Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 661: Grandma's Trick Chocolate with Brea Grant and Mallory O'Meara

Episode Date: November 5, 2020

Brea Grant (12 Hour Shift movie, Mary graphic novel) and Mallory O'Meara (The Lady From the Black Lagoon book) join Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of how everyone spent the most powerful Halloween of all time, how Elvira will not sign autographs unless she is in character, and the drive-in porno theater in Brea's hometown. Plus, Jesse helps everyone out with some Twizzler Q&A and Jordan officially declares a pro-furry position for the show!• Listen to Brea and Mallory's MaxFun podcast Reading Glasses!• Watch Brea's movie, 12 Hour Shift!• Get Brea's graphic novel, Mary!• Get Mallory's book, The Lady From The Black Lagoon! 

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, digital influencer. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm gonna fill you in here on what's going on. I would love to be filled in. By a digital influencer? That's the kind of person that speaks to my generation.

In the new economy, Zoomers love their favorite digital influencers. And while I'm a leading millennial... You're talking about the chocolate rain guy. Yeah. The Tron guy. The grapes from the vat full of grapes. Right. I like turtles, kid.

Yeah. These are all the hot digital influencers all these colorful characters and more including the tasmanian devil from uh famous warner brothers cartoons yeah and kind of a rotund bugs bunny that they call chungus for some reason i'm again not a zoomer over here, so I'm just kind of, I'm observing this stuff, Gangnam style, I guess. Anyway. Yeah. I'm more of a reader, so I don't really tweet too much.

I only watch documentaries on Netflix. Yeah. I'm interested in becoming rich though, Jordan. Sure, who isn't? And frankly, my career of comedy podcasting and NPR hosting is not going to cut the mustard in that department. I think I'm going to have to go digital influencer. I didn't know you hosted a comedy podcast.

Let me know. I'll listen to it. Okay. Shoot it over. It's called Judge John Hodgman. Oh, Hodgman's great. Love the Daily Show. But this is what I'm thinking, Jordan. My neighbor works for Disney. Right right or as i like to call it the mouse and don't lay into him too hard jesse the okay the mouse pays some of our

bills occasionally by hour i was thinking maybe if i did a little digital influencing on behalf of disney which again i called the mouse mouse. Right. Okay. All right. Maybe I would get one of those $5 checks. They handsome Nazis from video games get, you know, those 19 year old Nazis. I've heard of them. Video games. They get these checks in the mail, you know, for influencing. For five bucks? $5, sometimes more. I don't know. I haven't looked that deep into it.

Shit, man. That's like birthday card money. That's awesome. Yeah. So I wrote this quick influencing message. Be sure to mention Chungus. Okay. I'll work Chungus in.

Thank you. He's like a rotund Bugs Bunny. Anyway. Hey, friends. It's digital influencer Jesse Thorne here. Be sure to turn on Disney Channel for Season 2 of the hit series Mando the Mando Chlorian. Watch as

everyone's second favorite Boba Fett travels the galaxy with his friends Little Yoda and Amy Sedaris. Action! Laughter! Smelting! From the screenwriter of Swingers and the director of Aguirre the Wrath of God, it's Mando, the Mando

Chlorian, only on Disney Channel. Stay tuned after the credits for an all new Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Note, Robot Peewee Herman is not on the Mando Chlorian. RPWH is exclusively at Disneyland in the film and ride experience Star Wars Captain EO starring Francis Ford Coppola. Chonkle. What's his name? Chonkle? Chungus. Chungus.

I think we should just take it from the top. Nah, Brian can edit in Chungus. Do you think that'll work? I mean, I guess I only have one note and that's you called yourself a digital influencer up top. Right. Yeah. They actually call themselves digi-influencies.

Shit! Yeah. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. It's the lingo that they use amongst themselves. I always fuck this stuff up, Jordan. Yeah. And then, I mean, also you mispronounced Chungus's name, which was not only shows an ignorance of digital influencer culture,

digi-influency culture, but also it's a disrespect to Chungus. What are the Zoomers going to think about me now? I think they're going to think you're a poser, frankly. Sorry, that's a little bit harsh. Nobody likes to be called a poser, but yeah, I think just be ready for that. RIP your mentions. Sorry, Menchies. What the digi-influencies

call it. Do you think anybody's gonna watch The Mandoclorian now? Not anymore. They're done with it now. Now, the only thing people are watching is a chess show, I think. I don't know. I'm more of a reader. But apparently there's a chess show everybody's into.

I only watch fucking documentaries on Netflix. Yeah, well, that's why we're not getting those $5 checks. We're just a couple analog boys in a digital world, Jesse. Sometimes I watch those British reality shows where they hug. Yeah, I've heard that they're soothing, people say. I don't know. I have not seen them. People are...

Oh, okay. Well, sounds like maybe a bigger issue you're going to want to talk to with your therapist about. Shit. Should we end the show and then our lives? You know what? Or should we end the show and then our lives you know what or should we introduce our guests what do you want to do which of those things do you want to do i'm leaving it up to you man i can do later tonight i'll write a note to my neighbor

and see if maybe she can just loan me five bucks i think that's pretty probably more likely to get the five bucks for now we should introduce our guests i think that's probably more likely to get the five bucks. For now, we should introduce our guests. I think that's great. You know them together as the co-hosts of the Smash Hit Podcast Reading Glasses. You know them individually as a best-selling author and a celebrated actor turned writer-director, Mallory O'Meara and Bria Grant. Hi, Mallory and Bria. Hi, thanks for having us.

I'm starting the show already offended because I consider myself a dingy Enthe. I just shortened it to Enthe. That's how you know she's really with it. That's how you know I'm with it. I'm a digy Enthe. The shorter you can make a word, the more in the culture you are. D-E, D-Inf, D-Inf. That's what I call myself. Whoa, that is short.

That is really short. Two syllables. See if you can get it down lower than that. Do you know about Mando? The one you were just talking about? Yeah, Mando, the Mando-chlorian from the TV show The Mando-chlorian. It sounds a little too nerdy for me, honestly. A little too...

Yeah, fair enough. Sounds like some Poindexter stuff, Jesse. Hey, I only watch it for Carl Weathers, okay? Bria Petals is something a little more important, folks. Bria Petals chocolate, okay? Bria is a confirmed chocolate influencer, which is far more important than whatever Disney's got going on.

Whoa. It's actually true. What kind of chocolate do you stump for? How much are you willing to pay? Oh, so you're saying that my personal chocolate brand, which doesn't exist yet, but could, if I've got the dough, Bria will do an authentic shout-out on her Insta?

Yeah, but also, like, how much are you willing to pay just for me to tell you which chocolate you should buy how about that oh yeah she's also a chocolate consulter i'll tell you for five dollars okay i will vent here i'm gonna chocolate you have there would be a shame if something happened to it i'm running a chocolate protection racket same if somebody left it on the dashboard of their car which happens pretty frequently actually what is the what's the chocolate that you you most like to celebrate online i don't really celebrate hardly any online but i do celebrate them in my life by eating them

and i do uh i like a dark chocolate the darker the better but not a hundred percent don't go wild sometimes there's companies and they're like and then we made this one that's like 99 and i'm like screw you that just tastes like like that do you ever when you're a kid did you ever like go and like find the baker's chocolate in your like pantry and you're like chocolate yeah it just tastes like it literally tastes like a like cardboard mixed with like Yeah, it tastes like a punishment. It's trick chocolate. It's grandma's trick chocolate.

