Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 62: There's No Pho in Santa Cruz

Episode Date: May 27, 2008

Jesse and Jordan are joined by "Big Time" Gene O'Neill.  Plus: Would You Rather, Judge John Hodgman and tales of shame.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and sex and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty man who wouldn't grow a beard,

truly spectacular tales of shame, and much, much, much more. Let's go. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Big time Gene O'Neill. You know what, Jordan? It's great to have somebody. We don't need to introduce him.

We don't need to prompt him. He's right there because he knows what's going on. He's on our wavelength, Jordan. Who are we talking about now? You, Gene. Ha ha. Do we need to reset Gene for people who might be coming into this a little late yeah gene may or may not have well gene may or may not have been murdered by you uh earlier

on in the history of jordan jesse go um he was also the long time uh the long time co-host of the sound of young america in the santa Santa Cruz days before he kind of stopped showing up. Yeah, so anyway, so the show... It worked pretty well. Alright, fair enough. What's up with you murdering me? I don't remember that happening.

Yeah, no, totally. Didn't Jordan do a new murder, Gene? Am I misremembering this? I did, but I got over it. Oh, you asshole. And I let him be back to life I did, but I got over it. Oh, asshole. And I let him be back to life. Man, if you hadn't brought it up, I would have totally forgotten. Yeah, well, you know. Hey, just forget again so the Christmas party isn't weird.

I could have used, like, a previously on Jordan and Jesse go. Oh. To kind of, like, you know, because I don't really know what's going on. I don't know what's been going on in the show. It's getting pretty convoluted. Yeah. Gene, are you Gene? Yes.

Okay, problem solved. Oh, okay. All right, now I feel like I know what's going on. Yeah, absolutely. Hey, guys, I got a big question for you. Okay. All right. Spit it out.

What do you guys like better, Egrits, the bird, or Egrits, the downloadable southern side dish. What do you like better? I don't really like Egrits, the bird. I wasn't aware they were a thing until you just said them. It's kind of like a crane. It's like a tall water bird. You only knew about Egrits? Yeah, I bird. You only knew about e-grits? Yeah, I don't really know what those are either.

The downloadable southern side dish? Oh, okay. That sounds pretty good. Can you get a cheesy e-grits? Yes. Oh, well then... It costs more. How much more?

Extra quarter? Well, it depends on how much you want. Where does the food come out of? What's the picture? The internet. It's a JPEG. Oh, you can't eat that. Oh, wait.

You cannot eat a JPEG. Yeah, I'll take the bird. You can be a companion. Fun side fact, you can't have sex with a JPEG either. I challenged that notion, Jesse. I can't rub my dick on a computer screen, though. That I do know. I know that all too well, that you can rub your dick on a computer screen.

That's why I have to keep Windex in this studio at all times. Okay, I'm going to go with Egret. Yeah? Just because I don't like egrets yeah i'll go with egrets too wait which one are you going with egrets or egrets i just want to agree with you okay well because i'm going with egrets because you can get a cheesy grits oh okay yeah that's what i'm gonna go with can you get sausage in your egrets yeah you can you can have them you can have them any way you want it that's the uh that's the slogan of egrets.com are egrets? Yeah, you can. You can have them any way you want it. That's the slogan of egrets.com.

Are egrets in danger of being extinct? They are, yeah. Uh-oh. What's wrong? A new wrinkle. Looks like we've got a defender of the wetlands. Of America's wetlands. I might have the only one. That could make me rich. Wait,

you have an egret? Well, if I had one. But you don't have one. Well, isn't that part of this hypothetical that I get the thing? Yeah, which would, you know. Which would you rather have? What do you like better? Could we just sell? So we get one.

No, this is what you prefer. No, so we get one of the egrets or we can have a. What do you think is better for America? Can you sell? Can you sell the egrets and then use the money you get to buy egrets? Yes, if you can get your hands on an egret. I'm not saying you get one in this situation. It sounds like I just found a way to have it both ways.

I mean, they fly. They're flighted birds. Can you clip their wings so they can't fly anymore? You still have to get one. If you get one enough to clip its wings, you can put it in a box and sell it. Are they strong enough for me to grab onto its talons and fly me away? Oh, no. They're too small.

Jordan, can I feed my egret to a crocodile? Yes. I'm just saying what's better for America? If you get an egret, you can do whatever the fuck you want to it. You get an egret and a crocodile in the egret one. Can I tie a note to an egret and fly it to the French Foreign Resistance? You can do anything to the egret one can i tie a note to an egret and fly it to the french foreign resistance you can do anything to the egret can i conflate the french foreign legion and the french resistance into one force i'm asking which is better like if you were to to rank them which would be number one it would definitely be better to add them to put them into one force because

then it's more skills they would have the underground guerrilla fighting techniques of the french resistance plus the desert fighting techniques of the french foreign legion and plus i'm pretty sure the french foreign legion wears berets yeah but the problem is that the leaders of both factions can't decide which is better egrets or egrets yeah and that's why that's why fundamental ideological split talks broke down, I'm going egrets. Yeah, I'm going with egrets. Were we right? No, you weren't. What? It's egrets. And I just had two egrets in the car I was going to give you guys, but now you don't get them. We were close. Oh, fuck.

He was bullshitting us the whole time when he told us we didn't get one. Can I change my answer? I'm changing my answer to egrets. Those things are ruining my car, by the way. I'm changing my answer to egrets. That's too late. I don't think you like them enough. I only wanted to give them to two guys who really like them you know jordan if you guys would rather have some flash in the pan uh fad of a side dish i'm sure you guys are gonna ditch your egrets as soon as e harricot verts comes along oh man are those out no let's go on the internet they're just a glimmer in steve

jobs's eye can i look those up on game facts yes oh man that's my home page they're available from mycokerewards.com i've saved a lot of bottle caps jordan a lot of bottle caps, Jordan. A lot of bottle caps. Sorry, guys. I'm just going to shoot the birds when I get home. Can you give me something to feed to this crocodile? That motherfucker's hungry. I know. You made your bed with that crocodile purchase. You've got to lie in it. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Big time Gene O'Neill here. You were a little bit late on that one, Gene. I thought that you were the most on top of it of any person. It seems like you were a little bit late on that. Yeah, sorry. I wasn't paying attention. I was late, man.

That was Chris Fairbanks late. I was in dreamland. To be fair, Jordan, he was in dreamland. Yeah. I went to Santa Cruz this weekend. You guys remember that place? Yeah, I seem to remember something about that place. That's that place where I got all that pussy right right yeah you're thinking of uh dreamland oh yeah oh man that's

a great place yeah i got tons of pussy there just a second ago you were getting pussy while you were sitting there with us yeah yeah you guys were there too. It was great. Cool. What was I doing? You were just laughing. What was I up to? You were taking notes. Oh, good. What a nerd. What a poindexter. Just in case I ever need to get some pussy.

Sure. Santa Cruz is weird, man. Yep. I haven't been there since graduation, so you'll have to tell me what it's like again. Not even once? No. Not even one time? Nope, not even one time.

It was really a trip for me to go to Santa Cruz. It's weird. When we were living in Santa Cruz, I had a lot of complaints about it, as you might imagine. Did you hit up your old haunts, like your dorm, and then the apartment you moved into? Yeah. I was in the beach flats flats i almost drove past that apartment you know the legendary apartment where nathaniel tried to boil an egg without any water that happened he claims that the water all boiled off but i find that no more plausible that must have been a well-boiled egg i would imagine so you gotta figure at that point it's fully boiled you know what i mean well that's

how he likes it yeah i mean no i don't mean to come down on him he likes a full well-boiled egg you know um it was like uh it was really it made me want to live there i was like man santa cruz was nice it's so life was so easy then jesse you've gone soft yeah man i'm so you want to live in santa cruz now yeah it took us that long to get out of there i want to live in yeah we fought tooth and nail to get out of that hellhole to the urban paradise we're in today and you just want to go right back in i'm thinking about in shawshank redemption where that guy hung himself because he didn't like he didn't like being out of prison yeah we haven't even made it in hollywood yet that was the deal we make it in hollywood then we go back and we fuck all our old professors that was the blood pact we made on graduation day

oh i graduated later than you guys though yeah we came back remember to make the blood pact yeah that's official it's like uh there's like i just want to be i there's like a very strong appeal to me now to be an old person yeah no you know i santa, I mean, God love it. It seems like if you're there any time in your life other than when you're going to college there or when you're being some old weirdo, those are the two times when it's okay to live in Santa Cruz. Yeah, exactly. Or if you love to surf. Sure.

Well, I mean, that seems to fall under old weirdo, too. Oh, okay. Old surf weirdo is a kind of weirdo. I was able to handle a lot more drugs back then. I know that. Yep. So I guess I missed that element. You missed the drug tolerance you once had?

I don't think that was related to the climate or anything. I don't know. There was that nice ocean breeze. It was good for hangovers. The sand was an easy place to wake up in. The bus stop here in LA, not so much. Yeah, well, fair enough. I was thinking of riding that bus down to the downtown,

going to the Salvation Army. You know, life was so simple. Go to Streetlight Records. Go to Streetlight Records. Purchase a compact disc. Yeah, man. Now they got all these digital files. I just don't understand them.

