Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 606: Protect the Kraken with Rob Corddry

Episode Date: October 15, 2019

Rob Corddry (The Unicorn) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the hyperbolic news alert Jordan saw about Frankie Muniz going full tilt horny on main, Jesse's skeptical trip to the Pasadena Playhouse for a new rendition of Little Shop of Horrors, and what it's like to work with the incredibly intense actor Walton Goggins.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris going full tilt horny on Maine. Okay, I want to hear, so when you say full tilt horny on Maine, I'm going to need some context on this. Really? I just thought I'd let it sit there. It would move on to another topic. Hey, guys, remember the Sega Genesis?

What Sega Genesis games did you have? Yeah, flashback. But what? Jordan? Yeah. I remember the Maine. Of course. We all remember the Maine.

Because President Roosevelt asked us to? I don't know. Can I tell you the other day I was hanging out with our friend Elliot Kalin from the Flophouse? Sure. And I had given him a box of, okay, fine. Our guest from television's The Unicorn, network television's The Unicorn, Jordan. This is a real star. From HBO's Ballers, from the television program ballers on the hbo network

looking great in a pink polo shirt yeah rob cordray thank you hi rob hi and thank you for introducing me because if you're talking about elliot kalin you can't i have to be involved in this conversation yeah i can't let their you guys mess this up i brought a box of oh wait so i maybe want to just get a little get a little context yeah because uh so i know that so you worked on I brought a box of – Like most people in show business, Elliot started as a production assistant or an intern or something and eventually became head writer of the same show that he worked on for like 10 years or whatever. Yeah. I mean it's a success story, a real success story. So I do know that John Hodgman has a fake antagonistic slash real antagonistic relationship with Elliot where he nerd shames him. slash real antagonistic relationship with Elliot where he nerd shames him.

Yeah, I think it's fair to characterize that relationship as a joke that Hodgman started doing, then started enjoying doing too much until he was really making Elliot feel bad. Really feeling it. Do you two have a complicated dynamic? With Elliot, I always feel like I just want to gather him up in my arms when I see him. With Elliot, I always feel like I just want to gather him up in my arms when I see him. I feel very, very, and there's no reason for me to anymore, like a fatherly. I feel fatherly, totally unearned. I did nothing for the guy. You're like, this probably won't work, but let's try and breastfeed you.

How's your latch? Two children of his own now? How's your latch? Everybody loved Elliot at the Daily Show. He was everybody's favorite PA. He was obviously smart, which resonates there, of course. And he was always down there just talking to everybody, just very confident, which he doesn't appear confident on. That would not be your –

He's such a slight man. Exactly. He's small of build. Yeah. And like Hodgman says, a fucking nerd. Yo, power nerd. Power nerd. You'd think maybe there's a little Asperger's or something thrown in there.

But no, the guy is on it. And Jon Stewart loved him, too. Jon Stewart likes to throw a football before he goes out at the Daily Show. That's the one job Elliot couldn't do. I don't think he did that one. goes out at the Daily Show. That's the one job Elliot couldn't do. So he just picks a person to hurl a football to? Yeah, usually he might be the same guy for a while

and then a new intern comes in who looks kind of bro-y and he's like, boy, this guy looks like he can catch and throw a football. Six feet in a hallway. Yeah, I think my relationship with Elliotiot is defined by you know we have children about the same age we we live not that far from each other so we're great friends yeah but uh the edges of it are defined by me saying one word about sports or him saying the name of a second or third tier spider-man villain. And just both of our eyes cross immediately.

See, I'm the glue. I'm the glue. I should hang out with you guys. I speak both sports and super nerd. So what happened with Elliot Kalin, and I want to get back into what happened to you on the main. You know, in a lot of ways. You were, by the way, remind us just because we got on a lot of tracks there. You were super horny.

Well, I was going full tilt horny on Maine. Full tilt horny on Maine. Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, we'll get to it. Just everybody keep that. Because I have problems with this. Keep that in your pouch. Jordan just ego is like a Nautilus shell.

We get to the center of the matter eventually. Yeah. And in a lot of ways, when it comes to the Sinisterister Six isn't the vulture kind of the Joe Montana yeah that's a really good point that's a really good point because they both wear Skechers shape ups tight buns on that vulture alright you can hang out with them

I'm busy I got a lot of shit to do I was at the flea market and I bought a cigar box full of plastic presidents you know as one does when one is at the flea market and I bought a cigar box full of plastic presidents. You know, as one does when one is at the flea market, you find one, you buy it. You know, the time to buy it is when you see it. And I texted a picture of these presidents to Elliot.

I said, Elliot, you need these presidents. He said, yes, of course I do. So I brought them to him at the pool on Sunday this past weekend. Oh, that would be kind of a fun activity. You know how when you're doing a YMCA birthday party, dad throws in a handful of pennies. Kids all dive for the pennies. That's your activity for the day. Dive for presidents.

Dive for presidents. Diving for presidents. I got Grover Cleveland. Oh. So, Elliot's showing Sammy, his son, the different presidents. And let's be honest, he's showing me. Yeah, exactly. I'm not familiar with presidents. Oh, the whole era before and after Lincoln is just a swamp.

Yeah, like right between Lincoln and Clinton. Zero idea what's going there. The mutton chops era. Look at these guys and their chops. Was J.P. Morgan president? I don't know. All the bad ones. Yeah.

That's why Lincoln was known as such a good president, because he was just smack dab in the middle of the crappiest ones ever. Yeah. Just a real raft of garbage. Oh, yeah. It is funny. Yeah, it is funny that, like, you know, and I feel like kind of a, like, comedy fellas from our generation love, like, obscure obscure president humor like a lot of –

Some of them do. Yeah. There's a lot of like Taft sketches that probably went on at UCB between 2006 and 2010. Everybody had their Taft sketch. Yeah, yeah. You have your Taft chunk. Elephant Larry had a great Taft shaft parody. Yeah. So they think these were great taft shaft parody. Yeah.

So they think these were. Sure. It's right there. But yeah, it's like these, you know, they were kind of just these kind of random punchlines for old timiness. But these were probably evil men. These were probably monsters. Yeah. When I say they were a raft of garbage, it was a gilded raft of garbage.

They had stolen money from the state. Oh, God, yeah. They were busy murdering native people. Gambling away White House China. Truly bad people. Giving their inauguration address drunk. Sure. They were probably all drunk all the time.

Yeah, yeah. And on opium. all the time. Yeah. Yeah. And on opium. Yeah. Many of them, their wives were the real president

because they were too drunk. That was a big thing that was going on. From the beginning on. Yeah. I'd say from Martha on up. Yeah. You know.

So, Elliot is taking out the president. Oh, this is Abraham Lincoln. This is Franklin Roosevelt. Martha liked to blaze a dupe, though. That's true.

Come on. She knew how to chill. She knew how to relax. So Franklin Roosevelt's wearing a cape, by the way, which I think is great. He'll probably be our last cape president. Although if Trump wins the second term. Sure, yeah. We'll see.

We'll see what happens. Or I think when America gets its first drama club president. I wore this cape to ninth grade, and I'm wearing it to my inauguration. Old Man River. So he pulls out, I believe it was Franklin Pierce. And he says to Sammy, his wonderful five-year-old son, this child characterized by just the most delightful demeanor any child could have. Relaxed, positive kid, just a delightful kid, willing to tolerate all of Elliot's bullshit.

Like watching all the Marx Brothers movies in order and all that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. Right? Which is wonderful. I think it's so great that they share those things. He pulls out Franklin Pierce. He says, this is Franklin Pierce.

He was the handsomest and in many ways saddest president. Wow. And I was like, Elliot, I can tell that you want to tell the story of Franklin Pierce. And the best part about being friends with Elliot is when he wants to tell you that story, he'll probably know a lot of good stuff about it. He'll probably add some funny details. It's not going to be a bad story. Yeah, it'll be pretty great. It's worth listening.

Yeah, that was a good preface. Everyone should look up the story of Franklin Pierce. We'll have Elliot tell it the next time he's on Jordan, Jesse, Go. I don't want to sell a second rate half-remembered version. But it involves, needless to say, it involves the back of his child's head being sliced off in a train accident. Just the back, though? Just the back.

So, come on. That's good enough for a whittle spill. And then later on, him being super ripped but super drunk because he became an alcoholic, lonely farmer. Oh, wow. Yeah, later on in life. A 60-year-old man in extraordinary physical condition except for being a debilitating alcoholic. Wow.

Rob, have you ever, on the topic of trying to watch all the Marx Brothers movies with their kids, have you ever tried to get your kids into a thing? Have you ever tried to play them a song you loved or make them sit down and watch every Battlestar Galactica or something? Not so much the watching. Definitely the listening. Yeah. The watching is starting now. Okay. Now that my daughter's 13 and and

my youngest one is almost 11 so we're entering you're in the window yeah we're you've got you've got 18 months before they start hating you yes because i i like right exactly so i gotta show them all the greatest movies uh all my favorite movies now before they stop listening to me but like we we tried to push this too early, too. We showed them Star Wars when they were way too young because I was just a little overeager. Sure. And the aunt and uncle were burning outside the tent. Oh, sure.

And they were out. Yeah. I was like, oh, I made a mistake. There's some grim stuff you just kind of forget about a little bit. Yeah, I made a mistake. And then Goonies, too. They were pretty young. Great movie, but scary as hell.

Yeah. And every other word is a curse word, which is fine now at their age. It's not. They're just words to them. Probably maybe a couple of casual slurs, too, that you could say in the 80s. Oh, no, a blatantly racist character. Yeah, yeah. You're at the video store like do you have the good news bears? Yeah that

movie I don't think is I think that's officially cancelled I think that's done Yeah a lot of the movies we gotta might be due for a screening before because yeah you forget how many panty raids Could we maybe do hopscotch? I know be due for a screening before because yeah you forget like how many panty rates yeah

could we maybe do hopscotch i know i see you have teen wolf do you have woke wolf but with music yeah like i got in i got them into the beatles earlier um expressly because this i knew is a foundation for liking good music and who are the the Beatles? Okay, so, I don't know. I don't know. I was going to try and fake it. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

Do you know, Jordan? You know, I'm more of a, no, I can't. I was just going to try and fake it, too. I think it's like Mick. No. Mick. Mick Jagger. No, you're right.

But it's Mick. It's Mick Jagger. Mick Fleetwood. Mick Fleetwood. Pete Townsend. Andrew Johnson. Yeah. And Franklinwood. Mick Fleetwood. Pete Townsend. Andrew Johnson. And Franklin Pierce. And Franklin Pierce.

Right. He was the cute one. Oh, right. Cute and sad one. He was the John Lennon. He was the George. But yeah, they got into it. They responded.

Oh, good. And now they like good music. They love the cars. My daughter, my youngest, is like a shredder really she loves the guitar real buckethead type loves a bucket the the guy that wears the bucket on his head yeah sure that's how we got the name buckethead okay yeah yeah so you replaced axel and rollie in the she's yes she is like that except without the bucket. Right, yeah. So I guess nothing like the bucket. But yeah, she's into like, you know, 70s, 80s, like hard rock that have those really indulgent solos.

And she's good at it. Kids need to learn about shredding. Kids, these days, nobody shreds anymore, you know? It's not about four chords and the truth anymore. Sure, yeah. It's about getting up and down that neck. Gotta get up and down that neck. You gotta have a good cut-out. Your daughter plays guitar herself and shreds? Uh-huh. Wow. Yeah. Cool.

She's awesome. Yeah. Jordan, our generation grew up with shredding heroes. Not just Yngwie Malmsteen. Right. But also, consider Bart Simpson. He always has table. Right. That's a reference to last week's podcast.

Yeah. Okay. Because I was going to fake it. Again, I was going to fake it. My son declared that Bart Simpson always has a table, and it took about five minutes, but we figured out he was referring to the skateboard. Oh. Yeah.

God. Yeah. So your son's not as smart as Elliot's son? My son's a little stiff-minded. Stiff-minded. It's interesting. Your daughter got into the cars maybe close to Rick Ocasek dying. Well, that's always the case.

Yeah. You know, and I'm all for that. Like, let pop culture drive their love for anything. That's fine. Like, you know, the movie about Queen came out and now every child their age thinks Queen is this,

you know, new pop band. Yeah. And fine. That happened to me, to our generation when Wayne's World came out. I definitely ran out and bought both

Queen's greatest hits, both greatest hits and classic Queen. Queen's been pretty savvy, huh? With the rebirths. Yeah. You wait a couple years and then you, you know, die. Yeah.

Then you. Yeah. Pretty good. Then they roll that rock back. Yeah. And you're reborn. Sure. So, yeah.

But then I've never, like, I've never, I have, they don't yet enjoy the kind of music that was my favorite music. You know, like, 90s indie rock is probably going to be a later thing I introduce when they start wearing a lot of black and, like, punch the walls and stuff. Yeah, when they go off to college, you give them that copy of Dr. Seuss's Oh, the Places You'll Go. Yeah. And then Super Chunks on the Mouth. Yeah, exactly. Got it by voices, Mag Earwig. Sure, exactly.

This will serve you well. Right. I think a lot of colleges these days will do one class that everyone in the university takes as a freshman. So everyone has a shared grounding in the GBV oeuvre. Yes. Because there's a lot of songs. There's a lot of albums. And if you don't know which ones, it's like you get lost in that catalog.

No, it's an exhaustive discipline. You know, there's a whole grad study at UMass Amherst dedicated to guided by voices. It's also a really useful guide for like a lot of 18-year-olds. They don't really know how to binge drink. Learning more and more about Guided by Voices. How to smoke on stage. Right, right. Yeah, man.

Rock stars. But you are – so you're kind of – you're going to try and do movies again after a stutter start with Star Wars. No, no. Now we've been on a steady movie like Ferris Bueller. I'm going to blank on these movies. But the standards. Yeah, yeah. Stand By Me was a great one.

Oh, does that hold up? It absolutely does. I watched Fast Times at Ridgemont High not very long ago. It absolutely does. I watched Fast Times at Ridgemont High not very long ago. And it does have a, you know, it has a little bit of maybe marginally culturally retrograde stuff in it. But it is a really good movie. Like, it is really funny and really well made.

I was, is there anything, for us, sure. Like, it's going to hold up. But is any, because there's also like. There's basically horny stuff in it, I would say, is the main thing. But is there value in it for kids? Like, are kids going to appreciate Fast Times in the way that we – I mean, it's about the emotional – the actual emotional lives of teenagers in a way that very few teen films are. Oh, it really was, now that I think about it. With – yeah, there was, what's his name, the

best friend kind of talker, you know, who, and Jennifer Jason Leigh. They're called actors or characters. I just call them talkers. Talker number, who's talker? It's like talker number three. Camera talker. Yeah, camera talker number three. He talks while camera is on? Are you speaking sequentially, like the

third person to speak in the film? The third person to speak, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't tell you who that is. He's talking to number four, actually. He just speaks. Do you think Tom Cruise will ever get that best talker Oscar? I don't know. He's just been a star for so long, and you think this guy's probably won best talker. The guy's elocution is superb.

He's been nominated. I've never gotten better than talker number seven. It's a comfortable place, though, talker seven. It's a comfortable place, though, talker seven. It's a solid. If you can be the best friend talker. Oh, yeah. If you can be the handsome but not too handsome talker. I actually have not acted in a while, but I had a little period where I got cast in a couple of things, but it was always five talks or less.

I know. Oh, yeah. It's a different rate for that. I mean, you were about two steps. I think you could have done it. You were about two steps from reaching Rob's level, which is talking to the rock. I love the rock talk.

Rock talk. Rock talk. Yeah. Talk to rock. I'd love to talk to Walton Goggins just one time. Just one time talk to Goggins. Just one time with Goggins. You have one degree of separation to Goggins time talk to Goggins. Just one time with Goggins. You have one degree of separation to Goggins.

I saw Goggins at the Grove. You're Goggins adjacent right now. I saw Goggins at the Grove once. I should have talked to him. You should have talked to Goggins at the Grove.

Talk to Goggins, man. Yeah, hey. Listen, all listeners, I implore you, Walton Goggins is very accessible. No matter if he's with his family. Get at him.

Or it may be like he's crying or something. It doesn't matter. Go up to him and tell him how you feel, whether it be positive or negative. He needs feedback. He wants and loves your feedback. And he likes it when you pronounce his name Goggins. It's funny for him. You know what else?

And I'll give you an inside track. He loves like little shoves. Oh, yeah. So if you see him in the street. Just give him a little shove. Not anything too aggressive, but aggressive nonetheless. Yeah. Rob, you are a co-star on the new show, The Unicorn, that stars Walton Goggins.

That's right. And the guy who played Walton Goggins' dad on Justified lives a few houses down from me. So we're pretty much at the same point in show business. Yeah. I mean, I think you go through me and not the dad if you want Goggins. Well, I'll probably talk. Here's what my plan is.

I don't hear the dad that much, but I don't see the dad very often. But his wife walks their dog. So I'm on a waving basis with her. So I'll probably talk to her. She can talk to the dad from Justified. Justified is only about five or seven years ago now. He'll talk to Goggins for me. Or maybe he'll talk to Oliphant and Oliphant will talk to Goggins.

That's probably how it's going to go. Probably going to talk to Oliphant. It's the old Justified to Goggins. We'll talk to Goggins. Probably how it's going to go. Probably going to talk to Oliphant. It's the old justified telephone. Yeah, I think that's way easier than just saying, hey, Rob. Yeah. Can you get Goggins? The thing is, is the justified cast has a pretty well-established phone tree, and I'm not sure whether you guys have your phone tree ready yet at the Unicorn. Still a pretty new show.

No, see, I'm just standing next to him most of the time. That's the thing. Yeah. There's not really much of a... So it would be weird for you to... You're right. You're right. It would be weird for you to call him.

Exactly. Because you're just standing right there. I'm always standing right there. So I won't ask you. I'll make sure... I'll ask the folks from Justified. Okay. Seems too complicated.

I guess that's what I was saying. One step. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't really want Goggins on this show. On this show? Are you afraid of Goggins?

I'm a little. Of course I'm afraid. I watch Justified. Anyone who watches Justified is afraid of Goggins. Goggins is human and charming on the unicorn, which is a very funny family sitcom. But on Justified, he's fucking horrifying. Yeah, he's terrifying most of the time. Yeah.

Even when he's being funny, he's terrifying. Like Vice Principals. Yeah. You know, the Gemstones. Yeah. Gemstones, he looks like the old man from the Poltergeist movie. Y'all gonna die. Right.

Yes, he does look like he does. Right. He does. Yes, he does look like he does. His his demeanor in those shows is like could kill and not feel bad about it. Like could and then like sleep like a baby. But might be fun to go to like an amusement park with. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe has some ketamine. Yeah. On hand. On hand. on hand. On hand. So Jordan, your horniness. Well, no. So I'm, listen, I, you guys know this about me. I love language. Right.

And you're a total horn dog. Well, I love language and getting it wet. I love a full, robust sentence and a wet dick. That wet dick being mine. Sure.

I saw, I just- There's two things you love. It's the bard of Avon and dicking down. And dicking down. Yeah. Yeah. Getting balls deep with old Bill Shakespeare. Yeah. I was looking through.

Are you saying there's two things you love to get balls deep with? Mm-hmm. William Shakespeare, the original rapper, and a box? Hey, man, whatever's on hand. I ain't picky. Is that box wet? Yeah. I could probably moisten the box myself. I could either, you know, just apply some ordinary hand lotion.

Yeah. Yeah. Barring that, some jam. Sure. Really let that box have it. What's your preferred? Strawberry? Hey, man.

I ain't picky. I think we've established that. I don't care. Whatever jam's on hand. Do you go full boysenberry? Jam is jam, man. I'll go boysen. Yeah.

Even though I do consider it an affront to God because it's not a naturally occurring fruit. Yeah, it's not a real fruit. Yeah, he was inventing it. Not scary farm. Oh. I was browsing my Apple News app, just, you know, between things.

You know, I was browsing it when you browse your app, and I saw a clickbait headline that was so, so beautiful. Like, you know how they say that, like, cellar door is the most, like, beautiful phrase, like it has a musicality to it. I don't know. Someone this came up in Donnie Darko. Right. I have not seen in a while. Right. Donnie Darko, which I have not seen in a while. But yeah, I guess, so, you know, then this, and it really like was indicative to me of like a kind of like internet writing that is so now.

And I just thought it was beautiful and I just wanted to share it with you guys. It's maybe a couple weeks old at this point, but I just want to read it off the phone so I get it perfectly. Because I just saw it during my scroll and it stuck with me. I'm really excited about this. You know why, Rob? I love beauty. I just like my anticipation. Both of those are really good.

Wait, just don't... Just wait a couple seconds. Anticipation, it's like a jam-covered box with the perfect hole. Yeah. Oh man, like a lingonberry jam, Swedish jam. Yeah, who invented lingonberries, huh? Don Six Flags.

Who cares, right? Okay, go. I'm going to wait for the set line. Ah, you know you need unique New York. Sorry. Make sure you're warmed up. Do you have your full Tombert?

Okay, there it is. Here it is. Wait. Just want to enjoy this last delicious second of anticipation. Bobby C. The Fet. The Fet. All right, go.

I'm ready. Frankie Munez goes full tilt horny on Maine, asks Lizzo to make him her purse. And that sentence would not have meant anything a year ago, and it will not mean anything in one year. It is so perfect. Frankie Munez goes full tilt horny on Maine, asks Lizzo to make him her purse. This is a clickbait headline about a tweet that Frankie Munez did on Maine, on the Maine channel. He was not sliding into anyone's DMs. Yeah.

He just wrote, hey, at Lizzo, let me be your accessory. I can be a purse. Put a chain around me and I'll hold your stuff for you. Just saying. Put a chain around me and I'll hold your stuff for you. Just saying. And then that was presented to us with the beautiful sentence, Frankie Menez goes full tilt horny on main comma,

ask Lizzo to make him her purse. And I've been like, I have not stopped thinking about that since I read it. And I just like, I feel like I repeat it to myself. That's kind of a mantra when I need to be soothed. Anyway, it's just beautiful. I feel like there's just so much to break down that I'm exhausted thinking about it. You guys want to take a little nap? Starting with Frankie Muniz. Who is that?

Oh, God. The star of Malcolm in the Middle. The kid in the middle. I'm thinking if Frankie Muniz was going full tilt horny in Maine and asked Lizzo to make him her purse, I think that could be a great second novel idea for our friend Linda Holmes. Oh, sure. I like a story about like a coastal Maine cottage where Lizzo lives. And Frankie Muniz from Malcolm in the Middle. Comes to town.

Drives to town. Drives into town on one of his Formula One race cars. Is that what he's doing? Probably. He does race cars. Sounds about right. I'll buy that. That tracks.

That sounds about right, huh? Even if it's not, you kind of believe it, you know. Maybe it's funny trucks. Hard to say. Funny trucks. Yes. Frankie Muniz drives around in Truckasaurus. He drives one of those little Shriner cars.

Doesn't he? He's a Shriner car racing. The trucks are – he drives the trucks on – only on Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. There he writes. Yes. Nailed. Yeah. God, I could just leave right now.

Yeah. Just knock over the mic. I feel good. I feel good about myself. Yeah. Oh, my God. You right now. Yeah. Just knock over the mic. I feel good. I feel good about myself. Yeah. Oh, my God. You know, take the rest of the day off, Rob. I don't know if you have to, like, shoot or if you have meetings today, but fuck them.

Yeah. No, I'm just going to just have that. I'm just going to chew on that over and over again. Rob, go home and crank it. You earned it. Crank it. Soak your feet. Postmate's a $9 donut.

Yeah. Get yourself a nice double ply box. Soak it down. Juggle Lincoln, Barry. So, I mean, I personally was not going full-tail horny on that. I hope to someday go God-tier horny on that. Okay. But, again, that's just an aspiration.

Would you say that's kind of your grail item? Yeah, it is. Yeah. The grail piece is. Well, I just learned what Maine was. That's what they call it? Yeah. Public fee.

And I'm learning, yeah, and I'm kind of learning this too. I mean, I'm not as online as I once was. I feel like I'm less online these days. So, I mean, this thing could be old news to the listener. I'm surprised you're less online these days because, in my experience, when you're going through a tough time in your life or you have some free time on your hands, going online is a great way to feel better about yourself. Yes, exactly. In a transitional period, It's time to feel mad and headachy

before bed. That's what I love to do. Make sure I go to bed mad with a little bit of a weird headache. Maybe my hand hurts. Love to. I like to read some comments. Oh, yeah. Just jump on in there.

Maybe you just search Twitter, not for people who have added you, but just search your name. You know, that always yields something good. What people are saying but not adding you. Insights. Insights. Yeah. Peek behind the veil. Sure, you got to look behind that veil.

So, yeah. Sure, you got to look behind that veil. So yeah, but I – yeah, so I think Maine, going horny on Maine is not – you're not adding someone in their menchies. Right. Their mentions. Right. You're not sliding into their DMs. It's a pretty good idea that you got offline a little bit.

Yeah. It's a bad place. Because you're like talking the lingo. Online is – yeah. I just learned what sliding meant. Oh, yeah? So I think that is pretty current. Well, I don't know. I learned it.

So it is probably. From seven years ago? Is it? Yeah. Sliding into DMs? I was told just the other day that Instagram, you don't call it. I always call it Grammon. I said to my wife, you Grammon, baby? Yeah. You Grammon? What are you doing, Grammon? She's like, I always call it Grammon. I said to my wife, you Grammon, baby?

Yeah. You Grammon? What are you doing, Grammon? She's like, yeah, I'm Grammon. You baby. I'm Grammon. You guys sound like you're pretty horny on me. When we talk about Instagram, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not full tilt. Not full tilt. Certainly not God tier. No, we're like half tilt. But then I hear it's insta-ing. I think you got to say insta. That's terrible. As a lover of language.

I do love language. That must kind of irk you a little, right? Well, yes, certainly. No, Grammon does have a musicality to it. Grammon. Insta. You can't put an ing after insta. Insta-ing.

Yeah, it's insta-ing. Are you doing insta? No, you're right. It hits the ear wrong. Yeah. Insta also doesn't recall the Marxist philosopher Gramsci. Sure, sure, which I think the other way. Yeah, it does.

I usually say- What about Gramsci, guys? I'm Gramscian is what I usually say. It means I'm being an organic intellectual. But I actually am not on the gram myself. Yeah, at all. I'm not on the gram. No, I've never done it. And yeah, and I kind of get conflicting reports

from people as to, and I kind of use, again, what we've been talking about. I'm like, hey, you know, I feel like if I'm online too much, it kind of fucks with me and I feel bad. So I kind of try and minimize my onlining. I mean, once in a while you see a great clickbait headline like Frankie Muniz goes full tilt horny on me.

Did you click on that? I did click on it. And it killed your computer? Yeah. Your computer just exploded? My computer exploded. Just to throw it off a bridge? Yeah.

A little bit of smoke coming out of it. And it was shaped like a skull? Yeah. The smoke was shaped like a skull. But yeah, and I'm like, and Insta does seem to, excuse me, Graham, the Graham, seems to be kind of where everyone is these days. I think it prefers to be called Gamma. Gamma, right.

Gamma. Because it's not a grandma. It's not old. Yeah, like my great-grandmother. Gam-gam. Gam-gam. Yeah, sure. My gam-gam and my TikTok.

Your gam-gam and your gam-gam and that? Going to go see gam-gam and TikTok for Passover. I'm not Jewish. But yeah, but I get conflicting reports. You're not above a nice Seder. No, I love a Seder. I love a matzah. He does always have to mention that he's

not Jewish. That was at least germane to what we were discussing. But sometimes it's just like out of the blue, I'm not Jewish. Hey guys, by the way, I'm not Jewish. They have lovely traditions. They're a beautiful people, the Jews. A rich, rich history.

Not Jewish. But I'm not Jewish. But yeah history. But I'm not Jewish. But yeah, I get conflicting reports. Some people say that the Grams are the kind of the good – that it's photos, it's fun, it's people's kids, it's pets. Like it is the kind of positive one. But I have heard other people say that it is more bummy outy than the other social networks and I was kind of wondering where you guys fell on that I have so my

only Instagram account is for my menswear blog put this on and we also have a fake account that I've started yes and that is negative sure yes but there is a fake Jesse Thorne account it has a fair number of followers, and I've reported it a bunch of times with no effect. I have one, too, and I've not cared.

I've not thought about it. I let it happen. The fake one is just a photo of you and then a word bubble coming out that someone added that says, I love to eat poop. Duh. Yeah. So the Put This On account, because it's for the menswear blog and the store put this on shop it is menswear centric and i we follow i'm not the only one who

puts pictures into it so we follow menswear shit and i will say following menswear shit i think is something like the way that uh like moms i know who aren't just following other people for pictures of their children who they know uh are using it with the influencers and the and the influencer world of instagram is horrible it is the worst. Like, on menswear, it's these, first of all, there's way too many cigars. Where are all these guys getting all these cigars? It seems to go,

just for some reason, be associated with menswear. And you're like, all of a sudden, you're watching a web series produced by the National Review. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Can I just wear a nice jacket without exactly without without cigar smoke like holding single malt scotch up to the light huh that seems like is as the trend come back around to people are like photograph me like i was sylvester stallone at a planet hollywood opening in 1994 that is is exactly, like, these are people. So there's a few different threads of menswear Instagram type dudes, but, like, a significant one, what you're worried about is what you want to be following

is fancy lads and pretty boys, okay? You want these nice little, even these nice little jacket guys that are like, ooh, look at my little outfit. Like, that's what you want. Yeah. That's what you want. But it's really-

Look at my little outfit. I eat poop, duh. Yeah. But the really hard thing is that as soon as you lock in on somebody, you're instantly trying to figure out whether this person also eats the poor. You know what i mean like that is the that is you're like from the picture the guy that buys a cute little jacket at the at the salvation army and and dolls it up all nice may look the same as the guy who's you know knows the difference

between a yacht and a super yacht exactly like you You just can't tell then if these – you're looking for a little soul. For a human being, yeah. It's hard. It's hard and it's dangerous waters. But it's that aspirational – as soon as people are intentionally trying to create an aspirational lifestyle, which many of these people on Instagram are, that's when it gets really dicey for feeling good. Yeah. For feeling good.

Meaning just like it's an empty. Yeah. Well, you feel bad about seeing it. Yeah. You also feel bad that you're not rich enough to do whatever the thing is that rich people do. You don't have a super yacht. You don't even have a regular yacht.

Hell, Jordan, confession's good for the soul. I'm just going to say this right here. I don't even have a regular yacht. Hell, Jordan, confession's good for the soul. I'm just going to say this right here. I don't even have a dinghy. I've never been on a party boat before. Wow. Have you ever been on a party boat? Rob? I don't think I have been on a party boat. Look at us.

A booze cruise, you mean? A booze cruise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the kind of thing. No, really. Really? I haven't. Have you ever had like a drink on a ferry? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, sure.

I've gone to this. Sure. It's a long ferry ride. Sure, yeah. You're going to want to have a little nip. It's afternoon. Yeah. I've gone ham at the snack bar on a ferry before.

That's about as close as I've gotten to a party boat. You've gotten ham or you've gone ham? Just ham. You've gotten ham. You've gotten ham at the snack bar on a ferry before. That's about as close as I've gotten to a party bar. You've gotten ham or you've gone ham? You've gotten just ham? I've gotten ham. You've gotten ham. Like a nice country spiral cut country ham. Yeah, they got a nice brown sugar glaze. But then you went ham on the ham.

Yeah, sure. There was a honey of ham. I'm talking about, well, i don't drink jordan so if on the if you were most people going ham on a on a ferry they're knocking back three mixed drinks in little plastic cups yeah you know what i'm talking about because they'll pour you a mixed drink on a ferry they don't give a shit no yeah and then you have a usually have a pretty heavy pour yeah international waters right but i'm since i don't drink there's a limited number of ways to go ham so mostly i'm talking about buying a savory and a sweet snack plus a caffeinated beverage so like a coke uh

nutter butters and a doritos you should just all at once drink and be healthier you'd feel better uh rob what do, what do you do when you gram? What do you like to follow? What do you feel? Do you feel like it's good for your brain, bad for your brain? I don't have a feeling about it one way or the other. I don't think there's value in it to the degree that a lot of people do. You know, it's decimated.

Social media in general has decimated, like, publicity departments and studios because they're just like, well, this let's just say it works and it's free and actors can do it. Right. And so we'll let that we'll let them do it. And I went through a period where I wouldn't do it. I refused to do it because I tested it once and it didn't work. And I think I actually talked about that on the show. But then now I'm thinking, well, there may have been a – there might have been a change where there is some sort of like billboard value to whatever, promotion on it. But so that aside, I've finally gotten over my aversion to that. Like saying, hey, I'm on the show on Thursday nights. I saw you post a picture of you with a real unicorn. I think that made a big difference. Well, God, long story behind that unicorn.

Unicorns are monsters. Oh, really? They're not happy, magical fairies. Sure, they're the influencers of the mythical creature world. And you only know that if you get close enough to take a picture with them. I was surprised to hear, and I heard this just, I obviously didn't see this in your post, but I heard it kind of from the blowback around your post,

that they're susceptible to human disease. Yeah, but my position has and always will be, you're living with Legionnaires. We need to rid the earth of these monsters. Oh, wow. And they are, we will suffer no ecological blowback. Right. Like the mosquitoes.

Mosquitoes and unicorns. Get rid of them. Right. Yeah. Sharks, I get. Yeah. Bears, I understand. Imagine what, imagine how amazing the world that we live in now could be if we replaced every single one of those horny horses with a Goggins.

Right. If you could, as you do on your show, The Unicorn, where Goggins plays a unicorn, despite not having been born a unicorn himself. If you could replace all those corns across the nation with one little Goggins, just one little Goggins in each place. I see what you're saying. Yeah. That would be spectacular. Like just round up all the U-Corns.

Yeah. And somehow replace them with a Goggins. Grab the Ukes. Yeah. Put a Gog in there and see what happens. Have him open his eyes wide. Yeah. It'll be striking.

And I know we're talking about seeing, you know, I know we're talking about the extinction of a mythical creature. Right. One of my personal platform is we must protect the Kraken at all costs. Okay. I'm not talking about the Kraken. Protect the Kraken at all costs. Misunderstood. Kraken's misunderstood. You're right. Everybody. costs. I'm not talking about the Kraken. Protect the Kraken at all costs. Misunderstood. Kraken's misunderstood.

You're right. Everybody, see, I'm really, I'm on my soapbox. Okay, yeah. Okay, let's do it. Sure, yeah. The Kraken, misunderstood. Protect the Kraken. Because of what?

Clash of the Titans. Thank you. Yes. Clash of the Titans. Representation matters. The remake. Yeah. When it comes to Kraken.

Hey, I mean, if you're out there and you're listening, let your representative know. Get at Kamala Harris and let her know. Protect the Kraken at all costs. If you're listening, hashtag protect the Kraken at all costs. We need to get the word out. I appreciate, by the way, that Buttigieg has the courage to speak out on this, and I don't know whether it's because he's a millennial, he didn't grow up watching

Clash of the Titans on UHF television on Saturday afternoons. I thought, now, I'm pro-Kraken, but I think he kind of jumped the gun a little bit. Did I hear a but? No, just that it's something for a lot of America.

We have to remember you have to ease into the Kraken. Right. The whole subject. It's a hornet's nest. It's a kind of a dry box. Sure. You have to ease into it. Talk about health care.

Talk about your foreign policy. Don't lead with the Kraken. But a leader has to lead. A leader has to lead. But I mean, I think this is the debate that's going on in this country. Do you take a more centrist view of the Kraken? It's something we can talk about later. Like we have been doing for hundreds and hundreds of years.

Okay. That's your plan? Yeah. When are we going to get to it? No, it's a good point. At some point, Kraken advocates have to be willing to speak up. Yeah. Well, I know I learned from-

We can't just soft pedal with compromised positions because what's going to happen is our opponents are simply going to say, we offer a sea serpent. They're going to co-opt that immediately. Oh, God. Yes. It's so complicated. And I learned from Michael Moore recently that if you survey Americans about what they actually think, they want universal health care. They want marriage rights for everybody.

Right. And they want to protect not only the Kraken, but the Chimera as well. Oh, wow. Phoenix gets no mention whatsoever. No, that's true. And maybe it's just not time. But, you know, I think the Phoenix is getting ready for a comeback. He's going to rise from something.

Hard to say what it is. Obscurity. The Phoenix will rise from obscurity to become part of the national conversation. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Go. It's Jordan, Jesse, Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. You know, every Jordan, Jesse, Go is brought to you by all of the members of Maximum Fun

who go to MaximumFun.org slash donate to become members, kick a few bucks to the Max Fun Network. We love them. Shared among the shows they listen to, just like this one, Jordan, Jesse Goh. But you know, we also have another supporter this week. That's true. A loyal supporter. We're talking about the folks at

ZipRecruiter. Z to the R! Zap zap! Crute crute! I think we've made up a song for them at some point, but you know what? It was probably bad. Hey, you know what? To hiring, it's a slow process. Here's a little story

the folks at ZipRecruiter wanted us to share. This is a real story. This is a real story. They didn't make this up. We've confirmed this. Yeah. Cafe Altura's COO, Dylan Miskiewicz, needed to hire a director of coffee. Sounds like a pretty fun job.

Yeah. Unless, you know. Well, unless the coffee won't take direction. That's true. So, which, you know, is a lot like working with Tom Hardy. Yeah. Hardy does what he wants. He's going to do what he's going to do.

