Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 610: Meat Coffin with Benjamin Partridge

Episode Date: November 12, 2019

Benjamin Partridge (Beef and Dairy Network Podcast) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the Q&A boss daddy at the book reading Jordan and Jesse went to this week, Benjamin's thorough washdown at WiSpa by an intense Korean man, and the worst British accents done by Americans.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jessico. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. How are you, friend? We're pretending like we haven't talked to each other. Yes. I would like to issue, this is the second time we've seen each other, today!

Jordan. Yes. like to issue, this is the second time we've seen each other, today. Jordan. Yes. You're wondering why I had these two cup-shaped trophies made. I was wondering. And the reason is, one is for you.

Oh, ah, it's hot. And they're for Chowder. Oh, it's filled with Chowder now. Yeah. These are friendship trophies for you and I for socializing more than once in the same week. Yeah. And one of the times socializing wasn't even on mic. Yeah.

So you'll just have to trust us that we did it. Yeah. There's no proof that we hung out. You'll just have to take our word for it. We wouldn't, we're're not gonna wind you up we saw two movies this week jordan you and me baby sure like friends yeah do you want let's run them down yeah we went to see the lighthouse that was that was last week wasn't it well it was it within the past week that's true wasn't it yeah was that last friday oh yeah that was a week ago Friday. Okay. My thesis is broken.

We're sorry. We're fucked. Yeah. Hey. So, yeah. We went to see a movie today. Yeah. I think we can, you know, well, you know, this podcast will come out a little later. So I think we could break the street date here.

We can reveal we went with Brandon Byrd. That's true. We're waiting for deadline to announce it internet painters yes brandon bird jordan and jesse hang out with old college friend uh says variety um yeah so we uh we went to see an advanced screening of uhives Out, the new Ryan Johnson pot boiler. Is that a pot boiler? Is that what it's called? It's like a whodunit.

It's a whodunit. There you go. It's like a whodunit. I was just looking at the chowder. Okay. And thinking of it boiling in a cauldron. Yeah, that shit was great. Yeah, it really was.

And there was a, because it was an advanced industry screening. Because we're in the industry. That's true. By we, I mean you. And there was a, because it was an advanced industry screening. Because we're in the industry. That's true. And by we, I mean you. That's true. I'm in an industry that lets me get in two friends. Yep. There was a Q&A after. Well, Jordan, I don't mean to derail this before we even get into some of the cues at the Q&A.

It's a beautiful theater. Sure. The Writers Guild Theater, where we were able to see the movie. So they'll do like award screenings there and kind of advanced stuff and little talks and whatnot. They had there Sprite, ginger ale, and lemonade ginger ale. Yeah, two kinds of ginger ales. Those were the choices. There was no cola, no Dr. Pepper certainly.

Yeah. Not a mug cola. No Dr. Pepper, certainly. Yeah. Not a mug root beer in sight. Baby was a little bit sweepy. That's your baby. Baby wanted a cola. A little bit of cola. Boy, you know how I feel about the word cola

and adding the childlike W makes it a lot better. I'm on board now. I now like cola as long as you say it koa. Would you like a koa? Oh, fuck, I hate it again. Shit.

Oh, no. It's a blue sky koa. All natural. Well, if it's got cane sugar. If it's got real cane sugar. So there was a cue. So I had to run to the CVS. Disappointing snack selection aside.

I was like, I'll just go get a Coke. I'll go to the CVS across the street. I said to the security guard at the front, I'm just going to run to the CVS to buy a Coke. I'll bring back a long receipt to prove it. Yeah. He said, are you sure you have time? I got intimidated. I ran to the CVS and ran back.

It was a pathetic scene. Yeah, it was really bad. When you came back, you had pooped in your pants like a marathon runner. Yeah, well, you know, I was trying to beat three hours. Sure, you got to beat three. Yeah. So there was a screening. The movie was a blast.

And there was a Q&A after the screening with Ryan and another famous screenwriter. Yeah. Oh, God. Drew Goddard, who wrote Cabin in the Woods and from what Brian Fernandez told me in The Elevator, the good season of Daredevil. Yeah. And he did a great job. So good that, well, I think my – anytime I see a Q&A that involves a person, a famous person, I know a little bit. Yeah.

I'm resentful if I'm not the person asking the questions. Right. You did actually try and tackle Drew Goddard, but he overpowered you. Yeah, that's true. He's a powerful man. He's got powerful fingers from typing. Typing all those screenplays. Right.

All those genre-bending screenplays. And I was – It takes powerful fingers to bend a genre like that. I was going to say that he did such a great job that I was no longer resentful of him. But the honest truth is he did such a great job. I was extra resentful. Yeah, he really I mean, but, you know, that's the kind of insight that only a fellow tradesman can bring. You know, that's what you're there for. You're there for the shop talk.

Yeah. You know, final draft, revisions, save the cat. Need I go on? Yeah. That's like why when Terry Gross got interviewed on her own show Fresh Air, Marc Maron did it. Wait. Oh, jeez. Go ahead.

Okay. And so there was this interview with Drew Goddard, which I think we both really liked. Yeah, it was great. A lot of good insights came out. Cool insights. A lot of spoilers, though. We can't tell you the insights. We will not reveal the insights or spoilers.

Spoilers, though. We can't tell you the insights. We will not reveal the insights or spoilers. But then they, you know, and then they went to the audience for some questions. Oh, and so I was going to actually talk about this. So we actually have socialized twice this week. We went to Hodgman's thing. Yes, we did. John Hodgman did an in-conversation at L.A. Live Talks, Live Talks L.A. in Little Tokyo here in Los Angeles.

Beautiful theater there at the Japanese American Cultural Center with the great Amy Mann. Oh, yeah. And boy, she did a great job with those insights. She really did a great job. She really brought those insights. I would say Drew Goddard level insights. You know, here's the thing about that. I would be resentful that Amy got that gig and I didn't. You know, but at the end of the day, only

a fellow comedy podcaster who really knows what it's like to be in a fake comedy court could have the insights that Amy brought to the table. Exactly. Yeah. So, yeah, so I noticed this at Hodgman's Q&A.

So, you know, Amy did the interview with him. It was great. He read some from the book. And then, you know, you went to the audience. And the man who kind of facilitated the Q&A. I think he's the boss of Live Talks LA. Yeah. He gave a very stern warning before.

You know, our guest was there. Yeah. Our guest was there too. Let's bring him in yeah he's the host and creator of the beef and dairy network podcast he's a celebrated comedy writer in his uh in his adopted home of england uh he is probably the most celebrated comedy writer since pg woodhouse yeahhouse. Yeah, that's fine. His name, Ben Partridge. Hello. Hi, Ben.

So you were at the Hodgman event, the John Hodgman event with us. I wasn't even sat next to you, but I could feel how much you wanted to be in Amy Mann's seat. He did. He tried to take her down, too, to no avail. Some of the things you're saying under your breath. Here's the thing. Amy's got sharp elbows. Right.

You know, you think just because I weigh- That's why they call her the Charles Barkley of indie rock. Just because I weigh two and a half times what Amy Mann weighs, you think you've got it. And just because I've got an extra 18 inches of reach on her, she's a she's got the she's got the corners yeah she's got sharp corners she's got special moves yeah are you been now jesse said adopted home of england are you not are you not from england i'm from wales oh you know what's that like to americans that were making it you know it's all the same to you guys but you know i was pretty proud of myself for noting it yeah because i wouldn't have said anything, but I would have silently resented you.

So it's all worked out. Yeah. How is it? They got all those puppy dog tails. What? After England, Ireland, and Scotland. Oh, wait. Maybe they all have puppy dog tails.

Yeah, I'm confused. England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, something, something, puppy dog tails? I think that's what snips and snails and puppy dog tails is what little boys are made of. Really? Yeah. What is England? In a child's poem that I think we can all agree now is problematic. Yeah.

