Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 619: Give Me The Goggins with Dan Deacon

Episode Date: January 14, 2020

Dan Deacon (Mystic Familiar brand new album, Gliss Riffer album) joins Jordan and Jesse to talk about a potential opportunity focused on nap-based fetishes, the phenomenon of enjoying a song by an artist you don’t think you like, and Dan’s yellow elf hat that he bought for his banana-themed Mardi Gras crew. Plus, we listen to some fantastic Walton Goggins vodka jingles sent in by listeners!    Dan has a new album coming out and he's going on tour! Don't miss out!   ROLL 'EM IN 2020 – Get the shirt for a limited time!!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. We'll see what happens on this week's Jordan Jesse Goh, Jordan. I mean, that's the beautiful part about Jordan Jesse Goh. You never know. This is off the cuff, razor's edge comedy yeah we walk a tight rope every week will we fall yes we do every week should we have prepared more of course

would this show be better if it were about something yes thank you sure but then you wouldn't have the razor's edge which is where our audience loves to spend their time. Yeah. 24-7. Watching the movie Razor's Edge? Yeah. What is that about? I don't know. Maybe that's like Al Pacino or something? Ice skating?

Ice skating? No. Is it really about ice skating? I think there's an ice skating rom-com. Oh, that's The Cutting Edge. Yeah. It's about like a hockey man that falls in love with a Nancy Kerrigan type. Then what's Razor's Edge?

Now, I know Razor's Edge is a database software for nonprofits to track their fundraising. See, this is going great. This is why you tune in to Jordan Jesse Go. Off the cuff, real, raw, uncensored. I'll say this. I usually try- Too hot for TV. If I'm going to take some Excedrin, the caffeinated pain pill, I usually try and take it about an hour before we start Jordan Jesse Go.

Because then, while I will be edgy, I'll at least be pumped. Right. I woke up with a headache this morning, had to take it too long before the start of the show. And we just ate a lot of Mongolian food. Yeah, sure. I'll eat this. There's a Mongolian restaurant near our office. I'll eat the food until it's gone no matter what. I'm talking about booze.

I'm talking about banch. I'm talking about sui van. Hey, audience, how do you feel about this week just listening to a nap? You want to listen to three men nap? That's somebody's fetish, right? I am cruising down the backside of this Excedrin. I am losing

speed with each foot I travel. Hey all you nasty nap fappers out there, get ready to fap. Because these three thick hunks are getting ready to nap on Mike. Thick nap daddies. Man, if we- Thick nap daddies.

If we- Give a dog a bone. If our show- What? You know how we only have listeners because we started podcasting 75 years ago? I don't point it out, but yeah, sure. It's true, but you shouldn't say it. If instead of podcasting about nothing, we had just invented hashtag napfap-

Right. Napfap. We would be- We just did. We just hashtag napfap. Right. Napfap. We would be like- We just did. We just invented napfap. The true Oprah Stories podcast or whatever. We'd be ruling the charts. I would love to rule the charts.

We'd be at the top of the fucking- We'd be at the top of the game. Yeah, that'd be nice. We'd have one of those million dollar Doughboys Patreons. I don't know how much is in the doughboys patreon that's not inside information um we did we just invented napfap so now is it time for our meteoric rise hashtag napping fap well i think i think the premise we constructed let's just backtrack you there's someone out there who's fetish it is is to listen to napping. Yeah. And that's how you, I don't know how you confirm that the people on the other end of the MP3 or whatever are napping.

Yeah. You just hear some like slight drooling or something. Yeah. Maybe like a TV show on kind of fate in the background. Yeah. Or maybe they're listening to an episode of Fresh Air that's about foreign affairs, but not upsetting foreign affairs. Right.

Sure. Like, it's just the current situation in- Yeah. Irrigation in the Himalayas. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Sounds good.

Yeah. Interesting. I bet there's some interesting challenges that come with that. Yeah. I actually have a hashtag napfap adjacent topic that I wanted to get into. Sure. But let's introduce our guest on the program our guest he's a nasty napper ladies and gents and everybody else our our guest on the on the

program take some of the thickest naps in america thick naps this guy dozes like nobody's business. He's a musician, composer, performer, disc jockey, button masher. He's got a brand new album around the corner as well as a national tour of what might be the most fun live event that anyone can attend. His name is Dan Deacon. Hello. Dan. That was really fun to watch. Just us spin

straw from that gold. Like we... We turned gold, existing gold, into a less valuable material. It was like that sequence of when Clark Kent just like is walking down the street and turns into Superman. I feel like before recording I was like, oh yeah, so we'll get going and then you jerk off

while napping whoa up up and away yeah I think the fetish should revolve around like when you said three three guys napping that's the fetish nap orgy once too big once too little and once

just right I just think you know the idea of three bears take a nap at the same time? This is so intriguing. I can't wait to listen. What led to three men napping in the same room? It's so unusual. We would be forbidden.

We'd be a good three bears team. Yeah, well, I could be a little beardier. Yeah, but you could be like a little cub or whatever. Baby bears, I believe. I could be one of the – like a little cub or whatever. Baby bears, I believe, is true. I could be a baby bear. Yeah. I mean, I think I'm – You have a cherubic face.

That's true. I think that'll help me. But yeah, I mean, I could be a little hairier, I guess. But, I mean, we can work on that. I'm pretty hairy. I can rub some Rogaine. Well, I think you – the two of you are great. Thank you.

Great for that. Thank you, Jordan. But I worry about my level of hairiness. But I could rub some Rogaine on myself. As the only non-bald man, it's odd to hear you say that you are not hairy enough. Oh, right. Sure. That's true.

I think the distribution is just different. That's true. Yeah. If I could move some of this head hair onto my face and chest, yeah, if there's any hair movers out there, let me know. I'm pretty much bald except for like the area surrounding my mouth. Really? Pretty much, yeah. So the rest of you is like a competitive swimmer?

If I were to shave, I would be Baby Bear for sure. Oh, yeah. I like it. Thank you. So it's funny you mentioned energy levels, Jesse. Wait, wait. No, hold on. Before we get to energy levels, I want to address this thing before we get too far from hashtag napping fat.

I'm glad we're going back to that. We got to squat here until we've mined all the resources we can. And then we pull up stakes and move on. See what else. Hashtag pull up stakes and move on. See what else. Hashtag colonialism. Hashtag colonialism. So here is the thing that I need some help thinking through. Sure.

I was driving here and I saw a license plate that really left me in a tizzy. Now, recently I've seen a couple of license plates that I found really encouraging. I think I mentioned TMI Tim, which I presume is a guy named Tim who's always sharing too much information and decided to memorialize it on his license plate. I found that really encouraging. Fun. And the one that I saw recently that said H-E-A-L-B-O-I, Heel Boy. I presume it's maybe a nurse. It's a dog trainer, maybe?

Heel Boy? Dog trainer, dog walker? No, I think it's a healer of some kind. Okay. Yeah, it's a boy, B-O-I, who heals. Oh, okay. But this one- And also, fuck sheen doesn't call you back.

Yeah, exactly. And I liked both of those. Both of those gave me a nice, happy feeling. You don't think TMI Tim was like someone's neighbor's Tim in like a passive aggressive message that like you park it in your garage and then your neighbor walks out and is like, I never should have told him. About how much it hurt me when my uncle died. Right. Right. It's like you see someone, you know, you see your neighbor at the mailbox or whatever.

You're both bringing in your Amazon packages or something. You're just like, oh, hey, how's it going? Crazy weather we're having. And they're like, oh, yeah, great. Well, my family has a history of colon cancer. Is that the – and you're saying that that person – I think electronic musician Dan deacon is it sees this as an accusatory license plate yeah right so you're you're in that situation with that person

and you get a license plate because how can i tell them to stop without actually having to confront them right and how can i tell them to stop and also support uh our our great state's coastline that's right sure i it's where that money goes. There's a guy I, like on my street that I park behind. I don't have like a garage, but we have like, you know,

passes for the block. And there's a guy I park behind a lot who has a Georgia license plate, but then a sticker on his car that has the, you know, the crossout,

the like Ghostbusters crossout, but it has just the words pebble mine. i am like what this guy feels very strongly that we shouldn't have a pebble mine i mean maybe this is in georgia where he came from that is a people are mining for pebbles this is news to me yeah i don't know anyway maybe that's an environmental issue maybe it's kind of like a fracking sort of thing i can't wait to read all possible do you think it's's possible that fruity pebbles come from the earth? Oh, yeah, could be.

It's a commodity product. There's not a big market for regular pebbles. Right. I think there's a gigantic market for regular pebbles. Really? Oh, yeah. Like aquariums and decorative lawns that people don't want to cut their grass. That's true.

Oh, that's true. Okay, that's a good point. Point taken, Double D. Sorry. So here is the license plate. So I guess I'm pro pebble mine. So the next time I see this, I'm going to park behind this guy. I'm going to key his car.

Yeah. I mean, it has horrible effects on the miner's lungs. Sure. Pebble dust getting up in there. Inhaling all those little pebbles. Yeah. I'm so afraid of this riff because what if pebble mining is actually really bad? I'm sure it is.

Yes. Anyway. Anyway. So the- I apologize if it was bad. I think you're okay. Thank you. And I think I've talked before on the show about the car I most admire in my neighborhood, which is a lifted AMC Eagle, which is sort of like a Subaru Outback from 1982.

Okay. That is all black, just completely blacked out. And the license plate is Ski-Mex. And I'm like, yeah, that guy gets it. That guy knows who he is, knows what he's up to. He's got the right vehicle for the job, and he put the label on the back. But this is the license plate I couldn't figure out. Sure.

Is this related to NAP and FAP somehow? It's sort of NAP and FAP adjacent. You want to get that license plate. Oh, yeah. It works. I wonder if FAP is a word that, like, the license plate... That they've got blocked. Right. If they've flagged. If that kind of... Because it is so internet-y, but maybe it's been around

long enough to where the, you know, CMV knows about it. It seems like they know. Even if you told them it was a tribute to the best high school teacher you ever had, Dr. NAP and FAP. Right. I heard last night that there was just a lawsuit in California that they're reversing the blocked words or the words that are indecent. Really? Yeah.

Because I had a friend who just moved from Maryland and her license plate was fart in Maryland and tried to get it here and couldn't. So instead she got wharf. Oh. Yeah. Sure. She sounds cool. That's a great second choice.

It's a great second choice. So this is the license plate I saw. It was on maybe a 15-year-old Corolla, pretty nondescript car. I mean, almost the very definition of a nondescript car. And I'm going to spell it out rather than say the words just for clarity's sake. And I'm going to spell it out rather than say the words just for clarity's sake. It said one O-L-D, two J-Z. And I thought, does that mean one old two jizz?

Oh, wait. So spell J, spell it again. Number one. One O-L-D. O-L-D, two JL-D to Jay-Z. Jay-Z, huh. One old to jazz? I mean, Jay-Z the rapper? Is that?

It was not an old person driving the car. It was, but it was also not a young person. It was like a 33-year-old, I would say. What about a form mistake where they're like, I want it to be two words, like, I'm the old Jay-Z. Oh, sure. You think it was Jaz the old Jay-Z? Oh, sure. You think it was Jazzo, Jay-Z's mentor? I think so. Yeah.

He later had a falling out with? Yeah. I mean, do you ever get too old to jizz? What's the age cutoff? What does a man typically lose his ability to jizz? I think that might be what it is. It's to contrast with being too old to jizz. This person is one old to jizz.

I'm not too old. I'm one old. Yeah. Does that mean you jizz a lot or a little? It means you're the correct age to jizz. How thick are the ropes? They're nap-worthy ropes. Nap-worthy ropes.

Nanip ropes. I never thought I'd say the phrase nap-worthy ropes. But here we are. Yeah. On the topic of energy levels. Yes, thank you. Jesse, what are you working with? You're working with kind of an Excedrin crash with a little dumpling chaser.

Yeah, I'm on a four out of ten. But Dan. Four and falling. You're coming into the show with a tummy full of coffee and nothing else, right? That's true. Talk about what led you to that state. Oh, I'm doing this fad diet, Whole30. Okay.

Okay. And it makes it difficult to eat outside of your own home. So I basically just have a lot of coffee and lettuce, and then I get on long transcontinental flights. Oh, wow. Yeah. And by get on long transcontinental flights, you mean go into small enclosed spaces with two people who previously thought they were your friends. Yes. That's right.

Yeah. Dan, I'm looking forward to your farts. Thank you. Thank you very much. And now that I know what's going on, I'll find it more interesting than offensive. I'm like, oh. I was pretty much frantic when I walked in, but now I feel like I'm like, I don't know. I feel pretty relaxed.

Yeah, you seem chill. You have a good vibe about you. Almost ready to take a nap after this. Ooh, yeah. There's some listeners out there who are looking forward to that. I can tell. This is like a nasty nap fappers money making gold mine if you can be like i'm about to nap for eight hours just cue this up i don't know how oh sure and it's like a john cage thing yeah it's just silence

because that money making john cage just rolling in the dough yeah fucking john cage man what does he have What does he have more of? Money or babes? Guys rolling in both. Oh, yeah. That's the first thing they tell you in music school. Right, exactly. John Cage got it wet.

You know what they call John Cage? The King of Miami Beach. Right, exactly. I think it's Pitbull you're thinking of. I think you've confused John Cage and Pitbull. It's avant-garde composer John Cage. I mean, both are pushing the- Best known for his piece, which requires people to sit silently at the piano

for a certain length of time. Both, I mean, I think both John Cage and- I can see how you confuse them because both of them push the boundaries and make us ask, you know, what is music? You know, I've known Dan Deacon for a long time. Right. them because both of them push the boundaries and make us ask, what is music? I've known Dan Deacon for a long time. Right.

And as much as he likes John Cage, I think this guy is horny for Conlon Nancaroe. That's true. That's true. This guy can't get enough Conlon Nancaroe. I did have a really amazing pit bull experience when I landed in LA on this trip. Do tell. Hold on. Let's hear about Conlon N landed in L.A. on this trip. Do tell. Hold on. Let's hear about Cumbin.

Sure. Let's go off on a jag that allows us to say funny names as opposed to something that actually happened. Yeah. What's up with Pitbull? Well, I landed in L.A. It's been a couple of months since I've been here, and now they have that new, like, cattle zone for ride shares. Yeah, known as Laxit or L. yeah it is odd pitbull by the way if anybody doesn't know is uh the dance music rapper known as the italian stallion mr worldwide oh i think you're thinking of sylvester stallone

right and i think dan is right okay i didn't know if that was also Pitbull's tagline and just hoped that like people who knew that had like aged out of his audience. What is the status? Before we get into the Pitbull story, what is the – because I remember for a hot second like all mall songs were Pitbull songs. Yeah. I think they still are. Are they still? This is it. I didn't know this was a pitbull song i thought i was listening to like i don't know some crazy like disco song

i'd never heard and anyway i got in the lift yeah and the guy immediately starts blasting this song fireball and it's just just like you know dancey happy colorful. I felt like Naomi Watts' character in Mulholland Drive. I was like, LA is amazing. And he turned on these disco lights on the roof of the car. Wow. And I just felt so good. And I was like, I can't wait to DJ this song. What is this?

And then it showed on his radio and said, Pitbull. And then I immediately felt like the Silencio moment. I can't believe I just got really into Pitbull. This is like a turning point in my life. Dude, this is great. You're about to, the next step for you is to record the theme song of the Pan American Games with Pitbull.

I think you're ready to write a song about a weird international sports event mascot. Probably like a soccer ball with legs and the head of a Burger King. Or, I mean, you could just continue this Mulholland Drive thing and get sucked into a box where dream rules apply. Trying to remember Mulholland Drive here. Is that a pit bull? Yeah, yeah. As long as pit bull's there and there's that soccer ball thing, that sounds good. Yeah, sure, right? Rocks where dream rules apply. I'm trying to remember Mulholland Drive here. Does that work? Yeah, yeah. As long as Pitbull's there and there's that soccer ball thing, that sounds good.

Yeah, sure, right? Yeah, that is one of those things where it's like – and I don't know if you – I mean I don't know if you feel this, Dan. You can respond to this if you want to. But that kind of feeling of like rocking out to something and then realizing that it's something like a little bit lame. I feel like I will often have that with like a Bruno Mars or an Ed Sheeran. I'm like, hey, this is pretty good. Is this Tame Impala? And then it's not, you know.

Anyway. Yeah. That's what I'm like feeling. I am 20 years older than every 18-year-old. Yeah. Ed Sheeran, last time I was in England, maybe a podcast festival or something like that, in England, maybe a podcast festival or something like that,

there were like five Ed Sheeran songs that just rotated in every ride share that I took. And every business I went into and everything. Because Ed Sheeran is like all of the qualities of international pop music

without any of the... of international pop music without any of the – Authenticity? I was going to say color. Gotcha. Yeah. Like I think like if you just took – if you wanted to make – you couldn't make a more English form of international pop success than that. I think even like ABBA is a little too urban for the Ed Sheeran audience. Sure.

It's like chicken. It's delicious no matter how you put it. But like when I listened to, uh, when I listened to those Ed Sheeran songs, my reaction to every single one of them was, yeah, that's pretty good.

Sure. Good work, Ed Sheeran. I, I see why you're a success. Don't need to buy that album or anything, but could be, could be worse. This is very nice while I'm in this Target.

I'm enjoying my time in this Target, whatever the English equivalent is. Do they have Targets in England? Probably. What do they got, Sainsbridge's? Yeah, probably. Nando? It's a chicken restaurant. Salisbury?

Salisbury, that's a steak. No, there's something with an S. Sainsbury? We really got to figure this out. Sainsbury is something. Listen, that's a steak. No, there's something with an S. Sainsbury? We really got to figure this out. Sainsbury is something. Listen, we got to look into pebble mining. We got to look into what the British target is. I got to say this.

Yeah. I'm always glad to see our friend Dan Deacon. Thank you. Because I admire him personally. I enjoy his company. Yeah. I love his music. I think he's a really gifted creative genius.

But today there's a special reason that I admire and that I'm grateful to see Dan Deacon. That is this. I had a few rough health days in a row migraine-wise. I was barely out of bed yesterday.

I just was feeling like shit. Oh, you were in bed, so you were napping then, huh? Yeah. Sounds nasty. How many of you were napping? Sounds nasty. I was. Were they there with two other men?

Hashtag napping pap. Hashtag. And last night when I laid out my clothes, I started with my relaxed fit blue jeans. I have a pair of relaxed fit blue jeans. These are designer blue jeans. Don't get me wrong. This is the ASMR intro to the nap and fab. Yeah.

Describing jeans. How many rivets are there on the jeans? But I laid those out because I was like, I'm not going to, you know, I'm just doing Jordan, Jesse, go tomorrow. And I ended up with an outfit. It's my relaxed fit jeans. And then continued to the most ridiculous things in my wardrobe, which are a pair of Birkenstock clogs, slip-on clogs, and a jacket made out – a Moroccan jacket made out of a rug. This sounds like a beautiful outfit. It's a great outfit.