Yes. Yeah, it's just the case of grandma's trick chocolate. It's to punish kids for sneaking around, I think. I think they're like, hey, if you're going into drawers to the point where you're finding this thing that is only used in a few different recipes, you were probably sneaking around and therefore should be punished in the mouth. Guys, I have three children. There is so much chocolate in my house right now. It was just, just Halloween. Just now with Halloween.

My house is so full of chocolate. The chocolate is load bearing in my house right now. I know a woman that can help you with that. Jesse, what did you do for the trick-or-treating stuff? It was a real thrill ride. We got some candy from our neighbors, the one that works for what I call the mouse. And then we went to Max Fun host Ben Harrison's house, and he and his wife Rachel gave us some Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. gave us some Reese's peanut butter cups.

And then we went to Max Fun host Elliot Kalin's house where he and his wife Danielle gave us some little bags of candy that were labeled. And they said, for Oscar, for Gracie, and for Frankie, love Sammy. Come on. Did you use one of those candy shoots? Yeah, what about the candy shoot? I'm sorry.

Excuse me? That's what everyone's been doing. We actually drove around Halloween night looking at them. People have been making these giant slides that are at least six feet long that you load candy into and shoot them at children. Wow. That sounds innovative. I've heard about the candy shits, but this is even better.

Candy shit was my nickname in college. That was my butt's nickname. God, that was a better joke. Sorry. Brian, just edit it in to where Bria says, that's my butt's nickname. In fact, Brian, just edit out the rest of of the show except for the part where she says that phrase keep it tight you know i am i am i was actually wanting to ask the two of you about halloween because i know you both in your own ways work in horror and horror adjacent industries

so i'm assuming you're big halloween fans so i was curious what your ideal halloween is and what your like shitty fake pandemic halloween was this year maybe it wasn't shitty i'm i'm assuming but maybe it was great but i i'm curious it was not as good as it could have been because as we all know this past halloween was supposed to be the ultimate halloween because it was on a sat Saturday with an extra hour from daylight savings with a full moon that was a blue moon. I mean, if any of I mean, it was the most powerful Halloween and we all had to I think that's maybe why the pandemic started to curtail the power of this Halloween. What was the blue moon supposed to do? Oh, I don't know. Werewolf stuff. See you standing alone, Jordan.

Oh, okay. And turning into a werewolf. A lot of werewolves were supposed to get lucky that night, and it was a sad state of affairs. Yeah, so let's say there's a blue moon. That means the werewolf's getting blue balls. Am I right? Thank you.

Thank you very much. That was my butt's nickname in college. There you go. Perfect. That makes total sense. It's going to work at some point. Are either of you serious Halloween enthusiasts? I mean, Jordan alluded to it, but Bria, you've often appeared in horror and horror adjacent films and worked on them in other capacities. Mallory, I've met you more than once with those kind of black fingernails that are pointy at the end, like triangle-shaped.

Yeah. I mean, Halloween is less a holiday than a lifestyle for us. It's really a state of mind. Right. Y'all, I'm in a Halloween movie, like one of the franchise movies. I got killed by Michael Myers.

Oh, that's right. You're in the Rob Zombie Halloween. I forgot all about that. I'm in a Halloween movie, like one of the franchise movies. I got killed by Michael Myers. Oh, that's right. You're in the Rob Zombie Halloween. I forgot all about that. I'm in the second one. Don't be, don't, don't. I didn't get in the first one, so let's not act like I did anything huge. But I did that. I'm in the second one.

I think that second one's pretty good. I think it's great, obviously. I love the residuals I get after Halloween time. Sure. Yeah, yeah. So if all the gunk wasn't happening and- What a kind word for a national pandemic. Yeah, you know, that gunk killed all those people.

You know, the gunk going on. I'm feeling gunky. Trying to keep it light on the podcast. Is that what the influencers call COVID-19 is the gunk? They do. How, yeah, what would you ideally like to be doing on the most powerful blue moon Halloween of our lifetimes? I never do anything on Halloween. Like, I mean, it's not a lifestyle. I just like, I think I just have spent too much of my life dressing up

and I'm very, I'm not anti-Halloween. I'm just like, I'm not going to go out and do anything. It feels like, I don't know. It's like for kids and amateurs, if you ask me, I'm just like, I'm not going to go out and do anything. It feels like, I don't know. It's like for kids and amateurs, if you ask me. I'm just going to stay at home. We watched Final Destination last night. You know, that's all we did. We should clarify, Bria, when you say you spend most of your life dressing up, it's not just that you're an actor. You also go to a lot of fancy dress balls. Yeah, yeah.

I go to a lot of balls. I like mini gowns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. And I like to, you know, keep it fancy. Even on the regular days. Another industry hit hard by COVID-19 is the ball industry. Right. Balls and cotillions there. You can't have a ball over Zoom. Yeah. That's why that happened. Did you guys see that huffington post headline the gunk colon a real kick in the balls and i didn't quite know what it meant until now yeah some man out there in a warehouse full of tool is just crying his eyes out did you understand jordan why the picture

was sort of like a bugs bunny but a thick bugs bunny i. I didn't. That's Chungus. Okay. I know Chungus. Yeah. Mallory, how about you? What is your, do you, do you go big for Halloween or are you like Bria where you just kind of set it out? Oh no. Halloween is the most important day of the year for me, for sure. And normally we go, me and my boyfriend go pretty big.

Our favorite thing to do is my boyfriend's best friends. They have these two young kids and they live in Burbank, which is like truly the Halloween capital of the country that isn't Salem, Massachusetts. And we take them trick or treating and we go to see all the great houses. And I mean, Bria was joking, but it's very true that Halloween's best when you're hanging out with kids because they're kids and it's awesome. And we did not get to do that because I don't want to kill any children as Halloweeny as that might be. I didn't want to partake in that this year. So, yeah, we didn't do too much. Burbank is 100% the part of Southern California that most concentrates people who just have some fake severed limbs on hand for professional reasons.

It is the fake blood capital of America for sure. I did not do anything Halloweeny this year. I typically do like to do a little bit of Halloween celebrating. I love a haunt. I love like a Universal Studios haunt type event. But yeah, didn't do anything this year. But I did, you know, there was, I did see a little bit of, you know, like families with kids in costumes going around to things, probably kind of like Jesse described. And the best thing I saw was a kid dressed as The Flash but wearing flip-flops. The loudest Flash ever.

Yeah, well, and a Flash who would be ineffective when he rolls his ankle trying to run in flip-flops. Imagine the noise of someone running as fast as The Flash in flip-flops. Is that noise of someone running as fast as The Flash in flip-flops. Is that someone jacking off? No. It's The Flash running in flip-flops. I also do those Universal.

I do Universal Studios and stuff, but I love Not Scary Farms. Not Scary Farms is pretty special. Yeah, it's really special because they don't have any brands. So everything is just like right like cheap versions of like crap you get at like the dollar store or something it's like this one's just underwater scary crap and then it's just like a bunch of people dressed as like spooky fishes and like it's just a very like fun like kind of trashy version don't honestly don't get mad at me not scary this spooky fishes thing is really freaking me out.

They had one last year that scared the crap out of me, and it was like a spooky pumpkin one. And I don't know why, but you were in this pumpkin, and I really hated it. I hated there were all these pumpkin people in there. And I just said I would never go back to that one. It scared me too much. Do pumpkins have little pumpkins inside of them? I mean, that's pretty spooky. That was so scary.

The theme made no sense to me. What were these people doing in there? It really freaked me out. So you had logic problems with it. Yeah. On the subject of Not Scary Farm, I had a really dispiriting Halloween experience the other day. I was in Glendale, California, right next door to Burbank, the Halloween capital of not Salem, Massachusetts. And I saw a for sale sign on a house where the real estate agent was Cassandra Peterson. And I got extremely excited that Elvira was working as a real estate agent in Glendale. Wow. But not the case.

I Googled it. There's just a different person named Cassandra Peterson. She has curly hair and she's lame as fuck compared to Elvira. But she still considers herself the mistress of the dark, right? She said she's the mistress of the sale?

Yeah, that really doesn't... Yeah, you need a lot of information for that to make sense. Yeah, it was a real disappointment. Did you know that you can see Elvira naked on the cover of one of the Tom Waits albums? No. No, I don't think I did know that. And I'm certainly not Googling that now. I am a huge Tom Waits fan, and we collect Tom Waits records.

And on the cover of I think it's Small Change is Cassandra Peterson with Tom Waits. And she's just like hanging out in the background while he does Tom Waits things in the foreground. But it's her and she's confirmed it and she's not wearing any clothes. Wow. Do you think they're friends? Do they hang out around holiday time? I know for a fact that they were friends. I would kill a man to hang out with Tom Waits and Elvira on Halloween.

She was a guest on my interview show Bullseye a few years ago, and I had no eggs in the Elvira basket emotionally. I had generally positive impressions of Elvira, but I'm hardly known for my gothic tastes. And Cassandra Peterson came in as herself. And I don't think I've met a more charming person in my entire life. She is so cool and funny and hip and with it and beautiful and charming. Elvira is, I'm 100% Elvira Stan now because she is so cool. To the point where I watched a significant portion

of a like 2002 Scooby-Doo TV movie that my daughter was watching that had Elvira in it. And I was like, hey, Elvira, I like her. One fact I love about Elvira in it? I was like, hey, Elvira, I like her. One fact I love about Elvira is the fact that she won't sign things or take photos when she's not in the Elvira. She doesn't have the hair and the dress.

If she is, as Cassandra Peterson, she won't sign things. She will only do it when she's being Elvira. But she will sell your house our friend sarah morgan is a huge elvira fan and so when elva when cassandra peterson came in to do bullseye i was like i'm gonna get elvira's autograph for sarah morgan and sarah morgan's gonna be so pumped about it. And you're absolutely right.

That really is true. She wouldn't sign an autograph, but she fully mailed me an eight by 10, six days later, that was autographed for Sarah Morgan. She's like, let me write it down. She wrote it down and then she mailed me one. So you think she went home, changed into her Elvira outfit, signed it and then sent it to you in the mail? I can only presume. Because she has integrity. I think it's a pact she's made with the devil. Yeah, that's the only explanation.

Something came up on last week's show that I thought was a very interesting conversation topic that I wanted to bring up to our guests this week blair erskine brought up in her small town i forget what state it was in but it was a small town and they had a uh they had an all ages christian club called jc pineapples jc stood for jesus christ where all the where the kids of the town went to be bad and to listen to Christian Screamo. So, you know, if you wanted to be bad with other teens, you would go down to JC Pineapples. I was curious to hear where the two of you grew up and where the place that kids went to be bad was. Oh, wow. Can I just say that say that i feel like i don't know where where did she grow up do you know because i feel like georgia rural georgia yeah this sounds

so i grew up in rural texas in in east texas and that sounds like something that would be there we did have a christian run coffee shop for a hot minute when I, towards my senior year, because I would have been like 99, 2000. Called JC Cappuccinos? I can't remember what it was called, but it had, it actually did have a Christian name and I'll have to think of what it is. But East Texas, the area I live in was all, it's a dry county. We have dry counties in Texas. I mean, you can't buy booze. Like just, you have to have like either like a special car. There's all these rules about buying booze.

You can't buy it on Sundays and stuff like that. But outside, it actually, like the county ends and then you can buy it. And outside of it, like basically the county ends and it's like liquor store, liquor store, liquor store. And then there's a drive-in porno theater, which I don't know if there's a drive-in porno theater anywhere else and I looked it up the other day to see if

it was still there and it is there but maybe not functioning. It happens to all of us, you know. You get older. It had like four Yelp reviews and it was called the Apache. Wait,

there are people who are shameless enough to go on Yelp and review it? Yeah. One person was really mad because they were mad that someone parked so close to them because they were like, there's only like three of us there and they parked really close to me. And I was like, you know what? I understand why you're mad. Yeah, sure. I'm trying to run in flip flops over here.

Okay. I'm trying to run in flip flops over here. Okay. I have some questions. First, I would like to interject and say that I think the name of the Christian coffee shop should have been the Father, Son, and the Holy Roast. So I just wanted to say that. I hope it's good. Yeah. So did you know kids who are like, oh, yeah, have you been to the Apache yet? And that was something that you did if you got a fake ID or something?

Yeah. Well, no, you didn't have to get a fake ID. You just hid in the trunk of someone's car. So you just knew someone over 18 and then you'd hide in the trunk and then you'd get out of the trunk. And stand there in the parking lot the whole time? No, no, you get in the car then.

Then you get in the car with your friends and you watch the porno, I guess, as a group experience. I actually never went because I was kind of lame. We would go to the skating rink, I guess. That'd be the bad place. That sounds fun. That's nice. No, skating rink was where you went to get fingered in the corner or something.

It was a trashy, horrible place. That takes a lot of coordination. Yeah. That's what couple skate is for. Yeah, it's true. It's an awful place. They'd have lock-ins there. You know lock-ins? Do you know lock-ins do you know

lock-ins yeah yeah right it's like a christian witnessing tool where you know the the cool youth pastor makes it sound like it's going to be this kind of regular teen fun thing it's like hey we're gonna you know we're just gonna talk and watch the back to the future movies and like maybe get a message i don't know and then they lock the doors and uh tell you about hell 100 yeah but we had them at the skating rink too like non-christian ones happened at the skating rink and those i'm sure so many pregnancies came out of them i don't know wait non-christian lock-ins yeah yeah yeah the skating rink what what does that constitute what constitutes that isn't that just kidnapping like you just? You just drop your kids off at the skating rink and they spend the night, I guess.

Like a kennel, but for children? What? These are rules. Yeah, that sounds like a great way to get pregnant. I'm from the inner city. I don't remember having special places to leave your kids to fuck each other. Well, at least you know where they're doing it. You didn't have a PJX skating rink?

That was called PJX. I remember that, but I don't remember what the name of the coffee shop was. Oh, it was called Joe Bucks. It was called Joe Bucks, which is not a Christian name at all. Yeah. I think it was supposed to be like Starbucks, you know? Oh, okay. Sure.

Yeah. And you get to go to get a cup of Joe. Yeah. Mallory, how about you? Yeah. Where did you grow up and where were the bad kid places? Well, I'm from New England. I grew up in Essex County. So it's like the border of, if I, if I started drinking, you'll be able to tell, but it's the border of Massachusetts and New Hampshire. And the place to be when I was like a later, a slightly older teenager was a place that you could probably only find in like a British sitcom. It was this apartment building that was above a gay bar called the Breezeway, which is in Manchester, New Hampshire. And four of our friends lived there, but they all came from very different social groups. There was one cross punk who lived

there on a bare mattress in the kitchen. There was a metal head. I'm not making any of this up. There was a drag queen. I like that he's trying to recreate the lifestyle of his people in the context of the shared apartment. Like they offered him a bedroom and he's like, no, thank you. That is not our way. we use every part of the buffalo right now to go dumpster dive for day olds yes so we had the the vegan crust bunk in the kitchen the metal metal head who was my friend which is how i came into this a drag queen and a furry and they all lived in different bedrooms in this apartment. Excuse me, I have a sitcom to go right.

You guys can finish up the episode. Honest to God, I could not make this up if I tried. It was all above a gay bar called the Breezeway. Wow. Wait, what was it called? What was the gay bar called? The Breezeway. Oh, that was my butt's nickname in college.

Ah! Yes! I did it. So the great thing that all four of those groups have in common is they really like doing drugs which is how they all bonded and the great thing about it is that so you started having like mixtures of these subcultures so you had like a guy who decided to be like a punk furry and like added these gigantic nose piercings to his furry costume. And it was just, it was truly a magical experience. But every Friday, Saturday night, we would all pile into a car and drive up

and go to this like truly awful apartment up in Manchester, New Hampshire. That like the bathroom door, there was no bathroom door. There was just a Guinness flag that somebody had stolen from a bar. And it was just a really, really special place. I'm still pretty hung up on this Crestpunk furry. I'm worried about him washing the costume with bar soap. Right, right. But what they realized is that they weren't so different after all.

Yeah, because they all just got really fucked up together and bonded. It was really a beautiful thing. Have you been back to the breezeway as an adult? Have you gone to check it out? Is it still there? Is it still the place where the weirdos in town congregate? I have not, actually, but

I am still in touch with some of those people, and they're all doing very well. Which one? You really painted a picture of them. Which one are you friends with? The furry actually. Kind of a maligned group on the internet, really, if you think

about it. I always think about if you're a furry, there's so many furry jokes out there that at some point it has to probably get to you. You know what I mean? They seem sweet to me. Who are they hurting? Nobody. Yeah. I think I have heard from some of our fans who are in that community and they're always uh really nice fun people and i think it's it's one of those

things where it is like it's fun and it'd be nice if there was a fun way to kind of joke about it that isn't mean and kink shamey i think that's kind of always kind of what i'm looking for it's like is there a way to have fun with this that's not, you know, making someone feel crummy because they've found a thing in life that makes them feel like themselves, you know? Anyway. Well, that's the thing. Like, why are we making fun of furries when there are actual Nazis walking around the factory? Right. Because costumes are just fun and funny.

I mean, costumes are funny. You know, like, that's funny. I mean, take it from somebody who goes to fancy dress balls twice a week. Right. Listen to this gal. But they're truly, like, so nice and they're so creative and they're such wonderful people. And it makes me mad that they're just, like, the butt of so many jokes where, again, there's just this country is crawling with people who aren't even pretending. They're not even trying to hide how much of a garbage person they are and we're gonna make

fun of the people who just like want to dress up as a cat like like why true i know yeah i would love to have an official pro welcoming furry stance on this show and and and hopefully if there's a joke in that direction it is it is an affectionate fun joke and hopefully if there's a joke in that direction, it is it is an affectionate, fun joke and not something that's mean. We're pro furry here on Jordan, Jesse. Go. I will say if you were ever a furry that hung out with me at one of those parties above the breezeway at what we just called the apartment. Please contact me. Now, we're on air.com. My contact form.

I have many fond memories. Well, let's let's give people a chance to do that. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Bria Grant, teenage monster doctor. Mallory O'Mara, constantly covered in cat hair. Is this a doctor, Bria? Sorry to skip over.

You're a great nickname, Mallory. I just hung up on this teenage monster doctor thing. Is this a doctor who treats monsters and specializes in adolescence? No, no, no. I am a teenager. So it's like a Doogie Howser. Doogie Howser situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I don't specialize. Because the problem with monsters is that they live for a really long time, so their adolescence is quite long. So that would be... It would be complicated. Boy, I never thought about that. RE monsters. That's really interesting. Can I tell you something right now?

Hmm. Monsters don't live very long if I'm around. Wow. Well, they live longer if I'm around because I'm their doctor. We're an opposing team. Natural enemies. So I'm out here stabbing. The reason I keep having to fight these monsters, I keep stabbing them.

And then you patch them up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They come right to me. I patch them up and then I give them a pat on the butt and send them right back out. To get stabbed again. With the pat on the butt for encouragement? God damn it. Yeah.

It's give them your home address. You give them my address? Yeah. And a pat on the butt? I'm like, but be careful. You're going to get stabbed. You're going to get stabbed. That explains why so many of the monsters that have been attacking me have been coming

straight to my home and also wearing those little football pants. Yeah. They look great. You know what I mean? Those little, yeah, where they come down just below the knee and they're tight. It's good for butt pats. People love to tell the wolf man he's got nice nards, but he's also got nice buns.

Oh my God. A lot of people know that. And those calves. And those calves. Can I cut in about Dougie Houser really quick? Because you may have played. It's Doogie.

Don't be wild, Mallory. It's Doogie, not Dougie. I'll show you how to Dougie if you want to be shown how to Dougie. I am a grown ass woman. And it wasn't until last week. And unfortunately, this happened when I was extremely high. We were looking at something we're flipping through our five zillion streaming services

trying to figure out what to watch. And I had never realized until last week that Doogie Houser, what it actually was about everyone's Oh, well, no, Patrick Harris, he's on that show. I didn't realize that the whole premise of the show was a teenage doctor. I thought it was a joke. And then we kept watching it and it wasn't. And it was I was so absolutely blown away by the premise of of this child who was very, very angsty, but also a medical doctor at the age of whatever, 16. I just I'm still not over it. And I can't figure out how it

took me this long to figure this out. Like you thought that the premise of the show was something that people said about Neil Patrick Harris as a goof to pick on him. Yeah. I just thought, I didn't realize he, I was like, oh, he played the kid on Doogie Howser. I just thought there was a kid on Doogie Howser and it was a regular medical show. Huh. You know what's funny is that you saying that he's kind of like, you know, he's kind of like, what did you say? He's like his personality is kind of like stormy. Like he's like, you know, emotional. It's weird.

They kind of like took that same premise and then just made that show house with like an old guy. No, it's practically the same show. They're like, let's give them a license and a predilection for drugs and it's perfect yeah yeah give them a limp put a limp on him same personality friends i want to do one quick seasonal thing on the show here so obviously we just went through halloween and there's a lot of people out there who are looking at if they have kids, or they went to the drugstore on the first to stock up, they're probably staring down a big pile of Twizzlers, which of course are the, you know, the red twisted licorice treats that are inexplicably made primarily from wheat flour. And I've become kind of an expert on

Twizzlers. We did a show, it was mostly about Twizzlers a couple of weeks ago. And since there are a lot of people out there with questions about Twizzlers, I thought I would take this opportunity to do a kind of quick Q&A about Twizzlers. But I didn't want to write the Q's or the A's. So what I did was I just went on Amazon and copied and pasted real questions and answers from the Amazon pages that sell Twizzlers. You guys are all gifted entertainers. Would you mind reading the questions here and I can handle the answers just so folks know more about Twizzlers? Yeah. I just realized what I was reading these before and I felt like I was

losing my mind. So these are questions people ask on Amazon about the Twizzlers. Yeah. These are questions that people have asked and answered on Amazon about the Twizzlers that we're now sharing with the listening public because they're probably trying to deal with their own Twizzlers at home in the aftermath of the Halloween holiday. And who answers the questions? I mean, I got to figure Twizzler professionals. Who watches The Watchmen? Who answers the questions? Or I think Bezos does it.

Yeah, Bezos probably. It's probably mostly Bezos, right? Oh, yeah. Personally, he's answering these. Occasionally, Bill Gates chimes in if there's a question that has to do with malaria nets. Or, I mean, who's more associated with the Amazon brand than Bosch? I bet Bosch gets in here and A's some Q's. From time to time, Bosch will get in there and send something.

And, of course, the new Borat movie. Right. Borat movie. Right. Borat 2. I've heard that's part of your contract if you're part of an Amazon Prime show is that you have to do your volunteer hours answering questions on Amazon. Yes.

All the boys have to do it. The man in the high castle himself. Thank God I finally got reliable Wi-Fi in this high castle. Sure. I can get in my volunteer hours. So, yeah. So, this is real questions and answers from Amazon pages selling Twizzlers.

I don't know. Bria, you want to start? Yes, please. Okay. Silly question. Oh, I feel like I should say this in a higher voice, but that's fine. Silly question, but hopefully someone will help. Are these regular size length? She put that in like, I assume it's a she, maybe it's not, but put them in that in parentheses. Are these regular size length i plan to use as decoration for centerpiece for kid birthday party question mark i don't know how is the regular size but these ones are the

same size of the twizzlers that we see on the tv movies etc love love a twizzler movie yeah like what a reference i don't know look I don't know how is the regular size. Can anyone name a single film where someone's eating a Twizzler? Casablanca. Also, the person asking the question is really concerned about length, and she just wants to make sure you know it's length and not girth. The girth. I don't want those wide Twizzlers.

That would be rude. The thick Twizzlers that the kids are eating nowadays. So the next question is also really important. Are these easy to chew and soft enough not to hurt teeth? Nibs are easy to chew. I don't understand the second part of your question. All candy will hurt your teeth. Getting dark.

I've been bitten by a dentist. A dentist wrote that. This one reeks of Bosch. That's what we have to open Bosch. Who wrote that? My dad? Somebody from LA answered that question. I got one.

No punctuation on this. Is this halal? I would never care if it is, but I can tell you this. These were the worst, and I gave the entire bag away. Wow. What a strange. It just wants to be clear. They're like, look, I'm here to talk about how much I hated these.

The fact that I'm a bigot is incidental. Okay, next question. Are these Twizzlers closed at the end or open? The picture below I see, correct. I do not care for the open-ended and have been shipped those before and. Yes, they closed and ready to ship, thanks. I feel like all of these are bots the questions are bots

and the answers are bots yes they're all bosh we already covered that they're all bosh nothing like the tragedy of a open-ended twizzler yeah well this is something i you know as a as a power lifter i'm always asking you know y'all she really as a power lifter, I'm always asking, you know. Y'all, she really is a power lifter. She's not joking. That's not a joke. It's not a joke. She lifts, bro. Does this really have 25 grams of protein?

Sorry. Have no idea. Besides, I had the licorice nibs. What is this nibs that keeps coming up? What are you doing? Nibs are like tiny Twizzlers. Jesse, you left out the most important part that this was answered by Time Boss.

Time Boss? Wow. Which Amazon character is that? Besides, I had the licorice nibs. What are you doing on the Twizzlers page then? You're over here like trolling Twizzlers for no reason? Get on the licorice nibs. What are you doing on the Twizzlers page then? You're just over here like trolling Twizzlers for no reason? Get on the licorice page. Well, get over to the nibs.

This next question, I feel like this next question really gets to the heart of matters. Sort of the shit that was hinted at in that last question, quiet part loud in this question. Is red licorice real licorice? Yes. All right. Nice and simple. Pretty definitive. I don't really know.

Fucking settled. Just so you know, this one was sent in by Guzzlers. That's the name of the person, Guzzlers. Question is, where can I buy chocolate licorice? No, hold on, Bria. Because that is not true this person is not called guzzlers

that is all part of the question oh my god you're right you're totally right you thought it was a man named guzzler i thought that was like their nickname i was like that's an Amazon name. If one can be Time Boss, one can be Guzzlers. Some Amazon representative is like, God damn it, old Guzzlers is back here again. Okay, sorry. The name of one of the clans in Mad Max Fury Road. You're right. I read this incorrectly and it's so much funnier.

I'm glad you figured that out. Okay. Where can I buy chocolate licorice guzzlers in niagara falls new york i thought this was written by someone in niagara falls new york which he probably is to be fair the answer here is in the year 2025 yeah sure you want to fucking live in your rocket car world with chocolate guzzlers in niagara falls yeah well first of all you're gonna have to wait for new york city to get chocolate guzzlers they get everything first then trickles down to niagara falls new york and they might even have it in niagara falls canada

first well so apparently people are really really nuts for the chocolate, chocolate licorice, chocolate guzzlers, because the next question is, do you have any of the old chocolate licorice, not the new twisted kind? If you owe, I would like to buy any that you have. Too late. Already sold it all. Write me in a year. Can't be done. Can't be done.

Yeah. This last one, what I like about the last one, Jordan, here, is I feel like it really captures the spirit of Twizzlers, or as I call them, licorice guzzlers. Final question. Nutritional information? I don't know. I buy them because everyone likes them. There you go. See?

Who needs to read about calories and sodium? Everybody likes them. Everyone likes them. That's why I buy them. Mm-hmm. Do you think that person just logged into every question and just wrote, I don't know, I buy them, because everyone likes them?

I hope that when I become an older person and maybe I have more time on my hands, I will spend time answering some of these questions because I feel like I have some answers. Maybe. Or at least better than the people who've answered, you know? I feel like what I'm going to do is sit in the lotus position on top of a mountain and wait for a mountain climber to get to the top and ask me about chocolate guzzlers. me about chocolate guzzlers you know we all make fun of these people but it's when at 3 a.m when we're all drunk and looking on amazon for some weird thing to buy and pouring through all of the really meticulously crafted reviews they're the ones having the final laugh yeah we tell we we're drunk on amazon we just typed in bar soap for furry costumes. Is blanket good for head?

Signed, Mr. Guzzler. Signed, John Guzzler. Dr. Guzzler. That's Dr. Guzzler to you. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. The Beef and Dairy Network is a multi-award winning comedy podcast here on Maximum Fun,

and I would recommend you listen to it. But don't just take it from me. What do the listeners have to say? Would I recommend Beef and Dairy Network podcast? Um, no, I don't think I would. Right, let me be very clear about this. Under no circumstances would I recommend this to anyone I'd ever met. No, absolutely not. No, I couldn't.

I feel quite sick thinking about the things I'd heard. Please stop calling me. Please leave me alone. That's the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, available at MaximumFun.org and at all good and some bad podcast platforms. Literally, just leave me alone. Hi, I'm Jackie Cashion. Hi, I'm Laurie Kilmartin. And we have a podcast called The Jackie and Laurie Show. Who are you, Laurie Kilmartin?

Oh my God, so much pressure. I'm a stand-up, I've been doing stand-up since 1987. I'm a writer for Conan. I've written a couple books, have a couple CDs out, have a special out. Who are you, Jackie? Well, I too am a stand-up comic since 1984. And I do the road like a maniac and don't have a cool writing job, but I have four albums out working on a new album. We talk about standup. We talk about all the different parts of standup

comedy. So that's the Jackie and Lori show. And you should subscribe on Maximum Fun if you want to hear that. And I would encourage you not to. to. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Bria Grant, candy guzzler. Mallory O'Mara, disgruntled goth.

Are you upset with your fellow goths? No, I mean, I'm a cat owner, so nobody talks about the struggle of the of the goth cat owner but the amount of uh the amount of those little sticky strips that we go through every week is really uh astronomical oh yeah sure like the you're talking about like like a sticky roller yeah yeah sticky roller which if i remember correctly is is one of Bria's nicknames in college. Yay! Good job, Ditta. I was going to say that's my favorite gothic industrial group, but either way. They open for Skinny Puppy, I think.

Well, they have to with all that fur. Yeah. They closed the show as well. They closed the show as well. When something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-9844-FUN or send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org for our segment Momentous Occasions. Here is one such telephone call. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and artificial intelligent guest. I have a momentous occasion that just happened. I'm calling you on Halloween's Eve.

And I went to a community event because kids are not being able to actually do trick-or-treating. It was kind of a drive-through thing. So people and businesses from the area would give out candy as you drive through. And we were driving through one booth, and it was an old lady that lives in my neighborhood, actually. And she was only giving out, she had boxes and boxes of them, Haribo gummies. All different types, all different flavors. And my kids got them, and they were ecstatic about it. And when she got to my five-year-old, he said, hey, may I get one of these for my dad? He loves this junk.

He immediately forcefully traded me the bears for the gummy worms. And I said, the bears are shaped just like the gummy worms. What's the difference? And he goes, dad, the bears are shaped like bears. So I get to bite their heads off. There it is. Yeah. Me and my wife laugh for a while.

That's a fucking premium Halloween score, getting brand name Haribos. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I would be curious to go around the horn and hear everyone's ideal Halloween candy. Maybe I don't know if it's changed since you were a kid, but I'm curious. I'm curious what everybody wanted the most at Halloween. Or we could all just, we could just count to three and then all at the same time say Reese's peanut butter cups. I have a particular reason why I love Reese's peanut butter cups because my father used to take what he called the parent tax and would pick all of my Reese's peanut butter cups out of my bag and take them for himself.

So I sometimes wonder if I love Reese's or if they have such an inflated sense of value to me because I never got them as a child. Right. Parents should eat Almond Joys. Yeah, that's the grown-up candy. Or Mounds. Mounds is the grosser version of Almond Joy.

It is such a gross name for something. Mounds. Mounds is the grosser version of almonds joy. Almonds joy. It is such a gross name for something. Mounds. Guzzlers. Oh, guzzle my mounds. It sounds like it's one of those words that people write in angrily to podcasts because you said mounds too many times. Yeah. At least it's not moist. Oh, moist.

It's a podcast. Everyone needs to get over it yeah direct your feedback directly to jordan please i really enjoyed a whatchamacallit a whatchamacallit whatchamacallits were great that is a yeah i don't know if there's still whatchamacallits but that was a that was an under underappreciated candy what's in a Whatchamacallit? Crispies. It was crispy intensive, so it had Rice Krispie pieces. Which is funny,

because that's exactly what it says on the bar. It does not specify what those are. It just says crispies. Right. Really? Yes. They're not made of rice. They're technically styrofoam. It was just way better than a stupid Twix.

Throwing the gauntlet down, Ria. I don't mind a Twix. It's not, yeah. Let's see. What's in a Whatchamacallit bar? I'm on here on hersheys.com slash en underscore us backslash our hyphen brands backslash whatchamacallit dot html. I like a hundred grand bar. Yeah, it's my boyfriend's favorite one too.

A rich man's candy. Sure, yeah. I wish I could afford a hundred grand. I think it's the old, if you are a person who likes a cardigan, you love a hundred grand. Jesse, I feel like you like a cardigan. Yeah, we talk about it at our cardigan meetings. I'm not wrong, though. But I like to payday. That's a little bit of a grown-up candy, I feel like.

I feel like that's... Yeah, it's pretty nut-intensive. It's a bad movie choice. Nut-intensive. Warning label on the front. The original candy bars were made out of peanut butter crisp coated in a thin layer of chocolate in 1987 the formula was modified to include chocolate caramel and peanut flavored crisps the whatchamacallit bar we love today deliciously crispy

and again that's from hershey's.com backslash en underscore us backslash people what are these crisps they won't tell you what the crisps are. It's like a proprietary secret. I looked. Because there's crispies in a hundred grand bar, too. And I looked and it just says crispies on the wrapper. You know what, guys? I actually found out.

It's people. It's people. Whatchamacallits are people. There's a review here. The Hershey's website has reviews. Oh, no. On the bar pages. There's one from Girl Collinet.

She says, yummy. I'm almost 50 years old. This candy bar was my favorite since I was a little girl. We always played the Whatchamacallit game. It's funny and always will be a good laugh. And she did it? That's it? That's the end of it?

That's it. That's it with the game is. What she didn't? That's it? That's the end of it? That's it. That's it with the game is. What's the game? How does the game work? That is the most sinister sounding thing I've ever heard in my life. That woman is paid to write candy reviews, I bet. Because they're like, she seems wholesome.

You've been eating it since you were a kid? That is the start of a horror movie. A bunch of kids playing the Whatchamacallit game. Take five bar. That's the best contemporary bar. I don't even of kids playing the Whatchamacallit game. Take Five Bar. That's the best contemporary bar. I don't even know what that is. Take Fives are great. Yeah, there's a little pretzel in there.

Yeah, it's got a pretzel inside the bar. Is that for digital influencers? Is that like a new candy bar? Yes, only Ninja can get them. Ninja and Jesse. Did y'all eat these things that were like circles? Only Ninja can get them. Ninja and Jesse. There's this really... Did y'all eat these things that were like circles? They were like basically flat circles with peanuts and they were red.

What are those things? What? Is that a Texas candy? Yeah, flat circles with peanuts and they're red. I vaguely remember this. I can kind of picture this. Like it's almost a pecan praline situation, but it's peanuts. If I'm remembering

correctly, every year when the thaw would come, Paul would trek to the general store and trade pelts for them and bring them home to me and my sisters. That's kind of about the era I think they're from. Let's take one more call. Hi, Jordan,

Jesse, Jess, Brian, Sunny D, Fernandez. I am a listener from Chicago, and I'm calling with a momentous occasion. I just decided to seek treatment for my alcohol use disorder, and I'm entering a partial hospitalization program at Northwestern tomorrow, and I got permission from my employer to do it, so I'm finally taking the time to get sober and get better. And Jesse's thoughts that he shared about his dad's journey with sobriety are really part of what motivated and helped to inspire me to seek sobriety. Just hearing about how it affected Jesse's life and what his dad was able to do in getting sober really motivated me as well. So I'm just really excited about it

and I wanted to share it with you all. And also the partial hospitalization involves some CBT. So I'm very excited about that as well. All right. Thanks for the laughs. Bye. The CBT is good,

but you got to pay extra. It's 200 bucks an hour. What is CBT? Cock and ball torture. So we had a fun confusion on the show a couple weeks back. Congratulations, caller. That's great that you're making some moves for your health.

That's awesome. We applaud you. That's so cool. Back to the filth. So we talked about CBT as an acronym for cognitive behavioral therapy. And then because our listeners are our listeners, our menchies were flooded the next day with people making sure that we knew that CBT could also stand for cock and ball torture. Which is what therapists used to use before they discovered CBT.

Right. Yes, exactly. which is what therapists used to use before they discovered CBT right yes exactly it's like that leeches whack that disease out of them yeah whatever they did to treat women my balls are too intact it was like the equivalent of treating women for hysteria like it was like the

women they were like worried it was like their uterus oh yeah you know you got a guy who's too anxious, you just punch him right in the balls. And it's great. Yeah. Feeling down? Doc will work your sack like a speed bag. Oh, God.

in all sincerity i'm very very uh very thrilled to hear about this listener getting sober and we i i we hear once in a while from from listeners who are who are getting clean and getting sober and i'm always i'm always really happy and and proud to hear from those people and i think of how proud my dad was when somebody he knew got sober and his classic guy who's been in AA habit of pointing out everyone who he believed to be an alcoholic, but did not actually know in real life, just like people on television. But it is really, there are a lot of ways to get clean, not just the program, though the program's one of them, and it can really change your life and the life of the people around you who love you. So I'm proud of everybody that goes through that, because I know

it's tough work, but you're taking care of yourself and taking care of your family. So good for you. Yeah, it was awesome. 206-984-4FUN is the telephone number. JJGO at MaximumFun.org is where you can send those voice memos. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, That's my favorite mental image. I'm Mallory and I also go to therapy. Everybody's getting healthy. Talking to a therapist,

socking some nuts. I didn't even know that was on the menu. Mallory, it's a long menu. It's the fucking Cheesecake Factory. Bria and Mallory are the hosts of Max Fun's Reading and Reading Culture podcast, Reading Glasses. There's a wonderful program that's about, it's about books, specific books, but it's also about the life of the book lover. And like I said, I happen to be, and besides that, I happen to be on this program with a couple of genuine book authors.

It's true. Our lives are basically just, at this point, we're like wood chippers for books. They just come in and then they go out. Jordan, you've been having people pre-order your upcoming graphic novel, Bubble, written with the aforementioned Elvira enthusiast, Sarah Morgan. And a lot of folks have been telling us what indie bookstores they've been ordering those books from. Where have people been? Yeah, this has been a ton of fun. This has been one of my favorite parts of having the Bubble graphic novel out there. It's not out yet, but the news of it is out there. Yeah, lots of folks are

getting at us on social media and telling us which local indie bookstores and comic bookstores they're pre-ordering from. Wanted to shout out Changing Hands Bookstore in Phoenix, Arizona. Comics and More at 64 Cottage Street in East Hampton, Massachusetts. Solid State Books in Washington, D.C. Getting a lot of folks from different Books in Washington, D.C. Getting a lot of folks from different stores in Washington, D.C. That's nice to hear. Seems like it's a big bookstore town. Penny University in Regina, Saskatchewan. Fun to say. One More Page in Arlington, Virginia. Had a couple of people tell me they got it there. Elliott Bay Books, an indie bookstore in Seattle. tell me they got it there. Elliott Bay Books, an indie bookstore in Seattle. And Print, a bookstore in Portland, Maine. Oh, also Bird and Beckett. They're in San Francisco. So a lot of cool places.

I am agog that no one has gotten at me from either Portland, Oregon, or Brooklyn. I thought those were our strongholds. I thought, and big bookstore and comic bookstore towns. So I'm shocked. I'm frankly shocked and I am angry at both those cities. Yeah, I think that's perfectly fair. Plus you got to worry about Antifa. Sure.

They hate books. Antifa doesn't prevent you from picking up the phone. You know what I think Antifa should be doing? Ordering your book. I thank you. I know.

Might calm them down a little bit. Start a revolution about that. I've heard that pre-ordering does fight fascism, so it's a win-win there. That's true. Mallory, you have a book that people don't need to pre-order because it's out, right? I do.

I wrote The Lady from the Black Lagoon, which is sort of like Julie and Julia, but for weirdos. It is a biography of the woman who designed the creature from the Black Lagoon. It's gotten a lot of love. I feel like all of the horror fans I know have read it and pushed it on me. It's definitely on my to-read list. I'm really excited to pick it up. Bria, you have a great new graphic novel out that I read while I was waiting for my car to get fixed at Culver City Toyota. Oh, wow.

That's exciting. Wow. Culver City Toyota, huh? That's the number one thing she hears in Amazon reviews, actually. Number one place to read it is Culver City Toyota. Oh, yeah. If you're in the waiting room there. All over Goodreads, number one pick for Jiffy Lube.

Yeah. I'd love to. Bria, do you want to tell us about this graphic novel? It is really great. I will personally thumbs up it now. Thanks. It just came out a couple weeks ago, but you can order it. It can be at your house tomorrow.

It's called Mary. It's about the fictional descendant of Mary Shelley, who is a teenage monster doctor. She's a teenager, but she's Jesse Thorne's greatest enemy. The nickname was a sneaky plug. It was. It was a plug. It was a plug. I'm so sorry.

Gosh, it was sneaky. I like it. And Bria also wrote and directed a movie that's available right now that has been getting super great reviews called 12 Hour Shift, what appears to be, based on the trailer, a movie that is much too scary for me to watch. It is not. You don't have to be. It's not scary.

