Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 618: Horny for Yaddle with Alison Becker

Episode Date: January 7, 2020

Alison Becker (Parks and Rec, Control short film, A$$ Level music video) joins Jordan and Jesse to talk about the key info that Jesse has cleared up on Twitter about the Mandalorian and the broader Star Wars universe, how to deal with having the same first and last name as a famous soccer player as both Alison and Jordan do, and the new 2020 mantra that everyone can use — possibly in many different ways — to help them be successful this year. Check Out: We’re coming to SF Sketchfest on Wednesday, January 15th at 8pm at the Punch Line Comedy Club with Tony Hale, Glynn Washington, and musician Pete Fields! Check out the music video Alison directed, A$$ Level! And if you’re in Southern California, go to Alison's show, Dream Role, on Wednesday at the Lyric Hyperion Theater!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Great news, Jordan. What is it? I've got a lot of stuff cleared up on Twitter. Oh, good.

And I feel like, first of all, first and foremost, you know Jordan. You found out that cats can have a little salami as a treat. I tried that on my cat. She does not want... I tried two different brands. Wait, she doesn't want salami? She does not want to have a little salami as a treat. Is she an asshole?

I mean, I think she just likes boring, dry cat food. Oh my god. Yeah. What about, about like a nice Italian sandwich? Have you ever been to that deli in Pasadena? They got that sandwich. It's called the sandwich. There's just a stack of them. I should, yeah, I should get a very old Italian man. She wants something

with a tapenade on it probably. Yeah. This sandwich isn't going to cut it. It's just a classic slice the bread down the middle. 75 kinds of cold cuts and one slice of bread down the middle, 75 kinds of cold cuts and one slice of cheese in the middle. Hmm. Yeah.

Well, I mean, if she doesn't like the salami, but maybe, maybe she just wants more kinds of meats. So pressati? Is that a kind? I don't know. I don't either, man. I don't know. Okay. You've cleared it up on Twitter. You found out the cats can have a little salami as a treat. Well, as I was saying, Jordan, if anyone who listens to this show knows anything about me, it's my commitment to lifelong learning.

Right. And on Twitter, I did some learning, and I would love to educate our listeners. So, you know, there's a show on the Disney Plus network called The Mandoclorian. Well, okay. I can maybe maybe see i can maybe anticipate the problem you ran into on twitter okay so this is i know what you're talking about i will i'll go ahead and just let you go and then we can go back and now you know fix anything that may or may not have gone wrong i'm a medium star wars guy sure we yeah we we we determined this we're a couple of medium star wars guys over here.

I was just playing Star Wars the video game at the barcade earlier today. Shooting right up the butt of the... You know, you've got to shoot a laser into the butt of the Star Destroyer. Medium's generous. Medium's...

Okay, yeah, sure. So... Someone has described Star Wars to you at some point. So here we go, Jordan. Yes has described Star Wars to you at some point. So here we go, Jordan. Yes, all right. This show, it's about Boba Fett from Star Wars.

And his friend, Baby Yoda. Some people call him Baby Yoga or Baby Yogurt. But those people are mistaken. His name is Baby Yoda. Oh, man. This little green guy. Delete your man. This little green guy. Delete your account. This little green guy.

Log off. With pointy ears, okay? Yeah. Now, I'm going to be honest with you, Jordan. Now, you know that I'm a medium Star Wars guy. Well, we maybe should walk that back, but okay. I've seen all three main Star Wars. Okay, sure, yeah.

I've played Star Wars, the collectible card game, in eighth grade. Maybe ninth grade. Let's say eighth grade. That's a little less embarrassing. I saw one of the prequels, the first one. Yep. Thought it sucked so much I didn't watch the other two. Okay.

I went to the Star Wars art exhibit at the Yerba Buena Center in San Francisco, Art of Star Wars. Okay. I love checking out all the new aliens every year when they get released. Sure, yeah. So I know a little something. I love this hot 2019 Babu Frick. I love that. Love the spoiler on that new Babu Frick.

Oh, my God. I love it. And, of course, three months free XM Satellite Radio. So I know something about Star Wars. Yeah, clearly. But this is what I didn't know. I said to myself two things. Number one.

When you were watching the show, the midichlorians. Yeah. Number one. Is this Boba Fett from the movie Star Wars? Is this the Boba Fett? No. Or is this a Boba Fett? Okay.

Well, what do you want to actually talk about it? No, I don't need you to. This is what I thought before. Right. My other co-host, John Hodgman, helped me with this. Okay? This is what I thought before. Right.

My other co-host, John Hodgman, helped me with this, okay? So I didn't know, number one, was this a Boba Fett or the Boba Fett? Because I remember when they were saying they're going to make a TV show about Boba Fett. I know who that guy is from middle school. Right. We always talk about that guy. He's friends with Jabba the Hutt. Mm-hmm.

Okay? I don't know if it was friends, but work relationship. Well, they're work husbands. Yes, right. They're the Pam and Jim of the Star Wars universe. Boba Fett and Jabba the Hutt. Anybody knows

about Jabba the Hutt. Anybody knows about his little monkey guy. Anybody knows about Boba Fett and his famous hat? Right. So. Mm-hmm. I can say you are having a problem on Twitter. I didn't know if this was a Boba Fett or the Boba Fett.

Because I had never seen any other Boba Fetts. But then in the show, he has his own friends. They all hang out underground in the smelting area. Sure. So, yeah. And I've seen seven of the eight shows. Had Werner Herzog in it, for goodness sake. And Carl Weathers from the Rocky movies.

Sure, yeah. Everybody's there. The gang's all here. And in a related note, I didn't know whether that was the Yoda or a Yoda. I didn't know because he's so little. Right, sure. The other, the regular Yoda. He's pretty little, too.

The one from the Reed poster at your local library, that one is still also little. And they're both very wrinkly. But they said he's 50 years old. I said, I feel like Yoda is older than 50 years old, but I don't know where this happens on the timeline. I'm guessing Twitter was probably loving all this, by the way. I don't know where this happens on the timeline. Yeah.

After Jedi. So I asked these questions on Twitter. Yeah. You know, a lot of people, they took the opportunity to jape. They took the opportunity to- That's in bad taste. I thought it was in profoundly bad taste. I'm opening myself up-

Was one of them Ricky Gervais? Because that guy doesn't care whose toes he steps on. Yeah. You don't have to tell me. I've seen him shirtless with his JCPenney jeans and that- Posed like Jesus. Right. On his JCPenney cross.

Yeah, with his synthetic leather belt. Yes. So some people were japing and jesting. I didn't care for that. No, yeah. I'm here to learn. Twitter's a place for discourse. I'm here to learn.

Arab Spring, am I right? Exactly. Free speech. Truth to power. Sorry, that's what the platform is for so i don't want anyone out there to have to suffer the kind of scorn right japes and jests that i had to deal with because i didn't know and who do i have to turn to i asked my wife she doesn't know a Yoda from a yogurt. Yeah. Okay. Yogurt's a dairy food.

So I asked, luckily, my friend John Hodgman was there at the time. You don't hang out on Twitter that much. You'll just use it for a joke now and then. Hodgman's around sometimes. He's getting into the muck. Discourse. The discourse the muck Discourse The discourse, sorry Arab Spring Yeah

So it turns out This guy is not Boba Fett No He's just friends with Boba Fett Sure, yeah And We're learning a lot We're learning a lot

Apparently, if I can trust my eyes He stole Boba Fett's famous hat. Okay, go ahead. Yeah, maybe that's season two. We're going to show how he stole the hat. Or the style of the hat. He's a copycat. A dirty copycat.

In one of the multiple interminable smelting scenes. By far the worst part of a show that I like a lot. Well, I enjoyed the smelting. I could have handled one smelt per episode. Really? One smelt per episode? New weapon? I was like, wait a minute.

What am I watching? I've got to make a new weapon. Unwrapped with Mark Summers? Is there smelting on that show? No, it's just like... It's a candy show. I know, but it's just pictures of assembly lines and like liquid chocolate pouring into molds. I should say, our guest is a Star Wars fan.

Okay, well, hold on. Maybe higher than medium. Let me say the one other thing and we'll bring her into the show. Sure. She's also a basketball player. So she's both nerd and jock. She defies the rules. Right.

Sure. The second thing. So the first thing is this is not Boba Fett. No. This is just a guy who's like Boba Fett. His name is just the Mando-chlorian or Mando. Okay. Yeah.

So he has his famous hat. They said his real name in the last one. I forget what it is. Recognizable famous hat. he has his famous hat. They said his real name in the last one. I forget what it is. Recognizable famous hat. Right. His famous hat. And he's got his friend from that Steven Soderbergh MMA action movie. Sure.

It's great. I love the show. I want to be clear. I fucking love the show. It's delightful. Well, it sounds like you've certainly comprehended it. Yeah. Well, he's going around.

It sounds like you certainly understood what was happening. There's that ancient flute that plays sometimes, you know. Just, I always, every time that ancient flute theme comes in, I just picture an old white man sitting cross-legged with his hair in like a top knot. Right. Shirtless, probably. Sure. He's on your college campus trying to sell you a variety of posters. Yeah.

He's got them all, from Pink Floyd album covers to Scarface. And the second thing is- So that's the first thing. Yeah. That's a different guy, but they're probably friends. But as it turns out, Boba Fett, he is, of course, in the Sarlacc pit. Sure, yeah. A lot of people forget that.

I didn't know where this was in the Sarlacc pit. Sure, yeah. A lot of people forget that. I didn't know where this was in the timeline, so I didn't. That's the part. Post-Sarlacc pit. It turns out, I thought it was maybe before he went in the Sarlacc pit. Turns out he's probably still in the Sarlacc pit, apparently. Oh, yeah. From what I understand. Somebody said he's definitely dead in there.

I'm like, I don't know. That armor is pretty good. Sure. You know? You know, the pit refers, it's where the monster, the Sarlacc is the monster. The pit is just where it lives. Yeah. Anyway.

In the Sarlacc pit. That's a fun little piece of trivia. Yeah. You know, the monster is usually just called the monster. Right. Frankenstein. Frankenstein, Sarlacc, yes. So the number two thing is baby Yoda.

Well, that's a misnomer because it's not Yoda at all. Number one. They just call it the child. There's two Yodas, regular Yoda, and then a wig Yoda that was in one of the prequels that I didn't see. Or I forgot because I only watched the prequel one time. I've seen the other ones many times. That one, I only saw a picture of it. I don't remember if it's in the prequel that I saw.

I saw the picture. It looked stupid. Sure. That's all I have to say. I think you're- If the other Yoda is great- Are you being negative about it because it made you horny? And you're upset?

Do you not like that part of yourself? It's okay. You can be horny for Yaddle. Do you not like that part of yourself? It's okay. You can be horny for Yaddle. It did remind me a little bit. Yaddle's thick. Come on. You can be horny. You can be horny.

It's okay. Hey, if there's one thing I want people to take away from this podcast, it's it's okay to be horny for Yaddle. Hashtag horny for Yaddle. It did remind me a little bit of the woman who taught our Muppet Magic class at UC Santa Cruz, who was an expert on Balinese shadow puppets. Right. So that's number one.

Right. And number two is this is not the Yoda. It's a Yoda. Apparently, they're all called Yodas because there's no name for this type of guy. Some of them are littler than others, but they're all pretty little. Right. And some of them are older than others, but they all look wrinkly and hairy. Wow.

We've learned a lot. And anyway, this little guy's adorable and I'm nuts about him. Sure. That's all. I don't think it's okay to be horny for the baby. I'm not horny for him and I'm nuts about him. Sure. That's all. I don't think it's okay to be horny for the baby. I'm not horny for him. I'm nuts about him. You're reserving that for Yaddle.

I just don't want people out there, again, the same situation I am, where they don't know if this is the Boba Fett or a Boba Fett. No, this is good. This has been really- They don't know if this is the Yoda from Star Wars or a different Yoda. This is going to save you all out there a doxing. Because here's the thing, Jordan. I'll give you an example.

There's new Star Wars movies. I don't know if you knew this. I have. I've seen them. Recently, they've made a few new Star Wars movies. I haven't seen the latest, but I've seen the rest of the fuckers. I saw even the Han Solo. I watched that on an airplane.

Wasn't nuts about it. I like the other ones. There were some fun things in the Han Solo. I watched that on an airplane. Wasn't nuts about it. I liked the other ones. There were some fun things in the Han Solo one. Some of those have Yoda in it. Yeah. So it's like if Yoda is alive in those ones and the ones from 1977, 1980, how come he couldn't be in the Mandalorian? There's no way to know that for sure until John Hodgman tells you. He dies in three.

So thank God. Sorry, spoiler for Return of the Jedi, I guess. John Hodgman was kind enough to let me know. He just broke it down. This is a Yoda, not the Yoda. And then I found out maybe this Yoda is a clone of the original Yoda. Nobody knows. Yeah, we'll see.

We'll see. Season 2. Our guest on the program is known as a point guard, shooting guard, excuse me. Shooting guard, small forward. Both of these skill positions. Shooting guard, small forward. She's good from long range. She told me that already, but she

doesn't like to mix it up and throw bows in the paint. She's also an actor. She's one of the throw bows in the paint. She's also an actor. She's one of the stars of our program, Bubble. She's also a television host, a writer, and let's be frank, a raconteur. And a friend of Jordan Jesse Goh, Alison Becker. Hi, Alison. Sorry.

I have so many opinions. We should have had you come 20 minutes later. No, I really enjoyed that. I wanted to get that stuff straight for people. I'm actually wearing a Star Wars hoodie right now. I would just like to say that. It says Levi's on it. It does say Levi's, but it also says-

It's a co-brand. It's a collab. These are not the droids you're looking for. Oh, yeah. And it has R2-D2 and C-3PO. Are you familiar with those characters, Jesse? These are not the droids you're looking for. That's what Alec Guinness from Kind Hearts and Coronets says.

As he's best known from. Yeah, best known as the star of Kind Hearts and Coronets. I just want to say this. Maybe the lady killers, people know him, or the TV version of Tinkerbell and Allison. Yes, but I do just want to say this. Of course, yes. But I do just want to say this. As a medium to heavy or medium to high Star Wars fan,

I will say that most people before The Mandalorian dropped didn't know if it was about Boba Fett or not. Sure. Until it started airing. So if people were shaming you, that's on them. Because now we know it. You should have figured it out after watching it. But before watching it, none of us knew. Why would I have known?

He looks like Boba Fett. And everyone was saying they're making a Boba Fett show. He's essentially of the same tribe, for lack of a better word. You know who's from a different tribe? The woman from the Steven Soderbergh MMA action movie. And she's very winning. I love your references of where people are from.

Thank you. She's great. She's great in that. That's a fucking dumb movie. You ever seen that movie? No. Movie fucking rules. What's it called?

Breakdown or something? Haywire. Haywire. Yeah, that fucking movie was great. I have, yeah. It's really good. Yeah, it's great.

Wow, I'm in the minority here. I haven't seen Haywire. Yeah. Have you seen the Chiwetel yeah. It's really good. Yeah, it's great. Wow, I'm in the minority here. I haven't seen Haywire. Yeah. Have you seen the Chiwetel Ejiofor's most famous role in the David Mamet film Red Belt? Nope, missed that one. Okay, well, now you've got my references. We brought you on board. Allison, I had an instance recently that made me think of you.

Okay. And I wanted to ask your advice on how to handle a situation. Oh, yes. We have something in common in that we both have the same first and last name as a soccer man. That's true. As they're called.

Yes. They're called soccer. Uh huh. Yes. Um, now tell me about your experience having the same first and last name as a soccer man. My experience has blown up. So there is a professional goalkeeper named Allison Becker.

He spells his first name with two S's. He's Brazilian and he plays for the Liverpool Football Club in England. He has been he's won several awards for the best goalkeeper in the world. Wow. From the Ballon d'Or to these other ones. I now know a lot about soccer, by the way. He won the Ballon d'Or? He won the Ballon d'Or.

The Balloon of Gold. I can make the Ballon d'Or run in five parts. Whatever. He's killing it. And so I started playfully tweeting things about football and, you know, European football slash soccer. Because both this Allison Becker and I have the little blue checkmark on Twitter. So if you weren't paying attention and you were a soccer fan, you might just see who you think is this goalkeeper tweeting stuff.

And I kind of did that playfully. And then a couple of fans picked it up and started following me and then a couple of um soccer outlets like media outlets picked it up and then it blew up and now I've been asked to like do all these bits with the team and like they send me jerseys and the owner of the team invited me to like come watch a game wow like it's really I was at your house. You have a framed jersey. I have a signed jersey from Alison Becker. And I was like, oh, that was nice of them.

