Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 659: Potty Party with Alicia Tobin

Episode Date: October 23, 2020

Alicia Tobin (Retail Nightmares podcast, "So You're A Little Sad, So What?" book) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the intolerable soundtracks at retail jobs that play on a loop and haunt you for decades, the notoriously awful customer that spawned Alicia's Retail Nightmares podcast, and the Scandinavian gummy store by Jordan's house that is inexplicably THRIVING in the pandemic. Plus, we ignite a race to start a Rizzoli & Isles recap podcast that will eclipse all of our other shows combined. Get Alicia's new book – "SO YOU'RE A LITTLE SAD, SO WHAT? Nice Things to Say to Yourself on Bad Days and Other Essays"

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne. Kids and grown-ups love him so. Jordan Morris. Boy detective. Uh, detective? Detective. Sorry, I had a hard time saying my nickname. Boy, boy detected. Girl interrupted, boy detected. Right, right. Yes, I had a hard time saying my nickname. Boy Detective. Girl Interrupted, Boy Detective. Right, right. Yes, that's how you remember it. That's the mnemonic. Jordan, I went to the dollar store today. Okay.

Look, I don't host this show, so I can brag, but that's the reality of what I did today. And one of the things about the dollar store is everything there costs a dollar, so you can basically buy as many of them as you want right and the other thing about the dollar store is they have haribos and so i bought like seven different haribos and that's the slogan of haribos is kids and grown-ups love them so uh kids and grown-ups love it so love it so excuse me yeah the happy world of Haribo. So what do you got? Do you want to rattle off the Haribos? I got Star Mix. Right.

I got Peaches. I got Fruit Salad. I got Berries. Berries is the kind that look like raspberries, and they're crunchy on the outside and chewy on the inside. Okay. Star Mix is some of the favorites. I got Twin Cherries.

And then I'll tell you the other thing that I end up buying every time I go to the dollar store. You know how, have you ever had to go to the store to buy a helium balloon? Sure. Yeah. I mean, not lately, but yes, I am aware of the little corner of a store that sells helium balloons. And you get to the store and you have to wait in line and then they have to fill it up and you charge you $4 or whatever

or $6 and you're like, $6? And they're like, there's a helium shortage. And which there is. How much did you just put my mouth on the spout and talk funny for a couple minutes? Four bucks? But it's a dollar store. They got a bunch of them.

They're ready to go and they cost a dollar. Ah, amazing. So every time I go, I'm at a dollar store. They got a bunch of them. They're ready to go and they cost a dollar. Ah, amazing. So every time I go, I'm at the dollar store, I end up buying four heart-shaped Mylar balloons for my wife in an effort to get her to like me. But she knows they cost a dollar. Oh, yeah. She knows I didn't go there for them. Just say like, hey, I got back from Neiman Marcus.

Your wife's easily tricked, right? Yeah, sure. All you have to do is stand completely still. She can't even see you. To me, the quintessential dollar store item will always be Men in Black 2 on VHS. And like I've been in the dollar store recently, and you cannot get a copy of Men in Black 2 on VHS. But every time I go in, I will always look for a copy of Men in Black 2 on VHS. Because for some reason to me that is like you can get a giant dishwashing liquid that will last you a month. Yeah. And Men in Black 2 on VHS.

I saw a bunch of copies of Tim and Eric's movie at the dollar store. Really? And I just thought to myself. Pretty edgy. And I just thought to myself, somebody who happens upon this and watches it, what a nightmare. Sure. Like, what a horrific nightmare. Like, I'm not speaking ill of Tim and Eric as comics or entertainers. I enjoy their work.

I've seen that movie. It's funny. Yeah. But if you're just a guy. Right. And you're looking for a lesser Bruce Willis movie for a dollar and you're like, well, I'll take a flyer on this one. Yeah.

Because what are the other options at the dollar store? Like a DVD that has like Casper the Friendly Ghost cartoons. Yeah. I was about to say out of out of copyright superman cartoons yeah yeah and then like yeah like a dvd that has like three burt reynolds movies you've never heard of yeah honestly i'd buy that sure as a man the biggest changes that have happened to me between adolescence and manhood is i think i learned to like asparagus uh burt reynolds and dom deluise i watched a burt reynolds this movie movie this week i watched gator have you seen

gator oh no that's one of the ones i haven't seen he does not fight a gator in it i was fucking convinced he fought a gator i feel like i've had it described to me i'm like ah this is the one where he fights that gator no it's just it's, Smokey, and the Bandit with some weird 70s darkness. It has some 70s grit to it that was maybe inserted haphazardly. Sounds great. I mean, the second you said Swampy, Smokeyy and the Bandit. I was sold. Yeah. Any movie where he wanders around and chews gum, I'm in.

Yeah. It's pretty good. He takes some cats to a heist. I enjoyed that. You know, props. There's some problematic 70s stuff in it. Get ready. Are there some Cajuns?

Are there any raging cajuns so he's a swamp man and he lives with a swamp grandpa at no point does burt reynolds attempt a southern accent net he just sounds like a guy from burbank yes oh but no gator yeah at the at to the end of the movie i'm like ah here the gator scene's coming up he's just named his name's gator anyway in the book section of the dollar store which i'll go to because i it's a good place to buy a coloring book um like a go bots coloring book and uh for the live action go bots movie that was only released in taipei um there were two books there was a Doris Kearns Goodwin book presidential historian Doris Kearns Goodwin you have very interesting dollar store yeah I found myself

wondering who's like in the dollar store and they're like oh geez it's a 550 I gotta get back home to watch the news hour look there's a Doris Kearns Goodwin book pulls it off the shelf. Yeah, it seems like that particular dollar store,

maybe it's just a neighborhood thing. It's like we're catering to, you know, like families, like bigger families, and also brainiacs who like anti-comedy and presidential history. The other book that was there was a Michael Savage book. You know Michael Savage, the conservative hot talk host? I do. I will always remember it. I had a period where like, like a pre-podcast period where I would like put on conservative talk radio to drive around

because I had driving around jobs. And I will always remember Michael Savage saying that Playboy magazine was turning men gay because when they met a woman and she wasn't as attractive as Playboy, they would decide to be gay out of disappointment. been his producer but had quit because he wanted to work in public radio and then went back to his show after like two years and he said yeah well they they pay me 275 000 a year or whatever and i don't have to even be in the same room as him ever and also i was the only one that didn't quit i was like the only one that one that he could get to work for him. I just sent him a sentence. Playboy makes you gay? Exactly. The book, though,

was a book about his dog. Oh, boy. It was number one New York Times bestselling author, Michael Savage. It was in huge letters on the front and then it said my dog bucky or whatever and his service human that's cute that's adorable what could be more adorable than michael savage just an adorable story of a man with a shaved head who yells at people on the radio for a living. Yeah. And the dog.

Who has a softer side. Who he works for. Who he has a softer side. I ride with him on the plane. Speaking of hot talk radio hosts, should we introduce our guest on the show? Yes. You know her. Please be man cow.

Please be man cow. Please be man cow. Fun fact about the show. I don't know who the guests are ahead of time. Did I ever tell you my secondhand man cow please be man cow fun fact about the show i don't know who the guests are ahead of time did i ever tell you my secondhand man cow story yes you have okay good how about introduce the guest we'll talk to her for a second tell the secondhand man cow story okay so uh our guest on the program is uh the beloved podcaster behind retailail Nightmares. She is one of the most beloved stars in the constellation that is our sister program, Stop Podcasting Yourself. She is the author of a

brand new hilarious book for which she is on book tour right now from her house to her house. It's called So You're a Little Sad, So What? Nice Things to Say to Yourself on Bad Days and Other Essays. The hilarious and wonderful Alicia Tobin. Hi, guys. Hi. Welcome to the program. I just furiously googled man cow. Welcome to the program. I just furiously Googled man cow. It's like, what are they talking about? Who are these people in the dollar store? My boss and mentor, my old boss and mentor, Kathy Kamen Goldmark, was a wonderful, wonderful woman who I worked for on a radio show out of the Bay area called West coast live.

But before she had that job, she was a literary minder, which is like the person who takes authors on book tour. And usually they just, if, if you're like a medium, big author, you just get somebody who picks you up at the airport, uh, when you fly into town. But if you're a really big author, you get somebody who basically tour manages you, like drives you around for a week or whatever and flies different places with you. And Kathy was like that. And she would tell me these stories about the 10-day stretches

that she spent with different people. And, you know, she was like, yeah, Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks are exactly what you wish they would be the entire time, for example. But like the main, the main like morality tale that she had to share was that she had done like a 10 day tour with Howard Stern. And Howard Stern had never once met her gaze or talked to her like a 10 day tour with Howard Stern. Oh. And Howard Stern had never once met her gaze or talked to her like a human being. The entire time.

And she said it was just horrible. She was like the, she was a brilliant and charming person. And like, I just, to not find a, not find room to talk to her really would have taken some work.

Yeah. She said, you know, that's life in the big city. That's what the job is. It's okay. He's famous. He's got stuff to think about, whatever, right? She said, man cow. It's a morning radio host who has gotten fired from multiple major markets for doing things that are both awful and

unfunny in real life uh shut down the golden gate bridge at one point i remember maybe might have been the bay bridge anyway man cow she said was the kindest man in the world and at the end of the tour, at the end of the tour, Man Cow invited her and her son to dinner at a fancy restaurant, paid for it. And when she found out that, when he found out that her son made like comedy music, like novelty songs, he made like sort of Dr. Demento-y, Comic-Con-y comedy music. He played one of his songs on the Man Cow show. Wow. As a thank you to Kathy for being such a kind host on his book tour. Sounds like that jock had a little bit of shock left in him. Yeah, I guess so.

The shock was kindness. The shock was kindness. the shock was kindness the shock was kindness the shock was kindness alicia jesse mentioned you you being on a virtual book tour um well this is it this is kind of it at the point this point uh book promotion wasn't really a big priority during the pandemic Book promotion wasn't really a big priority during the pandemic. Sure. I don't know if you guys heard that. This just in, nobody gives a shit about my book.

Were you planning on doing, you know, signings and going on the road and stuff like that? Yeah. I'm a Canadian. I probably can tell from my very thick Canadian accent. And, yeah, there was a tiny little budget for promoting the book in the U.S. And so I had like some nice travel plans, but other things have come up. And, you know, just rolling with the punches. Is that a saying? Is that a thing we say now?

Oh, sure. Yeah. We're always saying it constantly did you have do you i imagine even even with this thing going on you have you have to like sign books and send out signed copies do you what did you land on do you just sign it or do you have like a funny thing you write it depends like uh when the like the ones that the publisher had just signed, but some of them may have a little drawing of Hank in there, my dog. That's fun.

Yeah. So a couple of people got those. So if you're out there and you got a Hank, it might be worth something. Yeah, it might be worth $17.95. New. It's like those stamps where the airplane's upside down. Ooh, no, no, just $17.95. New. It's like those stamps where the airplane's upside down. Ooh, no, no.

Just 1795. I don't know. I guess I'm kind of bad at promoting myself, even within my own book covers. You're taking it really well. I imagine working on a book is a really hard thing. I'm sure having a book tour is is a source of of excitement and looking forward to so you're having a you're having a i i respect your attitude i think it's a good attitude thanks thanks so much yeah what what else am i gonna do right like well cry about it like a baby i think a couple of times just in

the kitchen i've just become become overwhelmed with sadness about it, but then it passes. Okay. But it seems to always happen in the kitchen for some reason. That's the safe room in my house. I think the kitchen is the saddest room in the house. It is sometimes, isn't it? Really?

Yeah. Yeah. It's where all my feelings live, that's for sure. What is your thought process on this, Jordan? Explicate this for me. Why do you feel the kitchen's the saddest in the house? What are the sadnesses there? Boy, you know, maybe it's kind of a-

Because for me, it's got to be the marital bed. Now you explain that part. It sounds more interesting. I think it's, let me just put it this way. Do it in sound effects. She licked my lips first. So you're trying to wolf whistle at your wife and then you shit your pants? Yeah, exactly.

She comes out of the bathroom in her negligee. She happens to be wearing a teddy, Jordan. Oh, excuse me. You're holding those heart-shaped balloons. They're tied to your penis. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, if you're having, you know, male issues, just tie those helium balloons to the old donger.

It'll rise right up to the ceiling. Salute. Yeah. You can do it Pixar's Up style. Do you think that's why there's that helium shortage? Yeah, that's right. Alicia, I really have enjoyed listening to your show uh retail nightmares yeah um what are what re what is a distinctive relatively recent retail nightmare oh yeah it's a it's a show

where you where you and your guests talk about their most menial jobs, essentially. Yeah, but we've had to, because we're on like episode 270 now, we can also talk about retail experiences, which are sort of neutral, but weird, and retail dreams. And I mean, this is every time you go to a store now, there's the mask issue. So there are the, I'm not sure if you knew about this, but in your own country, there were some pretty serious fires and the smoke inundated Vancouver. And so everybody was looking for air filters for their apartments. And I was looking for replacement filters. This story is already so boring.

But I had to go to like, I think it's going somewhere. I can tell. I can kind of feel it. This is a slow burn. I can tell. I didn't need those details. But I went to a distant pharmacy to get these things in like a different part of town. And I saw a person like pull back a protective shield and reach his whole face around it so he could talk directly without a mask to this poor, poor clerk that, you know, is just trying to make ends meet. poor clerk that, you know, is just trying to make ends meet. But yeah, like over the years, there's just been really horrifying ones. Like one of my classic ones is one of my bosses had a crush on a co-worker.

So he did sit-ups in front of her and his testicle fell out of his shorts. Oh, no. There's just so many wild things happen when you work. Have either of you worked in customer service related jobs? Yeah, I've done a couple of, let's see, I did a toy store for a summer. It was called Play Co., Play Company. Maybe you remember their mascot, Prescott Panda. Nope. Sure.

They're not at all a knockoff mascot Prescott Panda. What was he a knockoff of? Jeffrey the giraffe. Oh, right. Yes. They're totally different. Pandas eat bamboo and giraffes eat another kind of leaf. Different necks. Different necks.

Slightly different bodies, but nice bodies on both of them. Nice bods. Yeah. Do you nice bods yeah do you like them long or do you like them thick i like them both toy store mascots have you covered i like both of those animals right which one do you want to hug more um that's really tough can i get back to you at the end of the podcast yeah i wasn't really expecting an answer i just kind of wanted to say something oh i'm so sorry that's like my whole brain just lit up like i don't know like this one would be so smooth this one would be so soft uh neither of them bite this is great right with the panda you know you just you you don't have to worry about the hug

becoming non-platonic because they apparently they just hate sex so much. Same. So you're like, hey, this is just a platonic hug. So yeah, I worked at a play company for a while. It was a pretty fun job. Sometimes after we closed, the kind of like cool rock and roll manager would bring in a little TV-VCR combo, and we would sit in dry kiddie pools and watch recorded VHS tapes of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Aw. And sometimes I got to work the video game counter, And sometimes I got to work the video game counter and just do, I did my best to convince parents not to buy their kids fishing video games. Fishing video games? Yeah, I think that, you know, when, if you don't know, at the time, I think if you, if you were a parent and you didn't know anything about video games and you just had to get one for a present or something. Right. video games and you just had to get one for a present or something um right you know you see you look at the titles and you see the bombs and you see the zombies and you're like this i don't i don't want to encourage this and then your your eye goes to the fishing game you're like ah this is and i it was my i i felt like it was my duty to convince the parents that your kid doesn't want

this maybe they did i don't know it's that something about that makes me deeply sad because I felt like it was my duty to convince the parents that your kid doesn't want this. Maybe they did. I don't know. Something about that makes me deeply sad because I guess in before times, they would have been teaching their children how to fish in real life. And then, you know, this is the last thing. Now these kids are only going to be able to eat for a day. That's so true. Oh, sorry.

Go ahead. You go ahead. Yeah, and I also, I worked at a Nordstrom for a little bit and I worked at a, I worked at a, like I worked at the coffee bar

of a wine and cheese place. Those are my retail jobs. That's a lot of retail. Were you getting that sweet commish at Nordstrom? Oh yeah, kids wear boys. If you sell a hundred Tony Hawk t-shirts,

you get 20 bucks. Wow. But yeah, the commission was good. That's a good part of that, working at Nordstrom. I have a buddy who, when we were in college, he would go home in the winter and work in the luggage department

at a department store. I believe it was a Macy's and he got paid, he got a commission and he would make so much money in the like four weeks of, you know, Christmas break or whatever, because he had just accidentally gotten in the luggage department. And, you know, people who are in the luggage department, they're there to buy luggage and luggage costs $1,000. So, like, he just fell backwards into crazy. He told me he would average, like, during Christmas, he'd average, like, $35 an hour. Wow. And this was in 2002 or whatever. I was like, this is the most amazing thing ever.

Yeah. Alicia, what were your retail jobs that inspired the podcast? Oh, I was in retail for 17 years. So I think it was the way that it happened. Jessica Delisle, my co-host, we were at the video store where she worked. She managed a video store for several years. And we were at the cash. It was actually a wake, which was very sad. One of the employees had passed away suddenly. And so a lot of people were there just to pay their respects and chat. And we were behind the cash drinking wine. And somebody that I knew from my store where I worked came in and was being awful and I just had this idea that like what if these people are just

awful everywhere that they go and that was when we decided to make the podcast like we would interview other artists and about the worst job they ever had and it's actually like it's very funny and very dark so we lighten it up with a lot of dumb segments but yeah this woman uh i still see her around because i live in the same neighborhood still and she is just so mean and so rude she's really the inspiration like now when i see her i'm like thank you thank you you've been my life's work lots of bad things happen in stores but lots of fun things happen in stores too lots of of fun things happen in stores too. Lots of great friendships, but mostly bad. Like my last year in retail, I, uh, it was really my last year.

Like I just couldn't deal. What was it? What was the last, what was the job that, that, that, that broke you? I was working as a nutritionist in a, like a pharmacy. Okay. Like a fancy pharmacy that was beside a very prestigious private health clinic in the city. And so people, very rich people would come in and most of the time they were fine. But the straw that broke the camel's back was a woman accused me of stealing her sunglasses. My boss kind of took it seriously and went through eight hours of video footage to make sure that, you know, nothing weird had happened in the store. And it turned out women was never wearing sunglasses.

Never had them on. It was just bonkers. Just a real wild, wild asshole. Are we allowed to swear on this podcast? I feel like I've already broken that rule. We're actually not allowed to swear, so we'll be ending the podcast now. Goodbye.

Okay, good night. Yeah, good night, guys. Nice to talk to you. Don't buy her book. She swore. Don't buy her fucking book. She's going to come on here with the potty mouth.

The book probably has potties in it, too. So many. Probably full of potties. Oh, no. Saying potties. So of potties. Oh, no. Saying potties. So many potties. It's a potty potty.

That should have been the title. Brian, start the podcast again. That was really good. The potty potty thing was really funny. So let's hit play again and let's keep going. Yeah, so just tons of poopy potty jobs. I worked at a Macy's in Union Square in San Francisco for a while. Wow.

And I worked in the young women's collections section. Okay. I can't remember what it had like a name. It was called like Janie or something like that. You know, we sold a lot of Ralph by Ralph Lauren and that kind of thing. The American classic. Exactly. And the main things that I remember is it was,

it was the summer that they got, that we got those kinds of pants that zip off at the knee. You meant to zip off. I'm like, what century was this? No, you know how they zip off? You know those pants that are convertible? Convertible. I had a pair that had two of those zippers on there.

And a lot of our customers were tourists. They'd be in town from Iowa or whatever. They're in San Francisco enjoying the big city and going to the department store. And it was, you know, obviously it was like, it was before people bought all their clothes on the internet. So if you were in town from Wichita, like this was your chance to go shopping at a big department store, you know what I mean? chance to go shopping at a big department store you know what i mean and those pants that i had that zipped off into shorts blew people's fucking minds these whole families would the people women would run to grab their children and bring them over to show them the zipper pants this man's wearing pants right think again and then she would then she would cue you and you would unzip there was like an eight song playlist in the store yeah and honestly i i i liked working there it wasn't it was very pleasant i i enjoyed i enjoyed helping customers buy things it was fun um but uh i didn't like folding no but i liked customer service but i heard that a girls who wear abercrombie and fitch chinese food makes me sick song oh so many fucking times

so many and that truly was like those hit pop songs of i guess that must have been 2000 no 2000 maybe i can't remember but that really was like if i see a nostalgia article about the pop music of that time i think it truly might have been the worst pop music ever recorded like those hit songs of that period are so horrible so terrible like when you're like looking forward to hearing the smash mouth song because it's the best one at least it has a certain charm you know what i mean totally at playco um home of prescott Panda, the totally original mascot, the soundtrack was a CD of dance remixes of Disney songs. And this was probably around the same time.

So by dance remix, I mean like a Disney song by way of the Venga Boys. So that kind of like, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. And then like a Disney song by way of the Venga boys. So that kind of like me, me, me, me, me, me,

me. And then like a whistle in the background, like someone just rhythmically blowing a whistle. Oh my gosh. And then can you feel, and then like some, you know, kind of random 16 year old singing.

Can you feel the love tonight? Yeah. Were they allowed to play Disney music? Uh, I don't know. I think, uh, Play-Co played pretty fast and loose. Yeah. Were they allowed to play Disney music? I don't know. I think Play-Co played pretty fast and loose. Yeah, it sounds like it. That panda guy. Yeah, Prescott doesn't give a fuck.

Yeah, Prescott Panda was friends with Mickey, so. Oh, and by the way, I've made a decision. It's giraffe. That's the one you want to hug the most? Yeah. Yeah. I'd have to get a ladder, I guess. But yeah. Jesse, which one do you want to hug the most? Yeah. Yeah. I'd have to get a ladder, I guess. But, yeah.

Jesse, which one do you want to hug more? Panda. Oh, yeah. That's a nice match for you. I'm going to go giraffe because maybe there's a chance I'll get a slurp of that big old tongue. Oh, yeah. That big purple beauty. Slurp me, daddy.

Like a eucalyptus leaf. Yeah. Jesse, when you went to the dollar store, you say it differently than I say it. I say Haribo. What did you call it? Haribo. Haribo. Haribo.

Let's call the whole thing off. Have you tried the dinosaurs yet? I've never even seen the dinosaurs. One of my favorite podcasts, Carb Phase. I don't know if you've listened to it but it's great my friend chrislin is obsessed with haribo and he hasn't tried the dinosaurs either and i will mail you some after this podcast yes they are amazing because star mix was my favorite until i discovered dinosaurs fruit salad is probably my number one favorite. But I recently, I had some, for some reason, someone on Twitter was telling me about how great French Orangina ones are. Oh, they're kind of bland.

I thought they were kind of good. I thought they were kind of good. But they weren't. I paid $8 for a bag of it so that I could try it out because it was imported from France on Amazon. Just somebody that goes to France with a duffel bag and fills it with Haribo's. We have those here for $4 a bag, so I can add them. Jordan, do you need gummies? Be specific what type of gummies you want because I got both kinds.

You know what? I'll take a want because I got both kinds. Yeah. You know what? I'll take a gummy. I am kind of trying to watch the sweets, but you know what? Yeah, but it's the end of the world. When do you get a chance to have an international gummy mailed to you? Yeah. Candy in the mail is really still great.

I've discovered sending chocolates through the internet. I really enjoy that. Oh, internet chocolates. Yeah. chocolates uh through the internet i really enjoy that oh internet chocolates yeah um so you know on the topic of retail during the pandemic um you know around my area there is you know stuff closing down a lot and it's a bummer sometimes it's you know there's a couple of restaurants i really love that have closed down and uh yeah a couple other little little places. But there is a store that only sells Scandinavian gummies called Socarebit.

And I may be pronouncing that wrong. Never change. Socarebit. It is thriving. It's all, there's people, they aren't letting people in. You line up. I think you order the gummies ahead of time soak air bit is they're doing great it makes me happy i don't go there a lot but i am glad that

there's still a place for a brick and mortar store that only sells scandinavian gummies in america if there was a scandinavian gummy store by my house I would fuck with it so hard. There was a Scandinavian ice cream place next door to my therapist's office in Pasadena, California. And it had a couple of bins of Scandinavian gummies. Now, these gummies had been there since the ice cream place had opened two years previous, is how I would describe these gummies. They're still good they have maybe a little white dust on them yeah and they sort of they sort of had that consistency

of a jujube uh because they had just been dried it just desiccated you know honestly i i would love it i like it i like a gummy it's a little stale. I like it. Me too. You can kind of jaw on it a little. You like it toothsome? Toothsome, yes, exactly. I like it to be like jerky. They were so fucking good. I would buy them and just gnaw on them until they released their delicious Scandinavian gummy flavor because the fucking Scandinavian gummies were so tasty. It's a whole way of culture there, I believe.

Like there's just like candy's a big part of the culture. Candy and the social safety net. Oh, man. Perfect combination. You guys seem to be bigger gummy fans than I am. What is it about the Scandinavian gummies? Is it a variety of flavors? Is it quality?

Why do you need a store devoted to them, I guess, is what I want to know. I've never had a Scandinavian gummy. I'm just living vicariously through Jesse. Yeah, it's about improved flavors and a variety of interesting textures. Mmm. Textures, yes. That's my experience. Mmm, texture.

Love a texture in my mouth. Ladies. I like a lot of different gummies. I mean, how do you guys feel about jelly babies? You guys ever had jelly babies? Yeah, they're good. I don't think I've had jelly babies. What's a jelly baby? Do they have jelly babies just in a store in Canada?

Yeah, I've had jelly babies. I've also had jelly tots. I think they're both British, right? Yeah, they're definitely British. You might be able to buy them at like the british stuff store that sells you know the queen the queen or whatever yeah you i can these are i can get these for you at our grocery store wow okay we have a lot of uh we have like british aisles sometimes well or sections in the grocery store because of colonialism. Yeah.

British Isles, British Isles or something kind of fun there, huh? Yeah. I don't know exactly what, but we could do something fun with that probably. We don't need, here in America, we don't need the British Isles. We've got Rizzoli and Isles. Is that still on? I don't know. One presumes. Sure.

Yeah, it is a Bones-like show that is weirdly on for 15 years and nobody you know watches it. The category is Shows My Aunt Debbie Loves. You don't watch Suits? I didn't know that that was still on. Is it still on?

Yeah, probably. No, it's not. It can't be. I don't know. Is Numbers still on? No one knows. No. No one knows.

Don't act like you know, Alicia. You're right. I don't know the answer to either of those. I've never watched either of them. I just know that either Rizzoli or Isles has really good curly hair. Here we go, guys. The series ran for seven seasons from 2010 to 2016, and the chemistry between the two leads is what keeps fans yearning for a reboot.

Looks like you can watch them all on Hulu with a premium subscription. So yeah, it hasn't been on the air for four dang years. RIP. Is that a good podcast idea? Just watching that show and talking about it? Rizzoli and Isles recap podcast. Honestly, Jessie, if we fucking flipped it and just started doing that, it would be more popular than this show in a month.

Hey, it was my idea. I want to be the sidekick no not if you're gonna swear we it's a rizzoli and aisles podcast not a rizzoli and aisles and potty podcast come on no potties no potty you can use a whore if you want to swear swear if you're gonna go and if you're gonna go around swearing alicia do a recap podcast of one of those vulgar HBO shows like Dream On with Brian Benben. Have fun cussing it up on your Arliss podcast. And the cusses, and in the word cuss, the S's will be dollar signs. That's what you're doing during Arliss. I feel like you guys are just trying to intimidate me out of this amazing idea. Sorry.

And take it from me. Listen, it's just a race now as to who can start the Rizzoli and Isles podcast first. Apparently, the chemistry between the two leads is what keeps fans yearning for a reboot. Oh, we could probably get them on as guests. Oh, I bet. Anytime. We want to. If we have dueling podcasts, it would be a real coup if one of us got rizzoli and one of us got hiles oh yeah i like it um well this has been great hanging out with you

um i have a question i have i do have one retail related question for the two of you sure i think i was about 19 or 20 when I had this job at Macy's. I was already in a committed romance with my now wife. Wow. And I wasn't as sensitive to the sexual dynamics surrounding me as I could have been for that reason. But not long after I left the job, I realized that everyone was probably fucking everyone else. And also just my boss was constantly sexually harassing me. And I had a co-worker that was constantly hitting on me and she was probably 29 or 30 years old.

And I was like 19. It was very weird. So I'm wondering if any of these jobs that you had had complicated sexual dynamics going on. No. uh dynamics going on no what happened when you guys are all in those kiddie pools watching mst3k didn't it didn't it didn't things get sensual light some candles hey we were all heterosexual men i think it'll shock you to know put on monos the hands of fate that's's a good one. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like I never really, yeah, I feel like I never, no, uh-uh.

I guess I exude no sexuality. Yeah. I guess maybe it's because I worked in the young women's section. I think I was probably the only heterosexual man in the department. I think in a lot of places where I worked, people were getting it on, but I was very clueless and not cool. It was never me that was getting it on.

Although at one store, I got hit on all the time. All the time, constantly. I didn't really get it. I didn't really understand what was happening. By customers or coworkers? Customers, yeah. I definitely't really understand what was happening. By customers or co-workers? Oh, customers. Yeah. And I definitely like went on some dates.

What kind of store is the store that you get hit on in relative to a different kind of store? I don't think it was the store. I think it was like the age I was more so. And it was like a fancy furniture store. And like, maybe people with money think it's fun to fuck with poor people. Just this just in. Rich men, young, poor women. Not a great combination. I thought they really liked me for me. Which has never been the case.

So, yeah. which has never been the case uh so yeah i although i know like i've had like friends that have like had like fooled around in their stores and made out in the change rooms i was never that cool yeah i feel like i i always hear about you hear about the kind of like the the inter work fucking that happens in the food service industry. Oh, man, yeah. The bartenders, the servers. Yeah, you hear about that. I always, when I hear those stories, and I think obviously I think there's, you know, kind of like looking back at some of that stuff,

like it seems fun, but I'm sure a lot of it was inappropriate and abuses of power and things like that. But, you know, when people look at it as a like fun time in their lives, I'm always like a little bit jealous. I didn't do it always sounds kind of fun. People like, yeah, we like closed it down. We you know, after everybody went home, we all drank. And anyway, I, I have a really good buddy, one of my wife's best friends, who was also my friend when we were in high school. best friends who was also my friend when we were in high school and she went to acting school in New York and was an actor and was working in restaurants and she's very beautiful and she would be like a hostess in a fancy restaurant and she worked at this restaurant called Jean George

in New York which was like Isn't that very famous? Yes. A very famous restaurant where Al Sharpton goes to dinner with Alec Baldwin and Tom Cruise or whatever. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. And I remember her at one point asking my wife in front of me, how you find a boyfriend who's not addicted to cocaine

oh boy and it's like well first things first you don't date a guy from the restaurant but that was like the entire like all all that was going on was people doing blow and fucking at this very, very fancy restaurant. That and getting, you know, $200 tips. I mean, yeah, like it doesn't sound great now. It may have sounded better if I were like 20-ish. I would have sounded better if I were like 20-ish. I will say, I do, I can, there was one time at Playco where we snorted some crushed up Ritalin off a Sega Dreamcast. He flipped over the pool.

Yeah. Yeah, restaurant, the restaurant world is completely foreign to me. My friends that did work in restaurants when I was younger, like we would hang out at the restaurants where they worked at and drink our faces off. And we thought we were so cool to be in these fancy restaurants in Montreal. And then at the end of the summer, spending like our entire paychecks. And like one evening we learned that we were the customers that spent the most money there.

Like what? What, what do you remember that meal? Like, what was it? What put you over the edge? It was on booze. It was on booze. It was just like we would just drink.

We would do a lot of shots because we were idiots. Yeah, we would go there and like drink all night and the drinks were really expensive. And we thought that was just what you did when you were a grown up. And for some, yeah, for some it is. Grownups do shots. Yeah, totally. I just did like seven just now in between deciding on the draft and talking about being sexually harassed. Yeah, I went to a co-worker's, I went to a co-worker's retirement FET and he told this beautiful story about what the company meant to him and his kids were there

actually one of his kids has a kid, he's a grandfather now and it was so beautiful to hear what his work had meant to him through this long career 35 years. And all I could do was just yell shots, shots, shots, shots.

Well, you were an LFO for, oh, sorry. LMFAO. LFO was Abercrombie and Fitch. Fun. What a fun mistake. Yeah. They also made a song with M.O.P., by the way. Good. Yes. This is fun. Are there any more initial fans? Light Funky Ones. LFO. It stands for Light Funky Ones. And with

B.T.O. Bachman Terminator Overdrive. BLT. Bacon, lettuce, and tomato. Oh, that's my favorite. Great sandwich. Hold the tomato for me. Oh, interesting. Are you allergic?

I just like a BL. And afterward, I make a BM, you know what I'm saying? Yes, I know. Yeah. Potty, potty. Oh, now you got me doing it. You got me pot it you got me partying over here we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go

it's jordan jesse go i'm'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, every episode of Jordan Jesse Goh is brought to you by the thousands of Maximum Fun members who've indicated that they listened to our program when they joined. We're grateful to every single one of those kind people who've put their money where their ears are they're the best we're also grateful to a couple of sponsors this week yeah hey jesse you know that working out can really suck especially when you're working out alone at home so boring snooze town although i do like taking a look at my girl jane fonda once in a while sure yeah um i only do vhs workouts so you sweat to the oldies occasionally yeah well i like

to look i i like i like to look at my boy dickie Sims once in a while, too. Sure. Hey, but if for some reason you don't have a TV-VCR combo from 1992, and you just have a smartphone, here's what you're going to want to do. Download the Not Boring Workouts podcast. Fitness-phobic friends David and Allie created the podcast, not boring workouts. We're twice a week.

The super underqualified trainer. Allie brings you a 10 to 20 minute accessible full body workout combined with a fascinating story, blazing hot takes and low expectations. There's one called get worked up by the History of Dildos Workout. I can't imagine that Jordan, Jesse, Go listeners would be interested in that. I don't. Why are we getting this ad copy, Brian? I don't know.

I mean, it does intersect with our audience perfectly. There's supposed to be some kind of affinity. There's supposed to be an affinity between the... Just a perfect one-to-one diagram. Anyway, the podcast is called Not Boring Workouts. You can download it wherever you download podcasts. We're also supported this week by the good people at Kitty Poo Club. Kitty Poo Club. It's fun to say, and it's a great company uh this is for all those uh proud cat people out in the audience uh again there's supposed to be some kind of affinity

between the product and the audience again i don't know why we're getting the are we getting someone else's ads brian is this uh is there a problem here um You love your cat, but that doesn't mean you love having a litter box in your home. Kitty Poo Club takes care of the more unpleasant parts of cat ownership so you can get back to loving your furry widdle friend. Here's what happens, Jesse. I'm actually sampling some Kitty Poo Club product myself. No, I'm not booing in a litter box. Ooh, tell me about the flavor notes.

Uh, so here's what they do. They deliver an affordable, high quality, recyclable litter box that's pre-filled with the litter of your choice. Did you choose kitty litter? I did. I did. Yes. Uh, sriracha flavor. Ooh. No, I I did, yes. Sriracha flavor.

Oh! No, I don't think they have sriracha flavor. But they do have a lot of choices in litter based on what your cat prefers. These boxes, they're leak-proof, they're eco-friendly, and they have fun designs for every season. When the month is up, you just recycle the box, and

Kitty Poo Club will automatically deliver a new one to you. No changing used litter, and no more cleaning the box and kitty poo club will automatically deliver a new one to you no changing used litter and no more cleaning the box jesse can i tell you what bug did when i put out the kitty poo club litter box well i got two ideas she pooed in it she's picky i jesse this I have had poo problems with this cat. She's finicky. She only goes in a certain type of litter. She only goes in a certain type of box. She wants the box in a specific place. So I was a little nervous about introducing a new box to her because I know she's picky. I mean, these are great boxes, I've heard, but I don't know. I just don't know.

She took to it immediately. This is the pickiest cat when it comes to poop, and she's pooping in the Kitty Poo Club box day one. If you want 20% off your first order when you set up auto ship, you go to kittypooclub.com and enter promo code JJGO. kiddiepooclub.com, enter promo code JJGO. And you get 20% off when you set up auto ship. Promo code JJGO at checkout.

kiddiepooclub.com. The promo code is JJGO. This is a club specifically for kiddie poop, so if that's part of your life, get in the club. Listen, if you go to the thing and you put in the code, the advertiser knows that the ad is working and they buy more, so please do that thing so we can keep saying kiddie poop club on this show for years to

come. Yeah. I mean, you know their famous slogan, right, Jordan? I don't think I have it here, Jesse. What is it? We be clubbing. Yes, sure. Kitty Poo Clubbing, that is. Kitty Poo Clubbing. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne,'s radio sweetheart Jordan Morris boy detective Alicia Tobin bin full of toes yeah sure

why not you know mix it up a little bit that's what I like to say did I get it right we are sorry that is actually the wrong answer and

there's a fireworks display going on here in Los Angeles and I have a terrified chihuahua terrier mix that jumped onto my lap during the break is it yours shaking like a little yeah she's mine no i should just got into a side window it's probably been the if the yeah if the dogs are firework sensitive this has been the worst year of their lives yeah i mean i'm firework sensitive fucking sucks this is the last uh in vancouver uh fireworks have been legal since i moved here long before and i don't understand why in a city filled with wooden

houses you're allowed to just shoot fireworks off only one day of the year halloween and this is the last halloween that they're legal and my dog hank is terrified as well and so i was looking into getting us a hotel for Halloween that's soundproof. Because I think it's going to be like the last hurrah. Yeah. And I don't think I can deal with a petrified dog for 10 hours. Right. People are going to have to blow their whole stash. Yeah, they're going to have to blow their whole wad.

I guess in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, if they outlaw fireworks, people might stop shooting off fireworks. Yeah. Because, like, they're illegal in Los Angeles. You know what I mean? Right? But it is irrelevant. People stockpile them. Yeah, right.

There's people, like like stockpile them. I used to live very close to Dave Shumka. And we had a neighbor that would start setting off fireworks days before Halloween. And then the night of Halloween, set them off for about five or six hours in a row. And so long. That's geez, how many fireworks is that? They don't last long. That's geez, how many fireworks is that? They don't last long. I know. And his son had started using them, which is illegal or not allowed to let children. And so I went over and I spoke to them angrily one day. I was like, stop it.

And then the next day, the boy threw a firecracker at my dog. So I was like, so happy to move. He threw the firecracker near my dog. He did not throw it directly at him. But I did consider assaulting a child. Why did Dave do that? Yeah, he's a real mean man. He's a real mean man. Dave Shumka, meanest man on the West Coast of Vancouver, Manish, Columbia. That's not true. Dave is the nicest. He's nice.

He's lovely. He's a very, very kind man. When something momentous happens to you, like Dave Shumka from Stop Podcasting Yourself throws a firework at your dog because his dad told him to. By the way, Dave went through this dad. Yeah, he does.

Mr. Shumka. By Alicia's old house. We ask you to call us at 206-9844-FUN for our segment Momentous Occasions. You can also send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Here is one such occasion. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guest, I'm going to guess, Helen Slayton-Hughes. I am calling with a momentous occasion.

I am 33 years old and just used my human American money to purchase a horse. It is something that I did not know I could do as an adult person in 2020, and I'm still not sure if it worked. But, yeah, I have a horse now. Holy cow. Holy horse. Wait, which part is she not sure if it works? The buying of a horse or the horse?

Yeah, you got to take it for a test ride, right? You got to take it for a test gallop. You got to check for oil leaks at least. You got to take it to a qualified mechanic before you buy. maybe she just it was like a craigslist scam like the horse is just like the most beautiful horse in the world but it's totally an affordable horse and my uh my wife's cousin is a horse enthusiast and she did this thing where, you know, a rich person has a horse, but they don't ride on it enough. And so they have another person just go ride on it. Yeah.

But that person is, like, responsible for riding on it. Like, they don't get to be a dilettante about it, you know. They have to go ride on it and you know brush it and give it carrots whatever you do with horses you know carrots yeah brush but i feel like horses are a little bit like uh if you don't live on a farm in a rural area horses are kind of like yachts where it's one thing to get one it's another one to keep it floating. You know what I mean? I don't really, but I don't know what you mean. Most recent, like, huge market crash, people had to abandon their yachts and their horses. Just put the horse on the yacht and then pull up the anchor and push it out to sea.

Oh, wow. I think actually most of them went to be meat in Japan. Yacht meat? Yeah. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Yacht steak. All of the yachts sailed to Japan. And then they now are in fancy yacht restaurants.

Have either of you ever ridden a horse? Oh, yeah. I loved them when I was a kid. I mean, I love animals. I love horses. I've done, like, you know, like, county fair horse riding. You know, they're chained to an apparatus

and they walk in a circle. Yeah, that's what's up. And I don't think I liked it. To this day, when i think of uh unpleasant ways to die and it's something i like to do from time to time make a little list in my head unpleasant ways to die kicked by a horse is like two or three i am so afraid of being kicked to death by a horse i don't know if I like saw a video of it too young or, you know, had too stern a warning too young, but whenever I see a horse, I imagine it kicking

me to death and I cannot get, I cannot get caught up in their majesty or their manes. I objectively know that their manes are beautiful. Beautiful manes, beautiful tails, want to brush it. I get it. But my first thought every time I see one is that it would kick me to death and it wouldn't even feel anything. It would just do it out of instinct. I don't know. I'm really I really am

I don't really want to be near them. When I see one, my first thought is always that they're going to do that thing they do with their lips, you know? Hey, Wilbur. You know how horses are always saying, hey, Wilbur? Yeah.

They do, yeah. Yeah, I'm the opposite of Jordan. I would love to be kicked to death by a horse. It's the way that I dream of going when people are like, oh, I want to go in my sleep. I'm like, I want to be kicked to death by a horse. It's the way that I dream of going when people are like, oh, I want to go in my sleep. I'm like, I want to be kicked to death by a horse. Yeah. What sort of horse interactions have you had on the reg? I haven't in a long time, but I've taken horseback riding lessons. I took lessons for a summer when I was a kid and I did not, I loved the horses, but I didn't like, didn't really like the structure of those. Like, I don't really, know i'm kind of sensitive it was a sensitive kid so like i they're always

like oh the horse can't feel you hitting it i was like well it does react when you hit it with a whip yeah but there's kids those guys are so thick um i think yeah and i've been on a nice horseback riding trip through the Rockies, like a day trip. Western style, which was beautiful and very mellow. I like horses. They're a big animal that's approachable. That's a rare thing. Most of the bigger animals in our lives, either we eat them or we are afraid of them. I don't know. i like horses a lot yeah maybe i just need to have a positive horse interaction

i think i've had the you know handful of county fair circle rides maybe i just need to like have a intimate encounter with a horse and then maybe like at a really chill birthday party yeah where you're like good friends with most of the other people there and you meet the horse and you just feel like you connect because you have a lot in common already yes it sounds like you need a fence in between you and a horse and just a mellow horse because horses are also kind of funny like they have distinct personalities and i met a horse recently called wizard and uh solid name wizard wizard was very silly and when i wasn't looking he nipped me a few times it didn't hurt but he just wanted my attention and it's very funny but it's also a little bit scary because it's a horse

oh yeah bite i mean listen being kicked is the thing I'm most concerned about, but I don't really want to be bit either. They got those chompers. Yeah, it didn't hurt. It just was kind of like a gentle pinch. Okay. But it surprised me each time. I do like the idea of a silly horse named Wizard.

Yeah. I think that every horse is very different, and they can be jerks, and they can be really sweet. Some horses can pull off a leather jacket, and some can't. Yeah, it's so true. So true. Let's take another call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, Joe.

I'm calling because I was going through some of the back episodes driving across the Southwest without cell service, and I came across a discussion of objects inserted into people's bodies. While I was working in an emergency room some years ago, a gentleman came in with, as I believe Jesse called it, a G.I. Joe inside his rectum. They had chopped the arms off with a Dremel rotary tool and melted them so as to prevent snags, and this person had tied a piece of cord around the leg to try to use as a method to retrieve that object. Unfortunately, the lubricant had made the twine come off of the GI Joe and it got stuck up in there. One of the new residents had very small, petite arms, and he got to go fishing for it.

It was removed and returned to the individual at their request. Have a great show. That's the danger of being a petite-armed resident. Yeah. I want to know what G.I. Joe was. Was it Snake Eyes eyes was it roadblock it's for your collection cobra commander no i like the idea to me the magic there is somebody's holding a g.i. joe and looking at it and they go you know what let me go get my dremel

with a few small alterations. It really is a miracle tool. You can use it to sand, you can use it to cut. Anything that requires rotary motion. Poor guy. Yeah, I also like that he's like, oh, I was listening to some old episodes. Sir, that's all the episodes.

You don't need to go back if you want to stuff up the ass talk. Let's take one more call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse and guests. And I'm going to assume Sir Ian McKellen. Close.

David from West Dallas, Wisconsin, just outside of Milwaukee with a momentous occasion. I recently helped get a ban on conversion therapy that passed here in my city. 11th city in Wisconsin, so not nearly far enough, but hey, we keep fighting the good fight. You have a great day.

Congratulations. Hey, way to go. That call made me well up with emotion. Wasn't expecting that. I mean the G.I. Joe call. You're still thinking about the G.I. Joe call. Yeah, it's sad that the arms got melted. I just wish he had access to proper sex toys.

If we were just more positive, if we were just a more sex positive society. Wow, that's a great phone call. I like that our listeners are out there taking initiative, sticking up for good causes. That's great. Best listeners in the business. That's what I say.

I don't know. Yeah? Who do you think? Who's got better listeners? I feel like the people who listen to the Joe Rogan experience are pretty great because they're so open-minded. That's true. And intellectually honest. They love intellectual honesty.

Listen, the Jordan, Jesse, Go! listenership is great, but I think they're going to have their asses whipped by the Rizzoli and Isles recap audience. No, you don't. No, you don't, you sneaky guy. Oh, yeah. We're getting Rizzoli.

Just you wait. Recap and aisles? Rizzoli and recap? Come on. Rizzoli and podcast? Yeah, what's the punny name? I think, Alicia, here's what I think it is. Whoever can think up the punny name first gets the

podcast. I got it. I got it. Okay, so it's a bit of a concept you guys ready uh yeah yeah so it's gonna be there's gonna be two hosts which is a classic classic success story and then a new guest every week and that new guest just has to blind watch one episode um and then because it's a pandemic we'll have to mail them part of the participation kit, which would be cannolis. And it's going to be risotto and cannolis. And guys, it's great. It's a great idea.

And you can't have it. Fuck, that's good. Shit, we lost it, Jessie. We lost the show. God damn it. Come on, man. You could have. Yeah.

And then it's like, you get to hang out. You get to watch this terrific TV show that was on for six years and have some great Italian pastries. I love them. I think most people love them. And we could also review that cannoli at the same time. Yeah. I'm pivoting to burn notice. You could sign off by saying, leave the gun, take the Rizzoli.

206-984-4FUN, JJGO at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Are you feeling elevated levels of anxiety? Do you quake uncontrollably, even thinking about watching cable news? Do you have disturbing nightmares, only to realize it's two in the afternoon and you're up? If you've experienced one or more of these symptoms, you may have FNO, F**k News Overload. Fortunately, there's treatment. Hi, I'm Dave Holmes, host of Troubled Waters. Troubled Waters helps fight FNO. That's because Troubled Waters stimulates your joy zone. On Troubled Waters, two comedians will battle one another for pop culture supremacy. So join me, Dave Holmes, for two, two, two doses of Troubled Waters a month.

The cure for your **** news overload. Available on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hey, I'm Mallory O'Meara, a weird fiction reader who enjoys whiskey and owns a book weight. And I'm Bria Grant, a science fiction reader who likes iced tea and reads to escape the world. And we host Reading Glasses, a weekly show that dives into reading suggestions, goals, complaints, and the really important questions like, what are the best reading snacks?

And seriously, Mallory, what is a book weight for? Every week, we talk about reading. It's not a book club. You're not going to have to listen to us review a book you haven't read. You just have to be excited about books, authors, the bookish community, writing, and talking about reading. We can literally talk about reading, like, all day long. Reading glasses. Every Thursday on MaximumFun.org.

Glasses. I thought about doing that. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Do I go now? And Alicia. Maybe you just want to swear some more if you just would rather swear.

Alicia Tobin, a bin full of toes. Alicia, what a joy it's been to have you on the program. What a dream to have the great Alicia Tobin guesting on our show. It feels like an immense crossover event between our two nations. It has been. I know that it's been on the CBC already. I mentioned that they've run a story while we were on. Oh, really? Was it on As It Happens? It was on. I don that it's been on the CBC already. I mentioned it. They've run a story while we were on. Oh, really?

Was it on As It Happens? It was on. I don't know if you knew this, but you know the theme from As It Happens. That's me singing. No. I didn't. I didn't. Anyways, I was going to say that we're on Murdoch Mysteries. Oh, cool.

I was going to say this is a lost episode of Schitt's Creek. Oh, yeah. This is Anne with an E. It's been brought back finally. Finally. Alicia, where can people find your hilarious new book? Oh, you can find it at bookstores like, I think Barnes & Noble, Amazon. I don't know if you've heard of it.

You can order it directly from my publisher, Arsenal Pulp Press. It's the best if you order it from them. You'll probably get it the fastest. Yeah. And if you want to read a book of essays that I wrote, this would be the only way to do it. Jordan, you want to hear an endorsement that this book got? I would love to hear that. Alicia Tobin has always been funny, brilliant, silly, sharp, surprising, and kind.

Now she's all those things but written down. I am thrilled about this book. You know who said that? Rizzoli. Yeah, that's right. Paul F. Tompkins. The funniest man in the world. Wow. Yeah. Pretty good. And the nicest. Next to Dave Shumka.

Both real nice guys. Pretty nice guys when they're not chucking firecrackers at dogs. Yeah. Yeah. Now Paul F. Tompkins does that too in our riff. Rizzoli and cannoli. Fuck. Stay tuned.

Rizzoli and smiles. The Rizzoli and Isles podcast recap by comedians. No. So you're a little sad. So what? Nice things to say to yourself on bad days and other essays. Alicia, thank you so much for joining us a delight oh it was such a pleasure have fun in your dramatically more functional country i will marry everyone just come to canada thank you wait hold on what if we don't have any

extraordinary skills yo i don't know i think it's still fine okay i mean none of us do i mean jordan we can always just play in the canadian football league okay hey now that takes extraordinary skills at being uh underpaid and underappreciated and made fun of by americans constantly i would never make fun of rahib rocket ishmael you wouldn't heisman trophy winner for notre dame okay sounds like you might our producer on jordan jesse go is brian sunny d fern Fernandez. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. If you have a correction about something that we said on this show, we always appreciate it because we care just as much about quality as you do.

So go ahead and tweet that correction at JDPower on Twitter, at JDPower. We are on Twitter at Jesse Thorne and at Jordan underscore Morris. On Facebook facebook just search for jordan jesse go or join the maximum fun facebook group and we're on reddit at maximum fun dot reddit dot com one last thank you to our pal alicia tobin if by the way yeah uh alicia's tobin alicia's podcast retail nightmare wow alicia's podcast, Retail Nightmares, is hilarious and wonderful. It's a real fave of mine. I like to check in on it once in a while when I need a few good yucks.

I would also say there's probably some Jordan Jesse Go listeners out there who have yet to listen to our Canadian cousin, Stop Podcasting Yourself. I would argue Alicia is the most beloved guest in Stop Podcasting Yourself history, possibly Paul F. Tompkins. People would argue with you on that. I think the competition is getting pretty stiff, but I appreciate it. And I would argue that if you have never listened to Stop Podcasting Yourself, go listen to one of the episodes Alicia's on,

because obviously you're in love with her now. Pretty soon you'll be in love with Dave and Graham on Stop Podcasting Yourself, because it's the greatest, the best. And Alicia is my favorite Stop Podcasting Yourself guest. There, I said it. Thank you. Thank you.

Sorry, Charlie Demers. Yeah, Charlie. thank you thank you sorry charlie demers yeah charlie suck on that asshole very nice seems very nice very funny he's a nice guy uh we'll talk to you guys next time on jordan jessica bye Bye.