Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 615: Holding Out for a Gyro with Jimmy Pardo

Episode Date: December 17, 2019

Jimmy Pardo (Never Not Funny podcast, Jimmy's Records and Tapes) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the things that people emailed to Ellen when Jordan was in charge of checking the Ellen Show email address, the things about Jimmy's long-running podcast that he would change if he could, and Jesse's upcoming appointment at the American Girl doll store. Plus, a rundown of the greatest things on the internet recently!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse, go! I'm Jesse Thorne, the Biryani Boy. Yeah, Jordan Morris, boy detective. Thought about Lossy Man. Right, but I think Biryani Boy has a certain quality to it. Do you think that at some point –

Listen, they're both gross. Do you think – They both sound like fetishes. I'm not saying that the food they're associated with is gross. Quite the opposite. We just ate it and it was real good. Both tasty foods, but adding boy – what's the other one? Lassie Man?

Yeah. I think as I digest this meal that we just ate before we started recording this podcast i may go from a biryani boy to a lossy man okay this may be a coming of age story sure well and uh probably before i get home i'm gonna have to pull over and become a diarrhea fella i have to pull over to Carl's Jr. Become a very tasty food, but tough to digest. Tough to digest. I just want to clarify that it's not because the food was not delicious. It was fantastic.

I have a weak white man stomach. Yes. And sometimes the spicier foods of other cultures. You're a weak man overall. I'm a weak man, period. Emotionally, I'm weak. Physically, certainly. But also in the gut.

My gut is weak. It's the flora and fauna in there. I'm trying to make it stronger, but it's a gradual process. Maybe probiotics. Probiotics might help. Maybe a nice activated charcoal. But that's why gradual process. Maybe probiotics. Probiotics might help. Maybe a nice activated charcoal. But that's why you get the lassi, I guess. You had the lassi, which is a nice dairy treat.

How do you feel about a rose-flavored food? Because I had a mango lassi, a classic lassi. Occasionally, I will get a salty lassi, which I just get to remind myself that that is an intercultural bridge too far for me. It's a thing I don't understand. But they offer a rose Lassie there, which I had one time and I enjoyed. But when I was enjoying it, our colleague here at Maximum Fun, Daniel Baruella, was there and it upset him that I was drinking

a rose lassi because rose-flavored things upset him. I'm okay with it. Not my first choice, but I'll have one. But yeah, I would probably go mango

if I was choosing a lassi. Mango really is a great fruit. It's an underrated fruit. I mean, here in the United States. I think it's the world's most popular fruit. I think across the world,

mangoes are doing great. They don't need a boost from us. But here in the United States. Sure. I think it's the world's most popular fruit. I think across the world, mangoes are doing great. They don't need a boost from us. But here in the United States, Mango Council, give us a call. I want to talk Atahualfo. Sure. Stop trying to make soccer popular. Yeah, let's talk about those little yellow mangoes. Yeah.

I'd love to talk mangoes. I got the Satsuma people on the line anyway. I got to sort that deal out before I get to the Atahualfo mango people. Man, you're busy. Yeah, well, I'm a Satsuma people on the line anyway. I got to sort that deal out before I get to the Atahualpa mango people. Man, you're busy. Yeah, well, I'm a Satsuma consumer. And, you know, here, I mean, they're all going to be gone. You know those Satsuma people? Yeah.

They take long holidays. It's like two weeks before, two weeks after, and they're like, oh, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you. I was catching up. Yeah. So, you know, it's like, when are you going to get to talk to them? March? God, can I tell you what is comfortably the best part of living in Los Angeles? By a wide margin.

Some people say it's the great weather. Some people say it's the entertainment industry. Some people say you can go to the beach anytime you want. For me, sometimes a pickup truck will be parked on the side of the road. It's completely full of satsumas. And no matter how many you get, they charge you $5. You just have bags

and bags and bags of Satsumas. I know. It makes you feel good about never being able to own a house. Yeah, exactly. Let's introduce our guest on the program. He's looking at us skeptically right now. He's the host of the smash hit podcast Never Not Funny and the burgeoning hit video program Jimmy's Records and Tapes.

He's a stand-up comedian, a beloved television host, the host of National Lampoon's Funny Money where big laughs get you big bucks. Big bucks get you big laughs. Big bucks get you big laughs. Big bucks laughs big big. You had it right. It was big laughs get you big bucks, and then I always add, and then get you canceled. The great Jimmy Pardo. Hello. Now, let me comment on several things that have happened prior to my introduction.

Please. First of all, thank you for the professional introduction. Secondly, and I have a point to this. Yes. Understand where I'm coming from. That's what separates you and me, Jimmy. Well, I disagree. You've got the bullseye. Now, listen, I, growing up in Chicago as a, maybe an 18, 19 year old man at this point, there was a disc jockey on the air named Sean the Wild Child Hamilton. He was Sean the Wild Child Hamilton.

And then Sean had a 21st birthday. And the next day he came in and he goes, hey, you have to show him the wild man Hamilton. Oh, wow. Now, here's why I bring it up. Yeah. When do you turn to the man detective as opposed to boy detective? Because you've been boy detective now where it's obvious you're not the young boy anymore. You're right. You're right.

Well, I mean, I'll say that I, right. And the nicknames have become, They've been coming up more and more. Yeah. They sort of feel like we are oxen plowing a field. And the nicknames are the yolks on our back. Right. Yes. Exactly. I guess that's what I'm getting at.

At some point, it's embarrassing. I think it was embarrassing from the start. No. I don't think so. You came on this program on its predecessor, The Sound of Young America, when we were 22 years old or something like that. Right, and Boy Detective was fun, ironic with the wink, and I enjoyed it. But even though— Now you're not into it. Well, now I don't think the wink is there.

I think it really sounds like you're still holding onto your youth. He's claiming that he's a real detective. Right. I'm really just aiming on the youth thing. He may be a detective on his own time. I don't know. That's not my business. Right. I'm really just aiming on the youth thing. He may be a detective on his own time. I don't know. That's not my business. I'm not saying, Jimmy, I'm not saying you're not the best detective in the room.

I am always the best detective in the room. Yeah. Always. I have a trophy that proves it. Well, here's, you know, we have an audience on this show. Yeah. And we're holding on to them. We love that they're here.

Yeah. They have so many other podcasting choices. There's a lot in the sea these days, aren't there? There's a lot of fish. There's some crabs as well. Yeah.

A lot of barnacles. A lot of barnacles and maybe even a dugong or two. Yeah, sure. There's a lot out there to podcast. Uh-huh. But they've stayed with us

and we're grateful for them. I'll back up a little bit. One of my first jobs in L.A. when I moved to L.A. to try and pursue entertainment was as a P.A. on The Ellen Show. You were a production assistant on The Ellen Situation Comedy? The Ellen DeGeneres Talking Show. How long has The Talk Show been on? The Talking Show. When was that?

A long time. I guess it was longer than I thought. Yeah, I think this was 2006 maybe, 2006 or 2007. Yeah, it's great to be here now. It was great to be here then. I bet. It's everybody's dream to work for the legendarily kind Ellen DeGeneres. Yes.

Don't look into that statement that Jesse just made. Whatever you do, if you're an Ellen fan, don't look into that more. Yeah, so I was there for about six months. And, you know, production assistant, lowest rung of the ladder. You're fetching coffee. You're getting breakfast for Karen Kilgareff, then head writer. You're answering angry mail about why Ellen briefly stopped dancing. That's where I was going.

So I was there the start of the season. So Ellen's thing on the talking show is coming out with a dance. Right. DJ, she has a hunky DJ who will play a hit of the day, and she'll come out and do a little dance. Goes up and down the aisle. Up and down the aisle. People also will join in.

People will join in. She's just spreading joy. Sure. Goes up and down the aisle. Up and down the aisle. People also will join in. People will join in. She's just spreading joy. Sure. Get your happy on. Yeah. I think that's one of the. But then she kind of got caught in that where she maybe wanted to stop doing it, but then felt like she could not. Correct?

So when I started, you know, so, you know, the production staff starts, you know, maybe a month before the show starts taping. Kind of between seasons. And kind of something that they told us, like, hey, you're, maybe a month before the show starts taping, kind of between seasons and kind of something that they told us like, hey, you're the new staff. So a little change this year. Ellen's going to stop dancing. Ellen's going to stop dancing. She's just kind of over it. You know, it was nothing.

It was just kind of like she feels like she's done it. She feels like she's grown out of it. So anyway, so I was there during the time when Ellen stopped dancing. And also one of my PA jobs, you get the coffee, you get Karen Kilgariff's breakfast, you build Liz Feldman a bookcase that later falls apart. Oh, boy. These are all things that you do when you work for Ellen. I like that Liz Feldman surveyed the low-level production employees of the Ellen show. She looked at the choices and decided you were the one to build a bookcase.

I don't think Liz Feldman – I think it was disseminated to us through channels. I'm glad to hear that because I would have been annoyed had a – I heard a writer had a PA build their bookcase. Yeah. I think that's something they should do on their off time. I think the writer tells the coordinator, finds the p.m all right um or do you think and again i i'm doing i'm saying all this to uh so that i don't hate liz feldman with the fire of the sun yeah do you think maybe she said hey i think i need a bookcase and then somebody said oh we'll get you one and

then jordan build it i hope it's that and not her going, hey, get someone to build me a bookcase. That guy's got his feet up. Yeah. Look at this guy with his feet. Time to lean. Time to build a bookcase. That's right. Liz Feldman, not very good with rhymes.

Yeah. Very talented comedy writer. Great comedy writer. What was the movie she just wrote? She just wrote a movie. She wrote Dead to Me, the Netflix series. That's what it was. Maybe she has written a movie.

No, no. That's what I was thinking of. No shortage of writing projects for the great Liz Feldman. Including marrying my high school friend. That's also something Liz Feldman did. Yeah. So she's still for two. Did you break that up too? Huh?

Did you break that up too? No. Marriage is still going strong. Good for them. Despite my best efforts. Despite your best. Listen, I could build them a bookcase that will fall apart. I was hoping the bookcase would be a metaphor.

So hard that they have to get a divorce. I cannot even build a bookcase that bad. That's how – that's what a rock that marriage is. I see. So also one of my jobs was to answer the like Ellen at Ellen.com email

and a lot of people emailed this thinking they were getting a direct line. They thought they were literally writing Ellen. Yes, exactly. No, you know. Yeah, they they were literally writing Ellen. Yes, exactly. No, you know. Yeah, they thought that was just Ellen. Hi, Ellen. Yes.

Saw the show today. Yep. Wow. Always nice to see you. Wow. They would say. Yeah. So there were two.

Love the sweater. Yeah. Ellen's real email was ellend. At Ellen. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. If only the people knew. Yeah.

They could have gotten right through to her. One letter off. Bypassed the Bob Villa of the office. So I would have to, so there were basically three things. I like that you pronounced the double L. It's the Bob Villa. It's from Buenos Aires. It's Bob Villa.

Bob Villa. It is from Buenos Aires. It's Pavia. Pavia. He was originally a vaquero before he turned to, yeah. Go ahead, Jordan. I hate to interrupt, but that seems to be what we're doing here. Let's go down a road. Jesse, you're a baseball fan.

I am. The gentleman who, I want to say, he was on the Dodgers at the same time as Steve Garvey and Ron Say. May have played second base. Who would that have been? Joaquin Andujar. No, I want you to say the name because I... Steve Sachs? No, no, that was...

Pre-Steve Sachs. Pre-Steve Sachs. He's a... Maybe a... Davey Lopes? Yes. Davey Lopes. How do you say it?

It's pronounced... It's spelled L-O-P-E-S and it's pronounced Lopes. Davy Lopes? Yes. Davy Lopes. How do you say it? It's pronounced L-O-P-E-S and it's pronounced Lopes. It's Lopes. But when I moved here, a lot of people said, you know, the great Davy Lopez. And I was like, it's never been Davy Lopez. It's Davy Lopes. It's Lopes. And then I felt bad for my whole life. I called a... He lives down on Sepulveda. He's in that area then? Yeah. I called a fellow, his name was George Orta, who played baseball, but apparently it was Jorge Orta. But dumb white guys all called him George Orta.

Yeah. There's my story. You got a thing about a bookcase? It's... Great. We got Jimmy Pardo here, folks. Sure do. Thank you for having me.

Jimmy's record is a 10. What's your email? Ellen at Ellen. Jimmy P at Ellen, folks. Sure do. Thank you for having me. Jimmy's record is a dick. What's your email? Ellen at Ellen. JimmyP at Ellen.com. Uh-huh. So three kinds of emails coming down the pipe. Yeah. Okay.

Or three kinds. Three kinds of emails. Okay. Kind number one. One, hey, Ellen, I thought it'd be a great idea if you would do a story on stomach stapling. And it so happens that I need my stomach stapled. You should fly me out and pay thought it'd be a great idea if you would do a story on stomach stapling. And it so happens that I need my stomach stapled. You should fly me out and pay for it. That came up.

Idea number one. That's the first kind of email that we got. That style of I. Yeah, two-tiered. I think you should do a story on stomach stapling. Paragraph two. Hey, I just thought of this. I'm the guy.

I need my stomach stapled. Pleaseagraph two. Hey, I just thought of this. I'm the guy. I need my stomach stapled. Right. Please fly me out and staple my stomach. I mean, it's a natural train of thought that someone mid-email would realize. I guess the reason I've been thinking about this a lot is I personally- I personally could benefit from this topic that you would do on a Wednesday. Yeah. Two, feature-

Classic Wednesday topic, by the way. Feature my pet on the show. Here is a photo of my pet looking unremarkable. Can I interrupt? Yeah. Who was the shortstop? I'm kidding. No.

Here's the two things I need to know. Because all I really know about the Ellen show is- Alfredo Griffin. That's who I was thinking of. I think you're right. Yeah. So I only know this about the Ellen program as I know about the dancing. And then I know that it is a talk show.

Right. And she does a monologue and then talks to celebrities. Does she do topics such as tummy stapling? Jimmy, she didn't then. I don't think she does now. Okay, so she doesn't even do that. Yeah, no. It would be so out of Ellen's format.

All right, so follow up. Yeah, you have a celebrity. You do a game with them. Somebody scares the celebrity. A more sensible type of email for someone to send would be I think YouTube is going to become a phenomenon. When it does, you should book some of its most remarkable viral stars onto your show for a heartwarming segment. Sure. Because that is something she does. It did end up happening. Does she, at the time,

would she feature people's pets? You know, so she would feature, so once in a while, like, there would be a stupid pet trick type thing that would happen where a dog would come on and, like, you know, bounce a ball on his nose or run a little course or something. Okay. So that wasn't all that crazy that somebody would send it. No, that was a little less off. But that can be exhausting. I know because there's a running thing on Judge John Hodgman, a podcast I do with John Hodgman, where- And what's his email?

Litigants. That's Hodgman at MaximumFun.org. Oh. It gets right to him. There's a thing where litigants will include in the evidence a picture of their pet doing something funny so that when I'm flipping through the evidence, I'll see it and laugh because I do like to laugh at a pet doing something funny. But that has led to a general pattern of people sending me pictures of their pets not doing

something funny. Sure. And a picture of a golden retriever, maybe this dog may be deeply beloved to you, the owner of this golden retriever. To me, it looks like all golden retriever. Maybe this dog may be deeply beloved to you, the owner of this golden retriever. To me, it looks like all golden retrievers. Standard dog. Just a photograph. Just looks like a picture of a dog, which is fine. I know you love the dog.

I don't have anything other than a general warm feeling towards dogs, which I do have. But let's get pictures of a dog doing something great. Head stuck in a bag. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Or something, reindeer horns, but not just reindeer horns. We've seen that. You know what I mean? Maybe a unicorn horn or something.

That would be nice. Yeah. Another interruption, if I may. Please, no. Jesse, what's happening over my right shoulder that you keep looking at? Is somebody about to attack me? There is literally a firework show over your shoulder. Oh. Jesse, what's happening over my right shoulder that you keep looking at? Is somebody about to attack me? There is literally a firework show over your shoulder. Oh, is that what's happening?

Yes. Okay. Because I'm looking at it like, because every now and then you'll just talk and you look over, your eyes will do something and then you come back. I was worried. What is happening over my right shoulder? I was worried it was like a refinery explosion and then some red ones happened. But why?

It's not a holiday, is it? Well, somebody's finally talking about Ellen DeGeneres. Okay, right. Yes. It's happening. Ellen heard it. Lassner, light them up. All right.

So the patch with that. That was category two. I acknowledge I've derailed this. So three categories. No, that's okay. Number three is dancing, I assume. Yeah. So topic one, you should do a story on stomach stapling.

Staple my stomach. Yeah. And then would you – I'm only interrupting because I want to know. Yeah. Would you then – No, please. Would you respond to these people or you just – No.

So kind of what they told me, the kind of guest booking people would say like, hey, scan the email every day. If something seems aggressive, report it to security. Happens once in a while. Every now and then you would get something and people are very angry at Ellen. Sure. Maybe some homophobic issues? Yes. Okay.

Absolutely. Yeah. It absolutely happened. Yeah. So, you know, if it seems dangerous, report it to security. But, you know, occasionally maybe it's interesting. Let us know. If it seems like something that we might feature on the show, you know, print it out and give it to us and let us know.

So, you know, so you're getting three kinds of emails. Number one, stomach stapling. Stomach stapling. Number two. Feature my pet on the show. Here is a normal looking pet. Right, blind pet. Unremarkable pet.

Thing three, why the fuck did you stop dancing? Why the fuck did you stop dancing? You need to start dancing again or I will kill myself. I will slit my wrist in the goddamn bathtub. If you don't come out to a song that was popular at the time, let's say Sexy Back. Let's say Sexy Back. If you don't do it, I am going to put my kid in the trunk and drive the car to a goddamn lake. You should start fucking dancing.

It was intense. The Ellen start dancing movement was terrifying. Would you say those would be five to one over the other emails? I would say that the pie chart was, let's say, 20% stomach staple. Okay. Let's say 15% feature my pet. Here's a picture of my pet doing nothing of interest. We're at 35%.

And then the rest. Why aren't you dancing? Why aren't you dancing? The full 65. Oh, and then also they wanted someone from Grey's Anatomy called McSteamy. They wanted McSteamy to come. Oh, they wanted McSteamy out from time to time. Yeah. I can't understand why Anatomy called McSteamy. They wanted McSteamy to come. Oh, they wanted McSteamy out from time to time. Yeah.

I can't understand why they would want McSteamy. That was a very small little piece of the pie, though. Yeah. Well, that was the- Interest in McSteamy. Folks who love Greys. Sure. The type of alien.

Right. Of the mid-1990s. The kind from Alien Autopsy on Fox. Yeah. I've seen them wearing Cat in the Hat hats. Yes, sure. So yeah, those, and they caved so fucking fast. Ellen started dancing again in a month, I would say.

Just because the, and. The deluge of emails. Yes. And, and again, going back to the nicknames, you know when an audience is with something for this long, you don't want it to change. Part of why you're listening is the format. And I know we don't have a very rigorous format.

We have stuff we do every time. We chat a little bit. We introduce the guest. We say the nicknames. We take some calls. I don't want to risk gumming up those works because they're fragile. And they could just so fucking easy start listening to the Flophouse instead of us. Yeah, it's probably better than us. It's better?

Yeah. They do fewer shows. We got that on them. There's a reason to listen to it? Sure. It's about something? And I just don't want to give them a reason to sub in the Flophouse instead of us. I see.

At any second, they could switch to Never Not Funny. Sure. Our whole premise is just, can we run Never Not Funny out of business? You're not going to. I'm in for the long haul. Stronger than ever. Do you, as a longtime podcaster, do you have something you're like, here's a part of the show that maybe I would rather not do?

Yeah, all of it. You know, from start to finish. No, that is, but that cannot be. Show business is scary. That was for humor. There's nothing I love more than doing that show. Yeah. What was your full question?

This is the reason I have not changed Jordan Morris. So you want to know if there's something that I would change on my program? Yeah. Can you relate to this at all? The name is a big one. I don't like the name Never Not Funny, and I complain about that on a regular basis. Would you say 10% of the emails to Jimmy at NeverNotFunny.com

are regarding, I found this portion not funny. Luckily, those people saved those for the iTunes reviews. So they're away from my eyes, but luckily, they still got their point across. Is there a Pulitzer for iTunes reviews?

Because those people deserve it with an insight like that. They sure do, don't they? They've certainly been waiting their whole life to say it, and they've chosen to take it out on average-sized podcast never not funny. He's got a green screen now. We do have a green screen for our web series, yes. So that's pretty good. So you think I deserve those reviews then?

Yes. All right, that makes sense. Those assholes got a green screen now? Take them down again. But I've already written a review that I think they're always not funny. Write it again. Sure, update it with new slang.

That's an interesting thing. Is there something on the program that I would... Well, you know what we did do is we changed early – not early on, but Richard Lewis was on maybe seven years ago, eight years ago, and maybe six years ago. It could have been yesterday. The point is this. He came on, and he politely sat out in the hallway while we were doing the ramp-up of the show because he was running late and instead of coming in he waved it off and said to our producer

who went out to chat with him he said, you know what, let him do the top and then I'll come in and join him after the break and then that's when I decided to not start having the guests there at the very top of the show it was maybe another few months so that was kind of a change that happened, some would say for the better some would say for the worse at the very top of the show. It was maybe another few months.

So that was kind of a change that happened. Some would say for the better, some would say for the worse, depending if you want to hear about my cats and coffee. Or hear about something sad Garen posted on Facebook. So yeah, so I have a very, very complicated relationship with the nickname at this point. I think I like it. I think it's funny and it adds a fun tone to the show.

You know, I mean, I think that, you know, it's a little bit it, you know, I think invites people to make jokes about me where it's like, oh, I'm, you know, a fuck up or ineffective or something like that. But you don't portray that. That's not how you come across. Nice of you to say. And I've certainly fucked up, Jimmy. We all have. We've all fucked up. Look at him.

Look at him. I will. He's fucking up right now. Look at him. He's currently fucking up. So, yeah. So there are things about it that I do like. There's things about it I don't like.

Yeah. But, you know, but I think if we stopped, it would cause a rift. Okay. Yeah. So I'm just trying to keep the ship steady. In the show or in the space-time continuum? Space-time continuum. I'm worried that we would open up a door to...

Wow, that's the first thing? That's the first thing? Isn't that what happens in... Mom fucking? Isn't that the thing about what people say about Back to the Future? I was worried about a Cthulhu. Oh, okay. I thought a Cthulhu would come. But he hit on his mom in Back to the Future.

Okay. Okay, sure. Because until you brought that part up, I didn't know why you brought it up. Well, I mean. Not that I wasn't on board. Maybe your mom's not hot. My mom's dead. You happy?

Oh, jeez. No. Oh. So, yeah. My mom's dead. You happy? Oh, jeez. No. Oh. So, yeah. So, you know. In answer to your question, yes, I am quite happy. Yeah. She's focused.

Yeah. Wasn't sure which question. So, yeah. Maybe, you know, I would be open to a nickname change if, you know, we wanted to make it a, you know, if we wanted to make it a, you know, a source of conversation. Maybe we could, you know, take a couple months, debate it on the show, do a poll. I'm open to it. But, you know, I think things are fine the way they are.

All right. Status quo. Just a question. If we were going to change our nicknames, we might as well do a show with a reason. Yeah. Just do a show. Exist or listen to it. We've really poured a lot of our hearts into meaninglessness. Just empty time filler.

We've spent 13 years now on this show, plus five years on college radio preceding that uh resolutely resisting giving an audience any any reason at all to listen to the program part of that is these alienating nicknames that are right up top so So a new listener hears it and they say, why the fuck would they say that? I hate this. And them. I'm going to type this into an iTunes review. Yeah. Because you guys are very unliked.

We are. We are not well-liked, Jimmy. Right? We're enemies of the people. Which is why you have a podcasting empire. Sure. You have an empire. Now, here's my other thing I was going to ask about the pre-intro.

It was a pickup truck full of what? Satsumas. Which you brought to Podcast-a-thon one year. You had stopped on your way into Podcast-a-thon and brought us a basket full of them. Yeah, I juggled them on stage. And I welcomed them. I juggled them on stage. That's right.

I passed them out to the audience. Yeah. I had a great time with those satsumas. Well, I enjoyed eating them after you used them as a prop. Yeah. Well, I'm glad you did because it's a great citrus fruit. Yeah. It's delicious.

Sounds like we're all in agreement. You like a citrus, Jimmy? I do. Yeah. I like an orange. I like a tangelo. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I like a- How do you feel about a cutie? You know what? My wife and son love the cutie And if they're in the house I'll have one But I'm not You're not going out of your way for it

I like that they're easy to peel That's the And pardon this use That's the appeal of the Sure Of the cutie Is the easy peel If you can get off that peel

In one peel Right You feel like a God damn super king You know who can do it? Ron Popeil Really? Is that how he got the name?

That's how he got it That's why he it? Ron Popeil. Really? Is that how he got the name? That's how he got it. That's why he's named Ron Popeil. He peeled a pope live on television. Pope John Paul II. Just flayed him head to toe. Wow. Yeah. You'd think that Sinead O'Connor ripping up the picture wouldn't have been that big of a deal.

No. When did that happen? A long time ago. Well, she's too famous. Popeil just had the pocket fisherman. Sure. And here's that guy again. Here's the infomercial guy peeling the Pope.

I'm out on cuties. You're out. You're not doing them anymore. To me, a cutie is always a little, it's not that it's bad. It's just that it's a little disappointing. I hear you. It's not as flavorful as I want it to be. It comes in an orange bag, so you can't quite tell how ripe it is.

Bag's hard to see through. And the appeal, I think a lot of the appeal initially was, well, it's great to see this adorable little citrus. It's named a cutie. But the reality is that those little cups of cherry tomatoes

that are called Lil' Sweetums have so profoundly lapped cuties in the adorable... Have they? Lil' Sweetums? have so profoundly lapped cuties in the adorable... Have they? Lil' Sweetums? They have not lapped it. I love a Lil' Sweetum. It hasn't lapped.

What are you eating, Big Sweetums? I'm going with the Big Sweetums. Okay. Yeah. Jordan, what size Sweetums do you like? I don't like any tomato. Oh, wow. So, yeah.

What about a tomato? What about pizza? Tomato sauce. Tomato sauce is fine. Ketchup. And a sun... You know, I'll have a sun-dried tomato. Really? On. What about a tomato? What about pizza? Tomato sauce. Tomato sauce is fine. Ketchup. And a sun... You know, I'll have a sun-dried tomato. Really? On a nice spinach salad, I'll have a sun-dried tomato. Are you a guy who drives a BMW in 1987? That's right, baby. I'll see you assholes at Spago.

Kiwi, strawberry, everything. Is a sun-dried tomato an 80s fruit? Oh, yeah. Huh. I don't think there's a food product more 1987 than a sun-dried tomato. Than a sun-dried tomato an 80s fruit? Oh, yeah. Huh. I don't think there's a food product more 1987 than a sun-dried tomato. Than a sun-dried tomato? And a kiwi-strawberry flavored thing. Yeah, that was very popular then. No question about that.

That's a good Snapple. Yeah. It's a good Snapple. Yeah, you take it. I dislike tomatoes so hard that even if something has a name like you know, Little Sweetums, which is great, but you know, Little Sweetums, which is great. But, you know, when it comes to Sweetums, I'll take that Big Muppet any day. Oh, yeah.

That's fair. That's my favorite Sweetum. Sweetums is a fun Muppet. He comes in and yells something. He's sad because they left without him. Scared me as a kid, but I can watch him now because I'm a big boy. Yeah. I read chapter books.

Oh, I see. I go to the potty by myself. Atta boy. And I have a bank account. Oh, I see. I go to the potty by myself. Atta boy. And I have a bank account. Oh, goodness. A little checkbook and everything. I got a checkbook as well in 2017. Oh, yeah.

17? Hang on. What year are we in? How are we doing on time, guys? We got two years to catch up on? Yeah. Okay. All right.

Hey, that election last year really got us. Yeah. Good thing it was one year ago. Why would I say 17? Why in my head would I say that? I'm sleepy. Maybe you're bringing sexy back. Well, more than happy to do it.

Sure. I guess you would be happy in 2017. Is that about right? When did that song come out? You're a man without a hat. You're a man without a hat. That's men with hats, right? Yeah, exactly.

They're a classic hit. Saw them in concert not that long ago. What? They opened. I'm not shocked. With Safety Dance. And they closed with Safety Dance. Yeah, I think that's the right song.

And then five songs in the middle. That is what? Wait, they did seven total songs. Two of which were Safety Dance? They were part of a package. Okay. And you know what? It was the right thing to do.

I've heard that is what Final Countdown band does with Final Countdown. Who are they, Jimmy? Europe. There, thank you. They do. See, they don't need to do that. I would say Men With Out Hats does. Vanilla Ice does it with Ice Ice Baby.

That one makes sense as well. If I were Vanilla Ice, I'm opening with Ice Ice Baby. I'm closing with Ninja Rap. Yeah, right. The whole crowd is going apeshit. Go, Ninja. Go, Ninja. Go.

Yeah, and then he goes. Yeah, exactly. You got that right. Thank you. I'm out of here. They go home after having a great time. Yeah. I prefer to be paid in cash.

I've got a house to refurbish. See ya. Sure. Got a guest appearance on Coolio's cooking show. Does that exist? Yeah. Cool. Yeah.

Good for Coolio. Really? Coolio's not bad. You know, I heard that- I. Yeah. Good for Coolio. Really? Coolio's not bad. You know, I heard that- I have general positive feelings about Coolio. I heard Gangsta's Paradise on the radio the other day, and I said to myself, hey, Coolio wasn't a bad rapper. Jimmy, how do you feel?

I don't know why he became a cartoon so quickly. I found him- and I'm not a rap guy at all, but I really found him into- like, he was very good. I thought he was very good at that. And then when he all of a sudden became this cartoon in a square on Hollywood Squares, it's like, why is he selling out so quickly? He always had that haircut. I mean, there was not another direction for him to go.

When your haircut is... How about stolen music? Once you sit down in the barber chair and ask for the Medusa, then you are pretty much committed to the next step after making our hit record as Hollywood Squares. All right. I'll take your word for it. Maybe you know that trajectory better than I do. Also, Jimmy, I think you and I probably share that we would love to be in a square on Hollywood Squares.

I'm not Julio with a rap reputation. I'm not doing Gangsta's Paradise and then going, I don't know, Tamales? That was a really good circle against the square. You know what I mean?

For a second I thought, I was worried because I thought our guest was Jimmy Pardo and I was like, Julio is here? I don't even know Coolio. How did Brian book him? I pull off this skull cap and out comes the snakes. Yeah. Out comes the snakes, his famous catchphrase.

Idiot, you said Medusa haircut. I know, I know. He said Medusa. I love it. I was yes anding your shit, bitch. I love it, Jimmy. I love it. Do you guys want to hear about something fun I saw on the internet the other day?

I can't imagine anything worse. Oh, go ahead. What should I do instead? Help me out. I don't know. I have this one thing. I would like to hear that. Do you want to hear about it?

Yes. The internet's been doing pretty good lately. Wait, what? I'm sorry? Internet. You think the internet's been doing okay? Yeah. I mean, obviously, it's mostly a fucking bummer, but that's because the world's bad.

So the internet reflects the bad world. Stuff going on, yeah. It's a bummer, but sometimes- It is the World Wide Web. There you go. There's a lot of good Baby Yoda stuff on there. Yeah, Baby Yoda's been fun. There's that English kid who yells at his parents.

He's like two or three years old, and he gives his parents the business. I haven't seen that yet. Oh, that shit is gorgeous. What's he doing? He's explaining about Father Christmas to his parents. He can't be more than four years old. And he's angry about it. But he talks like an English character actor.

Okay, great. And he's saying that he's not on the naughty list. He says, no, I am not on the naughty list. But it's like a little tiny boy saying, no, Father Christmas has not put me on the naughty list. And his dad is like off cameras and he goes like, son, behaving this way is what gets you on the naughty list. And the little boy is like, I am not on the naughty list. That is cruel. It's fucking great.

I can't wait to see it. It's gorgeous. It is gorgeous. Have you seen the. I can't wait to see it. It's gorgeous. It is gorgeous. Have you seen the kitty cat that sounds like this other lady? Well, hi. Oh, well, hi. I love it too, Jimmy. Oh, do I love it.

I was driving over here today and I turned off the radio because I wanted to hear myself say, well, hi. Did you really? Yes. I love to say it. I love to watch it. I love to say it. I heard somebody just say well today in a conversation at the movie theater, and I went, well, hi. It's the greatest. Have you seen this, Jesse?

A cat says, well, hi. Sounds good. The way his little head, because you look down, and then the camera hits him. Well, hi. Yes. Can I just say, Judge John Hodgman listeners, send me a video of your pet talking like a Southern woman. Yeah. It's the greatest. Yeah. I half expected to go, Judge John Hodgman listeners, send me a video of your pet talking like a southern woman. Yeah.

It's the greatest. Yeah. I half expected to go, want a Coke? Want Cokes? Want a Coke? You want a sweet tea? Well, hi. Well, hi.

Well, hi. It's the greatest. So yes, that's good. Baby Yoda's good. Almost time to wrap it up. A couple more weeks of Baby Yoda's fine, but maybe let's talk about- Yeah, we'll be done with Baby Yoda. Yeah, let's talk about maybe wrapping it up, but it's been a lot of fun.

Yeah, it was fun when Werner Herzog said that thing about how they asked him if he was intimidated to work with Jon Favreau because of all of Jon Favreau's hits, and Werner Herzog said, no, what movies has he directed? What other films has he made? Oh. That was fun? Yeah. So Werner Herzog having quotes in the media, lots of fun. Baby Yoda holding the chute, that's fun? Yeah. So Werner Herzog having quotes in the media, lots of fun. Baby Yoda holding the soup, that's fun. Yeah.

I saw something that I feel like is not getting enough internet attention. What's that, Jordan? So this is something I'll take. I'm taking my phone out of my pocket here. So I have a couple of subreddits that I like to look at. Jimmy, do you look at Reddit ever? Not once. You've never looked at Reddit?

No. I bet there's some stuff on Reddit you would enjoy. You know what happened with me? The first experience I had with Reddit was people hating my show and full of anger. And I just, I guess I was misled into being told that Reddit was nothing but people shitting on things and being angry. There are a lot of parts of Reddit where people are shitting on things and being angry. There's a real mixed bag of Reddit where people are shitting on things and being angry. It's a real mixed bag.

I guess maybe that happened in the Earwolf Reddit, which has both positive and negative people in it. But there are parts of Reddit that are full of good vibes. There is. I really like the Slow Cooker subreddit where they all just talk about this one tortellini soup they like. Okay. So, yeah. Right. Exactly. I mean, it's a vast place. Okay. So, yeah. Right, exactly.

I mean, it's a vast place. Okay. Part of the World Wide Web. I've been misled, I guess, is my point. No, but I don't think people are wrong. And I have seen myself be shat upon on Reddit before. Not a good feeling. Yeah, makes you want to cry.

Makes you want to cry. And the interface is difficult. Yeah, very challenging. So trying to boot up the negative comments about yourself can be hard. Yeah, it's like, hey guys, it's 2019. Can we get WYSIWYG? Yeah, wait a minute.

Hey, can we get- It's 2019? It is. Sorry, 2017. Thank you. Yeah. But Jimmy, can we get WYSIWYG? I don't know what WYSIWYG is.

I don't know what that means. Jordan, can we get WYSIWYG at all?'t know what WYSIWYG is. I don't know what that means. Jordan, can we get WYSIWYG at all? I don't know. What you see is what you get. I'm assuming it's something like internet. Oh, okay. What you see is what you get. It's like when you edit on a webpage and you can just press bold and it looks bold instead

of having to write in the tags. Oh, you want WYSIWYG. Yeah, I want WYSIWYG. Okay. Sorry, Jeremy. I should have said it to begin with. Yeah. Thank you.

This is a couple of subreddits I like. So it's kind of, everything's very specialized. So Jesse, there's a slow cooker one. Yeah. There's an obscure media one, which I like, which is a great place to see a training video from 1985 that teaches you how to operate Chuck E. Cheese puppets. Oh. Yeah.

I love that. I'm a big fan of the VHS subreddit where people talk about their VHS collections like that's a thing. I'm into tortellini soup. Is there anything like that on there? Go look at that slow cooker. Oh, it's over there. Okay, thank you. Right there on r slash r slash slow cooking.

But I'm also on the punk subreddit for punk music. Oh, you're a famous punk rocker, of course. Famous, notable punk rocker. Jordan Vicious, you're called. That is, that was the, yep. I told Sid he could use it. That's it? And then he died.

Oh, jeez. And you took it back. R.I.P. Sid Vicious. Well, I was what was known as the American Sid Vicious. I see. Also, you were the executor of his will. Right. Yes, exactly. I didn't kill him.

No, I didn't kill him. I didn't kill him. His mom bought him the heroin. Wow. R.I.P. Wow. Boy. Anyway, so the punk subreddit, you got a video of the clash on Top of the Pops in 1979. That's a fun thing to watch.

That's always going to be a good time. You got, look at this look at this Descendant shirt I got at the Goodwill. That's a fun thing to see. Sure. Here's a bad photo from an Against Me concert I was at. Yeah. Fun to see.

Nothing wrong with that. Photo's bad, but you know, you could tell they had a good time. Yeah. You probably can get a good sense of how rocking it was. Sure. It comes through. It comes through in the photo. But sometimes you will get into a general political discussion. There will be political stuff that would come up that's adjacent to punk rock and the ethos.

But sometimes on our punk, you get this. I'm just going to read right from the post. All righty. This is on the Punk right from the post. All righty. This is on the Punk Rock subreddit. All right. Reddit. This is on Reddit? On Reddit.

It's a subreddit called rpunk. rpunk. Are there any punks out there who love their mom? I know it's not very punk to love your mom, but I think my mom's the best. She probably won't see this. Actually, I know she won't see this, but I love my mom. That's the best. She probably won't see this. Actually, I know she won't see this, but I love my mom.

That's the greatest thing ever. It fucking rules. And the response to it, 282 comments. And mostly people saying, my mom fucking rules. Great. It just,

it should be that. Well, hi. It makes me feel the same way. I don't know. That's wonderful. I just liked it, and I think the stereotype about punk music, it's all about saying fuck you to your parents. But wasn't it saying fuck you to your parents at a certain age, and then you get a little bit older, and then you're like, I grew out of that, but I still like punk? Sure.

My parents are great, and so are the Dead Kennedys. Yeah. They're old with everybody. Yeah. Anyway. I love everybody. Well, hi. Well, hi.

Like a cat coming around a corner. Oh, so adorable. Anyway, so yeah, a lot of good stuff on there. God, I'd love to be a true punk rocker. What? You just don't love your mom enough. Just with that kind of sassy attitude. You know how punk rockers are really sassy?

They are. They're always fresh talking. You're thinking of Bette Midler. Yeah, the original queen of punk rock. The divine. Bette Midler. Sure, she's in x-ray specs. I don't know.

You play guitar, right, Justin? No. I thought I saw you have a guitar in your office once. Is that possible? Nope. I did for Christmas this past year. My wife got me a ukulele and ukulele lessons. I had never played a musical instrument before.

How did that go? You're still doing them? It went great. I'm not still doing lessons, but I can now kind of play it. I can play some songs on my ukulele. You can. And in the Judge John Hodgman shows, I have been singing songs. I see.

And I found it to be very rewarding. It turns out that music can really nourish the soul. Yeah, it can. Yeah. Music is the doctor, said the Doobie Brothers. Did they say that? They did. That was the song of theirs.

Yeah. Music is the doctor. Is it a good Doobie Brothers song? It is not. They died of the flu. Jimmy, by the way. They are about to be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, sir, and I won't have you talk like that. I overheard someone talking about

Yes? How could I help? I have a question about the Doobie Brothers. Yes. I don't know if I can answer it. I'm not an expert on the subject. Are there, is there a Doobie Brothers with Michael McDonald and a Doobie Brothers without Michael McDonald? Yes, Michael McDonald joined them in the late 70s and then left the band to have a solo career but on this next tour the 50th anniversary of the Doobie Brothers without Michael McDonald. Yes, Michael McDonald joined them in the late 70s and then left the band to have a solo career.

But on this next tour, the 50th anniversary of the Doobie Brothers, they are reuniting. And my wife may or may not be receiving tickets for the holidays. Oh!

I say that safely because you won't hear this because I'm not going to audio. She cannot stand this show. Okay, 100% kidding. Sure. Okay, 100% kidding. Sure, no. 100% kidding. Would love to have

Danielle on sometime. She would love to be on here. Yeah. There's no question. Just keep your fucking mouth shut about these tickets. Hey, I'm not going to spill the beans

about the dupes. Jordan. I would never spill the beans about the dupes. Jordan. What if we do our famous recurring segment, Dupes Beans?

Well, we'll have to skip it. How can we get through that? The fans will skip it. How can we get through that? The fans will be mad. How can we get through that segment without spilling? Okay. We just have to. I've said too much. Spilling is an integral part of this segment.

I've said too much. It's not called a crock of Doob beans. Jimmy, which Doobies? That's another Reddit subreddit right there. Which Doobie Brothers do you prefer and why? Or maybe you don't. Maybe you're not that into Doobie... That's another Reddit subreddit, right? Which Doobie Brothers do you prefer and why? Or maybe you don't. Maybe you're not that into... I've seen the Doobie Brothers in concert many times,

and I'm looking forward to seeing them with Michael McDonald because I've never seen that. But I like them with Michael McDonald for this reason. You get about five more hits in the concert. Five more songs that they weren't doing because nobody really had the Michael McDonald voice. At least the times I've seen them. Maybe they were doing those songs at other shows.

Something that I admire about the great Jimmy Pardo is you get out the house. You get out there and you go to a show. Yeah, I like going to shows. Jimmy's out there going to shows. He's going to shows for his favorite bands. Certainly. You're going to see Jimmy out at seeing the Chicago Transit Authority. They've changed their name, by the way.

They dropped that. Chicago Transfer Authority is how I know them. Transit. Transit Authority. They dropped that after the first album, and they just released their 33rd. I'm kind of into the early stuff. It's like the first album. Sounds like you're into the first one.

The early stuff, before they sold out and dropped that commercial. Yeah. Well, the city told them to. Yeah. I really wish they were still Chicago. But they were fine with just being Chicago? The city was fine with just Chicago. They didn't own that.

Okay. Yeah. You know, it makes sense. You know, Jimmy, them rolling over for the city like that makes me wonder if they're really as punk rock as they claim to be. They don't claim to be at all. They've never once claimed to be punk rock. Kind of what Chicago's deal is.

Sold out. Not once. You know, Jimmy Pankow double birding Richard Daly is sort of the reputation of Chicago. You know, I could actually see him doing that now that I think about that. So maybe they are punk after all. Which incarnation of the Doobie Brothers has the song that goes, Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. That's pre-Michael McDonald.

Okay. That's the one I like. That's China Grove. There's Doobie Brothers before and after Michael McDonald? Yes. I just explained all this. Were you looking at fireworks? Yeah.