And my boyfriend looked it up and he's like, this is worth like $2,000. I was like, what? So yeah, it's kind of blown up. And the fans of this particular team are so awesome. And they've been really lovely to me. Did I miss this? What part of? They're British, right? Yeah they've been like really lovely to me. What part of, did I miss this? What part of, they're British, right? Yeah, they're British.

Liverpool. Okay. The Liverpool football. So I've been like interviewed by the Liverpool newspaper. Wow. It's really fun. But what happened? So I have, so there is a soccer Jordan Morris.

I did know that. Who plays for the Seattle. Sounders. Sounders. Okay. Thank you. Major League Soccer. Yeah.

So, you know, so yeah. So I have had the same, you know, I've known that this guy's been out there just because like, I think that if you are an American soccer fan in Seattle, you are very active on Twitter. Yeah. Just because of all of that. That combination of things equals very online. Agreed, yes.

You're a very online person. Seattle and Portland are your big Twitter soccer cities. Yes, yeah. It's raining a lot. You know, you're inside a lot. You talk a lot about your year abroad in college. Sure. Yes, you sure do.

You have a blanket from South America. And you let everybody know as soon as they come in the house. Yeah. You have special shoes for bike riding. Sure. You say you lived in Italy, even though you're only there for a month. Right. Yeah, sure. I used to live in Italy.

Oh, I lived in Italy. I picked up a little bit of an accent. I'm a sponge for accents. A guy in college said that once to me, and I'm still mad about it. Think about it. You should be. And lay awake at night, and this guy's like, I'm a sponge for accents. Shut the fuck up.

Do you Google him every few years? Just make sure he's not doing well. I had the same problem from watching too many Chef Boyardee commercials. Oh, you picked up a little of that Boyardee drawl. Yeah. What does the chef from Chef Boyardee sound like? He's Italian. Oh.

I don't think I ever- A caricature of an Italian. Sure, sure. It's a Mario-style Italian person. But what happened with Jordan Morris? So anyway, so Jordan Morris will trend every time this guy scores. And what's weirdest to me about this is we knew who Jordan Morris was starting when Jordan Morris was like 15 years old.

Because he is a good American soccer player, and he's American, and he plays in the United States, he was a famous junior soccer player as a team. So he was already getting heat. Sure. But we didn't know when that was happening.

I don't think I expected him to become a famous, successful, professional soccer player. I just thought it was funny that there was a 16-year-old with the same name as you who was basically as or more famous. Sure, yeah. Yeah, this guy has absolutely—I mean, at this point, he was creeping up on destroying my Google results, and now it is absolutely just if you Google Jordan Morris. This is the worst question I could ask, but like I'm going to ask it. How many Twitter followers does he have? Oh, you know, I don't know. Maybe Brian can look that up.

Does he have more Twitter followers than you? I think so. Because Alison Becker is in like the millions. Wow. Like he's very famous. Do you know what he is? Do you get a sense of what he is like? Like is he, does he, is he the fun one?

He is very attractive. Okay, sure. And that's really all I he the fun one? He is very attractive. Okay, sure. And that's really all I care about. No, he's very attractive. He seems to be funny. And, but English is his second language. And he's like, I think the only one or one of the only ones on the team whose English is the second language. So he's, he's adapting.

Sure. To his new home. Right. Where's he from? Brazil. Okay. Does he need an improv coach at all? I think he might. Yeah.

We need to fly in an improv coach from America. Well, there's a... Because, you know, John Daly, the comedian, there's also a John Daly golfer. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's like an alcoholic Arnold Palmer is called a John Daly.

I guess the golfer John Daly is known for, like, being a drunk to the point where he now has a— It's really sad. Sure, yeah. John Daly is, like, of all the sports—like, he wears crazy pants and is overweight. Okay. And so you think, this is fun, but then you find out that the reason he does those things is because he's an out-of-control alcoholic, and it's really sad. that the reason he does those things is because he's an out of control alcoholic and it's really sad um but hey comedy john daly great saxophone player surprisingly great saxophone player um oh so what sorry what did you ask you jordan morris jordan yes the soccer player so i you know

so i was aware of this and sometimes people would like tag and no and and you know to my delight at no point was the twitter confusion ever like hey you fucked that up fuck you you know everyone was just being nice when he scored mostly cool and yeah and i think he's like kind of a hometown hero a little bit and he got engaged recently i think our congratulations to jordan morris seattle soccer fans are known for their vengeful tempers. Right, yeah, exactly. Real bullies. Did that make you re-examine your life when he got engaged? Yeah, well, you know, I got a lot going on, too.

You know, I'm making a lot of progress in Sekiro Shadows Die Twice for the PlayStation 4, so I got a lot going on, too. Have you gotten to the second Shadow Dev? Huh? Have you gotten to the second Shadow Dev? Oh, Jesse, we'll talk about it. We'll talk. There's too much

to get into here. Let's just say I've refilled my healing gourd four times. Okay? Wow. Okay?

What are you doing, Jordan Morris? I'm collecting as many Shinobi prosthetics as I can. Okay. Great. Da, da, da, da.

Da, da, da, da. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da the way that you you had right right um until a couple weeks ago nice uh a nice man from the seattle sounders social media asked if he could do an interview about what it's like uh said he would send a jersey in the mail i have not received it nor has the interview seemed to appear anywhere he did ask me uh his opening question was so you're in the comedy scene yeah which is like something like you know an aunt's friend would ask you when you have to like have a big family dinner with some people you don't know about

well he is friends with my aunt oh yeah? yeah that's nice. Would you go to a game? They both do husky rescue oh that's fun well that's more like family would you go to a game? I would love to go to a game yeah if I was ever Rescue, rescue. Oh, that's fun. Well, that's more like family. Yeah. Would you go to a game? I would love to go to a game, yeah. If we ever go back to Seattle for a live show or something like that,

I would love to make some time for a little soccer or football, as they call it. Let's go see the Don't They Come to Los Angeles? That's a good question. I mean, I know L.A. has the – I've gone to a few L.A. football club matches with some friends who are into soccer. Wait, is the Galaxy our team? Is that a – I would say the Galaxy are – Is a team.

Is a team. Okay, great. There are two Los Angeles teams, the LAFC or Los Angeles Football Club and the Los Angeles Galaxy. The Galaxy have been around a lot longer. The LAFC have been more successful recently. And Galaxy is the one that Beckham used to play for, right? That's exactly correct. And I would say generally that maybe the LAFC, just broadly demographically, is more of an east half of Los Angeles slash Latinx supported team.

Just based on hats I've seen in my community. And the Galaxy more of a west side of Los Angeles team. That makes sense. But, yeah, no, that would be fun to go see. Hey, if the Sounders are ever in town and somebody on Twitter knows, let me know. I don't really want to sign up for a mailing list. I already get too much stuff from the Corner Bakery Cafe. It's always nice to have a chance to visit the Bank of California Stadium.

Yeah. It's a great bunk. B-A-N-C. Very nice bunk. B-A-N-C. Why do they call it that? Do you have – going to a game would be a thrill, obviously. Going to a game would be a thrill.

Do you have any kind of way to get to Liverpool in the immediate future? No. I mean, that's the thing. I like to travel. So if I'm in the UK during the season, then I would definitely go. But I'm also like, you know, they're like, come to a game. I'm like, that would be amazing. Do you want to fly me out?

Yeah. Yeah. You can throw out the first kick. Yeah. That's something. Don't they need some sort of master of ceremonies for something probably? But it would be fun to go. Allison, if you're going to go, you've got to go the classy way.

Book passage on the Queen Mary. It's the only way to do it. Take those three weeks. Just make sure to bring lots of limes. Limes. Any citrus. Scurvy. It's a problem. It's aurvy. It's a problem.

It's a real thing. It's a problem. Yeah. And chests. Yeah. Those like the ones that open up and have little tiny drawers for all of your handkerchiefs and lingerie. Sure.

You say that as though I don't have an entire book about those chests. Do you have one? I do. I would call them trunks. Trunks. Yeah. Trunks. Yeah.

Do you have one? I would call them trunks. Trunks, yeah. Do you have a trunk, though? I have, no, I have a number of chests, but I do not have a trunk. Those things are, I was in, the last time I was in Paris, I was in one of their fancy department stores, and I saw one of those beautiful chests, and it was like some famous French designer. Maybe a Goyard. Yeah, exactly. I don't know who it was. Jesse would know. And I was like, how much, just out of curiosity,

like how much are these? And the guy was like, well, if you're buying them vintage, then it'd probably be about 75,000 euros. But if you're buying a new one, it's like 150,000 euros. And I was like, for a trunk. So I bought two yeah and you see like one for summer

some one for spring summer one for fall winter but i mean who would spend that because who did who even uses those trunk trunk heads trunk fans i know a guy who's a people who have too much junk i know it are we gonna put it his name is matt is it you he lives in are you matt he lives in new jersey your native state. Oh, that's shocking that there's a trunk collector in New Jersey. Yeah, he collects trunks, mostly vintage. You can buy them for a few thousand dollars. I'm sure you could.

This was some fancy, like, I didn't even know the designer. But those trunks are the only thing that Louis Vuitton still makes by hand. Mostly, Louis Vuitton is a trick now. It's one of those luxury brands. They're really selling the brand. It's not a, you know, it's a mass-produced product, except for the trunks. Those trunks, they still make one at a time by hand in France.

I wonder if people actually use them to travel. Yeah. Does it have a use that is not sea voyage? Is it practical to take anywhere? What do you think? Mariah is carrying? A duffel? Listen.

You think Mariah is tossing her gowns in a duffel, George? I don't think Mariah makes... I'm sorry. You know we stan. You know we stan. Today we stan a legend.

I'm just saying I don't know that Mariah's luggage considerations are all. Can I just interject and say that we're talking about Mariah Carey for those people who don't know. Sure, yes. We're on a first date. I call her Mimi. Allison, you know we stand. Yes. Okay.

Our audience knows we stand. Tonight we stand a legend. Yes. Yes. Okay. Our audience knows we stand. Tonight we stand a legend. Yes. But I'm saying maybe Mariah, Mariah Carey, Mimi, her luggage choices are not always about being functional, you know.

I would agree. Sure. They're probably, you know. No shade. No, not at all. I mean, if you, you know, and she's probably not flying commercial. No, she's not. She's booking passage

on the queen mary right yes exactly which is dry docked yeah or wet docked as they say i don't think she's in steerage i think she has with the filthy irish no have you been to the queen mary yeah the queen mary's fun it's really fun and And spooky. I mean, I think they lean into the spooky a little bit on the tours. They keep the lights low in some of the chambers and things like that. But yeah, it definitely feels creepy, and it is also very cool. It's an ocean liner docked in Long Beach, California. For folks who don't stand. Yeah, and it used to be like-

Yas Queen Mary. That's my queen. My queen's a boat. She's got a realistic hull. It used to be like a... I shouldn't continue with that. You know, a ocean liner that would take people around to and from Europe. It was like the Uber of the time.

Yeah. Right. It was like Mariah to and from gigs. There was a swimming pool on it it and it's like super fancy. But they have one room that you can stay at that's supposed to be like the haunted room and you can pay extra to stay in that room because now it's like a functioning hotel. And I was reading about it and some of the things they said in the room like some guests report that in the middle of the night there is a knocking at the door only to discover there's no one there. And I was like, is it some like bell's job to go knock on room 402? You're on ghost duty tonight.

They just have a ghost intern. Yeah. You know they just have somebody knocking and running. Getting college credit. It's like, jeez, I knew they said things were bad for Hollywood assistants, but I didn't know they were this bad. Oh, yeah. You got to pretend to be a ghost on the Queen Mary.

Yeah. But I like the Queen Mary. It's a little tiny. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. It's a nice tourist thing if you're ever in the port of Long Beach. Yeah. Go Long Beach. I have a question.

Yes. First of all, I'd love to go to either of these soccer games with you. Either of you. Neither of us invited you, but no to book passage. I'm ready to book passage. Okay, great. I want to focus on something perhaps even more important than who shares our name. In my case, it's a Mormon folk singer from the late 1990s.

Really? Yes. And has there been confusion online? No. I lapped this motherfucker. Yeah. Same spelling? I believe itpped this motherfucker. Yeah. Is this guy in it? Same spelling?

I believe it was, yeah. Okay. When you say late 90s, he's inactive? Yeah. Or dead? I remember finding him on mp3.com. Oh, okay. That's the time frame we're talking about primarily.

There's also some guys who only tweet about in order to win contests for free video games. Okay. tweet about in order to win contests for free video games. Okay. So it may be but I mean maybe you know I mean a couple years ago those kind of like 90s package tours were big you know it's like Sugar Ray, Fastball, like maybe there's

some sort of Monsters of Mormonism tour coming around and Jesse Thorne is gonna rocket back into the national consciousness. I'd love it. It happened for Hootie. That's true. Do you think he did? I think Hootie's popular again. Yeah. Did Hootie win a Grammy?

You're not sure? I think Hootie won a Grammy. He makes country hits. Tonight we stan a legend. Good for Hootie. Anyway. Good for Hootie. Hootie is the band.

The singer is named Frankenstein. Oh, right. Yes. So, but it's 2020. This is our first episode of 2020. So when we come back in just a second, we need to settle something important, which is we need a mission and a slogan for the year 2020. No pressure. Sure.

None at all. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la? No, sometimes I just, to distract people, will just say something nice. And then they get really... What? Yeah, what? You're trying your best! I'll just be like, I love your... Is that your shampoo? It smells great. And then just steal the

ball. If someone said to me I was trying my best on the... You're trying your best! I would flip out. I'd probably hit them or something. That's how freaked out I would get by that. Get in their heads. Tell them their shampoo smells lovely. Is that herbal essence? Do they still make that? I don't know.

Remember when those commercials got pulled because they were too sexual? Those commercials hit me in a time where it's like anything makes you horny. And I would like see the bottle in the store and like feel like 12 year old

sexual anxiety. Just like seeing the bottle and remembering the commercial. I remember my mom being furious. My Catholic mom being very furious at those commercials. Oh, that is disgusting. Filth. I would never come from shampooing my hair. I only come from conceiving a child.

Exactly. Hey, Jordan. Yeah. We've got a sponsor on this week's Jordan, Jessica. Herbal Essence. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's Head and Shoulders.

Great travel size, those Head and Shoulders. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Like, no. It's head and shoulders. Great travel size, those head and shoulders. Really? Yeah. Anyway. I keep one in my pool bag, and it's the head and shoulders. It's a great size. Every Jordan Jesse Go brought to you by all of Maximum Fund's members, all the kind folks who go to MaximumFund.org slash donate. But we're also this week brought to you by our friends at ZipRecruiter. You know, Jordan, it is a new year, the perfect opportunity to take your business to the next level by hiring the

right people. But let me tell you this, Jordan, finding the right candidates can be challenging. You might be, let's say you're out there looking for, let's say you're out there looking for a shooting guard. Sure, yeah, you've got a team, you've got everybody. But you don't want somebody that's going to embarrass the team. Okay, you bring somebody in, and it turns out all they want to talk about is herbal essences and orgasm shampoo. Sure. It's not appropriate for a basketball club. This is a family operation.

Well, it seems like you need a website that can help you out real quick, right quick. ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo makes it easy. They send your job to over a hundred of the web's leading job boards. And Jordan, it's so effective that four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day. Now let me tell you this,

Jordan. Four out of five basketball players who try to post up on Alison Becker get their shit stuffed. Fail! Right now, our listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free at this exclusive web address, ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. ZipRecruiter.com slash what?

JJGo. It's the smartest way to hire. We've also got something up on the Jumbotron this week. That's right. A listener wants to share a message. It's from our friends at Model Mugging Self-Defense. Model Mugging Self-Defense emphasizes personal safety and overcoming fears of assault through technique role model mastery. Teaching.

Teaching role model mastery. Small class size instruction puts the emphasis on realistic techniques that are easy to use in everyday situations. We teach verbal boundary setting, de-escalation, and full force physical skills. That's my purse. I don't know you. I am teaching upcoming classes. Not I. The listener.

I will not be teaching. Would you be willing to teach a class if a listener was interested? No. Verbal boundary setting. Sure. I would go to that class. Thank you. No, I am Just a fuck with his head though. I'm sure. I'm a weak coward.

Please don't. Please don't come to me. Come to this listener who is teaching upcoming classes in San Francisco January 25th and 26th February 15th and 16th and March 21st and 22nd. We offer classes across the country plus men's and young teen classes upon request for groups. Learn full force self-defense in a weekend.

Register at modelmugging.org. That's model, M-U-G-G-I-N-G.org. So sick of half force self-defense. Full force. Full or nothing. Jordan, we're going to be at a San Francisco Sketch Fest. Speaking of the San Francisco Bay Area, Wednesday're going to be at a San Francisco Sketch Fest. Speaking of the San Francisco Bay Area, Wednesday, January 15th at the Punchline, we've got amazing guests.

We've got Glenn Washington from Snap Judgment, a podcast roughly 15 times more popular than ours. Sure. We've got Pete Fields from Slow Motion Cowboy and the Trainwreck Riders. He's going to be singing country songs for us. And we've got Sparky from the movie Sparky Story. Tony Hale. He will not be playing Sparky. He's going to wear the hat and everything. I don't think he'll probably just be dressed normal.

No, he's going to wear the goddamn hat and everything. Plaid shirt or maybe a blazer. I told him. I told him. No, I don't think he will. Tony, if you want to come back on our show. What are you talking about? What's the hat? wear the goddamn hat.

What? From the movie Spork Story. Boy, you have some comprehension issues. You need to put away your phone while you're watching shit. You're not picking up details. You're right, Allison. Put the phone away. I'm talking about Spork Story 4.

Tony Hale is Boba Fett. He is a Boba Fett. Tony Hale is a Boba Fett. You know what? This new guy that's not Boba Fett, more like Boba Fett. He is a Boba Fett. Tony Hale is a Boba Fett. You know what? This new guy that's not Boba Fett, more like Boba Fart. Okay, come on. Here we go. Dad.

Dad. Now you're the one doing Twitter japes. This guy is more like Boba Fart if he's not the real Boba Fett. I don't like that. From when I was in middle school, you'd be like, you know that guy that's friends with Jabba the Hutt? He's got that hat on. Yeah, I don't approve of that. They're not friends.

They're not friends. They have a working relationship. It's them, and then in the show, they eat one of those monkey guys. You see it right there on a stick. Oh, I think I forget that, but it sounds fun. Show that in the show. Sure. He's roasting him.

January 15th. Punchline Comedy Club. What? That's your go-to for roasting? Yeah, that's what they eat. Guinea pigs in South America. That's fun. You can catch them and they're pretty meaty. I've been to South America. Have you seen my blanket?

Yes, we've seen the blanket. Congratulations. You've led a wonderful life. You're also doing Talking Simpsons on the 14th. I'm doing Judge John Hodgman on the 16th. Sketch Fest is so fun. Yeah, Sketch Fest is a blast. It's so fun. Mostly you should just go to that 20th anniversary Casper Hauser show.

No, go to our show. Okay, go to our show too. SFSketchFest.com. Yeah. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. Love you. Love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Allison Becker, medium high Star Wars fan. I'm also that.

No, you're low medium. I just didn't look at any websites to find out when it takes place. And I didn't feel like doing the math. Sure. I know they said some stuff about the New Republic, but I couldn't remember which one was the New Republic. Is there a boy band called New Republic? There was a band called One Republic. That's maybe what I'm thinking of.

All those. Are you thinking of Harper's? And they follow Emperor Palpatine, right? All of their songs are about how fly Emperor Palpatine is. I think I probably read four Star Wars novels. How many Star Wars novels you read, medium Star Wars? I read one by Timothy Zahn. Yeah.

Sure. So I guess, you know. It was like X-Wing. You win. You win. X-Wing something. X-Wing squadron or something. Boy, I can't do this.

Sorry. You know, you win. You win the Star Wars fan yeah off you win yeah congratulations once again everyone knows

I'm the king of the Star Wars guys you win the Jordan are those shoes a holiday Christmas gift uh no well they were a little they just look very new thank you

they were a Christmas gift to myself oh you deserve it you do deserve it I've been a very good boy no coal for this guy. Yeah, so I'm, you know, 2020, new year, new me.

I'm branching out. Instead of going with my standard black vans, I'm doing a black vans with a light pattern. They kind of look like a fancy suit material. I don't know. You know, I think they're just- Like fancy vans. Like a Prince of Wales check. Yeah.

So they're a slip-on. The top is canvas. It's got a little kind of a light plaid, and the kind of sides of it are corduroy. Oh. Oh, I didn't even realize that was corduroy. Well done. New year, new me. Slightly different shoe.

Maybe I'll have tea instead of coffee in the morning. What? I don't know. Wow. This guy's wild. Do these shoes belong to Herbal Tea Guy? Oh boy. Or Jordan Morris. Oh yes, Herbal Tea Calmaman. My tea character. I don't have tea so

he can't come out. I like that he has a surname now. Yeah, yeah. I think that's been his name the whole time. Oh, has it really? Calmamil? Is that what you said? No, that's better, though. It's like chamomile with the word calm. Calm-a-meal. Herbal tea calm-a-meal.

Yeah, that's my tea drinking character. It's fun. Maybe I can get him out here. Allison's here. I'll see if I can introduce you to herbal tea calm-a-meal here. Allison, can I introduce you to... Of course, we're great friends all these many years. Yes. And I know that you love it when I introduce you to some of my friends. Allison, can I introduce you to... Of course, we're great friends all these many years. Yes.

And I know that you love it when I introduce you to some of my friends. Allison, this is my friend Herbal T. Kalman. He's just... Just real quick. Tell me...

Just tell me something, like, great that's happened to you recently. Or good. It can be, like... It doesn't have to be... Yeah, he loves to hear great stuff that's happened

to you recently. He's really positive vibes, this guy, it doesn't have to be. Yeah, he loves to hear great stuff that's happened to you recently. He's really positive vibes, this guy. Okay, awesome. Do you want to tell him something? Oh, yeah. Hi. My dog was sick,

but he's feeling much better. Mmm, yummy. That was so much setup. But all worth it. All worth it. Just like our whole show. So worth it. We got 20 minutes

of Star Wars list at the beginning. Until they're getting at something. It's 2020. Yeah. Allison and Jordan. New shoes.

Slightly different color. Jordan's got cords on the side panels of his shoes. Just really unexpected. This is wild shit. I think, so every year

we have a slogan on Jordan, Jesse, go. Last year it was hit the streets. My concern about hit the streets

retrospectively. Right. Is that it didn't focus. Nobody did it. And we're fucked. Everyone stayed inside. I didn't focus enough on one of the key elements of a Jordan Jesse Go slogan.

Again, retrospectively. Mike Mitchell suggested. Well, you have 20-20 vision in 2020. That's true. Hindsight's 20-20. That's true. Yummy. Yummy.

Mmm. Yummy. Ew is all I can say. Yummy. Mmm. Yummy. Ew is all I can say. Ew. Want to hear me play my tiny flute on the quad? Do you have any alternate creamers? I think that one of the- Gary gives me the shits.

Yummy. Yummy. Not as young as I used to be. I think one of the key elements of a jordan jesse goes slogan right what are some what are some of our successful slogans so there's been um going ape more powerful than ever powerful than ever uh uh hard as a rock wet as a rock wet as a river these are all examples of slogans that focus on dominance of our enemies. Right. Sure.

And that, I think, is the element that we were missing when we – I mean, I understand Mike wanted us to get out there and mix it up, get involved in stuff. Sure. He's dealing with his own issues that he has. I don't know. About not wanting to leave the house and talk to people, that kind of thing. And that's great. We've all been there.

Sure. Absolutely. We've all been there. Absolutely. But really, Jordan, Jesse Goh is a show about powerful, almost violent dominance of others. Sure. You know, specifically our enemies. Right.

Okay. So I was thinking about this in the car. And I thought, you know what I would love to do this year? Just plow forward unheeding. And if some fucking clown, some yahoo, some yokel. Jabroni. Right.

If even one. Goofball. One Jabroni. Right. If even one goofball. One jabronis. If even a single jabronis. I made the jabronis run in less than five parts. Who cares? Were to find themselves in my path. You know how I'd like to leave them?

Flat as a fucking pancake. Wow. Okay. And I'm not talking about an American Johnny cake. I'm talking about like a Swedish thin, the thin kind. Like the Danish. Yeah. Like the ones they have in Solvang. The kind that's like the thickness of a crust.

Yeah, yeah, with the applesauce. Sure. Yeah, like a fucking Solvang applesauce cake. That sounds good, actually. Yeah. And I'd love to take a look at those fields of tulips they have.

Sure. That's not related to... That's just another thing I'd like to do in Solvang. Yeah, it's a great... A Dutch-themed town in Southern California. Great long weekend getaway.

Wineries. Just check it out, guys. Yeah, check out Solvang. My handyman Nick moved there after his divorce. That tracks. It's been tough to get another handyman as good as Nick was. He was a great handyman. Maybe you have to move

to Solvang. We wrote a reference letter for him to get partial custody of his children when they split up. That was nice. He deserved it. He's a good man. Lives out there in Solvang now. Probably a fun place for the kids to spend the weekend. He'll come. He's a good man. He lives out there in Solvang now. Probably a fun place for the kids to spend the weekend, huh? He'll come in once in a while, but only if it's a big project, you know?

That's fair. A few days in a row, he'll come in. It's a good two, two and a half hour drive. So anyway, this is what I'm thinking. Yeah. Steam roll him. Or, for short, roll him. Steamroll them.

Or, for short, roll them. And what I like about this is you don't even need the words on a poster or T-shirt. Just put a big picture of, like, fucking Mike Mulligan steam shovel type shit. And just underneath it, just write Jordan Jesse Go. And if you know, you know. And if you don't know, you're coming out like a fucking Solvang applesauce cake. Flat. Flat and thin. Flat

and thin. Like a gingerbread man is what you're going to end up fucking looking like if you cross me, asshole. This might be another reason to do that, but just so you know, roll them would also insinuate rolling a joint. Right. You know what? Which is what the kids do. The kids love

to roll joints. I'm the king of drugs. I'm blazing. There's your slogan. I'm blazing trees. I'm the king of drugs. You know, buzz driving is drunk driving, but I don't give a shit. Wow. I'm fucking I'm high on drugs. Yeah.

Flooring it. Flooring my steamroller. Flicking through the station. We don't care. And if one of these jabrons gets in my way, if a JB should step in front of my wheel. Pancake, pancake. Fucking applesauce, baby. Yeah. Allison, do you have any goals for the upcoming year for 2020?

What would you like to do to it, your brother? It can be something specific. It can be a general vibe you want to have moving forward. Have you given it any thought? I usually do goals and resolutions. I haven't really done it this year. But similarly, I would just like to be be like let's just fucking get this done already i don't want any similar vibe of like there's all these obstacles a lot of them i always like when

people give me especially my career like when they give me challenges and obstacles i just accept them like well i can't do that yet because so and so said it's not time and then i'm just like suck my dick it's time yeah let's get this done it's time you know what i say like let's say what's an example of a of an obstacle that you see in your uh well like often in your path often uh if you know i want to pitch a tv show i'll you know tell my reps or something and this isn't something that's happened recently it's happened in the past where certain people will just be like, well, it's not the time. Let's let it marinate or we'll circle back. Those are things you hear a lot. Circle and back.

Circle back. We'll circle back in a little bit. Let's keep talking. Let's keep talking. Let's keep talking. Let's keep this conversation going. You know what I would tell you if I was your rep? What?

I'm talking about a talent agent. I'm talking about a business manager. I'm talking about a personal manager, career manager. I'm talking about fiduciary. Hair dresser. If I was your fiduciary. Yeah. God knows I'd be willing to be your fiduciary if it came to it.

Thank you. Appreciate it. Olive bar attendant at Whole Foods. Yeah. I like be willing to be your fiduciary if it came to it. Thank you. Appreciate it. Olive bar attendant at Whole Foods. Yeah. I like to talk to that guy. I don't love olives, but he's got some great ideas. Olives are often a metaphor for life. Right.

Sure. So we'll role play briefly. I'm your fiduciary. Okay. Yeah. And you just tell me, I've got an idea for a TV show, but I'm not sure if people are ready for it. Maybe I should let it marinate. Okay, I have this idea, and I really think I'm ready to go out with it, but I don't know if it's the right time.

Yeah, let's fucking roll them. Mmm, yummy. I'm your other, I'm his assistant. 60-year- old man in linen Jordan you got goals for 2020? Yeah well you know here's I had a little bit of a different a different

I've got something else that I'm looking at and it's that like I think that this year 2020 could use a little more glitter a little more glitter. A little more glitter and that's why we've got

Rip Taylor here. I know he throws confetti and maybe died. Yeah, I think he died. R.I.P. Yeah. Yeah, I was, you know, I would love to inject. We've got Rob Hubel from the GIF. Great GIF.

Great GIF. It's a great GIF. Are you any GIFs? You're some GIFs, right? I have a yawning GIF from Parks and Rec. Oof, that's good. Yeah. God bless you. Get it up there, guys.

Yeah, let's see those GIFs. Yawning Becker in 2020. Hashtag yawning Becker. Horny for Yaddle. Arab Spring. Getting out there. Free speech? I think so.

I would just like to encourage everyone to have a little bit of chill in the new year. You know, the year ahead will be very bad. It'll be a bad year globally. You're not wrong. In news. You're not wrong. It'll be a very bad year in news and maybe something good will happen. But the lead up to the potential good thing will be bad.

It's been a bad couple days. It'll be bad. It'll be bad. So is there something we can say to people that will encourage just a little bit of chill, a little bit of time to maybe enjoy your surroundings? I don't know. A little chill. What's our – it's 5 o'clock somewhere I guess is what I'm getting at. I mean roll them if you want to get chill. Yeah, I mean roll them if you got them.

Do we have it? Does it have a dual meaning enough to where it works for both? It is at once a, you know, plow forward and, you know, and achieve or plow forward, you know, despite obstacles. And but does it also have a separate meaning, which is just take a minute and enroll them. You know what? Can I add a third meaning to this? First of all, I was a little worried about what your idea would mean for, just for my enemies.

Sure, yeah. Because I was a little worried that they would end up- How many enemies do you have? Like, is it double digits? Well, I think I just made enemies with Boba Fart. Yeah, sure. Okay, okay. That guy was doing, he was pretty much sitting on top of the world.

A lot of people, including me, like that TV show. And then I called him Boba Fart, and he's not going to like that. Yeah, you're right. And he definitely listens. Yeah. Boba Fart listens? Yeah, Boba Fart listens. Oh, wow.

That's cool. Can you tell him? I guess I can tell him. Yeah, he's listening right now. Oh, wow. That's cool. Can you tell him? I guess I can tell him. Yeah, he's listening right now. Bobes, I love your show. It's really fun. A lot of Western elements. I like how there's different...

I thought Bill Burr was great on your show. Yeah, fun to see Burr in there. Nice to see Amy Sedaris in there. I probably would have... Horatio. Yeah, Horatio Sands. A lot of fun comedy cameos. Yeah.

I would have liked to have seen as much. Look, I'm not going to get it. Sure. We all want as much Werner Herzog as we got Carl Weathers. Okay. Maybe it was a little heavy on Carl Weathers and low on Werner Herzog. But it was great anyway. Here's what I have to say.

For a minute, I was worried about my enemies, of which I have many. Boba Fart is the least of these people. And hey, Boba, if you're out there and you're a fan, Boba, go on, come town. Yeah. Boba. Hashtag Boba Fart, go on, come town. Anyway. And you know what?

How about this? Boba, if you're out there, daddy's thirsty. I could use one of those famous teas. Oh, sure. Boba tea. Boba teas. Boba tea. Those are great.

Love them. Got those little balls in there. So I was worried about that. Yeah. But I actually like the idea that this is like a jewel with many facets. So sure, we're going to crush our enemies, whether it's Carl Weathers being a little overexposed on that show, not getting as much Werner Herzog as we would have liked. It's a balance. Like an Arnold Palmer.

Yeah. Maybe it's, you know. I like that dog guy with the mustache. You know that guy? He's always tinkering in the desert. I love that guy. Here's something I don't think people are saying enough of about The Mandalorian. It includes perhaps the greatest bit of sci-fi naming of all time there was a passing reference to a creature called the mythosaurus which is like not since unobtainium i was just gonna reference not since unobtainium

have we had such a fucking perfect ass sci-fi word oh i like i just like looking at this. Your move, Cameron. You have four Avatar movies to come up with something better than Mythosaurus. I love to see the different kind of guys, you know, when they go in a public place. Those shows. What? Guys who go in a public... Is this a Star Wars thing you're talking about?

On the Star Wars show, guys who go in a public place... Sometimes they go somewhere. They're walking down a street in a port town. Sure. And they got those guys with the two snakes coming out of their head. They got all different kind of guys. It's great.

I love seeing every different kind of guy. It's great. When they're just passing by and you just see a random creature? Yeah, like when they go underground to the Boba Fett underground area? I'm not crazy about that just because they're all just a bunch of Boba Fetts down there. But when they go up... Weapons specialties. There's like a heavy weapons guy.

Close up weapons guy. That's very true. I love classes of warriors. And we know how you feel about smelting. I love smelting. How better to defeat the great mythosaurus? You're going to need smelted weapons. You're going to need new weapons every episode. I feel a little bit like

I'm watching a YouTube video about a factory during that part, but you are inspired by it. So everyone is different. That's when you go on your phone. I just go on my phone just briefly. Just a little taste. Just Daddy wants a little taste. But this slogan is faceted.

So you and I, drug enthusiasts, and Allison Becker, you love drugs too. Who doesn't love drugs? Drugs are great. It's all we've got now. It's really all we've got. One of the top ways to get fucked up, in my opinion. You're looking to get fucked up. Consider drugs. So that's, in my opinion. Yeah. You're looking to get fucked up. Consider drugs.

So that's one of our facets. Right. If one of our enemies, whether it's a- Jesse is polishing. He's miming polishing a giant stone of many facets. Is that what you're polishing? Yeah. Okay.

Just checking. Yeah. He's still polishing it, guys. Look. I used jacking off now. It's so shiny. Just jacking off. This isn't an uncut gem. Oh, guys. I used jacking off now. It's so shiny. Just jacking off.

This isn't an uncut gem. Oh, no. It's beautiful. This is a faceted. You just dropped a bombshell. Are we just naming Oscar movies? Are we just? Little Women sure was great.

I want to see that. That is fucking amazing. Guys, I feel like we've been doing this podcast since 1917. Yeah. I have a friend named harriet i have a friend named harriet you got it you have got it knives out friends let's take care of this job okay so that's one facet yeah next facet is any one of these fucking enemies gets in our way, applesauce. Okay. And this is off of Rollem, correct? Yeah.

Third one is we're paralyzed. We're Mike Mitchell. We don't want to leave the house. We don't know. We've all experienced this. Yeah. We've all experienced this. This is something we know best from Mike having described him wanting to have impetus to hit the street.

Get out there and mix it up. We're not sure what's going to happen, whether our decisions are going to come true. Whether when you pitch that television show, they're going to bite or they're going to rebuff you. You know what you got to do? You got to roll them. Also, what if it's like, it could also be a reference to bowling. Bowling. Like have fun. Like have fun.

Yeah. Just have fun. Roll them. Roll them. Get out there and roll them. That said, I do think the t-shirt should just be a big picture

of a fucking steamroller. It says Jordan Jesse go underneath it. Sure. Great. 2020. Fucking roll them. Roll them.

God, we're great. Yeah. This is a great show. We're helping people. Sure. Yeah. This is a great show. We're helping people. Sure, yeah. We're all going to get the power to defeat the great Mythosaurus in 2020. Do you know who Jordan and I help on this program, Allison? Besides everyone?

Well, everybody except our fucking enemies. That's right. You know who our enemies are right now? Do you know any of them or no? Well, I already said Boba Fett. Besides him. I guess just like... You don't have to. I'm just asking. Maybe other

podcasters? I don't know. I'm friends with a lot of podcasters. It wouldn't be like... But there's a couple. It wouldn't be Roman Mars. That guy's a peach. I like Roman Mars. So it's not Roman. Okay. So we know who it isn't. It's not Helen Zaltzman.

That's my friend. I'd never run over Helen Zaltzman with a steamroller. She wouldn't care for it. It's more about running over the ideas that are often coming from your own head, not even always from other people. What about this? I'd turn into applesauce anybody that told me I was doing my best

if I was playing basketball. Oh, yeah. You want the honesty? You don't appreciate the psychological mind games. I just don't like mind games. Be straight with me. Okay, that's fair. You know what I mean? No fucking curveballs. We're playing basketball over here.

Baseball reference. Hey, if you're out there and here. Yeah, so hey, if you're out there and you're listening, tell us online how you are going to roll them in the new year. Hashtag roll them. Roll apostrophe E-M? Yes, ma'am. Yeah. I mean, if you're

typing that, maybe don't put the apostrophe. But just, you know, for... You could. You could put the apostrophe. Yeah, but doesn't that mess up a hashtag? Yeah, it might be hard to search. Yeah, you don't have to put the, do not put, thank you, Allison. I'm just saying it messes up a hashtag. Don't put the apostrophe in the hashtag. Yeah.

Don't put the apostrophe in the hashtag. Don't put the apostrophe in the hashtag. If you're spray painting on an overpass, which we encourage you to do. Yeah. In Long Beach. In Long Beach. Or Solvang. Yes, if you're in Long Beach or Solvang.

Both of the beautiful cities we've referenced. Beautiful cities. Great places for a long weekend. Or Seattle. We referenced Seattle. Seattle. And Liverpool. And Liverpool.

Can I say one more thing for 2020? I'd love for some of our visitors, some of our listeners, to visit Solvang. Get out there. Yeah, sure. It's like a little Dutch village. Yeah. So that's two goals. But get started early. It's like a little Dutch village. Get the Danish pancakes. Yeah. Oh. So that's twofold. But get started early.

It closes down relatively early. I think it's got an older populace. Exactly. Do some wine. So, you know, don't. Just make sure you're all done with everything by eight or nine. Can you take the Coast Starlight there? Don't know.

I think maybe you can take the Coast Starlight. You can take it to Santa Barbara, which is pretty close. Yeah. It's a really cute town they got windmills yeah you know what they have there a hans christian anderson museum they do and in a pea soup restaurant that's known for pea soup oh that's great but they also have an as seen on tv store that is filled only with wow like pocket fishermen's and uh Like bacon separators and- The thing that make the bouncy ponytail? Exactly.

Solvang sounds like the perfect choice to visit this year. It really is. Seems like if you get divorced and you want to start a new life, Solvang. Plus Nick is there. Nick is there. He's a good man. If your fridge goes out, he'll take care of it. I met him when he worked for my landlord, and he'd come over and be like,

hey, somebody's got to fix this, and I'm going to make Mike pay for it. That's what he would say. Mike was my landlord. He was an asshole. We got that from context. Mike was your landlord. Yeah. Anyway, roll them.

2020. Roll them 2020. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica Friendly Fire is a podcast about war movies But it's so much more than that It's history It's. It's history. It was just supposed to be another assignment. It's comedy. Under no circumstances are you to engage the enemy. It's cinema studies.

It's a hell of a combination. So subscribe and download Friendly Fire on your podcatcher of choice or at MaximumFun.org. And also come see us at San Francisco Sketch Fest on January 16th. You can get tickets at sfsketchfest.com. Mission accomplished. Hi, I'm Allie Gertz. And I'm Julia Prescott. And we host Round Springfield.

Round Springfield is a new Simpsons podcast that is Simpsons adjacent. is a new Simpsons podcast that is Simpsons adjacent. In its topic, we talk to Simpsons writers, directors, voiceover actors, you name it, about non-Simpsons things that they've done because, surprise, they're all extremely talented. Absolutely. For example, David X. Cohen worked on The Simpsons but then created a little show called Futurama. That's our very first episode. So tune in for stuff like that with Yardley Smith, with Tim Long, with different writers and voice

actors. It's going to be so much fun. And we are every other week on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Jordan Jesse Gump from Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, It wasn't perfect. Yeah. It wasn't great, but it was fun. I always have fun in Star Wars movies. The fun stuff in the Star Wars movie is very fun. Yeah. There's a lot of gobbledygook. Yeah. Perhaps more than usual.

Just like always. It was just like, these are the five building blocks that we event in every Star Wars movie. You know, like, the help will never show up. Guess what? They show up. That's true. They sure do. And we all fell in love with a little guy named Babu Frick.

Oh, come on. So funny. 2019, Babu Frick. You know who would be good in Star Wars? This is really just based on sounds that are similar. Made me think of this. Erykah Badu. I'd love to see Badu and Babu

together. Sure, we all would do it in duets. Erykah Badu was great in the Blues Brothers 2000. Why wouldn't she be great in Star Wars 10? No one's debating that. Sure, yeah. She's apparently got that sequel magic. Yeah. I think let's hashtag.

You should reach out to her. Erykah. There's too many hashtags for today's episode. Let's save it. We've got a lot going on hashtag wise. People are going to be confused. Or they're going to forget about the apostrophe. They're going to forget about the apostrophe.

It's a whole thing. What's the show with Biz Markie and Mark Mothersbaugh and the little characters? Oh, Yo Gabba Gabba. Erykah Badu's so good on that. Yeah. Erykah Badu. Yo Gabba Gabba. Erykah Badu's so good on that. Yeah. Erykah Badu. Yo Gabba Gabba was great. Yeah.

Yo Gabba Gabba's pretty solid. But it's definitely for the young ones and has some of the- That is a children's show, right? Yeah. Now, Jesse, you have children. I have three children. Jordan, you have no children. So how do you know about it?

Because Rocket from the Crypt reunited to do a song on it. There we go. There we go. What's this? You were just very like, oh, Yo Gabba Gabba. I was like a song on it. There we go. There we go. What's this? You were just very like, oh, Yo Gabba Gabba. I was like, wait a minute. Yeah, yeah.

There are some different good people that do songs on there, you know, like that, I don't know, Chick Chick Chick or something, you know, whatever. Yeah, stuff that was popular around then. Well, that's a big thing. Like even Mr. Rogers would have like famous jazz musicians on. Yeah, there's a lot. But the best one of those is Erykah Badu because Erykah Badu is- You love saying her name. She is so cool.

She's very cool. She is so beautiful. Mm-hmm. And she is so maternal. Mm-hmm. And so talented. And so fucking brilliantly talented. And all of those are perfectly highlighted by her

appearance on Yo Gabba Gabba. You're just like, it's the only part of... When my kids were watching Yo Gabba Gabba over and over and over, it got to be where I couldn't deal with any more Brobie. You know what I mean? I'm like, I just keep Brobie. At first it was like, this is great. This is a kid's show I can

enjoy. After a few times through, you're just like, oh my god, I don't like this as much as children do. What's Broby? That's one of the guys. Who is Broby? That's one of the guys from the show. And is that a human or a character? They're like alien robot type guys.

They're alien robots. Got it, got it. But Erykah Badu is just Erykah Badu. She's beautiful. She's brilliant. She's warm. She's welcoming. And she sings a beautiful song. She's beautiful. She's brilliant. She's warm. She's welcoming.

And she sings a beautiful song. And you're just like, I could watch this over and over. I could watch this every day. That's an attainable dream. You can. You can start your day. You can do that. Every day. I got the DVD.

Pop it in. The DVD. Physical media. Chapter skipping. I could skip chapters right up to here. Director's commentary. What was it like to work with Badu? Anyway.

Allison, do you have anything to plug while we're wrapping up? I got a couple things. One is very soon this week on Wednesday, which is January 8th, I'm doing a show at the Lyric Hyperion Theater called Dream Roll, where different performers were writing our dream roles and performing them. Oh, yeah. This is Janie Haddad's doing this, right? Yes, she's also doing it.

Oh, nice. Also Pat Short and Jessie Goh guest. There you go. This is here in Los Angeles, the Lyric Hyperion Theater. It's here in Los Angeles, yes. Can you tell us anything about your dream role? I will tell you she's from the 40s. Oh.

And she just got the 40s. Oh. And she just got over a divorce. That's all I'll tell you. Oh, that's good enough. That's all I'll tell you. My whistle is wet. And more worldwide,

you can watch a music video that I directed pretty recently called Ass Level, which is stars Santina Muha, who's in a wheelchair, and it's a

comedy music video about being in a wheelchair. Santina's very cool, very funny. Friend of Max Fun. Yes, and she's always at Ass Level. Get it? I saw this video. It's terrific. It's a great song. Really funny. Very well directed. Thank you. Yeah, people should

definitely check that out. And it's on YouTube and hoo-ha-ha, so check it out. It's called Ass Level. A lot of Golden Globes buzz. Oh, people should definitely check that out. And it's on YouTube and hoo-ha-ha, so check it out. It's called Ice Level. A lot of Golden Globes buzz. Oh, can't wait. We might be winning one right now. That's true. We are recording during the Golden Globes. Thank you, by the way, for canceling on the Golden Globes to come here.

Oh, you're quite welcome. Yeah, like the Golden Globes, this is also open bar. So hopefully you've had a couple drinks. Eric, why do you sing? It goes, when I feel down, I sing a little song. It goes, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. And I think that sometimes when I'm feeling down. I think of Erica.

What would Erica want me to do? Yeah. Do you have anything to plug? Nobody ever asks you guys that. That's true. Well, we had a little area. We did the sponsors. We got our Sketch Fest show coming up. No, but I just want to ask you. That's true. Well, we had a little area. We did the sponsors. We got our Sketch Fest show coming up.

No, but I just want to ask you. That's so nice. I want you to feel seen and heard. You're a great... Thank you. I do. I feel seen. I do a podcast called Judge John Hodgman.

SFSketchFest.com. Come to see Sketch Fest. That's why you're one of the best guests. Jordan will be wearing his new shoes at Sketch Fest. Oh, yeah. I'll try and remember to wear the new shoes because everyone's going

to be talking about these shoes. I'm just a little worried that you're going to be a little different than his normal shoes, they'll say. You're not seriously considering traveling

in your old shoes, are you? Jordan, you can't. I'll try and remember. I'll try and remember to wear the shoes. Bring the fresh shoes, Jordan. I've got to bring the fresh shoes.

Jordan, write it down or something. Okay. Hey, Siri, remind Jordan to wear fresh shoes. Drink fresh booze. Okay. Thanks, Siri. Glug, glug. Our producer is Brian Sonny D. Fernandez.

His voice pierces the booth. Happy New Year, Brian. is Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. His voice pierces the booth. Happy New Year, Brian. You can find us on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris at Jesse Thorne at Allison with just one S.

Becker. Yes. Hashtag at JJ Go. Hashtag Arab Spring. Hashtag Arab Spring. Hashtag Roll'em. Hashtag Roll'em. No apostrophe. Brian, actually, during the break, let us know that the soccer Jordan Morris has many more Twitter followers than I do. I am getting destroyed by this hometown golden boy. Is he good looking?

Is he like really good looking? He is. He's a real handsome All-American. You're a handsome guy too. All-American type. You should befriend him. Yeah, I should. It's about time.

He take time from spending with his new wife. Or just befriend his wife. Yeah, me and his wife can hang out. Have you guys ever thought about doing... Wives love me. You know who loves me? Wives. Have you ever thought about doing a parent trap type thing with him?

Where you switch? Where you take his social security card? Yes, I will steal his life. That's the plot of Parent Trap, right? Yes, it's one man steals a soccer player's life. Yes, that's the classic Disney romps. New show on Disney+. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is about a gambling addict

who finds a blood diamond. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is about a gambling addict who finds a blood diamond. Like Jordan and Jesse go on Facebook as well there. We like to share fun stuff there. You know what I bet we'll share this week? Santina's video Ass Level as directed by Allison. Yeah, I'll throw that up there. I love that idea. I will say that it was shared to the Facebook page upon its release, but we're resharing it.

Resharing. We're resharing. Folks, you know what you're listening to right now? Yeah, that's right. Two cool dudes who backed the Kickstarter for that fucking video. Yeah. They did. Good friends right here.

Okay. We'll back your Kickstarter. Not you listening. You, Alison Becker. You, Alison Becker. If you have any other Kickstarters you want to do. Not you, the audience member. Although maybe you're doing a

steampunk board game or something. That's pretty cool. Good for you. Are you going to back that, though? No, I'm encouraging them if they want. They're not going to get any financial support from me. I want to watch the video for that board game. Maybe I would. Let's not. Let's watch the video. Send us your videos for your steampunk board game and maybe we'll back it and maybe we won't.

If it seems like the game will be too complicated. Not card games, board games. Board games only. This is when I would back it. If for every steampunk board game I buy, a child in the third world gets a copy. Yes, exactly. A steampunk child in the third world. Comes with goggles and a top hat. Very child in the third world. Comes with goggles and a top hat.

Very useful in the third world. Sure, the goggles you can use to start fires if you run out of matches. And you can light the top hat on fire, too. Yeah, so there's that. You're welcome. It all burns, baby. Am I right? Okay, we'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica.