Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 653: Tillamook Thruple with Eliza Skinner

Episode Date: September 9, 2020

Eliza Skinner (Earth to Ned on Disney+, Regarding My Lovers comedy special) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the pet sharks Eliza got from Walmart in college, how Jesse cooked an egg on his front porch this weekend, and the magical puppet moments that happened on the Jim Henson puppet talk show Eliza and Jordan worked on together.Check out Eliza's great new comedy special, Regarding My Lovers!Watch Earth to Ned – a hilarious talk show with Jim Henson alien puppets and amazing celebrity guests – is out now! Watch it on Disney+! 

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, the Flavor King. Jordan Morris, boy detective. It's my new favorite kind of pluot, Jordan. What was your old favorite pluot? I couldn't tell you, it was not labeled with a varietal. I got to the farmer's market this week.

Jesse, I thought we weren't going to talk about the farmer's market on this show. Is that maybe just a rule I have for myself? Maybe that's... Listen, I don't want to impose my rules onto you. If you want to talk about the farmer's market, go ahead. But I mean, I just... Maybe I just have too much self-respect to do that i mean i certainly don't have any self-respect if that's the issue oh go ahead

yak on about bringing your cloth bags oh you bring your own cloth bags yeah i bring two nylon i just got myself a nice cart though i got myself a nice cart, though. I got myself a folding cart. Oh, yeah? How's that work? This is what is the highlight of my week in whatever month this is. September 2020. Got myself a folding cart. Went ahead and got the nice one, the one that Wirecutter recommends. And then I got a handle extender.

Oh, God. Look at us. Look at us. Look at what we've become. Talking about the farmer's market. Jordan, I, for one, used to be totally punk rock. And now it's all handle extenders. Yeah.

Come on, man. Let's shake things up. Let's do a sit-in. Let's chain ourselves to a tree that they're going to cut down. You know what I mean? If it's got a handle extender, I'm in. Oh, boy, here we go. Because otherwise you have to hunch.

I don't want to have to pull heavy pluots. No, that's true. It's bad for your back. The point is, my regular stone fruit vendor didn't have any pluots, so I went to a different stone fruit vendor, and I said, give me some of those pluots there. And she said, you're going to like these. These are the flavor kings. Oh, wow. And I said, give me some of those pluots there. And she said, you're going to like these. These are the flavor kings. Oh, wow. And you know what? She wasn't wrong. They're green

with vivid red interiors. Beautiful, beautiful fruit. And you know what? They don't call them flavor king for nothing, Jordan. Yeah, fuck you, flavor duke. duke flavor viceroy is out of here uh i mean maybe this is just me but i prefer the flavor queen thank you yes i know very brave okay our guest on this week's program is a stand-up comic and comedy writer with a brand new uh comedy record and a brand new television program on which our friend Jordan also worked. The show is called Earth to Ned. It's very funny. I watched it with my daughter who's been marking the days until it appeared and it satisfied all of her interests and desires. Our guest, Eliza Skinner hey jesse did you tell your daughter that ned was santa i did tell her yeah good yeah i've been asking people say that he he's um some

sort of religious adjacent figure so that that works out right yeah i initially told her she was uh that ned was the tannenbaum yeah or um whatever cherub hangs out with um saint valentine that that would work too the easter bunny listen it's a it's a it's a show for catholics we just if you're a catholic you'll love it if you're not you won't get it it's not this is all nonsense it's a all nonsense. It's a show for everybody. It's a show for everybody. He's not some sort of deity. He's an alien. He interviews celebrities. Everybody. Watch with the kids. Yes. Including Friends of Jordan Jesse Goh. The first episode features two Friends of Jordan Jesse Goh as guests, Andy Richter and Gillian Jacobs. Yeah, you will see many comedy-adjacent guests as you watch the show, or comedy guests,

like a lot of comedians on there, too. I'll also say in the field piece, you got a couple of JJ Goh past guests. I think you got a Brian Cook in there. You got a Naparna Noncharla. You have a Louis Vitrell. Yeah, Louis Vitrell and Candice Thompson, who, guys, get her on the show if she hasn't been yet. in there you got a naparna non charla you have a louis vitrell yeah louis and and candace thompson who guys get her on the show if she hasn't been yet oh she's not welcome back she knows what she

did okay okay i'm kidding we would love to have her would be lucky to have her on the show sometime uh i have a i have an important question you okay so on earth to ned ned isn't is an alien yes that's it that interviews celebrities this is the premise of the program he came to destroy with you don't worry god distracted thank you it's not one of those insider show business parodies of npr's least popular program no it is not it is not is all the parts of ned a puppet what do you mean like is there any part of ned that is like organic and real put on with no no no no not like does it have real human hands that have been grafted onto his head is an actual crab that is not happy

that's a that's it the nose comes from a cadaver but everything else no i mean like is there any like graphics or anything it is the most if it's all puppet it is the most expressive puppet i've ever seen in my life yeah everything is is puppet almost everything in the show in general is practical effects there are a couple things that get put on afterwards but most of what you see is happened was happening on the stage ned is the most complex puppet in that it takes six people to work ned um yeah holy cow yeah three people on the hands one person in the body and then two people running the head um paul rugg who does the voice and works the mouth and alan troutman who does the eyes and the head flap that's uh two fewer people than it takes to work judy dench hey

take that the beloved actor judy dench universally loved we have like puppet royalty all over that set um it's it's nuts all the people, who contribute to it in these seamless ways. Like, I mean, the way that all the puppeteers work together for Ned is just bonkers. There was a moment in the Gina Carano interview that did not make it into the show. She's on our sports episode. It's out now. You can see it. But she said that she was from Las Vegas, which is where Paul, who does the voice of Ned, is from. threw back and his flaps went up like all six of these people worked together in this instant moment to give this perfect reaction of completely off script surprise and that was one of the moments where i was like oh my god this is crazy what we're doing this is so unbelievable they're like symbiotic eliza would you say that puppet skills are a type of circus skill?