Don't get me wrong, Dan. I'm not here to be self-effacing about this outfit. I'm just saying it's embarrassing. It's ridiculous and embarrassing. I like it, but I mostly picked it because of the volume of the elements. Okay. Because I just couldn't get it together to wear anything constricting because I just was feeling so shitty the last couple of days. But then by the time I had left the house, I remembered I was doing things today.

Like I dropped my kid off at preschool wearing this outfit. I'm like, what must these Montessori teachers think of this strange man who arrived? I'm the whole time. I think they're thinking, is this also a Montessori teacher? No, these Montessori teachers are – these are buttoned down ladies. These are – yeah. These are ladies in blouses with the top button buttoned. And I was like I'm going to go through my whole day wearing this crazy jacket that I bought at the flea market.

It's made out of a rug. And I'm going to go through my whole day wearing birkenstock clogs you know i'm no matter what context i'm in i'm gonna be self-conscious and then our friend dan deacon waltz den wearing a yellow elf hat yeah what's the story behind the elf hat i love it by the way thank you really brighten my fucking day yeah. Yeah, I want to be clear. Like, I'm not mocking. I am sincerely grateful that you came in in this elf hat. And it looks sort of like the hat that Link from The Legend of Zelda wears a little bit, but yellow.

Well, thank you. Yeah. I'm in a Mardi Gras crew with a bunch of friends, and we're a're a banana themed Mardi Gras crew. It's a long, not interesting story. No, I mean, fuck, neither of us are in Mardi Gras crews. I don't mean to speak for you. I'm assuming you're not in a Mardi Gras crew. I mean, I'm in the Mummers Parade in Philadelphia. Sure, yeah. But yeah, I've never been in a Mardi Gras crew. Right, yeah. And I dress up as Space Elvis for the Pasadena Duda Parade, of course. Tell me about...

We both came up with one. Sure. Razor's Edge. I wasn't trying to pimp you out there, Jordan, but you delivered anyway. So, yeah. So, I guess describe a Mardi Gras crew. Mardi Gras crew.

Mardi Gras crew is any group of people that get together and like parade together in like any – in some sort of cohesive way. Right. So normally through like the attire of what you're wearing. Is this a Baltimore Mardi Gras crew? Because you typically live in Baltimore, right? Yeah, I live in Baltimore, right? Yeah, I live in Baltimore. It's basically Baltimore and Baltimore expats who moved to like New York or Austin and L.A. or cities with job markets. People who were like, what if I had this life but with a house that cost $1.1 million? Exactly.

Yeah. So we tried to get as much – well, the first year we went, I didn't know anything about Mardi Gras. I just thought it was like bros and beads and I was like, why am I going? This is going to be a horrible nightmare. And the friend of mine who said it wasn't that, I trusted. So me and two other friends trusted her and we went down and it was incredible. Like I didn't know it had this like anarcho DIY contingent of like parades that weren't anything like big monstrous floats. And I love brass bands and marching bands.

And it was just super fun. But everyone had a crew that was wearing clothes. So you could tell, oh, these people are together and these people are together. And somehow bananas became our theme. It was like 7 in the morning and my friend was buying coffee and I wanted some bananas and I didn't have any cash, so I put bananas down on the table and then uh he said he to get as many as I wanted so I just slowly started putting all the bananas on the table like 65 bananas that's fun that is a very fun response to that and um he didn't notice and he was just like and I'll take all of these

and the person was like you realize you're buying $300 worth of bananas. So we bought all the bananas and then we started giving out bananas. Great source of potassium. And I was – I didn't realize it but I was basically dying. I didn't have any nutrients for days and days. Because you were just eating the joke bananas? Just things that weren't food. You may have disordered eating habits.

Yes, yes. I'm working on it. I'm working on it um it's my lack of structure in my life really but anyway so the next year we were like oh we'll be banana themed and we have this life is semi-structured not unlike a banana not unlike a banana thank you and it but you know you got to get it when it's ripe sure so i got i found this yellow hat and online it looked much much more yellow And I first showed up and I was like, this is more of like a mustard hat. I don't know. And I went online and I was like, well, actually, you know, there's hundreds if not thousands of varieties of bananas. And some of them have a more mustard tint.

So I think this works. And so I've been wearing it for about, I guess, four years now. Do you think of yourself as a standard dole banana or one of those little chunky boys? I think I'm one of those little chunky boys. I like those little chunkers. Me too. Sure. Chunky nanner.

They're always in a bunch. You never really see those alone. I like rolling with the squads. That should be our nap crew, the chunky nanners. Yeah, yeah. All right. We love to fap to those chunky nanners. If you're out there and you like to fap to some nasty nanners.

And potassium's good for lucid dreaming so you could eat these while you nap. Oh, that's great. Now this is the insights

that we bring Dan Deacon on the program for. This is the time that Dan Deacon doesn't spend writing, rehearsing, recording,

or performing music. He's focused on research. The food pyramid. Yeah. Where's the top? Where's the bottom? Yeah, well, the lucid dreaming food pyramid anyway. Can you have bananas on Whole30?

Yes. Okay. You can have lots of them. And have you, Ben? Yes. Okay. Yes, I have. I have like six more in my bag for the flight home.

You having long skinnies or chunky boys? These are long skinnies. I love those little chunky boys though. Oh. I love, there's nothing I love more than you go into a grocery store and you're looking for the bananas and you expect what you're going to find. you expect what you're going to find. It's just those dull standard, you know, every tree copied from the last tree, fucking colonialist bullshit. Oh, boy.

You know, Hawaii, destruction of Hawaii's native people type bananas, right? This is some real banana talk. Yeah. You get in there. Stop napping and fapping and listen. And there's like six kinds of bananas. There's wake up people. There's blood on your like six kinds of bananas. There's wake up people. There's blood on your bananas.

I love it. There's fucking red bananas. There's green bananas. There's fat plantains. There's short little chunkers. Oh, I love it. I love a variety. I mean, you guys know I secretly harbor a desire to be a television greengrocer.

Sure, yeah. Not so secretly. But I love be a television greengrocer. Sure, yeah. Not so secretly. But, like, I love to see all those different bananas. And I don't know enough about bananas to know what the difference is going to be. And it could be that I accidentally buy for myself for casual banana eating. I accidentally buy a starchy frying banana. But that's just how it goes. That's what gives life its spice, its meaning.

It's the banana crapshoot. Yeah, you live that exciting. It's the same with apples. You go into a grocery store, you're like, oh, great, they got fucking Red Delicious, Granny Smith, and one of these jazz apples, one of these fancy. You don't like a jazz apple? I'm not saying I don't like a jazz apple. I'm not saying I don't like a jazz apple.

I'm just saying they just got the three kinds of apples. You go into a grocery store, you see some sundowners. You don't remember what the fuck the qualities of a sundowner apple are, so you just buy them and find out when you munch. Some apples, the grocery article has an apple chart of sweet to tart. That would be helpful. I love it. I look at it all the time. I'm like, well, you know, maybe I'm more of a middle tart. That would be helpful. I love it. I look at it all the time.

I'm like, well, you know, maybe I'm more of a middle ground today. Maybe. How are you feeling today? I tend to be a real sweet apple person. But I found, to go back to my banana research real quick. I didn't know you were a sweet apple boy. I'm definitely. I'm more of like a Fuji.

I'm a Fuji, Honeycrisp kind of appler. Those are great apples. You just soak them in. Can't deny those. Soak them in almond butter. They're real good. Oh, wow. I mean, that sounds Whole30 approved.

That's Whole30 right there. Bananas. I just want to say it again. Bananas. The banana-flavored candy that we all make. Like a runt? Yeah, yeah. There's a type of banana that that is based on.

Really? Banana-flavored candy. There's a banana that tastes supposedly almost exactly like that flavor. This is fascinating. But it doesn't grow anywhere close enough to get to us without, like, completely changing its structure. Sure. So that's why we don't eat it. But I hate banana-flavored, fake banana-flavored things because it doesn't taste anything like banana.

Right. It tastes crazy. But it's insane to think that at some point during, like, mass-manufactured food, you could get bananas that tasted like that. And then someone else was like, but what if we make bananas taste like this? And then at no point did they change the banana flavor. Right. But I want to taste these crazy candy-tasting bananas. Where do you have to go to like pluck one off the tree and get it in its natural habitat?

That's where my research has fortunately ended. I think we should start our search in the Philippines. Sure. I mean, we're better. Let's go to Manila and see what we can dig up. Before we decide, should we do a montage where we like pour over a bunch of maps and then we have a compass? Yeah.

I think Indiana Jones style tracking with like the plane and the red line. I would love to do a red line scene. That would be great. Jordan, when you say a compass, I'm going to kick it up a notch. I say we have both kinds of compass, both the kind that shows you what direction you go and the kind that draws a perfect circle around a point. That would be great. Because that could define the radius of our means of transportation. That sounds amazing. And the circle compass is dangerous, so it gives like an element of adventure to us.

Yes. I love an element of adventure on a Nanner Quest. Sure. And maybe this is, yeah, maybe this is a docu-series, you know, Nanner Quest. Nanner Quest. If you're listening, Netflix. Yeah. Yeah.

I think this would be great for Netflix. Any streamer, really. Acorn. Acorn. Sure. Brit Box. Well, videos you nap and jerk off to would be nap flicks.

Yeah. That's a different, you know, different kind of content. I think our content would be really good to fall asleep to. Yeah. I mean, sure. If there's a lot of us studying maps, you're not missing

much if you doze off. Oh, what's this? Cornwall? Yeah. If you fall asleep during The Witcher or something, you're like, oh, what's that spell? Nothing changes if you fall asleep during The Witcher. Nothing changes. Oh, no.