Yeah. MP3s. MP3s. On their iNanos. The pot's so strong these days. Not like when we were in college. Yeah, it was nice. It was a nice mellow high.

Yeah, very mellow. Yeah, you had to smoke a ton to get fucked up now you just get all paranoid and punch yourself in the dick um really like what do you think like what would you do like in your in this weird fantasy you had where you moved to santa cruz what do you do with your life? I'm confused. Your nostalgia for the past to be young again makes you want to be old? When I'm in Santa Cruz, I want to be there in Santa Cruz. But the only way that I can imagine staying in Santa Cruz for more than a day or two is if I'm really old. Why can't you be there now?

Because I'm not really old, Gene. I'm only 27. But what about your biology prevents you from enjoying Santa Cruz? Have you been to Santa Cruz? That place is a snooze. What do you do out here? I don't know. Nothing. Same shit I'd do in Santa Cruz, I'm sure. Yes. You can't surf

the internet in Santa Cruz. Well, I'll tell you this. There's no pho in Santa Cruz. Vietnamese noodle soup. Oh, that's true. There's no pho in Santa Cruz. Vietnamese noodle soup. Oh, that's true. There is no pho. There isn't even Vietnamese sandwich in Santa Cruz. Yeah.

And there's not those Coke parties that you love so much. Yeah, Coca-Cola parties? Sure. They only have RC Cola and Diet Right. So when you're older and you can't do the pho scene anymore. When I can't handle pho, when I'm older and I think I can't handle eating any tripe. That's when you're going to go back to Santa Cruz. Or any soft tendon.

Soft tendon, by the way, is my favorite kind of pho. Sure. I mean, it's self-evident, right? And you start drinking diet right because you'll have diabetes at that point. Yeah, absolutely. I'll be drinking diet right. I won't be having any more fuck because i can't gum it you know i can't gum the tripe you see what i'm saying i see i gotcha no but you know what i mean like santa cruz would be a great place to be lazy and do nothing are you kidding of course you just

walk around everybody's pretty nice acceptable like people are like all right good job being lazy everyone like supports laziness you know what my uh my aunt and uncle who live in washington dc they're very successful my aunt's a very successful real estate agent my uncle was a successful i want to say an engineer electrical engineer something like that you know he made a very good living he my uncle has a sister uh who lives in santa cruz they think she is the craziest fucking person in the world i mean they love her that she's related to them but you can tell when my uncle brings up his sister my aunt just rolls her eyes and think this is the batshittest woman it's because she's in a ukulele band. Oh, that could be you. And she lives in a trailer on the beach.

I think we need to get John Hodgman back on here. Should Jesse move back to Santa Cruz right now? Pick up a uke and be in a ukulele band. Man, people are so nice to you in Santa Cruz, and they're not that creepy kind of trick nice. They're just high, you know? Sure. You know what I mean?

No, absolutely. I can see the appeal. I don't know. That's kind of, on the other hand, it's also entirely possible that I was just like feeling like everyone was nice because my mom had almost poisoned my dog to death the previous night in San Francisco,

and so anything would seem like the nicest thing in the world. How'd you do that? My mom's always complaining about it and me not bringing the dog over to the house because she thinks it's a grandchild, you know? And to punish you for that. And to punish me for that. Like Coco's, you know, she's into picking shit up off the ground and eating it, whether it's, you know, a chicken bone or, of course, her beloved

octo. And she picked up some rat poison from the ground in my mom's bedroom, had to take her to the emergency dog hospital. Did she have to get an emergency dog stomach pump? Yeah, that's exactly what they did. Yeah, my dog, when I was growing up, ate some snail bait from the yard. And yeah, apparently whatever the ingredient in snail bait is that makes snails want to eat it also works on dogs. Do they put the dog on a little dog stretcher?

That'd be cool. They actually picked her up in a little tiny dog ambulance. Oh, that's cute. Driven by a dog. And it immediately crashed. Let's go poison some dogs just to get the ambulance and then cheer it on as it drives off

and there's a little dog lawyer that chases it wait I can get you more bones he says don't you think that would happen in Santa Cruz though look me in the eyes and tell me that that's not what's going on right now in santa cruz dog right now the santa cruz city council is approving legislation to make make it so that dogs can get driver's license so they can become paramedics jesus what are we doing here what are we doing wasting our lives in this hellhole? Let's get out of here. You know what I'm talking about, right?

You got your fir trees, something like that, some kind of evergreen. Got a beautiful beach. Got some surfer chicks. Got some, you know what I mean? They got that one place that had those good cookies. Oh, yeah. I remember that. Yeah, that was good. If you were with Tyler, Tyler would buy you a cookie.

He'd be like, cookies for everybody! Yeah, I'll move back there with Tyler. That guy would drop four bucks to start a party. Seriously. So are you guys in or are we going to move back to Santa Cruz now? Oh, I'm not. I have too much self-respect. Yeah, I don't like you guys enough to move somewhere with you. Thanks, though.

Well, I guess that leaves me and Coco. Luckily, our health care needs are well provided for by the team of dog paramedics. I mean, I'd like to see what those guys are going to do if you get sick, Jesse. They're not going to be so generous. You think that the dogs are going to turn against me? Yeah. I voted for the city councilman who voted for the law that allowed dogs to become paramedics. Dogs don't care.

They just want to kill all humans. The board of dog directors doesn't like you. Oh, Jesus Christ. Well, I guess we shouldn't move to Santa Cruz then. Yeah. Fine. It's done. Way to quash my dreams. Yep. Sorry, Jesse. Someone had to give it to you straight. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thor, love you, love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Big time, Gene O'Neill. Our guest on the telephone line is Jim Rayal. He's the master of Would You Rather. If you're not a long-time listener to Jordan, Jesse Goh, here's a little bit about how this segment works.

Jim will present the three of us with two choices. how this segment works. Jim will present the three of us with two choices. They may be two similar but slightly different choices, or they may be two wildly divergent choices. He's the expert. We can ask him any questions we might have about those two choices. Then we'll deliberate amongst ourselves and make our selections, which each of us would prefer from among those two. Then Jim, being the master of Would You Rather, will tell us whether we were correct or incorrect. Jim, thanks for coming back on Jordan, Jesse, Go. It's always a pleasure to have you.

Anytime, guys. I love being here. What's our Would You Rather for this week? Okay, you ready? Absolutely. Let me get my pen out. Okay. Now, would you rather be awarded the key to the city for actions of bravery

or have a 100% or be 100% illness-free for the next eight years? Wow. Illness-free. the next eight years. Wow. Illness-free. Let me ask you a question, Jim, just right off the bat,

something that just leaps to mind right off the bat. Yeah, go ahead. I had never suffered from allergies as a child, and somehow in the past two or three years, I've had a lot of hay fever issues. Would this clear up my allergies, or is it just bacterial and viral stuff? No, allergies will definitely go under the umbrella of illness. Any kind of foreign entity that invades your system in any way.

So I wouldn't have to wear a condom for eight years. No, Gene, you'd have to wear a condom. You mean a female condom in your butt? Is that what you're talking about? A foreign entity invading your body, Gene? You can still get chicks pregnant too, right? Yes, totally. Nice.

I'm looking forward to that. Oh, boy. Okay. I mean, do we know what kind of bravery it is? You know, that's something that you can, you know, you're kind of free to, you know, come up with that, with some bounds. I didn't get shot in the face, did I? No. This isn't one of those sympathy braveries where it's like you just give it to a guy who doesn't have legs anymore, right?

No, no. This is kind of a situation of, let's say, outstanding bravery. Is there a big ceremony on the steps of City Hall? Absolutely. What do chicks think about me if I've received the key to the city? Does it affect my standing with chicks? They're very impressed. Does the key to the city do anything, or is it just ornamental?

Is it just like a symbolic thing, or can it actually open doors in the city? Or a secret vault. Or get you free meals at restaurants. Well, it may get you free meals at restaurants, but it is purely decorative. It would be something that you would have up on your mantle or on the wall, or if you had a really big chain, you could maybe hang it around your neck.

What kind of... So the mayor maybe has just a box of these he goes handing out willy-nilly to, you know, first graders who write their own plays. No, that's not outstanding bravery, Jordan. That's pretty brave. You've got to put yourself out there like that? You don't even... You just ate.

They do these things out, you know, biannually maybe. Jim, the play is about the boogeyman. It was extremely brave. And how the first grader was molested. I think the kid deserves some credit, but he's maybe not old enough for the key to the city. That's a pretty adult honor. Does the key to the city come in some kind of a decorative presentation case, or do I have to buy my own presentation case in order to present it?

No, you're going to have a clear case that has mountable options. Does it have a chain so I can wear it around my neck, or possibly a clip so I can attach it to my belt? It doesn't come with that, but you can do whatever you want with it. Can I? Is it big? How big is it? Let me hold it.

Let me put the phone down. I can hold my hands out. It's probably about maybe 15 to 16 inches long. Are you, Jim, are you only, I know you are the master of would you rather, but it sounds like you can only estimate sizes by using your hands. Well, I'm a very visual person, Jesse. I can't just go willy-nilly.

