Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 648: Think Globally, Goat Locally with Janet Varney

Episode Date: August 5, 2020

Janet Varney (The JV Club podcast) for a discussion of Janet's favorite Arizona regional attraction – Biosphere 2, Jordan's plan to use his cat to spice up Zoom calls, and Jesse's thirty-minute quarantine entertainment window. Plus, we're joined by an actual elected official listener – Mayor Will Cauthen from Cramerton, North Carolina who tells us about what makes his small town special – from the Frolf on Goat Island to the origins of khaki and a famous heist that got turned into a Zach Galifianakis movie.It's the last week of MaxFunDrive 2020! Thank you to all who have supported Maximum Fun this year – monetarily or otherwise. We couldn't do our shows without you!Watch the MaxFunDrive Finale Show on Friday!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective, just happy to be here to wish everybody in our listening audience a happy Max Fun Drive, last week at the Max Fun Drive, and happy Analogist. Happy Analogist, everybody. Yeah, Max Fun Drive,

without a bass, without a trace. Is this the first year that the Max Fun Drive and Analogist have overlapped? I think it is the first, and it is like two comets colliding into each other. Right, yes, magical.

It'll create a rift in time that'll suck us all in. Did you ever watch the movie of A Brief History of Time, the Errol Morris documentary? Oh boy, I remember having that put on for me and as maybe like a little kid who was too too young and fidgety to be interested in that and and being mad yeah that was more or less my experience i i think i saw it at the roxy theater in san francisco 16th street in san francisco when i was you know eight or whatever my mom thought it was a good idea but the one part that I remember is there is a part where Stephen Hawking says, as you approach the event horizon of the black hole, you will be

turned into spaghetti. I think there was just this, as a kid, there was just like, little boys love space. Little boy, look at this. And I'm like, I don't like space at all. I like dinosaurs. Get on up with this space shit. Give me those dinos. I'm a dino boy. I'm not a space kid. Anyway,

so, so yeah. But yeah, but it looks, I wish I had seen it because maybe I could make sense in my brain of,

of the collision that is going on right now because MaxFunDrive and Analogist are taking place in the same week. Wow. Wow. Wow. If you're not already a member of Maximum Fun, you can join us. This is our final week. It's MaximumFun.org slash join. If you're not in a position to, we understand times are tough out there, but if you are, this is how we run this whole operation is by membership. So go to maximum fund.org slash join and join us. We'll talk a little bit more about what else is going on in the Max Fund Drive later on in the program. But first let's bring to the program our guest. Ah, yes. You know her as an actor,

as a co-founder of SF Sketch Fest. You know her as the host of Maximum Fun's own, The JV Club. You know her as our pal, the great Janet Varney. Hi, Janet. Hi, buddies. How are you?

Hey, doing all right. We had, Janet, you and I had one of those kind of moments while we were setting up where we're like, oh, this is too good. Save it for the cast. Oh, it's so gross. So, you know, this is the life we've chosen for ourselves. I know, I know. I just, it's just a moment of like, I think that, I think i only feel good about it because we are friends

in real life yes um if we weren't and i was and that would somehow feel like so bad i think i think what happened was and then also like there's a professional understanding yeah that we have yeah but uh but yeah well we were just talking about our habits and this and that. And you were bragging on how early you go to bed. And I said I could top it by going to bed earlier. All right. I was saying I'm an 1130 man. I've been an 1130 man for the past couple months. What are you clocking in at, Varnie?

I mean, when the 930 rolls around, I start to look at the clock and think, if I go to bed now-ish, I'll probably fall asleep around 10.30. Then I can wake up around 5.45 to 6. And if I quickly get ready, I can get outside before A, it gets hot, and B, everyone is outside. for a it gets hot and b everyone is outside so i've turned into this person who like i i genuinely sort of look forward to going to bed early so that i can get up early because i enjoy a quiet walk and many people understandably so also enjoy quiet walks now in a way that they heretofore were not experiencing at least when I was around um and and and so I uh I've become a really early riser and there is a part of me that's sort of looking at it from from at the outside and going like what a character this new Janet Vardy is who who likes to get up early and is excited. And this is like my number one concern when I wake up is if I get up too early, I will

be the first one on certain trails and I will be the one to break the giant spider web with my face. And I don't want to do that. So I have to let someone else do that. Namaste, spider web. Yeah. So these are the things that are important in the early morning for me. So do you have to, is your body ready to go to sleep at 9.30, 10.30?

Or do you have to like, you know, do a chamomile tea and put on a white noise machine? Do you have to trick yourself into going to sleep? Yeah, no, it's all sort of self-regulated now. Usually now I wake up, I'll set an alarm for 6.30 and I'll wake up anywhere between 5.45 and 6.30, but I often don't have to even hear the alarm. So I've, what is it, my circadian rhythm? I'm not sure.

But something, bits and bobs inside the gears and spokes of my body have made the adjustment so that now it's what just feels normal. It's very strange. I mean, it's not me at all, but now it is, apparently. I no longer use an alarm clock in my house, alarm clock in my house. But I did get what they call an alternate fuel alarm clock. I was worried about electronics consumption, which is a guy named Curtis Francis Thorne, who lives upstairs from my bedroom, and at 5.40 goes, Mom! So 5.40, he's pretty consistent? Yeah, it has. It really has. It's been inching back and back and back. And there was a time when he would come downstairs.

He'd like crawl in bed. This is my three-year-old. Crawl in bed with Teresa, my wife. But at this point, his goal is to disrupt the entire household as much as possible. So he'll like yell at his brother until his brother wakes up. His brother does not want to wake up. But'll like yell at his brother until his brother wakes up. His brother does not want to wake up, but he'll yell at his brother until his brother wakes up.

Then they'll both come downstairs and together they'll yell at my wife until we are both up. They don't want me. The first thing that Curtis usually says to me in the morning is, Dad, I don't like you. But I'm like, you can like me or not like me.

Can I sleep until 7? Yeah, don't they know that CBS Sunday Morning doesn't come on until 7? So if you wake up before then, there's nothing on with Gayle King to watch. There's literally no... I mean, you could watch Gail King's Instagram or you could go to YouTube and maybe watch some older Gail King interviews, like when she, you know, kept her cool in the face of a freaking out R. Kelly, but there's no new Gail King content. Anyway, I really like CBS Sunday morning now, now more than ever. It's my rock. I have a window in my life that runs from 9 to 9.30.

That's what I call the entertainment window. That's when the children are asleep and the dishwasher is running. This is 9, 9.30 in the evening. Yeah. Okay. okay and then my wife and i can choose one sitcom or one active romance to participate in during that window and then we just gotta we just gotta drop the hammer and shut it down like it's like a it's like a factory whistle goes off at 9.30. It's like, well, we got to go to bed because at 5.40 it's going to be, mom! You punch a time clock just like that bulldog and that coyote from the Looney Tunes cartoons.

Yeah, exactly. That factory song plays. Janet, we've been talking a little bit with people on the show lately about their kind of like quarantine eating habits, like how they've changed, how they've gotten weird. Justin McElroy caused a real sensation last week by telling us about his drink that was red wine and white claw called white wine. that was red wine and white claw called white wine. Our listeners have been trying it and unfortunately dying. That's, you know, we should say at the top, you know, don't necessarily try something just because you hear about it on the show.