There's still – oh, have you watched The Witcher? I have. Yeah. I watched it. Oh, have you watched The Witcher? I have, yeah. I watched it. I mean, I really enjoyed it in that way that I was sort of like, what? I can't believe money can do whatever anyone wants and they're doing this with it.

This is insane. I had that experience. This was a topic on Jordan Jesse Go some years ago. But after I finished playing the game Skyrim, The Elder Scrolls. Sorry, The Elder Scrolls Skyrim. Thank you. Which I loved. It was like my favorite video game I've ever played,

just wandering around and making potions, becoming more powerful, looking at mammoths. Loved it. Living the dream. It was fucking great. Lizard Man, a whole nine yards. Loved everything about it. And I finished it, but I killed the biggest dragons.

And I was like, wow, well, I dedicated that nine months of my life to that pointless activity from which I gained nothing. What else can I pour my life into? And what else can I do when I should be caring for my children? And everybody was like, you know, the best game like that is Witcher 3. And I've never been more confused and angry at a video game in my life. And then the show came on my Netflix or whatever it is. Maybe it's on Amazon. It's Netflix.

It's Netflix. But I saw the thing and I'm like, wow. They sure made a show out of that. And then I read an article about it. And as they were describing what happens on the show, it seemed like they were describing without animus, but otherwise in every respect, describing exactly my experience of playing the game, which was, what is this? Why is this happening? Is this Dutch? Yeah. I think it's based on some sort of Dutch novel or something, right?

I think they're Polish. Polish. I think they're Polish novels. And it's like, what? Who wants this? I don't know. What are the consequences? How do these pieces fit together?

Why is there a whole part where I have to run along the walls of a castle to learn to dance or sword fight or something? That sounds fun. I don't remember. I got to get this Witcher 3 sounds like. Who is the guy? There's a guy?

What do these cut scenes mean? But that was basically – I read the whole article about it. And that was basically – this person didn't seem to be as angry as I was, although it might have been their professional remove, their critics' distance. That doesn't exist anymore. But I felt like I was re-experiencing playing that game for four hours or whatever. I gave it a long time before I threw my hands up. But in article form, but it was about the television show. There's like a jumbled timeline.

That's amazing. Are you a big fantasy guy? Do you like fantasy things like that? Yeah, quite's amazing. Are you a big fantasy guy? Do you like fantasy things like that? Yeah, quite a bit. Are you like the kind of guy who would make an album called Spider-Man of the Rings? Yes, matter of fact, I am. What are your favorite fantasy things? I guess this game I play, Cave Evil, would fall into fantasy.

You're a necromancer. Is this a video game or a board game? This is a board game. Okay. Cave Evil. Cave Evil. Okay. It this a video game or a board game? This is a board game. Okay. Cave Evil. Cave Evil. Okay. It's maybe my favorite thing in the world. Really? Wow. I love this game. More than music or your parents? I love Cave Evil.

Okay. We'll just leave that answer at I love Cave Evil. Great. It's just so over the top. And it's not really my aesthetic at all. It's like all the cards are black and white and all the creatures are really like gruesome but it's just it kind of like maybe laps itself in its evilness it becomes just like really fun maybe my one of my favorite like recent

video games something i would probably put on my list of favorite games of all time is this game bloodborne and it is exactly that like it is a it is a like clove cigarette that hates its dad it is just like so it is that i i am not a dark man uh but yeah this you know very grim you know uh movie video game where everyone has a blood disease and you know you have to like and after you kill a if you after you kill an enemy big letters come on the screen that says nightmare slaying like is for some reason my favorite thing of all time i like that super mario game where you spray the hose to remove the graffiti and it says shine get yeah there's a similar element to that in Cave Evil. Does Cave Evil have lore?

Because I know Jordan loves his lore. Yeah, love a lore hunter video on YouTube. That's the fun thing about the From Software games. They don't give you all the lore up front. It's buried within item descriptions. I'd say there's like a lore around the actual game itself where like they only made like 500 copies and people want it repressed so badly. But they're just like, no, we've made it and we're moving on to new. It was made by a bunch of like noise and black metal people in Providence and Denver.

Of course, in Providence and Denver. Where else would they be? One of the artists is Matt Brinkman, like an artist I really love. I don't know. So there's a lot of like mystique around the actual object, let alone the game. Kind of like when Stephen King wrote the Richard Bachman books. Oh, I found this in this guy's attic. This is the Richard Bachman books of necromancing board games for sure.

Okay. And do you have like a cave evil crew that you play with? I do. What kind of hats do you wear? I have four colors of those hats. Oh, yeah. Now we're talking. One for each necromancer.

I'm always the yellow necromancer. Well, you got a shirt. That's right. I got the yellow hat. You look straight on. Did we find out where you got those pointy hats? I got them on an online bookstore. Okay. Now we're talking. That's right. Yeah.

Okay, do you have like a weekly Cave Evil game? No. It takes like six to eight hours to play. Six to eight hours. So it's like a weekend. It's like a long weekend activity. Six to eight hours? Yeah, it's a long haul. It's a long haul.

It's a long haul. Got to play Cave Eagle. I love it, though. What's your favorite spell to cast? Oh, that's a really good question. You know, I'm a professional interviewer, Dan. I can't remember if it's a spell or an item, but it's like override Lord Control. Fucking hate Lord Control. I fucking hate Lord Control.

You got to override it. The only thing I hate more than Lord Control is Gary's Old Town Tavern because they're always pulling pranks on the game from Cheers. Oh, yeah. The Insidious one is pretty good. That's a creature, but they have an ability to – I believe the Insidious One lets you take over another opponent's creature. It's a game where like and the game can win itself. So if no one completes a task

by a certain time or kills a certain thing by a certain time everyone loses and the game wins. And so you could be playing for seven and a half hours and no one feels

any satisfaction. And it's truly evil. Yeah. Cave evil. And it has its own radio station, Cave Evil Radio, where users can send music in. And I love it. It's a very through composed game. That sounds involved.

Oh, you bring cave snacks and I change the lighting. Now, are there any good Whole30 cave snacks? Oh, yeah. Definitely like dried meats would be a good one. Like a jerky? Oh, yeah. Now, are there any good whole 30 cave snacks? Oh, yeah. Like definitely like dried meats would be a good one. Like a jerky? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or just like prosciutto, just basically raw, really salty.

Sure. Those would be my go-to cave snacks. Grapes. Okay. Yeah, sure. Maybe the opposite of prosciutto. Do you say they're eyeballs or do you just say these are grapes we found in the cave? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Cave grapes. Yeah. Everything you just put cave in we found in the cave? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Cave grapes. Yeah. Everything you just put cave in front of or evil at the end. Oh, sure. You know what I'd love to eat? No. Pamekin.

It's like pounded. That might be better for our friends over at the Acorn Network. It's like a pounded acorn meat. Oh, okay. It's got some berries and maybe it's got some protein in there as well. That'd be great for a cave. I used to forage acorns and eat them when I was extremely poor. Really?

How do you prepare a foraged acorn? Do you just pop them in your mouth? No, you definitely do not just pop them in your mouth. So first you do is you walk around your neighborhood in Baltimore and you gather as many acorns as you can. neighborhood in Baltimore and you gather as many acorns as you can. Right. And you want to put them – I guess traditionally it was in a canvas sack. But if you don't have a canvas sack, put them in a sock.

OK. And you put them in a sock and you run them under cold water until like a white, creamy liquid comes out. OK. And that's the tannins, like the bitter enzyme inhibitor within them so that like you don't get a stomach. Right. Like there's tannin in coffee. That's why some people can't drink coffee.

Okay. So you leach the tannin out. First you grind them into a pulp. You grind them into a pulp. And then you've got this like acorn mush semi-flour. Okay. And I was making acorn milk. So I was drinking the acorn milk.

I guess it's rich in magnesium but maybe absolutely nothing else. Uh-huh. And they taste real terrible. But they're free, and they had, like, you know, protein and fat content. Right, so you can kind of – you can subsist. Yeah, yeah. Wow. I did this for a couple of months.

I was very obsessed with acorn. I called my EP at the time Acorn Master. Because you gained mastery over the acorns. I believe I did. You conquered them. But then I got this horrific rash. Was this some kind of, like, horticultural BDSM thing? No, I believe I did. You conquered them. But then I got this horrific rash. Was this some kind of like horticultural BDSM thing? No, I was just broke.

It's kind of, yeah. And I was like walking to Whole Foods to go like try to cheat the scale on my raw cashews. And I was like, I'm walking by all of these nuts. Right. Like this is insane. Like I should just eat these. I'm wiring acorns in cuisine. This doesn't make any sense. Chip and Dale love them. Yeah. Why aren't acorns in cuisine? This doesn't

make any sense. Sure. Chippendale, love them. Those guys seem healthy. That's a good, the Miwok people of Northern California ate a lot of them, I think. That's interesting. Yeah. But there are some dishes made with acorns that can be good, but on their own, quite not good at all. Dan, do you ever pine for that time in your life? Do you ever like walk by and see an acorn and think, maybe just one more time?

One mass, one mass, one last. Maybe I pine for that like complete wide-eyed idiocy that I used to be in the world in. But not – no, I don't ever be like, you know what? I wish I was just eating garbage grown in toxic, toxic land again. Knowingly. Right. I know I'm doing it unknowingly, constantly. Sure.

But being like, I'm going to buy – I'm going to eat an acorn growing out of a hole in a parking lot. This sounds like a great life choice. So I think acorn milk is a good transition into our next topic, which is celebrity booze. Oh, yeah. Should we take a break? Yeah, let's take a little break. Maybe a little nap. Yeah.

If you're nasty. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. jessica it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart morris boy detective san francisco sketch fest right around the corner we're going to be in san francisco at the punch line we've got uh with us glenn from Snap Judgment. We've got Tony Hale from Veep. We've got Pete Fields, singer-songwriter, and my friend from childhood.

We've got bits that we wrote earlier today. Skits. Bits. Some of them thought out ahead of time. Others, off the cuff. There's probably going to be some topical material we read that morning. Of course, you guys who have only heard the recorded shows, you don't know about our topical chunk we do. Right.

It's scathing. We break down the issues. Yeah, the news of the day. It's as informative as it is hilarious. We're going to just take out a newspaper and riff. We're Mort Sahl. Yes. Shelley Berman, who did that?

Mort Sahl. That's Mort Sahl. Shelley Berman did, yeah, more internal kind of thing. Gotcha. Yeah. Well, this has been fun. Yeah. Fun learning about the history of comedy. Anyway, we're going to be at SF Sketch Fest, so if you're in the Bay Area, no excuses. We'll see you at the punchline, sfsketchfest.com.

You can also, of course, see me on Judge John Hodgman. Jordan's going to be doing Talking Simpsons there. So a lot of good stuff happening at SFSketchFest. 2020. Yes. Is the year of Roll'em. It's our all-purpose slogan.

It means rolling, steamrolling your enemies. It means rolling a J and being chill. Sure. And it means when you find yourself paralyzed, you're not sure whether to do or die, just roll them bones. Roll the bones. Roll them bones. Maybe it'll come up snake eyes, but maybe daddy will get a new pair of shoes. And let's say you got some

flat fruit paste. Yes. Roll them. Roll them up. Yep. Roll them up, put them in your lunch bag. Yep. And hey, if you're an adult, stick one in the glove box. It'll be great if you need a little snack later. And you know what else? Can I tell you one more thing? Stick it in the lunch bag. You might be able to trade it for some shark bites.

Oh, yeah. And then you might get the great white. That's the dream. So roll them is our slogan and there is a t-shirt to commemorate it. It is only available for one month. This month only less than a month. Less than a month. We've got like two weeks.

Yeah. Only in the month of January can you order this at maxfundstore.com. This is a very... You know, a lot of times these shirts end and people are like,

well, you must have more of them, right? Can you send me one? No. No. This is it. We don't have them. We cannot get you free shirts.

I have never gotten a free shirt from doing this show. Nor I. I've never seen one. shirt from doing this show. Nor I. I've never seen one. I own the company. Yeah. This is serious.

You've got to go and order them. They get delivered to a third party. When I wanted a table shirt, I had to go order a table shirt. Yeah. I did get a table shirt. Great. Yeah. These are great shirts.

You can get them at maxfundstore.com. We got some other Jordan Jessico shirts up there that you can get. But if you want the special 2020 Roll'em shirt that is this month only, so don't sleep on it. Just get the shirt. You know you want the shirt. It's an awesome graphic of a sweet-ass fucking steamroller. It says Jordan Jesse Go. And you know what?

Fucking just wear this one time into a den of your enemies. They're going to flip the fuck out. They're going to scatter like rats. Those cowards. Pathetic rats. Those cowards. Pathetic rats they are. Yeah.

Back into your dens. God. You know what? You vermin. Can I say this? Yes. I hope for your sake that your enemies are blueberries, strawberries, grapes, and their juices. Because then once you roll them, you can roll them up.

That's right. Stick that in your bag. Maybe you can trade that for shark bites. Trade it for shark bites or gushers, which are a step down in my opinion, but a pretty good fruit snack. Yeah. I mean, look, we're talking about candies that are allowed at schools with no candy in the lunchbox rules. Mm-hmm. 10% fruit juice.

Yeah. By volume. By volume. 10% fruit juice. Should we get those? You know how those beer nerds are always talking about ABV? I guess I do. Oh, alcohol by volume.

Yeah, sure. We should start getting, we should become- FBV. FBV. Fruit by volume. Fruit by volume. Yeah. Ooh.

Have you tried the newest leathers? Yeah, very hoppy. They're 10% fruit by volume. Very hoppy. Yeah. 10%, 10% fruit by volume. Very hoppy. Yeah.

So if you're in the Bay Area, anywhere around there, Wednesday night, the 15th at the Punchline, sfsketchfest.com. Come on out. It's going to be a great show. And anywhere you can get on an internet, maxfundstore.com and get the 2020 Roll'em t-shirt. Yeah. Hashtag Roll'em. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan,

Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio. Sweetheart, Jordan you, love you as a vodka. Walton Goggins, of course, the breakout star of Justified, star of The Unicorn on CBS with our friend Rob Corddry and the great McKellar Watkins. He's wonderful on, what's the Danny McBride show called? Righteous Gemstones.

Righteous Gemstones. Oh, he's great on that. He's, of course, one of the voices behind the greatest song in television history, Misbehavin'. You can really do anything with a name like that. Yeah, it's a spectacular name. He's a great guy who you always like when they show up in something. Even if they're not the star, if they pop up in a supporting role, you're like, ah, I'm in good hands.

Even if this thing isn't great, if they pop up in a supporting role, you're like, ah, I'm in good hands. Even if this thing isn't great, this is going to be great. And, of course, the man loves his spirit. And the man loves his spirit. So, Dan, for your benefit, we occasionally on this show, not that much recently, but in the past, we've been – we like to explore the world of celebrity vanity boozes. Your Danny DeVito's Limoncello, it's kind of the seed from which this sprang. Taste of life from the famous fellow. Of course, Dan Aykroyd's Crystal Head Vodka.

Of course. That one perhaps the most classic. Yeah. And then everything in between. And I think I was delighted because we've been talking about Walton Goggins on the show. And then I noticed in a liquor store that Walton Goggins had a vodka, which led me to write the hit song, Walton Goggins has a vodka. Walton Goggins has a vodka. Walton Goggins has a vodka. Goggins has a vodka. Walton Goggins has a vodka. Walton Goggins has a vodka. Goggins

has a vodka. Walton Goggins. So yeah. I didn't know that was you. You know, actually, didn't Chuck Lorre actually write the Ninja Turtles theme song? I think that's true. No. I think so. Brian, if you could confirm that, I think Chuck Lorre before- Why didn't he do other things? Why didn't he just retire? I know, right? You already, you know, and I think everything Chuck Lorre's been done since then has been a letdown. Yeah, agreed. He's never reached the heights. Hold on, hold on, hold on. You just said you didn't even know he wrote that song, meaning he could have written every other theme song in the universe, creating this massive library of work.

And we're all just like, everything else he's done sucks. That's true, yeah. Maybe we're being a little judgmental. We also don't even know if he wrote the song we're talking about. That's true. I think I only...

He did. He did write it. They talked about it on Kimmy Schmidt and he was very flattered about it. I feel like the only thing he could have written that would have not

been a letdown after writing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles song is the Danny DeVito's Limoncello song. But we happen to know that was written and performed by the father of one of our listeners. That's true. This could be a good contest.

Without Googling it, what else do you think they wrote? Yeah. Who do you think is the greatest American songwriter of the 20th century? Of theme songs or just in general? Overall. All categories. But wait. Let me give you the choices. Okay. Number one, Chuck Lorre. of the 20th century? Of theme songs or just in general? Overall, all categories, but wait, let me give you the choices.

Okay. Number one, Chuck Lorre. Mm-hmm. Number two, Alan Thicke, who's the greatest songwriter of the 20th century,

greatest American songwriter, European songwriter. And then we're talking about America. So we're not going to include like a, I'm doing a write-in. Dolly Parton.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. See, Dolly Parton. It's got to be Dolly Parton. No, I'm thinking it's either Alan Thicke, who wrote Good Times. Right.

And the Growing Pains theme. And the Growing Pains theme. We're not putting- Not to mention that Sweaty and Hot, the amazing aerobics theme song. Didn't he write the Jeopardy theme, too? I don't know. I don't know if he wrote the Jeopardy theme. Who wrote the Jeopardy theme? I think, I don't know. I don't know if he wrote the Jeopardy theme. Who wrote the Jeopardy theme? I think our friend Ken Jennings wrote that.

Yes. Yeah, he passed. George S. E. Go guest. He's so good. I was really embarrassed at Max Funcon. I was like, how do I know you? Like, we must have met here before. And he was like, nope, we've never met.

And I was like, you look so familiar. And he was like, I don't know. Let's just eat some food. Yeah. And like an hour later, I was like, let's just eat some food. Yeah. And like an hour later, I was like, God, world's smartest man.

Fuck. I was the guy who does the thing at the thing you're not supposed to do the thing at. It's okay that you did the thing. Thank you.

Great polka dot socks too, by the way. Thank you for taking me out of that story with the socks. I appreciate that. Merv Griffin wrote the Jeopardy theme song.

I'm pretty sure that's a pen name for him. A pen theme song. I'm pretty sure that's a pen name for it. Yes. Ken Jennings writes all his songs under the name Merv Griffin. It is very confusing. When Ken Jennings was trying to decide what to name his production company, Ken Jennings Productions

was taken, so he's just like, well, I guess Merv Griffin Enterprises it is. So, we've been talking about great songwriters. I, of course, am now in the pantheon for writing the great song, Walton Goggins Has a Vodka, to the tune of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But we decided to throw it open to the listeners. We know we have some musical listeners out there to see if they could top my song.

I don't think it will happen, but we do want to at least give people a chance to try. It's very generous. Thank you. We're great men. But you know, and you obviously, we now, I mean, I write from instinct, from the gut. Sure. You know, from the loins. That's where my creativity comes from.

Would you say you have to nap to write? Oh yeah. Maybe a couple of times. Yeah, sure. Give me an of times. Yeah, sure. Give me an hour and I can nap again. Who cares? Maybe perverting the most wholesome thing one can do. Right. Do a nasty jack fest.