He's actually using his penis right now. Is there a camera in here? Are you guys watching me? Yeah, we're watching you, Jacob. Keep doing what you're doing. Guilty! Finish up, please. It ain't the first time, buddy. Yeah, we're watching you jack off. Keep doing what you're doing. Finish up, please. It ain't the first time, buddy.

So if I have the immune system thing, are scientists going to want to study me all day to get my nutrients? Will you say that again, dude? Can you repeat that? Oh, sorry. If I have the super immune system, are scientists going to want to study me all day to get my nutrients? You know, only if you... Go blabbing.

If you're bragging in bars. You don't need to go blabbing. Well, I want to blab. I want to brag about the new thing that I'm getting. Well, sure. Then you can certainly do that. Well, I want to blab. I want to brag about the new thing that I'm getting.

Well, sure, then you can certainly do that, and I would expect that scientists would be greatly interested in your cells and your nutrients. Sounds like a double-edged sword to me. Yeah, well, you maybe want to keep it to yourself, then. Man, a lot. But also having the key to the city is a double-edged sword because guys in bars want to beat you up just because they want to, like, because they say that they took down the guy who had the key to the city. Yeah, they want to take your key to the city is a double-edged sword because guys in bars want to beat you up just because they want to, like, because they say that they took down the guy who had the key to the city.

Yeah, they want to take your key to the city. You know that brave hero? I fucked that guy up at Hennessy's. That's the law of the streets. If you beat him up, you get his key. There's actually a limited number of keys to the city, so every time the mayor gives out a key to the city, that means he kicked the shit out of a guy who a previous mayor had given a key to the city so every time the mayor gives out a key to the city that means he kicked

the shit out of a guy who a previous mayor had given a key to the city to that's what the movie stand and deliver is you would not believe how many fucking keys to the city edward james almost has right now and when that guy's in his 60s so tough when the mayor dies, only the owners of the key can open his treasure. His mayor's loot, they call it. God, you guys are a bunch of idiots. Okay, wait, no, in all seriousness, Jim. It's time to put a bow on this. Do all the illnesses build up over time, time or no and then they're unleashed upon me certainly not would i lose my various immunities and and so on and so forth no as if

i was a like a baby who's who was too often cleaned no no no you're gonna you're gonna go back to normal jesse uh There will be no negative side effects from being underexposed to bacteria or anything like that. Are you guys ready to make your decisions? Yeah, I've been ready. Jordan, what's your pick?

I'm saying Key to the City. I had kind of a brush with local fame recently. I appeared in a commercial for the NBC4 weather forecast with NBC4's Fritz Coleman. And, man, the congratulatory phone calls from family and high school friends have not stopped since the commercial has started airing. It's made me feel pretty good.

I imagine that a story about me in the local paper would bring me some similar fame that I'm going to be craving once this whole weather commercial thing wears off. Fair enough. Gene, what's your pick? Yeah, I too had a brush with fame recently. I was on Perverted Justice Dateline with Chris Hansen because I thought I was picking up a free mattress. What did it turn out to be? Apparently it turned out to be an underage girl

posing as some sort of crack team. Posing as some sort of mattress distributor. You thought you were chatting with the mattress online and you said, like, hey, I can't wait to cum on you. And they're like, oh, he's a pervert. Yeah, what the hell? Sounded just like a mattress. Anyway, yeah.

So I'm going to go with the skeleton key to the city. Skeleton key. When you say sounded just like a mattress, you mean it typed in the manner that a mattress would type. Ah, yes, that's what I meant. Thank you, Jesse. He uses a lot of emoticons and slang. Sure, absolutely.

Ah, yes, that's what I meant. Thank you, Jesse. He uses a lot of emoticons and slang. Sure, absolutely. Well, you know, as much as being a local celebrity appeals to me, I mean, I too have done my share of local television commercial. Sure, it's great to have people come up to you and say, aren't you that naked guy from that commercial for expressions. I'm going to go with eight years of perfect health just because I'm really sick and tired of this constant nose blowing.

I just think it would be great to have free and clear breath passage ways, both personally and professionally. A few times I've had to turn off my microphone and kind of discreetly blow my nose in the middle of an interview. And yeah, I'm just sick and tired of that. And above and beyond all else, you guys know I suffer from migraine headaches. And if migraine headaches were left my life for eight years, what a joy that would be. Going back would be tough, though, huh? No amount of keying into the mayor's vault would make up for that.

Even if I could get into the city's secret catacombs, I don't think it would be worth it. Oh, man. Are you sure, Jesse? Catacombs. Do you think the catacombs have any, like... Catacombs. Do you think the catacombs have any like... Catacombs. Do you think there's mummies in there though? I'm concerned about mummies. They're probably friendly like in the movies. Yeah you know you've seen the mummy. I'm sticking with perfect health. Jim you're you're

the master of would you rather who was correct? Boy this is a this Boy, this was a tough one. Not for you, though. What? Not for you, though. You're the master. Yeah, you have the answer already. Every answer is obvious. Yeah, well.

Come on, dude. Do something to help your mythos. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, this week, unfortunately, although Gene and Jordan had some pretty convincing reasons, Jesse is going to be our only winner. What? What? Bullshit. Bullshit. We did all that discussion for nothing?

I feel like that was a huge waste of time. Yeah, if I'm not going to be right, I would have rather not talked about it. Well, any day of the week... We could have been talking about what we think Indiana Jones is going to be like. Oh, man. It was so-so. I hear there's a UFO, and it's not ridiculous. They don't treat it ridiculously. Gene, stop saying things. Okay. Well, sorry. Spoiler alert, I should have said.

So why was I correct, Gene? Well, you were correct, sorry, spoiler alert, I should have said. So why was I correct, Jim? Well, you were correct, Jesse, because although, you know, prestige and, you know, the boosted confidence that having the key to the city would definitely bring, you always got to take health over those, you know, other not so, at the end of the day, not so important things. Well, Jim, to you, and to you, Gene and Jordan, I offer a simple toast. L'chaim. Screw you. Yeah. Take your Jew beard out of here. Thanks for that toast.

Thanks, Jim. Anytime. Yep. Bye, Jim. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. thanks for that toast thanks Jim anytime yep bye Jim we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go it's Jordan Jesse Go I'm Jesse Thorne

America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morris boy big time Gene O'Neill that was too fast that time it was too fast yeah that was Chris Fairbanks fast

why don't you compare everything was Chris Fairbanks fast. Why do you compare everything to Chris Fairbanks? Oh, my favorite guy. Yeah, he is a pretty awesome guy. Anyway. How would you compare Chris Fairbanks? Let me ask you this question, Jordan. Yeah.

Look at me and tell me. Sure. If Chris Fairbanks was a way to plan how to go to movies with your friends what website would chris fairbanks be why he'd be i want to see that.com that's a great website you know about this website you're on this website yeah i am on that website that is a good website yeah we click what's we click what movie we want to see and then the website tells us which people we know want to go see the movie. Do you want to go see a movie sometime, Gene, with me in the Korean movie theater? You know, that site is also good for if you have someone you don't want to see a movie with

and you find out that they want to see the same movie as you, you can in advance pretend you've already seen it. Yeah, absolutely. Jesse, I think I already saw that Korean movie you're talking about. Oh. Nice. Thanks, Iwanttoseethat.com. It helps with lies. see i think i already saw that korean movie you're talking about oh nice thanks i want to see that dot com jordan lies jordan what uh getting back to chris fairbanks here for a second sure if

comedian chris fairbanks was a site that you would use to entertain yourself on the web maybe get a few laughs um but he wasn't chrisfairbanks.com or myspace.com slash chris fairbanks um yeah man you think that guy was giving us money he should pony up at this point uh what website would you be your best guess uh that he might be i think it would be blueshat.net yeah blueshat.net sounds like a great guess. That might be what Chris Fairbanks would be, because like Chris Fairbanks, full of laughs, full of great times. It's a comic, in this case a webcomic, but it would be a website, so webcomic, right? Sure.

Believe it or not, I've been on that website independent of your guys urging me to go on it, and I enjoy it very much. There you go, blueshat.net. And there you are. Bob's your uncle, guys. Chris Fairbanks says, visit Iwanttoseethat.com and blueshat.net or you're no friend of his.

And he's from Montana. Yep. Is that right, Montana? Yeah. Okay, great. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm big time Gene O'Neill. We, you know, from time to time, Jordan, we have, we all have disputes in life. Sure. You know what I'm talking about? all have disputes in life sure you know what i'm talking about um let's say uh you know i prefer to use a skillet and someone else prefers to use a saucepan or an engine block or an engine flock you got it big time uh and ultimately you have to look to someone as an authority, someone who can decide. In ancient times, you would have gone to King Solomon. Or the smartest dinosaur.

Exactly. Which was Archaeopteryx. Though technically not a dinosaur. Well, it was Archaeopteryx technically. Kind of a sightless bird, wasn't it? I think it could glide. He was the only dinosaur with glasses, so everyone just listened to him. Naturally occurring glasses.

In contemporary America, we have to turn to a power higher than a king, an intellectual giant, someone who has all world knowledge and is thus fully capable of rendering judgment upon anyone. It's a segment on Jordan, Jesse, Go called Judge Sean Hodgman. Judge Hodgman, welcome to the program. Thank you. I am now in session. We have a complainant on the program.

His name is Nick. We also have a respondent. His name is Dre. Now, as I understand it, the two of them are... Hang on, I'm just taking some notes here. Nick and Dre. How do you spell your name, Dre? D-R-E-Y. Oh, God. I think I know who wins. Things are in a charade with that dreamy spelling. I'm going to go through the charade. Nick, I'd like you to explain for us in the audience, us here in Sound of Young America, Jordan Jesse Goh World Headquarters,

and Judge Hodgman. Exactly what your complaint is. All right. Well, the problem is that Dre and I have been buddies for a while now. Is Nick speaking or Dre speaking about himself? Nick speaking. Okay, very well. Go on, Nick.

And he's kind of a guy set in his ways, and recently our group of friends and I have been able to convince him to cut his long hair much shorter, which was a nice first step, but ultimately we want him to grow a giant beard to complete his look, and he absolutely adamantly refuses to grow a beard, and I think he should be forced to. All right. grow a beard, and I think he should be forced to. All right. Exactly how large is this group of friends, Nick?

I'll ask the questions here. Sorry, Judge. How large is the group of friends? Three or four guys. Three or four guys, Jesse. Gotcha. Thanks, Judge. Do you have any further questions?

I do. What sort of hairstyle is Dre sporting now? And I'd like to hear it from Nick, and then I'd like to hear it from Dre later. Well, Dre has kind of a wavy, short, coif kind of a throwback 80s off to the side a little bit. It used to be like short. Okay, I've heard enough. All right, good. Dre, wavy, short, coif. What's your side of this story? Well, actually, Judge, if I may,

I have a visual aid for you. That's going to be extremely helpful in this situation. Thank you. I know this is great for a podcast. And a telephone conversation. Yes, exactly. But if you go to this web address, I've prepared exhibit A and B for you, exactly. But if you go to this web address, I've prepared Exhibit A and B for you, sir. Hang on, let me crank up the internet. Okay. Oh, God. Man, I want to go on the internet. Okay, what's the web address?

The internet sounds suspiciously like a martini. It's www. You're either getting drunk or playing Boggle, and I don't like either of those options. It's www. You're either getting drunk or playing Boggle, and I don't like either of those options. Never Boggle. Never Boggle. There's a cup full of pens. Let's go. Internet address. Go.

Drainette. D-R-E-Y. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. This is a plug for your internet site. No, it's not. We can edit this out. Please, Jesse, promise me this one thing. Yes. Do not let this guy plug his internet site on your radio show, won't you? This is not a radio show. Your podcast. We'll just do a voiceover so that listeners go to mycookrewards.com.

All right. Say it again. W-W-W what? It's draynet.com. So D-R-E-Y-N as in Nancy, E-T.com. Now how is net spelled? Slash J-J-Go. Slash J-J-Go.

Okay, so it's www.areasofmyexpertise.com. Got it. Slash J-J-Go. Should dray grow a beard, it says here. There you go. It doesn't say anything on my internet. I don't believe this thing even exists. Exhibit A. Okay, I'm looking at Exhibit A now. Exhibit A is... And I think your listeners, by

the way, Jesse and Jordan and Gene, you should let them have this website address because they'll need to see this in order to verify. Okay. Exhibit A. Exhibit A. Exhibit A. This is you. Why don't you describe it to me? That would be my current appearance. Okay.

Sans gigantic beard. Right. Okay. Okay. And a zip-up little pullover there. A black pullover. And you're hungover in this picture. Exhibit B. That would be my

mock-up of the travesty that Nick would like to visit upon my face. This is a CGI beard? Yes. It's all news to me. By the fine folks at Industrial Light and Magic. I didn't know we were allowed to provide all sorts of examples.

Who's this, Nick? Is this you, Nick? This is Nick. I don't want to hear your whining at this point. You made your case. And also, you'll note there's a side-by-side comparison of the two. All right, I'll go look at that now. Just so you know what we're talking about here.

We're talking about a beard, is that correct? Mm-hmm. Well, I think with the side-by-side comparison, you really gilded the lily there, because I could have just used my back-and-forth buttons on my browser. Oh, but why, Bob? Look, don't try to butter me up by doing these side-by-side comparisons, all right? Sorry, sir. Dre, can I ask you a question?

Do you have all-world knowledge? Sorry, I do not. How would you describe this beard? What kind of beard would you say this is? I would say that it's of the Osama bin Laden variety. Yeah, it's probably the worst possible beard you could pick. It's worse than that. It's a CGI Osama.

Yeah. You can't even find a barber who'll do that for you anymore. Now listen, how was your hair before? It was long, is that the thing? Yes, yes. I would say like a Jonathan Colton length. Did you look beautiful like Jonathan Colton does, or did you just look like a giant nerd?

And what is your age? Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. Answer the first question. Answer Jesse the bailiff's question. Boy, that's debatable. I'm not. I think I like that look, but you know.

Hey, if Jesse's the bailiff, what am I? What am I in the court? Head lawyer? You're John Larroquette. Aren't you? Oh, can I be mole? No, you're Mel Torme. All right.

Can I be the room that the lawyers eat lunch in? You mean that all-night cafeteria where they would hang out and engage with wacky personalities from the streets of New York? That's what I want to be. You can be the room. Can I be a magic trick? Yes. And you can be a wacky tie as well. Fantastic.

Everything's coming together. Everything's coming together for your dream of impersonating inanimate objects in the night court. So, all right. So, listen, Dre, what is your age? 35. 35. Okay. Dre, all right, so listen, Dre, what is your age? 35.

35. Okay. Dre, to your credit, you look great for 35. Aha. Dorky, but great.

One of my points, one of my main points, it's all Photoshop. Don't let him pull the wool over your eyes with his fancy digital graphic skills.

Nick, I have to ask you a question at this point. Yes. Why do you and your friends feel so strongly that Dre needs to grow a beard? It's not just Dre. I feel like anybody that has the ability to grow an awesome beard, and even if you look at his own Exhibit A, you can see that the stubble there proves that he has the ability to grow an awesome beard. And even if you look at his own Exhibit A, you can see that the stubble there proves that he has the ability to grow an amazing beard.

Everybody that has that ability should not squander that ability and should at least give it a try once in their life. And, you know, it's not like he can't get rid of it eventually, but he just needs to try. And did you and the other friends of Dre all get together one night in your secret society meeting room and wear robes and decide this on his behalf?

Well, I mean, it didn't go down exactly like that, but yeah. It was a conference call. How do you know his artfully thick stubble here in Exhibit A is not also CGI? Well, unless you can do CGI in real time in the real world, then no, it's not. Did you guys also decide for Dre that he should cut his hair? Yes. You made that decision for him? Yes.

And he resisted it as well, didn't he? He resisted it, and he said straight up, no, I'm not going to do it, and then he showed up one day with it cut. So I have a feeling that he's going to deny, deny, deny, and then eventually just have a beard, but I don't want to take that chance. You want me, through the force of minor television personality, to compel him to grow a beard. Yes. You don't want to take the chance that he might just decide to grow one on his own and not give you credit.

You want me to force it at this point. If anything, he abides by authority, so I think that he will definitely follow whatever judgment you make. Dre, do you regret cutting your hair? Oh, no, no. No, and I did not do it because of the constant goading of my friends. Lies. It's just something I do every few years. Dre, stop.

Stop. Stop fooling everybody here. You had long Jonathan Colton-like hair. Yeah. You cut it to the obvious, the neat, conservative, aside from these wacky sideburns, look that you have in Exhibit A. Yes. How long did you have the hair long? I don't know, three years. Yeah. And when you cut it, that's a major life change. Yes, it did cause a stir. It caused a stir, didn't it? It did. Did it cause a stir in your heart? Yeah, I felt that. I felt a stir in my heart. You felt that something had changed in your life?

You had moved on? You'd moved past something and into a new phase of your life? Yeah, maybe I, you know, I grew up a little bit. You know, I was ready to, like, let some things go, sure. All right, I'll take this into my chambers. I'll take a moment to consider the evidence, and I'll come back and render my verdict. Judge Sean Hodgman is retiring to his chambers. All rise. I just want to cover this real quick with you guys, Gene, Jordan.

It seems to me like sometimes a man has to tell his friend, who's a man and a nerd, to get a haircut and or make some other sartorial choice that he's incapable of making himself. Does that seem fair to you guys? I'm not sure what you just asked. Are you saying that sometimes in life that has to happen? Sometimes in life you have a friend who has a long hair or a no beard

and you just have to say, hey, listen, my buddy, who I love but is a nerd incapable of making aesthetic judgments, you need to cut off your long hair, who I love, but is a nerd incapable of making aesthetic judgments. You need to cut off your long hair, grow a beard, possibly lose the ring earring. Perhaps not go with the Wolverine sideburns. Well, Dre said he's really set in his ways, and I guess that's the problem with this choice that he's being faced with.

It's certainly not that he doesn't want to have a beard. Everyone wants to have a beard as far as I know. I'm so envious of people that can grow beards. That's all I think about. Hold on, guys. As the guy in the room who can grow a beard, and believe me, I could beard if I wanted to. You look like you could grow a neck beard, Jordan,

which I'm not really sure that's a beard. I could have a hearty Jews beard if I wanted to. You look like you could grow a neck beard, Jordan, which I'm not really sure that's a beard. I could have a hearty Jew's beard if I wanted to. I mean, Dre looks like he can grow. Beards like one of those crazy Jews has. I gotcha. You know those. Is that like a Jew's harp? Crazy kind. Is that the Jew's harp of facial hair? No, it's less folksy. Okay. Now, as a guy who can grow a beard, it's super itchy, and as an unmarried gent, I want to encourage ladies to kiss. And I think a beard is kind of an uphill battle. I think if you want to grow a beard, you have to be married to a woman. Wait, if you have a beard, you can't get girls to kiss each other? Yeah.

No one wants to lez out for some bearded pervert. Hey, something's happening. Hear ye, hear ye. John Hodgman is rattling his cup full of bent. Cool. Judge Hodgman, do you have a judgment? I have a judgment. Here's my judgment.

It's a two-part judgment. Dwayne. Yes. Your friends were correct to tell you to cut your hair. You were 35 years old. Long hair was not suited to you. You look fantastic in a short haircut. I think your friends knew this.

I think they realized that it was time for you to move on to a different haircut. And you obviously did yourself. Whether or not you did it at their goading or not, I'm going to leave that dispute for another time. It was obviously the correct judgment. However, and this is part two, your friends believe that they caused you to cut your hair. And now they're obviously drunk with power.

They think they can ask you to do anything. And if you grow a beard, no matter how good you look in a beard, no matter how CGI like your beard appears, which I have to admit would be very cool. This would only be empowering your friends further to make bizarre judgments and requests of you. And they might ask you, for example, to stop wearing zip-up black pullovers. Actually, that would be correct. You should stop wearing them. But they might start asking you to take out your earrings. Well, they usually do that as well.

They might start asking you to do things that you don't want to do. For example, poke your own eye out and wear an eye patch, which would be awesome for a day after the horrible pain. And they should not have this power over you. They are making you into their, or they wish to make you into their plaything. And Nick, you have to admit the beard is going too far. This is not going well. Simply because you think your friend can grow a beard, and you gave him a good advice about his haircut once before, does not empower you to compel him to grow a beard if he does not so want.

Let me ask you a question, Nick. Can you grow a beard? I can. Why don't you grow your own damn beard? I've grown one in the past, and it was a good learning, growing experience. I don't have one currently because I chose to get rid of it, but at least I did it. If you were a true friend, you would not try to force your friend into having the learning experiences that you did. You would lead by example. And then he might someday down the road follow, and should he ever in the future grow a beard, you will know in your heart it's because you told him to.

Isn't that enough? Not for me. Well, my judgment is final all the same. Dre? You are going to ruin the day you made that judgment. Now, now. Nick, I will have none of this. As the bailiff in this court, I will have none of this.

As the bailiff in this court, I ask, nay, demand that you cease all backtalk, threats, mumbledy-pegs. Thank you, bailiff Jesse. As the court lunchroom, I say pork today. Look, doves! Well, thank you, Judge. i worry that nick and his cabal of so-called friends of

dray are going to meet uh in their pyramid and drink the blood of goats and try to put some sort of curse on me maybe some sort of curse whereby i will never be able to grow a beard again well i've got them covered i wasn't able to grow a beard in the first place. Good luck, secret society. You think you can get me when the Freemasons couldn't, when the Illuminati couldn't? I'll tell you what I told them. Fuck off, secret societies.

Yeah. Judgment has been rendered. Thank you, sir. Dre, I really do think you should try growing a beard, though. Yeah, that'd be cool. Not that beard, not that beard, but, you know, sometimes you should give it a try. If you decide. Well, gentlemen, Judge Hodgman, thank you for your time.

It is my pleasure to serve. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm big time Gene O'Neill.

Hey, you guys want to see what the citizens of Maximum Fundia have to say for themselves? I do. Well, let's go to the telephones. Hey guys, it's Brian. So I just woke up and I was like, for some reason, really wanted a root beer. But then, I looked outside and it was obviously not root beer weather.

But then I was like, root beer coffee? Did I just invent something good or something bad? Anyway, bye. Good, good, good. Drink it. Yeah, I think, what do you think about this? Next week on the show, Brian makes some kind of root beer coffee. What would that be?

You make coffee with root beer? I think it would be like you have an iced coffee. I think it would be one part coffee, one part root beer. Sounds good to me. Or over ice. Do you think Brian should make this and then drink it on the show? Yes, I was very clear.

What else is he doing? Not much. He's got some kind of blog job. I don't know. He can do that. Brian, back in business lane. You're out there. You're in New York City. Here's what I'm going to ask you to do. Make a root beer coffee drink.

We'll talk to you on the phone. Next week on Jordan Jesse Go, we'll get Brian to make root beer coffee and we'll find out whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. I'll tell you this much. I ain't touching it. No, sir. Hey, Jordan Jesse Go. I just wanted you this much. I ain't touching it. No, sir. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Go. I just wanted to give you a momentous occasion. I just saw Pootie Tang for the first time

and it changed my world. Oh, this is Sarah from Boston. Okay. Bye. Just so you know, it doesn't matter how many calls we get, how many of them are really amazing and I have to cut them for time constraints. Somebody calls in about Poodie Tang, I'm going to run it. It's getting on. You know what I mean? Jesse, you're not supposed to use this show for your personal agenda. Well, me and the other members of the pro-Poodie Tang lobby

are growing more and more powerful every day. Yeah, I think Jesse's personal agenda was the reason why he went into radio. I think Jesse's personal agenda was the reason why he went into radio you know Jordan maybe you want to talk about your favorite cult movie Southland Tales I do

I do like to talk about things that suck hey boys I have a first I am now being paid to watch porn. No joke. I watch porn. And I comment on it. And they pay me $150.

Best job ever. And the greatest first ever. Okay. I'm going to... Hold on. This is... This is turning in... Jordan, before you talk, rub on your microphone some more.

Jesse, this is turning into a fucking epidemic on this show, and it needs to stop. What is it? A girl calling in with a thing that is cool and sexual, but not explaining it like at all. That is cool and sexual, but not explaining it like at all. You know what? This happened last week much more severely, I will add. But you know what? Bring us back. Remind us what happened last week.

Last week, this girl called, and she said she just had her first casual encounter on Craigslist. A, that's interesting. B, she said it was really bad. That's interesting. C, she said it was really bad that's interesting c she said that was her first time with a man she'd only been with women up till then that's interesting and then she added and now i've got a great story for my friends fuck you why did you even tell me that happened and you hey you know what why who's paying you why are they paying you is this some sort of company what kind of porn did you watch what what were your comments like i know i know jesse has this whole let's be pithy

thing let's be pithy yada yada yeah that's cute it's funny yes we don't want some you know nasal guy rambling on about his cat jumping down from the counter but if you're a girl with some sort of sex story please go into depth or email or something. Like, let's, come on, people, right? Yeah, we can edit where necessary. Yes. Use some common sense. And how do you get that job?

Yes. Tell me who your superior's name is. I am watching and commenting on Born to Myself all day. Give me $850 for it. So you, please, call back. Tell us what this is. Other lady, you call back as well. Hell, you know what?

Guy who said his wife wanted to have a threesome, you call back. Why, come, you know, let's get... She sounded like she watches porn for a living, too. Didn't she have, like, a real sultry voice? Yeah. Jordan, you know the guy who... She's probably got a

bearskin rug in her house you know the guy who uh who called in and said his uh girlfriend wanted to have a threesome yes they did it all right well tell it went great he called in it was a little it was too long it was a little boring what jesse well i'm sorry it was a little bit boring we want to hear the sex ones before the other ones. Jesse kept it for his own personal sex vault. Yeah, well, you know, my vault was... I had nothing to say about the vault. You recently expanded it.

Not if I started talking about the vault. Something would come to me, but nothing came to me when I started talking about the vault. I'm sleepy. You know, we're recording at night tonight. Usually record during the day. I really have nothing for you, Jay. You've been drinking all day.

I am so fucking wasted. Oh my God. We had to tie a balloon to Jesse's head to keep it propped up. A mountain man in Felton gave me the most amazing moonshine. And I've been drinking it ever since I was in Santa Cruz. Also, you're blind yeah wait i'm blind yeah from drinking all that moonshine oh yeah that's true it didn't it did make me go you're so drunk you didn't even know you were blind okay okay hello jordan jesse

go this is anna i live in new york city um and i think I have a momentous occasion. So imagine, if you will, Grand Central Station at rush hour on a rainy day, lots and lots of people flowing on an escalator, and suddenly, and for no apparent reason, the escalator speeds up. I'm going to go ahead and say three times its normal speed. It was going very fast. It didn't look real. I thought I was in some sort of action movie. So people are shouting and yelling and one dude jumped off the side, just bailed out. And so everybody's freaking out. And then just as suddenly and just as without reason it went back to its normal speed it was really weird okay bye that's good girl who watches porno could have learned a

lesson from that girl yeah because she gave us the juicy details that we needed needed the guy the guy bailing out is pretty funny like the guy's first he's like i'm getting off this this fucking thing see you suckers later but i choose i choose to imagine him with one of those uh with one of those like inflatable life vests that comes underneath your seat on the airplane so as he's jumping out in my mind he's tugging that cord and it's inflating around his shoulders and he just like stands on steps yeah i always thought escalators could go three times faster. Maybe that was like a test run they were doing in New York to see how people

would react to it. And obviously people freaked out. Yeah, it's like how they tested the McDonald's Angus burger out here first. Yeah, remember when you freaked out, Jordan, and made it? Yeah, that ruined it for the rest of the country. Yeah, I jumped off of a McDonald's when I saw that thing.

You know what, though? It's because New Yorkers are more intense people. When I'm in New York, I feel like everything's going three times too fast anyway. I know what you mean, Jesse. What with King Kong and all. We'll be back in just a second. Only in New York. We'll be back in just a second. Only in New York. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love was. There was nothing wrong with that. Yeah, I counted to 3,000 in my head.

No, you said do to do. Jesse, don't you know about timing? Well, I mean, I thought I knew about timing. Nah, apparently you don't. Tell you what, take a... 1,000, 2, 1,000, 3, 1,000. Jesse, you know nothing about timing. Nice.

So... Another home run. Are you guys saying that the key to timing is waiting too long is waiting an uncomfortable amount of time making another noise and then saying the thing that seems unlikely to me whoa jesse hey who took a timing class while we were gone? Jesse, did you take it? What about changing speeds? What about following the heater with a slow ball? Ooh, I don't know. I don't know if people are ready for that.

You just did it. Oh, Jesus. I just fucked my own mind. You guys, can we talk about something only vaguely timing related right now? Sure. Speaking of timing, the pledge drive ends at the end of the month.

That's May 31st. 30 days has September, April, June, and November. Yes. May 31st is the final day of the Maximum Fund Drive. And if you have not yet given, now is the time to go the Maximum Fund Drive. And if you have not yet given, now is the time to go to MaximumFund.org, click on Donate, give some money. It will, of course, support the shows you love

absolutely 100% directly. You can get a free t-shirt. You can get a cool thank you present. There's all kinds of cool stuff. But I want to say that since we went on the air asking for money last time, rip-roaring success. People love Jordan, Jesse, go, Jordan. Yeah, why wouldn't they?

Getting lots of nice emails from people. They say, you know, I like the sound of Young America. I love Jordan, Jesse, go. That's an appropriate reaction. One's good, one's great. Somebody called to ask if they could give their money specifically to Jordan, Jesse, go, which I guess means they want me to cancel The Sound of Young America, maybe? Yeah.

I kind of had to explain that it's not like you can't reapportion the resources in some way. Do people ever call or write and say, I hate the show. Give me some of the money people have been sending you. They haven't to this point, but it sounds like a great idea. It sounds like a testament to your success. No one's done that yet. Oh, that's a good point, Gene. I hadn't even thought of that.

No one's done that yet. Oh, that's a good point, Gene. I hadn't even thought of that. No one has called in to ask for any of my money back from them. Yeah, because I was on a radio show once where people were just demanding money all the time, all the pledge money that they made, and we went bankrupt. Yeah, and you had to go drop off the air, right? Yeah, because we had to give people the money that they asked for. I mean, that's just how it goes.

You know what I mean? That is how it goes if you don't have a beloved show like Jordan, Jesse, Go. So, hey, good for you guys. But, hey, if you don't want to give Jesse's other worst show money, you just want to send me $9, 1560 North Lowell Avenue, 210 Los Angeles, California, 9046. Wait a minute. Did you just give out your address? Yes, somebody could send me 9 bucks.

Jordan, all the perverts heard your address. Now they're going to watch you change. How did you pick 9 bucks? Isn't that what you donate to Maximum Fun when you donate? $9? Yeah. No, that's just a number you picked completely out of the sky. There's lots of levels you can donate at. Jordan's favorite hooch costs $9? No, that's just a number you picked completely out of the sky. There's lots of levels you can donate at.

Jordan's favorite hooch costs $9. Or a box of tomatoes. He has to spend $9 to maintain his still. He needs new copper tubing from the Home Depot. You can give $2 a month, $5 a month, $10 a month, $20 a month, Jordan. All those are perfectly reasonable amounts per month to give. Gene, you donated, right? I did?

Yeah, I think you did. Oh, jeez. I think not during this pledge drive, but you have donated to the show in the past. I remember thinking, hey, that's really nice of Gene to donate. No, you're right, Jesse. I did donate to, I think, overcome the guilt of not coming on the show. Yeah. To be fair, though, Gene does go on benders,

but instead of having unprotected sex, he just donates to stuff. That's why the Children's Hospital has the Eugenio Neo Memorial Award. Oh, man, that was not one of my best moments. It's from your last birthday party. Anyway, visit MaximumFun.org and click on Donate before the 31st so you can get some prizes and support all of the Maximum Fun shows and the website and the bandwidth and me eating and doing all the stupid editing and all that kind of thing.

MaximumFun.org and click on Donate. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Big time Gene O'Neill. You know who I am. You know, last week on the program, it's pretty presumptive, Gene. Oh, sorry.

You probably know the playwright Eugene O'Neill. Big time Gene O'Neill. You may or may not know who I am. Okay, good. That's nice. That's nice and neutral. Yeah it keep it uh keep it polite you know um last week on the program i declared that i wanted to turn this whole show into sort of an audio version of 17 magazine and the most important way to do that i don't know if you ever either you guys ever read a 17

yes i may have read 20 or 30 issues only in one doctor's office though it was a long wait um jmo they're primarily pizza pie sorry you guys want to handle things from here on out yeah we got it yeah we'll just keep saying things. Hey, Gene, check that out. Whoop! No, no. Okay, okay, okay. So what is mostly going on in a Seventeen magazine is people are telling stories about a time they got really embarrassed, preferably in front of their crush, but not always. Usually it has to do with period blood.

Yeah, and just general tales of mortification is what I've asked our listeners to call in and let us know. And the trickle has started turning into a stream. This is an open request here. I want more for next week. But I thought if I was trying to think of like, if either of you guys ever had something happen where your pants fell down, Gene's pointing to Jordanordan do you remember my pants falling down do you remember a

time that i don't know i was thinking of jordan's matchbook story which he doesn't have to tell if he doesn't want to oh i could tell that yeah let's hear it i could tell that uh anyways um this was uh this was this was a few years ago This is kind of when I had first – I hadn't been in L.A. that long. And there was a – there was this girl I had – I always had a little thing for in college. And she was living down here. And anyway, so I thought this would be a perfect time. We're both new to L.A., strange city. We can be friends, and perhaps this will finally blossom to something more.

Anyways, so I invite her out, and it's to this kind of impressive, or at least for a guy who hadn't been in L.A. that long, kind of an impressive L.A. party, and I thought this would be a good place. An industry party, right? An industry party. There was an open bar. Fran Drescher was there. Yeah, Fran Drescher was there. I knew I drescher was there i knew i was going to get

a little high sign at least from her jordan's downplaying it a little but it sounds like your typical you know raving la industry party yeah absolutely um anyway so we go to the party we're having a nice time kelsey grammar's there he's got his puma and he's wearing he's wearing all the makeup from uh x-men 3 which hadn't even come out yet. Yeah. We were all surprised. Like, wow, which one are you? Spoiler alert.

Yeah. Anyways, so it was going well. And then at the party, we meet this guy. One of my first jobs when I moved out here, I was in this weird reality show think tank. One of my first jobs when I moved out here, I was in this weird reality show think tank. It was like young Hollywood hopefuls come up with reality show ideas. That's a totally different story for a different podcast. Anyways, but one of the guys I was in this think tank with was at the party.

I introduced them. Ah, shit. I kind of knew what was going on from the get-go. Flirt, flirt, flirt. Email address exchange. Anyways, and I kind of drop her off feeling a little bit dejected. He, you know, she like asked about him on the way back. She's like, oh, is, you know, what's, you know, what's, what's so-and-so up to? Uh, how do you know him? Anyways, anyways, a couple weeks later, I, I get kind of a late-ish night call from her. It was like 10 or 11 at night, and she's like, hey, I'm at this bar kind of close to your house. Why don't you come on down?

Great. This is a great sign. What can this mean other than ready to party? Right. Anyways. What is, in this case, party you were hoping meant to party? Right. Anyways. What is, in this case, party you were hoping meant handjob? Yeah. Right.

Yeah, she's ready to give a handjob. It's like, hey, Jordan, my hand's feeling empty. I can't keep this cell phone in it forever. I'm on the corner of Fun and HJ Town. Why don't you come meet me? HJ Town Avenue. Yeah, why did they name it that not hj town parkway that's a whole other part of town yeah i got lost it's confusing because they're very close to each other yeah exactly so oftentimes you'll you'll like oh that's probably what they were talking about you make the turn it's not you had to drive a little farther yeah exactly so you're on the

corner of fun and hj town at this bar yeah anyways and we get there and sure enough they're they're there together they he was also there and um you know automatically i'm in kind of the most uncomfortable situation in the world which is couple with other guy right because and you're in a tuxedo with posies i was i had yeah i posies i had my straw boater on um and they're like who are these for and you're like nobody um and i had to eat them and say it was part of my special diet all these are for me nothing but posies uh anyways and so anyways yeah it's an uncomfortable situation he goes to the bathroom and at when he's in the bathroom she just starts uh gushing to me about how great he is you know ambitious he has this deal he has that deal he's great yeah yeah literally yeah you

should i mean you should hear me when it's wow wow, I didn't know that I could be, I never thought I was that kind of girl, but I am. Anyways, and as she's explaining this, this matchbook just flies out of nowhere, it hits me square in the face, and I look kind of across the bar, and there's a guy with an outstretched hand, and a guy, and then I look to my other side, and there's a guy with a I had just thrown something pose, so he's trying to throw it to his friend at the other side of the bar,

but it just hit me in the face in like the worst possible moment. Right when she was slicing your heart in half. Yeah. Anyways, and then after that, I just had to stay there another hour to be polite. Oh, Jesus. I've spent, of course, my entire adult life

avoiding any possibility of risk-taking that might lead to embarrassment at some point. But I actually was thinking about what was a moment of shame for me. When I was in elementary school, I had this friend named Tony, and Tony was a half-Italian, half-Chinese guy. And he had come over to our house one time and to my house, my mom's house, we'd gone somewhere. There'd been like a minor fender bender and his parents were really upset with my mom for not calling them right away after this minor fender bender. We went to get something to eat or something. And so I was on really dicey ground with them. And I had just gotten this joke book from my grandparents that sent me when they visited Australia. Truly tasteless jokes?

It was not called- Aussie edition? Yeah, it was really, I mean, maybe they just don't have tasteful jokes in Australia. But I thought, in uh in australia but i thought i'm thinking maybe i'm maybe i was nine years old i want to say so i go over to tony's house and it's first time i've ever been to tony's house which was really cool because tony had uh nes and sega master system both wow and he had a bunch of that kid in high school man what a prick and he had a bunch of games, too. And he preferred Sega Master System, which I thought was interesting. Let me guess. He had Wonder Boy. He had Fantasy Zone.

He may have even had a TurboGrafx with Bonk's Adventure, if I'm not misremembering this whole thing. Wow. Didn't you want to murder him and take his identity? And at the dinner table, I don't remember why, but I told this joke from the joke book.

And the joke was about a ballooning race. It was really like, what a weird joke book to give to a child. But it's a ballooning race across Europe. And there's like a...

Like how the Polack slams his wound. There's like a Frenchman. There's an Englishman, a Frenchman, and in the joke book, and guys, I had no idea, a Chinaman. Wow. Chinaman. Did you say Chinaman?

Yeah, I said Chinaman many times in the course of this joke, right? So they're flying their balloon and they get to, you know, France and the Frenchman goes, oh, my beautiful France. And he throws a bottle of champagne off or something, throws his hat off or something like that. And then they get over england and the englishman says oh my beautiful england and he throws some bangers and mash off of it it makes a lot less sense in retrospect and then the chinese the chinaman feels left out and

he throws some plates off and says oh my beautiful china or something something. So it's not even racist apart from using the word Chinaman. No, no, the joke is not a racist joke. Wait, was that the punchline? Yeah, I don't remember the joke that well. All I remember is it involved me saying Chinaman many, many times in front of Tony's whole half of his family is Chinese and his grandma lived at his house. His Chinese, I can't remember if it was his mother or his father that was Chinese,

but one of his parents was Chinese. And the whole nine yards, and Tony was not allowed to be friends with me anymore. Yeah, because you're a racist. After that, because I was a racist. I had no idea. Oh, my God. there because i was a racist i had no idea oh my god it's weird like when you first like discover jokes when you're you know like nine or ten or something like that and then like i don't know i feel like there was a period where i was obsessed with polak joke and like it didn't

even like i didn't even really know i just knew that like i guess i wasn't even aware that poland was a country i just knew that polak was a stand-in for dumb uh-huh and that if you just wanted to have a dumb guy in a joke you said the polak uh-huh anyways and it like just didn't yeah just like you know there were a lot of ira drunk irishman jokes in this book as i recall it was primarily drunk irishman books yeah man you're not gonna get debated on those jokes i guess and you blew your chance to play sega System. This kid probably got an Atari Jaguar at some point you could have been playing. This kid probably had a 3DO before anybody.

Oh man, that guy totally must have had a 3DO. Or a Neo Geo. That's what I was about to say. Holy mackerel. Gene, are you going to tell us an embarrassing story now? You've had all that time to think of one. You had time to point at me and suggest one for me to tell. I'm sorry.

I've been trying to think of one this entire time. I mean, my life has been defined by embarrassment. But I'm straining to think of something anecdotal at the moment. What about the time when you were a baby and you pulled that hot coffee onto yourself and you almost died? That was really embarrassing. Oh, yeah, that was kind of humiliating. You kind of just told the story there.

How about how you have a dad that still wears a Bo Jackson t-shirt around the house? No, we wish he still had that Bo Jackson t-shirt, because it would be awesome to have now. But yes, when I was younger, my dad had a Bo Nose t-shirt, and he somehow managed to keep it maybe up to 10 years after the Bo Nose campaign was phased out of existence. And he would still pick me up from school or something, wearing that shirt or picking me up from a friend's house. One time, I was at a friend's house with a bunch of other friends, and my dad was going to pick me up. And one of my friends totally ingested, oh, geez, gonna show up in that bow nose shirt everyone laughed and i'm like

oh the odds of that happening are too high and of course of course and then yeah he i see him pull up and he's wearing the shirt i try to like run out the door before he get out but he totally gets out starts like jogging up to the door and everyone sees it and starts cracking up. But now, years later, me and my sister and I both wish he still had that shirt because it would be totally cool to have a bow-nose shirt. Yeah, at this point. I was just wishing

for a Bootleg Simpsons t-shirt the other day. Oh, I remember those. Yeah, like Bart Simpson as Michael Jordan doing the Jumpman. Did you ever see those? Or Rasta Bart. Yeah, I was wishing for Rasta Bart. Don't have a cow jump man. Yeah, sure. Did you ever see those? Or Rasta Bart. Yeah, I was wishing for Rasta Bart. Don't have a cow, Mon. Oh, man, that's good.

Mon instead of man. Oh, boy. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. This is Max Fun Forum member Casey. I'm just calling about the most embarrassing moment action item from last week's podcast. When I was in seventh grade and like the third or fourth week of class, I actually threw up on the bus. And I was sitting in like the last seat, like the last row, you know, in the back of the bus.

And I just simply remember the barf actually seeping toward the front of the bus as, you know, the slope where we were on conveniently. of the bus as, you know, the slope where we were on conveniently. And you could hear, you know, the screams of the kids as they approached them and they could see it coming. Yeah, so it was pretty gross. And I actually started walking a mile to my friend's house every morning to get on a different bus, even though I'm pretty sure everybody in the school knew who I was. That's about it. Just thought I'd let you guys know that and thought

you might enjoy that a little bit. What's good about it is, I don't think, you know, you start with barfing on the bus. Certainly that's embarrassing. But what you really have to have is some sort of outrageous response to it, like never riding that bus again, even though it meant you had to walk a mile to your friend's house to take a that bus again even though it meant you had to walk a mile to your friend's house to take a different bus even though everyone knew that it was you that barfed on the bus one way or the other they gotta do something about those bus floors because he's right you know the rivets that they have it makes it because i uh in santa cruz once i dropped a bottle of vodka on the bus and it broke open like vodka just started it's like as soon as

we break it starts to rush towards the front of the bus so like the whole bus smells like vodka and i had yeah i know i had to get off that bus it was just like yeah it's because of those stupid rivets that they have that any kind of fluid things don't pool yeah things don't like channels yeah it's got like channels you're just asking for vomit or you, spilt vodka to just start running down the They might as well just put up a sign, please vomit or spill vodka. So it can get everywhere. So we can demonstrate the principle of the aqueduct. Jordan, Jesse, go.

This is Mark Big Donk from North Carolina. And the moment of shame I would like to talk about isn't like one of those, you know, momentary intense moments of shame, like when I have a new girlfriend and I have to tell her that I have the popular HPV or something like that. I'm talking about an instance that led to a life full of shame, a lifelong shame. It goes back to when I was 10 and me and my friend Mikey decided to steal Easter, being the only two Jewish kids in our nice little suburban neighborhood that was a big loop with a little mini forest in the middle. Every year the parents would get together and throw a big Easter egg hunt in this little forest. And that Easter Sunday when everybody was at church,

Mikey and I went over and raided the Easter egg hunt, and we took candies out of the eggs and brought them home. And we left all the empty eggs there, which was probably horrifying for the kids to run around and find an egg and then open it, nothing there. And, well, word got around the neighborhood pretty quick that candy had been stolen. And my mother, seeing my fresh pile of candy that she didn't believe that I had bought with my non-existent income, she decided that I should go to every single person's house in the neighborhood and admit what I had done

and offer lawn mowing services for that summer to anybody who felt offended. And going to every house and saying what I had done and apologizing was super shameful. And I got shamed every time we had a big neighborhood event or anything like that. And there were kids that weren't allowed to hang out with me up through high school from the neighborhood because their parents were afraid of the bad influence and all that kind of stuff. So every time I think about doing something kind of naughty, feeling Easter kind of creeps back into my brain and sometimes will stop me from going through with things.

But yeah, that's my big, super big moment of shame, my lifelong shame, super big moment of shame, my lifelong shame, feeling Easter and then having to expose myself and receive all the anger and disappointment of everyone that lived around me. Now, that story of shame could have ended at, my name is so-and-so Big Donk. That was a hate crime. That was a hate crime that he perpetrated.

Yeah, I mean, I was going to point out, Gene, just so you know, Big Donk is a combination of two themes that have been going on in Jordan Jesse Go lately. One is Mark Curry's outro to the Looney song Oakland Raiders. Yeah, I know that one. Big Dank, right? Big Dank, right.

And the second is a miniature donkey or Donk. Oh, okay. Alright, I amend what I said. He's combined the two of them. By the way, Donk update. The Donks that we had a line on we may or may not be able to hire,

but don't worry. Jess, Teresa's best pal, is sending out an all points bulletin to the Marin Horse Club looking for donks. It's an all-donks bulletin. Hopefully, we're going to have some donks at our wedding. Gene, did you hear about the donks at our wedding? No, there's going to be donks at the wedding? We're hoping to have donks at the wedding.

They're not going to do anything, though. They're just going to stand around. You should make a donk the ring bearer. Oh, that's a good idea now you know you're talking gene anyway uh hey with regard to this guy i mean that's a that's a terrible story it's interesting to me i mean it seems clear to me in hindsight that it wasn't that they wouldn't let their kids hang out with him because he ruined easter it was because he was a Jew, right? Yes. This is pure anti-Semitism.

Proof that America is racist. Yeah, absolutely. Just because a guy does one hate crime. Yeah. One simple hate crime. I don't know. I thought it was pretty funny. He did that.

Yeah, and you're teaching kids. I think he was teaching all the Gentiles a lesson that Easter isn't about eating as much candy as possible. It's about magic bunnies. Yeah. Well, it's about being disappointed. Yeah. When Jesus died, that was a disappointing original Easter. So I feel like he kind of simulated the true Catholic Christian experience.

And if Jesus was real, he would have resurrected their candy. He would have. Oh, proof. Proof positive. Somebody call Penn Jillette. Jordan, Jesse, this is David from Caster Valley, California, the best suburb in the Bay Area. Anyways, I'm calling about my great shame. I've never shared it with anyone. When I was in eighth grade, I got my yearbook. I did all the usual yearbook stuff, signature, underlined friends' faces, whatever. However, I didn't feel the signatures said the things about me that I wanted them to say, namely that I was a catch.

So I went through the yearbook, picked out girls, I guess that's all they were at that point, that I found attractive, and I wrote fictitious entries intimating that we had been close. So I created myself as a faux Lothario. I even attempted to change my handwriting to make it appear more feminine. A nugget from one entry, my mom still asked me whatever happened to that cute white boy. More the more eloquentquent keep your cute ass um my ploy never worked and eventually i tore the pages out of the yearbook rather than my wife or kids coming across it and destroying me with

my shame all right thanks bye what how would his what would have been one how would he play what what is the way in which this would have worked? The only thing that kept that shame story from being perfect and it was great was the big reveal. Did he say his friends caught him? No. He tore out the pages. He tore the pages out so his children could never find it.

Yeah, he missed out on the big, I got called out on it. But that's still pretty amazing that he did that. My mom still asks me, whatever happened to that cute white boy? That's a good one. What did he say? That's what he wrote in what he believed to be a cute black girl's handwriting. Or mechs. Or mechs.

Yes, absolutely. Latina. He probably used gel pens too. Could have been a China woman. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's a good one I've heard rumors I've heard rumors about There's services that you can pay

To get MySpace comments From attractive looking Decoy women Just to make you more Seem more popular to the real women Who you're trying to take to bed via my space. I've never heard of that. Yeah.

But it's a similar, similar pre-web principle. Now, if you guys think that embarrassing things only happen to men, you're wrong. Don't they though, Jesse? No, they actually also happen to women. All right. You mean the greater sex often suffers moments of shame? Yes, they do. I believe that when I hear or see it.

Hi, Jordan, Jesse, go. This is Emily from Ohio. Here's my embarrassing moment. Last year, I just really, really wanted to watch Can't Hardly Wait. And for some reason, it wasn't on TV that week. So I went to the video store. The video store in my town is independently run. And everyone who works

there is a big movie snob. So I went there, and they didn't have the DVD, but they had the VHS. So I didn't have a VCR in my apartment at the time, so I also had to rent a VCR. So I rented Can't Hardly Wait on VHS and the VCR. I'm usually not the kind of person who turns in their videos late, but that time I turned in both the VCR and Can't Hardly Wait late. The next time I went into the video store, it was Friday evening. It was fairly crowded, and I got up to the counter. I put my DVD on the counter. He pulled up my account, and the clerk just got this awful, horrible, snotty smile on his face. He cleared his throat, and then as loud as he could say without yelling,

said, you have a late fee on can't hardly wait on VHS and the VCR, and then he laughed in my face. Have a good day. Bye. Wow. Why did you just buy it? Yeah, how much could it have cost? I rented a VHS and then a VCR

and then a home to watch it in. What I really like is that they're still renting out VCRs. This is Ohio. This is a few years ago, right? Yeah. Sounds pretty recent. Pre-blu-ray yeah how much more can it be to buy a vcr they oh by the way her choice her choices were rent can't hardly wait and the vcr or rent a cdi cd interactive machine and play sherlock holmes murder mystery yeah exactly national geographic expeditions or

something lost zelda game i feel like there's people out there who have better tales of shame than those right those were good those were good but i think we've got people who can beat them don't you yes i don't know could people have suffered more shame than those people? I certainly believe they could have. I don't know, Jesse. You're going to have to impress me. Well, we'll have to turn to our audience to impress us. If you have a tale of shame that can beat those tales of shame, give us a call at the Maximum Fun Hotline, 206. Are we giving the most shameful winner some sort of prize?

No. That wasn't the plan, but we could. What would be a good prize? The prize is you get to hear it played on the radio. Yeah, exactly. We'll sign your yearbook. Literally dozens of people will hear it on this podcast. Or you can just forge a message from us. We will sign your yearbook if that's what this is about.

Yeah, just mail it with a self-addressed stamp envelope, and then we'll mail it back after we've signed it. Absolutely. 206-9844-FUN is the Maximum Fun Hotline. If you have a tale of shame you'd like to share with us, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, on this program. It was a pleasure to be on here. Thank you for having me. All those college years fans out there are rejoicing at this joyful reunion we've had. Is this the first time that you've been on with the two of us?

Were you on one time? Yeah, no. I think I've only been on with you guys separately. Yeah, well, there you go. Well, Gene, thank you so much for doing it. It was a joy. Yeah, I'd like to do it again. Anything you want to plug?

You guys should watch Lost on Thursdays. It's a good show. Cool. Our action item this week is our Tales of Shame. If you have a Tale of Shame to share with us, give us a call on the Maximum Fun hotline, 206-984-4FUN. And, of course, it is pledge drive time. You know, Jordan, if you spread out the pledges that we get in a given month

over the number of downloads that we get in a month, so that it's like people pay this amount per download. You know how much people pay per download? Eight tuppence? Less than two cents per download in donations. So we can really use your donations. We're not looking for that Ricky Gervais 99 pence type of situation. We'd settle for a little more than maybe tuppence and a halfpenny.

Jesse, I don't know if you heard. Thruppence. Yeah. We're shooting for Thruppence. So go to MaximumFun.org and click on Donate to support Jordan Jesse Go, the blog, the

forums, the whole nine yards. Hey, guess what? The March of Time Madness is going really strong on the website right now. I think we're going to bring in a surprise expert at some point here coming up to analyze our final eight or final four I'm not going to say who the expert is

but I've spoken with him on the oh I just gave away his gender I've spoken with him on the email him or she he's into it and he knows a lot about history you might even say he's hardcore about it

and I've got I think we're going to. And I've got, I think we're going to be able to hook it up. I think we're going to be able to hook it up. Hey, Jordan, have we talked about the Monsters of Podcasting? I don't think we've mentioned the Monsters of Podcasting. June 28th in San Francisco, we're doing the Monsters of Podcasting at the Dark Room Theater with our pals, You Look Nice Today, aotional Hygiene, a great new podcast from our friends Lonely Sandwich, Scott Simpson, and Hot Dogs Ladies, a.k.a. Merlin Mann. We're

getting together. We're doing live taping in San Francisco. The advance tickets are sold out, but there will be some tickets at the door. And we've got some surprises in store and the whole nine yards. So I hope we'll see you June 28th at the Darkroom Theater in San Francisco. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design from the best of The Free Design.

That is out on and courtesy of Light in the Attic Records. We'll see you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go.