It's great. No, it's more like a workplace comedy. Oh, like The Office. I love The Office. I'm always re-watching The Office. It seems to be like a blood splattered nine to five. Yeah, you know, except it's 12 hours. So it's more like an eight to eight.

But yeah, someone the other day called it a nurseploitation movie, which I really liked. Like an exploitation movie about nurses. My brother called it that, who is a nurse. Does it have any CBT? No spoilers. Jesse, come on. Some of us are planning to watch it. It does have legendary professional wrestler Mick Foley in it. Hell yeah, it does. He's in it. So is David Arquette,

also a legendary wrestler. Whoa. Legendary crock and ball torturer right there. That's true. Yeah, there's a whole documentary about him being a professional wrestler. David Arquette is one of the five celebrities who, if you don't follow professional wrestling, you would be surprised to learn were legit professional wrestlers. Him and Billy Corrigan, right?

Wasn't Billy Corrigan also a pro wrestler for a while? I'm sorry? From Smashing Pumpkins? I think so. That was his pro wrestling name. Yeah, I think he quit Smashing Pumpkins for a while to focus on appearing on the covers of Cat magazines. I knew that.

And writing and performing in professional wrestling. Wow. And then he performing in professional wrestling. Wow. And then he went back to the band. He sort of split his focus between that and insane ramblings. Oh, yeah. He's kind of an Alex Jones. Bria, hasn't your boyfriend been on the cover of a fancy cat magazine? He has been in a cat magazine, yeah. Whoa.

You know, I should know this. This is a really important moment in his life but uh he he was on he was in a cat magazine because he loves persian cats wow oh man can you write a letter on jordan's behalf i would love to yeah i mean i got a fucking book to promote let me i'll get in there i'll do a i'll do a cat photo listen listen jordan get in line, okay? For real, I was in a dog magazine and I will tell you, they are looking for people, okay? So I think if you have interest and you happen to hire a publicist or something, there'll be a publicist for the book. Just tell that publicist, like, hey, I have a real strong interest in cats and they can get you in a cat magazine, I promise.

Wow. I mean, don't dangle this worm in front of me if it's not going to happen because it's now all I'm going to think about. Yeah. Yeah. This is what one time, I think it was when I was promoting Dexter or something like that. I hired a publicist and they were like, what magazines would you want to be in? And I was like, well, I love dogs. I would love to be in a dog magazine. And then they made it happen.

And I think it was a very low bar for them. Okay. What were you, did you do like a photo shoot with a dog? Yeah, with my dog at the time. She passed away a few years ago. But yeah, my dog at the time. And I have a photo shoot in a dog magazine. Wow.

And I talk about like her favorite treats and stuff. It was really dorky. That's, I mean, I also, my, yeah, my my two my two publicity dreams for all this are now cat magazine and the magazine that you get from being a member of triple a i want to be in the back of that magazine talking about my favorite road trip eats i don't know if you're old enough don't you have to be older they have like some hunky like csiI type guys in there. That's, I think I can, I could be one of those. I could be as interesting as one of those guys. I want to check in with you guys real quick about the Apache Drive-In Theater.

Sean S. writes, just moved to Tyler and went to the Apache Drive-In Theater with the wife. Holy shit, did not expect porn on the screen. My wife and I busted out laughing, went into the snack shop to ask where the hell I was. Apparently, I missed the sign that said adult movie theater in store when I drove in. And the guy behind the counter of butt plugs, nipple clamps, and dildos told us that for 13 bucks a person or $20 a couple, we could enjoy the drive-in and the multiple viewing rooms inside. Okay, Tyler. Tyler's fucking playing dumb.

He's like, what? I had no idea. Weird. I mean, I guess we could stay as a joke. Yeah. Well, I came here for good and plenty, but I guess I'll take your nipple clamps. It's interesting you mentioned good and plenty, Jesse.

That was my butt's nickname in college. The person who was worried about trucks parking too close was Colette L. We didn't feel as safe. We didn't feel safe as two trucks pulled beside us exactly when we pulled in. We decided to move forward 50

feet and when within 10 minutes two different trucks pulled beside us yet again. Seemed very awkward as there were not very many trucks or cars in the lot when we were previewing shows. We're definitely not into lewd acts in public. Wait, hold on. Does this mean

there are trailers for other pornos? Yeah. I think they were just checking out some of the some of the coming attractions we're definitely not into lewd acts in public yet it didn't feel right when complete strangers that's in quotes are pulling up beside you another one of these classic false stranger truck driver porno movie theater scams. You're worried about strangers who are also doing the stranger where they sit on their hand until it falls asleep. Are these from recent times or these are a few years old, huh?

I think this place is close. These appear to be relatively recent. I mean, I'm not going to say. I like that this this person's really that i mean you went to a drive-in porno i mean place like i think this is someone's gonna pull up next to you just to see what's doing you know like i mean i don't know it seems like that seems like part of the deal i'm sure it's really popular in quarantine now i'm sure their business has gone through the roof yeah i'm sure this has been I think there's probably some businesses that are thriving during all this. I wonder if they would

show my movie there. Might have to recut it a little bit, but I think they'd probably be open to it. The aforementioned Colette L. of Corinth, Texas. She gave it two stars. I like that she was generous with that second star.

Wait, out of what? Well, it wasn't the theater's fault, really. Out of five. Okay. Two out of two. It's a weird scale. You know, I don't know if maybe porno theaters have a different rating system than regular theaters do. This is a Yelp review.

This is a Yelp review, correct? Yeah, these are all Yelp reviews. They're not even cops, so why are they so intrusive, she asks. Seems like they are pervs to me. Two out of five is what you give a mall Panera bread. Can I just say something? I am so tired of going to the drive-in porno theater and having to deal with pervs. Yeah.

You know? It's like those people are there to watch porn or something. Yeah. It's like they're there to masturbate. Yeah. It's so terrible

when you bring the whole family down to the porno theater. These jack-off artists driving trucks around. Mm-hmm. Trucking off. Okay. Mallory.

The thing about a truck is that it's really tall, you know, like so they can see it. So I guess I understand that concern. Yeah. If you really want privacy, you're going to have to crank it in a mini. Tight little mini. Bria, Mallory, thank you so much for coming on Jordan, Jesse, Go. It was a great time having you on the show. I hope our listeners will all check out Reading Glasses and buy your books and rent your movie, Bria, which is on VOD right now.

Available on Amazon Prime, among other venues. It's been a great time to have you on the show. Thank you so much for having us. Thanks for having us. Jordan, Jesse Jesse Go is produced by Brian Sonny D. Fernandez our theme music is Love You by The Free Design courtesy of The Free Design and our friends at

Light in the Attic Records you can find us on social media hashtag at JJ Go on Twitter we're at Jesse Thorne and at Jordan underscore Morris if you have corrections for the program we want to hear about them just send them to at JDPower on Twitter. That's JDPower and Associates. They're evaluating our initial

quality. And you can join us on Reddit, MaximumFun.reddit.com. I think that's about it. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, Go. and Jesse go.