They must have been. Yes. Did Michael McDonald ever sing lead for Santana? No, he did not, sir. explained all this were you looking at fireworks yeah they must have been yes did michael mcdonald ever sing lead for santana no he did not or tower of power no there were a lot of bands in the mid to late 1970s who had hit records with just a rotating cast of lead singers yes santana b one of them that was a great example tower of power Tower of Power, I think, was also a pretty solid example. Tower of Power had several lead singers and hits with multiple lead singers. Well, they didn't really have the hits like

Santana did. Okay. I didn't say they were directly comparable in scale, James. Did he not? He said the exact thing, Jimmy. He's backpedaling because he's scared. Yes, he is. He's backpedaling because he's scared. Oh my God, look at those fireworks oh don't try to change the subject

I don't believe there's fireworks by the way every time I look over they're gone not even a remnant I guess there's a modern example now where you're like oh that Bruno Mars song where you're like oh that's a Mark Ronson song featuring Bruno Mars anyway Mark Ronson is a good example

that's the guy that does it is he the current Santana? He's got a song Yeah he's sort of the Santana of our time Don't go just ask him Mark Ronson is known as the Santana of our time I would say Because of his signature guitar tone

Right And he was only 18 at Woodstock Yeah Mark Ronson was only 18 Oh that's fascinating When he went on stage at Woodstock Plus he's got those Sold a show

Signature shoes they sell at Macy's So there's that too Wait what shoes shoes they sell at Macy's. So there's that, too. Wait, what shoes do they sell at Macy's? Carlos Santana shoes. He's got a line of shoes? Not only does he have a line of shoes. So speaking of Reddit, so there is a subreddit called GoodyearWelt that is for men's shoe nerds. They're really invested in high-quality men's shoes.

they're really invested in high quality men's shoes and a Carlos Santana for Macy's brand of shoes is like one of the cheapest shoes that you can buy that has a real Goodyear welt which is one of the ways that the top and sole

of shoes the upper and sole of shoes are sewn together rather than glued together you can get them on sale for like 50 bucks. Are they a nice shoe? If your priority is for them to be Goodyear welted, but you don't want to spend more than 50 bucks, yes. Okay. I don't necessarily know if I need my shoe that big. It's a particular set of ifs, but yeah.

Carlos Santana's doing okay for himself. Yeah, he's fine. Plus, he's got that Lonely Island song. I almost said Lonely Planet song. He's got that Lonely Island song where E-40 pretends to be him and does a rap. Oh, yeah? Yeah, that's really fun. Fun.

It's about his wine, Santana DBX. Jimmy, something I learned from watching your web series. Yes, how could I help? Jimmy's Records Tapes. Thank you for watching, by the way. Is that you are a fan of the third Halloween movie, but don't consider it canon. I do love the third Halloween movie. I think it's terrific, but I don't think it's part of the...

I understand what they were trying to do. They thought they would branch out and just put the Halloween name on things and then start doing different stories. People didn't care for that. And so then here comes Mike Myers back for number four. Jesse, have you seen Halloween 3, Season of the Witch? Yeah, of course I have, dozens of times. Well, then let's all sing the song then from the commercial.

It's the season of Halloween, Halloween, Halloween. Four more days till Halloween, Halloween. Halloween. Four more days till Halloween. Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird.

Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird.

Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird. Still a bird.

Still a bird. Still a bird. Almost. Almost. It's a... It's fuck... I only watched Halloween 3 this year. I know it was kind of a famous what the fuck movie.

I watched it this year. Did you enjoy it? It's on the HBO. I loved it. I had a blast. It is... It's so fucking weird. I would love for them to remake that movie with high quality production values because it doesn't look great.

But the story is really good. That song gets stuck in your head. Yeah. Is that a song in the movie? It's a commercial for the mask company. So in the world of Halloween 3, the biggest product in the world is a normal-looking pumpkin mask that is not weird at all. Wait, so what's the premise? Let's backtrack just briefly. Yeah.

What's the premise of the canonical Halloween films? Michael Myers is a stab guy who goes around stabbing. And he wears a hockey fix. Yeah, he wears a... No, no, he does not wear a hockey fix. That's Jason. That's Jason. Oh, jeez.

What does Michael Myers do? He wears a... He wears a William Shatner mask. William Shatner mask. Oh. That has been... They based the mask on William Shatner's... Halloween mask.

His face. Yeah. Got it. And then, so he wears that, and then he goes around, as Jordan said, stabbing people. Yeah. So the third Halloween movie is... Nothing to do with it. Nothing at all. Nothing to do with that. Yeah. Got it. And then, so he wears that, and then he goes around, as Jordan said, stabbing people. Yeah. So the third Halloween movie is- Nothing to do with it. Nothing at all.

Nothing to do with that. Nothing. It's about a pumpkin mask that turns your head into bugs. Yeah. Oh. Because a mask company stole a piece of Stonehenge. Oh. And they want to take over the world.

Yeah, they sure do. Anyway- How big a piece? Just a slab. That's all you need. Standard slab. One of the slabs? One of the slabs.

Kind of like a gyro. You sliver that off. You slice it off. That's what they did. Like if you were removing al pastor from its spit. Yes. I see. Similar process.

That makes a lot more sense. Initially, I assumed that they simply removed an entire slab from the Stonehenge structure, which seems like a big lift, literally and metaphorically, for a mask company. They did not do that. But I could see a mask company having a stone worker on staff who could shave it off, Euro style. It may have really just been like a pebble.

Yeah, sure. But I liked the imagery of them slicing off a little bit of it. Is it possible that it was just a Euro? They were just... Oh, sure. But I liked the imagery of them slicing off a little bit of it. Is it possible that it was just a year out? They were just... Oh, Jesus. You know, I haven't done a deep dive of the movie. That's possible. You know, I see it.

So I saw it. I've probably seen it the most recently. You have. There's no question. I saw it this year. And yeah, I think it is. You think it could be a year out after all? No, I don't think it is.

I'm holding out for a year out. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Yeah. This is a little segment we call the art of the deal. Sure. Do we call it that? Yeah. We should probably change it yeah but you know it seems to be bad to thoughts when it comes to that association doing what we can not doing what we can here have we done this much time yeah okay let's take a break we'll be back in just a second on j, Jesse go.

Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thornton. America's radio. Jordan Morris, boy detective. We're going to sketch fast sketch fast. They're in San Francisco town. Yes. Sketch fast. Oh, that's a Francisco town. Yes. We're going to sketch fest. Oh, is that Graceland? Yeah. Yeah, in San Francisco town. Yeah, San Francisco town. That's my famous tuneful singing. Beautiful. And my great song parody work.

Sure, and your world music influence too shines through. Yeah, well I got that South African guitar. Sure, you got Lady Smith Black Mambazo on there. Sure, why not? Yeah, San Francisco sketch fest, we're going to on there. Why not? Yeah, San Francisco Sketch Fest. We're going to be there January 15th, 8 p.m., Punchline Comedy Club. Special guests. First of all, a cassette tape of High Life songs that someone lent me.

High Life songs? Yeah, that's the kind of African music that got- Influenced Paul Simon? Paul Simon got really excited about. That's great. So that tape will be there. That tape will be there. Plus.

And Tony Hale. The great Tony Hale is going to be back. He was on our Sketch Fest show last year. Of course, you know him from Veep. You know him from Arrested Development. You know him from being all cartoons, the voice parts of them anyway. That guy's fucking Forky.

He's Forky. You don't want to miss out on Don't miss Forky. Seeing Forky in a 125-seat fucking comedy club. Yeah, but it's not just Tony Hale. We've got the great Glenn Washington. From Snap Judgment on Public Radio, Glenn is a fucking delight. And this guy has gone through more crazy-ass shit.

I feel like we could, instead of doing our normal show involving writing a game, writing jokes, doing all this different work, first we bring Tony on and say congratulations on having 7,000 Emmys and being universally beloved and of course being Forky. And then we'll bring Glenn

on and we'll just be like, hey Glenn, what's some crazy shit that's happened to you? What's the ninth craziest thing that's happened to you? Yeah, he'll just do two hours and we'll wrap it like, hey Glenn, what's some crazy shit that's happened to you? What's the ninth craziest thing that's happened to you? Yeah, he'll just do two hours and we'll wrap it up. Yeah, and of course the Pete Fields, singer-songwriter Pete Fields will be there, an old buddy of Jesse's who's in some beloved

country rock bands, Slow Motion Cowboy and Trainwreck Riders. He'll be there to do some songs. Yeah, brand new Trainwreck Riders album on the horizon. I've known Pete Fields. I was two years old. Wow.

Two, this many, two. He's holding up two fingers, folks. It's true. Two years old, I've known Pete Fields. Hey, and I'll also be at Sketch Fest doing the, I'm one of the guests on the Talking Simpsons podcast. That should be fun. January 14th, 8 p.m., Tuesday night, 8 p.m., January 14th.

The Piano Fight Mainstage. I'm going to join the host there and talk about The Simpsons, which is something I love to do. Yeah, and I'm going to be on Judge John Hodgman at the Castro Theater. I don't know whether we will be able to get the organist from the Castro Theater to come. We got him once. We didn't get him one other time. Well, I guess it depends on if he's organing elsewhere. He's a nice, fussy organ type man.

Sure. One would hope. When he plays San Francisco, open your golden gates. One of the great experiences you can have as a San Franciscan is to go to the Castro Theater and hear him on the mighty Wurlitzer. San Francisco, open your golden gates. The mighty pipes of the Wurlitzer playing, resounding across the room. Yes, love those pipes. Oh, gorgeous pipes.

I love it. Love those pipes. SFSketchFest.com. And hey, we still got some T-shirts for sale, huh? Yeah, MaxFunStore.com is where you can find them. I just got my table T-shirt in the mail. Yeah, we have Bart Simpson Always Has Table, featuring Bart Simpson's famous rideable table.

And also Prank Bear t-shirts. Prank Bear, a famous recurring bit that neither of us remember the origin of. Somebody told me that I undersold the Prank Bear t-shirt. I said it looked like a shirt that you would get at a National Park store.

I would say that maybe I undersold it, but maybe the shirts at National Park stores are better than people would presume they are. Oh, well. Because I've been to one. I went to one in Sequoia National Park not long ago, and I was impressed with the quality of the merchandise. I ended up buying myself a hat. So, hey, if you're out there, maybe visit your national park and visit the gift shop, too, while you're there.

I'm looking at this list of stuff. There's still Destroy the West t-shirt. Oh, yeah. Classic. There is probably my favorite shirt we've ever made is the Tuppies Tattoo t-shirt. Ah, the Tuppies Tattoo. We got the America's Radio Sweetheart Boy Detective and Blank t-shirt. There's even some full short t-shirts in there.

What? Yeah. So many shirts. There's posters. There's coins. all at max fun store dot com and uh if you got somebody on your list who is not a jordan jesse go listener which seems weird why would you yeah don't associate with any kind of relationship with that person this is like pretty much the end of the road for uh getting something awesome from the put this on shop for

christmas so go to put this on shop.com and use the code TUPPIES for free shipping on... I got some... You know, Jordan, remember how the other day you were just saying, Jesse, you should get some dog breed pins from the 1920s? Wasn't me. Little pins with pictures of dogs

and the name of their breed? That was not me. From about 100 years ago? Sounds like a fine thing to do, but it was not me. Antique pins. Well, you were talking about the Flags the world pins, like the Czech Republic. I was not talking about that.

Weren't you saying that you wanted some gold Asprey cufflinks? No. Some solid gold Asprey cufflinks? It was not me. Was that not you? No. It was a guy who looks like you. Maybe.

I don't know. I was talking to Brad Pitt. Might it have been Brad Pitt? No, he doesn't look anything like me. He looks a lot like you're both very handsome. No, I mean, in different ways. You both got highlights in your hair. He's a movie star handsome, and I'm—

You do a lot of swimming. And I'm doing a lot of swimming. Yeah. Put this on shop.com. Use the code TUPPIES. MaxFontStore.com for all your Jordan Jesse Go gifting needs. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. It's Jordan and Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jimmy Pardo, best detective in the room. Wow. He sure is, folks. Everybody knows that. I know that. I'm threatened by it. Speaking of nickname, you know what my nickname was for years?

The shooter. The shooter. And it being 2017 and all, that is not the best nickname to have anymore. I would say maybe you could bring it back around 2019. You think so? I don't know. Just wait for this stuff to cool off. You think it'll cool down?

Wait for all this stuff to cool down. Yeah. I think things are headed in a cooler direction. There's no doubt about that. I hope so. You're in our great nation. That's all I can hope for. I hope so.

2017 has been rough. Yeah. Everybody hope so. You're in our great nation. That's all I can hope for. I hope so. 2017 has been rough. Everybody's really chilling out here in America. I think 2019, and then I have some good feelings about 2020 being real chill. You think so? Oh, yes. Yeah, soup's chill. 2020, hammocks. CBD.

Flip flops. Yeah. Love it. I'm looking forward to 2021. Doobie Brothers with and without Michael McDonald. No, 2020 is when Michael McDonald's back. Okay. So that's good news.

Yeah, certainly for America's collective chill. Well, if we're chilling out, you want to have Michael McD's fine tones. I'm not looking forward to the stories in 2021 where the headlines will all be, in hindsight, 2020 was blah, blah, blah. Oh, wow. It's going to be a lot of that. You're really heading that one off. I'm already mad about it.

I'm mad 14 months in advance? Sure. Start early. I mean, hang on. I mean, 12, 36 months in advance? Yeah. Yeah. Good math.

Good math on the fly there. Okay, so Brian has been talking about viral vids. I want to hear. Now, there is some concern here in the room, I'm not going to lie, that hearing a cat talk like a southern lady will be less impactful without seeing the cat's adorable face. I think it is, but I still would like to hear it. I want to hear it too, and then I'm going to say it out loud

because I like to say it and I like to hear it. Yes. I like to hear it and then and then I'm going to say it out loud because I like to say it and I like to hear it. Yes. I like to hear it and then say it. Go ahead, Brian. Well, hi. It's a little kitty cat. When the camera turns the corner, he gets caught and looks up and says, well, hi. Yeah, that's pretty.

It's the greatest. I like that. Now, here's the little boy. But, Brian, can you show, you got it there on your computer, right? Lift it up and show them what the little boy looks like. Let's see the boy. He looks like a parody of a little boy. Oh, my God, yes.

Oh, yeah, he's in a little private school deal. It is like a little English school kid uniform. Yeah, so let's take a listen to this. Play the boy. Looks like the twin boy from The Shining a little bit. Oh, yeah. Or, no, Damien Omen 2 is what I'm going to go with. Normal boy.

Swear. You are absolutely. That's why you're on the naughty list. I swear, trust me. Well, that's why you're on the naughty list, because you're being naughty right now. So you're going to be on the naughty list if you keep talking like that No, no, because Father Christmas is not being very nice to me Because you're being naughty, so you're on the naughty list

No, I'm not, I'm on the good list actually You're not because you ain't being good I am on the good list If you keep saying that word again and again and again, I'm not on the naughty list. Father Christmas rung me last night when I was at work and said, you better tell Jackson to start being a good boy or he's going to stay on the naughty list and he won't get no presents for Christmas. That's what he said to me.

So you've got to start being a good boy. And I won't do what I'm cut to in. You won't do it. I'm going to punch him. Punch his beard off. Punch his beard off. Punch his beard off. You're just silly, man. Wow.

Trust me. I'm not on Bad's list. You're on the Naughty list, mate. No, I'm not. Well, then be a good boy. He's going to punch Santa's beard off. He's going to punch it right off. Maybe it's just having seen Harry Potter movies,

but it seems like, to me, all British children seem like they're about to cast a spell. To me, he seems like a tiny Ricky Gervais. He's got kind of a dick about atheism. Never brings it up, Ricky Gervais. He never brings it up. I've never heard him mention his atheism. He's hosting the Golden Globes. I'm predicting

minute two? It shows up. You know, Jimmy, he's hosting the Golden Globes. I'm worried he's going to give Hollywood a razzing. They won't see him for that. Then you shouldn't watch because he's been threatening a little bit. That may happen. Is this guy going to razz Hollywood?

By the way, for the last time. He's not going to host it again. Yeah, right? Didn't he? Anyway. America wants him to host it so bad. You've got to get him back. They're so tired of comedians and other funny people hosting this show, and they're ready for a razzing.

Here it comes. A little razzle dazzle. We need it. We need to be taking down a peg. Anyway. He's here from England to destroy your Lord and Savior. Godless England. How often do you, the two of you, how often do you film your kids?

Have you ever been tempted to film your kid and put the kid on the internet? My wife was interviewing my two and a half year old uh earlier today because he was wearing my daughter's bat girl underpants and a halter top swimsuit with the bat girl logo on it uh plus some like rainbow horns uh and you know like on a headband. Yeah. Uh, and he was explaining about why and how he was Batgirl and that he was, uh, not Gaga,

which is a name he's generally known by in our, in our house. Okay. He's, he's, I is Batgirl. Love it. Yeah.

Yeah. It was a lot of fun looking at, looking at a little kid and, uh, uh, looking at a two year old and an eight year old girl's purple underwear. It was a lot of fun looking at a little kid and looking at a two-year-old in an eight-year-old girl's purple underwear. It was pretty hilarious. Now, let's see.

Barbara Gordon or Cassandra Cain? Oh, geez. That's what I was so upset Teresa didn't ask. She got the exclusive, and I'm like, she got the exclusive. That's what people want to know. I don't know who Cassandra Cain is. Who is that, please? Oh, boy. She was a Batgirl in – oh, I think she's back.

I think she was a Batgirl in the 90s for a while. All right. She's a little bit of a darker, more – Because Barbara Gordon retired? Is that – What happened? You're asking for some DC knowledge that I might not have. This might have been when Barbara Gordon was Oracle.

Barbara Gordon was paralyzed and became Oracle, who was kind of this computer whiz who looked over Gotham. And I think there were alternate Batgirls around that time, one of which being Cassandra Cain. Don't yell at me online. They were in my Batman video game, and I was quite confused. Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. I was Batmanning around, and then there was this other there was several Batwomans and one of

them was, yeah, I was really baffled. Yeah, Batman video game brings in a lot of stuff. Can we focus on Firestorm the Nuclear Man, please? Yes, everyone's favorite DC character. Yeah, well besides Mr. Mitzopitalik. Who my son was for Halloween last year. Really?

Your son was Mr. Mitzopitalik? Yes he was. Your Halloween last year. Really? Mr. Mitzopitalik? Yes, he was. Your son is a very advanced nerd. How old is he, 11? 12. 12? But he was 11 with that costume. Yeah, that is some very advanced geekery to be a Mr. Mitzopitalik at age 11.

He walked around Comic-Con and every adult thought he was the greatest costume in the world. This year he was Plastic Man. Oh. Had the exact same response. The adults love it. He's really out to impress Art Spiegelman. Yes. I don't know who that is, but okay.

Who's Art Spiegelman? He's the question. He's the author of Mouse, the famous Pulitzer winning or whatever. Does your son know these characters from DC Comics? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Interesting. He knows them all, and then he makes his own costumes

and he's very proud of them and they look great. Will he be yelling at me online later for getting some Cassandra Cain stuff wrong? Not necessarily for this, but probably that long Ellen story. Yeah. Loves Ellen.

Loves her. Yeah. He hates James Corden. She's just trying to add a little bit of warmth to the world. That's it. Help people be nice to each other. Ellen DeGeneres.

We've got some calls. Do you want to take them? Yeah. When something momentous happens to you, our listener, we ask you to call us. 206-984-4FUN. Or mail us a voice memo. JJ, go at MaximumFun.org. Jimmy, you have something to say?

I was going to say, in fairness to Jordan, the reason the Ellen story went out so long is that I interrupted it 7,000 times. I interrupted it 8,000 times. No question. Okay. Let's hear a call. Jordan, Jesse, distinguished guest. This is Cody here. Calling in with a momentous occasion that occurred to me in New York City early this summer.

Early summer, late spring. Anyway, we had this mouse in our house. Early summer, late spring. Anyway, we had this mouse in our house. Pause this, Brian. Thank God he's pinpointing this. Because at first he said early summer, and I was like, this sounds a little bit more like a late spring story. Oh, you thought so? Then he clarified that it was really on the

lemon between the two of them. I'll admit I was not listening to the first part, because I was looking on Wikipedia to see if I got that Batgirl shit wrong. I did good. I didn't do a deep dive. I'm sure I was not listening to the first part because I was looking on Wikipedia to see if I got that Batgirl shit wrong. How'd you do it? I did good. I did good. Okay.

I didn't do a deep dive. I'm sure I got some things wrong, but the brass tacks. I was right to say Firestorm the Nuclear Man for no reason. No. Uh-uh. No. Get ready for a thrashing from Oliver. Has he thought about being Firestorm the Nuclear Man?

That has not come up. No. His hair is like a wisp of fire. I don't see him doing wigs. One of these. I don't see him doing a wiggery. Not a wig guy. I think he would love to have artificial hair.

But I don't see it. But he makes his costumes. I don't see him doing that. Vandal Savage. I don't know who that is. A caveman who lives forever. All right, I'll talk to him about it. I'll get his costumes. I don't see him doing that. Vandal Savage. I don't know who that is. A caveman who lives forever. All right. I'll talk to him about it.

Yeah. I'll get his thoughts. That's all I can do. We understand you're only his representative, Your Honor. I am not. And again, I don't know a lot about these topics. Okay. Well, they're unimportant.

Don't learn about them. Yeah. Done. I don't like that I... I haven't. I don't like that. I, I haven't, I don't like that. I know what I do. Anyway,

Brian, sorry. Side in our apartment. And I've been trying to catch them for about three months. Anyway, we had this, uh, mouse in our house in the Upper West side in our apartment.

And I've been trying to catch them for about three months. Uh, we eventually named him Steve. He's one of those cute little mice, you know, like a little field mouse or whatever, not like a big New York City rat. So we weren't like terribly concerned about him and he'd only show up every once in a while and then he'd disappear for a couple weeks. Anyway, we eventually decided to catch Steve and I wanted to use a live trap because sticky traps seem aggressively cruel and because they die slowly, but then like the snap tracks also are

kind of gross and messy and i didn't want to kill the mouse because he was adorable so uh eventually after trying for a couple months to catch him we finally caught him uh we caught him using fresh mozzarella so that steve was a real foodie he rejected cheddar and peanut butter and various other attempts to bait him anyway so i got this live mouse and this little trap and i'm like well I gotta do something with him. I'm not gonna kill him. So I decide to go let him go in Central Park. And I live

between Riverside Park and Central Park on the Upper West Side, so it's a little closer. Central Park was by a hair. So mostly out of laziness. And I get to Central Park, and it's a beautiful spring, late spring, early summer day. The birds are chirping. It's the middle of the day.

There are people out. People having fun in the park. A real Saturday in the park situation on like a Tuesday. And so I go find this bush on the side of the park. And I'm like, I'm going to open that little cage up. He's going to run under the bush. Bam. Free to go.

Have a nice life, Steve. So I open up the box, and I kind of jiggle him out of the box in case he go have a nice life steve so i open up the box and i um and i kind of kind of jiggle him out of the box he doesn't want to leave and instead of running underneath the bush he darts right out into the open field right where all the people are right where all the stuff's happening and i swear to god within 15 seconds of being released one of the central park hawks swooped down, picked him up, and flew off into the distance. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I never would have believed it.

So that's my momentous occasion. I effectively, I guess, killed a mouse via predatory hawk on accident. All right. Hope you guys are having a good day. Bye-bye. Saturday in the park, a mouse got eaten by a hawk. Yeah. I have some notes about the structure of that story. Well, first of all, when does the mouse save the cat?

Right. You got to save the cat. Save the cat. I zoned out. What time of year was the story based? 2017. Oh, because you've got to save the cat. Save the cat. What time of year was the story based? 2017. Oh, thank you. 2007. A simpler time. We're bringing sexy

back. We're bringing sexy back. We're living by the mouse. Wow, wow. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Silver shamrock. Anyway, that's all the songs we've talked about. A lot of fun. You know, growing up, bum. Shamrock. Anyway, it's all the songs we've talked about. A lot of fun.

You know, growing up, I grew up in hometown Illinois, and we had a, for a little, for one winter, there was a mouse in our house, and it didn't seem to bother us. But if a mouse was in my house today, I would probably burn to the ground and move. But as a kid, it was like, oh, there's a mouse. It's fun. Yeah, you like want to see the mouse. Yeah, you do. It's exciting. But now, literally, if there's a mouse. It's fun. Yeah, you want to see the mouse. Yeah, you do. It's exciting.

But now, literally, if there's a mouse, you've got to be fucking kidding me. I would have somebody there at 2 in the morning. I would pay whatever price that guy needed to be paid to get it out of there. I think if my feeling about it is if a mouse was in my house and I just once every month or so saw it scamper somewhere. Yeah, it wouldn't bother you. I would probably be okay with that. I wouldn't be nuts about it, but I'd be okay about it. But the reality, I think, is that when such a creature is in your home, it lives inside your walls and scratches Cask of Amontillado style.

scratches, cask of Amontillado style. And that terrifies me on such a deep level to have an unidentifiable scratching coming from inside your walls. That is the situation in which I would, you know, toe to tip, burn down my house. I hear you. No question. This guy was doing all these details to, like, New York neighborhood brag a little bit.

Yeah, Upper West Side-y. I don't know. I don't know enough about the geography of New York. Why else would it happen? And I don't like it when people try and explain it to me. So I'm not going to learn about this. But I worry that this was just a little bit of, I'm laying out this geography so the other New York people will know that I'm close to the good cheesecake or whatever. To clarify, Jordan, you take the BQE to the Major Dugan.

And, of course, you're going to want to commit. We're just as guilty of this. We are just as guilty. The bridge and tunnel crowd, of course, are going to be there. Head over to the Grove. Head over to the Grove. Turn right at the American Girl store. Get right on the troll Girl store, get right

on the trolley, and get yourself a cupcake. As a reminder, Jordan, I was once at the Grove. I've been telling this story since the Grove opened. Let's hear it. For those that are not in the know, the Grove is an outdoor mall, and the trolley goes about a total of maybe 100 yards. Yeah, and to be

clear, when you say, for those who are not in the know, you mean for people for whom this is the first podcast they've ever heard in their entire life. But they may not know about the trolley. So the trolley starts at the farmer's market, and it goes to Nordstrom, and again, maybe... Then continues on to Mickey's Toontown.

But about 100 yards. I heard a human being say, I hope I can get this right, when it was stopped, does the trolley go all the way to the Barnes & Noble? And the Barnes & Noble is about 14 feet from where that was. The Grove's not a big place. No, it is not.

You're not really taking the trolley to get through the mall. You're taking it because it's fun to have a child on your lap. And hey, isn't this fun? You can wave. That's it. Do some waving. I've got an appointment at the American Girl store. Good for you.

Oh, yeah? January 3rd, Kirsten, who belongs to my daughter Grace, and Grace, you're going to head over there and they're going to get matching pajamas. That's great. Okay. Now, does that need to be done in person? Yeah, I think that's going to be an in-person thing. You've got to get the sizing right.

Right. It's all part of that American Girl world, right? Isn't that part of it? Part of the experience there. And my joy is I think it's great that my daughter has a toy that she likes to nurture. I think that's really sweet. And Kirsten once belonged to my wife, Teresa, which is really lovely. So I think that's really great that there's this intergenerational

connection between the two of them. My concern is that I am entering into a nightmare from which I may never escape, which is things about the world of American Girl dolls. Sure, yes. It's complicated. My sister had some American

Girls, so I kind of saw it from the side. Samantha, I believe, who I think was a pickpocket who died in the Black Plague. I don't think that was her backstory. Something like that. Just picked an era. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, I think it's a toy line where there is a lot of stuff. I think you can buy them campers. Yeah, I think it's at a certain point, and by which you mean camper brand shoes. Sure, or yes.

Or camper van Beethoven. Camper van Beethoven, yes. Are those Goodyear based or whatever? Those aren't Goodyear welted, yeah. Nope, it's Blake Rapid, now that I think about it. Okay, well, you know better. Yeah, again, I avoid Reddit. Actually, it's Cracker.

Our team's offensive. No, it's the camper van Beethoven became Cracker. A couple guys from camper van Beethoven started Cracker. Became Cracker. Yeah. Good to know. Had some bigger hits there. Yeah, I think so.

Uncle Cracker, was that a thing? Had the one hit. Yeah, different band. Anyway. Camper van Beethoven are from santa cruz aren't they they are so it's pride is pride of santa cruz there's not a lot of things from santa cruz where we went to college but the things that are from there they'll let you know about it yeah surfing sure the lost boys was filmed there and now i'm sure it's all us the lost boys the uh the

the corey well i call it a corey feltman joint uh-huh. That's because Corey Feldman wrote, produced, and directed it. Wrote, produced, and directed. Yeah, that's what I mean by joint, of course. Yeah. So, yeah, that was filmed in Santa Cruz. One of the few Santa Cruz things. I see. And they are-

Jason, not Gedrock. Is it Jason Gedrock? Jason, what's his name? Derulo. No. The star of the movie, Jason Patrick. Jason Patrick. Oh, sure, yeah.

Thank you. I was kind of just Tourette's-ing in my own head. That's okay. I apologize. I forgot we're still recording. But yes, one of those things is Camper Van B. Jason Patrick! Look at that firework show.

Damn it. Every time I turn around, it's gone. Anyway, yeah, so I think you're right, and I think it's probably easy to keep the American Girl stuff from the kids unless maybe there's a website or a book that has a catalog in it or something. The catalog came to our house the other day. Well, yeah. My daughter got out the big black marker to mark off what she needs for Kirsten. I mean, you don't want to. I mean, she needs it, but also Kirsten needs it.

I know. Kirsten needs a camper. Yeah, so apparently she needs a fucking platinum necklace or something. I guess. She's an American girl. I'm hoping you would start to sing the Tom Petty song. Out of respect for him because I understand he's going to die soon. Yeah.

That's right. And you're in 2017. I don't want to do that. I don't want to jinx it. It's close to Prince and Bowie and it's going to be a bad year. Can I ask you a question again off Cooley, Octavio? Speaking of shoes, why do you guys both cover the ankles with your shoes? Why do you guys both have a-

It's autumn. It's autumn. It's a great time for boots. Nice and tumble boots, I see. All right, very good. Just asking. Yeah, I don't have a seasonal reason for doing it. I just kind of like these shoes.

You like it. Comfortable. I like the look of a boot. Love it. Boots are the reason for the season. No, that's Jesus Christ, Jesse. Oh, gee whiz. Not according to Ricky Gervais. Oh, wow.

I hope he doesn't eviscerate me at the Globe. So, let's take another call! Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. I'm calling with a momentous occasion. I was at the grocery store today and the Blitzkrieg bought

by the Ramones was playing. So, I was feeling the grocery store today, and the Blitzkrieg Bach by the Ramones was playing. So I was feeling festive and happy, so I started dancing. I was doing a little, like, hip-shaking, twisting action and, like, moving, like some knee bending that was kind of strange. I'm not a good dancer, and I don't normally dance in public, but just something about it, I was going for it. And I hear someone say from behind me, whoa, I thought you were pulling your pants up. And I turn around and there's this elderly woman and she's just standing there pointing and laughing at me. So, yeah, that's my momentous occasion. I was, my dancing was made fun of in public by an elderly woman using a walker.

She just, she hoed me. All right, thanks. Bye. I just want to say, contrary to what that caller suggested, I think it's very punk rock to love your mom. Yeah. Yeah. And the people of Reddit would agree. There were a couple guys in there who didn't agree.

Really? Yeah. Was there a couple guys in there who posted, fuck you, I hate my mom? There were a couple of I had a bad childhood, which I think- Yeah, that's reasonable. Right, exactly. Not everyone's got a world-class mom. Of course, absolutely. There's good

parents and bad parents and everything in between, and everybody's just trying their best. That's exactly right. Maybe the ones who aren't. So there's some of that. Here's my personal story. But then there's just some of like, fuck this. This is not what I subscribed for. For people who just

want... Please post a blurry picture of fucked up yes that's what we want yeah are there any x-ray specs besides that's what i'm here for uh 206 it's just the one album 206-9844-F JJ Go at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, DC. Go. Welcome back to Fireside Chat on KMAX. With me in studio to take your calls is the dopest duo on the West Coast, Oliver Wong and Morgan Rhodes. Go ahead, caller. Hey, I'm looking

for a music podcast that's insightful and thoughtful but also helps me discover artists and albums that I've never heard of. Yeah, man.

It sounds like you need to listen to Heat Rocks every week. Myself and I'm Morgan Rhodes and my co-host here, Oliver Wong, talk to influential guests about a canonical album that has changed their lives guests like moby open mic eagle talk about

albums by prince joni mitchell and so much more yo what's that show called again heat rocks deep dives into hot records every thursday on maximum fun Every Thursday on Maximum Fun. Hey, we're Ben and Adam, and we're here to tell you about our Star Trek podcast, The Greatest Generation. Why should I listen to a Star Trek podcast? You may be asking yourself. Well, ours is actually good and funny. We joke around. We have a lot of fun.

We talk about film production techniques that are used in Star Trek. We love to break down the stories and the characters and we just have a blast while we're doing it. It's kind of like sitting around with a couple of buds having a beer and talking about an episode of one of your favorite shows.

So go to MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts and subscribe to The Greatest Generation. Yeah, whatever you're using to listen to this, just have it find us and subscribe. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Jordan and Jesse go. Jesse Thorne. Trying it out. Trying it out with no nickname? Here, I'll see how it feels too.

Okay. Jordan Morris. Boy, sounds great, guys. You like it, Jimmy? I think it sounds great. Sounds mature. Maybe this is the future. Shows grow, gentlemen.

Shows grow. Hey, maybe this is 2018. What? 2018. A new start for 2018 for you guys. In 2018, we'll start doing it this way. Very smart. No nicknames.

New year, new names. Yeah. This is a very grown-up, sophisticated show. It's not the same show you started 13 years ago, I'll tell you that. No, it's- You guys have all grown. Now it knows it's Torah portion. It's not the same show you started 13 years ago, I'll tell you that. You guys have all grown. Now it knows it's Torah portion. It's here. It's ready

to become a man. The show's even got a little hair where there wasn't hair before. That's exactly right. You're talking about the pubic area. I'm talking about the pubic area. I was talking about top of the feet. So the show's a hobbit now. It's an adolescent hobbit. Yeah, exactly.

It lives in one of those little houses and it's like- Yeah, eats a couple breakfasts every day. Looks sort of like a hill, but it's also a house. Oh, yeah. You know what I'm talking about, Jimmy. This is where hobbits live. Yeah. These are these strange little men, but they're capable of great things.

I see. They love adventure. Yeah. I saw the first movie and that was plenty. Yeah. I saw the first movie, and that was plenty. Yeah. Didn't read the books. Wasn't for me. Not Jimmy Pardo's thing.

From what I hear, maybe seeing the first movie might have been too many. Oh, no question. One too many. Could have left halfway through it. I think my wife felt the same, but neither of us said it. Sure. Yeah. Well, that's why communication's important.

Well, it is. But we keep quiet during the movie because we have respect for the others around us. And that's more important than communication within a relationship. It's respect for your community. That's right. And common suffering. Right. Through the late period

films of Peter Jackson. Suffer together. Through a movie that's shot at a weird speed. I hope you guys already have your tickets to Avatar 2 through 5 because I think this phenomenon of common suffering in films made by filmmakers

who have no one to say no to them is going to continue. Yeah. I see. I think this is what's holding your relationship together. Of course, your mutual love, your son Oliver. Yeah. And your respect and admiration for each other. No, mostly it what's holding your relationship together. Of course, your mutual love, your son Oliver. Yeah. And your respect and admiration for each other.

No, mostly it's that movie thing. Yeah. I really think it's that movie thing you just spoke about. Yeah, it's probably the movie thing. Give us something to talk about. The two of you also love to hear Ricky Gervais give Hollywood a good rest. You know, here's the thing. Okay.

I think he does a great job in the monologue opening part of that. It's the rest of it where he's telling you how crazy he is for having a beer. Can you relate? I had a beer. Yeah, great. Everybody's having a beer, you asshole. It's the Golden Globes. It's the point of it.

You're not interesting. It's the drunk award show. Tell a joke somebody wrote for you, you prick. Yeah. I say prick because I think they say that overseas. They do. Yeah. Cunt as well.

Oh, jeez. Hi. Oh, good. Lord. Hi. Hi. Hi, good. Lord. Hi. Hi. Hi, Lord. Sorry.

Sorry, mate. No one's listening. Sorry, mate. Hi, Lord. Are you there? It's me, Margaret. Sorry. Sorry, Margaret.

No one's there to take your call. The call's to no one, Margaret. that calls to no one, Margaret. Netflix will give me an infinite number of shows. Okay. Well, we've had fun with that, huh? Two were great. Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah. I thought so. One was great. One was good, I would say. Wait, which one was great? The Office. And then good was?

Extras. Yeah. Yeah. There's some fun stuff. I like that part where David Bowie sang that mean song about him. That was funny. That party scene. Yeah.

That was fun. A lot of fun moments in that show. I like that show. You have it a lot. And, of course, A History of Lying. Yeah, sure. One of the greatest films in the history of cinema. You know what I loved about that?

It's elegant visual style. Oh, and how memorable it was. We all remember it. I remember it. I certainly didn't struggle to come up with the name. Yeah.

We all remember it. And of course, it starred people who knew Ricky Gervais at the time. Right, yes. People who at the time were friendly

with Ricky Gervais. Mm-hmm. Because they liked The Office so much. The Office is good. Jimmy Pardo, it's been a delight to have you, as it always is. It is a joy to take my time out and drive down to the area. Jimmy. I believe him.

He's sincere. Jimmy Pardo, I'll tell you what, America. If you're not listening to Never Not Funny, you'll have a great time doing that. Thank you. If you're not watching Jimmy's records and tapes on YouTube, you'll have a great time doing that. He's going to tell you about something that happened in 1986. In a few weeks. Yeah.

What's one of your top things that happened in 1986? Of course, the retirement of Davey Lopes. Of course, Davey Lopez. Yeah. 86. Honestly, I cannot remember what that episode is. We shot these all back in August. So I don't remember what

86 is. Late summer? It's late summer, early fall, right in that area there. Right on the line. I was closer to Central Park than I was to LA. Okay. Okay, good. And of course, Jimmy Pardo, one of America's great stand-up comics.

If you have never had the chance to see Jimmy Pardo do stand-up comedy, I'd say it's worth buying a plane ticket to see, but you probably don't have to because Jimmy's works across this great nation. I do like to crisscross this great land of ours, bringing joy to those otherwise void of it. You near a Zany's Comedy Club? What are you, driving distance of Go Bananas in Cincinnati? Great club. You're ready to go to Rooster Teeth Feathers in Sunnydale, California?

You've named two great clubs. Jimmy Pardo's going to be there. Cock-a-doodle-doo. Rooster Teeth Feathers. Worst name in business. Nice club. Great club. Still going?

Yeah, it's great, too. It's nice. Last time you were there, I think you had the great Scott Simpson, our friend Scott Simpson featuring for you. I will tell you this. The last two times I was there, I had Scott Simpson featuring for me. I was going to mention this on the show, but I, when I was home for Thanksgiving in the San Francisco Bay Area, went out to see Scott Simpson's show in San Francisco called Better

Than Therapy. Scott did probably 15, 20, something like that. And he's very good. And it was great. Yeah. Scott is a really great stand-up. Yeah, he is. And honestly, top to bottom,

this was a show composed exclusively of San Francisco comics. And it was at a comedy theater in downtown San Francisco. And I thought every comic on the show was great. Oh, that's great. I thought it was really a comedy theater in downtown San Francisco, and I thought every comic on the show was great. Oh, that's great. I thought it was really a great lineup of comics. I'll second that, too.

I've seen the show as well, and it's awesome. It runs a great show, and they do it a lot. So you know what? They're doing it like four days every weekend. Oh, wow, that's great. Yeah, they're doing every weekend, Thursday through Sunday, at this comedy theater in Trablin. I'll be on the road, too.

Yeah, I would say. You guys go ahead and plug Scott Simpson for 45 bucks. Prioritize Scott. So if you live in the Bay Area, you're going to want to go see Scott. But that's regional, Jimmy. That's not. I get up there. I'm doing Sketch Fest.

You're right. Go see Jimmy. You're right. I don't know. I kind of think you should go see Scott. Because he's got all these other comics on the bill. Oh, yeah. That's true.

Jimmy's probably. What do you got, Garen? Garen does not do the road shows. You and Garen. We don't get that kind of budget. It's you and Garen on the road there. No. You and your production guy, Garen, right? It's just you and Garen.

It is not – Matt stays home. Garen is our intern. Yeah. And no, Garen does not make the road shows. Okay. Well, I mean, people want to see – Maybe you should be bringing Garen. He's a. Garen is our intern. Yeah. And no, Garen does not make the road shows. Okay. Well. No.

Well. I mean, people want to see. Maybe he should be bringing Garen. He's a good guy. I'm not disagreeing with any of this. Everybody likes Garen. He's a nice man. Everybody loves Garen. He's a nice man.

Loves horror movies. Loves them. He's getting college credits. Sure is. Yeah. That ended five and a half years ago. Jimmy Pardo really is. Are you headed out anywhere in the new year?

Sketchfest? Yes, San Francisco Sketchfest That's the 10th and 11th of What are we looking at? A Never Not Funny? A Playing Games with Jimmy Pardo? Playing Games on a Friday the 10th with Oscar Nunez Oscar Nunez is a joy On the afternoon of the 11th we're doing Never Not Funny

with our guest Josh Gondelman Oh, Gondelman. Who's also the nicest guy in the world. Doesn't get any better than that. Doesn't get any better than JG. Then the end of the month, I'll be at the Comedy Attic in Bloomington, Indiana. That's right there in Indiana. Then I'm part of the Paris, Texas Tower Comedy Festival on February 1st.

I'll be doing a show there. That sounds nice. Great. You ever been to Paris, Texas? It's beautiful. I've seen the movie Paris, Texas. Nothing like it. No, yeah. No. No, this is fun. Oh. I'll be doing a show there. That sounds nice. Great. You ever been to Paris, Texas? It's beautiful. I've seen the movie Paris, Texas. Nothing like it. No, yeah.

No. No, this is fun. Yeah. That's a bummer of a movie. Yeah. I haven't seen it. It's a bummer. It's a bit of a bummer.

It sounds like it's a little bit of a bummer. The movie's a bit of a bummer, but Jimmy Pardo's a ton of fun. Yeah, I'm going to bring the fun. I really think you could hardly have a better time at a comedy club than to see the great Jimmy Pardo. to bring the fun. I really think you could hardly have a better time

at a comedy club than to see the Great Jimmy Pardes. I hope that all you Bloomingtonians and Paris Texans and San Francisco Sketchfesters

will go see the Great Jimmy Pardes. Jordan Morris told me off the air prior to this that he was in the audience of my show recently and didn't even stick around to say hello afterwards.

Just came as a fan. I did. I bought a ticket online. That's bananas. I went to flappers.com paid for a ticket and had the time of's bananas. I went to flappers.com, paid for a ticket, and had the time of my life. You went to flappers.com looking for 1920s-themed pornography. That's true, but what I found was something that was equally easy to jack off to.

Perfect. Jimmy's show. The great Jimmy Pardo. Okay, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer on the program. You can find us online at MaximumFun.org. We have a brand-new website, byny D. Fernandez is our producer on the program. You can find us online at MaximumFun.org. We have a brand new website, by the way. JJGo at MaximumFun.org is our email address, 206-984-4Fun, our phone number. Hashtag your tweets, hashtag JJGo.

You can find us on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris, at Jesse Thorne, and on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com. And let's start a thread there. Or slow at maximumfun.reddit.com. And let's start a thread there. Or slowcooking.reddit.com. I was going to say, hey, and if you're out there, let's start a thread at maximumfun.reddit.com. Any Max Funsters out there love your mom? Yeah. Anybody love your mom?

Let's hear it. I want to hear about your moms. You can also, by the way, find us at bozgags.reddit.com. I mentioned that one time on the show, and somebody made it. Great. Somebody started bozgags.reddit.com. I mentioned that one time on the show and somebody made it. Great. Somebody started bozgags.reddit.com. It's fun. Boz Gags, he's fun.

The lowdown. Dirty lowdown. Yeah. Nasty dirty lowdown. Yeah, that's it. Okay. We love you very much. Goodbye.

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