Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 602: Meanie Babies with Kevin T. Porter

Episode Date: September 17, 2019

Kevin T. Porter (Good Christian Fun podcast) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of what happens when artists that Kevin talks about on his podcast get in touch, Jesse's attempt at making a new adult friend, and the anachronism from It Chapter Two that set Jordan off.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, best known as Dick Merritt. Oh boy. Dick Merritt? Dick Merritt. Did you... Sorry, who are you? Oh, Jordan Morris, furious about something that happened in It Chapter Two.

Did you win some sort of dick award? I purchased one at the flea market. Oh. So you didn't win it. This is a dead man's dick award. I deserve it. Okay. I was at the flea market today.

And lately I've been kind of interested in, you know, I have to put this on shop. And I've been, we sell, I sell jewelry in there. And then I've been interested in like athletic awards like that you get for like a track and field meet in 1918. Okay. And then you put them on a little chain. It's like a little necklace. Or it could say like scholastics on it or something like that. I got an old tennis trophy on my mantle that I got from a Goodwill

fun conversation piece. Someone will notice this and say, oh, you play tennis? And I'll say, get this. No, I'm world squash champion. Yeah. Fuck you for assuming that. And then I kick them out of my house. Notice that the

stick is slightly smaller. You know, classic tennis stick that they use to hit the round-o? Mm-hmm. You know, the tennis round-o? Sure, yeah. Little green round-o. Yeah. Or yellow, depending on your perspective.

Well, mine's green, and that's what color I think it is. And everybody who tells me it's yellow is fucking wrong. Anyway, I was at the flea market today, and I came upon one of these little medallions that was awarded to or belonged to a man named Dick Merritt, and I had to buy it. I just bought that shit. I'm wearing it right now. Where is it? Where is it on your person?

Oh, Jesse's taking off his pants. He's taking out his cock, and it is hanging from his perineum. I wear a vest around my perineum. The English would call it a waistcoat. The perineum is the taint, right? Yes. What's a soft spot on a baby's head? Fontanelle.

Fontanelle. I was concerned when I was doing that. I know the thing under your nose is the philtrum. Sure. So we've got that covered. Anyway, just – Anyway. I was concerned that maybe my perineum joke was a lot worse than it actually was.

Anyway, continue. All it is is it just – it belonged to a man named Dick Merritt. So it is a – it is itself a merit. Yeah. That was given to someone named Merritt. Yeah. What did he win it for? I think this one is more like an ID bracelet kind of deal. Okay.

Like normally they are an award, but this one says City of Inglewood with a code on it. So I think it must be some kind of like, you know, what's it called? A medic alert bracelet kind of thing. Does it have what's it called? A medic alert. Oh, so it has, does it have what Dick Merritt is allergic to? Yeah. I mean. Inferior pussies. Yeah.

That's what I was thinking. Yeah. I'm sorry that I assumed that Dick Merritt was straight. That was wrong of me. Yeah. That guy might be into whatever. Who knows what Dick Merritt was into? Maybe that's why he won the award. That guy could be into fucking horses Who knows what Dick Merritt was into. Maybe that's why he won the award.

That guy could be into fucking horses for all we know. Sure. I mean, they're beautiful creatures. Mm-hmm. You know my favorite part? What's that? Gotta be the haunches. Yeah.

You said it. It's gotta be the haunches. Wait, but can I say this? Yes. I'm not unimpressed by hooves. Sure. I don't have those and they protect the feet. Manes, the silkier the better.

You said it. Let's introduce our guest. He's a well-known horse fucker. Wait a minute. Okay, all right. Say his actual credits. I'm just pulling your legs. He's a favorite past guest on Jordan, Jesse Go, as well as one of the hosts of the Good Christian Fun podcast, Kevin T. Porter. Thank you.

Known as Mr. T to friends. Mr. T to friends. I will say, usually when you do podcasts and there's the opening banter, sans right you do get a a thing of like oh we'll get to our guests in a second but first let's talk about the horses or whatever you're a pro but i did yeah you'll be asking us later if you can swear on this yeah can we curse on this yeah uh but this is the first time when does come out that's right the scheduling is very important to figure out on air for some reason this is the first time there was so little of that reference. I did have the thought, am I dead now? This is what being a ghost is like.

It's just like watching two guys talk about something. You can't say anything. You can't communicate with them. You just kind of float in there. You can go through walls. Yeah, I mean, there's ups, there's pros and cons. That is the new nihilism is hell is other podcasts. Hell is other people's podcasts.

It's the intro before the guest. It's the banter. God, imagine what it's like for people who are listening right now. They must feel like they're dead every time they turn on our program. Right, yeah. Gives people a good spooky feeling. I don't know. I've heard people on the internet say this podcast is literally giving me life.

So I think it's like the opposite of that. Yes. Yes. Oh, you know what? Actually, you're thinking of the Beyonce song from Lion King. That's right. Oh, my bad. Yeah.

Most of them? Yeah. People confuse this podcast and the Beyonce song from Lion King. What else of your projects do they confuse with Beyonce projects? This is the only one. Okay. Yeah. Just the Lion King one.

Tight, tight, tight. You know, while we're talking about the Lion King, I just want to give a quick tip of the cap to Billy Eichner. My brother, John, took my dad to see the Lion King. He tells me Billy Eichner is a strong singer. Oh, that's fun. I listened to probably 10 podcasts about the Lion King remake. Did not see it. I just wanted to see what other people thought of it.

And everyone's common thread was, Billy Eichner is a good singer and he did okay. about the Lion King remake, did not see it. I just wanted to see what other people thought of it. And everyone's common thread was, Billy Eichner's a good singer and he did okay. Yeah. Because Eichner and Rogan got to improvise a little bit. And so there was something kind of new. You get those two cut-ups in the room. They start bouncing off each other. You kind of want to let them go.

Irrepressible is the word I would use to describe them. We got what's on the page. Now, just do one for you guys. Exactly. Let's just go crazy on this one. Have fun with it. Can we be clear, by the way, that they're both really great? They are both great.

That's what everyone's, yes. That's the clarity. I want to make it clear that both Seth Rogen and Billy Eichner, two of the most talented guys around. They're consistently funny. I think what we're doing, and let's just take a minute to take this apart here because i think it'll make it better yeah what we're doing is we're having a little fun uh having a laugh we're having a laugh at the expense of shallow entertainment journalism that insists on prizing uh improv above all else yeah sure sure. God forbid someone should write a joke.

Can you believe in 2019 there are still serious journalists and interviewers that say, so how much of this was improvised and how much of it was on the page? Sure. We got to know. Let's go line by line. And you say page or improv. But I would love, because everyone has to have comedy stuff. I would love if they did start asking that like dramatic fit, like Ad Astra. Like Brad Pitt.

No, Brad. How much of this was in Bra? Oh, Billy Bob, or no, what is it? Tommy Lee Jones. That's the other three-name guy. He's the dad. He's the dad of Dad Astra. I mean, he would just go.

He would just go off. Sure. I'm lost. Wait, Dad Astra? Dad Astra. Is that Star Dad? Well, I mean, it's called Ad Astra. Dad Astra, though. Dad Astra, though.

Dad Astra, though. And it is, yeah, it is about a father lost in space. Did we go all the way to say- Back Dad Astra up? We just say Dad Astra, though. Yes, we did. Are we cancelable? No, we're just really saying things.

No, okay, on the set, you know what? Even though this comes at a certain time, let's not timestamp it too much. Let's just say in the news right now, there may or may not be people that may or may not be losing jobs or keeping them based on problematic things they said on podcasts. Sure. That's general enough that maybe it can relate in the future too. Oh, I just want to point out that everything i've ever said on this podcast i've been playing a character i was actually i was gonna ask i'm playing a character who's commenting on an unfunny yes it's satire can i say something yes sir i apologize i i am

i would love to apologize to anyone who's actually offended by this podcast actually though not like fake offended not people who are just saying they're offended. Right. But people who, like, it hurts them on a deep level, not just like they're doing it because it's trendy. If you were offended, what would you say? You know what I mean? Certainly not, I'm offended

by this. You would say, I'm actually offended. I think let's unpack it. We're apologizing specifically to Billy Eichner and Seth Rogen, who are listening to our little riff about improv and they thought we were making fun of them when in fact we like them. Don't cancel us, Billy. We love you. Don't cancel us. But the 602 episodes of Join Jesse Go. Is that what you're at now? Yes. I think this might be 602. 602 or 603. And thank you very much for keeping track. I like to do my research.

Yeah. Before going on a podcast. Glancing quickly at the RSS feed. That's right. How many episodes contain maybe discourse from you two that you could deem cancelable? We have said things, Kevin. We have said things that we do not stand behind and have apologized for. That's great.

I think that's great, though. Because honestly, like sincerely, because even talking to guys like Travis McElroy, someone else who's done hundreds of episodes of a podcast before, there's something kind of beautiful about having a long-term relationship with people you've listened to, hear them make mistakes, with people you've listened to, hear them make mistakes, and then have a long enough time frame of a relationship to hear them sincerely correct them rather than catch them in the current moment that they're at and not allow for a grace period. You know what I'm saying? We do. No, it is.

And it's so interesting because podcast is now, you know, it's not the young medium that it once was in its youth. Thank you, Conan. Yes. Thank you, Conan. Yes, thank you, Conan. Thank you, Daddy Conan. Yes. So I think when we started this, we were – how old were we when we started this? 14 and 15.

I was 41, and I think you were 14. We were actually – it was us doing it to each other. I was 41, and I think you were 14. We were actually, it was us doing it to each other. I had an old can of corn, an empty can of corn, and it had a string attached to it. Sounds easy so far. And it went to Jesse's treehouse, where he had an empty can of peas. Wait, can I posit a different situation? Sure, I thought mine was pretty good.

Yours was really solid. Thank you, yeah. My scenario is- But hey, best idea wins, right? And we're all bouncing off each other. We're just, this is spitballing. No bad ideas. It's a democracy.

You were 13. Right. But you were in my 40-something-year-old body. I was 40-something, but I was in your 13-year-old body. Oh, so you're saying we were doing a big? Yeah. Or we were doing a switcheroo? 13 going on 30, maybe.

A 13 going on 30. That's right. Stomachs didn't switch with anybody. He just got big himself. Exactly. Yeah, that sounds fun. Yeah. No, but yeah, when we started this, we were, yeah.

Mid-20s. Yeah, mid-20s. And when you are in your mid-20s, you are more likely than not kind of- To have a boner. Yeah. Is that what we're doing? Mid-20s? I think you're thinking of 15, sir.

Okay. People mature at different rates, Kevin. Sure, sure, sure. Everyone's on their own path. Yeah. And I think, you know, when you are in your mid-20s and you are a comedy fella, you suck to a certain degree. And, you know, and I think that I, to a certain degree, certainly sucked. And, you know, and I think we definitely, you know, kind of came of comedy age in the era of like Mr. Show.

Yeah. Where people were like commenting on bad behavior by like having the bad behavior. Yeah. And I can remember a lot of jokes that i did that were that you know that were like hey isn't it crazy that people you know think this awful thing and i'm saying it but i don't believe but i'm saying you know and i'm like oh you know what that was bad and often hard to distinguish from the actual thing especially when it is coming out of a straight white guy.

Yeah, I think like Travis McElroy and his brothers, I don't think anyone would have ever, who had heard maybe a whole episode of our show, would have mistaken us for anything other than little sweet boys. But, I definitely think that we – A couple of LSBs who love PSLs. Get these LSBs some PSLs. Autumn is coming, squad. Well, now I'm canceled. I'm sorry, guys. We definitely engaged in –

You're ruining hot girl summer for everyone. Occasionally engaged in like ironic you're ruining hot girl summer for everyone occasionally engaged in like ironic isms sure in a way that i wouldn't now uh or at least i would try to avoid doing now uh and we definitely regret having done uh but i i i think and hope i mean based on the feedback that we got at the time and since like there were times when we like used language or talked about things in ways that made people feel bad. But we have gotten relatively little like you are bad people. Yeah. So I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful that our audience has seen us in context and been nice about it when they have corrected us. And I'm grateful for the correction as well. as well okay i do have another 603rd question please yeah 603rd episode and this is great thank you for bringing so many discussions yeah i have i have 603 to go so 602 to go actually um is there a you know you've worked with each other a lot you've been buddies for a long time clearly like and love each other we've been in the shit but we. We were in a war together. Has there ever, hey, the war on podcasting is here.

That's true. Has there ever been an on-mic conflict that was too much that you did have to cut it out or would have been uncomfortable? Here's some context for you, Kevin. Jordan and I have been good friends and creative partners for coming up on 20 years now. And that has been enabled by a lot of things. I think we respect each other's gifts. I certainly respect Jordan's. I'm referring not exclusively to his crank, but substantially.

A gift. Yeah. In your words. I tell him all the time. Don't hide your light under a bushel. I want a crank and plan and a raffle. Not quite a gift, but I mean, I paid for the raffle ticket. I think we respect each other.

Kevin, we respect each other's gifts and we respect each other as people, I think if you were to pick what personal characteristic we most share, it wouldn't necessarily be funny or smart or eloquent. It would probably be conflict avoided. Sure. Yes. Yeah.

I mean, I can think of, and I think – and I do think that – yeah, I think that we definitely both have gone through most of our lives as conflict avoidant people. Yeah. We have very different types of conflict avoidance, which can be interesting sometimes. But we're both profoundly conflict avoidant. But, I mean, I will say I think in our later years, we've – and we've been doing better about it and I think we have had some good conversations. And I think there's been a couple times on the show when like I – and I think something that is fun about this show and podcasts in general, especially the chat podcast, which you're familiar with, is like good-natured ribbing with like someone you've known a long time. And I think that like sometimes, and I don't think that like anything on this show in that zone has ever been legitimately aggressive,

but I think there's some times when it can, you know, when it can tip. And I think we've been good about saying like, eh, that was a little much. Can we not go there? Yeah. And I also think that for, I think we are both hyper aware of, thanks to communicating with each other,

the ways that when Jordan and I, if we poke fun at each other, we have known each other for 18 years or whatever it is, 19 years and uh have worked together forever and we know where we're at with each other pretty much um but we also have realized that like if we poke fun at each other basically we're just encouraging our tens of thousands of listeners to poke fun at us about that thing yeah and we may be actually sensitive about that thing when it's not coming from someone who is our friend of 20 years yeah it's not funny how like the audience does take on the characteristic of like oh yeah well jordan said i can say that to you know like it becomes safe oh yeah and i don't think there would be anything that you would actually say that would

be like friendship or partnership threatening i just know sometimes it's possible to like either rib or maybe even slightly bicker with like a veneer of ribbing sure that could be like oh it's just like a little uncomfortable for the audience to hear so maybe we should and as long as we make sure like at the end you know if anything happens if there's a disagreement or you know we do get too far into that you know that, you know, that that playful kind of put downs. We just make sure to take a minute and say what we like about the other ones. Crank. Yeah. Kevin, I wanted to ask you a question.

Yes, sir. About podcasting, because you do podcasts about stuff about like about pop culture. I do. When you do a podcast where you're goofing on pop culture yes sir do you ever hear from the people who make the pop culture not insignificantly okay actually yeah this has happened a few times i want to kick this i want to kick jordan's question up a notch if you don't mind me emerald sure sure kevin you're on your podcast, Good Christian Fun, you are often talking

about Christian popular culture. Everything from VeggieTales to a second reference that I don't have because I didn't grow up with those things. Fiber and Frenzy. That would be an example of someone who we heard back from. From VeggieTales to Vegemite.

That's right. Every Christian's favorite Australian breakfast spread. Now, many to all of these things are full of possible mirth, just like if you were doing a podcast about the Saturday morning television cartoon Brave Star. Sure. It might have been an after school cartoon now that I mention it. But Brave Star, where it was a space cowboy cowboy you know those videos where people go brave star yeah so anyway uh but but if we were goofing about brave star it's not about anyone and to be clear we never would no no no that's something you cannot touch especially now sacred text brave star is

not a show that is about anyone's uh central spiritual identity the themes of brave star are positive messages generally but none of them are about like the main way that someone thinks of themselves as a human being on earth right riffing Riffin on Brave Star would not do the danger of saying, your life is a joke because you like Brave Star or something similar. Correct. So how do you deal with that? When you're goofing about VeggieTales, aren't there people in your audience who are like,

wait a minute, VeggieTales, those are the stories from the Bible, which is the central text of my life. Well, I think we go to great lengths and pains to set up the disclaimer in the beginning of the show, like, we're not here to preach at you or make fun of your beliefs, unless you believe, you know, like gay people are bad or something like that. We'll make fun of that belief. But like, we're not here to make fun of your like faith beliefs or like whatever your religion

is. We're just here to have fun about this stuff. And then in that way, try to like separate uh because whatever the ideology is stuff made in the name of that ideology can always get like twisted warped and corrupted in any sort of way and i think most reasonable rational people understand that and know that so i think a big part of it is approaching all this stuff from not a place of like this this is some bullshit right but like but curiosity and like not having the hypothesis set yet before we engage with the stuff of like maybe it's good i don't know and like that i think that attitude is a lot easier and kinder

and then feels less hostile not that like angry comedy about religion stuff is bad, but it's just been done. What's the most good thing that exists as popular culture only within the world of Christian popular culture? So you can't pick any Charlton Heston movies or, yeah, Sufjan Stevens, whatever. Steven Stevens, whatever. Like I'm talking about like the world of Kevin Sorbo movies and things that only air on networks with the name Christ in them. Sure. Whatever. Like things that I as a person who went to a lefty Episcopalian church would have never heard of. Right. I think some of the music still has merit because music does have this way of like transcending even whatever the ideological aim is or even the baggage of it, surrounding it is.

I feel like music is a world within itself, a language we all understand. Whoa. Are you about to start singing? Shit, dude. Yeah. Holy hell. Whoa. Can you say that?

I don't know if you guys have this experience. I can feel it all over. I can feel it all over, people. It's almost like you don't even need words sometimes, dog. I mean, even some of the sillier bands like Jars of Clay. Jars of Clay is something. But then that does beg the question, is Jars of Clay crossover? Because they did have a crossover hit with Flood.

Sure. I mean, I think Jars of Clay is one of those things where it's like, okay, well, the Jars of Clay is kind of indistinguishable. They are a Christian band, but they are indistinguishable from the similar music of the day. Your Lives. Your Matchbox 20s is. Totally. Your semisonics. But, I mean, I think...

By the way, one of the guys from semisonic went to my left. I know, that's the most... Yeah. That's the most told story on Jordan and Jesse now. Oh, and it was hard to park at the LA County Fair. Yeah. I think these are the two

those are your greatest hits yeah sorry hey it's not a good show i think you know what we had uh joel kim booster on the great joel kim booster jkb and he said i want to talk about third day and we listened to one of their like albums from 2001 what is third day third day is like uh kind of an alt rock alt country christian band oh like an old 97s yeah really old 97s yeah or like black crows kind of um and he and the the lead singer uh mac powell he was kind of doing an eddie vetter thing on most of those records but then and especially even seeing it now through like joel's eyes too it's like yeah you know a lot of it's silly a lot of it's bullshit but then some of the songs he was like i was worshiping on the way here because he was listening to in the car on the way to to record with us music that is made to it is made to exalt you know and

that's the and you know and sometimes you find stuff that's like in some sense undeniable in that way and especially like when you have the nostalgic attachment even like finding new stuff like there was this like really strange singer-songwriter named rich mullins that we came across and is like super he did uh oh you might know his song. He ain't putting on the Ritz. Our God is an awesome God. He ain't putting on the Ritz? Yeah, that's one of the lyrics. I mean, he kind of did put on the Ritz, really. I mean, if you've ever seen Niagara Falls.

Listen, that's the Ritz if I've ever seen it. But that guy was a true weirdo, just a very eccentric guy, but actually walked out a lot of his like proclaimed values and like went to live in the desert and then like died very tragically in unfortunate circumstances and so his music kind of exists in this like really it's almost like the uh beautiful corpse theory of like kurt cobain stuff where it's like oh it's kind of untouchable what about film television and home video that was a toughie, man. I mean, VeggieTales is okay because, for the most part, I would

even argue that VeggieTales isn't Christian. It's just godly or just, like, moral value because there's never, like, there's never... They never get into who the son of God was or where you go when you die. Yes, exactly. There's no

episode of VeggieTales where Bob goes to hell and that's why you find out that he's a tomato because it's red down there. There's nothing like that. And they said even – So you're suggesting a world in VeggieTales, this one, a projected future VeggieTales. Sure. We find out that the tomato from the vegetable team, the team, went to hell. Yeah. And that's why he's a tomato, because when you go to hell, you become red, which is a tomato.

Or was he a green tomato before? Maybe he was an onion before. And then he became a tomato, yeah. It could have been a red onion. Hey, it could have been a yellow. We'll never know. That could have been a Vidalia. Are we just naming onions?

Yes, we are. I almost finished saying Maui Sweet. Oh, that's a good onion. VeggieTales has a lot of Homestar Runner DNA in it. You know what I mean? Yeah, right. And then as far as film, guys, we haven't found a good movie. The closest one was I Can Only Imagine, that movie that came out that made so much money last year.

The Dennis Quaid movie. Oh, well, it's got Quaid. Based on the song, I can only imagine. What can you imagine? It's about heaven. And he wrote about his dying father. And it became like this huge crossover hit, blah, blah, blah. But yeah, film is tough.

Film and tv is tough with christian i still don't want to know if you have heard from the people who make it because i mean obviously like in the world of podcasting if you're doing a you know a podcast about a you know band on tooth and nail records who made one ep one album in 1997 probably not a lot of podcasts about that band but yours comes out they're gonna get a google alert maybe they're gonna get a google alert so i mean famously we heard from reese roper of five iron frenzy oh sure who then uh confronted us about something we got wrong in the show then we interviewed him on the show he's very sweet and then he invited me to see them playing pomona a couple months ago i told you about that oh yeah sure yo yes you sent me a nice so i saw five

last time i was in pomona i was was going to the Los Angeles County Fair. Oh, it's the greatest hit. Now, how was the parking? Yeah, what was the car situation? Was it frustrating? Very challenging. Very difficult. Very difficult, guys.

Anyway, I'm from San Francisco. Go ahead, Kevin. We heard from a teen, not a boy band, but like a dance band that were all related to each other. A group called Jump Five. We heard back from them. We heard back from Stacey O'Rico, Jackie Velasquez. No. Draw the, tell me what's the difference between a boy, a Christian boy band and a Christian

dance band? Well, a dance band has people that aren't boys in it, I think. So there was two ladies in the band at least. Yes. There's women and men in the band. But yeah, there are Christian boy bands. Like Plus One was a big Christian boy band. Their number one single was

You're Forever Written on My Heart, which it's like maybe it's about you, the girlfriend, or maybe it's about the Lord. Yeah, you'll never know if I really love you. That's right. I know, but it's not fun. Hard to get. get yeah it's fun so yeah we've heard from a good amount

of the people we've covered on the show which one would you say is your best friend now Stacy Orico oh yeah she's the one where it's like she was in town she wanted to hang out she was like can we get coffee or something and then we could never make the timing work I mean everybody's just so busy

everyone's so busy. Coffee is hard. Coffee is hard. I know. And they were on the east side, and you were on the west side. Wait, can I pivot and ask you all a question? The county fair was in Pomona. The county fair was in Pomona.

The parking was hard. We started on the parking. Yeah. Let me ask you guys a question about adult friendships. Sure. And coffee being hard. What's the best way to make a new adult friendship? A new adult friendship? A new adult friendship?

Are you not interested? No new friends for Jesse Thorne? I just don't know if I have made any friends since I've been an adult. There's actually a good website for finding adult friends. What's it called, Jordan? Well, it's called... Grindr. It's called Grindr.

Grindr.portalhub.butt. And more of an app. You know what? Here's something I like to do. When there's a new adult in my life who I think could become a friend, what I like to do is I like to set up kind of a hang with other friends. Friends that I'm more likely to hang out with. Closer with, yeah.

And then I like to invite them to that hang. So there's not a kind of a one-on-one, how do we relate to each other, but I'm doing a fun hang. We've planned it already. Show up here. And that kind of takes out some of the, well, how's Wednesday? Wednesday's no good. How's Friday?

How's two weeks? So you take away that stuff. You're just saying, this is the event. It's happening. You're invited. You can come or not. You're invited. Show up. It'll be a lot of fun. My friend Mike will be there.

So I haven't been on any group hang activities since I was 26 years old. Is this true? Yeah, I'm sure. Do you not want? Do you have no interest? Lifestyle doesn't accommodate it. You got a family. It's different. Some might say your whole life is a group hang. That's a good point.

Yeah. Home is a group hang. It's a five-person group hang. Yeah. I went on a friendship date recently. I had like tried to do a friendship with someone who wasn't someone that I've known forever in probably eight years. How did it go? Did you feel good about it?

It went really well. What happened was my daughter has a friend named Clara and Clara's dad, Rob, is a really nice guy. Now, I had hung out with him at the park and stuff a few times in a child context. You know what I mean? Tell us more. Tell us more. I like to park and stuff. Did you park and stuff? And he and his kids and his wife came to our cabin once for the weekend. So I spent a lot of time with him, but never in a non-friendship capacity. So first I hired him to make the logo for Bubble, our podcast Bubble. Hey, award-winning podcast.

It's a good logo. He did a great job. One of the top podcasts on every publication I read that year. Tell you what. Recently, Good Housekeeping. Hey, is that true? Lauded by Good housekeeping is a lord top podcast yeah

wonderful podcast bubble created by Mr. Jordan Morris he's sitting right there Kevin hey but I was going good housekeeping I was going to lunch

so like basically the issue for me is I don't really go out at night because I that's when the freaks come in yeah

you don't want to deal with freaks I mean certainly I like You don't want to deal with freaks. I mean, certainly I like that they're really good lovers. Well, sure. But I don't really go out at night because if I stay up late and I get up early the next morning, I get a migraine and I have three kids

and it just makes it really hard. It makes the bar for going out at night really high. And I also always feel like I'm abandoning my wife with the kids anytime I go out at night. Yeah, and a lot of your friendship need is probably met at home, high. And I also always feel like I'm abandoning my wife with the kids anytime I go out. Yeah, and a lot of your friendship need is probably met at home, too. No. No? I mean, I like my wife.

I love my wife. I love my wife very much. She's my best friend. Well, my dog Coco probably is my best friend. And then Teresa, my wife, is probably my second best friend. Aw. Does Teresa know about this? You want that?

I mean, Coco. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want a dog named Coco. I want that. I about this? You want that? I mean, Coco. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want a dog named Coco. I want that. I get it. I want that. No, I can't. My landlord won't allow it.

My landlord won't allow it. Any pets? Not right now. Not even a bird? It's holding me back. I'm sorry. Well, I don't know about birds. I don't want to do a bird thing.

Birds are a bullshit. Ask about a bird. Get Jet. Don't listen to Jet-C. Get a nice bird. Do you want a little boy, want to do a bird thing. Birds are a bullshit. Ask about a bird. Get Jet. Don't listen to Jet-Z. Get a nice bird. Kevin, do you want a little boy-dy? Get a bird. Maybe.

Maybe I do. I don't know. Guys. Jordan, I think Kevin wants a little boy-dy. Well, I don't think it's a good idea anymore. I don't want it if you're selling it. But, like, my only- Put his head in your mouth.

Oh, he won't remember. Put his head in your mouth. He won't remember. Put his head in your mouth. My only like window of time to socialize are does anyone want to go to the flea market with me? Because that's my weekend time. I get scheduled time off for my children to go to the flea market on Sunday morning. Nobody wants to get up that early. Nobody gives a shit. Nobody gives a shit as much as me.

Nobody wants to get up that early. Nobody gives a shit. Nobody gives a shit as much as me. And then the other thing is like once in a while I might have time to have like a fun lunch on a weekday. But I never know when it's going to be because I have to keep my schedule open for bullseye interviews. I might have to be blazing through a bullseye interview. Got to meet Melissa and Ben for a joint interview. I know. I know. Who are they? It occurred to me. McCarthy i know i know were they it occurred to me mccarthy and falcon ah sure melissa and ben i mean now i know it's

like statler and waldorf yeah you don't need the last name sure exactly i yes icons joe and barack so milkshake brain and former president sorry the guy loves milkshakes. He's got milkshakes on the brain. That's true. He literally has milkshakes on the brain. He's like, is that shamrock shake back? Time to babble in public while I think about it.

The other day I was working from home and I had an interview in the afternoon that got canceled, which meant that I actually had free time during the day. I came home and I had an interview in the afternoon that got canceled, which meant that I actually had free time during the day. And I thought to myself, do I literally know anyone who both lives near enough to me for me to go to lunch with them and is capable of going to lunch in the middle of the day on short notice? And the answer was no. And the answer was, well, Clara's dad. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I went and picked him up. We went to the fanciest restaurant I could think of because I was so excited, which Chili's 2 down in LA.

Yeah. You bought tickets to Phoenix, right? Just so you could go in the airport. Yeah, I mean, that's like $100 a plate. And it went pretty good. And what was crazy about it was, I mean, granted, I already knew and liked him from non-date contexts. But I think the fact that we're both 38-year-old lonely men meant that we could just go straight into serious emotional content. Lonely men?

Like, lonely, You are not. You didn't even have 20 minutes about, you know, streaming TV or whatever? Yeah, like Disney Plus looks worth it, right? You didn't do five minutes on that. Who's excited about The Mandalorian? The morning show. It's the newsroom again, right? The thing is, is you start with asking how the kids are.

Yeah. Then you get into the serious. How are your little Mandalorians? Yeah. That's what I how the kids are. Yeah. Then you get into the serious- How are your little Mandalorians? Yeah. That's what I call the kids. You get into the serious problems that the kids are having. And then you get into the problems that you and maybe your parents, like you're having with your parents,

like you're learning to take care of them or something like that. You know what I mean? Yeah, but it's funny that the new adult friend, if it is a new adult friend, the one that you found had a significant amount of like venn diagram overlap of like life compatibility to have the friendship compatibility which then gets into my thing where it's like we all if we're you know if we're talking like do you want a diverse different group of friends you're like yeah but then at the end of the day do you because like do i even do i want like a lot of say 38 year old married uh friends who live far away from you know like it comes down to proximity those guys assholes are constantly talking i don't even know

why they're constantly talking about the la county fair but we get it the parking is hard there it's a long walk from the parking spot to the fair. It takes you like half an hour. So I think it's hard to actually get like an actually legitimately diverse group of friends because it does end up, I don't know. I'm exhausted. I only have time for this. Who's around? This guy.

I have a lot of overlap with this guy. It went great because of the overlap. And you do have to make more practical decisions about it. And if there's lull in the conversation conversation you just go right to mandalorian speculation yeah like verna hers what's he what's he in it that's fun casting yeah jordan and i have tried to hang out a few times recently which was which which was unusual for us to make the do the work what was the rationale for that well jordan's been freelancing and uh slash unemployed and i have had a few days where i was like oh shit i could actually do something i wanted to do today

we haven't made it work yet but my normal situation is i have one friend who matches me exactly in all categories which is my friend ben harrison host of the greatest generation and uh friendly fire on the maximum fun podcast network which is to say he is exactly my age from exactly the place I am. He is my race, gender, sexual orientation, says the exact same cultural perspective, the same job, and like the same free hours. Oh. So, and he also has not seen the movies that have come out yet. Are you worried? Now, I've have come out yet. Are you worried?

No, I've never met this Ben. Are you worried that it's a Fight Club situation? Yeah, what is he dressed like? Does he have sunglasses on? Yeah. Like, the thing about Jordan is, because Jordan is going on these group hangs, he's already seen the goddamn movies. So I check in with him. How's the movie?

He already knows because he already saw it. I have seen it, Chapter 2, and there are some very anachronistic video games in their arcade. I know I teased this at the top of the show. You know, one of the greatest adult decisions of my life is like, no, I don't need to see it, Chapter 2. Just like absolutely feeling like I'm not a completist about it. Had fun at the first one. Don't need to see the second one. It's okay.

I mean, you really dodged a bullet there because, I mean i mean you know like you're watching it and you're like okay like these some of these like set pieces are very well done it's a very distinct visual style there's a lot of fun performances sure jessica chastain good and everything we all know that's great then you know they get in chapter two she's great and you know and then they get into the part um i'm sorry god this is just kind of weird to talk about so you get into this part. I'm sorry. God. This is kind of weird to talk about. So you get into this. It's fresh. Jordan, Kevin's here.

We're getting into serious stuff. Thank you. I mentioned that I texted you to see if you wanted to go to the movies two weeks ago. That was nice. That was nice. Goldfinch is coming out. We've got Finch fever. Finch fever is hitting the nation.

Sorry. Wait. Hold on, Jordan. I got a question for Kevin here. we've got Finch fever Finch fever is hitting the nation sorry wait hold on Jordan I got a question for Kevin here speaking of the goldfinch does Kevin want to no I don't no no

again put his head in your mouth wait but what happened what happened in chapter 2 so they're in the in chapter 2 they're in the part of the movie

where they're they're you know visiting the kids you know the kids bit of the movie so they're visiting the kids. The kids bit of the movie. It kind of transfers between these characters as adults and children. I know where this is going. They're playing games in a video

arcade. Sure, kids love that. Kids love to play games in video arcades. And you know, as a kid of the 80s, that's where I spent a lot of my time. Sure, pumping quarters into the machine. I love Stranger Things. To me, that's like the 80s. You know what I mean? I mean, the music, it's perfect.

The fonts. I don't care what happens in the show. The mood. They're on bikes. I'm just in love with the fonts. Can I say both of these things that we're talking about give me a good spooky feeling? Sure. Remind me a lot of my favorite podcast, Jordan, Jesse Go.

Hey. So these kids are in a video arcade. Of course, we all know that the So these kids are in a video arcade. Of course, we all know that the kids segments take place in 1988. Yeah. And, you know, the kids are playing. We come into the kids playing the first Street Fighter, which we all know was released in 1987. So that's right.

A fun little nod to the era. What are they talking about? The Bash Brothers, right? The Bash Brothers. What are they talking about? The Bash Brothers. They love the Bash Brothers. So they're playing. Yeah.

Who's your favorite Bash Brother? Well, it's... Jose or Mar, sure. Smash? Smash Bash? Is that one? Terry Steinbach? He's not technically a Bash Brother.

And then the shot widens out. Yeah. And not only is Mortal Kombat 1 in the arcade, but Mortal Kombat 2 is in the arcade. I mean, and I'm looking at, it's just 1988 because those games came out in 1992 and 1993 respectively. I mean, what am I even watching? Yeah. I mean, I know that the town of Derry, Derry, Maine is built, you know, on a hell mouth

that allowed the clown Pennywise to escape but is it built on everybody knows that time warp too which allowed kids to play mortal kombat 2 in 1988 i don't think so can you imagine these kids at school and they're like uh can i talk to you about fatalities and the other kids are like i don't know about fatalities I won't know about those until 1992. Sure. Who's Jax? I do. Who's Kano? This is a Stranger Things thing in that Mad Men was so period like Matt Weiner would like throw an intern out a window if there was like a 1958 phone and it was 1957.

It's like so insanely detail oriented. And then the Goldbergs happens and Stranger Things happens where the time period is like the 80s. Yeah. Is it 1985, 86, 84? It's like the 80s. Maybe MC Hammer's in one. Who knows? Yeah, see?

And I feel like people operate in that now that are like that and kind of capitalizing. Yeah, and I just want to say that those people who are okay with those kinds of things can go to heck. Can go to heck. Thank you very much. With Bob the Tomato.

Wow, straight down the... Oh, Bob the Onion at the time. Straight down the heck mouth there in Derry, Maine. Sorry, yeah. With Bob. With Bob. Holding hands

with that legendary onion. He wishes he had hands to hold. Oh, wow. Sorry, I didn't mean to get so rude today. Come on, man. He's listening to this. You're going to hear from him on Twitter. What, I didn't mean to get so rude today. Come on, man. He's listening to this. You're going to hear from him on Twitter.

Was he going to take out his headphones with his hands? Whoa. Wow. He had the headphones surgically implanted. He could never take them out. Dude, you know how important

Bob is to me. That's my lord and personal savior. Oh, I'm so sorry, but sometimes you guys speak truth to power. That's true. Wow.

Wow. Don't talk shit about Kano. At least they didn't talk about Pong Combat. Haven't brought that up in a long time on the show. That's true. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Unless Pete Holmes has that cornered, in which case he can have it.

Have you heard any of, you know, there's a rap group called The Clips. You know, grinding. No. It's on grinding. Grind in. Know what to keep in the line in. Grind in. I don't want to listen to their version.

I just want to listen to yours. Chunk, chunk, chunk. Yeah, this is great. Pusha T from The Clips has gone on to solo success as a signee on Good Music, Kanye West's record label. Oh, yeah. But a truly great rapper. His colleague in the Clips, Malice, rebranded himself as No Malice and became a Christian rapper. No Malice, the Christian rapper. I'd be interested to know what his Christian rap is like because he's a very good rapper.

That was... DJ Khaled became no DJ Khaled. I don't know what's the inverse of that. No Snoop Dogg. They were well known for rapping only about distributing cocaine. Like pretty exclusively about distributing cocaine. No, it's distributing traps. Yeah.

That's what Pusha T's last album was about too. It's like Bruce Springsteen in Cars. He's kind of writing the same song over and over again. That's Pusha T in cocaine. Yeah, but I mean he's turning coal into a diamond, baby. Got to keep pressing. Got to keep shaving away the parts that aren't David if you're Michelangelo. Sure, yeah, until you find that David.

You know, Jordan, every Jordan Jesse Go episode is brought to you by Maximum Funds members who go to MaximumFund.org slash donate. I know it. I love it. They are also brought to you this week, they being us. Yes. Brought to you this week by our friends at Dashlane, which is

a password management app that keeps all your online information safe, secure, encrypted, and easy to access. I don't know if you knew this, Jordan. The average person, let's call her Jane. Jorm. Jorm. Yes. Ooh. Has over 130 online accounts.

And you know how many of those, on average, the password is janejorm69? I mean, at least 120, 121. 154. Wow. Yeah, more accounts than she has, the password is janejorm69. Jorm's going to get hacked. Exactly. Well, unless she has, the password is JaneJorm69. Jorm's going to get hacked. Exactly. Well, unless she has Dashlane.

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monitoring, and more. If you like it, use code JJGo at checkout to save 10% on your premium subscription. And that's good news for Jane Jorn. And, hey, Jordan Jesse Go is brought to you in part by Arm & Hammer Cloud Control Cat Litter. Can I ask you a serious question, Jordan? I insist. What do you love? My cat.

Oh, Bug. And little else. Bug, do you love? My cat. Oh, Bug. And little else. Bug, are you here? Holy shit, Bug. You're more responsive than you usually are. I'm feeling sassy. Holy cow. Holy cat.

Get some respect on my name. My dreams are coming true. Wow, the cat really is giving me the bird man treatment. Lecturing you back, critics. So I love my cat, Bug, who is here with us. Yep, these are cat noises. But you know what part of cat ownership I don't love? Cleaning up the litter box.

Oh, God, that's the worst. Can I tell you why it's the worst? Sure. Every time you scoop the poop, there's a puff of poop dust. That's what we call clouds. That blows up into your nose. And normally, I love to blow fat clouds.

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So what happens in the litter box stays in the litter box. I actually had a box of this myself. I'm going to tell you right now. No, I mean, we goof around a lot on these ads. We goof and we try to make them fun. Yeah, sometimes we talk about serious stuff, like the situations that Jane Jorm is facing.

Sure. Jorm aside, this is really, really great cat litter, and I think you should try it. Jorm aside, by the way, is that stuff they put the combs in at the barber? Right, sure. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow. What song's that?

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No wonder we're minimally successful. Oh, yeah. Yay! Just on the edge of it being worth continuing. Hey, guys. What'd I miss? Oh, my God. So much shit.

It was crazy. Not in cloud form, though. That's true. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, best known as Dick Merritt. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Kevin T. Porter, happy to be here, happy to help.

Yeah, thanks for everything. Thank you so much, Kevin. Together we can do it. We can lift this. We can do this together. We can build this bridge. I believe we can build this city on rock and roll. I believe this really, truly, Jordan. I believe that with Kevin Porter from Good Christian Fun in here,

that we might make it through an entire episode of Jordan, Jesse Goh without lapsing into incompetency. Oh, wow. What a compliment to me. Or unlistenability. Sure, yeah. I think he might bring us up over that margin. Typically, we're like a sine wave,

going above and below the listenability threshold. I think he might pull the average up enough that we might make it through our 75 minutes or so. Yeah, if you can hold this together for another 15-ish. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got you. This is going to be huge for us. Don't worry. I mean, he came in here and he immediately started discussing subjects instead of nonsense words. Yeah, asking thoughtful questions that provoked conversation.

Should have been more nonsense. Yeah. I don't know. It's 6.03. So what's Waluigi sound like when he's eating ass? And honestly, that would have been fine. Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

There's this great podcast. Actually, write that down, Jordan. Waluigi eating ass. There's a great podcast called Screw It. We're just going to talk about the Beatles. Will Hines hosts it. And there's rotating panels. One of the panelists is a very funny woman named Katie Platner.

And I can't stop thinking about one time when she posited, what would be the modern day equivalent of I want to hold your hand? She's like, I guess it would be, I want to eat your ass. I want to eat your ass. I want to eat your ass. And I always think of that when I hear that song. Yeah. The Millennial Beatles. Thank you, Katie.

Yeah. Maybe she could have gone avocado toast or something. Baby, I can drive your Uber. Wow. Katie, you can drive my Uber. Wow. That was fun. That's beautiful Thank you

Hey, hey, hey, Jude You're cancelled Student debt singing in the dead of night Oh yeah, that's good Thank you Wow When something momentous happens to you Like you come up with the perfect

Millennial Beasle song title, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN for our segment Momentous Occasions. You can also always email us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Now, before we get into the calls, Jordan, I want to mention that we have received an email. Yes. We have received an email from a podcaster. Is it correct this person is a podcaster? Yeah, I mean I'm assuming he listens to this show, so

he has his own podcast. Guys, I'm right here. It was me confirming that I would do this show today. Oh, okay. Why are you building it up so much? A person whose name is Jordan Jesse. Right.

Who has a, who I guess, I guess we are screwing up his SEO. Yeah. Because of this show. Search engine optimization. Sure. But I mean, eventually his podcast will become more popular than ours and he'll fuck us up. Now there was already a Jordan Morris. There's a Jordan Morris who's a famous soccer player.

Yes. Kevin, you had this problem or you have this problem, right? Yeah. Because back when you were playing guard for the Trailblazers, you really kind of popularized Kevin Porter,

but then some asshole podcaster came around. That was very unfortunate for my career in athletics and sports. Is Trailblazers guard Kevin Porter in any of the Hollywood unions? Is that a concern at all? He's tag after and so that was

a real bummer when I tried to register. Oh boy. Yeah. Now you're just in the, what are you, just a teamster? I'm a scab. Oh cool. I'll literally do anything. I don't care about this. You're not afraid of your fucking giant inflatable rat? No. Agency packaging? Bring it on. I'll literally do anything. Yeah. I don't care about this. You're not afraid of your fucking giant inflatable rat?

No. Agency packaging, bring it on. I love it. Come on, UTA, screw us over. Yeah, take that, Kevin Porter. You take it too, Kevin Duckworth. Clyde the Glide Drexler. Oh, I wish I knew more sports references to participate.

Yeah, if Ian Carmel was here, he could do 20 minutes of just listing the names. Oh, yeah. He loves that. Portland Trailblazers. Kevin, so you changed your name to Kevin T. Porter, or your name was Kevin T. Porter. It was T. The T stands for Todd, which is my father's name. And it was my Gmail account that I got in college. And then it's like, well, I guess it'll be my Twitter account.

Well, I guess it'll be my Instagram account. Well, I guess I'll use it as an initial for SEO. So it's purely just SEO username compatibility. There was actually a Mormon singer-songwriter named Jesse Thorne, but I crushed him. I destroyed him. When I was in college, he was in the lead. He was on mp3.com or whatever. This is like when I saw that there was a podcast called Gilmore Girls Boys, and I was like, not today.

Oh. Not today, sir. Take that, girls boys. Gilmore Girls Boys. If truly they had called themselves Gilmore Guys, I may not be here today. But I think there's an adult film actor named Jordan, I mean, named Jesse Jordan. Oh, yeah? That comes up if I, because once in a while I will search like Google News for Jordan

Jesse Go and I will not put it in quotes. Oh. And I will get something or I will search on Google or on, you know, I'll do a search for Jordan Jesse Go without quotes and it'll be four fifths things about Jordan Jesse Go and one fifth hardcore sex scenes. How are they? Well, they go. Sure. Yeah.

But this, Jesse is not a surname, so that's why I'm surprised by this one. Jordan, I think, is a reasonably common surname. Sure, yeah. It can be either. It's a first name and a last name. But I don't think I've ever heard of someone with the surname Jesse. Well, now we do, and we're crushing him. The family of Jesses comes from a long line.

Because usually it's like the surname would be like what the trade was, like, you know, the Smiths or something, because they were, you know, iron smiths. But what's a Jesse? What does a Jessie do? It must be like my aunt. My mother's maiden name and her original surname was Chase. But my maternal grandfather was not the greatest guy. And my aunt is a very serious feminist and so she changed her surname to Dorita which is

meaning of Rita my grandmother who was a really awesome lady because she didn't want to have her name associated with Chase so presumably it's that kind of someone dropped their last name or right because there's no one actually, is that a real, is that a common surname? I don't think so. I don't think it exists. Something's going on here.

This is beautiful though. I think this guy's trying to pick some kind of fight with us and we're going to have to crush him. Just like Kevin T. Porter crushed former trailblazers guard, Kevin Porter. Now he's blazing in my trail. Yeah. He set him on fire. Yeah.

He's in hell. Wow. Or maybe this guy changed his on fire. Yeah, he's in hell. Like, wow. Or maybe this guy changed his last name to Jesse, and he's like, isn't it crazy, the coincidence? Kevin Porter, you ever wonder why you're a fucking tomato now? Yes. Every day. It's because Kevin T. Porter went to Derry, Maine, opened up the gateway to... Right.

Okay. I'm not going there. Too scary. We're sorry, Jordan. Not only is there a clown, but everyone is mean. Yeah. All the non-clown humans are mean. Full of means.

Me too? Yeah. You've heard of Beanie Babies? Those guys are meanie babies. Yeah. Honestly. You've heard of Beanie Babies? These are cruel adults. You've heard of beanie babies? These are cruel adults.

You've heard of beanie babies? These people are fucking assholes. Yeah. You've heard of beanie babies? That was a long time ago.

I remember the commemorative one when Princess Di died and that one was $50 for a purple burger. R.I.P.? R.I.P. Very valuable.

Very valuable. Yelp. You guys remember I need a restaurant. Yelp. Yes. Yes. Any restaurant. Yelp. You guys remember Pogs. I need a restaurant. Yelp. Yes. Not a city restaurant.

Yelp. Yes. Okay, let's take our first moment as a case. Our apologies to Jordan Jesse for ruining his career in advance. If there's anything we can do to help, let us know what it is, and we'll be careful to avoid that so we can crush you. We do. I think it's sweet that you have the same name as us combined. Go ahead, Brian. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, Gus. This is Ashley in Kentucky. I have a momentous

occasion. I was outside on my porch, and I live out in the country, so my neighbors are not like right next to me, um i always look outside waiting for my dog to go to the bathroom and i could hear my neighbor across the street screaming into her phone and she says my house is haunted and who are you to tell me it's not so i'm going over there but uh apparently her house is haunted. I think. But. Yeah, you fucking. Who are you?

Some kind of medium? We've been there. We've all been there. What are you, some kind of fucking meanie baby? Yeah. Yeah. God damn it. Yeah.

I hope that comes to mind next time someone's mean to you guys. You just, you just like, it comes out of you. You don't think about it. You're a meanie baby.

Yeah. And like stops them down their tracks like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I immediately pictured myself by the way like with my shirt off in like a back in like a back alley brawl just like taking punches like kicking biting and i just go you fucking meanie baby as i pummel their fight club too right yeah first too. Right, yeah. First real Fight Club, we're all meanie babies. Yeah, and then they all

pull down their pants and they have tie on their ass. Oh my God. Wow, Haunted House stuff. I don't know if I've ever been in a Haunted House. Well, I mean, the season's coming up.

I mean, Spooky season. CVS already has the candy out. We're leaving, we're leaving Hot Girl Summer, Horny Summer 2019. Sure. We're leaving Hot Girl Summer, Horny Summer 2019. We're entering...

Celibate Autumn. Celibate Autumn. Or Hot-em. I've been kicking that around. Should we call it Hot-em? H-A-W-T. Especially in LA. H-A-W-T, that's good.

Or H-O-T. Because it'll be hot until November, basically, here. Just be careful. Never mind. Chase it down. I was trying to find Thot-em. like November basically here. Just be careful. Never mind. Chase it down. I was trying to find Thottum. Thottum I heard, but I don't like Thot. I don't use Thot

in every day. It feels mean. You know what? Let's make this an all-inclusive autumn. All-inclusive autumn. Triple A. I can't spell. You know what I like to say? To Nafat. That new friend over there.

That's beautiful. I love that. He's a 38-year-old dad in Northridge. Mount Washington. Thank you very much. Occasionally I'll go to Ontario, but only during fair season. Wait, not Ontario. What the Fomona?

God damn it. Ontario is where the outlets are. Yeah. Okay. Let's take one more call. Hi. I was listening to the podcast yesterday, and you guys were talking about getting scary offers for rides. scary offers for rides.

And so it's not so much a monumentous occasion recently, but in 1987, I was living in Wichita, Kansas, and I was walking to work. It was a very long walk, like four miles one way. Took about, you know,

it took a while, like an hour, hour and a half. And I was on this long stretch of road next to railroad tracks where there was nothing to be seen for several hundred yards in all directions for about a half a mile. When three days in a row, this pickup pulled up, and this guy was offering me a ride, and it scared the living hell out of me. And three days in a row, I said no. Finally, on the third day, he said he was not going to take no for an answer, and he had given me all these weird explanations as to why it was okay,

ranging from him being a deacon in his church to him having been a, or currently at the time was the scout leader for a local scouting troop. was the scout leader for a local scouting troop. So finally after the third day, I said, okay, and made it really clear in my head that I wasn't going to go far and I was going to jump out of the car if he wouldn't let me out. And that's what happened. He let me out. And years later, it turns out it was the BTK killer.

What? What? Wait, this took a twist at the end. Yeah. Well, you know what they say, never accept a ride from a deacon. Yeah. Dang. That's scripture for a reason.

Sure, yeah. Especially a deacon frost from Blade. That guy's no good. Can I suggest a further addition? Never accept a ride from a demon deacon. Yeah. Scary. No matter, even if they're in March Madness,

don't accept it. It's Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Squad. Oh my gosh. Hearts Squad Band. Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Squad Band. Facebook group closed.

Something along those lines. Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club group chat? Anyway. These are all works in progress. Yeah. No, no. They're all perfect.

I'm not on any group chats, Kevin. Really? Yes, you are. You got to get on a group. You got to get on a group chat. Oh, that makes me sad. Unless you count the one where I send baby pictures to my wife, my mother-in-law, my mother, my sister-in-law, and my brother-in-law. My sister and my daughter, my sister and my daughter, my sister and my daughter.

Just start some unrelated chatter. It seems like you have one sitting there. Yeah. Just start one. Just see what Fran has to say about that. Do it. What do you guys think? Antibirds and herds dogs playing in The Mandalorian.

Man, you are... Start a Mandalorian recap show. I got Mandalorian fever. Hey, listen. Mandalorian men, that's your show. Oh, sure. You just put a show and then the plural for whatever your gender is, and it'll be fine. But it'll work itself out.

Yeah. And you'll lead to a long career in podcasting. Mandalorians is what the Star Wars guys have? That's the... That's midichlorians. Midichlorians is... Oh, I don't know

if the Mandalorians have midichlorians. Mandalorians are what Captain Corelli has. Oh, Captain Corelli's Mandalorian. This must exist. This is a tweet. It's an A-plus tweet

if I've ever heard it. Oh, this show's been full of tweets. Okay. If something momentous happens to you, 206-9844-FUN or JJGO at MaximumFun.org. Go seek out the podcast from Jesse Jordan.

Jordan Jesse. Jordan Jesse. But just know, we have not vetted this podcast. No, yes, it could be something unsavory. So if it's a white supremacist podcast, don't listen to it. Don't listen to it. It turns out if you get five minutes in and you can smell something fishy. Even if he says he's a deacon in your church.

And hey, if it's a Mandalorian recap podcast, don't listen because that shit isn't even out yet. So he's making up speculative recap podcast where they recap episodes. Oh yeah. I'm going to start my new one on HBO's Watchmen tomorrow. What do you think?

What will happen? Yeah. One guy's lonely because he's a superhero. He lives in space. Sure. Yeah. You know Captain

Blue Man. Sure. Yeah. From the Blue Man group. He's blue. He's the DS. He ain't got a group.

Yeah. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go hey if you like your podcast to be focused and well researched and your podcast host to be uncharismatic unhorny strangers who have no interest in horses, then this is not the podcast for you.

Yeah. And what's your deal? I'm Emily. I'm Lisa. Our show's called baby geniuses and it's hosts are horny adult idiots. We discover weird Wikipedia pages. Every episode we discuss institutional misogyny. We ask each other the dumbest questions and our listeners won't stop sending us

pictures of their butts. We haven't asked them to stop, but they also aren't stopping. Join us on Baby Geniuses every other week on MaximumFun.org. Have you ever watched a movie so bad you just needed to talk to somebody about it? Well, here at the Flophouse, we watch a bad movie and then talk about it. Bye-bye! Bye-bye! It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Moore's boy detective. Kevin T. Porter, I'm inessential. Inessential. No, you're essential. But if you made me a part of your... You've been an essential part of this podcast. That's very sweet to have been on two and a half episodes of the show. Kevin, you're part of our world. Hey, that's very sweet.

From Aladdin, the movie that came out this year. Yes. As Billy Eichner once sang in the hit film The Lion King. You're part of our world, baby. You're part of my world. No, he probably said, you're part of my world!

Or whatever. He likes to yell, one of the funniest guys around. Hey, good yeller. Doesn't get better than Billy Eichner. Uh, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer on the program. Kevin T.

Porter can be found on the podcast. Good Christian fun. Hey, G C F. You can also find him on Twitter and Instagram at Kevin T. Porter. That's right. Uh,

hit him up on the group chat. Find out about those Mandy Clorians. D DMS are open for any Mandy Chlorians questions. Captain Corelli, what do you got to say about it? You're on line four. Oh, yes, I like him. All right, I don't know what I was expecting. We should screen these calls.

Anything else? No. I mean, we looked at the caller ID. It said Captain Corelli. We specifically asked him to call. It would be messed up if he didn't call. Shock a lot. You're on line six.

Yes, I am. Shock a lot. It's me, Mr. Shock a lot. We're taking calls from all Miramax movies of that era. I'm Val McKellie from Chicago. Right? That's me, the English patient. How many more of these are there? I'm Val McKellie from Chicago. Right? That's me, the English patient. How many more of these are there?

I'm Shakespeare, and let's just say I got a little crush. Hashtag it, JJ Go on Twitter. We're on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris and at Jesse Thorne. We're on Facebook where you can like Jordan and Jesse Go. Join the MaxFun Facebook group. We're on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com. We love you very much

and we'll talk to you next time on Jordan and Jesse Go. We love you. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.