All right, all right, all right. I don't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, but I would say that everyone with puppet skills also has circus skills. That is a very good observation. There were lots of circus skills on that set, yes. There were a lot of people, I will say working for Earth to Ned, you will see a lot of people coming and going who have a few steampunk items on their person. For sure.

Who are just casually wearing a few steampunk items. If I had ever had questions about Burning Man, all of them got answered. They kept pressing for the final guest to be a giant-headed papier-mâché Ralph Nader. Yeah, they did. And we fought for it, but it didn't end up that way, sadly. So, you know, hope for a second season.

There was a cold open that took place in the orgy dome as well. But we kept getting sand in the puppets and we're like, this is not going to help. Yeah, it was just a sand issue. It was strangely not a standards and practices. No, no, just the puppets were uncomfortable with all that sand in their crevices. Uh,

I inch so interesting. Like, so, so like being on set and kind of watching it happen. Uh, I, I had just this kind of amazing moment. So the,

the, you know, so the, the, the puppets are puppeting and they're, they're, I mean, they,

they seem alive and you and you like them immediately. I mean, that's just kind of the thing with the Jim Henson creations is like everything you see, you're like, I like that. I like them. Yeah, without being scared of not making them weird. Like they're not just cutesy pie. They can do all kinds of different like creepy,erie like yucky but they're still likable and cute at the same time and so like when so like when you know someone would you know so when the puppeteers would have to like take a break like when it you know when someone called cut and you

know everybody went to take a break like the puppets would just kind of slump over with their eyes open. And I, it was so unnerving. Like it was like, not only like, Oh, something is wrong with them. It was like, something is wrong with my friend. My friend is,

is hurt. Someone call someone. I was like concerned about them when they weren't moving. Yeah. And sometimes we would have to straight up take off somebody's head and put on a different one or or stick a a screwdriver into somebody's mouth and work on their animatronics um but they all seemed okay how did you figure out i mean eliza you're the you you're the head writer on the show and jordan also wrote on the show how do you figure out how to write jokes for a new puppet character?

Did you have the puppeteer who does the voice just do it for a few weeks in front of you until you could tell what its deal was? No, we all kind of worked together, like, pushing it forward inch by inch, where, like, the puppeteers were working together without us around, just at the creature shop, because they did have to work on their characters, but they also really had to learn the mechanics of these different puppets, because each one is totally different. So they were mostly working on that, but working on their dynamic while we

were also working on their characters and their dynamic. And so they came in, they were like, we're kind of like this. And we were like, well, we think you're kind of like this and kind of inched each other back and forth until we figured out something that, that we understood and they understood and took the best of what they were doing and made it something that we could add to. So yeah, it was a really weird situation, but I think what made it all work was the willingness of everybody to collaborate and have it be the best possible final result rather than have anybody's idea win. You know what I mean? Like nobody seemed to be like, I got to win this.

So you're saying Jordan lost. Yeah. Yeah, Jordan lost a lot of times. But we had a crate for him. And so he felt safe in there. And you put a sheet over it to trick me into thinking it was nighttime. Yeah, yeah. And then we'd be like, it's a whole new day, buddy. No big deal. Oh, cool. Yeah, go get some coffee. It's morning time. Have a peck

at your seed bell. Yeah, sometimes we would put a mirror in there and he'd be like, it's another Jordan. I know. I'm sorry. I told everyone I wrote on the show, but I was actually their pet or mascot. You got to get get inspiration kind of how like an elementary school classroom has a bunny yeah a different one of us would have to take him home each weekend and keep him alive yeah and it was very traumatic to the kid whose house i died at yeah well he learned a lesson you know everybody learns yeah uh there's a there's a new pet here at my house oh uh yeah my son my son oscar has been wishing for a pet of his own forever and a day, mostly because my dogs are old and they don't necessarily like my children.

They're more into books. Yeah, exactly. They're readers. They're readers. And so we have avoided it for four years because we don't want anything else to take care of. We have too many things to take care of. And we finally caved. Did you guys all get Tamagotchis?

So we did get my daughter a Tamagotchi. Oh, really? Yes. Nice. Because my daughter has not been askingchi. Oh, really? Yes. Nice. Because my daughter has not been asking for a pet, but we needed to be fair. We essentially gave Ned a Tamagotchi on the show. Oh, yeah. In our pets episode. We gave him a pet lemon

that I named Daniel Day Lemon. Oh, that's sweet. Yeah. Jesse, wait, did I spoil the punchline of that? Did you actually get a Tamagotchi for the kids? I really did get a Tamagotchi, but for my daughter, Grace. Yeah, my son, Oscar, got a living pet, which was we went to the tropical fish store and bought a betta fish.

Uh-oh. So he was not looking for an active pet. I just wanted the easiest pet that exists in the world. I had tried to convince him that various inanimate objects would make a good pet. And I hadn't quite been able to pull it off. I came pretty close to pulling it off. Hey, you can take care of this Lego Star Wars A-Wing. Yeah.

You can name him, but he has Lego Star Wars A-Wing. Yeah. You can name him, but he has to be named A-Wing. You don't have a lot of options as to what the name is going to be. But this is what happens when you go to the tropical fish store. Because I looked up like, what's a fancy fish store? Because I thought I should be going to one where they really know what they're doing, because I don't know anything about fish. And I went to the fish store they work well with a good lemon squeeze am i right i brought oscar with me and this was like he's been to the store twice in the last six months uh like and has been to no other things basically yeah Wait, he's been to the fish store twice? No, to the store.

Any store in the world. He's involved in commerce a couple times in the last few months. Yeah, he hasn't been to the grocery store. We go to the grocery store by ourselves, etc., etc., etc. So he was excited just to go somewhere, but also kind of worried about it. We get there. I tell the guy he's getting his first fish. You know what's a good introductory store to take a kid into?

Spencer's Gifts. Oh. You know, actually, Spencer's Gifts now, they have an adult section. So I would say that might be okay, because when I was a kid, the adult stuff was just willy-nilly all over the place. That was shocking. here's some snow globes next to penis pasta yes exactly and i'd be like oh no it all feels weird now i can't trust these snow globes even was it a joke i didn't get should i be in here yeah um they explained to us as we stood in there that when you get fish, you buy a tank, you set it up, and then you come back the next day to buy the fish. It looks like prepare the waters.

You got to get the levels right. Yeah. Right. The salinity. And I'm like, fuck. Because I just told the six-year-old he's getting a fish you know what I mean and this is the second time this six year old has been out of the house in six months

so I'm pleading with this I'm pleading with my son I'm begging my son just take him to Spencer's get him a poster that says one tequila two tequila three tequila floor you can also get soap in the shape of a sperm. There you go.

That's like a pet. Sort of, yeah. It's a pet and a great bachelorette party gift. So I finally say to the guy, I finally say to the guy, okay, well, can we look at the fish? And he's like, yeah, and uh and i'm like okay well which ones are are suitable and he's like well what kind of fish were you thinking about

getting and i'm like well we were thinking about maybe a beta fish but i really don't know and he goes yeah well i mean if if you get a beta fish you can just keep it in its cup and put it in tomorrow i'm like you saw me here begging a six-year-old for forbearance in the midst of a pandemic as we buy him his first pet of his life. And you could have just said, well, there is one option. You could get a betta fish that you could take home today. That's probably what you came here for anyway. Well, he was probably just trying to upsell you.

Yeah, he wanted to change your life. He wanted to usher you into Yeah, he wanted to change your life. He wanted to usher you into the world of exotic tropical fish. Beta fish. I mean, we used to have beta fish at one of the hotels I worked at in the bar, like as wall art. There were

beta fish. So you can smoke around them is what that means. Would you like periodically have to do scans for dead ones? Oh, every day I was like, they're dead. And they would you like periodically have to do scans for dead ones oh every day i was like they're they're dead and they would be like no they're betta fish they just kind of hang out like that i'm like jeez they're like stoner college students they're just like always just kind of flopped over on their fish couch um have little dvds of fear and loathing yeah and they're always just like trying to push them on everybody like we should

we should watch this. Oh, you gotta watch it. You've never seen it. You just don't want to talk to me, Betta Fish. Just be honest. But yeah, like, I bet he was like, look, you can do that or you can get into the world

of the sunfish and clownfish. Oh yeah, I killed some sharks in college trying to get it. What? My roommate and I were like, we should get fish as pets for the dorm room. And then the next day they were dead. They were little tiny sharks, though. Little tiny sharks?

Where do you get a little tiny shark? Walmart. That was the only store in our college town. And then soon after, I was no longer welcome in Walmart. Not because of the fish. It was a whole thing. Anyway. They should wait.

So let's deal with these things each as they come. Number one, they sell sharks at Walmart? I mean, that's what they called them. You know what? They were probably like some kind of very no big deal fish, but they were like, people are going to want to buy them if we call them little teeny tiny sharks. So we'll do that. They sell live animals at Walmart?

They did at the time. Yeah. I mean, this was back in the 1940s when I was in college. What were the other options? Was there like puppies? No, no. It was just fish. They just had different types of fish.

But mostly sharks. Well, I mean, we were like, oh, we're cool bad chicks. We're going to get sharks. Well, I mean, we were like, oh, we're cool bad chicks. We're going to get sharks. And then they died. Did you not get water conditioner? No, because we were like, yeah, they're going to be badass. We got rum. Hell yeah.

You know what the problem is with sharks in dorm rooms is you can't smoke around them. Yeah. They're such fucking narcs. Yeah, that was really what it was. We were like, shut up. People would call the room and be like, what are you guys doing? We're like, I don't know, partying. And the sharks would be like, we'd like to read.

And we're like, shut the fuck up, sharks. I'm going to ask the RA if this is OK. Yeah. And they kept flossing. Yeah. You guys don't even really have that kind of teeth. Yeah, and they go home every weekend. Every weekend, yes. Yeah't even really have that kind of teeth. Yeah, and they like go home every weekend. Every weekend, yes.

Did you have sharks also? Because that's exactly right. Listen, every dorm room has a couple of sharks that aren't really ready for college. Yeah, they cried a lot. I found out six months into my freshman year that the shark on my haul went home every weekend because he literally did not know how to use a washing machine. Yeah, that happens a lot. That happens a lot. Yeah, we had a lot of fires in our dorm room kitchen because the sharks just weren't used to anything that wasn't water

based. Right. They were always candles, open flame. Yeah. And like they would microwave popcorn way too long. Yeah. Number two, why did you get banned from Walmart? Shoplifting. I was fighting capitalism. So. Good. Somebody needs to take that thing down. I've been saying this for years, Jesse. Somebody needs to take this capitalism thing down. Yeah. Honestly, I'm not familiar with with it but i'll go with your your advice on this one yeah yeah you got to take it down i'm ready for some ethical consumption

yeah yeah yeah i mean i was like 18 so you know i i didn't have a whole plan laid out um for more effective capitalism uh fighting but i did get uh i did want some free film for a camera. I was going to guess Yu-Gi-Oh cards. No, no, no. No, I support the Yu-Gi-Oh industry. I'm not going to try to steal those. Those are artisans. Yeah. Again, blue-eyed dragons.

That's what I will spend my money on. Thank you. dragons you know that's what i will spend my money on thank you what uh eliza were the other notable destinations in the college town in which you went attended college well i will tell you halfway through my college career we got a new attraction in the town which was a sheets gas station oh i've heard about this sheets our friend Our friend, Justin McElroy from my brother, my brother and me had an entire web video series dedicated to Sheetz. Oh, it was so exciting because we didn't have anything that was open late at night except for Kroger and Waffle House. And, you know, of course we would go to the Waffle House. We were cool. We needed to drink coffee at

two in the morning like college kids do. and every now and then the Kroger, the Kroger would get sad in the middle of the night. Um, but the sheets, not only could you, was it 24 hours, but also you ordered on computer screens, which was still very new then. So we were like, what, what are we living in total recall here? I'm getting a turkey sandwich from this computer screen instead of the person standing one foot farther away from me? This is great. So yeah, we would go to the Sheetz gas station out by the highway. It was the other things in the town. Sorry, no follow up questions on Sheetz. on sheets. The other things in the town were a Tyson chicken plant and a Purina feed factory with a short line railroad between them. So the Tyson plant would send chicken parts to the feed

factory. And you know, you could take that short line railroad all the way to the hotel on Baltic Avenue. It is pricey, though. What you want to do is own it. Yeah, you got to own it. You got to own it. And then the feed factory would send feedback to the chickens for them to eat. So the whole town would smell like dog food sometimes.

Was this in, you're a Virginian. Was this all going down in Virginia? Yep, in the Shenandoah Valley, James Madison. Beautiful country. Yeah, it was very pretty. There was a lot of Mennonite farmer's markets and Mennonites in general, which always felt weird to stand in line behind them at the ATMs. I was like, is this okay? You guys use these?

But hey, I didn't know. I'm not going to question someone else's expression of belief. But a weird thing that we had on campus was, I don't think I've told you guys about this. I didn't notice it until my senior year. There was this house. It was just like a house on the corner of the campus that had a sign outside that said, Natural History Museum. Have I told you about this? No, no, no. So I love natural history museums and I couldn't believe like, again, one day in my senior year, I was like, what the fuck?

How did I never notice this? Yeah, let's go in here. And so me and, uh, one of my roommates were like, yeah, we got to go in and look around. And again, it's just a house. So like the living room area is tight like there's a little sign on the door that's like um like the world of insects and inside it's all these insects and you know butterflies and spiders all pinned up on different boards so you can see them and then in the dining room area it's like the human body. And you go in, it's all these different human organs in jars.

Oh, boy. That's not something you want to see in a residential house. No. And let me tell you, those were cloudy jars. Very cloudy. You got to clean your jars. Yeah, you know? I mean, what else do you have to do all day?

Just squeegee those jars. And then at the back of that room there was another a door to another room that said the miracle of life and so i remember opening that to enter that room that was not a room though it was a very shallow closet with a bunch of stacks of uh of shelves that had fetuses at different stages of development so imagine opening a door thinking you're entering a room and then boom it's just that you're like're like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. So I closed that door. I was hoping you were going to say the sign said the miracle of life and you open the door and it was just two people fucking.

No, it was a skeleton and a ghost and they were making out. And then they look at you and go, this is what you are. This is what you are. Just a ghost inside a skeleton. Yep, that's what you are. This is what you are. Just a ghost inside a skeleton. Yep. That's what you are. Uh, so then you go upstairs,

you know, where all the bedrooms would be. And it's just all these taxidermy, dermied animals. And you know, taxidermied animals, like in, in different sort of like fight poses or like being majestic,

all that stuff. Except almost every single one had lost its eyeballs, and the eyeballs had been replaced by cotton balls with little black marker dots on them for pupils. And that was bananas. I mean, because, yeah, they were all super wonky, fluffy little eyeballs pointing this way and that way. It was real weird. Was the house operating as a house in addition to being operating as a museum?

No, it was clearly somebody's personal collection. I assume they had died and were like, please use my collection of weird shit to educate the masses. I think it wasn't to educate the masses. I think it wasn't part of the school. It was just grandfathered in on that plot of land. Because it definitely didn't say, like, the JMU Natural History Museum. It was just natural history. Come on in. Wow.

So it was so, so weird. Yeah. Right. so it was so so weird yeah i it seemed right that seems like the kind of thing where you would like find out later that the person who owned it was a murderer yes for sure except there like if there had been more human body parts than there were taxidermied animals i would think that yeah definitely but as it was it did feel like the human body parts were sort were taxidermied animals, I would think that, yeah, definitely. But as it was, it did feel like the human body parts were sort of an afterthought. Like, this person had definitely spent decades collecting foxes and squirrels,

badgers and muskrats, all looking angry at each other. And then was like, how do I round this out? What'd they have in the basement? I didn't even think of that that's the gallery of ex-wives ex-wives throughout the ages I actually think the basement

was moving forward in time like upgrades to the human form where it was humans with like other animal parts sewn onto them oh right what we will become. Looking to the future, the miracles of science, something like that, yeah.

This just says evolving to punch God? Yeah. What does this mean? So does this make people want to listen to my comedy album or watch Earth to Ned? Am I doing this right? Listen, Eliza, none of us are doing this right. Fair, fair.

It is interesting. When we were making the show, I was like, my personal goal of best case scenario was I want to make a show for a new generation of weird kids who don't have to be scared to ask questions about the world around them and also some stoners. But I also was like, this show is so weird. This is a weird, weird show. It's only going to be appealing to weird people. And then in the time between us rapping and it coming out, amongst all of the other things that have happened to the world, which there have been a lot, it also kind of

bloomed everyone's personal weirdness. So we suddenly had more weird people who were like, yeah, this is exactly what I'm into. Please show me a weird TV show. And so it seems to have fed this, it seems to have like met this weirdness in people in a in a way that's worked out for us. Yeah, I think I feel like I feel like the TV landscape needed some silly nonsense. I think, yeah, I think maybe I've talked a little bit about this on the show. But but like my kind of quarantine TV diet, like you just have to be real careful that the shit you're watching isn't going to send you into a like anxiety spiral.

Yeah. Yes. So it's like, oh boy, like what do we got? Oh boy. Oh, seasons three through 10 of the Simpsons,

the sci-fi channel, years of the Mystery Science Theater 3000. And now, just fucking now watch an alien talk to Lil Rel, okay? That's not going to remind you of the election. It is not going to remind you of viruses. Just watch an alien talk to Lil Rel. They're going to have some fun together. They're going to have fun. You know what's been working out for me very well

as far as the non-freak out TV stuff, besides Earth to Ned, which everybody should watch, is the Britain's Best Home Cook show. You guys familiar with this? No. Okay, so you know how Mary Berry left Great British Bake Off? No. I also don't know that. Oh my gosh. Okay. So your listeners do. Eliza, you're right. They do. So there's the Great British Bake Off or the Great British Baking Show.

I know the guy from the Mighty Boosh is on. He is now yeah yeah they had this big rift where one of the judges mary berry left and paul hollywood stayed and the two hosts uh the comedians left and that's when noel fielding came in who yes i like noel fielding a lot but i feel like all of us have been like what happened to mary berry on hulu now is the show that mary berry is uh judging which for those of us who don't care about baking i don't care about baking it's just a bunch of pleasant supportive british people making risottos and roasts it's wonderful i like that i have heard a lot of people say that like British, like reality competition, British food TV is like the most soothing of the televisions.

It really, like they, they give each other food. Like when they're like, Oh no, I don't have chili. Somebody else be like, right.

I've got them. You can have mine. And you're like, come on, why can't we all be that? Don't help each other. No, it's wonderful.

It's lovely. It's like, okay, so competition really is about doing your best and hoping that your best is seen, not destroying the other people. Well, I mean, you know, reasonable people can disagree, Eliza. Jesse, did your son name the betta fish? Yeah, it's named Finny. Let me workshop that a little bit. Wait, wait, no, it's perfect. It's perfect because, okay, between the three of us,

don't tell your son this. The betta fish probably doesn't have that long. Oh, no. So when there's another betta fish, you get the joy of naming him Finnegan. Oh! And that's pretty special. What happens when he dies?

We have a wake? You have Finnegan's wake. Yeah, you have Finnegan's wake. And then you can get Finnegan begin again. Wow. Jesse, this is going to turn your son into the drunken Irish poet you always wanted in the family. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse go.

It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Of course, every episode of Jordan Jesse Goh is supported by the members of MaximumFun.org. This week, we've also got a message up on the Jumbotron from a Jordan Jesse Goh listener to you. Do you want to play funny online trivia with friends? Don't answer yet. Geeks Who Drink wrote more special questions just for this spot.

Do you want to read the first special question, Jesse, and I'll read the next one? Sure. A candy-coated almond is named for what Mideastern nation? For what beloved comedy writer? In a 2007 film title, Robert ford assassinated what real life dude a kind of knee-high boot is named for what austin powers dance style pause as long as you need dummy answers are jordan i don't know if that's the right tone. I don't know if they're finding the right tone with this. Answers are Jordan, Jesse James, and GoGo.

See? Clever! Sign up for more of this crap at GeeksWhoDrink.com and use discount code JJGO420. JJG, excuse me, JJG420. I feel like sign up for more of this crap is right on brand.

That's exactly what we're looking for. Geeks Who Drink, I've done their bar trivia before. It's a ton of fun. I love these guys. You can go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron if you want to share a message, either personal or professional, on Jordan Jesse Go. We'll be back in just a second. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, boy detective. Eliza, cool tropical breeze.

Skinner. How do you use one of those breezes? You know what I did today? Hmm? I cooked an egg in my front yard on my front patio. Did you really? It's 116 degrees today in Los Angeles, so I just brought a skillet out there and put an egg in it.

Just to see if it happened? It worked. How long did it take? I mean, I had it out there for half an hour, maybe. Did you eat the egg later? Yes. Thank you. No, I did not. Come on, you gotta eat the egg, baby.

It got kind of crystalline. That's your whole, I mean, that's not fair for you to work in your catchphrase, Jordan. Sorry. Hey, listen, I'm trying to move t-shirts, okay? Show business is slow. I need to move t-shirts. You gotta eat the egg, baby. Yep.

And then it's got a, it's a snake with like an egg shape inside of him right yes it's a yeah right it's a yes it's an egg-eating snake and then uh paul simons you can call me out please i mean it's not the most obvious catchphrase Or synergy with the song. Yeah. Is it confusing? Yes. I never said it wasn't confusing. I mean, it's a catchy hook in the song. That horn line is catchy. Very memorable. So it would help you remember the egg-eating

snake. True. But then what does that have to do with your brand more generally, Jordan? Listen, I'm not a think things out kind of guy i'm i operate on emotion i operate on gut i go with my gut jesse isn't jordan's brand whimsy and like living in the moment i feel like i feel like carpe diem is pretty much eat the egg yes exactly carpe diem. Eat the egg.

I guess my Latin isn't as strong as yours. Yeah, there's a lot of interpretations of that phrase, and one of them is eat the egg. Right. Yes. Socrates said it. Let's take some calls when something momentous happens to you. Call us 206-984-4FUN or just record a voice memo and email it to us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Here is one such example of such a call that we've received. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Mike in Tulsa, Oklahoma, calling with a momentous occasion. I found myself on the highway this morning and things had slowed down to a crawl. I was about to drive up on a really nasty wreck.

And as I got up there, I saw what it was. A truck full of candy had dumped all of its contents all over the highway. There were Swedish fish. There were Swedish fish. There were peeps. There were all sorts of packages of just candy everywhere. And a part of me really wants to cry because I couldn't pull over and scoop up armloads of it. So there you go.

Momentous occasion for you. Candy still on the highway. It sounds like the saddest children's song by Bruce Springsteen ever. Have a great day, guys. Now, this is why we have momentous occasions. Wait, you know what that means, right? What? That means a kid found a monkey's paw. Some kid someplace was like, oh, candy explosion on the highway. Yeah. I get all of the candy.

Ah, fuck. I killed two truck drivers. That's the whole thing with monkey's paws. You know, you think you're just going to get your wish, but you don't know about the ironic twist. Yeah. Kids, if you're out there, I know a lot of kids listen to this show. But if you find a monkey's paw, just word the wish very carefully. Yeah, monkey's paws are very stupid.

And even the best of them were penned by O. Henry, which still makes them just obnoxiously ironic. Just write it out. Write it out a couple of times. Do a couple of drafts of the wish. Yes. Make sure it's watertight. Does the same company make peeps as make swedish fish

that's what i was that's what the surprising part of the call to me is that those two things were on the same truck i believe peeps are like it's a company called like newly born or something oh boy yeah i mean peeps seem like they're just made by peeps right peepco but um but yeah i mean i'm surprised that the the factory that has the machinery to make peeps right peepco but um but yeah i mean i'm surprised that the the factory that has the machinery to make peeps is also making swedish fish i don't know maybe they all just kind of go to the same like central warehouse or something yeah it might have just been like candy store oh it's just born is the company that makes peeps um they also make micah nikes and hot tamales which seem very similar to Swedish fish.

So yeah, maybe it was just general stocking for candy stores. That'd be funny if after the crashed candy truck, there was a crashed toothpaste truck. You ate too much candy. And then a crashed penny truck for the witches in your neighborhood who don't give out either. All the Halloween options. options yep let's play another call hello jordan jesse and i'm gonna say helen hong i'm calling in with a momentous occasion this is ari in minnesota i use they them pronouns um today i asked out my crush who also uses they them pronouns. And they and myself and my husband have a date next weekend and may soon become a throuple. So that's pretty exciting.

Love the show. Bye. Oh, shit. Way to go. Wow. I hope everybody's being safe. I don't know. Listen. Hey, people are podding up. They're podding up. I'm not a Dr. Fauci over here. Let people pod up. They know what they need to do to mitigate risks at this point, right? Maybe. I don't know. Just make sure everybody in your thruple has gotten a test. Take their temperature. Blast every part of your thruple with that temperature-taking gun. That's not how it works. It doesn't, like, you don't blast people with the temperature.

Yeah, they do that to you right there outside Kaiser Permanente. It's just reading your temperature. You go up there and then pow! Everybody from the thruple, meet at Kaiser Permanente. Get blasted with the temperature gun and then go to town on each other. Wait, but go home first. Go home first.

Don't do it outside of Kaiser Permanente because there might be kids there and who knows what the rules in their house are and what discussions they've had and haven't had. Exactly. Spare the staff of Kaiser Permanente. I think this is how it works, and I'm not 100% sure. But, you know, the virus is spread by respiratory means, primarily.

When you breathe in someone's ear. I think throuples, when they're going to town, they're facing away from each other because they're rubbing butts together. You know, let's let's let's be respectful. Sometimes they they rub other parts. Yeah. Jesse, you can rub. I mean, I don't know when the last time you had a sex education class was, but you can rub anything on anything. Yeah. And it can all be sex. Really? Yeah, all of it is sexual. Now, you just have to declare something sexual for it to be sexual now.

So, hey, if you're out there, just start rubbing on your thruple. Yeah. I like to go to the grocery store, mask on, very safe, and grab some shredded cheese and just massage it while I'm in eye contact with people and really test boundaries that way. Look them in the eye and go to town on the Tillamook. Mm-hmm.

Mm. Mm. I like the thicker shreds. Yeah. I like the thicker shreds. Chunky, a chunky cheese. Ooh, I need a chunky cheese. You know, guys, I've been with my wife now for about

20 years well that explains it congratulations but i would not be opposed to bringing tillamook into a thruple i think i could get my wife to go for it as well but you know what i'm going with tillamook ice cream i think that's the best grocery store ice cream whoa either way tillamook is a giving lover and i hope this counts as an ad read tillamook it'll fuck you and your wife use offer code wife fuck 30 uh yeah you know there's a fetish that's of that's being consumed by, I guess, generally women, but I think it's anybody, which is impossible. So the only way to express that fetish is like, drawing it, which means there's all these no offense, dudes who draw like,

crayon drawings of ladies with them inside. and they always look so happy inside the lady that's my favorite it's like like a smiling little crayon guy like yeah i'm inside this lady and i'm like human sexuality is a beautiful diverse thing yeah he's like in there giving a thumbs up yep pretty much pretty much. I love it. Are they turned on by that part in the Little Prince where the snake eats the hat? For sure. I think they're turned on by like Jonah and the whale. Any kind of you getting eaten by somebody.

It's got to ring somebody's bell. Honestly, I think everything has to ring somebody's bell. There's people who marry Tilt-A-Whirls. I think it's just people who literally want to be up in them guts. Yes. Through whatever means necessary. To be truly known by someone. If you have a momentous occasion for us, 206-984-4FUN or JJGO at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

I'm Riley Smurl. I'm Sydney McElroy. And I'm Taylor Smurl. And together we host a podcast called Still Buffering, where we answer questions like, Why should I not fall asleep first at a slumber party? How do I be fleek? Is it okay to break up with someone using emojis? And sometimes we talk about butts. No, we don't. Nope.

Find out the answers to these important questions and many more on Still Buffering, a sister's guide to teens through the ages. I am a teenager. And I was too. Butts, butts, butts, butts, butts. No. But you change your mind for too many times. Over and over again. Over and over again.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hi, I'm Dave Hill from before. And I'm very excited to bring Dave Hill's podcasting incident back to Maximum Fun where it belongs. You can get brand new episodes every Friday on MaximumFun.org or, you know, wherever. And while my partner Chris Gersbeck and I might lack in specific subject matter on our podcast, we make up for in special effects. Chris, add something cool right here.

Also, we have explosions, animal noises, and sometimes even this. Dave Hill's Podcasting Incident every Friday on Maximum Fun. Chris, do another explosion right here. It's Jordan, Jesse Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Eliza Skinner, cool tropical breeze. Mm, yeah. Can I get that with rum instead of tequila? No. Fuck it. No exceptions. Shit No exceptions. No substitutions. Oh, man.

But we have a flair bartender, so enjoy the show. Whoa. 80s Tom Cruise? It's the only flair bartender there is. Earthanet is on internet television. Yes, it's on your Disney Plus application. Just like National Geographic. This is one of the most popular services. You can also watch, my daughter recommends this,

and she also recommends the movie The Shaggy D.A. Ooh, wow. I like our Venn diagram here. It's a sequel to The Shaggy Dog. She has not seen and does not want to see The Shaggy Dog. Wow. I like our Venn diagram here. It's a sequel to The Shaggy Dog. She has not seen and does not want to see The Shaggy Dog. Wow. Does she want to be a lawyer? Nope. Okay. I mean...

She just likes people with goals in life, maybe? If she had the chance to be a dog lawyer, maybe. By dog lawyer, do you mean a dog who is a lawyer or just anyone who represents dogs? A dog who is a lawyer, but she wouldn't be above representing dogs. If a dog got into some legal problems. Yeah. If a dog had some patent issues. I mean, there's a dog mayor, for sure.

There's got to be crooked dog mayors. Yeah, that's true. I have to say, Elizaiza you've made some really bold assertions uh there's that thing about tilt-a-whirls earlier there's this dog mayor thing people for sure fall in love with and or fuck tilt-a-whirls that's that's not i'm not making that up i'm not creating the story i'm reporting the news there's a show about it i think it's on a and e is a and e a channel anymore? I don't know. There was a lady who married the Eiffel Tower.

That's true. And I will relate it to John Berger, who wrote Ways of Seeing, talked about the aesthetic emotion as something that creates an overwhelming rush of emotion that you can't otherwise explain, and that that's

what art is. And I think for some people that same sort of feeling, that's what you want to fuck. So what I'm saying is we've got complex brains and it's beautiful. That is, that's really, that's boy. Yeah, that is,

I have a lot to think about. Yeah. They let me make a show for Disney. It is so funny that there is an app where it's like, do you want to watch a puppet show from the Jim Henson company where an alien interviews Lil Rel? Do you want to watch all the Marvel

movies? Do you want to watch that darn cat? Six bucks a month! I gotta say, the thing that has been... I've been really floored and excited by the reaction to the show that so far, it seems like everybody who's bothering to talk about it

has liked it a lot, but also specifically that they have said that it reminds them of early Jim Henson productions and, like, that sensibility, which to me was not only funny and whimsical, but also edgy and risk taking and assumed that kids could figure that stuff out and take away from it what they wanted to take away from it. Just like that darn cat. Exactly. Really, really challenged me as a youngster. In addition to Earth and Ed, which people should watch,

Eliza, you've got a comedy album out. I have a new comedy album. It's not only stand-up comedy, but it's funny songs. It's both, yeah. It's live recorded stand-up comedy and some produced tracks that were recorded in the studio, so they're not live, of music. And it's all weird.

And, yeah, it was really fun. My goal with the music was to have it be really actually good music, not just... Sometimes comedy music can be... For it to be funny, it needs to point you to the punchlines in it. Surely you're not talking about Corky and the Juice Pigs. No, no, no, no. That's very complex stuff. I downloaded them on Kazaa.

But you and I, Jordan, wrote a couple of songs for um earth to ned together we wrote yeah that was really fun yeah we wrote uh don't ask about no one likes on-set pranks and right um and a song that has not yet been released for one of the episodes that has not yet been released oh yeah oh i forgot about that yeah good night sweet cla, sweet Claude. This is funny. Cause I, uh, so I, I think I was, I was some sort of writing from home day when I was, when we had one of those songs. So, you know,

I think I did the first draft of it and then, um, you know, just like did the lyrics and then to, you know, kind of give people an example of how to make the song. I just kind of had a little tune and, and sang it into my phone and then like attach that with the script.

Um, and that's something I've done, um, before, like when I, uh, I've written a few episodes of Unikitty that had songs and they would have, they would just say like,

and, and write a song here about going under the sea. And I'm like, shit. So, you know, you write the song and then I would sing it into my phone and attach it with my script. Um, and now every time i get in my car you know my you have an auto play on my phone

just shuffles and sometimes it'll be me going live under the sea you gotta live under the sea anyway if anyone else ever rode in my car it would be embarrassing i have uh my version of that is having uh uh hip-hop tracks for freestyling over that it'll be like song song song and then just like a beat and i get i usually am driving by myself i have a two-seater miata because i'm your divorced dad and two, two. Yeah. And so when those tracks come on, I'm like, I feel embarrassed for the track if nothing is happening, so I'll kind of rap over it so the track doesn't feel bad. Yeah.

Which is just embarrassing for me. Who will watch the Watchmen? Yes, exactly, exactly. Who will rap the Trackmen? Too much exactly, exactly. Who will rap the Trackmen? Too much empathy. Too much empathy is what that is. Yeah, so I wanted to write fun songs that actually sounded fun and like they were part of different genres of music.

And I think we did that. I wrote my music for the album and for the show with Tim Young and Steve Scalducci, who I met working on the Late Late Show. They're in the band there. And they're really great. And they made everything sound super good. And it was just really fun creating things with them because in both senses you know i would i would talk about different songs that i liked and different feelings that i wanted to have happen and they would sometimes talk about complex music things that they wanted to have happen and then we would sort of triangulate and meet in the middle um and see what what ended up in the final edit of things and i think it made for neat stuff. That's like when I collaborated with Neil Peart from Rush.

Which time? Next week we can talk about the record I'm making with Pharoah Sanders. Is he alive? He's alive. I wrote a song for John Legend. That was a thing.'s real yeah he's he has an egot he does have an egot yes i have seen his egot he also has a really complex

japanese toilet wait is an egot and its own thing like when you get one do they give you a whole separate no no but like in the same place he has all the awards. But they should, right? He's glued them all together. Who would? Yeah, they sort of form like Voltron. Who would give that to you? Right, the Emmy's the arm, yeah. I bet we could corner the market on that. If we were like, we're the EGOT distributor.

It's very high end. We have this molded EGOT that only people who have EGOTs can get, but it costs $10,000. I bet people would buy that. I feel like it could look like a horrible David Cronenberg creature. Yes, that's absolutely. It should shame people who have it. It should be like, who have you helped?

What have you done? This is the monster you've become. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, you could have been connecting with people, but instead you excelled professionally. Yeah. Eliza, will you share one of the songs with us at the end of the show? Can we play something from the record? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I'll give you L.A. Comic, which is a country song about being, this is going to be weird, an L.A. comic. Whoa. Yeah, it's about being on the road,

which nobody is anymore, so I think it's a nostalgic tune now. It's like, let's go to the hop. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer on the program. You can find us on Reddit, MaximumFun.reddit.com, on Twitter, at Jesse Thorne, and at Jordan underscore Morris. you can find us on reddit maximum fun dot reddit.com on twitter at jesse thorn that

jordan underscore morris uh hashtag at jj go if you have corrections of course we care about nothing so much as the quality of our products so do tweet them at jd power uh i want to mention by the way uh because it was 10,000 degrees today in Los Angeles, I went over to our mutual friend Elliot Kalin's house from the Flophouse to go swimming in his pool, in his backyard pool. And our friend Elliot said to me, you know, I've been listening to a lot of Bullseye lately. And I said, yeah. And he said, Jordan has been doing a really great job hosting.

And I said, yeah, Jordan always does a great job hosting. So if you're a Jordan fan like I am and Elliot is, Jordan's been guest hosting, conducting some great interviews over on Bullseye, my public radio show, as I have been detained with Family Matters. And I'm very grateful to Jordan, not least because of what a great job he does. So go check that out. There's some cool interviews over there. Plus, Carrie Poppy from Oh No Ross and Carrie interviewed Alex Winter from Bill and Ted. Yeah. That's pretty great, too. He's a cool a cool dude too besides just being in bill and ted i mean he's great in bill and ted don't get me wrong uh but he's a really interesting man and

that's it we'll talk to you next time on jordan jesse go here's a track from eliza's new record woke up close to dawn before the breakfast bar was on local news expecting me in 10 got here late last night on a two connection flight in a couple days i'm doing it again left behind a honda fit and a man who won't commit neither one is fit for the road so i'm taking it in stride And I'm along for the ride Clip a mic on me Good morning, Buffalo I'm just a Nelly comic on the road

A soft-hand bitch writing pilot episodes I got TV credits still unknown I'm a Nelly comic out here on the road Walked along a rough highway to see a half-price matinee Looked a whole lot closer on the map Spent an hour at the mall doing what I don't recall

But I touched a hundred T-shirts at the Gap you don't bother learning names when every green room looks the same except that one with a drain in the ground did a show in Tennessee opened with What's Up DC

call me Cheesecake Factory I'm in every town I'm just an LA comic on the road. Got a roller bag full of download codes. Every Hilton Garden Inn is my home. I'm an LA comic out here on the road. The road goes two ways, the bottom or the top. It's you or the check, something's gotta drop. Then I hope this tunnel has a light. The Road. An L.A. comic on the road Waiting for that check I'm owed

Till I slit my wrists or sell a show I'm an L.A. comic out here on the road Just an L.A. comic out here on the road I'm an L.A. comic out here on the road. Sounds a little thin. I got a thin little voice. That's good. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.