What is England, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales made of? Puppy dog tails, right? I think it's just land, man. I think it's just land masses. I would. And more importantly, the people there. And the people and the beautiful people and their wonderful culture. It would be horrifying.

Now that you mention it, if it were made of puppy dog tails, that would be a symptom of a horrifying puppy dog genocide. Like a sort of raft made of puppy dog tails. Oh, sure. Just like the supplemental addition to Watchmen, the Curse of the Black Freighter, where a man has to make a raft out of his drowned crew. Do you remember? It's like that, but with puppy dog tails. Do you remember the supplemental addition to the Watchmen, the Curse of the Black Freighter, where you're like, what is this? Why is this in here?

It's thematically related. What does it mean? Yeah, well, it's about you know, it's about. It's a boring thing about pirates. No, it's good. It's part of the text. I don't know. Anyway.

Didn't do anything for me at the time. It's good. It's thematically related. It's a deconstruction of, ugh, anyway. Okay. Yeah, you're right. I'm sure you're right, Jordan. There's a lot of boring shit in Washington, I guess.

Brian, you got a. I like the Blackface. You got a Puppy Dog Tales update? Yeah, so your version is popular in New Zealand and Australia. England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, inside, outside, puppy dog's tail. What's that mean, though? It means those are the countries of the United Kingdom. But what's that got to do with the...

I think it's like a kid's rhyme that they jump rope to. So puppy dog tails rhymes with Scotland andland and wales they jump rope to it yeah what's my thing but also hang on your thing is is like i'm like a cool nerd oh yeah my overall thing yes what's my that's my deal actually you're in that's my that's my deal of the latest video games in their lore. Sure, that's true. The island section of that rhyme has been very problematic for almost 100 years. Yeah, that's fair. Ben, what would you say your deal is?

What's my deal? Yeah. How'd you mean? Yeah, you know, what are you, like, some kind of, like, Welsh guy or something? I don't know. I'm a Welsh guy. How do you feel about The Curse of the Black Freighter? I've never heard of it.

Okay. Yeah, reasonable. It's a boring part from The Watchman that you're confused as to why it's there. It's thematically related. It's the overall theme of the things men do to survive. You borrow The Watchman from your college roommate, Mike, and then you're like, this is to be like the best comic book ever right and you're like well this is a little bleak but it's pretty interesting why is this fucking pirate

part in here clearly you you don't realize that it's a commentary on the EC comics of the pre code and never mind we do what we can yeah I feel I feel out of my depth here like I need to hail a raft made of dog's tails there you go and sail

away from the podcast yeah uh your thing is part is a thing it's what little boys are made what little boys are made of and then the other side of that is what little girls are made of oh sugar and spice and all things nice yeah yeah yeah but very problematic it It seems problematic. Hey, Sugar and Spice Puppy Dog Tales, you're canceled. Yeah, that's a good point. You're canceled. That's a good point. This is not normal. Hey, Puppy Dog Tales, you're canceled.

It sounds to me like Jordan just canceled Puppy Dog Tales. I did. Sorry. Can I ask you guys a question? Has cancel culture gone too far? No. Maybe it has. Maybe it has.

When it comes to puppy, in the specific case of puppy dog tails. You know, guys, if puppy dog tails show up to a gala, don't boo them. No. Let them be. They've suffered enough. They're just there to pick somebody up who only travels by raft. Right. Yes, let's keep that going.

We have to keep that consistent. Yeah, otherwise it won't make sense. Right. Keeping it consistent is the only way to make it make perfect sense. Right, exactly. So were your parents disappointed that you left Wales For Britain Great Britain Wales is in Great Britain

So what's England So what's Portugal A portion of Ireland Disputed Scotland Wales Sorry what was the question I can't remember

Are your parents still in Wales Yeah they're still wales and i actually spend about half my time there my partner lives there so oh that's nice yeah i'm back and forth up and down the most way you're bi-coastal i'm i'm like the uk version of bi-coastal which involves getting a bus for two hours when you're welsh that's that bus ride is it? Is it a nice bus ride? Oh, it's horrific. Why is it? There's a train. There is a train. I can't afford it.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's working on a comedy writer's salary. That's true. You're making bus money. Yeah. He's too busy writing gags for, I guess, Benny Hill. Do you have the megabus here? That's something that is in maybe the East Coast has a megabus.

the megabus here uh that's something that is in maybe the east coast has a megabus it's something you can take from like the goes that will drop you off in new york's chinatown from most states yeah we do have a few different brands of bus with a lot of bull branding and you pay five dollars but the downside is it's always on fire yeah you've got the brand greyhound yeah that's a class but we don't we don't have Greyhound because in Britain, Greyhound already means something else. That means somebody that wants to fuck older ladies?

That's right. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Kind of like the reverse of a cougar. Yeah.

What does Greyhound mean in English? It's a dog. I mean, I was making a joke. Oh. Fun. Yeah. Fun. Yeah. Cool.

That's the kind of thing you do on this show. Yeah. Oh, so we were talking about- Should we start doing that? No. Okay. No. Yeah.

No, no, no. That's- We have a guest. We're going to let him do his thing. We're going to do our thing. When you grow up in Wales, what amount of Welsh speaking do you do? So I don't speak Welsh particularly. My mother is a Welsh speaker.

My grandparents were Welsh speakers. But I grew up in a time when people didn't really get taught Welsh that much. But it's now coming back because it was a dying language and now it's resurgent. My stepmother is Irish. Yeah. And she grew up doing Irish stuff for, I mean, like for a combination of cultural and like political reasons because she grew up in the north of Ireland. Sure. But like she grew up doing like step dancing, playing penny whistle and learning Irish thing phrases, despite the fact she did not really speak Irish to the point where they would go to Donegal, which is a beautiful but very cold, rocky coastal area of Ireland. And they would go and just do Irish stuff there.

It was like a thing. It was like everybody off to Donegal to do Irish stuff. And she always, from what she presented to me, she always resented all these Irish things she had to do. And then I went to Belfast a few years ago with my wife. We were sitting there with my stepmother's sister. Shout out to Auntie Marion. Holla.

Yeah. She does exactly this. She's whoop whoop. She brings a lot of urban flavor to the table. And Auntie Marion goes, oh, your stepmother fecking loves that stuff. I'm like, really? She fecking loved it. She was the best of all of us.

And I was like, really? At like step dancing and painting. All the folk art shit. Yes. Yeah. Yes. I'll have that on my stepmother forever. What is Welsh stuff?

Welsh stuff, it's very similar to Irish stuff. It's a lot of dancing. It is Welsh stuff? Welsh stuff, it's very similar to Irish stuff. It's a lot of dancing. It's a lot of linguistic stuff. It's a small, quite dry cake. Okay.

Oh, let's learn about the cake. The Welsh cake? Yeah. It's like half-way between a biscuit or a cookie, as you call them over here,

and a cake. Is it just called Welsh cake? It's called a Welsh cake. Uh-huh. Yeah. This doesn't seem it seems a little like colonialist or something.

Was it named the Welsh cake by Welsh people? Does it represent Wales? Or was it called you know like a fruity two-tone cake but then English people were like oh yeah that Welsh cake? Yeah we'll call that Welsh cake. Do you have Welsh rabbit here?

It exists here but it's not often served. That's like a beer-soaked bread covered in cheese. So that's like a racist name because it's an English name and it means Welsh rabbit and the idea is that Welsh people were either so stupid or so poor at hunting small mammals that they would have to settle for some cheese on toast and pretend it was a rabbit because they couldn't get their own rabbit. But for some reason they would soak it in a dark beer. Yeah.

I mean, it's nicer than a rabbit, right? I'd rather eat a beer-soaked piece of bread covered in cheese than a rabbit. Well, now that I know about its problematic past, I will promise never to order it again. That does not impact my life at all. But I think we should all applaud me for taking such a brave stance. I made it once and I was disappointed that it tasted like beer.

And I don't know, I should have put those pieces together before I cooked it. Yeah, it's basically just bread, beer, and cheese. It probably will taste like beer. Yeah. I mean, it's a whole culture, really. It's hard.

It's kind of hard. Interesting. Interesting. I know. Yeah. I went on another country's podcast. They said, what's American stuff? Cheeseburgers.

I just talked about cheeseburgers i just talked about baseball for an hour i don't give a shit kevin can wait we're big into rugby sport wise i was just watching rugby on television we just lost today to the south africans in the in the rugby world cup is that what's going on yeah i was watching new zealand apparently get beat very badly by england which i was surprised by because that's New Zealand's whole deal. I know. Playing rugby. I know.

Yeah. What's great about the New Zealand rugby team that I found is, I mean, there's like giant Pacific Islander guys. That's a key. That's a core group of people on the New Zealand team. On almost any international team. Yeah. Because every team sort of tries to entice them over to live there long enough to qualify through residency to play.

So we have – actually, our Pacific Islander guy actually was born in Wales. But most teams have got a few slightly dubious – their nationality is dubious to me yeah like half of half of american football linemen which is the biggest american football players right are giant pacific island right okay yeah one of my favorites as a kid was jesse sapolu the uh center for the 49ers who's shared my first name but so they have that those guys but then there's this other category of guy that is like a white guy whose head is as wide as his shoulders and who also is like two feet smaller than everyone else there's like four of these guys in this game these white guys that don't even look like if i saw that guy because there's different guys there's like fast guys yeah there's you see if I saw that guy – because there's different guys.

There's like fast guys. Yeah. You see the fast guy. That guy looks like an athlete immediately. You immediately recognize that guy to be an athlete. The giant guys, you're like, well, that guy's pretty giant. Yeah. You know, he's probably an athlete.

These guys don't even look like – like at best, they work in the back at the post office. You know what I mean? Just humping stuff around. Yeah, but not doing a great job. Like they don't look like they could be at the front at the post office. So they're not presentable enough to do the admin stuff. No, and they don't look like they could handle it. You know what I mean? Like they just look like they just go, ah, je. And they don't look like they could handle it. You know what I mean?

Like, they just look like they just go, ah, jeez, I don't know. You know what I mean? Just give them a bag of mail. I actually don't know what you mean. But I'm happy that you've engaged with rugby in such a way. You're aware of The Hacker, right? No.

You're not? No, I've seen the movie Hackers, which is what launched Angelina Jolie's career. And Johnny Lee Miller. And Johnny Lee Miller, of course. Are you aware of the hacker? Hacker is a guy who drives a New York City taxi cab. Is that correct? So the hacker is thinking about Johnny Lee Miller.

OK. Acting did not go well for him. Yeah. The hacker is like a Maori dance type thing. Oh, yes. Of course. Yes. They do before the match. Okay. Acting did not go well for him. Yeah. The Hacker is like a Maori dance type thing. Oh, yes. Of course, yes. That they do before the match. Yes.

And these days it kind of works because they're all big Pacific Island guys. They're Maori people. Yeah. They do it. It's kind of terrifying. They stick their tongue out and they're big imposing guys. And it's amazing. They all do it at the same time.

It's like breathtaking. Yeah. It's incredible. Absolutely amazing. I implore you to go on YouTube and look up the Hacker of the 70s, which is before I think they'd kind of included married people really properly in the rugby team, but they had appropriated their kind of traditional dance. So you just had a lot of kind of bulky, quite doughy-looking, sideburns-sporting ginger white guys

doing a sort of tribal war dance before the match. And it's an absolutely wonderful spectacle. You know what they look like, the guys that I was talking about? They look like they are guys that hang around with the team but have never played on a team. So, like... What I don't understand is you're talking about some of the greatest athletes in the world. But these guys that are, like, what I don't understand is you're talking about some of the greatest

athletes in the world. But these guys that are like 5'5", or 5'6", there's no one that's 5'5". There's several guys that appear to be.

Were you flicking between the rugby and the movie Trolls? Yeah. Now that I think about it, I was. Yeah. There were several guys

that were just dramatically, they were wide. Is it the referee? Were they in the crowd? Were they selling hot dogs? That's not rugby. That's Young Shelton. Okay.

Oh, back to our Q&A story. Yes, sorry. So we were at Hodgman's. No, no, that's okay. Podcasts are all about – Structure. That's right, structure and – Delivering on your promises.

There you go. And finishing a story. Yep. So at Hodgman's Q&A before the – it opened up to the audience. The man who led the thing had a very stern warning. I think it was something like, okay, before I hand out the mics, and this guy is a very serious dad type. He was great. This guy was great.

This guy is a real- I fell in love with this guy the second he walked on the stage. He was wearing a professor costume. Big jacket. Yeah. Over a polo, I think. Tucked in polo. Yeah.

And he had a beard and he's the boss of the whole thing. He's owning it. Yeah. He also had the body type of like... He was extremely top heavy and narrow at the bottom. Where would he work in the post office? Sorry. What stage of the process?

How does he feel about stamps? Is he driving the van? He really looked, he was a really big dude with a lot of physical presence. Absolutely. And he was dressed in very professorially. But he also looked like if you ran up to him and pushed him, he would fall but then maybe bounce back up. Possibly. Sure.

Like I wouldn't do that to someone. No, uh-uh. He seemed like a nice man. I had no reason to do it. Plus, I wouldn't do that to someone. No, uh-uh. He seemed like a nice man. I had no reason to do it. Plus, I bet he could Drew Goddard you right to the ground. That's probably true. Put you in the old Drew Goddard chokehold. And you know Amy Maines on his team.

He's the one that hired her. Yeah, that's right. So he'll hold you down and she'll poke me. Elbows in the eyes. Give you a pink belly. He was unusually strict, though, at the beginning. He was, yes, a real daddy up there. He laid down a set of rules.

Telling us what to do. So he's like, all right, questions begin with a W or an H, and they never begin with an I. I think he said you could do a D as well. You could do a D. Sometimes D. Sometimes you could do a D. You've You could do a D. Sometimes D. Sometimes you could do a D. You've got to make room for dick cues.

Sure. Do you like my dick? And then you whip it out. Yeah. And then you're thrown out and never invited back to the Japanese American Cultural Center ever again. Yeah. So, yeah. So, I mean, I think what he's he's doing is you know he said there's

no such thing as a two-part question right which is not not true no it's not but i mean i think he's he was creating his own reality that we were all having to live in i think exactly yeah it's like daddy's got his rules you're in daddy's house yeah and if you don't follow the rules you're not going to get any cake yeah the cake in this situation is an answer to your question yeah um and yeah i mean i think we've all been to those q and a's where you know the person stands up and says you know i have a two-part question i do what you do here's a description of the thing that i do is similar usually self-published amazon novel yeah um and then you know proceeds to just kind of ramble on about something.

Just really stink out the room. At cultural events, these are dudes. Yes, these are dudes. I think I've been to some for a while when I was in high school. When I worked in the mayor's office, I would go to the board of supervisors meeting every week. There's crazy community-oriented women. But at a film screening or a book event, my experience has been 15 out of 16 of these are dudes who have something to

say. That's true. They've been, it's been stewing in their little brain. It's been just percolating there like a chowder in a trophy. Bring it back. That makes it make sense. Keep going.

They just gotta, they gotta spit it out at the person they love yeah yeah this is a this is a this is an issue at cons comic and otherwise yeah i went to a podcast taping recently that had a q a at the end i looked up at the line i said to myself what am i noticing is the same about these people and then I counted and there were 14 dudes and one lady. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, I think so. Yeah. So I think, you know, those can be they can be fun, you know, and like when you're hearing from the fan of something, it can be like, oh, you know, I mean, obviously you're all in that room because you're interested in the same thing. So, you know, they can be enlightening, but you just, you know, those ones really, really spoil the milk.

Yeah. And yeah, and Daddy's warning was great because we, most of the questions were pretty terrific. Well, everybody feared the lash. Sure, yeah. There was a two-part question, though. There was a two-part question. And I was sad to see him not follow through on his threat. Yeah, I really wanted him to see him, you know, laid down the law.

But anyways, but I think so. Daddy did say, I don't know if he mentioned this, that there's no such thing as a two-part question, which I thought was a fucking bold-ass way to, like, not just you can't ask, but they literally do not exist. She basically split the ass in front of us. Yeah. They literally do not exist. She basically split the atom in front of us. Yeah. Yeah, and that'll go down in history as the world's first two-part question. It's like the beginning of 2001.

So that is an issue. That is a problem that we acknowledge now. And I was obviously a little bit worried going into the Kn out q a um you know that there was no daddy there there was no daddy was not there um you know obviously you know maybe you hope that drew goddard would take the role of daddy daddy d yes daddy dg um but he did not um he just kind of opened it up to questions. And, you know, and I guess my fear was like, you know, obviously like another writer. You know, like obviously, you know, in that room you have a lot of different people who are part of the guild. But, you know, I think a lot of the audience is just like a dude who wrote two episodes of Airwolf in 1981 and has been going to movies for free his whole life on that.

Yeah. And... Were you talking about our friend Gene's dad? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, our friend Gene O'Neill's dad definitely wrote a lot of that kind of syndicated TV, I believe specifically Hercules and Xena, Warrior Princess.

Yeah. But yeah, but also, you know, because Ryan is so associated with Star Wars, you're like, boy, is this going to be all Star Wars shit? And, you know, I wasn't sure I wanted to hear pro-Ryan Johnson Star Wars people or certainly not anti-Ryan Johnson Star Wars people. I had invited our friend Brandon Byrne because he's a very vocal pro-Ryan Johnson Star Wars people. I had invited our friend Brandon Byrne because he's a very vocal pro-Ryan Johnson Star Wars guy. What I like about his thoughts

about the Star Wars movie, which I watched once and enjoyed very much and was very confused as to what people didn't like about it, is that he combines... Let Jesse know

what you didn't like about it. Hit him up on Twitter. Please don't. I like our friend Brandon's level of deeply committed nerdery is extraordinary. It is. He's also a very gifted artist and a very smart artist who thinks about art very deeply. And I love the way that his defenses of the Rian johnson star wars movie are like deeply grounded in both like feelings like here's something i think about like how the how how the how the shots are composed

uh and also here's something i feel about an otherwise unnamed character that like appears for two seconds in the you know what i mean mean? Sure, yeah. Here's some feelings about Dexter Jetster. Yes, exactly. Squibdar, I think Squibdar's uniform, wearing his formal uniform was significant here. So with that, Ben, are you a Star Wars guy? No. No, it's okay.

Is that okay? Yeah. I think I'm a medium Star Wars guy and Jesse is a low Star Wars guy. No, I'm a medium Star Wars guy. You're medium? Which one did Rian Johnson do? Is that the last one? Yeah, the last mainline Star Wars.

The one with the porgs in? The one with the porgs, yeah. That for me is a real highlight. Yeah, porgs are great. They're fucking great. And I do have a couple of – Porgs in your cupboard at home? I have a couple of porgs in my cupboard, if you know what I mean.

Just waiting to find the right greyhound to take the porgs out of the cupboard. I want to have anal sex with an elderly woman. Yeah. That's what I'm getting at. Yeah. That's what I'm getting at. Yeah. So I do have a couple of men in my life, men who are special to me, who happen to be anti-Disney Star Wars people.

I disagree with them. I like Disney Star Wars movies very much. And I don't think they're coming at their... I just want to make clear, I'm not anti either. I just don't... No, no. I just do not care. That's fine. That's perfectly fine.

So, yeah. I just don't. No, no. I just do not care. That's fine. That's perfectly fine. So, yeah. So, I mean, I think you can be critical of them and still, you know, and not be coming at it from a place of I'm like a Reddit asshole. Yeah.

But that being said, I don't want to hear any of it in a public context. Yeah. So were there Star Wars-y questions at this Q&A? No, there was one kind of toward the end where a guy slipped in a Star Wars The Last Jedi, you made it, in writing it, you wrote a list of all the people who could be the parents of, what's her name? Remember when I just said I'm a medium? Yeah. I do really like Star Wars. Sure. You know, the main.

Well, there's what's her name who flies around in the whoosh whoosh. I really can't remember her name. Will you help me? Rey. Rey. Rey. Rey. Rey.

Yeah. Rey. Yeah, the main lady. And the people were upset about finding out about her parentage. Rey Lo is the ship name between Rey and Kylo, people who want Rey and Kylo to end up together. They're from the Rey Lo. Ah. Yeah.

And people who love the prequels are called Stanikins, people who Stan Anakin. Okay. These are all real Star Wars things that I know. Thank you. But he said, you know, I know that you made a list of all the people who could be Ray's parent and then decided based on that what direction you took the film. But it could literally be any. No spoilers. You could bring in a character.

Yeah, that's true. But it wasn't just a list of that. It was like what all the consequences would be for that. Oh, I see. And they asked, this guy asked, then he then made a hard turn towards the film we had just watched and asked if Ryan had put the same consideration into thinking who the killer would be in his whodunit film. And I, who had basically held my breath while he started asking the Star Wars question, was relieved that he asked a nice real question about the real movie that we just watched. It was great. And I think everybody did a really good job with the questions.

I think he answered thoughtfully. But one man stood out. One man asked perhaps the greatest Q aq of all time now this is a guy if any of you guys uh well if you just go to the post office you wouldn't know him right into the back of the post a lot of post office stuff is automated these days so maybe that guy's out of a job yeah um stamps.com he so yeah so i mean i think like obviously you know there's a daddy's out of a job. Stamps.com. So, yeah. So, I mean, I think, like, obviously, you know, there's a daddy's out there drilling the need to monologue out of people. And I think this guy had just been so beaten down by the daddies of the world that he raised his hand and says, yes, when you were making the film, were there any – did you have any difficulties or concerns of any kind?

Yes, and then just sat down. Most open-ended, generous question. Like just like tell a story about the making of the film. It was so fucking perfect. And I'm just like, yes, great. All of these – that's what all Q&A cues should be, just very general things. Just like raise your hand and say, did you have any thoughts? Yeah.

Tell me, did you consider themes? Yeah. What is movie? Are we friends? Where's my car? Where did I park? Back behind the post office. It was so magical.

It was great. It was a fucking, it was like a, it was as though the moment when he finished saying that sentence, it was as though there were fireworks going off inside that theater. Yeah. were fireworks going off inside that theater. Yeah. Just a spectacular dazzling array of fireworks as everyone realized that was the end of the question. And he had simply asked if he had faced any challenges during production. So, I mean, I think in the spirit of that, and I really want to bring that spirit to

my work that I do. So I think in that spirit, Ben, you've had a long and interesting career. Of course, you make the great podcast Beef and Dairy Network. Sure. Have you had any difficulties

or concerns? It's actually really hard to answer that question. What did Ryan do? Ryan talked about how great everybody was. Although I was amazed to learn there's not a film what do we think we are who shot you the film podcast for maximum fun that everyone should

subscribe to but if it were who shot you i would say i was really stunned to learn that he had made the film soup to nuts in a year including not just shooting it in a year. Hang on. Started writing it in January and then finished it by December. Is soup to nuts not a term used in England? Is the film called Soup to Nuts? No. Oh. I thought he'd write a film called Soup to Nuts between January.

That does sound like something that John Cleese would have done after Fawlty Towers. We read that on PBS when we were kids. He started writing the movie in January, towers. Read on PBS when we were kids. Started writing the movie in January, finished it up in December. Can you please explain why Soup to Nuts is a reasonable thing to say?

Soup is the first course, and of course as we all know from having dined at fine restaurants, the final course is nuts. Is that where that comes from? Yeah. Is that just some, like in the olden times where you, you know, you got like an orange for Christmas and nuts were a dessert? Yeah, where you had to preserve food with cloves. Huh. Yeah.

So we are. Soup to nuts. Ben should know. He lives in England. They still eat that shit there. We eat nuts. Well, we eat nuts, too. Nuts are available. You guys still eat nuts? Yeah? We eat nuts. Well, we eat nuts too. Nuts are available.

You guys still eat nuts? Yeah. Yeah. Sure. That's the motto in America. Don't neglect the nuts. Man. I know.

Don't have a flag. I've talked about this book before on Jordan Jesse Go when I first read it because it blew my mind so much. But there's this Bill Bryson book called Home where he just writes about – it's like a history of domestic space. But there's basically – history is strong. It's just some cool things he learned about. And there's just this one chapter about what people – what like kings and queens and dukes and stuff ate in like medieval Europe to like renaissance Europe. And the answer is just like as many types of birds as they could catch.

Isn't there a thing called the meat coffin? Are you aware of this? No, no. Where they would just make a big coffin out of pastry and then just fill it with any animals they could find. Whoa. And just slide that thing into an oven. Wow. The past was better.

into an oven. Wow. The past was better. And then a certain number of hours later, you would open the lid of the coffin and your guests would dine on the fowl and hogs within. Right. Yes. Oh, man. The delicious meat corpse.

It's like the prestige was in. They also didn't have forks. They only had spoons and knives. Is that right? Yeah. Oh, wow. They didn't invent forks until like the 1700s or something. But anyway, the prestige was how many different animals you could have on one table.

Get them in the coffin. That's why you had the coffin. Yeah. They'd be like serving you little songbirds. They'd be serving you big old turkeys. Big fat puffins or whatever. Porgs. Porgs.

That's how the porg went extinct on Earth. God, yeah. That's how Louis Couture became king. He was not king yet, but then he served porgs at a dinner and everyone was like, well, this guy, we got to kick him up a notch. That seems like something that the foodie celebrity chef pop-up industry should bring back is the meat coffin. Yeah. I could see a bunch of foodies getting together in an old warehouse space that you learn about on Instagram, chowing down on a meat coffin that a guy with tattoo sleeves serves you. That would be great.

Do you think people are ready to eat birds besides chickens, turkeys, and ducks? Oh, yeah. I feel like – Are you aware of the Autolan? I was going to say. Isn't the Autolan making a comeback? What's an Autolan? Right.

So – I'm not. An Autolan is when you go to a French restaurant. I think it's illegal now. I think it is illegal in the US, I think. I think it's illegal in France as well. But I think Francois Mitterrand, who was the president of France for some time uh when he lost his job or or stepped down i can't remember what happened to him he celebrated or commemorated that evening by eating an autoland which was illegal um anyway an autoland is a baby bird

that's only just been born and it's a kind of songbird then you have to put a sheet over your head so that god can't see you yeah and then you eat it alive that's horrible yeah that's the most horrible thing i've ever heard in my life yeah there you go well you put a sheet on your head so god can't see i thought you were a foodie i guess i'm not a foodie yeah i'm only a i'm only a a low a low star wars guy yeah and i'm not a i'm a fake foodie. Fucking fake foodie. Unless you're being an alter-laner, you can't be, you know. Yeah, sorry. You got to eat shit alive.

It's also hiding from God. Balut eggs. Jordan has eaten a balut. I have eaten a balut egg, yeah. Did that have a baby chick in it? It had a baby chick in it, yeah. It was pretty upsetting. I do know that that is, you know, like I think in other, you know, in, I don't know what culture.

It's big in the Philippines. Daniel, our colleague Daniel Baruela has eaten many baluts and is totally fine with it. Yeah. I mean, I think, you know, obviously it's something you just it's like a snack food. It's like a street snack food that maybe you would get from a vendor. I, as an American fella who loves his meat nuggeted, couldn't fucking handle it. But, I mean, maybe the thing I was doing wrong was I was doing it in full view of God. Yeah. I should have hidden myself under one of those sheets that God can't see through.

What material does that have to be to where God can't see? It's a kind of sequins type thing, isn't it? Oh, you think so? I was going to suggest one of those heavy bibs they give you at the dentist. I was going to say adamantium. The metal that Wolverine's skeleton is made out of. Yeah, so we've all got a good idea. Or those kind of, um, those...

Yes, we've all got a good idea about what you can make a sheet out of so that God couldn't see through. Each of us has a good idea. We've all got a good idea. So we're going to have to each put our sheet over our head. Do something despicable. And see which one goes to hell.

I'm going to jack off under mine. Spoiler alert. I'm going to jack off under mine spoiler alert I'm gonna jack off a tiny songbird and riot as it's blasting bite it's head off I'll show it to be so dainty and delicious and delicious

with it's hollow fucking bones we should put a sheet over this podcast can I? So God can't hear. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to make my sheet out of vibranium now, I think. Right now.

Choose the other Marvel metal. Right now, God is up in heaven talking to like St. Luke or whatever. Yeah. And he's just going like, so what's the point of the show? Like, what are they talking about? It's like, well, they've been friends since college. I think you should be pleased that he's trying it. Yeah.

Because he's a big, big Bill Burr guy, I think. He's a big, yeah. So he's got a lot of that to listen to. And we're here to promo on Mabim Bam. And the promo's fun. It's a parody of those Chevy commercials, you know, you see where they've got the review, they're showing everybody getting their real reactions to Chevy.

He knows about that because he watches a lot of sports on TV. Right. Watches a lot of TV sports. So he's like, I'll give this a try. I love the McElroys. Yeah. These guys are fun. And, you know, it's a tough lesson to learn, but we've all got to learn it somehow.

You know? Just because you hear a promo for this show on my bim bam doesn't mean you're going to like this show. Do you think God's got this show on MBM doesn't mean you're going to like this show. Do you think God's got this far into the show? Yeah, because he's one of those guys where it's like he's got to finish what he starts. Okay. You know what I mean? He won't bail on it.

And that's gotten him in trouble in the past. That's true. I don't know if you know this, but he came up one day, he came up with this idea for a little rainstorm. Yeah. Sure. And anyway, one thing led to another, 40 days and 40 nights passed, and there is quite a scene down here on Earth. Everything turned out okay, though. It did.

Well, all those animals did their fucking, and, you know, we took care of business. And so the moral of the story is that— Stay fucking, baby. Stay fucking, baby, and God can't see through adamantium. Yeah. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Well, that's a comedy double act from Manchester in the UK. But we're not familiar with them. It would be a stolen Valor situation. Absolutely.

Yeah, I'd be stopped in a petrol station and they'd say, sorry, sir, that's not real, is it? That's not really your name. I love watching stolen Valor YouTube videos because I'm not really aware. Wait, I didn't know this was a – Tom. Yeah. Explain. So it's people like kind of entrapping people who are dressed...

So I don't understand it, right? It doesn't happen in the UK. It seems as if here in the US, a country I don't understand, so you can tell me if I'm wrong. Sometimes people... Can I explain it real quick? There's cheeseburgers and baseball games. Go ahead.

Sometimes someone will dress up in a military uniform and then just walk into a gas station and just kind of get some respect off people they'll just kind of be like thank you for your service sir and he'll say thank you and people seem to do this just for because they're sad yeah i don't know that's why i do it yeah sure so uh and then when people do it for sexual reasons sure there's a lot of video footage of then real people who are in the army they'll notice that the the uniform doesn't make sense in some way so it'll have like a badge from the gulf war but they'll be like oh that's the wrong number or you're not you know you're the wrong age or like they'll kind of know it because they they understand all that thing yeah and then

they'll just go up to them and start asking them questions about their service which obviously this person tries to answer but very quickly gets undone it's absolutely excruciating viewing that always ends with them being like fuck you man i went to iraq for five years and you're just wearing that and getting it always it kind of gets do they always talk kind of like this um i'm i'm not sure what what what accent is that the veteran that's ben partridge doing an american oh god sorry sorry sorry i shouldn't have i enjoyed it i loved it it was at least as good as benedict Cumberbatch as Doctor Strange. So I was pleased to hear that. It's me, Doctor Strange. I know magic spells. Yeah, I'm Liam Neeson.

I've lived in this brownstone all my life. Wait, Liam Neeson, are you here? Yeah, that's right. I'm Liam. Don't hands off my daughter. I have to put her back in the brownstone where I've lived my entire life. Are you from Brooklyn, Liam Neeson, originally? Oh, it's the boy from Brooklyn, uh-huh.

Oh, I'm sorry, guys. That's right. Slice of pizza. Every time one of our people does a British accent, it probably fucking sucks. Well, that's the thing. They're always bad. And then I was quite pleased, actually, to learn that I didn't realize Benedict Cumberbatch's American accent is bad because it sounds correct to me. Yeah.

It's fun. It's like a fun. Some of them are very fun. I think his is very fun. I think Liam Neeson's is very fun. Is Liam Neeson even doing an American? He doesn't seem to do one. He just kind of.

Boy, yeah. I mean, in all of his throat punching movies, I feel like half of the throat punchers, they movies i feel like half of the throat punchers they in they correctly include some sort of line where they're like you know where the daughter who will get stolen it's like you know um oh you know oh oh dad you know sorry he still thinks this is how they do it in ireland and they'll just throw it off it'll be so or you'll see his passport or something like that to explain it's like a get out of jail free con he'll just be yeah off. It'll be, or you'll see his passport or something like that to explain. So it's like a get out of jail free con for the accent. Yeah.

Yeah. Carrying a Van Morrison album under his arm. Right. And then. Holding a shillelagh. But yeah, but other times they'll just try and stick a, stick a weird like East coast accent in him. Sometimes he just wears leprechaun shoes.

Right. Oh, well clearly. Darby O'Gill overun shoes. Right. He's like, oh, well, clearly. Darby O'Gill over here. But yeah, I think they try and set him up as just like, yeah, just a guy who's grown up in New York all his life. And, you know, I'm from this neighborhood. I grew up here.

Steam coming out of vents on the ground. Pizza pie. Pepper and onions. Pepper and onions. Yeah. It's's like but yeah and it's like it's it's supposed to be this hyper east coasty thing but right well to me it's all just i think they're nailing it but like yeah i can't tell that's the thing and then someone told me that bend it coming batches was actually quite bad and i was pleased yeah i was like good it's a hoot i think of all the it might be the best bad one.

Does he sound like an American in any way? Has he just like picked an odd accent to do? It's, yeah, it's like, I think when you hear it, you're like, huh, is he trying to be from Maine? Like they all seem like they are. Oh, okay.

I think a good example. He's always talking about lobster. Yeah. i think a good example he's always talking about lobster yeah i think a good example is like for a hot second he you know there was the trend of like crime movies about boston yeah and all of you know all of the like tough guy american actors did a boston thing and it was so fucking it was always always weird. It was always, yeah, you know, God, whoa. I'm talking to my friend Sully. Sully, you know, Ma, Sully. And then, yeah, it all started.

Everyone's kind of like, Sully got a little. Sully got a little. Laying it on a little thing. Right, yes. That guy Sully got a load of work, though. Yeah, but just being yelled at off camera. He was never appeared on camera. Just Sully, just a guy yelling at him while he was, like, cleaning mechanics tools.

But, I mean, if you get in the union, you get health care. If you're in the Sully union. Right. Yeah, you just got to lay in that one plane. Yeah. And you're golden, baby. And people just yell at you off camera

but yeah it's kind of so in this scenario all those Boston the fighter and Gone Girl all those movies whenever they were talking about a character named Sully

it was Captain John Sully Sullenberger yep and he's just off camera. Is that Tom Hanks? Off screen. Yeah, Tom Hanks. Yeah. I think, I mean, that happened in New York.

So it's probably a New York guy. But he's in a plane, so he could be from anywhere. That's true. And he's just walking around Boston. Well, except the ocean. That's true. Depending on what kind of plane it was. We don't know.

He could have taken off an aircraft carrier. And he did land it on the ocean. Exactly. So who's to say that he can't take it off on an ocean? But yeah, it's what it... If he was the pilot, everyone says he is, he'd be able to have taken off from the ocean. I'd like to see him do it. I'd pay

$20 for that pay-per-view. Wait, so our thesis is that Sully's full of shit? No, I think Sully's not full of shit. I mean, he obviously landed that plane on the ocean. Did he? I just think overall he's a fucking fraud if he can't also take a plane off on an ocean.

I agree. I absolutely agree. Yeah, I'd love to see it. I'm a medium Sully guy. I'm a medium Sully guy. I enjoy them I don't know all the lore but

so yeah so when like Cumberbatch does it it sounds like he's swinging for a kind of like regionalism that you can't put your finger on

that doesn't exist maybe yeah that is like from some sort of weird you know weird province where everybody lives in cabins definitely all 70s British comedy, you know, weird province where everybody lives in cabins. Definitely all 70s British comedy people, you know, like Monty Python or something.

Right. When they're doing an American voice, they all sound like, they all sound like this. Are you going to the store? Like, they all sound like a weird game show host who's having a stroke so kind of like a like a canadian is that what they sound like yeah maybe that's what they're all going for man let's fucking team up on canadians guys who's the worst american to brit do you think oh i mean the problem is it's all overshadowed by dick van dyke he really set the barrier for like a really really ropey accent yeah i mean i think yeah when i was a

kid uh like in like school plays where i had to be british and i feel like that is a weird thing that they like when you're in school plays you're just making a child attempt a british accent well i mean how else are the kids gonna learn about the magna carta that's that's true i mean that to me like that was what acting was in like in like junior high is like children trying to do british accents and that is the only that is what i was going off of that was my patient zero it was dick van dyke and m Mary Poppins. Later in college, you learned that at UC Santa Cruz, you learned that acting is actually white guys speaking in Jamaican patois. Right. Exactly.

Wow. And no one had a jolly holiday. Not one. Not one jolly holiday. Not with all those shots being licked. Not one. Not one jolly holiday. Not with all those shots being licked.

I went to the Griffith Observatory the other day because I'm on holiday in Los Angeles. You were describing some of your L.A. holiday activities to us off mic. Great. You did a great job. You picked out great. You went to the LACMA. You went to the Museum of Jurassic Technology. It blew your mind. You went to the WiiACMA. You went to the Museum of Jurassic Technology. It blew your mind. You went to the Wii Spa.

Wii Spa. It got washed down by an efficient Korean man. He was very efficient. With a real intensity in his eyes. The question for me with being washed was, okay, he's going to wash my whole body. Yeah. He's probably not going to wash me, my D and B. Right.

That's fine. You're Dave and Buster's. You should never have bought that Dave & Buster's in Santa Ana, by the way. I don't know what Dave & Buster's is. It is a chain restaurant that has a video game section. It's like an arcade for grown-ups. Yeah, well, that's what it's like. It's an arcade for grown-ups, isn't it? that's what it's like. It's an arcade for grown-ups.

Anyway, so it's like he's not going to wash that. That's, I imagine. However, for me, I imagine if he took a swab, the dirtiest bit of the human body is the ass crack. Yeah, sure. That's a... Well us some of us pride ourselves on our pristine ass crack some of us b-day sure do you have b-days here uh we don't uh so none at all they're illegal you you outlawed b-days you disgusting animals i have a japanese uh toilet

seat bidet do you at my home with a little nozzle that comes out. Yes, fucking great. Oh my God. It's a dream. Anyway, my big question was- I have a super soaker with a length of two. I'm rigged up. Sorry, I'm pumping, I'm pumping, I'm pumping. More of a budget-friendly option for that. But you're going to do what you got. Got to be innovative sometimes. My question was-

You're saying, the dirtiest part of the human is the ass crack, yes. Yeah. Is he going to get in there and, uh, and sort it out because he's sorted out because he's cleaning the rest of me. Yeah. Sure. And so as it was ongoing,

I was thinking, is he going to, is he going to go there? And then I was like, would I be pleased if he went there? And my, I think I came to the conclusion. Yes.

I'd really have liked it. Yeah. If he'd really gone to town on my ass crack. Right. And got it cleaner than it had been since the day of my birth. Got your ass crack basically detailed. Yeah, back to zero. Like, ground zero.

And you're going to want to add a little, pay the extra two bucks and get the air freshener. Get the entire dress. Jasmine, pine, or new car. Absolutely. Dressing on there. Have him buff it. Exactly. Maybe wax it. Dressing on there. Yeah. Have him buff it. Exactly. Maybe wax it.

Buff out that crack. But what ended up happening with R.E., your ass crack? He didn't go. He went near it, but he didn't go in there. Yeah. And I was. Well, he's probably not a millennial. Yeah.

He's got a Gen Xer. Yeah, he's probably a Gen Xer. You don't go anywhere near the x crack yeah yeah yeah greatest generation my ass too busy drinking okay cola the cold that doesn't want you to drink it right anyway i don't know what's out in the okay cola and start munching butt generation act i didn't want him to eat my ass right oh well. I just wanted to see. Why not? Sounds like you're kind of uptight, man. You're in L.A., baby. What are you, a fucking Gen Xer?

Time to watch Gilligan's Island reruns. Ginger or Marianne, man. Hey, remember when we used to watch the fucking Partridge Family? That was dumb, but we also liked it. In hindsight, we were pretty good. Yeah, it could have been a lot worse. Could have been a lot worse. Our disaffection was understandable.

We were right there with the baby boomers who were kind of dicks. Anyway, let's rethink our ideas about analingus. Yeah. Anyway. I can't remember ideas about analingus. Yeah. Anyway. I can't remember how we got into that. I was talking about, I went to the Griffith Observatory. Oh, yeah, the observatory. Sure, sure, sure.

You had mentioned white people doing raster accents or doing Jamaican accents. Yeah. When we got there, some people had arrived on something called the raster bus. Oh, the raster bus. I don't know if you're aware of the raster bus. Yeah, this is something I see driving around LA a lot. It is a kind of like an airport shuttle that has been painted Rasta colors. And it's something that has been a part of my landscape for years now, but I have not Googled.

I presume. I don't know if you saw what's going in there. I know you've seen at least going past it's one of those things where like um there isn't you know there isn't sufficient cultural institutions it's like a like a library van for rastafarians so people who are rastafarian that's their faith that way the house of worship comes to them right

just like the just like the the book the bookmobile sure well when I saw it uh-huh there was maybe

35 white people probably between the ages of 45 and 60 getting off and I thought that's a bit strange but I guess once I look at the driver

it'll be clear why it's called the Rastabus. No, just a sort of 40-year-old white guy. Was there reggae music playing? No. It was just a bus they'd painted in the Jamaican flag colors and called the Rastabus. But there was no other hint of the Rastafarian culture. Just at some point, you were hoping Damian Marley would stop by and let you know, clue you in. Sure.

Absolutely. Maybe Rasta stands for something. Yeah. Anyway. R. Yeah. So, yeah, if you're listening and you own the Rastabus- Yeah.

Let us know. What's going on? Why? Why do you do that? R stands for ring-a-ding-ding. Ring-a-ding-ding. A is analingus. Analingus.

Ring-a-ding-ding. Anal-a-ding-ding. A is analingus. Analingus. Ring-a-ding-ding. Analingus. Sustain. Sustainability. Sustainability. Ring-a-ding-ding. Analingus. Sustainability.

It's the five pillars of the Rastafarian faith. Right. Of course, there's ring-a-ding-ding. Analingus. Being sex positive in general. Yeah. Sustainability, of course. Tumeric.

Tumeric, yeah, sure, for its anti-inflammatory properties. Right. And, of course, analingus. Analingus again. So you fed your turmeric. It's time to have your ass eaten again. You have a problem with post-ass eating inflammation.

Well, not when you've taken your turmeric. When something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4-FUN. Here's a person who's done so. Hi, this is Sarah from detroit my momentous occasion is i'm driving home from work in very bad construction traffic and i witnessed the driver start to drive on part of the road that was blocked off for construction because i guess he thought he was better than everyone else.

And in response, a construction worker jumped out of his vehicle, stood in front of the driver, and gave him a stare down until he backed up and got back on the road. Thanks. Love the show. Bye. That's pretty cool.

That sounds like a good way to get hit by a crane. I did want him to fall into a hole. That would have been good. I really was hoping that he would fall into or through a hole. Right. Maybe he falls through the hole and his construction hat spins in midair for a couple seconds and then drops in after him. No, the driver. I wanted the driver to fall into a hole for trying to drive in the construction.

Whereas you're backing the guy in the scenario. You want the construction worker to fall into a hole. No, I wanted the man to be hit. What part of Rastafarianism is that, Jordan? No, I listen, guys. That's not the jaw I know. I wanted the man to be hit by a crane. Not killed.

Not killed, just struck. Just knocked back cartoonishly. Struck silly. Yeah, that'd be fun. So he's going, hubba-dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba. Did anybody get the license plate number of that crane? That's what I want. Yeah.

It's the fun comedy bit. Ring a ding ding. Right. Okay, let's take another call. Hello. hello uh i'm uh robin from san luis despo and i'm sitting in a hospital recovery room because i just got a vagina so i'm pretty good about that i'm gonna i haven't seen it yet but sooner or later doctor will come in here and let me see it i'm really looking forward to that because it's been a long time coming. Anyway, I like the show. Bye-bye.

Yeah, Robin. Robin, have some turmeric, though. Yeah, got to have some. Before you look down there, have some turmeric. That's my recommendation to you, Robin. Sure. Yeah. Or some cloves.

Yeah. Sure. Yeah, or smoke some cloves. Yeah, smoke some cloves. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Or smoke some cloves. Yeah. Smoke some cloves. That seems much more momentous than someone driving towards a construction site. We like to run the gamut here. Listen, we don't get many calls, okay?

Look, sometimes somebody doesn't fall into a hole. Sometimes there's a gender confirmation surgery. There's a broad variety of types of momentous occasions. Different things are momentous to different people. All are welcome. Robin got a new vagina. And that other lady, she saw a guy have to throw it in reverse. Which is more momentous?

Who's to say? Who are we? Who are we? Who are we to pass judgment on these? Who, Benjamin, are we? Who are we? We are but two young men. Sure. Two hiding under sheets so that God will not see.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la leaf on the back it said like this book made me shit my pants i'd be like that's i'm buying this book yeah like i think the problem blurbs a lot of times i like that we both want to crap ourselves over books what's the best way to e-read in the tub listen to that noise i'm reviewing a plastic bag today how do you find a good book this is the most fucked up weird shit you've ever read you're like into it hand it over take my money i'm bria grant and i'm mallory o'mara we're reading glasses and we solve all your bookish problems every Thursday on Maximum Fun. Well, Alexis, we got big news. Uh-oh. Season one, done.

It's over. Season two, coming at you hot. Three years after. Three and a half. Three and a half. Technically almost four years. Listen, here at Can I Pet Your Dog, the Smash It podcast, our seasons run for

three and a half years. And then in season two we come at you with new hot co-hosts named you. Hi, I'm Alexis. All the field troops. Dog tech. Yeah. Dog news. Dog news. Celebrity guests. Oh, big shots. Will not let them talk about their resume.

Nope, only the dogs. Yeah, only the dogs. I mean, if ever you were going to get in to canapet your dog. Now's the time. Get in here. Every Tuesday. At MaximumFun.org. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, It was already the name of another comedy group. And then we just never returned to it. We just started talking about eating ass on the Rasta bus.

We just kind of got away from it. You can have a nickname. We're at the end of the show. My nickname, I think, it could reflect the fact that my body's currently the cleanest it's ever been. Are you coming here right from Wii Spa? Yeah. Wow. Like less than an hour ago, was being buffed white yeah gorgeous

yeah you look great you're really glowing your sheen is extraordinary but as we covered didn't go near my ass not all it's not all it's so shiny and in fact the parts we can see now the ratio between the cleanliness of my body and the cleanliness of my ass crack is now it's the widest has ever been wow did you get the tire dressing? Shove one of those little Christmas trees up there. Yeah. It'll be fine. Yeah, I think that'll be good.

New car smell I got. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's nice. Ben, of course, is the host and creator and star, writer of the Beef and Dairy Network podcast. Check it out. This is probably Maxim and Dairy Network podcast. Check it out. This is probably Maximum Fun's best podcast. I'm just saying it.

Sure. I think it's Maximum Fun's best podcast. It's totally amazing. We just recently had Nick Offerman from Parks and Rec on the program. What a delight. He played some kind of like a travel adventure travel television host kind of guy

yeah but his dirty secret was that everywhere he went where he was pretending to

survive by himself just off screen was his beloved cow Pemberton Pemberton the cow he used the cow to toboggan on how'd you get

Offerman how'd you get Offerman? How'd you make that happen? I just- Somebody pulled some strings. Yeah, I think it had something to do with this guy over here. Yeah, pulled those old Offerman strings. He's pointing at Brian. Brian lives in Nick Offerman's pool house.

I'm pointing at the- Oh, that's the dream. That's the Hollywood dream. I would fucking love that. God, I'd love to Kato Offerman. Got a Kato Offerman. Oh, man. Oh, that would be beautiful.

I was actually pointing at the Autoland that Jordan's just about to eat. Oh, no, my sheet came off. You should spare that one. Oh, no, Ben Partridge is God. This whole time? That's the twist. Wow, this episode's been a real fight club. Jordan Morris is going to be an upcoming guest on the program, as is our friend Nick Weiger.

Yes. That's two great guest stars as well as- I mean, you've just not yet recorded the thing with Jordan. That's true. But by saying that, it's got to be in the edit now, no matter what, even if he really shits the bed. Oh, yeah. And now I have permission to. I'm really going to phone it in.

One of our favorite past guests on the program, repeat guest Josie Long. She's a regular on Ben's show and one of the funniest fucking things ever. Absolutely. Her on Beef and Dairy couldn just, couldn't get any funnier than that. Could not get any funnier than that. She's the best.

Just go listen to a Beef and Dairy. You could start with Offerman. Yeah, that's a good place to start. What's another good starting place?

Episode 36, for some reason, makes no reference to anything that ever happened in the rest of the podcast. That wasn't by design. There's a kind of story

going through some of it. For some reason, episode episode 36 i don't know what was happening in my life but i you just did you just did a little standalone um andy daly's a good one yeah daily a burger some kind of uh burger man who's bringing his type of burger to england he's the ceo of a fast food restaurant called Burger's Barrel. Yeah. Oh, God. The logo of which is a man who's so obese he has to wear a barrel. People don't wear barrels

as much as they used to. Yeah, where'd that go? I think it used to be when you were broke, it was the cheapest thing. But now probably a barrel is relatively expensive. Yeah, I mean,

you could probably pop over to like Target or Ross and get an outfit for less than you can a barrel. Where would you even find? You could go to- A Cooper. A Cooper, sure. But I mean, where would you find the Cooper if you're not hanging with him already? Isn't there a jeans brand called Cooper?

I don't know. Does the Cooper attach the a jeans brand called Cooper? I don't know. Does the Cooper attach the suspenders? That's what I want to know. Or do you have to go to a separate artisan? Cordwainer. Yeah. Yeah, you've got to see the Cooper and the Cordwainer. Man, two stops.

You've got to go and see some tradesmen. Yeah, sure. Some crafts, some ancient crafts. Right, right. Sure. And you can fill the inside with thatch just to solve it from chafing on you. That sounds nice.

That is a problem. I hope I go broke soon. Any day now. Any day now. I already sproinged my hat. You know, so that's good. And then, hey,

you know, you go to the Cooper, you fill it with thatch, and then boom, right over Niagara Falls. You're having a great life. And you die. That's a classic Gen classic gen x at the end of the vlog yes i went over niagara falls sure yeah they don't believe in any of your fucking preconceived notions and shit right

fuck that i'm going over niagara i'm gonna watch i'm gonna watch the film reality bites yeah and i'm gonna get in a barrel and go over Niagara Falls. Yeah, we're going to wear a fucking flannel shirt. Yeah, I'm sort of making fun of them and sort of not. Yeah, I mean, we all like Pearl Jam to an extent. Sure. I love Eddie Vedder's ukulele work. I'm going over Niagara Falls at Aerovols.

We're really good at impressions. Yeah, we're gifted at impressions. Is it Eddie Vedder or is it Liam Neeson looking for his daughter? Hard to say. I'm Ben being American. That's the thing.

All along, Pearl Jam was just me trying to do an American accent. Wow. Beavondary Network is the thing. All along, Pearl Jam was just me trying to do an American accent. Beef and Dairy Network is the podcast. I truly, I cannot recommend. It's such a wonderful, and there's not so many of them that you're going to get overwhelmed. They don't come so often that you're going to get overwhelmed. But every time one comes, you're just going to say, oh, look, there's a new Beef and Dairy waiting for me. This is going to be a great drive to work. Oh, you're very kind, Jesse. That's where you're going to. I look there's a new beef and dairy waiting for me this is gonna be a

great drive to work oh you're very kind that's where you're gonna i mean it i mean it brian sunny d fernandez is our producer that's him you hear laughing off microphone it's he's outside the studio we're doing our best it's just he laughs loud and it comes into the studio because it's not a real studio he's got one one job, which he fails at. Yeah. Well, he presses record pretty good. Let's hope so. He's a good guy. He helps with those

Lifetime movies. He's his friend. He drives me to the studio. He's his friend, right? Yeah. Sometimes he drives you to the studio. So there's some few pretty good things

that he's good at. He does great. He's good looking. Mm-hmm. I mean, the guy's a good looking guy. He messed up getting me into the building. I had to stand outside

with a... Okay. There was a guy in a camping store smoking a cigar on his own. Yeah. Outside, and I had to stand with the guy. But you're not that good-looking compared to Brian. Oh, no. Brian...

Yeah, you got that filthy ass crack. Brian. Brian, oh, you can eat off the thing. I do. Yeah. It's turmeric-crusted. Just put a sheet over your head. I brought some garlic shrimp, by the way, Brian.

I'm looking to eat after the show. Okay, that's it. Hashtag JJGo on Twitter. At Jesse Thorne. At Jordan underscore Morris. At Ben Partridge. Benjamin Partridge. At Benjamin Partridge.

That's too long for Twitter, so it has to be at Ben Partridge. At Ben Partridge on Twitter for Ben. You can find us on Facebook. You can join the Max Fund group. You can like Jordan, Jesse, go there. We've got some cool new merch on the way at the,

in the Max Fund store. So keep your eyes peeled. And look, that's all I got. We'll talk to you next time. We'll talk to you fuckers next time on Jordan, Jesse, go.

We love you. Goodbye. Good night. Bye. Goodbye. Good night. Bye. Later. Rasta. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture.

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