So does coffee. It's got a process. And sometimes it's great. Yeah, with coffee, the process is called brewing. Right. Yeah, or percolating. With Tom Hardy, it's mumble yelling. Yeah.

So here's what Dylan- Well, and mask wearing. And mask wearing. Yeah. So here's what Dylan Miskiewicz did. He went to ZipRecruiter. He posted his job and found the best person for the role in just a few days. ZipRecruiter has technology that finds people with the right experience and invites them to apply to your job.

Jordan, it's no wonder four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Right now, you can try ZipRecruiter for free at our web address. Don't just go to their address. Go to this one. Yeah. It lets them know that Jordan Jesse Goh sent you. ZipRecruiter.com slash JJ Goh. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash JJ Goh.

Try it for free. It's the smartest way to hire. We also have something up on the Jumbotron, a message for King George. Thank God. Yeah. I mean, we did a few for Queen Victoria recently. But it's about time King George got in on the act. The message is from Sam.

And here's the message. Welcome to this world. Your parents are amazing. Your today's best momentous occasion. Wait. This is for a baby. This is for a fucking baby? I don't think this baby should be listening to Jordan Jesse Go.

I disagree. Babies should listen. Play this podcast for babies and they'll learn to talk faster. You're supposed to play a phonograph for babies at night. And Jordan Jesse Go. We learned that in the Democratic debate. And then Jordan Jesse Go during We learned that in the Democratic debate. And then Jordan, Jesse go. Yeah.

During the day. That's fair. JJ go in the day. Phonograph at night. Your kid's going to be gabbing by four months. This really is the best Jumbotron that we've gotten in quite some time. Absolutely. Maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron if you want to put up your own Jumbotron on this program

or any of several other Maximum Fun programs. Sure. We love to say own Jumbotron on this program or any of several other Maximum Fun programs. Sure. We love to say the Jumbotron. I love you, KG. Show me that little navel. King George. Hopefully, you'll eat solid foods at some point. Hope you're pooping brown.

Poop that brown. First they don't. It's weird. Yeah. They poop other colors. Yeah. Babies. Yeah. Hope you're pooping brown. Poop that brown. First they don't. It's weird. Yeah. They poop other colors. Yeah. Babies. Yeah.

Well, MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Oh, hey, Jordan. Yes. 30% off sale in the Put This On Shop. All right. JJGo30 at PutThisOnShop.com. All this week and only this week, Jordan Jesse Go listeners only get that special discount making some room for

the holiday Christmas stuff that's about to come in. So much great shit. A set of fucking Mexican presidential candidate pencils. Who doesn't need that? Everyone needs it. A giant wicker hat. Sure. Yes. That's all equally useful. I got that. Got some tiny

hats too. All kinds of hats. Medium sized hats. All kinds of hats. Medium sized hats. Sounds like all kinds of hats. All kinds of, you know, fucking cufflinks and shit. Anyway, put this on shop.com and use the code JJGO30 for 30% off anything in the entire fucking store. Why? Because I love you. We'll be back in just

a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, not a Jew. Rob Corddry, everyone's exotic pet. God bless you. Everyone's. God bless you. Whether you want it or not. You all have a ferret. I went to the theater, Jordan. Oh.

Yeah. I went to the Pasadena Playhouse. Oh, I went to the Pasadena Playhouse recently, too. What would you- I did not go and I did not care for it. Okay. Before you went to the- I will not go to the Pasadena Playhouse. What's amazing about the Pasadena Playhouse, or was amazing to me, and it might just be

a function of being in Los Angeles, is that when you hear Pasadena Playhouse, the Pasadena Playhouse has existed for a hundred years, but you think that you're going to go see a local production of a Christmas carol, basically. That's what you're anticipating from the – and I went to this – I went to see Little Shop of Horrors there. Oh, nice. And I was like – I had mentioned it to my daughter and played her some songs from Little Shop of Horrors. Maybe this is something we could share together going to this. She's kind of interested in – she's interested in musical theater right now and songs from Little Shop of Horrors. Maybe this is something we could share together going to this. She's kind of interested in musical theater right now

and songs from movies and stuff like that. And reinterpretations of Roger Corman movies. Yeah, exactly. It's an interest of hers. What could they do with Bucket of Blood? Yeah. So she got really into it, and then I went and looked at how much it cost to go to it.

Three figures. Wow. To see a little shop. Like $100 or something to sit in the balcony. And I was like, fuck, I think I've backed myself into a corner where I have to do this now. Because I should have looked at the price tag before. I should have looked at the price tag before. And I was like, fuck, I'm going to be paying $100 and I'm going to see a fucking, you know, I'm going to see a local production of A Christmas Carol, but it's Little Shop of Horrors.

Then I looked at the website. I'm like, oh, wait, this guy originated, like the guy who played Seymour, originated the fucking Book of Mormon or something. I'm like, oh, okay. Yeah, this is great. Oh, wow. Every single person in it. Maybe you got the guy who played Jay Peterman from Seinfeld playing the dentist. Yeah, exactly. It was serious heavy-duty prose, no sad bullshit casting,

everybody singing their fucking ass off, incredible singing, better than the Broadway soundtrack singing, and I went to the fucking theater. The problem with it is now that I'm a patron of the arts, I was like, that was such

a good experience, I feel like I should go back to the theater. Now we're talking another 300, 400 bills. Had to spend $200 to go once. Yeah. And also, snacks are $5, by the way. Can of Coke is $5. And you had to get a t-shirt.

Yeah, you got to get a t-shirt. You got to get a concert tee. Yeah, sure. Now I'm scared that I'm a patron of the arts. And the other thing is, I don't know how you feel about going to see live theater, Jordan. At the Pasadena Playhouse, I saw a very nice non-musical play. I think it was called Good Boys. Same name as the junior high romp comedy that came out recently.

This was a very intense drama play based on a real instance of assault. Yes. Also produced by Seth Rogen. Sure, yeah. The guy can do it all. I've got to start smoking weed. You've got to smoke. He's so busy.

Then you can get versatile. You can really expand your mind, expand your horizons. Maybe I don't just do stoner comedies maybe i also do he does ceramics oh yeah he makes a lot of ashtrays he makes a lot of ashtrays anyway um yeah check out the seth rogan's instagram a lot of ashtrays on there yes it's true recently it's true a lot of fun um anyway i liked it. Got a nice inexpensive Sunday matinee ticket. Brought in my own banana. Oh, wow. I ate a banana.

You fucking asshole. Yeah, that's right. You fucking. Geordie M brings his own nanner. The fear that I have like deep seated in my chest, it comes from because I went to arts high school, we were always the first to get tickets to things. So I went to a lot of live theater when I was a teen. And there's nothing better

than a great theatrical production. But for me personally, absolutely nothing worse than an anything less than great theatrical. Like the shame and discomfort I feel at watching even a B-plus theater performance. Anger.

Just confusion, distress, worry. And it's not like I'm not angry at the people. I'm angry at the situation that we've all been placed in. Oh, I'll get angry at the people. I thought B better. Not ashamed of that. Yeah. Sounds like your blood sugar's just low.

Bring in your own nanner. You should have brought in a nanner. You should have brought in a bunch of nanners. You should have brought in a fucking nanner. They don't care. They don't give a fuck if you bring your own nanner. I guess they don't, right? I mean, it's just a nanner.

It's just a nanner, man. We don't sell nanners here. Maybe he's on a special diet. Yeah, he needs a nanner. He's on a monkey diet. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. I'm just going to be honest with you.

I'm bringing this nanner in. I got it. I'm going to flip the fuck out. I'm on a nanner. He's on a monkey diet. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. I'm just going to be honest with you. I'm bringing this nanner in. I got it. I'm going to flip the fuck out. I'm on a nanner diet. You've heard about that. Mario Lopez is on it. Intermittent nannering. Hey, I went ahead and got a Sunday matinee ticket.

I got it right here. If you see a nanner, I'm just on a monkey diet. It's not anything. It's not a big deal. It's just something we have to get into a pickle over. Just go ahead and let me in and admit the nanner as well.

A nanner does not, I've checked your FAQ, a nanner does not require an individual ticket. I can guarantee you this does not make a sound when I unwrap it. This is going to be a lap nanner, so I only got one ticket. If someone were to slip and fall on this hill, it would be a humorous situation. In this world, you're worried that they're going to make you buy a seat for the nanner.

Right. A nanner seat. Hell, I just went ahead and got myself a Sunday afternoon matinee ticket. It was a bargain, and I'm looking forward to an afternoon of entertainment. But the truth is, I only bought the one ticket, and I'm going to have to bring in this nanner. It's a dietary issue. I've got a note from my doctor, and this nanner's going to stay with me. Hell, the nanner's not going anywhere. why are we doing this sam elliott voice there's an open quick question

i can tell you why it sounds better when you say nanner it does sound better when you say can i ask you boys can i ask you boys a question real quick when you teach patrick swayze when you go to the theater, a quick question. If there's an open seat, you can put your nanner there, can't you? Well, sure. Can't you go ahead and put that nanner right there? Absolutely you can. That's your right. Okay. Thank you very

much. Goddamn right. It's in the fucking Constitution. This is America. Your forefathers died so you can put that nanner wherever you want. You'll get my nanner when you pry it from my cold, dead seat. But hey, careful. Yeah. Careful.

Yeah. Because you're taking a risk. Right. That the lights are going to go down. Right. Someone's going to be late and come and sit on your nanner. Oh, darn it. I don't know if you've ever tried to eat a sat-on nanner.

I know about sat-nans. Yeah. No good. No good. No good. No good. No good. When something momentous happens to you, like you're admitted to the theater with your nanner, they don't ask you for an extra ticket. It's a lap nanner. It's under two years old.

Can you get a little vest for it? Oh, I only eat aged nanners. It's an emotional support. Oh, okay. Mine are all at least 10 years old. Like a fine sc though. It's an emotional support. Oh, okay. Mine are all at least 10 years old. Like a fine scotch. It's an emotional support nanner. Yeah.

Yeah. I got a little vest for it. I got a letter from my cousin. He's a podiatrist. He says I can bring his nanner wherever I please. Oh, God damn it. I forgot my nanner. Oh.

Ah. Jeez. Is that Elvis getting ready for a concert? Oh. Oh, God damn. Oh, God damn. Oh, forgot my nanner. Oh. Ah, jeez. Is that Elvis getting ready for a concert? Oh. Oh, God damn. Oh, God damn. Oh, forgot my nanner. Colonel.

Colonel. I got bad news. I can't go on. Oh. Forgot my nanner. Oh. Well, I got peanut butter, Elvis. Somebody.

Oh, that's only half the equation. Somebody get the Jordanaires in here. Maybe they got some nanners. Okay, when something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN for our segment Momentous Occasions. You can also email us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. What are we looking at these days, Brian? About 50-50? Do people do more phone messages or more voice memos?

What are the kids doing these days? Where's this sitting at? We had, for a while it was, people were emailing in. They've done less of that lately. Get it together, people. It's got nice fidelity.

Yeah. Speak past the microphone, not into the microphone. Yeah, sure, right. Past the microphone. Yeah. Oh. You don't want to,

you don't want to pop your plosives. Yeah. Okay. You just taught me how to speak in a microphone. Wow. Let's take our next call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests.

This is Emily in Pasadena, and I just helped a hummingbird escape my kitchen. I was watching it struggle and trying to get it out with a broom, and then I remembered that Jesse mentioned that one of his episodes that his wife had this great strategy for getting him out. So I found a big cup, like a kick cup. I caught the little bird in it and then I held it with my hand to take it outside. And it just sat there in my palm for like 30 seconds trying to catch its little breath and then it flew away that's all thank you fucking rules first of all very condescending to describe its breath as little little breath yeah maybe this hummingbird had bbe big breath energy it's a big hummingbird for it, you know, maybe other hummingbirds would say it's got big breath.

Anyway, that just struck me as really annoying. And it's not just about how big the breath is. It has to be how wide it is, too. That makes a difference. Yeah, the girth of the breath. Tall breath. Girth of the breath. And is the bird good at cunnilingus, too?

I would imagine if you're going to pick any bird to be good at cunnilingus, I'm going to go hummingbird. Because they're always sip, sip, sipping. That's true. Boy, have you ever performed cunnilingus before? Yeah, you stick your beak in and you get to sipping. And you just get to sipping? Yeah. The way you say it makes it sound really sexy.

I feel like I've been doing it wrong. Yeah, you got to sip. Get your beak in there and you start sip, sip, sipping body seat. Baby, baby, what are you doing right now? Grambling? Grambling? I got to get to sip. You want to do a cunnilingus?

Get my beak in there. It's not like a finch. Those are for cracking nuts. Those beaks. Yeah, sure. You wouldn't want that beak near that sensitive area. No, you don't want to treat the most beautiful part of a person's body like it was so many seeds and nuts. There's no beakless birds.

This is the dead end question. Right. Yes, that's true. It's the dead end. There's nowhere to go. Maybe there's a bird with a plush beak. It's a fucking dead end, man. Is there a bird with a plush beak? What's a fucking dead end, man. Is there a bird with a plush beak?

What about Big Bird? Now we're talking. Yeah, you know that dude loves to munch box. Oh, shit. Um, num, num. Sure. It's so fucking hard right now. And Snuffleupagus loves to eat ass, right?

He's a millennial. He loves that millennial Snuffleupagus loves to eat ass, right? He's a millennial. He loves that millennial Snuffleupagus. He only became real in like 1983. So yeah, that makes him a millennial. It works. You know what I always think is funny? Bird in the mall. When there's a bird who gets caught in the mall, I always have a nice laugh.

It looks like he's at the mall just doing mall shit. It's very funny. Funnier than Bird in an airport. I also like Bird at the airport a lot because it looks like they're going on a little vacation. But I think Bird at the mall is slightly funnier. I always thought they were returning. Isn't that weird? Right.

Yeah. They're like, oh, boy, I had a long business trip. Got to go home and perform. Got to link us on the line. Love to stack up those Radisson points. Yeah, sure. What the hell? I've been good.

I'll have a set of on. But it is fun either way. Yeah. Bird in building. Bird in building. Not bird in kitchen, though. Oh, shit, I got to get my kids a present. You guys have any worms?

That's what they bring their kids back. Small worms. Shitty gift shop. It's just like LA Clippers on the worms. These aren't real worms. I'll get them a copy of this James Patterson novel and then regurgitate some of my Chili's 2 into their mouth. That's what a bird does at the airport. that a bird does at the airport.

Yeah. But yeah, I think bird at the house is a little more of a bummer because it probably needs your help to get out. Right. It's scary because you're like, this is probably going to die. It's my responsibility. You throw a towel on it. Isn't that what you're supposed to do? Throw a towel on it?

Oh, I don't know. Wrap it up in the towel and let it go? I've never had a bird in the house. No. I had a bat. I had a bat in my cabin once. You had a cabin bat? Cabin bat.

How'd you deal with that? Oh, man. Oh, it's a bat. My parents would camp with us sometimes. This was in Boy Scouts, right? And a lot of the adults would come. And so I was with the older kids, right? The cool kids in Boy Scouts. We were down I was with the older kids, right? The cool kids.

Yeah. And boy scouts. We were down at the Ben Dan Liu cabin, right? Camp Child, Plymouth, Mass. I don't have to tell you guys what. No, you don't, baby. I don't have to describe it to you. No, you don't. We all know.

Ben Dan Liu. And there was a bed in there. I just happened to have brought down my mother's broom to the cabin to do a little sweeping. Sure. Just because it was- Because you were a chill kid. I like my environment to be organized that way. I feel like my brain is organized.

Right. So I finished sweeping. That night, there was the bat in there and Mario Ranieri. Oh, boy. Is this going to be another classic Ranieri? Yeah. This is a classic. This be another classic Raniere? Yeah. This is a classic. This is the classic Raniere story.

Okay. Mario Raniere takes the broom and kills the bat with it. Oh, shit. No, I mean kills that, like smashes the bat. Mario. Bat smash. That's something. That's not what I would expect from Mario.

I'd expect that from Wario. But when it's happening, when it's happening, you're like, yeah, this is Mario. This is the real Mario. Wow. The real Mario comes out. So we said things like, boy, you really got him, Mario. Or, hey, thanks, Mario. And, boy, you really smashed that bat, Mario.

And other things like that. Yeah. Right. That's when my mother started to hate Mario Ranieri because she broke her broom. Oh, wow. Yeah. And it didn't take a lot with my mother. On the back?

To be fair to Mario, you know, I don't know. Maybe the broom needed replacing. Is that what you're saying? It was an old broom. It was an older broom. But it was a family broom. You know what I mean? It was the family broom.

Right. It came over on the Mayflower. I'm not going to say I wasn't a little bummed out. I get that. I mean, you wanted to give the broom to your kids broom. Right. It came over on the Mayflower. I'm not going to say I wasn't a little bummed out. I get that. I mean, you wanted to give the broom to your kids someday. Yeah. So they could smash bats. Now I can't even picture the broom.

I don't even have a picture in my head. I don't blame Mario. No. I blame the bat community. And while we're at it, I would like them all eradicated. To be clear. Especially vampire bats. Yeah.

I blame Wario. Sure. What? Blame Wario? Wario. Yeah. I blame Wario. Sure. What? Blame Wario? Wario? Yeah. Wario's evil brother. Because maybe he was influencing Wario.

Yeah. I think he really, all Wario really wants to do is plumb. I like Wario, so I like that. I would like to believe in that theory. Which is a moment of weakness. I don't think Wario's his brother. Really? No. So it's just a coincidence that they have such similar names.

It's just a like. Yeah. Brothers don't have similar first names. But I mean, sometimes they do. Sometimes they have the exact same name. I figured it was like a George Foreman situation. Oh, sure. Where they were naming where they had a bunch of kids and they ran out of name ideas so they just gave them similar but slightly different names.

You know, it's funny. George, Georgina, Georgette. His two sisters were Shario and Lario. So I think you've... Yeah. That's probably it. His dad was George Foreman. Yeah.

George Foreman had a lot of families. Everybody knows that. I don't know if we know... This is a white Italian family in Weymouth, Massachusetts. I don't know if we know from Mario lore who his parents are. Yeah. Anyway. Mario Sr.

Oh, right. Yes, sure. I would like to see that George Foreman. And his wife, Luigi Sr. Exactly right. George Foreman was such a committed playboy, so committed to his playboy millionaire athlete lifestyle

that he had adopted secret families. Secret families where the children weren't his biologically. That's nice. He felt like they needed a man in their lives to enter and disappear at almost random intervals and really fuck up their mom's heads.

Yeah. You know? Well, that's pretty – you never think about that. So he's sort of almost rescuing these families, these George Foreman-less families. Yeah. Yeah, you never know that you're lacking a George Foreman. That's true, yeah. Until you want to get the fat off of a chicken thigh.

Oh, man. Without cooking outdoors. Oh, amen, brother. Thank you, George. Brian, we have another call in there? Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and Gus. This is Rob from New Hampshire. Jesse and Gus.

This is Rob from New Hampshire. And I'm calling in with two small momentous occasions and one pretty big moment of shame. I recently went to Plains Parenthood to get tested for herpes. And momentous occasion one, I don't have herpes. But while I was there... Can you pause it for a second? Yeah. The one word you never want to hear at the Planned Parenthood is that, but...

Well, good news and bad news. Yeah. You really want all... You want a full set of good news when you're at the Planned Parenthood. Also, if you think you have herpes, you have herpes. You got it. Anyway. Yeah. Seems like you probably do.

Brian, you want to continue? blood pressure and it was so high that they sent me to the emergency room, which that is the pretty big moment of shame. But I'm on medication and I am fine now. But the other momentous occasion is they took my weight and I was 50 pounds lighter than I thought I was. So that's good. First of all, I just want to say, wide error bar on the self-reporting the weight. Yeah, good for you. Yeah.

Probably get in touch with your body, though. Sure. Yeah, get in touch with your body, though. Sure. Yeah, get in touch with what's going on. If you have dangerously high blood pressure and you're not sure what you weigh within 50 pounds, that's a good time to just do a self-assessment. Yeah. You know, like, you know, get in the shower, check your breasts for lumps. Check your breasts every, because you you are you live a high risk lifestyle yeah

but I mean it sounds on you know a lot of stuff is going right here yes you know again being lighter than you thought you were

that's a good that's great and also I think we can infer that this person sexually active yes I think

I think we all aspire to that I think the problem is this guy was what was, big deal horny? Full tilt horny? Yeah. This guy went into, this guy was going full tilt horny at Planned Parenthood and he had to deal with that situation and the consequences of that situation, including elevated blood pressure.

Right. And this all happened on Maine. Yeah. On Maine. On the Maine. Mm-hmm. Blood pressure is a sticky subject for me. I'm convinced I have normal blood pressure.

I have a home monitor. Really? Mm-hmm. What does that apparatus look like? Well, it's like a little box with a cuff coming out of it. Okay. About eight inches, flared base. It looks like, yeah, these things like a little box with a cuff coming out of it. Okay. About eight inches, flared face. It looks like, yeah, these things like these back massagers.

Oh, sure, yeah, yeah. A big knob on the end of it. Okay. And what you do is, this is going to sound crazy. Okay. Right. But you know that space right between, well, your asshole. Yes, sure.

You know of that. I do. I know it well. Unlike our caller, I'm between, well, your asshole. Yes, sure. I do. I know it well. Unlike our caller, I'm very in touch with my body. Apparently I get a really accurate reading if I go to town on my butthole. No, I mean, that's, I mean, that's, that's, and I think we encourage everybody out there to, you know, just go to town on your butthole. Have you? Yeah.

Oh, absolutely. We do now. We do now. Okay, good, good, good. Yeah. I don't remember that in the past. As of, as of now. go to town on your butt hole. Have you? Yeah. Oh, absolutely. We do now. We do now. Okay, good, good, good. Yeah, I don't remember that in the past. As of now. Okay. That's our new policy.

Yeah, we're sort of, we recently acquired the license to our bodies ourselves for podcast. Oh, wow. So one of the principles of that, the two main things are put a mirror under your junk, and the second thing is go to town on your butt hole. Yeah, and of course protect the Kraken at all costs. Yeah, I've had an option on the Joy of sex for the longest time i should let it uh no you gotta do something with that it's ip man i mean i was gonna do a whole i was gonna write um a movie called sauces and pickles um based on chapter the best chapter of joy what would

you say is the most do you think there is a box who does boffo box office that you could cast in the lead of this film? Because I think if you get the right box and the right jam, this thing could be a hit. Yeah. I mean we're not at that stage. You're going to need a box office box. Yeah. You're still like – you got to get the story down. Story first.

No, story is everything. Yeah, story is everything. Story, story, story. And we don't. Story, story. Rob, can I ask you a question? Go ahead. Would you say that at the end of the day, we're all storytellers?

I'd say all throughout the day. Yeah, that's all we do. Beginning of the day. Except the late afternoon, we're not storytellers. I need my coffee first, okay? And then I'll start telling stories. And then I'll start telling stories. You just said a mouthful.

For sure. A mouthful of coffee. It's pumpkin spice season. Yeah. Have you thought about, so you, we have, if we in this scenario have the license to our bodies ourselves, and you have the license to Joy of Sex. I know where you're going, and the answer is yes. 70s educational book shared universe.

Yes. Yes. We'll do separate movies. They'll meet. Yes, exactly. Brian, has your option on free to be

you and me last year? Sounds like we got a suicide squad going. This could be very big. This could be a suicide squad. This could be very big. I think Hodgman

has Book of Lists, so we're good to go. This is great. Son of a bitch. That's who got it. It could be very big. I think Hodgman has Book of Lists, so we're good to go. This is great. That son of a bitch. That's who got it. We are good to go. G to G. Suicide squad.

Suicide squad. Okay. Yeah, if something momentous happens to you, email it to us at jjgoatmaximumfun.org. Just open up that voice memo. You know, folks got that voice memo app. Neither of them are using the voice memo. No, those people call it on the phone. But you know what?

There's a voice memo app right there on your phone. You know it, of course, because that's where you record your song ideas. Yeah, where you record your musings during the day. That one. Yeah. You say, you know, Chapter 4, The Reckoning. So think of it. Do that same process you would do to say

chapter four the reckoning uh which by the way is that's that's one of the middle acts of the screenplay i'm working on the suicide the reckoning what act four or five there's a reckoning yeah love that yeah you got to have a tight eight act structure yeah that's i've taken some screenwriting courses yeah you're talking to, listen. We all know about the Tide 8. I know my way around a structure. Chapter 5 is the reckoning. No matter what the story is, we could be talking about- Chapter 5.

Like you have chapters within the Acts. Yes, yes, of course. Well, it's- Act 4, chapter 3. Is divided up into five chapters. The Acts don't map exactly onto the chapters. No, no. This is why I said chapter 5 is- Exactly. It's divided up into five chapters. The acts don't map exactly onto the chapters. No, no.

That's why I said chapter five. Exactly. So it's not that each act has multiple chapters within it. So it's not like act four, chapter five. It's chapter five overall, but that's around act six. And it could fall in between act five and six. Right, exactly. It could be a transition.

Right. It depends what kind of story you're telling, whether it's Die Hard or when we found out Snuffleupagus could be seen by the other characters on Sesame Street. But when he's eating ass. Yeah. Damn right, you can see him when he's eating ass, right? I mean, Snuffy could really get up in there. Sure.

If he needed to. He loves it. Give him something to work with. Yeah. Very sex positive. Yeah. So anyway, I think we do this. Now, do you want to tell people about your workshop? Like when are you? You're Hilton? Yeah, I anyway, I think we do this. Now, do you want to tell people

about your workshop? Yeah, I'm going to be at the old Hilton down by the airport, right? I'm at the old Hilton down by the airport. Do not go to the new Hilton. You will be disappointed. A lot of folks naturally gravitate towards the conference center there,

which is a beautiful... That's where I would think you would do it. I've been to conferences there. It's a beautiful place. We're actually going to be at the empty swimming pool. Oh, great. So if you see a swimming pool, check if there's water in there. If there's water in there, that's for the guests' use.

Yes. The event will be taking place in the empty swimming pool. The main reason for that is I've got Dogtown and Z-Boys coming down. Yeah. And they're going to do a few of their famous tricks. Why did you choose to do it at four in the morning? I wanted to – well, they have – I'm a little concerned about what I like to call the surveillance state. Oh. Yep.

Enough said. Absolutely. And you are – Mark Zuckerberg getting wind of this, huh? It's also, if I'm frank, Rob, it's very expensive to book primetime Dogtown and Z-Boys. Oh, really? You got like top tier? So they're very busy at certain hours of the day, you know, 5 to 6 p.m. Well, that's the dinner.

That's a dinner prep hour. They're working on their mise en place. Yeah. Yeah. That's a dinner prep hour. They're working on their mise en place. Yeah. Yeah.

But later on or earlier on, depending on how you use a clock, different people do it different ways. I'm so glad you said that. Avoid a lot of confusion. They're a little more easy to book because 4 a.m. is typically a sort of time for reflection for Dogtown and Z-Boys. The six of them, let's say. That's smart. Well, we've got it figured out. And you're serving a cool lunch. Yes.

Not warm or cold. There's going to be a nice lunch. It's going to be a nice, cool lunch. We're going to have ham, spiral ham. It's baked country ham with a nice brown sugar glaze. Yeah. Everything you expect. Come on down to the Old Hilton near the airport.

I want to be clear, Ontario Airport. Yes. Ontario, California. Oh, my gosh. Did I not say Ontario Airport? You got to say Ontario Airport. Oh, I just said the airport. People are going to go to Bob Hope.

Well, I always think of that, Ontario, as the airport. Right. That's where we all go. You make a little stop by the malls on your way home. It's a fun day. Exactly. My biggest concern is that people will put in Bob Hope and their GPS will take them

somewhere else entirely because it's now called the Hollywood Burbank Airport. Is it not called the Bob Hope Airport anymore? It's called the Hollywood Burbank. Bob Hope's on the outs

in Burbank. No, it's not. What? It's always going to be called Bob Hope. Oh, okay. Thanks, Rob. Thank you, Rob.

So what you said is wrong. Our guest, truth teller, Bobby C. Robert Corddry. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hello, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is wonderful.

Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hello, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is wonderful. It's a podcast that we do as we are married. And how's the ad going so far? Because I think it's going very good. We talk about things we like every week on Wednesdays. One time Rachel talked about pumpernickel bread.

It was so tight. You cannot afford to miss her talking about this sweet brown bread. We also talk about music and poems and, you know, weather. There is one... Weather? One time Rachel talked about Baby Beluga, this and, you know, weather. There is one. Weather? One time Rachel talked about Baby Beluga, this song, for like 14 minutes and it just really blew my hair back. So check us out on MaximumFun.org. It's a cool podcast with chill vibes. Amber is the color of our energy, is what all the iTunes reviews say.

They will now. They will now. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hey everyone, it's John Roderick from the Friendly Fire podcast, here with Adam Pranica and Ben Harrison. When was the last time you really liked watching a war film? With Friendly Fire, you get to do it with us! Yeah, you don't even necessarily have to have seen the movie to get a lot out of an episode of Friendly Fire. In many cases, we would recommend that you not watch the movie because there are some really, really bad war movies.

But a bad war movie makes a great war movie podcast. And in all cases, we recommend you listen to our show. So subscribe and download to Friendly Fire wherever you get your podcasts. To the victor go the spoiler alerts. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Rob Corddry, exotic pet, everyone's.

Whether you like it or not. Sorry. Buy him some crickets to eat. I will eat you. I like to think of Rob Corddry in the context of the Babar. Well, first of all, yeah. I just like to think of him. It's fun to think about him in his many entertaining roles. And of course, appearances on this program.

Agree. I think of him in the context of the Babar universe as sort of our Wooly Wooly. God, I wish I knew. I know Babar. I wish I could picture it. It's from the book Babar and the Wooly Wooly. It's an exotic pet. But the thing is-

Guess I'm going to have to return to the text. You, of course, know... Live in the word. ...Ritax is the Rhino King. He comes and steals the Wooly Wooly because he wants

the Wooly Wooly to love him, but he doesn't treat the Wooly Wooly kindly. He doesn't treat the Wooly Wooly kindly. Sounds fucking boring as shit. Sounds like a boring

old kid's book. It's really cool. It's European. Yeah, they know how to write a story. Well, it's probably better book. It's really cool. It's European. Yeah, they know how to write a story. Well, it's probably better then. It's probably better. It's like the petite prince. Fucking asshole.

Makes no sense. Lose on the moon. Lose on the moon or Mars. I'm sad and then it's over. Here's a clunky metaphor for something. Sure. Fuck off. Wouldn't this have made sense in the 20s?

Yeah. So they're not going to get it right. Was Corduroy the bear? That was good old American. Yes. Corduroy is an American bear who lost a button on his overalls. That's how you write a damn story. Classic eight-act structure.

Yes. Yes. Don't get me started on Tintin. God, I love the reckoning in Corduroy. And of course, man versus machine. Yes. Don't get me started on Tin Tin. God, I love the reckoning in Corduroy. And of course, man versus machine. Classic suicide squad. Robert Corddry. Yay!

He's the star, the sole star of television. This is on what I call the Tiffany Network, correct? The what? The Tiffany Network? Which one? I was talking while you were talking. Charlie Business Services. Yes, Charlie Business Services. That's right.

On the CBS Network, also starring the great Michaela Watkins. Oh, God damn. I was telling Robert before the show, I watched the first episode of The Unicorn, and Michaela Watkins gets the biggest laughs in the entire episode without saying any words, just miming some stuff to Rob. Yes. It is really, really funny. I like fully. If you like that, it is a well we return to. Yeah, good.

Rest on your laurels. The gift that keeps giving. Ah, good. It's a fun program. Walton Goggins. Waltie Googins. Walton Goggins brings a welcome intensity to the world of the network family sitcom.

Yep. Same teeth, same eyes, but a heart of gold. Yeah. A warm heart and a shiv behind his back. You never know. Season two. A little ketamine in a pouch. Rob, I guess my main question about the program is, what's it like to work with a real actor? Yeah.

No, that is a legit question. Like a fucking actor-ass actor. It's a legit question, and it's amazing. Like, he is a legit. question and it's amazing like he is a legit when it's a comedy scene and we're just talking like what they'll say cut and and we're all we chat in between you know it's cool but man if he's got to get somewhere yeah because you know we'll we don't shy away from a little heart there's some heart in the show um uh he is on a on a path he's on a mission and he is he is so he's uh it's it's it's it's um uh uh i love it's a great energy you know what i mean you you would think it would be kind

of an alienating energy but it's like first of all he's just he's always like wanting like inspiring the crew like come on guys we guys, we can all do this. Like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, okay whatever whatever like he's very that's act four by the way so much and um and yeah and he's you he's i don't think that i don't even know if i could really do justice to to do how good an actor he is but uh you're you're except to say that you're correct yeah i've worked with uh other like one or two other real actors though Mm-hmm. Yeah. Sammy Rockwell. Oh, yeah. Sammy Rockwell. Sammy R.

Yeah. You know, he's probably the most famous graduate of my high school. Oh, yeah. Except that he did not graduate from my high school

and as far as I can tell, maybe only just like hung out there a lot. He don't need that shit. I can't tell. He doesn't need that shit. I can't figure out what his, he was in Outward Bound at some shit. I can't tell. He doesn't need that shit. I can't figure out what his,

he was in Outward Bound at some point. That tracks. That tracks. Probably. At some point, he was on a canoe taking a math class.

Yeah, our buddy Helen Hong from a couple weeks ago, you'll catch her on the unicorn. A lot of heat on this program. She's very funny.

Sure. On the table read, at least. Well, I mean, that's when you know. When the table read goes well. I saw the spark at the table read. And I said I knew it. Classic Hong spark. That's X7, by the way.

Our buddy Gina Ippolito, who was on a Jesse-less episode a few weeks back, is a writer on that show. So we're going unicorn crazy here on Jordan, Jesse Go. This is like a companion to Unicorn. Oh, maybe we should just- And I'm going to say that.

Pivot. Definitively. And pivot in this. Is this just a Unicorn recap show now? Yes. Please do that. You guys would be the best people to do that. Get CBS to pay us.

Yeah. Because we will flip the format. We do not. First of all, we don't have a format. There's no format, by the way. It would only pay us. Because we will flip the format. First of all, we don't have a format. There's no format, by the way. It would only help us. Previously, there was no reason to listen to this show. It would give people some reason to listen to this show. I don't know who wants a sitcom recap show.

But if anyone wants it. There's a Good Place podcast. There's like an Office revamped podcast or like an Office revisit podcast. People love them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Twin Peaks. There's tons of them. Sure.

Probably my favorite sitcom. Yeah, my favorite sitcom as well. It's so funny, this last season. We'll do like favorite jokes, predictions for next week. Yeah. Maybe some fan casting, fan theories. We'll go into Redditdit see what they're talking about yeah interviews with uh rob cordray helen hong sure uh yeah get chucky business on the phone

from charles business services and then you just to cover all our bases because maybe just people will see unicorn podcast we'll talk about what happened on this week's unicorn and then the back half of the show is how to find a bisexual to fuck you and your wife. Yeah. Also, you should just still call it Jordan, Jesse, go. There's three. Don't change the name. There's three primary definitions of unicorn. On the CBS show The Unicorn, a unicorn is a good guy who's entering middle age but is single because he lost his wife, not because he's a bad guy who caused a divorce or is a creep or whatever.

Yes. That's the one. Second is a bisexual who will fuck you and your wife. And third is a goat with a horn glued to its head in Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus around 1987. I'm going to say. 1987? Really? Barnum & Bailey Circus around 1987. I'm going to say. 1987? Really?

A creature that needs to be eradicated. They were still trying to slide that past. It was a fake unicorn in 1987. I had the poster for it. I went to it with my dad. Jeez. Oh, my God. I did, too. It wasn't a goat with just a deformed horn?

It might have been a goat with only like just a deformed horn? Might have been a goat with only one horn instead of two horns. It was like two horns but they were kind of twisted. It was like a kind of gross

like oh this poor goat. I wish we had a producer on this show. I wish we had a format. Let's talk about the unicorn. Okay. Anyway.

Watch Rob Corddry show the unicorn so that Rob Corddry can keep working and visiting I spend a lot of money I live a fast I live a fast lifestyle. Watch Rob Corddry show the unicorn so that Rob Corddry can keep working. I spend a lot of money. I live a fast lifestyle. I need you to watch it.

This guy's going to the theater every fucking week. I don't care. I'm dropping hundreds. I got a whole bag of nanners. This guy's not sitting behind a pole. He's paying for the seats that are not obstructed. That's right. Let's keep Rob in an unobstructed view seat.

And my nanners make a noise. Yeah, the sound of my nanners coming out. It's home. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer on the program. You can find us on Reddit, MaximumFun.Reddit.com. You can hashtag it on Twitter, hashtag JJGo. We're on Twitter, at Jordan underscore Morris and at JesseumFun.Reddit.com. You can hashtag it on Twitter, hashtag JJGo. We're on Twitter, at Jordan underscore Morris and at Jesse Thorne.

Rob Corddry is on Twitter, but what are you? You're not Rob Corddry on Twitter, right? Yeah. You are? I got in early. I got in on the ground floor. Yeah, nice, nice.

But on Instagram, it's like Rob underscore, I think, Corddry. Yeah. I really don't know. Yeah, probably just look for Rob Corddry or whatever. Yeah, whatever. Follow the fake one, too too from fucking television's the unicorn

we're on Facebook like us there and we love you all very much and we'll talk to you in the future good night that is true