Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 646: Circumcise Him with Elliott Kalan

Episode Date: July 22, 2020

Elliott Kalan (The Flop House podcast) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Elliott’s childhood friend who had two tv’s next to each other, Jordan's shame around emptying his car trash, and the astonishing woman Jesse saw at his favorite Arco in Bakersfield. It's MaxFunDrive time! Thanks to all who support the show! 

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. So Jordan, guess what? What? You know, every so often somebody will tweet at me or email me and say, hey, do you drive a Volvo

station wagon with a license plate that says Max Fun on it? And I do. And so they usually have followed me in traffic without waving at me or just creeping around on me. It's fine. Yeah. It's nice to know you're being watched. I think that's a feeling that everyone loves.

Well, that way I don't get taken. Oh, yeah, sure. As in the film Taken. Yeah, you got to look out. And I know your dad, Liam Neeson, is on his yearly sabbatical. So while he's on his vacation, you stand the most risk of being taken. So I'm thinking about, given, you know, given how conspicuous it is, it feels a little braggy. Like, I was just excited that it wasn't

taken, you know? And I mean, the license plate. I was excited that they were taken in the movie Taken. That's what makes it so exciting. Sure. And I think everything worked out for the best. Yeah. His daughter got to go on an adventure. She learned to appreciate her dad and to distrust her mom's cuck of a new husband. Okay, the next time you watch taken yeah out there you jesse you brian our listeners the next time you're watching taken the next time you're surfing by fx and you're like i'm gonna stop here for a little minute uh just imagine just imagine that it is a movie written by your divorced uncle like imagine that he who's the saddest divorced member of your family?

Think of that person. And now, while you're watching Take and imagine that they wrote it to get revenge on everyone who mocked them. And then the movie goes from 10 to 15. Got it. Noted. On a 10-point scale.

It's already a 10. So I basically got this license plate that says MaxFun because I looked it up. I was like, look at that. That's available. Sure. And I kind of thought it'd be neat to have the black license plate. You know, here in California, if you get the custom plate, you can get the orange on black. My car is black.

I thought it'd look nice. And, you know, the money goes to Wales or something. There you go. Yeah, I was going to ask. There's a lot of... Sure. You love Wales. You're always talking about it. car is black i thought it looked nice and you know the money goes to wales or something so i was like yeah i was gonna ask there's a lot of sure you love wales you're always talking about how majestic they are breaching blowholes barnacles the distinctive the distinctive tail patterns on humpbacks sure they're beautiful not to i mean not mention, we haven't even mentioned their beautiful songs. Yeah. And I also, legendary baseball player Willie Mays, he has through his life always driven a car with a license plate that says, say hey, which is his famous catchphrase. And I always thought, well, if it's good enough for Willie Mays, I can put my thing on my thing without

being a jerk. But now i'm reconsidering so you got you did you get a new i've been watching you tweet i'm gonna put in no i'm just i'm i'm i'm putting in a new application for a new plate yeah because i want to keep the black plates but i want of my new lifestyle. So, seven letters. It's CBT CBD. Hell yeah, baby. Listen, I don't know what

the first thing stands for. Cognitive behavioral therapy, baby. Oh, nice. Let's arrest those thought patterns. That's that's making friends with my anxiety um have you thought just just another pitch i mean i think yeah cbt in cbd is great yeah it's a 10 but it could be a 15. Like the movie Taken, if you imagine it was written by your

saddest divorced relative. Yeah. Have you thought since, you know, since you've, since you have these issues around, you know, people sneaking, snooping, spying, have you thought that you could kind of reverse that if your

license plate just said not jesse n-o-t-j-e-s you know you have to lose one of the s's i guess yeah i did put that but i didn't realize i didn't even think of it this is how bad of a spy or counter spy i am i didn't even think of it as throwing people off the trail. I just did it because I like the other girls on Saved by the Bell better. You were at least a turtle man. Yeah. Tori for a brief period. Yeah. Let's say, before we introduce our guest, let's mention it is the Max Fund Drive. Yes. Maximum Fund, of course, is supported by your memberships. About three quarters of our total revenue, 70%, three quarters right in there, comes from memberships from listeners.

And this is the one time a year that we actually come out and ask you. Obviously, it is a weird time if you're not able. We understand entirely. But if you are able, it is the lifeblood of our organization. Yeah, totally make sure that this show and all the shows on Maximum Fun keep coming. It's the reason that they're here. It's the reason that we do them so yeah if you go to maximumfund.org slash join you can support this show you can support all the shows and you can get some really cool stuff

gifts hundreds of hours of bonus content so yeah if you're if you're looking for content in these content strapped times head on over there to maximumfund.org join lots of good stuff in there yeah let's introduce our guest you know him as one of the hosts of the

flop house you know him as a television comedy writer you know him as the guy whose pool i use once in a while because he was nice enough to say that I could bring my family over and use his pool. Use it for what? Elliot Kalin. Hi, thank you so much for having me here. That's a very good question, Jordan.

Yeah, I mean. Often, Jesse will just text me when I'm out of the house and he'll just say, used your, what you are, used your pool. That'd be a good license plate. I'll just come back and the filter is working overtime

after one of those visits, so I don't know what he's doing in the pool. Shaving his entire body? You have that sign that says, Welcome to our pool. Notice there is a P in it. Let's keep it that way. So I pee in there every time.

Oh, so Elliot, you have one of the rare novelty pool signs asking for urine in the pool. Not a novelty sign. Not a novelty sign, sir. A very serious sign. When I was a kid, I heard about this book. You may have heard. It's by the Ignatius Powell Freely, The Yellow River, by P. Fre freely. And it always captivated me. And I've always been like, I want to find that river. And I could not find it. So I decided to make it for myself. And that's why we have the, I think the only pee tolerant pool, certainly in our neighborhood, if our neighbors complaints or anything to go by, but possibly in all of Los Angeles. Now I know where to go and to jump into if I ever get stung by a jellyfish.

Oh yeah, clear right up. If I get stung by a jellyfish at the beach, I will just drive over to your place. Drive across Los Angeles. Drive across Los Angeles. So we're nowhere near the beach. Probably about, you know, an hour if there's traffic and I'll just cannonball right into your mostly urine pool and disinfect that wound. Joke's on you, jellyfish. Man of peace, more like. Oh, right. Instead of a man of war.

Yes. He's like, I'm tough. I'm a man of war, jellyfish. Uh-uh, this war just got ended. Diplomatic status revoked. Oh, wow. Little did you know, my friend has a pool full of urine. Now you'll never be able to put things into your pouch that my customs officials aren't allowed to inspect

because the diplomatic status got revoked. And that's how I won my Nobel P prize. Nice. Elliot, is this the first pool you've ever had are you a pool guy typically do you like summertime sports marco polo that sort of thing i'll answer those questions in order yes no no this is of the first pool as a as someone who spent most of his life in new jersey new york i had did not own a pool before this. And I did have a friend with a pool in New Jersey, and it seemed an extravagant waste. But he also had an indoor pool, which they could use year-round. That's right.

I had a rich friend when I was a kid. Wait. You knew somebody who had an indoor pool? Yes. But that wasn't what impressed me. What impressed me as a kid was that they had two TVs next to each each other one for cable one for video games that's right i was playing gex i was playing gex and crash bandicoot while watching television so you could play you're saying you could play gex and watch dana gould's half hour hbo special at the same time you were

getting double double gould i could double g double-gouled it, in theory. Listen, I know most people around that time were double-gouled in, but me? I loved a little Blasto and Taxicab confessions. But I've never been much... I think Phil Hartman was the voice of Blasto. Was he? I think so.

Okay, I'll believe it. Because I don't have any sort of computer in front of me that I could find any piece of information in the history of the world. But I was never much of a sunshine guy. But as I get older, I enjoy, because I'm a dad now, hanging around with my shirt off. And the pool gives me an excuse to do that. Hell yeah. I got to say, Jordan, I don't know if you've seen Elliot with his shirt off, but it's quite a show. Oh, yeah.

Is it a gun show? Is that the kind of show? It is a fur show. It's more of a... Well, let's not stop blaming those clogs on Jesse then. It is. No, that's fair. I was once told by a coworker at a beach event that I combined two very different Jewish

stereotypes of the frail, nerdy Jew and the hairy, old country Jew. I was like, thanks. Appreciate it. I'm looking at Wikipedia. Yes, Phil Hartman did voice Blasto. Good. I'm so glad that it cleared up. Thank goodness.

Can you imagine the embarrassment if it had been Tim Meadows? I mean, I never would have been able to live. I would never would have been able to show my face on this podcast again. No, you'd have to wear a mask. It was Ellen Cleghorn this whole time. Sorry, Ellen. No, no, my family loves living the pool lifestyle, and we're just always, you know, today we were in there today. My two young sons are constantly looking for reasons to not wear clothes in the pool, and so I'm always worried that someone will stop by and think that's weird, and I'll be in trouble.

What do you got in there in addition to new children? You got noodles. You got alligators, big inflatable donuts. We've got a real alligator. Wow. Well, when we bought him, he was little. Yeah, sure. We have noodles, and we have a housewarming gift from one Dan McCoy,

who you may know as my co-host on the Flophouse podcast, one of my two co-hosts there. He got us an enormous pool floatie in the shape of a Tyrannosaurus with an open mouth. Or it's the Tyrannosaurus's head with its mouth open. So you can relax in the sun in the open mouth of a Tyrannosaurus, which normally would not be the most relaxing place to bask in the sun. It's great, too. It kind of hinges where the mouth of the dinosaur would hinge. So when you put your butt into that area, it kind of hinges where the mouth of the dinosaur would hinge. So when you put your butt into that area, it kind of chomps you.

It's a comforting chomp. Man, pool toy technology really has come a long way. When I was getting into, when I was just leaving, you know, goofing around in the pool age, that's when the noodle was starting to become very, very popular. Yeah. And it seems like, you know, noodles just had the run of the place for years and years, but now it seems like inflatable novelties are kind of what's next. Yeah, look over your shoulder noodles. I, I, yeah. Because they're nipping at your heels. Literally in the case of a Tyrannosaurus mouth that kind of bites you a little bit.

The main thing that people did at the pool by my house when I was a kid was stab each other. A lot of stabbings. The pool in my town, the public pool, had fewer stabbings and more old paperbacks in a spinner rack

that you could just borrow. Oh, that's nice. What's in there? Boxcar children? The only, it's in there? Boxcar children? The only, it's funny you mentioned boxcar children. Some close friends of mine are obsessed with those books and today texted me just to tell me to read them to my children, just to recommend them.

And I was like, you've recommended boxcar children before. Thank you, Matt and Xenia. I appreciate it. But yeah, but the only book I remember being in the paperback spinner rack at my public pool was Coma, the medical thriller. Oh. I imagine it's like, you know, what is this, mid-'80s, late-'80s?

Probably a lot of lonesome doves in there. Oh, yeah. There was probably a pretty fair selection of lonesome doves and Louis L'Amour novels, and then a lot of, like, Robin Cook and john grisham and that kind of stuff maybe a leftover shogun from the late 70s maybe it's a pretty thick book it doesn't fit easily in a spinner rack but if it was then someone was in for a treat because that is a great like that's a fun page turner every the pool in my neighborhood growing up was on just off army street which is now cesar chavez street in san francisco it was right next

to a big uh housing project that i think these days is uh they they rebuilt it maybe 10 or 10 or 15 years ago and uh it's a sort of townhouses now uh but it was pretty rough back then and like it would open for the summer it was an outdoor pool and you know relatively short season for outdoor pooling in san francisco but uh it would open for the summer and it would be open for like 10 days 14 days and then someone would get stabbed and then we would have to take the bart all the way to balboa park the Balboa Park one was more just like old people swimming laps in a sad gray indoor pool. But still the occasional stabbing. Yeah, well, a little stab will do you.

That's what they say. The greatest generation. At that pool that you grew up near, were you allowed to bring objects with you out of the locker room and to the pool? Because the pool's in New York City. You cannot bring anything but a towel and sunscreen with you out of the locker room and to the pool? Because the pool is in New York City. You cannot bring anything but a towel and sunscreen with you out of the locker room. No other objects are allowed, I think, for that reason of avoiding stabbing. Just shivs. Only shivs.

That was the rule. Only shivs? Okay. Because what if somebody tried to stab you? You wouldn't want to be caught bringing a towel to a stab fight. That's fair. Well, I mean, but you could wrap it around their stabbing arm and then pull it kind of towards you but away, and then you pop them one with the other fist.

Fair enough, Jackie Chan. Fair enough. That's from Jackie Chan's pool-y story. Listen, just blend action and comedy in a revolutionary way. That changes cinema forever. I love the idea of some guys like, eh, Jackie Chan's not so great. I could have blended action and comedy in a revolutionary way. Watch me with this towel. I could have made my body the ultimate special effect.

Come on. He's not so great. I've been watching a lot of jackie chan movies lately because that is my like one of my that's certainly my favorite kind of uh i don't know what you call it uh junk movie you know what i mean like maybe submarine movies is on top of that but uh mostly i which is ironic because the submarine would normally be below everything yeah and i'll but i'll buy like if i'm at the thrift store, in the days when I went to the thrift store,

if I'm at the thrift store and I'm looking at the VHS tapes and there's a Jackie Chan movie I haven't seen, I will buy it every time. And then I'll take it to my cabinet and I'll watch it. And there is no type of film I've ever seen in my entire life that better combines the greatest shit you've ever seen in my entire life that better combines the greatest shit you've ever seen in your life with the boringest shit you've ever seen in your life. Like every part of a Jackie Chan movie where he's not having a fight that is the most amazing thing in the history of the world

is just tedious to the point where you can almost not make it to the next fight. But then the next fight happens and you're like, this is legitimately the greatest thing ever filmed. Like, this is better than the part where Chaplin's hanging off the clock tower. This is perfect. That part doesn't exist. So that's why we better than that. That's Harold Lloyd that was hanging off the clock tower in Safety Last. Thanks, dork.

Hey, you know what? Thanks for playing. Appreciate it. But I just say, I think it casts a pall on your choosing to call Jackie Chan's movies junk cinema. When you're like, yeah, I don't know, maybe Charlie Chaplin or Buster Keaton was like, I don't know, with deep throat or something. I don't know.

And like a chestburster came out of his chest, and then he was a ghostbuster. I don't know. Forget about it. Hey, movies. It's me, Jesse. Remember that part in the Godfather when Teen Wolf was like

hey get off my plane that's my impression of Jesse I mean it is uncanny it's a little hairier than I am but besides that

it's pretty much perfect shit dude you just got Kalend Kalend bam no but you're right there is a

that's like when I was a kid I used to watch a lot of monster movies, and I'll watch those movies now. And the scenes that are not monster-focused, when it's just people talking, I'm like, wow. When I was seven, I could sit through this no problem. But now, approaching 40, I'm having a lot of trouble sitting through this long dialogue scene about nothing. So I guess the real thing is, I guess that you just have to watch Supercuts from now on, on the YouTube. That's the only reason, the only thing to watch.

I've been trying to figure out how to avoid having to watch the movie Godzilla and Son. Is that what it's called? It's called Son of Godzilla. Oh, Son of Godzilla, yeah. Oh, sorry, Godzilla and Son is the 70s sitcom. That's the hardware supply store. You mean after I recommended it highly to your child?

Yeah, so my child and I watched... My child's really interested in monsters, as Elliot is, and it's great because I just let Elliot be her dad in that area. And it's great because I just let Elliot be her dad in that area. And she and I watched Godzilla, which is a pretty good movie. I liked Godzilla a lot. Which one did you watch, the all-Japanese one or the one with Raymond Burr in it? I watched the all-Japanese one. Yeah, but this is like the world's coldest movie take. I mean, this is Die Hard as a Christmas movie level cold at this point, but

man, yeah, that original Godzilla I rewatched recently and was just blown away by how sad and meaningful and melancholy it is. It's amazing. Yeah, so I didn't know. I knew that it was a parable

like i knew the thing i knew the general outline sure it's about nuclear war etc etc etc i did not know how unrelentingly bleak it is except for the parts of it is really blue uh in terms of mood not in terms of vulgarity yeah he's not like humping buildings or anything like that well i mean it like sure it like no spoiler alert for godzilla 1958 or whatever but uh it ends with just a really tragic suicide and um uh and my daughter did not even notice so i'm sitting there like my emotional life is a mess the world is a mess around me how am i gonna make it through this bleak movie my daughter just was like i don't know i thought the parts were kind of boring where he wasn't laying waste to a city but i love those parts where he was laying waste to a city and then somehow she found out about this godzilla and son movie uh which we godzilla and sons the

the plumbing business yeah like we watched a clip of it on youtube and did you watch the one where he's teaching minya how to breathe fire? Yes, I presume that's Godzilla's son. And he's blowing smoke rings, yeah, and then he stomps on his tail and Minya breathes fire.

That's tough love. That, I was like, this is tremendous. This, I love. However, I believe I have gotten the full Godzilla and son experience.

Well, I would say... The idea of watching that for 90 minutes. Well, you're in luck because you don't actually watch that for 90 minutes. You watch that for about a half hour spread out over 90 minutes, and the rest of it is Japanese people on an island going, oh, it's very interesting. Yes, this is very interesting. Did you see those giant praying mantises?

We'll call them gymantises. Ha, that's a very good name for them. This is very interesting. Look, it's Godzilla. Yes, that is very interesting. Did you see those giant praying mantises? We'll call them gymantises. Ha, that's a very good name for them. This is very interesting. Look, it's Godzilla. Yes, that's an interesting— What do you think, Doctor? Well, it's very interesting. That's all I can say.

But what do we do if Godzilla wakes up? Well, we'll have to figure out something. That is interesting, Doctor. Like, that's most of the movie. As most of Godzilla movies are either military officials or politicians or scientists talking about how interesting things are or how dangerous things are and then there's and then you'll get godzilla punching a monster who has hooks for hands and a laser beam eye uh for you know a small amount of that you're talking about gigan yeah specifically gigan who appeared in two different godzilla movies that's right repeat gigan all by his lonesome and then backing up his bro megalon

now here's the thing about megalon he had even less practical hands than guygan guygan's hands were at least hooks megalons are kind of like uh stone skyscrapers but hands like if someone's hands were the chrysler building that's megalon so uh anyway i think uh what i guess i'm saying is jesse is you're in for a treat they really are get get those movies and uh fast forward through the scenes that don't have monsters in them i give you my full permission no what i'm gonna do is encourage you to get a pool tv and then you and you and grace can watch godzilla Sons and I'll just swim in the pool. I mean, I would love it. There was a night a few weeks ago where Turner Classic Movies had a

bunch of Harryhausen movies on in a row and I regretted afterwards that I did not text you to tell you to record those for her because they have great, it's all the great stop motion monster effects which have a certain amount more artistry, I would say, than the giant monster

in a rubber suit things. The real artistry with the rubber suit monsters is the buildings, that the miniature buildings that are being destroyed are always beautiful. And it makes me tear up a little to be like, you were made only to be destroyed. But I guess that's all of us, isn't it? Life? Thanks, Elliot.

Wow, you really Godzilla won this conversation. Quick, somebody add in Raymond Burr to make it more palatable to American audiences. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. jessica it's jordan jessico i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective elliot kalin grown-up baby uh it's great to have you great to have you on the program elliot we we are all grown-up babies at the end of the day, aren't we? I figured that was more universal than the other name I was playing with for this, which was unspeakable eldritch horror from the nameless edges of a cold, oblivious universe. But after what you said about Godzilla, I was just like, you know what?

He needs to pick me up. I'll remind him about how at heart we're all grown-up babies. Does Megalon have like a silver flower growing out of his forehead? Yes. I think that's supposed to be some sort of antenna. His design clearly started as something insectoid and then went off into the possibly LSD-fueled imagination of a Japanese costume designer of the 1970s. He's surprisingly Art Deco influenced. He is probably the most far out

of the Godzilla villain designs. He's no smog monster. Yeah, but the smog monster ultimately looks like what he's supposed to be, which is smog. That is true, yes. Megalon does not look like a mega. I don't know what he's supposed to be. It's like they had Gigan and it's like, okay, his eye looks like Cyclops' visor, and he's got hooks for hand and a beak, and he's literally got a razor blade that spins in his belly so he can walk up to you and just cut you with his belly.

How do we top this one? Well, Shoji, you got your work cut out for you. I'm going to leave, and you just do whatever it takes to get some ideas in your head. And then he just did it, you know? He just went on walkabout and came back and he goes, okay, he's a big insect. He's got the Chrysler building for arms. And the executives at Toho Studios were like,

don't even tell me anymore. Just make the suit. I don't need to know anymore. We have to make nine of these things this year. We've got to keep, we've got to run this series into the ground before someone else does. We have to make nine of these and four Lone Wolf and Cubs. I don't know if that was the same studio. I don't know if Toho did Lone Wolf, but it's, I don't think they did, but you never know.

Toho was one of these studios that like, they did Godzilla movies, they did Kurosawa movies. They're a movie studio, you know? What are you going to do? But the, I don't know if you guys you jordan you must have seen shin godzilla we must have talked about it at some point right oh yeah that was a lot of fun the most wait shenaid godzilla the irish godzilla yes yes he uh he he uh burns up a picture of the pope on saturday night live with his nuclear breath and it causes a real scandal.

It's amazing looking back. That's one of many times in American cultural history, and American history in general, when a woman made a point about something and people ignored the point and were like, you did that in the wrong way. I don't like you because you did that in a way I didn't like. What was the point you're trying to make? I don't even care. Forget it. Yeah. Sinead O'Connor rules. It's nice that was the only time that happened. Did that sound sarcastic when I said that Sinead O'Connor rules? Because I legit think that Sinead O'Connor, I'm a really big Sinead O'Connor fan. I only know, I think, a couple of her songs. Man, she's great.

Nobody can blow like Sinead O'Connor. She can sing her butt off. She's a colorful character who may or may not have a consistent full-time connection to the world of the less colorful, but man, she's a great talent. I just hope she gets her butt back after she sang it off. I didn't know you could do that. Okay, look. It's the Max Fund Drive. Let's talk about the Max Fund Drive for a second. Nothing compares to you, Max Fund Drive.

The Godzilla of fundraisers. We actually have had, we've had audience members calling in to talk about Max Fund and what the MaxFun and MaxFunDrive mean to them. Let's hear one of those calls. This is Delaney from Pittsburgh, New Hampshire. I'm a MaxFun member because the podcasts and shows here have made it easy to smile when smiles felt impossible and also sometimes easy to sleep when sleep felt impossible thank you everybody our show is the latter so when smiles felt impossible that uh man geez that

sounds like um a video they show you in health class i mean i mean i can i can honestly we're max max fun uh max fun shows uh fun podcasts and a warning against the horrors of venereal disease. I can say very honestly, and I've said, I've told Elliot this, I've told Dan and Stu this, but I've gone through, the last few months have undoubtedly been the hardest of my life. through the last few months have undoubtedly been the hardest of my life. And there definitely have been times for me when smiling seemed impossible. And their show, The Flophouse, was one of the things that I turned to that has always felt like an incredible comfort to me. In fact, I was bummed out earlier today and I turned on the Flophouse to ward away the bummer paralysis. You know, the world is a tough place, not just now, but in general. And

I'm proud of all the MaxFun shows that bring some light into people's lives, however they do it. You know, we got a lot of different light delivery systems but um i'm i'm proud of our i'm proud of our work for that reason and i'm also grateful for it because uh uh it's something that i turn to when when i'm having when i'm in a tough spot yeah it's i'm you know i uh i am a big podcast listener myself and um a lot of my favorite shows are max fun shows and uh and yeah and definitely when uh you know shit gets intense it is nice to have you know podcast friends in your ears being funny and you know delivering you you know some good vibes um when good vibes are scarce and certainly the flop house is one of those shows uh for me as well. And yeah, it's just nice to know that MaxFun shows can keep going indefinitely as long as people support them. Because, yeah, I've mentioned this before, but a lot of times podcasts go away because they become hard for the hosts and producers to make.

And, and yeah, and the MaxFun system is so awesome that, you know, as long as people like the shows and want to support them, they can keep going. So yeah, it's, it's really awesome. And, and I am glad that like the shows I love are going to keep coming. So yeah, it's uh it's really great and it's a great way to do business and i'm glad this is how uh max fun uh raises its money yeah if if you're not able to right now become a member we understand this is a time when a lot of folks are in that position if you are able to uh we are immensely grateful memberships start at five bucks a month which gets you

literally hundreds of hours now of bonus content including some bonus content that we just recorded uh with elliot's co-hosts uh stew and dan from the flop house uh an all goggins jordan jesse go in which we play yes both previously released and previously unreleased Goggins tunes. Well, actually, some of them came out on some 7 Inches in Japan. Okay. Fair enough. Some are imports. Yeah, there's some imports on there. Elliot, speaking of bonus content, what kind of Flophouse bonus content have you guys made over the years? Well, first I want to say thanks so much for your kind words

about the podcast, and I definitely feel that way about JJ Go as well. It's a real pick-me-up in times when I am low. Also, I apologize. I never know whether I should jump into other people's pledge breaks, so I apologize if I'm silent through that. Get in here. Pretend it's a urine-filled pool.

But some of our Flophouse Boko, as we call bonus content because it reminds us of the short-lived drink boku that richard lewis used to do advertisements four years ago uh i don't remember the uh we have we have stewart likes to run us through uh role playing games dan me and our friend of the podcast juman parang who's the what's his role at the daily show now he's some kind of executive producer or something i Parang, who's the, what's his role at The Daily Show now? He's some kind of executive producer or something, I think. Anyway, he's a hilarious writer and performer. And Stuart likes to run us through a role-playing game that he pretty much has designed,

I guess, and it's set in the 30s, but it's like a Lovecraft kind of 30s, but we're solving mysteries. And this latest series, I thought every time we do one of these, I assume it's gonna be like three parts. And this latest one, I think it's like somewhere between, it might be around six chapters or eight chapters. It's a lot of bonus content. And we go into outer space and my character ends in a strange way that I did not expect when we started. And not ends like he's dead, but ends up in a strange way. And so there's a lot there's gonna be a lot of Flophouse if anything

too much Flophouse bonus content I ask you to please not cancel your pledges when you see how much Flophouse bonus content you're gonna have to listen to but in the past we've had some of those games and we have some older bonus content for anyone who would just like to

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And yeah, hopefully you're enjoying that bonus content. We always love to hear from people who are enjoying that. So yeah, hit us up on Twitter if you're doing the drinking game. There's a Jordan Jessigo drinking game this year. So yeah, hit us up on Twitter if you're doing the drinking game. There's a Jordan-Jesse-Go drinking game this year. So, yeah, we definitely love to hear from people who are out there yucking it up and getting fucked up. Yucking and fucking.

Yucking and fucking. That's the JJ Go. That's our motto. Classic Y&F. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Ellie Kalin, grown up baby. Love you, love you, love you Jordan Wolves would we talk like little babies? Boy, I really don't. It sucks.

It fucking sucks. Jordan Morris. I have a character that I did once on the Flophouse called Film Noir Baby. He's a baby who talks about film noir movies. It's like, when you think about it, maybe Big Sweep isn't orthodox film noir in that it has a happy ending. But I think it's got a similar structure and it's from the same time period. And my son loves it when I do that. My wife hates it.

So sometimes at the dinner table, my son will just be like, hey, film noir baby. And my wife is like, no, please don't. No. So it's like you're being interviewed by James Lipton.

He's like, Elliot, is film Noir Baby here? Can we talk to Film Noir Baby? Let me see if I can conjure him, James. Hold on a second. Yes, yes, I'm here. I was just watching Double Indemnity. I like that he's not just converting letters into Ws,

but adding Ws to words. Yeah. It'd be one thing if it was called double indemlity. Yeah. It's like babies talk. This is how babies talk. We've all heard babies. They all talk like this. Mmm, well,

I'm a widow baby. The Maltese falcon is the classic MacGuffin. Now, don't even get me started on the neo-noirs of the 70s, true to 90s, about your Wong Goodbyes and your Wedwalk Wests. But I'm really, my specialty is more. I like the yoga scene in the Wong Goodbye. I always enjoy some 70s nudity.

Film noir baby loves full bush. Guys, this is not canon for film noir baby was full bush this guys this is not canon for film noir i'd rather watch a kind of a lesser 50s film noir like side sweet or perhaps crossfire or or quiz cross crossfire is not one i wish i would call it i guess crossfire is kind of a film noir even though it's more statement about film noir in the 50s there is a film noir called crisscross it's not actually about the it's just a long it's a long sprite commercial but in it in it robert mitchum does wear his clothes backwards yeah it's a lifesaver when you need thirst quenching, like a kiss with a Lyman twist. If I could take this moment to promote a movie I had nothing to do with, which is a Robert Mitchum film noir from years ago called Where Danger Lives, which has one of the moments that I think is the most bizarre of any film noir movie

where he's been in love with a married woman. He is under the impression that he has killed her husband, and now they're on the run, and at a certain point, I think he gets a concussion, so he's not thinking clearly. And they get stopped in this town, and the guy is like, hey, you're under arrest. He's like, oh, what, officer, officer? And he goes, for not wearing a beard.

It's the beard festival. Throw him in the jail. Any man without a beard gets thrown in jail for the night and it's like the craziest moment that they're in this little town that has a beard festival and it's all these like these like hardy yokels who are who are throwing him in jail for not wearing a beard because that's the law for one day of the year and it's a crazy moment anyway does that influence the plot at all does he like learn something in jail that that pushes the plot or is that just like a random scene just kind of an obstacle to get to stop sure it's comedy at a point in the movie where

there should not be comedy so it's almost nightmarish that like the character is so on the run that he has ended up in the wrong kind of movie. And he's like, I don't understand what I'm supposed to be doing here. But anyway, yeah, crisscross. The musicians, of course, always had a special place in my heart because they didn't know how to put their clothes on. So I actually have a momentous occasion this week.

And we're going to get into our segment here, momentous occasions. And I thought about, I'm going to be honest with you guys. I thought about calling this in as an overseen to our friends at Stop Podcasting Yourself. Oh man, don't give them,

don't give them all the good content. You got to save it. Save that coal for your own show. And that's the thing. So I love Dave and Graham and I love Stop Podcasting Yourself. But I also kind of thought to myself, well, fuck them.

You know, I'm not doing anything else in my life. I don't have any anecdotes. You know? Yeah, they get to live in that country that's doing better than ours. That's really fucking whipping our ass up there. Yeah, I was like, I can't go on Jordan, Jesse, go and tell a funny story about how hard it is to care for your children's special needs when you can't get anyone to show up in person. So I was like, this is what— I mean, you could, but it would be hard.

That would be a real challenge. It would be a tough one. It's hard to turn that into a Lake Wobegon. Let's just say that. Sing a little song about biscuits or something at the end. This week— I mean, Garrison Keillor, of course, turned out a terrible person. Sing a little song about biscuits or something at the end. This week... I mean, Garrison Keillor, of course, turned out a terrible person.

But if he did a segment where it was like a really sad story where he's like crying at the end, but he's still got to sing that biscuit song afterwards. I went up to my cabin for a little mental health break. I was pretty worn down. And thank God, Uncle Danny, my wife's brother, came down from the Bay Area to stay with us for a little mental health break. I was pretty worn down and thank God, Uncle Danny, my wife's brother, came down from the Bay Area to stay with us for a week and help take care of the kids. And my wife said, why don't you go up to the cabin for a few days and take a break? And I said, great. And on my way up there, I stopped at my favorite Arco. I mean, I'm sure

you guys have favorite Arcos as well. I mean, I got, listen, I got an Arco, but don't tell her that I got a little shell station on the side. And then my lovely lady, Sinclair. Got them all over town, boys. I got them all over town. Every corner.

Let me say this about the Arco. I'm never, never afraid to say yes to paying that extra 35 cents for using my debit card. It's just how I roll, profligate as fuck, P-A-F. So I like to stop at this Arco that is on the way. It's in Bakersfield, California, and it's on the way to my cabin. And it's just as the road leaves Bakersfield and enters an endless series of oil derricks and orange trees that goes on for about 90 minutes.

The freeway just turns into a narrow nothing burger for a long time. But right before that, there's a really cheap Arco. I like to stop for gas. And you know what? that, there's a really cheap Arco. I like to stop for gas. And you know what? Maybe I'll get some sour cherry balls too. Great gas station snack. Yeah. So I stopped there and it's a pretty sizable gas station. You know, there's probably nine pumps, three sets of three, I'm going to say. And catty corner from me directly in my line of sight, but on the other side of the pumps and a little further ahead of me was a woman getting out of her car. And you know how sometimes you stop at the gas station and that's your chance to clear

the trash out of your car? You just dump it there in the trash can that's on the island? It's a great place to get rid of car trash. Because yeah, it's great. It's a great place to get rid of car trash. I love that you were about to explain why you're about to go into the points of it. It's like a place where you can drive your car up to a trash can and just sit there and clean all your trash out. It is a great place to take the trash from your car and throw it away. No explanation necessary i have been self-conscious lately about people i know seeing me cleaning out my car trash i think listen i'm i am i am not a man who looks cool often i it's a i they've never taken a good picture of myself. I move awkwardly throughout the world, but I feel like I am at my most gelatinous

when I have an armload of car trash, when I have like three Kind Bar wrappers and five Target Good & Gather seltzer cans. I think I, I feel like a monstrous bell ringer when I am carrying car trash. Have you ever had the thing where you stop and you open up your car and just like three or four half-empty water bottles fall out

onto the ground? It feels terrible. Yeah, you really feel like your life is a mess and that it's gotten away from you. And I will sometimes clean out my car trash at the public pool before my swim team. You just toss it in there? Yeah, just toss it in the pool. No, I am so—

This is why pools have filters, you say, as you throw candy bars, half-eaten hamburgers, soda cans. I am so like—because of how generally good looking everybody on the swim team is, I am so afraid of one of them seeing me dragging my car trash, my Target bag full of wrappers out of the car. Anyway, so yeah, that's why I love to do it at the gas station. If you were a little chance, somebody you know will see you. So there is a move that you have to do when you're climbing out of the car. So the simplest way to get rid of the trash is going to be you get out of the car, you put the pump in, you start pumping, and then you circle back and you gather your trash and throw it away while the gas pumps.

Yeah, it's a good use of time this woman was doing an advanced move which is where you climb out while holding the trash in one of your hands but it was a sizable trash and it for a moment i couldn't see what it was and then it was kind of like my eyes did a focusing double take like like in and out with the camera lens. Like, is that what I think it is? And what she was lifting as she was climbing out of her car to go pump her gas was the bottom part of a clamshell packaging, the plastic clamshell packaging, but only the bottom part. And in it was half a rotisserie

chicken carcass like significant meat on the bone no lid so she had to hold it waiter style as she climbed out just just much but not most of a rotisserie chicken. Huh. Wow. So what you're telling me is that this woman is living my dream of being able to drive while just tearing chicken meat off of a chicken carcass and stuffing it in my mouth while I drive. I presume she had like a dashboard mount for it.

She must, because it's not going to fit. If it's on top of a cup holder, it's going to slide right off the first time you have to peel out to get away from some bikers that are mad at you. What? Elliot, Elliot, Elliot.

The first rule of chicken in the car is that the cup holder, that's where you're putting your sides. That's where you're putting your coleslaw, your baked beans. Potato salad, yeah. Your potato salad. We'll eat with your hands because

you can't you have a fork in a car that's crazy or spork even but that like you'd have to have some sort of tray on the dashboard and then you'd have to what secure it with clips of some kind like a carabiner or you know like like a baby changing tape i imagine this is what it's like it's like a one of those fold down baby changing tables in a public bathroom that's on our is what it's like. It's like one of those fold-down baby changing tables in a public bathroom. That's on her dashboard. But it's the length, not of a child, but of a chicken plus container. And she can just kind of hook the chicken, belt the chicken in. That's probably the meat she didn't eat was where the belt was over. Because you don't want to eat the belt meat.

That's gross. The belt, of course, you can detach from the car so you can launder it because it gets pretty greasy. gross the belt of course you can detach from the car so you can launder it sure because it gets pretty greasy but and that she would just i guess you gotta steer with one hand and just grab the pull the chicken with the other because you don't want to get the chicken grease on your on your string wheel because again how are you gonna steer real fast so you can get away from those bikers who are so mad at you if the wheel is slipping through your hands because it's so covered in chicken grease so wait have there been bikers this whole time? Did I just get that part of the story?

I mentioned them once before. Okay, sorry. Sorry. I need to- It's a common experience. It's a common experience that bikers get mad. Hey, what do you think you're doing, dude? And then it escalates the part where you have to peel out and get out of there fast.

You scuffed my Harley, they'll say. Yeah, yeah, exactly. My fast. You scuffed my Harley, they'll say. Yeah, yeah, exactly. My hog. You scuffed my hog. Bikers aren't afraid to use rough language like, what are you doing, dude? Yeah, exactly. And, of course, the only strong point is that with the bikers behind you, that someone between you and the federal agents who are already chasing you and the alien that's in your backseat, it's the alien in the backseat who, of course, inadvertently insulted the bikers while trying to befriend them.

And that's why you got to get out of there fast because you already, again, have an extraterrestrial life form who, though cute, does not understand human mores and is just pissing off bikers left and right. But at the same time, you've got this chicken on the dash that you're just pulling from at will. And I guess that's, I mean, certainly if I'm driving, I'm not going to be able to de-meat a chicken the way that I can when I'm sitting at a stable table, which is what I call a table that's not in a car and just sits there and doesn't move.

And when I'm in a mobile table, a car, I'm not going to be able to, like, again, really go at it with the meat. Because you guys, I think, have both seen me eat chicken, you know, that I just demolish it. And it's just like, you know, Heathcliff putting the fish in his mouth and pulling out fish bones. Jordan, do you think we'll ever be able to introduce our legislation? No, Elliot's gonna filibuster till his throat is sore.

Which reminds me of a story one of my constituents told me the other day that involved the other day. Oh, no, he's dabbing his forehead with a handkerchief. That means he's going to be at it for another four hours. What you fellas don't know is that I wore a diaper to the session today, so I can go as long as anybody here. So anyway... Wait, Elliot, is that your other character, Congressional Baby?

No, that's the thing. Congressional Baby? Now, that's the thing. Congressional Baby's secret is he's always wearing a diaper. I'm filibustering. He has two secrets. One, I'm always wearing a diaper, so I can always filibuster. And also, I've been accepting a lot of money from a certain chemical company that I've been arranging tax breaks for. And also, fast-tracking a few regulation permissions for them to build plants next to schools.

I just waited. Fast-twacking? Did you guys have something else you wanted to talk about? Yeah, I want to finish my anecdote. Alright, fair. I thought that was it. I thought you saw this woman carrying a chicken and that was the full dote. I will say that I think the cinema of our childhood, the TV and cinema of our childhood,

really, really misrepresented how often you're going to run into a biker gang. Since in my life, I think it's been zero times. No, that's not true. Well, how would you explain run-in? Witnessing? Would that count? Just like running afoul, like having to avoid them. Yeah, it was in zero times.

I thought that was just like the main problem with adulthood. Biker gangs and quicksand. Two things you rarely ever see out there anyway. To say nothing of rodents of unusual size. So I went into the ARCO into the arco one of the nice things about this arco besides that they sell uh five dollar baseball caps if you need a baseball cap is they got a nice clean restroom so it's a perfect place sorry if i could stop for a moment what are those what's on the baseball cap? Sports logos, baby. Oh, okay.

So they are sports logos. It's not like Arco caps or it's not like Russian professional teams. Honestly, I would love to buy an Arco branded baseball cap. That's my level of brand loyalty to discount gasoline. This is from the Reykjavik Cranes? What sport is this? So I went in. I went in.

I did my dirty business like it was Elliot Kalin's pool. You took a shit in the orco? Yeah. Is that what you're talking about? And I came out. And as I came out, I noticed that not only was this woman still there, but she was climbing out of her car again. And in one of her hands, she had just some regular garbage,

just some wadded up trash paper. In the other hand, also headed for the trash can, a two and a half foot long red, white, and blue snorkel. A snorkel. A big snorkel. I mean, it seems like this woman was just

you know, unloading her car from the best weekend ever. Now, was she throwing out the snorkel? Yeah, the snorkel was going in the trash, and I thought about— Must be nice. Must be nice to treat snorkels as disposable. I thought about dumpster diving just to get myself that snorkel, but I had not brought my snorkel. Hey, you gotta wear a snorkel to get a snorkel. That's what my dad always said.

That's the old saying. Before he drowned. Takes a snorkel to make a snorkel. Takes a snorkel to make a snorkel, yeah. When you have the best week ever, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN for our segment Momentous Occasions. And I did say best week ever, not best weekend ever,

which is what Jordan said, because I'm looking to get a call from Nick Kroll. I'm looking to get a call from Frangela. Sure. I'm looking to get a call from Paul F. Tompkins. All the other talking heads from VH1's golden era. Michael Ian Black. Let's take one such call.

Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. We'll go with Nick Weiger. This is Andy from Denver, and I'm calling in with a momentous occasion. I just started taking my first drive

away from my house to run some errands all dressed as a woman. And when my car started automatically playing the latest JJ Go episode, I really got the feeling that one day soon this will be normal for me. And it was pretty fucking cool. So thanks. Love you guys. Hope it's a great episode hey caller thanks so much and um yeah we're just sorry this hasn't been a great episode

we really we thank you so much for sharing that with us it's it's it's truly amazing it's heartwarming and we're just we're sorry we ate shit on this one Really, we thank you so much for sharing that with us. It's truly amazing. It's heartwarming. And we're just, we're sorry we ate shit on this one. Yeah. I mean, I think we can be honest. It's Elliot's fault. I couldn't help taking it personally.

I mean, I feel like if you had let me get into hour two of my driving while eating chicken story, I think maybe we would have been somewhere but true you know it was yeah cut down to my prime we were too we were too cowardly we were too cowardly to let the director's cut of elliot's story see the light of day you know what that was like adding adding on the uh adding on the uh voiceover to blade runner yeah yeah this this was it was imagine the scene in Braveheart where he's like, hold, hold. You're the guys who just broke formation and ran up against the king's army. And I'm like, guys, come on. You just had to wait a little bit longer.

And it all would have gone somewhere, probably, he said, knowing it was never really going to go anywhere. It could have kept going places all right brian the next time uh elliot starts on a riff just uh in our ears just say hold hold i mean i i apologize i haven't been bringing my a game because i did uh waste my a game uh spending an hour and a half today playing Pokemon with my son because after months of his being obsessed with the cards, today was the day we finally learned how to play the game Pokemon. Oh my gosh, you're ahead of me, buddy. Let me tell you, that game takes a long time to play, especially when, if you're like my son, the goal for him is not to win the game so much as to prolong it as long as possible. He's kind of a tantric Pokemon guy. He's very, like, sting that way.

And so I was sitting there being like, you could have won 40 minutes ago. Why are you doing everything except knock out my last Pokemon? He just wants a toy with you, like a cat batting around a mouse. Yeah, or, like, sting fucking a Pokemon. He's like, I knew you wanted to make some progress in that Frederick Douglass biography you were reading while your younger son was napping, and I decided I'm not going to let that happen. You're going to play Pokemon all nap. So I apologize. I'm still tired from that.

Elliot, should I teach my children to play the Pokemons, or should I just let them continue to just yell at each other about the cards they have? I mean, if they're enjoying that, why not go for it? If they know how to play, then you have two children of Pokemon age, so they could play each other and you could just absent yourself from the situation, which I can't do. But it really is, when you get down to it,

it really is a game about monsters fighting each other. And if that's something they like then they could easily make up their own rules because it's just most of the fun is just looking at the the pictures and then reading the crazy uh character text that's at the bottom there's uh there's one character one pokemon monster who wears his mother's skull uh so that no one can see his face because he's crying. And I was like, what was going on? Whoa, hold on.

Really? There are some very dark Pokemon character texts. That's perhaps the dark. There's another one where it's like, so-and-so is very spiky, so he always hurts himself. And I'm like, ah, wow. Okay. I am now 1,000% more interested in Pokemon. Oh, yeah.

It's a real melancholy world, the one that Pokemon's... It should have been called Pokemon... No, it doesn't work. Never mind. I can't combine the words Pokemon and melancholy. Sorry, Collar. You're right. This is the worst episode ever.

I apologize. Elliot, I was raised in the Episcopalian tradition. You were raised among the chosen people. Is there anything that the Jewish people do to acknowledge the time when a child comes to be of Pokemon playing age? Yeah. Well, that's called a poke mitzvah. And it happens, it's when you turn six and a half. And of course, most people have heard of bar mitzvahs. It's a similar thing. You get up upon the bima.

You're not expected to know Hebrew. So instead, you have to recite the energies that are needed for a specific – so here's the thing a lot of people don't know about Judaism is much as we read the Torah all throughout the year. And so there's a Torah portion. Hold! Hold! There's also – we also cycle through the Pokemon deck every year, which is harder every year because they keep making more of these damn cards.

And so there's a different Pokemon for each, there's different festivals for the different characters. And so you read the, you've memorized the text and the energy attacks that go with your specific Pokemon. You give a speech about how that's like something you did at camp and a lesson you learned from it. And then people give you, shockingly, small checks

when everyone told you you were going to make a lot of money. But there's no party. That's the main difference between that and a bar mitzvah. And you're not considered a man or a woman yet, but you are considered old enough to be an annoyance. Ryan, play another call now. Wait, hold on. I have another Judaism question for Elliot.

Right here. What's a techenbris? Okay, now that's when you have a polygonal fighter kick the foreskin off of an eight-year-old male baby. Boom, right in the foreskin. Ring out. I think that's Virtua Fighter. That's a Tekken bris.

A Mortal Kombat bris is when they go, circumcise him. Scorpion throws a spear, which snags the foreskin, then says, flawless bris. Get over here into the Jewish tradition. Into a proud, fine tradition. Get over here into the Jewish tradition. Into a proud, fine tradition. Get over here into it.

Get over here into your covenant with the God of Moses. Hey, caller. Hey, caller, we've pulled it out of the tailspin. That's it. Yep, that's Mortal Kosher. If ever there was a video game that would interest my family, because judging by the things they forward me, they like two things. They like Jewish-related comedy, where something that is not Jewish is made to sound Jewish.

And they like song parodies about politics that are not very good, but where a picture of a famous politician is seen, it looks like they're singing the song jib-jab style with the mouth flapping up and down. My dad sends me a lot of a famous politician is seen, it looks like they're singing the song jib jab style with the mouth flapping up and down. My dad sends me a lot of those. Brian, you want to play that call now? Hi, Jordan and Jesse Go. This is Pete from New York

celebrating a momentous occasion. On Friday I celebrated 18 months of sobriety and that's pretty big for me because I was such a bad alcoholic and used to drink so much vodka that I actually had my bones start disintegrating. And in my 30s in January, I just had to have a hip replacement because the alcohol ate through my bones. Love the show. Yeah, Pete, you rule.

One day at a time, buddy. Take that, bones. That is amazing. Boy, yeah, what a time. I've never heard of that. Yeah, what a time to be getting sober, too. I bet, like, you know, Pete's going through his sobriety. He's like, okay like okay yeah one day

at a time making it making it ah fuck pandemic shit fuck i heard from a couple people um i heard from a couple people who uh after after i talked about my dad passing away on this show who had gotten sober and were staying sober. And often, at least one of them was a parent and a dad. And I just want to say how much I admire every single one of you Jordan Jesse Go listeners who has gotten sober and stayed sober. Obviously, I'm not opposed to people drinking alcohol, though I don't drink it myself. But I know from my own experience with my dad and what a difference it can make in somebody's life who is an alcoholic when they get clean and sober.

when they get clean and sober. And it's never easy. It takes a lot of hard work, a lot of commitment. But every time I hear from somebody like that, it just really warms my heart. And I think of what my dad did for me and my brothers and my stepmother. And I think about what a, what a wonderful thing these people are doing for the other people in their lives and for themselves. So,

uh, congratulations to all, all the clean and sober, uh, recovery people out there in, in Jordan, Jesse go listening land. Uh, are we tip our caps to you, especially when the world is burning down around us. It's one day at a time, gang. The things you can control and et cetera, et cetera, serenity prayer. Much respect to you. I agree and support everything that you just said, at the risk of it sounding like I'm undercutting it at all. I am so wasted right now.

My mother-in-law just recently within the past two weeks had a hip replacement and I now wonder if I should be worried about her if the reason she gave for needing a new hip was not the one we were led to believe. Oh wow. Looks like I've

got a mystery to solve. On Elliot Kalin, family problems detective. Elliot Kalin, colon, family problems detective? Yes, a lot of the family problems do involve colons because we have a lot of digestive issues in my family. Sure. If you have a momentous occasion for us, 206-984-4FUN is the telephone number,

or jjgoe at maximumfun.org and i'm going to be honest you know people aren't leaving the house right now so you got a real good shot at getting on so like if you just see a weird bird give us a call take a stab at it you know what i mean if you catch a couple minutes of taken on FX, call us and tell us which couple minutes it was. Speaking of birds, this will be a short ramble. Please. So my son took a sort of nature camp over Zoom, which he enjoyed a lot. But one of the activities they had, which we did, was making a toilet paper roll bird feeder.

You just roll it in peanut butter and bird seed. And we put it up on our tree outside of our house and my wife pointed out today that it has been picked clean and we looked at it and there was no food left on it and i don't know that i i don't know how he felt my son he kind of shrugged it off i've never felt such a sense of accomplishment as having the validation that this toilet paper roll covered in peanut butter and bird seed was noticed by animals in the neighborhood and accepted and used in the manner originally intended. And with such a success rate, like if I was on Top Chef and they were like,

this is the greatest taste, the greatest food I've ever had, and now Tom Colicchio is going to commit Harry Curie because he'll know he'll never cook anything as good as what you just did. I would be like, hmm, not as satisfying as knowing that the animals, that nature enjoyed this bird feeder that we put together. So that's pretty momentous. Yeah. Congratulations, Elliot. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. This week, as every week, Jordan Jesse Goh is brought to you by the members of Maximum Fun, particularly this week since it's Max Fun Drive time. If you're not already a member, you can go to MaximumFun.org slash join to become a member. We're also brought to you this week by the good folks at Sun Basket. Listen, here's something we're all trying to do. Support our friend Tyler from college

who founded Sun Basket. We all want to support Tyler. He was a great guy. Still is by some accounts still is uh we want to support tyler and we also want to reduce unnecessary trips out and try and avoid going to grocery stores uh listen going out it's it it's more of a hassle now than it's ever been it's a little bit dangerous don't you wish you could get great meals delivered right to your house? Yeah.

I ate these Hoisin steak strip lettuce cups with pickled daikon and carrots. I had not made a quick pickle before. But I made quick pickles for this tasty little treat, and I enjoyed it very much. Very much, Jordan. What I like about the Sun Basket is that they're focused on fresh, healthy, responsible, clean, tasty food. They have a very holistic approach to all of their stuff. They have incredibly ingenious recyclable packaging. They have, it's a really great thing top to bottom. The recipes, the quality of the ingredients. I've really enjoyed getting it.

You can enjoy a dinner full of fresh organic produce, clean ingredients, as little as 15 minutes, no matter how much experience you have in the kitchen. Jesse, you mentioned the hoisin steak strip lettuce cups. You can also get roasted salmon with miso-glazed eggplant, black bean tostadas, diablo with cabbage slaw and guacamole. A lot of great stuff there on Sun Basket. If you're sick of everything you know how to cook, as I am right now, go to sunbasket.com slash JJGO.

And if you enter promo code JJGO, you get $35 off your order. $35 off. It's a bargain, too. Yeah, that's sunbasket.com slash JJGO. And enter the promo code JJGO at checkout for $35 off your order. sunbasket.com slash JJ Go and enter the promo code JJ Go. We are also brought to you this week by our friends at Vote the Podcast. By the way, this is actually, I say our friends at, this is another operation that is actually run by friends of ours.

Julia Smith, who used to be the producer of Bullseye and Judge John Hodgman, and a very long-standing pal of Maximum Fun, is the producer of this really cool new podcast about voting and voting rights in the United States. United States. Yeah, if you feel like the world is in flames right now, and you've asked yourself how, as Americans, we will manage to get out and vote in November. Great question. It's one of many important questions that will be answered on a new limited series podcast produced by Vote.org and Spread the Vote. It's a podcast called Vote. As your Jesse Go go listeners know i worked for many months in a dark warehouse deep underneath san francisco's civic plaza civic center plaza uh working for the department of elections in san francisco i couldn't care more about uh voting rights and making sure that people have access to the vote and that their votes are fairly counted because I was sitting there with ballots going 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10,

counting ballots to make sure that the elections in San Francisco were fair. And what I found was that they usually were. And I was really heartened by that experience. I also liked going to, walking over to the Tenderloin, you could get a Banh Mi for $1.75 or $2.25 if you wanted pate on it. The host of this show, Kat and Andrea, are voting experts,

and they are inviting some of their favorite activists, celebrities, and voting rights crushes to help them answer your biggest questions about voting. People like Stacey Abrams, LeVar Burton, and Bradley Whitford, a guy who used to work in the White House on TV. Who's your voting rights crush, Jordan? Oh, boy. I mean, don't make me choose between Stacey Abrams and LeVar Burton. Two of the guests who are going to be on this podcast.

Can I tell you who mine is? Who is it? Well, I thought we were dating. It turned out we were just hanging. Yeah. Of course I'm talking about Chad. Right. Hanging Chad. You guys met in Florida, right? You guys met in Florida. Timely topical jokes. Vote the podcast available now. Subscribe to Vote the Podcast in Apple

Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, wherever you listen to your podcasts. Just search for Vote. Let's get back to the show. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Ellie Kalin, grown up baba. Sorry, regressing further. Oh, no.

Look, developmentally speaking, this lockdown has been really tough on all our kids. Not least of which, Elliot Kalin, grown-up baba. I was a grown-up baby. I think I may have to remove the grown-up part of it by the end of the show. My three-year-old's been throwing toys a lot. My six-year-old is completely attached to my wife. And Elliot Kalin is losing words. for, and we're going to do it again. Obviously, I'm happy to, but it makes me worry if he's now interested in the things he was interested in when he was four, which was essentially everything I was interested in, because he didn't have his own tastes yet. So actually,

this could work out pretty well for me. We want to thank everybody who's become a Max Fund member in this drive, everybody who is already a Maximum Fund member, everybody who's upgraded their membership. We couldn't do this without you in a very, very literal sense. I'm so grateful that we work for you. I'm so grateful that in these tough times, we've had stable ground to stand on because of all the folks who've stood with Maximum Fund and supported our work. And so thank you very, very, very much to everybody. Yeah, it's totally awesome. You are the reason this show is around, the people who donate. You are the reason that it's around, full stop.

It's, yeah, this is, you're the reason that it comes to you every week. You're the reason that we, you know, rally and make one even when it doesn't, we're not naturally inclined to goof around that week. Yeah, you're the reason that the show comes. And yeah, and we love doing it. So yeah, huge, huge thanks to everybody who's going to MaximumFun.org slash join.

This is your show, and we're glad you like it. If you're not able to right now, we understand, and we want zero people to feel bad about the Max Fund Drive this year. If you are able to and you haven't yet, it's easy. There are levels from $5 a month on up, and they all come with great thank you gifts and prizes. All you have to do is go to MaximumFun.org slash join. That's MaximumFun.org slash join. If you're not already a Flophouse listener, you should be one. I am one. I listen to every episode. I was introduced to it by my

friend Jordan Morris. It is one of my favorite podcasts in the world and has been a great comfort for me in these dark times um i would say second only to the use of elliot's pool on the list of comforts to me in these dark times i would say number one the pool because he's got that dinosaur thing in it and then number two the flop house and then number three i gotta say i bought seasons one and two of news radio on dvd so that's the top three those are all those are all great i'm glad i can take credit for two of the top three well i mean i'm pretty sure that you played the handyman on news radio right uh that's actually joe rogan uh is who you're thinking of uh he is also a podcast yeah the only podcaster more famous than elliot

it goes joe rogan elliot oprah well now that michelle obama has is starting a podcast it goes joe rogan me michelle obama oprah oh right yeah and then conan o'b, but only because he's leading the podcast revolution. Sure. We thank him. We thank Conan. I know earlier we said that the donors are the reason

that we're here. Brian Sonny DeFernandez is our producer. You can find us on social media at jessithorne at jordan underscore morris on Twitter. You can find us on Reddit at maximumfun.reddit.com.

You can find us on Facebook by searching for Maximum Fun or searching for the Jordan Jesse Go page and choosing like. Elliot Kalin has been our guest and our pal. Thanks, Elliot. You're the best. Oh, thanks. You guys are the best. And I would just say to all your listeners,

if you haven't tried Jordan Jesse Go, it's a great podcast and super funny. And, uh, you should, you should give it a listen. If you're not a Jordan, Jesse go listener, you should be listening to it because it's great. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse go. Maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported.