Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 617: Live from Los Angeles with Nick Wiger, Mike Mitchell, and Allie Goertz

Episode Date: December 31, 2019

Nick Wiger, Mike Mitchell (Doughboys Podcast), and Allie Goertz (Round Springfield podcast) join Jordan and Jesse on stage at the Angel City Brewery in a very hot room in downtown Los Angeles for the final show of the Summer Boys of Summer Tour. Jesse drops a Hang It Up, Keep It Up and Allie sings a few great songs, and Nick and Mitch play the final round of Erotic Novel, Grindcore Song, or Some Shit We Made Up. (With a special surprise appearance by Ben Harrison (The Greatest Generation podcast). Plus, Aimee Mann gives us a very special momentous occasion: a song about Jordan's cat Bug! (See the video here!)

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, we've got a delightful show lined up. It's a treat. For Jordan, Jesse Goh fans. Mm-hmm.

And let's be honest, Jordan, for people who don't really like Jordan, Jesse Goh fans. And let's be honest, Jordan, for people who don't really like Jordan Jesse Goh, but do like another podcast much more popular than ours that our friends host. Yeah. If you are tuning in, if you're gritting your teeth and tuning in because you want to hear our great guests. Yeah. Boy, howdy. Is this the show for you to grit your teeth through?

We've got a live show taped right here in Los Angeles at Angel City Brewing starring our friend Allie Gertz. Music from the great Allie Gertz, delightful social media songstress. That's Phyllica Fair. Yeah. Characterization of Allie's hilarious comedy. One of the hosts of the Everything's Coming Up Simpsons podcast. Right here on the Maximum Fun Network. Soon to be back with a hot new format, I've heard.

Yeah, they're working on a new format. Very excited about that. Very excited. And, of course, Nick Weiger and Mike Mitchell, the Doughboys, two of the funniest fellas ever to podcast. And there's a cameo appearance by the great Benjamin Harrison

from Maximum Fun's Zone Greatest Generation. A real friend of the program, Ben Harrison. This is a jam-packed show. It was a ton of fun to record, and I think it's going to be a ton of fun to listen to. Let's go to the stage of Angel City Brewing in Los Angeles, California. How you doing, Really Hot Room? Hot Room, of course, meaning the temperature, although you guys seem ready for a show. Yeah, Jordan Jesse Goh is the only live podcast that comes with a free heat rash. Who's feeling itchy out there? A lot of people are here because they're

podcast fans, but half of the crowd is just here because they need to make weight for the high school wrestling team. Going to lay between two gym mats and just kind of tolerate the show so they can sweat out a little bit of weight. It's great. Let's hear it for our buddy Story Break. Yeah's great to be out. How about, let's hear it for our buddy Story Break.

Yeah, they're the best. That has never stopped feeling like a magic trick to me. I guess sometimes when I'm listening to or watching them, I think it would be amazing to be talented or have a skill. So this is the... I agree. That'd be nice. This is the final stop on the Summer Boys of Summer Tour, and we've been all around this great country

to eights of cities. And it's been really, really nice to kind of meet the people who listen to the podcast. It's really, you know, when you do a podcast, you kind of feel like, you know, you're in a room and you're doing it into a void. And you're like, does anybody listen to this? You know, they just, I, you know, I hear from the fans when I get the name of a DC Comics character slightly wrong. And they're mad. But other than that, you know, you don't hear from people.

So it's so nice to kind of meet the people. And we've had a lot of cool fan interactions. We had somebody, our first show was in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Yeah. And it was, the theater was attached to a Dairy Queen, which is actually a zoning thing in Minneapolis. You have to have a Dairy Queen attached to all public buildings.

And we just started talking about blizzards, and halfway through the show, someone just full-on brought us blizzards. It was great, because then the next 20 minutes was just two men eating a blizzard on stage. What are we supposed to do, not eat the blizzards? It was slightly more dramatic when we got ice cream headaches. But then other than that, very uneventful.

So, you know, kind of that started a little, you know, we talked about that at the other tours. And then people would send things up, send up local delicacies, you know. But in Washington, D.C., we were talking about, well, why does no one ever palm us drugs? Yeah. It's like we know that we're not Kiss or whatever. Yeah. I mean, I consider myself a star child. You're a cat man.

Yeah, sure. But no, we are not Kiss, and therefore, you know, no one ever gives us the old, oh, I don't know the name for this. I'm going to say the old fucked up handshake. There you go. Yeah, there's a thing. Like, we know this from having friends who are musicians where, like, a fan will come up after the show and be like, hey, cool show. Nice to see you. And then you'll pull it back, and you're like, oh, free drugs.

And I don't even do drugs and I want free drugs. Yeah. So so we so in Washington, D.C., that kind of came up and that was a little like, you know, source of conversation during the show. Why does no one ever palmist drugs? And then, you know, we have a afterwards, you know, if anyone wants to buy a poster, we'll hang out and, you know, take a picture, sign the poster. Hear about your podcast. Oh, really? Playing all the Dragon Quest games, huh? Love the fans.

So, you know, there's that moment. So there was this woman who was waiting in line, and she kind of waited in line, and she kind of waited in line. And I would describe her vibe as a punk bike messenger. So keep that in mind. So she waited in line, did not buy anything, just came up, did not ask for a photo, just reached out, shook my hand, left something in my hand, and walked off. And I saw this yeah this was like it was like she was like the coolest punk rock person ever who does this all the time yeah it was so ice cold eyes like i know what the fuck to do it was chill it was confident and then and just walked off did not like wait around didn't uh just didn't talk to jesse no um ignored me again i saw it happen and the whole vibe was like i guess yeah i mean i

guess she would do it to jordan yeah oh buddy yeah what's oh you know to be i will say yeah i might look like the one most likely to do drugs, but your beard goes nicely with all the other beards in this craft brewery. Thank you. Thank you very much. Is it nice to come to a place like this and your beard can meet all the other beards? It's like a dog park. Yeah, I've been thinking about getting another beard so my beard has a beard to play with. Oh, yeah, sure.

Yeah, you got to have two so the other ones don't get lonely yeah you should do a thing where you find a guy with another beard and tie a sock between them and you can play like they're fighting over it uh anyway uh so i she leaves this thing in my hand and just leaves just leaves doesn't say hi doesn't say love the show just leaves this in my hand and leaves and And I think to myself, oh, fuck. And I stick whatever it is in my back pocket. And I spend the whole rest of the time shaking hands, signing the posters, hearing about how you get drunk and watch all of Battlestar Galactica. Oh, cool.

We're in Washington, D.C. We don't want Glenn Weldon to see you doing drugs and narc on you. No. You know how Glenn Weldon from NPR's Pop and narc on you. You know how Glenn Weldon from NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour is. Famous narc. Everyone, everyone listening to this, tweet

at Glenn Weldon, narc. Okay, everyone in the audience, if you have your phone, do it now, and then again when this comes out narc uh so so i i have this thing in my pocket and you know we still have half an hour of of of you know autographing to do and i'm like do i go to the bathroom do i flush it down the toilet and i'm gonna get arrested was that a sting like i just I flush it down the toilet and I'm going to get arrested? Was that a sting?

Like, I just don't know. I don't. And I, you know. They're just sending undercover detectives to podcast shows in case they can entrap podcasters who ask the audience jokingly to palm them drugs. That was season six of The Wire if the wire had continued. And honestly, like, I talk a big game, but I mean, the biggest drug purchase I've made recently is CBD oil for my cat. She's nervous!

There's a lot of construction going around outside. Yeah. So I have this thing in my pocket, and I'm kind of freaking out. I don't know what to do. And finally everybody leaves. Or, you know, to do. And finally everybody leaves. The line gets done and I'm like, okay, I can finally

look and see what this thing is. So I kind of go into a little corner. I reach into my pocket and I take out and look at what it is. And it's an Alka-Seltzer. You got fucking pranks, dude. Let's just think about the commitment to that

to not even stick around to see the joke to just kind of go home and know that it happened i think she probably went home and like like, that's her thing, like, sexually, is to know that three miles away at the theater, you're sitting there and you just got burned. Right. She just likes knowing that somewhere a lame-o is confused. So, yeah, you know, if anybody wants to palm us the real thing after the show, it'll kind of freak me out. We got a great guest. Yes. Oh, we got so many great guests on this program.

Later on in the show, our friends Nick and Mitch, the Doughboys, are going to be here. We have a very, very exciting guest coming up a little bit later. Yeah. Unannounced. This is actually kind of not on the flyer, so this is kind of a surprise drop-in. You probably know him. Originally, of course, he started as a music video director in the 1980s and 90s. I don't know.

Do we want to say? No. Let's save it for later. We'll wait. You guys are going to be very excited. This show is going to transform into something amazing. Ladies and gentlemen, Starscream! God, I would love it if Starscream was here.

It's just a children's party entertainer. scream was here it's just a children's party entertainer comes on uh we've got all kinds of amazing stuff coming up in the show uh but before we get to all of that uh we have a very special musical guest on this evening's performance you know her as a regular guest on jordan jesse go you know her as the one of the internet's famous uh most beloved Jesse, Go! You know her as one of the Internet's famous, most beloved songstresses. You know her as the former editor of Mad Magazine. Please welcome to the stage, Allie Gertz. Hello.

I love thinking I'm about to be announced, and then I hear, very, very special guest, and I'm just like, that's not me. That's not my turn. I also like, and there's going to be a lot of amazing stuff, but first, Allie Gertz. That's as good as it's going to get. It's a brand new capo just for you guys. So if you guys don't know me from guessing a couple times on the podcast, I am a music comedian of sorts. My name is Allie, but I used to go under the name Cosby Sweater.

I don't remember why I changed it. under the name Cosby Sweater. I don't remember why I changed it. But I have a lot of discounted merch. If you want to have the name Cosby in your home or on your person, come to me after the show. This capo is fun. Okay. If the capo becomes so not a fan of me during this,

I will just ask someone to, like, press their finger down really hard. Or if someone just wants to do that now. Or at any time that I seem like I'm struggling. It's a fun, casual time. I see some people kind of already ready to go. We can all press the thing. It's going to be fun, you guys. It's hot.

It's really sweaty. We're smelling each other. I want someone to come up and help me with this capo. Can someone please volunteer and just press this down a little bit while I'm playing? Thank you so much. Let's get a round of applause. Let's get a round of applause. There's a stool here just for you.

There's a stool here if you want, or you can stand. But if you could just press. What is your name? Parker. Parker. Let's hear it for Parker. Just press this down the whole time. I think somehow it's worse.

But you know what? Now it's worse, but you know what? Now it's not my problem. So we're going to pretend that the guitar sounds better than it does because we're all creative, and it's not about my guitar playing, which is excellent, so don't worry about that. This is a song keeping with the summer vibes. I'm going to make it a little hotter. This is a song, keeping with the summer vibes, I'm going to make it a little hotter.

This is a little flirtatious. We look very similar. There's a lot happening here tonight. You know, I went blonde recently, and it's only so that you could tell us apart. You're doing so well parker touch me i don't have cooties that's not a sunburn that's how my skin is you'll like me once you get past the sunburn Again, that's not a sunburn That's what my heart does Creepy

They call me creepy But I'm creepy cool I'm creepy cool I'm creepy cool, I'm creepy cool, I'm creepy cool. Dinner, then maybe a movie. You'll like my talking, I talk very good. You'll like my talking. I talk very good.

Then after, we'll see about kissing. That's what I'm good at. That plus the talking. Creepy. They call me creepy. But I'm creepy cool, la, la. I'm creepy cool. I'm creepy cool. Let's give it up for Parker, everybody.

Thank you so much. All right. And also, Jordan, Jesse, go. Thank you guys so much for having me. I'm so excited. Jordan, welcome back. Give it up for Allie Gertz later. She will be back

later on in the show with more music and some humorous chatting. Oh, before we get to our guests, we kind of wanted to deliver a piece of edutainment, right? Yeah, that's true. I feel like the world is really mixed up these days. Right, right. People kind of need leadership.

Yeah, there's a lot of moral gray areas out there, fake news and, you know, other stuff. fake news and, you know, other stuff. So yeah, so I think kind of what the world needs right now are some blacks and whites, some definitive answers, some guidance, and only one man can deliver those answers. Ladies and gentlemen, Jesse Thorne is here to tell you what can hang it up and what can keep it up with a segment we call Hang It Up, Keep It Up. First, we're going to tell you what can hang it up. And there's a music cue that would probably be playing when Jesse's wildly gesturing. And music. That's it.

Hang it up. Rock tumblers. You know, rock tumblers promise smooth, shiny treasures made in the comfort of your own home. But you know what they deliver? Loud clanking sounds. That's what. Days and days of loud clanking sounds. Hang it up, rock tumblers.

Hang it up, pet fish. A trail of poo trails from their butts like a disgusting aquatic rhythmic gymnastics performance. Hang it up, pet fish. Hang it up, pet fish. Hang it up, permit parking. I don't have a permit. I don't even see the goddamn sign that said I was supposed to have a permit. How do you even get a permit? Write a letter to the mayor?

This is bullshit. Hang it up, permit parking. Hang it up, presidents. You know, I used to think presidents are great, but now I'm not so sure. Hang it up, presidents. Keep it up. For every hang it up, there must also be a keep it up. Yes, a portion of the segment with a different music cue. The segment we call Keep It Up! Yeah. Keep it up.

A nice hat. You know, whether it's sunny or rainy, you'll need something to cover your head. That's where a nice hat comes in. Keep it up where a nice hat comes in. Keep it up, a nice hat. Keep it up, Spider-Man. Without this powerful man-spider hybrid, New York City would be in a whole heap of trouble.

And who doesn't love a well-timed wisecrack? Keep it up, Spider-Man. Keep it up, the Doughboys! These lovable scamps may pretend their program is about food, but we know the truth. It's about the enduring and transformative power of friendship. Keep it up. Cameras. These clever boxes snatch memories from the never-slowing slipstream of the passage of time. They're a system of lenses and mirrors

built to deflect the inevitability of decay and death. Keep it up, cameras. That was Hang It Up, Keep It Up. We now return to Jordan, la, la. Hey, I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kalin. Together we're The Flophouse.

A podcast where we watch a bad movie and then talk about it. Movies like Space Hobos, Into the Outer Reaches of the Unknown and the Things That We Don't Know, the movie, and also Who's That Grandma? Zazzle Zippers, Breakdown backhanded compliment elvis is a policeman baby crocodile and the happy twins leftover potatoes station wagon three herbie goes to hell new episodes available every other saturday available at maximumfund.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Bye!

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hi, I'm Jo Firestone. And I'm Manolo Moreno. And we're the hosts of Dr. Game Show, which is a podcast where we play games submitted by listeners, regardless of quality or content, with in-studio guests and callers from all over the world. And you can win a custom magnet. A custom magnet. Subscribe now to make sure you get our next episode.

What's an example of a game, Manolo? Pokemon or medication. How do you play that? You have to guess if something's a Pokemon name or medication. First-time listener, if you want to listen to episode highlights and also know how to participate, follow Dr. Game Show on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. We'd love to hear from you. Yeah, it's really fun.

For the whole family. Snorlax. Pokemon? Yes. Nice. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, funniest podcasts in the whole wide world. Ladies and gentlemen, Nick Weiger and Mike Mitchell, the Doughboys. Guys, welcome to the program. Thank you for having us.

Mitch toting a brew dog, Nick toting a sparkling water. Yeah. Look. I'm trying to cut down on my beer consumption because of the calories involved. And we're at a wonderful brewery, and they do some great work here. But I'm just trying to take it easy with beer. But I would like to be having one, but I'm having a spin drift instead. Have you thought about not hosting a podcast where the premise is you go to Burger King?

Yeah, the problem is Mitch and I are both financially relying on it. So we're kind of trapped. I like that you're the fat guy now on the podcast. This is like a season four twist for us. We are going to switch. You're going to become lean and mean. I'm going to become a big, fat piece of shit. You know, Jesse and I have often talked about switching places.

I think next year I'm going to be the tall one. I'm going to become tall. Nick, you have... And I'm going to become well-liked. Nick, you have... And I'm going to become well-liked. You are. You are well-liked. Yeah. Thank you.

We're thrilled to have you guys here. We actually spent a fair amount of our travel on this tour listening to the Doughboys. We're big fans of yours. Oh, wow. That's very nice of you. And I'm not just saying that because Nick came up here flashing a little thigh. Yeah. Nick has great summer looks, by the way.

I've known Nick for a while. I've worked with you in many of the seasons. Yes. All four of them. What do you got? You got winter. Winter. You got spring.

That goes right into summer. Oh, yeah. And then you close it out with fall. You gotta. And then winter wraps back around again, so. Here it is. Holy shit. Wait, what?

There's a Banjo-Kazooie level that kind of like, where you, it touches it all. Now we're talking. It's probably the best way to learn about the seasons. I think we've talked about this before, but I thought Grunty, you know, when she wins. Yes. So this is the villain of Banjo-Kazooie? Yeah, thanks for just jumping right in with both feet. Gruntilda. You guys watch your Banjo-Kazooie? Yeah, thanks for just jumping right in with both feet. Gruntilda.

You guys watch Banjo-Kazooie lore videos on YouTube, right? Here's some Easter eggs you may have missed. I think that was an early horny moment for me when she... Look, Gruntilda looks good no matter what she is. I did not have an N64, so I did not play the Banjo-Kazooie games. Can you describe this character you were horny for? Gruntilda, she's a green witch woman. I'm listening.

I'm horny already. Yep. And if you get game over, she, like, steals something from you and that becomes, like, sexified, right, Nick? It's like a, yeah, it's like the two. It remains green, though, I should point out. It remains green. It's like a reverse Shrek, where, like, she turns into a Lady Shrek at the end, Princess Fiona. That's what's happened, right? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It's kind of a reverse of that, although she remains green. She remains green. Yeah. And she was very attractive. For a 64-bit, she was very attractive. But kind of a classic W wicked witch of the west look initially and she speaks in rhyme which is interesting yeah well it's like

like that's what you hear you get right you're right the rhyme is all intact yes nintendo 64 folks just look it up okay don't look it up, you might get too horny I wanted to bring up something that happened to us When we were doing a show in Boston Where Mitch is from the area Hell yeah That's true No one No one

Alright, two Alright Mitch, if only you could get some affirmation For constantly talking about Massachusetts shit. If only someone would. Omar. We have a time traveler from 1998 in the audience. So we were doing our show at the WBUR City Space, which is this theater that kind of looks out.

There's a big window that you can see from the theater that kind of looks out. There's a big window that you can see from the stage that kind of looks out over Boston. Yeah. And, you know, and I think, you know, something about our trip was that, you know,

the tour stops were very close together, you know, so we didn't really get to, like, spend time in the city, so I didn't really feel like I got to know the cities, except for in Boston, something very special happened

that really made me feel like I got to know the cities, except for in Boston, something very special happened that really made me feel like I got to know the city. And I got to have a Boston moment. And so we were kind of looking out, and so the audience is facing the stage, so they can't see what's going on outside, but I can. And, you know, for portions of the show, I just kind of zone out. So I was just looking out over Boston,

and this guy in a Celtics jersey walks by, does a double take, notices that a show is going on, and then shoots me two middle fingers. And then just walks off. And when he took the middle fingers out of his pocket, it was Alka-Seltzer. So I've been thinking about that a lot and something that i like about it is that he wasn't with anyone right like i could see doing that to impress your buddies but i like that this guy's just like oh man i'm gonna tell this dude to fuck off you know what i like i bet you that guy might never tells anyone about that ever right yeah that's a secret he keeps with him which is that rules, honestly. It's what he's supposed to do.

It's a sort of chaos energy he just carries. By the way, Jordan, you never have to go back to Boston. I've gotten the whole— You've experienced it completely now. Right, right. So, Jordan, you and I used to do improv at this very small theater in Westwood. It's now called the Improv Space. It used to be called Ultimate Improv. And I don't know if it's still there, but it was in a refurbished cell phone store.

It used to be a T-Mobile store. This is like 15 years ago almost. And so it just looked like a storefront from the outside. The owner was very cheap, so it never had proper signage. So a lot of people couldn't tell what it is. It just looked like a business with blacked-out windows. He's not here to defend himself. He's not here to defend himself, yeah.

All right. out windows. He's not here to defend himself. He's not here to defend himself. Yeah. But so anyway, we had a, so we were in the middle of a show and there was a door in the front that you could just open because it's just a business. And sometimes during the show, people would just like open the door and be like, Oh, sorry. And like walk away. And you only see him from the backstage because there was a backstage curtain, but it was just like mildly disruptive. Anyway, we, one day we're in the middle of a show and we're on stage and some of the performers are on stage and I'm off stage with a couple other people and the theater owner, this drunk guy, like shit-faced guy, like pushes open the door, pulls open the door from the outside, looks inside, sees an audience

of people and sees some people doing like improv space work on stage and just slurs out, holy fucking shit, what's going on in there? Is it gay stuff? No more! Yeah. And then walked away. Based on the principles of improv, yes, and everyone had to start doing gay stuff.

improv, yes and, everyone had to start doing gay stuff. But Nick, I did want to double back on your summer looks. They're great. You always have festive shorts. Do you try to keep your legs looking nice? I mean, I put some effort into lower body, you know. I do some squats and lunges. And you're both swimmers. I know this about both of you.

You're both swim boys. We're swimmers. We'll hit up the public pool. Sure. We're on a text shade where we'll text about swimming and then hashtag it swim boys. That's true. That's a true thing about us. It's just the two of us.

It's really cool, too. Will I throw in the swim emoji sometimes? Sure. Yeah. I am part of a swim team, and, you know, the coach will send updates periodically. And the coach is like an older guy. He's in his 50s. He's very sun damaged.

I think probably like in the 80s, he probably got— Wait, is he a guy or a tarpaulin? Yes, he's a tarp man. And I think that in the 80s, this guy's look is he probably got a lot of work in movies having three lines as surf bully. Right. Like that is his vibe. He has a lot of tattoos that seem to be dates that his dead buddies were alive. Yeah.

And you know what? That's funny. They can't go, oh, you don't know who. This is fictional to you, basically. Buddies die all the time. We didn't kill the buddies. Kill the buddies. And he will, so he'll send, you know, updates about the pool being closed or like, you know, time changes, stuff like that.

The second thing was even a stretch. He'll send emails about the pool being closed and other things. Sure, yeah. Just sort of say, today was Banky's birthday. Have him in your thoughts. R.I.P. Taken too soon. Make God laugh. Murdered by Jordan Jesse Go.

So he'll do like pool closure update and then the three water drop emoji. Hmm. That. Am I wrong in thinking? And listen, I'm not a young person. I don't know what every emoji means. Right. That's a dick sucking thing, right?

The three water drops? I don't know it as specifically dick-sucking, although correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it's just sort of like generally horny. Oh. For me, I mean, I'll say it. I think it's specifically cum. I'm sorry. Oh. Okay. This is fun.

We all think something. Jesse, what do you think the three water drops means? This is fun. We all think something. Jesse, what do you think the three water drops mean? I assume that it was, forgive me for saying this, but vaginal lubrication. Wow. Yeah.

Who is right? What do they call sub sandwiches in your hometown? Yeah, just a catch-all sexual moisture is how I thought of it. Right, right. Yeah. By the way, be sure Tuesday, be at the Warehouse, W-H-E-R-E-H-O-U-S, because Nick's debut album, Sexual Moisture. You came up with the grossest term somehow. That was impressive.

Apologize. He's right, though. Sex is a moist pursuit. It's true. What did you guys like less? That or the thing about my swim coach's dead buddies? Shout it out. Shout out what you liked less. Just a quick break.

Yeah. Let's talk about something that's going on in the audience uh so it's you know it's always kind of fun to see the fans and kind of what they're wearing we got really distracted by yeah a guy in boston not the flip-off guy but a guy who had a long math equation on his shirt whoa uh so that's that's something like the math equation what are we doing the fucking math equation on his shirt We're like what is that math equation on your shirt sir He's like Oh it's a rapper from Maine What

What Right Lil Crab Catcher The rapper from Maine I'll tell you we don't like that math shit in Boston That guy wouldn't last long on the streets. Beat his ass. Yeah.

The guy got his head smacked into the side of a Dunkin' Donuts. Are you saying Goodwill hunting wouldn't actually, like, that wasn't realistic? No fucking way. Anyway, I'm having a hard time not looking at this guy who is wearing a hat that says MILF. Mmm, boy. He is front row. Yeah, I like it. It's in Netflix font.

It's red Netflix font. It kind of is. Something that's interesting to me about this same row is there's a person in the front row who's... There's several people fanning themselves in the front row, which I can understand because it is toasty in here. But one of the people is also wearing what appears to be an Afghan. You are wearing, that looks very hot. I'm uncomfortably warm, but I'll be darned if I'll bare my shoulders.

I don't know if Ali's mic is hot. Can we get an explanation for the MILF hat And an explanation for the Afghan Do you guys feel comfortable explaining these Or do they not have explanations Come up to the mic He's like well the M stands for mom Never mind I've seen it up close

It's explained The hat says man Oh I see what's going on Man I love food Never mind. I've seen it up close. It's explained. Okay. The hat says, man. Oh, I see what's going on. Man, I love food. That's great. Hey, man. I love it. I'm with you, baby.

Yeah. That's. No, I think that Afghans, it's just for style points, right? Yeah, looking good. Very cool. For the folks at home, there's a little twirl and, you know, it's a fun item.

I thought it was a fun item. The audience looks like a big porch in Alabama. Everyone is fanning themselves. When you started talking about the front row, I immediately assumed there's a handsome, beefy man over here, a real beefcake over here, who's wearing like a chambray shirt, like a light-colored chambray shirt, maybe.

And it was buttoned up, and he was just unbuttoning it. And I'm like, is this dude about to put on a show for us? And now he's rubbing a Diet Coke on himself? Wow. Wow. Hey, we were talking about games earlier. Banjo-Kazooie, of course, is a game. And we have a game we want to play with you guys. And it has something to do with summer.

Of course, this is the Summer Boys of Summer Tour. Summer is coming to a close. And we wanted to do a game that might be helpful over the summer. Something that you guys can take out and there in the world and and and use um and we're thinking about what do you need during the summer right you need a beach read you gotta have a hot beach read uh you need a summer jam so you need tunes and we wanted to do a game that would you know help you find out about some new beach reads, some new summer jams. It's a game we're calling

Erotic Novel Grindcore Song or Some Shit We Made Up. You will be competing against each other. Hopefully some resentments come out while that's happening. I think it's pretty much impossible for these guys to make it through a podcast without a few resentments. So, yeah.

So we were going to be giving you three things. One of them is an erotic novel, most likely something that's been self-published on Amazon. The second thing or one of the things will be a grindcore song. Grindcore, of course, being a very technical and harsh form of metal music. And some shit we made up is some shit we made up. Yeah. So you guys will have to say which is which. You will have two lifelines.

You will have one, ask the audience, where you can ask the audience what they think. And one, you can ask an expert. And we actually do have an expert. And it's not just me going under the table and popping back up. Jesse, do you want to introduce our expert? Yeah, he's one of the hosts of Friendly Fire and The Greatest Generation. Please welcome to the stage Benjamin R. Harrison. Wow.

Ben, do you want to hang out there? Yeah. Ben, how are you? I'm good. It's actually, it's funny because Middle Finger Celtics jersey was my grindcore band in college. So it kind of all ties together. Good callback. Nice.

Ben, of course, is known for his knowledge about filmmaking. Sure. About Star Trek. And he's also known for his extreme meddling and his horniness. So you're the perfect one to be the expert during this game.

Much more horny than my wife wishes I was. Yeah. Ben is visiting us from the pages of the Lockhorns, apparently. So, yeah. So you guys will get to call on Ben for some help or call on the audience for some help and use those lifelines when you get stuck.

Nick, this first one is for you. I will be reading your options. One of these will be a real self-published erotic novel. One of these will be a real self-published erotic novel. One of these will be a real Grindcore song. In some cases, genres adjacent to Grindcore. Don't correct us, guy who applauded when Grindcore

was mentioned. Right. Some of these are screamo songs. We just want to put that out there. We know. We've been told. One of them will be some shit we made up. Okay. Okay. Your first thing.

Come for Bigfoot. You can wait to hear them all. This is in his Apple iBooks right now. Second thing. Shredded by Sasquatch. Third thing. The Yeti's Yoni, an anthology of horny tales. So one of these... Oh, a glass just broke.

Good timing. If one isn't enough horny tales, you want a group of horny tales. One's made up. Right. One is a grindcore song. One is a novel. Can I hear the first two again? Sure. Yes, you may.

First one, Come for Bigfoot. And the second one is Shredded by Sasquatch. Okay. Can I quickly interject? Yeah. Don't pick up that glass. The person who broke the glass. It sounded like they were picking it up. I'm nervous about them slicing their fingers. Oh, yeah. Sure. Yeah. Careful with that. Sorry. Thank you. Leave it to

Brian. Brian can handle it. Brian can pick it up. Thank Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, careful with that. Sorry. Thank you. Leave it to Brian. Brian can handle it. Brian can pick it up. Thank you, Brian. Yes. Okay, I'm going to take a swing. Okay. I'm going to preserve my lifeline. How many questions do we have each?

There are... As many as... I don't know. Sure. There are a few. This isn't really a real game, Nick. I'll preserve my lifelines because I feel fairly confident. One grindcore,

two made-up, three erotic fiction. So one grindcore, two made-up, three erotic fiction. Yes. Final answer? Yes. Zero out of three. Fuck! Wow. The first one is Shredded by Sasquatch.

That is the grindcore song, of course, by the great band Phalloplasty. Wow. Of course, a lot of Phalloplasty fans here tonight, I'm sure. But everyone was so made up, Weiger. Come for Bigfoot, of course, the erotic novel by the great Virginia Wade. Here's something. Here's a little something from the back of the book here.

The erotic. Congratulations, Jordan, by the way, to come for Bigfoot on being featured in the October 2012 issue of Penthouse. Oh, yeah. Very cool. Very prestigious. Also, congrats to Mitch for being attached to star as Bigfoot in the film adaptation. Congratulations to you, friend, for being attached to CoStar as come. From the back of the book, the erotic adventure of a lifetime

and an inconceivable love story between a young woman and her horny Sasquatch. I like the possessive being her horny Sasquatch. Who's your horny Sasquatch, baby? Mitch, this one's for you. Jesse, you want to read Mitch's options? Yeah. Your first choice is violated by monsters, colon, the shark man tank. Your second is goat blood panspermia.

Okay. And your third is president sex king. Shit. This is hard. Talk it out. Talk it out. Man, more than anything, I want Violet by Monsters the Shark Tank, Sharkman Tank to be real.

So I'm going to say that that is... But is that fake? That is the question we're asking here, Mitch. You've identified it. Fuck, President Sexton really could be real. All right, I'm going to go goat Blood, what? Panspermia. Yeah.

That's going to be a Grindcore song. All right. Yeah, people like it in the audience. I think that was the Grindcore guy, too. I think this counts as his lifeline. Doesn't count as his lifeline. This is not my lifeline. I guessed that before he said, uh-huh.

I don't know. You're using it. And then, you know what? I just want it to be real. So, Violated by Monsters, erotic novel, uh-huh. I don't know. And then, you know what? I just wanted to be real, so Violated by Monsters erotic novel, even though I think I got this wrong, and then shit me, we made up as President Sex King. Three out of three! Wow!

Mitch came to play! Wow. Goat Blood Panspermia, of course, is by, and we can all say it together, Sadomator, Goat Blood Panspermia, of course, is by, and we can all say it together, Say-Do-May-Tor. And the book is Violated by Monsters, The Sharkman Tank by Hannah Wild. The cover of this was clearly generated by someone going to a free stock photography website

and typing in clutching her pearls? Yeah, I would hate to be one of these stock photo models reverse Google Images searching themselves. After falling into an aquarium, Lindy finds a very different kind of pearl necklace. And the only way out is through a thrilling shark man gang bang. Can I just say? The real blurb.

In high school, this should be required reading. Yeah. Sorry, the old man in the sea. We're going to get the shark man in there. Nick, this one's for you. Okay. First thing, the horny werewolf,

masochistic monster mama, don't neglect Dracula's balls. Talk it out. Okay. Talk it out. I'm going to, I would like to use one of my lifelines, please. Yes. Talk it out. I'm gonna, I would like to use one of my lifelines, please.

Yes. Do you want to poll the audience or talk to Ben? I would like to poll the audience. Okay. And let's,

fuck, how are we gonna do this poll? Uh, okay, wait. Okay, we'll do it this way. If you think Horny Werewolf

is the erotic novel, applaud. If you think it's masochistic monster mama, applaud. If you think the horny novel is Don't Neglect Dracula's Balls, please applaud. Okay. Wow. I'm going to go with the audience there I'm gonna say don't neglect Dracula's balls is the novel masochistic monster mama is the grindcore song and

horny werewolf is made up one out of three fuck of course that's an awesome reaction guys great work audience of course the grindcore song you did get that right. Matt's Case of Monster Mama by Malignant Germ Infestation. The Horny Werewolf is by Nikita King. Bring up the cover of that. Oh, that's good.

And, of course, don't neglect Dracula's Balls is made up. I just want to describe this cover for the folks at home. The Horny Werewolf seems to be pulled from the cut scene of a PlayStation 1 game. Yeah. The font is from an Angel Fire webpage.

The Horny Werewolf has a powerful, athletic, I don't know, Weiger-esque thighs. Yes. It'd look good in a pair of shorts. But he has a more thorn-like total absence of genitalia. No visible genitals on the horny werewolf, which I guess technically explains why he's so horny.

Could be. Unable to copulate. This is from the back of the book, we actually learned that this is a prequel to another novel. Fans of the horny minotaur will get a glimpse of Warwick before he meets his beloved Sarah. Okay, that's fun. If you're wondering what Warwick was

like before he met... Any horny minotaur fans out here? I've always wondered where all that melancholy came from, you know. Mitch, this one's for you. Okay, here are your choices. Pixies tore me a new one. Underwater bimbos from outer space. Or gagging on the griffin. Wow.

One's a book. One's a song. One's some shit we made up, Mitch. Talk it through. Grindcore song is Gagging on the Griffin. The erotic novel is Underwater Bimbos from Space

and you guys made up Pixies told me a new one. Zero out of three. Wow. Yes. The erotic novel is Underwater Bimbos from Space And you guys made up Pixies Tore Me a New One Zero out of three Wow Yes I thought I was very right The song is Underwater Bimbos from Outer Space By the band Every Time I Die

Yeah And the book is Pixies Tore Me a New One That's real By J.K. Davis So were they from like a water planet and then they came to Earth and found a home under the ocean? Is this like a cocoon situation?

You gotta read it. That's the song, Mitch. Oh, it's a song. You gotta, whatever. You gotta listen. Fuck it. What was the made up one? Gagging on the Griffin was made up.

Oh man, that was good. Hey, thanks, buddy. The stock art for this one, the search string that they used on the stock art website was, oh, Pixies tore me a new one. Heavens. It's a surprised woman holding her hand over her mouth, and it looks very similar to what you might see on a Katherine Heigl direct-to-DVD rom-com. Who is J.K. Davis is what I want to know.

She actually, by the way, Katherine Heigl did actually option Pixies Tore Me a New One, so we could see that eventually. Oh, boy, yeah. The Pixies will be played by a CGI Gerard Butler in mo-cap. Nick, this one's for you okay ravished by the triceratops mammoth on sloth ice age 69 and if you're quiet I'll show you a dinosaur. Those options again. Ravished by the Triceratops, Mammoth on Sloth, Ice Age 69,

and if you're quiet, I'll show you a dinosaur. You have your Talk to Ben lifeline left. I just want to say that this is the hardest round so far. This is difficult. I'm curious if in Ice Age 69, which is delightful delightful if there's a parody character based on Scrat I don't know, I wonder So you're saying that in your conception of Option B this is an erotic

a licensed erotic sequel to the Ice Age film starring Ray Romano. I'm not sure officially licensed. I would say it's maybe an erotic parody. But they still got Romano. They thought about using This Ain't Ice Age as the title. But this is Ray Romano. I'm going to use my lifeline and go to Ben, who has established that he's extremely horny.

Ben, what do you think in here? What's your thought process on these? Boy, I think I would have been a much bigger help to you on the last lifeline usage than this damn audience. Oh, boy. Wow. Ben with a heel turn. Ben's like, I'm only going to get to talk a couple times I've got to get my digs in

That's called the podcast heel turn Shades of Hollywood Hogan But We finally got a heel on our show Right I really do think Mammoth on Sloth Is the book and I think Ravished by the Triceratops is the song.

You've got a couple people still on your side. I would have totally alienated the entire room. I'm going to go I'm going to trust Ben I am like Luke in episode four I am going to put my trust in

this stranger Ben who I'm just meeting and I'm going to put my trust in this stranger, Ben, who I'm just meeting. And I'm going to say he is correct. Okay. So what is your answer? Mammoth on Sloth is the book. Ravish by the Triceratops is the song. And Sea is made up. That's what you're saying?

That's what I'm saying, yes. If you're quiet, I'll show you a dinosaur. Zero out of three. I'm so sorry. Zero out of three. The lifelines are bad. Of course, the song is If You're Quiet, I'll Show You a Dinosaur

by The Fall of Troy. We know more of a Screamo band. Ravished by the Triceratops, of course, is the erotic novel by Charlotte Sims. And Mammoth on Sloth by Stage 69 is some shit we made up. Oh, man. Ravished by the Triceratops

is a photo illustration. This isn't a real photograph, if anyone's wondering. It's a... It's a... What's weird about it... The one thing that's weird about it? Well, she's wearing a bikini, which, I mean, if I was going into the prehistoric forest,

that's probably what I would wear. But the really distressing part, and it takes a lot to be able to say the really distressing part about a book that apparently is about interspecies intercourse between a woman and a dinosaur is that the dinosaur does not appear to be an adult dinosaur. Christine Sims is cancelled. Fuck Christine Sims. Okay.

Mitch, this is the last one and you are in the lead. There's no way you can lose. No. This is just to one, and you are in the lead. There's no way you can lose. No. This is just to squash Nick. Okay. Let's go three for three. Wait, didn't you get the second one wrong? No, I got three right.

I got the first three right. You mean three for three on this one? Yeah. You guys are both doing very badly. We've done this in eight cities, and this is by far the lowest scoring we've ever had. By a wide margin. Mitch, here's your first choice. Okay.

Okay, I'm just going to go ahead and say this, and I'm not going to mess up in the middle. All right. Creamed in the butt by my handsome living corn. Wow. My, buy my handsome living corn. B, sure, I'd fuck a meatloaf. And finally, gluing carpet to your genitals does not make you a cantaloupe.

Look, there's no way, even if I was trying to sabotage Mitch, it wouldn't matter. But I assure you I'm not trying to sabotage you. I'm pretty sure A is real, a book by Chuck Tingle. I was going to say that A was real. You ruined it for me man You ruined it People believe that you knew That you thought it was real

Don't you hate it when your friend helps you I'm going to say A is a neurotic novel Yes I think B is made up I'm going to use an audience poll. No, you only have Ben left. You have to talk to Ben. I never used anyone ever.

All right, fine. Ben, what do you think? I haven't really demonstrated much confidence. I say ask them. Guys, is B made up? That's what I was thinking anyways. This is like who wants to be a millionaire when he knows the answer. Just for the record, I disagree with him.

Oh, wow. All right, so definitely going to say it's made up. Sure, I'd fuck a meatloaf if it's made up. C is it's a grindcore song. Three out of three. Three. Whoa! Wow.

Gluing carpet to your genitals does not make you a cantaloupe is by the locust a band to wear stretchy bug suits with bug eyes and then go saw them in concert once it was quite an experience and as Nick Weiger, horny expert correctly identified creamed in the butt by my handsome living corn, is a real book by Chuck Tingle.

Yeah. Classic Tingler. Nick, how did you know that? I've met Chuck Tingle. Wow. Yeah. Does the corn have the same face as the man? That's an excellent observation, Ben.

I think it is. Like if you face swapped them, I don't know if you'd be able to tell. Wait, why did you meet Chuck Tingle? What's happened here? He was on, Jordan met him as well. Yeah, I met him too. He came on at midnight. It was a lot of fun.

Delightful man. Delightful. Nick is actually the basis for the handsome living corn. There's a little something from the back of the book. When Matthew Mikani May sets off on his yearly trip to the California Farming Convention, he expects to have a typical weekend of wining and dining with an assortment of living crops. Hold it. A typical weekend of wining and dining.

With an assortment of living crops, yes. What he doesn't expect is that one of these handsome agricultural staples would capture his heart. Enter Liplon, the handsome living corn who sweeps Matthew off his feet in a night of hardcore anal plowing he will never forget. Wow. Yeah, so we have a bonus question. Nick, you can win it all. Okay. This is worth however many points you are behind Mitch plus one.

Okay. This is like a golden snitch situation. Instant win. It's a real golden snitch. Got it. This is trash. I kicked your ass in this already. Look, Quidditch is a poorly designed game.

It's not balanced. Golden Snitch needs to be nerfed, but there's no update coming, so what can you do? The incorporeal becomes corporeal through the suffering of the innocent. The planet that once used to absorb flesh in order to achieve divinity and immortality suffocated to the flesh that it desired. And, of course, does God ever speak through cats? Do you want to hear him again? Yeah, can I hear him one more time?

Yes. The incorporeal becomes corporeal through the suffering of the innocent. The planet that once used to absorb flesh in order to achieve divinity and immortality, suffocated to the flesh that it desired? Does God ever speak through cats? I would like to invoke my third lifeline. What? I would like to ask my friend and cat expert

Mike Mitchell. Wow. Mitch, what do you think about that cat's one? What is your instinct? Nick? Yeah? I'll tell you honestly, I think it's the fake one. You think it's that cats one? What is your instinct? Nick? Yeah? I'll tell you honestly. I think it's the fake one. You think it's the fake one? Yes.

Okay. Some people agree with me. Not many, though. No, I think, no, I think so. I think I'm going to say, I'm going to go with Mitch. I'm going to say C is fake. B, the planet once used to absorb flesh in order to achieve divinity and immortality. Suffocated the flesh that it desired is the horny book. And A, the incorporeal becomes corporeal through the suffering of the innocent is the grindcore song.

Nick. Wow. Nick. Nick. Nick. Zero out of three. Wow. Zeroed out yet again.

I'm sorry. The incorporeal becomes corporeal through the suffering of the innocent is made up the grind. Whoa. Whoa, my goodness. What happened? Someone was pissed. Yeah. The planet that once used to absorb flesh in order to achieve divinity and immortality,

suffocating the flesh desired, of course, is by Demolik. And Does God Ever Speak Through Cats is a novel about a guy who... Whoa. It was me the whole time. Okay, well, let's move on and hope that banging doesn't happen again. Oh, is it a mic thing? No, it was Mitch's.

I think it was half in. All right, relax. I would say ask her, but she wouldn't know. Okay, well, the game's over. Hey. It's all good. We're going to be back with a very special Momentous Occasions featuring a celebrity video drop-in. But first, another song by one of our favorite comedy singer-songwriters,

and we failed to mention the host of the Everything's Coming Up Simpsons podcast, returning soon to MaximumFun.org with an all-new format. Please welcome back to the stage, Allie Gertz. Hi, guys. It's great to be back. I couldn't do this without my new band member, Parker. So can we bring Parker back up to the stage, please? Parker! Parker!

You can sit or stand or whatever feels rock and roll. Perfect. This is a song about a Simpsons character that I love very much. And it's probably not the one you like the better of the two Simpsons songs I have, so I'm sorry. Frank Grimes, or Grimey as he liked to be called Was thin but unlike his temper, very tall. He lost his patience to his jealousy. He wasn't careful with the electricity.

And now he'll never have a wife with pearls. Or live a life where he's got lobsters and two little girls. Grimey will never see Homer one more time. I am sorry, Frank Grimes. That's it. Thank you. Sierra for Parker. Allie Gertz, everybody. Allie's going to join us for the rest of the show.

Allie, I want to mention something that we were talking about backstage. We're talking about the heat, you know, and ways to beat the heat. You were telling me that you have been putting clothes in the freezer. It was a one-time mistake. I quickly learned. So I had read, like, I was reading, like, hot tips to cool down. Sure. So I had read, like, I was reading, like, hot tips to cool down.

Sure. And I was really looking forward to, like, you know, cold, you know, area. And it was, like, really, like, that's nice. I very well gave myself a yeast infection because it's next to, like, corn and, like, other things that I freeze. You freeze corn? Yes. It comes in a frozen bag. You freeze corn? Yes. It comes in a frozen bag. Oh, okay, okay.

I was thinking of an ear of corn in the freezer. Jordan, you never know when you're going to need to be creamed in the butt. But yeah, no, I thought it would be a nice gesture for both me and my boyfriend to like, we don't have AC, and I was like, it's going to be so so nice and then as soon as i put it on it did feel great so if you don't have like a really stinky freezer like i say go for it but um i think i still kind of have the energy of it so i really apologize that's okay i am getting a little whiff of hot pocket oh no vegan hot pocket sure yeah um yeah so uh for our uh for this segment uh this is a Oh, no. Vegan Hot Pocket? Sure, yeah. Yeah, so for this segment, this is a segment that we like to do in every program. It's called Momentous Occasions, where listeners give us a call at 206-984-4FUN and let us know things that are going on in their lives.

But because we are live here at the Angel City Brewery, we're going to be using Momentous Occous occasions provided by you, the live audience. But the first one is something kind of special, right? Yeah, this is something that because we hit a goal in the Max Fund Drive, a famous, talented person backed herself into a corner and agreed to do. Our friend Amy Mann, also a podcaster in the MaxFun Network, one of the co-hosts of The Art of Process alongside Ted Leo, another actual talented person, came on Jordan Jessie Go. We were very grateful to have her there. We were having a great time. And I don't remember exactly how it went down,

but we tricked her into promising to write a song about Jordan's cat. Yeah, so we met a great goal this year in the MaxFunDrive. Of course, MaxFun is supported by all the people who go to the website and throw in a donation. If you do that, thank you very much. But, yeah, we wanted to kind of tempt people with goals. And Amy Mann said that if we reached a certain goal, she would write a song about My Cat Bug. That goal was met, and Amy Mann followed through on her word. And so for you, the live

audience here is the world premiere of Amy Mann's song, About My Cat. This ain't no cat cafe So don't look at me that way I got a window where I can sit Where the birds just try to make me mad I'll catch them, I'll be glad Be the best day I ever had And meanwhile Jordan is dragging me from room to room I could use a hug

It's a hard Life above There it is. Wow. Again, I just feel like it would be so cool to know how to do anything. Yes. Yeah. You're saying like play a guitar or something?

Yeah, play guitar or sing or get people to like you. Allie, you have cats, right? I have two cats. What are their names? Their names are Faraday and Ginsburg. Okay. And the origin of their names changes based on who I'm trying to impress. Wow.

Because Faraday, if you're a smart person talking to me, I named it after the physicist, but it's really named after the lost character. Who was named after the physicist? And then Ginsburg, if I'm talking to a feminist, it's Ruth Bader Ginsburg, but it's really Alan Ginsburg. Mitch, you have cats. You have two as well, right? I have Wally and Irma.

I love them. Are they here tonight? They're waiting in the car for me. What? It's not that hot. To be fair, it's cooler in Mitch's car than it is in here. I bought them a litter robot. Today was the first day with their litter robot.

And so it's a big orb. It's this big orb that like it pours out like when the cat goes in and does his business. It knows that. And then it cycles around and the poo gets poured out of it. That did not make sense, Mitch. Look, I'm not a robots guy. But in the instructions it was like, hey, warning, maybe don't have your cats there for the first cycle of the actual litter robot.

I was like, nah, we'll be fine. And then Irma saw it happen, and she's terrified of the litter robot. Oh, boy. And I was being like, you can go in. She's like, meh, putting her arms up, not wanting to go in. So it's a mess already. I would love to hear the Amy Mann song about the poop litter robot with the same sadness.

I think we've taken enough of her dignity. Bug is alive and well. Sure, Bug's doing great. The song does make it seem like Bug is dead. I don't know. It could also be like Bug just graduated from high school. Right. How old is Bug in human years?

