Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 61A: Donks and Dildos (Part One)

Episode Date: May 18, 2008

Jesse, Jordan and guest Dan Kennedy discuss miniature horses and donkeys, etc.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and sex and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty, netty, twid Pledge Week special, Donks and Dildos.

Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. With us, noted author, Dan Kennedy. Dan, welcome to the program. Hello. It's a pleasure to have you, sir. It's a pleasure to be here, sir.

You know, a lot of people emailed me after Dan was on The Sound of Young America and said, Dan should come on Jordan Jesse Goh. That was like a Jordan Jesse Goh without Jordan. Oh. Which I don't know if that was good or negative. Yeah, I think that's put us all in an awkward position right off the bat. Should I have fired Jordan? Is that what I should have done?

I don't think that was the case. Oh, man. I kind of feel like somebody's interviewing for my job while I'm still in the room. Nice. Yeah, well, I mean, Jordan. It's a little rude, Jesse. Jordan, I'm not saying you're fired i'm just saying you're on shaky ground watch your back i feel like a slightly aged really hot woman on a

soap opera right now that's a really complex metaphor to just leave sitting well you know i think you know just the you've all you've heard you've all feeling. You've all heard the parable of the slightly aging soap opera woman. You know how she shows up, and then I just go like this. I know this doesn't play on the podcast because you can't really see the audio. Honestly, we're not that concerned. I'm going to be honest with you, Dan. Our whole podcast doesn't play in audio. Like when Jesse goes, it was really awkward.

It was like, are they saying I should fire Jordan? And then I just, I stand here like this. Oh, he's giving a side long glance. Yeah. You guys, I don't know why that makes me feel like a woman.

We're going to eat a lot of different things on this show. Cause a lot of people have sent us things. And I, by the way, I'm announcing this right now in the introduction to this week's program. Stop sending us stuff. Not hookup stuff. Foreign candy.

We've got plenty. Yeah, we're basically going around the globe at this point. A lot of people are bothered. Unless you've got some candy from an offshore oil rig in Antarctica. That's basically the only candy we don't have. Yeah, or even just a research station in Antarctica. Sure. I mean, I don't want it to be only oil rig stuff.

Oh, I do. Okay, sorry. Anyway, Jordan, would you rather taste Spunk Salt Lekrids or Spunk Vingummy? Which one will make me seem less gay? I think is the big question. She sounds like somebody's being arrested in the background there. Well, I would say probably Spunk Salt Lac Rids, which is just less colorful, and it's black. It's kind of solid and black.

So wait, my only two options are called spunk, though, right? Can we... Yeah, no, absolutely. I have to eat spunk in some... I'm guessing... Well, there's also this candy called penis. Oh, I'll take that. That's not a real candy. That's just your dick.

Okay, here we go. I appreciate that you added the food coloring, though. Okay, I'm going to try... It's easier to... I'm going to try spunk... What's Dan going to eat? What kind of gay thing is Dan going to eat? That's the name of my new podcast, Spunk of In-N-Gummy.

What kind of gay thing is Dan going to eat? Okay, how would you say this is like a little... Wow, I'm not looking forward to this. It looks like a little bird. It looks like a combination of a bird and a paisley. Mine looks like a piece of charcoal. Oh, yours is black. It's got a black dust that's rubbing off on my hands.

It looks like a tiny, tiny part for a mountain bike that you can't get without sending it away. This is as hard as a rock. This is like a black jujube. Yeah, this is like a red licorice jujube. Well, we ate spunk. Are you happy?

Are you happy, 12-year- you happy 12 year olds we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go like a pill yeah yeah like no upon further consideration you know we've been thinking about it. Not in your best interest. You ready? Yeah. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. With us, author Dan Kennedy, his most recent book, Rock On, an office power ballad. That's from memory, folks. Nice. Published by Doubleday. Nice. Was it published by Doubleday. Nice. Was it published by Doubleday? No.

Wrong. Wrong memory. You had a different memory. I guess I did. I'm often having those. Nice different memory, Jordan. Dan's giving that voice a shot. He's giving that character a shot. He's going to see how it works out.

He's giving it a try. Ol' uppity. Yeah, that's what see how it works out he's giving it a try a couple weeks on the probe it's been a couple weeks since we've been here sure uh certain members of the team uh are often called to foreign ports of call for work purposes and sometimes it precludes us from recording. We're back now. A few weeks ago, we asked our listeners, Dan, just to fill you in, to hook us up, basically. After we put out this request for foreign candy, what happened is this. Somebody emailed me. They said they couldn't afford to donate to support the show, but they wanted to do something. They were unemployed and living on the lam in Scandinavia.

No, on the dole, not on the lam. Possibly wanted to do something. They were unemployed and living on the lam in Scandinavia. No, on the dole, not on the lam. Possibly also on the lam. Oh man, I just ratted them out. Do not call Scandinavian America's Most Wanted because I just spilled the beans on that person. But I think on the lam means on the dole in Scandinavia. Yeah, exactly.

That's true. But this person had a friend who worked in an Icelandic candy factory and said, would you like me to send you some Icelandic candy? Is this a bar joke, by the way? Just a really complex one? Anyway, so the priest says... 12-inch pianist. Good night, everybody.

I've got a friend that works in an Icelandic candy factory. Exactly. But you have to knock three times and then stick your dick in a hole before he'll let you into the candy factory. Wait a minute. That's the rooster. And the Irishman was drunk. Oh.

Okay. So what we interpreted from that was we have an amazing power. You know, we have thousands of listeners across the world, and they can hook us up with shit. Right. Just hook us up. We don't even know what we're getting. Jordan offered to hook people up with Fuel TV swag. Sure up we don't even know what we're drawing offered to hook people up with fuel tv uh swag sure yeah i've got it i've got it uh in spades well guess what

our listeners have come through okay number one uh this is from uh brook in oregon oregoncookies.com is her family business wow her i guess thousands dozens of generations of Oregonian Brooks have gone onto the internet at OregonCookies.com to make and sell oatmeal raisin cookies, chocolate chip cookies, and peanut butter cookies. I would say we should eat those on the air, but I think it's not going to work. It's not going to be a good thing. The spunk thing was kind of interesting because you don't know it, but I think we know those cookies are going to be delicious, and I don't think there's any

suspense. There's no doubt. I ate half of one of them already. How'd that go? It went pretty good. I liked it. It was a nice cookie. I mean, I don't know. I'm going to be honest with you, Jordan. I don't have a lot of call for mail-order cookies in my life. You don't? If I of call for mail order cookies in my life. You don't?

If I need cookies... You love baking from scratch, right? I love to bake from scratch, absolutely. Are you one of those people that will just go down to the store and get a cookie? Are you one of those Philistines? I just don't like signing for packages, okay? I do not like accepting deliveries. Okay.

Also, the URL for OregonCookies.com Is really close to a porn site he likes So there's some confusion He ends up masturbating a lot Before he can buy the cookies Which is odd for everybody I once frequented a bakery Remember that iced oatmeal cookie I gave you Dan?

Wait wait sorry Finish your bakery story Dan Before Jesse made that cum joke Just that there was a small bakery The oatmeal cookie I gave you, Dan? Wait, wait, sorry. Finish your bakery story, Dan? No, just that... Before Jesse made that cum joke? Just that there was a small bakery I used to frequent often in New York where one of the customers would masturbate a lot, but it was... Yeah, sure. A little weirder.

Absolutely. It happens on the brick and mortar. Okay, so this is... If it weren't for a different thing that we got as a hookup, this might be the best thing that we got as a hookup this might be the best thing that we got as a hookup okay matt bobola lives in uh uh moyock north carolina um and he bobola from moyock yeah sounds like noises jerry lewis would make now matt bobola's mother matt bobola's mother mrs bobola works in an icelandic candy factory yes with a priest one day the priest says mexicans are lazy his mother you've you've seen these television commercials where you get to learn a high-paying quality trade.

His mother learned such a trade, dental hygienist. I was hoping TV VCR repair. No, dental hygienist. She works in a dental office, and among her jobs at the dental offices, she's in charge of ordering the stuff that you get at the

end of your visit to the dentist. Oh. Small bottles of... So, we've got intermediate level toothbrushes. We've got intermediate level toothbrushes. We've got... We don't want to sprain an ankle on the advanced toothbrush.

We've got a dental floss holder. We've got a package of... Fun toys. Oh, hologram spittle doodles. What are those called? They say fun toys on the bag. I'll just call them fun toys. Yeah, I love the fact they just net out at 12 fun toys.

Okay. Ooh, a number of nice finger puppets in here. Ah. We've got some monkeys who are encouraging you to have good oral hygiene and a frog who's flossing. A bunch of super high bouncy balls. Because later he's going to go a-courting. He's going to go a-courting, Jesse? Some of those Chinese finger traps. Jesse, do you think he to go a-courting. He's going to go a-courting, Jesse?

Some of those Chinese finger traps. Jesse, do you think he'll go a-courting? It's possible. Does she work for a dentist or a clown? Uh-huh. For children. The bag you're holding right now is like Chinese. Who gets Chinese finger cuffs when they go to the dentist?

The kids get those now? You ever been to a tricky Chinese dentist? He loves dentistry, but also he played joke. Watch out before you crack that soda. That's how he encourages you to. Here, help yourself to a can of nuts before I work on your teeth. Oh, it's snakes. And all the dental floss.

Oh, look at this thing. This is not dental floss. I believed it to be dental floss. However, it's something called clean paste floss. It's about a foot thick. Oh, this is going to be great. I'm going to guess that this floss is impregnated with toothpaste. Oh, that's wicked.

It's a powerful floss. How does that even get between your teeth, though? It's like a toe rope. Yeah, well... It's pretty thick. It is pretty thick, but, you know, if you've got fucked up teeth like me... Hey, people...

If, like me, your parents couldn't afford orthodonture... You know, people were complaining a little bit that we ate on the air. They said it was obnoxious that we ate on the air. Man, just wait till they hear us flossing, huh? Yes. Let's take it to the next level. Taking it to the next.

Of alienation. Okay, now we've been talking here about hookups, right? Who can give us the hookup? Well, it would appear that we got a world champion hookup on this week's program. You're not talking about Bobla? Willie Nelson! Wait a minute. Yeah, it was a conjugal visit.

Willie Nelson. The ultimate hookup. Is that what you guys did when I was late? You both fucked Willie Nelson and I didn't get to fuck him or watch. That's awful. I'll never be late again. You were the butt of that old prank.

Yeah, the old... That old we're just hanging out prank when really Willie's here. Now, Layla writes to us from San Francisco, my hometown. Sure. I heard your plea for swag and knew I had to act.

It just so happens that I work at a dildo store. The kind run by fat lesbians, metaphorically if not literally. Metaphorically? That's not a popular metaphor. Well, this one's run by a fat lesbian. Hey, look who's talking, older lady on

a soap opera metaphor guy. No, no, no. I think there's your two kinds. I'm sure to the sex-op Aficionado, there's more than two kinds But to the general, only occasional Erotic product purchaser There's filthy trench coat

And fat lesbian And fat lesbian And you definitely want to go with fat lesbian That's the one to go with It's nicely lit It's in a nice part of town They're not ashamed. You can get a nice fro-yo after.

They have different kinds of lube. One for your vagina, one for your butt. You know, every time you say that sentence, whether it's in a crowded restaurant or here on the podcast, everything comes to a halt. Now, she didn't say specifically what the store was,

but I'm judging by this canvas tote bag, which I have a hard time imagining myself using in public. Me, me, me. It's Good Vibrations, the San Francisco sex shop, which is actually the very fat lesbian sex shop that I have patronized in my life. It's the only fat lesbian... So that's your fat lesbian sex shop. I like to think in my life. It's the only fat lesbian... So that's your fat lesbian sex shop.

I like to think of it that way, certainly. Okay. We have a t-shirt here. It's a size medium ladies t-shirt. So I'm guessing it's for Teresa? Yeah. Or Coco. It says, Girl Toys.

Which I'm guessing is a brand of dildo. Do you think this is a promotional dildo shirt? Everybody act like they don't know if that's a brand or not. Okay, there we go. What else have we got in here? Got some... Ooh, 15% off coupon. I'll be keeping that.

That's such a proud day when you walk into a sex shop with coupons. You just go in, what's on special? What do you got in the dollar bin? Is this the one that was in Sunday's ad? Oh, look at this. This is some refrigerator magnets. Do you beat competitors' prices? Refrigerator magnets.

I might find one of these at Best Buy for like three bucks cheaper. Right, well you match it. We've got a lot of different kind of personal size. Oh, there's enough for everybody. Here, Dan, you get one of these refrigerator magnets here.

Who's this girl on the refrigerator magnet? She looks like sort of a drugged teen runaway. Here's a sugar-free, clear flavored body glide. If you see her, you call that number. Oh, that's how it works. If you see this girl, go to goodvibes.com.

Oh, cool. Some anal beads. For an anus. That is really nice. It's my first anal beads. She's correct in anticipating that I've never used any anal beads. Let me see all those because I think I have a good airport security joke

for tomorrow when I fly. And, oh, wow. That looks like a really fine probe. Oh, my goodness. That's for an anus specifically. I think it's mildly hostile what this woman has mailed you guys. I don't think so. This is an anal flex probe. It's got different speeds of vibration. This one, less so than the anal, even more so, significantly

more so than the anal beads. This one looks like something you'd buy at a trench coat sex store. That could actually be medicinal, Jesse. That could be like a Dr. Scholl's type of thing. Yeah, this could be for posture. Well... This could relate to the posture somehow. Wow. Nope, that was great.

Thank you. Thanks for that. Thank you, sex pervert. That's called getting the hookup. Now, what I want... I kind of want to know if there's people out there who can give the hookup to anyone who's listening to this show. By the way, everybody, look out for your free Fuel TV swag pack, courtesy of Jordan

Morris. Yeah, awesome. I just want to thank Jordan for clearing the air with something as innocent as a Fuel TV swag pack after the last package. Is it cool if I keep the dildos? Again. Yeah, it's fine.

Another tired refrain coming from you. I had a dog. Yes, Jesse. My God. You can keep the dildos. I've hung out with you briefly twice, and it's just like, is it cool if I keep the dildos?

Is it cool if I keep the dildos? It's like, God. You're like the guy who goes to the party and is always asking, are the drinks free? The drinks are free, right? Free drinks? Yeah.

I just don't want to offend anybody, so I thought I'd just double check. The last thing I want to do is step on anybody's toes sensibilities-wise, so I wanted to check if it was okay if I keep these dildos. I think it's kind of a general rule of thumb. If you read any etiquette book, if they're mailed to you, it's fine to keep them. I think it's always been the rule of thumb. I don't have to return these dildos? My understanding was...

What, it's like a Netflix situation? Wait a minute, I get these. You put them in the prepaid envelope. Keep them as long as you want. No late fees. Put more dildos in your dildo queue. Thanks, DildoFlex. Now, you guys are joking, but that sounds pretty good to me,

because dildo late fees have been killing me lately. Yeah, that's how they make all their money. Well, then you need NetDil. Yeah, exactly. That's your internet dildonic source. You know, actually, Jesse, could you move that last package away from the package of children's toys?

Just for peace of mind while we continue. The children's toys and things that will go in our mouths. Not that those aren't wrapped up. Dan, on the topic of swag, your book kind of detailed your working for a big record label. What kind of swag were you... Did you get anything good? Yeah, yeah. What were of swag were you... Did you get anything good? Yeah, yeah. What were you able to give away when you...

You worked in marketing specifically. Yeah. But I really wasn't on the swag end of things, you know what I mean? But I knew the swag people. You were friends with Fat Joe. They loved the coasters, the keychains. You got your T-shirts, your various sundry items seem very popular.

Why a bottle opener? Yeah, yeah. I don't know why I said that like a 40s film noir character. Why a bottle opener? Yeah. Why? It'll open. Yeah. Why? Open your sody pop right up. Some

gin mill hothouse flower comes in with this type of bottle opener. Hey, kid, I can't open my knee high. You got one of those bottle openers. You need a bottle opener. Jordan, I don't know if you've ever been to Scandinavia. Nope. Dan, I don't know if you've ever been to Scandinavia. Nope. Dan, I don't know if you've ever been to Scandinavia.

I've been to the Scandinavia a few times. Probably the most significant mouth oral hygiene brand in Scandinavia is Jordan asterisk love your teeth. With

special thanks to Ann in Norway we have Jordan dental floss Jordan toothpicks some more floss here we've got this chiffon microfiber that is a sweet chiffon microfiber

this is nice very nice that's a high end chiffon microfiber wow we got nice. Very nice. That's a high-end chiffon microfiber. Wow. We got a travel brush. That's a nice travel brush. Could have used that this weekend. It's like a mini microfiber. Oh, man.

These are nice. We're never going to need to buy toothbrushes again. Yeah. No one we need is ever going to need... This looks like a feminine product. What is this? Jordan. Oh, no.

They should put my face on all the feminine products. Don't worry, guys. I'll be their spokesperson. Don't worry, guys. This isn't a feminine product. It's a universal clute. Oh, sweet. So let me get this straight. You just put a universal clute next to a

microfiber? It shuts the grid down. You can't cross those beams. Dan, do you... I actually have a... We have a coin-operated dryer in my building, so I don't need these Kless Clippers, but, do you need any Kless Clippers? Do you ever?

Oh, it's so sweet of you, but I've got a Dolsch open where I live. So I'm good. Jordan, do you need a Kless Clipper? I've got enough Swedish word. Thank you. Okay, okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Go. It's Jordan, Jesse, Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. I don't have a nickname. You can make up one. I can right now. We encourage the guests to make up their own nickname. Author Dan Kennedy. Dol Shopen.

Books. Dol Shopen. That's too complicated.? Dol Shopen. Books. Dol Shopen. That's too complicated. Dan Dol Shopen Kennedy? It's Swedish for laundry hanging. Oh, I gotcha. I thought. According to that last package. Dol Shopen it is.

Dol Shopen. Dol Shopen. Have you guys got all that huckleberry taffy out of your teeth? Oh my god. I made the mistake of slamming my huckleberry taffy. I was like, dude, dude, just do it, do it, do it. Do the huck. Do the huck, dude, slam a huck. Get hucked.

Do another one. We got a whole box of candy from Sweden, too. Wow. This one's like packed all carefully and shit. Oh man. Don't they know we're just gonna throw it on the ground? Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. We're not gonna eat it on air, we're done with that.

But I wanna say some of these things. Got some jelly. I wanna say some funny words.. Got some jelly. I want to say some funny words. We got some jelly halens. Oh, these jungle vralls look really good. It's a monkey's candy. Oh, sweet. A monkey's candy.

Oh, good. He's got written on the area of the customs declaration where you say what's inside. Chocolate, all sorts. Oh, some Billars. These will look like a little, well, Sviridj's messed copter, Bill. Sure. Absolutely. You know what I just looked at?

What? Universal Clute. The Universal Clute looks sad. Look at it. It looks like it's for some totally depressing condition that you never want to get, no matter how old you become. Oh, man. Chocolate-coated toffee lollipops?

Doomlies? You want some of these? Yeah. Those are for you. I'll take those Doomlies. I'm hanging on to most of it. I'm not letting you get near my Malico Zoo or my Malico's gotten blend at.

You don't have gotten blend at. Is that seriously gotten blend at? Let me see. That is gotten blend at. Jordan, where have you been all this time? Oh, jeez, yeah. I'm a little loopy.

I think this is the dirtiest and most sleep-deprived I've ever been while doing a podcast. Like, honestly, it's fine. You guys can tell me if I smell bad. No, you don't smell bad. You smelling anything?

Not today, buddy. I think there's something oddly... Typically, but... It's historic. Wow, maybe... I think there's something oddly arousing when... Here, if you're concerned about your odor, I'd put some of this sugar-free, clear-flavored Body Glide.

It's Passion fruit punch. You know? And just rub your arms against your boobers like that. Yeah, just rub it like that. Stand next to that package from San Francisco, that dirty and sleep-deprived. Yeah. There's something hot about that.

Yeah, this is awesome. No, I actually just got back from Cabo. Ow! Dan? Dan? Oh, sorry. Ow. Thank you. Ow. Thank you. Ow. Dan? Dan? Oh, sorry. Ow. Thank you.

Ow. Thank you. Ow. Dan, what's your problem? Ow. Ow. What are you sitting on? No, I'm totally, I'm Cabo.

Me and you were doing the Cabo Wabo dance before we were even recording. We did do the Cabo Wabo dance before we started recording. Before Jordan even got here from Cabo. And I think, I mean, on that topic, I think this trip really cemented for me the fact that I prefer Cabo Wabo over Maui Waui. Oh, you do? You do? Yeah, you know, nothing against Maui Waui, but I'm a Cabo Wabo, man. Sammy makes a fine beverage, Sammy Hagar. Yeah, man, I didn't get to go to his restaurant. Sammy Hagar has a restaurant in Cabo, and they sell t-shirts where it's a 55 crossed out. Oh, man. Yeah.

That is so sweet. I wanted to go. I didn't get a chance. That's awesome. I wish I had a hit record I could turn into a novelty t-shirt. I'm still trading on a catchphrase from 1981. Oh, I got you guys senior frogs thongs, though. Oh, thanks, buddy.

Oh, I got you guys Senior Frogs thongs, though. Oh, thanks, buddy. I was there for the SEMA conference, S-I-M-A. I was going to ask if you went to that. They have a whole conference for that, huh? Mm-hmm. And what the SEMA conference is. That's actually, that was just after you went to the Boxed Wine conference. Right.

It's the Bacardi Breezers Conference You know a lot of people are like Yeah we gotta go because we're going to Sundance I like to just be like yeah we gotta go We're going to Boxed Wine B-Dub The first time I went to the podcasting conference It was sharing

You want a glass of B-Dub Yeah we would love to stick around But we gotta fly to B-Dub We gotta hit B-Dub? Yeah, we would love to stick around, but we've got to fly to B-Dub. We've got to hit B-Dub. We've got a lot of contacts we've got to make. Make some contacts. Press the flesh, as they say. Sure, sure.

This is a convention for surf companies, and then they have kind of an award show awarding the best surf products of the past year. Best wetsuit, best women's apparel, best ad campaign, that kind of thing. And I was there. I vote best women's apparel bikini. Yeah. For the 37th year in a row.

Bikini. Surprise winner this year, Victorian bathing suit. Yeah, with cap and coming in from for the first time on the list universal clute a big upset people were we're hoping dark horse long t-shirt there's some there's some suspicion of vote tampering on the part of our Scandinavian jury members. And here's an example of one of the acceptance speeches. And this is, and the people who run the surf industry are absolutely the people you think would run the surf industry. Like, I'm kind of wondering what these people will be like, You know, yes, they totally run the surf industry.

And here's an acceptance speech. And this guy is talking about... Wait, can I ask you a quick question about this ceremony? Yeah. Is everyone wearing board shorts? Most. And ties. And here's an example.

And this guy is talking about how grateful he is to work in the surf industry and everything it's an example and this guy is talking about uh this guy is talking about how grateful he is to work in the surf industry and everything it's afforded him and he says you know we should all feel so thankful to work and very sweet very sincere he's saying um you know we're really really lucky to be working in this industry it uh lets us pay for our homes to feed our kids, to cruise, to do whatever. To cruise? To cruise. In what capacity is he using that term?

I think in the George Michael sense, right? Yeah. He's like, you know, with a little bit of cash, we're free to cruise. Like, we got our families at home and houses that the mortgage is paying on. What he's saying is, if you work in the surfing industry, nobody's going to accuse you of heading down to Central Park for a little man-on-man... Anonymous bush area love in the trees.

Exactly. Because they know that you're a virile surfer type of dude in board shorts. Speaking of cruising, this is a terrible tangent, but have I talked about that thing I listened to on BBC about cruising? No. I was listening to something on BBC radio about cruising, and it absolutely illustrated the difference between BBC News and our news. And it's this guy, and he goes down to Golden Gate Park to investigate cruising.

Yeah. And he's got this real aggressive journalist tone. He's got this real aggressive journalist tone he's got this real hard news journalist tone he's like he's like walking around you can kind of hear the ambient noise and he's like there are two men just met in the bushes now i will wait i will wait for them to finish and then i will approach them and this guy totally interviewed this this gay cruiser post blow job no you can't do that. Yeah, he's like, I will lie in wait for them.

Then I will strike like a journalistic vulture. Anyway. I will pick off the weakest of the wildebeest herd. These two males are seeing courting in the area of the... It just seems a little bit wrong.

That was a great capper, by the way, Dan. Yeah, thanks for that. You really kicked it up a notch with that. What I like to bring to it... What we call a button in comedy. I like to bring a sad, sort of ellipses-laced, jet-lag button to the bit. Dan, I can't help but notice that you're slouching a bit. Can I offer you an anal probe?

No, I don't need the Dr. Scholl's posture aid that Jordan discussed. I'm fine. I'll straighten up now. Have you ever even been to Mexico? You know, I went on like a Tijuana afternoon with my family a long time ago. I think we've all gotten to Tijuana

with our family. It was like, your dad needs amphetamines, whatever. Yeah yeah mom needs some m80s yeah like i got in a fight with evil orson welles in the movie a touch of evil oh right my sister needs a garish ceramic clown dad needs amphetamines i need some knockoff Simpsons t-shirts Hey Mon Rasta Bart I want one of those

so bad I want a knockoff Simpsons t-shirt to wear around I know it's a little ironic it's a little 1998 but I would really like to wear around a knockoff Simpsons t-shirt I remember at the time when the knockoff Simpsons t-shirts were at their peak.

I'm talking about like a 1991 or two. Sure. I went to Ireland with my dad. They sold knockoff Simpsons t-shirts there. It blew my mind. I couldn't believe how many Simpsons t-shirts you could get for your dollar. What's the exchange rate over there? What is it?

Oh, it's spectacular. Well, actually... Right now's the exchange rate over there oh it's spectacular well actually now the shirt exchange rate on unlicensed simpsons stuff is crazy these days in ireland they have what's called the celtic tiger it's uh an economic engine that's driving their future at the time at the time they used knockoff simpsons t-shirts as currency so it was a direct exchange rate you could just get it right there at the airport at the uh airport you know uh uh little combio booth right you know what i'm saying this is no tijuana afternoon no absolutely not this wasn't that kind of that wasn't that kind of situation but you know i think most of most of mexico is i mean i think

you got a pretty reasonable taste because if you know obviously, obviously I'm not Mexican, but I grew up in a primarily... We kind of let that fly by pretty quickly without any scrutiny. Right. Yeah, let's check under his ears. I did grow up in a primarily Latino neighborhood, so I know a thing or two about your Los Tigres del Norte. So I know a thing or two about your Los Tigres del Norte. So I will tell you that having been to various places in Mexico, I've been to several places in Mexico, I think mostly what you'll find is Sammy Hagar's restaurants and professional surfers. But you know what?

We're kind of at this point. We're letting your affiliation with Los Tigres del Norte overshadow someone who was just there. Maybe we should go back to our original source who was actually just there. I understand you ran with a Hispanic gang. That's honorable. Let me clarify.

I also know a lot about Luis Miguel. Okay, this I didn't realize. It's both Norteños and Románticos. This could have been brought to our attention several minutes ago. Sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you guys, but I didn't think you were going to get

all up in my face and I had to smack you down a little bit. But we have a dirty, sleep-deprived, lazy, unbaked man here who wants to tell us. You what we had a caller who called in this week i'm gonna guess he was a midwestern type of fella he called in to say he always enjoys it when i say my spanish nonsense stuff like when i'm apparently when i'm talking about los tigres del norte

you know what you did though you hit him with a bunch of Swedish nonsense. You were like, you won't play the hit single. He's like, play the single. And you're like, you know what? I'm working on some new stuff. Yeah, here's something from the UL. It's just a solo project. He got his comeuppance because he traveled to Los Angeles on business with his boss.

And on the bus from the airport to the rental car place or something like that, there was a billboard or a sign in the bus for El Cucuy. El Cucuy de la Mañana. You know about El Cucuy. I was reading an LDR. Dan Kennedy is more of an El Piolín man, I think. Which would you say? El Piolín. You know what? Do you have any feelings about Radio Laser? Alpioline Man, I think. Oh. Which would you say? Alpioline. You know what?

Do you have any feelings about Radio Laser? Radio Laser is like... No. Ha! No, I don't. What about La Grande, the Ace of the Ace? You're supposed to roll the R. Yeah, doing it right.

Roll it. Roll it. I don't know about you guys, but I feel like there's no reason to make jokes since Continefloss died. The clown prince of Mexico? Yeah. Continefloss. That's our... We should do like a special show.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like just a soft focus black and white show. Yeah. We should do... You know what I mean? It's just a soft focus, black and white show. We should do, I think I should write a memoir of things I vaguely remember from growing up in the inner city while not speaking Spanish and attending private schools on scholarship. That would be so sweet. And in parentheses, what's the big deal about Selena? Yeah, exactly.

Man, that was such a big deal. Remember what a big deal that was? It was huge. Such a big deal. Huge deal. Huge thing. You're from Mission Viejo. Yes. It's a Spanish-speaking community, if I'm not mistaken.

Yes. That's why it's incorrectly conjugated. Yeah. Oh, man. I went to San Francisco this week. Yeah, how'd that go? The most beautiful city in the world. Man, getting married is really intense.

I didn't know it was so intense. Oh, yeah. You've been married, Dan? No, no, that's why I haven't been. It's just too intense. Too intense, yeah. Because you're just such a chill dude. It's crazy.

Right now, there's a big conflict going on. And we stayed with my... No, you didn't go to get married. No. You went to prep for the wedding. I went to prepare. I understand the wedding ceremony itself is intense. Yeah.

It's the miscellany that I didn't... I have a hard time... I thought I could avoid it. I thought I could just make Teresa do it. And the trouble is that, you know, Teresa's in law school. And at the end of the day, there are certain things that I have to participate in, like engagement photos. Engagement photos?

That's apparently something. It comes with our wedding photographer engagement photos. So we had to take that. That's just a photo of you today. Yeah, exactly. Just a photo of you and Teresa watching Battlestar Galactica. It's like, here we are standing in front of the fridge wondering what we should eat. Or if we should go out.

How much was that? $1,300. That's a great summary of the wedding planning experience, actually. How much was that? $1,300. Yeah, exactly. Some good things did come of my trip to San Francisco, actually. How much was that? $1,300. Yeah, exactly. Some good things did come of my trip to San Francisco, though. We met with the florist.

By the way, wedding flowers? They cost $2,000. Wow. If you were wondering how much wedding flowers cost, it's $2,000. That's like... That's like bare minimum. We went to... That's like their budget. I want that's like bare minimum we went to budget i want to be clear we went to like that's bouquets that are clearly designed for other occasions we went

to four florists that's number one we went to four different florists and all of them we said we want the cheapest flowers we want whatever is cheapest right now. We want like... Whatever's out of vogue. Yeah, like the bridesmaid bouquets. Yeah, like a peony is more of a 1920s flower. Yeah. So yeah, absolutely. The market value has dropped significantly. We'll have posies.

Yeah, exactly. Posies only. We'll have poinsettias. Just be nice. We'll have a foil pot of those on each person's table. Yeah, precisely. It costs $2,000, but when we met with this woman, I had something happen to me that just renewed my faith in this entire endeavor. Now, Dan, obviously, you've heard some Jordan Jesse goes, but you probably haven't heard the ones where I talk a lot about the wedding. It's

been a long time since I talked about the wedding. My role in the wedding planning process to this point has largely been to ensure that our catering would be provided by a taco truck. As is usually a young groom's role. Exactly. You're on taco truck. I mean, if you're having a traditional German wedding, which they are. You put the man on taco truck. Exactly. I mean... You're on taco truck. I mean, if you're having a traditional German wedding, which they are... You put the man on taco truck. Exactly.

And you try not to get a boner in your lederhosen. It's uncomfortable. It chafes. Oh, sure. It's got the suede-ed side in, you know? Oh, yeah. Tell me about... Yeah, you're preaching to the choir over here.

That's why you got two blank faces. Just... Yeah, duh, it hurts. One of the least comfortable indigenous costumes to get a boner in. Actually, I would argue that. We'll talk later, but... Yeah. Boners of the world with Dan Kennedy.

Actually, you know how Dan Kennedy knows this? One time he got really drunk and just went on a rampage through It's a Small World after all. I spent two grand on flowers that day alone. That's how high I was. Okay, so that has been the sum total of my contribution to this wedding so far. And I'm fine with that. I'm totally fine with that. You know, I'm consulted from time to time, but for the most part, you know, I just want to be left out of it.

Now, Teresa's best friend, a young lady named Jess, is a horse enthusiast. Yeah, I was going to ask you if you guys had a horse enthusiast in yet. Precisely. So she's a horse enthusiast in sort of a similar way to the way that an eight- or nine-year-old girl would be a horse enthusiast in yet precisely so she's a horse enthusiast in sort of a similar way to the way

that an eight or nine year old girl would be a horse enthusiast which is not to say that she's retarded or something but just to say she just loves horses more than anything sure so she works part-time at this ranch uh and she does uh she's working to become an equine therapist that's somebody who like takes people out on a horse ride to get them to stop being at-risk youths. That's so proven. I just want to interject. It's a proven risk reduction method.

A lot of La Tigra del Norte. La Tigra del Norte. Put down the drugs and pick up the reins. That was a really effective campaign. Thank you. Now look at me, you two. That was a really effective campaign. Thank you. Now look at me, you two. Slimer from the Ghostbusters cartoon said it.

At a horse ranch, they've got horses, and I'm going to give you a hint here, regular-sized horses. They've also got donkeys. Okay. What else do you think they might have at a horse ranch? Something that might, for example, travel to events. I think I know. I'm going to call on Dan. Would it be like a small pony? Like a Shetland pony? It would be

I'm going to go to Jordan here. The judges do not accept small pony. But it sounds like it was in that neighborhood. I'm saying dwarf horse. Yes. Mini horses. Let me get this straight. I say small pony and the judges don't accept it.

Jordan comes in with dwarf horse. Yeah, well that's what... And we have a go. It sounds funnier. Yours is just yours is, you're saying like Shetland pony. That's a full size horse. It is? It's just a small version of a full size horse. That's like a... A Shetland pony is

like a three-quarter size or half size. Oh, it is. We're talking here about mini horses and donks. Lil' Donk. No, just a donk. It's just called a donk. It's not called a Lil' Donk.

You don't need to insult these creatures. They're part of God's creation. It's like Big Dank and Lil' Donk. Okay, so a donk is a miniature donkey. For anyone who doesn't know what a donk is, it's a miniature donkey. A mini horse is a miniature horse. They're about knee-high to a grasshopper. They're adorable little creatures.

Are midgets going to ride this shit through your wedding? Is that what you're getting at? I didn't say anything about midgets. You're the one that brought up midgets. We went from, like, guess how much we're flowers. So horses aren't going to run around unrestrained, are they? You've got to have a jockey on them. A little tiny, an extra small jockey.

That's what I'm saying. You've got to have these things manned if you're dragging them into the wedding. Dan, the dogs drive the horses. Okay, I'm sorry. You're kidding, right? As I said, I... That's not actually going to happen. No, that's not going to happen.

As I was saying, I've never been married. Okay, but I'm... Oh, so I'm kidding about But you're kidding, right? As I said, I'm... It's not actually going to happen. No, that's not going to happen. As I was saying, I've never been married. Okay, but I'm... Oh, so I'm kidding about dogs driving these things. But here's the thing. Jess said just offhandedly, we were... Jess mentioned that they had donks at this farm. I mean, this ranch they work at. How do you offhandedly mention that?

Well, maybe... During wedding play, like... It's possible that I was, this ranch they work at. How do you offhandedly mention that? It's possible that I was talking about donks. It's possible. You know, I roll with a half dozen donks. I am a little bit donk obsessed. When you work there, it kind of loses its novelty. You actually get cynical about donks if you're working there.

It's like me mentioning my lunch with Travis Pastrana offhandedly. Yeah, exactly. And people are like, what? I don't know what that is. It's something else. Continue. Is that like a member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers? It is, yes. A motorcycle daredevil. The only one I know is the flea. Yeah, and the Chad Smith. And the Chad Smith.

Okay, so she mentions one day that she basically, to summarize, has access to donks. Ha! Right. A donk could go missing from her work and people wouldn't know. She inventories the donks. She'll just cross it off. All I'm saying, if you get my drift, I work the closing shift. If you need a donk. Yeah.

my drift i work the closing shift if you need a donk yeah now i told theresa that i wanted and she said kind of slightly in jest jess said slightly in jess well maybe i could get you some donks for your wedding because these donks do events now i would theresa and i this is a complimentary donk situation theresa and i laughed about this and i said oh i want donks at our wedding and then we both laughed and there it lay right but the more i thought about it the more i realized that when i said i want donks at our wedding what i meant was i actually want donks at our wedding like that's not a little thing i said because it's funny that jess can get donks right now that the donk now i have added a second demand to my wedding planning my part of the wedding planning, which is I demand donks. Now, it turns out that the donks are friends with the minis. That's what you call mini horses.

Jordan calls them dwarf horse. You call them dwarf horse? They travel together, and I'm perfectly happy to have some minis there, too. You're not going to exclude the minis. Not at all. This is like, you can't have DMC without Ron. So we went and had this meeting with the florist.

I'm bringing it back to the florist here. We're sitting down with the florist. She's showing us pictures of different flowers, because who in God's name knows the difference between one flower and another? We're going through it. We're talking about it. She's talking about how, you know, she also does this thing where she does day of wedding coordination. You know, like she's the person who's in charge.

Oh, I get it. And like tells the wedding to start and that kind of thing. We're thinking, gosh, we really don't want Teresa's mom to be in charge of that. Maybe that's a good idea. Yeah. And so on and so forth. And somehow the subject of donks comes up i don't know how i don't know how it could have come up jordan you know it's

just sometimes the word donk really loud sometimes you're just someone else was talking you're talking and you know someone's going flower flower mumble mumble flower and you're like donk yeah who's got the donks i think that's reasonable who let the donks out i don't know and at this point i want to remind you that i'm talking to a wedding professional sometimes when she's not a florist she also works as a wedding planner now in my mind at this point donks while donks is burying itself into my heart like a cattail into a dog that wasn't checked for cattails after it ran in a field, I'm still thinking of it as something, it's moved beyond

the point where, it's moved to the point where I know that I really want it, but it has not yet moved to the point where I feel justified in asking for it. It still sounds, as I'm sure it does to you, batshit insane. No, well, the thing is that it was trotted out so enticingly in front of you time and time again. You wouldn't be a crazy man for saying, yes, I want that. Because every time you turn around, someone's like, hey man, remember about the donks, that's all I'm saying. People are just always talking about donks in casual conversation yeah it comes up a lot yeah

so it's not like you're just like pulling this one out wild you know what i mean it's like if you're like i'm just trying to get a sensibly priced taco truck and they're like really it's like if you married your high school sweetheart moved away she died you became a widow and then you went to the high school reunion, it just comes up. Yes. You keep ripping off the scab. Super good metaphor. In this case, the donk scab. Sorry, Mr. Metaphor.

It's like an aged woman on a soap opera looking like this. That was my audio interpretation of the look. Okay, so it comes up. Donks come up, okay? As they do. What do you think the wedding planning professional thinks about the donks?

I'm going to guess she's a traditionalist. And in my head, she's like a Three Stooges villain. She's just some woman with opera glasses all the time. Or like the lady from the Marx Brothers movies. What's that? Margaret Dumont? Sure. What do you think, Dan? Or like a female shooter McGavin. Yeah, I would

err with her sort of seeing it as an opportunity to possibly provide you with more services. Like, did I mention I'm also a donk wrangler? Well, guess what, boys? She loves the idea. She thinks it's one of the best ideas she has ever heard.

Wait, what are the Donks going to do? They're going to hang out. They're so cute. They're so cute, Jordan. They're just going to sit in the pews? Jordan, they're not going to be at this. They're not involved in the ceremony. Oh, I'm sorry.

Jordan, I'm not marrying a Donk. Oh, so you're not involved in the ceremony oh i'm sorry jordan i'm not marrying a donk oh so you're not that's not legal yet what do they do they hang out at the wait a minute how are you it may be legal here in california i know in light of certain judicial decisions is it just gonna be like sort of like a fellini film like you're gonna like walk up to the church and all of a sudden everything's gonna be black and white and there's donks like strolling on sort of vacant landscape and yeah okay yeah that's exactly what i was looking for yeah so here's what i'm thinking i'm thinking we can have two maybe one or two hours of donkage what what is donkage what happens in donkage they just stand around yeah well they poop sometimes.

Maybe children are allowed to feed them food pellets. Okay. That's something I'm hoping for. A little petting zoo. A little wedding day petting zoo. Yeah, exactly. A kind of donk petting zoo. So there's a bit of donkage at the beginning of the reception,

then the donks can go. You see what I'm saying? And it really brings a certain donkish flavor to the whole thing. A certain livestock motif. Yeah, exactly. It's the one thing you're missing. You've got tacos. Yeah, exactly.

So we had to present this to Teresa's parents, who were paying for the wedding. These are people of modest means. They thought we were, well, they thought I was joking. Anything I say, they think I'm joking, which, you know, to be honest, it's a safe bet. So you mean these are the kind of people that you can't like sit down with and go, you know, I'd like some tiny dwarf horses and miniature donkeys running through the wedding. And they're like, and they can't, they think, oh, comedy, you're doing comedy. Right, yeah, I mean, it's...

It's just short-sightedness. It's a sickness in my eyes. It is a disease, and you should have compassion. Yeah, I mean, they should be going to meetings, but... They're not gonna. You know what, some people get it. You know, they go when they're ready. Yeah, you know what?

They have to be ready. You're not gonna get them there. Don't take that on. To losing battle. I'm at this point right now where I feel like no sacrifice is too great to have donks in my wedding. So these aren't free donks? We're not sure yet. Because she kind of heavily discounted.

We're not sure yet. We're looking into it. But here's the thing. She kind of trotted it out like, grab a half dozen if you want. Yeah, yeah. It seemed to me that was the... You give me the yes. I mean, I feel the same way.

But the fact of the matter is there does have to be a donk wrangler of some sort. Somebody has to bring a donk pen. You know, somebody has to operate the food. The donks don't walk from the... Yeah, from the ranch to Fort Mason in San Francisco. I mean, just at the end of the day, you guys, what's important? True love or donks? I submit to you that the two are inexorably linked.

I think like every young boy growing up, you had this day in your mind, you know, and it was the perfect day. This is my day, right? This is your day. The white dress. The donks. All your friends.

And then miniature livestock just parading about. You know what I mean? And that's what, as men, that's what we grow up with. And that's what society tells us is right. Not doing any, just the little guys hanging out and not doing anything in particular. Getting touched. You guys, I've been doing some collaging around this, and I think you're absolutely correct. Is that the vision board we see over here?

Yeah, absolutely. I think you should stick to this. Notice all the... I had a hard time finding pictures of donks. They're harder to find than pictures of donkeys So I just cut the regular donkeys off at the knees I see also He sort of just forced the perspective

By putting really large things next to Yeah exactly It was sort of like Lord of the Rings right Just like those little donk men In Lord of the Rings There's also a caption from 17 magazine That says sexy girlfriend. Yeah.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's, love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. And Dan Kennedy with no Swedish nickname. Now, Jordan.

Yes. Look me in the eyes here. How is MaximumFun.org supported? Listeners. Yeah, listeners just like you. In this case, I'm not talking to Jordan. I'm talking to you, the listener. Not Dan either.

I'm pointing at Dan, but I'm not talking to Dan. You're also sort of pointing at the mixing board. Yeah. Well, I am talking to the mixing board in a sense. It's time to pony up. Mixing board. You just come around here and hang out all week. Yeah.

Mixing board. This is really good. This is going to be our most successful pledge break ever. It's opened up. It's opened so strongly. Okay, here's the deal. Maximumfund.org, that's, you know, Jordan Jesse Go, The Sound of Young America, the Casper Hauser Comedy Podcast, the Coil and Sharp Podcast, the blog,

the discussion forums, your meetups, the whole nine yards, my dog Coco. It's all supported by listeners. Now, as of right now, if you average out the total number of downloads in a given month to the total number, the total amount of donation income, people pay on average less than one penny per download in donations. So what I'm saying is you have culpability. If you're feeling guilty right now because you haven't donated, that was my plan all along. Man, you know what one of the public radio stations out here is doing for their pledge drive? What's that? Instead of getting a pledge, like just to make the whole thing more guilt-ridden, instead of

getting a pledge gift, they want you to plant trees in the name of your donation. Fuck that. I'm giving out pledge gifts. Yeah. Fuck trees. We've got over 150 pledge gifts. Yeah, you're not going green. Among our pledge gifts, five copies of Dan Kennedy's book.

You should get it. Right here. Boom, bap, boom, bop. Here's how it works. This is the shit that you can get. Number one, we're asking you to donate on a monthly basis. It's recurring. You don't have to do anything.

Two bucks a month, five bucks a month, 10 bucks a month, 20 bucks a month. Just give a little money to support maximumfund.org. And 26 other Maximum Fun listeners have pledged sort of walk-a-thon style that they will donate $37.70 amongst them for every new donor that we get during this pledge drive. That's number one. So you have been challenged if you are not yet a donor. Number two, if you donate during this pledge drive, if you start a new monthly subscription, you get to pick something from our thank you gifts, or at least indicate some preferences, because we don't really have an inventory system, so you can't really call something exactly. But we'll do our best to get you one of the things you want.

We've got millions of awesome, awesome books. We've got DVDs, CDs. We've even got some passes to our pals Jimmy Pardo and Matt Belknap, who have a pay podcast. They were nice enough to give us a couple passes to their pay podcast to give out during our pledge drive. So you get a thank you gift. Number three, if you give $5, $10, or $20 a month, $5 a month or up, you get a special t-shirt that you can only get during this pledge drive. It was the winner of our t-shirt contest, the MaximumFun.org t-shirt contest. It has a sweet boom box on it. It's really cool. And basically, at this point, there's no excuse for you not to have given. That's what I'm saying. At the end of

the day, that's what we're talking about here. So all you have to do is go to the MaximumFun.org, click on the donate, and hopefully I will continue to be able to eat. That's what we're looking for here, Jordan, basically. A man not starving to death. Yeah, not to mention a dog. If it makes you feel more guilty that you're starving a dog to death rather than starving a man to death, just think of the fact that your not donation starves my puppy.

Look at Coco. Look how Coco shakes. I know. Is that normal or is that just hunger? Oh, that's hunger. Coco, I thought that was the octo. Yeah, well, she's fat now, but she used to be really fat. Help get her back fat.

Help make dog fat again. Anyway, in all seriousness, there's so many prizes and thank you things and so on. And the pledge drive will run until the end of the month. I mean, you can donate anytime. But there's a special pledge period where we'll get the extra donation from the challenge group. And you can get these special prizes and everything. It's through the end of the month. And visit MaximumFun.org and click on Donate.

If you like something, you should support it. That's basically my position on it. That's what I'm asking for. If it's something that you care about, we're not running some kind of Nickelodeon here with a lot of Froot Loops advertisements. You see what I'm saying? We really do rely on you. So MaximumFun.org, and then just click Donate in the upper right-hand corner. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, have you ever had too much fun? Uh, I mean, I just did. Can you please point the microphone at your mouth? It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Jordan, have you ever had too much fun? I mean, like just now? Like when I had it then? Yeah, with Dan Kennedy? Yeah, I have. Yeah, me too, man. I am beat. Yeah. I don't even want to talk about how I'm going to feel tomorrow.

You got to take a little fun nap. Yeah, I'm going to go hide out in the dock and take a snooze. Why not? Okay, well, no, this is what happened. We had a really great time with Dan Kennedy. I don't want to give you a bunch of hour and 45 minute long podcasts. Plus, you know, it's sort of sweeps week. That's what I would call this, sweeps week.

Rolling out our tent poles. What we're doing is we're going to split this show up into two. We'll give you one later on this week that will also have Dan Kennedy as the guest. It'll be sort of two three-quarter shows, something like that. Two whole shows maybe, but maybe 90% shows, something like that. Anyway, we'll be back later next week. But I want to get to the action items so that we have some action item stuff to talk about. Action item for this week's program is Moments of Shame.

It's not only is it maximum fun drive time right now, it's also, that's sort of like our sweeps week, so we're rolling out the big guns. In our case, the big guns is you telling all of the listeners of Jordan, Jesse, Go! about the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you. We're trying, we're working on transforming this program into an audio version of Seventeen Magazine.

You see what I'm saying jordan you're getting uh you're getting shoot we're gonna be talking about boys i remember the celebrity i was gonna reference now okay you're getting a poster of zach efron at some point uh we're gonna be talking about the jonas brothers you know the kind of stuff that we're working on here prom dresses absolutely it's all right here on jordan jesse Go so if you have a most embarrassing moment whether it happened in front of the principal in front of your mom and dad in front of your crush

if you were crushing 206-984-4FUN 206-984-4FUN maybe it happened at the movie Blue Crush maybe you were drinking a crush Devil's Crush the old TurboGrafx-16 pinball game. Maybe that's where it happened.

Maybe you were enjoying some first crush applesauce from Trader Joe's. 206-984-4FUN is the number to call. 206-984-4FUN Our theme music provided to us by the free design. Please

log on to MaximumFun.org and click on donate. There is no better time than now and we have tons and tons of really awesome thank you gifts to do it. It's what pays for the brand new microphone that Jordan is talking into right now. Don't I sound great? I think you sound fantastic.

You sound handsome. That was rhetorical. It's like, yeah, of course, I sound great. Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to... No, that's fine. ...step on your rhetoric. It's fine. You just don't know a lot about rhetoric.

Have we ever talked about Casey Muhammad on this show? I think we have, yes. So they already know about Swampy Swamperson. Yes, I think everyone is well aware of Swampy Swamperson at this point. I figured if rhetorical tropes was going to come up, we should talk about Swampy Swamperson. Yes, I think everyone is well aware of SwampySwamperson at this point. I just figured if rhetorical tropes was going to come up, we should talk about SwampySwamperson. We should probably readdress. No, no, I think everybody is... Can I just give the kind of pocket edition?

Yeah, go for it. Just in case there's people out there who haven't yet heard about SwampySwamperson. Yeah. Our professor, Casey Muhammad, and so on and so forth. Synecdoche is when you refer to something by something with which it is associated or by a small part of it. So, for example, here comes the suits is a classic example of synecdoche, or There's 400 Sail Out in the Harbor is another classic example. Can't Fight City Hall. Yeah, precisely. In this case, Casey Muhammad said synecdoche is something, he's a very kind of quiet, button-down man. And he said... Underbite, severe underbite.

Yeah, very gentle, possibly Persian. You know, some kind of, you know, a little bit Middle Eastern, academic type, very quiet, gentle guy. He said, synecdoche is when you refer to something by something with it which it is associated, such as if you had a friend who lived in the swamp and you called him Swampy Swamperson. And it was the greatest moment of our lives. At least our college careers, wouldn't you say?

Oh, yeah. That was the most wisdom I got in one burst in all four years of college. Anyway, visit MaximumFun.org and donate for the Maximum Fun Drive. We'll be back later on this week with part two of this show on Jordan Jesse Go.