Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 626: Mind Toilet with Rhett McLaughlin and Link Neal

Episode Date: March 3, 2020

Rhett McLaughlin and Link Neal (Good Mythical Morning, The Lost Causes of Bleak Creek novel) join Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jordan's toilet clogging hack that put him at risk for an embarrassing grocery store run-in, the time Rhett and Link cold read fan fiction about themselves on air, and how they tackled the project of writing their first novel -- The Lost Causes of Bleak Creek. • Check out Rhett and Link's novel! • Listen to Rhett and LInk's podcast, Ear Biscuits! • Watch Jordan's friend, Cotton Candy Randy on Good Mythical Morning! • Watch Jordan on a recent episode of Good Mythical Morning!  

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, supermarket sad boy. Oh wow. This sounds like, this sounds like an avenue down which we should trick. Nah, let's just go past it. Hey guys, what if Waluigi's

butt broke? Were you... Thank you for summarizing Jordan Chessico in like five words. Yeah, if we have any new listeners, mainly it's speculating as to what would happen if various things happened to Waluigi's butt. I mean, I presume if his butt broke,

he'd go wah, wah, wah. Wah, yes, exactly. So were you visiting the supermarket recently? Well, yes. Jesse, you know me. We know each other well. We've known each other 20 years now. Sure.

And, you know, I'm a man with many fears. Sure. You're as fearful as a trembling Oakley. Sure. And I mean, we both know what my number one fear is. Let's say it together. Karate. Seeing someone I know at the supermarket and them looking in my basket and realizing I'm sad.

Oh, yeah. And karate is number two. Number two. I mean, when I say karate, I don't mean practicing karate because I know you are a karate practitioner of many years. That's why I wanted to learn about it so I could fear it less. But then learning about it made me fear it more. Because you learned about its deadly power. Sure, yeah.

Open hand, they call it. When in the wrong hands. Sure, exactly. The wrong open hand. Hey, so I would like to chat about this. Should we introduce our guests first? I would love to. Yeah, would like to chat about this. Should we introduce our guests first? I would love to. Yeah, I get their perspective on this.

Our guests are titans of the world of entertainment, and not just because they also had, like us, an IFC television show in 2011. You know them. Oh, yeah. You know them from Good Mythical Morning, among many other adventures. Rhett and Link. Hi, Rhett and Link. Hey, guys. Hi.

Thanks for being on the show. Yeah. Thanks for doing the show from our table, because we're not allowed to leave the vicinity of our office. You guys have ankle bracelets on. I've been meaning to ask about those. Have you ever seen us outside of this building? I guess I haven't either. I've never seen you within 50 yards of a school.

I think this is the prisoner situation. Oh, wow. Are we all going to be chased by a capture bubble at some point if we try and escape? Instead of a mystical island, it's just Burbank. Right. The most mystical part of the greater Los Angeles area. Certainly so. I mean, they got it at Ikea.

Yeah. I don't know what else is in Burbank besides the Ikea. Oh, Shooting Range. Shooting Range. Yeah. Not too far. I haven't been in either one of those. Really?

I went to the old Ikea. Have you been to the- So there is a new, there's an, now there's a new Ikea that's like the biggest Ikea, right? Yeah. You see it from the freeway. But I'm like – You're scared? I'm not going in there.

Are you as afraid of Ikea going into Ikea as Jordan is of someone seeing the contents of his grocery store basket? Yeah. Yeah. It's a similar thing. Did you see somebody, Jordan? Somebody specific? I'll tell you the story. So I feel like if you – seeing somebody I know at the supermarket, if you catch me at the wrong time in my shop, I seem like my life is falling apart. Like if we – if you see me, it's like cat litter and something else.

And cat litter kind of stacks sadness I feel like. And that's the first thing you add to your cart? Yeah. It creates a nice base. You know, cat litter kind of stacks sadness, I feel like. You know, if someone – And that's the first thing you add to your cart? Yeah. It creates a nice base. Cat litter is a – It creates a nice base. Yes, exactly.

It's a sadness multiplier. Sadness multiplier. Yes, exactly. I'm sure there's a magic the gathering analogy I can make, but I don't know the game well enough. Yeah. Tap mana. Sure. Yeah, that works.

So, you know, I mean, I guess I'm so self-conscious about this. I should just start by my shop by grabbing a few high roller items and then I could just put them back. What would you say is an example? Let's say you're in Vons. Sure. Local grocery chain Vons. Yeah. What would you say are your top high roller items there in the Vons?

And I'm going to stipulate. I think we can all agree number one is going to be Cartier cufflinks. But what's number two? Oh, so I think I just – real quick, just in case I see anybody I know, you grab a bottle of champagne and a rotisserie chicken. That dude's got it together, they think. Maybe a brioche as well. Oh, a nice brioche. That would go great with the chicken. That dude's got it together, they think. Maybe brioche as well. Oh, a nice brioche. That would go great with the chicken. I think if you get a rotisserie chicken and a bottle of champagne at the grocery store and that is in your basket, that automatically makes you a sadness lifestyle

influencer. I got to get on Instagram. Yeah, get on the gram, baby. Sure. I think for me it would just be chips that have pepper on them. Oh, yeah. The pepper chips. A pepper chip. Yeah. Because you got pepper at home. So if you're purchasing a pre-peppered chip, you know that you're in a situation where a luxury like that isn't going to break the bank for you.

Exactly. Paying someone to pepper your chips is within their means. But I mean, time is money, so you're saving the money you would spend on peppering the chips. So yeah, I'm self-conscious about this.

It happens, but okay. There's something you need to tell us i have a toilet situation at home you detected it i have an older building the plumbing is old but also i mean i feel i feel shame about this just tell us this is like non-judgmental space thank you except when everyone listens and I think that it's full of judgment. Sure. Give it to them. I like a moist wipe. Oh yeah.

I know they're bad for the environment. I know they're bad for plumbing. I think they're bad for your butthole as well. Really? What is it doing to my butthole? I just thought it was bad for the environment and plumbing and I was fine with that. I've been told that there's some irritants in there. Really? I thought the only thing it was doing to your butthole was tenderly caressing it.

No, I think your rectal skin is very sensitive. And maybe over time, this is why now what I do is I take a couple of squares of a couple of just squares of toilet paper. Dip it down in the toilet water. Now, that is a public restroom technique that I have thought about employing. A couple quick squirts of 409 and you're ready to go. You've got access, like here at the office, you've got access to, you don't even have to get off of the can to reach over, and I have long arms to the faucet to just get a little wetness on some TP.

You create your own moist wipes. Huh. But, I mean, it's a delicate dance you're doing because it has to be not enough so that the square falls apart or gets flexed. You don't want breakthrough. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. I have a Japanese toilet seat in the bathroom in my home office.

I did not put it in any of the bathrooms that – in the main living area where my children might accidentally clean themselves. I put it in the least used bathroom in the house. In daddy's bathroom. Yeah, exactly. The least used bathroom in the house. In daddy's bathroom. Yeah, exactly. But I host a public radio show, and recently we've been getting sponsorships from a toilet brand. I shan't say which brand, lest they benefit from sponsoring my show.

And this toilet brand makes a line of signature toilets. It's a regular toilet brand. Like if you went in. But it sprays its signature on your. Yes. So it has. Yes. It's pheromones.

It has a line of like premium toilets that they want NPR listeners to enjoy. Okay. Okay. And I took a look at them. And not only do some of them have LED downlighting. Wow. Which is great because you- Good for aim. You want to be-

Good for NPR listeners and cartooning enthusiasts. Yeah. Ground effects. Right. Yeah. Sure. The other thing that some of them have is an SD card slot so you can put in some of your favorite jams. I thought you were saying so you could take photos.

Oh, yeah. What a fool believes by the Doobie Brothers, right? That's everybody's first. Yeah, number one. First go-to. It's going to be that. What did you have in there? So I had a toilet clog clog the plunger was not

doing the job so i looked online for for toilet hacks my landlord is pretty helpful but he is an uh he's an observant jewish man so he is not available um on the sabbath right this particular clog was on the sabbath that's what you mean by observant. I was- Yes. He's like, you got a haircut. Have you been working out? Yes, I have. Thank you, Jeremy, the landlord.

And maybe everybody knows this, but the online toilet clog hack that I found was if you do baking soda and vinegar in the toilet and leave it, it will – Make a volcano. Well, it will – yes. It will – yeah. It will just discharge the clog. Okay. So I'm like, I got to try this.

So I went to the supermarket and immediately just grabbed baking soda and vinegar and then ran into somebody I knew. And I'm like, well, they're looking at this. You're like, I'm a Boy Scout. Yeah. Either I have to fake it and say that I'm doing a child science experiment or just fess up to the fucking five guys dump that's been in there for six hours. I'm not going to lie to you. I mean you have a pretty successful show business career,

and I wouldn't want to take away from you the opportunity to brag about that to someone you haven't seen in a little while. You know what I mean? You say, oh, yeah, are you in the WGA? Yeah, sure, I am. Yeah, sure, I got health insurance, a whole nine yards.

But I'm just saying any person working in show business is only a few weeks from becoming a middle school science teacher. Sure. And this would be an opportunity. That was your opportunity. To take advantage of that. Like, yeah, I've realized that the bottom has dropped out. Yeah.

There's no room for the. Something I think about a lot. And I will stop at the smart and final sometimes on my way home from work. Get a lot of kitty litter there. Yeah, you sure can. Yeah. And how. And how.

Are you guys bulk shoppers? We've been talking about Costco a lot on the show. Do you guys do Costco's? Are you smart and finals? There's a Costco right here, boys. Yeah. We did Costco for – my wife and I did Costco for the first couple of years. And then we didn't renew the thing and then it just sort of – we just quit.

I share a Costco membership with my mom who lives 500 miles away in San Francisco. And I will go to Costco twice a year at most. But I feel like by the time I've gotten in there, I got to make it count. And I will spend like $700 at Costco. Yeah, it's like- Easy. You go in casually, you come out like a prepper.

Yeah, exactly. It's very- They have bear traps, right? And trip wires. It's just... They have bear traps, right? And trip wires. It's just like stacks and stacks of stuff. And I just... I get very anxious about where am I going to put everything so that I can't see it. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. So I don't go in there anymore. So you don't think about the disaster that's impending? Oh, no. Never. Only every other day when Rhett seems to bring it up. I will stop.

Well, the end times are near. We all know that. Certainly so. I will stop at the smart and final, specifically for two things that they don't sell at the grocery store that's closer to my house. I will stop for grape nuts, which only are in a small portion of grocery stores. Is that true? Yeah. Really hard to find grape nuts.

I would say 40% of grocery stores have Grape Nuts. Oh, Grape Nuts, man. I know. I love Grape Nuts. What can I say? And then I will also stop for It's It's.

I don't even know what that is. And It's It is a San Francisco Bay Area originated frozen treat that is two oatmeal cookies with ice cream in between covered in

chocolate. Whoa. Whoa. I've never heard of this. It's really good. You'll see them. You'll see them. You'll see them.

Keep your eyes open when you're in that frozen treats aisle. It's it. How did I miss it? Thank you. That's their slogan. That's their slogan. Vomit on my sweater already. Mom's spaghetti.

Yeah, exactly. What? When I am buying those two things, I will go to the express line. Because I'm only buying two things. I'm not buying a whole cart full of cleaning supplies. You're there for nuts and its. Exactly. And I always think when I'm standing there,

really there is no combination of things you can buy in that aisle. There's no four things you can buy at the grocery store that aren't sad. And there's no less sad place overall than the grocery store. It's a necessary part of everyone's life. It doesn't matter who you are. You've got to go get some groceries. You're going to need a breakfast cereal.

But no matter what three or four things you have or seven things you have in that express line, it is always a story about sadness. The extrapolations and the connections turn into for sale baby shoes never used immediately. Only it's like with OK Magazine. Yeah. I don't want to be judged for this. My biggest fear is being judged for this. But I was behind a woman the other day who had rum, Coke, and gummies. Five packs of different gummies. Five different?

Five. It was like worms, bears, Patch Kids, and peach rings. Standard Patch Kids or sour? Oh, just Patch Kids. Okay. And did the cashier say anything? Because I feel like there's a certain personality profile of a cashier who will, you know, like it happened to me recently when I was going camping. And they were like, camping trip, huh? Like they analyze the items. They make the assumption.

I kind of feel like it's the same kind of person that assumes a woman is pregnant. You know, how far along are you? Because I feel like you can quickly same kind of person that assumes a woman is pregnant. How far along are you? Because I feel like you can quickly get yourself into trouble. Yeah. And the way you performed that camping trip question or assertion made me feel concerned because it really lived in that liminal zone between question and accusation. Camping trip, huh? That's what we're here for, sure.

Yeah, right. Exactly. Camping trip, huh? That's what we're keeping. Sure. Yeah, right. Camping trip, huh? Like, it could just mean they also love to camp. Right. Love to get out there, but. The other day I was getting, you know, kitty litter and tequila and frozen waffles, and the cashier just said, dating's hard, huh? Yeah, I don't know.

I got these apps. He's like, I don't know. Yeah, just do it when you can. But the person who saw – you saw this person. Yeah. And what was the nature of the acquaintance? Sure. It was – I mean whenever I – I feel like 90 percent of my bump-intos in life is someone I took an improv class with five years ago.

Ten years ago, I guess, at this point. So, yeah, this is this. This is someone I took an improv class with like ten years ago. Same thing with me, Jordan, only I never leave the house. So it's just when I'm watching television commercials. Sure. Oh. But good for them.

They got a Sonic commercial. Yeah. And you could tell that this person was looking at your cart or you just you were so self-conscious that you were you convinced yourself that the person was looking at your car well i think i look in carts and i i mean i'm this is this is you were you looking in this person's car because i was i was looking yeah i mean when you point the finger there's four pointed back at you and and there's two in the bush. I don't know the expression.

Yeah, I don't remember this guy's cart. It was- Unnotable. Unnotable, yes. Oh, jeez. Because that's what you want. I could not tell a story about what was going on in his life. You want compromise.

You know what I mean? If somebody is going to come at you looking in your cart, you want to be able to know that you've looked in their cart. It's very bad, and so if they come at you, you your cart, you want to be able to know that you've looked in their cart. It's very bad. And so if they come at you, you can come back. You want mutually assured destruction. You know, it's like everybody's got nukes pointed at each other. That's they taunt. Yeah, exactly.

Salt the earth so nothing grows. Exactly. Rhett and Link, I wanted to ask you about a positively wild video that you guys posted on your YouTube channel. Does this mean we don't get to hear if you unclog the toilet? Because I do have to know if this science experiment worked. Well, we got our pledge drive coming up. And if you donate, you can hear what's going on with my shitter. Guys. I got to know my shitter. Guys. I got to know if it works.

Guys. It works like a charm. The fucking baking soda and vinegar, it works great. My toilet's flushing. It's flushing. It's flushing five guys. It's flushing Fatburger. It flushed a goddamn Jack's Munchie meal.

Oh, gosh. But it could just be that you let it sit. Did you try one last flush before, a control flush before adding the experiment? Because sometimes I'll just, you know, my son, my middle son, he's like a beaver building a dam in there every time. You gotta look out for those middle kids. It's not his fault. His teeth keep growing and growing. And he'll just come out and tell

me, like, now I have to go in there and take care of it. And I'm like... He doesn't have a plunger in there? Yeah, he's got a plunger in there. And that's what I tell him. Have you shown him how to use it? Why you gotta show someone how to use a plunger? You do. You kind of look at it and you kind of know. No, because when you look

you got to wait for, you have to be sure that the suction has taken. You have to, here's the thing about plungers. It's kind of like sex. I think that when it's really time your body just knows what to do. I mean, it's

it's true. We're all, yes, biologically pulled toward plunging. I mean, I think it's better if you're told. Your children are going to have so many unwanted pregnancies. No, it's better if you're told,

but if you're not, I think you can still get the clog out. You know what I'm saying? Here's the thing. I hear you. But in the end, maybe it's one of those things that maybe he'll appreciate it more if he learns the technique himself. Yeah.

But the technique that he's really learning is, I'm like, I'm not doing it. Just let it, just give it eight hours. I know exactly what you mean, though, but I think – yeah. So I think my excitement over this hack is – could just be because the – Time. The shit had broken up. Right, right. The trip to the grocery store is what – Exactly, yeah.

That hour I spent at the grocery store was the time that it needed to dissolve. So it could be true. I want to know what other lessons your children aren't getting. What else have you tapped out on besides sex and toilet cloths? I don't know. Yeah, I actually thought I was a good dad in telling that story. I think you've just taken it wrong. I mean, you know, some people get the kids swim lessons.

Some people just throw the kid in the pool and, you know, their biological need to survive will take over. I think that's kind of what you're doing but with – With sex. With sex. Sex and poop. Yeah. I think once my kids are old enough, I'm just going to throw them into an orgy. Go nuts.

And they'll figure – your body will tell you what to do. There are options. Figure out what you're into. Something for everybody. Here's a plunger, son. I'll say. Sure, yeah. I mean, we all went with our dad when we turned 16 to Burning Man and got thrown in that

yurt just to figure it out. Make me some grandkids or not. It's your choice. I'd love to have a yurt lifestyle. I think the biggest thing- The yurt is the- You got a yurt ready? I like the idea of a yurt for sure.

I mean, right now prepping for me, it consists of having containers that are supposed to be filled with water, but they're not filled with anything. But they could. But they're in the garage. They could be. Right. If it really hits the fan, it's like, well, I've got containers that could have water.

You can put those out. Here's what you do. You put those out there and collect rainwater. It's a rain barrel. Or I learned this from The Voyage of the Mimi, not to brag, but I watched a lot of PBS as a seven-year-old. Okay.

They showed that to us in class. It was like a class. You got to watch the Voyage of the Mimi. You got class, Affleck? Oh, yeah. You got class, Affleck. In class, Affleck. Class, Affleck, yes. When you watch Affleck in class.

You put up a tarpaulin. This is what the deaf woman on Voyage of the Mimilaus. You put up a tarpaulin. This is what the deaf woman on Voyage of the Mimi did. She put up a tarpaulin. I don't know what Voyage of the Mimi is. I'm just sitting over here. It's a public TV special about people who get stranded on an island and they survive. They love to survive. Oh, really?

And a young Ben Affleck's in it. Yeah, they're whale scientists. There's a white-bearded guy. There's young Ben Affleck. There's a deaf woman, and there's some other people. And a tarp. Yeah, and they put the tarp up and collect the condensation. They make the tarp so when the condensation happens overnight, it goes down into the jug.

And that's how they get their water when they're surviving. Because they don't have time to do whale science. They're on an island. That's true. They're going to get this tarp all in put up. I'd rather die than drink tarp water. I mean, it's not great. It's not a great taste.

Fair, fair, fair. But I mean, if you season the tarp, if you just soak the tarp in some olive oil. But I mean, I've seen you at Vaughn's. You're a high roller. That's true. Yeah, that's right. Not worried about it. Can I seen you at Vaughn's. You're a high roller. That's true. Yeah, that's right. I'm not worried about it. Can I ask you guys about this video?

I'm now satisfied that the shit's no longer in the toilet. We can move forward. You guys did a video where you did a cold read of fan fiction about you. Oh, yes, we did. It was wild. I would love to hear about what that experience was like. So you watched an episode of Good Mythical Morning that you weren't in. Yes.

My first one. It was okay. He'd heard a lot about it. Yeah. A lot of people. They eat stuff. They do challenges. We did not read the fan fiction ahead of time.

The game was – the stories were on alternating cards, and the game was how far can you get. And if you can't read a card, if we couldn't bring ourselves to read a card, then you would – you lose a point. Or if you couldn't read it without some sort of break. Yeah, some sort of just guttural explosion of feeling. Now, I know that you guys have passionate fans. You're a huge fan base. You guys have been stars for a decade or more. But I guess I don't know what the narrative of your... Well, the narrative is us fucking.

In pretty much all of it. I can see that. That'd be cute. Yes. There was. Not to spoil the video for people who haven't seen it, but there's one where you have a master and dog relationship. Yeah.

Rhett had to be the dog. Yeah. Which, that was a twist. That was a twist. What do you mean? Why was that a twist? You assumed that you would be if there was a master and dog relationship.

Well, because in the first story, one of us was pregnant. Mm-hmm. And in the end, we found out that was Link. And then, you know, I thought that was... I think that was the second story. I think that, yeah. Jordan was right. The first one... Yeah, you're right. The second that was Link. And then, you know, I thought that was... I think that was the second story.

I think that, yeah. Jordan was right. The first one... Yeah, you're right. The second one was pregnancy. You were a dog in the kennel type thing, and I let you out. And I had a butt plug that had a dog's tail on it. That you could wag by clenching your...

Clenching my... Sphincter. Let's say it. Yeah. I don't know why we would draw the line. Right. Let's not. Hey, man, just say sphincter.

Come on, dude. Okay. Say it three times. Yeah. Sphincter, sphincter, sphincter. You know you need unique humor. He appeared. Sphincter man.

I mean, I'm excited for that Jordan Peele reboot, by the way. And isn't that probably most definitely an actual product? I mean, you squeeze it in the tail well? Yeah, I think that's fun. If I wanted to be a pretend dog to have sex or have sex with a pretend dog man, that seems like the number one way you do it, right? Yeah, right. I mean, that and like, you know, that kind of like makeup on your face, like sort of

like hobo makeup. That kind of like. It's kind of like a. No. No one knows. Like a Halloween 19. Like a Halloween. Just like a little dirty.

Like a Halloween 1962 kind of situation where you're a brown dog with white spots and big floppy ears. You know what I'm talking about? That seems like that might be first before the sphincter thing. But those two things are what come to mind if I imagine how you would do that for sex purposes. And he just had sex with my leg. Yeah.

Oh, really? For the record. That one was pretty tame. The pregnant. What struck me about That one was pretty tame. Well, you were tame. What struck me about the pregnancy one was how there was some really beautiful domestic drama in there in that it kind of painted this picture of a relationship. Sort of Mad Men type situation? Yeah, maybe a little more like a know, maybe a little more, you know, like a Duplass brothers. Oh, wow.

This kind of relationship that, I mean, it was clear that there was a lot of love there. But, you know, as relationships do, you know, when you get into kind of domestic situations, the, you know, the passion can kind of leave and you, you know, you get caught up in everyday things. But when- I was doing dishes. You were doing dishes. And when you learned that you had the male pregnancy gene and that you guys could get pregnant, it just reignited this passion. And that was kind of part of the story. It's like something – that passion from the early relationship came back when you learned that you could make a baby together. Yeah. It's like when I got my 23andMe results and I was going to have – I got some bad news

and I blocked it out. Like what is the thing that they told me that I was going to have? Alzheimer's? Yeah. I couldn't quite remember. Sure. Wow. That really adds some serious pathos to this narrative.

You got to check a new box. It's like, do you want to know the real stuff? Yeah. It's like, oh, I might could get Alzheimer's. I was like, when I... Or pregnant as a man. It's kind of the same. Sure.

When I did my 23andMe, I just said, I just want to know what breeds I am. Leave it at that, you know. I mean, Jesseesse do you ever wonder which of us would be the dog and which would be the master yeah that's an interesting i mean i feel like we should throw it to them i don't think we can judge from from we've got this 20 year history sure yeah it's loaded of dog play we know who is we know the correct answer, but who do you think would be the dog and who would be the master? I think that, again, I think that people might typically say, oh, okay, Link, he sort of has this boyish quality, so let's make him the dog. But I think that-

When you said that, by the way, his ears perked up. Boyish quality. My size and my facial hair, I think, is more dog-like. So if we follow that logic, that would be you, Jesse. I have more facial hair than Jordan does.

It's as simple as that. Well, you've got to keep it simple. Sure. K-I-S-S. James Carville taught us that. And we also know that- It's the economy. Because Jordan has been using those moist wipes, his asshole is a little irritated. So I don't think that it could accept the butt plug. It would be probably bad for me to use a butt plug until it gets all healed up.

Oh, I like those wipes so much. There's so many bad things about them. You could just put them in a little waste paper basket. Yeah, I guess. But that's a gross thing to have. It's gross. Yeah. Yeah, there's no doubt about it.

I got to wean myself off the wipes I think. Yeah. I got to – no wipes in 2020. Do you think you're addicted? I might be. I don't know. I haven't – I mean I haven't tried to stop. How long have you ever gone without them?

I mean, no. I mean, I bring them when I travel. I do have a tiny pack that I bring in my case. Yeah, you're addicted. I'm addicted to wipes. Yeah. Wow. You're going to have to go to WA.

Yeah, sure. Yeah. I need a sponsor. Yeah. I'm feeling tempted to wipe. You have a whole to-do list now. You got to get a sponsor. You got to get a son.

You got to get a son. Yeah, Jordan's got to get a son. Running joke on the show is I scream, I got to get a wipe. You have a whole to-do list now. You got to get a sponsor. You got to get a son. You got to get a son. Jordan's got to get a son. Running joke on the show is I scream, I got to get a son. Oh, really? I don't know why. I love it. It's my favorite. It's a running joke.

It's my favorite. Sorry, all the other running jokes. My favorite is when Jordan says he's got to get a son. Do you guys have- We might have the answer, by the way. If you got in on the grape nuts, it might shore things up for you. Oh, that's a road to recovery. I thought you were going to say that you might have an answer on how he can get a son.

It's to take your sex ed class. Just buy a plunger. Just see what your body wants to do. Just hop into the yurt and maybe you come out with a son. Maybe you don't I did not know Not that I want to go back to the fanfiction thing No let's do

I was fascinated it was such a fun video to watch And the fact that you guys had not read it ahead of time Was delightful I had never read any of it And Rhett had read some of it Because if he hears about anything He's going to look into it a little bit. I hear about something, and I'm like, you know what?

I heard enough about that to not look into it. Well, and I think late last year is when I said, I just feel like we should do something with fan fiction. I know people have done it before, and there's a few live shows. It's bizarre. I think what i said on the show is i don't really understand the psychology associated with it but i guess we could figure it out i just did i just did an episode of uh judge john hodgman in my other

podcast with uh two litigants one who are both nuts about Buffy and one of them had never watched the last season of Buffy because she knew that one of her favorite characters died in the last season. And she was talking about her love of fan fiction. One of the reasons she loves fan fiction is this character that she loves, she identifies with very deeply, is still alive and has parallel adventures in some of this fan fiction. And Jane Espenson was on the show, who was a rough writer on Buffy and has written on every television show. Super funny, super great lady. And she was like – she had the most generous – and I guess like if you're both a nice person and an important writer on buffy like the epicenter of fan culture for the past 30 years like either you move to mexico or you get comfortable with the idea but she had the most generous she's like you know i know that like we made art and it now lives

with the people who consume it it lives with all of them in a different way. And many of them like choose to expand it and imagine it in their own ways inside themselves and with each other. And she's like, that is like one of the coolest parts of having made this. Well, and that makes sense to me. Like having a fictional world that's already been constructed that people, you know, kind of visit in their imaginations and then being able to – I'm not getting enough from the original creators of this. But then it feels like a different thing to be like, oh, these are just two real-life friends. Sure. But you guys had never –

They're using their real names on the show. Oh, yeah. You guys had never done any dog stuff, I mean, that I had seen on GMM. And for that reason, I think, you retreat to the world of the imagination. Honestly, if I'm going to be frank, my reaction to this whole topic is just being mad that there's no fan fiction where me and Jordan fuck. We've been doing this a long time, too, guys. If I know our listeners, and I think I do, they're just too busy with the Sonic stuff. They have to churn out so much Sonic fan fiction that they can't get to their fourth favorite podcast.

They got to catch all those Pokemons, too. Sure, yeah. You know how it is. You get down to the last one and he escapes. Yeah. God damn it, I got to catch them all. Sure, yeah. That's how it is. You get down to the last one and he escapes. Yeah. God damn it, I got to catch them all. Sure, yeah. That's what I've heard about Pokemon.

The one I appreciated the most, which I do think, well, I appreciated it and it has also affected me the most and my behavior since is the one about the peanut butter. Right. Now, this does lean into a ongoing joke on the show. Right. So this wasn't, you know know it's like you don't guys don't do a lot of pregnancy stuff so this is clearly just like this person's kink plus their favorite show just a little bit of pregnancy stuff around christmas yeah you gotta yeah

but the peanut butter like like peanut butter related jokes are part of the show's dna related jokes are part of the show's DNA. I mean, I'm an avid lover of peanut butter, but what I mean by that is that I like to eat it. To stick your dick in a peanut butter jar. Is that what you mean? No!

I'm an avid lover of peanut butter, and what I mean by that is I'm Mr. Ed from the television show Mr. Ed. That's why it looks like you're talking the whole time. I'm actually doing both of our voices. This is a Phil Hendry situation. Jesse's mouth just looks like it's moving. Serious question.

Okay, so that video, that episode got viewed less than normal because it was age-restricted. Sure. But still, several hundred thousand people have seen it. I hope my mom is not one of them. I watched it 20 times, so you can count that into the year. How many guys? I watched it several hundred thousand times. Minus 20.

Okay, just leave it on. And this is you. Because you know, it has to be true that some dude, as a result of that episode, has fucked peanut butter. It has to be the case, right? Yeah, statistically, sure. That's just math. Yeah. Right, and then so how many?

To my earlier point, if you just go on instinct, it's gonna happen. That's why. Right. I mean, there's a Reddit thread called, it's something like, don't put your dick in there or something. Oh my, wow, is this a whole subreddit?

Why do I know about this? Listen, we all know about weird things that we wish we didn't. Yeah. So you know what not to put your dick in. Sure. I like that this came out immediately after you accused Red of learning a little bit about something and then going and learning more

about it. That's exactly what happened to you when you heard about Don't Stick your dick in it what are some examples i have not to okay i have i haven't been to the thread okay or i'm not going to talk about going to the thread but i think i know about it because they'll it'll be a thread about something else but there'll be a picture and then someone will it'll it'll have hole. And then so they'll put, oh, you should cross post this here. So I'm aware that it exists. Right. I have not officially visited.

You subscribe to r slash hole pics. And then sometimes people are like, now this one, this one. Yeah, yeah, I think that's it. Subreddit for everything. But your broader opinion, your broader belief is that peanut butter is naturally horny, that there is a fundamental horniness about peanut butter. And I'm not saying this skeptically. Number one, I accept your assertion. And number two, I would add to this that somebody had to look at peanuts.

Somebody pulled some peanuts out of the ground. George Washington Carver. George Washington Carver specifically and said, what can I do to make these hornier? And he said, I'm going to butter them. I mean I think we're talking about this in very broad strokes certainly. But I mean there's a lot of different kinds and consistencies of peanut butter. So I would think that maybe there are some that would facilitate this and some that would not. Yeah, I wouldn't want to stick my dick in natural peanut butter.

Oh, I would nothing but. Really? I would – Okay, well, there's a lot of oil. There's an oily layer. There's the oil at the top. Yeah. But then there's a – it's a rock, it's pretty rock hard.

I think I can get through it. I think you need something that's got the hydrogenated oil in it that it mixes very well. It's, you know, homogenous. So I think we're talking about like a creamy. You're talking about Peter Pan here. Peter Pan, sure. Yeah, the boy who never grew up. Second star to the right, straight on till morning.

Have I ever been on a podcast where every single thing I'm about to say makes me cringe before I say it? Thanks, guys. Yeah, no problem. Happy to help. We're glad to have you here. Thanks for employing Jordan sometimes. Yeah, I definitely think that it probably got some people thinking and doing. Oh, no doubt.

Yeah. Right, out of hundreds of thousands. You're thinking six. Yeah, I was thinking under 10, but more than one for sure. So, yeah, that's a good guess. I think if I was going to say, I'd say six, and I would say one natural peanut butter is just a total failure. Yeah. I would say two like Peter Pan, Donald Duck kind of peanut butters.

Donald Duck does the orange juice. I don't think there's Donald Duck peanut butter. I've been using that as peanut butter. It's orange. It's frozen. It comes from- Yeah. No, it's orange juice. It's orange. It's frozen. Yeah, no, it's orange juice. Orange juice from concentrate. Sorry, man.

I don't know what to tell you. You're just way off. PBJ. My kids always say my wife's PBJs taste better. And then I think there's like one or two people who like got out a butter knife and got some regular good old-fashioned chunky jif and laid it on. You know what I mean? Oh, just laid it on. Laid it on.

So they didn't go into the jar. They just lay it on. Right. And then they spread their wings and fly. You know? I mean, taking a knife to it is not my idea of safe sex. Yeah, sure. But I mean, obviously, these are adventurous sorts.

I know these people have open minds. They're just listening to their bodies. Someone will instinctively pick up a plunger sometimes. They will instinctively butter their dong. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse go. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Hey, Jordan. Yes. Every episode of Jordan Jesse Goh is brought to you by all of the wonderful members of MaximumFun.org. And in fact, right around the corner is the MaxFunDrive when you, who are not yet a member of MaximumFun.org, can become a member of MaximumFun.org. It's going to be a lot of fun, a lot of special episodes. And if you donate, there's a lot of cool stuff involved. And maybe the best part of donating, all that sweet bonus content.

I love that Boco. Boco, four days. We recorded Boco for this year. I mean, there's like years and years of it at this point. But we recorded new Boco that is a drinking game that listeners created for us to play. But we did not know the rules of it. So the premise was we just have to try and do an episode of Jordan, Jesse, go while Brian is constantly interrupting us by ringing a bell because we hit one of the drinking game landmines that a listener created for us. We did that with Ben Harrison from The Greatest Generation.

Ben and I drank lukewarm Bud Light alcoholic seltzer. And Jesse drank a weed soda. I drank almost two whole weed sodas. One weed soda. An unsafe amount. Frankly has too much marijuana in it for one person to drink. I'm going to be frank with you, Jordan. And I drank almost two whole ones.

And I slept very well that night. Yeah. So it was a total blast. The drinks were gross. Ben Harrison's wife had to come pick us up. The drinks were gross. The laughs were many. And that is an episode that you can only hear by donating at the Maximum Fun Drive.

So keep an ear out for that. This week on Jordan and Jesse Go, we also have a sponsor. It's our friends at ZipRecruiter. You know, ZipRecruiter's got a big R&D department. Oh, yeah? And according to their research, nearly three-quarters of employers are having difficulty filling open positions. What? Yeah, people aren't looking for jobs.

They're overemployed. Oh, boy. 68% of employers have raised their wages. 23% have increased their benefits. So it seems like you'd be lousy with candidates. Yeah, but the problem is they're doing that to retain their employees. And so you've got to recruit to get good qualified candidates. You've got to use ZipRecruiter.

Yeah, if you have a difficult role to fill, no matter what your industry, hire with ZipRecruiter. They're going to send your job to over 100 top job sites. Bam, bam, bam, bam. Job site, job site, job site, job site. And they're going to scan through thousands of resumes. Scan, scan, scan, scan, scan, scan, scan. To find people with the right skills and experience for your job and they actively invite them to apply. Please come over. Yes, that's ZipRecruiter's AI that says, please come over. Hello, it's me.

I live inside the ZipRecruiter computer. This is a goof. ZipRecruiter doesn't have an AI with an upsetting child voice. It's me, the ZipRecruiter computer. ZipRecruiter is so effective that four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. The very first

day says me, the ZipRecruiter computer. Oh, boy. Uh-oh, this is a character now. Try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo that's ZipRecruiter now. Try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. ZipRecruiter.

Oh, boy. The smartest way to hire. Awful character. Awful character. The smartest way to hire, Jordan. Yeah, I hear it, baby AI. I'll actively invite them to a party. We'll be back in just a second.

Like the little girl AI from the Resident Evil movies. I'm Jordan Jessica. The Red Queen. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, And Link Neal, still loving peanut butter. Even after all that. After all that, yeah. It's a true love. That's how you know it's a true love. Yeah. Even after all that.

It comes back to... I'm not kidding. Yeah. Haven't had it since. Since the episode? Yeah. Wow. I've looked at it, but I haven't tasted it.

You're warily circling it. Yeah. All right, peanut butter. We've been through a lot. Yeah. at it, but I haven't tasted it. You're warily circling it. Alright, peanut butter. We've been through a lot. It's a good spread. It is. What's your top three, Jordan? Top three spreads? Oh, that would be on the spot. You know, I think peanut butter's number one. Number two, gotta be mayonnaise.

It'll juice up a sandwich. That's exactly what I was going to Sure. It'll juice up a sandwich. That's exactly what I was going to say. It'll juice up a sandwich. It'll juice up a sandwich. Sandwiches aren't juicy enough without mayonnaise. And my number three spread is the Spreadshot Power Up from Contra. That's right.

Oh, nice. Wow, yes. A great gun for a great game. Yeah. That's really good. Can you make the sound it made? I think I can. Yeah, I knew you could. The sound, can you make the sound it made? I think I can. Yeah,

I knew you could. Excuse me. Ah, wow, wow, wow. The tip of the tongue, the teeth,

and the lips. Wop, wop, wop. That's pretty close, right? Oh, wow.

I thought it was more, pfft. Oh, shit. You're right. Oh, wow. That's closer.

Pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft. That was it. Oh, wow. That's closer. That was it. Yeah, who's the dog now, George? Woof, woof, I guess. When something momentous happens to you, like you are able to perfectly recreate the spread gun from Contra on a podcast,

we ask you to call us for our segment, Momentous Occasions. The telephone number is 206-9844-FUN. The email address, jjgoe at MaximumFun.org, where you can just send us a fucking voice memo, baby. Do it. Just put it in your telephone and then send it to us. Here's our first call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, go. And let's say Eliza Skinner.

That's a good guess. Brian, can you pause this for a second? I'm 100% certain that this is not a call to Jordan Jesse Goh. It is just a scene from one of the Blair Witch sequels. You mean Book of Shadows? Yeah. Okay, press play. From Michigan, 58 years old.

I just now this second got off the stage from my first 58 years old. I just now, this second, got off the stage from my first ever improv show. And among those in the audience was my 11-month-old grandson, who will be able to someday, when he's grown up, point at the screen and say, look,

my grandpa's on Saturday Night Live. I was there for his first show. Love you guys. Keep up the good work. First of all, we love you, too. We love you, too. And I look forward to running into you at the grocery store.

Please don't judge my life based on what's in my cart. I like that he finished his improv show and immediately wandered into the center of a freeway. It was that bad. There's probably another show going on. You know improv theaters. They stack the shows. You've got to turn over the audience. They're only paying five bucks. That's really great.

Yeah, way to go. Welcome to a life of performing for audiences that are smaller than your group. What's the most unlikely person you ever had in an improv class, Jordan, when you were taking UCB classes? You did some improv in high school as well, right? Yeah, I did. Yes. Thank you. Comedy sports with a Z.

Yeah. That's how you knew it was fun. Yeah. Well, you knew it was fun because one of the people wears a referee shirt like at Foot Locker. Exactly. They're like, sports? You bet. Yeah.

I mean, I think when I started improv, it was, you know, it's the people you expect to be taking improv classes. Comedy hopefuls, goofballs, the unemployable, these types. Yeah. But yeah, but I think when you kind of progressed, you know, as improv got to be more popular and kind of like, you know, like the Judd Apatow movies kind of turned you know as as it as improv got to be more popular and kind of like you know like the judd apatow movies kind of turned everyone on to the idea of that like some of this is improv they're just making it up you kind of got a broader swath of people in there

um ever any 58 year olds yeah no i you know i taught a is a little bit different but i taught a sketch class for a while and there were some there were some old dudes including some like them including a couple of like beachcomber types okay who like literally there was one guy who literally rode a recumbent bike to class he showed up to class was on a recumbent bike in a tie-dye t-shirt uh and just wanted to uh write sketches what did he god this guy had a lot of crazy ideas they He had a really good Howdy Doody parody. Yeah, yeah. Stuff like that. He complained because at the time, it was at the height of Game of Thrones, so everybody

was doing a Game of Thrones parody. And he's like, I've never watched the show and I never will. He's mad at it. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry that show made so many people happy. Sure. Yeah. Anyway. So yeah. Yeah. I did have some older folks. mad at it yeah yeah sorry that show made so many people happy sure yeah anyway so yeah yeah i did have some older older folks and he was he was definitely the kookiest but nobody like that

that that goofy well you see the world in a completely different way from a recumbent bike so it's like the perspective that you bring to any situation is just a slightly different angle yeah always on slightly off. Sure, yeah. Just like IFC. We can all agree that the glory days of IFC. Yeah, when the Grid and Rhett and Link commercial gigs were on. Nice. Those were the days.

All downhill from there. We never took an improv class. Yeah. I guess everything we do on the show is improv. It's scripted. It's funny that we never thought of it. We never really thought of it that way. It's just like, okay, we're just going to talk to each other.

We thought of it more like a podcast, even though I guess there's principles of improv associated with that. of improv associated with that. But I also thought that we were never great at actual improv because the few principles that I understand, it's like, well, probably not great at those. I mean, I think that the improv rule that everybody goofs on is yes and. But it is, I think, very important. I mean, it's an important idea. I disagree.

See? Now the podcast has stopped. Yeah. But I feel like that is very – Good Mythical Morning is very yes and. Like you guys do the shit, you know? It's a grand adventure. Yeah. Right.

And I think we also discover why the other way doesn't work. Sure. Because we've also done that over the years when it's just like, well, I agree, or I wanted to go here. Your response is not where I wanted to go with this thing, so now we're just pulling and pushing at each other. I mean, at the very beginning,

before it was Good Mythical Morning, we'd drive into work and we would keep quiet and we would just talk about what we were going to talk about, what we'd usually talk about in the car. This was back in North Carolina. We would just film it behind a card table. Good morning, Chia Lincoln. And so that was kind of our training ground for what became Good Mythical Morning.

And we would say, okay, I got this story, and I would just give a little tidbit, or he'd give me a little tidbit and say, okay, we got 10 minutes. I don't want to know what it is because we're about to talk about it. I want to talk about it before we talk about it. But then every few episodes at the beginning there, our wires would get crossed, and we would get in a fight. On air? No, we would just kind of seethe and then right when it was over, I would usually be like, hey, listen,

when you said this, it made me mad because this. And then we would be, we'd have an argument. Hit him on the nose with a newspaper. We'd have an argument for like an hour and a half. Wow. It was just like the whole thing would just start to explode.

We had a college intern that was working for us. He was doing some editing. And so he would basically run the camera for Good Morning Chia Lincoln. Yeah, he would sit right beside the camera. And it was this point-blank range. He was as close to us as we are to each other now. And then whenever we would cut, we would launch right into assessing the episode right there. So the hour and a half argument that we would have

would be as if it were still the show. Right. Oh man. And the dude, Derek was his name, he would be sitting this close to us. Is this part of the show? Yeah, and he would just sit there. He didn't say much in general, but he definitely didn't say anything during those moments. He would sit there and just kind of look.

He would look down like you in the grocery store. Get a breath of fresh air. For an hour. Jordan and I are so pathologically conflict-averse that I'm sure we never had those kind of fights. In our 20 years working together, we just have built our own little mind palaces of resentments like Jordan when he needs to

blow off some steam he can go into the room about how bad I was in the play he wrote you were good in that play I don't think you were bad in the play I'm glad to hear that. I think I did it.

I felt bad because I felt like the play was better. Jesse was in a play I wrote in high school, and he was good in it. But if I may turn the question. He's a talented performer. I know it's your show, but I really would like to know. And maybe it's in this form of this show. Maybe it's in another since you guys have known each other so long. But, like, especially when you're trying to create something, you kind of got to figure it out right at first.

So it could lead to tension. Sure. I mean, was there that? Was it only the palaces? What we did is we started when we were in college. And I think we just kind of teamed – we just trained our guns on our other friend that did the show with us. Made him suffer. Yes.

Okay. Gene. Sorry, Gene. Sorry, Gene. Did Gene ever say, like, hey, guys, I'm really – did he ever, like, come clean and be like, guys, I'm kind of upset with you? Gene just wouldn't show up. He does not show up sometimes. Yeah.

wouldn't show up sometimes yeah yeah i think i think i think we have gotten better about kind of like not you know not letting that stuff simmer i think we're you know i'll pat us on the back of you know kind of addressing that stuff when it comes up but man yeah it is not my instinct to have those docs it is my instinct to you know retreat to the palace and clog my mind toilet. Let's take another call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse Go. This is Holly calling from Vermont. I have a momentous occasion, and it is that I just got laid off from my job, and I recently turned 30, and I think I'm going to bike to Argentina.

So, yeah, that's pretty momentous, I think. Yeah, I think so. I think we've all chayed. Oh, Che Guevara? Yeah. Taking a little chay trip? Head down to Argentina, foment a revolution real quick. Right.

I mean, yeah, when he got laid off from the coffee bean. That's what sparked it. Jordan, come on. The coffee bean and tea leaf. The coffee bean and tea leaf. The coffee bean and tea leaf. They serve coffee and tea. Don't forget. Great iced tea there, by the way.

If you want a nice cold iced tea, coffee bean and tea leaf, and they got that great pebble ice. Oh, wow. Just go ahead and throw in. There you go. So she is going to, Holly, is going to bike Argentina. Or to Argentina. To Argentina.

From where? Vermont. From Vermont. That's not going to really work is it? Do you need an aqua bike to do that? Is there a way to get to Argentina over the land? I think there's a series of levees In the Panama Canal For bicyclists

You can go land all the way Maybe you bike Onto like a ferry And you just keep riding the bike around the ferry as it's going. There is one point where you have to jump Snake River Canyon. Oh, sure. I applaud this sentiment. Me too, yeah.

I think that if life deals you a restart, it's like go for it. Yeah, start somewhere cool. You guys have been doing your stuff together forever, as we have. Yeah. But have either of you ever, like, run away? No. I mean, we had a conversation. I can't remember what led to the first conversation that was where we kind of said something that had been unsaid for a few years that was it doesn't matter who's working more on something or whose idea it was or how much each of us contribute.

We're kind of – it's just going to be a Rhett and Link thing. And maybe it was when somebody asked us if we wanted to audition for stuff. And we were still in North Carolina, but I think that led to this discussion that was we ended up talking about Lennon and McCartney or something. I was about to say, like Lennon and McCartney splitting all the songwriting on all the songs. They were just like, doesn't matter who wrote. Well, until later after John Lennon died, Paul McCartney reconsidered.

They're like, it doesn't matter who gets the credit. We each get half of the money from all the songs that either of us write. We were trying to build this thing and that was Rhett and Link and still is. And so it was, we did have that discussion. Well, now it was Rhett and Link.

It's now the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Sure. Link was the original Drax. Well, interestingly enough, when you talk about the audition. So, again, just like Link said, everything has always been, it doesn't matter who works more on whatever. It's like everything is 50-50. Everything is kind of part of mythical entertainment. But we did at some, well, somebody reached out, this has been three or four years ago.

And it was the casting director for Guardians of the Galaxy. And they were like, we want Rhett to audition for the role of Taserface. Oh, okay. That Chris, what's his name? The guy from This Is Us. Yeah, ended up playing. Great guy.

Great guy. He was on the show. We met him. Super funny. I don't care for him. I think he's a pile of shit. Whoa. And we were like, okay.

Jesse, he listens. Chris, what's his name? You're in my sights. Welcome to our signature segment, You're in My Sights. Where Jesse hears about someone for the first time and lays into him. This ain't me, Chris. What's his name? I think when he was on the show, it was maybe the first time I did anything on GMM.

Anyway. Really? Yeah, I think so. We stripped down and he poured wax on one another. Oh, yeah, sure. And I was a little kid who lost his ice cream cone. The segment did not make a lot of sense. So this wasn't something we were pursuing, but we were like, you can't say no to going to this audition.

Beloved Marvel character, Taserface. no to going to this audition. Beloved Marvel character, Taserface. And never been to an audition, ever. And so I'm like calling a few actor friends and saying, okay, I got this opportunity.

I've never even been in one of these rooms. Well, we had a discussion that was like, well, can I be the bottom half of Taserface? I don't know. Taserface was in

a horse costume. It's like we showed up that way. Right. He's with me. Specifically a horse costume from a Halloween episode of the Dick Van Dyke Show. Right. With a dog. That makes sense.

So I'm like, like listen you should do it I mean if you get the role then you can say hey I got this friend give him a cameo sure well but interestingly

enough what we did was so I went I did the best that I could do they said that it was good and they were like and then

they reached out and they were like James Gunn loved your audition and they're like it's then they reached out and they were like, James Gunn loved your audition. And they're like, and this is why I know, was it somewhat bullshit because they're like,

it's come down to you, Rainn Wilson, and Jemaine Clement. Oh boy. None of those are Chris. What's his name? Yeah. Chris Sullivan.

Chris Sullivan. And so we were like, okay. And then they were like, and if it happens, you're're gonna shoot in atlanta it's for you're gonna have to be there for like five months or whatever and so at that point we were like okay well uh doesn't he have like a crew doesn't taser face have like a crew because he's uh he's one of the ravagers yeah yeah yeah throw some throw some armor on link and um i would have even been a dog. Sure. And a space dog.

Our audience, for those who haven't seen the Good Mythical Morning or any of Rhett and Link's other shows, and they can only hear this, Link is really terrifying looking. He really has a ravager look to him. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can see it working. It's a natural fit. And if you haven't seen Guardians of the Galaxy 1 or 2, I recommend it. Yeah. So is there Steve Agee in there?

Yeah. So beloved Jordan Jessica, regular Steve Agee. Yeah. I'll watch anything Agee. So whether it was the fact that they decided to go with a better performer or the fact that we kind of had some stipulations about which i it's probably they just decided to go with chris so um but that was the if that if i don't what we would have been the beginning of the end in that situation if they had to come back and they were like we

were offering you the role at this point and we can't offer anything to link we had already made the decision that if that was going to happen that that I was not going to take it. The same, very similar situation happened with Jordan and I. Jordan auditioned to be a stoned surfer in a commercial for the NBC4 weather broadcast. And when he

got the part, he told them, I know who can play Fritz Coleman. Fritz Coleman. NBC4's Fritz Coleman. Fritz Coleman. NBC4's Fritz Coleman. It's my friend Jesse Thorne. He's a really good actor. He did a great job in my play in college.

And in the end, we were both out of show business. Sure. Sort of how that went. One of the more impressive things on my resume is a local commercial for the NBC4 weather, so you guys know. I would like to see that later. Oh yeah, sure.

I'd love to pull it up any chance I get. I'm very good in it. What do you say? Like, where are the dank swells? Yeah, where's the waves, dude? Where's the tasty curl, dude?

Now, have you seen Jordan's work as Cotton Candy Randy? You can be honest i am a i am the cotton candy randy's biggest fan i should say i am not him but i do know how to get in touch with okay okay nice like if you want to get in touch with spider-man there's this reporter at the daily bugle peter parker who knows him it's that sort of relationship yeah i'm a big i'm a huge fan of cotton candy randy I love Cotton Candy Randy. And people will, when Cotton Candy Randy appears

on one of your programs, people will let me know. Oh, they will? Yeah, like, you know how you love Cotton Candy Randy. Great news, he's back. Right. And it's always very exciting. And another thing I love is when Jordan wears his Cotton Candy Randy T-shirt, which he does pretty regularly.

Yeah, sure. I mean, how often do you get to have a T-shirt with your face on it? Yeah, it's true. I get it. It's a lot of fun. Oh, I thought you were talking about the Randy shirt. The T-shirt that he wears. Yes, yeah.

The dingy. I think we can agree. The filthy undershirt. The best part about show business is sometimes you get to keep the wardrobe. Yeah. To keep the ill-fitting track pants. Okay, let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Mission Control, this is Rocket Ship One. Come in, Mission Control. This is Mission Control. Go ahead. We One. Come in, Mission Control. This is Mission Control. Go ahead. We have incoming, and it looks big. Can you identify? It looks like some sort of pledge drive. Affirmative. It's Max Fun Drive. That's a verified Max Fun Drive. Countdown to Max Fun Drive is initiated.

Can you project a time to intercept? Based on the current trajectory, Max Fund Drive will be here from March 16 to March 27. March 16 to March 27, roger. Rocketship One, can you confirm a visual on common Max Fund Drive phenomena, such as the best episodes of the year, bonus

content, and special gifts for new and upgrading monthly members? We have a visual. Great episodes, bonus content, premium gifts confirmed, and more. Sure sounds quiet down there. Mission Control, what's your status? All systems go, Rocket Ship One. Just catching up on our favorite MaxFun shows

so we can tune into MaxFunDrive episodes between March 16 and March 27. Over and out. Over and out. with my friend. I think it would be good to try and get some new listeners by appealing to the audiences of other shows. This will only take a minute or two. It could be good for us. We sit down for an hour every week and talk about

a Star Trek episode and make a bunch of idiotic fart jokes about it. It's embarrassing. If it got out that we made this show, I think it would make us unemployable.

Adam, I have bad news for you. We have tens of thousands of listeners at MaximumFun.org. Oh my God. I think I'm going to throw up. The Greatest Generation, a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys who are a little bit embarrassed

to have a Star Trek podcast. Every Monday on MaximumFun.org. I'm really going to be sick. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, bully detective. Rhett McLaughlin, big boy. Link Neal, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Moore's boy detective. Rhett McLaughlin, big boy.

Link Neal, here for it. I don't know. I don't know if I'm buying that. Oh, no, I'm here for it. I've been waiting. You're also giving me directly a lot of face right now. Yeah. Bring it.

Oh, I love it. Bring it. I love it. Oh, wow. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. Wow.

Wow. You are locked into me like I'm camera number one right now. I'll look at Jordan in a second. Yeah. Back to you. Thank God we put those red lights on our foreheads, Jordan. I knew they'd come in handy someday. Rhett and Link, in addition to the delightful digital television program, Good Mythical Morning, you guys are now also authors of prose.

Yes. Pretty exciting. Yeah. Tell us – you've got a bunch of readers out in the audience. Tell us about this gosh darn book. This is a big step for you guys. You're known for Posey. Yeah, exactly.

The Lost Cause is a Bleak Creek. Yeah. the lost cause is a bleak creek yeah it's we started the idea kind of came to us when we it was actually our former book agent who was like hey you guys ever thought of like doing something

that's like young Rhett and Link and we were like what do you mean like the Hardy Boys no like young Indiana Jones Chronicles you fucking asshole get your head on straight, man. And that was kind of the beginning of it. And, yeah, so we ended up telling a story that is very much, you know, the main characters are Rex and Leaf, if that rings a bell at all.

Totally coincidental. Who are in a small southern town, Bleak Creek. We grew up in a town called Buies Creek, North Carolina. So it's basically kind of essentially taking the world that we grew up in, in small town south in the 90s. You know, 1992, the year that we were, we had finished eighth grade and getting ready to go into high school as freshmen. taking that summer and then telling a very weird story that kind of explores the darker underbelly of a small, sweet southern town. So it's like when the first time your dad picked you up and threw you into that yurt. Sure.

Yeah, yeah. Figure it out, boy! There's no yurts in the story, but there's an alternative school. And growing up, we had this vague awareness that there was an alternative school. And growing up there, we had this vague awareness that there was an alternative school on the other side of Lillington, that the Smith twins' dad was the principal there. And sometimes kids would disappear from our school. Oh, they went over to the alternative school. This is the school never seen it this is like they never come back this is like a school where somebody gets

pregnant they head over there somebody's uh yeah just like cutting up yeah somebody's causing trouble cutting up would be a big cause of right so it's either either like the literally the most significant biological change other than death that are that we can go through as human beings, pregnancy. Yeah. Or sass talking. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Everything in between.

Yeah. So we kind of channeled the mythology of kind of how we felt about that school into a story. Well, and, and the, you know, the school kind of represents the, uh, it's like a literal representation of those expectations. Like we, we think about the South and, and the Bible belt and kind of the, the world that we grew up in very particular expectations for kids to kind of be approved of by the adults in town. And so we kind of embodied that in this school. It's incredibly strict.

They make all the kids wear exactly the same color. Everything is beige. They're not able to go by their own names. Everybody's called candidati, like candidatusatus like the you know latin word for candidate and um yeah but it's also really funny uh not to get into a giant conversation about process that's for the other max fun podcast the art of process oh uh how do you write a how do you write a book together i mean yeah yeah um. I understand the kind of comedy writer's room, let's brainstorm. But as far as just like prose on a page, it seems like that would be a challenge.

Yeah. I mean, for us, it was really a lot of outlining and a lot of getting on the same page in terms of like this is the story we want to tell chapter by chapter just in terms of the outline, which we were – that was a very collaborative process. Yeah, because the only experience we had in writing was writing for the screen. So we – and we had adaptation in mind when we wrote the book. We should – you guys also wrote Seabiscuit. Right. Exactly. Yeah, thanks for clarifying.

I didn't want to say it personally. He was a horse, but he taught us a lot about being human. And Link did play the bottom half of Seavisible. Well, that's the fastest part. You can go. It's the fastest part. So it takes over. Right.

So the horse slowly is going backwards. Or slowly just going backwards. So we outlined virtually every scene through the entire book. And then, having not written a novel before, we collaborated with Lance Rubin, who was a recommendation for us, who basically the two of us then kind of divided up and did first passes at things. And then we would all kind of sit in a room and then... It was pretty cumbersome and probably took a lot longer than it would have been for one person. A lot of Google Doc action.

Google Docs. Google Docs. Lance was in New York. Wow. And the first time we met him in person was like at the midpoint of writing the novel. Oh, wow. So – but on a lot of the projects that we work on, it's – we're used to it being collaborative and kind of knowing how to give notes and get our vision out there to like make it how we want it to be. But then we're not doing everything, every single word on the page so to speak.

Sometimes when you're busy creatives, you need a collaborator. Jordan and I wrote a novel – what was it? Eight, ten years ago now? It was right in the beginning. Yes. Yes. We did. Right in the beginning of podcasting and we were like we have never done this before.

We're podcasters. Jordan, of course, had written a hit play when he was in college. I have some notes for your performance. 20-year-old notes. But we worked with a guy named John Updike. And it was really cool because a lot of the characters before John got involved were not emotionally distant Yankee men. Yes, sir. And he really found the emotional

distance in all our characters in addition to adding a little bit of elegance to our prose. Right, sure. We were at the time, like you guys, known for our posy. Exactly. The booking question, The Lost Causes of Bleak Creek, available wherever you get your books.

Yeah, wherever you get them, man. You should get it. And also you should watch Good Mythical Morning and subscribe to Ear Biscuits. At least watch the ones that you're in. Watch the ones I'm in. Or the filthy fan fiction ones. And the fan fiction ones. And the fan fiction ones.

You want a nice introduction. Can I say, I want Jordan and Jesse Go listeners Go listeners bare minimum to visit the website YouTube.com. This is a website with a lot of videos and it's got everything from sports highlights. To old episodes of The Critic, which aren't streaming anywhere. Yeah. Anywhere else, I guess I should say. You've heard. Yeah.

I've heard. And go to that. I would never encourage anyone to illegally watch episodes of The Critic. Right up at the top there, there's a searching box. Type into there, Cotton Candy Randy. Yes. And just see what comes to you. Put it into the universe and see what returns to you.

There's got to be some of that fan fiction though, right? Anyway. Well, yeah. I don't know. Well, there is. There will be now. There will be. Yeah, there will be. A jar of cotton candy fiction though, right? Anyway. Well, yeah. I don't know. Well, there will be now. There will be. A jar of cotton candy, that'd be pretty easy.

Sure, yeah. A jar of cotton candy. Is that a thing? More like a beehive. They don't put them in jars. It is a lot like a wasp's nest. How come wasps don't live in cotton candy? Seems like a perfect place for them.

There's a lot of sweetness for them. Missed opportunity. There's a lot of sweetness in there. Yes, and. Yes, and. And scene. Thank you, gentlemen, for hosting us here at your Ear Biscuit studio. It's always great to visit Burbank. I'm going to go do some go-karting after. Yes.

I think we can get you a discount. Ooh. A whole lot of discount. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer. There's no window between him and us today. So he was really holding it in, laughs-wise. I saw him working hard over there. Brian was doing what he could.

He's just pricing horse butt plugs. I know what he's doing. Yeah. He's like, you know, once you really become an enthusiast, you start to distinguish the good stuff from the bad stuff. You can find us on Reddit, MaximumFun.Reddit.com. You can find us on Facebook, like Jordan Jesse Go There. You can find us on Twitter, at Jesse Thorne, at Jordan underscore Morris.

And remember, the Max Fun Drive is right around the corner. And we love you all very much. Goodbye. Bye. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.