But are you doing anything different with your intakes? I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. You know, depending on what I'm working on, I work at home a lot anyway. So there are certain patterns like that that I don't think have gotten, that they haven't, nothing's gone wild in that way. I'm really sorry to disappoint i wish i had a something poisonous to recommend to people oh make something up peanut butter and spiders come on janet i have been i definitely have been eating more um there's there's a delicious um ice cream

like a non-dairy ice cream that I have been, I discovered that if I put oat milk into that and sort of make it into, you know what I realized? I'm just realizing this right now. I guess I'm making my own blizzards. Hey, okay. All right. I'm having a moment now where I'm really recognizing this. So, I mean, this is pretty huge.

I mean, my blizzard budget is five or six thousand dollars a month so i mean if there was a way yeah for me to cut into that that would really that would really be huge for me what's the tell me tell us about this homemade blizzard what are your mix-ins i have so it's just you take your whatever your ice cream you want. Listen, you can do dairy, non-dairy. I'm not the judge of you. And so I'll eat a little of it. It's already like I think the ice cream comes in not quite tippy top. Like it's one of those ice creams where you're like, oh, this comes. Is this two thirds of the way full?

Okay. There are a few different ice creams that I ice creams i feel like somehow are not like this the shape is a pint i'm not sure the quantity is a pint and it may have something to do with like you can say there are fewer calories if there's just less ice cream because that's science um yeah but uh pour some uh pour some oat milk in there i swirl that around so that starts to really smoother out and then i I'm like, well, this is really good. But it needs like a more of a texture because I've now sort of removed the texture I've turned I've blizzarded it, if you will. And so then I find myself getting maybe

some peanuts, sometimes maybe a peanut butter, like I'll swirl in just a golden ribbon of peanut butter. And then maybe I'll like crumble up a cookie or two and put it in there and i want to make it clear this is all happening like live while i'm watching tv it's not like the the those elements come in with me like on a tray so you just you just grab random things from the kitchen you you're like okay okay, I'm going to start this episode of Perry Mason and just fucking jazz out a blizzard while I watch. Yeah, that's exactly right. Man, that's great.

I feel like it has happened to Perry Mason, so yes. It's about the mix-ins she's not adding. It's kind of a jazz joke that I don't think anybody will like, but fucking Brian, leave it in. Jack up the sound on it make sure i say it loud i just enjoyed your perry mason specific i was thinking about you know just trying to grab a buzzy show sure sunday night hbo is back everybody in the form of perry mason that's right oh wow i forgot that there was a new version of Perry Mason. Oh, yeah. I was specifically thinking

of the, like, 1950s and 60s Perry Mason. Oh, yeah. Honest mistake. Raymond Burr. Honest mistake. No, there's a sexy new Perry Mason, and he's solving very grisly crimes. That's right. Grisly HBO-style crimes. Grisly, blizzard-worthy.

That's a lot of double Zs right there. Grisly is not spelled with two Zs. That's a grisly HBO style crimes. Grizzly blizzard worthy. That's a lot of double Z's right there. Grizzly is not spelled with two Z's. That's a grizzly bear. Goodbye. Bye, Janet. Jordan, can I tell you something? You may. If I was solving grizzly crimes,

you know who would be my top suspect? Hold on. Let me try and see if I can figure out where you're going with this. Oh, boy. I don't know grizzly adams no that fucking prank bear there you go okay i know he's turned he's doing prank bear janet you've really you're really getting a lot of jordan jesse co's deep cuts this episode a lot of a lot of lexicon going on a lot of getting tossed around here right and loose yes let's get into del monte fashion piece now

on jordan jesse co two more inside jokes and we activate the winter soldier that's all this show has been this has been a 13 year long game to activate the winter soldier wow same entry candidate there if you want but fucking whatever i don't know brian jack up the sound brian just put some phasing effects on it so it sounds like we're in a sort of like a tron now i'm paying attention uh i this is something also i was thinking about while i was i was listening to your great podcast the jv club while i was doing some dishes happy max fun drive yeah happy max fun drive janet and um i was like oh you know because of quarantine stuff i think every podcaster has had to like haphazardly set up a home studio but did you already have all your

stuff set up like you want it because you do so much voiceover work i it it just depends on the circumstance that's what i have discovered for quarantine is that there are different areas of my house that work well for different reasons so it's kind of a pain because they're like, if I really need to be super soundproofed, then I definitely need to be in my closet, which is well suited for a little voiceover studio for sure. Like it's, I can't complain,

but you know, it's, I, the air conditioning can't be on, and it gets a little toasty, not unlike the delightful booth at MaxFun. We know these are things that have to happen when you're making quality-sounding audio.

Right, so you've got to be a little hot. Yeah, but then if the priority is, like, it's also streaming, it's a video thing, like I did a really fun thing. I've done a couple of fun things for Max Fun Drive or Max Fun Drive Adjacent with Travis McElroy or Hal and Mark. Then I definitely have to be, I want to be at my desk with the beautiful sunlight streaming in

and the Wi-Fi connection being very, very robust. So it just depends. I got to be mobile. I got to be mobile. Yeah, I go in the bathroom to record my guitar solos. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they sound really raw.

There's really raw sound. Kind of like when you were just first starting out at CBGB's, Jesse. I think there's a real youthful energy to your solos now. Yeah, it takes a lot for me to break quarantine, but I have let Jack White come over to record a couple tracks. Worth it. Right? Worth it.

Vintage microphones. Yeah, sure. It gets a real just classic sound. Yeah. Get a real classic sound. Yeah, they call it garage rock, but it's a misnomer. Bathroom rock just didn't have the same, yeah. Potty rock.

Potty rock. Potty rock. I have, here's- Is that in the house tonight or anything? Should we stop podcasting now forever? Everybody's gonna take a big shit. I, so I have been doing, I have like a lot of like Zoom related business calling that I have to do. And I'm always just relieved when

someone just wants to do a normal ass phone call oh absolutely oh what a gift yeah it's beautiful it's a beautiful thing um but the zoom calls i have done um uh my cat was interrupting them and i was very embarrassed but there's been times where i'm like you know this is gonna be kind of boring i hope the cat comes over at some point maybe i should put a little treat behind the couch and then so i could just kind of like have that happen i'm like oh no i'm sorry she's just going crazy wants some attention i'm like oh the cat coming in would really help this fucking boring ass thing i have to do anyway it's the sort of like if you were in a conference room and your cell phone lit up that's what that is for you like the cat goes to find the treat and

you say into the zoom camera i'm sorry i have to take this and then i pick up the cat and hold her to my ear like a phone that's right that. Well, we have some very exciting stuff coming up on the program. Executive level. Yes. Stuff. So let's get to it. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, members, the folks who go to MaximumFun.org slash join and sign up to support us. We're also this week supported by two other great outfits. First of all, vote the podcast. If you feel like the

world is in flames right now and you've asked yourself how, as Americans, we will manage to get out and vote this November, you're asking a great question. It's one of many important questions that will be answered on a new limited series podcast produced by vote.org and spread the vote. It's a podcast called Vote! Exclamation point. The exclamation point's part of the thing. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. That's why I was screaming. It's hosted by Kat and Andrea, and they talk to folks like Stacey Abrams and LeVar Burton and Bradley Whitford. It's fun.

It's informative. It's the podcast for voting preppers. So if you're concerned about a vote-pocalypse, this is the show for you. Vote the Podcast is available now. Subscribe to Vote in Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you listen. Just search for Vote! Vote! We are also sponsored this week by Sun Basket.

Ooh, that's a nice basket. Right, that's of course their slogan that they definitely want us to use. Ooh, that's a nice basket. Ooh, nice basket. Ooh, mmm, nice basket. What is that, wicker? Mmm. I'd like to take that on a picnic.

What do you got in there? Fresh, healthy, delicious recipes for all kinds of dietary preferences? Ooh, yeah. Listen, I know we're all trying to reduce unnecessary trips out. We're all trying to avoid grocery stores. Sun Basket is a great way to do all that. It's perfect. It's delicious. It's a solution for the times we're living in. They deliver fresh, healthy, delicious recipes of all kinds, including there's paleo, gluten-free, Mediterranean. Ooh, I love a Mediterranean lunch. Jesse, do you like a Mediterranean lunch?

Yeah, it's good for your ticker. Yeah, good for your ticker. And hey, replace that rice with salad. Most people will do that for you. If you say swap out that rice for salad, they'll do that for you. that rice with salad. Most people will do that for you. If you say swap out that rice for salad, they'll do that for you. But hey, actually, you don't have to ask anybody to swap out anything for you because you're going to be making that Mediterranean food at home with Sun Basket. I made hoisin steak strip lettuce cups with pickled daikon and carrots. It was super good. From Sun Basket?

Yeah, I made quick pickles. I had never made a quick pickle before, but I should have been making quick pickles all along. I pickled the daikons myself. Listen, if you want to get into home pickling, which I think we all do. Or you just want to support our friend Tyler from college. Yeah. Co-found Sun Basket. There's also dishes like roasted salmon with miso-glazed eggplant and black bean tostadas diablo with cabbage slaw and guap camole. Ooh, I love a cabbage slaw.

Ooh, man, do I love a cabbage slaw. Do you love slaw? I love slaw, too. Yeah, slaw's great. I'm a slaw man. My wife won't eat slaw. She won't even look at it. Well, sounds like we should get married.

That's the cornerstone of a good relationship, agreeing on slaw. Yeah, it's a classic the cornerstone of any marriage is a yes and right hey so start making that slaw at home with sunbasket and if you want 35 bucks off that sweet sweet slaw

go to sunbasket.com slash JJGO and enter promo code JJGO at checkout sunbasket.com slash JJGO and enter promo code JJGO at checkout. sunbasket.com slash JJGO, promo code JJGO at checkout. 35 bucks off. That's some cheap slaw. sunbasket.com slash JJGO and enter promo code JJGO. And pretty soon, everyone will be saying to you, ooh, nice basket.

Nice basket. How much did you pay for that slaw? They definitely want us to do these sketch phrases. Yeah, they're right here in the copy. Yeah. Say in weird sexual voice. Okay. I mean, I'll try. I don't know exactly what that would be, but... Yeah, we did one take where we did it kind of Pepe Le Pew style, but we didn't... It felt weird, you know? Yeah, it felt a little bit weird, but I think we... It was a little broad for our show.

But I mean, you got to give them options, Jesse. If there's one thing I know about voiceover, you got to give them options. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Janet Varney, segment two. Segment two sounds spookier than usual. Who knows what's going to be the spookiest segment

I think that's a fun at home game For our listeners to play What's this week's spookiest seg? What's the spook seg? Sound off in the comments Was it when we talked to a small town mayor Or when we discovered the mummy's tomb So Jordan you mentioned small town mayors. I want

to get to the small town mayor in a second, but before we do that, so Janet, for your benefit and for the benefit of the listener who, for entirely reasonable and understandable reasons, spaces out a little during the show, doesn't listen to much of it or tries to forget it listens while in the middle of an alcoholic blackout sure sure a few weeks ago on the show we went looking for officials who listened to jordan jesse go public officials who listened to jordan jesse. And this was prompted by the fact that our friends at stop podcasting yourself, it turns out the district attorney of all of British Columbia is a fan of stop podcasting yourself. And we became obsessed with what the

best public official we could deliver was. And obviously we had, we had obviously, we had no bullets in the chamber already. We had no knowledge. Graham knew all about the district attorney. We didn't know anything. So we just kind of put it out there. I knew a couple of Kentucky colonels who said they were going to make me a Kentucky colonel some years ago, but didn't. But besides that, we weren't sure. some years ago, but didn't. But besides that, we weren't sure. So we got two very, we got a variety of responses to this. One of them was from a woman named Kristen. She called in and we thought maybe she was drunk. Actually, it turns out she's confirmed. She just talks that way. And she is a city commissioner in her small town, which is pretty good. And she sent us a Facebook post to confirm something that we had not even suggested might be a possibility or that anyone should do, which is that she went to a city commission meeting and decided to eat popsicles the whole time.

to a city commission meeting and decided to eat popsicles the whole time. I kind of, I didn't really understand that as part of like filibustering. Yeah. Is this a Mr. Smith goes to Washington situation? I don't know. But sponsored by the Good Humor Corporation? But she has, I mean, it is a pretty good, it is a pretty powerful move. Yeah, sure.

Especially at the city commission level. Like if you told she was on the the public utilities commission or something i'd say yeah yeah yeah everybody there's eating popsicles you know some people have bomb pops some people have paletas right sure some people have twin pops probably no way to know rocket pops otter pops should we just keep naming pops? Is this a show? I mean, it's not, but that's not a change of pace from our normal. Does a push-up count? It's technically Sherbert.

And also, why Sherbert and not Sherbet? Which is which? Are they different? The same? Where does the R come from? I don't think there is a Sherbert. Yeah. I think the R came from Jordan Morris.ris yeah i think i added the r but the use i know people say sherbert right i

think i say sherbert i feel like it's i want to i want to believe that it's a sort of a folksy way of saying like am i gonna like this it's a sherbet oh okay like it's a sure bet you will. Now retro... I'm not making a pun. I genuinely suspect it may be... Now I retroactively, that's why I said it. Great. Now, here is the new news in the town official sweepstakes. It is, by the way, a sweepstakes. The top official, the top elected official who listens to Jordan

Jesse go will receive a cruise in April of 2020. So we have all been working from home. All of us at MaxFun have been working at home except for our esteemed office manager, KT, operations manager, I believe is her official title. And KT, you know, she goes in, she collects the mail, she, you know, makes sure the door's intact, that kind of thing. And so I hadn't gotten any mail that had been sent to me at the office in quite a long time. And she brought me a card, a beautiful, a beautiful, like artfully printed card from a man named Will. And it was on the stationary of the city of Cramerton, North Carolina. Now, it turns out Will is the mayor of Cramerton, North Carolina, a little slice of heaven, with over 5,000 citizens over whom he has absolute control. Is this a Rite of Kings situation?

That's my understanding. Wow. They're wild in Cramerton. And not only that, he's a very long time sustaining member of MaxFun and listener to Jordan Jesse Goh. Will Cawthon, mayor of Kramerton, North Carolina. Welcome to Jordan Jesse Goh. What a joy it is to have you. I can't tell you.

I'm overjoyed to be with you. This is something I never thought I'd have the opportunity to do. So it's great. Thank you so much for having me. All you had to do was become mayor. opportunity to do so it's great thank you so much for having me all you had to do was become mayor were you will were you elected mayor or did you just inherit it actually i was appointed first and then elected but i i had been mayor pro tem previous to that so i've served for about 10 years honestly all you had to do if if this has

been if this has been the end game to try and get on Jordan Jesse Go I don't know what's easier but you could have just started a podcast dedicated to rereading all the Goosebumps books I clearly thought about that Jordan but then you almost sold me short there because when you offered up Small Town Mayor or Mummy's Tomb even I was like

man Mummy's Tomb sounds pretty awesome yeah one of the top tombs One of the top tombs. Wow. One of the top tombs. So what platform did you run on? What was your election platform? I don't know that I'm free to speak on that necessarily.

Just for, I guess, to be clean enough as I'm here as a mayor. But, you know, a lot of times my wife jokes that part of my platform is, you know, if we could just put up billboards outside of town and say, don't be a jerk. That would be so much easier. It's amazing the number of civic laws and rules and regulations we have that could be done away with if everybody would just be kind to one another. So that's a big part of it. But no, you know, no bull moose party, nothing like that that was so definable. It's really beautiful. It's almost Burning Man-esque. Don't say that. They'll run me out of town on a rail. The taint-blasting capital of North Carolina. That is not going to fly.

Come on, let us run your re-election campaign. I already ordered a billboard from right outside of town that says that. Will, can I pitch you all would-be mayors of towns under 10 000 whose name is william or wilhelmina i can't i can't wait is this will coffin for mayor of I'm will-ing to be mayor. Or where there's a will, there's a may. Or. Oh, boy. Getting better. Janet loves them.

I guess, you know, I'll tell you what. There was such specificity in the qualifications that Jesse listed. I really expected something to incorporate all of those things in the pun and then it just turned out to be like just a basic just your basic will fun i was like how's he going to incorporate 10 000 into this my presumption is that in a town with 10 000 or fewer residents there's only one person who's really going to take the meeting with the various garbage contractors. Like there's one person who has it in their heart to be civic minded enough to take care of that. And that person is, it's like, look, my mountain cabin is in a town called Sequoia Crest, California.

It does not officially have a mayor, but we all know that Skip would be the mayor if we had an official mayor you know why because skip is the guy with the snow pushing the snow plow that's why and he's down he's ready he'll hey you need your snows plowed he's there uh will can you tell us some facts about cramerton for people who have never you know visited or maybe never looked it up like are, what are some of the things that the town prides itself on? Absolutely. Um, the thing we are probably most famous for is the Loomis Fargo heist, which at the time was the biggest heist in American history. Uh, the criminals that, uh, once they had $13 million in cash and blue barrels, they decided to buy a home in lovely Cramerton. Paid a half million dollars in cash for a house.

And that's actually the whole story that Masterminds was based on, the Zach Galifianakis movie. Haven't seen it, but he's good in everything, isn't he? Yeah, PG of a man. But the thing we're most proud of is we're actually the birthplace of khaki. We were the chief provider of the 8.2-ounce khaki material that served our troops in World War II. So, Will, is Kramerton cloth named after Kramerton, North Carolina? That is absolutely correct. Wow.

Stuart W. Kramer is the person that pioneered that cloth, and he's our founding father. That's a big deal. I knew my menswear knowledge would come in handy someday. I thought that'd be right up your alley. That's it, just this one time. Yeah, I mean, it looks like your town's tourism website is Khaki Town, USA. That's the one that tells the history of that portion of our town. We're really proud of it.

So it's something we want to get out there. And I figured with Jesse's love of menswear and his menswear blog, it might be something that would be of interest. Yeah. I mean, if not for Kramerton and the fabric it produced, no one would have church pants. People would just be going to church without any pants on, angering God.

What would business casual even mean? Yeah, nothing. It would just be nonsense. It would be gibberish. That's right. Will, can you tell me about, I'm looking at kramerton.org, which I recommend to all, especially young people.

Make it your homepage. Yeah. It already got to sunglasses on yahoo.com, so you know it's good. Will, tell me about, I'm looking at the local attractions. I don't want to go all the way down to the regional attractions.

That's too much. I mean, we all know Charlotte Douglas International Airport is only 7.6 miles from Cramerton. Everybody knows that. It's the number one airport in our region, really. Yeah. I mean, that's why it's such a regional attraction. I've heard great things about the Cinnabon. I hear it's one of the top Cinnabons. I'm locking in on local attractions here. Tell me about Christmastown, USA.

That is our small sister city of McAddenville. And it for many years, the local textile mill actually paid the electric bill for every resident during the month of December. So everyone decorated to the fullest. So it's just an absolutely beautiful, picturesque town that folks will wait for hours during Christmas season to drive through with their families. It's gorgeous. And it's not the rivalry you might think, you know, Khaki Town, Christmas Town. That's what I was going to say. I guess I was, yeah, I was sort of hoping that you would, that all of that would be through gritted teeth. People seem to really love Christmas Town.

Okay, let's get back into Kramerton. I didn't notice that the local attractions, it says one mile from Cramerton is Christmastown, USA. Frankly, I'm a little embarrassed that I suggested that Christmastown, USA was located in Cramerton. I'm pretty sure the Cramerton Parks and Recreation Department is located in Cramerton, North Carolina. Where are some of the top recreations available? Oh, no, that's in Wilmington, Delaware. Oh, gee whiz. That's far.

Yeah. Too far. It's a real hike. If you're just a senior who wants to play bingo. No, our number one destination by far is Goat Island. We've got this 37-acre island that was given to us by Duke Energy, our local power affiliate. acre island that was given to us by Duke Energy, our local power affiliate. We built ropes courses for kids, playgrounds, a disc golf course, boat portages. It's absolutely incredible. Why am I not looking at kramerton.org slash frolf? Why is the website just not saying across

the top frolf? Frolf Kramerton. There's another slogan for you. That's Cackytown, USA. It's old news. Now it's all about Frolf Kramerton. Frisbee golf, baby. But wait, is it called Goat Island because it's covered in goats? If only it were. At one time...

So it's just called Goat Island and you go there and there's no goats? There's just some fucking shoeless guys throwing a frisbee at each other and getting day drunk i'm sorry but i don't i i don't know if i like how misleading that name is it's more a historically accurate name in that mr kramer when when he maintained the island he kept goats on it to keep down the vegetation it's not a sexy answer but that's that's that's where the name came from. And it makes for a cool logo. Come on. Oh, I think that's a sexier answer than it's covered in goats.

It's covered in goats. Yeah, that is an interesting question. What is sexier, covered in goats or no goats at all. You know my feelings. Yeah, we know where Janet stands on this matter. Mayor Coffin, how many goats would you say you have in Cramerton overall? Depending on the week. We're in the southeast, so we actually use goats to eat kudzu when we're rehabbing our parks. So there are times where we might have as many as dozens of goats. Okay. But those are imported goats.

Locally imported. They're regional attraction goats. Those come from Christmastown, USA. They have little Santa hats on. Hard to say. You know what they say, think globally, goat locally. I hope that's the title of this episode. How long have you yourself lived in Cramerton? I've lived here about 15 years. I was a transplant from Columbia, South Carolina.

You've been the mayor two-thirds of your time there. That's really impressive. That's solid math, Janet Barney. Thank you. What brought you to Kramerton initially? Just a desire to find a population that was easily moldable to your will? I am not. That's a better answer than my answer.

But actually, I had family that had moved here and we visited here enough and we were like, gosh, I guess we could actually live there, too. It's a wonderful place. And instead of it just being the weekend visit. So I imagine this is, you know, it's noteworthy for you because you're a listener to the show. But also, I mean, you do, you know, there's one thing I know. A mayor's a mayor 24-7. You know, you don't get a night off.

The mayor's always the mayor. So, you know, I don't know if you want to use this platform or this space, you know, to maybe do a little bit of shameless plugging. I mean, you have, you know, you've got an audience of, you know, three or four people out there who, you know, if you want to, if, yeah, is there anything you want to say? Three or four. Jordan is being facetious. Three or four pairs of people. Yes. And their neighbors who can hear them playing it. So some people can kind of sort of hear this muffled through the apartment walls. I will certainly take that invitation.

Anytime I get a chance to shamelessly plug our town, I will. Sure. Especially anyone that might want to open an awesome brewery or an art gallery or do something that really enhances the local economy. We love bringing new people to our town. We're always excited to show people around. So we would absolutely love that.

All right. Well, if you're looking for a place to open up your brewery or art gallery, Cramerton is it. It sounds like. I'm going to use that on our next billboard. So thank you for that. That,

that take that, that takeaway plug. I actually was going to open a brewery, but I'm looking at Christmastown USA right now. Yeah. See, they get some good rivalry. There's some good tax benefits and

you know the water can't replicate the water an elf an elf workforce jesse you need to rethink this because you're going to be making all nog based ales in christmas oh yeah i'm i'm okay with it going elsewhere then not a nog fan huh not a huh? Not a big Nog guy, no. Me neither. Is being the mayor of Cramerton a full-time job? It's not. It's anywhere from 15 to 20 hours a week, but it's basically a volunteer position. It's something you do for the love of it.

For the love of mayoring. That's it. Do you have another job, or are you just to live a life of leisure and proclamations? If only. No, I actually work for a software company. There you go. Do you get to make proclamations?

Tell us what the top three powers of the mayorality in Kramerton are. Because when I worked in the mayor's office of the city of San Francisco, there was a machine that replicated Mayor Willie L. Brown's signature. We could sign it to any goddamn thing. It was fantastic. And we would make proclamations about each other being dumb all day long. Print them out on the laser printer, sign them by the mayor's name on the auto pen, and apply gold leaf. What kinds of things can the mayor of Cramerton do? Certainly proclamations. That is the power any mayor has. I sign a lot of checks. So that's, I guess, a power of the office. But the biggest thing is

putting forward great things for the people. Things like, we're working a lot on public art, we're working on parks and rec. Those are things that are exciting that are good for everybody in town. But definitely a lot of proclamations, at least to a meeting, it seems like. Listen, I think what we're getting at is can you name a street Waluigi Way? It doesn't have to be a long street. It can just be like a roundabout that leads up to the library. Can you name a couple of citizens Chip Dipson and Dip Dops?

Yeah, can you change people's names who live there? Love to do that. And given the month that y'all are currently celebrating, I'm glad that you went with Waluigi. But Chip Dipson and Dip Dops would make me very,, very happy to see every day or even a JJ go away. I, I am looking at the town crest of the town of Kramerton, uh,

as reproduced on what appears to be the kind of rug that you use to clean your boots off in the hall, in the, what I'll call the corridors of power. And what I'm presuming is Kramerton city hall. It does appear to have a sculpture of a kangaroo in the back, so I'm not 100% sure what this is, but it definitely is the crest of the town of Cramerton. I'm seeing what look like some bulrushes in maybe a tidal wetland or a marshland.

I'm seeing beautiful green hills. I'm seeing beautiful green hills. I'm seeing a handsome tree. I presume it's some local type of tree. They're all contained within crossed five irons. And at the top appears to be a Devo energy dome. What can you tell me about the crest of the town of Cramerton that can explain these disparate elements? Now I will never be able to not see it as a Devo power dome,

but that is actually a spool of thread that would have been used in the textile mill. Got it. That makes sense. And then the golf clubs, they're just there because a lot of people like to play golf? Previously, we had two golf courses. Now we have one private, one Kramer Mountain golf course. But previously, we had a municipal course and a private course.

So we were definitely known for our golf outings. Wow, two. Out of 5,000, that's a lot. Yeah. That's a lot of golf per person. That is golf course per 2,500. Hold on. If memory serves, there are three because there's a Frisbee golf course. That's true. Are you saying Frisbee golf isn't real golf? This is controversial. This could get you run out of town on a rail.

More like don't froth Kramerton. All right, Jesse, you took it a little too far. Put your claws away. I see that it is a spool. Yeah, disc golf, froth, we welcome everyone. Yeah, that's a really beautiful sentiment. No matter what sort of golf you practice, you're welcome in Kramerton. I have it on a t-shirt.

Who's the hottest dude in all of Kramerton? See, I wish my wife hadn't already gone to sleep. I'm on the East Coast. If she was in here, she could tell you. She could rank the Kramerton hunks? Rank the hottest dudes. Yeah. Look, you and I know, we know, either heterosexual or not, we know who the hottest dudes are Yeah. Look, you and I know we know, either heterosexual

or not, we know who the hottest dudes are. The hottest dude in Los Angeles? Mr. Bradley Pitt. Oh, yeah. Who's the hottest dude in Kramerton? Yeah, we know it off the top of our head. Yeah, I didn't even have to think about it.

I'm sure the top two or three would probably come from our fire department based on what I hear from the women of our town. I don't know. City Commissioner Richard Atkinson is pretty hot. I will pass that along to him at our meeting Thursday night. He'll be so flattered. And the hottest guy at Christmastown USA? It's got to be Santa.

That's right. The original daddy. Mr. S. Hot Claws yeah so I guess my final question for you Will

is what do we get out of this I'm hoping the stickers went a long way here but if you did send me some stickers yeah Jordan hasn't gotten any of them yet

but you did send me some stickers i need those for my skateboard deck i'll be send along another another care package for everyone to share in thank you i want to congratulate you on this picture on the news and announcements page of the website that is mostly i would say the subject of this picture is a couple of water fountains in a waiting area. You got to have a water fountain in a waiting area. What else are you going to do while you're waiting? Yeah, that's a great question.

Read Highlights Magazine and let that CAD goofus upset you. Jordan, it's outdoors. You can't have a Highlight Magazine in an outdoor waiting area. No, you're right. I'm sorry i just went a little crazy there man this is like when kamala harris tore into biden i can't tell you how often i'm compared to her well well we sure appreciate you taking the time uh to listen to jordan jesse go uh to risk your mayorality by

appearing on the program we promise not to tell anyone that you've done so and we encourage everyone to get out to cramerton north carolina if if somebody is flying into that airport what was that airport called again charlotte d. Charlotte Douglas International Airport. It's only 7.6 miles. If you're in uptown Charlotte, it's only 13 miles. Heck, if you're in Kings Mountain State Park, it's only 17 miles away. This all seems like very short journeys for the quality of Frolf. You're going to be Frolfing in Cramerton, North Carolina, the Frolf capital of North Carolina, known exclusively for Frisbee golf. Anyway, yeah, so thanks so much for being here, Will. And of course, you can catch our live show at Christmastown, USA, the Christmastown, USA podcast festival.

We're going to be playing the back room at the Gingerbread House. Get your tickets now. I can't wait. I got to tell you, Will, I've been looking through the pictures of Kramerton on the website, and I'm legitimately jealous. It looks like a little slice of heaven. What a beautiful little town you're the mayor of. I hope you're very proud because it looks like a really special place.

Can't be more proud. And if y'all do a live event in Charlotte, we would love to have you come spend some time with us over here. Awesome. Maybe you could convince people to like us on our show. I'm doing all I can out here. I believe you have a little something called a bully pulpit, sir. Right.

Well, Will, thank you so much. And we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, in here. Were you doing a little spooky voice there? Is this going to be a spooky break? No, I'm not doing any break voice at all. See, you're doing it. It's spooky. This is just my regular voice. Have you talked like that the whole time? Have I never noticed? This is how I've been talking since we met each other when we were 19 years old. I mean, I can hear

the fangs. I don't know how you accomplished that, but right? They're there now. They're clicking. They're clicking against the mic. They are. Janet, do you remember when I was the publicist for SF Sketch Fest and I would call and pitch people interviews with the kids in the

hall? Yes. No one could resist you and now it's starting to make more sense. I was always asking radio stations if they had any mirrors. That's a funny character, comedy nerd Dracula. I don't think it's specific enough. No, you're right. I know it would reach too broad an audience, I think. At the original run of Mr. Show on VHS.

It really meant a lot to me when I saw David Cross in a rock club with baby shambles. I think that was the name of the man that he toured with. Okay, well, speaking of David Cross and a rock club, we have been doing it since literally, we have been doing this, Jordan and I have been working together making this stuff. Literally, we interviewed, I didn't get to do it because I was already away for the summer,

but Jordan and our old co-host Gene interviewed David Cross to promote his first rock club tour. There you go. That was a new thing. That was like 20 years ago, dude. It was a long time ago. And ever since we became professionals in our, well, you could argue that it never happened, but we are paid for our work. It has been primarily through the direct support of our audience. We've always been member supported. And in fact, all of Maximum Fun is supported by our members. It's like 70% of our revenue. And thank goodness now, because it's tough times out there for people who are trying

to sell advertisements. And this is what has allowed us to keep the lights on, retain all our employees and retain all our shows. Yeah, it's really, really awesome that, you know, these shows get to continue, even the shows that, you know, that maybe don't have a giant audience that, you know, perhaps another network would kick to the curb for having low numbers. You know, it doesn't matter if there are just, like, passionate fans who want to support it. Like, it's totally awesome that, you know, as long as there are fans who are willing to kick in a couple bucks, these shows can continue.

It's really awesome, and it makes us feel good. Yeah. Look, if you're out there and you can't support us right now, we understand. It's really awesome, and it makes us feel good. Yeah. Look, if you're out there and you can't support us right now, we understand. It is fine. But if you are in a position to do so, that is what keeps this train rolling. And I know this is taking on an even more important role in my life on a week-to-week basis. And I imagine that for a lot of folks who are listening right now, it's important to you too. So if you are able to do so,

go to MaximumFun.org slash join and join us. We also have a couple of cool new things that are going on at MaximumFun.org slash join. First of all, if you're in a position to give a gift membership, you now can. And you can either send it to somebody you know who would become a Maximum Fund member but can't, or you can market for somebody who's had to cancel their Max Fund membership due to circumstances surrounding us in the world.

And besides that, you can also now boost your membership. So if you don't feel like if you're already a member, you can't quite make it to the next level, but you'd like to throw in a few extra bucks every month, you can do that too. And that's all at MaximumFun.org slash join. So Jesse, let me, a question about the gift memberships. Yeah. If you decide to gift someone a membership, does that person who gets the gift, do they get access to all of the MaxFun bonus content? Yeah, totally. They get the Boko and the swag, baby. Yeah.

There's something like 200 hours of MaxFun bonus content there on a special donor feed. Every show does something special for donors. Janet, what kind of stuff is the JV Club doing for donors? Well, I'll tell you what. I had two very special episodes that I was sort of holding on to because I wanted to make it part of the BoCo for Max Fund Drive because they are wonderful, wonderful ladies. Darcy Carden from The Good Place.

She plays Janet on The Good Place. Wonderful stories about her teenage years and also the somewhat aforementioned Perry Masons. Tatiana Maslany also from Orphan Black. Emmy winner from Orphan Black.

Boco episodes of each of those wonderful women available to MaxFun members members i love those people and i love max fun members so it feels like a perfect fit it's a couple gifted artists if you ask me that's right yeah we've done a lot of fun uh stuff for this show uh we you've heard us talk about the drinking game the jordan jesse go drinking game uh that is up there that we did with our buddy ben harrison and uh i don't know if that is up there that we did with our buddy Ben Harrison. And I don't know if it is up quite yet,

but if not, it will be soon. We did a special all Walton Goggins vodka theme song episode with Dan and Stu from the Flophouse. God, speaking of Jordan-Jesse-Go deep cuts that activate the winter soldier. Prank bear, Walton Goggins Vodka. Analogist. Most of all, we want to thank everybody who has become a member,

everybody who supported us every other way, telling somebody about the show, talking about the show loudly on the bus, playing the show from one of those rooftop loudspeakers on top of like a 1982 Chevrolet Caprice, like in the Blues Brothers. Look, playing the show down at Lake Wasapamata.

However it is that you're supporting Maximum Fun and Jordan Jesse Go during the Max Fun Drive, we really want to say thank you because I'll tell you when times are tough, you find out who your friends are and our audience have had our back to an extraordinary, extraordinary extent. We're so, so grateful. It means really, it's really special that we get to do this for you. So thank you. Yeah.

It's been amazing. Yeah, it definitely, I, I have, I have said this before, but I think I, I don't, I don't think I can say it enough that, um, uh, I feel very lucky to be doing this show for a, for a really cool group of people. And that makes itself apparent, um, in a lot of ways. And that makes itself apparent in a lot of ways, but mainly when the Max Fund Drive comes around, people step up to the plate, kick us a couple bucks, keep the show in general all the kind of really cool stuff that people, you know, all the cool positivity that goes on around MaxFunDrive, everybody talking about their favorite shows and how much the shows mean to them. It's a really awesome feeling. And I know that, you know, when you're making stuff on the Internet, you don't always get to pick your audience.

Sometimes you are saddled with an audience that you wish you weren't creating for. I know a lot of people in that position, but it's really awesome. I think just from the start, we've had nice, caring, sweet people who care about laughs and they care about being nice and being cool and high fives. And it's a real pleasure to come here every week

and goof around for a group of people who I know are cool. Yeah, I agree completely. Could not agree more. It's MaximumFun.org slash join if you want to join us. This is the last MaxFunDrive episode of Jordan Jesse Goes, so we won't bother you again for another year. But in the meantime, please come and join us. MaximumFun.org slash join. You get cool stuff, too. You can see it us. Maximumfun.org slash join. You get cool stuff, too.

You can see it all at Maximumfun.org slash join. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Janet Varney, regional attraction goat. That's the most municipal term I've ever heard somehow. And I love Will for it. I never would have known that there's such a thing as a regional attraction goat. Janet, you're from the great

state of Arizona originally. Do you have any favorite regional attractions? Yes, I absolutely do. Biosphere 2. Oh, wow. Does that still exist? As far as I know, I mean, it became this sort of weird place that you could tour. I think the University of Arizona took it over at a certain point. I'm not sure if it's what's happening to it now. I know the Spaceship Earth documentary just came out recently, and I cannot wait to see it, even though i have waited to see it because i forgot about it for a minute now i've been reminded that it's back i can't wait to see it wow i that is oh it's a it's just a wonderful strange it's just great it's it's just it's a great facility in In Oracle, Arizona. Yeah. It's not too far outside Tucson at all. And it is, when you could tour it, and I have not tried to tour it in probably 15 years. But you could take a walking tour through it.

And it really is like, for all of all of the i mean i don't know how much people know about it but like honestly you could watch spaceship earth and get a very good sense of it being bananas and cult-like but the idea was you know let's build this biosphere where scientists will enter and they will live everything will be sealed and they will live in their own little tiny um biosphere hence biosphere two because biosphere one is earth uh and and whoa they were supposed to live inside there and mind blown yeah i know think about it and then everything went wrong and the thing i remember about this like wonderful article that was written about it many years ago was I think everyone turned orange because like the only staple that was still growing was like yams wow so they all went kind of crazy and uh in orange and um and then

you and so but but but point being when you go there it really is what your idea of like you know a sort of pod in another on on another planet should be like, if we're trying to recreate Earth somewhere, it feels like you're in an Arthur C. Clarke novel. Like, yeah, there's a, you know, there's a huge area that's like, this is our tiny ocean that somehow has a little tide. And here's, and then right over here is the desert. And then here's the chaparral section. And then here's the chaparral section and then here's the i mean it's it's kind of great now what point did polly shore and stephen baldwin break in oh that's right yeah they uh you know what i that i i forgot that they did that yeah was that called

biosphere it was called like i that's biodome, sure. Didn't that bring Tenacious D to America? I think it was an early Tenacious D. I think they had a cameo in that back when they were kind of a, you know, beloved alternative comedy club act. Man, so many. They got a pretty nice t-shirt here on the Biosphere website, but $29.99, I don't know. Yeah. Well.

Seems a bit much. I mean. I heart Biosphere 2. I get it. Pretty good. Well, when something momentous happens to you, like you turn orange from eating too many yams, 206-9844-FUN or JJGO at MaximumFun.org

is how to reach out to us for our beloved segment. Momentous occasions. Here's our first call. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi. Oh, I don't know. Bernie Sanders, maybe. I'm calling with the momentous occasion. This is Julian from California. I'm a trans manager. Scott top surgery. So proud to be pity free. I'm looking forward to spending the remainder of my life in tank tops like the himbo that God intended me to be. So love the show. Love you guys. Thank you.

Now, hold on. God don't make no himbo. I disagree. Not according to my Bible, Jesse. Congratulations. Congratulations on the boob removal. Well earned. And congratulations on the new himbo status.

Yeah, and congratulations on being able to wear sweet tanks. Sun's out, guns out, it sounds like. And if I could just throw in that my cousin Julian, who is also trans, I think that's a wonderful coincidence that I happen to be the guest. And he's basically my brother because there are only two of us on that side of the family. And he's trans and his name is Julian.

So I think that's kind of great. Yeah. Sweet. What a nice coincidence. That's awesome. Let's take one more call. Hi, Jordan Duffy. Caller calling from Texas.

And just wanted to let you know that it's almost August. I'm a surgeon. surgeon and recently retrieved a foreign body from a patient's rectum. It had a base, but

left no trace and required an expert to remove it. And it just kind of made me sad with analogous coming up that there was a base and there wasn't a trace.

The things I've been telling patients for years just, I guess, aren't true. Anyway, I hope y'all are having a wonderful July and have a lovely August. Uh, thanks a lot. Bye. Can you imagine getting wheeled? You know, you're on a gurney. Yeah. You get wheeled into the operating room. They, they, they pull down that giant lamp, you know, the one that's like, uh, like they have in the dentist's office, but bigger. And there's, you know, There's all these machines beeping.

And then a woman with a surgical mask comes up and she says, Hello? I'm a... Janet, for you and anybody who might be a new listener we we have a a holiday we like to celebrate uh around these parts it's called analogous it's inspired by a sign that goes up yearly at the pleasure chest uh sex store i think on santa mon Santa Monica Boulevard there. And actually someone did tag me in a photo of their display for this year. So even in the midst of quarantine, Analogist persists, much like an anus swallowing up a butt plug that apparently had a base.

And yeah, and we just like to kind of celebrate that holiday and kind of use you know that spirit of openness and trying new things and kind of bringing that into our into our lives and I do think we had I think I maybe recklessly declared this the year of Analogist at some point and then kind of forgot about it but so you know just I I want to wish everybody a happy annual August, and we hope you're out there, you know, trying new stuff and keeping yourself open, despite that probably being a little tough these days.

Great. I think it's a really beautiful sentiment. Yeah, thank you. And a really beautiful time of year. It is. I can't, I just... It's the most wonderful time. Don't you do it.

Will is listening to this and he does not want to think about Christmaston. Oh yeah, sorry. Don't do that. That was the most, is this word I'm looking for circumspect? That was just such a thoughtful, like pontificatory message. was like she was it was like she was re-experiencing

everything as it happened you know it was like right and then and you're so she's sort of seeing it all as it's taking place almost as if it's in real time and there was a real i told you so in her voice the whole time and i don't blame her i don't blame her i think i'm in but i mean i think that the it's true what they say is that butt surgeons are very empathetic sure and you you could tell that she was really yeah feeling for the patient in that moment yeah i guess they say that i think they do i think most of them i think most of them say that brian get them on the phone and let's see if they say that brian call up them do you think if they if you lose something in your butt and a surgeon comes, they have to cut open your butt?

Boy, that's a great question. I don't know how you—I guess I always imagine— Or do you think of like a butt dilator? Yeah, I was imagining some sort of butt opener. Yeah. The closest I've ever been is when I was in like first or second grade. I got a ring smashed on my finger and a nurse just came out in the ER. She just came out with like a can opener and cut it off.

Oh my gosh. Well, the finger? Yeah, it was wild. Yeah. Do you only have nine fingers, Jesse? I didn't do anything with my butt, so I don't have specific information on this specific use case so the ring could still be up there for all you know yeah also there's something very charming about a first or second grade you wearing a ring well you know it's how i do things later my watch fob got wrapped around my wrist a little tight and uh my pocket watch snagged on the choo-choo.

Exactly. Yeah, well, you know, you're learning to read. You need a monocle. That's true, sure. Guys, I'm checking out some of the other attractions in Oracle, Arizona. Yeah, what else we got? Titan Power Rentals. Now, what else we got? Titan Power Rentals. Now what's that?

It looks like you rent a giant four-wheelers. Oh, that makes sense. Okay. Not the Titans from Greek mythology. No, that would be great. Sue and Jerry's Trading Post. Rent a nice Kraken. Yeah, Sue and Jerry's

Trading Post actually looks like a fun store. Yeah. You got like a Trading Post actually looks like a fun store. Yeah. Oh, yeah? You got like a robot out front. Yeah. Looks nice. Is the robot Sue or Jerry? Yeah, I couldn't tell you.

I'm their son. Sue and Jerry died in a car accident. I continue the store in their honor. And then you have Perfect Quters college so it just has a cat pun in there this paints a beautiful and perfect picture speaking of perfect yeah yeah it's a beautiful place janet do you recognize any of these places uh no i i have to say i've been remiss in supporting those other local businesses uh i was like i suppose now i realize i was too fixated on biosphere 2 and i have to live with that i get it it's a it's a handsome sphere yeah when something momentous happens to you 206-984-4

fun or just send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org We'll listen to them because we are podcasters? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. The store was my parents' legacy. Help me remember them. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective janet varney proud max fun podcaster oh we're proud to have you janet it's kind of was nice of you to pick us well what what an absolute and complete no-brainer it's a wonderful community

it really is and that feeling of interaction and feeling like you're being heard and that you have the opportunity to hear back from the listener is maybe not something that every podcaster wants I feel very confident saying every single podcaster at max fun it's part of why we do this is having that interaction with you the listener so it's um it's really, really been extraordinary to see how everyone has come through in these kind of crazy times. I suspect that if people are listening to this show, they already subscribe to the JV Club. But if they don't, I really, really recommend it. It's such a great show. Janet, you're such a

funny, hilarious person, first and foremost, but also you're a great interviewer. And I was listening to you interviewing Lauren Lapkus, who is somebody I really admire, but realized as I was listening to you guys talking that I mainly know her in character. Like she's someone I know, you know, when she's doing a crazy character or, you know, being the most hilarious part of whatever thing she's doing a crazy character or, you know, uh, you know, being the hilarious, most hilarious part of whatever thing she's in. Um, and it was so cool to hear you guys just talk as people and, and it was so cool to like learn about, you know, this person who I had only known as a, you know, perfect joke fountain. And it was just so nice to get, to get to know the person, uh, at the middle of the middle of it. It's a really cool show. And you've got a real knack for starting those

conversations. Oh, thanks. Well, you've both been on it. And I loved my episodes with each of you. And, and I've known you for many, many, many years. And I still learned stuff about you that I didn't know. And that's what's fun about talking about people's teenage years is I think we all have enough distance from it that we have a little bit of a sense of humor and a sort of kindness to ourselves about the stuff that was weird or awkward um and and so we could sort of dig in a little bit without you know me asking like what do you dream about now is there a god uh I won't spoil it but you also have a really hilarious conversation with Andy Daly about his first date. And if you're a fan of Andy Daly, you definitely want to hear this episode.

So maybe start there if you're an Andy Daly fan. Wonderful. Our thanks this week to every member of Maximum Fun and everybody who's supported Maximum Fun in non-monetary ways through the MaxFunDrive. The MaxFunDrive will come to a close at the end of this week. And we had to postpone it for a long time and we weren't sure how to do it. We weren't sure, oh man, are people just going to make people feel bad? Like, is this going to, you know, we're so worried about it every which way. And the experience that I have had of the Max Fun Drive is just unqualified support and good vibes from so many, like hundreds of people who have reached out on Twitter and on email and so on and so forth. And it was a real lifeline for me and I really appreciate it.

So thank you everybody who's participated in the Max Fund Drive. Thank you everybody who's been a member forever. Thank you everybody who supported us in other ways. To say we couldn't do it without you is the literal truth we really couldn't do it without you so yeah um thank you thank you for everything and yeah i i know we're running a little bit long with this and i i absolutely meant to talk about this last time but man i just want a fucking round of applause for brian sunny d fernandez during all this. So the money that gets collected at MaximumFun.org

slash join, it not only goes to the host, it goes to everybody who works at MaxFun. The producers, the people who ship out the merch, and that's where Brian's paycheck comes from, and he's just been busting his ass. I mean, this show is such a new beast

during quarantine, especially when one of the hosts, me, doesn't know how to use any kind of technical equipment at all. And, you know, he's editing together a show where people are talking from three different recording programs, and he's fucking editing together every Walton Goggins song that comes down the pipe. Brian's a real champ, and I'm so glad that he gets a paycheck for this

because he really deserves it. He totally deserves it now more than ever. And, yeah, it's really cool that we get to, you know, pay Brian to do all this stuff and not just shadily rely on an intern like a lesser company might do. Yeah. A lesser company might do. Yeah. A lesser company who would be making lesser podcasts because the intern would be lesser good at it.

Right. Maximumfund.org slash join if you haven't already joined. And, you know, five bucks a month, 10 bucks a month makes all the difference in the world. We're very grateful for it. And we're very grateful to you, Janet, for joining us on this week's Jordan, Jesse Go. Thank you very much. Well, I'm so flattered to be your last Max Fun Drive guest. That really means a lot to me. I feel like Max Fun Drive, as we all have kind of established, is a special time for the network. And so I don't even care if it's an accident or, and it's just a coincidence, I'm going to go ahead

and wear it with pride. I'm going to walk around feeling like, yeah, I closed out Max Fun Drive on JJ Go. That's a big deal. Yeah. No, we made a pledge. Only fan favorite guests during Max Fun Drive. So we definitely took note of who people yell at us to have back on again. And you're definitely one of those people who people yell at us to have back on. So we're doing it. Well, as long as you're getting yelled at, I'm happy. We're giving the people what they want. We made a list of all the fan favorites, like the very fan favorite, as we said, for the last week,

which one of these people is really going to run this ship aground. Yes. And it was you. Yes. So thank you, Janet. Thank you very much. Hashtag JJGo on Twitter. Hashtag MaxFunDrive.

Please brag about your membership if you're already a member. You can find us on Facebook. Just search for JordanJesseGo. You can find us on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com. And, of course, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer. Not to be confused with the guy who stole his name and social security number and tried to buy a Mercedes. This week.

Luckily, that's been resolved thanks to his dogged hard work. We'll talk to everybody next time on Jordan, Jesse, go. Maximumfun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported.