ever won about Gertz? What about Kel Mitchell?

Is he involved in that at all? No, Kel Mitchell not involved. Gertz and I, Allie Gertz. I know. I just gave her that nickname, Never called her Gertz. No. You're on a last name basis with her now. Yeah.

We have played before and we have won. No, we have won. No, we have won before. Yes, we've beat Denver. We can beat Denver. We have not beaten Denver consistently, but we have the ability to beat Denver. beat denberg when they uh when the when the everything's coming up uh simpsons podcast ladies hosted a simpsons trivia event at max fun con east a few years ago i have never seen more and purer nerd love and admiration than the nerd love and admiration for the Max Funsters who had gone to Simpsons Trivia watching Jordan do Simpsons Trivia.

I'm good at it. I'm good at it. It was like seeing a local car club who had gotten to go around the track a few times with Dale Earnhardt Jr. or something. or Earnhardt Jr. or something. Like, it was truly, like, people were, like, like, it was so, like, their eyes were dancing with this is the man I wish to be. Sure, yes. It was beautiful.

Poor life goals, the Max Funcon audience. Maybe shoot a little higher. But, hey, who am I to say what to shoot for you know can i give you an example of what you should probably shoot for i went to the i took my daughter my eight-year-old grace to see the giants dodgers game at dodger stadium last night uh the giants were in town and she had never been to dodger stadium before she and i went earlier this year to to San Diego to see a game that was her first baseball game. This was her second, I believe. And last year we went to one in Anaheim.

So this is her third baseball game ever. And she was really excited about it. It was really cool. We both wore our giant stuff. And I made complicated plans inside my head to use her as a kind of human shield if shit went down. You can't hit me. Drive a child. You're right.

Those are the rules. I'm a drug stadium scumbag, but even I honor the rules. I literally had a giant's hat on, and then at the last minute, I swapped it for this hat that we made it and put this on my menswear blog that says dad on it because I was like no one will pick a fight with a guy wearing a hat that says dad. Oh, yeah. Like that is that truly was a defense mechanism. A dad, a hat that literally said dad on it. But I was wearing a vintage Giants t-shirt from the late 80s that had their slogan of the late 80s, Hum Baby. Their manager, Roger Craig, would call his favorite players Hum Babies.

I still don't know what it means, but you got to admit, it's a nice nonsense phrase. It's a nice piece of business. And Gracie and I went to buy raffle tickets. She got obsessed with buying raffle tickets. And we had to walk down. So we were standing in the aisle. What are you winning at the raffle? $30,000.

Wow. It's called a 50-50 raffle. So half of the money goes to their team charity and half the money goes into a pot. And somebody wins it at eighth inning or something like that. Fun. Are there lesser? Can you go down the line and do bobbleheads? Nope. It's just $50,000 or nothing. And so Gracie was really excited.

She got me to agree that I would buy her something that cost up to $200 if I won. It was a complicated negotiation. But she was really excited about it. We went down, we bought it. And then- Man, it sounds like you made out like a bandit on that. I know. Fuck.

I know. Ooh, that kid a new lawyer. Well, you know what? I bring in the heavy hitters. You know what I mean? She's fucking around with some small town, you know what I mean? Right, ambulance chaser.

Exactly. You have your team. I hire Doc Hollywood, lawyer edition. You know, that's the lawyer equivalent of Doc Hollywood from the movie Doc Hollywood. Right. But, I mean, in this case, you're close to Hollywood. You know, never mind. Let's not unpack this.

Let's get out of this. Woody Harrelson's great in everything. Yep. He's in that, right? Yeah, probably. Yep. He's in that, right? Yeah, probably. Cool. So a few innings later, my Twitter starts blowing up.

It turns out you're canceled. I am. Yes. Did you get canceled in the middle of a game? I got canceled mid-game. Wow. Got canceled mid-game. That's the guy that got canceled. I said something about Susan Sarandon.

He's on the cancelled cam. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Yeah, cuts from James Woods. Where are your Dodgers at? Waving. Ladies and gentlemen. I appeared on the San Francisco Giants telecast, and the announcers had a nice conversation about me, where one of them said, Yeah, that looks like a humbaby dad.

And the other one said, Raising that kid right. Okay. And did they say anything about your appearance on Comedy Bang Bang? They did not. I think they I think they just, they felt like it would be overdoing it. Right. It's kind of an Easter egg that it's the guy

from Comedy Bang Bang. Sure, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I think there was probably a lot of people watching that Giants game thinking like,

isn't, don't I recognize that guy from NPR? Right. From listening to NPR? Yeah, it's like when you go to see one of the, you know,

DC movies and, you know, somebody says like, oh, you know, they're halfway to Central City by now. And, you know,c movies and you know somebody says like oh you know they're halfway to central city by now and you know you know you know everybody knows that's where mr mitzopitilich lives exactly um congratulations thank you i genuinely like i that's a real thrill i i have as someone who has worked in near entertainment for 20 years or whatever it is now, like, I feel like former Giants 20 game winner Mike Kruko saying that I was a good dad is literally the highlight of my entertainment career.

Oh, yeah. It's something I think about a lot because I'll never like the threshold I have to hit to get because I'm an L.A. native. The threshold I have to hit to get, because I'm an LA native, the threshold I have to hit to be the most famous. To be a local hero. Yeah, it's got to be like, I have to give up the Hollywood route and just stand by the freeway and get ready to save someone from a burning vehicle.

That's how I'm getting it. So you're just hanging out by an off ramp limbering up. Yeah. Just in case. Yeah, yeah. You know, don't worry. I have like my reflective vest on. So, you know, keeping it safe.

And then the crash happens and then fucking Danny Trejo beats you to it. Trejo swoops in. Yeah, if you look at the news coverage in the back, you can see me shaking my fist. Trejo. It's like that actual, we should say that. I don't know if that story made it out out into the you know into the world but danny trejo like did save a kid from a car wreck yeah and then and then like you know like there was like reporters on the scene to cover the car wreck and then i think somebody said like oh he got danny trejo saved that kid and he did all of his

interviews about the wreck shirtless it fucking. If you can find those local news clips and just with his like wild, beautiful tattoos on display, just sitting there shirtless talking about the wreck. Just casually tossing down one of his famous tacos. Yeah. Old Danny Trejo lifestyle yeah and then and and he said that he calmed the kid down by repeating uh you're a superhero you're a superhero it's fucking adorable wow that's amazing yeah i mean there definitely is an extraordinary like the first time i went to uh a giant dodgers game at dodger Stadium. The camera cut to the crowd, and there is Bryan Cranston sitting with Benjamin Bratt,

and they're waving to the audience. Like, the level of celebrity above, you know, E40 goes to a lot of Bay Area sporting events. Like, if Huey Lewis is there, people are pretty pumped. Once in a while, a guy who was in the Grateful Dead but isn't in the new Grateful Dead thing will show up. Or like – by the minute now, it's like the guy who invented Flickr gets on the cam, right? Yeah, it's just that Twitter asshole with the beanie hat. Yeah.

But the other thing about that that's like pure Los Angeles, and this – I went to a WNBA game the other day, and it's the same at Dodger Stadium. Like they have wall-to-wall entertainment at a live sporting event now that includes like Entertainment Tonight style hosts, like people who would host like a race for the supermarket type game if celebrities didn't host those now. And Guy Fieri hosted that for a while. Oh, yeah. Well, there you go. Yeah.

So the level, like overall, the level of quality of a guy who's hosting a trivia game in between innings at a Los Angeles Dodgers game is so extraordinarily high. They are so good at it. Like the WNBA Sparks game that I went to that maybe had 3,500 people, 3,000 people at it. 3,500 people, 3,000 people at it. There was a hype man there who was spinning records and telling people to get pumped, who was so fucking good at it. It was like this person, all of these people, they turned down Good Morning America so that they could host a thing where Kike Hernandez says what his favorite breakfast food is. But I mean I think what it is is people who were on Good Morning America but have been canceled.

Yes. It's Charlie Rose hosts all of these. If you're a dad hat dad, do you have a dad hat? I have many dad hats. They don't say dad but they – I have one that says Tokyo on it. I have Astro Boy one. I have too many dad hats. Yeah.

Because at first it was like, I'm a dad and I got dad hats. And then it just was like I actually like it because like since I have dreadlocks, my hair just – it's always a different size. So it helps. What do you – you're a size, so it helps. You're a daughter, right? Yes. Does she go with you to sporting events, movies, stuff like that? So we gave her – so she's three, and we went to the first movie with Toy Story 4.

And before you asked, no, we did not show her one through three. We were like, you got to get with it, kid. Catch up, asshole. It's all about forking now. Yeah, yeah. Watch it on your own time. But that one was cool. It's about learning you're obsolete.

It's a mournful story about learning that everyone dies and we all become obsolete. Yeah, they never got to see like a happy Buzz and Woody. Yeah, Naomi only saw the dark version. That's like we're getting old now. Sure, yeah. You're just going to take her straight to Babe Pig in the City? Oh, yeah. Yeah, Naomi only saw the dark version. That's like we're getting old now. Sure, yeah. You're just going to take her straight to Babe Pig in the City? Yeah, yeah. Just skip regular Babe. They have not seen Wizard of Oz.

We have seen Return to Oz ten times. It helps. Their mother is always squapping heads. So it helps her understand that. Oh, yeah. That movie, very terrifying. Sure. Honestly, I watched that movie.

Did we talk about that movie on this show? I watched that movie with Gracie when Gracie was going through a period where she was completely obsessed with Wizard of Oz. Return to Oz is a pretty cool movie. Yeah, sure. It's pretty neat. Yeah. I know. All those movies that we were scared of as kids, your NeverEnding Stories, your Returns to Oz, your Dark Crystals.

I mean, they were very, very returns to Oz, your dark crystals. I mean, they were very, very scary, but they look fucking cool. And they definitely look like nothing else that is a movie these days. Totally. So it is like fun to watch those, even though,

you know, the shit's totally puppets and miniatures. In the sense that they all look a little bit like a British television show. Yeah. They definitely have that quality to them. A wide variety of tans and browns in the tan brown and gray.

So first movie, Toy Story 4. Yeah, she was good. The tension span's almost there. She was there right around Act 3. She started being like, alright, this shit's still going. I need to jump off of something. It was like, no, let's sit down.

She's like, no. We have an ottoman here that I can. I think Toy Story 4 is the first movie that I took my eight and five-year-old to that they made it through and also I didn't hate it. That combination was, I was was like it felt like i had reached parenthood nirvana yeah i was like i finally and then i remembered that probably most of the other movies i want to watch are horrible yeah uh but like i was so pumped that i liked the movie i got to watch all of it yeah and my children didn't cry at any point like weren't just they had their hearts torn out or, like, overwhelmed or.

Yeah. Because, oh, that's the thing is, like, you think that going to the movies is about whether it's scary or whether they have the attention span for it. And then you learn that actually, no, just being in the movies is really intense and not all kids can deal with it. Sure. It is loud and dark. Yeah. And your parent isn loud and dark. Yeah. And your parent isn't paying attention to you. Maybe they've died in their seats.

Evie, what is she like other than Toy Story, which she kind of enjoys? What other kinds of entertainment do you show a three-year-old? She is really in a PJ Masks now. That's like her shit. PJ Masks is whack, too. Oh, man. It's like- I donj mask is whack too oh man it's like i don't know i i'm not familiar with this program it's the it's three children who turn into superheroes at night when they hop on there for the record if you think it's because i don't have kids like

no i'm too busy watching teen titans go but there are other children's shows that i am prioritizing above that one gotta make steven Universe time. You gotta make Steven Universe time. Oh man. But it does get me hyped because like she's learning kind of the concept of superheroes and I remember I was like. It's a superhero show. Yeah. So she's like real into

it and I passed like a Spider-Man night lamp and she was like Spider-Man and I was like okay we're almost there. Tarnage! Yeah okay. we're almost there. It's carnage. Yeah, okay. Yeah, we got to do it. I hope she doesn't turn into a DC baby. If she's a DC baby, release the Snyder Cut, Dad.

Her first words were, release the Snyder Cut. And then Ocean Master was right. But yeah, she's like so but i bought her it's your own fault for decorating her her entire house in shades of her entire room in shades of green orange yeah like golden glow orange jared leto was the best joker get out get out get out of my house i have no daughter yeah i'm making you this here's a Jack Nicholson house? Is that? Who's your Joker, Ify? Ooh.

I mean, I feel like here's the thing. It's like Hamill's great. I feel like it's a cheat to say Hamill because the animated series is like this whole one. Yeah, I think I'll go Nicholson. I feel like I was a big fan of that one. I'm going Cesar Romero because you can see the mustache under the paper. Yeah, that is really cool. He's like, I don't give a fuck i'm not shaving this it took me a week to grow this back yeah i have to write i have to go in and play the villain on magnum pi tomorrow

oh man but yeah i bought her a a um like an outlet costume so i was like oh she'll experience her first cosplay and she was digging it she was like yeah and i was like oh i'm about to blow this kid's mind and i did the thing where you pick her up and was like oh now you're flying whoa yeah but the thing is when you show your kids something like that they want to do it a million times and i was like all right i can't keep carrying you like i, just hold your arms out and run. That's what we did. Oh, no, you lost your power. Oh, shit.

What happened? Oh, no, we got to find him. Dad's going to go smoke weed behind the house. Maybe that's where the powers are. Dad's going to be behind the house. The power to hang out with a kid like that for a long time. Oh, man. A kid that age.

Man, I sure do not have that. Like, thank God my wife is a good parent. Yeah. I'm a good parent. I'm a good parent to my eight-year-old and five-year-old. Yeah. And I'm a loving parent in general. And, you know, I do things around the house.

I contribute and everything. But, like, the part that is really hard about having kids is just keeping your brain moving at their speed for a long time. Like, it's easy to do for 20 minutes, which is what you do when you don't have kids. But, like, when you do it for 20 minutes and you do have kids, then you're like, fuck, I have to do this for 20 more minutes. And then you have to do that, like, for two and a half hours or something at a clip. Like, staying in toddler brain for that long is so hard it's impossible oh yeah it's been it's been it's wild because she's like halfway at that point where she's like self-sufficient where she's like oh i'm gonna get into my own shit like she's really into puzzles so like she'll be like all right

peace dad fuck you i'm gonna go and fuck with this puzzle but then what puzzles you're doing oh pj mass puzzle okay staying across the brain yeah yeah she's like like she's like hyper obsessed she just looks at a fucking paw patrol puzzle throws it across the room and flips you off oh she does not fuck with paw patrol like anytime i'll switch she's like get this shit off. For the best, Paw Patrol sucks. But I mean, you know. You gotta get with those Octonauts. That's what,

that's where the action is. Octonauts are hella good. Did your kids ever get into Blippi? I don't know what Blippi is. Oh my gosh, we gotta talk about Blippi. What's Blippi? Blippi is something, man.

Is he one of the Pac-Man ghosts? No, Blippi is this guy who like, does like, kids, you know, he does like, kids entertainment on YouTube. And he's this guy who does kids entertainment on YouTube.

And he's this guy who I got so much enjoyment watching him. Because I watched him and I was like, dude, I know he was like, wherever the fuck he's from, he was on some improv team. And he was like, guys, I'm going to try and do kids entertainment. And everyone was like, fuck you. And then now he's a millionaire. Because he's like one of those million view guys. But it gets so good. What's Blippi's vibe?

Is he a horny bozo? Yes. Is he chill? Itchy? He definitely has, like, a, like, oh, you're going to get canceled. But he kind of did get canceled. We're going to get to that. Oh, shit.

I love this. This Blippi shit is getting way too real. Yeah, yes. But, like, yeah, his whole thing is he's that. Oh, shit. I love this. This Libby shit is getting way too real. Yeah, yeah. But like, yeah, his whole thing is he's like, hey, guys. And he like goes to like the ice cream shop, different like museums, and he like goes through all the exhibits to show the kids. So he's kind of like a YouTube Huell Hauser. Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

I don't have permission to shoot here. Just show it up. So he's blowing up, right? Getting millions of views, millions of views. And then BuzzFeed News does a tweet, right? When he's like cresting and like the tape. Be like, hey, this Blippi guy who's blowing up, just so you know, he did a Harlem Shake video back when that was a thing where he gets shit on. Wait, what?

And that was the thing where he gets shit on. Wait, what? He did a Harlem Shake video where someone takes a real human shit on him. Oh, my God. So me being as curious as I was, I got to fucking find this video. You're known for your curiosity, Effie. That's why they call you the cat. Yeah, because the follow up, the end of that was I can't post pictures or video because his lawyers have already sent me a C&D. So I was like, oh, we got to find this.

And I had to go to like some shady-ass Russian site. I'm like I'm probably going to be the reason that there's some voter fraud in the next election because I just fully – but yeah. Great news. We have Ify's computer. Yeah, yeah. Ify's Dell has joined our efforts. We have the gateway. Gateway 2000.

Time to get Howard Schultz elected. Oh, man. Different voice there. Yeah. It's okay. We're from different parts of Russia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From the German neighborhood in Russia. Yeah, man. Different voice there. Yeah. It's okay. But yeah. We're from different parts of Russia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm from the German neighborhood in Russia.

Yeah, yeah. The little cubby. Yeah. Little Germany in Russia. Yeah, little Germany where everyone sounds like a Quentin Tarantino Nazi. Yeah. Okay, wait. So, okay, is he getting shit on in character?

Is he as blippy? No, so this is pre-Blippi. He was like Mr. Gross something. He was like one of those kind of like shock jock. Like an edgelord? Yeah, that was his apparently brand. Wow. And so it does the, they're in a bathroom and they're doing the charge up and it was like, do the Harlem Shake.

Harlem Shake, and he is laid on the bathroom floor, and his buddy is perched like a bird on the sink and just shits on him. And it's like liquidy. It's not even like a – Oh. Yeah. Is it happening to the beat of the music? No. The music stops, and you just hear the live sounds of shit. And the cherry on top is he chuckles.

And that's when you hear the blippy chuckle. Oh, that's him. It's Blippi. Like if I wasn't sure, that chuckle, that's the blippy chuckle right there. Right. Also, they're in the North American Hall of the Natural History Museum. It's like, you know, when Seth Rogen does a cartoon voice and you kind of can't tell it's him until he laughs yeah yeah oh man wow so uh so what so what does this did this influence this blippy still

producing videos oh yeah no he still did i i think like it ruined maybe potential like deals or whatever but his channel is still live. And yeah, no, his – He's got a different kind of ad before you watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, now it's like Charmin's really kind of come in strong. Like we got to nail this market down. But yeah, no, it's like my buddy was like, you're still going to let Naomi watch?

I was like, yeah, I'm the one who watched the shit video. It was hard to find. I don't think she has the ability to go on dark websites yeah I'm really into uh spending way too much effort on something I don't care that much about like I was up till 4 a.m last night trying to get porn on my psvr uh okay I I psvr is the, yeah. My mind went to PS Vita. I'm like, good for you, still using that defunct platform. It was pretty good. That would be hilarious.

So it was- I only watch virtual boy porn. Oh, sure. You love those hot reds and blacks. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's hard. It's not set up for that.

Yeah, you can't like bring the video files and use the media player uh and the psvr subreddit was very mad about this like i that's like because that was total bullshit that's the whole point of virtual reality i don't have a virtual reality thing but when i imagine doing virtual reality i'm imagining looking at pornography. I can only pretend to be Crash Bandicoot for so long. There was one post that's still my favorite post where someone was like, hey, I'm just trying to get the VR videos to work. And someone was like, just admit that you're watching porn. He was like, yeah, I know it's Reddit, but actually I'm using it to watch a 360 sermon. I'm like, you should have just lied and said that you were watching porn or a 360 sermon

like why do you need to look behind the circle what if you're surrounded by god's love yeah it's all around you it's all around you it's like a miasma okay y'all have turned me around on a 360 sermon i do you um do you play a lot of vr at the – I mean non-pornographic games? Do you use it a lot? Well, I had it at first because they had that like EVE Online like space shooter. That was real cool. But like a lot of the PSVR games are like scary games and I hate – I'm like no. Everything is like a doll or a Chuck E. Cheese robot jumping out at you.

That is all VR. And I don't want it. I just want to either fly or shoot or have titties in my face. Like those are the three things I want. But yeah, no. Four things. Yeah. But they do have like a native PS VR game that's actually pretty solid because like they do some cool things where like they implement like you can be a second player on the couch watching from the screen affecting what's going on in the VR headset.

So that's really cool. It's kind of neat. But yeah, I'm just waiting till something not scary comes out because I think the last PSVR thing that came out was like Until Dawn. I'm like, no, I'm not going to put myself through that. I'm not big wuss. I would do like a farming sim. Ooh. That sounds like it'd be nice in VR. Yeah.

We appreciate the changing of the seasons. Yeah. Starman farm game in fucking with the thing on and you're going around and you're trying to get seeds. Yeah. I can see around and you're trying to get seeds. Yeah. I can see that. You're trying to bang those cartoon ladies. Yeah.

Well, but it cuts off before the good part. Or those beautiful cartoon boys. Sure. You can bang either one in that game. That's nice. They let you bang whoevs? Yeah, they don't show the member. Yeah, okay.

They don't show the member. Yeah, okay. They don't show – I mean I presume – they kind of let you fill in the blanks. Yeah. And when I fill in the blanks, my guy's member is extraordinary. Yeah. But they don't show it. Well, I want to take a quick second on that. Let's do. Let's take a quick second.

Because here's the thing that's been rough with me. Brian, do have the a quick second theme music it's like a more you the more you know a quick second with iffy yeah like like because the thing with vr porn is like lots of times it's like white dude so i look down and it's a white dude so oh yeah oh there's a little dissonance there yeah yeah last time i last night was the first time i had a vr with a black dude and i was like cool you know i was like a black dude. I was like, cool. And he had abs. So you did figure out how to get it into your... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're like, we made it! I did so... It was embarrassing the amount of steps I went through to make this work. Since the native player doesn't do it, you have to make this work because so since the native player doesn't do it you have to get like this separate player. There's a there is a pocket of our audience

that's like please explain it please explain it please explain it please explain it but it's called like Little Star without the E and it's like this player that you get but in order to like like truly like plug in the USB you have to like pay a $5 monthly fee.

So now I'm a Little Star premium member. Holy cow. I was like, I'm in deep now. We got to get this working. Yeah, we want to get in deep. We got to get in deep. Well, actually, this is a good time. This week's Jordan Jesse Go is brought to you by Little Star.

LittleStar.com slash JJ Go for a free trial. Oh, man. But, yeah, no. That's not real. But I did that. And it was, like, truly a just goof up. So the first USB stick I tried to use was this, like, NVIDIA USB stick that looks like a memory card. But the body of it was too fat to stick into the PS4.

So, like, I spent, like like 30 minutes trying to find another. They're trying to nail file it down. Yeah. Come on, Darn. He's got to get this done. I did that to the slot in my Sega Genesis so I could play Japanese Mega Drive games. Oh, yeah. The only difference is that the cartridges are a little wider.

So I just took a nail file to the Genesis. That's the only hack I've ever done in my life. Anyway. Yeah. So you can play Strider in Japanese. That's God intended. Yeah. God.

Yeah. I'd love to play Strider in Japanese. Oh, man. Yeah. I'd love to play Herzog's Vi in German. Right. Well, that's as, yes, I know. The original German.

Something's lost in the translation. Oh. Herzog's Vi. Thickle hog on Strider. God. He's like a cartoon farmer. Glistening, beautiful, elegant like a scimitar.

Right. It is always weird for me when I'm playing VR and I look down as a white man and I see Crash Bandicoot. There's a Wamba fruit where your dick should be.

Yes. Right, exactly. And Cortex is sucking my dick. There's a womba fruit where your dick should be. Yes. Right. Exactly. And Cortex is sucking my dick. Once you really get to fucking, you just get into it. Yeah, that's true. I'm like, I am Crash Bandicoot. Open wide, Cortex.

Time to use that big old head of yours. He does have a very big head. In the feet of his character. Let's take a quick break. No no let's keep going with this improv I gotta fix my USB card real quick this drive I got here needs a little filing we'll be back in just a second

on Jordan Jesse Go La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, if he's shorts are they don't look angry they look like nice shorts what's the matter with them maybe I'm not getting that look at this mad dog on him whoa oh he's got some dogs he's got all teeth this dog

yeah if you do have a problem when you're trying to do look at virtual reality let's say gaming and the character and the character

isn't super yoked you look down. It doesn't have pectorals that protrude four inches. Well, like a lot of virtual reality, you look down and don't really see anything. It's really only VR porn that you look down and see. But, yeah, you're usually just looking. And sometimes you'll get like this kind of like translucent hand and where we're like, oh, this should be my hand. Kind of a tron. Yeah.

Kind of a wireframe thing. Yeah. Oh. Or the guns. Yeah. I mean, pow, pow. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you're talking about shooting guns.

I thought you were talking about your guns. Yeah, yeah. Which, to be fair, these are, I would say, Glenn Weldon level guns. Yeah. And past guest Glenn Weldon has big guns. Sure, when the Jordan Jesse Go Past Guest Charity Boxing Match goes off. We're ready. Yeah.

I think we should have him arm wrestle. That'd be great for a podcast. Describe it. Well, compared to boxing? Yeah. Boxing is just sickening thuds. Oh, yeah, exactly. The sound of teeth hitting a mat. So that we don't have to do charity

boxing matches to support this program, all the kind members of Maximum Fun support it. We're grateful to all of the folks who've gone to MaximumFun.org slash donate. We're also brought to you this week by our friends at ZipRecruiter. You know, ZipRecruiter has a little story

to tell you, Jordan. They do, and they've given it to us right here, and we're going to tell it to you. It's a story about hiring. You know, hiring can be a slow process, Jordan. Yeah, I don't like it. So slow. Speed it up. Get me those candidates. So here's a real story

from the folks at ZipRecruiter. Cafe Altura's COO Dylan Miskiewicz needed to hire a director of coffee. It's a cafe, for God's sake! You need a director of coffee. My goodness! Otherwise the coffee's just running around with no direction. Yeah, the tea

director was all set. That was locked in. But sure, you had a vice president of scones. The scone person was, this whole scone department was locked and loaded. And then an overseer of the bathroom code. So Dylan Miskiewicz went to ZipRecruiter. He posted his job, and he found the best person for the role in just a few days. How?

ZipRecruiter's technology finds people with the right experience, in this case coffee experience. People selling individual bananas need not apply. Sorry. It's for the coffee part of the business only. And invites them to apply to your job. It's no wonder four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. You can try ZipRecruiter for

free at our web address ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. Try it for free. It's the smartest way to hire. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. We're also brought to you this week by our friends

at Dashlane. Yeah. You know, you need password management when you're on the internet. You might need a VPN to keep your computer private and anonymous. Let's say you're... I won't tell you what kind of stuff you'd be doing. You're trying to...

Looking for some Harlem Shake videos. Exactly. Or you're just trying to see what kind of stuff Crash Band be doing. Unless you're going up looking for some Harlem Shake videos. Exactly. Or you're just trying to see what kind of stuff Crash Bandicoot gets up to in his free time. Right. Just on the evenings and weekends, what's Crash Bandicoot up to? I liked Crash Bandicoot Warped before he had a bazooka. Dashlane is a password management app

that keeps all your online information safe, secure, encrypted, easy to access. It remembers all your passwords no matter what. You can make up the craziest password in the world. Crash bandicoot 6969. Sure. That is three people listening. Password.

6969 crash bandicoot 6969. Any combination of crash bandicoot and 69. And I think this has been, and, you know, we've been supported by the fine folks at Dashlane before, and I think this is easily everybody's favorite part of the copy. So get ready. Yeah. Because go ahead. You can get weird with your passwords or let Dashlane generate a real stumper for you.

Do whatever it takes. Whatever you need to generate a real stumper, even if you're getting older. You know what I mean? A lot of stress at work. Yeah. No matter what you need to generate a real stumper, Dashlane's got your back. They'll keep it safely stored in a password vault only you can unlock. Here's what you're going to do.

You're going to check out Dashlane.com slash JJGo to get Dashlane free on your first device. As a special offer for Jordan Jesse Go fans, they're even offering a 30-day free trial of Dashlane Premium, including VPN, dark web monitoring, and more. If you like it, use code JJGo at checkout to save 10% on your premium subscription. That's Dashlane.com slash JJGO. Offer code JJGO at checkout to save 10% on your premium subscription. And remember, it'll help you generate a real bumper. We'll be back in just a minute on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, still no nickname. Actually, I'm the man with no nickname. How about this?

Whoa. It's kind of like Spaghetti Western type of you're the man with no nickname. Can I offer you a callback to what we were talking about between segments that the audience did? Oh, yeah. Of course. I think Astral Train is a pretty good nickname. The Astral Train. I misheard the name of a video game called Astral Chain. It's Astral Train and immediately got

excited to play a game where you fly a space train. Yeah, that's what they call me in the B-story of this sci-fi story where I'm a futuristic athlete. Like, oh, that's Astral Train. Toot toot!

It's like a bad catchphrase. Yeah, yeah. You know, we're about to play some Space Bowl. Astral Train. Toot toot. He's like a bad catchphrase. Yeah, yeah. You know, we're about to play some Spaceball. There was a guy in Gears of War who they kept calling back to his time playing. It wasn't Blitzball. What was their dumb future sport in that? Gosh, I forgot.

Not Blitzball. Blitzball was the dumb future sport from Final Fantasy X. Yes. Okay. But it was Coltrane. And I remember because for three, they had a level where a map where it was the field. Yeah. Gosh, I can't remember it, but it was Coltrane. I remember that because the line, look at all of that juice.

Wow. Am I sitting here with Coltrane? It's amazing to be talking to the real Coltrane. Yeah, yeah. You know about me. From the video game we were talking about. Anyway, hey, if you're out there on Twitter, hit us with your favorite made-up future sport. Rollerball? Yeah, rollerball is a great example.

Thunderdome? Thunderdome is another one. I got nothing here. Thrashball? Yeah, Rollerball's a great example. Thunderdome? Thunderdome is another one. I got nothing here. Thrashball? Thrashball! What about Ender's Game? What's the thing called that they play in Ender's Game? I think it's called Turns Out to Be a Real War.

Yeah, Turns Out to Be a Real War. Sorry, spoiler alert. Sorry, if anybody's listening to this who wasn't a 13-year-old nerd at one point who read Ender's Game, then don't even bother. Why are you still with us? Orson Scott Card, you're on the canceled cam. Yeah. That guy got canceled. Got canceled.

He did. Oh, yeah. What was the Gears of War one, Brian? You actually looked it up for us, right? Yeah, it was Thrashball. Thrashball. Yeah. Thrashball.

Great sport. That really fits the aesthetic of Gears. Thrashball. Yeah. The thrash ball. Great sport. That really fits the aesthetic of Gears. Thrash ball. Yeah, yes. The Gears of War stuck in a 90s Mountain Dew commercial aesthetic continues. Oh, yeah. It's like hockey, but you use flying V electric guitars. Exactly.

Oh, man. Those games are fun as shit. I don't have an Xbox anymore, but I miss playing those. Those are really fun. Hey, we got some calls. Yeah, when something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN. That's the Momentous Occasions hotline. We've been doing this for 12 years.

Why are we still doing it? No new ideas. You can also email. Well, when we do have a new idea, it's poorly received. You can email. You can also email a voice memo to jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Here's our first call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests.

This is Dr. Well, I guess I shouldn't tell you my name. But so I had. I've been a doctor for about a year now. Just leave it at title. And I have never performed surgery to remove something from somebody's butt before until today when I've removed two things. until today when I've removed two things. The first one was a can of

White Claw Alcoholic Seltzer. And the second was a jar of blue paint, which did explode, and so they will take a couple of blue shits. Yeah, pretty

momentous. Have a good one. I have fucking rules. Wow. Do you think they were just making a YouTube video? I feel like it was the last stop on the Blue Man Group tour. They went for it. They were like, let's go.

Somebody drum on a pipe while I shove this white claw up my ass. Oops, I can't talk. That's it. Blue man group talk. Somebody drum on a pipe while I shove this white claw up my ass. And the other people understand the seriousness of the situation they just reply together we will drum on the pipe i love the i think the thing my favorite part of the call is that moment when we got to the

paint can and he like you could feel him fall into dr molyneux like well there will be some uh it did explode so you will yeah so i just want to let you know uh we're gonna keep you here for observation we're gonna observe your shits and uh we're gonna see what color they are yeah we're thinking blue but you know science is for a world of wonder yeah wow oh do you think that they put other BuzzFeed article drinks up their butt? Yeah. So like, yeah. Do they do this for loco? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What are the OK? So, yeah. For loco. What else? What is it? What is a trendy kind of semi ironic rebooted Crystal Pepsi? booted crystal pepsi oh i bet this guy in uh this person i guess we should say i don't know what the gender of the person shoving the stuff up their ass was yeah this person who had the white claw do you think you know in 2011 2012 was still shoving smirnoff ices up there yeah probably their bro handed it to them yeah they're like all right extreme icing yeah wait till you see what i do with this uh yeah no uh white claw yeah that it's crazy how much that has blown up how would yeah

how it started like just in murmurs people were like i don't know how i feel about it now it's next i've heard there's a shortage. I mean, possibly because they're up everyone's ass. I feel like for this person, the meme shover, somebody would say to them, how did this come to be? And they just kind of get a wistful look in their eyes and they just say, well, the year was 1992. I was in a convenience store looking at a bottle of Clearly Canadian. Sure. The distinctive shape of a bottle of Clearly Canadian. I think White Claws are in little cans, though. They're in little Red Bull cans, right?

Yeah. What was that drink that had the little balls floating around in it? Oh, I think it was just called Balls with a Z. Was it called Balls? Or was it B-A-W-L, that one? Oh, yeah, with a Z. Yeah, no, you're right. It's B-A-W-L-Z, Balls.

Yeah. That seems like a gross name for a drink. Yeah, but I think they just sold it. Yeah, this was like a kind of a mass market kind of- I was going to say Orbits, but that's a gum, right? Orbits. I think it was orbits orbits z okay this was like they a maybe an attempt to bring boba to the western world sort of but what was crazy

about it was boba balls are at the bottom of the boba cup yeah and you use the boba straw yeah the orbits balls were neutral buoyancy in Orbitz. They had either manipulated the density of the ball or the drink to the point where it would float around in there but not go down. Right. And I don't think they were tapioca either. They were human flesh. Hooves. ground hooves. Yeah, that was also kind of the time of being able to get a challenge type item at a liquor store.

Yeah. You would get one of those. You would get some Warheads. Oh, yeah. That powdered candy that came in the vial. Oh, yep. How much of our generations, Jordan, if you're a little younger than us, but I feel like our generation really got deep into fuck you candy. Sure.

Or like I would say, fuck me, fuck you candy. Yeah. I'll eat these gummy boogers out of a big nose. That was a real thing. I think. What's that? They're made of car battery acid. Awesome. I love car battery acid. My parents say I shouldn't, but I live by my rules. I'm between 10 and 12 specifically not 9 not 13 because you had the warheads yeah warheads and then warheads were like the peak of it

but then there was a long like denouement which was just shit that was topping warheads that would like hurt you yeah do challenge candy still exists I don't know if you guys That was topping warheads that would like hurt you. Yeah. Do Challenge Candy still exists? I don't know if you guys take the kids to the candy rack of the liquor store when you guys are there buying your old English. Yeah, yeah.

Warheads are still around, but I don't think it's as like popping anymore. Now it's – yeah, I don't know what the gimmick candy is because I remember you had the fake cigarettes. Oh, yeah. That was a big one. Puff, puff. You had ring pops and then the pacifier. That came along probably with rave culture, the pacifier. Oh, yeah.

That was great. If you're rolling one of those candy pacifiers. Oh, yeah. I would just eat some Warheads. Fuck me? Fuck you. Fuck you. Everybody, this rave.

The ravers refrain. Yeah. Fuck me. Fuck you. Did you miss rave culture? I don't know if that – like going on. I was in it. Whoa.

Yeah. I got – so when I graduated high school, I started getting into raving. I went to EDC while I was still out here right before that girl took too much ecstasy and then they moved it to Vegas. The Electric Daisy Carnival? Yeah. There's the pictures I posted because I found them from Winter Fresh. And it's me

in a black shirt with these different colored polka dots. And then my wrist is covered in candy wow and then i have a huge candy necklace with a plush stitch doll and uh i'm gonna see if i can just scrounge it up real quick and i'm wearing like that you remember those weird like those like flap hats you you know, the ones that.

Like a Charlie Brown hunting hat? Yes. I had that on my head. Are you 100% sure that you weren't a rapper from 1991? I mean, that was my rave aesthetic. The candy is off base here, but you're describing these polka dot shirt. Oh, yeah. Ear flap hat.

These things are describing somebody on delicious vinyl. Yeah, see, that's the thing. I was like, I'm going to stay true to my roots, but I'm also going to enjoy peace, love, unity, and respect. And stitch, of course. Oh, my gosh. By the way, Ify's

rap name was Plur, which was for peace, love, unity, my gosh. By the way, Ify's rap name was Plur. Yeah, sure. Which was for peace, love, unity, and respect. Yeah, that was a big thing. That's everyone. That was the thing, like, Plur is dead, y'all. Plur is dead. It's not the same.

Is that when, like, the rave version of, you know, Ponstead? Is that? Yeah, essentially, because it's when, you know, Insomniac came over and like and then hard summer and these kind of like big corporations kind of just saying silly words. But this is like when when raving raving got corporate. Yeah. OK. And then people are like, oh, man, Blair is dead.

This is whack. And I was like, all right, this seems fun. Yeah. You know, yeah. Me and my stitch doll will be over here having a great time. Yeah, I have all Anastasia clothes. Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. Brian, we got another call in the hopper? Hi, Jordan, Jesse, Brian, and special guest, the ghost of L. Ron Hubbard, Boogie. Close.

Yeah, pretty good. So, my wife's friend used to live next door to us, and she had moved a little while ago. But she got a package delivered last week, and our neighbors passed it off to us to pass off to her. And my wife called her friend, and her friend asked to open the box so that we could tell her what's inside of it. Inside, there was a cat fountain and an unmarked white box that weighed about two pounds. So,

we just left it sitting on our bathroom floor for a couple of days while we waited for it to pick it up. But curiosity got to me. I'm like, what the fuck is a cat fountain, and what's this other box? So, cat fountain is exactly a fountain. It's a fountain for cats. And this white box, I turned over, I looked all the sounds. It's a fountain for cats.

And this white box, I turn over, I look all the sides, there's a sticker on it, and apparently this is some kind of sex toy. And so, I try to read it, can't really tell what exactly it is, because the name's all truncated to fit on the label and whatnot. But, uh, a wife's friend comes over

yesterday and picks it up. And, uh, she's like, huh. Now, I didn't order either of these. So, you know, she's like, let's open this up, see what it is. And it's not actually a sex toy for her. It's a male sex toy with a disturbingly realistic human mouth, which gave them no end of amusement. My wife said while I was at work, they literally played with it for two hours,

just making the mouth talk to each other, making the mouth kiss each other, bite stuff, give it silly voices. And, yeah. So she has no penis and no cat, so she gave both of those to us. Apparently, she's part of some kind of program where they send you free things off of Amazon, and you have to just leave a review, and then you get to keep it. So, I don't know.

That's the range of products we're working with with this program. Cat Fountains for Sex Toys. So who knows what kind of weird, mysterious things she'll get in the mail later. All right. Well, see you guys later. Or listen to you guys

later, I guess. All right. Bye. I think this call was a little judgy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Being a little judgy.

I mean, I was just waiting for it to just take the turn. I was like, so then I came home and I fucked it. Yeah. To see what the hype's on I came home and I fucked it. Yeah. To see what the hype's like.

How would you not fuck it? Yeah. I wouldn't. That's not something I would, and without judgment. It's not something I would buy for myself. Yeah. But if it showed up, I'd give it a whirl. You know, I did actually, I did run into one half of this scenario recently.

I was walking on my street and out by the trash was a discarded cat fountain. And it had a little note on it that says, you know, just needs, you know, double A batteries, you know, free for the taking. My cat does not enjoy it. And I honestly thought about fucking it. I does not enjoy it. And I, honestly, thought about fucking it. I thought about bringing it in. He had that little mustache. Yeah. It's cute.

I thought about bringing it in for the cat, but, you know, I don't know. I don't know that she needs a fountain, you know? What is a cat fountain is for cats that will only drink running water or something? I think so, yeah. I think that, yeah, I don't know what the benefit of running water is. Yeah, maybe some cats won't just drink out of a bowl, so. Yeah, I don't know what the benefit of running water is. Yeah, maybe some cats won't just drink out of a bowl, but yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's

more fun? That sounds fun. It does sound fun. God, I'd love to always drink out of a fountain. Like if you're sitting at the dinner table and you take a few bites of food, you're feeling a little parched and you just turn around and lean over and shove your face in a fountain.

Lick a fountain. Yeah. Oh, God. That'd be nice. That'd be pretty good. I bet the ancient Romans did that. They were good at that kind of shit. Oh, yeah.

Aqueducts and shit. Yeah. I always get the same level of excitement no matter how many times I might have seen it in the short time span of a fondue fountain. I'm like, oh, it's about to go down. It's pretty cool. I'm going to sit in front of this for 10, 15 minutes and see what I can get up to. Sure.

If I had like a chocolate fountain or a caramel fountain, how long would it take? If you had it – let's say you had a chocolate fountain. That was actually the name of one of Blippi's videos. Let's say you were in one of these Amazon programs. Yeah, well, hold on. Okay, let's talk about this Amazon program. Do you think that this, the neighbor, who apparently didn't order this stuff, do you think she was caught with a sex toy? No, I think she's in a-

And then she made up this program? No, I think she's in a- And then she made up this program? That sounds so fucking fake. No, I think this is a real thing for gaming Amazon's rating system is you provide willing shills with free products in the hopes that they will then

leave five-star reviews and yours will go to the top of the cat fountain rankings. Huh. It's like SEO for selling cat fountains on Amazon. And it also is realistic mouth sex toys? Apparently. I mean, these are not techniques that the most reputable retailers use. Sure.

Yeah. So I think, you know, if you're making a- Seems so wild to randomly send that to somebody. If you're Bic, you're not doing this with your pants. Right. Yeah, you don't need the- They sell themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The name says it all. Yeah. If you're going to- Bic. Yeah, yeah. Is what it says. Make a shopping list. It says it all.

Bic. Yeah. Put a few in your car. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay if you lose them. Bic. Bic. It's okay if you lose them Pick That truly is

The brand promise You won't feel bad If you lose it It may also write That is not part It will write Certainly will write is not part of the big brain. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like 90-10. I'm not saying that it's not. It will usually write. Yeah, for a, you know, indiscernible amount of time. But the thing that definitely. My grandfather, John Bick, wanted a product with two things. Something that will write three times and it's cool to step on. No sweat. Yeah. Modern a product with two things. Something that will write three times and it's cool to step on. No sweat.

Yeah. Good. Yeah, no, I think this is totally real. Okay. I think that people are buying positive Amazon reviews of number three RoboComma by sending number three RoboComma to unsuspecting people who haven't even at some point indicated that singing is their hobby. How do we get on this list? I'll do that. I'll review some cat fountains.

I mean, you blew it. You didn't get on the list back when you had all those clout points. Fuck. All those clout points. Yeah. Do you remember clout, Ify? I have no idea how much clout Jordan had. It was a thing that you could subscribe to over Twitter.

Or I guess you could link all your social networks. Yeah. Clout with a K. And if you had enough or were part of a desirable influencer group, you could get little freebies. Oh, wow. And what did I get from Clout? I got a couple of McDonald's sandwiches, like when the new, you know, white cheddar burger or whatever came out.

That's because, Jordan, they could tell using their algorithm was influential among people with poor eating habits. Like, ah, this guy looks greasy. The greasy, listen to this man. Let's see see I got a I got a Gillette for men personal area shaver which I still use to this day

brand loyalty to that Jordan really likes to keep it clean down there and I got to see the second 300 movie for free starring the Divine Miss Eva Green starring the Divine Miss Eva Green. She was great in that. Starring the Divine Miss?

That's right. 302 starring Bette Midler. Right. Indra Butler. He kicks her into a pit. It's great. Anyway, Clout's gone. I would watch a sequel to 300 that starred Bette Midler and Divine.

Sounds good. That would be fun. Just kick each other into pits? Yeah. Love to get kicked into a pit. That'd be great. Oh, yeah. What kind of, maybe an asp pit?

Yeah, spikes. Spikes are good. Ooh, that's a great idea. What about ravenous wolves? Bring on the pits. Whatever. What do you got? We combine the pits. What about this? Yes. Dif Bring on the pits. Whatever. What do you got? We combine the pits.

What about this? Yes. Difficult to remove avocado pits. You're stuck in there really good, and you're like accidentally slicing off chunks of the pit when you're trying to get the avocado out. You know what? Oh, yeah. I'll get kicked into one of those.

Yeah. Be great. Make a nice toast or something. We're millennials after all. We died in hell. Bro. Overall, we're older millennials. We're still millennials.

Don't look at me like that. Oh, no. I'm an older millennial too. I'm on this old spectrum. Retro cyclist's cap. I'm an Xennial. That's really important, by the way, in Metal Gear Solid lore. What is?

The X-ennials. Oh, yeah. That does sound like something that would be in Metal Gear Solid. Good job. Thank you. Very good. Jesse, no. Very good.

Better say the name of a baseball player from the late 80s and early 90s to refocus my brand. Blue Man Group, what are you doing here? You're going to shove it where? Okay. Goodbye, Zima. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Hello there, ghouls and gals. It is I, April Wolf. I'm here to take you through the twisty, scary,

heart-pounding world of genre cinema on the exhilarating program known as Switchblade Sisters. The concept is simple. I invite a female filmmaker on each week, and we discuss their favorite genre film. Listen in closely to hear past guests like the Babadook director, Jennifer Kent, Winter's Bone director, Deborah Granik,

and so many others every Thursday on MaximumFun.org. Tune in if you dare. It's actually a very thought-provoking show that deeply explores the craft and philosophy behind the filmmaking process while also examining film through the lens of the female gaze. So, like, you should listen. Switchblade Sisters.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hi, I'm Dave. Hi, I'm Graham. And we're two house DJs who have been trapped inside our drum machine. We love it here, and we'd love if you stopped by and visited us every week on Stop Podcasting Yourself here on MaximumFun.org. We're just a couple of doofuses from Canada. And listen to our show or perish.

Stop Podcasting Yourself on MaximumFun.org. Jordan, Jesse, go. I, Jordan, no, Jesse, Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. If you want to, the guy with the voice. He does have a voice. I know. Look, literally and metaphorically.

Sure. This guy's got a platform. Right. He's out here. To speak his mind about these snowflakes. Oh, yeah. If you take it. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you go online and people complain about a pregnant Sonic.

Let's see more of that. Thank you. I want to see Sonic give birth. Yes, King. Slay. Slay, King. Why are the SJWs, they say, I can't say certain words, and Sonic can't give life to the world. Yes, pregnant Sonic.

Tonight we stan a legend. Yes. Thank you. Yes, Slade Knuckles. Did you see that one, like, there's that screen grab going around on Twitter of that one, like, edgy take no shit comic. And it's his, like, it's like three bits from his stand-up special, like three pictures. And it's like, it's like like people and all these genders you don't know who is trans mama mia wow mama mia what bathroom do i use

is it mario yeah that's mario turned alt right. I saw – the other day I saw a – so somebody that I follow on Twitter had complained to one of the big comedy clubs here in Los Angeles about a thing that happens far too often, which is a 70,000-person lineup with no women in it at all. Like where you're like, there's literally 14 people on this list. I just don't define them as a fun. He is a man. And so there was a comic. There was a comic who was replying, defending the club and being like, look, they got to book the people to bring in the whatever. And he's just in his avatar. He was wearing a baseball cap backwards.

And I was like, that is the information I need to discard this opinion. Was it Jamie Kennedy? Unless it's Ken Griffey Jr. I do not need to believe anything from any comedian wearing a backwards baseball cap.

Oh, my gosh. I just don't need to hear about your period. That's Mario speaking. I think you are hysterical. I am just trying to make a ravioli. Mamma mia. Mamma mia. Strega Nona.

Yes. She would make too much pasta. Is that a witch? She's a witch. And, of course, Big Anthony thinks he wants to make pasta for everybody. He learns the magic incantation. Is this from Metal Gear Solid? Right.

Infinite pasta. From Peace Walker. It's for Evangelion, but only the new translation. So he learns the incantation to make infinite pasta. Yeah. But he forgets to fucking learn the incantation to stop making pasta. So pretty soon, this whole fucking village is covered in pasta. And you know what these people are saying?

Mama mia. Mama mia. Snowflakes. Can't eat enough pasta. Oh, my God. You know what these people are saying? Mama mia. Mama mia. These snowflakes. Can't eat enough pasta. Oh, my God. You got snowflakes in their Atkins diet. Right.

Yes. Snowflakes in their celiac diseases. Thank you. Oh, my God. Thank you. Fucking snowflakes. Each one different from the others. Thank you. God fucking snowflakes. Each one different from the others. Thank you. I'm just saying there's no safe spaces in the Mushroom Kingdom.

That's why Peach keeps getting kidnapped. Bowser could grab you anywhere. Yeah, anywhere. He could grab you on Rainbow Road. Yeah, you know. He could grab you in an underwater level. Yeah. Back before me and Mr. Kong squashed our beef, he was picking you up, taking you on the top of a building, stomping it a few times. Yeah. Back before me and Mr. Kong squashed our beef, he was picking you up, taking you on the top of a building, stomping it a few times.

Yeah. Can't even walk around New Donk City anymore and enjoy the traditional festival. New Donk City. That's where Mayor Pauline is the mayor of. That's where Diddy Kong lives in the animated reboot of the Wesley Snipes classic New Jack City. Yes. Yes, that is it. A line that I heard when I was – I had to be very young and still won't forget to this day the final kind of like climax of iced tea with a gun pointed at Wesley

Snipes I believe and he says I want to shoot you so bad my dick is hard. Wow. Mama Mia. It's in the director's cut he says Mama Mia. We decided to cut the Mamma Mia bit out. Yeah.

But that's why you got to buy the LaserDisc. Ify, of course, you're the host of Who Shot Ya? Yes. Or the movie podcast right here at MaxFun. You recently rewatched Avatar. Yes. Seems like that would be a bad thing to watch in 2Ds. Oh yeah, it was very bad. I did not

enjoy it. There are lots of shots to show off 3D that I didn't appreciate because I wasn't watching it in 3D. Look at this majestic scene and this beast. It's nipples. Plus, every time you look down, you're like,

I'm not blue. It really takes me out of... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think that person who put the paint up their butt was just doing Avatar cosplay? Oh, maybe. More organic form. They were trying to become a Na'vi. One part white claw, one part paint.

Maybe the person who called in was the set doctor for Avatar, the reboot. Anything you're excited about coming up on Hushacha, the reboot anything you're anything you're excited about coming up on who shot you any films that you're looking forward to seeing rather than dreading watching um you know definitely it chapter two i normally hate scary movies but something about the it movies do it for me i feel like whenever i watch a scary movie it fails to capture the spirit of the original scary movie yeah which is marlon wayans yeah yeah movie of all time where's the scene where a woman gets pinned to the ceiling to come i'm glad we were both thinking of the

if that happens a man comes so much a woman gets rocketed up and pinned to the ceiling. And they reprise it in a new way in Scary Movie 2. Do they? Yes, they find a new way to do it. See, this is why you got the gig, Ify. You know the whole oomph. Yes, the trivia.

You know the whole oomph. Yeah, I minored in cum cinema. Sure, yeah. So any movie that features explosions of come so there's something about Mary right scary movie he's a great come films yeah yeah 90s mostly that scene in moonlight where he wipes his hand in the sand I sure come off

that I was all on that if it's been it's been a joy to have you on the program thank you for joining us yeah thanks for having me I can folks Can folks find you elsewhere? Are you making any in-person appearances? You got any social media you'd like to share? Oh, yeah. Ify Wadiwe, I-F-Y, N-W-A-D-I-W-E, on Twitter and Instagram.

If D's on Twitch, if you like watching people play video games, I do that. And, yeah, if you go to the social medias, you'll know when I'm doing shows because usually I don't. Oh, I do know in October I'll be in Houston with the white women guys, white women, my improv team, not the gaggle of women. Kind of person. Yeah, yeah. Sure. Not the kind of person that I'm harassing on the street as they walk to their cars. Not the movie white girls either.

Yeah, not the movie White Girls. Speaking of the oof. Sure, right. The improv group I'm in, not the people I asked to smile more, when they pass me on the street. He doesn't really do these. Yeah, I don't.

He does really impregnate Sonic. The rest of it was ironic. Everything is fake. But yeah, no. We'll be performing in the Houston Improv Fest in St. Louis in a different month. Can I make a recommendation? Yeah.

Try the local barbecue. Hot tip. At first I was going... It's crazy, but... I was going to start No Barbecue October, but I think I'm going to... I'm going to push it back. I mean, the charity that it benefits

is really going to be disappointed. It's a charity for... Sides? Sides. Sloths. Sloth charity. Corn on the cob. Corn bread.

Like little corn on the cob. It's like a third of a full corn cob. Yes, yeah. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is the producer of Jordan, Jesse Go. He's the one whose laughter occasionally pierces the thin walls of this recording studio. You can find us on Twitter at Jesse Thorne at Jordan underscore Morris. You can find us on Facebook by liking Jordan, Jesse go joining the max fun Facebook group. There's always fun.

Jordan, Jesse go chat in there. You can also find us on Reddit at maximum fun dot reddit.com where you will find. Cool folks and chill on how to watch porn on your VR headset. Yeah. Somebody will break it down for you at MaximumFun.org. If you need somebody to break it down. Get in there.

Tag UFDs and I'll come in and I'll explain the whole process to you. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.