Yeah, in human... God, what's the cat to human ratio? I guess I don't know what it is. It's four years usually? Is that crazy? No? No, it's four years. I'm going to say it. Alright, fine. It's four years. Wow. So she is 32

then. 32. Okay, alright. Alright, I know the answer. Our first momentous occasion is Alan. Alan, are you here? Oh, Alan went on a trip recently. Alan, do you want to come up here to this microphone? Here's Alan. And then

Stephanie M., you'll be next. Alan, tell us about your momentous occasion. I flew from Seattle and I went to the La Brea Tar Pits for the first time. Oh. It was awesome. It was everything you said it would be. You said it was awesome?

Oh, it was great. You weren't at all disappointed that there was no dinosaurs? No. There are real scientists. Like double-sized regular animals? Yeah, they were great. Like a giant ground sloth, for example. It's two notable characteristics.

Yes. Are that it's bigger than a regular sloth. Yep. And it can't climb trees. But did you see how big it was? But have you seen a dinosaur, though? Like, it seems like it promises dinosaurs. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight.

Totally disagree with you. Because you go in in there and there are real scientists working just like in Jurassic Park. You need to witness them taking stuff apart and polishing whatever or whatever. There you go, Alan. Hell yeah, dude. You just got dunked on. Wait, what's he polishing? Bones. Really?

I don't know. Alan, you got a lovely vacation floral shirt on there. Thank you. It's very, very nice. I have a question about the La Brea Tar Pit surrounding area. What did you do for lunch around there? Because there's a lot of good options. There's a counter. I got a sandwich from someplace nearby.

I'm forgetting the name. It has farms in the name. Mendocino. Mendocino Farms. Yes. That's good. Not bad. Thank God we didn't finish a Jordan Jesse Go episode without a reference to a local restaurant.

You're welcome. I have a question about the tar pits. Yeah, sure. Is that... Oh, never mind. Is this about an embarrassing sexual experience Is that you had there Is it natural tar that's in those pits

Or is it fake man made tar That's what I want to know All natural Like when did a guy go there and put tar there To catch dinosaurs Is that what you're asking Like one of those roofing crews Pulled up one of those hot bubbling trailers and was like, this looks like a place where dinosaurs might try to go to eat.

They poured it in there and they caught themselves a couple of terrible beasts. I'm saying, is that the natural tar that's bubbling up from the earth? Or is that some bullshit man-made tar that they put in the pool there? That's a good question. Do you think the moon landing was fake? Give it up for Alan, everybody. Thanks, Alan. Stephanie M.

Stephanie M, come to the mic. Stephanie. Oh, everybody. Thanks, Alan. Stephanie M. Stephanie M, come to the mic. Stephanie. M stands for Morris. This is my sister, everybody. My sister Stephanie. Wow. Tell us about your momentous occasion. I'm an attorney in Orange County, and I've been in a trial since March, and it finally finished today.

And I'm glad, because I don't like, and it finally finished today. And I'm glad, because I don't like anybody in it. And I won. Congratulations. Wow. Do lawyers do something to celebrate when you win a trial? Do you, like... You go to your brother's podcast. I go to my brother's podcast, yeah. Every lawyer goes to their brother's podcast.

Can I guess what the case was about? Oh, sure. You can try. I think I my brother's podcast. Every lawyer goes to their brother's podcast. Can I guess what the case was about? Oh, sure. You can try. I think I can get it in one. Tar fraud. Yeah. That's exactly right. Yeah. And you should have said we won our case. Yeah, it was Mitch

V. La Brea. He's a dinosaur civil rights lawyer. Well, hey, give it up for my sister, everybody. Amanda. Our last one will be Amanda. Amanda, are you here? You have a momentous occasion. I'm looking for Amanda Hug and Kiss.

Oh, boy. What's that from? One of Bart's more problematic prank phone calls. Was it a jury trial or was it a judge's decision? You're not looking in her direction

which is the first issue. Was it a jury trial? No, the judge ruled? Oh, the judge ruled? Oh, very cool, okay The judge does rule I thought it was one of those corny-ass jury trials Well, Amanda apparently left When she realized the show was bad

So, Jesse Nicely Is Jesse Nicely here? Do you want to share your momentous occasion? Come on up, Jesse Another great floral outfit. Yeah, looking very cool. Oh, okay. I have to say it out loud.

You do, yeah. When I was young, my parents didn't want to work anymore. They wanted me to be famous. So they took me to audition for the kids' version of American Idol. And it turned out that part of that was that you had to dance. And I cannot. and it turned out that part of that was that you had to dance and i cannot and i was publicly humiliated in front of about 5 000 people by nigel lithgow the producer jesus uh but that's really intense it was really intense yeah who was the producer did you say nigel lithgow

he's on so you think you can dance wow You Think You Can Dance How was your singing? I think it was good I sang Angel by Sarah McLachlan Sing it now Let's do this I want to give you Those days are over Nigel's in the audience

I do want to Maybe those 5,000 people You you know, you felt embarrassed in front of, but you can redeem yourself in front of a sweaty audience. Do you want to do a couple bars or something? I think you're ready for this. I don't sing anymore. I don't know. It sounds pretty good just now. Jessie, I think you can do this.

One Jessie to another. I think you got this. Oh, my God. I think this crowd is here for you. You guys are the best. This is literally my nightmare. We'll all dance a little bit while you do it to distract from. Oh, my God.

Okay. No. Well, let's see. In the arms of an angel? Is that what it is? Yeah. It's like the song about dying. How does it go?

In the arms of the angel, fly away. Yeah! Wow! That's our show. Allie Gertz, everybody. The Doughboys, Allie Gertz, Jordan Morris, Brian, Sonny D. Fernandez,

Jesse, our ringer. We'll be back there. We're glad to autograph your merchandise. Thank you for sticking it out with us. Good night. Good night. Good night. And thank you, Parker. Another thrilling Jordan Jessigo

in the books live from Los Angeles. Thank you for joining us on it. Yes. Thank you so much to Nick Weiger and Mike Mitchell. They, of course, host the great podcast, The Doughboys. And thanks to Allie Gertz. I honestly do not recommend The Doughboys. Oh, yeah?

I say avoid it. We're split. We're split on the topic of The Doughboys. Yeah, it's kind of a Siskel and Ebert thing. Oh, sure. Yes. Yeah. Well, I like it.

Jesse hates it. Do you love it? Weigh in. Hit us up. Sorry, I like it. Jesse hates it. Do you love it? Weigh in. Hit us up. Sorry, were we talking about the Doughboys? Yes. Oh, fuck. For some reason, I thought we were talking about the Prince of Tides.

No, no, no, no. We both love the Prince of Tides. Yeah. And Allie Gertz's podcast, Everything's Coming Up Simpsons, will be back with a new format soon. So keep your eyes peeled for that. And Allie Gertz's podcast, Everything's Coming Up Simpsons, will be back with a new format soon. So keep your eyes peeled for that. Our special thanks to all the folks from MaxFun who helped out at the live show. And, of course, our producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez.

You can find us on Twitter at Jesse Thorne and at Jordan underscore Morris. You can find us on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com. On Facebook, you can like Jordan, Jesse Go, join the MaxFun Facebook group. And I don't have anything left to say. No. I'm done. Do those things. This goose is cooked.

We'll talk to you next time. Time to eat the goose. On Jordan Jesse, and a fine fat goose it is, on Jordan Jesse Go. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.