Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 607: Dog in the Room with Nellie McKay

Episode Date: October 22, 2019

Nellie McKay (Bagatelles EP) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Nellie's sweet old pup Bessie who joined everyone in the recording booth, Jordan's strategies for asking his upstairs neighbor about some particularly strange noises, and strategies for mowing your lawn. Plus, Nellie graces us all with a song! See Nellie on tour this fall/winter!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. A lot. Jordan, I'm going to be honest with you. There's a lot of excitement going on in the studio right now. You've heard of the elephant in the room, but we've got a dog in the room. Look out, Martha. That's the name of my new Netflix series, Dog in the Room. Oh, I thought it was

Look Out, Martha. Let's just get going, right? Let's introduce the guests. Let's talk about the dog. Our guest is what they call multi-hyphenate. Sure. Was she here in Los Angeles performing in a theatrical run of a play by Ethan

Cohen? Yes, she was. Was she also singing on that show? Yeah. Is she known as a singer? Certainly so. But is she known in the theater? Yes.

Does she work in film and television? Of course. Is she a recording artist? Absolutely. Very much so. Is her name Nellie McKay. Is she a recording artist? Absolutely. Very much so. Is her name Nellie McKay? Does she shoot Skeet? We'll find out. We'll find out. Nellie McKay,

welcome to Jordan and Jesse Goh. What a joy to have you here in the studio. Oh, such a joy to be here. It's a delight to have you here. Have you ever shot Skeet? Well, no, but I like carnival games. Who doesn't? Yeah, I don Well, no, but I like carnival games. Who doesn't? Yeah.

I don't want to. But there's this thing, you can check it out, called L.A. Pig Save that I went to last night. And all those carnival games where it's about aiming water really came in handy because you give the pigs water. And so people say games don't amount to anything. Is this the way? Hold on. I need it. Okay.

Time out. So what I'm envisioning now is something where you have one of those carnival water guns and you're spraying it at a thirsty pig. Is that what went on? Basically, it is. But it was with, Alexandra Paul was there from Baywatch. So it was a little surreal. So I encourage everyone to go to LAPigSafe.

You might meet Alexandra and you certainly it'll change your life and that's a threat. Even more than a promise. So it's for like wayward pigs? Just thirsty pigs. I don't want to bring down your podcast.

Just check out LA Pig Save it's a tough time being a pig it's a tough time to such an extent if somebody's shooting a water gun at your face it's good news that's amazing so you're

one of your conditions for coming on the show we got your rider we have the honeydew but not the cantaloupe but we did paint the honeydew, but not the cantaloupe. But we did paint a honeydew to look like a cantaloupe. Shut up! Shut up! You're the one who spilled the beans, Jordan!

I'm out of here. But it was like you have a dog that is here with us in the studio who you don't want to let out of your sight. Well, it's more that, you know, I mean, if I had enough money, I would definitely, you know, have a nanny. Oh, sure.

For Bessie. God, I'd love to have a dog nanny. God, yeah. I mean, they talk about universal child care, but, you know, the animals are our children, too. I mean, there's so much. Stephen Hawking's last words were that we could live lives of pretty much luxury.

We have so much technology and wealth at our disposal, especially here at the wealthiest nation on Earth. Oh, man. There's just so many little things that would help. Yeah, like a dog nanny. And someone to help your dog with, like, pronunciation. Speech therapist. Social graces oh dear goodness to use a real mary poppins type especially the dog is currently laying into what looks like maybe a

handball ball something along those lines yeah like a classic peach ball a pinky high bounce yeah oh yeah pinky high bounce and i was. And I was doing some petting before, earlier, and she's a little damp. So she had to swim, you were saying. Yes, yes. Oh, swimming's so good for her joints. Does she like to swim? Well, she likes the ball, and

her mommy makes her swim. She has arthritis. So it's good, but really the best thing for her is testosterone. So if I could just leave the room, life would be perfect. Well, she's in the wrong room. She wants some beta vibes. We can shoot those at her.

Yeah, good news. Got a full supply of soy boys in here. Oh, I was going to say. Oh, did you have a dog I just think, I just think, you know, my dad and my brother used to have a dog that was a dog called an Irish water

dog, which is like a Portuguese water dog that kind of the Obamas had. Right, right. And they got it because my youngest brother had weird allergy issues and had to get a dog that has hair instead of fur. Right. Like there's a few kinds of dogs that have hair instead of fur.

And so they don't have the same kind of dander. So it's less of a risk to people who are asthmatic or allergic to dogs. Right, right. So they got this dog. His name was Wally. Wally was dumb as a pile of rocks. Just the dumbest dog. But a sweet, sweet

guy. And the one thing that Wally loved more than anything and it's crazy the way that like all dogs are dogs. Right, right. But some are like seven pounds and some are like 200 pounds. In the same

way, Wally had 200 pounds of water vibes. Right. Like they live in the city in San Francisco where they live pretty far from the beach. There's no rivers to speak of. So they would like walk him to this reservoir and he could go in the reservoir for like two hours at a time of continuous – like they would just let them off the leash at the reservoir and just let them get in there and poison the city's water supply. Just go wild for like two hours. Is that why the neighborhood had that outbreak of were-dogs?

That's what that – With the luxury and the technology that we have, why not have a few were-dogs? You know what? You're right. Life's a tapestry. Sometimes you need a half-human, half-dog in there to shake things up. Yeah. Whereas we told that we had this story on Jordan, Jesse Go.

My dog, Coco, the older of my two dogs, her only interactions with the water are circling it suspiciously because she wants those fucking fish so bad. Yeah. She wants those fish so bad, but she knows that she doesn't know what to do with water. So once in a while out there's a lake by my cabin and there's a boat that just sits there. I don't know who the boat belongs to. Ghost boat, probably. We'll use the boat once in a while.

You know, somebody dragged it. Basically, somebody dragged a boat up there and left it. know who the boat belongs to. Ghost boat, probably. We'll use the boat once in a while. You know, somebody dragged it. Basically, somebody dragged a boat up there and left it. A general use boat. Yeah. And so I'll go out. The lake is really small. I'll go out in the boat, and I will take Coco, my dog, onto the boat to get her used to the idea of water, I guess.

And I got her a dog safety vest. Yeah. You know, like a flotation vest for dogs. I bought it at a garage sale. She wears it in the boat? Yeah, and then what's great, what's really good about it is not so much that it saves her from drowning

as that it has a handle on the back so I can pick her up like a suitcase. But she just, the whole time she's on that boat, just stalks still, like full alert pose, like, fuck you. What the fuck is this? This is not natural. It's against God's wishes.

Exactly. What's it like being a traveling musician with a dog? Well, it's funny, you know, you ask that because I just learned that you have, that Jesse has a cabin. Oh, yeah. Gee, do your friends ever use the cabin? Jesse, you've been my friend for a long time. I'm not getting paid to be here right now. There's acquaintances, there's friends, and then there's cabin friends.