Who cares? It's Jordan, Jesse, go. Sure. Just say stuff. Whatever. It's talking. Jordan, Jesse, go, colon. It's talking. Jordan, Jesse, go. Colon.

It's talking. Hear talking now. Push play and hear the talking. So, you know, I'm not a trained musician, but you, you know, you're a professional. You write some of our favorite music. So we wanted to just kind of give you a chance to weigh in as a guy who kind of like knows his shit. I love to judge my peers. Yes. Yeah. And I'm sure everyone

here who turned to the song is your peer. Thank you. Yeah. I'm sure they're as good as you. Brian, do you want to start by playing Conlon Noncaro's Contribution? One of the creators of machine music. Yeah, Brian, do you want to play the first? Do you have anything? Do you have the names of these people on hand? Yeah, I have their names. Yeah, Brian, do you want to play the first? Do you have anything? Do you have the names of these people on hand?

Yeah, I have their names. Okay. Yeah. Do you want to like just kind of intro the song and then give it a play? Sure. So this is from Chris Noe, and it is to the Gummy Bears theme song. Okay. His first name is Walton. His last name is Goggins. He has a spirit so smooth and so clear

it's triple filtered and subtly flavored made by an actor who we all revere walton goggins has a celebrity vodka if you don't drink it he will break your jaw Walton Goggins vodka from his home best to read for non-alcoholics try Gogginberry juice drink it at his movies or during his series

try a mixer of choice from Squirt to Mountain Dew Walton Goggins has a new celebrity vodka. If you don't drink it, he will break your jaw. Walton Goggins vodka. Walton Goggins vodka. Wow. I don't think I can judge this contest.

Yeah. That was... Are they all going to fucking slap that hard? That was extraordinary. Acapella, too. My windows are still rattling. How do we do this? Are we going to critique each one as they go, or are we just going to make that like a... Yeah, I think we can just engage with each one.

And then at the end, we can kind of talk about what we've heard. Some things I liked about that one. I thought he really went for it on the high notes. Yeah, sure. And then at the end we can kind of talk about what we've heard. Some things I liked about that one. Yeah. I thought he really went for it on the high notes. Yeah, you know, really good pitch control. Yeah, really. I think that the Gummy Bears theme song from the television show The Gummy Bears is a bold and distinctive choice. Also one of the best songs.

Yeah. Bold and distinctive choice. Also one of the best songs. Yeah. You know, I mean, it's definitely, I mean, in my opinion, you know, kind of one of the dark horses of the Disney afternoon. Not on Disney Plus. Really? Yeah, that's the first thing I did when I got my dad's Disney Plus password.

Which I guess maybe Gummy Bears isn't Disney. Maybe they licensed it. Oh, could be. Yeah, it could be. It could be longer than another company. I don't know. They also did, i think that's part of the marvel cinematic i think it's part of the marvel cinematic universe which is now owned by disney isn't it oh sure right yeah exactly yeah i remember the gummy bears silver

surfer crossover where they fight galactus that was a good one jack kirby's gummy bears arc was some of the wildest very trippy and you know the psychedelia of the 60s was creeping in there. Yeah. I mean, I love the line, drink it or he'll break your jaw, because it kind of is a nod to Goggins' famous intensity. I felt like it had the ring of veracity. It held a quality where you're like, that honors who Goggins is. Right. I loved it.

I didn't need the second verse. Okay. That's fair. Less is more. I felt like the first verse was stronger than the second verse as well. The first verse was extremely song, but I did love the, I wrote this amazing second verse. I don't care if it really fits the syllable content of the original. I'm going for it.

Yeah. The long-held Goggins in the chorus also left me questioning, but I don't know how I would have phrased it. So it's a really good one for us to judge the others against, I think. Yeah, a very strong start. Brian, do you have the next one? I'm sorry. Can we hear the reference original? No, we do not have the rights to that song.

I think we probably will get sued. We don't have the rights to the melodies that these people are singing on our show right now. Yeah, this whole segment is legally dodgy. Please don't tell your manager about any of this. In case he represents Merv Griffin Enterprises. I am once again self-managed. To all of these other contestants, if you're self-manager as well. Good for you. You can do it.

DIY. You'll be eating acorns soon enough. I mean, I do have like an agent and a publicist. Let's talk to the manager. Yeah. Yeah, Brian, what do we got next? This next one is by Jason Spitz.

And oh, I was going to say maybe would it be fun to not hear the reference song and see if we can pick up on it. Totally. I think you'll get this one pretty pretty quick walton gargan's vodka walton gargan's vodka walton gargan's vodka walton gargan's vodka it is a vodka drink that you should drink because it is made by walton gargan's himself walton gargins, Valko. Walton Goggins, Valko.

Second verse again. And so forth. That's the underworld theme from Super Mario Brothers, in case that was too terrible for you to understand. Okay, thanks, bye. There's a part in Super Mario, for our listeners, there's a part in Super Mario Brothers where Super Mario, the titular character, he's the elder of the brothers, I think.

I don't know about that. I think they're the same age. Or is Luigi older? They're the same age? They're ageless, if you ask me. Are they just spiritually brothers? No, I think they're actually brothers. I think they're twins.

Oh. If I'm remembering. Profoundly non-identical twins? Right. They look kind of, I mean, Luigi's taller. I mean, they've got very different body types. They look exactly the same in the first one. Okay, yeah.

That's true, yeah. Yeah, they've just- Exactly the same. Yeah. Anyway, in the game Super Mario Brothers, he goes underground into a world of redder blocks. Greener. They're greener. Greener.

Greener blocks. And then they play that song. Yeah. Walden Goggins Vodka. And then they play that song. Yeah. Walden Goggins Vodka. Walden Goggins Vodka. I'm glad to finally know the lyrics. I haven't heard the instrumentals on that. Right, yeah.

It's like the Star Trek theme. It's like, oh, there's lyrics to this. And you don't, you know, it's like a fun discovery. That one lacked the artistry of the Gummy Bears contribution. Yeah, I mean, it was significantly worse in every way. He knew how to get out of it, though. Yeah. How did it end?

And so forth? And so forth. I would just love a commercial to end that way. You can get around. You know, I did only, you forced me to watch five seconds of this ad and I did get the gist of it, thank you. Yeah. So a fun entry.

But he doesn't make the vodka. Walton Goggins? No. Yeah. I think he just puts his name on it. I don't know if this is coming out of his basement or something. He pisses in the vat. Alright. That's called making the vat.

Right. Brian, what do we got next? This is from Pat McDonald. Hey Jordan, Jesse, Brian, and guest. Happy holidays. This is Pat from Vancouver, Jordan, Jesse, Brian, and guest. Happy holidays. This is Pat from Vancouver, USA, calling with my Walton Goggins theme song. It's loosely based on the He-Man and the Master of the Universe's theme song.

So here goes nothing. I'll move the phone away here so I don't blow out your ears. Alright. Walton and the Masters of the Universe! Da-da-da-da-da da-da-da-da-da-da

da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da I am Walton, defender of the Goggins and castle villain in the Tomb Raider movie, Witch Bomb. I, uh... What? No, I... I'm calling the podcast. Okay, my wife just heard me

I love you guys, happy holidays, bye Yeah, I think Okay, okay That guy was doing his best He was, there was an enthusiasm that I liked Yeah, he didn't Look, I don't run marathons because I know I can't do it

That's fair Thanks for submitting Look, I don't run marathons because I know I can't do it. That's fair. Thanks for submitting. Thank you for your interest. We'll call you if our needs change. We're not accepting manuscripts at this time. I will use this opportunity to talk about my He-Man conspiracy theory. Oof, please.

Let's hear it. Which is that He-Man lives in a castle called Castle Greyskull, which is a gigantic skull. And his villain wants to claim that land. Right. And that villain is Skeletor. He's a giant skeleton man of a skeleton people. Skeletor, he's a giant skeleton man of a skeleton people. I think He-Man's parents, Prince Adam's parents, were imperialist colonialists who came over and took Skeletor's rightful land. Wow. And Skeletor is just trying to get it back.

He-Man, the villain. Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this question, Dan. Please do. I thought about this as much as I've just talked about it. How come Mossman smells so good? I don't know. You guys ever sniff a Mossman? Sure.

It fucking smelled amazing. How does Mechaneck enter into all this? Who's he loyal to? His neck was long and robotic so he could look over walls. Yeah, wow. We've been watching that cartoon wrong this whole time. I think so. Similar to Batman,

how Batman's like a libertarian billionaire who could just like fix all of the problem just by like paying the employees in the Gotham City well, but instead he's like, no, I'll just create an environment of crime so I can break people's backs. Can I ask you a question? Yeah.

I don't know if Mechaneck from Masters of the Universe had a real origin story. Do you think it's possible? He went to this, you know, he-man cybernetics doctor, and he's like, I want to be a cyborg. Right. And the guy's like, yeah, I can cyborg any part of you you want. And Mechaneck is like, mech. Sure you don't want your

sure you don't want a robotic crank? No, definitely the neck. Definitely the neck. Arms might be helpful. I could see how that would be helpful for fighting. Nope. He was just a neck man. What about man faces? I hate it. He's like,

don't you fucking hate it when you're behind a wall and you can't look over the goddamn thing? Right. He's like, can I give you a robotic arms and a ladder? Yeah. I can only afford one, so I'm going with the next. If only Prince Adam paid me better. Right.

Yeah. Thank you. But what did Manny Faces do? Like, why did he need three faces? It's not a real emotion. If only I had more faces in this situation. You've never been in a situation where

you're mad about something and all you have is a smiley face? Yeah, I guess you're right. Helpful. I just used my long neck to get out of that situation. I can't see his face because it's so up high. I just want to apologize for the harsh burn I did on that last submission.

It's okay. I appreciate you sending it in, but you should thank your wife for letting it end. Yeah. Brian, what else we got? Okay, so here's one from, I think the only name they left was Nathor's One. So here's Mystique already. Walton Goggins has vodka. Walton Goggins has a vodka.

Walton Goggins has vodka. Walton Goggins has a vodka. Sal! Walton Goggins has vodka. Walton Goggins has vodka. Walton Goggins has a vodka. Walton Goggins has a vodka. Walton Goggins has a vodka. Walton Goggins, he has a vodka. Okay.

The lyrics fit the melody well, but I don't know if the execution or the arrangement were really the choices to make. Yeah, I would have done a second take of that. I think they could have nailed a second take. Do you think that was a group of people or do you think that was one Nathor's multi-tracking? No, I think it was a pair. I think it was a pair too. Or maybe it was a Manny Faces type situation. Oh, right.

Someone spitting their face around to reveal a different face. Do you think Manny Faces are allowed to enter barbershop quartet competitions? I would defend their right to do so. I guess he had three faces. Is that correct? Yes. So it would be Manny faces plus probably a bass. I think so.

It's hard to find a good bass singer. I think the insistence on adding the A was messing them up. I think the insistence on adding the A was messing them up because, you know, Walton Goggins has vodka. It's pretty natural, but I think they were trying to cram the A in there. Can we just go back to the Gummy Bears ones? The Gummy Bears one was really good. No, no. It was good, but on that same note, I can't remember the chorus, but the Goggins was split up oddly in a similar way right

still I'm leaning towards that one but this one I thought it fit the syllable content to note content pretty well I mean yeah

they brought up the music which is great nice to hear some instrumentation by the way because I mean I'm a sucker for production love that I love that wall of sound

oh I know I think that's what this was this was kind of you know a tribute to that. I love that wall of sound. Oh, I know. And I think that's what this was. This was kind of, you know, a tribute to that. Yeah. You love everything about the wall of sound. Sure, including the man who pioneered it. Insane. I have no problems with him.

The insane, bewitched murderer. Right. Love it. So, yeah. So, yeah, I like that. You know, the beatboxing was a nice touch and added a little funky flavor that I appreciated. I do love urban flavor. Sure.

It's a nice spice to cook with. And can I tell you this? Nothing hotter in urban communities right now than beatboxing. Yeah. I thought you were going to say Indiana Jones. Oh. Both of them. They love adventurous in the inner city

these days. They love adventurous scientists. And they love beatboxing. Is he a scientist? Beatboxing bigger than ever.

Yeah. I mean, he's a professor. He's an archaeologist. He's an archaeologist as a scientist. He's one of the soft sciences.

Sure. Don't you think they just give him that role so they can just be like, could you please go steal this for us again? Yeah, maybe. Maybe it's like an honorary professorship.

He's like, well, I'm a visiting lecturer. He's like, well, you called Maya Angelou Dr. Maya Angelou. You can call me Dr. Indiana Jones. Indiana, publish or perish, right? When's the last time you published anything? All your publications are about whipping. Do you think there's like a fan fiction selection of Dr. Indiana Jones' academic works?

That would be a lot of fun to see. Yeah, right. Someone just like, what's his syllabus like? It'd be a lot of fun to see the cover of that book. I don't know if I'd be like, you know what? I'm going to sit down and finally read Dr. Indiana Jones'. Right, fictional dissertations. You might enjoy it. Fictional. Yeah. Fictional dissertations. You might enjoy it.

For a dissertation, it's unusually horny. I'm glad you made direct eye contact with me for that joke. It's like, let me adjust the mic so I can make sure I'm staying directly in a Dan's soul for this one. Brian, do we have a final entrant? We got two more. Two more. Two more here so uh this is from scott okay hey jj go i'm uh this is scott from cape cod and i'm calling in

with uh a theme song for the walton goggins vodka um i'm pretty, so I don't remember all of it. There's a way you could find it. I got the gist of it, and I think it should be, Walton Goggins has a vodka. Walton Goggins, you know his vodka's pretty good. Goggins, the fresh maker. I don't know. I kind of felt like that conclusion was a hat on a hat.

Yeah, I thought so too. Strong start though. Yeah, it scanned well. It truly is an iconic tune. Sure, I mean we all remember Mento's song. Wouldn't you love to see Walton Goggins and then another identical Walton Goggins pick up a small European car and move it out of the way? Carry it to another parking space?

Yeah. I think that'd be a lot of fun. But again, when he said the Freshmaker, I was like, yeah, I already knew it was. Yeah. That doesn't have anything to do with Walton Goggins vodka. Or vodka. No one's ever like, oh, if only we could freshen this with some vodka. Like, ooh, I love your vodka breath, dad.

I didn't realize you were wearing banana socks this whole time. Yeah, I have banana socks. I, um. I, too, own those same banana socks. Do you? Yeah. Where'd you get them? I got them at that online bookstore.

Oh, nice. I received them as a gift. I know where they got them. Oh, cool. I, um. Yeah, that's kind of like the gift people get for me now is like fun socks, and I'm glad to receive them every time. It's a great gift. Yeah.

I get like stuff with cats on it, fun socks, and sometimes fun socks with cats on them. And you know what? Keep them coming, gift givers. This is good to know. I'm here to receive those anyway. I'll remember next time I see you. I have a birthday coming up in May. Oh, let's get back to this harsh critique.

I think my favorite part about this one was the intro of like, this one's by Scott. Like, as if it's a Scott we all know. Oh, Scott! We love him! I have to say this about the songs we've gotten so far. Yeah. I appreciate everyone's

industrious spirit. Right. Of course, yeah. I appreciate everyone's industrious spirit. Right. Of course, yeah. I expected a few more people to put in some work with Fruity Loops. Yeah. I expected a couple more people

to midi it up a little bit. That's FL Studio now. Hello. Thank you. I know that there are some people out there who have home recording setups with little Korg Tritons

or whatever. It's a big keyboard, little Korg Tritons or whatever. It's a big keyboard, a Korg Triton. But my point is I know there's some pretty talented bedroom musicians in our audience as well as some talented real musicians. Right. What about the band American Football, the pioneering emo band? They listen to this show sometimes, I think. Do they?

Yeah, if I remember correctly. That's cool. That's one of the only things I know about that band. They listen to this show? Exactly. It's the tagline on their Twitter. So my question ultimately is, where are those people? Right.

Where are the people who are multi-tracking this thing? Well, we had one submission. But if I was a consistent, I would think it was to reference the what I'm trying to top, which is an acapella recording. Unless you have like a deep arranged version that I'm unfamiliar with. No, I mean, yeah, I mean, I think you're

correct. I think people heard me and, you know, like, oh, I'm gonna do that because that's what the assignment is. No, that's just how I work I work in a very like stripped down raw you're like the Rick Rubin yes thank you yes yeah what Rick Rubin did with Johnny Cash I do

with myself yeah with Walton Goggins vodka yes yeah Brian do we have one more entrant yes we got one more and I think this is gonna fall into that category of multi-track. Spoiler alert. Yeah.

This is from Mackenzie Broadhurst. Okay. Well, Tim Goggins. Hold on, Bob. Better than a water movie. Jesse, you have something to say about the intro? I just want to say, thanks, Mackenzie. Yeah, way to go.

Mackenzie gets it. Mackenzie knows what I like. Right. Unless I'm not included in the ruse, we didn't listen to these ahead of time. No. I mean, you really built this up as if you knew exactly what we were about to listen to. Yeah, Brian, do you want to start that from the beginning? Can you introduce it exactly the same as well?

Yeah, so this is from Mackenzie Broadhurst. Walter Goggins Better than a wine or a beer Walter Goggins Fill you with the Goggins cheer Walter Goggins Let me whisper in your ear Walton Goggins

Best drink you'll have all year Yeah baby Give me the Goggins Give me the Goggins baby I mean Give me the Goggins, baby. Very, very good. Give me the Goggins. I mean, best drink you'll have all year. Very good.

Well-crafted. Right. A classic, iconic hit that sounds as fresh today as the day it was released. It's timeless. Top band, the Virginity Taking Fathers. Sure. We all love those Virginity Taking Fathers. Sure. We all love those guys. Those classy dudes who named their band that.

Wow. I mean, Scanned, Scanned, great. Oh, yeah. I love the line, best drink you'll have all year. Thinking of vodka as a drink is kind of funny to me. I think the highlight for me was imagining someone whispering in my ear, Walter Goggins.

Yeah. It's really good. Goggins! Yeah. Better than a wine or a beer. Fewer calories too. Which is important these days. We all watch our waistlines. Yeah, I mean. Just exceptional. Yeah, really good work. I mean, Daniel, of course, you're the kind watch our waistlines. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to. Just exceptional.

Yeah, really good work. I mean, Daniel, of course, you're the kind of final word here. I'm going with the guy who got interrupted. Yeah. Let's go with him. He wins. Congratulations, guy who got interrupted. Against all odds, he still submitted. Wow.

Yeah. He chose to turn that one in. He's like, well, send. Yeah, that's a work. If only I could do this again. I mean, there's no contest here. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I mean, we really – Brian, you saved the best for last. It was so strong, so good. I mean, thank you to everyone who entered. Of course, yeah. But, yeah, that was some amazing work. I would really like to hear your theme over like a MIDI file of the Ninja Turtles theme. Oh, yeah. It would be nice to – because it's kind of hard to – I mean that last one we heard, it was very good. Maybe surpasses the original, I have to say.

That's right. Yes, if anything could surpass the original, Zoot Zoot Riot. That's right. A song we all hold very dear. By, of course, the virginityoot Suit Riot. That's right. A song we all hold very dear. By, of course, the virginity-taking fathers. The virginity-taking fathers. Yeah, it'd be nice to hear at least,

you know, if not hearing me sing over the whole thing, just hearing me sing, but before it having that you know, before the theme song that goes You don't need to get into all the origin stories of the five or walter yeah i could probably like do the whole you know you know walton goggins is cool

but rude i don't know i see yeah i need some time yeah i think short and sweet's the key to a yeah there was one we're gonna we're gonna crown the last one the last one. Yes. That's the one. We'll send the prize money directly to you. Right. But the one that was like the protector of the Goggins. I really like – I've never thought of multiple Goggins before, like a clan of Goggins and like house Goggins. Kind of a Goggins community. Yeah.

There must be like a Goggins crest and – Right. A Fort Goggins where they all walled up during a siege. Like a Witcher Goggins crossover is what really came to mind. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of like repping for all Gogginses is how I imagined it. I imagined it like almost like, you know, you got to rep your block, your hood, your city. Yeah.

And another way to look at it is Bahramu. Right, sure. To your breed, your Goggins be true. Yes. The Goggins is our genus. Yeah.

Hey Brian, before we call it a goodbye to this segment, can we hear it one more time? Can we do it one more time? The one where he gets interrupted, please. The one where he gets interrupted. We all love that one. It was very good.

Walton Goggins. Slut God. Better than a wine or a beer. Walton Goggins. Slut God. Fill you Walton Goggins. Slugger. Fill you with the Goggins cheer. Walton Goggins. Slugger.

Let me whisper in your ear. Walton Goggins. Slugger. Best drink you'll have all year. Yeah. What do you want to know? Give me the Goggins. Give that man the Goggins. Give him the Goggins. Give that man the Goggins.

Give him the Goggins. You've got a winner. Okay. I just want to say, to point out that everyone else had probably heard, I thought his name was Walter until this point right here. Some do. So I'm going to remove myself from judging this contest. No, you're...

Dan. This is all for naught. Is it too late to put that song on your new album? Unfortunately so. Yeah. Okay, well. But not my next one.

Whoa. There's always next time. There's always next time. Listeners, don't buy Dan's new album. Wait for the next one. Where I steal that song. We'll be back in just a second

on Jordan, Jesse, go. Hey, gang, Jesse here, the founder of Maximum Fun. And with me is Stacey Molsky, who is, among other things, the lady who responds to all of your tweets. Hi, everyone. I also send you newsletters. So anyway, something really awesome. You, MaxFun listeners, have given us the chance to do something really cool on behalf of our entire community, and we wanted to tell you about it. Last summer, following the MaxFun drive, we put all of the enamel pins on sale to $10 and up members,

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It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm still just Dan Deacon. Dan Deacon, tell us about this new record that's right around the corner. Well, we really just dove right into that.

Time to plug. Go, plug. Judges Contest, now plug. Talk about Mastermind and what you're having. Go. It's a fun show to do.

Start talking. It's my first record in I think five years. Wow. I've been focusing mostly on film scores and djing your conference yeah so you've mostly been focusing on whipping people into such an insane frenzy that the floorboards creak with dancing when you drop the needle on under the sea that's

right yeah maybe the highlight of my year of playing it. Oh, my gosh. What a joy it is to have you there. Thank you. I love to be there. But, yeah, it's my first record in a while. And I don't know. I had a really hard time making it, like, emotionally and mentally. Really? And just so much doubt.

I was really, like, trapped in, like, is this good enough? Am I making the right choices? It was very, very self-critical. And I think a lot of people get that way with their work and sure um i was doing all these collaborations like like with film scores maybe the largest collaboration i have is a solo artist where like someone else comes in and even though they're not writing the music they're very much involved in like how it's going to sound the tone the whole universe it sits. And I kind of fell in love with that.

But I also, like, longed to be able to do whatever I wanted. And then when I had those options, I'd go and be like, well, what if I don't know? What if what I like is bad? And it sucked. It was, like, very, very depressing and took a long time for me to, like, come around. But I think that was an important growth process for me.

The record, I wanted to put that into it. So I developed – the first time someone said like, well, maybe you don't have such like self-critical thoughts. I was like, I'm sorry. Those words didn't make any sense to me. I don't know what you just said. It was like the equivalent when someone said like engage your core. I was like, but that doesn't – no one can do that.

I don't know what you're talking about. core i was like but that doesn't no one can do that i don't know what you're talking about um yeah dan i've uh i've definitely uh seen you live not just at max fun con but um out at shows i've listened to your uh a lot of your music on recording and it's it's just the fucking greatest your live shows are so much fun uh i love your records uh and uh yeah and I'm sure this one will be great as well. Yeah, I think you will find a relatively small number of musical artists at the center of the Venn diagram that is Jordan and Jesse that receive like pure unqualified recommendations from both of us. And Dan Deacon is right at the heart of that. Absolutely. Jordan and I, we both genuinely love listening to your music, genuinely admire it.

And also the live performance experience is a truly extraordinary thing. I'm just glad to share that space with the Cherry Poppin' Daddies. Yeah. So are you opening for them or are they opening for you or do you do like a... It's a co-headline. We go back and forth.

We do a couple songs together. Who does Mambo No. 5? We both just take a moment of silence and just imagine it. Okay. So you do four and they do six. Exactly. And just let the space between imply five.

Yeah. Well, we have a moment of silence for Jessica, who died this year, who passed away. Jessica, we give you a little bit of silence. A little bit of silence for Jessica, who tragically passed away. But here's to Monica. She's here. Here's to Monica. She's hot as ever.

Doing great. Monica's keeping it tight. Yeah. Tight for Vega. A little bit more Monica in Vega's life now. Sure. Since Jessica died. Since Jessica died, yes.

That's true. R.I.P. Jessica. Yeah. The fake person. Maybe not. Maybe there's some other, like, you know, I am the Jessica from Mama No. 5. Wow.

In the lyrics that maybe Lou Bega wrote to a previously instrumental song, is that what Mambo No. 5 is? I think it's something like that. Yeah. Or it's a, you know, it's a dance remix of, yeah, it was a Gregorian chant. I think it was like a Sword in the Stone situation. If you could put lyrics to that song, you became like the King of England. The King of England, exactly. I've heard that.

That's why he hasn't had much work, all of the process of keeping up the court. Lou Bega Pendragon. Yes, exactly. Okay, Dan Deacon, you're just headed out on tour, and it's like dozens of cities. It's a lot.

I haven't been on tour in a while. Again, I spent basically all year putting together that playlist of Under the Sea. Yeah. But I don't know. It's fun. I'm really looking forward to it. I finally had a turning point. I think a lot of it had to do with Max Funcon.

And I'm blanking on the goddamn name of the podcast I asked you beforehand. The Art of Process. The Art of Process. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, with Ted Leo and Amy Mann. And Hodge was a guest. And my question was, how do you know when something is done? Because I tend to, like, whittle something away until there's not enough left.

And then I need to, like, put stuff back on. And I don't know. It felt good to ask that question and to have it be answered. And I felt like it was a turning point. Wow, cool. Yeah, I finished the record, I felt like it was a turning point. Wow, cool. I finished the record I think like a month after that. After years of being like, I'll work on it just a little bit more. Because that's how I talk when I'm

home in my skeletal influence. When I finally finish the record. Help me, Mechaneck. When you're back home in the cave having a few grapes. If only my studio were once again in Castle Grayskull where it truly belongs. Bring me your pemmican.

I don't know. It felt good. There's a He-Man Christmas special where... There is not. There's a He-Man Christmas special where some kids, I think, get transported to Eternia, and they try and explain Christmas to Skeletor, and he just says, Christmas?

What's that? It's so funny. Just that isolated, just Skeletor's skeleton face going, Christmas, what's that? You said that just as I took a big drink of water. Yeah. A little teach you to drink while I'm remembering He-Man. I wonder, Arbor Day, what's that? Okay.

Dan Deacon has been our guest. Brian, Sonny Deacon. I've really given you a lot of insight on the album. What's the name of the record? Where can people find it? It's called Mystic Familiar, and you can find it anywhere online. It's also the name of a psychic chat room, which I didn't know about. Are they suing you?

I think that's a public domain phrase, I believe. It's within board game lore. Sure. You can find it anywhere online and in quality music stores. Yeah, and where are we going to see those tour dates? Mostly North America. I guess in L.A. I'll be playing the Regent. And tour begins February 26th.

And I go, I like to call it the pants. I go down the United States and then I go over to the west. Then I go up and then I come back across. And for some reason I call that the pants. Love. Yeah. See him on the pants tour. Yeah.

I mean, definitely get out and see Dan Deacon live. What are you fucking doing? Even if you're not a person that regularly goes to things, it's worth going to this. It's a blast. Yeah, totally. And it's sponsored by Walter Goggins Vodka. Yeah, everybody gets a free shot of Goggins Vodka upon entrance. When you say Walter Goggins Vodka, you mean the rival vodka started by Walton Goggins' brother Walter?

Exactly. Did I say it again? I thought I was like, oh, I just make sure you say the right name this time. Easy mistake. Easy mistake. You did it again, but it's all right. We love you. We love you nonetheless.

Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer. You can find us on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com. You can hashtag your tweets, JJGo. On Twitter, we're on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris at Jesse Thorne. Dan, you still at eBay Netflix? Yes, I am. To the bane of my existence, yes, I am. At eBay Netflix.

Yeah, okay. You know, fucking 2020, baby. Roll them. Sure. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go. Thanks for having me. Maximumfun.org. Sure. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go. Thanks for having me.