It's a special kind of intimacy. It's basically if you've done an interview. Yeah. Where's the cabin? It's in the giant Sequoia National Monument. Oh. Which is like the southern Sierras. The southern Sierras.

Oh, so it's a little upstate. Exactly. That's funny. That's where we're headed tomorrow. Huh. Interesting. Interesting. Funny that you should mention that.

But you're on the road less these days, Nellie, right? Because you've been doing a lot more theater residencies. Oh, I love doing this. I love doing it. I love doing it. It's just so great. You're in the same spot. You're all taken care of.

Nice screen room, probably. They ask you what kind of stockings you want, what brand, and what hue. Wow. What's your brand and hue? I mean, it's not fair. I mean, things in life are just not fair. Let's talk B&H. That's why people are tuning in.

What's the brand and what's the hue? Are we going legs? You know, actually, a lot of pantyhose, you know, Joan Rivers used to do things about pantyhose, how you could have a baby in them because they hang so low around your knees and you wouldn't know. And so, yeah, I guess it does matter. Next time I'm going to take a more avid interest. But it was all just, you know, it was all just heaven. And, you know, if life is one of hierarchy and, you know, we're all somewhere on the ladder. Boy, did I land good for that show.

You feel like Jane Powell. I don't know who Jane Powell is. She's in Royal Wedding. At one point, Fred Astaire says to her, no, it's Peter Lawford,, my, but you're pretty. And she says, I know. It's a great movie.

I really love it. What sorts of stockings would you want? It reminded me that this play that Nellie was in, Ben Harrison and I from Greatest Gen got to go see it. And it reminds you that if you are in Los Angeles, you know, Los Angeles has a, you know, mixed theater tradition. It's not Chicago or New York when it comes to theater. But one thing that can happen, if you put on a legit theater production in Los Angeles, you can have a cast of 12, all of whom are the greatest character actors of our time. Like, you just like- Get a Tim Blake Nelson in there.

Exactly. Every single person who wandered on stage in this collection of one act, you're like, oh shit, there goes that guy. You knew everybody. Everybody. And everybody was a brilliant genius too. I know. You don't have to-

It's like putting together an all all ringer softball team. Wow, man. When you're, when you're casting a play. I don't even know what that means, but it's not, I mean, that's what I feel like.

Oh, I love watching everybody. And, and, you know, we got so close because we were all, ran out here without family,

you know, or, I don't know, they made us live on the street, mean center theater. It seems cruel, but, it's,

you know, it's a good way to get in character. I don't know what the characters were. What you heard was a little dog shaking there. I'm a little damp dog shake. I'm going to go drink some water. She's drinking some more of my water. Can I ask you guys,

we touched on etiquette a little while back. What do you do if a strange dog comes into your studio and tears apart a pink rubber ball? He's just celebrating just lucky fucked up that ball i will clean it don't worry about it this is a joy no actually steve agey does the same thing yeah fucking steve agey jesus christ steve um so yeah so i here's the here's the the baseline question yeah and then i can expand a little bit if an answer doesn't jump to your guys' mind immediately. Yeah.

How do I ask my upstairs neighbor what the noises are? So, I don't know. What's your living situation? Do you have a house, an apartment,

a condo? Well, just, an apartment, a condo? Well, just, you know, a little home with a lot of snow. Okay. In Pennsylvania, we call it White Ship. Sure. Yeah. But, I mean, I see why people... Give me the slightest excuse, I'd move here.

Oh, it's so wonderful. She can just lay in the sun all day. It's heaven. Sure. Dogs like sun. Yeah. Here we've got a little patio and a lemon tree. Oh, that's nice.

Oh, heaven. One does forget when you live in Southern California, the luxury that like the number one weed in Southern California is a lemon tree. Like maybe not lime tree as well. Sure. I had a few grapefruit trees in my last house. We got some nice plants. We got some nice fl. We got some nice

flora out here. The top lifestyle challenge is what am I going to do with all these fucking lemons? Right. So my upstairs neighbor and I, I think we're the two people who have been, we're going to be two of three people who have been in my apartment building the longest.

And so he's directly upstairs from me and he, I I you know, he is a he is a like good looking guy in his maybe like early 40s graying very gracefully, you know, just kind of a Steve Martin style graying. Great shape. The and a really nice nice guy my apartment got robbed last year and he kind of like hung out with me and looked around and made sure the cops got there and stuff great dude and the but i don't know too much about him personally like you know we kind of chat about you know the junk mailbox and how it's overflowing but just like you live in my apartment building shit. And the story I've concocted for him is that maybe at one point in his life, maybe like early 90s, he was a professional kite boarder. Someone who is on a board and lets a kite pull them along the water. We should explain that you live in Columbus, Ohio.

Sure, yeah. Let's a kite pull them along the water. We should explain that you live in Columbus, Ohio. Sure, yeah. And, you know, maybe he was – and he's one of the best. He's a nationally ranked kite boarder. I don't know what criteria you rank a kite boarder style, I guess. Probably boarding.

Boarding, sure. Balance. Yeah. Elegance. Finesse. So, yeah. Looking good in the neighborhood. Yeah. So he's nationally ranked and then maybe mid-90s come along, late 90s, and kiteboarding never takes off.

Forgive the pun, but it never takes off. That was the headline of many an article in Kiteboarding Monthly at the time. Yeah. It's maybe how we thought Hi-Li was going to catch on in America and it never did. But there was just, this is my, and I have nothing, I have never seen him kiteboard. Yeah. Have you seen him do Highline at all? No, I don't know.

Cross any basket sports? Not so far. Okay. But again, I don't keep an eye on this guy. So you think he leaps off the couch? Well, funny you should mention that. So for a while, the main upstairs neighbor noise I heard from this guy. So you think he leaps off the couch? Well, funny you should mention that. So for a while, the main upstairs neighbor noise

I heard from this guy, and I've talked about this on the show before, the main upstairs neighbor noise I heard from this guy was, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. That's just snoring.

Yeah, it's a sleeping robot. What I assumed it was some kind of like ab rolling device. Some sort of like exercise machine that you would put on the floor, maybe that like Chuck Norris advertises on TV late at night. An exercise machine that makes a noise. Yeah, kind of something you like row or something that has a spring or something attached to it. That's what I assumed was. you like row or something you kind of that has a spring or something attached to it that's why what i assumed was if it had a spring my first thought is that it would go sproy oi oi uh this

is a different sort of spring different gauge of spring got it i don't i'm not a spring spurt so you're thinking of a 27b this is a five gauge thank you um your fittings expertise always sets me at ease you know a lot about springs. But now, the past maybe two weeks, there's a new noise accompanying. Can I explain just real quick to Nellie? My expertise is more ball bearings. Go ahead. So, still happens.

Still happens with regularity. I mean, it's obviously part of a workout or something. You want to do it regularly. The guy looks great. But now there is a sound that happens in the evening that I can only describe as repeatedly pushing a set of encyclopedias off a desk. There is a loud bang, several loud – maybe two minutes of repeated loud bangs and sometimes an exclamation. So bang. And they're arrhythmic.

Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. And then the other day I heard, ah, never again. Can I just say, Jordan, my first flush of memory. Right.

Just recently, I went to a show where your friend and mine, comedian and podcaster James Adomian was performing. One of the funniest guys around. Yeah. James Adomian, if you don't know his work. And James did some material that I've really been thinking about since. did some material that I've really been thinking about since. The theme of which was that in gay pornography, the men who are having their butts penetrated make gentle, sweet, happy noises. And James's premise was that when he's being penetrated,

he makes noises that are equivalent to a dad who can't find the light switch. The examples he gave were, as I recall, Al, who put that there. Everybody get in here. What am I made of money? Et cetera. So I'm wondering if this could be some kind of sexual practice where we don't have firsthand experience. Right. Speak for yourself.

We've only experienced through media. But in practice makes the sound. Right. You know what I mean? Like we imagine it to be. I'm okay with vvv. Yeah. I'm wondering about the banging.

The encyclopedia sound? The encyclopedia banging. I mean, you're saying that like you've never fucked an encyclopedia. No, sorry. I haven't. We, you know. I thought I knew you, Jordan. I honestly thought I knew you.

No, I've never Britannica'd. That's what you're asking. I'm a little bit vanilla in that way. I've never Britannica'd. But here's what I want to do. I don't care that he's doing it. It's weird. And if I'm, you know,

I'm not the quietest neighbor, so I play the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me quiz with Amazon Alexa constantly. Sure, well, you've got to keep up with the news. You've got to keep up with the news. What's that? They speak to you and you play a quiz? Yeah.

Do you know the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR show? So they have a feature. This is just a fun tip for anybody who has an Amazon Alexa out there. Say, Alexa, play the Wait, Wait, News quiz. And then Sagal comes on and gives you a little quiz about the news. And then he tells you at the end what percentile you're in. It's a joy. And I know that can probably get a little quiz about the news and then he tells you at the end what percentile you're in it's a joy and i know that can probably get a little loud yeah because you know sagal's saying the quiz i'm exclaiming who put that there who put that there where's the light switch sure never again never again never again there's this for such a lighthearted quiz show, there's a lot of September 11th stuff in that quiz.

A lot of fatalism. Yeah. And I don't care that he's doing, and I don't want him to seem attacked, but I do want to know what this is more than anything. Right. Nellie, I feel like you're uniquely qualified for two reasons. Number one, you have an elegant attitude. You're a well-mannered person. And the other thing is, you know, while you may live in a snow-dusted property in Pennsylvania, was it?

Yeah. The home state of the great Brian Fernandez, our producer. I think that you probably have had more, just by being a New Yorker to do like, you know, to do theater runs and so forth. You probably had some neighbor experience that we as detached home Californians can't match. Yes. One that's frequently invoked in New York is that someone upstairs is teaching their baby dinosaur to walk. Oh, yeah. That's yeah.

I'm I'm. Yeah, that's the situation I'm in. That would be cute. I would love to see the dinosaur. But is he friendly? Do you know him otherwise? Yeah, he's a nice guy. And we definitely like, you know. He's a real Denver.

Huh? He's a real Denver. He's my friend and a whole lot more. Plays a guitar, skateboards, great guy. That was a cartoon when we were kids about a dinosaur who skateboarded oh no kidding played the guitar

Denver did the last dinosaur really yeah named Denver that was him what a guy where's that reboot

huh no let's reboot that actually let's let's write some letters to show business

yeah dear Hollywood dear Jeffrey Katzenberg I know you own Denver. I fucking know it. Even if you say you don't, you do. It's going to be real combative. We see through your lies, Katzenberg.

Your scrim of lies. So, yeah, I'm friendly with this guy're going out to our cars or getting the mail or whatever, say, hey, what's that banging? But I don't want him to feel attacked. I don't want him to feel attacked. I understand exactly what you're saying because I feel like every way that you would ask him feels like you are trying to tell him to be quiet. Right. Indirectly. Yes, exactly. And I don't think that's what you want. I think him to be quiet. Right. Indirectly. Yes, exactly.

And I don't think that's what you want. I think you enjoy these sounds. It's like having a second friend in addition to your cat that's always there for you in your apartment. Sure, sure. I have three things.

I have the wait, wait, news quiz. So I got Sagal. I got the cat. And then I have periodic arrhythmic banging followed by exclamations. Yeah. Just an aside, by the way, I got the cat, and then I have periodic arrhythmic banging followed by exclamations. Yeah. Just an aside, by the way, I have a great Alexa tip. If you say, Alexa, play Huey Lewis and the News Sports, we'll play the great album Sports

by Huey Lewis and the News. We'll probably shuffle it, though. Yeah, it might. You know, I'm just saying. Yeah, it's trying to get you to sign up for Amazon Music so you can play them in whatever order you want to. So if you have Amazon Music, but it will probably shuffle the songs from Sports. But you know what? It's still a lot of fun. Yeah, it's trying to get you to sign up for Amazon Music so you can play them in whatever order you want to. So if you have Amazon Music, but it will probably shuffle the songs from sports. But you know what?

It's still a lot of fun. So yeah, I guess I'm just kind of not sure what to do. Like I do want to know. I'm curious. But yeah, but I also don't want him to think that I'm – because I mean it's – listen, it's a little bit weird. But, you know, we all got to live together. And as far as annoyances go, it's pretty minor. So yeah.

But yeah, just the curiosity is driving me fucking nuts. I bet Nelly's fucking played a vibraphone in an apartment sometime. Oh. You know, sometimes, and I always try to do it in the decent hours, piano. People will get very unhappy. They'll start tromping, and I can tell they're unhappy. I don't really know why they hate music so much. I try not to practice.

I get very self-conscious repetitive practicing. You try to more play a tune. You're a showwoman. Yeah, yeah. They want their money back. But maybe if you made friends and he invited you to a party, I don't know. That would be nice. I would love to get invited to one of his kiteboarding parties.

Yeah, you're a boy detective. There's got to be a way in there. Yeah, that's true. I need to start living up to this fucking nickname that doesn't mean anything. Yeah. I should start doing some detective work. What about this? I've certainly got the time on my hands.

And I've got lots of dust. Like a dust for prints. You worked for one of America's top five action sports television networks. Sure, yes. For five or seven years. However long that was that you worked there at the late lamented Fuel TV.

This was one of my first showbiz jobs, Nellie, is I worked for a TV network that did a lot of skateboarding, snowboarding, motocross, things like that. You know, Gaz stuff. Yeah. Gaz stuff. You've been recognized. Gaz stuff. Look, you've been recognized in a coffee shop by Tony Hawk.

That's true. Okay. Tony Hawk recognized me in a Starbucks. And that was basically my life's kind of plateaued after that. You got punched by a motocross guy one time. That was before I got recognized by Tony Hawk. So that was on the ascent. And then now it's just kind of leveled out.

So maybe you need to work those leads and find out what does a kiteboarding guy really want? What really presses the buttons of a kiteboarding guy? Oh, so you're saying show up with a gift. I think it could be a gift. It could be an action. It could be a key phrase that they're all – I mean you got – the way I assume it, there has to be some kind of mental programming to get someone to become a professional kiteboarder. Oh, sure. So there's got to be a key phrase that will Manchurian candidate them into telling you where these noises are coming from.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I mean, again, the kite boarding thing is a theory concocted by me, but let's go ahead and take it as canon. Let's go ahead and assume that he's actually a professional kite boarder who's fallen on hard times. Yeah. I mean, the times aren't that hard. He's doing fine.

He's got himself a nice apartment there in West Hollywood. Sure. We're both doing okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's probably- It's a desirable real estate. Yeah.

Close to a blue bottle. Yeah. You got to get that blue bottle coffee. Yeah. They do know how to do the pour over exactly right. Yeah. It takes a little bit longer, but it's not worth it. It takes a little bit longer, but trust me, it's not worth it.

I guess maybe it is. I don't know. Who cares? Yeah. I'll probably just, next time I'm next to him and we're like getting the mail or something and he's out there, I'll just whisper in his ear, whoosh, and then he'll tell me his secrets. Is there, what are the exact contacts for, what are the exact contexts for direct contact that you have with this handsome older man?

Yeah, so out to get the mail, out to take out the garbage. There's no like parking in my, we don don't have a garage or anything, so everybody parks on the street. Sometimes you're walking out to your car. You're walking out to your car together or you're coming as they're going. I don't think garbage is going to be it. You don't think, yeah. Because – Too smelly.

It's too smelly. No one wants to hang there't think, yeah. It's too smelly. It's too smelly. No one wants to hang there. Right, yeah. Even once you've dumped the garbage, your instinct is to get back inside, get out of the garbage area. Get out of a garbage place. You know what I mean? You want to get back to a

place where garbage is contained, as it should be. Sure. You want to get that new, you want to get that fresh new bag in there. Fucking probably got that scented for these kind. Start filling it. Oh, fill it up

with the detritus of our consumer lifestyle. That's right. So I think. Coffee pods. Thousands of them. I think mail is the, mail is definitely the place. Right.

Because that is. Everybody likes mail. It puts you in a good mood. Exactly. Unless it's a pill. Do you think there might be any mail that you're both getting? Like the Land's End catalog.

Well, certainly Bed, Bath & Beyond coupon. See? This is what a real detective would have started with. We're both getting the Bed Bath & Beyond coupon. That's 20% off anything in the goddamn store. Well, with some exceptions. There's a long list of exceptions at the bottom of those. You'll notice.

That's true. Dog's asleep there, by the way. It's very cute. We're down to about 40% of the ball, I would say. You wore her out. It's perfect. Yeah. She's happy at last.

She has a little bit of ball that's stuck between the sides of her lips as she lies down on her side. Oh, babe. That looks like she drank too much, vomited, and passed out. Whoa, man. What a night. She's in a wild bachelor party. What are her favorite chewables? Oh, you mean purple kush?

Oh, yeah. Yes, exactly. What are her favorite edibles? Well, we just went to the 99 Cents Only on the other side of MacArthur Park. Great scene. And she flopped right by. They have a lot of dog toys. Do they? If you've got dog, yeah. That's one of the realest 99 Cents toys. carter park a great scene and she flopped right by they have a lot of dog toys do they if you got

dog yeah that's one of the realest 99 cent store i love i love the 99 cent store within walking distance because it is a store that truly sells one of anything you need when i lived like half a block from a 99 cent store it was my greatest pleasure to need something and know that I could just walk over to the 99-cent store and get a bad version of it. Bottle of dishwashing liquid? Anything. Well, certainly here in Los Angeles, it's always a joy because they will,

without a doubt, carry Los Angeles' most legendary brand of cleaning products, L.A.'s Totally Awesome. We have that in New York, too. You have L.A.'s Totally Awesome or New York's Totally Awesome? No, it's L.A.'s totally awesome. We have that in New York, too. You have L.A.'s totally awesome or New York's totally awesome? No, it's L.A.'s totally awesome. And, of course, it must be from here. For goodness sake.

It's not from Louisiana, I'll tell you that much right now. But, I mean, I think, you know, L.A. is aspirational. So, you know, there's a lot of examples of kind of L.A. products. L.A. looks. Yeah, you can get that at the dollar store, too. Sure. Spike it up. That's what I say. L.A. lights. Yeah. You can get that at the dollar store, too. Sure. Spike it up. That's what I say.

L.A. Lights. Oh, yeah. The light-up sneakers. Oh, I've missed those. I think it's time for us to- That's coming back any day now, right? You think so? Oh, I hope so.

Yeah. You know, they have- I was just thinking with your neighbor that you could have on your phone, you could find the sound of the app machine, but you could find it on sound effects maybe online. Oh, yeah, sure. And you could say, hey, you know, I've been trying to figure out what this sound is. I work in media. Yes, just say, I work in media. I work in media.

Yeah, and I came across this sound, but I just want to know. Is this familiar to you? To put it out on the air, what it would suggest to people. I know you're a guy who's always listening. Yeah. I think that's it. Just record, right, record these sounds, but kind of make it seem like I had found them on some sort of, you know, internet sound database or something.

You just say you found them during your career as a media worker. As a worker in media. Keep it vague. Actually, actually, so, you know, our producer, Brian, brought in these sounds and, you know, he's not from here. No. Oh, yeah, that's a good point. He these sounds, and he's not from here. No. Oh, yeah. That's a good point.

He's from Pennsylvania. He's from rural Pennsylvania. Yeah. No, I like this. So we start in chatting about the Bed Bath & Beyond 20% off coupon. You're like, oh, anything in the store. Actually, there's a little bit of a list at the bottom of the things you can't get 25% off. So it's kind of more than get you in the door.

Can I clarify one thing, though? Because I don't want to get you in the door. Can I clarify one thing, though? Because I don't want to send you in there blind. Is there something in particular that you should mention to him you're going to get your 20% off on in the Bed, Bath & Beyond? Linens?

I mean, I always like to refresh my washcloths. That's something I like to treat myself to. And, you know, you can do it even in tough times. You can do that for, you know, not that much money. It's a little treat you can give yourself. tough times you can do that for you know not that much money

it's a little treat you can give yourself just a load of fresh cloths yeah feels great on the skin nothing feels better on the skin than a fresh load love yes refresh that's what i call a pack of washcloths a load and so yeah maybe i'm like talking about refreshing refreshing my cloths and asking him if he likes to do the same. How often do you refresh your cloths? That's a pretty intimate opener, Jordan. That's true. I'm not saying it's not what you should go with because it definitely has got a fun story behind it. That's true.

You get to mention that you've gone through some tough times lately. Man. Shit's rough, huh? Get that off your chest. Yeah. Definitely let him know. This man you've only talked to about garbage cans to this point. And robberies.

And robberies. Maybe you could just say, you know, I really appreciate your help with that robbery. I'm going to go over to Bed Bath & Beyond, get myself some new cloths. Why don't I pick you up a load? Pick you up a hot load of cloths. Get you a fresh load for your face. Yes. I'd love to hear that.

And then we're chatting about cloth loads. And then, hey, as you know, I work in media. My producer, Brian, from Philadelphia. Pennsylvania, excuse me. He's from rural Pennsylvania. He's not a... This is some city boy like Rocky Balboa. That's true, right.

He's no Philly fanatic. That's Brian's new nickname, by the way, the Philly fanatic. I'll call him the Liberty Bell because I think he's got a little more dignity. Sure, and a little bit of a southern charm even though he's not from the south. And you know what? I think he's a little cracked. That's true. Something's a little bit of a southern charm, even though he's not from the south. And you know what? I think he's a little cracked. That's true. He's a little warped.

Something's a little... If you meet... Nellie, you've met Brian. Okay? There's something a little cracked there. A little twisted. Just a little something. He's a nice normal man.

He's a very normal guy. It's weird that he hangs out with us, frankly. This is great. I feel like I have a plan. Thank you, guys. This is perfect. Wait, but what's step two? So step one us, frankly. This is great. I feel like I have a plan. Thank you, guys. This is perfect. Wait, but what's step two? So step one is the washcloth.

Yeah. And then tell him I work in media. Yeah. And then play him the sounds. Yeah. And see just, and, you know, if he's actually making these sounds, he'll know what they are immediately. But it'll seem like really organic.

It'll seem like I'm just bringing it up because I need a fresh year. What kind of mic are you going to use to record these? Forgive me. I work in media. Sure. Are we using a shotgun or an Omni? Boom. You're going to put it on a boom?

I'm going to put it on a boom, yeah. That's a good idea. That'll get you right up in there. Mm-hmm. I know how to hold it, like this. Oh, yeah. For the at-home listener. Yeah, just describe my how I'm holding it.

So one of his arms is well crooked, I would say, but the hand is in a fist above his head. The other arm, straight out. Yeah. A fist at the end, what's known as the media salute. You don't want that boom in the shot. No. How long do you have to hold that in movies and things? Boy, I don't know.

I've done some PA work, and I've had to hold the boom. I'm very bad at it, and I'm, you know, it's one of those things where I've been asked to do it, and then they ask me to stop doing it, and they get somebody else

to do it. I'm not known for my arm strength. I'm known for my... Work in media? Work in media, exactly. I would think if it was that heavy

and it was that long they would have a stand for it they have to move it that's the trouble I think it's like a union job or something

oh wow so I think you know you don't want to replace a union worker with a stand right but how heavy is it how long is it

I want to practice so I can do it wow because you want a new job as a grip I was just speaking actually

at the pig save there was a woman. She's going to be a stand-up comic on America's Got Talent. She was just filming her thing. Yeah, but she also worked in media for a long time. And she does like once a week as a grip. And she's just saying it's good bread. Yeah.

You know, those union jobs, you know, they're the life's blood of the industry. I actually, I've got a tip for you, Nellie, and I think this might help your situation too. Sure. I think both of you are going to want to go parabolic microphone. That's how you get to what the coach is saying to the players across the court. Yeah, that sounds like it'll be a really rich sound. That's how you record what a Czechoslovakian intelligence official is saying across a crowded bar in Kiev. What's the parabolic microphone? It has a parabolic, like, it has like, it looks like you're carrying basically a DirecTV antenna, but on a gun handle.

And you point it at what you want. So in Jordan's case, he would point it at- The ceiling. How's it go? Sorry. I was immediately- My first thought was, of course, sproioling. Sproioling, you know.

This is how I think of this. A rudimentary understanding of the spring. You know, I mean, if we want to talk ball bearings, again, I can talk ball bearings until my face turns blue. So this is maybe just a question, and I think that sounds like a great idea. It's a good union, too, Jordan. Sure. You could use a good union gig.

Of course. I think this is, you know, you've been freelancing lately. Sure. Think about the parabolic health care. I bet it's great. You're going to have a finger touching your prostate therapeutically like this. Oh, therapeutically. Never mind.

Well, look, I think you're not hurting for people for fingers touching your prostate sensually. Sure. But you're short on therapeutic. Oh, there's a line around the block. You're short on therapeutic. Take a number, I say. I have one of those deli things where you take a number. Who turned out the lights?

Everybody get in here. Maybe you can help me with this, Nellie. This might be something you know a little bit about, too. Maybe, Jesse, because you work in audio media. What if? I mean, I think this sounds like a great idea, and I'd probably get a real clear record. What if I wanted kind of a vintage sound? Like something that maybe sounded a little bit,

something classic, kind of timeless. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, of course, you can't beat the richness of a Neumann. Sure. Oh, got to get a Neumann. I mean, I'm sure Nelly's recorded with a Neumann many times. It's wonderful. And the old ribbon mics that predate even,

I think, even the Neumann. Yeah, get yourself a nice ribbon mic. You know what? Make one. Go down to the 99 cent store, get yourself some ribbon. Yeah, some LA ribbon.

Yeah. LA's totally awesome. LA's totally awesome. Some of the best ribbon out there. What's your top ribbon mic experience? Probably, if it's not a Neumann, maybe a Shure?

Good Lord. A Behringer? Could be a Behringer. I don't listen that well. I worked with the late, great Jeff Emmerich, who recorded the Beatles, and he would tell me things, and I forget them. I forget them all. Luckily, I know some people who didn't forget them all. He was just always fiddling, and he knew how to get the sounds.

Yeah, but I just love the older the mic, the fuzzier. It's less HD and I love that. I think you could use a nice fuzzy mic. I think that's the sound quality that I'm looking for on this. Yeah. Rich, fuzzy mic. Yeah. You know, hey, Jack White, if you're listening, I need your help.

Help me. I dated for a while a rich, fuzzy named Mike. Oh. And it was good, but it just ultimately didn't work out in the end. I dated for a while a rich, fuzzy named Mike. Oh. And it was good, but it just ultimately didn't work out in the end. I ended up marrying Teresa. But hey, you think of it fondly. I do.

You think of that time fondly. He was a good guy. And fuzzy, probably, too, right? Yeah. Yeah. Well, what town is he in where he records all the—he makes the 45s now? It's not Nashville, is it? No. Nashville, is it?

Maybe, I mean, I guess I think of Jack White as like a Detroit guy, but I don't know if that's where. He has a Nashville outlet, doesn't he? Isn't he? He's got a studio in, is it Memphis? I don't know, he's got a. Might be Memphis. That tracks, that tracks to me.

This all sounds about right. Where he just takes calls from, I guess, probably Jack Black. Sure. Honestly, I don't know. I just presume Jack Black. Yeah. I think, yeah, I mean, maybe the way to do this, just to make it a little bit more fun, is see if we can get Jack White's third band records to press my upstairs neighbors banging around

onto, like, an exclusive limited edition record store day 45. Yeah. Maybe some cool cover art, hand number them, colored vinyl, and then present him the noises. What about that splatter vinyl? Oh, I love a splatter. That would be fun. Who's going to write the booklet, though? My first thought, Lance Bangs.

Sure. Let's get Bangs in on this. Yeah, that would be great. Yeah. It could be you. It could be a kind of pastiche of a 30s series book, and it would be you as a boy detective with a magnifying glass. You'd look real cute.

Shit, this is good. We could sell these on the website. Brian, we're going to get some drawings of me in a detective hat and then we're going to press my neighbor's noises onto a 45. And we can use the slogan

that you already came up with. You know, it's a little more expensive, but it's not worth it. It's not worth it. Yeah, that'll be a speech bubble

coming out of my mouth. It's not worth it. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse go. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nellie McKay, a.k.a. Skippy. Yeah. Fuck yeah.

Solid. Solid nickname. McKay gets it. McKay's here for this. I love peanut butter. Yeah, it's great. Yeah. It's great.

Skippy, hey, it's a great brand, too. You're looking for a standard peanut butter. Can't do much better than Skippy. Yeah, my wife. Jif, go to hell. My wife converted our family. My wife loves grocery store peanut butter. Can't do much better than Skippy. Yeah, my wife. Jif, go to hell. My wife converted our family. My wife loves grocery store peanut butter. I didn't grow up with that much peanut butter in my life, I think.

And maybe because the grocery store by my house was like a natural foods grocery store. And that natural foods grocery store peanut butter is a whole other experience. Sure. Yeah. Very gritty. But my wife, when we had kids, just started buying grocery store peanut butter. It's like the main top. I buy Cheez-Its and she buys grocery store peanut butter.

These are the top two big national brands that enter our house that way. And I'm not going to lie. Whatever they do to that peanut butter to make it taste like that, they should do that to all foods. It's amazing. I mean, so much of it's the sugar. Yeah. Boy, do I love it, though. It tastes so good.

They put so much in. They probably put, like, palm oil in that stops your heart the second it passes your throat. Yeah, that is one of those, like, things you got as a kid where it was like, this is good for you. Peanut butter is for food groups. Protein. Or, like, you know, it's like I think of that and, like, orange juice where people are now like, this is good for you. Four food groups, protein. It's like I think of that and orange juice where people are now like, this will kill you. This thing that you thought was,

oh, this is worse than drinking a Big Mac soaked in soda. Yeah, there are contemporary equivalents. I would say your top would be energy bars for children. The problem with children a lot of times is just not enough energy. Right, right. They need denser calories. Those are a big one that I'm-

Give them a little monster. Exactly. It's like a smaller portion of monster energy. Yeah. Pep up those lethargic kids. And just different things that have been creamed and put into pouches. Sure. So you can suck on.

Suck those pouches. And we do that in my house too. I am not saying these because I am above them. Confession is good for the soul. Both of these happen at my house. Children's power bars. For you. Not for me.

I'll just suck on an apple. I have sucked on a few applesauce pouches in my time. You have children? Yeah, I got three children. Oh, my goodness. I live right there at my house. But you are a child. Yeah, that's true children. Oh, my goodness. I live right there at my house. But you are a child.

Yeah, that's true. That's fair. I'm a man without skills. What kind of children? I have an eight, a five, and a two-year-old. And they're girls and boys? The oldest is a girl, and the middle and youngest ones are boys. Wow.

Was there a reason you had a third? Because you already had one. Yeah, we didn't know how hard the first was going to be at the time. And the second, we really, we hit a nice smooth patch, conceived a third. And then things went, took a real nosedive in terms of difficulty. Do you think that will get better in 20 years? Yeah, I think 20 years seems like about the right time. I think that seems about right. Well, you know, that's probably optimistic. They say the first

40 years of child rearing are the hardest. Yeah. Anyway, when something momentous happens to you... Yeah, like when your children turn 40. Give us a call. 206-984-4FUN, for our segment Momentous Occasions. We have some callers who've called in their momentous occasions to us at 206-984-4FUN

for our segment Momentous Occasions. One such caller is this one. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and Gus. This is Sam in Milwaukee with, I guess, a momentous occasion. I'm walking my dog, and I just walked her past a yard with an extremely steep hill. And I saw a guy mowing the grass on that hill. He had tied a rope to his lawnmower, and he was just letting his lawnmower roll down the hill. And then he would pull it back to the top of the hill.

And also, I'm a little bit high right now, and so I don't know if that was actually geared or if that's a normal way that people mow their lawn. Thanks, guys. Yeah, that's great. This is one of the best things. The Rube Goldberg lawn mowing method. It makes sense.

Is it really less work? I mean, to pull seems hard work. No, I guess you're right. I guess you're right. Yanking that thing up the hill. But maybe like, I guess maybe what you're trying to do is avoid the uphill,

which is maybe the hard part of that. You know what I'm going to do? Hmm. I'm going to fucking dig a trench at one end of my yard so I can get a sort of simulacrum of this. The part of my yard that has grass is flat. I live on a hill, but the grass part's flat.

But I think if I just – I'm not going to be – I don't think I'm going to be able to build it up because that would block my window of my house. But if I dug down at the far end, you know, facing the street, if I put a trench there, I could get a nice crate in there. And then I put in a winch. And you could yank your mower. I mean, this guy doesn't have a winch. That's where he's going wrong. Do you have a mower?

Do you do home mowing? You know what? What happened was, so when we moved in, they had redone the whole yard. And mostly just grass. And I'm like, all right, I'm going to be one of these fucking lawn dads. Sure. I've never lived in a lawn home in my entire life to that point. But I was like, I'm going to do this like other dads do this.

I'm a fucking dad. I made life. I can mow a lawn. Are you ending the grass's life when you mow it? I think you're just ending its sexual horizons. You're probably catching some bugs in there, too, so you're killing those. But you're snipping its development. You're creating a green field of castrati by ending its potential to go through its life cycle.

So I was like, I can do this. I went on a popular internet retail website, bought myself a push mower, went out and did it about four times. Was like, this is horrible. This is the worst fucking thing I've ever done in my life. This is so hard and unpleasant. And at the end, all you have is grass. But it looks

better than the other dads who you're competitive with, sitcoms have taught me. So there's this Jordan Jesse Go listener named Dwayne who used to work in the office next door. And one time he emailed me. He's like, not to be creepy, but I think maybe I work in the office next door.

And Dwayne's a landscape architect. I was like, Dwayne, how much grass can we not have in this yard? It's better for the earth too. Now we just have tiny squares of grass. And my other rule was I wanted grass where if I had a gardener come, like, I think we have every three weeks or something like that, that three weeks of grass would not be a problem. Like, I was like, give me a clumpy, I don't care if it's clumpy, you know what I mean?

Give me something where I don't have to do anything and I only have to have someone there once every three weeks to do it and a drip irrigation. This was my rules. It came out fine. But fucking mowing grass is miserable. Yeah, I did it as a kid and didn't hate it.

But, yeah. Maybe that's because you had all those power bars. That's true. I was full of child pep, I guess. Nellie, what's your plant situation like in Pennsylvania? I don't mow shit. Yeah. Well, it reminds me of Roseanne Always had a line that she said,

she'll vacuum the house when she has a vacuum cleaner she can ride. But yeah, I don't. I'm too much of a commie and broke to hire someone. But even when I had money, I never hired anyone to clean. But then I don't do it. So I just live in filth. I don't call grass filth. Oh, no, right. I guess I'm just moving into the... All domestic services.

I don't really pay too much attention to the outside. You know, there's sweet little animals Bessie would like to kill, which is a shame. Sorry, I said sorry twice there. It's because I accidentally kicked Bessie would like to kill, which is a shame. Sorry. I said sorry twice there. It's because I accidentally kicked Bessie. I apologize. Well, she really loves your feet. I guess your sneakers look like her. That's true.

Maybe she thinks they're puppies. Yeah. They are two little black and white pups. She gets right in there. She's still going up to you. Yeah. No, I know. I'm sorry.

She's forgiven me for kicking her, which is very nice. And I love this unconditional forgiveness. Oh, Jordan. My oldest dog, Coco, at age 13, many of her passions in life have subsided in favor of a life of leisure. She prefers relaxation over most things. And she is a terrier chihuahua, so she had a pretty busy lifestyle previously with rechasing, et cetera. But the one thing she absolutely cannot shake and that I cannot seem to explain to my children is that she thinks all feet are rats that need to be killed. Foot killer.

Yeah. are rats that need to be killed. Foot killer. Yeah. So if you cross your legs and then kick your foot back and forth in front of her, she'll go, first she'll turn her head sideways, and then she'll go, and then she will fully bite you.

She will fully bite your feet. And it's like, it is a power inside of her like old Wally's love for the sea. It is deep red somewhere in her most basic DNA. If you're just in socks, do you feel it? Yeah, oh, you feel it. Yeah, she's never like bit anybody such that, you know, blood has come out or anything.

But she will actually bite it. Yeah. Because, like, you see her go from, it's like someone said her Manchurian candidate power words. It's like all,

all agency disappears and she just goes, sets her off. Yeah. Take another call? Does your, I was going to ask if your, does she have killer instincts?

Oh, yes. Okay. No, it's, it's a shame, but she is getting slow now, so it's been a while. Well, that's good. That's nice. It's a shame, but she is getting slow now, so it's been a while.

Well, that's good. That's nice. It's been a while since she's killed. She's like Rambo. Yeah. I mean, it's their instinct, but for goodness sake, she doesn't need it. You'd think I'd never feed her. Yeah.

She's, well, you know, there's always that opportunity to come out of retirement for one last job. That's true. That's true. I can just score. Yeah, they need her special set of skills. She's a fat fucking squirrel. She's like, oh, I could live off the spoils of that in the Turks and Cayman Islands.

Then there's a three-minute scene of close-ups of her putting on guns. Yeah, Brian, what else we got in the call department? Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. I am calling with a momentous occasion. A few months ago, I was diagnosed with and had removed a spinal tumor. The surgery was successful, left very little nerve damage, which is healing, and the pathology came back benign all of which are momentous in themselves and cause for celebration

none of which however are why I'm calling as my eyelids grew heavy with medication being pumped to my IV my neurosurgeon leaned in and told me, don't worry, we're going to get that fucker. Punctuating what he had just said with finger guns. All right. Jordan, Jesse, go keep it tidy.

See you later. Bye. That's what you want in a surgeon. You want a fucking shit-kicking, rowdy, gun-slinging surgeon. That's great. Why don't more surgeons have spittoons? I'm picturing, though, that the caller looks like Betty Davis.

Surgeon looks like George Brent in Dark Victory. I think we all pictured that. I think it's fair to say. Wow. I think we all pictured that it's fair to say well I get you know senses of humor in medical professionals I don't even know do you think he was doing it with a sense of humor

or was he very serious when he said it yeah hard to say if he just considers himself the Rambo of surgeons the baddest surgeon in the west right yeah exactly right he you know after he takes off the scrubs he throws on a Rambo of surgeons. The baddest surgeon in the West. Right, yeah, exactly. Right, he, you know,

after he takes off the scrubs, he throws on a leather jacket and hauls off on a motorcycle. But yeah, I mean, I love it. I would say I'm going to make orphans of those tumors children. It's a lot better than when I went in for that surgery and just as I was in that same place, they said, we're giving you the stuff they gave Michael Jackson.

Yeah. You know. This is where my last thought could be, didn't he die? He has a complicated legacy. Yeah. Well, it was Michael Jackson, Tom Petty, and who was the other one? Prince. Prince, yeah. Yeah, but is that Jackson, Tom Petty, and who was the other one? Prince. Prince, yeah.

Yeah, but is that the worst way to go? No. But we'd rather have them. Really? No. I don't know. It's like, you know, that fear of, you know, just, you lose your power when you get to a certain age, unless you're Jack LaLanne. I mean some people, they stay autonomous.

I think probably the number one example is probably Jack LaLanne, fitness guru Jack LaLanne. Also those women, they were – at least one of them I think was the first black woman allowed into Columbia's dental school. And they wrote a book called Having Our Say and And they were both like 106, 104. And they said, you know, we just have some garlic each day and all this stuff. But, I mean, there are these people that, I mean, they keep Maggie Kuhn, who founded the Gray Panthers. I think she was always autonomous. I just don't want to become a baby at the mercy of people younger than me. I'd much rather overdose.

That's something honorable in that. There's something very honorable about that. I can't stand how you grow up, you get a driver's license, and then you have it taken away. Fuck that shit. To me, there's two sides to it. I understand what you're saying. On the flip side of it, though, I just made stink in my diet. Sure.

Big boom boom. But you are a married man. I mean, so you kind of grow accustomed to that kind of care. That's certainly true. That's my lifestyle. Jesse and his wife are making stink all over each other. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I could see that, you know, before you get up there to where you're, you know, too infirm to move, you just get so high that you die. And if you're lucky. It makes a lot of sense. If you're lucky, just along the way, you see a guy pulling a lawnmower up a hill with a rope. Sure, and you just fade out. It's the last thing you see before you pass over to whatever's next. You just see a man yanking a mower up a hill.

Is it possible, Jordan, that your upstairs neighbor is yanking a mower? Yeah. He's mowing the hardwood floors? Look, you're... Maybe he's got grass up there. I don't know. I mean, I certainly don't.

I haven't seen the inside of his apartment. You're the expert on hardware and fittings, but it seems possible to me as a ball bearings guy that that is him hand over hand pulling that lawnmower. I mean, that's probably... Maybe he's just mowing an area rug. That's what made Jerry Rice such a great football player. He's in the NFL Hall of Fame because he'd run up a sand dune, he'd pull a lawnmower

with a rope, All these things. Really? Yeah. Oh. I think that's true. Kegels. 40% true anyway. Yeah, right.

You know, enough to hang your hat on. Yeah. Nellie, when we come back, will you sing a song for us? Yes, please. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Hello, my name is Tusk Henderson, and I am an outdoorsman. Are you looking for a new comedy podcast? This month's episode of Beef and Dairy Network Podcast has as its guest the wonderful Nick Offerman,

playing the part of Tusk Henderson, adventurer and outdoorsman. Think about fitting yourself, a month's worth of provisions, and a half-ton cow into a kayak. So if you've never listened to the show before, this might be a good place to start. I string a bow string between her horn tips and I can fire a spear off the top of her head and took in some very delicious cod. So if you're after a new comedy podcast,

why not try the Beef and Dairy Network for maximum fun? Download it now. You flip a cow upside down, they make an excellent toboggan. You flip a cow upside down, they make an excellent toboggan. Hi, it's me, Paula Poundstone. And it's me, Adam Felber. We have a podcast called Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone. It's a comedy podcast where we bring on experts to teach us stuff we need to know. And, by the way, the guy who came to tell us what to do when you encounter a bear never showed up.

Anyway, it's fun. You are guaranteed laughs in every episode. You can't really guarantee laughs. What if somebody doesn't laugh? We'll get sued. Join us for our next episode when we have an expert in consumer law explain to us how to defend ourselves against one humorless litigious shut-in with enough time on their hands to sue us over our unfulfilled claim of guaranteed lapse in every episode here at MaximumFun.org. The Cat of the Week is Mabel from Green Bank, West Virginia. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, ukulele. That's right. As I call it. That's right. And you have a harmonica.

It looks like you got one of those one-man band harmonica holders on. Yeah. But this thing's got two harmonicas in it. Oh, that's correct.

There might just be a what do you call it? Not a transmogrification. A key change is too easy a word. Lycanthropy. You're going to turn into a werewolf. Modulation, yeah.

Modulating from human to wolf. What kind of song are you going to sing for us, Nellie? I'm going to sing a song called Red River Ball. I should have known you'd bid me farewell There's a lesson to be learned from this And I learned it very well Now I know you're not the only starfish in the sea If I never hear your name again, it's all the same to me And I think it's gonna be alright Yes, the worst is over now

The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball. Ha ha ha ha! You never cared for secrets I'd confide to you. I'm just an ornament, something for your pride. Always running, never caring, that's the life you live Stolen minutes of your time were all you had to give And I think it's gonna be alright Yeah, the worst is over now, the morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball. Hee hee hee hee. Ha ha ha.

The story's in the past. With nothing to recall. I've got my life to live. And I don't need you at all. The roller coaster ride we took is nearly at an end. I've bought my ticket with my tears, that's all I'm gonna spend. And I think it's gonna be all right. Yeah, the worst is over now. The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball. I think it's gonna be all right. Yeah, the worst is over now.

The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball. Yes! Yes! Nellie McKay, a rare privilege, sir. What a treat. What a treat. Well, what? You've awakened the Manchurian chihuahua. She likes it. Look, she likes Mom.

What is she looking at? She might just be looking at something on my shelf outside there. You have incredible decor. Please let us get a picture with that Dick Gregory photo. Of course. Yes. Of course. Nellie, what a joy it's been.

You've got a show coming up here in Los Angeles, right? That's right, right. When's that? October 29th. And then are you on the, what are you up to besides that? You've got a new EP coming out, right? Yes, I'll give you, I only brought one copy. I'm so sorry, Jordan.

Hey, you know what? Yeah, that's okay. I think if you play uke music loud enough, your neighbor will come down. Oh, yeah. We could do a little dance together, and then I'll segue into what's going on up there. I've been playing the ukulele for my children. They do not like it. Actively dislike it.

Oh, no kidding. Just like Bessie. They should want to pick it up. They're not interested? No, they're not interested. Wow, you have hit a rough patch. Contemptuous. But if you dig a ditch at the bottom of your new Lulimode hill, you could bury the children there. Things get bad enough.

Now we're talking. See, Nellie gets it. Full of good ideas. Nellie McKay. Multi-hyphenate. We said it at the beginning of the show. Multi-hyphenate. When we're done, we're going to play a song from the new EP. What song should we play, Nellie?

Oh, I think a song called Rock-A-Buy Your Baby with a Dixie melody. That's an old music hall classic from the great Nellie McKay. Nellie, what a joy it's an old music hall classic. It sure is. From the great Nellie McKay. Nellie, what a joy it's been to have you here. Thank you very much for making the time

from your luxurious all-barbecue-all-the-time poolside Los Angeles lifestyle. Look, you're not kidding. That Beyond Bratwurst sausage is completely animal-free. Oh, my goodness. I've been eating one every day. We're lousy with fake meats here in L.A. I'd love to get my lips on one of those breads.

You can't turn a corner without smacking face first into a delicious fake meat with a texture that's pretty close. I know. If you're wanting to tweet about Jordan Jesse Go, hashtag it JJ Go. If you're on Reddit, MaximumFun.reddit.com is where you can chat about the program. We're on Facebook. Just search for Jordan Jesse Go or join the Max Fun Group or Jordan. I don't mean to be presumptuous here. No.

Maybe do both. Yeah, why not? A little of each. It'll be fun for you. Why not both? Our producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. It's his name. Both.

Our producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. It's his name. Always a joy to have him penetrating the booth with his over loud laughs. Bessie is the name of our dog that I'm stealing from Nellie. A.K.A. L.A.'s Totally Awesome. L.A.'s Totally Awesome Dog. I hope we'll see everybody out at Nellie McKay's next show and everybody out at the record store, whether it be digital or physical, to purchase Nellie Mackay's new EP. Here is the great Nellie Mackay. Goodbye.

We love you. Anytime I hear a mammy sing a babe to sleep Slumber deep That's the time The shadows round my heart begin to creep And I weep Wonder why I went away What a fool I've been Take me back to yesterday What a fool I've been.

Take me back to yesterday in your arms again. Rock-a-bye-oh, baby, with a Dixie melody When you croon a tune from the heart of Dixie Just hang my cradle mammy mine Right on that

Mason Dixon line And swing it from Virginia To Tennessee with all the love that's in you Weep no more, my lady Sing that song again for me An old black joke Just as though you had me on your knee A million baby kisses I'll deliver

If you will only sing that Swanee River Rock-a-bye, oh, rock-a-bye, baby With a Dixie melody MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.